Gross Movie Reviews #524

0

Gross Movie Reviews #524

 

Silent Night, Bloody Night (DVD) – A cultish holiday film for horror fans out there, that also stars the likes of John Carradine and a young Mary Woronov. The story begins in 1950 with old man Butler burning to death on Christmas Eve at his home that was once an asylum. Twenty years pass and the grandson rolls into town wanting to sell the place cheap. But someone or something is in the vacant home murdering townsfolk who had something to do with a strange Christmas Eve event that happened in the home in 1935. Slowly the truth comes out on what exactly happened and the townsfolk have a big secret they been keeping from everyone. The film is a bit slow by today’s standards but if you stay in the frame of mind of when it was made (1972) you will quite enjoy the buildup of the plot as I give the film 2 stars.

 

Monster Hunters (On Demand) – Another crapfest from Asylum that in years past would have been a Saturday SyFy Channel premiere because of it starring Tom Sizemore. Now don’t get me wrong Asylum Entertainment has had its good projects through the years. But more times than not some of these projects really look like someone made up the script day by day during filming after they got the main filming process done with Tom Sizemore? An elite military squad has been training secretively for the eventual alien invasion since aliens have visited several times through the years. Well they have to jump into action when a prison ship of aliens crash land on the planet or Sizemore is gonna nuke the crash off the face of the earth. This was gut wrenching worse than usual and most likely a project put together during the pandemic which didn’t do it any favors. But hey folks that is why I exist is to watch and warn you about films like this as I give it 0 stars.

 

The Wolf of Snow Hollow (On Demand) – Robert Forster is an aging sheriff with a heart condition and his son is a hot headed/alcoholic deputy who patrols a small ski mountain town in Utah. They barely give out tickets let alone get a homicide in the area until now. During the full moon women are being slaughtered by what looks to be a wolf but the deputy refuses to buy into the whole werewolf thing. But as the bodies pile up during the full moons and pressure from the local folk on the deputy gets worse they start to believe they are dealing with a wolf. A weird, corky, and a good amount of gore with a small twist made this an unexpected fun watch as I give it 3 stars.

The Spirit Gallery (DVD) – The story is about a young Christian woman named Gwen who fully believes art is a gift from god and is excited to work for an agent named Mr. Hall. Purpose for this job is for Gwen to feel closer to the recluse artist B.A. Catch as Mr. Hall is his agent. Mr. Catch is considered one of the greats but very few have seen his work as it is rumored his work steals the soul of his muses. Gwen almost obsessed with Mr. Catch finally gets to meet him and Mr. Catch is inspired again with Gwen as she has a true soul that inspires the talented Mr. Catch in working again. Her boss tries to warn Gwen but her love for Mr. Catch’s work and the individual clouds her judgment. The two go off to put together the best work Catch has ever done. This S.O.V. flick is more of a high brow story with a splash of Henenlotter that may surprise people who have never seen this film? For that I give this quite different film 2 ½ stars and the DVD has some cool extras for fans too.

Letters to Satan Claus (SyFy Channel) – A job driven woman Holly Frost is an investigator for her local news station. Ms. Frost goes undercover in disguise to break news stories but now has a special assignment that could put her at the news desk as a regular nightly news anchor. She must go back to her home town of Ornaments to cover their annual holiday event but Holly isn’t thrilled with this idea as she has changed her name since leaving there and never really had the Christmas spirit. See as a child Holly’s parents were killed on Christmas after Holly mistakenly wrote a letter to “Satan Claus” not “Santa Claus” to get rid of her parents! Holly sees this mistake when returning to her sister’s house and drunken does it again which causes Satan Claus to return. This time Satan Claus begins murdering people of this Christmas holiday driven community to gear up for a climatic fight with Holly Frost/Winters. It is one hell of a holiday cheeseball movie that only can be summarized as a Hallmark Christmas horror film that I give 3 stars to for being entertaining as hell.

 

The Demonic Surgeon from Hell (YouTube) – Hard working Indy filmmakers Alex Wesley and Philip Brocklehurst have a short film project about a surgeon (Clyde) who comes from a long line of surgeons. But this man is obsessed with the dead and a trinket filled with evil changes his life as it awakens a deep darkness inside of him that has him do unimaginable things! A well thought out premise that I would love to see developed into a feature as there is so many directions it could go as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Tales from the Hood 3 (DVD) – Honestly I do not remember there being a part two but I did enjoy the first anthology that was released so what the hell I will always watch a sequel… Anyway Tony Todd and a little girl are walking through a cemetery to a dark home that they seem to be hiding from demons? Here the little girl is told to be quiet by Tony’s character but they agree for her to whisper stories because she is scared. The first two stories were pretty good as they dealt with an apartment fire and a racist zoo. But the the other two stories deal with stealing a body and bad things happening to a criminal that just seem to kill off any interesting direction the anthology was going… for that I only can give this anthology 2 stars.

