Gross Movie Reviews #546

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Gross Movie Reviews #546

The Manson Family Massacre (DVD) – Or as I would to call this film “crap we already knew”… Anyway the film is set in 1992 after reacting the beginning of ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ with the Manson Family murders we are introduced to a young female musician who is looking to go darker with her music. Of course she lives in the place where the murders took place and it gets a little paranormal from there as the film does flashbacks of the Manson Family dealing with their drug deals and the fallout from them. Blah, blah blah, yinz all know the stories by now. There isn’t anything knew other than the short film about the musician that doesn’t know she is dreaming with most of the film being a reenactment like it was on the ID channel or something. I hate to say it folks but this crap can eat donkey shit as I give 0 stars.

Swim (Tubi) – Joey Lawrence and family are heading to their favorite rental property on the coast for a month of vacation. When they arrive the family quickly realizes their property manager dude sucks at his job and fixed nothing! And oh yeah there is a shark randomly stalking their vacation home but what else would you expect from a cheap boring Asylum flick. Yes kids a storm begins and soon the horrible stalker, the shark jumps into the home where the family is trapped and is forced to fend off the fiend until help comes since they didn’t know to leave during a horrible storm? As the water rises I’d hope for people to be eaten by this ridiculous shark but the body count is super low and boring. This is prime example of why I get more excited for random shark films ‘Shark Exorcist’ and ‘Ouija Shark’ as I give this 0 stars.

Bats the Awakening (DVD) – Apparently this UK film couldn’t afford Lou Diamond Phillips and went ahead anyway to establish a killer bat film with two guys sharing a girl in an abandoned home… Wait, what did PornHub make a horror movie? No fellow yinzers they did not but I will give kudos for one of the weirdest openings to a horror movie I have seen in quite some time as it made me question if I had the right film on. Anyhow a family returns to the family home (this wasn’t fully explained in the film plot but IMDB claimed there was a toxic spill, but there wasn’t anyone else in this village, Chernobyl???) They quickly figure out they must battle it out with the bat creature that lives in the attic or they should of just called Lou Diamond Phillips anyway as I give the film 1 star.

Black Friday (DVD) – An interesting thriller for oldie but goodie movie fans that stars Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff. A gangster has his brain transplanted into another man’s body to save a doctor’s friend. Of course there are side effects and the gangster has some debts to settle. Not a horror movie at all but this dynamitic duo is well worth the effort to seek out and enjoy as I give it 3 stars.

Naked Girl Murdered in the Park (DVD) – A supposedly long lost giallo from 1972 that recently got a release from Full Moon of all places. An older fellow has just taken out a huge ass insurance policy and within hours is found dead on an amusement ride. The insurance company is super curious and does not wanna pay out the dough as they begin their own investigation aside from the local authorities. The daughter of the man who seems to benefit the most from this death keeps getting strange phone calls and just wants to why her father was even at an amusement park. As the insurance investigator gets in deep with the family including the daughter and her sister (again is this another plot from PornHub or was this film already predicting the future of internet porn?!) he proceeds to finds answers but the bodies are also dropping. Giallos are not my usual cup of tea but I kind of liked this one as I gotta give it 2 ½ stars.

Blood Red Sky (DVD) – Think ’30 Days of Night’ on an airplane as the wife described it which I agree with her and that does not happen often. A plane lands in Scotland because the threat of terrorists and authorities has the plane surrounded with a boy coming out of the cargo hold area and no one else. Then the movie back tracks several hours to show how we got to this point. The plane leaves its destination with no issues as the film centers around a boy and his mother. The mother is heading to America with her child for a treatment that could help her with the rare condition she has… being a vampire! Anyhow Dominic Purcell and other hijackers have a different plan as they take over the plane once over the ocean and plan to blow it up once they have gotten what they came for. The mother is shot during the fracas trying to protect the boy and believes to be dead but her vampire powers kick in and you would have thought Dominic Purcell would have seen this coming? ‘Blade III’ folks he should know better?  Once the vampire powers kick in the mother is all about kicking ass or eating hijackers to protect the boy. One problem she spread her virus to a complete psycho hijacker who turns some of his crew into immortals which led to me screaming at the TV a couple times, “we got to get these mother fucking vampires off the mother fucking plane”! Great story, lots of gore, the film runs a little long but another under the radar horror film out there that horror fans should be more than happy to eat up as I give it 3 stars.

