Gross Movie Reviews #482

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Gross Movie Reviews #482

Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre (DVD) – Even the flick is released in 2014 under the Troma label it is set in 2007 on Columbus Day weekend. Lloyd and others had nothing to do with this film other than picking it up for distribution so don’t get all crazy if and when I do not like the flick. On this so-called holiday weekend a group of women go into the Everglades to party hardy! Only one of them made it out to tell the story and this is her story. Supposedly every few years weird shit happens around Columbus Day in the Everglades and that didn’t stop these college girls looking for a good time. Supposedly it is haunted by a Seminole spirit who has a few things: a cage for his captured white woman, a trailer for him to hang out at and his dead wife, a ham sandwich for his white woman, and a boat to ride across the swamps. Okay now saying this out loud I believe this film is hilariously awesome in such a bad way as you should only watch with friends. Honestly I was expecting more boobs but I will forgive yinz as just writing this review made me laugh as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Naked Massacre (DVD) – Right out of the gate in this flick we are introduced to violence as a Vietnam vet sits and witnesses first hand a church bombing in Belfast. Supposedly a couple sources claim this film was based on the Richard Speck murders? It’s 1975ish and this US vet is wandering the streets of Belfast until he walks past a house full of nurses. This soon becomes his obsession as he watches day and night until his opportune time to make his move inside claiming he just wants money to get home? But quickly after the women are bound it becomes clear this vet is here to slowly torture and rape these innocent nurses. A pretty fucked up movie that I am surprised more the horror community hasn’t stumbled upon and made a bigger deal out of it as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Exterminators of the Year 3000 (Blu-ray) – I will be honest I thought I watched or tracked all the Eye-talian, Spanish, Canadian, etc. post-apocalyptic flicks I could find last year… Well I missed one and this was some good post-apocalyptic fun! A lone stranger only known as Alien wanders the Wasteland to come across a kid who wants to help his village get water. The world of course has turned into a desert a kid Timmy believes he is the last hope since his father didn’t come back. He hitches a ride with a group of villagers who must travel a horrible road of 180 miles that has crazy ass bikers led by a bad bootleg Vernon Wells. The bikers kill the group but know the water’s location now. Timmy is picked up along the way by Alien only to be sold out to the biker gang and have robotic arm ripped out. Nothing here to explain Alien is just like, “I know an old guy that can fix that”. So while Timmy gets fixed up, Alien with his sidewhore oh I mean ‘Trash’ go get the water. Of course Alien wants it for himself to sell to the highest bidder but has a change of mind when he takes on the crazed bikers by himself in his steel plated car called “The Exterminator”. Not much plot wise but still a lot of fun especially when they all just totally get why the kid is a cyborg or something as I give this gem 2 ½ stars.

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon: Troma Edition (DVD) – Most likely Troma’s biggest fan Addison Binek known for his riffs on so many movies decided to put together a collection of Troma riffs. Now Addison being a smart dude didn’t just go for any Troma titles he went for the second tier! Maybe the lesser known to some to maybe open some eyes new to the Troma or Addison Binek world. Here is the list he tackles: Rabid Grannies, Hectic Knife, B.C. Butcher, Troma’s War, Getting Lucky, Redneck Zombies, Slaughter Party, and Star Worms II: Attack of the Pleasure Pods. Now not all titles were from the minds of Lloyd and Mr. Herz but some brilliant pick-ups for the label a fun selection that makes you wonder where Addison gets all that Troma money for the props. And instead of condemning something of this nature Lloyd embraces Addison’s fandom and intelligence to put together a great product for all of us movie lovers to enjoy as once again I give his project 4 stars.

 

Serial Killer Massacre (DVD) – A 1997 title that you may have not heard much about as it was released to DVD as “Dying to Meet You”. A poorly written S.O.V. flick about two sadistic killers who find love with each other after trying to murder each other. When that doesn’t go well they decide, “Let’s Fuck”… Because nothing says lead up to bumping uglies like some bad wrestling on a floor with knives. The idea wasn’t a bad one just everything else was bad about it. If you just wanna film some mock film but two sadistic real-life lovers I am sure there is a category on PornHub for you? With a little direction, a little tweak in script, and not spending over 50 minutes on the dude alone in the film even before you hint the couple will be a couple and there could have been movie magic. Instead we get what looks like a bad attempt at a soft-core porn video that was just meant for them and none of us to see and that may have been for the better as I give it 0 stars.

