Gross Movie Reviews #568

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The Oily Maniac (YouTube) – A Shaw Brothers mid-70s weirdness shot in Malaysia that is just a delightful cultish film for yinz all to enjoy. A young handicapped man copies a spell that was tattooed on a man’s back at the last request of said man. As he is sentenced to death he begs for the spell to be used. The young man struggles with this idea but eventually decides to use it against those who done wrong to his family. This spell turns the man into an indestructible slimy monster that knows martial arts at any point in time the young man dumps diesel or oil upon himself. This dirty hero kills rapists, unlicensed doctors, and random criminals who try to extort money from him as they learn his identity. This crazy monster flick is one of the oddest but hilarious films that I have ever had the pleasure of encountering especially when the monster gets real tired real quick after he has killed someone… This weird monster film is nowhere near perfect but will leave an impression on you unlike most films have before as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Midnight Offerings (VHS/YouTube) – This early 80s light-hearted horror film was a TV movie that stars Melissa Sue Anderson as Vivian who happens to be a full blown witch that uses her dark magic to get everything she wants in high school. Dave her boyfriend is having trouble knowing what Vivian is doing and wants no part of her or the powers. Then comes along Robin the new girl with a bit of a past and of course her and Dave hit it off which doesn’t make Vivian happy, Vivian soon figures out Robin isn’t just another high school girl she can push around with her dark magic. Dave’s friend tries to explain to Robin she is a powerful witch, that it is in her blood but unlike Vivian it comes to her naturally. This struggle between witches leads to a high school showdown between the two in this horror film for beginners as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Doctor Sleep (DVD) – If you don’t know already I am not a fan of ‘The Shining’. Wanted to put that out there as some horror fans will die claiming that film is one their favorites of all time. Hey more power to you, I hated it, Stephen King hated it, I found it boring, and without Jack Nicholson it’s a different film? Anyway with that out of the way who would have guessed there would be a sequel? Wasn’t gonna give this film a chance but as usual I eventually did. This film picks up right after the events of the hotel decades ago showing Danny Torrance struggling with this so-called power “The Shining”. Decades later Danny is a tortured soul drunk who talking to his dead mentor figures out how to lock away these ghosts of the past that haunt him. He then finds himself in Frazier, New Hampshire working at a hospice finding purpose again? As he gets cleaned up, stable, Danny has a psychic pen pal never thinking much about it until now. After several years of this writing back and forth the teenager shows up to visit Doc/Danny to tell him about a group of people who are able to live forever because they fed on kids mostly who have “The Shining”. This power, their soul, whatever is able to sustain these people’s immortality. Doctor Sleep, a friend, and this powerful young girl figure out this group of people must be stopped before they take any more young lives that have this power. If anything that comes out of this sequel is that it actually makes sense out of the original film for me that I could never get into. I now see the original in a different light, but still do not like it but will give credit oddly to this sequel that explains the whole mythos behind “The Shining” and for that I give it much kudos for a film that I may have otherwise never gave a chance as I give ‘Doctor Sleep’ 3 stars.

Meathook Massacre VI: Bloodline (YouTube) – No way this was a remake of ‘Hellraiser IV’ but as usual flesh face himself Bubba, continues his murdering antics using his meathook to hack through new victims. It’s funny with the strange turn the series has taken as ‘Meathook Massacre’ has literally become one big ‘X-Files’ episode with the Meathook family as one big government experiment gone wrong. To me at least it took a cue from ‘Saw IV’ or changing the tone in the series by giving the middle finger to fans of previous installments and just making shit up? Fucked up but hey I still found it entertaining. But that is a whole other dumb ass conversation we do not need to get into right now as we get a plot this time around where two sisters recently found out they have family they never about? One sister of course is all for it, the other Kelly suspects something is amiss here? Kelly is super stressed about the whole thing and that includes the supposed “Big Feast Thing” that is going to happen. Then Kelly is contacted by a mystery man with info on her new family which doesn’t smooth things over and how the whole community around them is in on the act! For Kelly this info comes too late as Bubba and the clan does not like loose ends and they had a purpose of why they are here and now it’s time to disappear again as they have finally found what they been looking for… Oddly enough for me this sequel actually made some kind of sense but we are talking about someone who purposely watched 36 Amityville films in six weeks but again that is for another conversation as I give this 2 stars.

Carver’s Gate (DVD) – A 90s Michael Pare futuristic film that is also known as ‘Cyber Cop’ has a great weird opening with a naked Michael Pare and I thought I was going to be in for  real treat? Sadly it was a mere way too long mess that is a bad mixture of ‘Johnny Mnemonic’ and ‘Brainscan’. This mess has Pare as a “Dream Breaker” or police officer for the virtual reality world. The film has that post-apocalyptic feel but never really dives into that world that may have made this a much better feature? After the main game creator dies in VR space (cheese and crackers this is so 90s) the Dream Breaker must investigate as the line between reality and dream world is blurred. There was a good idea and some monsters in this holy mess might plain and simple this film was a mess from beginning to end as it gets 1 star for Pare’s naked ass!