Santo: The Fist of Death (DVD) – An early 80s Santo flick that was super boring as sisters fight over something cosmic called “The Almighty Star” and they talk to a C-3PO head that is their god. Meanwhile, Santo or man with no face comes to fulfill the prophecy but must ride a boat for what seemed 75% of the film before he faces off with the Gold Power Ranger which lasts a whole 30 seconds. This was super lame compared to past Santo films where he is suplexing werewolves in caves as I can only give this a ½ star.

A Dark Song (DVD) – Before all the ‘Hereditary’ bullshit there was this lesser known Irish horror film that made a splash at the festivals a few years ago. A woman who recently lost her child which we do not learn how exactly until later in the film is renting a home to set up a ritual. But not just any ritual, but something that deals with angels and demons and shit where she must set up everything perfectly and hires a man who has claimed to do three of these so-called rituals. This is all so this woman can see and talk to her son again as it has been beyond devastating loss she cannot get over. Sophia must painfully follow the procedure to go through each stage and follow instructions without question since this process can take months? As the torture becomes unbearable she is about to bail but quickly learns she must finish the ritual. If looking for crazy creatures and gore you will be watching this for the wrong reasons. Looking for a story driven horror film that literally focuses in on two characters to carry it for over 90 minutes this will the film you have been looking for as I give it 2 ½ stars.    

The Last Mercenary (On Demand) – JCVD does it again in this action/comedy where he plays an old school mercenary named Richard who after 25 years comes out of hiding because a local dunce of a Paris police officer has made a clerical error on purpose. He stops monthly payments to a guy named Archie who just happens to be Richard’s son but doesn’t know it and has lost immunity from everything that he didn’t know he had. See a gangster who has watched ‘Scarface’ way too many times as stolen his identity so he can stay in France and sell drugs and the Paris police and government are involved also. Once Richard is back, he must save his son and stop the government or one dude that is still upset Richard plowed his wife 25 years ago before they all die! A hilarious French action/comedy that I could not stop laughing from beginning to end as I give JCVD’s latest venture 3 stars.

Lost in Cleveland (YouTube) – Steve Rudzinski’s latest short film about Ben and Blake who are “business partners” that travel to Cleveland for a movie gig? Ben is the actor and Blake is the partner that wanted to come along but bored as his partner can be out for long hours or days at a time during these movie shoots. Blake meets Steve the filmmaker while lurking around sadly around the hotel. The two hit it off immediately and discuss how they are very similar in how they view their relationships right now and decide to spend lots of time together. This 19 minute short is brilliant and for Indy fans who have not seen any of Steve’s past work this would be a great introduction to Steve Rudzinski and BPO films project libraries as they are some of the best talent the Indy film world has to offer as I give this 4 out of 4 stars! This and more can be found at www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #516

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Gross Movie Reviews #516

 

Island of Terror (DVD) – This mid-60s film has Peter Cushing as a doctor who takes an expedition crew to a remote island where a boneless body was found. Once there he and his crew must take on these blob-like creatures that suck bone out of humans and multiplying quickly. Cushing and crew must act quickly in finding a way to kill these odd creatures or they will take over the island. It seems very B-movieish for Peter Cushing if that is a thing? As I give the creature flick 2 stars.

 

