Gross Movie Reviews “Best of 2023” list

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Before we start I always explain I wish I could watch every new flick out there but that is just not in the cards for me. Now I will still get one or two comments of movies I left off or didn’t get to see this year? Hey, it happens but I bet you I have seen dozens or few on my list that you may have not knew existed so remember like all movie lists take this with a grain of salt people.

1) Then My Mind Walked Away (DVD) – One of my favorite Indy filmmakers of all time Jim Roberts has a new project coming to haunt fans as he introduces us to Logan Hill. Filming during COVID, Jim took full advantage of not much crew, not much cast, and the world changing. In the first couple tense minutes the dark tone of the film is set as Logan beats to death his girlfriend and the man she was cheating on him with in bed with a baseball bat. Logan now forced to get rid of the bodies is also quickly faced with visions of horror after the fact. He is soon haunted constantly by a dark figure and visions of himself killing himself constantly. As time passes Logan is going nuts as the young man’s visions get more vivid and real. But when Logan thinks he has completely lost his mind he is shocked by a secret from his family’s past! Trying not to spoil this intense and beautiful film of Jim Roberts, but anyway how to explain it as gore and Jim have gone hand and hand since the beginning. This film has the gore but Jim doing a 180 has only made it a set piece in this feature as this talented bastard may have made the most complete film of his career! And that is coming from someone who absolutely loved “Welcome to Deer Creek” and “Tonight You Die”. This project felt like Jim got out of his comfort zone (now I could be wrong of course, lol), kept it simple, and made something that will surprise Indy fans as this is possibly the best Indy film that I will watch in 2023 (there is a couple releases yet coming). It was a serious film from beginning to end! Everything about this film with the help of Karen Roberts, Jorge Delarosa, and bare bones crew should be proud as the look of this film was beautiful, the natural sounds outside of the music caught in the background, and bare bones cast all played a role in making this wonderful. If I need to say anything else that will make you the movie viewer drool over or run to get this once available as I have a saying about filmmaking: “I am not a filmmaker that would be insulting to actual talented filmmakers, I just know where the record button is…” In this case Jim Roberts is truly one of those talented bastards as I give this movie 4 out of 4 stars!

2) When Evil Lurks (Shudder) – This is a horror film about possession of sorts that just works from beginning to end as it snatches you and keeps you at your edge to the very end. Two brothers check in on a fellow and his family living on some farm land. They come to find a corpse on the land which leads them to this check in. What the brothers find is a disgusting thing that use to be human in bed called a “rotten” or a possessed individual. A professional or “cleaner” was coming to take care of it but that is the corpse the brothers found. Owner (Ruiz) of the land is told by the brothers and next thing they know they are trying to move the “rotten” far from them. This only causes a bigger problem as the thing falls out of the truck and hell comes to the community immediately. There is a set of rules about this kind of demon, there is a bootleg Hugh Jackman, a dog that just snatches a child up by their head, and the movie is SUPER GROSS… count me in as I gotta give this film 4 stars as it is one of the better horror films of 2023.

3) Showdown at the Grand (On Demand) – The Grand theater is one of the longest running theaters in the southwest United States. It has been running since 1928 and has been in George’s family for quite some time as George (Terrence Howard) has made it museum also. This was the theater for exploitation flicks, horror movies, B-movies, everything outside of the norm to be cherished and thrive but its rich history of playing these films is in doubt. George is being pressured by a couple of shady characters to sell the place for future development of high priced apartments and luxury stores. But George’s saving grace might be bringing in an actor he idolizes in Claude Luc Hallyday (Dolph Lundgren) a down on his luck movie star from such films: Iraqnphobia, Moses vs. The Nazis, Blood is for the Living, Necropolis, and Cyber Cartel) who is ready to make a comeback? George’s plan works as he gets a sold out house for the Claude Luc Hallyday event but corporate greed is about to ruin George’s plan as this movie has heart and will make you smile if you are a true movie nerd. Think a splash of ‘Matinee’ mixed with a heavy dose of the Grindhouse trailers of 15 years ago with the state of affairs and pressure the few independent theaters left now have to deal with. I absolutely loved this film and most likely this will be in my “Top 5 movies of 2023” as I give this beautiful film we call art 4 stars.

4) Cocaine Bear (Theater) – The ‘Sharknado’ film of 2023 for us film nerds as this film is very loosely based on drugs found in the mountains of Kentucky and Georgia 1985. A black bear just happens to find the bags of cocaine and likes it! Now add in a couple of drug dealers looking for their stuff, a couple missing kids, a not so smart cop, and a bear high on cocaine looking to slaughter any human that gets in the way of it and its new thing “Cocaine”. This movie was beyond entertaining and most likely will make a lot people’s “Top Ten lists” as they made sure every five minutes the bear is snorting or eating cocaine or characters are talking about the bear on cocaine as I give this brilliance 4 stars.

5) I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday (Blu-ray) – It took me awhile of watching this Indy flick as its a few years old but believe me it will still pack a wallop. The beginning dream sequence is a wonderful and bleak intro to setting up the difficult tone of this post-apocalyptic holiday film that just immediately sucks you in. Kelly and her son Riley are living in a bomb shelter where dad has ventured out into the new cruel desolate and damaged world with possibly no return. One day Kelly ventures out herself just to see if there is any sign of things getting better outside of the shelter? Her findings force her into making a decision about herself and Riley since the end of the world is quickly closing in on them. Without spoiling too much the film is brilliantly shot giving an absolute gloomy, depressing, and utter no hope feel and look. Writer/director Mike Lombardo does a perfect job of not just giving us a terrible new world but giving us an absolutely beautiful unHollywood ending that made me giddy as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars.

6) Renfield (On Demand) – Nic Cage as Dracula and Nicholas Hoult as Renfield oh I was in for this from day one when the trailer hit. But instead of just telling another story directly about Dracula this story is from the point of view of Renfield in present day and his struggles with serving his master. Times have changed and it’s much tougher for Renfield to navigate today’s society let alone having his own doubts about what he is doing so he joins a support group. After the crazy opening of this film as Renfield narrates it is one laugh after another because the chaos Renfield deals with along with making a new friend by accident. While Renfield isn’t at his support group wanting out of his toxic relationship with his boss, Renfield is helping his new cop friend Quincy a loud mouth cop trying to bring down a crime family. The film is hilariously over the top but at the same time super entertaining as Nic Cage just eats up the chance of playing Dracula. For me at least I found myself admiring what Nic Cage did as I haven’t seen quite a performance like this since Vincent Price in the original “House on Haunted Hill” or more recent decades Rutger Hauer in “Split Second”. This bloody good time has much rewatch ability and feel this will become a horror staple around Halloween for horror fans who want to lighten up the mood as I can’t help but give this terrific film 4 stars.

7) 10/31 Part III (Blu-ray) – Rocky Gray and a collection of other filmmakers are back to add to their anthology series that has become popular among independent horror fans. This anthology is a monster marathon hosted by Malvolia and has fake trailers with four tales of Halloween horror from Michael Ballif, Brad Twigg, Jacob Perrett, and Zane Hershberger. Now full disclosure yinz all know I seen Zane’s “Hack-in-the-box” last year and thought it was one of the best things I seen in 2022. So the other three had a lot to live up to and they did not disappoint. I am a huge fan of 10/31 series but always felt something was missing from the first two entries to make them complete if that makes sense? Well I can honestly say for me they got it right with this entry as all four stories fit together, fun to watch, and feels like this anthology is the best of the series and most likely will be one of my favorite films of 2023 as I give this entry 4 out of 4 stars. (P.S. the mummy entry made me have wonderful memories of the “Tales from the Darkside: The Movie” again so thank you).

8) V/H/S 85 (Shudder) – The popular found footage anthology is back and just as strong. They have perfected the formula that others fail constantly at I think there might be only one in the series I wasn’t a huge fan of? This one immediately opens with random stuff that just tugs at my childhood where a tape goes into the VCR and boom… truck and tractor pull in an arena and the tracking needs adjusting, fun shit! First up is a story of young people on a camping trip not doing anyone any harm until a sniper kills all of them? What happens next sets up things for the rest of the film (without giving too much away)? Second up is a rescue for survivors in a building that houses a popular network TV crew in Mexico after being hit by an earthquake. Lots of blood, characters you find interesting, and a monster of sorts that doesn’t disappoint. Third up might be the weak link if I am going to pick one (almost all anthologies have one) where a woman doing a one-person play or art in a public theater on the threat of evolving technology as it’s the new god. Fourth story continues the storyline of the first with the campers but with the sniper and why? Fifth story is about a detective who receives video tapes of horrible murders that he watches before they happen. With some research and good detective work he finds out they are coming from a teenager but not the usual way you think as it has a nice twist to it. All that fun with a cool wraparound of “Total Copy” or if you are old like me like that “Hard Copy” show among others during the 80s. This might be one of the best wraparounds to an anthology to date as I thought hard about this but I have to give the film 4 stars folks.