The Dirty Hands Man (YouTube) – A short crime drama about a group of friends who are brutally murdered around a campfire. Detectives unsuccessfully try to connect dots with a supposed suspect of this horrible night as this sadistic act cannot be explained? I liked where the film goes but for me at least in the end it felt like there was not a true ending as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Jail Bait (DVD) – Decided to step out of my comfort zone and checked out an Ed Wood film but not one of the ones people know him for. This 1954 crime drama is about a criminal duo Vic Brady and Don George who had a great plan to stick up a theater and leave with a good chunk of change. Problem arises when Vic shoots the security guard and Don has decided he wants to turn himself in after a conversation with his father. Vic not too keen on this idea kidnaps Don and forces Don’s father, a plastic surgeon to change his face so him and his girl can escape the police. Cheesy, bad acting, but there is a certain charm to this flick and Ed Wood for that matter that maybe it’s time for Indy filmmakers remember to keep doing their thing as I give this 2 ½ stars.

Deadly Scavengers (DVD) – This S.O.V. flick is from 2000/2001 where Dr. Fielding has isolated himself and his daughter at a secret lab in the wilderness to create something terrible and hungry! Once this thing gets loose from the lab, communication is lost so a group of mercenaries is put together to investigate and possibly recover this project. This band of rejects or so-called mercenaries is terrible and that is just being nice but hey they take two days or 50 minutes of the film to go hiking through the woods. Or as I like to point out “filler” which gets way worse when they all start to have sex in their tents and going over old stories we never knew about? But nevermind that someone get that one mercenary a burger because her boney ass scared the shit out of me as I was waiting for her naked ass to break in half! “Oh hey mercs, there is only ten minutes left in the film? Can yinz please introduce the giant roach creature and find the isolated lab?” Not saying but just saying… This utter garbage is just that, garbage but I laughed so there is some value to that as I give it 1 star.

Elvira’s Haunted Hills (DVD) – It was time to rewatch Elvira’s second big screen feature that takes place in 1851 Carpathia. Here Elvira is an entertainer down on her luck of sorts until a gentleman gives her a ride to a castle that just happens to be haunted. If Elvira isn’t doing dance numbers, banging the make model, or cracking jokes she is trying to unravel the mystery of the person that died many years ago that looks exactly like her? This feature is fun but nowhere near “Mistress of the Dark” but still watchable as I give it 2 stars.

Bubba’s Dead: The Final Massacre (YouTube) – Dustin Ferguson returns one last time to give this series a proper burial… maybe? As Bubba and Aunties on the highway still going with their murderous ways they have seem to catch the eyes of not just authorities but the media which is not good for the meathook family. Now, with a few of the family left and Auntie and Bubba killing a F.B.I. agent, Bubba’s mother returns to set things right as they can just become a story again. Weirdly and to my surprise this series may have an odd but satisfying ending for those who choose to watch all these films in a row so kudos to Dustin and friends as I give the final installment 2 ½ stars.

Cyber Tracker 2 (VHS) – Don “The Dragon” Wilson is a federal agent Captain Philips who in the future has help from Cyber Tracker #9 who helps busting counterfeit money rings. But things get turned upside for Philips when his reporter wife walks into a major press conference and guns down a man with a huge shootout proceeding after it. Now Cyber Tracker #9 has been assigned to track her down as Philips investigates and finds info that a cyber-clone of her was used! An arms dealer has stolen the secretive Cyber Tracker Tech and plans on making an army of unstoppable androids for world domination. This isn’t another generic ‘Robocop’ flick as this B-action flick goes out of its way to have lots of explosions, shootouts, and a fun ending to the sequel as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Sword and The Sorcerer (Blu-ray) – If you are over the age of 40 and a fan of fantasy films you do remember this Albert Pyun gem that was released in the early 80s. For the love of Rutger Hauer people: It had a cool looking dude with three swords that shoot at people, Richard Moll as a demon, and Richard Lynch as an evil king! This fantasy film is a wonderful reminder there was other cool shit on film before we started really getting the big budget projects. But just recently a two-disc Blu-ray of the film has been released and it is packed with goodies of not just Pyun telling stories but several people who were involved. They cover everything from the tragic death of a stuntman to what the hell happen to that sequel we were promised to Pyun’s troubles as a first time director on a big time Hollywood project. So do yourself a favor fantasy film fans grab this new release and take a trip down memory lane of Talon and his three pronged sword facing off against a bad ass demon and hell Richard Lynch one the ultimate bad guys to be on film as I give it 4 stars.

