Gross Movie Reviews #554

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The Lost Continent (DVD) – This feature was a Hammer presentation from 1968 directed by Michael Carreras, and it was based on the novel by Michael Wheatley. For me this was one of those deep dives of searching out something I seen part of as a kid on the old Chiller Theater and never revisited. It was time to enjoy Captain Lansen and his hidden agenda as he has a skeleton crew on a freighter is also carrying a few passengers. See Captain Lansen has taken an unsavory job that includes shipping illegal cargo to South America and a few passengers who would like to stay under the radar are on the vessel also. This illegal cargo is explosives that cannot get wet so when a hurricane warning is issued even the passengers get involved to keep the cargo from getting wet even during a mutiny by Lansen’s crew. But never mind that as we get a very cool scene of a crew member getting hung by a pulley and pulled upward to the root, fun stuff kids. Once the Captain and passengers finally abandon ship this is where the movie gets real interesting as not only are they lost at sea but run amok of killer seaweed that thirsts for human blood. If that isn’t enough Lansen and what’s left of the of the crew after finding a supposedly safe place must fight an old school Spanish army, being raided by them also, scorpion creatures, giant crabs, and more killer seaweed! The film is a bit cheesy but there is so much to digest here with the fun creatures, this Spanish army, and even the buildup of why Lansen was carrying explosives. If you go searching this was supposedly a huge budgeted film that had its share of issues but it is still a worthy fun watch of something you may have never given a second chance too as I give this 3 stars.   

The Indestructible Man (DVD) – A fun 1956 thriller that stars Lon Chaney Jr. that feels kind of like a horror movie or even a drive-in flick but plays out more like a film noir. Our boy Chaney Jr. plays a convict nicknamed “The Butcher” is about to get the last rites for his crimes when it is learned he has stashed a crapload of stolen money. But “The Butcher” is taking it to the grave until his body becomes a part of an experiment and he is revived. Now he seeks revenge and is almost completely indestructible as he can be shot, beaten, etc., and still keep ongoing like the Energizer bunny. The experiment was to cure cancer instead it brings back ‘The Indestructible Man’! A very different film you won’t expect much from but find yourself quite enjoying the watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Cemetery High (DVD) – This horror spoof that may or may not be best known being connected to Full Moon for the mere reason Charles Band was uncredited as an executive producer and the director just disowning the film shortly after its release. This spoof uses a gimmick at the beginning (don’t want to give it away) to set up violence and nudity throughout the film but the film centers on a group of young women who have had enough. The story begins the senior year of high school for these women when some sex crazed jocks only want to use the women for their term papers, beat them up, or the jocks are just feeling a little rapey. So the young women seek out these boys and put an end to their pathetic lives. But it doesn’t end there as they another to their group and become known as the “Scumbusters” when the local news picks up the story of them baffling local authorities with their murder spree. The young women will use whatever it takes to get their point across and kill another male: by car, by knives, guns, axes, whatever weapon that is going to get the job done. I feel the film starts off fun but just runs out of steam halfway through and becomes a chore to get to the finish as I give it 2 stars.

Black Friday (On Demand) – First off, I laughed out when this film was announced because the title is the most overused term in our lexicon and second, and felt “Black Friday” hasn’t been relevant for several years now cause ‘online shopping’ anyone? Anyhow, setting aside my beliefs of this so-called holiday, shopping day, whatever we find ourselves watching a film about abused retail workers at ‘We Love (heart) Toys’ toy store. It is Thanksgiving night and the staff must get things set up for the madness of the “Black Friday” shoppers and horror icon Bruce Campbell plays the manager of the store. But to the dismay of shoppers and staff meteors carrying alien thing are fallen to Earth and these monstrous things from the rocks are turning humans into monsters that will stop at nothing to find other unaffected humans to add to their end creation. Lots of flying goo, monsters, and a great cast made me forget that “Black Friday” isn’t really a thing anymore and just enjoy a wonderful horror flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Entombed (Vimeo) – A modest budgeted post-apocalyptic flick from Norway focuses in on three individuals who are trying to survive in an underground bunker. A man named Seamus just trying to survive the night of zombies finds the entrance to the underground shelter by accident and sees it as a miracle. Then Seamus meets Konrad at gunpoint that isn’t too keen on visitors and wants to know how Seamus found him and the shelter. After Seamus gains Konrad’s trust, Konrad introduces his comatose wife and Konrad does not want to leave unless he has too? But of course not everything is what it seems as Seamus doesn’t exactly trust Konrad in this underground shelter. A creepy thriller that proves all you need is location, location, and a great script that doesn’t concentrate on the zombie aspect to give you a film that shows humanity is at its worst when the chips are down as I give this tension filled flick 3 out of 4 stars and soon to be on streaming services so start looking for it kids.    