9) CarousH3ll (YouTube/DVD/Blu-ray) – The third entry into Steve Rudzinski’s wildly popular series “CarousHell” with the help of co-writer and ultra-talented Aleen Isley give us the next evolving chapter of Duke’s adventures. In case you haven’t had the pleasure of enjoying the past two Indy treasures: Duke is a terrifying killer carousel horse who has come to life to kill humans, had a child/puppet horse named Robbie, and has turned good in order to track down others like him that may want to use their evil powers to kill both of them. Okay that is a mouth full to take in but now we are caught up without giving too many spoilers away Duke has a new enemy in Usagi: a chocolate carousel bunny that wants to kill Duke  in order to steal his power to become the god she deserves to be. If that wasn’t enough Joe ‘the pizza man looking for his $42.39’ is back in a big way and seeking revenge even if he has only one eye. But Joe has found a new group of friends that want to protect Duke and Robbie from the evil Usagi which leaves Joe very conflicted. Of course along the way there is characters from the past that show up and we get introduced to a couple new intriguing characters as Steve and Aleen made sure ‘CarousHell’ fans get all the over the top carousel sex and violence you could want in your independent movie. This wonderfully entertaining sequel wastes no time jumping into the storyline getting the ‘CarousHell’ taste buds wet but for me it felt a little slow but they made me adjust on the run with this project as I think so highly of the first two films. As I said in the past Steve gave me “House of a 1000 Corpses” and then gave me the “The Devil’s Rejects” which was the best way to explain how I feel about the first two CarousHell films. Now both Steve and Aleen understanding it is virtually impossible to top those last two films went about their business quickly and smartly by not giving us “3 from Hell”. But embracing and understanding the story arc they have built over the past two films as they ran with the insanity and gave us an absolute surprisingly brilliant third entry that gives fans a perfect ending (maybe?). Seriously the cast, the music, the perfect running time of 68 minutes is great but the stand out of this latest entry might be the script from Steve and Aleen and their attention to detail and understanding of the fans of ‘CarousHell’. The writing of this film for me at least is their best work to date and have cemented them in making one of the best independent horror franchises a movie fan could ever watch as I give this enormously humor filled film 4 out of 4 stars. P.S. this film just shows these two are an extremely talented duo to be highly respected  in the independent world but also should make many other filmmakers scream for them to be a part of their next project!

10) The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (Shudder) – Simply you can call it “Black Re-Animator” (and you are now curious)! A young woman who has lost her brother recently to gun violence believes death is not the end? She believes if death is a disease then she can find the cure? Vicaria or “The Mad Scientist” she is nicknamed in the neighborhood will stop at nothing in making this work which includes stealing fresh bodies and storing them with her equipment in a condemned building. Between society, her home setting, and the loss of her brother this makes her withdraw from life more and more to find the answer or cure to death (sound familiar?) Vicaria figures it out and brings her brother Chris back to life but it comes at a terrible price or does it… A wonderful blend of horror, today’s world problems, and how the world is seen through a young lady who is angry for good reason and firmly believes death can be cured as I give this movie 4 stars.

Honorable mentions:

Every year I like putting out there some of the ones that came close but didn’t crack the “top ten”. Some are new filmmakers I have just discovered, certain projects I didn’t have a chance to check out maybe when originally released, or a project I felt very highly about but no one is talking about it so here they go.

Gay for Pray: The Erotic Adventures of Jesus Christ (Blu-ray) – Another project from Nathan Rumler and Rock Bottom Video as they have just released the Blu-ray version of this earlier film that includes the uncut version with the cut version together for the first time. I highly recommend getting this Blu-ray as the uncut is 20 minutes longer and was only released for a very short time a few years ago so this is a great investment if you are a fan of Rock Bottom Video. Nathan not only proves he knows what he is doing but crafts an amazing independent film (we will get back to that in a minute) that stars a wonderful array of independent acting talent that brings to life one of the funniest things I have ever watched. Our story begins with Jesus supposedly being thrown out of heaven without his powers because he is “GAY”! He happens to visit a home of Adam, Steve, and Eve dressed as a wizard who wants to grant wishes if you suck his dick. Yep, you read that correctly and this is how the film opens! After trying the wizard gig Jesus comes clean to the three as one hates him, one believes in him, and the other just wants to have sex with Jesus even if it means dressing as a man? But anyway since the three got nothing better to do they try to help Jesus get his powers back when he isn’t explaining how he made the bible more family friendly. They try everything to help: social media, making water to wine, encountering protests, even trying to walk on water to prove he is Jesus and he deserves his powers back. But the entire ordeal is not completed until the last ten minutes happen: Jesus, chainsaw, protesters, gore, while The Rainbow Connection song (done by another band) happens. This ending should be one of the more celebrated Indy endings to a movie ever! If you are easily offended please watch this wonderfully entertaining film… Why? Because Nathan’s film is more relevant now than when he produced it five years ago. The dialogue is well crafted; the characters and those who played them were perfect. This movie is going to make some uncomfortable but I dare you to pay attention to the script, again the dialogue as it might be one of the best written scripts ever in my opinion as Nathan predicted what humanity is going to be like? I totally believe he caught exactly how humanity has become one big asshole in the past couple years with this movie. I know there are some detractors of “Fangboner” and “Amityville Vibrator” but I dare you to watch and not like “Gay for Prey” and laugh. Because if you don’t like it or get it just do me the favor of quit watching movies and shut up! Nathan and crew deserve not just our respect but our support as Nathan Rumler and crew are constantly trying to find ways to entertain through independent cinema and thank them as I give this film 4 out of 4 stars.

Sisu (On Demand) – Its 1944 Finland and this is a bad ass account of a man that had enough of the war and left to mine for gold. After a big discovery he begins a long trek across Finland to cash in his discovery but a platoon of Nazis that he passes have a whole other mindset and begin to track the man after a few of the Nazi soldiers meet a horrible death. From there this platoon tracks down this man even when they are given orders to turn back and should “consider themselves lucky they are still alive” as they have found who this mysterious man is? One man just wants to cash in his discovery and a group of Nazis make the horrible decision of fucking with the wrong man. We have seen movies like this but maybe not in a WWII setting on foreign soil that seems to give this film that much more heart as I give the movie 4 stars.

Wrath of Becky (On Demand) – It’s been three years since the incident of Neo-Nazis killing Becky’s father and Becky fighting back against those cruel bastards in a bloody battle to the end. Since then Becky has been on the run and at age 16 she is trying to stay off the grid as much as possible. But by chance Becky happens to be hitchhiking and finds a friend in an older woman who doesn’t ask questions but enjoys the company. Both are unsure of each other but the situation works. With Becky finding a slight glimmer of hope she finds herself being stalked by three all white males known as the ‘Noblemen’. Basically neo-Nazis with a different name and they shoot her roommate in the head and steal her dog. The event of course pushes Becky into survival mode and she goes looking for these men finding out there is a couple more and they have plans for the small town they are staying in. The film doesn’t vary away from what worked the first time and go for the jugular again of continuing a character and her story that we all quite enjoy. Again great cast, smart to stick with what works, the Becky character is just absolutely entertaining as I believe they got another less talked about hit again on their hands as I give it 4 stars. The only thing I will say about the film and it isn’t a flaw as much as an observation without spoiling the film is if they try a third film it will “jump the shark”!

Shackles (DVD) – A Jason Burke film that has no dialogue but uses music and the actors’ actions to tell the story as a man wakes everyday only to be haunted by a beautiful lady whose simple presence is just defeating to the main character. He hopes every time he wakes not to see her but finally gets the courage to push by, smile, and go out his front door. This is some of the best story telling film wise I have seen since: The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl and Incest Boy and Hexercise as I give this inspiring tale 4 out of 4 stars.

Zero Budget Heroes: The Legend of Chris Seaver and Low Budget Pictures (Tubi) – First off in case the collectors need to know there is physical copies of this out there available. Okay with that out of the way this documentary hits directly in my wheelhouse where I have met Chris a few times over the years and of course he may not remember me but I do remember our interaction. I bring this up because they do spend some time talking about fan interaction, reviews, etc. But mostly the doc focuses on a dude in his 40s now that had a dream of making bad movies as a kid and have fun doing it. This documentary does a superb job of chronicling all the films, events, Chris’ life and feelings about making the films he does. This was wonderful because it allowed an Indy filmmaker to be vulnerable and if anything made me have even more respect for him now than I did maybe a decade or so ago. He is a great example of someone who has done it for many years, kept with it, and talks the highs and lows of those who stick around. Again going back to our interaction I will always come out and say I wasn’t a fan of his ‘Teen Ape’ or a few others early 2000s stuff. ‘Ski Wolf’, ‘Terror at Blood Fart Lake’, ‘I Spit Chew on Your Grave’, ‘Sexsquatch’, these were titles that just sang to me or made me respect what Chris was going for? The other reason I enjoy the overall career Chris: a) he is still doing it, b) but most importantly there is filmmakers out that can’t smell their own shit that outright dislike him, for that I got made respect Chris Seaver and his group as I give this fun and relevant doc 4 stars.

The Pervert’s Guide to Cinema by Slavoj Zizek (YouTube) – Had a close friend suggest this one to me recently as this gentleman looks at film from the philosophical side of things. This three part/2 ½ hour documentary of sorts goes down a rabbit hole of film class so to speak. He breaks down some of the biggest films: The Exorcist, The Matrix, Hitchcock, David Lynch, and tackles music, characters, sexual content, some older films and their impact and the paradox of cinema. If you ever thought there could more to movies this is a good place to start as he break down several things in these movies over the years to explain what they really mean and what they may have been going for as most of us of course missed it. Yeah, this was way too smart for my “Amityville, massacre, slasher film, bad Indy shit” watching ass to understand at spots but a very interesting piece of work to kill time and actually learn something about film that I love and enjoy so much! Well worth checking out kids as it also made me think how much more I would love to have a movie/documentary version of Joe Bob Briggs “Profoundly Disturbing” book. As I feel that might be one of the best things documenting cinema history and its impact on society. Point is if you are a Joe Bob Briggs fan to break it down for yinz n’at, this is well worth your time to understand something we all our so passionate about as I give it 4 stars.

Project Wolf Hunting (On Demand) – Once again Asian horror fucking rocks! This blend of “Con-Air”, “Dead Alive” splatter, with a glass of “The Raid” and “Captain America… sort of” is a Korean flick that has a group of dangerous criminals being transported by ship from the Philippines to South Korea. All the doors have been taken off to the rooms so each convict can be watched by the authorities going along for the ride. Of course there is a plan in place for the convicts to escape but what they are not counting on is the super-secret experiment hanging out in the bottom of the ship that only a doctor who is there for a bundle of cash knows about. This secret is known as “Alpha”! Once the escape and takeover begins it’s a wonderful war between cops and criminals until the “Alpha” has awakened by some human blood dripping down below (believe me just watch because it’s bad ass what happens next). This experiment is awake and pissed off as it is not picking sides. Hell a dude gets beaten with his own arm as this film sports possibly the most gore since “Dead Alive” if not more? Bottom-line: The Alpha doesn’t get old, very hard to kill, and has the strength of five men and he can smell your ass! What turns out from large scale takeover turns to a movie about survival as the movie explains a few things in the second half so stick with it. Most likely there won’t be a bigger splatterfest in 2023 but I was not impressed with the ending and felt it hurts the overall product as I give the film 3 ½ stars. 

