Gross Movie Reviews #523

Posted on December 21, 2020 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #523

The Dingleberrys (DVD) – Another S.O.V. flick that is one of these so-called “lost films” from Warlock Video in 1986 aka 2012. The main plot of the film is similar to ‘Critters’ just with poo globs! The disclaimer at the beginning of the film claims this is the worst film ever made and it is now shown in all its horrible glory of a space gladiator landing on earth to capture or kill the space poo globs. Quasar wants to rid the universe of this menace but will need help from some young horror nerds in order to accomplish the task. The film really isn’t feature length and far from the worst movie ever in my opinion. I have seen much worse, this is more of just some inexperience kids having fun with some cool poo creature masks from DWN Productions that made me laugh a couple times. For that I give this Indy flick 1 ½ stars.

Ravagers (On Demand) – A 1979 post-apocalyptic film that stars Richard Harris as a man who wanders the wasteland after some bandits kill off his girlfriend. They were planning to go searching for a safe place called “Land of Genesis”. Thus causing Harris to seek revenge and run from these horrific people as they will hunt him down until death. See one day it stopped raining thus killing off life slowly and sending the world into chaos. After quite a bit of time it started to rain again but most of the population died off. Survivors went underground and separated into two gangs of folks called the Flockers and Ravagers. Now in 1991, Ravagers are the type of humans if you can consider them that any longer that look to rape and pillage what is left above ground. The film wasn’t the most exciting flick in this genre for me as it felt more like a TV movie but could not find any info claiming it was as I give it 2 stars. Note: Film is hard to find on any format but has recently been made available on Amazon Prime.

Planet Earth (DVD) – It is 2133 and the earth has survived the apocalypse and John Saxon aka Dylan is our new hope! Dylan was frozen in the old world and awakens from his sleep by PAX to build planet earth up again. ‘Planet Earth’ is a 1974 TV movie that was a sequel to ‘Genesis II’ that continues the John Saxon character storyline of a man from the past helping the future. In this adventure PAX has found Amazon women who are buying and trading men as slaves to do their bidding and the men are called “dinks”. PAX believes this is where a good doctor friend of theirs has disappeared. So they send in a small team to search for the doctor and talk to these Amazon women in hopes of helping them? Instead John Saxon gets a lesson in being a male slave and humanity still sucks as I give the TV flick 2 ½ stars.

Jekyll and Hyde… Together Again (DVD) – An early 80s comedy based on the old Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde story with Dr. Jekyll being the finest surgeon in the world who has just retired from doing surgery ever again. The surgeries are getting in the way of his research but the hospital he works for has other plans as a huge donor wants a total transplant and Jekyll is the man. During his research the good doctor falls asleep during an experiment and accidentally snorts his concoction (cocaine) and becomes a monstrous dancing punk pimp who needs sex! Of course he becomes addicted to this formula and hilarity ensues. This film has not aged well and I firmly believe ‘Doctor Detroit’ (a film a little similar) is a better product than this project. There are most likely still fans of this film or they wouldn’t have released it on Blu-ray but I give it 2 stars.

Killer Waves (DVD) – An Indy film from James Balsamo where a killer in an old diver suit is slaughtering people who are involved in a surfing contest. The film has its funny moments, good camera work at times, fun cameos, huge body count, and a surfboard made out of human flesh. But also the film as its issues of running too long and feeling like there was nothing script wise outside of the killer in the old diver suit. I liked his film ‘The Litch’ but this flick felt thrown together more than thought out completely. I do know Mr. Balsamo has a growing fan base that I believe this project caters to more than the average independent film fan as I give the film 2 stars.

Metal Noir (DVD) – Author Laurel Oberion has just bought a home where she hopes to jump start to write her next book. As she settles in and struggles with her “writer’s block” the more she dreams about her haunted home she has just moved into. Her dreams are not lying as Laurel has satanic nymphos in her basement who want her soul. The demons’ plan is too slowly torture the young lady to madness that sends her into their orgy of descent for their dark lord! This 1990 S.O.V. flick was never properly released and was believed lost because the company that had the rights went into bankruptcy and closed. So thanks to Tony Masiello starting a project in 2012 that deals with “S.O.V. films” he happened to watch the movie on a random VHS tape. From there Masiello was able to get in contact with the ‘Metal Noir’ filmmaker David R. Williams and begin the process of putting together a special edition of the film to be released for the very first time in 2019. The DVD is loaded with extras and perfect package for that independent film collector as I give it 3 stars.

Ghoul Scout Zombie Massacre (DVD) – An evil brother/sister team trying to scheme a plan to take over the world with a secret formula. Their goal is to inject the emo boy population and use them for smut films to sell overseas. So how do you get these young men to take the secret formula? How about using sexy reform school girls to sell Girl Scout, oh sorry ghoul scout cookies that sister Cassandra houses. When the males begin to eat the cookies something goes wrong. Instead of them being under control of the evil duo they become flesh eating ghouls at a concert that begins to eat all the attendees. Those who didn’t eat the cookies must defend themselves and find the antidote. The film plays out like if Troma made a full fledge zombie film that I would have liked to see focus more on the gimmick of “Ghoul Scout Cookies” than the nudity? But hey the film is what it is… Saying that if the film was edited down to a lean and mean 70 minutes (not 111 minutes long) I can easy see this becoming an Indy cult hit. But some filmmakers fail to see how much editing can help their projects for the long haul as I give it 2 stars.

Tokyo Home Stay Massacre (DVD) – Three college kids head to Japan to stay with a host family. Their goal is to get the clicks for their YouTube channel as they are unlikable characters that even have a subplot about one of the three getting an abortion to project their relationship. Little do the three know is the family plans to drug them, torture them, and eventually set them up for some kind of weird sacrifice. The film was somewhat interesting but once midway through the film tries too hard to be weird and lost me as a viewer as I give it 1 star.

Zombies (DVD) – A 2017 film I stumbled upon stars Tony Todd where a zombie apocalypse just happens and takes over the world. Detective Sommers, Luke, and crew decide to set up shop in their small town and go out on missions to save folks nearby and bring them into a safe place. Their goal is to keep people safe and gauge how long this will go on? This zombie film goes more for dramatic take than the possible bloodbath zombie films can be but with an unusual twist ending as I give it 2 stars.

Sky Sharks (On Demand) – Trailers looked great, the movie idea sounds great, but… Anyway, a large warship has been found in the artic and a flight from Vancouver has been attacked by Nazi sharks controlled by undead SS officers! A once thought lost genetic experiment from WWII has survived and has resurfaced. The man behind Reichter Tech was once a part of these so-called secret experiments and has kept himself alive because of them. The K7B formula was made for world domination which killing their own people which he did not agree with. Now the Sky Sharks are mutating and making them harder to detect and defeat. Because of this the only solution left is another horrible experiment from Reichter in 1968 called Project: Dead Flesh! With an incredible cast and all this said sounds like it should be a wonderful B-movie for the ages instead plays out like a dull hot mess. Or best way to summarize, “It’s no Iron Sky” as I give this disappointment 1 star.

Day of the Pigs (Vimeo) – A 12 minute short about three men in Luchador masks who just did an armed robbery of a bank. They run into a bit of misfortune during the getaway and need to adjust their plan and find a phone. Now walking they find a farmhouse where they believe their prayers for a phone has been answered. It looks even better with the farmhouse being owned by two beautiful sisters who are not what they appear to be? A crude, but very cool short film from Michael S. Rodriguez, as it combines the horror and action genres in an entertaining manner that shows this filmmaker is very capable of putting together a bigger project. Movie nerds this is another to remember for the future as I give this flick 3 stars.

She Wolf Rising (DVD) – Gina Skylar (Tiffany Shepis) is a popular horror film actress who uses her sexual appeal to convince longtime fan Jake to help her with her boss Lonzo. Now most of the film is told like a story from Jake’s point of view to his best friend after finding Gina Skylar’s latest unreleased film on DVD in Jake’s apartment. Gina has Jake investigate people from Lonzo’s work past to understand what is going on as Gina wants to be the number one scream queen. The more Jake gets involved with Gina’s worries the more the film becomes a love story with werewolves. The movie has a hot mess appeal but leave it to the super talented Tiffany Shepis and a good supporting cast in (Debbie Rochon, Tina Krause, and Alan Rowe Kelly) to keep the film interesting enough to make it to its incoherent ending. As usual Tiffany always makes a movie that much better with her amazing on-screen presence but this movie feels like it couldn’t exactly decide what it wanted to be throughout as I give it 2 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !

Gross Movie Reviews #522

Posted on December 14, 2020 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #522

III: Final Contagium (DVD) – So first of all the title since it isn’t from the US I have seen a couple ways you the viewer are supposed to say the title: a) the way I have written it, b) I also had someone explain to me it was (ILL: Final Contagium) which makes some sense for what the film is…, c) also I have had one person email me claiming it is third in the series (which after a very short internet search it is not, but that dude insisted, hahaha). Anyway folks we have a film that is broken into four segments like anthology of sorts where a deadly virus has been unleashed. What connect all the stories are the ongoing news reports on television and radio throughout the segments has four filmmakers contributed to this project. First story is a man picking up a dying woman, second story is about a man seeming like he is helping another out on the street, third is about body modifications going wrong, and the fourth story is about a man trying to save his son at the edge of the end of the world. It is a gooey, fun, disturbing watch for all as I give it 3 stars.

