Gross Movie Reviews #521

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Gross Movie Reviews #521

 

Exorcism at 60000 Feet (DVD) – This is the horror film version of ‘Airplane’ that stars few horror convention all-stars with music from Richard Band. Viet Kong Airways is having its last flight to Vietnam and Father Romero is onboard taking a trip after a tiring exorcism. But noises keep being heard in the cargo area of the plane as the demon spirit of Bill Moseley as hitched a ride and hell-bent on haunting the good father.  One by one the demon possesses the passengers on board and kills them in horrific ways as it tries to get closer to the priest. The film has all kinds of political incorrectness good or bad that steals its plot from that ‘Twilight Zone’ episode. The film starts off funny for the first twenty minutes but quickly the joke dies of a horrible dull death causing me to only give this film 1 ½ stars and it stars Lance Henriksen as the pilot for the love of Rutger Hauer.

 

Spree (On Demand) – Another film that reminds me that I am getting older and it is possible this film is only aimed for a certain small age bracket of audience? Kurt is an average dude who like most young people these days has his whole life on social media or in this case “Kurt’s World”. A streaming channel that barely has double digit followers and Kurt so wants to be internet famous like most young people these days. After many years of trying to have everyone accept him as an internet influencer has a chance meeting with an up and coming comedian that has a hundred thousand followers enters his Uber, oh I mean ‘Spree’ car for a ride. From here he has installed cameras throughout the vehicle recording everything and was already in the process of his plan of becoming a serial killer just for the clicks and follows. Remember kids if you are not trying to be an influencer then you are no one! One day changes it all as Kurt decides to kill his online bully and takeover his feed and the downward murder spree goes from there as it all leads back to the popular comedian he is obsessed with. This of course goes viral. For me I can totally believe this is where society is going anymore just because I have little faith in humanity for how it has been acting recently. But saying that I found the film annoying from the beginning and found the Kurt character super annoying which the filmmaker may have been going for anyway? For all I have said I still believe this film is literally made for a small audience that I am not a part so go figure as I give this unlikable film a ½ star. Wouldn’t be surprised people under the age of 21 feel this is the “Best Movie of 2020?”

 

The Pact (DVD) – Another sub-par paranormal goobly goo nonsense where a young woman named Annie moves into a family home that is haunted. Instead of leaving of course she needs to know more about her family. If you have read my reviews in the past you know I feel most paranormal films fail to ever impress me because they are usually boring and really do not come up with something interesting or maybe new to make the viewing memorable? There is a few out there I enjoy but I feel studios mass produce this type of cheap thrill more than zombie flicks as I only give this 1 star. If you need to abuse yourself more this film does have sequels… If you care Casper Van Dien shows up in the picture.

The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood (DVD) – This 1980 sex comedy is a prime example of a film that find that niche between porn and a R-rated film that has one very short sex romp. William Warkoff owns a popular Hollywood studio wants his producers to find the next big hit to film and make him millions of dollars as his studio is falling behind in these modern times. They come across this “Happy Hooker” book that would be the perfect project for the studio. Problem is the Happy Hooker herself, Ms. Hollander wants to come to Hollywood from New York and discuss terms and be sure her story is told correctly. The studio doesn’t care for that so once there Ms. Hollander feels she gets the run around. This causes a young and talented grandson to convince Ms. Hollander the film could be made independently. They come up with a script and then come up with how they can get the funds as Hollander’s lawyer and let’s say friends are called in from New York. Of course hijinks ensue with lots of nudity that includes a butt shot from the legendary Adam West! There is a scene I was surprised we didn’t get to see his dong as it came close. Before Skinamax, Viewer’s Choice, and satellite porn channels you had these popular sex comedies that ride the edge of the ratings system as I give the film 2 ½ stars.     

 

After Doomsday (DVD) – Lilith lives in a world that has recently fell apart that she wanders looking for anything that has survived. Biggest problem is she just wanders! No mutants, no assless chaps with motorcycles, any plagues, etc. Just flashbacks of military pilots discussing before they blow up the world and a subplot of Lilith’s husband who knows about the oncoming apocalypse and is trying to get in with the 1%. Yeah I know there isn’t much budget and do not tell me it’s art, but yinz could have fleshed out this subplot with the husband much more to make this film at least watchable. Forgive me but this movie is an undesirable bag of hot garbage that doesn’t even deserve a rating because it is so bad!

