Gross Movie Reviews #520
Wrestlemassacre (DVD) – Brad Twigg turns his short film of the same name into a full feature about a groundskeeper named Randy. Randy is an awkward/shy individual who loves wrestling and literally looks like a smaller version of Bruiser Brody (perfect for the film). His admiring of a customer Becky and another customer’s big breasted wife causes Randy to lose his job but opens an opportunity to jump into wrestling school and live the dream. For Randy the dream comes crashing down when he is laughed at the wrestling school thus causing him to snap! He kills his father and starts a downward spiral into a murder spree of where Randy turns into an insane wrestler hell-bent on wrestling his victim then killing all who wronged him. I absolutely love the concept; Richie Acevedo is perfect in the role of Randy, and love seeing some of the wrestler’s cameos. But Mr. Twigg makes the mistake a lot of independent filmmakers make and that is allowing the film to go on too long. There are whole scenes that could have been sliced out of this 100 minute feature including no one dying until the 53 minute mark of the film. I enjoy this film exists but with some editing I just feel this film could have been so much more for horror fans as I give it 2 stars.
Random Acts of Violence (Shudder) – So there is a comic book about a serial killer called “Slasherman”. Slasherman comic is written by a young man who uses the unsolved killings of the I-90 killer between 1986-1991as inspiration for his idea. He has these visions and puts them to paper. His independent comic is pretty popular but the writer is having issues bringing the comic to a close. So he is hitting the road with his crew to hit up some comic book shops for signings and so on to hopefully he can end this saga he started. But leaving some of his comics at a dying gas station for customers to purchase brings the killer out of retirement who would like to help give Slasherman a true ending? The film has some really nice gory parts but the story feels very uneven and leaves you wanting more but not in a good way… Like the film was missing something from the beginning for that I can only give the film 2 stars.
Resident Evil: Vendetta (DVD) – Another animated stand-alone film in the franchise that just keeps on going whether ‘Resident Evil’ game and horror fans want to or not. I can scream at you about how stupid the live action films are but most of you already know and agree but the animated features have always been a product that showed more love to the games. The animated features and the people behind them always tried to stick with some of the game storylines and characters unlike the live-action films. In this plot the “Umbrella Corporation” is dead but there have been attacks again by the undead. A man who wants revenge for his dead wife perfects the virus for the undead out of the ashes of the Umbrella Corporation and knows how to control the undead to use it as a Bio-weapon. Chris tracks down Leon to help him save a college professor who has the vaccine for the virus and bring down this maniac that just wants to ruin the world. This entry wasn’t nearly as interesting as the other animated entries but it still better than that cow shit they force fed us fans for several years before as I give it 2 stars.
Porno (Shudder) – Another highly anticipated film from Fangoria and Cinestate that takes place with a group of young people working in a movie theater in the early 90s. After a hobo breaks in when the employees are closing the theater for the night a secret basement storage area is found. While looking for the hobo the young employees find a film they want to watch in this secret basement. The hobo runs out and they watch this is weird possibly pornographic psychedelic lost film that these Christian kids have never seen thus unleashing something evil. One by one a succubus tries to tempt them with sex and trying to make their ballsacks explode and oh yeah there is a mangled dong or two. Outside of the fun mangled dong scenes there really isn’t much death going down and what should be a bloodbath of a movie and seems to have quite a few dull moments. The film isn’t a complete mess but also doesn’t make you look forward to a rewatch down the road so stick with ‘Popcorn’ or ‘Midnight Movie’ in the meantime as I give it 1 ½ stars.
Love and Monsters (On Demand) – This fun monster gem is a must see for all audiences as it takes place seven years after the “Monsterapocalypse”. There was an asteroid falling towards Earth. Of course all the governments hurl up all these missiles into space to destroy this rock before impact… it works. Problem is the fallout hitting earth causes all the animals and insects to mutate into large monsters that begin wiping out humanity and force people into underground bunkers. Seven years later Joel is a single bored early twenties dude who cannot help fight the monsters but can make a great minestrone but wants out of the isolation he feels. So he heads out on a mission to find his high school sweetheart Aimee at a bunker on the coast. Along the way he makes friends with Michael Rooker and an eight year old girl who have been living on the surface with the mutated things and teaches Joel some valuable lessons. Joel does find Aimee and there is more to the story but why spoil this amazing creature filled film that you need in your life! This film is sure to be a favorite of most in 2020 as I give 4 stars.
Patchwork (Shudder) – Three women wake up to being stitched together on an exam table with a couple guys talking like this is an everyday thing after being kidnapped at a bar. The three stuck together in the same body must now work together to remember who did this and why? With a couple surprises and a twist along the way the three want their revenge and begin their search for answers with the bar they all remember. They also find love along the way. Think ‘Frankenhooker’ with ‘Re-animator’s’ dark humor and a splash of Peter Jackson and you have a beautiful masterpiece of a dark horror comedy that not enough good words could describe. I would love to say more about the plot but it may ruin some of the surprises throughout the film as I give this gift to the horror genre 4 stars.
Bullets of Justice (On Demand) – Well if you haven’t met your quota on weird ass post-apocalyptic flicks this one will help. We meet Rob and his assistant who hunt Muzzles or human/pig hybrids that were a Nazi experiment during WWII and during WWIII someone perfected. Of course this all goes wrong as the world’s military combine forces to fight a losing battle against the Muzzles. With 70% of the population gone and humans is now the food source for the Muzzles and the holy mother Rob is on the search for the holy mother hides so he can destroy this mess of a world. After his latest assistant is killed he requires the help of his sister with a mustache and the knowledge passed down by their father Danny Trejo to find the ultimate pig/human hybrid and kill it! So just to review we got human/pig hybrids, incest, a sister with a mustache that is never explained, lots of mangled dongs, and a bullet shot through someone’s butthole through the peen to kill someone… okay I am in as I give this hot mess of a film 2 ½ stars.
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