 

Toys of Terror (SyFy Channel ) – A house flipping family heads to an old vacant Children’s home/hospital in the mountains for Christmas. You know how we all do that right? Anyway, the plan is for the family to enjoy the holidays there while they get some work done to earn a big payday on the vacant place but things change when the kids find an old trunk full of toys. The kids are absolutely estatic to play with these toys as the family slowly picks up on they are evil and want the kids to be a part of the spirits that play with them. From the start you know what is going to happen but it feels like a lackluster reboot of Charles Band’s ‘Demonic Toys’ that fails trying to give the viewer even a slight scare. Also when am I gonna have a movie where the kids die at the end or about too and the parents say “fuck it” and save themselves? Come on filmmakers lets get with the times or I will have to just write a story about it as give this bummer of a holiday film 0 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #523

0

Gross Movie Reviews #523

 

The Dingleberrys (DVD) – Another S.O.V. flick that is one of these so-called “lost films” from Warlock Video in 1986 aka 2012. The main plot of the film is similar to ‘Critters’ just with poo globs! The disclaimer at the beginning of the film claims this is the worst film ever made and it is now shown in all its horrible glory of a space gladiator landing on earth to capture or kill the space poo globs. Quasar wants to rid the universe of this menace but will need help from some young horror nerds in order to accomplish the task. The film really isn’t feature length and far from the worst movie ever in my opinion. I have seen much worse, this is more of just some inexperience kids having fun with some cool poo creature masks from DWN Productions that made me laugh a couple times. For that I give this Indy flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Ravagers (On Demand) – A 1979 post-apocalyptic film that stars Richard Harris as a man who wanders the wasteland after some bandits kill off his girlfriend. They were planning to go searching for a safe place called “Land of Genesis”. Thus causing Harris to seek revenge and run from these horrific people as they will hunt him down until death. See one day it stopped raining thus killing off life slowly and sending the world into chaos. After quite a bit of time it started to rain again but most of the population died off. Survivors went underground and separated into two gangs of folks called the Flockers and Ravagers. Now in 1991, Ravagers are the type of humans if you can consider them that any longer that look to rape and pillage what is left above ground. The film wasn’t the most exciting flick in this genre for me as it felt more like a TV movie but could not find any info claiming it was as I give it 2 stars. Note: Film is hard to find on any format but has recently been made available on Amazon Prime.

 

Planet Earth (DVD) – It is 2133 and the earth has survived the apocalypse and John Saxon aka Dylan is our new hope! Dylan was frozen in the old world and awakens from his sleep by PAX to build planet earth up again. ‘Planet Earth’ is a 1974 TV movie that was a sequel to ‘Genesis II’ that continues the John Saxon character storyline of a man from the past helping the future. In this adventure PAX has found Amazon women who are buying and trading men as slaves to do their bidding and the men are called “dinks”. PAX believes this is where a good doctor friend of theirs has disappeared. So they send in a small team to search for the doctor and talk to these Amazon women in hopes of helping them? Instead John Saxon gets a lesson in being a male slave and humanity still sucks as I give the TV flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Jekyll and Hyde… Together Again (DVD) – An early 80s comedy based on the old Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde story with Dr. Jekyll being the finest surgeon in the world who has just retired from doing surgery ever again. The surgeries are getting in the way of his research but the hospital he works for has other plans as a huge donor wants a total transplant and Jekyll is the man. During his research the good doctor falls asleep during an experiment and accidentally snorts his concoction (cocaine) and becomes a monstrous dancing punk pimp who needs sex! Of course he becomes addicted to this formula and hilarity ensues. This film has not aged well and I firmly believe ‘Doctor Detroit’ (a film a little similar) is a better product than this project. There are most likely still fans of this film or they wouldn’t have released it on Blu-ray but I give it 2 stars.

