Gross Movie Reviews #484

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Gross Movie Reviews #484

 

Elevator (YouTube) – All around cool filmmaker Jim Stramel is back with his latest short film that involves a woman and a man who get on an elevator together. They do not know each other but it is about to get very interesting… Both take turns having their worlds going weird and gory. Could it be sexual tension? Just two deranged individuals happen to get on the elevator? Or is it something even stranger? You be the judge as this was a cool treat to see from Mr. Stramel as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Vacation Massacre (YouTube) – Oh the digging I go looking for ‘massacre’ films as unearthed this unknown S.O.V. flick that’s claims 2001? A few kids head out into the woods with their pump action pellet guns to go hunting. While out there they come across a dead body that begins a series of events once back at their tent. They awake in the morning to it all being a dream but then it all begins to actually take place. Not bad for a couple of kids that most likely stole the parents camera for filming but seems to be a bit unfinished? Anyway if you are a fan of S.O.V. stuff it’s fun checking out this 2 star project… Yes, there is much worse out there.

 

Welcome Home, Brother Charles (DVD) – Charles is up to no good as usual because bottom-line is he needs to make his money and isn’t gonna let the ‘man’ get in the way. But after meeting up with partner at the local hotel they have noticed they are being watched by the ‘man’. The two run in different directions with Charles getting picked up by the police. For what charge not totally sure but one detective isn’t satisfied with running Charles down but beating him up while in handcuffs and then taking a straight razor to his manhood. For this Charles gets three years in the slammer. After being released Charles is a reformed man and wants to stay out of trouble. Understanding it is tough he meets up with a new woman and stops her pimp about to put a beat down on her. Things are looking up for the two until that damn white cop that damaged Charles manhood is considered a local hero on the news. This sends Charles into a rage of revenge as he tracks down the individuals that wronged him, hypnotize their wives, and then strangle the white men with his snake like dong! No shit people I was not expecting this to go down and made for an eye opening exploitation flick. Well worth the watch for super dong and the ending as I give it 3 stars.

 

Dead Teenagers (DVD) – A college student heads to the library and comes across an odd notebook that is on the floor called: “Book of Lore”. He sits to read through the book that happens to have four tales of terror inside: ‘The Boo Men’ is about a young man facing his fear. ‘Full Moon Lighting’ is a tale of a young man coming back from Europe with a secret and finds his ex-girl has one of her own. ‘Skeleton Keys’ is where a young woman heads to her dead grandma’s house to sort out some things. ‘Suckers’ happens to be about a young man who is about to be out of a theater job because it is closing. But first he must fend of vampires that have infested the theater. This was literally one of those middle of the road anthologies. None of the tales sucked out loud but none of them stood out either so take that for what it is as I give the anthology 2 stars.

The Banana Splits Movie (On Demand) – I am ecstatic this film exists! Was it perfect, hell no but it was a fun gory mess of a horror film. So-called film critics, “GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF!” Why this as many other recent horror movies just upset you just to get your clicks I will never understand and maybe that is a good thing. Go be miserable for your clicks somewhere else… Anyway who would have guessed the internet joke that appeared late last year would become a reality? Was it a test or was it something always in the works? Doesn’t matter now as the horror movie is based off of a late 60s kids TV show in present day. Harley’s birthday is today and his family has plans to take him to a live taping of his favorite TV show. While the kids pour into the studio for the live taping it is learned back stage that the robots/Banana Splits will not be needed any longer as the show has been canceled. As the show must go on the Banana Splits have their own agenda as they go on a murderous rampage and kidnap children for their more evil show. I won’t get into too much detail so some of yinz horror fans can enjoy this project but I would have liked a more detailed reason on the reason for the Splits going chaotic? Like I said, “not perfect” but the project was entertaining and gory as I give it 3 stars.

 

Ghastlies (DVD) – Another Brett Kelly project released from Camp Motion Pictures that five years ago has aliens landing on Earth during a cult ritual. Now present day four ladies head out to a remote cabin for some sorority girl ritual or of course just a weekend of partying. The nerdy girl of the group wonders about and finds a VHS tape and plays it. On the tape is a young woman warning anyone who watched it that she is most likely dead but hopes the things she trapped in the fruit cellar/storm basement are also. Once disturbed the puppet creature/aliens begin to devour the humans at the cabin. Their main goal is to eat mankind one human at a time. Always been a fan of Brett Kelly so I looked forward to checking this one out but seem to be a little of a letdown. I thought I was getting an Indy version of “Gremlins”, “Munchies”, or even “Ghoulies” but came off as more of an unfinished project or a couple ideas cobbled together and not seen entirely through. I may only give this film 1 star but still a fan of Mr. Kelly and will be always on the lookout for his next project.