Bio-Slime (DVD) – A briefcase holding a genetic mutation has been stolen from a government building for a trade off a mysterious man. Both die and a young woman drives home in a car soaked in blood looking for help from friends. The briefcase is brought in and opened by a drunk artist who is about to be booted from the building. The experiment comes to life and now is infecting the building and feeding upon the poor souls trapped inside with no escape unless this group of people can stay calm and thinks together? The creature or slime monster is great, the setting for this slimy monster and victims is awesome, and the script has fun with the characters that are introduced to us, excellent this what I like about low budget horror films that surprise you and this did as I give it 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

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Gross Movie Reviews #528

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Gross Movie Reviews #528

 

Blood and Flesh: The Reel Life and Ghastly Death of Al Adamson (DVD) – An absolutely great and super interesting documentary about a filmmaker who made movies out of nothing during the 60s and 70s. And when he had nothing he would begrudgingly use his own money to bring his visions to life on the big screen. Most of his films were drive-in fodder but that didn’t stop him from giving audiences what they wanted: bikers, stuntmen, bad effects, gimmicks, whatever to get the picture sold! Mr. Adamson was an Indy talent like no other and made lots of friends along the way. But Al’s life was cut short by a so-called contractor he hired to work on his home. Hell, his story has been on the ID channel. The documentary is full of funny stories about his films getting made but it also chronicles the tragic event and how it was uncovered in the end. Wonderful stuff that makes me want to track down some of this filmmaker’s films as I give the documentary 4 stars.

 

High on the Hog (DVD) – A rather different and recent film from the talented Tony Wash whose film is considered one of the last appearances of the legendry Sid Haig. His film is like a colorful grindhouse flick about reefer madness. The story has three cute farm girls rolling into town selling their product to the local drug dealers as it is straight from the farm as they say. The girls and Big Daddy are just family farmers who are trying to survive in this cruel world. Unbeknownst to the family farmers’ federal agents are investigating tainted weed after several deaths. The family becomes a suspect after a rookie agent takes the initiative to go undercover and become part of the family to bust them. But Big Daddy doesn’t want to let go of the farm unless it’s the last possible thing. The film also stars Robert Z’dar, the talented Elle Church, and Joe Estevez as the ending wasn’t an ending I thought was coming? But anyway as usual I do not deny Tony Wash’s talent as a filmmaker but this film just didn’t do it for me as I could only give it 2 stars.

 

Heatseeker (DVD) – An Albert Pyun film that begins in Vegas 2019 where a human kickboxer reigns as champion of the world where cybernetics are all the rage among fighters. After this defeat a bunch of corporations get together to have a tournament where fighters with even more cybernetics can fight to the death to be the real world champion. Human champion Chance O’Brien is lured in after his soon-to-be wife and trainer is kidnapped by a crazed corporate asshat! A fun direct-to-video film from the 90s that is worth tracking down to see acting vet Thom Matthews to get in on the action as I give it 2 1 /2 stars.

 

The Town that Loved Bigfoot (DVD) – A hilarious and perfect documentary for all about a small southern town that has embraced Bigfoot! The town is Evergreen, Alabama where a newspaper article was written there several years ago about a strange creature being seen near town and from there the legend has grown. There are interviews with locals, hunters, Bigfoot hunters and their experiences around the town. If ever interested in Bigfoot start with this film as I give it 4 stars.

 

Future Hunters (DVD) – A lovely post-apocalyptic flick of sorts that seems to has a bigger budget than it actually does. The film stars Richard Norton and Robert Patrick and it was made in the Philippines of course! A man from 2025 gains possession of the ‘spear of destiny’ and it sends him back in time 40 years at the same site where Michelle and Slade are checking out an old church. Future man Matt hands of the spear to the couple as he dies to say to them “protect it with their lives”. The couple has a chance to prevent the nuclear holocaust that destroyed and formed Matt’s world in 2025. The couple argues what should be done with the spear until bootleg Playboy Buddy Rose comes looking for it and chases them all over the world for it! This post-apocalyptic film is one of the best to come out of the Philippines compared to some of the slop I have watched over the years. Plus if that isn’t enough you do get a great scene of Robert Patrick in his Fruit of the Looms and see the tan lines! Also what helps with the film is if you are able to track down an episode of Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs that had this film on as it was perhaps the funniest episode of the bunch. Great stunts, non-stop fun, an actual script, Robert Patrick, for that I give it 3 ½ stars.