 

Killer Waves (DVD) – An Indy film from James Balsamo where a killer in an old diver suit is slaughtering people who are involved in a surfing contest. The film has its funny moments, good camera work at times, fun cameos, huge body count, and a surfboard made out of human flesh. But also the film as its issues of running too long and feeling like there was nothing script wise outside of the killer in the old diver suit. I liked his film ‘The Litch’ but this flick felt thrown together more than thought out completely. I do know Mr. Balsamo has a growing fan base that I believe this project caters to more than the average independent film fan as I give the film 2 stars.

 

Metal Noir (DVD) – Author Laurel Oberion has just bought a home where she hopes to jump start to write her next book. As she settles in and struggles with her “writer’s block” the more she dreams about her haunted home she has just moved into. Her dreams are not lying as Laurel has satanic nymphos in her basement who want her soul. The demons’ plan is too slowly torture the young lady to madness that sends her into their orgy of descent for their dark lord! This 1990 S.O.V. flick was never properly released and was believed lost because the company that had the rights went into bankruptcy and closed. So thanks to Tony Masiello starting a project in 2012 that deals with “S.O.V. films” he happened to watch the movie on a random VHS tape. From there Masiello was able to get in contact with the ‘Metal Noir’ filmmaker David R. Williams and begin the process of putting together a special edition of the film to be released for the very first time in 2019. The DVD is loaded with extras and perfect package for that independent film collector as I give it 3 stars.   

Ghoul Scout Zombie Massacre (DVD) – An evil brother/sister team trying to scheme a plan to take over the world with a secret formula. Their goal is to inject the emo boy population and use them for smut films to sell overseas. So how do you get these young men to take the secret formula? How about using sexy reform school girls to sell Girl Scout, oh sorry ghoul scout cookies that sister Cassandra houses. When the males begin to eat the cookies something goes wrong. Instead of them being under control of the evil duo they become flesh eating ghouls at a concert that begins to eat all the attendees. Those who didn’t eat the cookies must defend themselves and find the antidote. The film plays out like if Troma made a full fledge zombie film that I would have liked to see focus more on the gimmick of “Ghoul Scout Cookies” than the nudity? But hey the film is what it is… Saying that if the film was edited down to a lean and mean 70 minutes (not 111 minutes long) I can easy see this becoming an Indy cult hit. But some filmmakers fail to see how much editing can help their projects for the long haul as I give it 2 stars.

Tokyo Home Stay Massacre (DVD) – Three college kids head to Japan to stay with a host family. Their goal is to get the clicks for their YouTube channel as they are unlikable characters that even have a subplot about one of the three getting an abortion to project their relationship. Little do the three know is the family plans to drug them, torture them, and eventually set them up for some kind of weird sacrifice. The film was somewhat interesting but once midway through the film tries too hard to be weird and lost me as a viewer as I give it 1 star.

 

Zombies (DVD) – A 2017 film I stumbled upon stars Tony Todd where a zombie apocalypse just happens and takes over the world. Detective Sommers, Luke, and crew decide to set up shop in their small town and go out on missions to save folks nearby and bring them into a safe place. Their goal is to keep people safe and gauge how long this will go on? This zombie film goes more for dramatic take than the possible bloodbath zombie films can be but with an unusual twist ending as I give it 2 stars.

 

Sky Sharks (On Demand) – Trailers looked great, the movie idea sounds great, but… Anyway, a large warship has been found in the artic and a flight from Vancouver has been attacked by Nazi sharks controlled by undead SS officers! A once thought lost genetic experiment from WWII has survived and has resurfaced. The man behind Reichter Tech was once a part of these so-called secret experiments and has kept himself alive because of them. The K7B formula was made for world domination which killing their own people which he did not agree with. Now the Sky Sharks are mutating and making them harder to detect and defeat. Because of this the only solution left is another horrible experiment from Reichter in 1968 called Project: Dead Flesh! With an incredible cast and all this said sounds like it should be a wonderful B-movie for the ages instead plays out like a dull hot mess. Or best way to summarize, “It’s no Iron Sky” as I give this disappointment 1 star.

 

Day of the Pigs (Vimeo) – A 12 minute short about three men in Luchador masks who just did an armed robbery of a bank. They run into a bit of misfortune during the getaway and need to adjust their plan and find a phone. Now walking they find a farmhouse where they believe their prayers for a phone has been answered. It looks even better with the farmhouse being owned by two beautiful sisters who are not what they appear to be? A crude, but very cool short film from Michael S. Rodriguez, as it combines the horror and action genres in an entertaining manner that shows this filmmaker is very capable of putting together a bigger project. Movie nerds this is another to remember for the future as I give this flick 3 stars.