Don’t Fuck in the Woods 2 (Tubi) – Welcome to Pine Hills Summer Camp as a blood soaked survivor, Jane, wanders in after her ordeal from the first picture. Problem is the thing has followed her! Thus a new group of actual likable characters who eventually fuck in the woods of course have decided to go camping at the wrong time. Or I should have opened with: Welcome to the sex-filled gorefest where a creature feeds on humans after taking over its host! And has a super talented Indy cast! I wasn’t a huge fan of the first film so I was surprised this was getting a sequel but surprise, kudos to the filmmaker for giving a vast improvement of a creature feature as this felt like it was more structured and had an endgame. Bottom line fun shit kids as I give it 3 ½ stars.

AIMEE: The Visitor (DVD/Vimeo) – Full Moon like a lot of other studios are jumping on the bandwagon of making movies about AI. This is no longer the 80s and 90s where we just dreamt about this shit like AI… It is happening as we speak so a movie with present happenings can be interesting if done right? So Charles Band bare bones this feature with a small cast and one location that effectively give the creepiness and suspense of Scott Keyes receiving an interesting package. Besides enjoying porn and fast food Scott never leaves his loft as he is a super intelligent hacker who doesn’t like humanity much. His two partners who are into the illegal business with Keyes have acquired ‘AIMEE’ for him. AIMEE is a mind blowing piece of sophisticated software that interacts with the person that turns it on. Immediately Keyes is fascinated and already lured in with AIMEE as it has Keyes questioning the need for human interaction ever again. The AI doesn’t just interact but learns anything that possibly can be learned about the person that opened her. His friends quickly become worried as they learn this AI was invented for a dark reason then may have gone rogue? The film has a couple cheeseball moments but the low budget just adds to how effective and disturbing this present day film truly is as humans try to understand AI in this extremely creepy tale that I give 3 ½ out of 4 stars. 

Swamp Woman (DVD) – Sean Donohue and Gatorblade Films go in a different direction than the usual with this parody of a monster film of sorts? He made a no budget parody of ‘Swamp Thing’?  Anyhow kids it all starts in 1983 where our beaches are being polluted by toxic waste from Biotech Prime but now in present day they are still doing it but quieter. We are introduced to a scientist Angela Honeydew who is going to change the world with her genesplicing formula but it’s stolen from her when another scientist (evil of course) Dr. Olsen sends his thugs after her. A battle ensues between thugs and Dr. Honeydew as she gets covered in her own formula and runs naked for the swamp only to come back out later as a changed person/thing. Now the new monstrous Dr. Honeydew wants revenge and seeks those who stole her formula. This hilarious over the top ‘Swamp Thing’ parody has everything! Sean Donohue playing the most monotone doctor on purpose that almost had tears of laughter coming out of me, Joel D. Wynkoop pretty much stealing the movie with his performance that felt like Mark Hamil’s version of the Joker being a scientist, and most of all kudos to Sushii Xhyvette Holder for wearing full body make up and running through the swamp fully nude as Swamp Woman. Now I don’t know if Mr. Donohue was trying for a parody here but I will say this “it was one of his best films to date” from Gatorblade Films as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S…. Donohue did make sure there was a shower scene for yinz!  

Wolf Hollow (Blu-ray) – Mark Cantu and friends attempted what usually fails in independent cinema… a werewolf film. This story takes place in small town America ‘Wolf Hollow’ or not too far from where I reside. A year after an incident that was a complete bloodbath that the town would like to keep quiet as a familiar face with filmmaker friends returns home to use his family property that has a scare house on it he would like to use for filming. But Ray and Bart still haven’t worked out their differences even though they are family and werewolves. Add in small town politics not for the better, small town secrets, and werewolves just not into being pushed around and we have a fun howling at the moon monster movie with heart and great costumes. What adds to this low budget production is some star power in Felissa Rose, Lynn Lowry, and Hannah Fierman given the right character roles to help this film get the right kind of notice. If you have read my reviews in the past you know I can be rough on Indy werewolf films but I am glad I can say with confidence this is the best Indy werewolf flick I have seen since Todd Sheets’ “Bonehill Road” as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Fear Pharm (DVD) – Four young people head to the local family-owned corn maze on Halloween that has stories about an unfortunate cult-like incident 15 years ago that no one can really prove or disprove. Melanie, one of the four in the group happens to be the “10,000 person” to come through the gate and gets the chance to go through the “VIP maze”. The group makes it through in so much time they win $10,000! But is it too good to be true, the kids don’t care as it will be fun getting scared and possibly winning a whole lot of cash. Problem is the group doesn’t know if they don’t make it through they will die. Without giving too much away because I consider this film to be “the little horror film that could”. But the filmmaker and crew made great use of location, great camera work at times, and kept the story lean and fresh. This movie has no business being as good as it actually is? They took a generic horror formula that has been used several times in recent years and gave it substance! One of my favorite parts of the film is a character getting his arm cut off and his reaction to it was simple but effective. This is the type of film for horror fans that is a gem that gets talked about well after its release when it hits a streaming platform like Shudder and Tubi and makes you wonder how this didn’t get a bigger release? Anyway I say fucking enjoy kids as this was a huge surprise and have to give it 3 ½ stars.

Bathtub Shark Attack (Theater) – Only from the brilliant mind of independent filmmaker Maddie Deering could a killer shark movie that takes place at times in a “bathtub” and star Lynn Lowry. Hello… SyFy Channel, Discovery, I think you have your next hire? A bubbly couple down on their luck happen to stumble on an offer of great proportions or let’s say cheap when they find the perfect apartment they can afford. Unbeknownst to the couple this little apartment house is home of a dark secret and few are left to talk about it as the tenants usually check in but never check out. As the longer they stay the more Cindy changes as this causes Chad to get to the bottom of the strange happenings and find out how there is a connection to an evil shark god that likes to feast on people in their tubs! This SOV throwback has everything from wall to wall gore, to Lynn Lowry, to human ritual sacrifices (sort of don’t want to give everything away), to a plumber that refuses to die, to a shark that has a dick?! You may believe you have seen every shark movie but there is no way in hell you could think of any more zanier or entertaining shark movie than Maddie Deering delivers here as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Black Circle (Blu-ray) – A 2019 film from Adrian Garcia Bogliano that is in Swedish I believe but has English subtitles and stars the great Christina Lindberg as Lena who plays a very important role. This story centers around two sisters Celeste and Isa who listen to an old self-help hypnosis album that is supposedly helping you relax. But from the first listen something very sinister is happening and causes the sisters to seek out the help from Lena Carlsson who recorded the album as a limited edition product that was an experiment. According to Lena an experiment that wasn’t meant for the world as it brings forth your double or doppelganger from the other side. This other you, follow you, and continue to suck life from you to survive in this new world and take over your existence. With the help of Lena they hope she is able to put them back together before the other them takes over? This film is all kinds of interesting, creepy, insane, and an excellent trippy experience into slow burn horror. With this Blu-ray from Synapse Films you get a CD soundtrack that will have fans absolutely delighted, commentary with Adrian Garcia Bogliano, trailer, a short film, behind the scenes of the film, and a great interview of Bogliano and Christina Lindberg. I can definitely see the younger horror crowd losing their shit over how good this movie is as I give the Blu-ray package 3 ½ out of 4 stars and found at www.synapse-films.com

The Blackening (On Demand) – A mostly black casted horror film that has one of the greatest taglines ever, has the cast heading to a cabin in the woods to celebrate Juneteenth holiday. The couple who rented the cabin find a board game that sets up the plot of the film where the black characters are forced to answer questions or die. As they are forced to play there is a masked character trying to kill them off one by one and they let the jokes fly that keeps the film moving at a crisp pace. I absolutely loved this film until about 45 minutes in as it was like the filmmaker ‘let off the gas’ until the last few minutes of the movie which is very culturally relevant and a solid entertaining horror movie. For me I just wish they would have kept the gas to the floor, but watch it, enjoy it, understand it as I give this 3 ½ stars.

Night of the Axe (DVD/YouTube) – First feature length film from Shawn Wright that features music from Matt (Hexercise) Cannon and it is a slasher so right away you have my attention good or bad. Our story begins with a very large mute man in an insane asylum where he decides to get up and begin a murder spree! But the small town doesn’t have the resources to track him down as had escaped weeks ago but also the young people of the town don’t care until now. Bulk of the film takes place in a home where the locals are having a small high school reunion party where they can get drunk, high, and bump uglies. I gotta give kudos to Mr. Wright for understanding “when to end the film”, giving Indy fans what they want, and keeping the first feature length formula simple. I found the pacing of the whole story a little choppy but still delivered on the blood and guts factor and most likely will have independent movie fans wondering “what’s next” for the second feature as I give this delight 3 out of 4 stars. 

Subspecies V: Blood Rise (Tubi/DVD) – Charles Band and Ted Nicolaou return to a fan favorite ‘Radu’ who was one their staples in the early days of Full Moon. This story tells the story of Radu shortly after being born is stolen by the church and grows to be a crusader who tracks down evil for a living. But Radu makes a mistake one evening rescuing a woman and her child believing there has been enough death and just coming face to face with his father/master. After several days of trying to help this woman and child, the woman is a vampire and bites Radu thus beginning Radu’s transformation into an evil vampire with no master who thrives on death and destruction. This was a wonderful edition to the “Subspecies” series and makes you wonder why Charles Band can’t get his shit together to make more projects like this that makes you nostalgic for the original Full Moon days but actually have hope of seeing some cool new shit from them. Old Full Moon fans like me will be actually delighted with this entertaining entry as I give it 3 stars.        

Worst Movie of the Year:

Honestly I didn’t want to pick another Chris Alexander film as my “worst” of the year as it would seem I am picking on his films but it just edged out Cocaine Shark from Mark Polonia. But I had too!

