Gross Movie Reviews #522

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Gross Movie Reviews #522

III: Final Contagium (DVD) – So first of all the title since it isn’t from the US I have seen a couple ways you the viewer are supposed to say the title: a) the way I have written it, b) I also had someone explain to me it was (ILL: Final Contagium) which makes some sense for what the film is…, c) also I have had one person email me claiming it is third in the series (which after a very short internet search it is not, but that dude insisted, hahaha). Anyway folks we have a film that is broken into four segments like anthology of sorts where a deadly virus has been unleashed. What connect all the stories are the ongoing news reports on television and radio throughout the segments has four filmmakers contributed to this project. First story is a man picking up a dying woman, second story is about a man seeming like he is helping another out on the street, third is about body modifications going wrong, and the fourth story is about a man trying to save his son at the edge of the end of the world. It is a gooey, fun, disturbing watch for all as I give it 3 stars.

 

Scalps (DVD) – Not the horror film but a western from 1987 that was written by no other, Bruno Mattei! A confederate officer of a Texas fort refuses to admit the Civil War is over and it is time to put down arms. (Sounds very close to what is going on in Washington D.C. right now). Still believing in the war and they have yet to surrender the officer sends troops into Indian land to ravage the land and steal a squaw he fancies. She escapes on the travel back to the fort and finds a lonely rancher who retired from the mess that was called the confederate army after his wife was raped and killed. Both farmer and Indian dislike each other but that doesn’t stop these two from hating this little army of soldiers more as they both have issues with them. So as they try to escape they dish out their own kind of justice to this army as they are to be tracked down and killed. I give this interesting western 2 ½ stars.

 

Interviewing Monsters and Bigfoot (On Demand) – Tom Green is a Missouri forest ranger who is always giving a guy they call the professor trouble because he is always in search of Bigfoot. The professor is a widow and lost his wife in an accident when they witnessed Bigfoot years ago and thus setting in motion his search. The Bigfoot sightings are up again and the professor and crew are setting up a trap for it. But unknown to them the forest ranger and the government actually know that Bigfoot exists! The film has monsters, hillbillies, Bigfoot Hunters, a demented forest ranger, and a cover up by a government agency called M.I.G. This sounds like a wonderfully hilarious formula but once the film gets halfway through it seems to lose its way and quickly becomes a hot mess that had potential as I give the film 2 stars.

 

Max Reload and The Nether Blasters (On Demand) – First, I totally believe this film was just pooped out there in the movie verse just because… But second, this film is what you would call a very nostalgic nerd fest that will have viewers loving it or super annoyed and not finish watching the film. The film has some comi-con all-stars and its plot is about a cursed Collecovision game called ‘The Nether Blasters’. (I kept calling it an Atari 2600 game on our Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast, lol.) Anyway, Max is a young gamer who works the local gaming store owned by Kevin Smith who is about to spend a weekend in the VR world.  Max being pressured by his father, Martin Kove to go to that tech school to build games but Max is a slacker. So it isn’t unexpected an old dude known as the ‘Harvester’ leaves an old Collecovision and one of a kind thought to be lost game  ‘The Nether Blasters’ and of course Max plays it and beats it quickly. Just like today’s generation he posts his walk through online and this causes the game demons to start taking over all who play. The game quickly goes global and it’s up to Max, his two friends, and the creators to destroy this Harvester and his plans. As the Harvester collects souls and gains them through gameplay. I give the film 2 ½ stars as it has its moments but also feels like one of those movies you will forget about within the hour after.

MILFS vs. Zombies (DVD) – Another Brad Twigg creation that five seconds in has zombies rampaging a small community. No real reason for the undead walking earth again other than they are chomping on the people and eventually fight the MILFS! It takes about hour or so in before we get to see MILFS fighting zombies so in between all that you literally get to see 25 or so independent horror ideas thrown in to see what works… If anything? We get a zombie critter, a sex party, a mer-man, naked zombies, dick ripping, a guy acting like a dog, bad husbands, and even a dead man’s spirit throwing a machete to his wife to defend herself against the zombie horde. I am sure Brad Twigg wasn’t setting out to remake Romero’s ‘Day of the Dead’ so I believe he may have missed what he was actually going for here. As with a title like that the film should have established the MILFS fighting the zombies from the beginning and still could have had all your random nudity. I give the film maybe 2 stars as for me it comes off as just throwing random stuff into a film more than having an actual plot or structure to what is going on?