 

She Wolf Rising (DVD) – Gina Skylar (Tiffany Shepis) is a popular horror film actress who uses her sexual appeal to convince longtime fan Jake to help her with her boss Lonzo. Now most of the film is told like a story from Jake’s point of view to his best friend after finding Gina Skylar’s latest unreleased film on DVD in Jake’s apartment. Gina has Jake investigate people from Lonzo’s work past to understand what is going on as Gina wants to be the number one scream queen. The more Jake gets involved with Gina’s worries the more the film becomes a love story with werewolves. The movie has a hot mess appeal but leave it to the super talented Tiffany Shepis and a good supporting cast in (Debbie Rochon, Tina Krause, and Alan Rowe Kelly) to keep the film interesting enough to make it to its incoherent ending. As usual Tiffany always makes a movie that much better with her amazing on-screen presence but this movie feels like it couldn’t exactly decide what it wanted to be throughout as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #508

0

Gross Movie Reviews #508

Spirit Animal (DVD) – Madeline Deering has made a love letter to The Polonia Brothers, Jon McBride, Todd Sheets, and I am sure a few others that could be mentioned from that bygone era of S.O.V. I easily could have seen myself finding this “we all thought lost 1993 S.O.V. film” in Incredibly Strange Video here in Pittsburgh, Pa.! About 1998, I was finding a lot of these S.O.V. movies from the late 80s and early 90s as independent filmmakers were already using digital video and abandoned the VHS camera. Oh what a time then but that is what makes this such an awesome and unique project as Maddie, Joe, and talented cast got a VHS camera and went into overdrive to get this dream project done. Our story begins at Camp Wannawilla many years ago where a camp counselor is speaking with kids around a campfire about “Spirit Animals”. One child takes exception to this as Aarav believes he can be all of them not just one. Of course the camp counselor meets a horrible death and the camp is closed down. Many years pass and we follow a group of friends to West Virginia on New Year’s Eve to the same Camp Wannawilla. They set up camp, tell the story, and a killer with many animal masks begins slaughtering not just the group but all who enter the woods this New Year’s Eve as a special moon is coming. The music is excellent, ending is fucking great, good editing, good cast, and Maddie puts this all together on a VHS camera, the true old school none of that gimmick shit you get with your fancy laptops and cameras these days! Independent fans rejoice and enjoy because this gets 4 out of 4 stars and will most likely show up on my “Best of 2020 list”.

 

Blade the Iron Cross (On Demand) – So about 20 years too late we get a Blade standalone film Charles Band and Full Moon. Hey I was happy it was going to exist but they also kept it in the Nazi era instead of making it in present time. Bottom line plot wise is a psychic journalist; Elisa owns Blade and brings him to life to fight a Nazi scientist who continues his horrific experiments on humans. This Nazi scientist of course seeks to replicate the Toulon formula but also to enhance it. But Elisa with the help of Blade and a detective try to put a stop to it before it’s too late. For me the question remains do we even get this film if ‘The Littlest Reich’ is ever released? Because I don’t know about you Full Moon fans this movie was just meh as I give it 2 stars.

 

Weedjies! Halloweed Night (On Demand) – Three college girls need to raise funds for their next semester’s tuition so they have a Halloween party. So they rent a hotel in Vegas and Halloween it up for the party. The catch for all to come is that you pay to get in to be a part of a scavenger hunt and whoever wins gets this “ultimate weed”. The party gets going, the hunt begins, and an evil baroness shows up and gets the friends to play an evil game of Ouija that unleashes the “Weedjies”. If they do not capture the Ghoulies-lite extras they will also become part of the game. The Danny Draven film is one of those shut your brain off films that isn’t truly a horror film but kind of fun to watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Yummy (Shudder) – A Dutch horror film about a couple who are going to a shady ass hospital for a breast reduction. Allison feels they are too big and it’s time to do something about them. Finally after a false start because of the boyfriend barging in Allison and the doctors are ready for the surgery. That is until Allison’s boyfriend stumbles in to warn people about the zombie outbreak in the hospital. From there on it is all blood, breasts, and chaos that include a dong on fire! Cool creatures and great effects make this film a riot as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

A Man Called Rage (YouTube) – Another Eye-talian post-apocalyptic film from 1984 that has a lone man named Captain Strike or nicknamed Rage brought to a military facility after he kills like twenty men to begin the film. Rage is a man who never got sick after the nukes but there is many others that did and this group of people living in this facility need his expertise to lead an expedition to find Uranium. They believe with this the people can survive the oncoming illness. Captain Strike agrees and along the way makes a deal with a complete psycho who use to be in his outfit years ago for maps that lead them to an air base in the “Forbidden Lands”. They get there and there is no Uranium but something better… VHS tapes on engineering, seeds, and the bible as I give this fun apocalyptic flick 2 ½ stars.