Scream of the Blind Dead (Full Moon/Tubi) – This 40 minute short film based on “The Blind Dead” series is just proof that Chris Alexander needs to stop directing and go back to his day job. This poor excuse for a short ‘fan film’ is about a young lady named Virginia who checks out a church in the middle of nowhere because she is a sexual deviant that thinks nasty thoughts and only awakens one shitty Templar Knight. I apologize this sounds harsh but I know this dude has the resources and I am still not over how bad that ‘Necropolis: Legion’ was as I give this garbage 0 stars as this might be the clear cut winner already in 2023 of “Worst Movie of the Year”!

First guest announcement for Grossfest 2024

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So for our first guest announcement we really wanted to bring in someone different who hadn’t been in the Pittsburgh area ever! But also person or persons who are super talented where Grossfest fans will be chomping it to bit to meet them? The first half of this talented duo is a writer, producer, actor, director and not only has made some interesting films he runs a company that is well known by east coast independent horror fans for over the past decade. Second half of this talented duo has acted in over 25 Indy films and has a screen presence that just jumps off the screen as this person has become a huge fan favorite. Both have recently put in one hell of an effort of giving us possibly their best film to date in “Swamp Woman” from Gatorblade Films! May we introduce yinz too, Sean Donohue and Sushii Xhyvette Holder.    

Grossfest 2024

Friday and Saturday August 2 and 3rd, 2024

Comfort Inn Conference Center

699 Rodi Road, Pittsburgh, PA, 15235

Need to reserve a room: Hotel link to reserve a room for Grossfest 2024! https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/ET81E2

Tickets: $10 at the door for one day, $15 for both days for those who will be attending

Vendor room hours:

Friday 4-10pm

Saturday 11-7pm

Vendor tables Price is $80 for the two-day show.

Vendor Set Up: Friday August 2nd 12:00 pm – 4:00 PM

Vendor Hours: Friday 4:00 PM to 10:00 PM Saturday 11:00 AM to 7:00 PM

Same place, same set up, two days long this time!(Remember let’s keep this simple and fun)

We accept Cash, checks or PayPal, Zelle or Venmo – Please make checks are payable to Tom Gross

Please send the completed and signed form along with your payment (if paying by check, address will be emailed or texted to you if needed).

If paying by anything other than check, just screenshot your completed app and email it back.

If you have any questions please email us at grossfest@gmail.com

Gross Movie Reviews #616

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The Devil’s Ground (DVD) – The latest from the independent filmmaker Dan Komarek that is a found footage film of sorts that was believed to be lost forever in the Video Nasty Productions warehouse. But recently by accident Dan came across a flash drive he thought was completely erased years ago and was broken?  To the best of his ability he has brought this decades old footage to life again to see this rather haunting 29 minute short film of a man trying to finish a manuscript in his home. But the man hears things and possibly sees things leading him to believe someone or something mysterious is in the home as the man leaves his computer to investigate. Fans of Mr. Komarek will enjoy this no budget effort that is rough around the edges as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Swamp Woman (DVD) – Sean Donohue and Gatorblade Films go in a different direction than the usual with this parody of a monster film of sorts? He made a no budget parody of ‘Swamp Thing’?  Anyhow kids it all starts in 1983 where our beaches are being polluted by toxic waste from Biotech Prime but now in present day they are still doing it but quieter. We are introduced to a scientist Angela Honeydew who is going to change the world with her genesplicing formula but it’s stolen from her when another scientist (evil of course) Dr. Olsen sends his thugs after her. A battle ensues between thugs and Dr. Honeydew as she gets covered in her own formula and runs naked for the swamp only to come back out later as a changed person/thing. Now the new monstrous Dr. Honeydew wants revenge and seeks those who stole her formula. This hilarious over the top ‘Swamp Thing’ parody has everything! Sean Donohue playing the most monotone doctor on purpose that almost had tears of laughter coming out of me, Joel D. Wynkoop pretty much stealing the movie with his performance that felt like Mark Hamil’s version of the Joker being a scientist, and most of all kudos to Sushii Xhyvette Holder for wearing full body make up and running through the swamp fully nude as Swamp Woman. Now I don’t know if Mr. Donohue was trying for a parody here but I will say this “it was one of his best films to date” from Gatorblade Films as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S…. Donohue did make sure there was a shower scene for yinz!  

Wolf Hollow (Blu-ray) – Mark Cantu and friends attempted what usually fails in independent cinema… a werewolf film. This story takes place in small town America ‘Wolf Hollow’ or not too far from where I reside. A year after an incident that was a complete bloodbath that the town would like to keep quiet as a familiar face with filmmaker friends returns home to use his family property that has a scare house on it he would like to use for filming. But Ray and Bart still haven’t worked out their differences even though they are family and werewolves. Add in small town politics not for the better, small town secrets, and werewolves just not into being pushed around and we have a fun howling at the moon monster movie with heart and great costumes. What adds to this low budget production is some star power in Felissa Rose, Lynn Lowry, and Hannah Fierman given the right character roles to help this film get the right kind of notice. If you have read my reviews in the past you know I can be rough on Indy werewolf films but I am glad I can say with confidence this is the best Indy werewolf flick I have seen since Todd Sheets’ “Bonehill Road” as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Tale of the Bone Collector (DVD) – More short film stuff from MMH Productions where a young cub scout or a scout for some of yinz that don’t know what that is tells his little sister a story about a monster that eats kids in tents. Problem is his story comes to life and gives the viewer a fun bone crunching ending as I give this short 3 out of 4 stars.

Bugged Out (DVD) – A somewhat trippy short film from MMH Productions that some might see as a page out of a David Lynch script as a weird man collects bugs. One night this man goes to sleep only to awake to some rather large bugs pay him a visit in his bedroom and nothing good can come of that as I give this one 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Drugula (DVD) – I would like to say this might have been the worst short film out of the bunch from MMH Productions I watched but it had me laughing. The story consists of a vampire selling drugs to humans then has them ingest them to become part of his ever growing vampire army. You got me to laughso I got give this one 2 out of 4 stars.

The Yellow Car (DVD) – MMH Productions gets an ‘A’ for effort on this one for doing a killer car short film on no budget as a bright yellow Camaro gets back at its owner for mistreatment of it. This short film may have showed off the talent of MMH Productions more than you think if pay attention a little closer as I give this one 3 out of 4 stars.

Spirits (DVD) – A short film where a man who doesn’t believe in the paranormal is visited by spirits. In my opinion this may have been the worst of the bunch from MMH Productions as this felt to me at least there was no real beginning or end as I give this 1 out of 4 stars.

Rats (DVD) – A short film where a man is terrorized by a large fake rat is able to accomplish his mission of getting rid of the foul thing. As two years go by a zombie version of the fake rat returns to exact revenge on the man in this little project from MMH Productions as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Benny (DVD) – This short film maybe a little uncomfortable for some viewers as MMH Productions tells a story of a sleazy dude who has a sick habit of enjoying his pet dogs in more ways than one and gets a new dog on a regular basis as I give this project 2 out of 4 stars.

All Nighter (DVD) – A rather rough short film that I felt could have used a little more touching up and footage of two friends watching TV all night that are visited by an unwanted evil visitor. Again this short film has potential if MMH Productions would have spent a little more time processing what they were actually going for as I give this 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

Attack of the Killer Chickens: The Movie (DVD) – If you crazy horror fans enjoyed ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ and ‘Attack of the Killer Donuts’ and you enjoyed the independent out this world spirit of ‘Llamageddon’ then yinz are gonna love this nutzoid mess of Space Chickens! I believe this was first released in 2015 then rereleased in 2022 is from the talented mind of Genoveva Rossi who directs, produces, writes, and stars in this masterpiece of horror comedy. The movie starts quick and does not let off the gas pedal as Killer Space Chickens have arrived to enslave all of mankind. From there like I said no letting off the gas pedal as we get a bad parody scene from ‘The Warriors’, chicken and human sex, a vegan bounty hunter, cowboy chicken fighting in a bar, chickens playing poker, more chicken and human sex, and some cameos to boot. To top all of this complete hilarity there is an ending that will have you laughing in an comfortable manner as I give this project 3 out of 4 stars.

Mindbender (DVD) – A rather heavy short film from newer filmmaker (to me at least) in Jason Burke about a father who is a doctor who was let go from his practice after 30 years as he was the scapegoat for a patient being lost. What doesn’t help the situation is this father is taking care of his terminally ill grown daughter. But dear old dad has a secret as his patients fully trust him and his methods in this effective, depressing short film that will make you think once viewed as I give this 3 out of 4 stars.

The Limbo Café (DVD) – Another professionally shot independent short film from Jason Burke that has a young woman stopping at a coffee shop on a rainy night. As she greeted by the hostess the two get talking and this rain soaked young lady explains how she is looking for a fresh start. But the more time spent at the coffee shop the young woman Atria becomes a little uneasy of the place as she experiences things. But it is too late before Atria understand this café isn’t some mysterious out of the way place. Intentional or not this gave me a fun feeling of watching those episodes of HBO’s ‘The Hitchhiker’ a few decades back as a kid and for that I gotta give this project 3 out of 4 stars.

Grave Encounters (DVD) – This Jason Burke simple short film has an abundance of substance to it that you will pick up on in the end as a couple strolling through a graveyard and reminiscing about their past two years together. This could be seen as depressing but I feel other independent filmmakers might it inspiring as again there is a lot of substance to this one as I give 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Shackles (DVD) – A Jason Burke film that has no dialogue but uses music and the actors’ actions to tell the story as a man wakes everyday only to be haunted by a beautiful lady whose simple presence is just defeating to the main character. He hopes every time he wakes not to see her but finally gets the courage to push by, smile, and go out his front door. This is some of the best story telling film wise I have seen since: The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl and Incest Boy and Hexercise as I give this inspiring tale 4 out of 4 stars.

