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Gross Movie Reviews “Best of 2025 list”

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So as usual the list isn’t your normal “best of” list for those of you that are only an average movie watcher… My movie watching habits can be all over the place at times but this year’s list of films is interesting as it includes: a couple of old friends in independent cinema prove there is still great stories to be told outside of the mainstream, some familiar names, killer sharks (and shark movies you most likely never heard of), bonkers sci-fi stuff, something different from Lovecraft, Addison Binek making me laugh my ass off like no one else, a remake that finally really surprised me, and a first time independent filmmaker doing something out of the norm and guess what folks it was awesome!

1)Side Effects May Vary (DVD) – A movie project I wish I would have seen sooner as even before we get into the review this will make it into my “Top Ten list of 2025”! So J.R. Bookwalter returns to the director’s chair for the first time in 23 years along with help from writer and star James L. Edwards. Glenn has been sick for several weeks during this pandemic and doesn’t exactly believe in the science behind the new vaccines even though his wife has gotten it. Because of his illness lingering and nagging from his wife Glenn heads to the doctor’s office to get treatment. But because of the illness he cannot be vaccinated but can be part of this experimental shot that can be given during illness. He takes it believing he is doing the right thing for himself and others. It isn’t long after Glenn experiences side effects of blurred/weird visions, then also after a very uncomfortable but hilarious sex scene with the wife his dong falls off! From there Glenn becomes a gooey monstrous mess with murderous tendencies. As Glenn’s best friend gets involved, cops get involved, weird things begin to happen as Glenn’s disgusting meltdown is absolutely glorious with a perfect ending to this social commentary. This independent project is a prime example of doing all the little things right equals’ success as JR and crew put on a Masterclass of “how to make your independent movie correctly”. This was a perfect pandemic film that many have tried and failed at making so congrats to JR and James for bringing this adventure to life as I will be talking about it for years. As I give this project 4 out of 4 stars I also have to say Brinke Stevens steals the show here kids as this is her best performance since ‘Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl-o-rama’! The DVD has a great Q&A for their opening night of the film done by none other Art Ettinger.

2) Don’t Mess with Grandma (Tubi) – This Tubi original is one of my first favs of 2025 as it stars Michael Jai White as Jasper and Billy Zane. The plot of the film besides Jasper throwing white people out a window the whole movie is Jasper taking care of his Grandma who lives in the middle of nowhere. Jasper everyday drives two hours to go take care of anything she needs while getting drunk doing it while running from Grandma’s dog who doesn’t like him. Well tonight things go a little sideways as three people show up in pig masks to burglarize Grandma’s house. Not going to happen in this laugh a minute film as Jasper defends the home quickly but soon sees there is friends or family in this case who have planned this job for a while as they won’t go away quietly. Basic but entertaining premise this 4 out of 4 stars film is “home invasion gone wrong” that includes Jasper singing a DIO song while a man dies in his arms, a person getting paper towels duct taped to their ass because they are missing part of an ass cheek, and how Jasper just wants Grandma to consider moving into the city. Again folks 4 stars all the way as it will be hard for any of yinz to not find this extremely entertaining and laugh the whole 80 minutes as I did.

3) Graveyard Shark (Blu-ray) – A legend about a half-shark/half-human thing stalking a graveyard has caught the eye of a Cryptids Hunter named Abby. Abby since she was a child has wanted to prove things like Sasquatch are real because her father was killed by a monster. Abby the so-called cryptozoologist is hired by a Dr. Lovnik who runs a Graveyard Shark survivors AA group. The good doctor would like Abby to chase down this legend and kill it for these survivors to have closure. Abby being super excited by this opportunity wastes no time investigating the Graveyard Shark legend and it is all because of a horny fisherman and his one night of passionate love making with a mermaid that made this creature possible. After witnessing the carnage Abby wants to end this “Street Sharks” look-a-like monster before it continues its bloody rampage but as usual there is more to this story such as: sasquatch sex, shark sex (doggie style and a young lady that believes her and the shark are a thing), and shark vs. werewolf for the final fight. WTF?! I am all in with this fun entertaining gory mess as I think I found another 2025 favorite that all of yinz need to witness as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. Also kudos on that bad ass shark costume!!!

4) Jaws of the Shark (Blu-ray) – Oh, for the love of Rutger Hauer where has this 2012 no budget Swedish project been hiding from me? From second one this film was made with a smirk on their faces as scientists experiment with a shark and less than eight minutes into the film we have a dude in a bad shark costume running around with a chainsaw killing people! This 65 minute beauty had me laughing from beginning to end as the filmmaker didn’t just lean into the movie being bad, they know it and absolute had fun with it which makes this project brilliant. If the chainsaw doesn’t get you laughing? It doesn’t take long to watch the shark put a human on a spit roast, do horrible car stunts, or have a detective make terrible but hilarious jokes at a police lineup. With this creature on the loose it comes down to a survivor wearing a wig for no apparent reason (as most of the characters are) and a shark mercenary (he wears a gas mask the entire film) to track and kill this creature before it continues its slaughter! Oh my friends there is indeed a good chance this fine project ends up on my “Best of 2025 list” as I give this movie 4 out of 4 stars.

5) Mickey 17 (Theater) – So venturing out of my comfort zone I took a chance on a film I wasn’t impressed by the trailers or who was starring in it. But I gave it a chance and I believe I found a film that many don’t understand (but are intrigued) or chooses too not understand, right now but I am telling you give this feature five years and there are going to be fans calling it a “cult film”. Or as I also like to point out this film hit too close to what is going on in society now? Anyway, a film based on a book about advanced tech as the film is set in 2054 where a human could be listed as an “expendable”. Mickey signs up for space travel where human experiments can be performed legally. The basic premise is scientists test various things on Mickey to see how it affects humans. When he dies the scientists reprint a new version of him out with his past memories. Now Mickey #17 is lying at the bottom of an ice pit waiting to be eaten by some horrible creature on a planet humans know little about. This is where the story actually begins forty minutes into the feature as Mickey 17 doesn’t die and walks back to the ship only to encounter Mickey 18. By intergalactic law there cannot be ‘multiples’! This of course knocks everything out of balance while Mickey 17 is tired of dying and finally for the first time in his life just wants to live. This is a great complex and completely outrageous script, wonderful cast that I just absolutely enjoyed with great delight! Yes, it will be on my list of ‘best movies of 2025’ but only time will tell if I am correct if this is the next “Buckaroo Banazi” cult like film of its time? Point is don’t sleep on this one movie watchers as I give this 4 stars as I try not to give up too much about the film as I want you to really experience this one! 

6) Killer Kabbage (DVD) – In a not so serious futuristic film with a hilarious concept has scientists in present day 2024 trying to solve the world’s food crisis with experiments on veggies, mostly cabbages! But 200 years in the future the world is a wasteland where a duo of Cage and Gibson look to survive by hunting killer veggies until they are approached by a government droid. The droid instructs the duo to head to a secret location as they are recruited as mankind’s last hope because of radioactivity reasons! The mission is to time travel to 2024, find the original experimental cabbage, and bring back a sample that started this apocalyptic war between killer cabbages and humans. Once the duo time travels and adjusts to present day of 2024 the fight is on as there is limited time before the war begins as they quickly find out the experiments are already out of control! This feels like a lost project from the early 90s from J.R. Bookwalter or the Polonia Brothers with a ‘Bad CGI Sharks’ vibe to it and I absolutely freakin loved it! Don’t be surprised if this pops up on my “Best of 2025 list” as this Indy feature had me laughing out loud several times as I give it 4 out of 4 stars as you had me at Killer Kabbage.

7) H.P. Lovecraft’s Celephais (Vimeo) – A short story of Lovecraft’s adapted to film by Michael Neel who edited and directed this 34 minute short film project. This might be a story that horror fans are not too familiar with as the usuals are: The Unnamable, Re-Animator, From Beyond, or even Dagon of which we have seen adapted to name a few. This version deals with an old man fascinated with a dream place/land called “Celephais” that he has been chasing down since he was seven years old. He travels his dreamland when he sleeps constantly as he believes this is home but along his travels he encounters many that are interested in him. This short story/short film is fascinating to me as it can be taken as many things? For me for instance this old man is dying or already right at the edge and his brain is taking him to where he always thought he belonged… before he crosses over in so many words if you believe in such things as the ‘beyond’ to just put it out there broadly. That is how I see it as I may experience something like that a few years back but the point is filmmaker Michael Neel and crew just nailed this project as it was well thought out, well shot, perfect use of locations, and just enough weirdness that I think Lovecraft fans will enjoy it. This short film is one of the best things I have watched in 2025 as it’s absolutely charming at the same time hypnotically amazing! For that my friends I have to give this short film 4 out of 4 stars.

8) Addy and Andy (Blu-ray) – A no budget 12 episode show from Addison Binek and Andrew Hansom about two young men living together and what antics they get themselves into. Think of an unfiltered but professionally shot sitcom or long skit of two dudes in their early twenties trying to figure out life but mostly like to entertain themselves when together. Some of my laugh out loud episodes involve the movie CHUD, the duo trying not to let the other see they are drinking, The Del Taco episode, and the vampire of course. All the episodes are hilarious but had to point those out as I believe this creation comes off natural and wouldn’t be surprised two young dudes with no camera and living together would be doing these things? I know I would have and for that I am delighted to give this must see project 4 out of 4 stars. What is even better is the episodes are an average of less than ten minutes making it an easy watch but more importantly easy for rewatches on a regular basis.