Scalps (DVD) – Not the horror film but a western from 1987 that was written by no other, Bruno Mattei! A confederate officer of a Texas fort refuses to admit the Civil War is over and it is time to put down arms. (Sounds very close to what is going on in Washington D.C. right now). Still believing in the war and they have yet to surrender the officer sends troops into Indian land to ravage the land and steal a squaw he fancies. She escapes on the travel back to the fort and finds a lonely rancher who retired from the mess that was called the confederate army after his wife was raped and killed. Both farmer and Indian dislike each other but that doesn’t stop these two from hating this little army of soldiers more as they both have issues with them. So as they try to escape they dish out their own kind of justice to this army as they are to be tracked down and killed. I give this interesting western 2 ½ stars.

Interviewing Monsters and Bigfoot (On Demand) – Tom Green is a Missouri forest ranger who is always giving a guy they call the professor trouble because he is always in search of Bigfoot. The professor is a widow and lost his wife in an accident when they witnessed Bigfoot years ago and thus setting in motion his search. The Bigfoot sightings are up again and the professor and crew are setting up a trap for it. But unknown to them the forest ranger and the government actually know that Bigfoot exists! The film has monsters, hillbillies, Bigfoot Hunters, a demented forest ranger, and a cover up by a government agency called M.I.G. This sounds like a wonderfully hilarious formula but once the film gets halfway through it seems to lose its way and quickly becomes a hot mess that had potential as I give the film 2 stars.

Max Reload and The Nether Blasters (On Demand) – First, I totally believe this film was just pooped out there in the movie verse just because… But second, this film is what you would call a very nostalgic nerd fest that will have viewers loving it or super annoyed and not finish watching the film. The film has some comi-con all-stars and its plot is about a cursed Collecovision game called ‘The Nether Blasters’. (I kept calling it an Atari 2600 game on our Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast, lol.) Anyway, Max is a young gamer who works the local gaming store owned by Kevin Smith who is about to spend a weekend in the VR world. Max being pressured by his father, Martin Kove to go to that tech school to build games but Max is a slacker. So it isn’t unexpected an old dude known as the ‘Harvester’ leaves an old Collecovision and one of a kind thought to be lost game ‘The Nether Blasters’ and of course Max plays it and beats it quickly. Just like today’s generation he posts his walk through online and this causes the game demons to start taking over all who play. The game quickly goes global and it’s up to Max, his two friends, and the creators to destroy this Harvester and his plans. As the Harvester collects souls and gains them through gameplay. I give the film 2 ½ stars as it has its moments but also feels like one of those movies you will forget about within the hour after.

MILFS vs. Zombies (DVD) – Another Brad Twigg creation that five seconds in has zombies rampaging a small community. No real reason for the undead walking earth again other than they are chomping on the people and eventually fight the MILFS! It takes about hour or so in before we get to see MILFS fighting zombies so in between all that you literally get to see 25 or so independent horror ideas thrown in to see what works… If anything? We get a zombie critter, a sex party, a mer-man, naked zombies, dick ripping, a guy acting like a dog, bad husbands, and even a dead man’s spirit throwing a machete to his wife to defend herself against the zombie horde. I am sure Brad Twigg wasn’t setting out to remake Romero’s ‘Day of the Dead’ so I believe he may have missed what he was actually going for here. As with a title like that the film should have established the MILFS fighting the zombies from the beginning and still could have had all your random nudity. I give the film maybe 2 stars as for me it comes off as just throwing random stuff into a film more than having an actual plot or structure to what is going on?

The Cape Canaveral Monsters (DVD) – This deep dive into drive-in monster obscurity had me watching a 1960 flick where aliens show up on earth to cause issues for the US space program that we now call NASA. The aliens arrive and quickly cause a car accident to take over the couples’ bodies inside. Once the bodies are taken over it is time cause havoc and communicate with other aliens through a fish bowl in a cave they are hiding in. The film is a friendly reminder of fun B-movies to watch from the past but also to actually truly enjoy it would be to watch it at a drive-in with a couple other features of the same ilk. For that I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Die-B-Que (DVD) – Supposedly this is a 1986 S.O.V. film that runs about 32 minutes long from filmmaker Jackson Furley, which also looks to be his only film. Apparently the film with some lost footage got put back together in 2011 for S.O.V. fans to enjoy the lost film. The story is about friends who are traveling to a big BBQ party that is interrupted by a rodent infecting their food and drink with its anal leakage. As the party goers ingest the infected food and drink they become zombies ready to attack their friends. But the film ends quickly after it gets going with some behind the scenes footage afterwards. It isn’t anything too exciting but being a fan of these low budget projects it would have been awesome to see what else they would have filmed or put together in their end product. I give the S.O.V. flick 2 stars.

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !

Gross Movie Reviews “Top Ten of 2020”

Posted on December 14, 2020 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews “Top Ten of 2020”

1) VFW (On Demand) – For the love of John Carpenter thank you Joe Begos for making this idea exist! A new drug called “Hype” has hit the streets and screwing up people quicker than ever before. The drug is making zombies or “Hypers” out of people and tearing cities down. Boz is a drug lord who is about to have a huge deal go down and kills the wrong strung out girl as her sister Lizard takes it personally and steals his stash. Nowhere to run Lizard busts into an old VFW where some old vets are just having their daily drink, watch old videos of women exercising, and telling war stories. A couple of drugged out punks follow her in and that was a big mistake as they attack one of the vets. The old vets take care of the trash pretty quickly in a brutal way. This is where the chaos or war begins as the vets must defend the post and themselves from the onslaught of strung out punks because Boz wants his stash no matter what. This film is absolutely FUCKING AWESOME! The casting of Stephen Lang, Fred Williamson, William Sadler, George Wendt, Martin Kove, and David Patrick Kelly as the war vets is perfect. This is my new ‘Assault on Precinct 13’ as I give possibly 2020s best film of the year 4 stars all the way. I will be watching this flick at least once a year.

2) Bad CGI Sharks (DVD) – A brilliant story about two brothers Matthew and Jason who are very close in many ways as kids. As kids they wanted to make a shark movie like no other but eventually that dream was squished as their father considered Jason a lost cause. Many years later Mathew has grown up and living out in Hollywood! Mathew’s life is turned upside down when his older brother Jason shows up who just so happens to be a bum who still wants to make shark movies. After some fighting, smoking weed, and talking about their movie script with no ending they wrote as kids called, “Sharks Outta Water” a floating shark shows up! It first eats the neighbor but eventually it begins chasing the brothers. It seems a man with a magical clapper board as brought their childhood movie script to life and now they must deal with it in many hilarious ways. Don’t just rent, buy this fucking movie NOW! One of the most entertaining independent shark films ever made as I give this sure to be on the “Best of 2020 list” 4 out of 4 stars.

3) Peninsula (On Demand) – So we got a sequel to the wonderful zombie film ‘Train to Busan’, the film picks up four years later. Any bordering country has a blockade up and does not allow anyone to enter South Korea because of the viral outbreak. A former soldier like a lot of misplaced Koreans lives in Hong Kong and down on his luck. A shady dude he does things for gives the ex-soldier a mission of entering the zombie-infested peninsula for a truck that has 25 million U.S. dollars in the back of it safely waiting. If he retrieves it he is rich, if not he is most likely zombie food as the zombies still roam the area. Without spoiling too much I will describe the film has elements that cross between ‘Land of the Dead’ and ‘Escape from New York’ but keeps the heart of the first film. Wonderful zombie stuff again horror fans as this fast-paced sequel pleases me much so that there could be another entry into this series like ‘REC’?! I give the bad ass international zombie movie 4 stars all the way.

4) We Summon the Darkness (DVD) – Holy balls this film was fucking great! The film is set in Indiana, 1988 following three young ladies who are heading to a heavy metal concert. Along the way we keep hearing on the radio about some satanic murders sweeping the mid-west. The three metal goddesses reach the concert and meet three metalhead dudes and they all seem to get along. After the concert the boys are invited back to Alexis’ house or her father’s house to be precise. They start drinking and play a little game that gets a little risky. But things get a little weird as the boys pass out and awake inside a room full of bloody pentagrams and that is where the fun begins. The cast, story, effects, and the ending are a wonderful blast. I would like to tell you more about the film but I rather not ruin it for your viewing pleasures? Put it this way this film is another entry into my “Best of 2020 list” as I give it 4 stars.

5) Tromasterpiece Theatre Presents – Poutrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (DVD) – Addison Binek as the bored movie theater employee is back again with his two sidekicks to riff on the popular Troma musical “Poutrygeist”. A film that tackles the fast food industry that only Troma can only do where a chicken shack is built on top of an Indian graveyard and the spirits are upset and haunt the business. Leave it to Addison to riff on an already funny ass flick and make it that much better! Addison Binek is absolutely brilliant in his effort to riff on this popular Troma film. This latest project from the talented Mr. Binek makes me believe more than ever that he would make an excellent heir to the Troma Empire. Laugh, cry, and watch again the latest from the amazing Addison Binek as shame on you for not supporting this effort as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

6) Spirit Animal (DVD) – Madeline Deering has made a love letter to The Polonia Brothers, Jon McBride, Todd Sheets, and I am sure a few others that could be mentioned from that bygone era of S.O.V. I easily could have seen myself finding this “we all thought lost 1993 S.O.V. film” in Incredibly Strange Video here in Pittsburgh, Pa.! About 1998, I was finding a lot of these S.O.V. movies from the late 80s and early 90s as independent filmmakers were already using digital video and abandoned the VHS camera. Oh what a time then but that is what makes this such an awesome and unique project as Maddie, Joe, and talented cast got a VHS camera and went into overdrive to get this dream project done. Our story begins at Camp Wannawilla many years ago where a camp counselor is speaking with kids around a campfire about “Spirit Animals”. One child takes exception to this as Aarav believes he can be all of them not just one. Of course the camp counselor meets a horrible death and the camp is closed down. Many years pass and we follow a group of friends to West Virginia on New Year’s Eve to the same Camp Wannawilla. They set up camp, tell the story, and a killer with many animal masks begins slaughtering not just the group but all who enter the woods this New Year’s Eve as a special moon is coming. The music is excellent, ending is fucking great, good editing, good cast, and Maddie puts this all together on a VHS camera, the true old school none of that gimmick shit you get with your fancy laptops and cameras these days! Independent fans rejoice and enjoy because this gets 4 out of 4 stars and will most likely show up on my “Best of 2020 list”.