 

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (On Demand) – It has been five years since the giant radioactive lizard had shown up in San Francisco and of course us humans suck huge ball sack! Now the monsters are being released one by one to possibly keep Earth in balance until it is learned Ghidorah is not of this Earth and may be here to actually form it into his own. Which means Godzilla is here to save the humans… maybe. It is an absolute fun giant rubber monster flick that gets you very excited for Kong’s return. Yeah at times it seems the actors get in the way of the story but they are there to keep the story moving and who doesn’t love Charles Dance aka Brother Nupsie as the villain. Honestly not a lot can be said other than if you like the past giant rubber monster movies then you will enjoy this if not most likely you will never understand it as I give the film 3 ½ stars, now bring me Kong.

 

Killersaurus (DVD) – A UK flick that does their own bootleg generic version of “Carnosaur” where some research scientists literally will a dinosaur into existence with a 3-D printer! I don’t know if I should laugh my ball bag off or just be disappointed it took this long for this idea to be put to screen? With such an awesome beginning premise for a film it soon turned into a stale turd as people just keep talking about the dinosaur behind the door. And once seen it’s in horrible red light to hide the bad effects and it doesn’t eat everybody… For the love of Rutger Hauer I wanted a cheap dinosaur rampage movie instead got something that was a poor excuse for a film and Dollar General I want my two bucks back as I give it 0 stars.

 

Zombie Tidal Wave (SyFy Channel/DVD) – So Ian Ziering won’t go away but that isn’t such a bad thing when it comes to cheap weirdo shark and zombie films that show up on SyFy Channel once a year. Ziering is a lifelong seaman who encounters a blue weirdo out at sea that has just bitten one of his friends. Rushing back inland for help apparently this odd blue light out at sea starts off a zombie apocalypse that is brought in by a tidal wave onto a small town in Thailand I believe? Anyway next thing you know a bunch of random zombies and blue zombies begin chomping their way through the populace. The film has its moments of cheese but just for old 80s creature movie sake (Humanoids from the Deep) I had hopes of them explaining or doing a little more buildup of the pharmacy crap that supposedly went down in 1985 story wise? Anyway: blue zombies, Ian Ziering, an electrified knife, all this 2 star movie was missing was hot mess of a woman Tara Reid’s jacked up boob!

Slaughterhouse Massacre (DVD) – This odd low budget horror film that I guess could be classified as a slasher was a little bit of a surprise. Wasn’t expecting much but of course had massacre in the title so I needed to watch it. Anyway a group of friends leave Dallas College onto a party where this group learns of an urban legend “Marty Sickle”. Supposedly Marty lived in a local slaughterhouse and was accused of murder but the charges could not stick. So some of the locals took upon themselves to serve justice… it was like an alternate version of “Pledge Night”? So the four college kids head to the slaughterhouse to pussyfoot around and BINGO! They disturb Marty Sickle who really wasn’t dead and pissed enough he starts hacking the four to bits. This is one those enjoyable gory Indy flicks that make you glad it exists as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

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We do double duty this week on Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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This week Kyle and Tim return and due to Kyle’s injury we pull double duty and talk about 4 films. A Terminator / Aliens Italian rip off SHOCKING DARK, then ROLLERBLADE VENGANCE: TAKEN BY FORCE, then Kyle hits you with a Denzel double feature of the highest caliber with RICOCHET and VIRTUOSITY.  We also answer all you listener questions and talk about this week’s most recent developments… which may or may not involve tree rape.

 

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

EPISODE 164

We have our “Mad Max” boner party early as some great guests stop by!!!

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On the verge of our most anticipated movie to be released in a long, long time, MAD MAX: FURY ROAD Kyle and Tim are hosting a pre-post-apocalyptic Italian/Filipino boner party.  We welcome our guests JON CROSS, T-SHIRT JOE GARCIA, and RODRIGO QUAST to talk about a slew of post apocalypse MAD MAX rip-offs such as 2020 TEXAS GLADIATORS, ENDGAME, the glorious WHEELS OF FIRE, THE NEW BARBARIANS, and THE BRONX WARRIORS 2.  So sit back, relax, and let this episode waste away the time until FURY ROAD hits the screen and we all squeal with glee.