9) Silent Night, Deadly Night (Remake/Theater) – So this was the second time around for the 1984 classic to remade that caught myself and a lot of horror fans by surprise of being made. Of course being a huge fan of the original I had to see what the hell they were going to do this time around… and folks I really liked this one! Without trying to give things away because I feel this remake needs to be seen to be believed as the filmmaker and writers flipped this story on its head. What do I mean by this? They figured out how to pay homage to the original but at the same time understanding retelling of the original story just wouldn’t work these days. Best way to describe this film: Killer Santa somehow transforms into an anti-hero who at one point kills Nazis! Yes, folks all the elements of the original with Billy becoming a Killer Santa are there but they do it in such a glorious way for 2025 that we even get the famous line: “It’s Garbage Day”. This is one of those remakes that I am curious to see if it makes an impact enough for horror fans to enjoy two or three holiday seasons from now as that 2012 remake was solid but missed the point of the 1984 original. You gave me lots of blood, an odd take on Killer Santa that surprised me it worked, and finally a small town in a horror film where everyone is a POS, for that I cannot believe I am saying this I give this project 4 stars and wouldn’t be surprised it sneaks into my “top ten” for 2025. Horror fans seriously don’t miss out on seeing this film in the theaters it was a lot of fun!

10) I:Scream – A Minty Musical (Blu-ray) – This independent feature might be the surprise of 2025 that movie fans have been looking for. In Aleen Isley’s directorial debut, Charlie a young scientist must fight off their own creation. Trying to woo the love of the young scientist’s life with chocolate chip mint ice cream it is unforeseen that a janitor later would accidentally cause a spill of Charlie’s animation formula into the ice cream that was left causing a major issue? The experimental formula brings the delicious green ice cream to life to immediately eat the janitor’s arm then cause chaos nearby as it grows to eat people in its path! Charlie with friends entrust a former ice cream man, “Old Man Reggie” to steer them to a solution in defeating this mutant ice cream problem. Along the way Miss Isley’s characters break out into song about the killer ice cream making this a lighthearted horror must see. Aleen Isley used all of her behind the scenes experience of several other projects to prove it is worth taking a chance to make something memorable and entertaining for your debut. She deserves to be congratulated in what she has accomplished even with a scene stealing David Dietz as “Old Man Reggie” as I give this feature 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Gross Movie Reviews notables of 2025 (no order here) that should encourage you to check out and support…

The Emasculator (Blu-ray) – This newer SOV flick centers around a young woman named Cindy and her father who haven’t had the best relationship since the passing of Cindy’s mother. After another argument Cindy heads out on a date with a guy who has a whole other definition of a date as Cindy sadly learns the hard way. Cindy is raped and filmed to her father’s dismay in a hotel room and instead of listening to Cindy’s wishes of letting it go he takes upon himself for revenge with a tool used for castrating cattle. He doesn’t just want revenge but to mutilate these sick men. This SOV flick is a fun ride through sleaze, revenge, a love for a daughter, which the film has a sick twist that may leave you disliking all characters involved as it gave off Nailgun Massacre vibes to me. Just for that folks I got give this picture 3 ½ out of 4 stars.  

Wally Meets Popeye (DVD) – So leave it to the talented Indy filmmaker Steve Rudzinski to decide a fourth Popeye movie was needed in 2025! Wally Griswald returns in this feature where he has won another trip but this time to the island of…  Ohio? If you are a fan of Steve’s work you know the Wally character has been through a lot including Amityville (which there is a quick joke or two thrown in at the beginning). If you don’t know of Steve’s great filmography and like me must watch all the Popeye films, buckle up kids because this plays out like a live action old Scooby-Doo adventure without the dog and the gang! Wally excited for another free trip that somehow he has randomly won finds himself back on the detective job because of a green monster that has scared everyone away from the tropical island of Ohio. Years ago the same thing happened and the monster suddenly disappeared with help of an outsider. Now Steve and his buddy Rick who also just happens to be vacationing on the island need the help from the island’s famous sailor man Popeye. Popeye knowing of the monster has led him to convince the love of his life Olive Oyl to jump on his boat and travel to the other side of the island once he fixes it? Popeye knows all about this “Dawn Monster” legend because it keeps running away from him during fights. Its clear Popeye and the two detectives must team up to stop the reign of terror! Clarence Seybert III as Popeye and Carly Sonafelt Olive Oyl was some of the best casting of an Indy feature I have seen in years as their chemistry and handle of the characters jumps off the screen. Also there is this hilarious off script or maybe on script rant in the middle of the film between Wally and Rick that had me in almost tears laughing. Steve and crew made sure this tight low budget feature didn’t overstay its welcome, was an ass load of fun, entertaining as hell, and made sure its main characters Popeye and Olive were beyond exceptional so thanks to Steve not just continuing the “Wally” universe but giving another reason why Indy film fans should pay attention to the excellent work Mr. Rudzinski continues to do as I give this exciting project 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Cagey (DVD) – If you are looking for no budget, off the wall, has that lost 90s SOV feel then David Bachmeier (wrote, direct, and edits) has a new treat for yinz. Emily is a young woman who just got fired from her pizza delivery job and needs to make the rent soon. Desperation makes Emily take a leap of taking a housesitting gig for the weekend. Mark who hires Emily doesn’t let her in on the secret he has hidden there because he is trying to protect family. Along the way of this feature there are some possible (fake future?) movie trailers that oddly help the story to pace out well. Without saying too much about the plot some Indy fans will see this project as tasteless or even disturbing but most I believe will respect what they have witnessed. For me, this feature doesn’t feel forced, comes along organically, allowed me to relish the plot and also never trust a person in a pigeon mask as I got to give this movie 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Wolf Moon Rising (Vimeo) – Todd Sheets is one of the most respected filmmakers in the Indy genre and I just enjoy when he decides to make a movie that most wouldn’t even dream to attempt. I really do feel like someone said “werewolves in space” to Mr. Sheets and without hesitation decided the film needed to be made?! The film jumps right into action as it opens up with a military transport ship in trouble as werewolves have overrun the transport ship in a glorious bloodbath of an opening. With the ship in trouble and crew pretty much dead a survivor kicks the last werewolf into a cryo tube as she jumps in hers in hopes of survival. Another ship called Amberstar receives the distress call but must make it quick as the damage has left the transport ship in critical condition. The Amberstar crew works hard to bring aboard the cryo tubes with odd readings but wants to do the right thing of saving the two beings? The tubes open and within minutes the beast is loose again within the Amberstar crew dealing with the aftermath as their biggest worry of the “space crud” being released has come true. Now Mr. Sheets has said this film is the vein of Roger Corman, I go one step further as to me this film has the vibe of ‘The Terror Within’ from 1989 which was released by Concorde Pictures. Is the film perfect… no, but you got to outright respect a filmmaker that goes completely against the grain and makes a “werewolf in space” film but also makes it god damn entertaining so folks I gotta give this crazy ass idea of a movie 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Thank you Mr. Sheets for being an inspiration in the independent horror genre.

Special Needs Revolt! (Tubi) – This independent film is hilarious, made to make you feel awkward and very on par with today’s politics right now in 2025! Billy Bates is a guy with Down syndrome who is forced to live in a group home because his grandma “Is a bitch!” Billy’s words not mine. During a New Year’s Eve party Billy finally gets in the spirit of the event after seeing a candidate for President: Donald J. Kruger is going to run on the platform of getting rid of all the cripples. Billy slips on puke, hits his head, and wakes up three years later to find this moron Kruger is the president and has special needs people arrested on site. As Billy fights with authorities in public he escapes their custody in the town of Donville where he finds friends in hiding. These are people just like Billy hiding out from the new government and military as Billy decides it is time for a rebellion! Billy Bates leads a force of special needs people and wrestlers to capture President Kruger and expose him for the asshole he is. I absolutely enjoyed this film as I too have two special needs people in my life and there is a lot of possible awkward moments in the film for audiences who do not have anybody like Billy in their lives. I wish the 110 minute running was edited down as I believe the project would benefit greatly from it but don’t let that stop you from enjoying an excellently made film with a great cast that will make you squirm a little while watching it as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Creature from the Hillbilly Lagoon (DVD) – Oh this was a fun independent feature as to me it comes off as ‘Humanoids from the Deep’ remade as a comedy, on a low budget, with a great creature costume! This 2007 film features a story about a local professor and her students out on a field trip of sorts to test the local waterway for toxins. The reason for this is there have been reports of toxic dumping from a giant corporation years ago along with some recent toxic dumping by others. They want to know how polluted is it? There have been rumors of mutations but never proven. The field trip is going well until one of them is bitten by something mysterious underwater. As he slowly changes hillbillies roaming the shoreline are being slaughtered by a disgusting creature and if by some chance they survive the attack they become deformed and change. From beginning to end this project is hilarious with a great cast that plays up the hillbilly parts just right but the star has to be the impressive creature they cobbled together as I give this entertaining creature feature 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Violent Streets (DVD-R) – Another not released yet feature from Indy filmmaker Brad Sykes has unearthed another exciting project he made around 1994! This ambitious project isn’t so much a horror movie as its gang picture on no budget in the vein of 70s and 80s high school gang films. There are two small gangs who were friends at one point but now see things differently as they constantly battle for the upper hand on the other. It becomes personal when one of the battles between Orin and Kane is over a young woman Sara to see who gets to have her for their prize. But Sara isn’t having any of it even though her pals think she is just getting herself in more trouble of not going along with it. Now Orin and Sara must be on the run as this gang war is about to turn deadly. For no budget this was a very ambitious project but Sykes makes up with its gritty SOV style that gives the content a certain charm as the heart of the actors just going for it take after take makes for a very watchable piece of cinema that I give 3 out of 4 stars.

Worst film of 2025 and that is saying a lot for how many Amityville movies I have watched…

Booger (DVD) – The film is from 2023 but just hit all the streaming sites and is a complete turd! Anna loses her best friend Izzy who helped take care of this stray cat. Shortly after Izzy’s death the cat supposedly bites Anna, disappears, and Anna slowly goes through changes including her depression for her dead friend. Anna completely ignores her boyfriend, job, and life in general looking for this cat named ‘Booger’. The film is listed as a horror/comedy and I neither laughed nor seen anything horrifying other than wasting my fuckin 78 minutes watching it. A stupid young twenty something wants to act like a cat and at the end all is fine? This passes for some kind of a movie? I have seen movies that don’t even try but this so-called movie is insulting Indy filmmaking in general as this of course gets nothing except for already winning the award for being the worst film I have watched already in 2025. Sorry it’s not Meta, it’s not ironic, and it’s just fucking dumb!        

