Three more episodes of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks to hopefully keep you sane during these times!

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As this is our first week under the deadly virus takeover of COVID19 we retreat into our homes to check out 3 new movies.  First we have the 4th in the Hellraiser series HELLRAISER: BLOODLINES (A,K,A, Hellraiser IN SPACE!!!).  Then we have an early 80’s spoof of the slasher movies in STUDENT BODIES.  And lastly we chat about the Soska Sisters remake of the classic David Cronenberg joint in RABID.  We also take a journey down memory lane to recall what we have been watching through the first week of lockdown, we also list out top 10 favorite John Carpenter jams.  And if you listen to 54 minutes into the show you can actually pinpoint the exact moment Kyle catches the Corona Virus,  So enjoy this super-size show that are actually 2 podcasts jammed into one.  So Download this episode or Kyle might die!

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This go around we learn who is “Essential” and who “Expendable” is as we chart a course through 3 flicks showcasing the late great Max Von Sydow who we sadly lost over the weekend. The first being a part giant Kaiju movie part art house flick part Russian love/action story BRANDED.  Next we movie onto an all-time classic in CONAN THE DESTROYER.  And lastly we cover one hell of a great Canadian comedy in STRANGE BREW.  We also cover the most recent watches through the week, why we have quit watching the news; we lay out our guide to surviving the viral apocalypse, and much more.  So download this episode or Crom says TO HELL WITH YOU!  

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This week we are still all alive in these strange times and we return to bring you 3 more flicks to watch as you are stuck inside your house.  First we cover a classic western full of shoot outs that you won’t soon forget in THE WILD BUNCH.  Next we talk about “Vag Cannons” in SNATCHERS.  And finally a doughy with guy shows up to clean up an urban high school with his buddy Chappy Sinclair in the TBS jam THE PRINCIPAL.  Also we chat about naked lady E.T.  The return of The Dark Side of the Ring.  The joys of Dave Bautista, and a ton more.  So download this episode or Vagina monsters will shoot out of your butthole.

 

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Gross Movie Reviews #502

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Gross Movie Reviews #502

 

Evil Seeds (DVD) – A short film from Just Buried Productions that begins on Halloween in 1981 at The McGregor’s house. But moves quickly to present day Halloween where five friends head to the woods to have some fun and tell ghost stories. When one of their stories is told it comes true so demonic pumpkin figures appear to kill the campers. This is all because McGregor hates everything Halloween which ashame in the long run but anyway give the short film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Black Mama, White Mama (DVD) – This 1972 feature stars Pam Grier and Sid Haig in which two women prisoners, one black and one white hate each other. But they are forced to escape together as they are shackled together. During their daring escape they must work together and decide where they are going so they don’t get caught as both are wanted by authorities, a pimp, and hitmen. The local chief detective makes a deal with Sid Haig to track them down because he believes Haig’s character and shady friends will get the job done much quicker than his police force. One woman wants to stay and help the revolution, the other wants to leave the island with the money she believes she was always owed by her pimp to start a new life. Both are willing to do whatever it takes to get it accomplished and that means beating up a couple nuns and taking their clothes as I give this fun piece of entertainment 3 stars.

 

The Tallman (DVD) – So I finally watched this piece of shit that stars Jessica Biel and two genre vets in William B. Davis and Stephen McHattie. Jessica Biel’s character Julia seems innocent enough taking care of her son with nanny/random woman that stays at her house in this small community. But this community has an urban legend called “The Tall Man” that sadly is blamed for missing children over recent time in the community. After Julia is attacked and her supposed son taken things get a lot clearer… maybe? Tables get turned where Julia is the villain who steals kids and gives them to the “The Tall Man”. But two questions remain: What is the Tall Man? And why does this covert figure exist? This was just fucking dumb and an insult to Angus Scrimm and the character he made famous as I give this crap!

 

