If you are a fan of The Thing From Another World comic you will wanna see this!

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Coming Feb. 14th get your love the best present ever:

Valentine’s Day – Eternal Vows will be released.

 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL84W7iH0GDnQQ9Do9pjPzWyGw0emFanP8

Gross Movie Reviews #365

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Gross Movie Reviews #365

 

By Tim Gross

 

The Salvation (DVD) – A story based on what Danish soldiers did after the war. They came to America during the 1860s looking for opportunity. And the dude that played Hannibal Lecter in the “Hannibal” TV series has made enough money to bring his wife and son to America. While traveling back to the farm two outlaws throw Hannibal off the stagecoach, kill his son, and rape and kill his wife. After killing these two outlaws, the brother and his gang want revenge but that just makes Hannibal go all Josey Wales on their asses! I give the western 2 ½ stars.

 

Diamond Dogs (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren stars as a failed security expert in Mongolia who street fights for cash but is hired to track down an important artifact. Dolph beats the shit out of a bunch of people and eventually gives the artifact to the monks. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Enemies Closer (DVD) – Jean-Claude Van Damme dresses up as a Canadian Mountie to try and get information from the US border patrol on the coast of Maine about a plane that went down and possibly has his drugs. They don’t cooperate and he kicks their collective ass. Now knowing the location he needs a tracker and the only one is a ranger former military dude who may have PTSD and wants left alone. Add Orlando Jones and Tom Everett Scott as the ranger/hero fighting JCVD and you have an unrealistic movie with a great wasted performance by JCVD as the villain! I give the flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Summer of Blood (DVD) – A comedian comes up with a movie idea where he plays a lazy annoying guy named Erik. Erik believes he is the best at his job and girlfriend thinks he is the best until she leaves him and he loses his job. If that wasn’t enough he is attacked by a vampire and the vamp feels bad about Erik and makes him a vamp also. And the rest of the movie is about how better Erik is in bed with the ladies. The movie was unfunny and just down right lame as I give it 0 stars.

 

A Christmas Horror Story (DVD) – A small town named Bailey Downs goes to total shit every year on Christmas according to the police chief and this year is no different. William Shatner plays a DJ who kinda works as in-between for the intertwining stories about Krampus and his evil ways. It is an anthology without being anthology is the best way to put it as there is five different storylines all going at once. We got suspicious murders at St. Joseph’s School, kids investigating, elves become zombify and attack Santa Claus, Krampus coming to collect on horrible human beings, great bloody fun this holiday is! I give it 3 stars and Shatner rules in this flick.

 

Holiday of the Dead (DVD) – An independent film from Final Warning Films takes a cue from the film “Nightmare at Noon” and has a so-called big medical asshat from Hinz-Howard pharmaceutical company giving out free flu shots. Of course this military experiment is on a small US town that no one will know or care about. But small town sheriff Tiffany Shepis tries to stop the flesh-eaters as most of the town got the flu shot. Now the only hope is some college kids camping and AWOL military personnel trying to stop it from happening again. If you are a fan of “Nightmare at Noon” made on a smaller scale you will enjoy this flick as it has some great gore effects and Tiffany Shepis actually has a script to work with. The film had some audio issues early on but seem to be corrected shortly after as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Note; there is a couple zombies that are killed simply by breaking their necks so is it truly a zombie movie?

Destroy

Destroy Cleveland (DVD) – A documentary dedicated to bringing you the viewer behind-the-scenes look of the punk/hardcore music scene of Cleveland between the years of 1986-into late 2000s. Director Matt Greenfield and producer Jorge Delarosa do an amazing job of tracking many popular bands of the time to explain how different the scene was than most cities. And where the anger came from to make the hardcore music scene possible? These guys did a great job of bringing this documentary to life and that is coming from a dude that lived in Pittsburgh and I had heard of a few of these bands. Great stuff for the music documentary lover. Keep up the good work guys as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. For more info on this cool project go check out www.slowmutants.com and www.rustbelthammer.com .

 

Tales of Halloween (On Demand) – A great collection of short films that are of course are Halloween themed and have not only all-star directors but all-star casts. This film will soon be a staple for Halloween movie lovers every October as there wasn’t one bad story like most anthologies. Great effects, great monsters, fun stories, everything a horror movie fan looks for in a great Halloween flick. I definitely see horror fans doing a double bill movie night with this flick and “Trick r Treat”. I give it 4 stars.