 

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

episode 161

Gross Movie Reviews #348

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Gross Movie Reviews #348

 

By Tim Gross

 

Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead (On Demand) – It is easily one of the most anticipated horror films since Rob Zombie’s “House of a 1000 Corpses” and has the tagline “Mad Max meets Dawn of the Dead”! I am here to tell you horror fans nothing can live up to that fucking hype. Very good flick but not legendary so tame down your fat peckers and bloated vaginas horror fans. The first good thing it got going for it is its ‘Australian’! Second, its gory as a mother fucker… But here it is, some weird shit happens overnight, like “Night of the Comet” shit people where stars are falling and people notice. But next morning some have turned into some crazy ass flesh-eating beings… Zombies! With a twist! Apparently, their breath is methane and they get faster at night as all the world’s flammable fuels have become water. And anybody that has A-negative blood type is immune to the zombie virus. Most of the film centers around two characters in Barry and Brooke. Barry just killed his daughter and wife and has blown his attempt at suicide so his next best option is trying to find his freaking hot artist of a sister Brooke who has been captured by some so-called government folks and is being experimented on. I totally understand the tagline while watching the film but my only problem with the film and it could be me nit-picking at it is the film is not sure what exactly it wants to be: that serious zombie flick, the zombie-comedy, the crazy ‘Peter Jackson type zombie flick, it seems to not make up its mind especially with the ending it gives us. Don’t get me wrong I really enjoyed it but let’s not anoint a film before we have seen it. I give the cool flick 3 ½ stars.

tohell

To Hell with a Bullet (DVD/Amazon Prime) – A story about a singer named Billy who has been in a heavy rock band for over ten years and they have never got their break. One day down on his luck Billy is fired from his own band, his girlfriend wants to kick him out, and on top of that he just happens to kill his stripper girlfriend by accident. But things are looking up as Billy goes to see this voice doctor dude who is going to help Billy get his voice back. From there Billy gains a new friend who doesn’t care his stripper girlfriend is dead, he gets his band back, and a record producer is coming to see the band this coming Friday night. The story has been done in several forms over the years in short film, TV series, and so on, so it’s a logical choice to get a flick under your belt and put out there for the masses. I enjoyed the film from Vick Wright originally from the UK. I understand why he would go this route, but the film focuses way too much on the music than story and it’s a little long (106 minutes). That doesn’t mean it’s a bad film as much as it means to me Vick Wright to get a feel of filmmaking in Hollywood. The film has great direction, good music, great presentation, but would have loved to see more of the voice doctor/Satan character as many filmmakers do not flesh out this character enough usually due to restraints by the studio? I may have not like the flick as much as some horror fans will but what it shows me is Vick Wright hasn’t found the right project for his talents… I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars and wish him luck in the future. You can get the flick at this link:  http://www.amazon.com/Hell-Bullet-Timothy-V-Murphy/dp/B00WL8LTO0/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1431389442&sr=1-1&keywords=To+Hell+with+a+Bullet

 

Splatter Asylum (DVD) – A rereleased film from legendary independent filmmaker Todd Sheets from 1996 has found its way to DVD. Rudy has bought a mansion he wants to turn into a club but finds out the hard way it’s haunted during a house warming party he was having for friends. The friends find a book or journal all about the haunted house and all the fucked up shit that went down many years ago. The film is a crazy gooey mix of “Killer Party”, “Night of the Demons”, and ‘Lovecraft’ without the budget. But hey it’s Todd Sheets and I will watch anything that awesome mother fucker makes as he made the “Zombie Bloodbath” trilogy! I give it 2 out of 4 stars and more about the film can be found at: www.zombiebloodbath.com .

 

2020 Texas Gladiators (YouTube) – Not totally sure if its available on DVD but for the love of Rutger Hauer it is directed by Joe D’Amato and written by George Eastman under different names in all its Eye-talian glory! What you need to know: it’s a post-apocalyptic film set in 2020 where the so-called New World Order takes over an energy refinery and Texas Rangers come to fight them. No there isn’t no Chuck Norris… No there isn’t any Kevin Nash or Scott Hall… But there is random death and rape in this mish-mash of a flick that is like a couple scripts mashed together! So thank you George Eastman for not eating babies in every movie and giving us this random crap… I give it 2 stars.