7) The Unsung (YouTube) – The latest project from Churchill Pictures is a bit of a thriller with a bit of drama and intrigue added to the mix. We are introduced to Eric through his travels of the depressed areas of Pittsburgh and his childhood flashbacks that haunt him. One day catching a nap, the nap is interrupted by a man trying to hurt a young lady. Eric jumps into action and saves her. But being homeless also she takes off with Eric’s bag and he chases her down to a homeless community under a bridge. He is accepted into the community quickly. Meanwhile we are introduced to a very driven detective by the name of Jones who understands he now is trying to track down a serial killer and how all the victims are tied into each other in some way. Eric hearing a voice from a radio decides he must take action like his comic book hero that he keeps near to his heart. Eric and the detective cross paths and Eric is of course a ‘person of interest’ in the case but no matter what both men want to save the young lady after she is taken by this killer. I tried not to give too much away with the description just because I really like the story and it isn’t your usual crime drama/thriller. The film has a lot of heart that deserves to be watched and enjoyed. It stars Jared Bajoras, Richard Billock, and Amadeo Fusca which all three were perfect in their roles for this project. Help support this project folks as I give it 4 out 4 stars all the way!

8) Patchwork (Shudder) – Three women wake up to being stitched together on an exam table with a couple guys talking like this is an everyday thing after being kidnapped at a bar. The three stuck together in the same body must now work together to remember who did this and why? With a couple surprises and a twist along the way the three want their revenge and begin their search for answers with the bar they all remember. They also find love along the way. Think ‘Frankenhooker’ with ‘Re-animator’s’ dark humor and a splash of Peter Jackson and you have a beautiful masterpiece of a dark horror comedy that not enough good words could describe. I would love to say more about the plot but it may ruin some of the surprises throughout the film as I give this gift to the horror genre 4 stars.

9) Love and Monsters (On Demand) – This fun monster gem is a must see for all audiences as it takes place seven years after the “Monsterapocalypse”. There was an asteroid falling towards Earth. Of course all the governments hurl up all these missiles into space to destroy this rock before impact… it works. Problem is the fallout hitting earth causes all the animals and insects to mutate into large monsters that begin wiping out humanity and force people into underground bunkers. Seven years later Joel is a single bored early twenties dude who cannot help fight the monsters but can make a great minestrone but wants out of the isolation he feels. So he heads out on a mission to find his high school sweetheart Aimee at a bunker on the coast. Along the way he makes friends with Michael Rooker and an eight year old girl who have been living on the surface with the mutated things and teaches Joel some valuable lessons. Joel does find Aimee and there is more to the story but why spoil this amazing creature filled film that you need in your life! This film is sure to be a favorite of most in 2020 as I give 4 stars.

10) Becky (On Demand) – We have two parallel stories going on in this deliciously brutal film that centers on a young girl named Becky. First, Becky and her father are in disagreement as usual since her mother’s death. Now, it is being forced upon her that dad has found a new woman and wants to be a family. Second, we are introduced to a couple of inmates who are super Neo-Nazis that have escaped transport heading to this isolated home in the woods looking for a hidden key. After another argument Becky runs off into the woods shortly after the inmates come a knocking for some bad ass mean shit to go down. The Neo-Nazis find out that Becky has the key so they try to make a deal but Becky refuses after watching her father being killed. From there we go into a downward spiral into some brutal scenes of revenge as Becky fights back. We get a sick eye gouge that requires the eye being snipped off, a new way to use school pencils, and a little girl (Becky) getting heart punched! The film is just plain screwed up and I loved it as don’t be surprised this sneaks its way into my “2020 top ten” as I give it 4 stars.

Honorable mentions of 2020

Snatchers (On Demand) – A teenager named Sara who is trying to be popular with her friends has sex with the hot guy Skylar she was seeing a while back. Sara awakes the next day to her surprise to find herself nine months pregnant! Backstory is its 2012 and her boyfriend went to Mexico and messed with some kind of Mexican statue of a god with a big penis. Sara asks her ex-bestie Haley for help. They head to the free clinic only to destroy the doctor’s head with Sara’s “VAGE CANNON” (her words not mine) and the bad idea becomes worse as it is a weird creature that acts like a parasite to humans. It only gets worse from there for Sara as her and Haley find out there is a second monster inside her. After the police department is destroyed by the monster chasing down Sara and Haley, the two friends find Skylar’s computer and learn of his debacle in Mexico as the two come with a plan to destroy the parasites… hopefully. Great casting of the two best friends, cool creatures, hilarious story as this film could show up on my “Best of 2020 list” as I give 4 stars.

Killer Raccoons! 2! Dark Christmas (On Demand) – Holy Rutger Hauer, filmmaker Travis Irvine has earned my respect for not only making a killer raccoon movie. But he did it while doing a parody of ‘Under Siege 2: Dark Territory’! We normal lunatics smell our own… But really prisoner Ty Smallwood now named Casey has just got released from jail after serving ten years for underage drinking. He is jumping on a train to Washington D.C. to hang with his dead girlfriend’s sister to explain what happened on the camping trip several years ago? As Darlene wants answers Ranger Rick Danger takes over the train with his raccoon assassins so they can steal data to hold the U.S. hostage while they sell secrets to foreign powers just like the Steven Seagal less liked sequel. Travis and crew not only deliver the goods but I couldn’t stop laughing as film continued on with the Killer Raccoons being the focus throughout unless it was Casey Smallwood. The effort, the passion, and raccoons trained by the C.I.A. with mini machine guns made this the holiday comedy to watch in 2020 as I give it 4 stars.

Llamageddon (DVD) – This wonderful creation is about an alien llama that crash lands on Earth in a small community and begin its takeover! When the llama isn’t stomping a victim with its hooves it is killing people with its laser eyes. Yes, you heard me correctly people when its shoots lasers from its red eyes fireworks go off. The alien llama stumbles upon a house party of young people where it begins killing them one by one but also spits on one party goer to have him begin a transformation. This independent film has it all folks and I absolutely laughed my ass off as the alien llama tries to destroy us all! If that isn’t enough pay attention to their drinking game as the character Dan changes shirts in every scene (17 times if I counted correctly?) I cannot thank filmmaker Howie Dewin enough for giving us this amazing gem of cinema as I give it 4 stars all the way!

Psycho Ape! (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer 2020 has sucked a huge bag of dicks! But folks I believe we have been given the film we need to make it through this slow ass death they call a pandemic. It is a low budget film from the great minds of Addison Binek, Steve Albers, and Greg DeLiso whose passion for independent projects is off the scale! If you have heard me speak the name of Addison Binek then you know I feel this is one talented dude. For example: when I take over SyFy Channel or Full Moon he would my “second-in-charge” or if there was someone that I would trust with Lloyd’s legacy it would be Mr. Binek. Some will feel this film is senseless but some like me will enjoy this hilarious Troma throwback laughing their balls off several times throughout the feature. Let me tell you a little about this ‘Psycho Ape’ film. Supposedly 25 years ago this dude in a cheap ape costume (cough, cough) I mean murderous ape escapes The Detroit Zoo and comes upon an unsuspecting teenage slumber party. The killer ape goes bananas on the young ladies leaving only one survivor Nancy Banana. I personally was hoping it would be Hannah Banana for some reason because some kind of weird PornHub dream I had last night after watching the film but that is for a different conversation. Nancy Banana is thrown off course from her life dream of being the next Jane Goodall because this gorilla’s murder spree of her friends but 25 years later she gets to be friends with this crazed hairy killer. But if Dr. ZOOmis has anything to say about he will he won’t let another 25 years of tracking down this deadly ape and several deaths later from breaking up the relationship between Nancy and Psycho Ape. The movie is hilarious, complete chaos, and like a lost film never released from Troma in the mid-80s and for that I am happy to report this treat of a film deserves 3 ½ out of 4 stars. And take my word on this I can see this following the same path as the ‘Leprechaun’ series or maybe not?

Zombie House Party Massacre (YouTube) – Finally a no budget film that lives up to its name as zombies are just trying to live civil lives in their home. But damn young humans come to rush the house to party and have unprotected sex! The zombies stay quiet in the upstairs room until one of the party goers hear the baby and take it. The zombies just wanting their zombie baby back chase the humans throughout the home and call for help from their zombie friends. What makes it hilarious as they chase the humans around the home they make fun of themselves that they must act a certain way in order to stay scary. Otherwise they are no different than any of us until they finally had enough and start eating the humans to get the zombie baby back! The short film is absolutely wonderful and I could not stop laughing at the zombie jokes as I give it 3 ½ stars.