 

The Cape Canaveral Monsters (DVD) – This deep dive into drive-in monster obscurity had me watching a 1960 flick where aliens show up on earth to cause issues for the US space program that we now call NASA. The aliens arrive and quickly cause a car accident to take over the couples’ bodies inside. Once the bodies are taken over it is time cause havoc and communicate with other aliens through a fish bowl in a cave they are hiding in. The film is a friendly reminder of fun B-movies to watch from the past but also to actually truly enjoy it would be to watch it at a drive-in with a couple other features of the same ilk. For that I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Die-B-Que (DVD) – Supposedly this is a 1986 S.O.V. film that runs about 32 minutes long from filmmaker Jackson Furley, which also looks to be his only film. Apparently the film with some lost footage got put back together in 2011 for S.O.V. fans to enjoy the lost film. The story is about friends who are traveling to a big BBQ party that is interrupted by a rodent infecting their food and drink with its anal leakage. As the party goers ingest the infected food and drink they become zombies ready to attack their friends. But the film ends quickly after it gets going with some behind the scenes footage afterwards. It isn’t anything too exciting but being a fan of these low budget projects it would have been awesome to see what else they would have filmed or put together in their end product. I give the S.O.V. flick 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

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Gross Movie Reviews #474

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Gross Movie Reviews #474

 

I Spit on Your Grave: Déjà vu (On Demand) – Meir Zarchi is back with a direct sequel to the original even bringing back Camille Keaton to reprise her role as Jennifer Hills. Well Jennifer Hills had a daughter Christy who has become a super model. The two are having lunch together and Christy is talking about getting out of the business. But unbeknownst to the mother/daughter combo there is two men in the parking lot waiting for them. They have old business to take care of. These redneck relatives want revenge against Jennifer Hills. The film uses flashbacks of the first film along as it moves a little slow. Christy wasn’t supposed to be a part of the kidnapping but now she is and she must fight for survival. As the two get separated by their redneck captors time runs out for Jennifer and eventually Christy is met with the safe fate her mother did all those years ago. Christy being just like her mother is a very vengeful bitch and not leaving until she has her mother’s body. Jamie Bernadette plays a wonderful vengeful bitch, a weird ending to the film, and the film is a little too long for my taste. But I was happy to see the original Jennifer Hills back in movie that takes on the “What if?” scenario. ‘Déjà vu’ was solid, bloody, and an entertaining conclusion the series. I give it 3 stars.

 

Hooker with a Hacksaw (DVD) – A newer Donald Farmer flick that focuses on a young lady named Kristen who makes her cash doing the phone sex numbers in the back of the newspapers. Kristen is usually pretty upfront about not meeting people through there but makes an exception for Mitch in exchange for pills. Kristen regretting doing this soon understands this has opened the door for all the weirdos to call her for all their fetishes. Kristen tries to move on with a new girlfriend but when the weirdos come back and steal her girlfriend Kristen snaps. And its hacksaw time! The movie is a bit choppy but has its moments as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Molly (Blu-ray) – A new post-apocalyptic film out of the Netherlands about a young woman named Molly who roams the Wasteland for food and shelter. She is a loner but there has been a story of her in some of these survival camps including the one that holds their nightly cage fighting. Molly tries to keep to herself because she a past she does not fully remember. Through flashbacks and dreams we learn she was experimented on by the government and escaped to the Wastelands. With these experiments she has somehow harnessed super powers. A crazy dude that runs the cage fights wants Molly for his main attraction so his gang kidnaps the little kid she is watching over. Molly instead of doing the cage fighting thing goes all John Wick on everybody in the last 15 minutes of the movie. This post-apocalyptic tale is weird and fun. I wouldn’t call it “Mad Max” meets “Turbo Kid” like the box said, I believe it carves its own little niche into the post-apocalyptic genre as I give it 3 stars.

 

Mortal Engines (On Demand) – It took 60 minutes for the world to destroy itself. Now many years later for humanity to survive they have made the cities mobile. But a man named Valentine is using London to find a weapon that has long been gone but started the war that destroyed everything in 60 minutes, the Quantum Energy Weapon. He believes they can use this to not only break through the wall to the east but rule the world. A young lady named Hester wants to stop him as Valentine killed her mother long ago. The effects were cool and story is okay but this wasn’t a movie that is gonna make you sore you miss it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Prospect (DVD) – A father/daughter combo do one last space drop to a planet for one last dig. Approached by two armed men things go south quickly. Now one of the men is killed and the girl is missing a father because he is also dead. Both stranded they must become unlikely friends in order to survive and find a way off the planet. Interesting story but I wanted me some space monsters as I give it 2 stars.

 

Iron Sky: The Coming Race (On Demand) – Survivors from what was Earth now live on the dark side of the moon in 2047 in the old Nazi stronghold. Planet Earth has become a nuclear wasteland with not much life left. But an old Nazi spaceship arrives at the moon with what’s left of Earth survivors. They explain the ship just automatically had the coordinates but never count out a Nazi as Udo Kier is back and has made his way back to the stronghold with the survivors. He explains to an engineer he is an alien and there is a power source to help them long term at the center of the earth called the ‘grail’. If they go back in the spaceship and steal it he would help. Nowhere near as fun as the first film but has its moments with Tom Green as a priest! I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Hard Target 2 (DVD) – Scott Adkins plays a MMA dude named Wes Baylor who kills his sparring partner by accident in the ring during a big bout. Six months later in Bangkok Wes is a drunk reliving the nightmare that happened in the ring. Wes is approached by a rich dude offering $500,000 for a fight. Wes takes the offer but wants a million clearly in a foreign country he doesn’t understand it wasn’t most likely going to be a fight but a hunt. Wes is the hunted and must make it to the border of Thailand in order to win, if he doesn’t he is dead. Scott Adkins is awesome as usual and it was great having Rhona Mitra in the cast but for me I thought the film was missing a real bad ass villain like a Lance Henriksen or Rutger Hauer. Hell I would have taken Ice-T or Gary Busey just because of “Surviving the Game” but anyway I give it 2 stars.