Gross Movie Reviews #676

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Cyclone (DVD) – An odd disaster film from 1978 that has a shark on the cover and has you think you are getting sharks eating people the whole film? We don’t… as this boring but yet at the same time wildly interesting film goes in a whole other direction. Pretty much the movie opens with a warning of a bad storm coming so we witness a plane crash land at sea and two boats become stranded. The passengers of the plane of who survived are wounded and the sharks arrive for a feast but three days later as they still float at sea one of the boats find them with shortly after the bigger charter boat that is stranded because of no gas finds them. This sets the rest of the picture for some really long dull parts of survivors of the storm having no food or water. So cannibalism it is kids! First they eat the dog, and then they chop up a dude that just died! They carve pieces of him and throw it on top of the boat to dry out in the hot Caribbean Sea, yep shit gets real dark. The movie is around two hours and crazy dull with moments of really dark inhuman shit as I give this must see to believe oddity 2 stars.

Raiders of the Lost Shark (DVD) – A Canadian shark film where a shark is on the loose feeding on all who enter the water. Supposedly the shark is a product of something mysterious going on an island across the water so of course some college students say “cool beans” and go investigate! At the same time their professor is hired to kill this eating machine as she has had experience in the past but somehow there has been experiments going on at the island the whole time. The film was produced by Indie vet Brett Kelly and for me at least there is no in-between on the films he is involved with: either really good or like this one pretty bad. This film really just didn’t know how to be a killer shark film as it felt like a mish mash of several which I can only give it 1 out of 4 stars.

Killing Spree (Blu-ray) – Terrorvision put out a recent cool version of this early Tim Ritter flick that is packed full of extras, commentaries, and made me want to sit down and rewatch this classic again as I haven’t checked it out in over twenty years. We are introduced to Tom, an ordinary dude who works hard, tries to avoid the nosey neighbors, and hang with his hot wife at home. Sounds reasonable until work has cut his check by 40% which makes Tom think about a second job as he doesn’t want his wife Lisa going back to work. On top of that Tom believes his wife Lisa is boinking every dude that enters the house that eventually sends him on a “killing spree”! Even decades later this underground classic works as the downward spiral of the character Tom slipping into his madness is brilliant with the fun lighting of the killing moments and its inventive kills. But wait there is more but why spoil it if by some chance you haven’t had the pleasure of enjoying this Tim Ritter film that has a excellent payoff as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

The Violence Movie Part One and Two (DVD) – Two SOV short films that were shot in 1988, then had some footage added in 2003, then scored by Harry Manfredini! WTF? These early shorts are from The Wilkinson Brothers, who one of them went to Hollywood to work on many projects but like many filmmakers in the 80s they loved ‘Friday the 13th’.  So they picked up a camera as teenagers, grabbed a friend, and made a masked killer slasher that included a goalie mask of course. The DVD includes commentary, alternate endings, deleted scenes, among other fun tidbits as I give the project 3 out of 4 stars.

Scream Park (DVD) – A forgotten 2012 moderately budget horror film that was made at an amusement park just north of Pittsburgh, Pa. The plot involves the “Fright Land Amusement Park” closing because of bankruptcy. The manager has a meeting with the skeleton crew of employees to explain how and why of the park’s closing. At the same time a mysterious dark van shows up in the parking lot that evening. Of course said manager is convinced to let the young employees’ party in the park since this it for all of them but the mystery thickens as each of them start to disappear and two masked figures roam the park. This is one of those films that probably had the best intentions on paper but once filming it all became a huge mess to say it kindly as you are not missing much with this project as I give it 1 star for the mere reason of Steve Rudzinski being casted in it.

Dinogore (DVD) – Friends head out to Uncle Dante’s cabin for the weekend as this project starts off really slow. But the party gets going with its three PBRs as it is interrupted by an earthquake that awakens a dinosaur who roams the woods to snack on humans. A lot of time is spent on the characters not wrapping their head around a dinosaur is trying to eat them but this might have just been an example of how hard it was to make a movie during COVID? I believe I have seen better from the filmmaker and from the cover of the movie you would expect it to be a lot of fun as I didn’t laugh once so I give the dud 0 out of 4 stars.

Lunchmeat (DVD-R) – This 1987 underground independent movie inspired quite a few filmmakers out there and what is weird this film still isn’t out there legit on any format other than the VHS many years ago as far as I can see? Six friends head to a cabin for the weekend of course only to be low on beer, food, and gas. After stopping at the burger joint and the film introducing two of the three hillbillies who are going to ruin their weekend it sets the stage for a low budget gorefest.  The hillbillies set a plan in motion to detour the group and hopefully use them as fresh meat to eat! From there it becomes a game of survival for both groups as they run around the woods trying to survive this low budget ordeal. Time hasn’t been kind to this grisly fun film but it is still a classic to many as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Dark Match (Shudder) – This is the latest from Lowell Dean who gave us ‘Wolf Cop’ and because of that this dude he will always have my attention with any project. Set in the late 80s wrestling world where “SAW” wrestling promotion has made a name for itself but has seen its better days in Canada. They are contacted to do a show for big money in the middle of nowhere and their shady ass promoter isn’t going to turn it down. So the wrestlers pack up the trucks and drive to the middle of nowhere only to walk into some oddness. Along the way a featured bad guy or girl in this case ‘Miss Behave’ is having dreams or visions of satanic rituals, fire, and the championship belt? Things get real weird after a night of drugged induced mischief and the bad guys are being guarded in a locked room by armed guards during the event. Five matches, five sacrifices, to make the ritual happen or so says the “Prophet” a former wrestler from the past who feels wronged by SAW. Cults, wrestling, gore, and the possibility of Satan what isn’t there to enjoy as I give this feature 3 stars.

Creature from the Hillbilly Lagoon (DVD) – Oh this was a fun independent feature as to me it comes off as ‘Humanoids from the Deep’ remade as a comedy, on a low budget, with a great creature costume! This 2007 film features a story about a local professor and her students out on a field trip of sorts to test the local waterway for toxins. The reason for this is there have been reports of toxic dumping from a giant corporation years ago along with some recent toxic dumping by others. They want to know how polluted is it? There have been rumors of mutations but never proven. The field trip is going well until one of them is bitten by something mysterious underwater. As he slowly changes hillbillies roaming the shoreline are being slaughtered by a disgusting creature and if by some chance they survive the attack they become deformed and change. From beginning to end this project is hilarious with a great cast that plays up the hillbilly parts just right but the star has to be the impressive creature they cobbled together as I give this entertaining creature feature 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon: Troma Edition (Blu-ray) – Now I checked this out 2019 when Addison just released this fun edition on DVD so with the new Blu-ray, it was time for me to check this out again with my daughter who is a huge fan of Mr. Binek’s projects. Now Addison being the smart dude he is didn’t just go for any Troma titles he went for the second tier kids! Here is the list he tackles: Rabid Grannies, Hectic Knife, B.C. Butcher, Troma’s War, Getting Lucky, Redneck Zombies, Slaughter Party, and Star Worms II: Attack of the Pleasure Pods. Over two hours of Troma hilarity. Addison goes with masks, a Troma cake, low budget fireworks, spitting up, jumbo being stapled to a wig to explain a brain, and reading a Fangoria with his feet to get his riffs over on these features. There are times I literally laughed out loud especially during B.C. Butcher and Hectic Knife (which Addison’s good friend is behind that project). Redneck Zombies seem to be the tough one out of the bunch but that didn’t stop Addison riffing on it and making fun of himself doing it. The beauty of this edition is instead of Lloyd condemning or being upset by this he embraces Addison’s fandom, ideals, and intelligence to put together a great product for not just Troma fans to enjoy but movie lovers as once again I give this entertaining project 4 out of 4 stars.

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Gross Movie Reviews #674

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Wally Meets Popeye (DVD) – So leave it to the talented Indy filmmaker Steve Rudzinski to decide a fourth Popeye movie was needed in 2025! Wally Griswald returns in this feature where he has won another trip but this time to the island of…  Ohio? If you are a fan of Steve’s work you know the Wally character has been through a lot including Amityville (which there is a quick joke or two thrown in at the beginning). If you don’t know of Steve’s great filmography and like me must watch all the Popeye films, buckle up kids because this plays out like a live action old Scooby-Doo adventure without the dog and the gang! Wally excited for another free trip that somehow he has randomly won finds himself back on the detective job because of a green monster that has scared everyone away from the tropical island of Ohio. Years ago the same thing happened and the monster suddenly disappeared with help of an outsider. Now Steve and his buddy Rick who also just happens to be vacationing on the island need the help from the island’s famous sailor man Popeye. Popeye knowing of the monster has led him to convince the love of his life Olive Oyl to jump on his boat and travel to the other side of the island once he fixes it? Popeye knows all about this “Dawn Monster” legend because it keeps running away from him during fights. Its clear Popeye and the two detectives must team up to stop the reign of terror! Clarence Seybert III as Popeye and Carly Sonafelt Olive Oyl was some of the best casting of an Indy feature I have seen in years as their chemistry and handle of the characters jumps off the screen. Also there is this hilarious off script or maybe on script rant in the middle of the film between Wally and Rick that had me in almost tears laughing. Steve and crew made sure this tight low budget feature didn’t overstay its welcome, was an ass load of fun, entertaining as hell, and made sure its main characters Popeye and Olive were beyond exceptional so thanks to Steve not just continuing the “Wally” universe but giving another reason why Indy film fans should pay attention to the excellent work Mr. Rudzinski continues to do as I give this exciting project 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Shark Girl (Tubi) – A young influencer, Heidi, is pushed to go into the water at Venice Beach for her followers and to add spice for all her socials. But little do her and the douchebag she is with know that a nuclear meltdown nearby has cause the sharks to get weird. Heidi is bitten and disappears while douchebag believes Heidi just left him. That evening Heidi washes up on shore as she has a bit of a new hunger (human flesh). As Heidi continues to change as her hunger grows the word is out on the odd shark attacks along Venice Beach. After enough bodies pile up, Heidi’s friends try to stop the “shark girl” from devouring all of them. The movie has its moments but intentionally or unintentionally this movie makes you hate influencers that much more as I could only give this film 1 star.