Spring Fever (YouTube) – A weird low budget zombie flick out of Iowa where the Mad Doctor Yeager has two of his undead minions pour some green crap into a stream near Iowa State Park. Of course this unleashes a horde of flesh-eating lunatics! Our only hope is a weird dude named Zed and his partner Agent X that may have been the stuntman for the local production of ‘Phantom of the Opera’. Along their way to find the mad doctor the two come across all kinds of characters as they try to protect the innocents as much as they can. Some fun low budget gore and a cameo appearance by Robert Z’Dar as a mob boss make the highlights of this feature. Thought it could have been edited down a few minutes but still a fun watch as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Norliss Tapes (YouTube) – This early 70s TV movie is about a publishing manager who becomes concern with his star author Norliss because he has become a recluse and hasn’t finished his book in the past year. The manager is also concern because they were taking a chance on this project as Norliss wanted this book to be about the occult and supernatural. Norliss in the beginning thought it was all fake until he met Ellen Cort. Mrs. Cort has an experience with her dead husband that causes Norliss to take it seriously and investigate the incident. During his adventure he finds out the dead husband wanted immortality and must fight the undead to destroy him. In the end this was just one tape and the manager has many more to go. This was supposed to be a TV series from the same person that introduced us to Kolchak but it never came to be. I love Kolchak as many do but this lacked the same charm but still a fun ride worth checking out if you haven’t before as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Killer Cup 3D (DVD) – An army of killer Styrofoam cups hit earth to drive humans into extinction. Sold! I am in to see where this funny shit takes me. What is left of the human race is trying to fight back as the story centers on this house in the middle of nowhere Canada where one-balled Uncle Zach has built the “Cup Destroyer!” It’s a RC truck that shoots lasers and one of the cups is at the wheel. But as usual the killer cups are always staying one step ahead and have stolen the piece of tinfoil to build their ultimate evil killer cup! Wonderful idea but the 100 minute running time and the communication of the cups is a dog’s squeaky toy are major drawbacks but so worth the attempt as I give this independent project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Unsung (YouTube) – The latest project from Churchill Pictures is a bit of a thriller with a bit of drama and intrigue added to the mix. We are introduced to Eric through his travels of the depressed areas of Pittsburgh and his childhood flashbacks that haunt him. One day catching a nap, the nap is interrupted by a man trying to hurt a young lady. Eric jumps into action and saves her. But being homeless also she takes off with Eric’s bag and he chases her down to a homeless community under a bridge. He is accepted into the community quickly. Meanwhile we are introduced to a very driven detective by the name of Jones who understands he now is trying to track down a serial killer and how all the victims are tied into each other in some way. Eric hearing a voice from a radio decides he must take action like his comic book hero that he keeps near to his heart. Eric and the detective cross paths and Eric is of course a ‘person of interest’ in the case but no matter what both men want to save the young lady after she is taken by this killer. I tried not to give too much away with the description just because I really like the story and it isn’t your usual crime drama/thriller. The film has a lot of heart that deserves to be watched and enjoyed. It stars Jared Bajoras, Richard Billock, and Amadeo Fusca which all three were perfect in their roles for this project. Help support this project folks as I give it 4 out 4 stars all the way!

 

Devil Rider (YouTube) – One of those early 90s films that was a direct-to-video release which were very popular of the time. A cowboy in the old west is wandering the countryside gunning down anyone that is in his way or on his property. The marshal catches up with the outlaw and has him hung but he does not die. The cowboy claims he from hell there to kill everyone! As they leave the cowboy hanging the marshal’s posse shoots him several times but the next morning the evil outlaw disappears. Now a hundred years later the evil outlaw is back and terrorizing a group of people who came in from the big city to buy up a big farm for real estate. The outlaw can only die one way and that is by his own saber or weapon just like 1987s ‘Ghost Riders’ but the biggest difference this film had a little more effort put into it. I give this lost 90s film 2 stars.

 

Redcon-1 (DVD) – Another zombie flick out of the UK that has a Special Forces group briefed in a mission to go into a quarantine zone to capture a scientist Dr. Raynes. Supposedly he started this apocalyptic mess and may hold the answer of an antidote. So seek and extract him from the area… if not the area will be obliterated from the map to contain the virus. The group finds him but not without casualties and making their way to the extraction point but Raynes warns them not everything is what it seems. The zombie make-up and effects are good but the slow motion shit at times and trying to explain how the zombies are evolving so quickly to point they are UFC fighters is a bit ridiculous. The film feels like it had two different stories being told and neither was finished, just smashed together to make the mess we have as I give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Sharkey Video announces the re-release of the 2005 underwater thriller Deep Undead

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Sharkey Video announces the re-release of the 2005 underwater thriller Deep Undead in an all new remastered version with new scenes. The movie stars

Pamela Sutch as an investigative reporter who enlists the help of a commercial dive team to unravel the mystery surrounding a small coastal community’s nuclear

power plant. After two divers go missing, foul play is suspected, but there may be otherworldly forces at work. This is a throwback to classic science fiction / horror movies with a twist.

 

Filmed originally over a 5 year span, Deep Undead was Sharkey Video’s biggest and final feature when it was completed in 2005. However, it never got an official release or distribution. Now director / producer Dave Castiglione was able to add  some missing scenes and a new backstory to the movie as well as restore most of the original footage from the earlier version.

 

Saturn’s Core Audio & Video and Ross Snyder recently re-released a few of Sharkey’s other titles in a limited VHS engagement. Both Saturn’s Core and Sharkey have plans to reach a wider audience and with distribution for the new version of the movie.

 

Deep Undead also stars David Maul, Vince Butler, Marian Lane, Dawn Murphy,

Osman Karriem, Allen Richards, Debbie D, Laura Giglio, and a large supporting cast of talented actors and scuba divers. The new version also features a completely new soundtrack professionally scored by Matt Cannon.