 

The Torturer (Vimeo) – A short story written by Paul Kane that has made into a short film about a man named Andy Brooks. Andy is thrown into a dark room to be interrogated by a stern man with a clipboard. No backstory, not just yet as this stern figure can’t anything out of Andy except for his name as Andy claims he doesn’t remember anything. What seems like your typical movie interrogation takes a turn when the torture begins and Andy has dreams or flashes of a past life that come to haunt him. An interesting take story wise and worth a look as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. www.LittleSparkFilms.net

Intrusion Disconnected (Google) – This is the long awaited sequel from writer/producer Craig Everett Earl’s 2015 creepy thriller ‘Intrusion’. Mr. Earl and crew waste no time keeping up the creepiness of the connection between Holly and Ray. Some time has passed since the tragic events of the first film and Holly is still nowhere near living a normal life. Convinced Ray is still alive since the police never found his body in the wreckage of the paramedic van’s accident. The nightmares come nightly as Holly wakes up screaming most nights staying with friends just trying to find a way to deal with it. But the gloves are off this time as the anniversary of the horrific event in Holly’s life draws near as there is a slaughter happening and it is slowly closing in on Holly. Craig dives deep into the two characters of Holly and Ray to expand their backstory and show their connection in this bloody sequel. Again they rely heavily on the Holly and Ray characters to move the story along more than blood or sex that is thrown into most Indy films to move them along. This is a unique independent film for the reason it is a true thriller which you do not get much in the low budget world these days and for that I give it 3 out of 4 stars. Katie Stewart and Craig Everett Earl, remember their names as I can see bigger budgeted projects coming their way soon as they are super talented people.

 

Savage Beach (On Demand) – This late 80s big boobied action/adventure flick is about two beautiful DEA agents crash landing on an island that has several people looking for gold. Apparently during WWII a Japanese boat went down nearby or may have shipwrecked on this island as it was carrying a lot of gold that set anybody up for life. So we have a few small groups of individuals trying to dupe the other while they find the gold first. These two beautiful ladies and a strange survivor from WWII just happen to wreck the treasure hunting party. It has a lot adventure hijinks to be put in the 80s sex comedy genre but if you enjoy that genre this will be worth a look as I give it 2 ½ stars for just keeping me entertained all the way through.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #484

0

Gross Movie Reviews #484

 

Elevator (YouTube) – All around cool filmmaker Jim Stramel is back with his latest short film that involves a woman and a man who get on an elevator together. They do not know each other but it is about to get very interesting… Both take turns having their worlds going weird and gory. Could it be sexual tension? Just two deranged individuals happen to get on the elevator? Or is it something even stranger? You be the judge as this was a cool treat to see from Mr. Stramel as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Vacation Massacre (YouTube) – Oh the digging I go looking for ‘massacre’ films as unearthed this unknown S.O.V. flick that’s claims 2001? A few kids head out into the woods with their pump action pellet guns to go hunting. While out there they come across a dead body that begins a series of events once back at their tent. They awake in the morning to it all being a dream but then it all begins to actually take place. Not bad for a couple of kids that most likely stole the parents camera for filming but seems to be a bit unfinished? Anyway if you are a fan of S.O.V. stuff it’s fun checking out this 2 star project… Yes, there is much worse out there.

 

Welcome Home, Brother Charles (DVD) – Charles is up to no good as usual because bottom-line is he needs to make his money and isn’t gonna let the ‘man’ get in the way. But after meeting up with partner at the local hotel they have noticed they are being watched by the ‘man’. The two run in different directions with Charles getting picked up by the police. For what charge not totally sure but one detective isn’t satisfied with running Charles down but beating him up while in handcuffs and then taking a straight razor to his manhood. For this Charles gets three years in the slammer. After being released Charles is a reformed man and wants to stay out of trouble. Understanding it is tough he meets up with a new woman and stops her pimp about to put a beat down on her. Things are looking up for the two until that damn white cop that damaged Charles manhood is considered a local hero on the news. This sends Charles into a rage of revenge as he tracks down the individuals that wronged him, hypnotize their wives, and then strangle the white men with his snake like dong! No shit people I was not expecting this to go down and made for an eye opening exploitation flick. Well worth the watch for super dong and the ending as I give it 3 stars.