Ditch Day Massacre (DVD) – First to find this film you may have to look for it under its recently change title “Ditch Day” most likely from a distribution company picking it up? We begin with a teenage girl (Jenny) who drives home drunk from a party and gets into an accident. She causes the death of a wife and young daughter but her father covers it up because he is a respected cop. One year later the husband/father (Bill Oberst Jr.) of the deceased wants revenge and starts with kidnapping Jenny’s father and mother. Jenny knows she was in the wrong but was apparently out of the loop that she caused death during this accident and it was reported as a hit and run the cops couldn’t solve. But that doesn’t help Jenny as now there is a cold-blooded killer after her and friends as they have ditched school to have a party. Wasn’t exactly thrilled with the ending and also found myself rooting for the killer to fuck Jenny’s shit up so I am kinda of torn with this ‘massacre’ title. Either way I give it 2 ½ stars for the mere fact I will remember this flick for a while and always cool to see Bill Oberst Jr. in a cool role.

 

Massacre (DVD) – An Eye-talian flick that Lucio Fulci only produced. The film seems to be about a red-gloved killer in sunglasses but by the end of the film I felt there were three different killers? Anyway a horror movie is being filmed and murders seem to take place nearby on a regular basis and the local authorities are trying to solve them. The giallo if you wanna call this flick was harder to follow than some of giallos I have watched recently but for entertainment value it did have a bootleg Shannon Doherty, bootleg Bruce Jenner, and a bootleg Reggie Bannister. Also if you do try tracking down this ‘massacre’ title be on the lookout for English subtitles as it was hard to find this film with some as I give it 1 star.

Garden Tool Massacre (DVD) – August 23, 1990, a man of the name Charles Scavolini chosen to murder his wife. Seven years later still serving his life sentence in Glenvale Sanatorium because he was deemed insane at trial has now found a way to escape the asylum. When Charles does he heads home only to find there is someone else living in his old home. So this causes Charles to grab a mask, garden tools, and go slicing and dicing through those who occupy his residence. This UK S.O.V. release has been rarely seen until recently as SRS Cinema has released it in all its glory of nostalgic video packaging for the world to enjoy as I give this title 1 ½ stars.

 

The Cat O’Nine Tails (DVD) – A fan favorite of Dario Argento’s that has murders of people who were connected to secret research projects. A blind man and his daughter suspect something fishy and visit a reporter who reported on the murder in the train station that was declared an accident. After talking the reporter and the blind man try their best to solve the murders before they become murdered themselves! A lot of character development in this film as this film even feels longer than the usual giallo as I give it 2 stars. I am sure Argento fans will be sending me hate mail for that one but again giallos are just not in my wheelhouse but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t give it a try…

 

The Texas Frightmare Massacre (DVD) – A 2010 effort from Joe Francis who decided to make the famous convention his backdrop for his no budget film. Eugene and Lyle train to be security guards only to have their first week of being security guards to be at the hotel the weekend of Texas Frightmare Weekend. Meanwhile while the duo have their troubles of making it through training, douchebag Todd and his hot ass girl Mary (thank you for being a redhead) are forced to take Mary’s step brother Max to the convention. Let’s not forget to mention Todd and Mary have sex with a horse head on while thinking about killing off Max. But once at the convention and mistreated one too many times by Todd, Max turns the tables on the couple. After dealing with the couple to put it in desirable terms Max goes on his convention killing spree. Thus it is up to the new security guards to stop the killer. Not the best of plots (especially since ‘The Horror Convention Massacre” predates this film by three years), running time is way too long for something that could have been an entertaining 30 minutes long, but the biggest mistake is no T-shirt Joe and Fast Custom Shirts! How Joe and his shirts were not featured in this was a poor decision. I will give credit for having the hot redhead Mary and the funny Eugene and Lyle characters but if you are going to use this convention as your back drop Joe Garcia has to be the star and for that I only can give this film a ½ star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #429

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Gross Movie Reviews #429

 

Vengeance Runs Red (Vimeo) – A short film from filmmaker Philip Brocklehurst that tells the story of two who men who are haunted by a past mistake. A young dude takes upon himself to serve justice that is due. I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Want to find out more go here: www.facebook.com/philip.brocklehurst.9

 

War of the Dead (DVD) – The film isn’t horrible but it’s not great either. The film is just another run of the mill Nazi zombie flick that isn’t very memorable. Sorry horror folk no “Outpost”, “Dead Snow”, or “Frankenstein’s Army” here. Just keep moving along as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

The Rezort (DVD) – Another fun take on the zombie genre from the UK I believe? Ten years has passed since some worldwide virus turns millions of humans into zombies. The antidote was introduced to everywhere except one island. This island has now become a ‘Jurassic Park’ of zombies where some big corporation got the idea of if you got the money they have the zombies to shoot and kill. But no one thinks how are they resupplying the stock of zombies? The story mainly revolves a woman whose father was killed during riots when the zombie virus first started to spread. She believes going to this island will get her over her nightmares and fears? Once there she has faced her fears but wasn’t counting on the zombies getting loose in the park and begin feasting on all vacationing there. Now, she and a small group of others have five hours to get off the island before the military levels the island! A wildly entertaining zombie flick folks as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Nemesis 3: Time Lapse (VHS) – I got bored and decided to fall down the Albert Pyun wormhole again and watched these not needed sci-fi sequels that feature Tim Thomerson and Sue Price. In this mid-90s sequel Sue Price is searching out and destroying cyborgs as Tim Thomerson keeps a watchful eye over her for Central Command. Central Command wants her alive at all costs. Really folks not a whole lot happens in this flick but if you are a Tim Thomerson fan I totally get why you would track this bad boy down as I give it 1 ½ stars. The film also is known as “Nemesis 3: Prey Harder”.