Gross Movie Reviews #501

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Gross Movie Reviews #501

 

We Die Young (DVD) – A story about a young drug runner for the MS-13 gang named Lucas in Washington D.C. He tries to watch out for his younger brother and has made friends with an ex-military vet Daniel (Jean-Claude Van Damme) who he delivers to on a regular basis. Both humans are just trying to do the right thing for others. When Lucas gets set up during a run he and his brother are on the run from the MS-13 because they must die for their betrayal. They jump into Daniel’s car and from there it’s stop and you will die. Not your typical JCVD action flick but the film has a lot of heart and an interesting storyline that made the film well worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

 

Good Against Evil (YouTube) – Richard Lynch as a man into Satanism named Mr. Rimmin and a young Kim Cattrall showing up, yes I’m in! A baby is born and stolen by a nun to be taken to Mr. Rimmin and he explains to his legion that the child must be protected at all costs. 22 years later in San Francisco we meet Jessica Gordon who designs clothes. Her new car gets dinged up by a gentleman named Andy Stewart who tries to get Jessica to go to dinner with him but no luck. Andy persists until Jessica is down for it and eventually they become a couple but strange things like people dying keep happening. These folks that are dying are followers of Mr. Rimmin trying to protect Jessica and try to break up the lovers constantly. I enjoyed the movie but just not enough scenes of Lynch being an evil bad ass as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Ghost Riders (YouTube/VHS) – Here is a random 1987 I never knew about that I was super excited to watch and… then I did. Anyhow Frank Clements is hung by a vengeful priest in the old west. A hundred years later a Professor Sutton discovers Clements is back from the dead the hard way. Luckily for the Professor his random friends and son are coming for a visit and shoot the ghosts. But hey folks they soon find out they been shooting down the same ghosts over and over and must come up with a new plan to save all their asses! That is when they get back to the Sutton cabin and find out their grandpa was the priest that hung Clements. Yep a boring revenge flick that should have been so much better but turns out to be a snoozer as I give it 1 star.

 

Survivor (VHS) – It has been ten years since the war and a man/astronaut travels by a solar-powered train car looking for a so-called paradise. There is a story about an underground paradise that is ruled by a man named Kragg (Richard Moll) and scientists. Once there it isn’t what it is cracked up to be so the space man is challenged by Kragg. Kragg is amazed to find out the space man is the one who put the satellite into space that caused the war and gives a good long speech about the ‘New World’. Not one of the best post-apocalyptic flicks out there but an interesting take with the whole underground city and such plus Richard Moll as I give it 2 stars.

 

Strike Commando 2 (YouTube/VHS) – Our man Vincent Dawn aka Bruno Mattei goes ripping off several 80s action flicks of where a vet Michael Ransom is sent in by the CIA to go looking for his old commander Jenkins. There is a whole double fake of Jenkins being hidden by the CIA but is actually double crossing the CIA and working for the enemy and has Ransom bringing diamonds for the payoff. Once Ransom understands what is going down, Ransom and his new blonde friend make a plan in the jungle to screw them all. Oh yeah in case you needed to know Jenkins was working for the KGB… damn it I gave it away. It’s fun B-movie follies for all to enjoy as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Lone Runner (YouTube/VHS) – A mid-80s flick from Ruggero Deodato about a superhero in the desert known as Garrett or Lone Runner. Once ten years ago he saved a little girl and some folks from some bandits. Now ten years later he is back to save her again as her father is being blackmailed for some mysterious diamonds that many people didn’t believe existed. We get some cool horse riding stunts and see Garrett take on a whole army of bandits. It isn’t the best of Deodato’s work but I love finding this stuff and thank the lord Rutger Hauer this filmmaker exists as I give it 2 stars.

 

Firewalker (DVD) – A hilarious action/comedy in the spirit of Indiana Jones in ways starring Chuck Norris, Louis Gossett Jr., Sonny Landham, John Rhys-Davies, and Melody Anderson! Max and Leo are hired by Melody’s character for a treasure hunt, yeah they are not real successful in the past but this time is different. It is an interesting movie for the mere reason it takes Chuck Norris out of his comfort zone but the chemistry he had with Louis Gossett Jr. is great as I give this film 2 ½ stars.

 

Road Hell (DVD) – This relative low budget flick centers around a high-strung couple who have to stop at a seedy motel because they need sleep and to POOP! This intro of the creepy motel is for an anthology that has a vampire orgy, a kid wanting to take on an unknown creature in the woods that ate his dog, and profiling a zombie exterminator. The couple wrap around doesn’t have much to do with anything other than asking for a new room in between segments. When picking anthologies this might be the choice yinz all will wanna pass on as I almost feel asleep twice trying to make it through it. For that I give it 0 stars.