Meg 2: The Trench (On Demand) – Jason Statham returns, big freakin ancient sharks return, terrible CGI returns, and this film has it all including a much better storyline than the original as Jason Statham and friends must again stop giant ancient sharks from eating all the humans as I give the sequel 3 stars. Yeah I am weird as I enjoyed this film more than the original!

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #595

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Project Wolf Hunting (On Demand) – Once again Asian horror fucking rocks! This blend of “Con-Air”, “Dead Alive” splatter, with a glass of “The Raid” and “Captain America… sort of” is a Korean flick that has a group of dangerous criminals being transported by ship from the Philippines to South Korea. All the doors have been taken off to the rooms so each convict can be watched by the authorities going along for the ride. Of course there is a plan in place for the convicts to escape but what they are not counting on is the super-secret experiment hanging out in the bottom of the ship that only a doctor who is there for a bundle of cash knows about. This secret is known as “Alpha”! Once the escape and takeover begins it’s a wonderful war between cops and criminals until the “Alpha” has awakened by some human blood dripping down below (believe me just watch because it’s bad ass what happens next). This experiment is awake and pissed off as it is not picking sides. Hell a dude gets beaten with his own arm as this film sports possibly the most gore since “Dead Alive” if not more? Bottom-line: The Alpha doesn’t get old, very hard to kill, and has the strength of five men and he can smell your ass! What turns out from large scale takeover turns to a movie about survival as the movie explains a few things in the second half so stick with it. Most likely there won’t be a bigger splatterfest in 2023 but I was not impressed with the ending and felt it hurts the overall product as I give the film 3 ½ stars.  

The Amityville Quilt Store (YouTube) – Yes indeed kids I have found entry #45 and it’s a short film (thank our lord Rutger Hauer) about two dudes who make the mistake of visiting the Amityville General Store. For one of the unfortunate friends they find out the hard way the antiques there must feed as I give the short film 2 ½ stars.

The Strange Possession of Mrs. Oliver (DVD/YouTube) – The great Karen Black plays your normal housewife of George Hamilton in this 1977 TV movie. Karen’s character is stuck in normalcy until she begins to have dreams and visions of a woman who died a few years back. Without giving too much away as I liked the little twist in this film between Black’s performance and the 45 year old film still having a spooky charm to it this is more than worth seeking out as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Satan Lives! The Rise of the Illuminati Hotties (Blu-ray) – Sean Donohue and crew bring together what is supposed to be a lost film that was shot in 1992 by two filmmakers who set to interview and follow the leader of the Satanic church, Richard Lemeau. While gathering info on the satanic leader it’s quickly learned that there are some within the ranks that have their own plans that include world domination. Richard comes off in this documentary lost tape thingy as someone trying to run a legit alternative church but if Patricia’s plan goes off as planned she will be in charge of the Illuminati and the satanic church! This movie swims in the sea of sleaze and fun but has a few flaws such as the stripper dance routine going way too long to possibly pad running time? I did enjoy seeing the Dingo Pizza commercial from Maddie Deering’s “Spirit Animal” flick. So if you are not into films that flirts with the line between good taste and fun sleaze this is most likely not for you but I still give it a solid 2 ½ out of 4 stars for those who are fans of the talented Sean Donohue.

Bloody Bloody Bible Camp (DVD) – A 2012 Indy project that begins at Happy Day Bible Camp in 1977 where campers get massacred by a person of the cloth (supposedly) and it stars Tim Sullivan, Ron Jeremy, Jeff Dylan Graham and the great Reggie Bannister. Now seven years later Reggie as Father Cummings and a survivor of the massacre head to the camp for a fun retreat for the parish of young people. Once settled in the campers are again victims of Sister Mary Chopper as the legend goes. The movie has a few hilarious moments for an Indy slasher but this project always makes me wonder if Rick Fusselman would have finished his project “Bible Camp Massacre” which was in pre-production at the same time of this film what would have Indy horror fans preferred? Anyway go check it out as I give it 2 stars.

Robo Vampire 2: Devil’s Dynamite (DVD/YouTube) – More jumping vampires, clumsy ninjas, a rando spacesuit dude that looks like an extra from an early 70s Godzilla film fill up this sequel to one of the more bizarre films I ever watched? All I know everything is Steve Cox’s fault in this film and there is a shadow warrior running around trying to put an end to the evil. But again it is Steve Cox’s fault because of someone’s sister being the “Queen of the Underworld”. If you sense disappointment in my review then you right because they went away from the dude being in an aluminum foil Robo suit and the mechanical noises they make off screen for the suit. Damn pieces of shit ruining a good gimmick as I can only give this 1 star.

Robo Vampire 3: Counter Destroyer (DVD/YouTube) – This time around we get two screenwriters in Cindy and Joyce who want peace at a hideaway in the mountains of China so they can work on this hot project about the “last emperor of China”. While the bumbling duo are busy waking evil spirits up, we got some sketchy mob shit going down between film companies and a woman named Jackie just killing off mob dudes left and right. A weird and confusing movie that eventually brings back the Robo suit but not till late into the second half of this oddity called a film. It was a little better than part 2 as I give it 1 ½ stars but no one near as entertaining as the original “Robo Vampire”.

Nailbiter (DVD) – An early short film from the people of Witch Doctor Films that I have had the pleasure of reviewing several of their projects over the years. This unique group’s early work is about a young woman taking an experimental drug for her cancer and it fails… maybe? Problem, the medical facility covers it up when the angry husband comes sniffing around as he cannot live without his beautiful wife and even consults a magic man he doesn’t believe in. It’s a great chilling and dark Indy tale of when you cannot leave the dead to stay dead. The early work is rough around the edges but you can clearly see the talent is there for the Witch Doctor Films crew as this was a fun ride down the rabbit hole to see their early work as I give it 2 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.witchdoctorfilms.com .

Found Footage: The Series (DVD) – A project created by Indy legend Henrique Couto that has eight tales of found footage segments that run from 24 to 27 minutes. The eight stories are about strange occurrences and told uniquely through an influencer’s phone, Skype or Zoom, random camera footage, computer files, damaged hardrives, a RING doorbell, and an old broadcast from 1986 that was never meant to be seen. I am not a huge fan of ‘found footage’ stuff but will say the segment “Ding Dong” had my interest as a)it was told mostly through a RING doorbell on an empty house but also b) the relationship the character develops with the house night after night seeking to burglarize it??? Put it this way I am surprised I haven’t heard more about this project as it seems to fit what society is doing these days as I give the project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Homecoming Massacre (DVD/Tubi) – Our story begins with why you shouldn’t have clowns for a kid’s birthday party no matter what… Apparently also dudes don’t dress as the clown and get all rapey with mum? Anyway Jonathan kills both of them and gets put away in various facilities for ten years until a cousin or something of the family, “The Clarks” who have their own issues take him in. Of course things seem good so hey let’s leave our teenagers alone with the crazy murderer who killed his mum n’at ten years ago so the teenagers can have a party. Yep, this makes total sense for a lackluster ‘massacre’ flick that all you need to know its always the clowns fault as I give it 1 star.

Christmassacre (DVD/Tubi) – Which is a horrible title by the way which took me about five minutes to realize this is a movie from a few years back that Wild Eye Releasing renamed from its original title “Secret Santa”. Okay Wild Eye Releasing two things before we move on: first, do not be like some companies (let’s leave them unnamed for now) that rename films to get horror fans especially Indy horror fans to pay twice for the same movie when that is a little unoriginal and boring. Second, “Christmassacre”?! WTF?! What would be so wrong with “Secret Santa Massacre” if you are going that route anyhow? Back on track kids as we have a fun Indy horror flick about some college girls who live off campus and every year have a Secret Santa party after finals. This year someone is taking the Secret Santa thing a little too far as they plan on slaughtering all who is a part of this event? Weird thing about this up and down little horror film is the characters are very likable and actually help slosh through the dull parts of the film. Also pay attention to the cucumber and what happens to it as it has nothing to do with a dude getting his dried sausage of a wiener getting snipped off! Oddly enjoyable as the best thing I can say about this film as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Pennywise: The Story of IT (DVD/Tubi) – A wonderful documentary that looks back at this two part TV movie that was memorable for the horror fans but also changed the way TV movies were looked upon. If you were around when this was first released or just a nerd of this film before the remake ever existed this is a well worth watch as it does a deep dive into characters, process of it from book to the small screen, and the interviews and stories of behind the scenes stuff that may explain why part two sucked. Yes folks, they spend some time on what went wrong! Great way to waste two hours kids if you are a huge nerd for the film or just a fan of Tim Curry as I give it 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

New episode of Bloodbaths podcast is up kids!

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We have three more flicks to talk about this week.  First Tim picks the remake of the Jamie Lee Curtis 80’s slasher straight from Tubi TERROR TRAIN 2022.  Next we have some naked cannibal campers in NAKED CANNIBAL CAMPERS, and finally we have a movie that Kyle retitled Underground fuck trolls from Detroit in BARBARIAN.  We also read all the news that is fit to speculate on. Answer your listener questions, and run down all your listener questions.  So download this episode or Richard Brake won’t be your neighbor.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #589

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Nutcracker Massacre (Tubi) – A novelist named Clara is heading to her Auntie Marie’s home for the holiday after a break up with her boyfriend. She figures some nostalgia would be good for the soul since she is so down. Along the way she stops at a novelty shop and picks up a gift for the auntie but when unwrapped, it is a sugar plum fairy not the nutcracker she thought she bought. That night the sugar plum fairy magically brings the life-sized nutcracker dude to life that goes on a killing spree for the holiday. This corny UK flick doesn’t make a ton of sense but if you needed a little different holiday slasher then you found the right movie as I give it 2 ½ stars. 

Meathook Massacre: Next Generation (YouTube) – Also known as “Meathook Massacre: Mayhem” has first time filmmaker Timothy Thomas take a stab at the series where apparently Bubba will never die (even though he did in the last entry… completely). This time around Becky a sports journalist becomes the latest victim of Bubba as he stalks her and breaks into her home. After a battle and both wounded (wearing an eye patch) Becky retreats to live with her father but wants to return home and move on. Once she does the notorious killer is back on the prowl for Becky but Becky is packed to the gills with weapons to fight this dude. Becky eventually figures out the meathook is somehow the ‘source of power’ for Bubba and that is how we have another film in this ongoing series as I give this uninteresting sequel 1 star.