In Search Of: Pittsburgh Bigfoot (Vimeo) – When you have no money, know a bunch of people who want to be actors, and your passionate about your project you get what filmmaker Luther Cosmo Ickes Jr. gets… a hilarious and entertaining independent movie about Bigfoot. Or is it Bigfoots? Don’t know that is always a conversation that gets started whenever I review a Bigfoot movie and plus this project has multiple Bigfoot/Bigfoots! Anyway three yinzers are interested in the latest Pennsylvania sightings of Bigfoot. They wait out for spring since the winters can be gawd damn cold around here n’at. So the three chums head to the woods for some camping, illegal or legal drug use depending how much now that Pa. has turned the corner on that stuff, and looking for evidence of Bigfoot. Oh these three are not the only yinzers looking for Bigfoot apparently the Devil is also according to the witch of the woods and a goat dude with a giant dong! Of course this spells hijinks for the yinzers in the woods as they get lost, screwed up on shrooms, and find themselves in a war between the Devil and the Bigfoots as Bigfoots hitch a ride to the burgh. Lou tries to bond and save these creatures but in the end we all know what happens when the church tries to get involved. The film has many flaws but that is the beauty of Luther’s film: it is a film you grab friends, a case of beer and enjoy its glory because it isn’t going to win an Oscar for the love of Rutger Hauer it’s a gawd damn Yinzer Bigfoot movie as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

The Best Documentaries

1) Smoke and Mirrors: The Story of Tom Savini (Shudder) – Being a huge Savini fan since I was a kid this was huge. I remembered the really cool “Scream Greats” doc from Fango in the 80s so see his life story in full talked about it was a wonderful treat. With this documentary you get everything from his inspiration to the untimely death of his brother to why he did not go to L.A. with famous names we know. For me it also connected some stories I have always heard from filmmaker friends and artists and have read about in the past. Like him or dislike him I have always respected him because he was doing something that was completely amazing and without him I do not believe we have some of the cool talented make-up and effects people now. Horror fans if you didn’t like Savini before you will after this as you get finally get the full understanding and first complete look behind the curtain of Savini’s life. This gets 4 stars all the way as Savini will always be someone I have looked up too then and now.

2) Suck Fest (DVD) – BPO Films is at it again with their latest project which is a documentary or mockumentary (depending how you look at it) about the three talented fellows(Ben, Blake, and Ryan) taking a trip to a horror convention to promote their film “Slaughter Drive”. The film isn’t so much about the convention as much as it is about the three friends’ relationship as it breaks down quickly once they hit the road to the hotel and they lose luggage, stolen credit cards, stuff goes missing, too much coffee, not selling shit at the horror convention, and one of the three thinking they were going to kick each other in the balls to settle a dispute! The film isn’t just funny but a laugh a minute as these fellows show off even more of their comedic side in their documentary (sort of?) as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. THIS WILL BE AVAILABLE AT GROSSFEST 2020 first time ever. Go check out www.bpofilms.com and get to know this great group of independent filmmakers.

3) Direct To Video: Straight to Video Horror of the 90s (DVD) – An excellent documentary from filmmaker Dustin Ferguson who brings together an abundance of critics, actors, and filmmakers to discuss not just their films but how this whole genre got started in the 90s. They discuss their favorites and how Hollywood and media was changing at the times and yes Charles Band gets a lot of credit as I give this really cool documentary 4 stars.

Worst movie I watched of 2020

Necropolis: Legion (On Demand) – Being a Full Moon fan I was very surprised they were reviving or reimaging this lesser known Empire Pictures film from the 80s. With Chris Alexander involved I had some high hopes going in… The movie begins with huge naked boobied women celebrating Satan. Hundreds of years into the future a female author who writes about the ‘dark unknown’ stays at an old farmhouse for her next project. Accidentally cutting her foot and bleeding into the wooden floor she conjures the witch that killed the original farmhouse owner. Now Eva the evil witch haunts the young author. Sorry Chris as much as I respect you this project was bad. It was uneventful and really doesn’t hold a torch to the original which wasn’t something of an accomplished film. If this was a short film… 15 minutes, okay I can see but 60 minutes of agony of an author who wants to be Goth but really isn’t. Nope, next time pass on the project my friend. I do not think the actress was bad as I believe there was nothing to work with as I give this new Full Moon project 0 stars and that is being kind. Sorry Chris I still respect you but this was a bad decision.

(Only mentioning this one for Joe Bob Briggs fans to be warned far in advanced)

Hogzilla (Shudder) – Joe Bob or no Joe Bob this film was terrible and Joe Bob Briggs was correct to rip it during one of his recent shows that had Darcy show it. A news crew heads into the Florida woods (yep, you heard me) to do a story on a rampaging giant mutant hog. Save your time, your effort, and being angry you made yourself watch this and go watch ‘Razorback’ again? Or check out the recent ‘Boar’ with Nathan Jones as this flick was just complete hot garbage and should have stayed lost as I give the 2008 film 0 stars.

Most disappointing film of the year!

Hanukkah (DVD) – It opens up with a man on December 8, 1993 who has slaughtered people during the “Festival of Lights” or Hanukkah but never got to finish. 36 years go by and someone has decided to pick up the killing spree during the Jewish holiday. Some Jewish friends who are not exactly celebrating the Jewish holiday become the targets of this sadistic killer. ‘Hanukkah’ has a wonderful cast to kill for but this holiday horror film is such a misstep as it drags on too long and I was expecting more from the crew behind it. Also there are weird delays during dialogue and a few important scenes that don’t exactly make a lick of sense? Super disappointed with the film and another example of you can have an all-star cast but that doesn’t mean you’ll have an all-star movie as I give it a ½ star.

Gross Movie Reviews #521

Posted on December 7, 2020 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #521

Exorcism at 60000 Feet (DVD) – This is the horror film version of ‘Airplane’ that stars few horror convention all-stars with music from Richard Band. Viet Kong Airways is having its last flight to Vietnam and Father Romero is onboard taking a trip after a tiring exorcism. But noises keep being heard in the cargo area of the plane as the demon spirit of Bill Moseley as hitched a ride and hell-bent on haunting the good father. One by one the demon possesses the passengers on board and kills them in horrific ways as it tries to get closer to the priest. The film has all kinds of political incorrectness good or bad that steals its plot from that ‘Twilight Zone’ episode. The film starts off funny for the first twenty minutes but quickly the joke dies of a horrible dull death causing me to only give this film 1 ½ stars and it stars Lance Henriksen as the pilot for the love of Rutger Hauer.

Spree (On Demand) – Another film that reminds me that I am getting older and it is possible this film is only aimed for a certain small age bracket of audience? Kurt is an average dude who like most young people these days has his whole life on social media or in this case “Kurt’s World”. A streaming channel that barely has double digit followers and Kurt so wants to be internet famous like most young people these days. After many years of trying to have everyone accept him as an internet influencer has a chance meeting with an up and coming comedian that has a hundred thousand followers enters his Uber, oh I mean ‘Spree’ car for a ride. From here he has installed cameras throughout the vehicle recording everything and was already in the process of his plan of becoming a serial killer just for the clicks and follows. Remember kids if you are not trying to be an influencer then you are no one! One day changes it all as Kurt decides to kill his online bully and takeover his feed and the downward murder spree goes from there as it all leads back to the popular comedian he is obsessed with. This of course goes viral. For me I can totally believe this is where society is going anymore just because I have little faith in humanity for how it has been acting recently. But saying that I found the film annoying from the beginning and found the Kurt character super annoying which the filmmaker may have been going for anyway? For all I have said I still believe this film is literally made for a small audience that I am not a part so go figure as I give this unlikable film a ½ star. Wouldn’t be surprised people under the age of 21 feel this is the “Best Movie of 2020?”

The Pact (DVD) – Another sub-par paranormal goobly goo nonsense where a young woman named Annie moves into a family home that is haunted. Instead of leaving of course she needs to know more about her family. If you have read my reviews in the past you know I feel most paranormal films fail to ever impress me because they are usually boring and really do not come up with something interesting or maybe new to make the viewing memorable? There is a few out there I enjoy but I feel studios mass produce this type of cheap thrill more than zombie flicks as I only give this 1 star. If you need to abuse yourself more this film does have sequels… If you care Casper Van Dien shows up in the picture.

The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood (DVD) – This 1980 sex comedy is a prime example of a film that find that niche between porn and a R-rated film that has one very short sex romp. William Warkoff owns a popular Hollywood studio wants his producers to find the next big hit to film and make him millions of dollars as his studio is falling behind in these modern times. They come across this “Happy Hooker” book that would be the perfect project for the studio. Problem is the Happy Hooker herself, Ms. Hollander wants to come to Hollywood from New York and discuss terms and be sure her story is told correctly. The studio doesn’t care for that so once there Ms. Hollander feels she gets the run around. This causes a young and talented grandson to convince Ms. Hollander the film could be made independently. They come up with a script and then come up with how they can get the funds as Hollander’s lawyer and let’s say friends are called in from New York. Of course hijinks ensue with lots of nudity that includes a butt shot from the legendary Adam West! There is a scene I was surprised we didn’t get to see his dong as it came close. Before Skinamax, Viewer’s Choice, and satellite porn channels you had these popular sex comedies that ride the edge of the ratings system as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

After Doomsday (DVD) – Lilith lives in a world that has recently fell apart that she wanders looking for anything that has survived. Biggest problem is she just wanders! No mutants, no assless chaps with motorcycles, any plagues, etc. Just flashbacks of military pilots discussing before they blow up the world and a subplot of Lilith’s husband who knows about the oncoming apocalypse and is trying to get in with the 1%. Yeah I know there isn’t much budget and do not tell me it’s art, but yinz could have fleshed out this subplot with the husband much more to make this film at least watchable. Forgive me but this movie is an undesirable bag of hot garbage that doesn’t even deserve a rating because it is so bad!

Apocalypse Road (DVD) – I am never done abusing myself with bad post-apocalyptic films as I found this film about two sisters wandering the wasteland with a sniper tracking them. As they are chased by the sniper they get separated and make their own ways to the coast as if this will save them both. They were wrong and this was another big waste of my time as not a whole happens except the sniper chasing them from beginning to end and do not care if there was an actual reason as I give it 0 stars.