 

The Final Terror (DVD) – This slasher film has alluded me long enough as I knew it existed but not as ‘Campsite Massacre’ also. This star studded affair (Mark Metcalf, Lewis Smith, Adrian Zmed, and Darryl Hannah) is about a group of inexperienced rangers heading up north to Old Mill Creek for work and some partying. Old Edgar warns them about getting hurt and going somewhere else but this is the early 80s they don’t listen. After a joke that night goes a little too far when one of them don’t come back looking for someone’s weed crop they search for him all day with no luck. But now this thing stalking the woods is now hunting the rangers as they must make their way down river as they are tired and injured. With the cast I hoped for another ‘The Burning’ but got a less eventful slasher film instead and I give it 2 stars.

 

Jurassic Galaxy (DVD) – What feels like an Asylum film or a SyFy Channel flick is not as a spaceship crash lands and falls to pieces on a planet ruled by dinosaurs. The survivors if they can survive each other must make their trek across the treacherous planet to find the escape shuttle to get a SOS out in space. It wasn’t as terrible as I thought it was going to be still surprised neither of those factions had anything to do this with this terrible idea as I give it 2 stars.

 

Nazi Undead (DVD) – Brad and Ash are off to a castle in the middle of nowhere Germany when the car stalls out and a woman runs to the car to smack it and then die. So eventually the two get out finding help, but instead finding an old house with a paranormal creepy old German guy and backstory that replays a couple times during this dumb ass fucking movie! Candidate for worst movie I have watched in 2020 as I give it 0 stars.

The Terror of Hallow’s Eve (DVD) – Another film claiming to be based on true events that takes place on October 30, 1981 where a young teenager Timmy is very talented and likes to play pranks on the neighbors. He gets in trouble with his mother and promises not to do any pranks on Halloween so he investigates the attic and finds “The Book of Halloween” and reads about the ‘Trickster’. Timmy after getting the shit kicked out of him by three high school assholes he turns to the Trickster to help him scare them to death. Of course the trickster takes it literally and eventually with the help of Timmy’s imagination kills them all. Thus sending him to an asylum where the end of the film explains more about his story at present day. It is a solid Halloween horror film but wasn’t a big fan of the ending as it felt like padding or filler to stretch the film out. I liked the storyline, the cool under the radar Hollywood stars in it, but the ending for me was not needed but didn’t spoil the end product as I give the film 3 stars.

Corona Zombies (On Demand) – This latest Full Moon feature takes place in the Bodega Bay Trailer Park where Barbie has just learned about the Corona virus from her bestie Kendra over the phone. She turns on the news to learn the virus is getting out of control and now there might be ‘Corona Zombies’ as the virus is turning certain ones into zombies. But the real problem is Barbie doesn’t have toilet paper and she is like so bored. Barbie goes into panic mood as she watches the news showing live footage or I should say overdubbed footage of two other zombie movies throughout the newscast. Kendra tries to help Barbie through the phone to keep her calm but nothing says calm like finding an eight pack of TP! To be honest I have been critical of Charles Band and company which sucks because I love Full Moon and I believe we all were not expecting much from this project… But this project is fucking hilarious and makes me wanna go back and rewatch ‘Hell of the Living Dead’. This film will not be for everyone but for everything that is going on right now Charles Band might have a diamond in the rough with this project that shows maybe all humans need to calm down and watch something not so serious? But also thank you Charles Band for this project not being an infomercial for ‘Evil Bong’ and the latest crap on Full Moon Streaming as I give this 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #500

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Gross Movie Reviews #500

 

The Dark Dealer (DVD) – This is another independent anthology from a dude, Tom Alexander that is his only director credit. He has done other things in the movie biz but apparently I guess he didn’t like didn’t after this 1995 feature. A young man stumbles into a blackjack game in the basement of an office building that he is running from an electrical force. He is asked to sit down as he has time to wait and each player has their story told by the dealer as he deals them all in for blackjack. First story is about a couple of low life criminals breaking into the wrong old man’s apartment… Pretty cool creature in this one. Second story has a music lawyer stealing dead blues artist music for profit. Third story of course is the young man who stumbled into the game. He is forced by a drug dealer to break into his father’s pharmacy lab company to grab some drugs to sell and all the young man was trying to do was get his girlfriend out of debt and clean. If you are a fan of the 90s version of “The Outer Limits” then this is right up your alley as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Meet the Feebles (DVD) – Peter Jackson’s 1989 effort that wasn’t seen by most audiences until about 1994 after ‘Braindead’ aka ‘Dead Alive’ was dropped on horror fans. Best way to may describe this film is imagine if the Muppets were in a Bizarro parallel dimension. Robert is the newest cast member of the “Feeble” chorus for the ‘Meet the Feebles’ variety hour. Through Robert and his interactions we are introduced to all the cast and the reality of what goes on behind the scenes: sleaze, paternity suits, drugs, disease, a rat filming porn and that is just some of it. Everything seems to be going dandy until Heidi the star is fired when ‘Meet the Feebles’ has now been signed into syndication. To this day it is still one of the weirdest, most glorious films ever made and thank you Peter Jackson as I give it 4 stars!