 

Dead Teenagers (DVD) – A college student heads to the library and comes across an odd notebook that is on the floor called: “Book of Lore”. He sits to read through the book that happens to have four tales of terror inside: ‘The Boo Men’ is about a young man facing his fear. ‘Full Moon Lighting’ is a tale of a young man coming back from Europe with a secret and finds his ex-girl has one of her own. ‘Skeleton Keys’ is where a young woman heads to her dead grandma’s house to sort out some things. ‘Suckers’ happens to be about a young man who is about to be out of a theater job because it is closing. But first he must fend of vampires that have infested the theater. This was literally one of those middle of the road anthologies. None of the tales sucked out loud but none of them stood out either so take that for what it is as I give the anthology 2 stars.

The Banana Splits Movie (On Demand) – I am ecstatic this film exists! Was it perfect, hell no but it was a fun gory mess of a horror film. So-called film critics, “GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF!” Why this as many other recent horror movies just upset you just to get your clicks I will never understand and maybe that is a good thing. Go be miserable for your clicks somewhere else… Anyway who would have guessed the internet joke that appeared late last year would become a reality? Was it a test or was it something always in the works? Doesn’t matter now as the horror movie is based off of a late 60s kids TV show in present day. Harley’s birthday is today and his family has plans to take him to a live taping of his favorite TV show. While the kids pour into the studio for the live taping it is learned back stage that the robots/Banana Splits will not be needed any longer as the show has been canceled. As the show must go on the Banana Splits have their own agenda as they go on a murderous rampage and kidnap children for their more evil show. I won’t get into too much detail so some of yinz horror fans can enjoy this project but I would have liked a more detailed reason on the reason for the Splits going chaotic? Like I said, “not perfect” but the project was entertaining and gory as I give it 3 stars.

 

Ghastlies (DVD) – Another Brett Kelly project released from Camp Motion Pictures that five years ago has aliens landing on Earth during a cult ritual. Now present day four ladies head out to a remote cabin for some sorority girl ritual or of course just a weekend of partying. The nerdy girl of the group wonders about and finds a VHS tape and plays it. On the tape is a young woman warning anyone who watched it that she is most likely dead but hopes the things she trapped in the fruit cellar/storm basement are also. Once disturbed the puppet creature/aliens begin to devour the humans at the cabin. Their main goal is to eat mankind one human at a time. Always been a fan of Brett Kelly so I looked forward to checking this one out but seem to be a little of a letdown. I thought I was getting an Indy version of “Gremlins”, “Munchies”, or even “Ghoulies” but came off as more of an unfinished project or a couple ideas cobbled together and not seen entirely through. I may only give this film 1 star but still a fan of Mr. Kelly and will be always on the lookout for his next project.

 

Nemesis 5: The New Model (DVD) – You know me I cannot stay from these sequels especially when the opening that explains the movie doesn’t make a whole lick of sense? In the distant future a young girl is sent into the past to be trained by a warrior named Alex to become a savior in the future to fight the Red Army. She is mostly robotic but has more human traits than other cyborgs that helps set her a part in her goal of helping mankind. I spent most of the movie trying to figure out why they didn’t fix the past if they were able to send someone back to be trained? Yeah it is nothing like Albert Pyun underground video classics we remember but you know me if they continue the series somehow I usually end up watching it as I give it 1 star.

 

Hell House LLC (Shudder) – So people come in and decide to investigate and put together a documentary on the tragic event of October 8, 2009 called “Hell House”. It is five years later and still no one has answers to what exactly happened to this Haunted House attraction that on opening night kills 15 people including the group that help build the haunt inside. Through found footage we learn the group begins to experience weird things as they live inside this old closed down hotel and turn it into a cool haunted attraction. The head of the group Alex is hell bent on keeping the haunt going so opening night they can make their money. But as the group begins to question why they are still there Alex convinces them it will be worth it once the lines grow outside opening night. When the attraction opens, chaos begins as things and demons appear, blood flows, and people begin running for their lives. A pretty decent horror flick that paranormal fans should enjoy as I give it 2 ½ stars and a better alternative to the “Grave Encounters” films.

