That time of the month for new episodes of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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This week it’s the law of diminishing returns as we check out all 3 flicks the Tales From The Crypt had to offer in the excellent (and perhaps the best 90’s horror movie) Demon Knight, Bordello of Blood, and Ritual.  We also answer your listener questions and serve up a slice have been watching this week.

 

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It’s Shark Week!!!  We got the new Jason Statham Jam THE MEG.  The sequel to the greatest summer blockbuster of all time in JAWS 2, and a flick we have been wanting to see for a while now in HOUSE SHARK.  Also we do the normal of reader questions and we recall this week’s watching habits.  Also we have a serious discussion of the pros and cons of the theatrical experience.

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Gross Movie Reviews #446

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Gross Movie Reviews #446

 

A Quiet Place (DVD) – So this cool and different monster flick kinda pooped out there into the cinemas earlier this year and surprised horror fans. The movie begins on Day 89 in a post-apocalyptic world where some monsters have pretty much taken over the world and laid waste to humans. They are attracted to sound and will find you if you make a sound. The story centers on a family that uses sign language to communicate with each other and wear no shoes. On their way back from looking for food their son is playing with a toy that makes sound and the monster comes and snatches him up. We fast forward 400 days and the family is still living in silence and still have hope that they can find a weakness to hurt these flesh-eating monsters. They find the answer by accident when the daughter’s hearing aid makes static sound. I give the filmmakers props for a different concept and a cool looking monster. It was so cool to see a different kind of monster flick and for that I give 3 stars.

House Shark (DVD) – So in the village of Liverpool, Frank the cop lives with his son and is a divorcee. Frank is about to go out on his first date in a very long time. So Frank leaves his son with Betsy the babysitter. But apparently a period fart lures a shark to come up the commode and eat Betsy ass first. Frank and son shocked move out of the house and live in the backyard in a tent. Besides no one believes Frank’s story of a shark in the house he refuses to live inside. The bank is about to foreclose and the real estate company is pissed they cannot sell it because of Frank. So they get Frank away from the house long enough for people to come by to see if they want to buy it? They do but are eaten by the ‘House Shark’ but not before another witness sees it happen and we get the great line, “John stop! I don’t want anybody to see your fingers up my butt!” Frank finds a “House Shark” expert in Zachary Taylor and the real estate company sends in Abraham Lincoln… kind of to help take care of this shark issue. The independent horror film is filled with tons of jokes that keep the movie moving right along including the hilarious shark costume. I really enjoyed this shark as I couldn’t stop laughing but again people it should be pushing two hours long. But kudos to you Ron Bonk for making a legit cool Indy shark flick as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Land Shark (DVD) – The latest from Mark Polonia and crew that stars Sarah French whose character works for the Malco Research Corp. Of course they have been experimenting with sharks but little does Ms. French’s character knows they are secretly trying to make the sharks into weapons. She finds this out after some sharks have crawled out of the tank on land and have killed some people. Malco believes the project is going in the right direction until the sharks are out of control. All this film was missing was Joe Estevez and “Roller Gator” as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

The Meg (Theater) – So Jason Statham showed up in this cornball shark movie that is nothing more than a much higher budgeted ‘SyFy Channel Shark Week’ flick. Statham is Jonas who is only one of a few people who have gone 10000 feet for a rescue. Five years ago he had to leave two buddies behind saving a crew of a sub that was under attack by something. No one believed him it was a large shark. Present time off the coast of China a crew has been attacked and disabled on the bottom of the ocean and Jonas is called in for the rescue. They are saved but the very large shark has followed them and now is feeding on all in the ocean. Like I said, “cornball movie”. If you are not expecting much you will be entertained but otherwise wait for the “Sharknado” sequel as I give this 2 ½ stars.

 

Revenge (DVD) – A French horror flick that deals with a young woman who is with her much older married boyfriend for a weekend. Then his two hunting buddies show up. They cannot control themselves and they get very touchy. The boyfriend tries to smooth over the event with a check but she runs out of the house and the men run after her. Once the heated exchange settles and supposedly a helicopter is coming to pick her up she is pushed off a cliff to her death. The men figure to clean her up while they come back through hunting. But she is able to burn the tree she was impaled on and escape. Now injured but very pissed she seeks revenge against the three men. A wild and gory time but the film has been done many times before but I did enjoy the gory ending as I give it 2 stars.