Castle Freak (Shudder/remake) – So hey kids Fangoria are at it again as they helped reboot another Charles Band classic in “Castle Freak”. The original starred Jeffery Combs and Barbara Crampton and it was directed by Stuart Gordon with a small but vicious cult following for the film. This time a twenty something woman Rebecca and her asshat boyfriend John are in a car accident that causes her to go blind. Meanwhile in Albania the mother she never knew about is keeping a creature in the basement of a castle locked up and whips herself for acknowledging it. The mother passes away and Rebecca inherits the castle and the creature she doesn’t know about. Once there her boyfriend is trying to sell everything quickly and lies to Rebecca whenever he can as he needs drugs again just to deal with the situation. But Becks becomes curious of the castle as she cannot see but constantly hears sounds behind the walls and becomes even more curious when an ancient book is found in her mother’s closet. Once their friends get there from the states to help move stuff the one friend they call the professor begins to read the book and believe Becks isn’t crazy. The book speaks of “The Old Ones” and “Cthulhu” and on top of that the professor discovers the creature in the basement is Becks twin sister from her grandfather and the disgusting rape of her mother. Just like the original it starts off slow but unlike the original I believe this has more plot to give and enjoyed where the climax of the film goes. I liked the original and I liked this film but neither was over the top wonderful as I just believe it does deserve a chance as I give it 3 stars.

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !

Gross Movie Reviews #520

Posted on November 30, 2020 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #520

Wrestlemassacre (DVD) – Brad Twigg turns his short film of the same name into a full feature about a groundskeeper named Randy. Randy is an awkward/shy individual who loves wrestling and literally looks like a smaller version of Bruiser Brody (perfect for the film). His admiring of a customer Becky and another customer’s big breasted wife causes Randy to lose his job but opens an opportunity to jump into wrestling school and live the dream. For Randy the dream comes crashing down when he is laughed at the wrestling school thus causing him to snap! He kills his father and starts a downward spiral into a murder spree of where Randy turns into an insane wrestler hell-bent on wrestling his victim then killing all who wronged him. I absolutely love the concept; Richie Acevedo is perfect in the role of Randy, and love seeing some of the wrestler’s cameos. But Mr. Twigg makes the mistake a lot of independent filmmakers make and that is allowing the film to go on too long. There are whole scenes that could have been sliced out of this 100 minute feature including no one dying until the 53 minute mark of the film. I enjoy this film exists but with some editing I just feel this film could have been so much more for horror fans as I give it 2 stars.

Random Acts of Violence (Shudder) – So there is a comic book about a serial killer called “Slasherman”. Slasherman comic is written by a young man who uses the unsolved killings of the I-90 killer between 1986-1991as inspiration for his idea. He has these visions and puts them to paper. His independent comic is pretty popular but the writer is having issues bringing the comic to a close. So he is hitting the road with his crew to hit up some comic book shops for signings and so on to hopefully he can end this saga he started. But leaving some of his comics at a dying gas station for customers to purchase brings the killer out of retirement who would like to help give Slasherman a true ending? The film has some really nice gory parts but the story feels very uneven and leaves you wanting more but not in a good way… Like the film was missing something from the beginning for that I can only give the film 2 stars.

Resident Evil: Vendetta (DVD) – Another animated stand-alone film in the franchise that just keeps on going whether ‘Resident Evil’ game and horror fans want to or not. I can scream at you about how stupid the live action films are but most of you already know and agree but the animated features have always been a product that showed more love to the games. The animated features and the people behind them always tried to stick with some of the game storylines and characters unlike the live-action films. In this plot the “Umbrella Corporation” is dead but there have been attacks again by the undead. A man who wants revenge for his dead wife perfects the virus for the undead out of the ashes of the Umbrella Corporation and knows how to control the undead to use it as a Bio-weapon. Chris tracks down Leon to help him save a college professor who has the vaccine for the virus and bring down this maniac that just wants to ruin the world. This entry wasn’t nearly as interesting as the other animated entries but it still better than that cow shit they force fed us fans for several years before as I give it 2 stars.

Porno (Shudder) – Another highly anticipated film from Fangoria and Cinestate that takes place with a group of young people working in a movie theater in the early 90s. After a hobo breaks in when the employees are closing the theater for the night a secret basement storage area is found. While looking for the hobo the young employees find a film they want to watch in this secret basement. The hobo runs out and they watch this is weird possibly pornographic psychedelic lost film that these Christian kids have never seen thus unleashing something evil. One by one a succubus tries to tempt them with sex and trying to make their ballsacks explode and oh yeah there is a mangled dong or two. Outside of the fun mangled dong scenes there really isn’t much death going down and what should be a bloodbath of a movie and seems to have quite a few dull moments. The film isn’t a complete mess but also doesn’t make you look forward to a rewatch down the road so stick with ‘Popcorn’ or ‘Midnight Movie’ in the meantime as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Love and Monsters (On Demand) – This fun monster gem is a must see for all audiences as it takes place seven years after the “Monsterapocalypse”. There was an asteroid falling towards Earth. Of course all the governments hurl up all these missiles into space to destroy this rock before impact… it works. Problem is the fallout hitting earth causes all the animals and insects to mutate into large monsters that begin wiping out humanity and force people into underground bunkers. Seven years later Joel is a single bored early twenties dude who cannot help fight the monsters but can make a great minestrone but wants out of the isolation he feels. So he heads out on a mission to find his high school sweetheart Aimee at a bunker on the coast. Along the way he makes friends with Michael Rooker and an eight year old girl who have been living on the surface with the mutated things and teaches Joel some valuable lessons. Joel does find Aimee and there is more to the story but why spoil this amazing creature filled film that you need in your life! This film is sure to be a favorite of most in 2020 as I give 4 stars.

Patchwork (Shudder) – Three women wake up to being stitched together on an exam table with a couple guys talking like this is an everyday thing after being kidnapped at a bar. The three stuck together in the same body must now work together to remember who did this and why? With a couple surprises and a twist along the way the three want their revenge and begin their search for answers with the bar they all remember. They also find love along the way. Think ‘Frankenhooker’ with ‘Re-animator’s’ dark humor and a splash of Peter Jackson and you have a beautiful masterpiece of a dark horror comedy that not enough good words could describe. I would love to say more about the plot but it may ruin some of the surprises throughout the film as I give this gift to the horror genre 4 stars.

Bullets of Justice (On Demand) – Well if you haven’t met your quota on weird ass post-apocalyptic flicks this one will help. We meet Rob and his assistant who hunt Muzzles or human/pig hybrids that were a Nazi experiment during WWII and during WWIII someone perfected. Of course this all goes wrong as the world’s military combine forces to fight a losing battle against the Muzzles. With 70% of the population gone and humans is now the food source for the Muzzles and the holy mother Rob is on the search for the holy mother hides so he can destroy this mess of a world. After his latest assistant is killed he requires the help of his sister with a mustache and the knowledge passed down by their father Danny Trejo to find the ultimate pig/human hybrid and kill it! So just to review we got human/pig hybrids, incest, a sister with a mustache that is never explained, lots of mangled dongs, and a bullet shot through someone’s butthole through the peen to kill someone… okay I am in as I give this hot mess of a film 2 ½ stars.

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !

Gross Movie Reviews #519

Posted on November 24, 2020 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #519

Bloodfist V: Human Target (DVD) – This time around Don “the Dragon” Wilson stars as Jimmy Stanton who wakes up in the hospital with amnesia. The super-hot Denice Duff is paid $500 to go into his room and claim to be his wife to take him home after he wakes. Quickly she gets involved in something much bigger as some mob guys come by at every opportunity to kill Jimmy. As Jimmy tries to figure out who he truly is the NSA comes a knocking to explain he was undercover as part of a Chinese smuggling organization. Not knowing who to believe as usual he goes out on his own with Ms. Duff to clear his name and kill every bad guy in his way! A fun and hilarious direct-to-video bootleg of Steven Segal’s ‘Hard to Kill’ with no real serious villain as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Bloodfist VI: Ground Zero (DVD) – In this entry Don “the Dragon” Wilson is an Air Force officer who is delivering classified material to a missile complex. Instead of a simple delivery he stumbles into a siege in progress on the missile site to set off a nuclear war. Eventually Mr. Wilson makes his way into the highly secured underground facility to save the day as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Bloodfist VII: Manhunt (DVD) – Don “the Dragon” Wilson is Jim in this entry into the series where it teaches you not to pick up strange hot blondes in a bar. After a night with the hot blonde Jim is accused of being a cop murderer and Steven Williams is on the job to track Jim down to bring him to justice. Jim must not only clear his name but bring down the drug ring within the LAPD as I give it 2 stars.

Bloodfist VIII: Hard Way Out (DVD) – The last entry for Mr. Wilson has him as a high school teacher with a past in the CIA that catches up to him. Assassins are out to kill him as part of a cleanup operation as his former boss is expected to be declared the new head of the CIA. He heads over seas to keep his teenage son safe but that only slows the CIA down for a day before they catch back up as I give this last entry for “The Dragon” 2 stars.

Bloodfist 2050 (DVD) – This 2005 entry into the series made eight years after the original series is a Filipino post-apocalyptic film set in L.A. 2050 that begins with some stock footage of 80s Filipino post-apocalyptic films. Then we are introduced to a young man named Alex that when he isn’t banging the local stripper he gets wrapped up in a famous fighting ring. This is supposedly going to help him find his brother’s killer and make some money along the way. The film is kinda of dull and been done before aka the first ‘Bloodfist’ movie, this entry just has a lot more boobage in it as filler scenes with a few strippers dancing as I give it 1 star.