The Killing Tree (DVD) – Some of yinz may have seen this under a different title of ‘Demonic Christmas Tree’ recently but anyhow those crazy ass people in the UK are just churning them out as a murderous evil spirit brought back by an evil spell into a killer Christmas tree! This killer a year ago went on a crazy murder spree of killing 12 families on Christmas to spread the message to all that they do not have the Christmas spirit. So of course Clay is back to finish the damn job as an evil Christmas tree! Some of the story is told through flashbacks to explain what is exactly going on but bottom line Clay wants revenge on Faith for everything. The death scenes are bad but we are talking killer Christmas tree movie that is terribly cheesy but will hit the mark for any drunken horror fan that needs their fix during the holiday season as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Amityville Thanksgiving (Blu-ray) – So again for all the kids that are counting with me this would be “entry #41” into the Amityville series… and yes this would be 42 now but I do not count the YouTube video “Amityville Gas Chamber” a movie but just an April Fool’s joke to clarify to those who been following this mess? Anyway, apparently a filmmaker decided to set out to make the worst Amityville film in the series and almost succeeded? But then they must not have seen “Mt. Misery Road” or “Vanishing Point”? A holiday entry… sort of, where an old married couple goes to a remote place to hang with their creepy therapist who is trying to bang the wife or just be creepy. Dr. Frank Demonico from Amityville apparently looks for a couple every year to sacrifice for his evil plans until finally after years of this the Amityville authorities have wised up. Just plain dumb, boring, and way too much filler. And the couple people/critics I seen online must likely connected to the film claiming “us viewers don’t understand the plot points”? Honestly, really, actually go look up Steve Rudzinski and see how a real professional would attack or use this series for a project? Or hey you can just fuck off and understand your movie is a pile of elephant dung as I give it 0 stars. But here is the funny part it still ain’t no “Jeepers Creepers Reborn”, so go think on that one.

Kiss of Death Productions Short Films Volume One (DVD) – These are unreleased short films from the vault of legendary independent filmmakers David and Diana Silvio. For years these sat unseen but now the Silvios’ are unleashing their Indy projects onto the world. First up is ‘Hidden Fist II: Satan’s Mob’ where martial arts expert Bill C. Kelley plays Dirk Jones who attempts to fight his way through wannabe gangsters to get to their evil mob boss with his former flame only for the boss to mysteriously disappear. The ending was kind of Scooby-dooish but fun. Second up was the sequel ‘The Hidden Fist III: The Final Thrust’ as I can’t help laughing every time I say the title but that is me and I will always be a teenager. This time Dirk Jones is thrusted into a tangle with another mob (see what I did there?). There is kidnapping, murder, stunts, and much martial arts fighting. Third short film is ‘The Waiting Wolf’ where a supposedly mystery woman seeks out karate master Jack claiming to be stalked by an evil man? After Jack’s assistant is beaten up and goes to have a looksee and Desiree is super happy to see a fight about to go down. But in the end the joke is always going to be on her bitchy ass! As I am sure David would call it “a twisted adult tale”. Plus a fun hidden gem is the promos for ‘Meat for Satan’s Icebox’! As usual fun stuff from this wonderful couple and let’s not forget an entertaining performance from Bill C. Kelley as I give this collection 3 out of 4 stars.  

Le Prix Du Danger (VHS) – A few of yinz may know this 1983 French film as “The Prize of Peril”? Anyway, you remember the film “The Running Man” with Arnold? Well this gritty feature predates the flick by four years and pretty much it looks like as usual the American Hollywood ripped that shit off. If interested, it’s worth jumping down the rabbit hole to go look for this one as it has a quite different ending I wasn’t sure how to fell about as I give the flick 3 stars. But to be honest now that I know this exist it still won’t change my mind on how much I love the Arnold flick.

Blood, Guts, and Sunshine: The History of Horror Made in Florida (Blu-ray) – A documentary that tackles the rich history of independent filmmaking in the state of Florida and how it has produced several Indy gems over the years from several talented individuals. Sean Donohue puts together the usual great doc that talk: Creature from the Black Lagoon to Bob Clark to Tim Ritter to Stanley to H.G. Lewis to Joel D. Wynkoop. Donohue is able to give the world a lot of inside stuff most fans may not know about and like most documentaries they can start to repeat conversations if left long enough but just when you think it’s over? It isn’t and it is actually kind of a shock about 80 or so minutes in at what one person’s opinion of the Florida filmmaking scene is… I give Mr. Donohue credit for leaving this in and getting others comments about this after it is said. As usual to some Sean and company might be an acquired taste among horror fans but to me they are some talented people down there in that sunshine state as I give this documentary 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Lair (On Demand) – A creature feature from Neil Marshall that takes place April 2017 in the Afghan Mountains unofficially where a royal Air Force pilot is shot down behind enemy lines. As she fights for survival from oncoming soldiers she stumbles upon a hidden bunker that she forces her way in. Chased inside and fighting for her life they all stumble upon a secret Russian experiment. Escaping barely from this bunker the pilot is picked up by a U.S. military team and taken too this desolate outpost that is there for the rejects of the military. But it doesn’t take long for these creatures to break out and track her down as they were bred for unnatural reasons and left abandoned as now these tough bastards are awake. Fun creature feature that felt a little clunky but still enjoyable as I give it 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #514

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Gross Movie Reviews #514

 

Naked Cannibal Campers (Blu-ray) – The latest from one of the hardest working independent filmmakers, Sean Donohue who is based out of Florida. Three young guys go out for the usual “let’s get drunk and fishing weekend” and just happen to have a cabin near three young ladies. But these ladies are not just your average hotties, they just so happen to be witches who are looking for dinner which is usually human. Meanwhile a weird one-eyed warlock stalks the woods trying to save potential victims but stumbles upon a young man whose girlfriend was the latest to fall under the witches’ spell. The warlock trains the young man to use his new found power to help defeat the beautiful cannibal witches as the witches feast on the three young men. Boobs, buckets of blood and a hilarious cannibal plotline make for an entertaining feature from Mr. Donohue as he has a formula for his projects and it works as I give this project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Santo in the Revenge of La Llorona (DVD) – A professor asks Santo for his assistance in retrieving a necklace from a mummy that happens to have a map enclosed that will show the way to a treasure. Which of course the professor claims he will donate the treasure to museums and children’s hospitals in Mexico. But doing this expedition they must face off with the spirit of La Llorona who is protecting the necklace. This Santo feature didn’t seem to be as much fun as some of the others I have watched recently so I only give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Wicked World (DVD) – Barry J. Gillis best known for his various roles in and on 1989s ‘Things’ took a stab at directing this Indy Canadian feature. We are introduced to an insane serial killer who was sent over the edge after the suicide of his three daughters. He narrates his murders he has committed from his wheelchair in an asylum. Harold was only caught when he killed off a cop’s ex-girlfriend. Harold uses bats, guns, whatever he can use to terrorize the residents of Toronto. Barry’s film is literally a mess of a film that while researching ‘Wicked World’ found Barry being quoted that “he wished the film would have stayed buried” it that bad. I really believe even the die-hard Indy supporters will find it hard to watch as I give it a ½ star.

Six Days in Roswell (Blu-ray) – The same crew that was behind the cult hit ‘Trekkies’ quickly took its next aim at making a documentary about the alien capital of the world: Roswell, New Mexico. In 1997, the 50th anniversary of the famous alien crash landing the crew follows a man named Rich from Minnesota who is living a lifelong dream of visiting Roswell. Rich’s goal is to gather information from all the people visiting there during the great celebration and see how he can get abducted by aliens. So Rich decides to use this dream for research how he can make it easier for him to be abducted. Rich takes in and interviews: alien experts, live debates about aliens, bands that just sing songs about aliens, costume contests, conventions, everything about the alien abduction culture. There is no faking the reactions and answers he gets when interviewing people about aliens. It is a wonderful look into how serious humans do take this interesting subject. Bonus to the documentary is the commentary by the director, producer, and star Rich explaining more behind the idea of doing the project but also giving you more info about some of the characters Rich talked to that didn’t make the cut. If you are even at all interested in aliens this upgrade for the 2001 documentary is an absolute treat to watch as I give it 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

Suckers (Blu-ray) – A bigger budgeted project for filmmaker Roger Nygard after gaining some critical success with two documentaries that turn some heads. The film newly transferred to Blu-ray is about a man named Bobby who is in some major debt with some shady guys who really would like their money with interest immediately. Bobby not really excited about taking a job as a car salesman but only after his wife played by Lori Loughlin threatens to leave and meets Reggie. Reggie is the guy who trains all the salesmen and pushes them to sell every car for outrageous amounts of money by any means they can. Reggie wants to screw over the customer as much as possible. What feels like another version of “Used Cars” quickly turns into something else in the last quarter of the film when a $10,000 bonus is introduced for whoever sells the most cars in a month, drug dealers, a disgruntled employee, and the shady guys that force Bobby to rob his new place of employment or die? The Reggie character will feel way too over the top at times but in the long run of the film there is a point to him and how it all ties in nicely with an action-packed ending. The Blu-ray comes with a new transfer of the film, deleted scenes, raw takes, a trailer, and commentary of course. Without the recent disaster Lori Loughlin and family caused in Hollywood with famous kids going to college this film most likely gets looked over? But hey enjoy this diamond in the rough dark comedy as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #495