 

Nemesis 5: The New Model (DVD) – You know me I cannot stay from these sequels especially when the opening that explains the movie doesn’t make a whole lick of sense? In the distant future a young girl is sent into the past to be trained by a warrior named Alex to become a savior in the future to fight the Red Army. She is mostly robotic but has more human traits than other cyborgs that helps set her a part in her goal of helping mankind. I spent most of the movie trying to figure out why they didn’t fix the past if they were able to send someone back to be trained? Yeah it is nothing like Albert Pyun underground video classics we remember but you know me if they continue the series somehow I usually end up watching it as I give it 1 star.

 

Hell House LLC (Shudder) – So people come in and decide to investigate and put together a documentary on the tragic event of October 8, 2009 called “Hell House”. It is five years later and still no one has answers to what exactly happened to this Haunted House attraction that on opening night kills 15 people including the group that help build the haunt inside. Through found footage we learn the group begins to experience weird things as they live inside this old closed down hotel and turn it into a cool haunted attraction. The head of the group Alex is hell bent on keeping the haunt going so opening night they can make their money. But as the group begins to question why they are still there Alex convinces them it will be worth it once the lines grow outside opening night. When the attraction opens, chaos begins as things and demons appear, blood flows, and people begin running for their lives. A pretty decent horror flick that paranormal fans should enjoy as I give it 2 ½ stars and a better alternative to the “Grave Encounters” films.

 

Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel (Shudder) – Two years have passed since the interview with a survivor or supposedly a survivor and the disappearance of the reporter Diane. Now a woman who runs a blog is interested in the mystery and wants to investigate the hotel for some tapes that may explain everything that actually happened in the hotel and explain the event in 2009? Her and her two man crew recruits the man behind the documentary and visit along with a medium that has a new show he wants to promote. Once they walk in they soon have been checked in and become part of the legend called Hell House. Some good scares again and begins to explain some interesting back story that makes both of the films an interesting watch and rewatch as I give the sequel 3 stars.

Bad Moon (DVD) – Michael Pare is Uncle Ted out in Nepal doing work. One night Ted and his assistant decide to get buck wild when a bad ass werewolf rips through their tent and tears them a part. A couple months go by as Ted is state side and contacts his sister. Unbeknownst to the sister and her kid Ted has been changing every night ripping through any hiker or group of people wandering through the remote woods. Now the authorities investigating the brutal murders of a possible animal attack Ted moves his trailer to his sister’s house but the family dog isn’t having it. As Ted slowly slips away into the wolf taking over night after night the family dog takes upon itself to attack to protect the family. Great screenplay, great cast, cool werewolf effects, and an awesome fight between the family dog and werewolf! A wonderful 1996 werewolf movie that is unknown to a lot of horror fans. This is always my first film I mention when crazy people always say, “There isn’t any good werewolf movies.” Example: THIS FILM as I give it 4 star stuff right here werewolf fans!

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

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Gross Movie Reviews #351

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Gross Movie Reviews #351

 

By Tim Gross

 

Beyond the Door II (VHS/DVD-R) – This 1977 thriller was the last flick made by filmmaking legend Mario Bava and his son Lamberto Bava served as an assistant director and had a small part at the beginning of the film. The horror sequel centers around Dora and her son moving back to the old country home with her new husband Bruno. Once there Dora’s son Marco starts to question about his father and why he is dead. This also comes after he begins to start talking to an imaginary friend in the front yard. If that wasn’t enough for Dora, Marco’s mother to raise an eyebrow; how about Marco stealing his mom’s undies and acting very strange! If that wasn’t enough for the place to be haunted and further make the viewer confused on what is really going on Dora begins to feel and see some weird shit? But… you don’t know if it’s the drug addicted husband she killed off and claimed it was suicide or the acid her new husband is dropping in her water so you are never quite clear what is exactly going on. Except Marco has a new friend. It’s weird and kinda boring but I still give it 2 stars.

 

It Follows (On Demand) – Okay, I wanted to see what all the hype was all about? First off, congrats, you made a movie! It can be a difficult task but for me this movie wasn’t great and it wasn’t god awful. It was kinda blah to put it so. Apparently you are able to pass on a killer spirit that can take any form to a person you have sex with. What Tim Gross got out of this plot was: If you are a whore and don’t wait till marriage a killer spirit will fucking throw shit at you and break your ass in half. And no matter how many people you fuck because you are a whore the evil eventually gets bored and finds you anyway. But that was just me at least… I believe the film suffered more from being overhyped than anything else. Hell, by time I sat to watch it I had people trying to tell me it was the second coming of “The Blair Witch Project”! Which by the way that film can still suck a donkey dick. I give it 2 stars folks and there better not be a sequel.

 

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (On Demand) – An odd film to say the least. But with it being filmed in black and white and its language being Persian (with subtitles) even though it was filmed in L.A. kind of gives it that artsy feel. But anyway a non-talking vampire walks the streets or skateboards through the streets at night looking for her next victim. She comes upon a young man who is tripping on ‘X’ and dressed like Dracula so they strike up a conversation and she takes him home. From there it focuses on their relationship: he wants girl, she wants boy but bad things always happen since she is a vampire, and boy does not know about the vampire thing just yet. The closet movie to compare this to would be the original “Let the Right One In”. But hey give Hollywood six months and they will ruin this idea also. I wasn’t real impressed with the concept but have to still give it 2 stars for having a skateboarding vampire.