 

Apocalypse Road (DVD) – I am never done abusing myself with bad post-apocalyptic films as I found this film about two sisters wandering the wasteland with a sniper tracking them. As they are chased by the sniper they get separated and make their own ways to the coast as if this will save them both. They were wrong and this was another big waste of my time as not a whole happens except the sniper chasing them from beginning to end and do not care if there was an actual reason as I give it 0 stars.

Castle Freak (Shudder/remake) – So hey kids Fangoria are at it again as they helped reboot another Charles Band classic in “Castle Freak”. The original starred Jeffery Combs and Barbara Crampton and it was directed by Stuart Gordon with a small but vicious cult following for the film. This time a twenty something woman Rebecca and her asshat boyfriend John are in a car accident that causes her to go blind. Meanwhile in Albania the mother she never knew about is keeping a creature in the basement of a castle locked up and whips herself for acknowledging it. The mother passes away and Rebecca inherits the castle and the creature she doesn’t know about. Once there her boyfriend is trying to sell everything quickly and lies to Rebecca whenever he can as he needs drugs again just to deal with the situation. But Becks becomes curious of the castle as she cannot see but constantly hears sounds behind the walls and becomes even more curious when an ancient book is found in her mother’s closet. Once their friends get there from the states to help move stuff the one friend they call the professor begins to read the book and believe Becks isn’t crazy. The book speaks of “The Old Ones” and “Cthulhu” and on top of that the professor discovers the creature in the basement is Becks twin sister from her grandfather and the disgusting rape of her mother. Just like the original it starts off slow but unlike the original I believe this has more plot to give and enjoyed where the climax of the film goes. I liked the original and I liked this film but neither was over the top wonderful as I just believe it does deserve a chance as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

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Gross Movie Reviews loves the new “Delirium” magazine!

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Gross Movie Reviews loves the new “Delirium” magazine!

 

By Tim Gross

 

For years I have collected horror magazines: Fangoria, Gorezone, Slaughter House, Toxic Horror, Fango’s poster mags, Horrorhound, Ultra Violent, Rue Morgue… They were all good in their own way but at all times I always felt something was missing and me being me it was Full Moon! Yeah I have shouted from the heavens for years Full Moon and Charles Band never got much respect in the horror magazine world. Call me crazy but it was one of the many reasons I stop buying magazines a couple years ago. Every once in a while there would be a blurb two sentences long about Band’s latest flick and that was it. But didn’t “Batman Returns” and even Gene Simmons grace the covers of Fangoria. Really, but that is for another article and another time of ranting.

Then a couple months ago I heard rumbles that Full Moon was going to be in the business of not only doing their own streaming channel but a full color magazine? At first, I thought this had to be another of Charles Band’s crazy ideas that may never see the light of day as the man seems to have more projects going all at once than most studios attempt in a full year. But after the streaming site went up and I heard Full Moon fans actually giggle in delight I knew I had to take this seriously. But what also got my attention was Chris Alexander was going to have a big hand in bringing the Full Moon magazine to life. Mr. Alexander deserves credit for bringing back Fangoria from the dimension of “No one gives a fuck about that magazine any longer”. So I knew when this magazine was released I was in for a treat and a treat it is Full Moon fans. Imagine the original black and white Full Moon newsletter, the great Videozone after all the great Full Moon films, and Charles Band’s great You Tube updates all smashed into a beautiful creation called, “Delirium!”

Delirium is a magazine fully dedicated to everything Full Moon and to top it off for its first issue they go get Stuart Gordon for an interview and talk everything “Re-Animator” which makes my Full Moon heart just melt. The first bi-monthly issue not only covers Stuart Gordon, but Barbara Crampton, music of Richard Band, 88 Films, Tourist Trap ( a Chuck Connors classic), The new Wizard Studios, and lets you in on Blue Underground has just hooked up with Charles Band and company. What makes this magazine special is it makes me think Charles Band read my mind but in all honestly just shows Full Moon is back and seems to be traveling the path of being as popular as they were in the 90s if not bigger… with much more to come! So be sure you do yourself a favor and get a subscription to my new favorite magazine NOW!!! The Puppet Master fan in you commands you to do so or face the fury of Blade, Jester, Pinhead, and Leech woman.

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