The New Mutants (On Demand) – This was that forgotten or shelved supposedly horror film starring mutants that we all wondered about but weren’t really excited about. If bored, the film isn’t that bad as teenage mutants are sent to an asylum that is funded by the Essex Corporation for scientific research. The teens are told it is for their own good but as a new mutant is introduced into the group they are being haunted by their own fears and must ban together to defeat their fears. This film just comes off as a misfire more than a bad movie and most likely besides being caught up in the whole Fox/Disney takeover was just a rushed project as it seems like the ‘X-men’ phase of superhero films were ending??? Anyway it is still worth a watch if you can’t find much else as I give it 2 stars.

Jiu Jitsu (On Demand) – If your brain needs something like a ‘Hardcore Henry’ to fulfill that feeling this might be the project for it? A weird comic bookish story about an interdimension being that comes to Earth every six years at this ancient temple to fight the best warriors alive. If the warriors disagree or do not fight the being it will just destroy the Earth. Seems simple enough as when all the crazy MTV action fight scenes are not happening with Tony Jaa and others we get just enough crazy Nic Cage to keep you interested till the end. The action film is entertaining and filled with some good fight scenes but the ‘hero’ character of the plot isn’t someone I feel fans will care about and hurts the film overall. I still give it 2 ½ stars for all its action but I would say check out ‘Triple Threat’ before you get ass deep into this movie.

Terminator: Dark Fate (DVD) – You can make fun of me for watching the whole ‘Bloodfist’ series for no reason. But for those who are fans of this series of films you know this series was done after the third entry, correct? ‘Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines’ the most pointless film ever made! This sequel/reboot tries its best to be pointless but really seems to recycle the storyline we just digested in ‘Terminator: Genisys’… I personally just watch the films because of Arnold but if you are just looking for something dumb to watch here you go! Spoiler alert: Skynet does not exist any longer and it is now called Legion. Not saying but just saying this should have been done when they decided to make the third film. Hey Hollywood if you are going to do this again just give us the humans vs. terminators post-apocalyptic war film in 90 minute form otherwise it is just dumb as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Fatman (On Demand) – So what do you do with a super racist actor that may have ruined his career forever? How about have him play the role of Chris Cringle aka Santa Claus. This isn’t your typical holiday film as a young man is given a lump of coal for Christmas and this upsets him to the point of hiring a hitman to kill Santa Claus. If Santa doesn’t have enough to worry about he has to take on a government contract in order to make ends meet so he can continue giving good boys and girls presents once a year. This holiday film goes far off the reservation in this dark comedy to bring a holiday story that is just perfect for us weirdos. Santa isn’t your typical jolly red coat figure we all remember he is portrayed as a normal old guy just trying to get by with what he has. Difference is this Santa has been doing it for hundreds of years and I refuse to describe more of the movie because I like how the story tells you just enough to explain everything quickly to keep the flow going. This holiday gem gets 3 ½ stars and will most likely become a yearly watch for me.

Piranha Sharks (DVD) – Think sea monkeys kids! A science project gone wrong and now the military no longer interested in the project presents a problem: what to do with the piranha sharks? How about sell them as the hottest new product to get through an infomercial? And that is what two weird idea guys come up with as they sell them by the millions becoming rich overnight. But of course things quickly go wrong as the piranha sharks are reproducing out of control and starting to attack people anytime the water is turned on. Not even Jose Canseco pleas for his favorite thing can stop a couple exterminators from coming up with an idea to save New York City! Even a mayor played by Kevin Sorbo (who is Winnie the Poohing it around the office) hopes the exterminators come up with an idea to save them all before all out nuclear assault as I give the entertaining film 3 stars.

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !

Gross Movie Reviews #518

Posted on November 17, 2020 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #518

Frankenstein Created Woman (DVD) – A wonderfully crafted Hammer twist on the Universal classic that stars Peter Cushing as the Baron of course. The Baron with his injured hands has an assistant who is also a doctor but feels the Baron is far superior in his thinking of the human anatomy. The Baron’s goal is to ‘conquer death’… Where have you heard that before? He believes he has come up with an invention that holds onto the soul and transfers it to a different body while the other body is being repaired. The Baron’s younger assistant is excused of murder and is to be executed by beheading. The young man’s girlfriend sees this and throws herself from a bridge both dying about the same time. The Baron of course uses this to prove his experiment works. Things are quiet afterward as the experiment seems to work perfectly fine until murders of those who are the true murderers begin to happen. This film ends on an excellent horrific climax that makes the movie for myself and I am sure many others a regular watch in their collections as I give it 4 stars.

From Beyond the Grave (DVD) – An anthology from the early 70s that stars Peter Cushing as an old antiques dealer who sells possible cursed objects to the public (Thank you Friday the 13^th TV series). The film feels like a TV movie of sorts that also has a who’s who of UK actors. People come into the shop to purchase an item with the wrong intentions and meet a grisly doom as I give this fun treat 3 stars.

Stairs (On Demand) – Just in case you go looking for this newer flick it also under the title ‘Black OPS’. A small military strike team is warned by a dying woman “Don’t go down…” but the team forges ahead anyway. With the mission done and the team returning to base things are not as they appear as they keep opening doors to the mission they just accomplished and continuing to walk stairs to nowhere. One by one each of them die but is this hell? A different dimension? Can they correct the wrong? This is one of those projects that can be tough to pull off as there are some good things here and bad. Biggest issue is the film does get dull quickly which I believe hurts a rewatch of the project as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Bloodfist (DVD) – Don “the Dragon” Wilson stars in this Corman produced bootleg of the popular ‘Bloodsport’. Wilson/Jake gets some bad news from Manila where his brother has been kickboxing and may have gotten in with the wrong people. Jake finds out his brother was killed by the “Red Fist” boxing club and now wants revenge but the only way for him to accomplish that is enter the “Ta Chang” or the competition that is to the death. This film did not age well and hell now looking back was not a good bootleg version of JCVD’s ‘Bloodsport’ as I give this 1 star.

Bloodfist II (DVD) – Don “the Dragon” Wilson returns as Jake the Kickboxing champ of the world who is trying to help out an old friend but gets kidnapped for some secret death tournament. Or as I like to call it bootleg ‘Bloodsport 2’. The action and the fights are much better choreographed for this sequel. The film is not nearly as choppy or lagged down as the first film but if you are going for early 90s action choices there is still much better to pick from as I give this sequel 2 stars.

Bloodfist III: Forced to Fight (DVD) – So now the series shifts away from the death tournaments for Don “the Dragon” Wilson and he’s playing a different character named Jimmy. Jimmy finds himself in prison and his cellmate is Richard Roundtree and oh yeah Jimmy just happens to be the issue of the civil unrest inside the prison. Jimmy just killed a main drug supplier inside the prison after killing a friend of Jimmy’s. Jimmy now must fight for his life around every corner as the warden likes to treat all the inmates as animals to keep them on edge. Again improvement over the first two movies as there is much more action and feels like there was an actual story here as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Bloodfist IV: Die Trying (DVD) – Don “the Dragon” Wilson and the lovely Amanda Wyss star in this action film about Danny repossessing cars and his 10 year old daughter not happy with it. But one afternoon after he gets a BMW back to the office his crew gets shot up by some unhappy fellows looking for Easter candy. Now Danny must find out why as he is on the run from authorities and find out why they have kidnapped his daughter? This seems to be ‘Bloodfist’ hitting its direct-to-video stride as in the early 90s you could find almost every week a new movie like this starring JCVD, Dolph Lundgren, etc., as I give the fourth entry in this series 2 ½ stars.

Tarantula (DVD) – This mid-50s B-movie classic is famous for two things: the giant spider attacking the desert town and Clint Eastwood making an appearance as a jet fighter pilot in the film. Anyhow a couple of scientists are using radioactive isotopes as part of their experiments that makes everything grow. After a struggle with his partner a giant spider gets loose and starts feasting on the local cattle as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Alien Presence (DVD) – In another tale of shirtless sexy males David DeCoteau brings us a story about college students brought to a government house where a young man is in a coma to be studied. What they all don’t know is the young coma patient is an alien named Wilks. A young scientist (Dr. Lyons) awakens the being and shuts off communication to see what happens or a controlled experiment. No cool death scenes, hell no one really dies but as usually if you need to fill your quota on shirtless males or unusually long shower scenes by males then this is the film for you as I give 0 stars. Sorry David I like my horror movies to have someone dying but again this is no ‘D.B. Cooper vs. Bigfoot’?

Direct To Video: Straight to Video Horror of the 90s (DVD) – An excellent documentary from filmmaker Dustin Ferguson who brings together an abundance of critics, actors, and filmmakers to discuss not just their films but how this whole genre got started in the 90s. They discuss their favorites and how Hollywood and media was changing at the times and yes Charles Band gets a lot of credit as I give this really cool documentary 4 stars.

Assassin X (DVD) – A promising action film starring everyone from B-movie fame where Olivier Gruener is Steele. Steele is an assassin that does not kill with guns or knives but his chemistry degree. First half of the movie plays out like a bad version of ‘The Mechanic’ and the second half just goes completely south as Steele tries to walk away from the business to bang a young lady that is twice as young as him and his boss is not happy. Love the cast of the film but was super disappointed in what the film was as it could have been so much more fun as I give it 0 stars.

Dinner With a Vampire (DVD) – A thousand year old vampire is awakened by a film crew only to be eaten by the vamp of course. Several years later the old vampire (Mr. Jurek) is a famous horror movie director who has grown old of his life. So for his latest project producers cast four new stars that is to meet at Jurek’s home to kill him. Jurek explains to the budding young stars that he is tired of the routine of being undead. The newbie stars must either kill Jurek before dawn or eventually become bloodsuckers themselves. There is some corny fun humor to the flick but be warned no one dies as I give the film 2 stars.