Duck! The Carbine High Massacre (DVD) – I put this flick off for years just for the mere fact it is inspired by the Columbine High School event of the late 90s. But it was time to watch it because it does have ‘massacre’ in the title. Pretty much this S.O.V. film follows two teenagers who were picked on, misunderstood for their beliefs, etc. by their peers at high school. So the two students plan their destruction of the stereotypes that have bothered them for years at school. Plain and simple it’s a low budget school shooting movie that may had message, may not? But bottom line this film is very boring and shouldn’t have lasted past the 30 minute mark. You get the point very quickly and you already know what is gonna happen in the film unless you have been living under a rock the past 25 years. Take or leave it, it happens so much over the past decade in real life and the news broadcasts being what they are the film can be pretty forgettable but I finally watched it and can only give it 1 star.

Cyst (DVD) – It is 1961 and Dr. Guy is a pimple popper dude who has an invented a machine called the “Get Gone” machine that will be the revolution of removing cysts, safely and less painful. Problem is it malfunctioned last time the patent people came through and this time it better work or they will just have Dr. Guy shut down. Meanwhile, Dr. Guy’s nurse Patty’s last day as she refuses to work with this so-called machine. So after some tinkering by Dr. Guy and a willing patient (sort of) he has a huge cyst to remove from the patient. When Dr. Guy does he unknowingly causes a mutant cyst to take a life of its own and now the people in the office are trapped with this killer mutant cyst! Think of ‘Attack of the Killer Donuts’ but with a cyst as I give this glorious B-movieish creature feature 3 ½ stars.

Jessicka Rabid (DVD) – Another film that I have finally tracked down that was on list is an independent film starring the likes of Trent Haaga, Elske McCain, directed by Matthew Reel and got picked up several years ago by Troma. Brad and Marley are two highly demented men who have mistreated for years a mentally challenged female named Jessicka. They have done this for such a long period of time that even the sister of the one man and the neighbor totally accept her being treated like a dog, literally! If that wasn’t enough torture for this pour girl she finds herself being sold to perform and have filmed with men porn scenes. But shortly after one of amateurish porn shoots she is bitten by a dog that may have been infected with rabies? Again another film that wastes too much time thinking they are the next great filmmaker instead of just trying to give the audience a film that is worth watching… Example: she is bitten like 15 minutes in and doesn’t go ape shit until the last seven minutes of this 82 minute film? Which also raises the question Did Jessicka actually have rabies or just loses her fucking mind after all the years of the abuse? This could be why this film didn’t have much shelf life as I give it 1 star.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #541

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Gross Movie Reviews #541

The Ninth Configuration (DVD) – For me and I believe who made this film this was more of an experiment or just a film for the film snobs more than your average viewer. A castle out in the Pacific Northwest is secret government project on the mentally insane as many Vietnam soldiers either lost their shit completely or were just faking it to get out of the war. A few years have passed since the end of the Vietnam War but there is still a few of these research places around. A new guy named Colonel Vincent Kane shows up with a new attitude on how to help the patients get over their troubles. Throughout the film we see several hilarious characters and there are a lot of famous faces involved with this project. But has things unravel story wise we come to learn more about Col. Kane and his history of how he got there. In the end for me it took a long time to get to the ending you see coming a mile away. Not to say it is bad but way too much build up for something you already knew coming. Again this is one of those movies if you are an average movie watcher it is probably best for you to keep moving if you are a movie snob or just love oddities like this existing it will be worth your two hours as I give it 2 stars.

Redwood Massacre : Annihilation (DVD) – Apparently the filmmaker got some bad advice and made a sequel to a sub-par massacre film that its star is bootleg tater sack Jason but anyhow ten years have passed (story wise) and someone has wrote a book about it. Tom Dempsey’s daughter disappeared ten years ago in the woods and with the legend of this weird mass murderer (never minds it was a deranged farmer in the first film) and his fruitless search he writes a book about the legendary killer. During a book signing an obsessed dude named Max visits Tom and shows him he has evidence that the killer still exists and where to search? Hey guess what Max is psycho (didn’t see that coming) and Danielle Harris also a daughter of Tom has every right to not to trust Max as they make their trek to investigate an abandoned military base where they find the killer’s lair. From there the movie only goes completely off the rails of being a government experiment and the filmmaker watching the ‘Friday the 13th’ remake with the bat cave and ‘Cabin in the Woods’ wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much before doing this lackluster sequel as I give it 2 stars.

Frogs (DVD) – I got bored and wanted to watch this so-called horror movie with mustache-less Sam Elliot from 1972 and see if it is still boring as hell? And yes it is! Pickett Smith (Sam Elliot) is a photographer who is taking pictures of garbage on a lake and this swamp when he is knocked out of his canoe by a couple of rich siblings. They apologize, get him dry, and force to come to a picnic for a rich fool who just bitches about all the frogs everywhere (who cares if you live in the middle of a FUCKING swamp). Pickett Smith believes something is up when the frogs friends begin to kill the family one by one as I give this boring flick 2 stars.