 

The Goalie (On Demand) – A biopic about one the most famous NHL goaltenders Terry Sawchuk who played most of his career during the 50s and 60s without a goalie mask. Terry was considered then and still considered one of the best goalies to play in the league. The film touches upon how Terry beat himself up just to stay in the game because during this era of hockey goaltenders were considered expendable no matter how good you were. If you had a bad streak one season there was a chance you would be cut for the next guy in the minors and at a time when all the teams only carried one goalie. The story is somewhat sad but very interesting if you never been that big of a fan of hockey or on the other end a super sports nut as I give the flick 4 stars.

 

Black Face Killer (DVD) – This 2009 independent flick is set in 1978 Texas and I know the filmmaker is trying to go all Quentin Tarantino but I feel he failed in trying to go for that. Instead yes the film does come off a little racist. Hell they changed the name of the film to ‘The Minstrel Killer’ when it got picked up for distribution so that is for another conversation. Anyway we have a couple of officers who are stuck together to work a case where a serial killer is believed to be? The theory is the killer happens to be using “slave torture methods” to kill. The film has its sleaze, cannibalistic hillbillies, and a couple dead bodies but overall it is dull and a poor excuse to use the N-word. I am sure there is an audience out there for this film it just ain’t me as I give it 0 out of 4 stars.

Teen Lust (DVD) – Surprise another cool horror comedy from Canada that no one has talked about. Neil is your usual uncomfortable male teenager who has church to go too… The Church of Satan, yes Neil, his best friend, the parents all go to The Church of Satan that is led by the wonderful Cary Elwes as Sheldon. Instead of Neil accepting the hot girl’s invite to the high school party of the year he declines because he must keep his oath of being a virgin and go to church Saturday evening to be sacrificed. Once he is Satan will rise and stop the 1000 years of peace! Right as Neil is about to be sacrificed his best friend Matt grabs him and they escaped only to be chased down the rest of the night by Satanists. But there is hope as Neil goes and visits another great friend Denise who is a girl and actually likes Neil. But just like most teenagers there are glitches and one of them is Neil does it on Denise’s leg before the act gets started. Eventually the Satanists catch up and try to get him back to the altar before sunrise. A very hilarious film in the same vein as the recent ‘Satanic Panic’ as I give it 3 stars.

Skeletons in the Closet (Blu-ray) – I am always excited to watch another Tony Wash project and this was no different as this time it’s an anthology project. But this film is far from your typical anthology formula as it possibly can. Every Friday night a young kid named Jamie never misses her favorite show where a beautiful woman (Ellie Church) and her dead husband rent a horror movie to watch. Just like any horror hosts they do their commentary on it and Jamie watches as we get monster grandmas and kids, a woman dreaming of killing her husband, and thieves who try to find cover in a haunted junkyard. Now I won’t give too much away other than that because I thought Mr. Wash and company did a wonderful job of putting together an anthology unlike most I have seen before. We all know Ms. Church is wonderful but the person that steals the film is Alainia Karner as Jamie as she was perfect casting for the anthology as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

The Phantom (DVD) – The 1996 comic book adaption has the cool Billy Zane as The Phantom, a mystical comic book character that has been long forgotten but is a superhero that is passed down generation to generation to protect the jungle and people from injustice. The setting is 1939 and a criminal mastermind in Treat Williams is trying to gather the three skulls to rule the world and along the way we get the lovely Kristy Swanson for some eye candy. A fun adventure film in the spirit of ‘Indiana Jones’ that I would have loved to see a sequel or two with Billy Zane continuing the character. But instead this 3 ½ star superhero flick was never heard from again exception was that horrible TV mini-series that tried to update a cool character instead of building upon it.

 

Deadly Memories (DVD) – A 2002 Donald Farmer flick about a man losing his wife in a fiery car accident and his daughter falling into a coma because of three twenty-somethings running them off the road. Two years have passed and Art is trying to move on but cops have showed up asking questions again and Art believes he has seen the same young man that was driving that day in the bar. So when people begin to disappear of course the police suspect him because they know he has revenge on his mind. Always enjoy Donald Farmer flicks but this one runs a little longer than it should have but has William Smith, Robert Z’Dar, and Tina Krause for this indy feature I give 2 ½ stars too.

