Gross Movie Reviews #483

0

Gross Movie Reviews #483

Hitchhiker Massacre (DVD) – Like most recent horror films it claims to be based on true events. Honestly I really don’t care just because you already had me at the title so let’s get on with it. Apparently if you are a hottie and hitchhiking outside of L.A. things are not looking good for you. But Sally who has no car and of course hasn’t seen the Rutger Hauer classic “The Hitcher” says fuck it and starts hoofing it to Colorado. While camping, an older dude comes along to check on Sally as she is camping on a hillside near the road. Believing she could trust old dude she jumps in the truck for the free ride and hopes to get to Colorado quicker. Unbeknownst to Sally the hottie is old dude is in the business of slicing and dicing young people out in the middle of nowhere to sell their body parts. It’s a wonderful business according to old dude. He gets a text from the unknown buyer and he precedes carving out that organ and when to get rid of the body. The side plot is the local sheriff who is intrigue with all the desert disappearances and believes he is finally on the right track of capturing the bastard who is responsible. This movie has no business being as interesting as it was and I was happy with actually being entertained when I was fully expecting a big pile of goat crap! For that I give it 2 stars.

 

Undead Fred (YouTube) – The latest short film from filmmaker Sam Hodge that has a young couple spending an evening together by the edge of the woods. The couple is rudely interrupted when Fred is bitten in the ass by a zombie! Thus starting a zombie apocalypse! A good amount of gore, zombies, and a great intro for a future cool Indy feature that many will love as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. Let’s hope Mr. Hodge and company can give us an Indy zombie feature we all can sink our teeth into?

The Windmill Massacre (DVD) – You gotta love a flick that has the tagline: This isn’t hell. This is Holland. Jennifer is a young woman who is on the run from authorities and her past. She gets lucky and is able to jump on the ‘Happy Holland Tours’ bus before it leaves without a ticket. The tour of course takes a group of people and Jennifer to see the historical windmills of Holland. Along the way the bus breaks down and so is Jennifer as she is trying to decide if her dead father is actually back or she is just seeing things. After one person of the group is viciously attacked and dismembered by a dark figure the group sees an old windmill to take refuge at. As the group of people get to know each other trying to figure out what they should do next in order to get back to civilization things are revealed. This group of people and the bus are there for a reason so maybe it is hell? Great amount blood, awesome kill scenes, and the dark figure  happens to be a cool looking creature that makes this ‘massacre’ flick well worth the time of checking out as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Terror Experiment (DVD) – Here is a bootleg SyFy Channel flick with a solid cast that has flown under the radar of most of us. A virus has been released into the atmosphere of a building in an attempt to expose the U.S. government and all their dirty secrets. The biological warfare is brilliant but has no known antidote. People on the bottom six floors quickly become infected and start attacking anyone that enters. Meanwhile there is some survivors on the upper floors that are just trying to find a way out while government and emergency personal on the outside are not on the same page. Of course the government wants to keep everything quiet. What makes this virus-infected film entertaining enough is that the infected are not flesh eaters but just brutally attacking people. And the film is not trying to reinvent the zombie film but show how the government would most likely fuck shit up to keep it all quiet no matter what cause the virus was released for… So for that I give this little surprise 2 ½ stars.

 

El Toro Azul’s Monster Movie a Go-Go Presents: Night of the Living Dead (DVD) – The cool little Indy company Witch Doctor Films is at it again where a couple of masked Mexican wrestlers and their beautiful full-figured young lady co-host entertain in segments throughout the Romero classic. NOTLD is always the go to for horror hosts but Witch Doctor Films has done nothing but entertain me since I met up with them a couple years ago. So zombie fans another one for your collection as I give it 3 stars.

 

Occurrence at Mills Creek (Vimeo) – A short film about a broken family dealing with death but is the family truly broken? As the character Clara has flashbacks of her family trying to think if things could have been different. Is this a dream, a paranormal thing, or something maybe even more evil? One thing is sure this short film is a prelude of a potentially interesting horror feature of the same name coming in 2020 as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Exposure (Blu-ray) – A young couple (James and Myra) head to the mountains for a fresh start. There is a cabin there that James use to visit every summer as a kid and has some fond memories of. Once there the isolated surroundings begin to affect them slightly but differently. James after some prying from Myra tells the story of the weird going-ons and his family many years ago. As the slow burn story moves along it is apparent something unnatural is trying to unravel the relationship between James and Myra with a wonderful creature effects payoff. I give this slow burn Indy flick 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! (DVD) – A holiday horror that was directed by Chad Ferrin and produced by Trent Haaga that deals with a special needs teenager. Now I was on the fence with the flick because it deals with a special needs kid and didn’t know if this was just gonna be cruel and dumb? So I gave it a chance as it deals with Nicholas who is 16, has special needs and is a big fan of the Easter Bunny! While Nicholas takes the trash out for his mom he has a run-in with a homeless man who trades him an Easter Bunny for a bag of bottles and cans. This makes Nicholas ecstatic as he loves the Easter Bunny. Meanwhile the next day is Easter and mom gotta work a double shift leaving the shitbag boyfriend in charge of Nicholas. Remington is a shitbag of enormous proportions as he is gonna pimp out Nicholas while he goes and gets a couple of girls for holiday pleasure. But if it is up to Nicholas and his new Easter Bunny friend some horrible stuff is about to go down and anybody that has looked at Nicholas funny is about to get fucked up by a bunny-masked killer! The movie gets a little sleazy at times but the slightly surprise ending makes it worth sitting through and cheering for the Nicholas character. I enjoyed the film overall but it could have left another five or ten minutes on the cutting room floor to give it a leaner murderous holiday feel as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Advertisements