Predator: Killer of Killers (On Demand) – So this animated feature shows us the Predator world is pretty bad ass as it takes you through a trio of stories throughout time where Predators pick up the warrior after their so-called battle. We have seen this before in the franchise but I believe this was to branch out the Predator world that much more after the success of ‘Prey’ which was a lot of fun. Will we ever get the one with Arnold that we all wanted most likely not? But I still enjoy stuff like this where the warriors have to face off with something even more imposing as I cannot wait to see where they go next as I give this story 3 ½ stars.

Fear Below (Tubi) – An Australian shark film with mobsters and set in the 40s! Many crates of gold are being transported late one night until an accident finds the truck at the bottom of a waterway that just happens to have a hungry bull shark swimming nearby. The mobster looking dudes go get help from a down on their luck diving crew because they want the job of collecting the crates with no questions asked.  Finding the truck isn’t the problem, the bull shark that is on the prowl as the crew must deal with the man-eater or be shot for not retrieving the gold is. I quite enjoyed the storytelling and how fun this feature was as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Leprechaun: The Beginning (Tubi) – I can’t resist dumb shit as I watched this tale of British bootleg Leprechaun look for his gold. Years ago a man named Nigel apparently caught the Leprechaun and tortured his ass for the pot of gold that he used to build his enormous home. Now after Nigel’s death two sisters come to the house deciding what to do with it unknowing the secret of the Leprechaun? Throw in some uninspiring family drama and a four-leaf clover and the killing is on! To put it simply if this was some kind of weird thing to cash in on the original Leprechaun series… you failed terribly and way too late as I can only give this 1 star.

The Wrong Side of Town (DVD-R) – Wow Indy filmmaker Phil Herman’s first feature was a SOV action film from 1990 that has very little info on it and very little copies of the film out there. The young Phil stars, writes, and directs this 64 minute feature where he stars as Chad, a rich kid looking for a good time. After hanging out in town at a club Chad gets an invite by a lady for a party she is having the next night. Little Chad knows he is being set up from the get go to a couple young ladies needing a tire to be changed to his friend’s car being stolen from him. Chad doesn’t know it yet but he is a victim of a gang that just wants to torture the rich kid to death for fun. After escaping the gang several times Chad is pushed to kill in order to survive the ordeal. By no means had Mr. Herman had the money to pull this wild project off but the passion is what got this project over the finish line. Yeah, you may have seen better but believe me you’ll have a whole new respect for Phil Herman and what he attempted to do so young in his filmmaking days as I give the project 2 out of 4 stars.

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon Volume Two (Blu-ray) – I may never be able to pronounce Addison Binek’s correctly because of my yinzer accent but you cannot deny he is the best at riffing films. This collection from Addison’s YouTube channel tackles films such as: Incredible Melting Man, Blood Shack, Demon Queen, It Conquered the World, Night of the Cobra Woman, Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster, you are getting the picture of what he is going after. Addison shows off his knack for describing these flicks in a hilarious, quick, but knowledgeable manner as episodes are an average of 15 minutes long. His comedic touch to the riffing of the movies is something to behold and I knew I was in for a fun treat when my daughter was loving that I got something new from Addison as she has watched a lot the stuff of his over the years from ‘Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon’. This collection works on a couple of levels for fans as you could watch it with friends while drinking and talk about all the movies or use it to introduce a new generation of movie fans to some older films they may never knew existed? Addison is one of the most brilliant and talented young filmmakers out there as he releases more proof why he deserves 4 out of 4 stars.

Alan (DVD-R) – The Maddie Deering film I wasn’t allowed to watch but I finally have as we had plans to do it together soon. The short film revolves around a young man named Alan who isn’t exactly sure of himself but takes a chance of asking out the cute girl Janet at the Laundromat. They hit it off at dinner as they have a few laughs and a kiss and they quickly become a couple. Alan invites his brother Dave over for dinner one evening to meet Janet. Dave is surprised Alan has a girlfriend besides not being a virgin anymore! But instead Dave gets a surprise he was not hoping for with his brother Alan. The short film is exciting and disturbing at the same time but I totally understand why Maddie wanted to revisit this material and expand it to a feature length film as I give this short film 3 out of 4 stars.

Taeter City (VHS) – Welcome to this Eye-talian feature where in the future a certain city has no crime. If there is crime, the criminals are captured and processed to be fed to other humans through a fast food chain! The “Authority” is a group of highly trained individuals who take great pleasure tracking down criminals and slaughter them. But they have their work cut out for them as there has been a mutation from humans feeding on criminals and this man is fighting back against the system by slaughtering “Authority” officers. This film quickly flies into a gory chaos with a splash of ‘Bad Taste’, the gore of ‘Violent Shit’, and the humor of in-movie advertising of a ‘Robocop’! Another reason to enjoy this feature is one member of the “Authority” looks like a bootleg version of the killer in ‘Nailgun Massacre’. The movie was quite fun with its gallons of campy gore but the one flaw for me was the ending as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Backwoods Bubba (Blu-ray) – Yes I know some of the names involved with this project but it is never a good thing when you hear from one of them saying the movie was “terrible”. As several people stressed to me to never watch it you knew I had too at some point? So some locals have gone missing in this Indy thriller all because a masked man wants to dress people up as animals to release them for his hunting pleasure outside of his isolated cottage. Bubba enjoys the hunt folks but nevermind you can see half of the cast can remove the shackles at any point. Besides the film being a bit boring I really didn’t understand what was the point to Backwoods Bubba? Why was he killing? What motivated him to kill besides his weird looking dad figure at the casino? And was the point to the casino being in the movie was for being a reference point for a pair of parents looking for their daughter? Now folks it wasn’t ‘Amityville Mt. Misery Road’ BAD but the film was still terrible and only confirmed what I had heard about the project that seems to be all forgotten these days as I give it 0 out of 4 stars. If it helps this project reeks of sounded good on paper but that version never made it on screen if that makes sense?

St. Patrick’s Day Massacre (Tubi) – An event of adultery and murder take place at a historic pub in 1825 on St. Patrick’s Day in Dublin, Ireland to set up this story 200 years later where four women get con into checking out this supposedly haunted pub. As the four friends spend the night they get a visit from the pub’s killer past looking for a slaughter as they must survive the night in order to escape? Or just keep up the boring monotone conversation that seems to drag on throughout the film as I still wait for the so called massacre… which should make it clear why I am only giving this film 1 star.

Nazi Zombies (Tubi) – Holy Rutger Hauer kids, how do you fuck something like this up? Now, I wasn’t expecting the next ‘Dead Snow’ but usually if you are going to do something with a title like that it’s gonna be fun… And it just wasn’t. A group of young women who are witches on the side if bored come up with the brilliant idea of trying to conjure something up in a haunted house where Nazi soldiers were buried. If the spell is done correctly a wish for each of the girls is granted. Awesome, well two people die at the hands of the undead ghost Nazis so let’s bring in the younger sister 15 minutes later to do it all over again because it didn’t work the first time, WTF? Best line of the film “Your witchy curse may have worked?” This movie was one big piece of hot garbage from across the pond that felt like there was no direction at any point. The true horror is knowing that dumb stuff like this exists as other cool projects done by passionate people get pushed to the side as this deserves the 0 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #658

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Tsunami Sharks (YouTube) – Another shark flick out of the UK where this time around an unlikely tsunami hits a European city and along with it comes blood thirsty sharks. As the water rises the sharks infest the city as they trap people in their homes, buildings, and restaurants, you get the picture. The people need to be quick on their feet as they try to survive and figure out how to escape the sharks. It is a quick stupid shark filled fun flick I give 2 stars too.

Mountain Shark (Tubi) – Just another rando shark film out of the UK area where this time a scientist has perfected an experiment of a shark living and swimming in the countryside mountains of the UK. Think ‘Tremors’ with bad CGI? Anyhow it was supposed to be a decommissioned military project but the shark has escaped. A non-descript group of military persons are brought in to supposedly capture the creature but the good doctor is using them to make his killing machine that much more perfect. There was something that bothered me in the middle of the film when the scientist is holding a gun on the military persons and kept looking away let alone the gun he had on them was going away from them too… Why didn’t one these fuckers fuck his ass up immediately? Isn’t this what they train for or am I weird movie nerd overthinking this and the movie would have been half as long? Anyway, if you get past the shark looking better in the original PSone Resident Evil game you will be entertained and enjoy as I give this 2 ½ stars.

Blood Tracks (DVD) – A relatively unknown weirdo flick from the mid-80s about a rock band “Solid Gold” going to a snowy mountain with an abandoned factory to shoot their latest music video. Unknown to those who have invaded these premises a family has been living off the grid in the factory over the past four decades. Think ‘The Hills Have Eyes” meets “Slaughterhouse” with snow! An avalanche and the camera man being attacked by something leads the crew to be on high alert but just speeds up the process as the family wastes no time murdering everyone in a bloody manner. One problem folks, even cleaned up there is still some dark scenes that you will keep you squinting to see as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Dick Dynamite: 1944 (On Demand) – The latest crowd funded project involving Nazis getting their ass kicked in bloody style. Its 1944 and the Nazis have a new experimental liquid that they are testing on women and children that they want to drop on Manhattan to turn the whole city into zombies. Anyway Dick Dynamite is a big muscle bound soldier who is released from prison to lead his dirty half dozen to stop the Nazis ultimate plan. The project was shot over a couple of years and has a lot laughs and gore but if you are like me you have seen this type of film maybe one too many times? It isn’t terrible but its non-ending in my opinion didn’t help me liking this film as I place this in the category of the “trailer looks better than the finished project” as I give it 2 stars.