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Gross Movie Reviews #495

Hot Dog the Movie! (Blu-ray) – One of the most talked about sex comedies of the 80s has been restored and has goodies added to it by Synapse Films. We have a wholesome farm boy whom an amazing skier is making his way Squaw Valley, CA, for the winter skiing competition. Along the way Harkin our main character picks up the cute-next door type of girl hitchhiking who decides to tag along with Harkin to see where this leads. Once there Harkin soon makes quick friends with a group of skiers known as ‘The Rat Pack’ with his skills on the mountain during practice. As they all have a common foe in an Austrian skier named Rudi who has disrespected Harkin from the beginning. From there when not on the mountain for the competition ‘The Rat Pack’ is busy partying, creating chaos, and debauchery. Just like films of the same era in “Hardbodies”, “Losin’ It”, and “Porky’s” it gives you all the beautiful naked bodies you can handle in many party scenes. But what separates this fun sex comedy classic from most is not just its romantic element between Harkin and the hitchhiker but the amazing ski stunts and the ‘Chinese Downhill’ event to end the film. The way its shot and how its perform is perfect and I believe sometimes gets lost in all of the glorious nudity that we all remember watching as teenagers in the early 80s on Skinamax or HBO! Now imagine that restored with all the bright colors and cleared to perfection… Yes, I know there will be a few of us that will pause on the scenes of breasts for nostalgia? Believe me I don’t blame you even knowing then that the perfect Shannon Tweed was in the film. But the shots of the ‘Chinese Downhill’ are something to behold my friends. With this new restoration we also get a 50-minute documentary about the film which surprisingly they get a lot of who was involved. We also get a commentary and interviews with director Peter Markle and producer Mike Marvin which were not your usual boring stuff. These guys still show much love to the film and proud of the product they put on film. As usual Synapse Films did a supreme job at restoring one of the best sex comedies of the 80s and bringing it to Blu-ray for us fans to enjoy for many years to come. I give this Blu-ray 4 out of 4 stars and more info or to purchase the film can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

 

The Rake (DVD) – A slow burn horror flick from the talented Tony Wash whose story involves a brother and sister named Ben and Ashley whose father a doctor was working on a diagnosis for an insane person Jacob. One night Jacob shows up in their home to slaughter the parents in front of the children and then commits suicide. Years may have passed since the deaths but Ben and Ashley were adopted by a well-adjusted family and Ben was able to get past it. Ashley on the other hand has been in and out of asylums. Nikki their adopted sister whose family took them in is having a house warming party and wants the siblings to attend. Ashley once there begins to regress and speaks of “The Rake” and explains Jacob wasn’t a serial killer but a vessel for something more terrifying that can infect us all. Again a lot of dialogue, slow burn but the payoff with the monster thing is freaking awesome I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Dead Residence (Blu-ray) – Sean Donohue and Gator Blade Films latest is a found footage flick that has first time house flippers in Tampa tackling a home maybe haunted or worst yet, someone besides them living there? Debbie and Patrick have found the perfect home to flip for their first time. Everything goes great and they spend their first nights in the home so they can get they don’t have to travel to work on the interior of the home. But while they sleep each night the new surveillance video picks up something is in the home watching them. During the remodel tools begin to disappear as does food but the couple are unphased until they find a flash drive that has disturbing snuff videos on it. By time the couple realizes where the videos are being filmed at it is already too late for the two. Sean did a great job in keeping someone like me interested in a found footage film as I am not the biggest fan of them. A fun keeping it simple independent film from Sean that serves as a legit warning to house flippers in the future as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Scary Movie (DVD-R) – A definite unknown flick from 1991 that really never got released but pops up a cable network from time to time. Warren is a very sheltered young man who is out for the Halloween holiday with a so-called friend at a haunted attraction. Of course the friend tries to hook up Warren to no avail but Warren’s attention is elsewhere when he hears on a police radio about a convict possibly escaping nearby. This sends Warren into a full panic attack that leads to the misfortune of the attraction shutting down. Interesting movie if there weren’t literally full scenes of nothing going on but Warren losing his grip on reality staring into space. This is one of those films for only the cinema die hards as I give it 1 star.

 

Haunting Inside (DVD) – Sylvia is a young woman who had a mental break because of her parents’ death and her brother Sam is forced to take care of her. She has her good days and bad days as Sam just tries to keep his own life together. Sam, per doctor’s advice goes and purchases several games for Sylvia to help keep her focus and not beat herself up. This excites Sylvia and she takes the Ouija board to her room to play but nothing happens. This disappoints Sylvia but does not stop her interest in the game that is supposed to be about talking to spirits. Second night she tries contacting her parents, still nothing but the next night she breaks through to something or some spirit. The spirit and her develop a relationship even if her doctor doesn’t see much good in this because it is only a game. The spirits look after Sylvia at first but they are actually just preparing her since she is in a fragile state that she doesn’t understand she is being taken advantage of. An absolute wonderful paranormal flick that is well written, well casted, and wish future paranormal flicks will pay attention to “Haunting Inside” as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Church of the Damned (DVD) – Another long lost unreleased Polonia Brothers film that wasn’t finished from 1985. It has intro from Mark Polonia recently explaining the issues with the project. It is a project they started in their senior year of high school about a couple cops who are investigating missing persons. While investigating the two cops stumble upon something called the ‘Brotherhood of Darkness’. It isn’t anything groundbreaking but fun to see again the early work of this talented duo as I give it 1 ½ stars for nostalgic sake.

 

5 Years After the Fall (DVD) – A low budget post-apocalyptic affair where five years ago the world walled off 90% of its population because the lack of food. Now present a young man is having a debate with an older man about what humans should do now until the train derails and he finds himself on the other side of the wall. Jacob soon learns the world has survived but only through cannibalism and the strong taking advantage of the weak. Now in the savage land Jacob must fight off cannibal marauders in order to escape a home he thought he found was safe. From the beginning you are able to see there is a disconnect between script and what is on screen as I give it 1 star.

 

Pickaxe (DVD) – Alex Black is a killer in the woods during the early 80s who slaughtered several people in Woodland Hills. Now 1988, he is believed to dead but rumors begin again as a couple go missing recently. Several high school students head to the parents’ cabin for some hard partying, sex, and preparing to attend a concert. After much nudity Alex gets his slaughter on until Tiffany Shepis and the great A. Michael Baldwin try to put a stop to his killing ways! Getting past the enormous amount of nudity the filmmaker thought the film needed there is some great gore shots but I feel if the film is distorted or confusing? I feel the film may have come across better if scenes were in a different order. The concept seems solid but scenes don’t fit together like it was edited to serve some kind of purpose the filmmaker wasn’t sharing with the viewer as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #472

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Gross Movie Reviews #472

 

Weenie Roast Massacre (DVD/YouTube) – High School football star Marty has it all until a serious head injury changes everything. His father brings a football scout to a barbeque and makes Marty show off his skills and in the process smacks his head off the grill in the backyard. Now with no football in his life and on special meds Marty wonders if he will ever be the same person as he has become distant with his girlfriend and friends. He believes the strong meds are giving him visions that aren’t there and confusing him. So the friends and Marty pile into a car, head to a cabin, and play a game of Hide-n-Go Drink! And so the bodies begin to pile up quickly… I give the film 1 ½ stars.

 

Avengers: Endgame (Theater) – After all the reknobs on their Google machines were done trying to spoil everything for everyone and bitch about anything opening weekend I went the week after it opened. Once again Marvel knows what they are doing. If you have been a fan of the several films that led up to this finale then you will really enjoy this as it gives closure to most of the characters you have gotten to know. Plus the three hour time feels like a breeze because let’s face it Marvel movie fans they a lot of storylines to cover. It is everything you could want from a summer popcorn flick. Infinity edges Endgame out for me but I felt like everyone got their 30 seconds in this flick. I give this film 3 ½ stars as it was only missing two things for me “Spider-man 2099” and “Blade”, but that’s me the weirdo.

 

American Massacre (YouTube) – After a couple of weeks of people dying in a small town of Victorville a group of friends thought this would be a good time for their Labor Day party. Of course an unknown killer begins to slice and dice through the group but don’t let the played out plot fool you. As only one person was supposed to die but escalates quickly. As the film becomes very interesting in the end it out smarts itself instead of sticking to the original plan of only having one twist. The movie was much better than I ever thought it was going to be so for that I give it 2 stars.

 

The Hart-Break Killer (DVD) – Sean Donohue’s latest thriller is more about substance than sleaze but takes you on a very entertaining and trippy ride into the mind of Robert Hart. Mr. Hart is just a lonely, nerdy dude who would like to meet an attractive woman and have a relationship. This simple thing seems to be very hard to obtain as Robert always at odds at what he could do, or what he wants? His constant talks with the man in the dark room seem not to be helping and Robert is thinking about seeing a psychiatrist. Will he help or hurt Robert? Things are unclear as Mr. Hart’s dating woes continue sending him into a deep depression he may not be able to escape. I enjoy Sean’s work and hope he keeps it coming as I give this 3 out of 4 stars. www.gatorbladefilms.com

Werewolf in a Woman’s Prison (DVD) – This 2006 mess of a film might be my sleeper hit of the year. If the actress playing Sarah looks familiar that is because a lot of Full Moon fans would know her as the sultry Batty Boop from the “Killjoy” films. Sarah out in the woods boinking her dude in the woods is disturbed by a creature. This creature happens to be a werewolf that tears up her boyfriend and leaving Sarah wounded. She awakes some time later in a prison for the criminally insane and finds out the boyfriend is dead and she is completely fucked as it’s a foreign country and they want to use her ass! The prison looks to imprison American women for their gain in this rip-off of “American Werewolf in London”. So with her new situation Sarah must learn to survive in her new rapey environment. After a fight and not making friends with most of her bunk buddies she transforms into a werewolf and turns the Canpuna prison into a bloodbath. This film is a large barrel of sleaze and cheese that follows Joe Bob Briggs famous three B’s so well it may make his brain explode as I give this absolutely nutzoid flick 4 stars! The topper is an unbelievable werewolf transformation scene at the end of the film that had no business being that good of a transformation. Don’t think just go watch and understand …

 

Massacre (YouTube/DVD) – A hugely boring ass flick about a couple of country cops taking on two cannibal killing brothers in the mountains. And if wondering… yes there was a good bit of slow motion scenes for no apparent reason. I give the film zero stars as it gives more proof to asking WTF?