Curse of the Undead (DVD) – In this 1959 flick a little ahead of its time and an interesting idea where a cowboy vampire shows up in this western after the Carter family falls on hard times and might have to sell to an asshole Buffer. The cowboy vampire comes calling Miss Carter after she posts hiring a gunman for $100 to take out Buffer and his cohorts. But Preacher Dan is pissed and believes this isn’t right in the name of god and must fight the evil that is helping Miss Carter! The film has a pacing issue but if you get past that it is a fun horror western that a completely new at the time as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Miranda Veil (DVD) – We are introduced to a young man named Soren who is inspiring to be a serial killer out of Barstow, California because he is hearing a voice telling him “to kill”. After a failed attempt the voice continues to push until a young pretty woman named Miranda on her birthday weekend is spotted by Soren and its decided “she is the one.”  Soren stalks his victim Miranda and kidnaps her out to the middle of the desert to play with her. Soren gets his kicks and the voice screams for him to do it and Soren slices Miranda’s neck open but that is where the movie really begins because after Miranda dies and Soren celebrates… it happens! Miranda is alive again and both are literally in a crazed confusion about it to the point Soren drives an axe through the skull of Miranda to kill her a second time and again she is alive! From here it becomes a trippy road trip movie as killer and victim eventually come to an agreement to begin their long trek back to Barstow. They try to understand Soren’s voice in his head, Miranda’s X-men ability of not dying, and where do they fit into this universe now? Along the way they meet a man in a bunny suit, a guy who talks to a fox, and Miranda talks to a ‘force’ in a cloak and an animal skull. I wasn’t a fan of the ending but this Indy film was definitely something different and that you cannot say that too often about a low budget film. Most likely you haven’t heard about the film because it is really hard to define what it is kinda is like a 1990 ‘Nightbreed’ thing but on a smaller scale. There is enough interesting and trippy shit happening with this project not including the ending that if this was made in the late 80s or early 90s I could easily see this as a “Midnight Movie” but those do not exist any longer. This movie might take a year or two to really find the audience to appreciate this project as I give it 3 out 4 stars.

Macon County Line (DVD) A mid-70s film based on a true story from 1954 where we are introduce to two young gentlemen who are just causing trouble everywhere they go as I believe they are on their way to New Orleans. Along the way the gentlemen pick up an attractive lady and then their car begins to have a fuel pump problem. Not being able to get it fixed properly and the car dying in the middle of the night they decide they will “figure it out in the morning” but meanwhile two very shady criminals pull up to a home of a deputy. These two bad dudes rob the family home, torture, and kill the wife. When the deputy comes home he sees the car with the fuel pump problem he wants revenge against our two favorite drifting buddies who had nothing to do with that night’s events. The film is a little dull with the buildup but gets real interesting real quick when the deputy comes home to a bedroom full of blood and a dead wife as I give it 2 stars.

Moonshine County Express (DVD) – Imagine a 1977 movie with women as the main roles of ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ TV show?  A lot familiar faces pop up as a moonshiner kills his competitor one morning in the mountains and blows up his operation. But the dead moonshiner has three vengeful daughters who were not left any money but whiskey from back in the day that shouldn’t exist. The daughters go into business just to undercut the jagoff that wronged their daddy and maybe make a few bucks for a fresh start somewhere. It is a bloody redneck war from beginning to end with John Saxon as a moonshine driver along for the ride as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Witchcraft (DVD) – This Lon Chaney Jr. flick is from 1964 and has the great actor as part of the Whitlock clan. The Whitlock clan’s graves are being bulldozed at the countryside cemetery that the Whitlock family has used for hundreds of years. Business partners are trying to move along progress and part of it is moving this old cemetery which sounds like a ‘Poltergeist’ prequel? Anyhow the Whitlock clan isn’t happy and one of the graves is for an undead witch that hasn’t been around for a few hundred years but is pissed because she has been disturbed. Now the notorious undead witch is seeking revenge by killing the persons involved one by one. The movie can be a little slow but has a creepy side to it even if it is over 50 some years old as I give the creepy little horror film 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #539

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Gross Movie Reviews #539

Boys from County Hell (Shudder) – An Irish horror film where a small town called Six Mile Hill is the center of the story as legend goes Bram Stoker used the location to write his famous story. The local legend claims that the real Dracula story happened there as a landmark of stones marks the grave of the vampire or at least that is what’s been told for many years in those parts. One drunken night two friends strolling home from the pub fall into the landmark and one of them is speared by a farm animal. Nothing physical came from the grave but blood seem to disappear from the corpse. Eugene quickly understands he may accidentally set free the vampire legend on the small town and must now try to bury the bloodthirsty monster that doesn’t play by the usual vampire rules. Fun monstrous times to be had in this Irish treat as I give it 3 stars.