Terminal Invasion (DVD) – The 2002 SyFy Channel or Sci-fi channel film that seems all to be lost (DVD has been out of print for years and I believe it played twice on SyFy then nothing since???) It stars Bruce Campbell as a death row prisoner named Jack who is being transported for some unknown reason by two officers through a snowstorm. The transport gets into an accident and forced to walk to the nearest shelter which happens to be a small charter plane service that is piloted by the smoking hot and talented actress Chase Masterson. Problem Jack and the officers encounter an alien in the restroom and when the alien dies it disappears and all is left is Jack and two dead officers. This of course spells disaster for our hero Jack but all that are waiting for the snow to let up because who is human and whose not? Yeah I know sounds a little like John Carpenter’s ‘The Thing’ but Sean Cunningham gets the best out of Campbell and Masterson in this little known but exciting feature about aliens in a small airport as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Space Ninjas (DVD) – Do not adjust your television as Dirk Benedict aka Jack Strange guides you through a low budget story of five students in detention. They become trapped by “Space Ninjas” as these interdimension beings appear inside the school and begin to slice all who make noise as they are blind. Stanlei the skater girl is the leader of the detention misfits and must try to keep her new friends together to survive the night of slicing and dicing. And if Stanlei is lucky they will solve the problem of killing the Space Ninjas. Think low budget, international, ‘Breakfast Club’… with cosplaying ninjas. A lot to swallow there folks but this international flick is truly entertaining and a bright spot in sometimes a bloated genre of wannabes as I give it 3 stars. Thank you to James Peter Cox for pointing out this 2019 gem exists.

Ghost Killers vs. Bloody Mary (DVD) – A small group of so-called internet influencers who just happen to be supernatural hunters are looking for credibility. So after a recent death of a student at a high school they take on the case and begin to investigate the supposedly “Bloody Mary” haunting in the school bathroom. The group believes they can solve the issue quickly but the spirit is vengeful and brutally slaughters one of the supernatural friends sending them and the investigation into chaos as they must really face the supernatural for real. Super bloody at times, there is a killer turd, cannibalism, a condom joke all point to the Brazilian film being influenced to Peter Jackson’s early work as they try for laughs throughout. Glad this flick was uncovered and passed on to me as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Vampires vs. The Bronx (Netflix) – A teenager known as “Little Mayor” is having a block party for Tony’s Bodega or a place he has grown up and the rent has been raised to force the Bodega to close. See the Bronx is changing and not for the good according to most of the community but some are taking the money from the real estate company “Murnau” to buy up all the property. Only thing no one sees them leave the Bronx just more Murnau property signs. One night the Little Mayor happens to see a vamp biting into a gang banger and spends most of his time trying to convince his two best friends that vampires are here in the Bronx feeding on the residents for their property. Once Miguel gets them on board it is up to the three to fight the vamps or be arrested and in trouble with their parents. It felt like a good mix of ‘Attack the Block’ and ‘The Lost Boys’ with enough comedy to keep the story light but moving along quick. I can easily see this as a family Halloween horror flick that people check in on every year around this time as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Voodoo Woman (DVD) – The 1957 B-flick has an expedition trekking through the Amazon looking for gold and just so happen to stumble upon a lost tribe that protects gold as part of  their religion. But a doctor has already beaten them to the punch of being there and uses the tribe for his experiments into voodoo. Marilyn who leads the expedition is willing to kill even it’s her own party to have the gold but the doctor has other plans for her. The black and white film isn’t too exciting but is interesting to watch as it was rare to see films with such a strong female lead. Marilyn character not only can hold her own but becomes the monster the tribe feared to begin with as I give the film 2 stars.

 

The Ghoul (DVD) – Boris Karloff in a non-Universal film is a dying professor/Egyptologist who has dedicated his life to his study of it and has arranged a certain way to be buried once dead. What is important is this jewel he has be buried in the tomb with him so he can hand it to the spirit of Anubis. But in death and burial his servant screws him over and steals the jewel setting in motion not only Karloff coming back to life and escaping the tomb looking for the jewel… But also several people there for the strange funeral are pointing the finger at each other of who has stolen the jewel. Karloff’s character will not rest until he is able to hand it off to Anubis! Not the best of Karloff’s work, but like any horror movie that has Vincent Price, Peter Cushing, or a Bruce Campbell I will watch it at least once as I give it 2 stars.

 

Scare Me (DVD) – So this week I learned there is two movies of the same name made in the same year. One is a Shudder exclusive the other is this feature I watched, a low budget Indy film from out west. Some young campers head out to a campsite to enjoy hanging with friends and tell ghost stories. They meet a nice forest ranger who helps them with tents and such. But as the night progresses the forest ranger becomes disgusted with the lack of good ghost stories as he awaits his turn to tell his story. There really weren’t any ghosts… There were stories of vampires, zombies, a killer babysitter, and S+M until of course forest ranger murders them all. The film isn’t bad but far from being any good as the characters seemed awkward at times and the flow of the anthology or playing with the rules of an anthology just seem to be something that has been covered one too many times. Again the film is not terrible but very forgettable as I give the film 1 ½ stars.