 

Escape from the Bronx aka Bronx Warriors 2 (YouTube) – Don’t get me started on trying to explain which is the real sequel, this flick or “The New Barbarians” with Fred “the Hammer” Williamson as it’s more confusing than Charles Band’s “Puppet Master” timeline. But if you are a fan of the original “1990 Bronx Warriors”, get your motorcycle with the plastic skull on it and your Mark Gregory poster out as it picks up shortly after that. The evil rich dudes that failed to kill off the gangs in the first flick decided they had about $10,000 left from the first film’s budget and Henry Silva was in town so they made a sequel. Only in this flick ‘Trash’ aka Mark Gregory comes up with a plan to capture the evil president dude to stop the extermination of the people of the Bronx. Problem is the film leaves you thinking there may be a third film and it’s not 1983 so I am not sure if Enzo G. Castellari still has a unproduced script lying around. I give the flick 2 stars and well worth knowing it exists!

 

Wheels of Fire (YouTube) – A film from 1985 that not only is a bootleg of “Mad Max” but may have bought the left over props from the first two films down to the cars. Our main character ‘Trace’ rolls into a nomad town to see his sister who may have the most topless scenes in one movie ever made. Well of course Trace slightly upsets the nomads and they are after Trace and his sister. Trace’s sister gets kidnapped and raped often as Trace is busy doing his super bootleg version of Mad Max and meets another girl named “Stinger”. They have sex, she dies, and then he remembers to go save his sister. Amazing stuff folks! It is truly the closet Mad Max rip-off I have ever seen and for that I am grateful as I give it 3 stars.

 

Whispers in the Gloom (DVD) – Another rerelease onto DVD from legendary independent filmmaker Todd Sheets that was released in 1998. Aliens have landed and they just happened to be in a small town where a man who claimed to work at Area 51 calls into a radio show that gets shut down shortly afterward. The radio host and guest who happen to be an action star soon rock out in a Ford Tempo and must use kung fu to defeat aliens! Only Todd Sheets could make this shit happen besides the Polonia Brothers and it is acceptable! I give the very entertaining film 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at www.zombiebloodbath.com .

 

Mother’s Day Massacre (DVD) – A skinny dude named Jimmy has always wondered who his mom was as he hates his father who mistreats him and his girlfriend on a regular basis. After his girlfriend encourages him to go to this mysterious old redneck backwoods town, his friends get murdered by two weirdos! Jimmy soon finds out his dad was more than just your average asshole and only realizes when it’s too late that he wants to bang the neighbor girl. It’s weird, it had massacre in the title, it is a slasher, and has a couple cool make-up effects, so of course I watched it as I give it 2 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Bread Crumbs (DVD) – Well if you ever wondered what would happen if Hansel and Gretel were evil and happen to stumble upon a porn crew who happens to be filming their latest project in a well hidden cabin you have your movie here… I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Endgame (YouTube/DVD) – Another 1983 post-apocalyptic flick that has George Eastman, Al Cliver, and Joe D’Amato all involved in the year 2025 where New York City is in radioactive ruins. The film literally predates “The Running Man” by a few years but turns into two different movies 30 minutes in when the lead character is asked by a mutant to help her and friends to a safe zone outside the city for gold. This flick may have the all-you-can-eat menu of post-apocalyptic Eye-talian flicks as it jams in ten different plots into one great film that has the “Rocky 3” ending.  If there was a film I would have to point Eye-talian film fans to it would be this classic as it has everything you could want as I give the flick 3 ½ stars. And let me take this time to thank George Eastman and the character ‘Ninja’ for bringing me this entertainment!

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html

Gross Movie Reviews #346

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Gross Movie Reviews #346

 

By Tim Gross

 