Return to Splatter Farm (DVD) – 33 years has passed since the S.O.V. classic was unleashed and we finally have a sequel that involves the Polonias again. A young woman named Bobbi has inherited the “Death Farm”. So Bobbi and a few friends head out to the infamous farm to decide what she wants to do with the property. With their presence it does not take long for Jeremy to be awaken and slaughtering young humans again. It is a fun and relaxing take on the original that doesn’t disappoint S.O.V. fans as I give it 3 stars.

Becky (On Demand) – We have two parallel stories going on in this deliciously brutal film that centers on a young girl named Becky. First, Becky and her father are in disagreement as usual since her mother’s death. Now, it is being forced upon her that dad has found a new woman and wants to be a family. Second, we are introduced to a couple of inmates who are super Neo-Nazis that have escaped transport heading to this isolated home in the woods looking for a hidden key. After another argument Becky runs off into the woods shortly after the inmates come a knocking for some bad ass mean shit to go down. The Neo-Nazis find out that Becky has the key so they try to make a deal but Becky refuses after watching her father being killed. From there we go into a downward spiral into some brutal scenes of revenge as Becky fights back. We get a sick eye gouge that requires the eye being snipped off, a new way to use school pencils, and a little girl (Becky) getting heart punched! The film is just plain screwed up and I loved it as don’t be surprised this sneaks its way into my “2020 top ten” as I give it 4 stars.

Sputnik (On Demand) – It is 1983 and two cosmonauts are doing the usually checks during their space mission when something happens. Their ship crash lands and Russian authorities find one alive and one dead. They are brought to a secret facility and a psychologist is brought into evaluate Konstantin Veshnyakov the lone survivor. But the military let the psychologist in on something Veshnyakov has brought something back with him and this is why the hero has not been allowed to go out in public in Moscow. It is a slithering being that will eat humans to survive. The good doctor intrigue by how the being and the cosmonaut are surviving she digs deeper what is exactly going on? The Russian military of course want her to figure out how to separate the two so they can use the alien being for military use. This slow burn Russian flick has its horror moments and does not go exactly the way I thought which makes this an excellent find horror fans as I give it 3 stars.

Tremors: Shrieker Island (DVD) – Burt Gummer is back one more time to fight Graboids as Richard Brake has brought in juiced up Graboids to hunt on a private island. When the hunt doesn’t go so well and people who are indigenous to the island are in trouble it is Gummer brought to the rescue. But the Graboids and shriekers are juiced up so their behavior is different making much more difficult for Burt including not having much in weapons. As usual a lot of fun, cool Graboids, and you can never get enough of Burt Gummer as I give the film 3 stars.

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !

Gross Movie Reviews #516

Posted on October 14, 2020 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #516

Island of Terror (DVD) – This mid-60s film has Peter Cushing as a doctor who takes an expedition crew to a remote island where a boneless body was found. Once there he and his crew must take on these blob-like creatures that suck bone out of humans and multiplying quickly. Cushing and crew must act quickly in finding a way to kill these odd creatures or they will take over the island. It seems very B-movieish for Peter Cushing if that is a thing? As I give the creature flick 2 stars.

Terminal Invasion (DVD) – The 2002 SyFy Channel or Sci-fi channel film that seems all to be lost (DVD has been out of print for years and I believe it played twice on SyFy then nothing since???) It stars Bruce Campbell as a death row prisoner named Jack who is being transported for some unknown reason by two officers through a snowstorm. The transport gets into an accident and forced to walk to the nearest shelter which happens to be a small charter plane service that is piloted by the smoking hot and talented actress Chase Masterson. Problem Jack and the officers encounter an alien in the restroom and when the alien dies it disappears and all is left is Jack and two dead officers. This of course spells disaster for our hero Jack but all that are waiting for the snow to let up because who is human and whose not? Yeah I know sounds a little like John Carpenter’s ‘The Thing’ but Sean Cunningham gets the best out of Campbell and Masterson in this little known but exciting feature about aliens in a small airport as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Space Ninjas (DVD) – Do not adjust your television as Dirk Benedict aka Jack Strange guides you through a low budget story of five students in detention. They become trapped by “Space Ninjas” as these interdimension beings appear inside the school and begin to slice all who make noise as they are blind. Stanlei the skater girl is the leader of the detention misfits and must try to keep her new friends together to survive the night of slicing and dicing. And if Stanlei is lucky they will solve the problem of killing the Space Ninjas. Think low budget, international, ‘Breakfast Club’… with cosplaying ninjas. A lot to swallow there folks but this international flick is truly entertaining and a bright spot in sometimes a bloated genre of wannabes as I give it 3 stars. Thank you to James Peter Cox for pointing out this 2019 gem exists.

Ghost Killers vs. Bloody Mary (DVD) – A small group of so-called internet influencers who just happen to be supernatural hunters are looking for credibility. So after a recent death of a student at a high school they take on the case and begin to investigate the supposedly “Bloody Mary” haunting in the school bathroom. The group believes they can solve the issue quickly but the spirit is vengeful and brutally slaughters one of the supernatural friends sending them and the investigation into chaos as they must really face the supernatural for real. Super bloody at times, there is a killer turd, cannibalism, a condom joke all point to the Brazilian film being influenced to Peter Jackson’s early work as they try for laughs throughout. Glad this flick was uncovered and passed on to me as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Vampires vs. The Bronx (Netflix) – A teenager known as “Little Mayor” is having a block party for Tony’s Bodega or a place he has grown up and the rent has been raised to force the Bodega to close. See the Bronx is changing and not for the good according to most of the community but some are taking the money from the real estate company “Murnau” to buy up all the property. Only thing no one sees them leave the Bronx just more Murnau property signs. One night the Little Mayor happens to see a vamp biting into a gang banger and spends most of his time trying to convince his two best friends that vampires are here in the Bronx feeding on the residents for their property. Once Miguel gets them on board it is up to the three to fight the vamps or be arrested and in trouble with their parents. It felt like a good mix of ‘Attack the Block’ and ‘The Lost Boys’ with enough comedy to keep the story light but moving along quick. I can easily see this as a family Halloween horror flick that people check in on every year around this time as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Voodoo Woman (DVD) – The 1957 B-flick has an expedition trekking through the Amazon looking for gold and just so happen to stumble upon a lost tribe that protects gold as part of their religion. But a doctor has already beaten them to the punch of being there and uses the tribe for his experiments into voodoo. Marilyn who leads the expedition is willing to kill even it’s her own party to have the gold but the doctor has other plans for her. The black and white film isn’t too exciting but is interesting to watch as it was rare to see films with such a strong female lead. Marilyn character not only can hold her own but becomes the monster the tribe feared to begin with as I give the film 2 stars.

The Ghoul (DVD) – Boris Karloff in a non-Universal film is a dying professor/Egyptologist who has dedicated his life to his study of it and has arranged a certain way to be buried once dead. What is important is this jewel he has be buried in the tomb with him so he can hand it to the spirit of Anubis. But in death and burial his servant screws him over and steals the jewel setting in motion not only Karloff coming back to life and escaping the tomb looking for the jewel… But also several people there for the strange funeral are pointing the finger at each other of who has stolen the jewel. Karloff’s character will not rest until he is able to hand it off to Anubis! Not the best of Karloff’s work, but like any horror movie that has Vincent Price, Peter Cushing, or a Bruce Campbell I will watch it at least once as I give it 2 stars.

Scare Me (DVD) – So this week I learned there is two movies of the same name made in the same year. One is a Shudder exclusive the other is this feature I watched, a low budget Indy film from out west. Some young campers head out to a campsite to enjoy hanging with friends and tell ghost stories. They meet a nice forest ranger who helps them with tents and such. But as the night progresses the forest ranger becomes disgusted with the lack of good ghost stories as he awaits his turn to tell his story. There really weren’t any ghosts… There were stories of vampires, zombies, a killer babysitter, and S+M until of course forest ranger murders them all. The film isn’t bad but far from being any good as the characters seemed awkward at times and the flow of the anthology or playing with the rules of an anthology just seem to be something that has been covered one too many times. Again the film is not terrible but very forgettable as I give the film 1 ½ stars.

The Black Sleep (DVD) – All-star cast in this mid-50s horror film led by Basil Rathbone as a doctor that is looking into other means of furthering brain surgery. His methods are considered illegal but he claims he has made breakthroughs as he helps a fellow doctor out of prison before he hangs for a crime he did not commit. The good doctor has practice patients that he performs brain surgery on in hopes of discovering the cure for his wife’s brain tumor thanks to his gypsy friend. But the gypsy friend soon is being investigated by Scotland Yard as people are disappearing from London. A fun quick B-movie with an all-star cast that needs to be seen as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !

Gross Movie Reviews #515

Posted on October 1, 2020 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #515

Psycho Ape! (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer 2020 has sucked a huge bag of dicks! But folks I believe we have been given the film we need to make it through this slow ass death they call a pandemic. It is a low budget film from the great minds of Addison Binek, Steve Albers, and Greg DeLiso whose passion for independent projects is off the scale! If you have heard me speak the name of Addison Binek then you know I feel this is one talented dude. For example: when I take over SyFy Channel or Full Moon he would my “second-in-charge” or if there was someone that I would trust with Lloyd’s legacy it would be Mr. Binek. Some will feel this film is senseless but some like me will enjoy this hilarious Troma throwback laughing their balls off several times throughout the feature. Let me tell you a little about this ‘Psycho Ape’ film. Supposedly 25 years ago this dude in a cheap ape costume (cough, cough) I mean murderous ape escapes The Detroit Zoo and comes upon an unsuspecting teenage slumber party. The killer ape goes bananas on the young ladies leaving only one survivor Nancy Banana. I personally was hoping it would be Hannah Banana for some reason because some kind of weird PornHub dream I had last night after watching the film but that is for a different conversation. Nancy Banana is thrown off course from her life dream of being the next Jane Goodall because this gorilla’s murder spree of her friends but 25 years later she gets to be friends with this crazed hairy killer. But if Dr. ZOOmis has anything to say about he will he won’t let another 25 years of tracking down this deadly ape and several deaths later from breaking up the relationship between Nancy and Psycho Ape. The movie is hilarious, complete chaos, and like a lost film never released from Troma in the mid-80s and for that I am happy to report this treat of a film deserves 3 ½ out of 4 stars. And take my word on this I can see this following the same path as the ‘Leprechaun’ series or maybe not?

Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (DVD) – Many people also know it as ‘The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue’ but that doesn’t stop it from being a popular zombie flick among horror fans. George an antiques dealer heads out to the country to get away from people and industry for the weekend but that is thrown into chaos when a ditzy woman named Christina backs over his bike. Together the two head out to Christina’s sisters’ place. Things go bad when Christina cannot stop talking about the beast that came from her. The two arrive to find the sister in hysterics and the husband dead and cop only believes “the damn hippie”, George is capable of doing the dirty deed. Now the two must stick around for the investigation but after some of their own research George believes it is the ultra-sonic radioactive device being used experimentally to kill insects on a farm is the cause. Got some gore, got some unstoppable zombies, and we got a cop that always believes the hippie did it so I am in as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Youngblood (DVD) – A late 70s film that feels like a Blaxploitation at the beginning turns into a serious gang film halfway with a twist that will have everyone feeling bad when it’s over. A look into a 15 year old black teenager named Junior but nicknamed Youngblood who feels in order to fit he needs to join a gang. Mom doesn’t approve and Youngblood cannot live up to older brother’s success of becoming a respectable banker. But things take a dark twist when Youngblood’s gang fined one of their own dying from drugs in a bowling alley bathroom. Now Youngblood and the gang want revenge and it takes Youngblood down a path of sadness he wasn’t expecting as everything is as good as it seems. Give the flick 2 ½ stars.

Blood Delirium (DVD) – So maybe it has been a few minutes since you were disgusted by a movie, a relative, or something on the news like politics? Well I give you this lesser known creepy Eye-talian film where an artist’s old butler starts bumping uglies with his dead wife and doesn’t fire him let alone stab him in the freaking testicles. Nope we get this sleazy ass artist and his disgusting butler to dig up his dead wife a year later for inspiration. When that doesn’t work the way the artist wants he goes meet a doppelganger of his wife that only makes the movie weirder if that was even possible? I give this off the charts sleaze 2 ½ stars just for making me wondering what the hell was gonna happen next…

The Night of the Hunter (DVD) – Robert Mitchum proves in 1955 you can play one evil son of a bitch that comes off crazy but yet so brilliant and unmatched. Mitchum is Harry Powell, supposedly a preacher who is doing 30 days in jail with a man named Ben who just got life for robbery and shooting a couple innocent folks. Ben hid the $10,000 with his two young kids. Harry tries to get it out of him before his execution but fails. Backup plan Powell heads to Ben’s home once released and sleaze his ass in the door with the struggling single mom of two to learn of the whereabouts of the money. When the kids are not cooperating Powell gets mean and sadistic and his mean streak has no end. Powell chases the children down river into another home only be blocked by a stubborn older woman who takes orphans in. For 1955 it might not sound like much but I dare you to watch Robert Mitchum put on a performance of an evil human scumbag and not be impressed as I give the film 3 ½ stars.

The Night of the Hunter (DVD/remake) – In 1991 TV decided the movie needed updated not understanding two things: first, this story just doesn’t work in present day (1991) as the original was set during the depression. Second, Richard Chamberlain is a great choice for a movie like this but the role was already done perfectly by Robert Mitchum which made me get real bored when viewing this remake. I gave it a legit try but sorry if you see the original first there really isn’t anyway to improve as I give this remake 1 star.

Artic Predator (DVD) – Apparently I missed a SyFy Channel feature about a decade ago that stars Dean Cain in a bootleg of a bootleg of a bootleg version of John Carpenter’s ‘The Thing’. Dean Cain must defend himself and others against an alien made of gas from one of Jupiter’s rings that his team unearthed exploring for lost ships in the Artic. Dumb…? Maybe, but you know I wasn’t passing it up with a title like that as I give it 1 star.

Night Monster (DVD) – An early 40s Universal film about a handicapped man who has invited doctors to his creepy ass mansion that oh yeah has Bela Lugosi as the butler! Little the doctors know is that the man blames them for his condition and has planned for their arrival as death is happening inside the mansion and outside and nowhere to escape. Cheesy and a little dull at times but explanation at the end of the film makes it a well worth watch as I give it 2 stars.

Antrum: The Deadliest Film Ever Made (DVD) – A mockumentary of sorts as its set up is producers, convention promoters, etc. being interviewed about this lost film from 1979 that is rumored to kill anyone that has viewed it. The film was sent to several festivals but after all the unfortunate events ‘Antrum’ becomes banned, lost, cursed, but disappeared until now. After this introduction we get the film about a kid who cannot deal with the death of his dog and his mom told him the pet went to hell. So to help get over it his older sister takes the kid to the middle of the forest to dig a hole to hell. Well guess what shit goes wrong and gets weird! Because once you begin your journey into the five layers of hell there is no coming back. I enjoyed the concept and know I will catch flack for this but felt disappointed in the end. The film is far from terrible but for me at least I just don’t think it was executed well as I give it 2 stars.

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

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Gross Movie Reviews #514

Posted on September 22, 2020 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #514

Naked Cannibal Campers (Blu-ray) – The latest from one of the hardest working independent filmmakers, Sean Donohue who is based out of Florida. Three young guys go out for the usual “let’s get drunk and fishing weekend” and just happen to have a cabin near three young ladies. But these ladies are not just your average hotties, they just so happen to be witches who are looking for dinner which is usually human. Meanwhile a weird one-eyed warlock stalks the woods trying to save potential victims but stumbles upon a young man whose girlfriend was the latest to fall under the witches’ spell. The warlock trains the young man to use his new found power to help defeat the beautiful cannibal witches as the witches feast on the three young men. Boobs, buckets of blood and a hilarious cannibal plotline make for an entertaining feature from Mr. Donohue as he has a formula for his projects and it works as I give this project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Santo in the Revenge of La Llorona (DVD) – A professor asks Santo for his assistance in retrieving a necklace from a mummy that happens to have a map enclosed that will show the way to a treasure. Which of course the professor claims he will donate the treasure to museums and children’s hospitals in Mexico. But doing this expedition they must face off with the spirit of La Llorona who is protecting the necklace. This Santo feature didn’t seem to be as much fun as some of the others I have watched recently so I only give it 1 ½ stars.

Wicked World (DVD) – Barry J. Gillis best known for his various roles in and on 1989s ‘Things’ took a stab at directing this Indy Canadian feature. We are introduced to an insane serial killer who was sent over the edge after the suicide of his three daughters. He narrates his murders he has committed from his wheelchair in an asylum. Harold was only caught when he killed off a cop’s ex-girlfriend. Harold uses bats, guns, whatever he can use to terrorize the residents of Toronto. Barry’s film is literally a mess of a film that while researching ‘Wicked World’ found Barry being quoted that “he wished the film would have stayed buried” it that bad. I really believe even the die-hard Indy supporters will find it hard to watch as I give it a ½ star.

Six Days in Roswell (Blu-ray) – The same crew that was behind the cult hit ‘Trekkies’ quickly took its next aim at making a documentary about the alien capital of the world: Roswell, New Mexico. In 1997, the 50^th anniversary of the famous alien crash landing the crew follows a man named Rich from Minnesota who is living a lifelong dream of visiting Roswell. Rich’s goal is to gather information from all the people visiting there during the great celebration and see how he can get abducted by aliens. So Rich decides to use this dream for research how he can make it easier for him to be abducted. Rich takes in and interviews: alien experts, live debates about aliens, bands that just sing songs about aliens, costume contests, conventions, everything about the alien abduction culture. There is no faking the reactions and answers he gets when interviewing people about aliens. It is a wonderful look into how serious humans do take this interesting subject. Bonus to the documentary is the commentary by the director, producer, and star Rich explaining more behind the idea of doing the project but also giving you more info about some of the characters Rich talked to that didn’t make the cut. If you are even at all interested in aliens this upgrade for the 2001 documentary is an absolute treat to watch as I give it 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

Suckers (Blu-ray) – A bigger budgeted project for filmmaker Roger Nygard after gaining some critical success with two documentaries that turn some heads. The film newly transferred to Blu-ray is about a man named Bobby who is in some major debt with some shady guys who really would like their money with interest immediately. Bobby not really excited about taking a job as a car salesman but only after his wife played by Lori Loughlin threatens to leave and meets Reggie. Reggie is the guy who trains all the salesmen and pushes them to sell every car for outrageous amounts of money by any means they can. Reggie wants to screw over the customer as much as possible. What feels like another version of “Used Cars” quickly turns into something else in the last quarter of the film when a $10,000 bonus is introduced for whoever sells the most cars in a month, drug dealers, a disgruntled employee, and the shady guys that force Bobby to rob his new place of employment or die? The Reggie character will feel way too over the top at times but in the long run of the film there is a point to him and how it all ties in nicely with an action-packed ending. The Blu-ray comes with a new transfer of the film, deleted scenes, raw takes, a trailer, and commentary of course. Without the recent disaster Lori Loughlin and family caused in Hollywood with famous kids going to college this film most likely gets looked over? But hey enjoy this diamond in the rough dark comedy as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !

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