 

Alien Beasts (DVD) – The no budget film from Carl J. Sukenick is also known as “Mutant Massacre”, neither title I never heard of. But anyway this man made a shot on video film about mutants and terrorists fighting on earth… I think. Carl narrates most the film so you know what’s going on or maybe not know what is going on. I tried rewatching this mess and still don’t know what was going on but it is such a crazy mess it is worth watching at least once just to know something like this exists! If that isn’t enough for you there is a sequel “Mutant Massacre 2” made available for the first time with more Claymation and scenes in weird colors but the same movie pretty much. Don’t ask just roll on over to www.massacrevideo.com and have Louis explain it to you as I believe the mess gave a migraine for a full day after witnessing it? It was so weird, so out there, a rating cannot be given as this movie needs to be witnessed not just watched…

 

Monster Dog (DVD) – I finally sat down and watched this Alice Cooper horror flick all the way through and totally understand now why Alice Cooper hates this project. Not because it only became available on DVD recently but after filming this Spanish/Italian/whatever other country production the movie company dubbed all of Mr. Cooper’s dialogue. Let’s not dwell on the fact the film couldn’t make its mind up on whether it was a killer dog flick or werewolf flick… But just try to enjoy this Alice Cooper horror film even though the two songs he has for the film are not his best by any means either. Disappointing flick but glad I watched it as I will most likely never revisit this 1 star horror film.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #334

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Gross Movie Reviews #334

 

By Tim Gross

 CRXL_Zombie_Movie_Poster

Thr33 Days Dead (DVD/SyFy Channel) – This feature was a product of a SyFy Channel reality show called “Town of the Living Dead”. I believe it was 12 half hour episodes of a film crew struggling for the past six years to make a zombie movie in Jasper, Alabama on no budget. If they finish it they get their film to premiere on SyFy Channel? Well, of course they finished it, problem is unless you were retarded like me and checked for the 1 am time it was listed you were not going to see the finished product. Good, bad, ugly idea… I was just glad SyFy threw the film on TV. But from what I have read it didn’t get good enough ratings to warrant a Saturday night time slot which kinda sucked. Personally, I hope someone takes notice of the idea not the movie? Great idea, poor execution of a movie… But anyhow without ranting on about this idea the six years in the making zombie movie suffers like most independent movies that go on way too long from no budget. It doesn’t hurt to think big when zombies are attacking a small town but if you don’t have the resources to pull it off you get this finished project. Three guys trying to survive a zombie apocalypse with impossible odds. I give it 1 ½ stars.

Happy Horror

Happy Hour Holocaust (DVD) – A fun anthology film project directed and written by Jim Roberts and has help behind and in front of the camera from two other talented people in Tim Novotny and Jorge Delarosa. These three independent filmmakers finally have come together to start making projects and I FUCKING LOVE THE IDEA! These three guys have done impressive and different stuff the past couple years that have me absolutely salivating for what they do next…? But in the meantime we get this fun Indy project that taught me three things: 1) Crazy people should always get their meds, 2) don’t trust a cute girl that’s psycho, 3) and don’t trust an empty bar on Halloween night! Also there is way too much crotch mutilation in this flick so dudes prepare to cringe at least three times. Horror fans talk of Ty West, Eli Roth, etc., I say fuck that shit! These are the filmmakers to pay attention too: Jim Roberts, Tim Novotny, and Jorge Delarosa. Remember the names because they are the future of horror! I give the project 3 out of 4 stars.

 

The House That Dripped Blood (DVD) – A great and subtle flick about a house that has a past of people dying in it for various reasons. Not the best film starring these folks: Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Ingrid Pitt, and that dude from Indiana Jones but a great excuse to watch a cool British horror film from the early 70s. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Abraxas: The Guardian of the Universe (VHS) – Well if Jesse “The Body” Ventura is the guardian of the universe in 1990 I rather he pass onto another planet and let us die out because the movie should be arrested for viewer’s abuse! Leave it to me to find a horrible movie even by my standards starring Jesse Ventura. Jesse is a “Finder”, a peace officer in intergalactic terms. Well his partner has just determine he wants more power to rule the universe so he goes to earth impregnate some blonde bimbo that just happens to be Jim Belushi’s second wife so he can come back and rip a code out of the child’s brain! Five years go by after the incident and Jesse’s partner busts out of intergalactic prison to go find his non-verbal alien kid. I have more fun dealing with “Crown Royal” hangovers than watch this flick again. I give it 0 stars and thanks to Jesse for ruining the thought of him being anytime of actor.