 

Run All Night (DVD) – Another film starring Liam Neeson but this one strays from the usual recent formula of Neeson flicks as he plays an old broken down former hitman named Jimmy. Jimmy use to work for a bad ass in Ed Harris and Harris’s son is trying to bring in his own piece of the pie that involves heroin. Meanwhile, Jimmy has a son named Michael who has pretty much distance himself completely from his father until he happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time while doing job of being a limo driver. Without giving too much away Michael gets in contact with his father and Jimmy just happens to kill Ed Harris’s son before he kills Michael causing a shitload of mob dudes looking for Jimmy and Michael. Like I said it strays a little from the recent formula to make you happy Neeson is till looking to make some good flicks as I give it 3 stars.

homicycle

Homicycle (DVD) – Brett Kelly’s latest project being released by Bloody Earth Films and Camp Motion Pictures throws around the words “tribute to grindhouse classics like The Punisher and Nailgun Massacre”. Okay, you now have my attention (the guy that has a Nailgun Massacre tattoo on his arm and was a huge fan of Terry Lofton). Mr. Kelly tries to craft a story about a good cop who not only meant a lot to his spouse (also a cop) but to a city that is polluted with crime and was gunned down in front of his wife by a weirdo named Brock. Brock’s crime wave continues and his wife is frustrated with the system but someone or something has answered her prayers and rides at night on a motorcycle like “death itself” and begins killing or retaliating against all that killed the good cop. I enjoyed the cheesiness of the flick but thought it lacked the randomness and B-movie fun of “Nailgun Massacre”. Now Mr. Kelly goes on to explain in his commentary of the film that he made the film sort of under pressure from how I took it “because his wife was pregnant and wasn’t sure he would get the chance to make this sort of flick?” Which makes sense to me as Brett Kelly is an excellent filmmaker and I have seen better work from the man. Now I am not getting all down on the flick as I believe the box art is brilliant like “Nailgun Massacre”. Hell, it might be one of the best DVD box art I have seen in quite a long time? I might be only giving the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars and was expecting a little more but I still support Mr. Kelly and his projects and if it helps I do have a “Homicycle” T-shirt ordered. To order your copy of Brett Kelly’s homage of “Nailgun Massacre” go to: https://www.alternativecinema.com or https://www.facebook.com/pages/Alternative-Cinema-Pop-Cinema-Studios/99873255809?fref=ts for more details on the film.

 

Black Eye (DVD/You Tube) – I love Fred Williamson! One of my favorite actors to talk too and watch in flicks as I am still finding film gems starring Mr. Williamson. And this 1974 film does not disappoint as it was directed by film legend Jack Arnold the man that directed “Creature from the Black Lagoon” and “Revenge of the Creature”. Fred plays a private investigator named Stone who two years before was a cop but left the force after his wife died. Now he is thrown a bone or two from his buddy who still works the beat. But Stone stumbles into a case that involves a cane that just so happens to be seeked by several individuals. Fred Williamson’s character “Stone” is more normal or believable as you see Stone get his kicked a couple times and not always get the girl. If you are a fan of Fred Williamson this film is well worth tracking down as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Redwood Massacre (DVD) – Another slasher film from the UK that David Ryan Keith looked to mix the Robert Elkins independent feature “Backwoods” and “Friday the 13th Part 2”. Or at least that’s how I viewed this slasher. Twenty years ago a man gone nutzoid, hacked and cannibalized his family then committed suicide. Every year college kids go out in the woods near the location and party on the anniversary until this year the murderous evil farmer has come back from the grave to hack and cannibalize again! As legend goes the evil farmer gets pissed off when you disturb his family’s final resting place or where they were slaughtered. Loved the gallons of blood, gore, and goo but at times the film seem to lack pacing of past slashers and the killer did not stand out like the ‘Caleb’ character from “Backwoods”. I was a bit disappointed as I give it 2 stars.

 

As Above So Below (DVD) – A young driven professor named Scarlet is looking for the ‘philosopher stone’ as it was her father’s work before her that seems to have mystical powers as lure claims. She has a cameraman following her as she discovers new information about the stone’s whereabouts in the undiscovered catacombs under Paris. She asks for help from a man and his crew to get her into the catacombs illegally as she believes she has to root through unknown parts of the catacombs. Once Scarlet and crew is there she follows clues to open different doorways that lead deeper and deeper into the catacombs until they reach the stone. Once found they literally set off a trap that leads them into “The Gates of Hell”. The flick was interesting and entertaining unlike a “Grave Encounters” and I will sure be revisiting this flick a couple more times in my future. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.