Gross Movie Reviews #417

0

Gross Movie Reviews #417

 

Good Morning Carlos (Vimeo) – A short film from Brazilian filmmaker Gurcius Gewdner, that sets up a feature length film. Say that dude’s name a few times. The short film introduces the audience to Carlos, a man who apparently does not eat enough fruit and fiber according to his doctor. Carlos calls the poor doctor 4am crying and screaming then disappears throughout the city holding his stomach and puking disgusting cream corn. It’s weird, a little disgusting, but sets you up for the feature as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Pazucus: Island of Vomit and Despair (Vimeo/DVD) – This is the 110 minute vision of the “Good Morning Carlos” fleshed out. Now it took me a little bit to understand what the hell was going on but I am a dumb American and chose to watch the feature before the short film. If I would have did it in reverse no problem. But anyway Carlos is having bowel issues and his doctor is not too happy with Carlos calling him in the middle of the night. As Carlos bleeds, pukes, and drools all over the local streets, Carlos’ doctor is busy stalking a grocery store and random people thinking they are Carlos. Once he has them he kills them in various ways as he keeps stalking Carlos. Meanwhile Carlos keeps puking his way to an island where folks are making out on the beach and partying. Here is where it gets a little weird not that this film wasn’t already a complete chaotic fun mess but while Carlos is wallowing in a poopy stream but an extra from “Cannibal Holocaust” finds him! This Amazon woman screams hugs, screeches, etc. at Carlos to help him with his shit monsters inside of him. Yes people, ‘Shit Monsters’ and they are the sign of the apocalypse! Once Carlos poops out the shit monsters they begin a killing spree including Carlos’ doctor. This film is amazingly very disgusting and not for the weak minded. It says in the credits it was inspired by Frank Hennelotter and Roger Corman but I would like to throw in a little Troma? My only real complaint with this crazy ass weirdness is I believe it could have found a happy medium between the short film running time and the feature length (110 minutes) running time but outside of that this film will find its audience as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Night Claws (DVD) – David A. Prior of S.O.V. “Sledgehammer” fame apparently made a Bigfoot film a few years back. It was pretty solid! Bigfoot stalks a small town Alabama woods and it’s pissed off and bloodthirsty. Small town sheriff struggling for answers begrudging allows Professor Sarah Evans along for the ride to help out. But as the bodies pile up and the professional hunter stalking Bigfoot it cause issues for the small town sheriff to stop the murderous rampage of the beast. Seriously the movie surprised me of how solid the story was as most lower budgeted Bigfoot movies are usually hot garbage. Not Mr. Prior’s vision, kudos to you sir and thank you as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (DVD) – If there is such a thing as hate watching I did it with every fucking entry into this stupid zombie series. We come to find out of course it all comes back to Raccoon City or now what looks like a rejected set from “The Walking Dead”. And Alice must rush back to ‘The Hive’ to get the airborne cure for the T-virus to save the world. One question: Can this series be remade now by someone that actually knows the video game characters and knows how to make a zombie movie or we gonna suffer a pseudo-reboot in about four years starting all over again with Mila? So again I give this crap as this might be the only thing I hate more than stupid fucking boring ass Mothra!

 

Foreword (YouTube) – A very good actor/director Michael McCallum’s latest short film that was entered into the Detroit 48 hour film fest. As usual Michael McCallum gives us a dramatic and smart short film in “Forword”. An author who has written much lately sends a postcard to himself that can change his life? I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

The Dark Side of the Womb (Vimeo/DVD) – The film begins with a woman giving birth and a nurse of course helping her along. Problem or usually isn’t but in this case it is as the woman is having twins. She doesn’t give a flying turd about the second child as the first child is a child of a war hero and should be cherished. The other should be thrown away? 30 years pass and the cool and good looking brother goes out to meet his girlfriend but instead meets death from two murderous clowns. Meanwhile, a bigger woman named Linda gives birth to an adult head but her boyfriend just fell and has caused brain death so head transplant by Dr. Hook’s best friend who does bizarre surgeries. And we get one of the greatest quotes from an independent film: Dr. Hook says, “I know a guy who does bizarre transplants!” So the ugly twin Ed and Linda meet at Doctor Hook’s office one day and it is love at first sight until Linda’s ex now a killer clown comes a knocking… The people that were casted as Ed and Linda were an absolute treat to watch. Sam Salerno’s feature is hilarious, bizarre, and ridiculous and I enjoyed it as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Twelve Pole (YouTube/DVD) – Sam Hodge set out to make an independent feature that has a group of innocent house flippers buying a house to fix up and sell. Seems like easy cash so after a quick decision they buy it but need someone to stay at the house and wait not only for them to bring tools back in a few days, but the electric guy, locksmith, etc. Will gets stuck staying there so he convinces his girlfriend to stay with him but after one night of strange noises and someone grabbing her she leaves. The guys get back a few days later and Will looks like shit but gets back in the groove after he buries some witchcraft shit he found. Or he thinks he buried all of it. The group of friends begins to turn on each other and just brutally mangle each other until there is only one of them left? The film is well structured and definitely has that fun creepy feel but it’s almost 105 minute running time needs cut down to 75 minutes in my opinion to keep that cool and creepy feel of the trailer for the flick. Sam Hodge and others made sure there are likable characters and great gore scenes but I believe the film needs condensed some as the conversations/dialogue do get dull. With that in mind it is a rough cut and I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out the Facebook group for details: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1883916838523111