The Black Sleep (DVD) – All-star cast in this mid-50s horror film led by Basil Rathbone as a doctor that is looking into other means of furthering brain surgery. His methods are considered illegal but he claims he has made breakthroughs as he helps a fellow doctor out of prison before he hangs for a crime he did not commit. The good doctor has practice patients that he performs brain surgery on in hopes of discovering the cure for his wife’s brain tumor thanks to his gypsy friend. But the gypsy friend soon is being investigated by Scotland Yard as people are disappearing from London. A fun quick B-movie with an all-star cast that needs to be seen as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

We got two new episodes for yinz that you are gonna want to hear!

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This week Kyle and Tim return to talk about a new classic (to us) from that magical place of New Zealand in THE QUIET EARTH.  And a highly … or not so highly regarded sequel to an all-time jam in RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD PART 2.  Also we do the weekly rounds of answering your questions, reading the latest horror movie news, and we also got a list of top Bigfoot movies to round out the show.  So, download this show or the earth will die! 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

This week is a very special show for a variety of reasons.  First being that if you know Tim Gross you know he can talk about 2 things endlessly.  Puppet Master and Rutger Hauer flicks.  And we have both in CROSSWORLDS and the new remake…reboot…reimagining…what the fuck ever it is in PUPPET MASTER: THE LITTLEST REICH.  And Kyle shows up to cover BLACK SABBATH starring everyone’s grandpa Boris Karloff.  Also, we talk about Tim and our good buddy OUT OF PRINT DAN finally braving the rainy Indiana weather to come hang out with Kyle in his beloved hometown of Portland Indiana.  We also talk about our trip to Shelbyville Indiana to the Skyline Drive In to attend the Super Monster Movie Fest.  This is one jam packed show so enjoy. 

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #376

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Gross Movie Reviews #376

 

Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs (DVD) – Sometimes you wonder why these types of movies exist? Simply two things: One as long as I am alive I will find them and two I believe someone is stealing my dreams while I sleep or the government is uploading crap from my mind. Yes folks, call Mulder and Scully I think I am an X-file! Anyway, Eric Roberts shows up for a paycheck as a drunk local and Vernon Wells shows up as a badass as usual where he is trying to keep a mine going and escape dinosaurs in this small town. Local boy comes back home to small town Montana to find things have changed and not for the better. A mine explosion happens and dinosaurs are running loose eating the locals but Vernon wells and the local sheriff I trying to keep a lid on the multi-million dollar mining operation. Eventually local boy gets back on a horse and saves everyone but not before you will notice that if you are an old dude in this flick you have a hot girlfriend that is 20 years younger than your character… I give it 1 ½ stars, honestly it has Vernon Wells!

 

Yongary, Monster from the Deep (DVD) – Love Godzilla, enjoy random giant lizard movies, well you may enjoy bootleg Godzilla in this 1967 Korean B-movie? A mysterious earthquake happens and next thing you know a horned giant lizard starts fucking shit up. It’s the 60s and most likely this played constantly at the drive-in as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Orphan (VHS/DVD-R) – A weird and relatively unknown horror/thriller that was made in 1977. But what was weird and interesting was the film wasn’t released until late 1979 and was actually titled ‘Friday the 13th: The Orphan’? But some money changed hands and that was movie history as we all know the slasher genre was sent into overdrive! But the story revolves a young boy named David whose parents die so he must go live with his old Aunt Martha and oh by the way the film is set in the 1920s. David slowly goes nuts and begins praying to a stuffed Monkey in a shed and old Aunt Martha drives him into madness which gives the film a very dark ending. I give the film 2 stars.