 

Journey to China: The Mystery of Iron Mask (On Demand) – It doesn’t matter what the movie is about listen to this cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jackie Chan, Charles Dance, and Rutger Hauer, I have your attention now correct. Anyway the film is now known as ‘Iron Mask’ but is all about dragons, wizards, and how Arnold allows prisoners fighting him for their freedom. The real plot of this fantasy film is there an imposter princess that has enslaved all her people and is looking for the mystical dragon seal. If found she would control the dragon that sleeps in the cave below them. This international film is full of adventure and effects but for me getting to see Arnold and Jackie fight each other on film was glorious and hilarious. The scene is a must watch for any action film enthusiast as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Vivarium (On Demand) – A boring ass flick about couples who are house hunting but are left by the realtor at a “forever home”. A term the realtor/alien/parasite or whatever takes quite seriously. Once the couple is there they cannot leave. No matter how much they drive, walk, burn down the house or dig there is no escape. They are fed, clothed, but eventually they are given a child to raise. It starts out innocently but quickly understands it isn’t a typical human child. Now this is where the film started bothering me because I was waiting for the payoff… Where the dude just fucking loses it and puts the axe into the skull of the kid or kills the wife. Or goes all ‘Deadly Friend and makes the kid’s head explode? Nope, he just digs and the wife just tries to understand this thing and why? Fuck that, I would of killed one or both because you know yinz are trapped and no way getting out. Sorry keep your artsy wannabe thrillers to yourselves as yinz should have hit the reset button on this project as I give it 0 stars.

 

7 Guardians of the Tomb (DVD) – Kelsey Grammer sends a dude into a known funnel spider cave to find the ultimate cure in order to save his company Biotech.  The sister goes looking for him with a search party full of Biotech researchers with only Kelsey knowing these spiders are more venomous than anything on Earth. And of course it is all about profit margin as the team must fend off these spiders but the big mutant spider that seems to communicate with the rest throughout these endless tunnels some ancient dude made. It’s not any worse than the crap on SyFy Channel the past few years so I give it 1 ½ stars for that.

 

Abby (VHS/YouTube) – William Marshall is Dr. Williams and he heads to Nigeria for research and exploring. Dr. Williams finds an artifact and unleashes a demon force from it that travels to the states and takes over his very religious daughter-in-law. He returns to the states to deal with the possession when his son cannot control Abby any longer. She rampages through their home, the church, and then to the bar so she can kick dudes in the nards as tries to bang them! A fun 70s film from the guy that gave us ‘Day of the Animals’ and ‘Grizzly’ as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Another Bloodbaths and Boomsticks episode up for your listening pleasures.

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This week we return with 2 movies from the best year for horror of all time 1987 and what will probably be movie of the year for at least one of us.  First we have a weirdo bug/outbreak flick called BLUE MONKEY a.k.a. INSECT.  Then John covers an all-time classic horror jam in THE GATE, and Tim covers the most Tim Gross movie of the year in VFW.  We also cover this week’s watches, answer your questions and read all the news that was fit to print (or makeup).
So download this episode or you will throw up some white dog doo doo.

 

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Two new episodes of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks is up!

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This week with TIM GROSS on vacation we return and we bring on GARY HILL of the Cinema Beef podcast on for bike week. First Joe Namath, Sid Haig, and Ann Margaret cause some trouble in C.C. and Company.  Then we visit a stone cold classic in STONE COLD starring The Boz.  Then we cover a rock and roll biker jam in STREETS OF FIRE.  We also answer your questions and go over all the movies we have been watching the last week.  So download this episode or Bo Jackson will run all over that ass.

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This time around we dust off 3 flicks to cover.  The first being completely unknown weirdo time travel/monster jam in TIMESWEEP.  Then we have a British werewolf offering in THE SNARLING.  And finally we have a great 2000’s gem in THE CONVENT. We also talk about the tag team of coolio and bill Moseley, Late 70’s sitcoms, The Escape from New York remake.  And a ton lots more.  So download this episode or you won’t be invited to the gangsta’s paradise.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #499

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Gross Movie Reviews #499

 

Vampire Pinup Girls (YouTube) – So Kiss of Death Productions has a newer short film and with the Silvios I am always interested in what they are up too. This around the story centers on a photographer named Draven who feeds on his young models after using them for his newest project. I like the premise, solid cast, and who is behind the short film but it feels like there is no ending and comes off more of an “investment video” (Just in case you need to know: this was an actual thing years ago especially during the VHS days) or an unfinished project than a true short film project. Something tells me this may show up as an extra on one of their upcoming features as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Revolution 666 (DVD) – A 2014 film from filmmaker Matt Jaissle that has a radio DJ playing an unknown CD that was sent to him. The CD just so happens to contain a song called “Revolution 666” that was recorded by a famous band decades ago but never released. There is a whole cult that surrounds this unreleased recording! When the DJ plays the song over the airwaves it awakens a zombie in a graveyard to feast on a young lady then head over to the local Hard Rock Café. The zombie steals clothes, a knife, and a walrus mask from a display to begin his killing spree. If that wasn’t enough the DJ now has to deal with the so-called cult members who believe they are “the four horsemen of the apocalypse”. Sounds interesting saying it out loud but the film was pretty dull but will give Matt kudos for the creepy ass basement they shoot in late in the film as that could have been a great location for a better movie as I give this 1 star.