 

Lifeform (VHS) – The movie is also known as “Invader” on DVD. The film is a pleasant surprise if you are a sci-fi/horror nerd. The mid-90s flick is about the Viking II satellite comes back to earth mysteriously after 15 years ago it being sent to Mars. Scientists get ahold of it to study it before the military is about take it away  but find it may have a stowaway. Is the alien life form there to kill or communicate? One thing is for sure we are not alone in the universe in this flick that sports some cool creature effects as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Mardi Gras for the Devil (VHS) – The early 90s film is also known as “Night Trap” on a very crappy DVD. We got a long-haired bad ass demon serial killer in Michael Ironside who is slashing his way through New Orleans. A detective in Robert Davi is trying to find a way to stop the supernatural killer as long as his boss played by John Amos doesn’t stop him. Boobs, blood, and Michael Ironside being Michael Ironside make this a must see feature as I give it 3 stars.

Mr. Ice

Mr. Ice Cream Man (VHS) – Don’t get me wrong I love SOV independent flicks they can be so much fun. This isn’t one of those times as I try to stay awake through this boring story of a man who kills and stores his victims on his ice cream truck. Sounds familiar? Yeah, do yourself a favor and stick with the Clint Howard classic. I give this flick a ½ star.

 

Season of the Witch (VHS) – A very trippy early 70s film that just happens to be George Romero’s third film and was also released under the title “Hungry Wives”. The movie is a product of its times and doesn’t hold up well but is a great story of a woman named Joan that is tired of her normal routine life of being Jack’s wife, a housewife. So she turns to witchcraft! Interesting and weird and for that I give it 2 stars.

Mutant World (DVD/SyFy Channel) – A great concept film that should have been so much more but fizzled is about a meteor about to hit Pennsylvania and cause an apocalypse. Doomsday preppers in Colorado hide in their bunker for ten years only to come out to be greeted by mutants who want to eat them. The film spends more time on the Doomsday preppers arguing than fleshing out the story about humans finding a way to survive ten years after the catastrophe. I give it 2 stars.

 

Late Phases (DVD) – A blind Vietnam vet is being moved into a senior community by his son only on his first to have his neighbor attacked by a werewolf. He soon finds out there has been a lot of dogs missing and attacks once a month in the community chalked up to wildlife since the gated community was built near some dense woods. The blind vet decides he has a month to prepare and figure out who is the werewolf and kill it and the movie fleshes it out brilliantly. Great flick, Tom Noonan as a priest, and Robert Kurtzman as creature effects supervisor, count me in on this being one of the best horror flicks of 2014 as I give 4 stars.

Blood Lake

Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys (DVD) – A horror film that premiered on Animal Planet of all places has found its way onto DVD for all of us ‘killer animal film’ lovers. The film is the latest project from filmmaker James Cullen Bressack who seems to be one busy dude these days. An officer from the Fish and Wildlife just happens to be spending the summer at a small town in Michigan where there are lampreys invading the fishing areas and it needs to be resolved. Christopher Lloyd stars as the mayor of the small town and wants it done in one day but doesn’t understand the lampreys are a much bigger problem than he realizes as people are being attacked and eaten in the lake, their home, out on the road. The lampreys multiply quickly and try to eat the town whole. The film also stars Shannon Doherty (who pops up in the weirdest of movies these days), Zack Ward, and Fred Stoller. And let’s not forget the lampreys face death by weedwacker!  It’s a hilarious killer animal movie that kept my interest as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found on amazon.com.

 

Hazard Jack (DVD) – An Afghan war vet is having trouble adjusting to society so he decides to set up shop in an abandon hospital to torture and kill people in to get his frustration out. He gets pissed when some college kids decide they want to play paintball in his home and they bring a pregnant woman with them. Which of course means for the integrity of the plot he cannot kill her that would be just wrong? There is lots of blood, sex, and useless plot but this film is exception to the rule of it equaling a great horror flick as it insults horror fans more than entertaining them as I give it 1 star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #312

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Gross Movie Reviews #312

 

By Tim Gross

 

Razortooth (DVD) – A small southern town that apparently has a mutant eel problem that has the local sheriff and animal control/exterminator confused on how an eel got so big to begin eating people. Meanwhile authorities are looking for two convicts that have escaped and some young campers maybe in danger. The only things missing: Debra Gibson, Tiffany, King Cobra, Pat Morita, Boa, a SyFy channel premiere, but that did not stop me from enjoying the mutant eel glory this film is as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Escape From Tomorrow (DVD) – A family is on their last day of vacation at Disneyworld. They want to enjoy all the rides, food, etc. And that is about the only normal part of the film as the rest almost made my head implode in trying to figure out what I was actually watching. The film goes over the deep end as the father keeps checking out these underage French girls which made the film so creepy, then at some point he has Epcot Center for a head and a scientist freaking out because he is trying to escape. Fuck… I believe I just gave myself a headache trying to explain this film again. Honestly I can’t give it a rating because I am still unsure of what it was I actually watched.