 

Range 15 (DVD) – A band of misfit soldiers are arrested and wake next morning to a zombie apocalypse. These army vets led by Mat Best must fight their way to their commander to show him they have a cure for the zombie plague. There are a lot of in-jokes along the way (stuff most likely the group of soldiers only know), cameos, and a good amount of gore. Don’t go into this expecting 1985’s “The Return of the Living Dead” and you should be okay with it. There are appearances by Sean Astin, William Shatner, Danny Trejo, Randy Couture, Keith David, and Ron Jeremy as I give the film 2 stars.

Mega Time Squad (On Demand) – A hilarious New Zealand film where a young man John robs an Asian antiques store and a bracelet. He was just supposed to take the money that was dropped off there for his boss but John wants to start his own thing now. John is warned about the bracelet but chooses to ignore it. But through a series of mishaps and hilarious missteps John figures out it is a time traveling device that makes copies of him. So he gets all his copies together and forms the “Mega Time Squad” to perform his dumb ass schemes to get all the money and to get the girl he is falling for. I give this film 3 stars.

 

Mime Massacre (YouTube) – A wonderful short film about a man who enters a mime classroom and a glorious bloodbath begins! Of course he uses invisible weapons to kill off the mimes as they build walls, close doors, etc. to get away from the man. Want to laugh for a few minutes its worth tracking down as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Colony Mutation (DVD) – Even though this independent feature was released in 1995 it looks much older. But this sci-fi film doesn’t disappoint in the bizarre as Jim and Meredith are married and work at the same genetic design firm. When Meredith finds out Jim is boinking his secretary she wants a divorce and throws a formula she was working on for growth onto Jim. The formula is a tissue-regrowth serum that changes Jim slowly as he becomes hungry for human flesh. If that wasn’t enough Jim’s limbs disconnect from his body and search on their own for food! For not much budget and it being bizarre it is a worthy watch for horror fans as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Banana Motherfucker (DVD) – A short film released by Troma where filmmakers Fernando Alle and Pedro Florencio give us a project that is worthy to be mentioned in the same sentence as “Fist of Jesus”! A so-called film crew goes to a cursed cemetery deep in the jungle to begin filming some scenes. Soon the individuals are being ripped a part by bananas and one person survives but should have he survived so the world could be safe? I give this hilarious and entertaining short 4 stars. Imagine if Fulci’s “Zombie” was about bananas killing people?

Alone in the Dark (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst constantly working on projects has another short film about a man who sits alone reading. He looks up and believes he sees something? A creepy short that runs a little under 5 minutes that is more for the audience to decide if the man is alone or not? Mr. Brocklehurst is doing some good stuff and this is no different as I give it 3 stars.

 

Train to Busan (Blu-ray) – I took my time getting to this Korean zombie film and I am sorry for doing that. A man who works constantly finally takes time out of work to take his daughter to Busan to see her mother for her birthday. They board the train as do a couple of weird folks. One of them keeps babbling about “their all dead” while another is a girl who was bitten on the leg and collapses. She begins having seizures and with the train moving the employees are unsure of what to do until she begins chomping down on people. The fast moving virus devours the train quickly but this isn’t just happening on the train it is happening everywhere for some unknown reason. Now with a train full of zombies and the outside world infested with zombies also the passengers that are left become divided and show how humanity is shitty. They have to decide if the train is the safer than the outside world. A brutal, emotional train ride into hell is how I would describe this wonderful zombie flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Shreck (YouTube/DVD) – A grainy ass independent flick from 1990 that has three young gentlemen messing around with Nazi propaganda. With their fake séance they raise the dead in famous Nazi Max Shreck. Now the three are slowly being tortured by the undead Nazi soldier. The film is hilarious at times unintentionally but also a funny thing about the film is its cinematographer is Arch Stanton aka Jim Wynorski. Apparently Jim is a big fan of “The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly” as I am and for that I give it 2 stars.

 

Death Race: Beyond Anarchy (DVD) – The newest sequel to the remake that was done in 2008 I believe stars Danny Trejo and Danny Glover. This time around Frankenstein has taken over a whole city that is a prison that is walled off from the rest of civilization. Sounds familiar “Escape from New York” fans? Whenever they do the ‘Death Race’ it still gets broadcast but the Weyland Corp believes Frankenstein has gotten too big and it is time to erase him. So the corporation sends in not one but two people to kill to kill the Death Race leader but as like in third film you can’t just kill Frankenstein or you will have chaos. Just another bag of poo called a movie I got bored and watched because it was now the fourth entry… I give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019