 

Nemesis 4: Cry of Angels (VHS) – Albert Pyun brings back Sue Price one more time for what I like to call “Nemesis 4: Sue Price Bangs all the Cyborgs”. Never mind Andrew Divoff’s head speaks about cyborg non-sense throughout the movie. Sue Price’s goal in 2080 apparently is to be naked and bump uglies with all the cyborgs and then kill them. I believe the alternative title to this flick was actually “Hardbodies 3”? But that couldn’t be confirmed or denied at this time. But the gist of the flick this time around is Price’s character fucked up at some point and now there are Hunters all over her naked muscle bound ass! It wasn’t a great flick but it was a hell of a lot more interesting than the last sequel where she sat in a desert for about 75% of the damn movie. I give the flick 2 stars and you may also find this movie under the title “Death Angel” in some countries…

Swiss Army Man (DVD) – Possibly the most bizarre, completely entertaining, and glorious film you will ever watch in your life. I do not say that lightly. Daniel Radcliffe said it best on a late night talk show, “It’s a film about farting, erections, and a dead guy.” If you do not find that funny: one, this isn’t the film for you and two, you are most likely dead inside? The film begins with a young man played Paul Dano who is trapped on a small island trying to hang himself until he sees a dead body wash up on shore. Its Manny aka Daniel Radcliffe and once he begins farting Dano’s character rides him across the water to freedom and onto an adventure that will blow your mind. They become friends, eat out, share stories, start fires, and fight a bear. You get the picture? If you haven’t witnessed this film yet make it so because the ending makes the movie even more bizarre and fun. I give this hilarious flick 4 stars farting all the way.

 

Avenging Force (DVD) – One of Michael Dudikoff’s better action flicks outside of the “American Ninja” saga. Dudikoff’s buddy, Steven James of course is running for senate. Until some rich white racist dudes with their leader John P. Ryan decide to kill him and his family. On top of that they make Dudikoff play “Surviving the Game” eight years before Ice-T did! This 80s action flick will satisfy your action flick hunger if needed as I give it 3 stars.

 

Love Eternal: The Silent Film Cut (YouTube) – Forte Films Entertainment as at it again flaunting their filmmaking talents with a cool throwback short film version of Dracula and Mina. Done their way they give ‘silent era film buffs’ a tasty treat. Wonderfully done this filmmaking group needs more support and money because I would love to see these guys making a couple features a year. I give this fun treat 3 out of 4 stars and you can find out more at: www.fortefilmsentertainment.com .

Explorers (DVD) – Holy crap folks I do not know how I missed this 1985 flick starring Ethan Hawke and River Phoenix. This was so in my wheelhouse. But after reading some of the info on it and how it was considered a flop maybe somehow it fell off my cable watching radar as a kid? Apparently this movie was over 3 hours long and I believe Paramount Studios were like “nope”, not happening Joe Dante. The film is reportedly unfinished but a finished product. Very strange stuff but anyway folks the story centers on Ethan Hawke who has a weird dream about aliens and an image. He draws it and shows it to his best friend who of course is the nerdy kid down the street doing experiments in his basement. Hawke’s character continues to have these weird dreams and once his two friends become a part of it and his nerdy best friend uses a computer to make a bubble they decide its plans for a spaceship. The spaceship consists of a trash can, an old carnival ride, microwave doors, and a computer in the movie that didn’t exist in reality but was built just for this movie. They fly around and fuck shit up until Dick Miller finds them and eventually go off planet to meet the aliens. Really not too much to the movie but it is a fun glorious kick in the ass of childhood if you are a 80s kid? I give the entertaining film 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Oh its real and its happening… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

Gross Movie Reviews #374

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Gross Movie Reviews #374

 

By Tim Gross

 

Vicious Lips (DVD) – A forgotten and lost film that has found its way to a DVD four-pack not long ago from the great Empire Pictures. Charles Band is an uncredited producer but something tells me he had more to do with this film from the stories I have been told by several people over the years who have worked with him? But that being said how about Greg Cannom and John Carl Buechler doing effects and the legendary Albert Pyun directing? Well that is exactly what you get in this weirdo sci-fi film where a band is traveling to a different planet to get their big break and with a new lead singer. There isn’t much else to say as I just described the whole plot of the film in one sentence. It is a forgotten gem for movie nerds to have for their collection as I give it 2 stars.