Long Weekend (Blu-ray) – A lesser known Australian film about things for a couple that go bad, like “Day of the Animals” of bad. I tracked the film down after a guest on our podcast “Bloodbaths and Boomsticks” wanted to cover and talk about it. So if you are asking yourself why I am reviewing this again it’s because Synapse Films has released a restored Blu-ray version of the flick. This couple who apparently are a half step from divorce have ventured out to a beach near some woods for a camping getaway to maybe try and patch things up? As fixing the relationship goes downhill quickly strange occurrences and odd behavior from the animals cause tensions between the couple to worsen. The film has radio reports and a TV report that might lend a little bit of a clue on what might be the problem but the film never directly points out this is the reason for the ‘weirdness of the animals’ or strange occurrences. The 1978 film can drag a little at certain points but has a great ending that makes up for it. Besides it’s from Australia, all their films should be given at least one if not two chances. The Blu-ray looks exceptional as usual from Synapse Films. The Blu-ray also has an audio interview with star John Hargreaves and a commentary from the producer and the cinematographer on the film. Wasn’t able to access the commentary for some reason as I am sure it’s a glitch but that doesn’t matter as this movie is enhanced with the restored version on Blu-ray as it relies on imaginary to tell a lot of the story. Give the film 2 out of 4 stars but overall package 3 out of 4 stars and is available at www.synapse-films.com . (Checked out a few other critics reviews of the Blu-ray screener package and no one had the same problem as I did so like I said “a glitch.”)

Edge

Edge of the Axe (DVD) – A somewhat bearable Spanish slasher film (but actually filmed mostly in California) about a person in a white mask hacking people all over town. There is no real good reason why they are but you will question why you are watching a movie about a computer guy trying to get with an underage girl most of the flick while pieces of people are being found nightly. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Junior (VHS/DVD-R) – I believe it is available on DVD but someone gave me their copy just for the mere reason they did not want it existing in their house! And for that reason I had to watch the 1985 unknown classic to most horror fans about two women who have been released from prison and decided they want to start a new life. A new life that means the two girls got to breathe new life into an old marina in a small southern town on a river. But a weird guy named “Junior” refuses to leave the girls alone. Very corny and hilarious especially the scenes of Junior talking to his mother on the front porch of their home makes the film at least watchable or at least for this horror movie fan as I give it 2 stars.

 

Bad Kids Go to Hell (DVD) – With a title like this I had to find a reason to watch it eventually and I did… Pittsburgh Penguins were pissing me off so I put this title on to see what Judd Nelson and Ben “Farscape” Browder had to do with it. It all comes down to a curse an Indian put on some rich people or rich kids and their school after dying or was it all a set up? You decide, all I know there is a weird scene of a nerdy redhead doing a strip tease in the middle of class. Horror movie… check! Nerdy redhead… checks twice. The movie isn’t your most interesting horror film to come down the pike but keeps it worth watching just to see where Judd Nelson’s character fits in? I give it 2 stars.

 

Invasion of the Pod People (DVD) – Apparently Asylum Entertainment tried to do an erotic remake of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”. Leave the porn alone and stick with the Sharknados, Gatoroid, Giant Octopuses, Corin Nemac, and chubby tatted up Tiffany or at least for me as I find that stuff much more entertaining than your poor attempt of a Misty Mundae resurrection. I give it crap because it was crap so let’s move on.

Final-Executioner-Front2

The Final Executioner (DVD) – The apocalypse has happened and rich people have hunters or executioners hunt down people or targets they consider expendable material. Its Eye-talian, it’s dubbed in English and all it was missing was Fred Williamson! So grab your six packs and enjoy this beautiful post-apocalyptic crap for what it is as a man seeks revenge against the executioner he escaped several days before. I give the film 2 ½ stars just for the cheese oozing off this flick.

 

Clown (DVD) – Released in the UK first and not entirely sure why but I finally got to see this Eli Roth presents project. The film starts off innocently enough where a man tries to come up with a solution for his son’s birthday party when the clown is double booked. The man finds an old clown costume in the house he is trying to fix up and sell and uses it to save the day at the party. Little does he know life would change as he wakes the next morning with the clown costume still on and cannot remove it? There isn’t a zipper. He even goes as far as trying to cut it off with an electric saw! He fails. Soon his wife is concern as she doesn’t believe him; he is getting crap from the father-in-law, and goes back to the house to search for clues on what this costume actually is. He calls this number for old costumes and meets a man who begins to tell him a story of the costume being made of demon hair and skin. And then he is almost beheaded. But also begins to fill a hunger, a hunger that can only be met by eating five young children. It gets radically disgusting and uncomfortable which makes the film awesome. Now, I am not going bat shit nuts for the film like some movie critics but I have to say it is nice to see something old become new again in horror. So move over Pennywise as I give this flick 3 stars and won’t be surprised there is a sequel in the works not too far in the future.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html