 

Horrors in the Witch’s House (DVD) – Alex Wesley and his gore hound friends are at it again with his latest short film about a man named Azulyat who was just released from prison. Azulyat has a debt to pay but has a plan. His plan is go to his aunt’s house, kill her, and sell the house off to pay the debt. But once there Azulyat decides to do some heroin and finds his aunt was into some demonic shit and hid it in the attic. Not thinking he has messed with some dark magic and now it has come back to haunt him and make him suffer. As usual these guys bring the gore and guts in bucket loads and do not disappoint with their latest effort as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Legacy of Blood (DVD) – This weird 1971 horror flick has John Carradine dying at the beginning of the film and is going to leave his inheritance to his family and staff. But there is a catch they must spend the night in his home that is considered evil by the family. There are flashbacks of abuse, possible incest, and just plain weird shit going down. The interesting part is if someone leaves or doesn’t survive the night their share is split up among those that are left. Kind of an oddity of a horror flick as it doesn’t exactly fit a genre of horror flick but well worth the watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Brutal Massacre (DVD) – David Naughton is Harry Penderecki, a famous low budget horror filmmaker whose last few films haven’t made a dime. Harry is shopping around a new project that he believes could get him back on the right track. He is mostly known for the films: Sasquatch in the Mall, People Pesticide, Bowel Movements, but believes this flick will be different? Hollywood gives him one last chance and not much of a budget to pull off his last project. Meanwhile a documentarian named Bert follows around Harry to see the process of the film from pre-production to finished product. Everything you can think of goes wrong with the troubled production but because of the non-ending it becomes the elusive masterpiece he has lived for. Great roles filled by Gunnar Hansen and Ken Foree in this absolutely hilarious film and possibly David’s best since “The Sleeping Car”. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Lion (Vimeo) – The latest short film from Davide Melini that deals with child abuse. An abused child is in bed trying to sleep and wishes to his stuffed lion to not be hit anymore. Once his stuffed lion hits the floor his wish comes true when his father is watching a program with lions on it. A great way to get a message out about child abuse as the short film deserves 4 out of 4 stars. Well done Davide, well done sir.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #414

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Gross Movie Reviews #414

 

The Video Dead (DVD) – A package is delivered to the door of Mr. Jordan aka ‘Bullshit artist’. Problem is Mr. Jordan didn’t order anything but takes it anyhow. It’s a T.V. and Mr. Jordan is a writer so he just sets it up in the living room and goes about his merry way. The T.V. begins playing by itself a black and white zombie flick. When he goes to check it out the zombies come out of the T.V. The delivery people come back the next day to Mr. Jordan dead as the package was supposed to go to “The Institute of Occult Studies”. A few months pass and a couple young college kids, Jeff and Zoe show up to movie in to help out their parents. Jeff finds the weird T.V. talking to him from the attic one night and plugs it in his bedroom. Weird shit happens including an old dude from Texas who has been looking for the T.V. to destroy it and what’s in it. They must hunt the zombies down: destroy them or get them back into the television. A great low budget zombie flick from 1987 that doesn’t play by the typical “zombie rules” and has that S.O.V. feel to it. The effects are great, the plot is very different than most zombie flicks, and you get David Bowie zombie! I give this must watch gem 4 stars.

The Creep Behind the Camera (Blu-ray) – An amazing reenactment documentary about filmmaker Vic Savage aka A.J. Nelson aka Arthur White aka most likely had a few other names. Otherwise a film that documents the insanity behind the making of a bad movie of 1964’s “The Creeping Terror” before stuff like “Troll 2” and “Cursed” were even thought of. Vic gets the filmmaking bug and moves himself and his first wife out to Hollywood during the 50s to make “the biggest monster movie anyone has seen!” Never mind the bad movie as much as Vic Savage was a complete psycho, womanizer, drug addict, drunk, con man! True stories told by living cast members, his first wife, producer, etc. Vic Savage was such a complete maniac that his monster maker stole his own creation during filming because he wasn’t paid, change actresses, sets, hung out with Charles Manson (before we all knew who he was), god complex, threesomes, Vic was completely insane. So insane he disappears into the night leaving what was considered the finished product/film in the garage with no sound, slate, etc. This is stuff that could not be made up about a film that is one of the first two movies I can legitimately remember watching. This film started it all for me and to watch this and learn of this insanity just made me absolutely love this documentary! It is beautiful insanity that needs to be watch and rewatched to be believed! There is lots of cool extras on the Blu-ray: The Creeping Terror movie of course but my favorite extra “How to Build a Carpet Monster”. Once again, Synapse Films does not disappoint as I give this wonderful package 4 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

Phenomena (Blu-ray) – The creepy Dario Argento film that stars a young Jennifer Connelly who plays a character named Jennifer who can communicate with bugs. Her famous father sends her to a gifted Swiss school where of course she isn’t well liked. Doesn’t help Jennifer sleep walks and finds herself outside almost being run down by a couple of weirdos and eventually meets a Dr. McGregor played by Donald Pleasance an entomologist. Besides the good doctor explaining she is in the part of the mountains that is considered the “Swiss Transylvania” he does notice and admire Jennifer’s ability with insects. The doctor soon recruits her help in his research for a killer in the area who is killing young women. The Blu-ray pack has three different versions of the film: The 110-minute hybrid cut which was awesome and never seen, the 110-minute international cut, and the 83-minute U.S. cut called “Creepers” which I grew up seeing. Along with a commentary and the different versions of the horror film there is also Dario Argento’s World of Horror documentary which is a pretty awesome thing to have in this 2-disc pack. The movie looks beautiful and it was really cool to finally see this hybrid cut as I give the movie 3 stars and the package 4 out of 4 stars as this should end collectors looking for any other copy of “Phenomena”. To find out more about the 2-disc Blu-ray go to www.synapse-films.com .

 

Acid Bath (DVD) – A 2006 insane independent film that sports a character named Zeke who has a fetish for killing hookers. The film follows his insanity in this exploitation-type flick that also has a man shooting gang members with a rocket launcher! Not much on plot but has grittiness and insanity in spades as you feel like you found a lost Polonia Brothers’ film from the late 80s as I give it 2 stars.

 

Redemption (DVD) – Jason Statham is a war vet back from the recent war living as a bum and wants left alone. One night two nasty dudes beat the crap out of him and take his roommate he was looking out for. He stumbles into a loft being chased by the two men and realizes no one is home. Takes a hard long look at himself, quits drinking, cleans up, and goes looking for the girl. But also uses the loft as home as the tenant isn’t coming back for months. He gets a job as muscle for the Chinese boss man to take people’s money. He uses his share to buy pizzas for the poor and try to give back to the nun that would help him and others who are on the street on a nightly basis. Or as I like to call it a very sad and depressing entry into “The Transporter” series as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Outside the Law (DVD) – Cynthia Rothrock was working for the CIA in Columbia until her team and boyfriend were set up. Now she is back in the states and just wants to forget everything. Meanwhile the legendary Stephen Macht is trying to track her down in Florida and find out what she knows? Also the dad from “Wonder Years” shows up and cool action dude James Lew to face off with Cynthia in the climatic fight. But mostly its Cynthia hanging out in Central Florida helping out a young couple avenge the dude’s sister who was killed by a B-movie dickweed! Give the action flick 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

 

We talk a lot about Statham and Bronson this week

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This week in our never ending quest to achieve those elusive podcast ratings we instantly alienate our audience by launching into a 10 minute football analysis.  Then we discuss what we have been watching. Including a fantastic Charles Bronson flick from the early 70’s in THE MECHANIC.  Then Tim takes his mom out to the theater to see Jason Statham in the sequel to said Bronson flick in THE MECHANIC: RESURRECTION.  And lastly Kyle venture out into society to see the fantastic quasi exploitation throwback flick DON’T BREATHE.  And if that’s not enough Tim encounters more Pittsburgh C.H.U.D’S.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

episode-208

Gross Movie Reviews #387

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Gross Movie Reviews #387

 

Parker (DVD) – In this 2013 Jason Statham film, Statham plays a man named Parker who just happens to be a thief. In gets in with a group of guys to rob the Ohio State Fair but the four other guys want a bigger heist (diamonds and jewels) after it is over. Parker wants out so they kill him or so they thought as they leave him on the side of the road. A nice old couple finds Parker left for dead and take him to the hospital. From there Parker finds out as much info about the next heist as he can so he can plot his revenge and get his cut of the state fair heist. Remember its principal folks… But Nick Nolte gets involved, and then Jennifer Lopez as a failing real estate agent gets involved and the mob is involved. A really fun heist movie that has a lot of Statham kicks to the face action. The film is a bit like the Mel Gibson flick ‘Payback’? But anyhow Statham fans make sure you check this film out if you haven’t already as I give it 3 stars.

 

Cavegirl (DVD) – I remember this sex comedy (if that is what you want to call it?) from the “USA Up All Night” days with Rhonda Shear. Daniel Roebuck is a nerd named Rex who goes on a class field trip to an old mine. Rex finds himself in prehistoric world of sorts when he finds a weird stone in the cave and touches it. After Rex realizes he just went through a time warp and is chased by a giant bear a Cavegirl finds him so he tries to communicate and live among her tribe. Mid-80s film trying to cash in on the end of the sex comedy craze that is on the lower tier but still a fun trip down memory lane of knowing this type film exists. Thank you Rhonda Shear as I give the flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Fist of Fury (DVD) – Bruce Lee comes back to his master’s home only to find him being buried and his former school being pushed around. So Bruce Lee does what he does best and beats the holy shit out of everyone from the other school. I give it 2 stars.

 

Dragon Blade (DVD) – This Jackie Chan film caught me off guard as it stars John Cusack and Adrien Brody and based on true events of a Chinese man who got in the middle of warring Romans. Chan’s character is a man of honor and peace with the help of his fellow soldiers they try to keep peace in the land and keep everybody friendly. Then Brody’s Roman character comes along and wants everyone dead! This wasn’t the usual ‘Rumble in the Bronx’ and ‘Police Story’ stuff I am usually seeing Jackie Chan in. Plus, John Cusack as a Roman general, weird but interesting stuff I say as I give it 2 stars.

 

Rotgut (DVD) – A couple of hobos in a back alley find a bottle of tequila in the dumpster to keep them drunk today… Problem is the stuff as just been recalled for unknown reasons. After drinking it and trying to eat 2 for 99 cent hot dogs both begin to get sick especially after the one drank the worm. Meanwhile, one of our main characters Leon comes in to his shitty bartending job at the local bar that is on the verge of closing and must buy some booze as their supply is low. So the vendor he deals with lets Leon have some of the recalled booze so it can be the “special of the day” at the bar. A few regulars show up to their daily dose along with a random combat veteran back from the war not know their day will come to an end when the crazy ranting hobos show up. The infected booze begins changing all who drink it and eventually making your guts explode or sloppy ass worms burst out of your skull. If that wasn’t enough the ATF is trying to track down all the recalled tequila. The film has its moments of gooey goriness but never commits to being as fun and crazy as a ‘Slime City’ as I give 2 out of 4 stars to the recalled booze flick. More info or to purchase the DVD go to: www.campmotionpictures.com or www.alternativecinema.com .

the-ghosts

The Ghosts of Johnson Woods (DVD) – A project from Glenn Berggoetz I have been following ever since Glenn announced Joe Bob Briggs was casted for it. Of course the talented Mr. Berggoetz writes, directs, and produces this project and goes off the beaten path of his usual projects that are injected with comedy, horror, and sometimes the absurd. Glen goes the direction of dramatic thriller of a boy meets girl, girl convinces boy to make a movie just involving themselves to get famous. Lenny and Heather rip ‘Blair Witch Project’ and discuss what and how they can do it on Lenny’s iPhone. Cheap, easy, make quick cash… A friendship is born in a weird way between Lenny and Heather as both want a movie but for different reasons. After settling on the “Johnson Woods” legend as their backdrop, Lenny and Heather pick a good spot in the woods and begin filming. As a viewer you get to see the relationship grow between the two even though we are never introduced to Heather’s parent or parents and the only other main character is Lenny’s dad (Joe Bob Briggs) and a hooker. As the relationship and film blossoms a creep factor sets in, especially in the last ten minutes of the film. No nudity, not much blood, interesting oddity of boy meets girl storyline, but the creepiness of the ending makes this strange tale an amazing independent thriller that will make movie fans cringe with fear! Glenn you made a cringe worthy film as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on the film or Glenn check out: www.facebook.com/glenn.berggoetz and www.facebook.com/ghostsofjohnsonwoods .

 

A Werewolf in the Amazon Collection (DVD) – This collection is a three-disc set from Camp Motion Pictures that has four movies from Brazilian director Ivan Cardoso and a disc filled with short films worthy of hardcore cinema fans pursuing through. The collection not only brings some of the filmmaker’s films to America on DVD but gives you access to stuff some fans have not seen yet? The first film in the collection is 1982’s ‘The Secret of the Mummy’. The best way I can describe is if an old school mummy film was a sex comedy dream… The second film in the collection is 1986’s ‘The Seven Vampires’ where a bizarre man-eating plant from Africa supposedly kills a scientist and turns his wife into a vampire? Maybe… While trying to move on from the death of her husband she has bloodless bodies stacking up around her. Third flick is 1990’s ‘The Scarlet Scorpion’ which is about a popular radio soap opera that everyone listens to on a nightly basis. The show becomes even more popular when someone begins to copy the murders from the show. And then the final flick starring Paul Naschy is 2005’s ‘A Werewolf in the Amazon’. Naschy is Dr. Moreau who has moved his experiments and work to the deep jungles of the Amazon. But is found by a group of friends who are there to see the sights and trip their asses off. Moreau is feverishly looking for his own cure but may have found it in one of the women of the group. If you are a hardcore cinema nerd or a cult film collector this collection is right up on your alley as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars as it can be found at www.campmotionpictures.com or www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Pray For Death (DVD) – Sho Kosugi moves his family to America on the persistence of his wife to start his own business. But things go south when some jewels go missing that was hidden under the floor of the business. Some crooked cops and the mob is involved and tries to hurt or kill Kosugi’s family believing they may have found the jewels and keeping them? Kosugi won’t stand for this so brings out his old ninja uniform and starts throwing Chinese stars and back flipping everywhere. And if there is one thing that sums up this crazy mid-80s ninja flick it is: Ninja vs. chainsaw! Done!!! I am in every time folks. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Pillow Talk (YouTube) – A new filmmaker (Mitch Dolan of Bummer City Youth Productions) or someone just trying to experiment film wise has made a shot film which involves time travel, Donald Trump’s diary, a lot of talk about cock sucking, and yes, aliens! Weird… art… complete crap? Not totally sure but it did make me laugh a few times as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. Go check it out at: www.instagram.com/mitch.dolan or www.vimeo.com/182429792 .

 the-barn

The Barn (Drive-in Theater) – Sam and Josh are just two normal high school seniors enjoying their last Devil’s Night and Halloween. Sam gets in trouble with his dad after Josh and he scare the shit out of Linnea Quigley’s character. Now Sam has to collect food for their church on Halloween and then face being grounded. But it’s Halloween and Sam refuses it to be shitty. So after seeing on TV about a band playing at a nearby town Sam and Josh come up with an idea to find a ride with friends to the concert and collect stuff in the small nearby town. When they arrive at the creepy small throwback community they find a barn. Is it ‘The Barn’ from a story that originated 30 years ago they have heard as kids that was haunted? They test the theory and just happen to awake three bad ass demons that want nothing more than blood and murder on Halloween night! Once ‘The Barn’ doors open and the demons arise, no one is safe as the creatures just begin to slash through the locals. We even get a “Yinzer” Crazy Ralph character that helps give the backstory of the demons. Now it’s up to Sam and Josh to find a way to send the demons back to hell! ‘The Barn’ is a perfect mix of 80s horror classics with a new and exciting touch to it. We get scary (amazing looking) demons, gore, Linnea Quigley and Ari Lehman, and the right amount of 80s corny horror cheese that made those horror movies so much fun! This film is a perfect Halloween-time movie that belongs on all horror fans’ watch list every Halloween… Literally watching the film I was saying to myself: I will watch this film every Halloween! It reminded me of such films: Neon Maniacs, Killer Party, Night of the Demons, Trick or Treat, horror classics that never get old. Kids, I give ‘The Barn’ 4 out of 4 stars and hands down one of the best horror films I have seen since I was a kid renting horror movies for Halloween. Check out www.nevermoreproductionfilms.com for more info.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.