Backwoods Marcy (DVD) – This interesting project is a 1999 SOV film out of Sharkey Video directed by and stars the talented Dawn Murphy. A real estate dude named Donald is lost in the middle of nowhere for a meeting about a property he was going to check out. After picking up one hitchhiker to get his whistle wet he picks up another named Marcy. Marcy literally looks like a backwoods person who hates city folk but is very willing to help Donald for a ride to see her kin. When Donald gets upset by her smell he throws her out of the car with being lost and frustrated then accidently runs Marcy down with the car. This is where the real story begins as Marcy has Donald exactly where she wants him. Marcy catches her victim then proceeds to rape, torture, and cages Donald for her pleasure as she will kill anyone that comes sniffing around the campsite. The film is simply brilliant with its use of story, use of locations, and reversing the roles of backwoods horror as Marcy is relentless in making Donald her pet as that makes for an entertaining no budget film as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

It’s a Wonderful Knife (Shudder) – Winnie is a senior in high school looking forward to college and life is grand until a serial killer shows up to her small holiday town of Angel Falls. Then Winnie’s life is changed forever as she just happens to kill the serial killer and he is unmasked to reveal it is the asshole real estate guy Mr. Waters who employees her father. One year later Winnie is stuck in a rut as it looks like all around her has forgotten the events of last Christmas except her. So just like the old holiday classic she wishes to never be born as this throws her into an alternate reality where everything is different as Mr. Waters own everything and still killing anyone who he feels is not a volunteer part of his end game. Winnie finds a new friend and they must kill again in order to restore Winnie’s reality? A holiday horror maybe aimed for the ‘Happy Death Day’ crowd but I still enjoyed it for what it was as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Santastein (Tubi) – A young man named Max has been stealing corpses in his spare time from the local morgue. He has a plan on restoring Santa as Max was the reason for Santa’s death several years ago and since then it doesn’t snow along with Santa no longer delivering presents. With the help of his friend’s Paige experiment his plan is to reanimate Santa to bring back Christmas! Sounds great in theory to Max until the undead Santa is slaughtering folks who are naughty. I enjoyed, I laughed at this project that doesn’t overthink it as it has fun with the story at hand as I give it 3 stars.

Junk Bonds: The Return of the Junk Bucket (Tubi) – In this Indy sequel Cassie is a survivor of a cannibal family who loves cutting off people’s junk. Yes it is a parody of ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ but with dicks! As the survivor Cassie is recaptured by the family they want to celebrate their son’s special day with strippers of course which sets in motion a whole new batch of dick cutting and vagina stabbing. I could never tracked the first film so of course I just went ahead and watched the sequel first as fans of old school Troma will be happy seeing this project keeping the Troma spirit alive as I give the film 2 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #652

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Space Sharks (On Demand) – In this Indy CGI-fest space debris falls to earth to have killer plants killing hikers in the mountains and a weird POV camera that is supposed to be a space shark stalking people. Not a whole lot happens in this 60 minute feature and that is without the long ass credits but besides you falling asleep there is of course a conspiracy about space sharks. Honestly, I was expecting more with a title like that but was very disappointed as this movie should give its cool title back as I give it 0 stars so consider yourself warned.

Crackcoon (Amazon) – Yes, admittedly I was a little critical of this recent Brad Twigg feature because I thought it missed the boat (Cocaine Bear)? Well thank Mr. Twigg for proving me wrong as the film opens with a quite fun death scene as super crack has hit the streets! This new strain of drugs is turning people into crazed killers so imagine when a couple drug dealers throw their stash out the window and a raccoon gets ahold of it. The drugged murder-crazed animal wastes no time going on a murderous rampage all over the mountain where it lived. Meanwhile a forest ranger who has no business being married to Jessa Flux just wants the small town sheriff to take these animal attacks serious. The story is outrageous, loved the cast (the Frankie character steals the film), hilarious kills, and special thanks to filmmaker Brad Twigg for restoring my faith that a good Indy movie can be made out of a terrible idea that was most likely said out loud when everybody was drunk… I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Death Streamer (Full Moon) – Charles Band is working his black magic again of going back to what made Full Moon, Full Moon? Small cast, great location, and an interesting horror story to be told as it worked in the early 90s and it has been working again here in the 2020s. With this new bloodsucker film has a vampire live streaming his feedings at an S&M club to select viewers. But to the vampire’s disgust some web show investigators called ‘Church of Chills’ stumble upon this unique and intriguing show. They want to know if the murders are staged or actually real to get the clicks, the interest in their show uncovering this hidden gem. Once they dive head first into the history of the club they find out a lot more than they bargain for. Saying it out loud it may sound like you have seen several versions of this plot already but do me a favor and let your guard down on this one. It’s worth the quick watch as Mr. Band is clearly establishing a new wave of Full Moon fun in Cleveland, Ohio as I give this film 3 out of 4 stars.

Monster Bash (Tubi) – I can always look forward to Asylum Entertainment making hot garbage from time to time that is so damn watchable as you had me at Michael Madsen is Dr. Frankenstein. The good doctor is sending his monster out into the night to collect things for a certain experiment he needs to perform as his life is coming to an end. His goal is to become a god among men or to become an unkillable abomination by collecting certain things from Dracula, Mummy, The Invisible Man, and Wolfman. This causes an unlikely team-up to stop the madman Dr. Frankenstein. The movie is so terrible its brilliant as you should grab the friends and beer and enjoy this for what it is and be happy it exists as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Glowzies (Tubi) – So a trio of mountain bikers happens to come upon an old mill building that has been fenced off for years. But the three unleash something that has been trapped for the past three decades until the government can decide a proper clean up but have forgotten about it. Doesn’t take long for glowy-eyed zombies attacking people but that is the least of the plotlines here as the material making everyone a zombie is an alien element that had the government decide to leave the survivors there after they try to mind swipe them? Or just have old dudes called ‘the watchdogs’ to scream at anyone “don’t go up there” that comes even remotely close to the location. What’s the solution for the zombies, how about surf music as it makes their heads explode which allows me to give the film 2 stars.

Blood and Breakfast (Vimeo) – This Indy feature from Mark Byrne has worked in the Indy genre for several years and his latest project is a clever concept that stars a few familiar Indy vets that fans will enjoy. Story centers on an old fashion bed and breakfast ‘The Amberson House’ where several strangers staying there happen to share stories and understand they have all been survivors of a serial killer. The strangers staying at the inn after sharing their stories are now being picked off one by one. The film feels like an old school horror tale to be told but at the same time the film from beginning to end felt like it was missing something I could never put my finger on that would put it over big as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Chum (DVD) – Another Indy film project from Jason Graves where within a few years into the future the great white shark has gone extinct. But this hasn’t stopped scientists from engineering a new breed of shark to make a comeback. Of course learning nothing from ‘Jurassic Park’ the baby sharks get released and head off to chomp down on some humans in the closest small town. When describing the film or watching the trailer it looks fun but by the end you feel more annoyed than entertained by the baby rubber sharks as I give it 1 ½ stars.   

Festival of the Living Dead (Tubi) – So this horror movie exists in some weird space for horror fans as its main plot is the events of ‘Night of the Living Dead’ in 1968 were real. Now fast forward to present time a young woman ‘Ash’ who is the granddaughter of Ben has a chance to attend the 55th Festival of the Living Dead music event that celebrates those who died then. Ash’s bestie Iris decides to watch Ash’s brother so she can have a birthday of a lifetime but instead after her boyfriend wrecks the car taking a short cut the group quickly figure out there is flesh-eaters taking over! The day quickly becomes the worst birthday ever as Ash, Iris, and friends must survive the zombie attack before they nuke the event in order to control the outbreak. I give the film 3 stars as it is a solid story and I may not be a fan of the end or ending of a certain character I do feel this will be a tough watch for horror fans or more specifically NOTLD fans to give a fair viewing? Before you judge this flick let’s remember horror fans there is a project called “Children of the Living Dead” and someone thought it was a good idea to film new footage to the original 1968 film? So take this one in with a grain of salt and I will be here to discuss after viewing if needed.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #631

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The Man from Hong Kong (DVD) – A 1975 martial arts Australian flick from none other than Brian Trenchard-Smith who brings together a great cast: Jimmy Wang Yu, George Lazenby, Roger Ward, Hugh Keays-Byrne, and Sammo Hung. A legendary Hong Kong policeman (Inspector Special Branch) beds a Sydney newspaper reporter in the first few minutes of the film not knowing he will be seeing her again soon in Sydney. His job is to head to Sydney to pick up a suspect who is a part of a drug connection between Hong Kong and Sydney but when the suspect is shot the Hong Kong policeman goes on a one man wrecking crew of Sydney! Two detectives key the Inspector Special Branch on a man named Wilton who owns most of Sydney because everyone knows he is dirty but they cannot bring him down? Think “Lone Wolf McQuade” several years before it was made with a ridiculous amount of crap getting busted up in this movie. This movie deserves a watch if you never had the pleasure as you will not be disappointed in this over the top martial arts 4 star action!

Mad Max Exposed (Tubi) – An hour long documentary on everything Mad Max that covers everything from the stunts, the people who were a part of them, how they planned the movie, the design of the cars, to nothing stopping George Miller in putting together a film that changed car chase scenes forever. All of the cast exception of George Miller and Mel Gibson share stories throughout the hour that will have any Mad Max fan beaming and entertained in seconds as I give it 4 stars.

Dario Argento Panico (Shudder) – A documentary that thoroughly goes through the career of the Italian horror master and those who worked with him. The film takes you on a deep dive of Argento and what exactly lured and inspired him into filmmaking. There is also in-depth interviews with both of Dario’s daughters, yes you heard me right… both daughters! I only knew of Asia. Dario also has conversations about how his filmmaking shaped his family through the years as this is not just brilliant but eye opening doc on the legendary filmmaker as I give it 4 stars.

