Gross Movie Reviews #557
House of the Damned (DVD) – This early 60s creep fest has a man named Scott doing a favor for a friend by going to this out of the way place to do an architectural survey of a coastal castle. Once Scott retrieves keys to the “Rochester Place” some strange things seem to be happening but nothing too scary until a woman disappears. After some investigation we come to found out the castle was a haven for carnival workers who no longer had a home. Spooky with an odd ending makes me give this oddity 2 ½ stars.
Voodoo Apocalypse (DVD) – An independent production filmed in Spain with an ambitious idea of a Grindhouse film set in 1979 Mexico. Two cops: White Chocolate and Charlie Vargas team up to bring down an elusive drug dealer Jimmy Vanilla. The film loses some steam over time but overall is still a fun production that looks mostly watered down to American audiences since the theme has been done to death but I still give it 2 stars.
Piranha (DVD) – Another 70s film of the same name but has no relation to the wonderful Corman flick that stars William Smith as a bad ass hunter in Nicaragua. A brother/sister combo head to the jungle for a photo shoot and run across this bad ass hunter character in a bar and quickly become friends. Everything is pretty innocent enough until the hunter wants more and makes the siblings his prey. A slow build up but a fun payoff for this early 70s flick that I give 2 stars too.
Attack of the Giant Leeches (DVD) – This late 50s flick centers on a new wildlife officer working the swamp country where he believes a monster might be killing off local folk? Problem becomes very convincing when the locals see tentacles attacking and not the usual hungry gators! These monstrous things are kidnapping people so they will be food for these things later on as I give this executive produced Corman drive-in special 2 ½ stars.
Bleeding Steel (DVD) – A newer Jackie Chan film where after a huge shootout with Jackie and his team trying to protect a doctor and his experiment in protective custody. Shit goes south pretty quick and gets brutal… 13 years later and the fallout continues when this mad evil genius villain dude is in Sydney, Australia tracking down a teenager who supposedly has been implanted with the bio-blood and experimental heart. She is able to regenerate if needed reason for the evil genius tracking her down how many years later. After all these years Jackie Chan is still protecting her and can still kick ass at his advanced age as I give the film 2 ½ stars.
Sudden Death (DVD) – Valarie Wells is a successful woman who one evening gets beat up and raped by two men who stole a taxi. With the lack of police help she of course goes all ‘Death Wish’ on dudes as she tracks down the two hoodlums who screwed her up. She gathers such a kill count she becomes known as “the dum dum killer”. No JCVD here but this 1985 direct-to-video flick packs enough revenge killings to keep the older audience interested as I give this lesser known VHS treat 2 ½ stars.
Blitz (DVD) – Jason Statham is a bad ass cop who gets the job done even if it means coloring outside the lines a bit but never crossing the line. He is warned by his superiors to keep a low profile after the latest incident has hit the papers but he is quickly brought back into the fold when a young man decides to be a cop killer. Barry wants to be known and wants to kill all cops brutally. Your usual cookie cutout action flick but Jason Statham always seems to make even the average action cop flicks worth watching as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (On Demand) – HOLY F’N SHIT! It took 24 years but yinz finally made a movie that is worthy of the games. There is no Ali Larter or Milla whoever… Point is yinz went with the idea of combining the first two games, making the film R-rated, and presto we finally got the horror film we all deserved. No, the films isn’t perfect but after what six, seven F’N ‘Resident Evil’ films I can actually sit and enjoy one… Yes kids, go support this so we get the sequel that is needed as I give it 3 ½ stars.
Candyman (On Demand) – So what do we call it? Remake, sequel, continuation… whatever you the viewer wanna call it, I want to call it a good movie. I enjoyed the respect the original got and how this present story not only connects to the original but ties in some of the social things of today’s world. I enjoyed the snide comments about present day things because they are all very relevant. It has been 30 years since the Candyman has been present but when a struggling artist finds the old ghetto of Chicago he falls down the rabbit hole of bringing Candyman to light again. I enjoyed the first film and I enjoy this film all the sequels are just filler but to the new viewers this should make you want to introduce yourself to Tony Todd and the underrated character of “Candyman” as I give this 3 stars.
Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet (DVD) – Oh shit kids yinz need to see this as this sci-fi craziness from the mid-60s stars Basil Rathbone (go look that one up young people?) and it is set in year 2020! Fuck yeah I am in! Anyhow there is Moon colonies for astronauts to hang out while they make the jump to Venus so they can explore the planet. Once there they find all kinds of late night horror host fun with dinosaurs and shit that wants to eat them! All joking aside this is a fun cheesy flick to introduce to friends who like beer and movies as I give this 3 stars.
The Amityville Horror (DVD) – Holy crap I have never reviewed the original scary fuckin house flick that didn’t just affect me but a whole generation of people. The Lutz family supposedly buys a house and within 28 days a ghost, demon, etc. makes the family move out because they will die. Now, the source material is much scarier and sketchy than the actual film now that we all know too much? The film that made haunted house flicks still a thing has lost its luster now that I am revisiting it after many years. It has a great cast but I truly believe this film is dated and no way holds better than ‘The Exorcist’ or ‘The Omen’ but that is for a whole other conversation. Not saying avoid this horror classic but unlike some other horror greats time has not been kind to this feature that stars a James Brolin and Margot Kidder as I give it 2 stars (sorry horror fans).
Inferno (DVD) – Always looking to cleanse the palate or just trying to find some action flick only two people in a basement of a home in Nebraska I came across this freaking gem starring JCVD and Danny Trejo! Oh folks, this was like the “Price is Right” of action films as it was a gaggle full actors that were looking for a paycheck show up! The review would be two pages long if I listed all the familiar faces in this… But anyway JCVD aka Eddie is riding through the desert to go see his old war buddy to give him a present and advice on a journey? But some meth heads controlled by Larry Drake interrupt this journey and steal his present. Saved by Danny Trejo, Eddie seeks revenge and turns a small town on these half-wit drug dealers. A not well-known 1999 JCVD flick that is worth the search to watch as I give it 3 stars for the mere reason you could make this a drinking game every time you named a celebrity in this shit.
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