Dark

Dark (Vimeo/DVD) – A new low budget flick from the writer and directors of such independent projects ‘Gut’ and ‘Phobia’ which I enjoyed immensely but also executive produced by Joe Dante so you got my attention. The film is set during a blackout in 2003 New York City where Whitney Able plays Kate aka bootleg version of Jennifer Jason Leigh which is always a good thing in my book. Kate is lost in life… She is not sure about her girlfriend, her life, and so on but then the blackout happens when her girlfriend goes out of town for the weekend. Kate is alone and decides to head to the bar to make some bad decisions. Soon she finds herself being followed and returns home only to darkness. This is where the story gets really weird because it raises the questions of did it happen, is she imagining it all, and did she even go to the bar? Her world unravels in this dramatic and beautiful world of weirdness I enjoyed. ‘Dark’ cannot be labeled a horror film as so much a thriller as you know you are getting something different from these guys involved with the project as they make projects that don’t fit into one genre. Think outside of the box in so many words as I give ‘Dark’ 3 out of 4 stars. Want to know about the film go check out: www.darkthefilm.com .

 

Future Hunters (VHS/YouTube) – Robert Patrick’s first flick from and 1986 and the Philippines where he (Slade) and his girlfriend are entrusted with the “Spear of Destiny” by a time traveling dude named Matthew. Matthew is from 2025 after the holocaust and believes this is the only way he can save his world and stop the holocaust from happening. So Matthew travels back in time to 1986 and meets Slade. But evil is coming and it’s in the form of Nazis and the Nazi version of Playboy Buddy Rose! The couple goes looking for Professor Hightower who is the key to helping them saving the world. But along the way they run into crazy kung fu people, amazon tribes on horseback, car chases, explosions, cave full of midgets, amazon women, and gators! After several ordeals Slade and his girlfriend make a deal with the sledgehammering midgets in the cave and find the rightful place for the “Spear of Destiny” and save the world. If it helps make this film any better it is from the same dude that gave us ‘Wheels of Fire’ as I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Sugar Hill (DVD) – A young lady named Sugar wants vengeance after her man is killed by gangsters who want his club. But she just isn’t down for any vengeance; she wants to get medieval on their gangster asses and recruits the likes of Baron Samedi or Baron Zombi if you are a yinzer like me. And Baron Samedi has zombies that are former slaves that died on their way to America. A fun 70s zombie flick you must add to your collection if you haven’t already as I give it 3 ½ stars.

The-Path-to-Pet-Sematary-Movie-Poster

 

Unearthed & Untold: The Path to Pet Sematary (DVD/Vimeo) – These days it seems a lot of documentaries are being made about horror films and such. Some deserve it? ‘Pet Sematary’ deserved it for sure for its impact on the horror genre. Honestly horror movie fans it was one of the better book to film adaptions of King’s. The Stephen King story that was brought to life by director Mary Lambert had a long journey and interesting one. The film came at the end of the “Slasher Era” and no studio wanted it to be made mainly because of the kid death in the story/script/movie. But with a strike looming at the time Mary Lambert and others took advantage of this and the rest was film history. The documentary takes a very in-depth look how it got from book to film but also how it’s one of King’s darkest books that scared him when he first wrote it. The filmmakers tracked down everyone that had anything to do with the film and they share stories of how the production got to Maine instead of California but what it meant to the small town Maine residents especially being a Stephen King movie. Plus the interview with all the cast members involved sharing their stories of on and off set makes this one the best and interesting horror documentaries of recent times. I believe it was crucial having Mako Hughes talk about his experience and what he actually remembers of the project to make this the perfect documentary for ‘Pet Sematary’ fans. The film did win “Best Documentary” at the Rhode Island International Horror Film Festival in 2014 which I know why and give it 4 out of 4 stars. For more info on the project and its upcoming release check out: Official Store: http://shop.terrorfilms.net/ , Official Trailer Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnP7swXKQXo, Official Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/UnearthedandUntold, Terror Films Website: www.terrorfilms.net .

 

Voodoo Island (DVD) – A great late 50s b-horror film starring Boris Karloff as a man who debunks: ghosts, demons, and present day myths. He leads an expedition to a tropical island where a millionaire wants to build his best vacation hotel yet. But surveyors that were sent there before disappeared and the lone survivor is in a zombie like trance. Once there weird stuff begins to happen like food going bad, boat doesn’t work, and plants just happen to eat people! Fun stuff and it looks like old Boris Karloff had a lot fun with this project as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.