Valerie (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst never stops making stuff has yet another short film where it’s an artistic look at a man who believes there is nothing left in his life if he cannot have his love. A very heavy look into love and some underlying subtext of love if you are paying attention as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars.

The Leprechaun’s Game (Tubi) – A boring shady character (bootleg Robert Patrick) employs two fools to track down the leprechaun’s gold at the end of a rainbow? If found the duo can make 100,000 pounds! If you haven’t noticed this is a bootleg British Asylum Entertainment version of the popular ‘Leprechaun’ series that has two losers finding the gold within five minutes? But this of course is not the whole plot as they plan to spend it instead of giving it to their boring shady friend. And it doesn’t take long for the bad make-up looking leprechaun come a killing (very shitty kills by the way) for his gold coins. Oh this was hot garbage on fire from beginning to end as if I call it a parody of the original ‘Leprechaun’ that would be super insulting as I give this movie 0 stars.

The Leprechaun’s Curse (Tubi) – So this terrible sequel doesn’t get any better as it picks up immediately after the end of the first film having the leprechaun is still reclaiming his stolen gold. Tilly inherits a huge home whose father built it with the stolen gold. So of course she gets a few friends and they head to the big house with a pool just to be lame new victims for the killer leprechaun. Then you get the boring Tilly character filler trying to decide if it’s right to keep the gold? But nevermind any of that as there is a big thing that isn’t really explained in my opinion as the Mischa character returns when she was seen about to be killed at the end of the first film? What gives? Does bootleg Leprechaun decide at the last second I don’t feel like killing her because she is prego? Only to kill her in front of the kid anyway six months later, WTF? There are so many questions about this dumb movie because it comes off like the two movies were actually one split into two but didn’t enough material for either as I give this 0 stars.

Deep Fear (On Demand) – A British shark film that steals from 70s treasure hunt flicks where the shark is not the main plot as a woman must fight for her life against two drug dealers who are trying to get to their stash at the bottom of the ocean. Naomi is sailing on her yacht to see her boyfriend (or rich people with rich people problems) but finds two people who are floating with boat wreckage. Naomi trying to do something good by herself helps the two assholes and they take her prisoner and that is pretty much the whole movie as I give it 1 star.

Amityville Ripper (DVD) – Ron Bonk produces another useless entry into the “Amityville” series and that is #57 if yinz are still keeping count? Anyway the Amityville home has finally been demoed and the artifacts or contents of the home are being sold off. Hey, didn’t this happen already? But let’s move on as the character Marianne gets ahold of the knife that is supposedly “Jack the Ripper’s” knife and was supposedly at the Amityville home for some unknown reason. Once the knife is released from the box it’s Jack the Ripper (bad accent and all) beginning to kill again! Now it’s up to a couple friends to contain this great power. There are so many problems with this so-called movie I feel like I would be picking on it just for laughs. But there is literally only one redeeming thing about this entry and that would be seeing Indy newcomer Angel Bradford, a very talented Indy actress that will be fun to watch for years to come. Otherwise folks please don’t waste your time on this fruitless entry as I give it 0 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #575

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The Stuff (Blu-ray) – Honestly what else can you says about this mid-80s classic that has yogurt eating people and taking them over “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” style! The movie looks wonderful all cleaned up but the hook for collectors will be the over 50 minute interview with Larry Cohen discussing actor choices for the film and others that were a part of the film talking about their experience doing the picture. This is a must buy as I give it 4 stars all the way and yes they even show the deleted commercials for “The Stuff”.

Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge (Blu-ray) – This somewhat forgotten 1989 horror film is a “Phantom of the Opera” if it was a slasher film in a mall that takes place over July 4th weekend. The film stars Ken Foree, Morgan Fairchild, Tom Fridley, and Pauly Shore (first movie appearance). If it helps I absolutely love this movie but also make fun of it constantly when watching it. I have always done it since I found this film in a video store in the early 90s. Anyway, a man named Eric breaks into the new mall and sets up his underground lair and kills anyone that gets nosey or gets too close to his girl Melody. But the two haven’t been together for the past year as a suspicious fire tears the two a part and it is believed Eric is dead. Now Eric just watches Melody from afar but things change when the man that killed Eric’s parents and tried but failed to kill Eric so they were able to move on with the planned mall. The bodies pile up but not a lot of gore in this as Eric goes bad in order to get what he wants in the same mall that “Chopping Mall” was filmed at! The Blu-ray has a bunch of little interviews, two commentaries, but the highlight is the original writers just tearing the movie a part and bitching about Hollywood, a must own as I give it 4 stars.

Vampires of Sorority Row (DVD) – This terrible attempt at a horror film is well worth seeking out for laughs as Cindy has escaped the trailer park and the vampires that try to get her there. Cindy is enrolled in college and she is one of the pledges for Alpha Beta Gamma, she must gather a hundred pledge points in order to be initiated into the sorority. But Lori a past Queen of the sorority who now is a vampire has made her return and wants to turn the new pledges into her minions by biting them in the ass! Cindy and the other pledges must decide: be a vampire or fight them off? This independent film is bad on so many fronts I do not know how I haven’t heard of it before because now I want everyone to witness the carnage as I give it 0 stars cause its crap but for the love of Rutger Hauer it was somehow entertaining crap?

Crimes of the Future (On Demand) – David Cronenberg, I love you for not giving up the fight of making something that people will have trouble ten years from now wrapping their brains around this wonderful piece of filmmaking. This filmmaker is one of a kind and he proves it again as he dives into body horror of the future where the human body is changing and of course the government wants to know why and track it. “Surgery is the new sex” and all comes back to human evolution and what is considered wrong as the film centers on two characters are performance artists who use their bodies in a unique way. But just when you think you have the film figures out it gets turned sideways… again. Try to review this without giving too much away for the mere reason I want people to see this and form their own opinion about it as I know there is a good chance this film will be in my ‘top three films of 2022’ as I give it 4 stars. Favorite quote of the film comes from Viggo as he says to Kristen Stewart, “I am not good at the old sex?” Watch it and you’ll understand…

Blood in the Water (DVD) – The British version of Jigsaw shackles a group of people who have done some bad things in their lives in the pool house so their pet shark can come out and munch on them. Dumb shark idea #6099, as I give it a ½ star just for making me watch it because of a shark eating people in a pool house.

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (On Demand) – Nic Cage plays Nic Cage as he gets caught up between U.S. government agents and an arms dealer whose cartel has just kidnapped a young woman recently. Nic Cage fakes until he makes it for the money until his family gets involved and he must actually save his real family before they are all killed by the cartel. This film doesn’t work with any actor other than Nic Cage as he mocks himself but is super entertaining at the same time showing off why people are so intrigue with his ability as I give the film 3 stars.

Curse of the Queerwolf (DVD) – This 1988 no budget film is about Larry who is just a normal guy who when he hangs out with his best friend goes screwing around with random women. Then one night Larry learns the hard way things are not what it all looks like when a transvestite bites him on the ass! Now Larry is losing his mind because he is having nightmares of wearing women’s clothes and physically changing. Luckily for Larry he almost kills a gypsy with his car and she tries to help him out because there is somehow a full moon every night. And if he doesn’t take her help he could always insert a silver sex toy to end the curse? First, this was one of those films I have always wanted to check out and finally had a reason too and so glad I did because it is so ahead of its time. Second, now saying that I can easily see people’s heads exploding when watching this film and taking it out of context? It is smart, funny, and entertaining as I give it 4 stars as this film should be more celebrated.

Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse (DVD) – Another no budget shark film from Mark Polonia where he and the usual suspects are set on an oil rig that has drilled into some kind of frozen pocket undersea. Now the 50 million year old bad CGI shark is under constant watch so the company can continue their drilling no matter what. Doesn’t take long for the shark to attack the drill and start killing random people in this poor excuse for a shark movie as I give this film 0 stars.

Hard Knuckle (DVD/YouTube) – I dug deep into the post-apocalyptic bag of movies to find this Aussie T.V. flick from 1987 that stars ‘Goose’ aka Steve Bisley from “Mad Max” aka Harry who is looking for a pool game. See pool is a less violent way to settle things in the post-apocalyptic world but you can lose a pinky. All Harry wants is his bike back from a former pool buddy but he needs to hustle for money to get into the big game. The movie is okay but not as fun as the post-apocalyptic flick where Rutger Hauer and others are playing with a dog skull in some kind of weird primitive football but anyway I give this 2 stars.

My Lovely Burnt Brother and His Squashed Brain (DVD/YouTube) – Holy shit folks strap in for this Eye-talian no budget flick from the late 80s where a woman tired of people making fun of her at her job and tired of her deformed brother. Which be warned people her brother Bernie wears a KKK mask for a bad joke…? Anyway she decides to shoot her brother up with her urine and the weird thing it turns her brother into a zombie that she can control for her bidding! So why not have Bernie slaughter the people she doesn’t like? Weird and crazy shit pretty much explains this train wreck of a mess as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #539

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Gross Movie Reviews #539

Boys from County Hell (Shudder) – An Irish horror film where a small town called Six Mile Hill is the center of the story as legend goes Bram Stoker used the location to write his famous story. The local legend claims that the real Dracula story happened there as a landmark of stones marks the grave of the vampire or at least that is what’s been told for many years in those parts. One drunken night two friends strolling home from the pub fall into the landmark and one of them is speared by a farm animal. Nothing physical came from the grave but blood seem to disappear from the corpse. Eugene quickly understands he may accidentally set free the vampire legend on the small town and must now try to bury the bloodthirsty monster that doesn’t play by the usual vampire rules. Fun monstrous times to be had in this Irish treat as I give it 3 stars.

The Frozen Ghost (DVD) – A stage mentalist played by Lon Chaney Jr., has a skirmish with an audience member that he believes caused the man’s death. Retiring the act, trouble seems to follow the mentalist as while at the museum he gets in a tussle with someone who dies and believes he did it again. For me this wasn’t the best Lon Chaney Jr. of course for fans who just need something a little lighthearted you will enjoy this feature as I give it 2 stars.