 

Raw Courage (DVD) – Ronny Cox pulls a John Saxon where he is a producer, writer, and actor for the film. Who is Ronny Cox that older asshole in 1987s ‘Robocop’ who wants to fuck everyone with OCP and his hidden prime directives on Robocop? Yeah… you remember now. Cox with two other friends are runners who come up with some crazy two day run through the desert (72 freakin miles) that will end with them showing up at some small town festival. Problem they run into some non-military weekend warrior assholes who are preparing for the oncoming war. Film was made in 1983 but hey put it in present day situation the story is actually relevant again? Anyhow, when one of the runners is accidentally killed by the weekend warriors it becomes a weekend of survival as the two survivors are just trying to get to the finish line. Something of a different thriller flick worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

Clown Town (DVD) – Before we talk about this flick you must pronounce like me (Claun Tawn, yinzer language… you know what I am talking about.) The film claims to be inspired by true events so of course that is always a bad omen but I still gave it a chance. Years ago a babysitter is slaughtered by a boy named Ricky who dresses like a clown to do it. 15 years pass and four people heading to a concert in Ohio drive thru this abandoned town of Clinton to meet someone that has one of their cell phones. Soon the four learn this was a mistake as the abandoned town is full of killer clowns who torture and kill anyone that passes through. The town is an urban legend to surrounding counties and towns but your local serial killers who dress as clowns use it as their stomping grounds. I hated the beginning (Halloween anyone?) but after that it was a nice gory slasher that of course was better than Rob Zombie’s ‘31’ (never letting that one go.) For that I give this fun take on clown killers 2 ½ stars.

 

It Chapter Two (remake/On Demand) – 27 years have passed since the “Losers” have taken on the town legend “Pennywise”. Pennywise has haunted the town and its children every 27 years and The Losers believe they have finally killed it. But strange murders begin to happen again and the gang reunites for the final showdown. It wasn’t perfect by any means but so much a better second half than the original from 1990. Even though I give it 3 stars remember Tim Curry was still better!

 

Color Out of Space (DVD) – Holy balls was this movie out there and thank the gawd Rutger Hauer that Richard Stanley gave it to us and Nic Cage stars. Nathan Gardner and family chose to move out to the sticks recently from the city. Nathan just trying to do right by his family believes it is the right move until everything changes one night when a meteorite hits their front lawn. From there everything begins to change slowly because of the alien entity that may have been inside the space rock. Even though things are mutating Nic Cage “can handle it” as he says throughout the film trying to keep the family calm. There aren’t the right words that can possibly explain this absolutely weird but very interesting film besides it is super colorful and I am not sure I fully understood it? For that I enjoy it exists and I thank Richard Stanley for making it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Branded (DVD) – A weird Russian/American co-production film that deals with the evils of marketing to humans and their fast food habits. It begins with a child being hit by lightning and when he awakes he sees things a little different than everyone else. He uses this talent to become a marketing genius until an old guru comes along and changes thinking with different marketing no matter the cost. This causes the world to be brainwashed to go in another direction five years later. Thus Misha’s old love comes looking for him to change the balance again. Super weird shit folks as I give it 2 stars.

 

Barquero (DVD) – This 1970 film stars Lee Van Cleef as man who mostly keeps to himself that built a boat to get people across a river on a daily basis. Warren Oates is a famous criminal who wants to get his gang and silver across the river to enter Mexico before the army comes looking for them. Lee Van Cleef aka Remy refuses passage for the outlaw thus starts a standoff as Remy believes he is doing the right thing trying to save the small village his boat is at. Or for my summary: this is a lost film where Lee Van Cleef’s character from ‘A Fistful of Dollars’ and ‘For a Few Dollars More’ needed something to do in his downtime. He builds a boat, goes to the other side of the river, outlaw comes along and demands him to come back over, Remy says “nope, Remy smokes his pipe, bangs someone’s redhead wife… End of the movie and I loved it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Gunan, King of the Barbarians (DVD) – Another Italian rip-off ‘Conan’ fantasy film about twins who grow up and one is a warrior of prophecy and the other is just a bootleg version of it. After bootleg brother dies the true warrior goes about cutting through armies of stuntmen where his sword bounces off of them not cutting them to death. All this to become king, prove his strength, and I would be surprised this wasn’t an episode of ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’. Not a good bootleg ‘Conan’ by any means but I believe Addison Binek has a new movie to riff as I give it a ½ star.

Snatchers (On Demand) – A teenager named Sara who is trying to be popular with her friends has sex with the hot guy Skylar she was seeing a while back. Sara awakes the next day to her surprise to find herself nine months pregnant! Backstory is its 2012 and her boyfriend went to Mexico and messed with some kind of Mexican statue of a god with a big penis. Sara asks her ex-bestie Haley for help. They head to the free clinic only to destroy the doctor’s head with Sara’s “VAGE CANNON” (her words not mine) and the bad idea becomes worse as it is a weird creature that acts like a parasite to humans. It only gets worse from there for Sara as her and Haley find out there is a second monster inside her. After the police department is destroyed by the monster chasing down Sara and Haley, the two friends find Skylar’s computer and learn of his debacle in Mexico as the two come with a plan to destroy the parasites… hopefully. Great casting of the two best friends, cool creatures, hilarious story as this film could show up on my “Best of 2020 list” as I give 4 stars.