 

Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel (Shudder) – Two years have passed since the interview with a survivor or supposedly a survivor and the disappearance of the reporter Diane. Now a woman who runs a blog is interested in the mystery and wants to investigate the hotel for some tapes that may explain everything that actually happened in the hotel and explain the event in 2009? Her and her two man crew recruits the man behind the documentary and visit along with a medium that has a new show he wants to promote. Once they walk in they soon have been checked in and become part of the legend called Hell House. Some good scares again and begins to explain some interesting back story that makes both of the films an interesting watch and rewatch as I give the sequel 3 stars.

Bad Moon (DVD) – Michael Pare is Uncle Ted out in Nepal doing work. One night Ted and his assistant decide to get buck wild when a bad ass werewolf rips through their tent and tears them a part. A couple months go by as Ted is state side and contacts his sister. Unbeknownst to the sister and her kid Ted has been changing every night ripping through any hiker or group of people wandering through the remote woods. Now the authorities investigating the brutal murders of a possible animal attack Ted moves his trailer to his sister’s house but the family dog isn’t having it. As Ted slowly slips away into the wolf taking over night after night the family dog takes upon itself to attack to protect the family. Great screenplay, great cast, cool werewolf effects, and an awesome fight between the family dog and werewolf! A wonderful 1996 werewolf movie that is unknown to a lot of horror fans. This is always my first film I mention when crazy people always say, “There isn’t any good werewolf movies.” Example: THIS FILM as I give it 4 star stuff right here werewolf fans!

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #453

0

Gross Movie Reviews #453

 

Night of the Demon (YouTube/DVD) – A professor and his students are studying the Bigfoot and its legend behind it head out to the woods. In these woods there are stories of Bigfoot sightings they are trying to investigate to decide for themselves if it is just a hoax? Along the way the professor tells the stories that have told about encounters with Bigfoot in these woods that include: Bigfoot airplane spinning a camper and ripping a dude’s dick off! Even though Bigfoot looks like a giant Irish setter that doesn’t stop him from fucking up some Girl Scouts, having Bigfoot vision like Predator, and apparently Bigfoot was so horny he rapes a young lady in the woods. Some hilarious and entertaining shit that is worth revisiting folks as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Devil’s Express (YouTube) – Some crazy ass mid-70s exploitation that involves a martial arts master, a New York street gang, and a Chinese demon that hangs out in the subway system. People are beginning to die in the subways after this master… Luke comes back home from China and this demon follows him some way, somehow. After his best friend is killed by the demon not a street gang Luke takes it upon himself to seek out the entity and end it. The films starts off slow but stick with it as some entertaining shit gets thrown screen in the second half of the film. I give this flick 3 stars.

 

No Escape Room (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Karen and her father get one weekend a month together and Karen is in her teenager stage of not caring what parents want. When their car breaks down and unsure of what to do until it gets fixed they decide to go a small town “Escape Room”. Karen’s friends have talked about it and dad feels this is a good way to bond. Once there they are with a few other people and the game begins as they only have 60 minutes to get through the spooky house. As they search for keys to move from room to room some freaky things begin to happen and people playing go missing. A little above average horror film that makes you question if any of the events in the film actually happen or not at all? I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Dementia 13 (Remake/DVD) – Very surprised to learn there was a remake of the 1963 classic and this version sticks close to the original concept. An abusing rich husband is killed off by his beautiful wife. A couple weeks go by and the husband’s family arrives at the castle for a weird yearly memorial. The family never approved of the wedding but the wife did not care as she had plans with all the money. But the plot thickens when she killed soon after the family arriving by a hooded figure. A horror film about rich people’s problems with enough blood spilled and a twist to satisfy the curious viewer as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Amazon Hot Box (DVD) – A crowd-funded project about an innocent college student name Penny who is thrown into prison with a few other women for a minor misunderstanding. This prison isn’t a normal prison as it is all “Reform School Girls” inside and Penny is the prize. The island is called Rattica and Warden Inga Von Krupp runs the place in order to carry out her experiments. By the way the evil warden is played perfectly by Ellie Church. In her short career she is making an impact in cinema and people are taking notice. Anyway Krupp enjoys experimenting on the inmates. But Krupp is totally unaware Penny is a KS-13 agent who has been trying to infiltrate the prison to bring it down as another agent tries to break in. The government wants this illegal operation to be brought down. The film is a throwback of sorts to the ‘women in prison’ movies. It’s fun, entertaining, tries its best to hit all the right scenes, but outside Ellie Church’s performance the movie is average as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Sorority Slaughter House (DVD) – A project that stars Eric Roberts, directed by David DeCoteau, and written by Rolfe Kanesky that wasn’t produced by Full Moon somehow. Eric Roberts stars as a dean of a college long enough to commit suicide and have his spirit transferred to a clown doll. After a sorority girl played with his emotions the dean now 12 inches tall decides it is his time to go murder a few sorority girls. The movie gets a little dull in the sense we have seen this horror film one too many times but the highlight for me was I believe the movie was made at the same house in “Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper” and for that I will always enjoy David DeCoteau. It’s bad but a fun bad as I give it 2 stars and don’t forget to look for the nerdy girl using the clown as “an appliance with no quit”…