 

Shinjuku Incident (DVD) – Jackie Chan is a Chinese immigrant who finds himself in Japan trying to make things go his way. But the only way to make it work is steal merch and resell. Soon he becomes highly regarded by his fellow immigrants as he becomes feared by some in Japan’s local mob circles. As Jackie Chan uses the local mobs they use him to get what both want. Not your typical Jackie Chan crazy action-stunt film but an interesting film about the rise of Chinese immigrants in Japan. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Auntie Lee's

Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies (VHS/DVD-R) – Let me just say this any horror film that begins with Suicidal Tendencies “I Saw Your Mommy and Your Mommy is Dead” gets 4 stars no matter what comes next. But that just isn’t enough for this fun gem of unknown goodness! Karen Black stars as Auntie Lee, Pat Morita as the local small town sheriff, Michael Berryman as the weird dude (Larry) who takes care of the nieces’ cars after deliveries, and the very beautiful Teri Weigel. Teri may have done a lot of porn but always found a way into a stray horror film which I always enjoy finding. Teri is one of the best. But after jamming out to Suicidal Tendencies we are introduced to some lunatic who tries to carjack a young lady and becomes a victim himself for Auntie Lee. Auntie Lee for years has sold her famous meat pies to the local town folk of Penance. And these days now her nieces are all grown up they go out and lure men in for the taking. Usually if there is car trouble or car cleaning needing to be done it’s up to Larry until he is caught one day with a trunk full of bones! Pat Morita decides then with the bootleg David Bowie as a private investigator try to bring down Auntie Lee. But the real question is will the sheriff bring her in or will he become the next meat pie? Everyone is awesome in this light-hearted “Motel Hell” horror film. This movie deserves to be seen all horror movie fans as I give this fun meaty morsel 4 stars.

 

Night of the Zombies (VHS/DVD-R) – The film is also known as Part II starring the famous Jamie Gillis as a CIA agent who is sent to search for poisonous canisters after two scientists going missing. The more he searches for these mysterious canisters the more he understands he has become part of a war that never ended 40 years ago. Zombie fans may even overlook this one as the film is filled with very dull scenes but tries to make up for the lack of good film with weird, nasty looking zombie make-up which was just enough to keep me watching to the end. I give the Gillis-zombie adventure 1 ½ stars.

 

Mutilations (YouTube/DVD-R) – A funny low budget flick from the mid-80s where students and their teacher witness a spaceship flying by. When the ship lands the alien feasts on some hobos. Meanwhile the next day the teacher and students while in class debate about UFOs! So after agreeing they investigate the UFO sightings further and we are bombarded with fun scenes of Claymation and the destruction of the student body by the alien… It has that “Deadly Spawn” kind of feel to it if it helps as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

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Fun Time (DVD) – Some lucky people get invited to a night of Funhouse fun filled with clowns. If they make it through the night they get $500,000. If not, they become part of the body count. Not so much the invitees surviving as much as the clowns entertaining themselves and not paying anyone as usual. The clowns put the contestants through several torturous games in “Saw” like fashion to be one step closer to escaping. But will they as the clowns begin to turn on each other? Michael Taylor Pritt proves clowns are always gonna be an effective thing to scare the poop out of people as I give this independent feature 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Found out more about the film at: www.facebook.com/OfficiallyFunTimez .

 

Unnatural (DVD) – A selection from the 2015 After Dark Horrorfest which I was surprised it was still going on? Middle of nowhere Alaska a photographer and a couple of models are doing their latest project. They just happen to be staying in a cabin with James Remar who tells the story of an unstoppable polar bear to scare the city folk. His story becomes true when people become bloody puddles of mess as a scientist (Sherilyn Fenn) is running for her life from a genetically altered polar bear who wants to fuck some humans up! A fun ‘when animal attacks’ movie that also has Ray Wise as a head honcho of an envoirmental company claiming bullshit when the polar bear kills all. I give the horror flick 3 stars.

 

The Collapsed (DVD) – The apocalypse has happened and no one is sure of how or why? A family fighting for survival out in the woods making their way to a rural area to get away from all the craziness of the big city. But something evil is stalking them and slowly they die one by one by this mysterious evil. Not the best of the recent apocalypse films but has an interesting plot twist of the mysterious evil that follows the family. The answer will make you happy you made it all the way through the film as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #333

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Gross Movie Reviews #333

 

By Tim Gross

 

Apocalypse L.A. (SyFy Channel/DVD) – The film was released under a different title last year “Disaster L.A.” but has been rereleased by SyFy Channel recently. It’s a zombie movie without calling it a zombie movie. Meteors start crashing to earth or L.A. specifically changing certain folks into flesh-eating mutants… hence zombies! Call them whatever you want but a group of so-called friends are fighting to get out of the city and flee the chaos. If you have destroyed many brain cells with beer like I you will most likely find yourself watching this flick just because otherwise choose your movies wisely my friends as I give this mediocre sci-fi flick 1 star.