 

Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (DVD) – So Jim Wynorski takes the 1987 sequel into the comedy realm more than the serious fantasy realm where Deathstalker saves a woman, Evie, who claims to be a seer. Evie tries to explain to Deathstalker that there is a demon double of her made so the new princess can rule the kingdom with an evil sorcerer that made her. Deathstalker doesn’t take it too serious until he faces off with the evil sorcerer for his life. Lots of boobs and fun makes the typical Wynorski joint watchable as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Deep Shock (DVD) – The UN wants to shoot torpedoes into the polar ice caps to slow down global warming. But something happens during the launch at the North Pole that shuts it down and a research team is sent in for answers. The team finds out it is from an electrical surge from the giant eels that are readying the Earth for the eradication of the human infestation. The film is a non-SyFy channel flick that stars David Keith, Sean Whalen, and Mark Sheppard wow the shit I find to watch as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Underwater (On Demand) – So Tian Industries drills seven miles into sea for resources of course. But being so deep into the sea there has been rumors of strange events and shadows seen. The movie begins immediately with a catastrophe hitting Kepler Station as it is collapsing from the sea. Survivors make their way through the debris to decide what their next plan of action as they have 30 minutes before the whole station blows up. Problem is the survivors must walk into the unknown darkness to cross the sea floor to an undamaged station so they can get a signal out for rescue. The survivors soon learn they are not only not alone but the sea creatures that are tracking them may have been the cause of everything as one character put it “They are here to take back.” Kristen Stewart plays the lead in Nora and I absolutely hate her as an actress. Honestly we all have that actor or actress we hate but she was bearable in the film and also having T.J. Miller for comedic relief wasn’t a bad thing. I am always a sucker for creature features and this was no different in this deep sea horror as it captured the kid in me that loves these flicks as I give it 3 stars. And the creatures were pretty fucking cool!

 

Bloodshot (On Demand) – Superhero movie or not I will let yinz be the judge as I was just curious about Vin Diesel doing another action flick. Garrison is a military man through and through that always completes his mission. Garrison is seen as a perfect specimen who is the first to survive this billion dollar experiment? After being shot in the head and watching his wife die Garrison awakes in a high tech hospital where he has been given a second chance from a bio-mechanical experiment or he became “Jason X”! Yep, I said it first but anyway he doesn’t remember his past at all but after hearing “Psycho Killer” by the Talking Heads he is off to finish his unfinished business. Here is the twist, Garrison is being programmed to remember this as none of its true and he is a soldier being used over and over. Every time after an assassination he has his memory wiped and oh yeah he cannot be killed because he is “Jason X” (go look it up kids). It is a fun bloody action film that reminds me of ‘Universal Soldier’ and ‘The Six Million Dollar Man’ as I give it 3 stars.

 

Coven: The Emergence (YouTube) – A couple of kids spot a shadowy figure out in the woods and haunted by its presence in this short film from Matthew Marasco as I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Gravewater (YouTube) – Another short film from Matthew Marasco about people drinking water out of a hillside and getting fucked up by it. Apparently if sacrifice a kid you may stop something? The short film has lots of imaginary but in my opinion the film feels unfinished or possibly not seen through from script to film because budget constraints? I give the short film 1 out of 4 stars.

 

Perdition (YouTube) – Another short film from Erik Vada that is more of a thriller than horror where a criminal makes one last heist at a local bank before calls it quits. The criminal believes he has gotten away with the heist but afterward is haunted by a mysterious spirit/ghost that keeps popping up to speak with him. I like the concept and would have liked to seen it fleshed out a little more but it is an interesting enough watch especially for fans of the paranormal or subjects of life/death ideas as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

So apparently we do more podcasts when the apocalypse is happening?

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This week we give you 3 more reasons to sit your couch and listen to us yammer on about movies.   What else are you gonna do?  You are probably under quarantine anyway.  First we talk about the new release of Tammy and the T-Rex.  Then Tim talks about his buddy Henrique’s flick OUIJA ROOM.  And finally Kyle checks in with an action flick from the 90’s in JUDGMENT NIGHT.  So sit with us for over 2 hours of nonsense and remember during this time of wayward virus contamination please be a cool human to each other.  So download this episode for a free roll of toilet paper. (Offer void where prohibited)  

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This virus outbreak is a really weird time we are living in.  And Kyle thought he would take a half hour and try to do something good.  So… He decided to curate a giant list of cult, horror, Sci-fi and generally weird flicks that are completely free to watch through apps available over your smart TV, roku, game console, fire stick, or a ton of other gadgets out there.  Just remember that we are all in this thing together and take advantage and maybe check out something that you’ve never seen before.

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