Great White (On Demand) – Pearl Air Charters  is a one charter plane business run by a sexy couple who takes people on tours of areas like “Hell’s Reef”. When on their latest tour they land so a couple can have a late lunch it is quickly spoiled by finding half of a corpse of the beach. The small group realizes someone could still use help out in the ocean they jump back in the small plane for a limited time because of fuel to search. They spot the boat and when they land on the ocean near that is when things go bad for the group and the suspense builds as they wait for rescue. With only the life raft the group must hope they can paddle back to the island before the sharks stalk and eat them for a snack! A lot of buildup in this film, think ‘The Shallows’ but with a few more people and trying to feel a little more like ‘Jaws’ as I give it 3 stars.

Bigfoot vs. Illuminati (On Demand) – An animated film I had so much anticipation for being a fun stupid film to enjoy and talk about. Instead I got a horrible boring dud. Many years into the future where the Earth is basically dead and humans are about to go extinct as they are at war with aliens. Humans only hope is Bigfoot who happened to listen to rap music way too much. Oh and Bigfoot tag teams with a Van Helsing clone… this was dumb as I give it 0 stars. I guess I need to stick with ‘Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper’?

Benny Loves You (On Demand) – Meet Jack, a 35 year old who lives with his parents and is a junior toy designer whose parents still celebrate Jack’s birthday as if he was a child. But this year is different as the parents die accidentally while preparing for his birthday. Nothing is going right for Jack so now alone he decides he wants to improve his life and this means getting rid of everything including his childhood toy that he still has. The toy’s name is Benny and doesn’t like it too much he is about to be thrown out but also wants Jack to be happy again? From here Jack is sent into a downward spiral of death and despair as anyone that comes to the home or Jack doesn’t like Benny slices and dices them. As the bloodbath ensues in a weird way Benny helps Jack get his job back with new designs based on Benny… The horror film is a wonderful insane oddity of gore that needs to be witnessed as this will be one of the best horror films I will watch in 2021 and for that I give it 4 stars.

Fulci for Fake (DVD) – A Severin Pictures biopic about a man about to dive head first into becoming the famous Italian filmmaker Lucio Fulci. In order to accomplish becoming the legend he must learn more about him and interviews several friends and colleagues of Fulci’s taking the viewer on a ride through stories of the beginnings of Fulci’s work. To of course what made Fulci a household name among horror movie fans as I give the documentary 3 stars.

Live Evil (DVD) – An old vampire hunting priest has his eyes locked on these four vamps that have run together for a long time now. The priest wants to slice and dice this group as he has tracked them everywhere at any cost. The group keeps moving around recently as humans more and more have tainted blood and the vampires fight amongst each other in the effort of finding “pure blood”. The vampires head to L.A. for a last ditch effort of getting pure blood from a dealer named Max. The vampire hunter is played by the legendary Tim Thomerson so imagine Jack Deth retired to become a priest who hunts vamps with a late 90s direct-to-video vibe. A fun watch with some gore and some audio glitches but well worth checking out this Mark Terry produced film that also has appearances by Tiffany Shepis, Ken Foree, and Elissa Dowling as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Feaster Sunday (DVD) – A not so typical independent holiday horror film where a man, Dr. Gideon Lear is putting forth his best effort to put on “The Passion” play at the community theater that hasn’t happened in twenty years. Lear wants perfection out of his actors as he explains in his recent interview with Eddie from the local Public Access Channel. Lear nor his actors seem to be too concerned with the history of the play as “the show must go on”. Meanwhile Eddie sees someone he knows among the actors, Tess, and they reconnect after Tess is dropped by her boyfriend Reen because he needs his full attention on playing Jesus. As time goes on actors for the play disappear, warnings for the play “not to go on” are ignored, and Dr. Lear begins his struggle to keep the production together. There is a whole lot of crazy going on in this flick that just made me giddy to watch! Wonderful casting choices (Dave Parker as the original Jesus, brilliant), great script, cool puppets, and a low budget production that felt bigger than it was should get some mainstream respect as I give this excellent production 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #447

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Gross Movie Reviews #447

 

Megalodon (SyFy Channel/DVD) – A Navy ship defies orders from its admiral (Michael Madsen) in order to try and save a shipmate and her experimental sub that is swallowed up by a monster shark. The monster shark is loose because the Russians were supposedly at the bottom of the ocean trying to tap into the pipeline. The Navy could never find evidence of it but now they have if it if they can survive the attack of this prehistoric shark that is now trying to destroy the ship. The film was fun for about 15 minutes but I couldn’t take seriously Michael Madsen as he doesn’t fit into a military outfit let alone the U.S. Navy. But whatever as I give this limp noodle of a shark flick 1 star.

Santa Jaws (SyFy Channel/DVD) – So this may have been the underrated treat of “SyFy Channel Shark Week”. A teenager who is an aspiring comic book artist is grounded for Christmas and told he will miss the comic book party. He opens up an early Christmas present which just so happens to be a magic pen. With this magic pen the teenager Cody begins drawing his latest comic adaptation ‘Santa Jaws’. It is literally a great white shark with a Santa hat on its fin that begins to track down Cody’s family and eats them on Christmas Eve. Once Cody knows that Santa Jaws is real he must convince everyone else and figure out how to get rid of this jolly man-eater. There are a lot of corny holiday bad jokes, the subplot of the Cody trying to talk to the cute girl across the street, and the weird comic book dude that hits on all women. Before you start bitching why this movie shouldn’t exist, remember there was “Santa Paws”… So check your brain at the door and keep this on the back burner for the holiday season as I give this holiday film 3 stars.

 

Frenzy (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Starts off like a found footage film but corrects itself into complete crap that makes root for the characters to die of a quick horrible death. But apparently the filmmaker watched “The Swallows” on a continuous loop for a month and an idea to appeal to younger horror fan… maybe? The Lewis sisters and friends have a YouTube show where they go adventures and such and record it for their online shows. This episode has them filming as they illegally get someone to take them into a protected sanctuary just so they can say they were there. Of course the plane has problems and they crash in the ocean only to become fish food for some hungry sharks. I literally hate watched this film about ten minutes in and wanted all the characters to die cause sad part is I could see real life dumb asses doing this to begin with. Anyway… get off my lawn as I give this piece of garbage 0 stars.

 

Nightmare Shark (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Now, I am not saying this shark movie was great or anything but have to say kudos for a different shark film. A doctor finds a way to reach out to shark attack victims for an experimental group therapy weekend. He claims to be working on a drug to help cure the nightmares they all have about the same shark. A shark that Dr. Novak may have seen when he almost died in Hawaii a few years before and it asked him to serve the shark god. So yes Dr. Novak has bad intentions once all members of the group have arrived. But remember it is about nightmares so not all you will see is true or basically imagine if Freddy Krueger was an ugly shark trying to kill you in your dreams. Just weird enough it kept me interested and for that I give it 2 stars.

 

Aftershock (YouTube/VHS) – A crazy off the wall post-apocalyptic flick where war has turned most of the world into a wasteland and an alien has decided to visit. The alien is there to gain information on how to stop their world from killing each other in war but soon understands there is no hope on Earth either. John Saxon plays a militant madman trying to win a war who only answers to Richard Lynch and has a bodyguard played by James Lew. Did I forget to mention Michael Berryman shows up in drag, Matthias Hues comes off as a wrestler in the future who lost his way from the movie set of “I Come in Peace”, Al Leong is hanging out with the bad guys watching Michael Berryman stab a dude in a bar fight, and there floppy disks may help save the world from John Saxon. Bad movie gold my friends and deserves to have a Blu-ray as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Sleeper (Blu-ray) – A way cool 2-disc retro horror flick set in 1981 on a college campus. The Thetas are looking for a few new pledges but an unknown psycho has other plans as he keeps crank calling the sorority house and announcing which member he is about to kill next. His weapon of choice is a hammer which brutally messes up his victims. When more girls begin to go missing the police begin to take the murders seriously but have trouble tracking down who the killer could be? Justin Russell the writer/director of the film puts together a wonderful horror walk down memory lane that was like a mash up of “Black Christmas” and “Graduation Day”. If that wasn’t enough we also get a cameo appearance by the man, the myth, the legend, Joe Bob Briggs as the doctor but also you get him to do his ‘drive-in totals’ for the film as an extra. Great stuff folks as I give this fun retro horror film 3 ½ stars.

 

The BPO Halloween Mixtape from Hell! (DVD) – The BPO Films trio has a lot of fun with a couple of short films called Benny Bob and Phantom’s Super Halloween Special 1 & 2. Also in between you get a couple “Pizza Boy” trailers which I could not stop laughing throughout. If Benny Bob and Phantom are not trying to scare each other they do fight a demon! This collection doesn’t show off their talent as much showing they are all about just having fun when they put together a wonderful project and that can take you a long way. It reminded me a lot of the early stuff that I have seen from independent filmmakers Jim Roberts, Steve Rudzinski, and Rick Fusselman. Make something out of nothing and just enjoy what you put on film. Dumb hijinks that doesn’t get old and also just referencing popular movies like “Ghostbusters” doesn’t hurt for laughs. Well done guys as I give it 4 out of 4 stars as this entertaining DVD will get replayed around Halloween at my home. For more info on these guys check out www.bpofilms.com .

Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich (On Demand) – One of the most talked about horror films of 2018 and for good reason. This got a lot of horror fans’ attentions when the puppets first showed up at Texas Frightmare weekend and we all were learning this film will be very different from the original Charles Band production. It is hard to define if this is a reboot, sequel, etc., as the new film is based on the characters but taken in a much darker direction that many of the “Puppet Master” entries stayed away from. But anyhow a comic book store employee has recently moved back home after a divorce and has hooked up with the girl across the street. They make the decision to head to a toy convention that is celebrating the 30 year anniversary of ‘The Toulon Murders’. There he hopes to sell what he thinks are one of Toulon’s original puppets that may or may not have killed his brother when they were young. Once there and after the creepy tour with Barbara Crampton the retired cop, the dolls are disappearing from people’s hotel rooms and thought stolen. But the evil puppets are killing again thanks to Toulon who has risen from the grave! The hotel becomes the center of an all-out bloodbath and the only way to maybe stop the murdering puppets is find the undead Toulon. After watching the film I was surprised at the cameos and how many bodies pile up in the film. The film takes a wonderful and entertaining ride into evil and I liked it! Not a fan of the puppets like the original but I am wanting more… I give the film 3 ½ stars. But I have two questions I want answered: When is the sequel coming? And will Charles Band ever make another “Puppet Master” film now with this existing?

 

6-Headed Shark Attack (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Married couples on an island for a couple retreat or boot camp to help them get back what they once had. This is disrupted by a six-headed shark that may have been the results of an experiment over 30 years ago on the other side of the island? Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer this film may have had the whiniest and bitchiest characters of all time! I so wanted the six-headed shark to be thrown like a Chinese star through the island when the bad weather arrives in the film. Thus ending this feature quickly as these people needed to die. No one here was likable. I really hope films like “Frenzy” and this sequel do not become a trend in horror movie making because it just plain sucks out loud! I give it 0 stars.

 

8-Bit Bloodbath (DVD) – A twenty minute film about a gamer named Billy who is invited to a Halloween party but becomes a sacrifice instead. But Billy rises from the dead as an undead 8-bit super zombie who seeks revenge against mankind. Once undead he slaughters people with his various weapons he is able to produce out of his zombie Nintendo glove. The independent short film is raw but very entertaining and reminds me a little of the Polonia Brothers early stuff shot on VHS. Todd Wolfson has my attention with this film and his trailer for ‘Sponge’ which looked very funny and entertaining. I give this fun short film 3 out of 4 stars and cannot wait to see what is to come next from Mr. Wolfson and crew. For more info on this project check out:  https://www.facebook.com/8BitBloodBath/

 

Patient Zero (On Demand) – A UK flick that has the world being infected by a super rabies virus. It started with animals but mutated once it got into humans causing them to become raging violent maniacs. With the population being decimated quickly the military grasps at straws with their research and trying to find ‘Patient Zero’ for answers on how to cure people. But there is a slight hope as a man helps the research on a daily basis as he was bitten but never turned. With this he is able to communicate to the infected and hopefully using this power helps them all find the cure. Problem becomes the infected are evolving and want not a war but everyone to be infected. A very curious alternative horror film that is a reminder of how good “28 Days Later” was and how I am surprised not to see more films like this made over the years? I give this interesting flick 2 ½ stars. I may have given it a better rating but wasn’t really impressed with the non-ending.

 

The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time (SyFy Channel/DVD) – And just in case for those of you counting at home this is “Sharknado 6”. When we last seen Fin, he was in the future with his son (Dolph Lundgren) and he was going to help his father to get back to the past. Now, Fin ends up in prehistoric times and finds most of his family as they fight a Sharknado at key points in history. Along the way they are trying to find Fin’s son (no longer Dolph Lundgren because it was cheaper I guess?) so they can meet up. But after killing off a bunch Sharknados their flux capacitor goes awry and they end up in 20013 or something… Basically ‘Planet of the Aprils’! The movie goes completely absurd but does a much better job of going absurd than the past two sequels as this entry was much more entertaining of how they are trying to stop the Sharknados for good. It was a wonderful movie idea they ran into the ground but I am glad it exists for the mere reason it got people who usually wouldn’t pay attention to this kind of film to pay attention. So thank you Sharknado for the good and bad shark movie sequels as I give this entry 2 ½ stars. Also I give it three years before it gets remade???

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #435

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Gross Movie Reviews #435

 

Deep Blue Sea 2 (On Demand/DVD) – So this was a glorious waste of a sequel. Some rich dude basically buys the same set from the first film and sets up sharks to experiment on. He of course brings in the smartest people from around the world to work on his project that could possibly unlock the human brain or extend life… Or just make bull sharks smarter and wanna fuck up humans for fun! Eventually after they breed they become “piranha-sharks” that SyFy Channel has made better with less. This was a sad excuse for a sequel and should be avoided as it is the worst movie so far for me in 2018 as I give it 0 stars.

The Night Watchmen (DVD) – So Blimpo the Clown, a Baltimore native, has died in Romania while on tour. His body is shipped to the Baltimore Gazette instead of the morgue down the street. The night watchmen are made a deal by the two guys who made the mistake to keep it overnight. We are introduced to two crazy watchmen who for the most part just watch porn and play cards, while a third that might be witness protection reads a lot, and the new guy who is done with the band thing. Everything that happens at the gazette is known by these guys: missing lunches, cute girls on which floor, when the boss (James Remar) is feeling up young ladies’ butts. Well their boss gets curious about Blimpo’s coffin to see if he can steal anything but instead finds Blimpo the Vampire! Blimpo and his fellow going army of vampires have taken over the building and Karen the cute journalist is in trouble. So the night watchmen and the rookie come up with a plan to save her and possibly ask her on a date while fighting vampires. We get a hilarious, awesome glorious bloody mess of a horror film that will be on my ‘Best of 2018’ list. I give this movie 4 stars folks.

 

AZF (Anti-Zombie Force) (DVD) – A zombie outbreak has ravaged the world and the military is growing thin trying to save folks. But there is new hope as news comes across a radio transmission of a cure called “Code Lazarus”. Along with hope of course come people who want the cure to just rule the world instead of restoring it? The movie centers on these two military groups racing to get control of the cure. The props, military truck, guns make this independent zombie film an interesting watch. The story isn’t exactly something that is unique but having the resources on a small budget to pull off what most have trouble doing is gratifying enough for me to enjoy what this filmmaker and company pulled off. For that I have to give this feature some respect and 2 ½ out of 4 stars. More about the film can be found at www.witchdoctorfilms.com .

Housesitters (Vimeo/DVD) – An independent horror/comedy that has young two girls: Angie and Izzy getting the perfect job of housesitting for a guy that Angie met the night before. Plus the house has everything including a Platinum card to order anything and the satanic pentagram with candles in the basement. But the young ladies still have free reign of the house. This includes smoking lots of weed, watching a crazy amount of porn with the pizza guy, and hanging with their guys until a little demonic creature shows up and kills them in their bathroom. Once they understand they cannot leave the house as there seems to be a void outside of it they find a spell book. They also find a note inside explaining they are part of a demonic ritual to bring forth a demon god. The two decide to confront it in the basement with surprising results. Jason Coffman put together one amazing film as it made me laugh out loud six or seven times. The Indy flick isn’t just entertaining but gives you something unexpected and funny. I love this kind of stuff and kudos to Jason and company as I give this flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find out more about the film at www.facebook.com/Housesittermovie or www.housesittersmovie.com .

 

Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend (DVD) – Folks by far this movie is bad but the dialogue is absolutely entertaining and making this worth forcing yourself through. A lonely dude named Marcus is a security guard who has a lot of time on his hands. Marcus has trouble getting dates so he turns to cable porn until his father shows up on the TV and starts talking to him. So Marcus decides it’s time to call the hookers and negotiate terms. Of course like any lonely dude he wants to remember the occasion so he tape records the first session and video tapes the others. Marcus bleeds his savings to pay for all the hookers in a mere couple weeks. Lots of topless women and hilarious dialogue are the highlights of this bad but very entertaining movie. This movie doesn’t need to be watched but witnessed as I could see the MST3K guys bringing this film up every week for the next episode. So thank you filmmaker Ronnie Cramer for this gem as I give it 2 stars.

 

Trancers VI (DVD) – So I totally blanked this flick out of my mind when it was first released in the early 2000s. Mainly because no Jack Deth aka Tim Thomerson. Tim Thomerson is in the film but only clips from the other “Trancers” films. Anyway Jack has to go back down the line to ‘Old L.A. 2022’ because his daughter is in trouble. Someway, somehow Trancers are back. Jack believed he was retired, that he killed the last of them. After a meteor shower Jack’s daughter Jo gets mixed up with Trancers after she believes the meteor shower is being covered up. Her ex-boss and his assistant have found a meteor rock and using it to turn the young homeless of L.A. into Trancers they can control. The film has its heart in the right place but I doubt Charlie had much involvement or cared what was going on with this sequel? The effects were terrible and you could see there wasn’t much budget to work with but glad I gave it another chance. This sequel does raise questions such as why hasn’t there been a reboot or another sequel from Mr. Band and company because this series does have its own fan base? Unlike the idiotic “Evil Bong” commercials he calls movies. And you can’t tell me Tim Thomerson wouldn’t be up for one more as he did reprise the character for 30 seconds in one of the “Evil Bong” movies… I have several more questions I could ask about why Full Moon isn’t doing anything with this series but again the film’s heart was in the right place just poorly executed as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Mayday (DVD/Vimeo) – An interesting thriller about your typical airplane trip from L.A. to London that isn’t so typical once leaving the ground. All is well on Falcon Flight 88 until the lights begin to flicker, and then go out, and then a passenger disappears. Of course this makes everyone on board scared for their lives as they do not understand what actually happened. Air marshal Anderson (Michael Pare) takes action as this is his job. But after talking to the frantic wife about her husband disappearing he is just as baffled as anyone else on board. Lights flicker again and another passenger disappears. Then it happens again. Anderson struggling for answers begins to entertain the talk of the supernatural after a conversation with a nice lady on board that he is kind of sweet on. Is it supernatural forces at work or is it something else going on that cannot be explained? All Anderson knows with the pilot just disappearing anything can happen unless he solves the mystery or he will be the one trying to land the plane. Filmmaker Massimiliano Cerchi crafts an interesting story that makes your mind think when all the characters are introduced. The film is a different and wonderful thrill ride that stars one of my favorite actors Michael Pare who is all in with his role as the air marshal. Fun stuff here folks from Mr. Cerchi as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

See yinz at GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details!