 

Shattered Hopes: The Amityville Horror Murders (DVD) – If you were someone who was born in the 70s and remember all the stories of the movie and the family that left because the devil or evil spirits lived in a red room in the basement you’ll enjoy this… Why?  It debunks everything we know then and tries to get behind the real truth of the home and the murders and there was a cover up of some things that happened during the murders years ago. Fun stuff I tell you kids! I give it 3 stars.

 

Edge of Tomorrow (DVD) – Tom Cruise continues to be in some of the best fucking movies I have seen years as this flick is “Aliens meets Starship Troopers meets Groundhog Day”! Starts off with you saying to yourself “I have seen this film before…” But that’s when the movie gets interesting as Tom Cruise plays an officer who has never had the pleasure fighting the aliens who are trying to take over Europe in the near future and when he does, he dies constantly! Then he wakes up to relive the same day and same invasion over and over until he is able to figure out what to do. Great flick, Tom Cruise was great, Hollywood keep letting Cruise in these very entertaining flicks as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Vampire Hunter D (DVD/You Tube) – I know you are saying to yourself, “Holy shit the Gross Man actually watches Japanese Anime?” And the answer is yes. Not much but I have my moments because I respect the genre as those who follow it all are small in numbers but embrace it more than horror fans embrace their favorite horror films. Anime is almost like its own culture. But I am not expert to explain to this so let’s talk about one of the best animated horror films of all time if not the best as this flick in my opinion changed everything in 1985. Up until then anime wasn’t talked about and most of us only had the pleasure watching such other animated flicks: “Heavy Metal, Wizards, Fire and Ice, etc.” “Vampire Hunter D” took the plotline of futuristic vampires, the action icon of anti-hero to save all, and amazing animated gore and threw into a blender which in turn made an amazing animated horror film that changed a generation. Magnus Lee a head vampire named after Christopher Lee comes back to his homeland after being gone for many years and finds a young girl he would like to make his wife. Villagers live in fear of her believing she will bring an army of bloodsuckers down upon them so they ban her from town. So she seeks the help of a known stranger who makes it his life’s work to kill vampires. It is violent brilliance in action my friends. I give it 4 stars.

 

Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (DVD/YouTube) – The argument can be made they waited 15 years too long for a sequel but we got one anyway and it is fucking awesome! Imagine films: “Vampires, The Road Warrior, and Gary Oldman from Bram Stoker’s Dracula” were mashed together and we get the great chaos in an animated film that has “D” trying to save a rich man’s daughter from a vampire that claims he loves her. The vamp and the woman want to leave this earth for a place where they will not be hunted and live in peace. Some people prefer this flick of the first but I enjoy the origin story more but this flick still has enough punch to gut for horror and anime fans to enjoy as I give it 3 ½ stars.

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Invaluable (DVD) – A documentary that was written/directed/edited by independent filmmaker Ryan Meade, who took it upon himself to bring to light the greatness of Mr. Tom Sullivan. If by some chance you do not know who this man is you are missing something in your life. Mr. Sullivan or we should call him Mr. Evil Dead was the man who did the amazing special effects for the first “Evil Dead” film and is a superb artist also! The documentary dives into Sullivan’s life from the time he grew up and met Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell to his soul mate dying (which I never knew about) to how Sullivan with just a chance meeting with Cinema Wasteland’s Ken Kish at a convention in the late 90s made him an icon among horror movie fans and convention goers alike. The film has interviews with Michael Berryman, the ladies of “Evil Dead”, Bruce Campbell all talking about Tom Sullivan not only being a great friend but the backbone of a film that still has generations of horror fans talking about over 30 years later! The film promotes Tom Sullivan’s artwork which is just amazing and I could stare at all day but also shows his traveling “Evil Dead” museum. Ryan should be proud of this project because there are still many people out there that don’t know about Mr. Sullivan and should. Tom is one of my favorite celebrities to have ever met and I will tell everyone he is one of us… a horror fan and has fun still too this day doing what he does. I give this perfect insight into the life of the artist Tom Sullivan 4 out of 4 stars. Now do yourself a favor and go visit this page and support Ryan Meade and Tom Sullivan: http://ryanmeadesmovies.wix.com/invaluablemovie .