 

Truth or Dare (SyFy Channel/DVD) – No one cared except the select few cult horror fans know of the Tim Ritter film of the same until this past year where somehow we got two films of the same name but went different directions with the concept. This version goes the twisted route where they make up some simple movie rules for the game that teenagers play. Thirty some years later after a game of Truth or Dare went very tragic some college kids rent the place where it took place and decide to play the game and party. But the game gets out of control quickly as they all get upset with each other and begin to get injured or die because they didn’t do the dare. A demon within the home waits for that certain group of people to latch on and not let go until they all die. Wasn’t expecting much from the movie but was much better than it should have been as I give it 3 stars.

 

Scream for Help (DVD) – This weird version of “The Stepfather” and “ABC After School Special” is pretty sleazy and written by Tom Holland in 1984. A 17 year old Christie Cromwell believes her new step father is trying to kill her and her mother. Christie always felt Paul Fox was good looking enough to steal her mother away but had a feeling he wanted her money more. Since no one believes Christie she goes on a crusade to convince her mother he is cheating on her. Once Christie has proof and her mother does believe her, Paul Fox and another couple who are supposed to be brother and sister decide it is time to purge these two! This weirdo flick gets 2 stars and little known fact is the film was only released on DVD within the past few months.

 

Beyond Atlantis (YouTube) – Sid Haig in an early 70s flick as a pimp who finances a trip for treasure on an island where they encounter natives with big ass eyeballs and a woman that must reproduce! No need to say more as I give it 3 stars.

 

Death Machines (DVD) – An Asian woman and her three assassins have taken over a sleazy city. If you want to put out a hit on someone you must go through her now as her unstoppable assassins cannot be killed. But off course the three men are getting restless with the dragon lady so they kill her and grab a train ticket. Not a whole lot to the film but it does have some entertaining parts as I give it 2 stars.

 

Blood Lake (YouTube/VHS) – A really bad shot-on-video slasher flick about a group of people who head out a vacation spot for some partying. The party is cut short when a deranged killer shows up to start killing people in the group. The acting is bad, the lighting is bad; I think I do better camera work, so I think I really enjoyed this bad movie as I am Tim Gross and I give it 2 stars.

 

13 Ghosts (DVD) – A classic horror from 1960 about a family who inherits a supposedly haunted mansion. The mansion is a home to ghosts that their relative brought from all over the world. Even though the family is haunted by the restless spirits there are even more evil forces at work here trying to get the money that is hidden within the home? I give the classic 3 stars.

Dick Johnson and TommyGun vs. The Cannibal Cop (Blu-ray) – With a title like that you always have my attention just because but it never hurts to have Debbie Rochon and Danny Hicks in your cast also. The movie opens with a woman being abducted in an alley way by a serial killer posing as a police officer. After a detective (TommyGun) gets a piece of info about this he is partnered up with a younger detective Dick Johnson. Together these two are given the go ahead to track down all leads on the case as details have already been leaked to the public. What helps the two unlikely partners is a book made of flesh that was found inside a dufflebag left in the alley way. In Latin the book explains that the killer will keep abducting victims and eating them until he has a hundred souls and he will become a god. As the two detectives set their differences aside to get deeper into the investigation the story takes a nice weird twist. A great buddy cop horror movie that reminds me a little of the 80s film “Dead Heat”. This independent flick has lots of laughs and blood and I can get behind that as I give the feature 3 out of 4 stars. For more details or to purchase the film go to: www.alternativecinema.com or www.facebook.com/AlternativeCinemaVideo .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details and upcoming guests. #grossfest #grossfest2019