The Frozen Ghost (DVD) – A stage mentalist played by Lon Chaney Jr., has a skirmish with an audience member that he believes caused the man’s death. Retiring the act, trouble seems to follow the mentalist as while at the museum he gets in a tussle with someone who dies and believes he did it again. For me this wasn’t the best Lon Chaney Jr. of course for fans who just need something a little lighthearted you will enjoy this feature as I give it 2 stars.

Great White (On Demand) – Pearl Air Charters  is a one charter plane business run by a sexy couple who takes people on tours of areas like “Hell’s Reef”. When on their latest tour they land so a couple can have a late lunch it is quickly spoiled by finding half of a corpse of the beach. The small group realizes someone could still use help out in the ocean they jump back in the small plane for a limited time because of fuel to search. They spot the boat and when they land on the ocean near that is when things go bad for the group and the suspense builds as they wait for rescue. With only the life raft the group must hope they can paddle back to the island before the sharks stalk and eat them for a snack! A lot of buildup in this film, think ‘The Shallows’ but with a few more people and trying to feel a little more like ‘Jaws’ as I give it 3 stars.

Bigfoot vs. Illuminati (On Demand) – An animated film I had so much anticipation for being a fun stupid film to enjoy and talk about. Instead I got a horrible boring dud. Many years into the future where the Earth is basically dead and humans are about to go extinct as they are at war with aliens. Humans only hope is Bigfoot who happened to listen to rap music way too much. Oh and Bigfoot tag teams with a Van Helsing clone… this was dumb as I give it 0 stars. I guess I need to stick with ‘Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper’?

Benny Loves You (On Demand) – Meet Jack, a 35 year old who lives with his parents and is a junior toy designer whose parents still celebrate Jack’s birthday as if he was a child. But this year is different as the parents die accidentally while preparing for his birthday. Nothing is going right for Jack so now alone he decides he wants to improve his life and this means getting rid of everything including his childhood toy that he still has. The toy’s name is Benny and doesn’t like it too much he is about to be thrown out but also wants Jack to be happy again? From here Jack is sent into a downward spiral of death and despair as anyone that comes to the home or Jack doesn’t like Benny slices and dices them. As the bloodbath ensues in a weird way Benny helps Jack get his job back with new designs based on Benny… The horror film is a wonderful insane oddity of gore that needs to be witnessed as this will be one of the best horror films I will watch in 2021 and for that I give it 4 stars.

Fulci for Fake (DVD) – A Severin Pictures biopic about a man about to dive head first into becoming the famous Italian filmmaker Lucio Fulci. In order to accomplish becoming the legend he must learn more about him and interviews several friends and colleagues of Fulci’s taking the viewer on a ride through stories of the beginnings of Fulci’s work. To of course what made Fulci a household name among horror movie fans as I give the documentary 3 stars.

Live Evil (DVD) – An old vampire hunting priest has his eyes locked on these four vamps that have run together for a long time now. The priest wants to slice and dice this group as he has tracked them everywhere at any cost. The group keeps moving around recently as humans more and more have tainted blood and the vampires fight amongst each other in the effort of finding “pure blood”. The vampires head to L.A. for a last ditch effort of getting pure blood from a dealer named Max. The vampire hunter is played by the legendary Tim Thomerson so imagine Jack Deth retired to become a priest who hunts vamps with a late 90s direct-to-video vibe. A fun watch with some gore and some audio glitches but well worth checking out this Mark Terry produced film that also has appearances by Tiffany Shepis, Ken Foree, and Elissa Dowling as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Feaster Sunday (DVD) – A not so typical independent holiday horror film where a man, Dr. Gideon Lear is putting forth his best effort to put on “The Passion” play at the community theater that hasn’t happened in twenty years. Lear wants perfection out of his actors as he explains in his recent interview with Eddie from the local Public Access Channel. Lear nor his actors seem to be too concerned with the history of the play as “the show must go on”. Meanwhile Eddie sees someone he knows among the actors, Tess, and they reconnect after Tess is dropped by her boyfriend Reen because he needs his full attention on playing Jesus. As time goes on actors for the play disappear, warnings for the play “not to go on” are ignored, and Dr. Lear begins his struggle to keep the production together. There is a whole lot of crazy going on in this flick that just made me giddy to watch! Wonderful casting choices (Dave Parker as the original Jesus, brilliant), great script, cool puppets, and a low budget production that felt bigger than it was should get some mainstream respect as I give this excellent production 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !