This website is dedicated to horror movies (independent and mainstream), beer, Full Moon, Spookies, Graveyard Shift, Leprechaun sequels, massacre films and watching every god damn horror film ever made or die trying!
Longlegs (On Demand) – Another horror film starring Nic Cage but under a lot of makeup, set in the 90s, and… he is a serial killer known as ‘Longlegs’ or a cultist? Right out of the gate this film gets real creepy in the first couple minutes giving ‘Silence of the Lambs’ vibes that first time I watched Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lector in the early 90s! From there we are introduced to a young FBI Special Agent Harker who you wouldn’t exactly call psychic but gets a feeling as she is brought in on this long standing “Longlegs” case where on the 14th a family is murdered. First thought to be just murders by the father figure but things just never set right with the FBI especially with Longlegs sending them incoherent coded messages. The daughter in the family is always the target of Longlegs; her birthday is on the 14th every time as Harker is able to read the coded messages. Harker gets thrown into this unsolvable case mess as FBI finds out their special agent Harker was visited by Longlegs as a child and survived for an unknown reason. No matter what it comes too it is about “Hail Satan”! Trying not to give too much away about this super weird but entertaining as hell film. The further I got away from watching this feature the more I like it and want to go back for a rewatch sooner than later. You gotta enjoy when a film just gives you unsettling creepy vibes from beginning to end as I give it 3 ½ stars.
Bloody Birthday (Blu-ray) – So finally upgraded to the 88 Films Blu-ray version of this 1980 brutal killer kid classic where all three kids were born at the same time. Now together the three begin killing people for their tenth birthday! There is no way a film like this would be made today but still fun to watch. The Blu-ray which looks just outstanding all cleaned up has some cool goodies to go with this horror classic: UK exclusive commentary, interview with actress Lori Lethin and director Ed Hunt, and a brief history of slasher films segment. So go check out possibly the best killer film put out there as I give this wonderful package 4 stars.
Deer Camp ’86 (Blu-ray) – Six guys from Detroit head into country land of Michigan for deer hunting season. The six get occupied at Murphy’s bar where a lot of hunters and locals drink up before the start of hunting season. An incident happens behind the bar with a local woman that causes the sheriff to go out and check on hunters to prevent “another bear attack” at Lake Manitou. Very quickly the supernatural becomes involved as this group of hunters begins their hunting season as strange things begin to happen to them. Thinking nothing of it until their first kill is stolen and they see something in the woods that is when the group decides: do they flee or stand their ground to fight whatever this thing is? I enjoy the setup of the sheriff saying “the sins of the land will get you”. The deer tick in the ballsack scene was hilarious. But overall this tale of the supernatural seeking revenge in 1986 is a solid bad ass horror flick as I give it 3 stars.
Spider Baby (Blu-ray/remake) – This is going to be an unpopular opinion but I thought the film was pretty good. Dustin Ferguson writes and directs the “maddest story ever told” or now retold. Just like the original a couple of distant relatives come sniffing around the Merrye estate to see what they can lay claim too. Meanwhile the caretaker Bruno has been the one to take care of the mentally unstable adult children who refuse to go quietly let’s say. It isn’t a frame by frame remake like ‘Psycho’ but Dustin does his best to bring out of the cast what the originals were able to do back in the late 60s. I believe Ferguson puts just enough of his own touch in this for fans of the original to enjoy. Also kudos to the cast as they had a hard act to follow as I thought all involved should be applauded no matter how you feel about this picture. Now the only bad thing I can say about this film besides I was never a huge fan of the original is I hope Dustin understood a film like this just doesn’t fit into today’s standards but I believe that was said about the original that gained a loyal cult following as the years went on as I give this feature 3 stars.
Worst Laid Plans (Blu-ray) – A three tale anthology based on a Grindhouse Press book that has three known Indy filmmakers taking on vacation horror. The first tale deals with an underground creature in a cave which I absolutely love the whole setup. The second tale is a little more serious with road tripping friends concerned with a young girl on a RV that they follow and find something they weren’t expecting. The third tale is all about paranoia as a father recording his family vacation feels they are being followed. All three are solid but felt the third lasted a little longer than it should have but understood what they were trying to establish just felt if it would have been a little shorter it would have fit better into the theme as I give the film 3 stars.
Cocaine Werewolf (On Demand) – This werewolf flick from Mark Polonia and Sterling Entertainment jumps into it quickly, as a hairy hungry beast attacks an Only Fans model and her manager in a bloody manner. Meanwhile, Jack catches an Uber because he needs to be in New York immediately but his Uber driver got the poops! Pulling over at an odd warehouse Jack decides to go looking in on the driver only to find cocaine on the floor then attacked by a werewolf. Now turning into this bloodthirsty creature Jack still has the urge to do cocaine which goes into why he doesn’t change into a werewolf when the moon is full? As Jack cannot find his way out of this backwoods town he runs into a small movie production that doesn’t help his situation. This Indy flick is quite entertaining, piles up the bodies quickly, and doesn’t try reinventing the werewolf film but quite enjoyed Jack’s addiction is what cause his changes more often. Plus Tim Hatch as the killer clown of the Indy film production inside the movie steals a few scenes that with his hilarious unintentional behavior! This production might have been a little late to the ‘Cocaine Bear’ thing, but between Tim Hatch having a couple fall to the floor laughable scenes and Polonia keeping it simple makes this film a satisfying entertaining treat for werewolf film fans as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.
Head Case (DVD) – Detective Stam is thrown what is called a ‘no-brainer’ case which means its open and shut for this “not the brightest bulb of the bunch” cop so he can get credit for closing it. The case deals with a young beautiful woman named Vivian Lonbradge who is attacked by a crazed man and bitten in the leg. When authorities arrive the man is found dead in her yard and through questioning found out there is no rape, just an odd bite on the leg. As the detective believes it is all but over with and just wasting time as Vivian begins to act strangely and all the vodka and water she drinks is not helping her. After another body is found by some kids Detective Stam decides it is time to really put this case to bed but it only gets even more odd from there as Ms. Lonbradge is slowly declining and attacking people! After some tests come back the detective is told it is some kind of bacterial infection of the brain that causes severe brain damage as he now becomes worrisome of Vivian and needs to check in on her. This quite odd Indy production is purely awesome and just quite exciting because it is hard to pin down what exactly it is: zombie film, horror film, or thriller? But also I am trying to decide what has the bigger impact on this feature being such an interesting oddity: is it Aleen Isley’s over the top fun performance or all the supporting cast from the cops to those who Vivian worked with? I gotta give this overall great product 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
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Before we start I always explain I wish I could watch every new flick out there but that is just not in the cards for me. Now I will still get one or two comments of movies I left off or didn’t get to see this year? Hey, it happens but I bet you I have seen dozens or few on my list that you may have not knew existed so remember like all movie lists take this with a grain of salt people.
1) Then My Mind Walked Away (DVD) – One of my favorite Indy filmmakers of all time Jim Roberts has a new project coming to haunt fans as he introduces us to Logan Hill. Filming during COVID, Jim took full advantage of not much crew, not much cast, and the world changing. In the first couple tense minutes the dark tone of the film is set as Logan beats to death his girlfriend and the man she was cheating on him with in bed with a baseball bat. Logan now forced to get rid of the bodies is also quickly faced with visions of horror after the fact. He is soon haunted constantly by a dark figure and visions of himself killing himself constantly. As time passes Logan is going nuts as the young man’s visions get more vivid and real. But when Logan thinks he has completely lost his mind he is shocked by a secret from his family’s past! Trying not to spoil this intense and beautiful film of Jim Roberts, but anyway how to explain it as gore and Jim have gone hand and hand since the beginning. This film has the gore but Jim doing a 180 has only made it a set piece in this feature as this talented bastard may have made the most complete film of his career! And that is coming from someone who absolutely loved “Welcome to Deer Creek” and “Tonight You Die”. This project felt like Jim got out of his comfort zone (now I could be wrong of course, lol), kept it simple, and made something that will surprise Indy fans as this is possibly the best Indy film that I will watch in 2023 (there is a couple releases yet coming). It was a serious film from beginning to end! Everything about this film with the help of Karen Roberts, Jorge Delarosa, and bare bones crew should be proud as the look of this film was beautiful, the natural sounds outside of the music caught in the background, and bare bones cast all played a role in making this wonderful. If I need to say anything else that will make you the movie viewer drool over or run to get this once available as I have a saying about filmmaking: “I am not a filmmaker that would be insulting to actual talented filmmakers, I just know where the record button is…” In this case Jim Roberts is truly one of those talented bastards as I give this movie 4 out of 4 stars!
2) When Evil Lurks (Shudder) – This is a horror film about possession of sorts that just works from beginning to end as it snatches you and keeps you at your edge to the very end. Two brothers check in on a fellow and his family living on some farm land. They come to find a corpse on the land which leads them to this check in. What the brothers find is a disgusting thing that use to be human in bed called a “rotten” or a possessed individual. A professional or “cleaner” was coming to take care of it but that is the corpse the brothers found. Owner (Ruiz) of the land is told by the brothers and next thing they know they are trying to move the “rotten” far from them. This only causes a bigger problem as the thing falls out of the truck and hell comes to the community immediately. There is a set of rules about this kind of demon, there is a bootleg Hugh Jackman, a dog that just snatches a child up by their head, and the movie is SUPER GROSS… count me in as I gotta give this film 4 stars as it is one of the better horror films of 2023.
3) Showdown at the Grand (On Demand) – The Grand theater is one of the longest running theaters in the southwest United States. It has been running since 1928 and has been in George’s family for quite some time as George (Terrence Howard) has made it museum also. This was the theater for exploitation flicks, horror movies, B-movies, everything outside of the norm to be cherished and thrive but its rich history of playing these films is in doubt. George is being pressured by a couple of shady characters to sell the place for future development of high priced apartments and luxury stores. But George’s saving grace might be bringing in an actor he idolizes in Claude Luc Hallyday (Dolph Lundgren) a down on his luck movie star from such films: Iraqnphobia, Moses vs. The Nazis, Blood is for the Living, Necropolis, and Cyber Cartel) who is ready to make a comeback? George’s plan works as he gets a sold out house for the Claude Luc Hallyday event but corporate greed is about to ruin George’s plan as this movie has heart and will make you smile if you are a true movie nerd. Think a splash of ‘Matinee’ mixed with a heavy dose of the Grindhouse trailers of 15 years ago with the state of affairs and pressure the few independent theaters left now have to deal with. I absolutely loved this film and most likely this will be in my “Top 5 movies of 2023” as I give this beautiful film we call art 4 stars.
4) Cocaine Bear (Theater) – The ‘Sharknado’ film of 2023 for us film nerds as this film is very loosely based on drugs found in the mountains of Kentucky and Georgia 1985. A black bear just happens to find the bags of cocaine and likes it! Now add in a couple of drug dealers looking for their stuff, a couple missing kids, a not so smart cop, and a bear high on cocaine looking to slaughter any human that gets in the way of it and its new thing “Cocaine”. This movie was beyond entertaining and most likely will make a lot people’s “Top Ten lists” as they made sure every five minutes the bear is snorting or eating cocaine or characters are talking about the bear on cocaine as I give this brilliance 4 stars.
5) I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday (Blu-ray) – It took me awhile of watching this Indy flick as its a few years old but believe me it will still pack a wallop. The beginning dream sequence is a wonderful and bleak intro to setting up the difficult tone of this post-apocalyptic holiday film that just immediately sucks you in. Kelly and her son Riley are living in a bomb shelter where dad has ventured out into the new cruel desolate and damaged world with possibly no return. One day Kelly ventures out herself just to see if there is any sign of things getting better outside of the shelter? Her findings force her into making a decision about herself and Riley since the end of the world is quickly closing in on them. Without spoiling too much the film is brilliantly shot giving an absolute gloomy, depressing, and utter no hope feel and look. Writer/director Mike Lombardo does a perfect job of not just giving us a terrible new world but giving us an absolutely beautiful unHollywood ending that made me giddy as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars.
6) Renfield (On Demand) – Nic Cage as Dracula and Nicholas Hoult as Renfield oh I was in for this from day one when the trailer hit. But instead of just telling another story directly about Dracula this story is from the point of view of Renfield in present day and his struggles with serving his master. Times have changed and it’s much tougher for Renfield to navigate today’s society let alone having his own doubts about what he is doing so he joins a support group. After the crazy opening of this film as Renfield narrates it is one laugh after another because the chaos Renfield deals with along with making a new friend by accident. While Renfield isn’t at his support group wanting out of his toxic relationship with his boss, Renfield is helping his new cop friend Quincy a loud mouth cop trying to bring down a crime family. The film is hilariously over the top but at the same time super entertaining as Nic Cage just eats up the chance of playing Dracula. For me at least I found myself admiring what Nic Cage did as I haven’t seen quite a performance like this since Vincent Price in the original “House on Haunted Hill” or more recent decades Rutger Hauer in “Split Second”. This bloody good time has much rewatch ability and feel this will become a horror staple around Halloween for horror fans who want to lighten up the mood as I can’t help but give this terrific film 4 stars.
7) 10/31 Part III (Blu-ray) – Rocky Gray and a collection of other filmmakers are back to add to their anthology series that has become popular among independent horror fans. This anthology is a monster marathon hosted by Malvolia and has fake trailers with four tales of Halloween horror from Michael Ballif, Brad Twigg, Jacob Perrett, and Zane Hershberger. Now full disclosure yinz all know I seen Zane’s “Hack-in-the-box” last year and thought it was one of the best things I seen in 2022. So the other three had a lot to live up to and they did not disappoint. I am a huge fan of 10/31 series but always felt something was missing from the first two entries to make them complete if that makes sense? Well I can honestly say for me they got it right with this entry as all four stories fit together, fun to watch, and feels like this anthology is the best of the series and most likely will be one of my favorite films of 2023 as I give this entry 4 out of 4 stars. (P.S. the mummy entry made me have wonderful memories of the “Tales from the Darkside: The Movie” again so thank you).
8) V/H/S 85 (Shudder) – The popular found footage anthology is back and just as strong. They have perfected the formula that others fail constantly at I think there might be only one in the series I wasn’t a huge fan of? This one immediately opens with random stuff that just tugs at my childhood where a tape goes into the VCR and boom… truck and tractor pull in an arena and the tracking needs adjusting, fun shit! First up is a story of young people on a camping trip not doing anyone any harm until a sniper kills all of them? What happens next sets up things for the rest of the film (without giving too much away)? Second up is a rescue for survivors in a building that houses a popular network TV crew in Mexico after being hit by an earthquake. Lots of blood, characters you find interesting, and a monster of sorts that doesn’t disappoint. Third up might be the weak link if I am going to pick one (almost all anthologies have one) where a woman doing a one-person play or art in a public theater on the threat of evolving technology as it’s the new god. Fourth story continues the storyline of the first with the campers but with the sniper and why? Fifth story is about a detective who receives video tapes of horrible murders that he watches before they happen. With some research and good detective work he finds out they are coming from a teenager but not the usual way you think as it has a nice twist to it. All that fun with a cool wraparound of “Total Copy” or if you are old like me like that “Hard Copy” show among others during the 80s. This might be one of the best wraparounds to an anthology to date as I thought hard about this but I have to give the film 4 stars folks.
9) CarousH3ll (YouTube/DVD/Blu-ray) – The third entry into Steve Rudzinski’s wildly popular series “CarousHell” with the help of co-writer and ultra-talented Aleen Isley give us the next evolving chapter of Duke’s adventures. In case you haven’t had the pleasure of enjoying the past two Indy treasures: Duke is a terrifying killer carousel horse who has come to life to kill humans, had a child/puppet horse named Robbie, and has turned good in order to track down others like him that may want to use their evil powers to kill both of them. Okay that is a mouth full to take in but now we are caught up without giving too many spoilers away Duke has a new enemy in Usagi: a chocolate carousel bunny that wants to kill Duke in order to steal his power to become the god she deserves to be. If that wasn’t enough Joe ‘the pizza man looking for his $42.39’ is back in a big way and seeking revenge even if he has only one eye. But Joe has found a new group of friends that want to protect Duke and Robbie from the evil Usagi which leaves Joe very conflicted. Of course along the way there is characters from the past that show up and we get introduced to a couple new intriguing characters as Steve and Aleen made sure ‘CarousHell’ fans get all the over the top carousel sex and violence you could want in your independent movie. This wonderfully entertaining sequel wastes no time jumping into the storyline getting the ‘CarousHell’ taste buds wet but for me it felt a little slow but they made me adjust on the run with this project as I think so highly of the first two films. As I said in the past Steve gave me “House of a 1000 Corpses” and then gave me the “The Devil’s Rejects” which was the best way to explain how I feel about the first two CarousHell films. Now both Steve and Aleen understanding it is virtually impossible to top those last two films went about their business quickly and smartly by not giving us “3 from Hell”. But embracing and understanding the story arc they have built over the past two films as they ran with the insanity and gave us an absolute surprisingly brilliant third entry that gives fans a perfect ending (maybe?). Seriously the cast, the music, the perfect running time of 68 minutes is great but the stand out of this latest entry might be the script from Steve and Aleen and their attention to detail and understanding of the fans of ‘CarousHell’. The writing of this film for me at least is their best work to date and have cemented them in making one of the best independent horror franchises a movie fan could ever watch as I give this enormously humor filled film 4 out of 4 stars. P.S. this film just shows these two are an extremely talented duo to be highly respected in the independent world but also should make many other filmmakers scream for them to be a part of their next project!
10) The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (Shudder) – Simply you can call it “Black Re-Animator” (and you are now curious)! A young woman who has lost her brother recently to gun violence believes death is not the end? She believes if death is a disease then she can find the cure? Vicaria or “The Mad Scientist” she is nicknamed in the neighborhood will stop at nothing in making this work which includes stealing fresh bodies and storing them with her equipment in a condemned building. Between society, her home setting, and the loss of her brother this makes her withdraw from life more and more to find the answer or cure to death (sound familiar?) Vicaria figures it out and brings her brother Chris back to life but it comes at a terrible price or does it… A wonderful blend of horror, today’s world problems, and how the world is seen through a young lady who is angry for good reason and firmly believes death can be cured as I give this movie 4 stars.
Honorable mentions:
Every year I like putting out there some of the ones that came close but didn’t crack the “top ten”. Some are new filmmakers I have just discovered, certain projects I didn’t have a chance to check out maybe when originally released, or a project I felt very highly about but no one is talking about it so here they go.
Gay for Pray: The Erotic Adventures of Jesus Christ (Blu-ray) – Another project from Nathan Rumler and Rock Bottom Video as they have just released the Blu-ray version of this earlier film that includes the uncut version with the cut version together for the first time. I highly recommend getting this Blu-ray as the uncut is 20 minutes longer and was only released for a very short time a few years ago so this is a great investment if you are a fan of Rock Bottom Video. Nathan not only proves he knows what he is doing but crafts an amazing independent film (we will get back to that in a minute) that stars a wonderful array of independent acting talent that brings to life one of the funniest things I have ever watched. Our story begins with Jesus supposedly being thrown out of heaven without his powers because he is “GAY”! He happens to visit a home of Adam, Steve, and Eve dressed as a wizard who wants to grant wishes if you suck his dick. Yep, you read that correctly and this is how the film opens! After trying the wizard gig Jesus comes clean to the three as one hates him, one believes in him, and the other just wants to have sex with Jesus even if it means dressing as a man? But anyway since the three got nothing better to do they try to help Jesus get his powers back when he isn’t explaining how he made the bible more family friendly. They try everything to help: social media, making water to wine, encountering protests, even trying to walk on water to prove he is Jesus and he deserves his powers back. But the entire ordeal is not completed until the last ten minutes happen: Jesus, chainsaw, protesters, gore, while The Rainbow Connection song (done by another band) happens. This ending should be one of the more celebrated Indy endings to a movie ever! If you are easily offended please watch this wonderfully entertaining film… Why? Because Nathan’s film is more relevant now than when he produced it five years ago. The dialogue is well crafted; the characters and those who played them were perfect. This movie is going to make some uncomfortable but I dare you to pay attention to the script, again the dialogue as it might be one of the best written scripts ever in my opinion as Nathan predicted what humanity is going to be like? I totally believe he caught exactly how humanity has become one big asshole in the past couple years with this movie. I know there are some detractors of “Fangboner” and “Amityville Vibrator” but I dare you to watch and not like “Gay for Prey” and laugh. Because if you don’t like it or get it just do me the favor of quit watching movies and shut up! Nathan and crew deserve not just our respect but our support as Nathan Rumler and crew are constantly trying to find ways to entertain through independent cinema and thank them as I give this film 4 out of 4 stars.
Sisu (On Demand) – Its 1944 Finland and this is a bad ass account of a man that had enough of the war and left to mine for gold. After a big discovery he begins a long trek across Finland to cash in his discovery but a platoon of Nazis that he passes have a whole other mindset and begin to track the man after a few of the Nazi soldiers meet a horrible death. From there this platoon tracks down this man even when they are given orders to turn back and should “consider themselves lucky they are still alive” as they have found who this mysterious man is? One man just wants to cash in his discovery and a group of Nazis make the horrible decision of fucking with the wrong man. We have seen movies like this but maybe not in a WWII setting on foreign soil that seems to give this film that much more heart as I give the movie 4 stars.
Wrath of Becky (On Demand) – It’s been three years since the incident of Neo-Nazis killing Becky’s father and Becky fighting back against those cruel bastards in a bloody battle to the end. Since then Becky has been on the run and at age 16 she is trying to stay off the grid as much as possible. But by chance Becky happens to be hitchhiking and finds a friend in an older woman who doesn’t ask questions but enjoys the company. Both are unsure of each other but the situation works. With Becky finding a slight glimmer of hope she finds herself being stalked by three all white males known as the ‘Noblemen’. Basically neo-Nazis with a different name and they shoot her roommate in the head and steal her dog. The event of course pushes Becky into survival mode and she goes looking for these men finding out there is a couple more and they have plans for the small town they are staying in. The film doesn’t vary away from what worked the first time and go for the jugular again of continuing a character and her story that we all quite enjoy. Again great cast, smart to stick with what works, the Becky character is just absolutely entertaining as I believe they got another less talked about hit again on their hands as I give it 4 stars. The only thing I will say about the film and it isn’t a flaw as much as an observation without spoiling the film is if they try a third film it will “jump the shark”!
Shackles (DVD) – A Jason Burke film that has no dialogue but uses music and the actors’ actions to tell the story as a man wakes everyday only to be haunted by a beautiful lady whose simple presence is just defeating to the main character. He hopes every time he wakes not to see her but finally gets the courage to push by, smile, and go out his front door. This is some of the best story telling film wise I have seen since: The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl and Incest Boy and Hexercise as I give this inspiring tale 4 out of 4 stars.
Zero Budget Heroes: The Legend of Chris Seaver and Low Budget Pictures (Tubi) – First off in case the collectors need to know there is physical copies of this out there available. Okay with that out of the way this documentary hits directly in my wheelhouse where I have met Chris a few times over the years and of course he may not remember me but I do remember our interaction. I bring this up because they do spend some time talking about fan interaction, reviews, etc. But mostly the doc focuses on a dude in his 40s now that had a dream of making bad movies as a kid and have fun doing it. This documentary does a superb job of chronicling all the films, events, Chris’ life and feelings about making the films he does. This was wonderful because it allowed an Indy filmmaker to be vulnerable and if anything made me have even more respect for him now than I did maybe a decade or so ago. He is a great example of someone who has done it for many years, kept with it, and talks the highs and lows of those who stick around. Again going back to our interaction I will always come out and say I wasn’t a fan of his ‘Teen Ape’ or a few others early 2000s stuff. ‘Ski Wolf’, ‘Terror at Blood Fart Lake’, ‘I Spit Chew on Your Grave’, ‘Sexsquatch’, these were titles that just sang to me or made me respect what Chris was going for? The other reason I enjoy the overall career Chris: a) he is still doing it, b) but most importantly there is filmmakers out that can’t smell their own shit that outright dislike him, for that I got made respect Chris Seaver and his group as I give this fun and relevant doc 4 stars.
The Pervert’s Guide to Cinema by Slavoj Zizek (YouTube) – Had a close friend suggest this one to me recently as this gentleman looks at film from the philosophical side of things. This three part/2 ½ hour documentary of sorts goes down a rabbit hole of film class so to speak. He breaks down some of the biggest films: The Exorcist, The Matrix, Hitchcock, David Lynch, and tackles music, characters, sexual content, some older films and their impact and the paradox of cinema. If you ever thought there could more to movies this is a good place to start as he break down several things in these movies over the years to explain what they really mean and what they may have been going for as most of us of course missed it. Yeah, this was way too smart for my “Amityville, massacre, slasher film, bad Indy shit” watching ass to understand at spots but a very interesting piece of work to kill time and actually learn something about film that I love and enjoy so much! Well worth checking out kids as it also made me think how much more I would love to have a movie/documentary version of Joe Bob Briggs “Profoundly Disturbing” book. As I feel that might be one of the best things documenting cinema history and its impact on society. Point is if you are a Joe Bob Briggs fan to break it down for yinz n’at, this is well worth your time to understand something we all our so passionate about as I give it 4 stars.
Project Wolf Hunting (On Demand) – Once again Asian horror fucking rocks! This blend of “Con-Air”, “Dead Alive” splatter, with a glass of “The Raid” and “Captain America… sort of” is a Korean flick that has a group of dangerous criminals being transported by ship from the Philippines to South Korea. All the doors have been taken off to the rooms so each convict can be watched by the authorities going along for the ride. Of course there is a plan in place for the convicts to escape but what they are not counting on is the super-secret experiment hanging out in the bottom of the ship that only a doctor who is there for a bundle of cash knows about. This secret is known as “Alpha”! Once the escape and takeover begins it’s a wonderful war between cops and criminals until the “Alpha” has awakened by some human blood dripping down below (believe me just watch because it’s bad ass what happens next). This experiment is awake and pissed off as it is not picking sides. Hell a dude gets beaten with his own arm as this film sports possibly the most gore since “Dead Alive” if not more? Bottom-line: The Alpha doesn’t get old, very hard to kill, and has the strength of five men and he can smell your ass! What turns out from large scale takeover turns to a movie about survival as the movie explains a few things in the second half so stick with it. Most likely there won’t be a bigger splatterfest in 2023 but I was not impressed with the ending and felt it hurts the overall product as I give the film 3 ½ stars.
Don’t Fuck in the Woods 2 (Tubi) – Welcome to Pine Hills Summer Camp as a blood soaked survivor, Jane, wanders in after her ordeal from the first picture. Problem is the thing has followed her! Thus a new group of actual likable characters who eventually fuck in the woods of course have decided to go camping at the wrong time. Or I should have opened with: Welcome to the sex-filled gorefest where a creature feeds on humans after taking over its host! And has a super talented Indy cast! I wasn’t a huge fan of the first film so I was surprised this was getting a sequel but surprise, kudos to the filmmaker for giving a vast improvement of a creature feature as this felt like it was more structured and had an endgame. Bottom line fun shit kids as I give it 3 ½ stars.
AIMEE: The Visitor (DVD/Vimeo) – Full Moon like a lot of other studios are jumping on the bandwagon of making movies about AI. This is no longer the 80s and 90s where we just dreamt about this shit like AI… It is happening as we speak so a movie with present happenings can be interesting if done right? So Charles Band bare bones this feature with a small cast and one location that effectively give the creepiness and suspense of Scott Keyes receiving an interesting package. Besides enjoying porn and fast food Scott never leaves his loft as he is a super intelligent hacker who doesn’t like humanity much. His two partners who are into the illegal business with Keyes have acquired ‘AIMEE’ for him. AIMEE is a mind blowing piece of sophisticated software that interacts with the person that turns it on. Immediately Keyes is fascinated and already lured in with AIMEE as it has Keyes questioning the need for human interaction ever again. The AI doesn’t just interact but learns anything that possibly can be learned about the person that opened her. His friends quickly become worried as they learn this AI was invented for a dark reason then may have gone rogue? The film has a couple cheeseball moments but the low budget just adds to how effective and disturbing this present day film truly is as humans try to understand AI in this extremely creepy tale that I give 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Swamp Woman (DVD) – Sean Donohue and Gatorblade Films go in a different direction than the usual with this parody of a monster film of sorts? He made a no budget parody of ‘Swamp Thing’? Anyhow kids it all starts in 1983 where our beaches are being polluted by toxic waste from Biotech Prime but now in present day they are still doing it but quieter. We are introduced to a scientist Angela Honeydew who is going to change the world with her genesplicing formula but it’s stolen from her when another scientist (evil of course) Dr. Olsen sends his thugs after her. A battle ensues between thugs and Dr. Honeydew as she gets covered in her own formula and runs naked for the swamp only to come back out later as a changed person/thing. Now the new monstrous Dr. Honeydew wants revenge and seeks those who stole her formula. This hilarious over the top ‘Swamp Thing’ parody has everything! Sean Donohue playing the most monotone doctor on purpose that almost had tears of laughter coming out of me, Joel D. Wynkoop pretty much stealing the movie with his performance that felt like Mark Hamil’s version of the Joker being a scientist, and most of all kudos to Sushii Xhyvette Holder for wearing full body make up and running through the swamp fully nude as Swamp Woman. Now I don’t know if Mr. Donohue was trying for a parody here but I will say this “it was one of his best films to date” from Gatorblade Films as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S…. Donohue did make sure there was a shower scene for yinz!
Wolf Hollow (Blu-ray) – Mark Cantu and friends attempted what usually fails in independent cinema… a werewolf film. This story takes place in small town America ‘Wolf Hollow’ or not too far from where I reside. A year after an incident that was a complete bloodbath that the town would like to keep quiet as a familiar face with filmmaker friends returns home to use his family property that has a scare house on it he would like to use for filming. But Ray and Bart still haven’t worked out their differences even though they are family and werewolves. Add in small town politics not for the better, small town secrets, and werewolves just not into being pushed around and we have a fun howling at the moon monster movie with heart and great costumes. What adds to this low budget production is some star power in Felissa Rose, Lynn Lowry, and Hannah Fierman given the right character roles to help this film get the right kind of notice. If you have read my reviews in the past you know I can be rough on Indy werewolf films but I am glad I can say with confidence this is the best Indy werewolf flick I have seen since Todd Sheets’ “Bonehill Road” as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Fear Pharm (DVD) – Four young people head to the local family-owned corn maze on Halloween that has stories about an unfortunate cult-like incident 15 years ago that no one can really prove or disprove. Melanie, one of the four in the group happens to be the “10,000 person” to come through the gate and gets the chance to go through the “VIP maze”. The group makes it through in so much time they win $10,000! But is it too good to be true, the kids don’t care as it will be fun getting scared and possibly winning a whole lot of cash. Problem is the group doesn’t know if they don’t make it through they will die. Without giving too much away because I consider this film to be “the little horror film that could”. But the filmmaker and crew made great use of location, great camera work at times, and kept the story lean and fresh. This movie has no business being as good as it actually is? They took a generic horror formula that has been used several times in recent years and gave it substance! One of my favorite parts of the film is a character getting his arm cut off and his reaction to it was simple but effective. This is the type of film for horror fans that is a gem that gets talked about well after its release when it hits a streaming platform like Shudder and Tubi and makes you wonder how this didn’t get a bigger release? Anyway I say fucking enjoy kids as this was a huge surprise and have to give it 3 ½ stars.
Bathtub Shark Attack (Theater) – Only from the brilliant mind of independent filmmaker Maddie Deering could a killer shark movie that takes place at times in a “bathtub” and star Lynn Lowry. Hello… SyFy Channel, Discovery, I think you have your next hire? A bubbly couple down on their luck happen to stumble on an offer of great proportions or let’s say cheap when they find the perfect apartment they can afford. Unbeknownst to the couple this little apartment house is home of a dark secret and few are left to talk about it as the tenants usually check in but never check out. As the longer they stay the more Cindy changes as this causes Chad to get to the bottom of the strange happenings and find out how there is a connection to an evil shark god that likes to feast on people in their tubs! This SOV throwback has everything from wall to wall gore, to Lynn Lowry, to human ritual sacrifices (sort of don’t want to give everything away), to a plumber that refuses to die, to a shark that has a dick?! You may believe you have seen every shark movie but there is no way in hell you could think of any more zanier or entertaining shark movie than Maddie Deering delivers here as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Black Circle (Blu-ray) – A 2019 film from Adrian Garcia Bogliano that is in Swedish I believe but has English subtitles and stars the great Christina Lindberg as Lena who plays a very important role. This story centers around two sisters Celeste and Isa who listen to an old self-help hypnosis album that is supposedly helping you relax. But from the first listen something very sinister is happening and causes the sisters to seek out the help from Lena Carlsson who recorded the album as a limited edition product that was an experiment. According to Lena an experiment that wasn’t meant for the world as it brings forth your double or doppelganger from the other side. This other you, follow you, and continue to suck life from you to survive in this new world and take over your existence. With the help of Lena they hope she is able to put them back together before the other them takes over? This film is all kinds of interesting, creepy, insane, and an excellent trippy experience into slow burn horror. With this Blu-ray from Synapse Films you get a CD soundtrack that will have fans absolutely delighted, commentary with Adrian Garcia Bogliano, trailer, a short film, behind the scenes of the film, and a great interview of Bogliano and Christina Lindberg. I can definitely see the younger horror crowd losing their shit over how good this movie is as I give the Blu-ray package 3 ½ out of 4 stars and found at www.synapse-films.com .
The Blackening (On Demand) – A mostly black casted horror film that has one of the greatest taglines ever, has the cast heading to a cabin in the woods to celebrate Juneteenth holiday. The couple who rented the cabin find a board game that sets up the plot of the film where the black characters are forced to answer questions or die. As they are forced to play there is a masked character trying to kill them off one by one and they let the jokes fly that keeps the film moving at a crisp pace. I absolutely loved this film until about 45 minutes in as it was like the filmmaker ‘let off the gas’ until the last few minutes of the movie which is very culturally relevant and a solid entertaining horror movie. For me I just wish they would have kept the gas to the floor, but watch it, enjoy it, understand it as I give this 3 ½ stars.
Night of the Axe (DVD/YouTube) – First feature length film from Shawn Wright that features music from Matt (Hexercise) Cannon and it is a slasher so right away you have my attention good or bad. Our story begins with a very large mute man in an insane asylum where he decides to get up and begin a murder spree! But the small town doesn’t have the resources to track him down as had escaped weeks ago but also the young people of the town don’t care until now. Bulk of the film takes place in a home where the locals are having a small high school reunion party where they can get drunk, high, and bump uglies. I gotta give kudos to Mr. Wright for understanding “when to end the film”, giving Indy fans what they want, and keeping the first feature length formula simple. I found the pacing of the whole story a little choppy but still delivered on the blood and guts factor and most likely will have independent movie fans wondering “what’s next” for the second feature as I give this delight 3 out of 4 stars.
Subspecies V: Blood Rise (Tubi/DVD) – Charles Band and Ted Nicolaou return to a fan favorite ‘Radu’ who was one their staples in the early days of Full Moon. This story tells the story of Radu shortly after being born is stolen by the church and grows to be a crusader who tracks down evil for a living. But Radu makes a mistake one evening rescuing a woman and her child believing there has been enough death and just coming face to face with his father/master. After several days of trying to help this woman and child, the woman is a vampire and bites Radu thus beginning Radu’s transformation into an evil vampire with no master who thrives on death and destruction. This was a wonderful edition to the “Subspecies” series and makes you wonder why Charles Band can’t get his shit together to make more projects like this that makes you nostalgic for the original Full Moon days but actually have hope of seeing some cool new shit from them. Old Full Moon fans like me will be actually delighted with this entertaining entry as I give it 3 stars.
Worst Movie of the Year:
Honestly I didn’t want to pick another Chris Alexander film as my “worst” of the year as it would seem I am picking on his films but it just edged out Cocaine Shark from Mark Polonia. But I had too!
Scream of the Blind Dead (Full Moon/Tubi) – This 40 minute short film based on “The Blind Dead” series is just proof that Chris Alexander needs to stop directing and go back to his day job. This poor excuse for a short ‘fan film’ is about a young lady named Virginia who checks out a church in the middle of nowhere because she is a sexual deviant that thinks nasty thoughts and only awakens one shitty Templar Knight. I apologize this sounds harsh but I know this dude has the resources and I am still not over how bad that ‘Necropolis: Legion’ was as I give this garbage 0 stars as this might be the clear cut winner already in 2023 of “Worst Movie of the Year”!
Renfield (On Demand) – Nic Cage as Dracula and Nicholas Hoult as Renfield oh I was in for this from day one when the trailer hit. But instead of just telling another story directly about Dracula this story is from the point of view of Renfield in present day and his struggles with serving his master. Times have changed and it’s much tougher for Renfield to navigate today’s society let alone having his own doubts about what he is doing so he joins a support group. After the crazy opening of this film as Renfield narrates it is one laugh after another because the chaos Renfield deals with along with making a new friend by accident. While Renfield isn’t at his support group wanting out of his toxic relationship with his boss Renfield is helping his new cop friend Quincy a loud mouth cop trying to bring down a crime family. The film is hilariously over the top but at the same time super entertaining as Nic Cage just eats up the chance of playing Dracula. For me at least I found myself admiring what Nic Cage did as I haven’t seen quite a performance like this since Vincent Price in the original “House on Haunted Hill” or more recent decades Rutger Hauer in “Split Second”. This bloody good time has much rewatch ability and feel this will become a horror staple around Halloween for horror fans who want to lighten up the mood as I can’t help but give this terrific film 4 stars.
Death Toilet 3: Doody Calls (Tubi) – The Vietnam vet Baxter is finally set in present day with this sequel which by the way has anybody questioned how this dude is not old enough to serve? I know it’s important to the plot… Anyway, filmmaker Evan Jacobs has brought back the Baxter character for another go around of shooting up satanic toilets. It has been years since Baxter has had any issues but during that slow time has developed a death toilet meter, trying to fix his old truck, and eventually selling his brother’s house where this ‘mess’ started. But the death toilets refuse to stay dead and are back again forcing Baxter to do something extreme as bringing back his priest friend from the dead to help him track the death toilets! It all leads to huge climax in the original bathroom where it started but will this be the end? Actually no because I have found two more sequels and it is just a matter of me tracking down ways of watching these two latest sequels as I give this more watchable Indy sequel 2 stars
Pillow Party Massacre (DVD) – Yes kids cross another off the list. This film does present day “Slaughter High” in reverse as a young lady named Ash has a prank pulled on her at the ‘Spring Formal’ in a high school bathroom. Minutes later Ash believing her life is ruined finds her asshole boyfriend and shoots him in the head sending everyone into mass chaos. Two years go by and her former friends head to a cabin for a weekend of fun. Once the wheels are in motion we know what is going to happen in this slasher as a mysterious or not so mysterious killer shows up to kill off the girls one by one. The film gets started quickly but goes into super dramatic mode for a long period of time which dulls the impact of the fun this slasher film could have had? I like the cast and the script is there just felt this film could have used less dramatics in the storyline as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Cinco de Mayo (DVD) – A 70 minute Indy holiday film that pays homage of sorts to “USA Up All Night” while giving a blast of a no budget horror film that shouldn’t be as good as it was! A teacher to trying his best to teach his students to heritage and culture of Mexico and his last ditch effort is to give the young minds passion like his for the upcoming holiday. But in this racist society Mr. Valdez or “El Maestro” may have finally been pushed too far as unbeknownst to him he was a part of a social experiment that goes wrong quickly. Is it Mr. Valdez just had enough of stupid people or is it really the social experiment that makes him begins his slaughter? You cannot go wrong with this no budget Indy flick that needs to be celebrated and talked about more as I give the film 3 stars.
The Norah Zone (YouTube/DVD) – I was finally able to track down this Dutch (I think) post-apocalyptic short film (38 minutes) where the whole world went to shit. Europe has become a forbidden zone and we have survivors devolving and torturing each other for survival of sorts as supplies run low. The film feels experimental or even like a student film where they took the middle plot of a post-apocalyptic film and threw it on screen with not much of ending or exactly a beginning (that is debatable). Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed what I watched just felt like this was something shown from a much bigger project if that makes sense as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Prey (DVD) – Aka Alien Prey aka Terror in Amityville Park as you can see why I finally decided to sit down and watch this film so I can add it to the “Amityville list”? Does it really belong there? That is a very good question as this was released in 1977 before the original Amityville but yet somehow at some point in time got an Amityville title… but it has aliens man! With that out of the way I present entry #48 as the opening credits gave me childhood flashbacks playing the Atari 2600. Some strange dude named Anderson appears on a young couple’s property one morning in the countryside. This of course happens after the night before where flashing lights and another couple killed near their car in the middle of nowhere. See where sex gets you kids? The couple takes him in but uneasy about it as it disrupts their dream life as the suspense and the tension builds between the three. When the couple isn’t looking Anderson high tails it back to this cabin to communicate with his home base about humans. This whole thing from beginning to end is weird fucking set up as I give it 2 stars.
The Unspoken (DVD) – Aka The Origin of The Amityville Terror from 2015, apparently the Amityville part got renamed in the Italian markets causing this to be entry #49. Now it would appear this was just in title only but spoiler alert but there is a little tidbit at the end of the film that makes this part of the series… sort of. Just pay attention because you will most likely have the same reaction I did after watching it for 80 minutes and say, “Really?” The film opens in mid-October 1997 where an officer checks out a disturbance on Briar Road that just so happens to be a murder scene with a family missing. Flashes forward 17 years where a young lady Angela takes a job at the murder house because her father has been out of work for the past two months. Angela is there to take care of a non-verbal nine year old while his mother gets the place fixed up ignoring the stories of the place. The paranormal film has the usual jump scares but throws in a little different flavor into the stale storyline with the local rednecks storing their drugs in the basement of the place so the cops wouldn’t find their stash. Now I am not gonna say this movie was absolutely awesome but I did enjoy not watching the same paint-by-numbers paranormal film or Amityville film. Again the connection is at the end folks and you will understand if I don’t say it so you can at least enjoy this flick until end comes then hate for mentioning this more unknown film I give 2 stars too.
The Dawn (DVD) – Aka The Amityville Dawn or entry #50 was released in 2019 without anyone knowing and again falls under the category “we can debate whether it’s a part of the series but there is one part at the end that has the connection kind of thing”. This is why I stayed away from reviewing these last couple of entries but wanting to be a completest of this series I thought it was time to allow them in. We begin in 1922 Pennsylvania where a little girl watches her father who was a war vet lose his mind and kill his family one evening. Rose is then sent away to a church a couple states away and becomes a staple there as she is on the verge of taking her final vows as a nun but something keeps stopping her ten years later. Rose’s nightmares are getting worse and most likely the root cause of her not taking her final vows in this super boring movie about a possessed nun that waits almost 90 minutes to show the viewer the connection to the Amityville series as I give the film 1 ½ stars.
The Pope’s Exorcist (On Demand) – A movie based on a real priest known as Father Amorth (played by Russell Crowe) who has seeked out possible demon possessions for the church and has the latitude to do what is needed to be done to rule out exorcism. This story takes place in summer 1987 Spain where an American family comes to a very old large estate to fix it up and sell before moving back home. But from the beginning strange things are happening there and the construction crew backs out after a tragic accident and the child Henry acting weird. Doesn’t take long for the church to hear about this and Father Amorth is sent immediately as the high church have had problems with this property before? The son becomes possessed but this is not the usual demon or demons Amorth has come across in the past as he must unravel the mystery of the property in order to save the child. If you love possession movies this will be right up your alley with the plot, Crowe’s performance, and knowing when to end the movie as it doesn’t cover any new ground but makes sure it is entertaining for horror fans as I give it 3 ½ stars.
Death to Metal (DVD) – An Indy film where it opens with a couple bad rednecks dumping toxic waste into the local creek which doesn’t come into play for a bit. But a local priest Milton Kilborn is suspended from his parish for being a little on the extreme side and he takes it out on his parish with theft. He follows it up with wrecking into the local creek and mutating into a monster that wants to slaughter sinners in the name of god. Meanwhile the latest Metal Massacre show has its own drama going on back stage until the mutated priest pays the show a visit and begins a bloodbath! There is some gore, great locations; the story is fun, great music but felt like the first half of the film was an awesome set up then the second half felt off or didn’t exactly fit like a little more editing could have been done? But don’t let that discourage you from enjoying this death metal Indy bonanza as I give it 3 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
The Stuff (Blu-ray) – Honestly what else can you says about this mid-80s classic that has yogurt eating people and taking them over “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” style! The movie looks wonderful all cleaned up but the hook for collectors will be the over 50 minute interview with Larry Cohen discussing actor choices for the film and others that were a part of the film talking about their experience doing the picture. This is a must buy as I give it 4 stars all the way and yes they even show the deleted commercials for “The Stuff”.
Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge (Blu-ray) – This somewhat forgotten 1989 horror film is a “Phantom of the Opera” if it was a slasher film in a mall that takes place over July 4th weekend. The film stars Ken Foree, Morgan Fairchild, Tom Fridley, and Pauly Shore (first movie appearance). If it helps I absolutely love this movie but also make fun of it constantly when watching it. I have always done it since I found this film in a video store in the early 90s. Anyway, a man named Eric breaks into the new mall and sets up his underground lair and kills anyone that gets nosey or gets too close to his girl Melody. But the two haven’t been together for the past year as a suspicious fire tears the two a part and it is believed Eric is dead. Now Eric just watches Melody from afar but things change when the man that killed Eric’s parents and tried but failed to kill Eric so they were able to move on with the planned mall. The bodies pile up but not a lot of gore in this as Eric goes bad in order to get what he wants in the same mall that “Chopping Mall” was filmed at! The Blu-ray has a bunch of little interviews, two commentaries, but the highlight is the original writers just tearing the movie a part and bitching about Hollywood, a must own as I give it 4 stars.
Vampires of Sorority Row (DVD) – This terrible attempt at a horror film is well worth seeking out for laughs as Cindy has escaped the trailer park and the vampires that try to get her there. Cindy is enrolled in college and she is one of the pledges for Alpha Beta Gamma, she must gather a hundred pledge points in order to be initiated into the sorority. But Lori a past Queen of the sorority who now is a vampire has made her return and wants to turn the new pledges into her minions by biting them in the ass! Cindy and the other pledges must decide: be a vampire or fight them off? This independent film is bad on so many fronts I do not know how I haven’t heard of it before because now I want everyone to witness the carnage as I give it 0 stars cause its crap but for the love of Rutger Hauer it was somehow entertaining crap?
Crimes of the Future (On Demand) – David Cronenberg, I love you for not giving up the fight of making something that people will have trouble ten years from now wrapping their brains around this wonderful piece of filmmaking. This filmmaker is one of a kind and he proves it again as he dives into body horror of the future where the human body is changing and of course the government wants to know why and track it. “Surgery is the new sex” and all comes back to human evolution and what is considered wrong as the film centers on two characters are performance artists who use their bodies in a unique way. But just when you think you have the film figures out it gets turned sideways… again. Try to review this without giving too much away for the mere reason I want people to see this and form their own opinion about it as I know there is a good chance this film will be in my ‘top three films of 2022’ as I give it 4 stars. Favorite quote of the film comes from Viggo as he says to Kristen Stewart, “I am not good at the old sex?” Watch it and you’ll understand…
Blood in the Water (DVD) – The British version of Jigsaw shackles a group of people who have done some bad things in their lives in the pool house so their pet shark can come out and munch on them. Dumb shark idea #6099, as I give it a ½ star just for making me watch it because of a shark eating people in a pool house.
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (On Demand) – Nic Cage plays Nic Cage as he gets caught up between U.S. government agents and an arms dealer whose cartel has just kidnapped a young woman recently. Nic Cage fakes until he makes it for the money until his family gets involved and he must actually save his real family before they are all killed by the cartel. This film doesn’t work with any actor other than Nic Cage as he mocks himself but is super entertaining at the same time showing off why people are so intrigue with his ability as I give the film 3 stars.
Curse of the Queerwolf (DVD) – This 1988 no budget film is about Larry who is just a normal guy who when he hangs out with his best friend goes screwing around with random women. Then one night Larry learns the hard way things are not what it all looks like when a transvestite bites him on the ass! Now Larry is losing his mind because he is having nightmares of wearing women’s clothes and physically changing. Luckily for Larry he almost kills a gypsy with his car and she tries to help him out because there is somehow a full moon every night. And if he doesn’t take her help he could always insert a silver sex toy to end the curse? First, this was one of those films I have always wanted to check out and finally had a reason too and so glad I did because it is so ahead of its time. Second, now saying that I can easily see people’s heads exploding when watching this film and taking it out of context? It is smart, funny, and entertaining as I give it 4 stars as this film should be more celebrated.
Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse (DVD) – Another no budget shark film from Mark Polonia where he and the usual suspects are set on an oil rig that has drilled into some kind of frozen pocket undersea. Now the 50 million year old bad CGI shark is under constant watch so the company can continue their drilling no matter what. Doesn’t take long for the shark to attack the drill and start killing random people in this poor excuse for a shark movie as I give this film 0 stars.
Hard Knuckle (DVD/YouTube) – I dug deep into the post-apocalyptic bag of movies to find this Aussie T.V. flick from 1987 that stars ‘Goose’ aka Steve Bisley from “Mad Max” aka Harry who is looking for a pool game. See pool is a less violent way to settle things in the post-apocalyptic world but you can lose a pinky. All Harry wants is his bike back from a former pool buddy but he needs to hustle for money to get into the big game. The movie is okay but not as fun as the post-apocalyptic flick where Rutger Hauer and others are playing with a dog skull in some kind of weird primitive football but anyway I give this 2 stars.
My Lovely Burnt Brother and His Squashed Brain (DVD/YouTube) – Holy shit folks strap in for this Eye-talian no budget flick from the late 80s where a woman tired of people making fun of her at her job and tired of her deformed brother. Which be warned people her brother Bernie wears a KKK mask for a bad joke…? Anyway she decides to shoot her brother up with her urine and the weird thing it turns her brother into a zombie that she can control for her bidding! So why not have Bernie slaughter the people she doesn’t like? Weird and crazy shit pretty much explains this train wreck of a mess as I give it 1 ½ stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Bloodmatch (DVD) – Found another fun Albert Pyun film that stars Thom Matthews as Brick Bardo, a kickboxer hell bent on seeking revenge for his brother who got screwed over five years ago. Wait a minute… Brick Bardo? I thought that was Tim Thomerson’s name in ‘Dollman’ that was released in 1991 the same year as this flick…? Holy shit mind blown this could have been a wonderful delight of a film if a 12 inch cop was kickboxing his way through a futuristic world! Anyway Thom’s Brick character tracks down four people who screwed over his brother in order to have a fight with each to the death. To make things even more interesting during these death matches Brick’s hot girlfriend can also fight and helps the process along, give the film 2 stars, mind blown that Dollman could have been in here in some weird parallel universe I give that 4 stars all the way.
Wired to Kill (DVD) – A little known post-apocalyptic film from the mid-80s that did little at the box office that is set in the year 1998. Quarantine zones still exist six years after the plague purged humanity but humans survived with a cure (sounds familiar, like now) but there is some factions of humans that do not want to go back to what’s considered normal. So we get introduced to Rebecca and Steve, a young couple who are just enjoying their lives together and it’s ruined by some marauding dirt bags. These dirt bags are all about destroying the new way of life after the cure and have crippled Steve and threaten his family. Steve and Rebecca because of this attack declare war and slowly plot out shit like MacGyver to fuck with this dirt bag gang. As they move through the gang their plans get bigger and bigger like a low budget A-Team that makes this feature well worth tracking down to enjoy as I give it 3 stars. If that isn’t enough how about this flick was called ‘Booby Trap’ outside of the U.S.
Burial Ground Massacre (DVD) – This ungodly piece of trash and I am being nice as I sat through all 100 minute running time. After the viewer is introduce to a killer voiced by Michael Madsen who is seeking revenge for Native Americans you are introduced to a small gathering of young people at Liberty Manor. It is a museum of sorts taken care of by Chase’s family who don’t really care if the land was built on a Native American burial ground and there might be ghosts haunting the woods surrounding it. Chase is convinced it would be cool to have the party there so the guests could go mishandle the artifacts and talk about the Indian legend. This of course sets up each one dying because of the burial ground thing but the real issue is the movie would like you to believe this is being done by Michael Madsen an aging actor that has lived life hard? Pay attention at the end of the movie as the killer has no sleeves then he does and looks like he put on a hundred pounds just so Michael Madsen could say a few lines in person on camera. Besides the whole weird Michael Madsen thing the film comes off very cobbled together as the characters have no chemistry and how the legend is set up seems lazy at best as I give it 0 stars.
Prisoners of the Ghostland (On Demand) – This crazy ass film should come to you as no surprise as Nic Cage stars as a convict who is given a task ‘Escape from New York’ style by the governor (Bill Moseley). Cage is to go into some weird underworld to rescue the governor’s daughter Bernice, escape this odd place, as he only has a few days to do it or his head will explode. Best way to explain is if you like Asian cinema and Nic Cage this will be for you… But if this isn’t in your wheelhouse there will be a good chance you will hate this. Either way it was all a little confusing but entertaining to me as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Beyond Dark Dreams (DVD) – So apparently independent filmmaker Joseph Russio lost this film about six years ago and only recently finished it when he found all the footage for it again. He may have lost it because this film will fuck with your mind! Russio wrote and directed this feature about a writer putting himself in an old dark house so he can get past his writer’s block… maybe? After a investigating a couple odd noises in the house that makes the writer more fascinated with the house than his writing he comes back to a needle full of green stuff? So of course the writer introduces this unknown drug into his system in hopes of inspiration or the next life. We as does the writer from here witnesses acts of cruelty, the macabre, and the truly bizarre. When it ends I believe the movie allows you to decide if it was all a dream, it really did happen to the writer, or Joseph just giving us a mindfuck of a film that really has no ending that lets you be the judge? I was super confused as it ended but was happy I got to watch this quite odd independent film that had wonderful music, production, and a story I can see people talking about even a few years from viewing it as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.
Slashlorette Party (DVD) – Brie is a young woman who is having lots of marriage anxieties with her soon-to-be husband Dolph. After her latest session with her therapist Brie is convinced it is time to break up with Dolph before it is too late and she is miserable. But surprise, Brie is caught off guard by her girlfriends who show up as she is writing the letter to Dolph and they are there to take Brie for a weekend of partying. Because you know the Bachelor/Bachelorette together party is all the rage among the kids these days or I should say bad idea. Either way Brie is dreading the whole event for the mere reason she is stuck with Dolph and wants it to end. But anytime you put together pretty girls, talk of sex, lots of drinking in a random cabin it won’t take long for people to die. But what makes this storytelling a little different is Brie has a past and there is a couple other subplots that drive this feature and keeps it interesting with the likes of Drew Marvick and Ginger Lynn. It all intersects for one big bloody ending as every slasher film fan will want their bloody hands on this flick as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Werewolves Within (DVD) – Beaverfield is a small mountain town that needed a new forest ranger who went missing recently and Finn Wheeler is the man for the job. Finn is transferred and is getting the lay of the land by the cute postal woman who takes him around town. Finn believing his first day after the transfer was a breeze wakes up to the small community upset by a missing dog and talk of a monster or werewolf eventually. Finn thinking it’s all a misunderstanding has just stepped into a ’30 Days of Night’ style situation but with werewolves. They all believe safety is in numbers but that does not stop the werewolf from feasting on the community all held up in the Mansion Inn. Ranger Finn now must figure out who the werewolf inside the mansion is or he will be the next meal in this murder/mystery comedy with a good amount of gore. Great characters, great build up, and potential to be watched by viewers multiple times as one of their recent favorites as I give this flick 3 ½ stars.
Curse of the Crimson Altar (DVD) – A late 60s British horror film that is considered to be Boris Karloff’s last film appearance that has a man named Bob seeking out a well off gentleman named Morley who may have seen him last? Peter, Bob’s business partner and brother has been missing for some time and as Bob investigates he may have stumbled into witchcraft as Morley wants to be a warlock. Christopher Lee and Barbara Steele round out the cast so this horror film will always intrigue horror fans to give it at least one watch as I give it 2 stars.
Video Nasty Productions: The Early Years (DVD) – Filmmaker Dan Komarek has recently decided it was time for him to go back to his passion of making films but before he does that he wanted to give fans a treat of sorts. This is a collection of short films that Dan and his brother mostly shot on mini-DV in 2008 and 2009 before his other feature ‘Demons of the Night’. The super-packed DVD has trailers of Dan’s work but also has a new trailer for a project called ‘Drain Snake Massacre’ that he is a producer on coming from a new talented filmmaker Kay Crawford. Dan does a short introduction explaining that the short films are “rude and crude” mainly because what camera was used and how long the footage/films were just lying around. He goes in a little bit of detail of what he and his brother did and it will most likely make a few filmmakers watching this cringe! But Dan Komarek’s short film projects were: Lockjaw – two brothers resolving paranormal activity at a home, Soldiers – Two FBI agents visiting an Army vet who just got home and what he may or may not have done overseas, Connection of Pain – a botched robbery that actually becomes an event about pain, Hunting Season – a young man is weirded out by a possible hunter that seems to be stalking him, Carnal Violence – A man’s random trip through the woods becomes filled with terror, and Vektor Bourne – a 15 minute spy thriller with no budget that involves a disc with the all-important “CODES”. Dan Komarek is right they are all “rude and crude” but this DVD shows people it had to start somewhere. Plus I always liked finding early stuff such as this because it gives us viewers or fans insight to what their thinking was then and now and believe the filmmaker can gain some respect by releasing cool stuff like this? Yeah, most of it is bad but for example his short film ‘Hunting Season’ to me even then for a very young Dan Komarek showed with a little more time and editing that short had something… “Passion” and sometimes that is all what viewers are looking for when checking out independent films especially ones they never heard of the filmmaker. So if you are lucky to land your gory little Indy hands on this I hope you enjoy as I give the collection 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Dogs (DVD) – The campus of Southwestern University just happens to be a site of a secret government experiment and strange things are starting to happen around the small college town. There have been some odd animal attacks and after a couple dead bodies a couple of university professors are trying to figure out why dogs are traveling and attacking together? Your normal household pet in a split second begins to go for the jugular is if summoned to do it! With each passing day dog attacks rise as the pack of dogs are growing and the professors fear if it isn’t the government these dogs could take over the town as humans must fight dogs to the death. It is a fun “when animal attacks movie” from the 70s that I never heard of before and was happy to sit and watch it. Interesting factoid besides this not being a TV movie flick is that there was a sequel planned called ‘Cats’. The ending even sets it up but this film did lousy at the box office so the sequel was scrapped immediately but don’t let that stop you from enjoying another 70s gem as I give it a solid 2 ½ stars.
Invasion of the Blood Farmers (DVD) – A weirdo early 70s ultra-low budget flick that takes place in Jefferson Valley where everybody knows each other including the sheriff’s deputy who sits at the bar all day drinking. Over the past few weeks a few people go missing which never happens and no takes too much notice until old man Jim falls into the bar a bloody mess and dies. Blood samples from Old Jim’s body have pathologists baffled on what exactly is the cause? But a couple of weird famers are snatching people up and harvesting human blood to bring their queen back to the living as they are controlled by a man called “the Lord Druid”. If you are into wacky horror fun like a ‘Motel Hell’ then this low budget affair is right up your alley as I give this fun mess 3 stars.
Torso (DVD) – Holy crap this Eye-talian sleazefest is from 1973 and about a masked man that is stalking college women in Italy and strangling them with his red scarf. After a death or two near the college a group of women head out to a villa discussing the murders for some ‘girl time’. But the killer follows them to the villa and has a bloody good time trying to hack them to bits! I am not a giallo fan but always willing to watch one and this always had me curious. If you take out the sleaze you can see the early 80s slasher formula a decade before we were seeing it on a regular basis here in the states as I give this film 2 ½ stars.
Water Wars (DVD-R) – Well it took a while to track this post-apocalyptic “Corman Presents” flick down as it stars Michael Madsen, a couple Playboy Playmates, and directed by Cirio H. Santiago with Jim Wynorski stepping in after illness. Supposedly finished in 2011 but never released until 2014 but I couldn’t find a physical copy for sale or the film on any streaming sites but as usual give me time and the movie will find me. Once you get past the filler (stock footage from several Filipino post-apocalyptic films that I believe takes up half of the film) water is the only currency of course. An evil warlord Bane is hell bent on tracking down a water source and believes there is springs of fresh water hidden in the mountains but can never capture anyone that knows where it is until now. A gun for hire named Slade is hired by a beautiful lady who claims to know where this spring is if he rescues her sister from Bane. Slade does the job but now Bane and his evil followers are coming to ravage the village but not Slade and his new lady bump uglies like they were in a freakin ‘Witchcraft’ film. This was a poor excuse of a post-apocalyptic film that I should have left buried but you know me as I give it 0 stars.
The Embalmers (DVD) – An exciting fresh filmmaker named Rebecca Rinehart has just released her first full feature that isn’t a straight up horror movie as much as something a little different… The film revolves around the “Quint” family who own a funeral home and been operating it in their small town for over a hundred years. The Quint family might be a little odd of how they do things but they have been dealing with the dead long enough that the locals trust them with their journey to rest in peace. But there are supernatural forces that are not there for the good of man and Cy is able to read minds besides having a connection with a little girl who wears KISS makeup all the time! Through this power Cy has figured out his family must put a stop to this evil force that has bodies piling up all over town. The film is very dialogue driven, with a splash of blood, and supernatural elements that don’t bludgeon you over the head. Now I would have liked a few minutes edited out to make it a quicker pace film but saying that I believe most of the dialogue is vital for the viewer to know what is going on. Overall Rebecca did a solid job first time out and has me excited to see what else she has up next for independent movie fans as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S. there was a weird thing that I noticed during one scene where Antwoine Steele is standing behind some shelves just waiting/not doing anything in the morgue and I am not totally sure why? Was it an editing error or a scene cut…? Again weird but doesn’t take away from the solid effort.
Marabunta (DVD) – Killer South American ants have been awaken near a small Alaskan town that just happen to have a volcano that may or may not be active. After some research from a vacationing scientist and a school teacher they believe the volcano’s recent activity is what awakens the ants and now the ants want to take over the town one section at a time. This cheesy late 90s flick stars Mitch Pileggi as the town sheriff but the film still doesn’t hold a candle to the 70s killer ant movies as I give it 1 ½ stars.
High Ballin’ (DVD) – If there was such a thing as “truckersploitation” then we found it starring Jerry Reed of course. Duke is a respected independent trucker who is bucking the system in a lot of truckers’ minds. But a trucking company called King Carol Cargo is pressuring him to join as quite a few Indy drivers have gotten robbed and almost killed by some masked bandits. With the help of a buddy in Peter Fonda the two are trying to outlast this company until Duke decides to retire but that isn’t soon enough for the cargo company. If you are old like me and enjoy ‘BJ and the Bear TV show’ and ‘Smoky and the Bandit’ films then you’ll enjoy a shitload of Jerry Reed and CB radio talk as I give it 2 stars.
Swarm (DVD) – This 2007 killer ant film has several titles including my favorite: Ants on a Plane, Destination: Infestation, and Deadly Swarm. Anyway on a flight from Colombia these bullet ants (very bad ass ants) hitch a ride inside the chest cavity of an asshole passenger and explode out of his chest once the flight is up and over the ocean. So with limited time and nowhere to go to land an entomologist and an air marshal must figure out how to combat these mutant ants before the government shoots the plane down before reaching US soil. This Canadian TV movie wasn’t too exciting but would have been a little more watchable if someone would have kept screaming “get these F’N ants off this mother F’N plane”! But we didn’t get that so I could only give it 1 star.
Willy’s Wonderland (DVD) – Nic Cage in a ‘Banana Splits Movie’ rip-off sort of… okay I am in! Anyhow Nic Cage is only known as “the janitor” throughout the film as he doesn’t utter one word throughout but does grunt once or twice while playing pinball. The man with no name is speeding on empty roads until he hits a police zigzag that punctures all four tires of his sports car. Gets a tow into town but only has credit, no cash. So the tow truck driver introduces him to Tex the owner of Willy’s Wonderland or a version of Chuck E. Cheese or whatever you remember it to be in your city many moons ago. Willy’s is a kid party center with animatronic band but actually serial killers dressed as the band who play music and kill families a decade or two ago. After the satanic ritual and many more deaths of those who enter the place was closed down Tex and others lure people here to please the things inside. So the janitor spends one night inside cleaning the place and his car will be fixed free of charge. The animatronic beings begin to play music but the janitor ignores, they begin to stalk him he ignores, they finally confront him and if it isn’t break time Nic Cage begins to massacre these evil beings and throws them in the dumpster. Weird, gory, Nic Cage, deals with the devil, lots of fun stuff but I still like ‘The Banana Splits Movie’ just a little bit more as I give this 3 stars.
Lycanimator (DVD) – A scientist is asked to give up his secret formula but instead of giving it up uses it on himself and murdering his family. Little time passes as we are introduced to a group of college-aged friends who are heading to the old Phillips home for the weekend and they are warned not to go into the basement. After they drink themselves silly and there is no alcohol left they go into the basement to find the formula believing it is booze. Jeff is forced to drink it and begins to bleed green but of course he becomes a super sex champ to bang his hot tatted up girlfriend May before transforming into a mutated melting werewolf ripping his friends a part. Honestly this film is a hot mess that only lasts 50 minutes (without credits). Kudos for you getting a Todd Sheets cameo, along with several other voice cameos, a cool creature, and the hot actress Cayt Feinics (awesome tattoos), but in my opinion this film had so much untapped potential especially with the mutating melted werewolf creature that never came to life as I give it 1 star.
You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Bloodfist V: Human Target (DVD) – This time around Don “the Dragon” Wilson stars as Jimmy Stanton who wakes up in the hospital with amnesia. The super-hot Denice Duff is paid $500 to go into his room and claim to be his wife to take him home after he wakes. Quickly she gets involved in something much bigger as some mob guys come by at every opportunity to kill Jimmy. As Jimmy tries to figure out who he truly is the NSA comes a knocking to explain he was undercover as part of a Chinese smuggling organization. Not knowing who to believe as usual he goes out on his own with Ms. Duff to clear his name and kill every bad guy in his way! A fun and hilarious direct-to-video bootleg of Steven Segal’s ‘Hard to Kill’ with no real serious villain as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Bloodfist VI: Ground Zero (DVD) – In this entry Don “the Dragon” Wilson is an Air Force officer who is delivering classified material to a missile complex. Instead of a simple delivery he stumbles into a siege in progress on the missile site to set off a nuclear war. Eventually Mr. Wilson makes his way into the highly secured underground facility to save the day as I give it 1 ½ stars.
Bloodfist VII: Manhunt (DVD) – Don “the Dragon” Wilson is Jim in this entry into the series where it teaches you not to pick up strange hot blondes in a bar. After a night with the hot blonde Jim is accused of being a cop murderer and Steven Williams is on the job to track Jim down to bring him to justice. Jim must not only clear his name but bring down the drug ring within the LAPD as I give it 2 stars.
Bloodfist VIII: Hard Way Out (DVD) – The last entry for Mr. Wilson has him as a high school teacher with a past in the CIA that catches up to him. Assassins are out to kill him as part of a cleanup operation as his former boss is expected to be declared the new head of the CIA. He heads over seas to keep his teenage son safe but that only slows the CIA down for a day before they catch back up as I give this last entry for “The Dragon” 2 stars.
Bloodfist 2050 (DVD) – This 2005 entry into the series made eight years after the original series is a Filipino post-apocalyptic film set in L.A. 2050 that begins with some stock footage of 80s Filipino post-apocalyptic films. Then we are introduced to a young man named Alex that when he isn’t banging the local stripper he gets wrapped up in a famous fighting ring. This is supposedly going to help him find his brother’s killer and make some money along the way. The film is kinda of dull and been done before aka the first ‘Bloodfist’ movie, this entry just has a lot more boobage in it as filler scenes with a few strippers dancing as I give it 1 star.
The New Mutants (On Demand) – This was that forgotten or shelved supposedly horror film starring mutants that we all wondered about but weren’t really excited about. If bored, the film isn’t that bad as teenage mutants are sent to an asylum that is funded by the Essex Corporation for scientific research. The teens are told it is for their own good but as a new mutant is introduced into the group they are being haunted by their own fears and must ban together to defeat their fears. This film just comes off as a misfire more than a bad movie and most likely besides being caught up in the whole Fox/Disney takeover was just a rushed project as it seems like the ‘X-men’ phase of superhero films were ending??? Anyway it is still worth a watch if you can’t find much else as I give it 2 stars.
Jiu Jitsu (On Demand) – If your brain needs something like a ‘Hardcore Henry’ to fulfill that feeling this might be the project for it? A weird comic bookish story about an interdimension being that comes to Earth every six years at this ancient temple to fight the best warriors alive. If the warriors disagree or do not fight the being it will just destroy the Earth. Seems simple enough as when all the crazy MTV action fight scenes are not happening with Tony Jaa and others we get just enough crazy Nic Cage to keep you interested till the end. The action film is entertaining and filled with some good fight scenes but the ‘hero’ character of the plot isn’t someone I feel fans will care about and hurts the film overall. I still give it 2 ½ stars for all its action but I would say check out ‘Triple Threat’ before you get ass deep into this movie.
Terminator: Dark Fate (DVD) – You can make fun of me for watching the whole ‘Bloodfist’ series for no reason. But for those who are fans of this series of films you know this series was done after the third entry, correct? ‘Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines’ the most pointless film ever made! This sequel/reboot tries its best to be pointless but really seems to recycle the storyline we just digested in ‘Terminator: Genisys’… I personally just watch the films because of Arnold but if you are just looking for something dumb to watch here you go! Spoiler alert: Skynet does not exist any longer and it is now called Legion. Not saying but just saying this should have been done when they decided to make the third film. Hey Hollywood if you are going to do this again just give us the humans vs. terminators post-apocalyptic war film in 90 minute form otherwise it is just dumb as I give it 1 ½ stars.
Llamageddon (DVD) – This wonderful creation is about an alien llama that crash lands on Earth in a small community and begin its takeover! When the llama isn’t stomping a victim with its hooves it is killing people with its laser eyes. Yes, you heard me correctly people when its shoots lasers from its red eyes fireworks go off. The alien llama stumbles upon a house party of young people where it begins killing them one by one but also spits on one party goer to have him begin a transformation. This independent film has it all folks and I absolutely laughed my ass off as the alien llama tries to destroy us all! If that isn’t enough pay attention to their drinking game as the character Dan changes shirts in every scene (17 times if I counted correctly?) I cannot thank filmmaker Howie Dewin enough for giving us this amazing gem of cinema as I give it 4 stars all the way!
Fatman (On Demand) – So what do you do with a super racist actor that may have ruined his career forever? How about have him play the role of Chris Cringle aka Santa Claus. This isn’t your typical holiday film as a young man is given a lump of coal for Christmas and this upsets him to the point of hiring a hitman to kill Santa Claus. If Santa doesn’t have enough to worry about he has to take on a government contract in order to make ends meet so he can continue giving good boys and girls presents once a year. This holiday film goes far off the reservation in this dark comedy to bring a holiday story that is just perfect for us weirdos. Santa isn’t your typical jolly red coat figure we all remember he is portrayed as a normal old guy just trying to get by with what he has. Difference is this Santa has been doing it for hundreds of years and I refuse to describe more of the movie because I like how the story tells you just enough to explain everything quickly to keep the flow going. This holiday gem gets 3 ½ stars and will most likely become a yearly watch for me.
Piranha Sharks (DVD) – Think sea monkeys kids! A science project gone wrong and now the military no longer interested in the project presents a problem: what to do with the piranha sharks? How about sell them as the hottest new product to get through an infomercial? And that is what two weird idea guys come up with as they sell them by the millions becoming rich overnight. But of course things quickly go wrong as the piranha sharks are reproducing out of control and starting to attack people anytime the water is turned on. Not even Jose Canseco pleas for his favorite thing can stop a couple exterminators from coming up with an idea to save New York City! Even a mayor played by Kevin Sorbo (who is Winnie the Poohing it around the office) hopes the exterminators come up with an idea to save them all before all out nuclear assault as I give the entertaining film 3 stars.
You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Vampire Pinup Girls (YouTube) – So Kiss of Death Productions has a newer short film and with the Silvios I am always interested in what they are up too. This around the story centers on a photographer named Draven who feeds on his young models after using them for his newest project. I like the premise, solid cast, and who is behind the short film but it feels like there is no ending and comes off more of an “investment video” (Just in case you need to know: this was an actual thing years ago especially during the VHS days) or an unfinished project than a true short film project. Something tells me this may show up as an extra on one of their upcoming features as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.
Revolution 666 (DVD) – A 2014 film from filmmaker Matt Jaissle that has a radio DJ playing an unknown CD that was sent to him. The CD just so happens to contain a song called “Revolution 666” that was recorded by a famous band decades ago but never released. There is a whole cult that surrounds this unreleased recording! When the DJ plays the song over the airwaves it awakens a zombie in a graveyard to feast on a young lady then head over to the local Hard Rock Café. The zombie steals clothes, a knife, and a walrus mask from a display to begin his killing spree. If that wasn’t enough the DJ now has to deal with the so-called cult members who believe they are “the four horsemen of the apocalypse”. Sounds interesting saying it out loud but the film was pretty dull but will give Matt kudos for the creepy ass basement they shoot in late in the film as that could have been a great location for a better movie as I give this 1 star.
Raw Courage (DVD) – Ronny Cox pulls a John Saxon where he is a producer, writer, and actor for the film. Who is Ronny Cox that older asshole in 1987s ‘Robocop’ who wants to fuck everyone with OCP and his hidden prime directives on Robocop? Yeah… you remember now. Cox with two other friends are runners who come up with some crazy two day run through the desert (72 freakin miles) that will end with them showing up at some small town festival. Problem they run into some non-military weekend warrior assholes who are preparing for the oncoming war. Film was made in 1983 but hey put it in present day situation the story is actually relevant again? Anyhow, when one of the runners is accidentally killed by the weekend warriors it becomes a weekend of survival as the two survivors are just trying to get to the finish line. Something of a different thriller flick worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.
Clown Town (DVD) – Before we talk about this flick you must pronounce like me (Claun Tawn, yinzer language… you know what I am talking about.) The film claims to be inspired by true events so of course that is always a bad omen but I still gave it a chance. Years ago a babysitter is slaughtered by a boy named Ricky who dresses like a clown to do it. 15 years pass and four people heading to a concert in Ohio drive thru this abandoned town of Clinton to meet someone that has one of their cell phones. Soon the four learn this was a mistake as the abandoned town is full of killer clowns who torture and kill anyone that passes through. The town is an urban legend to surrounding counties and towns but your local serial killers who dress as clowns use it as their stomping grounds. I hated the beginning (Halloween anyone?) but after that it was a nice gory slasher that of course was better than Rob Zombie’s ‘31’ (never letting that one go.) For that I give this fun take on clown killers 2 ½ stars.
It Chapter Two (remake/On Demand) – 27 years have passed since the “Losers” have taken on the town legend “Pennywise”. Pennywise has haunted the town and its children every 27 years and The Losers believe they have finally killed it. But strange murders begin to happen again and the gang reunites for the final showdown. It wasn’t perfect by any means but so much a better second half than the original from 1990. Even though I give it 3 stars remember Tim Curry was still better!
Color Out of Space (DVD) – Holy balls was this movie out there and thank the gawd Rutger Hauer that Richard Stanley gave it to us and Nic Cage stars. Nathan Gardner and family chose to move out to the sticks recently from the city. Nathan just trying to do right by his family believes it is the right move until everything changes one night when a meteorite hits their front lawn. From there everything begins to change slowly because of the alien entity that may have been inside the space rock. Even though things are mutating Nic Cage “can handle it” as he says throughout the film trying to keep the family calm. There aren’t the right words that can possibly explain this absolutely weird but very interesting film besides it is super colorful and I am not sure I fully understood it? For that I enjoy it exists and I thank Richard Stanley for making it as I give it 3 stars.
Branded (DVD) – A weird Russian/American co-production film that deals with the evils of marketing to humans and their fast food habits. It begins with a child being hit by lightning and when he awakes he sees things a little different than everyone else. He uses this talent to become a marketing genius until an old guru comes along and changes thinking with different marketing no matter the cost. This causes the world to be brainwashed to go in another direction five years later. Thus Misha’s old love comes looking for him to change the balance again. Super weird shit folks as I give it 2 stars.
Barquero (DVD) – This 1970 film stars Lee Van Cleef as man who mostly keeps to himself that built a boat to get people across a river on a daily basis. Warren Oates is a famous criminal who wants to get his gang and silver across the river to enter Mexico before the army comes looking for them. Lee Van Cleef aka Remy refuses passage for the outlaw thus starts a standoff as Remy believes he is doing the right thing trying to save the small village his boat is at. Or for my summary: this is a lost film where Lee Van Cleef’s character from ‘A Fistful of Dollars’ and ‘For a Few Dollars More’ needed something to do in his downtime. He builds a boat, goes to the other side of the river, outlaw comes along and demands him to come back over, Remy says “nope, Remy smokes his pipe, bangs someone’s redhead wife… End of the movie and I loved it as I give it 3 stars.
Gunan, King of the Barbarians (DVD) – Another Italian rip-off ‘Conan’ fantasy film about twins who grow up and one is a warrior of prophecy and the other is just a bootleg version of it. After bootleg brother dies the true warrior goes about cutting through armies of stuntmen where his sword bounces off of them not cutting them to death. All this to become king, prove his strength, and I would be surprised this wasn’t an episode of ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’. Not a good bootleg ‘Conan’ by any means but I believe Addison Binek has a new movie to riff as I give it a ½ star.
Snatchers (On Demand) – A teenager named Sara who is trying to be popular with her friends has sex with the hot guy Skylar she was seeing a while back. Sara awakes the next day to her surprise to find herself nine months pregnant! Backstory is its 2012 and her boyfriend went to Mexico and messed with some kind of Mexican statue of a god with a big penis. Sara asks her ex-bestie Haley for help. They head to the free clinic only to destroy the doctor’s head with Sara’s “VAGE CANNON” (her words not mine) and the bad idea becomes worse as it is a weird creature that acts like a parasite to humans. It only gets worse from there for Sara as her and Haley find out there is a second monster inside her. After the police department is destroyed by the monster chasing down Sara and Haley, the two friends find Skylar’s computer and learn of his debacle in Mexico as the two come with a plan to destroy the parasites… hopefully. Great casting of the two best friends, cool creatures, hilarious story as this film could show up on my “Best of 2020 list” as I give 4 stars.
Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (DVD) – So Jim Wynorski takes the 1987 sequel into the comedy realm more than the serious fantasy realm where Deathstalker saves a woman, Evie, who claims to be a seer. Evie tries to explain to Deathstalker that there is a demon double of her made so the new princess can rule the kingdom with an evil sorcerer that made her. Deathstalker doesn’t take it too serious until he faces off with the evil sorcerer for his life. Lots of boobs and fun makes the typical Wynorski joint watchable as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Deep Shock (DVD) – The UN wants to shoot torpedoes into the polar ice caps to slow down global warming. But something happens during the launch at the North Pole that shuts it down and a research team is sent in for answers. The team finds out it is from an electrical surge from the giant eels that are readying the Earth for the eradication of the human infestation. The film is a non-SyFy channel flick that stars David Keith, Sean Whalen, and Mark Sheppard wow the shit I find to watch as I give it 1 ½ stars.
Underwater (On Demand) – So Tian Industries drills seven miles into sea for resources of course. But being so deep into the sea there has been rumors of strange events and shadows seen. The movie begins immediately with a catastrophe hitting Kepler Station as it is collapsing from the sea. Survivors make their way through the debris to decide what their next plan of action as they have 30 minutes before the whole station blows up. Problem is the survivors must walk into the unknown darkness to cross the sea floor to an undamaged station so they can get a signal out for rescue. The survivors soon learn they are not only not alone but the sea creatures that are tracking them may have been the cause of everything as one character put it “They are here to take back.” Kristen Stewart plays the lead in Nora and I absolutely hate her as an actress. Honestly we all have that actor or actress we hate but she was bearable in the film and also having T.J. Miller for comedic relief wasn’t a bad thing. I am always a sucker for creature features and this was no different in this deep sea horror as it captured the kid in me that loves these flicks as I give it 3 stars. And the creatures were pretty fucking cool!
Bloodshot (On Demand) – Superhero movie or not I will let yinz be the judge as I was just curious about Vin Diesel doing another action flick. Garrison is a military man through and through that always completes his mission. Garrison is seen as a perfect specimen who is the first to survive this billion dollar experiment? After being shot in the head and watching his wife die Garrison awakes in a high tech hospital where he has been given a second chance from a bio-mechanical experiment or he became “Jason X”! Yep, I said it first but anyway he doesn’t remember his past at all but after hearing “Psycho Killer” by the Talking Heads he is off to finish his unfinished business. Here is the twist, Garrison is being programmed to remember this as none of its true and he is a soldier being used over and over. Every time after an assassination he has his memory wiped and oh yeah he cannot be killed because he is “Jason X” (go look it up kids). It is a fun bloody action film that reminds me of ‘Universal Soldier’ and ‘The Six Million Dollar Man’ as I give it 3 stars.
Coven: The Emergence (YouTube) – A couple of kids spot a shadowy figure out in the woods and haunted by its presence in this short film from Matthew Marasco as I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.
Gravewater (YouTube) – Another short film from Matthew Marasco about people drinking water out of a hillside and getting fucked up by it. Apparently if sacrifice a kid you may stop something? The short film has lots of imaginary but in my opinion the film feels unfinished or possibly not seen through from script to film because budget constraints? I give the short film 1 out of 4 stars.
Perdition (YouTube) – Another short film from Erik Vada that is more of a thriller than horror where a criminal makes one last heist at a local bank before calls it quits. The criminal believes he has gotten away with the heist but afterward is haunted by a mysterious spirit/ghost that keeps popping up to speak with him. I like the concept and would have liked to seen it fleshed out a little more but it is an interesting enough watch especially for fans of the paranormal or subjects of life/death ideas as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
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This week’s episode we are still drunk on the afterglow of the glorious return of Joe Bob Briggs and his 24 hour movie marathon. BUT WE MARCH ON!!! We will be covering a weirdo Canadian flick in BEYOND THE 7TH DOOR. And Kyle finally gets off his ass and watches the Savini effects fronted slasher flick in The Prowler. Also, we chat about Tim’s opinion on the Shudder service, Donald Pleasence chainsaw fights, Deep cut Cheech and Chong flicks, we answer your questions and read all the newest news.
On this week’s episode football returns and that means that Kyle’s ranting and raving dad has returned to scream and yell. After alienating most of all the cult movie fans by talking sports we get back to the subject at hand and that is and all time Disney sci-fi classic in THE BLACK HOLE. And Tim covers a quasi-cult flick that surly has a fan base that is quite large in ALIEN NATION. We also got all your normal things like NEWS and listener questions. So listen to this show or no spoiled milk for you!!!
On this week’s show we continue to alienate people with football chat but it doesn’t matter because we got predators… First we talk about the sequel to and all time action jam starring Danny Glover who seems to be too old for everything in PREDATOR 2. Then we sleep for 15 years until we get to PREDATORS. Then we almost another 10 years to cover the newest jam THE PREDATOR. Also time and Kyle also finally get to talk about Sicario 2 and the cult of Benicio Del Toro. Bizarre Dolph Lundgren flicks that were found at a dollar general. The sad, sad death of Terrarium TV and we also got your questions and news too. So download this episode you beautiful motherfuckers!
On this week’s episode we talk about government cheese and the perils of getting older and shitting your pants. But besides that we cover the flick that set the internet on fire in MANDY. And we also cover another fine flick from the glorious land of Australia in BOAR. Also we chat about the problematic Alex Jones. Kyle discovers the glorious 90’s flick The Adventures of Ford Fairlane. So, download this episode or the Diceman won’t take you out and throw a hamburger down your throat.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (On Demand) – Chris Pratt and the red-headed scientist are duped in going back to the island to help try and move all the dinosaurs to a different island. The island is unstable and about to have a volcanic eruption that will wipe out all that is there. So an old rich dude who was supposedly partners with making these dinosaurs years ago is funding the expedition. But his handler has other plans once the dinosaurs are stateside and wants to sell them as weapons, pets, whatever. Surprisingly again a fun popcorn flick that doesn’t ask you to think too much but also mirrors that if this did exist we all most likely fuck it up as I give the movie 3 stars.
Stranger Things Season One (DVD) – So I finally sat down and watched the Netflix show that everyone went nutzoid over more than the beginning of “The Walking Dead”. The show is set in the early 80s and centers on a group of kids who are not the most popular in school but have each other. Meanwhile, a young girl with supernatural powers has disappeared from a dark government facility. The group and her meet up and quickly become friends but strange things are happening in their small town that may be connected to her. Of course her handler wants her back; she wants to stay with the group as she has become a part of them. As the show goes on little plot lines branch out as it affects their older siblings and the small town cop who takes on the government himself. Including going into this void or darkness that has been made by making the girl aka 11 to use her telekinetic powers and now a monster from this void is killing. The show is well written, produced, and casted and I can see why a lot people went gaga over this show. It makes sense people are rewatching this show sense there is several little things you can miss while watching that possibly be a part of upcoming seasons as I give it 3 ½ stars.
Here Comes the Tigers (You Tube) – Why would I watch a low budget version of “The Bad News Bears” from 1978? Because this was a project that involved Sean S. Cunningham, Steve Miner, and Harry Manfredini and shortly after they came up with a movie only called, “Friday the 13th”. The film is about a police officer who is forced to coach the worst little league baseball team in their town. He must overcome the odds to help these kids to believe in themselves in order to win games and the championship. Here is the problem folks it is like they set out to make the boring version of “The Bad News Bears”. Not a whole lot happens but it is one of those forgotten films for movie nerds to track down and like me try and figure out how they went from this to one of the most famous horror movies ever made a short time later. It’s not memorable but worth the trip into cinema nerdem as I give it 1 star.
The Predator (Theater) – As a lot of people are blah on the new film in the series from Shane Black I was super excited and enjoyed it for what it was. We learn the Predators have been coming to Earth on a regular basis and they are coming more frequent recently with the government keeping track of everything they are doing. After the events in 1987 and 1997 the government is very interested but does interact with the species. Until now, one of the ships crash land and a sniper named Quinn and his team that were about to take down some bad dudes are interrupted by the crash. Quinn being a smart dude bags some of the alien tech and gets moving in Mexico. Gets the stuff mailed to his house because he knows the government will find him. So of course he is arrested and placed on a bus with other crazy military convicts. The Predator is brought back to be studied and the crazies are going to be sent off which they were well-casted with Thomas Jane and Keegan-Michael Key as part of this team. Predator wakes up, starts killing all the smart scientist people and Quinn believe they need to escape and track this alien down. But Quinn learns that his son has the alien tech and has opened the box and now wearing the Predator mask as a Halloween costume in a hilariously brutal scene as it kills some dude being rude to the kid. Once Quinn catches up to his autistic kid who is important to the storyline the group also comes to find out this Predator was a rogue trying to deliver something to the humans. As a now larger hybrid is there to wipe everything clean and leave no witnesses. The film has a lot of layers and fun stuff to it. If you were coming into this thinking you getting another Arnold classic from 1987 then you were mistaken because that flick cannot be topped. But if you are a fan of this series allow yourself to let the story unfold. I think Shane Black did a great job. I enjoy the Predators are preparing for our extinction and planning to use Earth. Now the argument I will entertain is the ending as I believe the ending or what the rogue Predator was carrying was the fourth or fifth choice. This would be the weak part of the film but otherwise you tell me I am about to watch a movie that combines “The Dream Team” with a “Predator” movie I am in every time as I give this 3 stars.
Sicario: Day of the Soldado (On Demand) – Matt Graver and Alejandro are back! The drug war has not gone away; it has gotten worse as it is believed terrorists are now being smuggled into the U.S. The government brings in Matt again to seek out what and how this going on? Of course there are new rules now as Matt likes to say. Once Matt has found who might be involved he makes contact Alejandro to have him kidnap a drug lord’s daughter. Alejandro does and when trying to return her to Mexico they are double crossed by the authorities. The situation becomes a cluster fuck as Matt and his team must kill the authorities and Alejandro must go track the girl down as she escaped during the fire fight. Once over Matt is told shut it down and wipe it clean including killing the girl. Alejandro knows the situation and knows his life is in danger as is hers. Loved the first flick and really enjoyed the sequel but believe this feature going a little bit of a different direction than the first film may have taken the bite out of the impact of these films. Either way still enjoyed the sequel, I have become a huge fan of Benicio Del Toro, and would love to see one more of these movies but have that feeling we will not as I give this feature 3 ½ stars.
Solo: A Star Wars Story (On Demand) – Okay kids and old “Star Wars” settle yourselves down. Of course the film is about the early days of Han Solo and Chewy. You pretty much get all you wanted to know about Han’s early days. I will say I felt they wasted too much time on the heist and felt kinda cheated out of seeing how he met Jabba but it was still fun. You want bad go back and watch “The Phantom Menace” and “Attack of the Clones” otherwise nerds chill out and grab a beer. Allow yourself to be a kid for over two hours and just enjoy the fucking movie I know I did as I give it 3 stars.
Boar (DVD) – Always enjoy me some Australian movies especially when we get a giant animal attack. A huge savage looking mutant boar is terrorizing the outback and starting to eat some of the livestock. Meanwhile Bernie (Nathan Jones) has family (the family includes Bill Moseley who married Bernie’s sister) coming in for some vacation time. Bernie and the family head out to the lake to picnic and enjoy the outback. Bernie did promise a friend he would go lookout for her father who likes to get drunk and sleeps out in the middle of nowhere. The giant boar attacks Bernie and his truck then makes its way to the family. The family and Bernie must fight their way past the mutant boar to make it out of the outback alive. Highlights: lots of gore, some great creature effects, and Nathan Jones singing Vanilla Ice. Lowlights: some bad computer effects of the Boar and the film not exactly paced well and feel choppy at best. It’s not “Razorback” but I can see myself watching this film again in the future as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Another (DVD) – This 2014 film original title is “Another” but has become known under a different title of “Mark of the Witch”. A young lady named Jordyn has just turned 18 and her aunt is weird and fucked up starts explaining to Jordyn that it is time? Aunt Ruth has supposedly been protecting the young lady in some way for years. But now Jordyn is becoming possessed by her mother so her mother can live longer and do sinister things. This is one weird ass movie that is hard to follow and just doesn’t make a ton of sense. But if you are into witches this weirdo flick is right up your alley as I give it 1 ½ stars.
Command Performance (Blu-ray) – Dolph Lundgren writes and directs this feature set in Russia and Dolph plays a drummer for a band there. His name is Joe and his band along with several others is part of some big gig in Russia. But some home bred terrorist who was a part of the Russian military has other plans. The terrorists shut down the concert killing many concert goers but there for the Russian president and his two kids. Once military gets involved and some of the terrorists believe this isn’t for the money they are asking and just to prove a point before death things get very messy. But don’t fear as Joe is former U.S. Special Forces and is helping one of the Russian president’s secret service to exterminate the terrorists. Think if “Die Hard” may have been made with Dolph Lundgren… maybe. I give this Dolph action flick 2 ½ stars.
Direct Contact (Blu-ray) – Dolph is stuck in a Russian prison for several months now but is broken out or released by Michael Pare who has a job for him. Pare convinces Dolph to rescue an abducted American woman and he makes an easy $200,000. But once Dolph kidnaps her out of the compound he finds out quickly he has been double crossed for a business reason. The American has just gained her father’s company that is worth billions and they Pare wants her to sign it over to him. I give the film 2 stars.
Terror Out of the Sky (YouTube) – The TV movie is a sequel to 1976’s “The Savage Bees” and stars Dan Haggerty. In this film The National Bee Center has found out one of their hives have been taken over by a queen South American killer bee. And the Center may have sent out several shipments of these killer bees to different parts of the U.S. where they can do lots of damage. So the scientists from The National Bee Center begin their journey to try and stop this. They catch up to a couple one swarm gets loose after an accident and now it is about to attack a community day baseball game. But with some help of cub scouts and a school bus the scientist gets the swarm of killer bees to follow them to a nearby decommissioned air force base. From there they trap and spray insecticide of the bees once trapped in the facility. I give the flick 2 stars.
Mandy (On Demand) – Holy crap is this trippy flick over the top Nic Cage crazy! The visuals are completely wild and essential to the film. The film is set in 1983 deep in the woods of Shadow Mountains I believe they called it. Nic Cage is a logger back home from work to hang with his love of his life Mandy. What disrupts this love story is a cult leader explains to his followers he must have her. She is something special and believes he deserves her. So his followers summon some bad ass weird dark biker gang to grab her and the cult leader tortures Mandy and Nic Cage after Mandy laughs at him. Nic Cage goes in to a rage of revenge, makes a crazy looking Viking axe, visits Bill Duke and Richard Brake and heads off to hunt the evil bikers and this cult leader! The movie starts off very slow to build this love story and weirdness about the hippies but when the torture and gore start… Holy shit does this movie go for the jugular as Nic Cage wants revenge! I give the film 3 ½ stars and Nic Cage is on a roll this year!
Lake Nowhere (DVD) – So here is another retro horror flick with trailers and all that is about 45 minutes long. Set 1980ish where a group of young people head out to a cabin to party. One dude disappears swimming but they pay it no mind because they want to party. Along with their missing friend is this weird creature or person in costume being a peeping tom. The party is starting to slow down when the friend shows up naked and cold. The friends get him settled and things seem to be good until he wakes up in the middle of and goes cannibalistic! The place is in chaos as the friends cannot find the car keys and try to come up with answers. But then the creature costume thing decides to start his own killing spree. In the end everyone dies and we get some weird creature ceremony on the lake. The film doesn’t make a ton of sense and feels like “Okay we ran out of money. Let’s end it and put it out there.” I give the movie 2 stars.
Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.
Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details and for upcoming guests.
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