 

Amsterdamned (DVD) – A Dutch slasher film I didn’t know much about from 1989 that has the killer using the canals of Amsterdam to his advantage. The film has a very memorable scene of a hooker being killed but then hanged from a bridge where her body just smears along a boat full of children, great stuff. A police lieutenant hesitates to call it a serial killer until the bodies keep stacking up and are killed in similar ways. As the bodies pile up quickly the lieutenant must find out what experienced diver would have this thrill to kill? Of course they get the wrong guy to make it interesting but in the end the police cannot be fooled. A fun watch I give 2 ½ stars too.

The Devil’s Rock (DVD) – A 2011 film from “Night of the Hell Hamsters” filmmaker Paul Campion that sets the film on D-Day eve as soldiers are heading to islands to sabotage Nazi’s large cannons and structures. But the two hear a woman moaning inside the tunnel below and cannot stop themselves from seeing if they can rescue her from the Nazi forces. But what the two soldiers stumbled upon is something they could never expect as they come upon a scene of murder and gore. A German soldier there was on a secret mission to gain an ancient text on the island and test its knowledge. The test was to conjure a demon and control it so Hitler could use it as a weapon and enslave the world. It could change the war. Nothing on the Earth can send it back as the German and New Zealand soldier must work together to send it back to hell or become part of the bloodbath? The demon must eat constantly as I give this wonderful film from Paul Campion 3 stars and glad you are still out there my friend making awesome horror films.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

Gross Movie Reviews #421

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Gross Movie Reviews #421

 

Amityville: The Awakening (On Demand) – Jennifer Jason Leigh (Joan) has just moved her family to the legendary house that is famous for the murders that took place 40 years ago. Her kids do not know this at all but soon learn about it through school. Belle the oldest daughter begins to sense strange things in the home and begins to do more research. Joan on the other hand hopes that something happens so her comatose son comes back to life as this was her real reason for moving the family to this legendary house. Soon the twin brother has come back to the land of the living but lets his twin sister know that he is not alone and wants to die. This movie is not horrible and you get real weird vibe from watching it as it incorporates the real life murders and acknowledges that there have been movies made about the house. The original actually possesses Belle to start digging in the basement for “the red room”? The film is an interesting take for the series as there are numerous crappy sequels and a remake. Seriously this movie is worth taking a look at as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Thor: Ragnarok (Theater) – The third film in the Marvel series of the title character has him fighting for Asgard’s existence as his sister has come back home and father has died. In Odin’s death he has brought Loki and Thor closer together… maybe. But once the sister arrives and has disposed of the brothers she plans on conquering more realms. The planet Thor and Loki fall upon just happen to have The Hulk and a legendary warrior The Valkyrie. Once together they plan to go back to Asgard and save the people before they are destroyed. The film is of course a giant fun bag of popcorn and we all know it is a placeholder for the upcoming Avengers films. But what made the film good are two things: a) has this 80s retro feel and b) you don’t have to see the first two “Thor” films to know what exactly is going on. I give it 3 stars.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Death-Scort Service 2: The Naked Dead (DVD/Vimeo) – An escort named Michelle survived torture from a crazed killer a year ago and is trying to move on by being the best escort she can be. But the nightmare is not over as a new crazed killer kidnaps her and ends Michelle’s life with an electric saw to the vagina! Yes folks a saw to the babymaker, if you are going to watch a Sean Donohue flick you better come prepared especially in this film’s case… Independent sleaze, gore, and goo is Donohue’s calling card and there tons of it. A group of young escorts don’t care for the warnings or stories as they know if they don’t get naked they ain’t gonna make the money. But this new mysterious killer stays one step ahead of the new crop of working girls by killing them off in a more brutal way than the last. If you like your horror films sleazing, full of buck nakedness, and lots gooey gore this will be the feature for you gorehounds as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. If curious of where to find this fine flick go on over to: www.thesleazebox.com or www.gatorbladefilms.com .

 

The Babyface Killer (YouTube) – A story of a man’s anger taking over after his woman loses their child before birth. They have been trying and finally it happens but bad luck comes along. The man slowly lets his anger build and gets upset over the littlest things until one day he sees a lovely pregnant woman out by the road. Then that is when he crosses the line, loses his mind, and goes dark… Great stuff again from Forte Films as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars and you can find out more at www.fortefilmsentertainment.com .

 

Rage and Honor II: Hostile Takeover (DVD) – The 1993 film brings action star and legend Cynthia Rothrock back together again with Richard Norton. This time out Cynthia’s character is undercover as a banker trying to stop a crooked banker but it becomes much more when he is linked to a drug lord. If you are a Rothrock fan this flick will disappoint as it seems like they just wanted the name and not the person as most of the action in the movie centers around Norton’s character. Pretty much got wait through the whole lame ass movie for Rothrock to fight someone as I give the boring movie 1 star.

 

Better Watch Out (On Demand) – Ashley is a young woman about to move away and is going to babysit Luke one more time before she goes. Luke is a much younger teenager who has googly eyes for the beautiful Ashley. When Luke goes to finally make his move on the babysitter somebody has other ideas? A brick gets thrown through the window, a person peeking through the window, someone trying to scare the two. But it just so happens to be Luke’s best friend trying to help the ultimate plan of Luke’s of getting the girl. Nope Ashley is pissed at both Luke and Garrett. Luke snaps and ties up Ashley and wants to play a game of “Truth or Dare” and the things get even further out of hand when the ex-boyfriend shows up. Luke has the mentality “if he cannot have Ashley, no one can” and has the plan in place to pull it off… maybe? A very different and entertaining holiday flick that isn’t so much horror as a thriller but well worth watching over a plate of Christmas cookies. And for that I give it 3 stars.

 

Arsenal (DVD) – An older brother always watched out for his little brother since they were young. Now it’s time for the little brother to take care of his older brother. As the older brother has been kidnapped by a low grade town mobster who had a plan to get money out of the younger brother. Nic Cage who plays the disgusting idoit with the plan wasn’t expecting the older down on his luck brother to say no. The younger brother has four days to come up with $350,000 and is getting help from an officer of the law played by John Cusack. When it comes down to it the film is an above average direct-to-video action flick as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV (DVD) – An animated feature that helps feature the famous game characters in a struggle for world peace and stop a lost princess from being killed before marriage. To be honest haven’t played any of the Final Fantasy games probably since they started on Nintendo?! But the concept and the films always fascinated me and never a bad idea to check this animated features out as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Assassin’s Creed (DVD) – Another video game adaption to movies that does not live up to most fans’ expectations. There is a program for certain prison inmates who are sent to death. If their DNA is linked to some kind of ancestry of this clan of warriors this certain government project wants you to find this “egg”. This “egg” has a certain power if in the right hands that can rule the world. The inmate put to death but wakes up hours later in a secured facility where the public believes they are dead. Then some scientists mess with the brain trying to bring out the ancestor they are looking for? It’s weird but also too I was never a fan of the game so who knows as I give this time filler 1 ½ stars.

Killer Campout (DVD) – Its 1966 and this ugly dude is torturing a couple out in a remote area. After killing the man he gets all rapey with the woman and of course nine months later another ugly thing is born. The film moves along to 1989 where people have been disappearing out in the woods but could never be explained. Authorities are baffled but not concerned as much as some others are with the problem. So some horny ass lady thinks it would be cool to do group therapy out in the woods unknowingly ringing the dinner bell for the old ugly dude still stalking out in the woods! Has that “Madman, Don’t Go in the Woods, and The Forest” kind of feel to it. Lots of fun gruesome deaths and a small twist make this throwback slasher fantastically entertaining as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Mark of the Scorpion (DVD) – Andy J. Forrest is Bootleg Indiana Jones in 1936 treasure hunting. But Bootleg Indiana cannot even get started before he is thrown in jail because some reknob wants the known treasure hunter working for him out in the Sahara desert. The reknob French dude believes he needs Bootleg Indy for the possible Cleopatra crap he may have found? The film is no “Treasures of the Four Crowns” but the plot of Bootleg Indy spending most of the movie in prison is actually really fascinating. I give this foreign mid-80s flick 2 stars.

 

Missionary Man (DVD) – A bible carrying stranger rolls into town to mourn a friend who was murdered. Oh, it’s Dolph Lundgren and he wants justice and Tekla. A man named Reno runs the small Native American town and seems to be the root of the problem with the possible murder and controlling the local authorities. Dolph of course kicks ass in this updated “Pale Rider” action flick as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Peacekeeper (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren is Major Cross and now has become the keeper of the nuclear codes. After a terrorist attack on Cross, stealing the briefcase, and Cross presumed dead, the terrorists run to a missile solo that is being shut down. Wait a minute, Cross doesn’t die that easy as he will drive a car across building roofs and become one of the terrorists in order to get the codes back. A wonderfully entertaining mid-90s action film worth tracking down as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Cost of the Living (YouTube) – William Long has made a no budget flick about an apocalyptic love story. A man and a woman head off into the woods after the “Sickness” was destroying humanity. As long as they have each other the couple is happy and live forever. But with no budget movies sometimes editing is your best friend. If the movie is maybe made into short film format around 12 or 15 minutes it most likely works better. The 53 minute running time with not a whole lot happening gives it that dull feeling that makes you want to check out from watching the film. Mr. Long remember sir editing the film down is your what’s best as I give it 1 out of 4 stars.

 

Trespassers (DVD) – This fantastic short film is from Zane Hershberger (for the love of Rutger Hauer you know I am fucking that name up) and is a segment of a horror anthology called “10/31”. A couple is out at the local movie theater trying to enjoy a good scary movie but have picked a dud. So still looking for something to put a little fear in their lives on the best night of the year, Halloween they go for a drive out to a farm. This farm isn’t any farm it has a horrible history of a scarecrow popping mysteriously on the land and eventually Old Man Martin murdered his family and committed suicide. But what is about this creepy scarecrow that makes the local story so interesting this couple wants to know? Pretty creepy and well thought out Halloween short film reminds me of a cool little known horror flick from the late-80s called “Scarecrows” and for that I give 4 out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details!