 

Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time (VHS) – Nine years after the first film Dar aka Marc Singer is back as the Beastmaster the man who speaks to animals and a lot of us grew up seeing the movie hundreds of times on TBS. This time around Dar must do battle with his evil brother Arklon aka Wings Hauser aka Leatherface, described by Kari Wuhrer’s character in the film. But a witch played by Sarah Douglas shows Arklon there is a parallel universe (1991 L.A.) where he can get a thing called the neutron bomb and could rule the universe. Meanwhile with the help of the young lady played by Kari Wuhrer, Dar learns about cars, music, and clothes. The film is a fun flick to revisit if it’s been awhile since you’ve seen it even if it’s just for laughs. I give the film 2 stars.  Pay attention to the film as you also see Robert Z’Dar and Michael Berryman. And there isn’t any story of the tiger dying from being dyed black.

 

Men of War (DVD) – A film that is of sorts a generic pre-cursor to ‘The Expendables” that stars Dolph Lundgren as a former military vet looking for a job. He gets one where he and a team of ex-military types must wipe out some people off an island for a business venture. Once he gets there he has a change of heart and wants to help the island natives in defending their island. A pretty cool direct to video action film that doesn’t have any real slow parts and you get to see Dolph kick some ass in Thailand. I give it 3 stars.

 

Prisoners of the Lost Universe (VHS/YouTube) – A real low budget fantasy film about a scientist (Dr. Hartman) that has come up with a machine that opens a portal to another world. During an earthquake characters Dan and Kerry get sucked into the portal and find themselves where a man played by John Saxon controls all humans by making them slaves if they do not join his army to rule everyone. Richard Hatch plays the lead in this very awful but in a good way fantasy film where Dan and Kerry must defeat John Saxon in order to free everyone and find their portal back to 1983 earthquake ridden California! I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Mandroid (DVD) – An executive produced Charles Band film about two scientists in present day (1993) Eastern Europe who have developed a virtual reality driven droid that is indestructible but also controlled by a person with a virtual reality device from long distances and does tasks such as moving radioactive materials. When the scientists have a falling out after the US government is about to pick up “Mandroid” there is a fight between one scientist Drago and Benjamin Knight the controller of Mandroid in the lab and Benjamin falls into an experiment that changes his life. He eventually begins to turn invisible. Meanwhile Drago is scarred during the struggle and is determine he will have his creation and make it a military weapon. After Drago is believed to be defeated the film is to be continued… in “Invisible: The Chronicles of Benjamin Knight”. I give the movie 2 stars.

 

Invisible: The Chronicles of Benjamin Knight (DVD) – The executive produced sequel from Charles Band was released in the same year as Mandroid where the adventure continues. Benjamin Knight is feeling better but invisible at times and comes back to the lab to find friends Dr. Zonna Zimmer and former government agent in a relationship and trying to find a cure to Mr. Knight’s invisibility. But soon they all discover that Drago is still alive and wants Zimmer’s formula as he is running out of test subjects for a cure for himself. Ben Knight uses his invisibility along with Mandroid to defeat Drago for good this time. Not totally sold on why it had to be split into two films but that was what Charles Band and Full Moon did on several projects in the early 90s. Most likely to boost profits more than anything. It’s a fun throwback to the Universal original on a small budget in Romania and for that I give the movie 2 stars.

 

The Bay (DVD) – A film that is more of a documentary and tells a story through a series of clips, film footage, and cell phone images an event that happened on July 4, 2009 in Maryland where over 700 residents died from a deadly parasite that mutated from steroids that was in chicken shit dumped into the ocean. The parasites look like giant potato bugs or pill bugs that actually feed on the inside of a fish’s tongue and stomach. The story is narrated by a reporter Donna Thompson who witnessed the event first hand. She is now coming forward with the story as many witnesses have disappeared or have been paid off to not to talk. My only problem with the movie was I thought the CDC would have moved in sooner instead the film betrays the CDC as the biggest bad guy throughout the film which I find somewhat hard to believe but I do like conspiracies, so I have to give the 2 ½ stars.