 

Kickboxer 2: The Road Back (DVD) – Sasha Mitchell shows up as a third brother in the Sloan family who runs an old gym his brothers use to run until they were killed by Tong Po who was the villain that fought Jean-Claude Van Damme in the first flick. This flick has a shitload of faces in it that you will recognize immediately: Peter Boyle, Dennis Chan (who was the trainer in the first film), Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa (yeah trying saying that three times in a row, but mother fucker is in everything), Michel Qissi as Tong Po, Matthias Hues (we will always know him as the alien dude in “I Come in Peace” and one of my favorite directors, Albert Pyun directs. An enemy that was disgraced by Tong Po for killing the Sloan brothers forces the final Sloan brother to fight for honor after burning down his gym and making him do yoga with hobos in the park. Good follow-up to the original JCVD flick as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Kickboxer 3: The Art of War (DVD) – Sasha Mitchell and Dennis Chan travel to Brazil to make some money but instead befriend a couple kids that live on the streets and must fight for their freedom. Some asshole promoter sells slaves/hookers, whatever and wants Sloan to take a dive during a fight to make a bunch of money. But Sasha says it ain’t happening and begins kicking ass all over Brazil. The sequel is entertaining enough to make me watch the next flick so let’s move on as I give it 2 stars.

 

Kickboxer 4: The Aggressor (DVD) – Sasha Mitchell is back for another round looking uninterested and without his buddy and instructor Dennis Chan. This time around some dude looking like Tong Po who seems to survive every movie is a druglord and is running Mortal Kombat/cough, cough I mean a tournament in Mexico to decide who will win a million dollars and fight him? Uninterested Sloan makes his way to Mexico to save his wife from Tong Po who won’t know its Sloan fucking up all his minions in his compound! The film is hilarious for the wrong reasons or the right reasons if you are weird like me as I give the flick 2 stars. Did I mention Albert Pyun was back to direct this sequel?

 

Kickboxer 5: The Redemption (DVD) – AKA we are done making sequels for now because we believe that Tim Gross guy and those two weird people from Seattle are the only ones that would watch part five in America. Huge hits overseas… here not so much. Mark Decascos takes over for Sasha Mitchell as the unstoppable American who fucks up anybody that messes with his friends or in this case kill off the Sloan clan. Anyway Mark’s character travels to South Africa to avenge Sloan’s death and the no name dude that gets his as beat on a rooftop by a couple of extras. Training montage, lost in Africa until a new friend’s sister picks them up, generic mock “Enter the Dragon” end fight scene and you have part five! I give the film 1 ½ stars. Good news kids there are a sequel/remake in the works being directed by Albert Pyun!

WolfCop (DVD) – I always enjoy when I find or hear about films like this feeling like the film was made just for me to watch and review?! The title says it all and I laughed my nutsack off watching this masterpiece. A drunken deputy of a small town named Lou that is useless keeps being sent out for disturbances in the woods of kids partying or doing satanic shit until one night his ass gets knocked out and wakes up in his own bed. Lou has flashes of what happened the night before but is unsure and soon becomes a cop who wants answers. Soon we got fun werewolf transformations; bad jokes that make me laugh my ass off, and a “Wolf Cop” car that is bad ass! Lou begins his bloody rampage through town trying to find answers and uncovers the truth behind the town’s leaders and why every 32 years a local event gets canceled. I love cheap Canadian horror movies as the filmmaker and company knew they were making a cheese fest and embraced it and that is what makes this one of my favorite horror films of 2014 as I give this son of a bitch 4 stars! And thank the lord there is a sequel in the works!

 

The Town that Dreaded Sundown (DVD) – Is it a sequel, a remake, you be the judge as it is one good fucking movie. The tatersack killer is back! 66 years after the original murders he appears again Halloween night 2013 during a showing of the 1976 film at the local drive-in. The townsfolk baffled, scared, want answers to why is this happening again, and a high school that is told , “to make everyone remember”? Jami is a shy girl who was just happy to go on a date but now is the center of attention as the unknown killer is back and haunting her but she fights back by researching who may have been the original killer as that mystery still remains unsolved. The film also incorporates the 1976 film and its filmmaker into the mystery as Jami believes if she can find the real killer the new one will disappear? Trying not to give away a lot as I was impressed with the direction the film went. So if you are a big fan of the original garb a six pack and pizza and enjoy this fun present day classic as I give it 3 stars.

 

Kolchak: The Night Stalker (DVD) – It all started in Vegas with Kolchak investigative reporter into the unknown. Kolchak is given a job to report on a murder of a woman having her blood drained from her body. Not sure what to make of it he investigates deeper and tries to bribe his way into the morgue and try other sources that may have other information as the bloodless bodies begin to pile up. But when it comes down to it Kolchak convinces the Vegas police they must carry silver crosses and wooden stakes to drive into this madman’s chest. Great 70s TV movie that as I said before inspired “The X-Files” and many other TV shows. Darren McGavin was awesome in this role as I give the flick 3 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews and Jagoff Massacre t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.