To Die 

To Die is Hard (DVD) – From the brilliant mind of “Midget Zombie Takeover”, independent filmmaker Glenn Berggoetz gives us an independent comedy/action spoof that mostly covers “Die Hard”.  An English professor named Joe has a perfect life where his perfect wife and perfect kid adore him as he goes off to his State College on a Friday morning when most staff and students are off for the day. But during this perfect day some bad dudes aka terrorists break into the State College office because they need a key to a room that holds their treasure which just so happens to be office supplies. But the terrorists have picks the wrong state college to break into as Joe McCann is just a pissed off English professor that will not take this lying down. So Joe goes into awesome ultimate male action star mode to bring down the terrorists where he ends it with ‘heart punching’ the leader Anton to death!  Everything from scenes of Joe telling stories of his softball team, a co-worker trying to figure out tea bagging, Joe’s wife and daughter talking about him being a Greek goddess with a straight face, or the detective eating cheese puffs outside doing nothing made me have tears stream out of my eyes cause I was laughing so hard. Spoofs especially independent ones can be hard to pull off but in this case Glenn and company did a wonderful job with this great flick. And who cannot like characters getting slapped in almost every scene “Airplane-style” for no apparent reason as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at www.drivingeyes.com .

The Worst Movie

The Worst Movie Ever! (DVD) – Once again Glenn Berggoetz stars, directs, produces, writes a film about being the worst movie ever. So aliens are about to attack earth with an alien robot that two scientists already know about the attack but do not want to panic anyone by telling the world. Meanwhile, there are two kids playing adult daytime soap opera roles as I had to watch some scenes twice as I kept laughing too hard listening to their dialogue. If that wasn’t enough we also have two adults playing teenager roles complaining about their mom and what to do about the dance Friday night, along with lots of singing, slapping, overacting, pillow stabbing, aluminum foil, boom mic keep falling into scenes, random scenes of Santa Claus, awkward condom talk, and Jesus Christ… All this going on while Botar the CG’d alien robot tries to kill all humans. All the characters eventually cross paths and have to brainstorm together in order to stop Botar. It really does sound like a god awful flick but actually is really entertaining and funny as you wonder how some characters even keep a straight face during filming. I got give Glenn props for not purposely making another “Troll 2” and for that I give the film 3 out of 4 stars as the film can be found at www.drivingeyes.com .

 

Race With The Devil (DVD) – Peter Fonda and Warren Oates go on vacation with their wives only to be ruined when drinking one night and they just happen to witness a possible sacrifice in the woods by a bunch of witches. But them reporting it to the police isn’t the end of it as they try to drive further away from the incident they are tracked down to the end of the film to be punished for what they saw. A very creepy 70s film that has witches, sacrifices, and R.G. Armstrong, that makes you think twice about hitting the open road and visiting some of the small towns in America. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

The Rest is Very Boring (DVD) – Independent filmmaker Jorge Delarosa and The Slow Mutants crew are always doing something different go with a new film project that tells a story of a good friend of theirs named Frank Bochard. Now, I do not know this person and most likely you don’t either but what makes the film interesting is we all know a person or have a friend that is Frank Bochard who is talented, lives on the fringe of life, a person you wanna know, and goes by the beat of their own drum. And this film documents the life of Frank Bochard up until his untimely end. His friends, family, and teachers tell stories and bring you into what Frank was like. Just like Frank Bochard, Jorge Delarosa and The Slow Mutants crew give you another very interesting and very emotionally moving project that keeps expanding what you can do independently these days and they should be proud as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. You can always find out more about it at www.slowmutants.com .

 

Remote Control (VHS) – Its 1987 and Jeff Lieberman is involved you know you are in for a treat as a young Kevin Dillon plays a video store clerk who finds himself attracted to a beautiful young lady who comes into the store with a guy friend who just happens to be looking for the newest hot movie called, “Remote Control”. This video isn’t just an ordinary movie as a couple minutes in the viewer becomes part of the film and is either killed or kills another person. When Dillon and his friend who also works the video store figure this out they try to stop the film from being reproduced on VHS for other video stores and find out it is all being controlled by aliens who want to rule the earth. Apparently Home Video can kill all of mankind! The film is cheesy good late 80s fun that I give 2 ½ stars too.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com or pick up a copy at our table at Horror Realm from us March 7-9th, 2014. Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.