Gross Movie Reviews #485

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Gross Movie Reviews #485

 

Sexsquatch (DVD) – Let’s be upfront I am not the biggest fan of Chris Seaver but if you are independent horror fan you have to admit there is a film he made you liked and disliked. Plus Chris has made an impact on the Indy scene during his decade-plus of filmmaking. Going into this film on title alone and not knowing Mr. Seaver was behind it I gotta say thank you to him for making me laugh at this one. A party, “Get Laid Party” is being thrown for Joey the virgin! As the party rages and the girls there are about to decide who will start their decline on young Joey, Stinkfist the Sexsquatch is lurking around the lakeside home. When Stinkfist isn’t pooping in people’s backyards the Sexsquatch rapes people and talks politely to them while doing it. The movie is bad but it is meant to be bad and looks like Chris and friends had fun all the way as I did watching this adventure. I give this hilarious take on the Bigfoot legend 3 out of 4 stars.

Watchers (DVD) – Scrounging through the internet channels you never know what you may find? As I always have my list of ‘hard to find’ movies I was able to track down a viewing of the Region 2 disc of 1988’s ‘Watchers” starring Corey Haim and Michael Ironside. You could always be stupid and pay ridiculous amount of money on eBay or Amazon for the out-of-print DVDs or take five minutes and Google that shit folks. This Region 2 disc claims to be unrated version but rewatching this film I do not believe there is anything special? For yinz kids that don’t know after the Stephen King catalog was being adapted to the big screen every two minutes during the 80s Roger Corman and some others decided to seek out other popular authors. Dean Koontz was one of them as he had a few movie adaptions but like King most of them lacked the horror that was supposed to be in them. Anyway I was a fan of a couple of Koontz books and thought it was time to revisit this one to see if it got any better with age? But also too have thought if there was a movie that actually did a remake it would be this film. The plot of the film and book is about a military experiment where a golden retriever and a weird Bigfoot-like creature were linked together. It was supposed to be the future in military weaponry! Where ever the dog went, the creature went and eliminated the people the dog interacted with. Well with a fire at the Oxcom Corporation the dog and creature escape into the woods. Agent Johnson (Michael Ironside) is brought in to capture both by any means needed. Between Agent Johnson enjoying ripping eyeballs out and before 90210 Jason Priestly showing up the dog finds Cory Haim and they strike up a relationship. Once the authorities and Johnson come sniffing around and the bodies begin piling up Haim, mum, and the dog go on the run. Again enjoyed the book and again I was a fan of Haim and Michael Ironside but this movie still falls flat today. I give it 2 stars.

 

The Furies (On Demand) – Another recent Aussie horror flick getting a little press here in the states is about a woman named Kayla who is kidnapped and left in the woods. She quickly finds out she isn’t alone and there is a border she cannot cross without being in agony. But what makes this film a little different from the rest is for every young lady out there in the woods there is a weird masked killer who is trying to kill the women. But keep in mind the killer is trying to protect their babe so their head doesn’t explode. Kayla becomes an interesting character as her character blacks out from time to time because of epilepsy and not having her pills to prevent it. This leads a couple of the women she meets up with to believe it is on purpose or she is also a killer? Also I forgot to mention Kayla figures out the people behind the kidnapping and weird game have an implant behind her eyeball. The ending was a little predictable but if you are looking for just a super gory flick where you can cheer for people to die then you found your title as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Haunting of the Winchester House (DVD) – A family of three has moved into the Winchester mansion as caretakers for the home. But immediately moving in weird shit begins to happen and a man who happens to be a paranormal expert just happens to show up and help if needed. As stuff keeps happening the family turns to the local paranormal expert Harrison Dent to resolve the issue. In the end none of it will matter as you will learn as I did ghosts are racist… or at least according to this movie as I give it 2 stars.

Watchers 2 (YouTube) – The sequel which was released two years later in 1990 stars Marc Singer who hangs out with the dog this time around and they seek out the extremely hot scientist Tracy Scroggins. This film just ignores the first film and does its own reboot thing as the project involving AE-73 and AE-74 is terminated at Anodyne. Which of course pissed off the lead scientist allows animal activists to come in and release the animals as he wants to continue the experiment with the dog and creature. A lot of boring shit goes down that includes Marc Singer and the dog ordering pizza and the government wanting everything back. Again another misstep by Corman and crew bringing this book to the big screen as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Watchers 3 (VHS) – So four more years pass and Corman decides okay crew: we got no money, stock footage of part two, and Wings Hauser now go make this work. What we get is bootleg creature I believe they stole from “The Fly 2” as the creature and drop it, the dog, and Wings Hauser in Thailand sorry (cough, cough) Central America to do a bare bones “Predator” flick. Wings Hauser is military prisoners who with four others is sent to Central America to clean up loose ends but are actually part of the experiment to see if it actually works before the U.S. military put into action on a regular basis. I love me some Wings Hauser like everyone else but again another misstep but at least it has something to do with the last movie as I give this 1 ½ stars.

 

Thir13en Ghosts (DVD) – The 2001 remake of the 1960 William Castle film tries to do a lot updates but for some reason this was one horror film I could not get behind. Giving this a try again as Monk and family inherit a giant weird house when his forgotten rich uncle dies. They believe all their financial woes are over but of course it is too good to be true as Shaggy from the “Scream” movie comes to warn them of the dangerous ghosts that live in the house as he help capture them. Locked in and doors opening for the ghosts to move about the family must survive and figure out how to stop the machine their crazy ass uncle put in the middle of the home that may just open a gate to hell? Some cool looking make-up FX but still not a fan of the flick as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

The Ranger (DVD/Shudder) – As usual I let this one simmer as a couple of folks completely lost their mind claiming best horror film of 2018/2019. As a little girl Chelsea was helped by a forest ranger now a young adult and running with some punks she calls friends they head to her dead uncle’s cabin. One to face her past but two her punk boyfriend just killed a cop so she wouldn’t get busted with his drugs. Struggling with her friends at the cabin soon becomes a lesser thing when the forest ranger she knew is a crazy serial killer who protects his mountain. Anybody that disobeys the national park rules they must be dealt punishment. A couple cool kills in the flick but nothing to flashy here horror wise as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

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Gross Movie Reviews #453

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Gross Movie Reviews #453

 

Night of the Demon (YouTube/DVD) – A professor and his students are studying the Bigfoot and its legend behind it head out to the woods. In these woods there are stories of Bigfoot sightings they are trying to investigate to decide for themselves if it is just a hoax? Along the way the professor tells the stories that have told about encounters with Bigfoot in these woods that include: Bigfoot airplane spinning a camper and ripping a dude’s dick off! Even though Bigfoot looks like a giant Irish setter that doesn’t stop him from fucking up some Girl Scouts, having Bigfoot vision like Predator, and apparently Bigfoot was so horny he rapes a young lady in the woods. Some hilarious and entertaining shit that is worth revisiting folks as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Devil’s Express (YouTube) – Some crazy ass mid-70s exploitation that involves a martial arts master, a New York street gang, and a Chinese demon that hangs out in the subway system. People are beginning to die in the subways after this master… Luke comes back home from China and this demon follows him some way, somehow. After his best friend is killed by the demon not a street gang Luke takes it upon himself to seek out the entity and end it. The films starts off slow but stick with it as some entertaining shit gets thrown screen in the second half of the film. I give this flick 3 stars.

 

No Escape Room (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Karen and her father get one weekend a month together and Karen is in her teenager stage of not caring what parents want. When their car breaks down and unsure of what to do until it gets fixed they decide to go a small town “Escape Room”. Karen’s friends have talked about it and dad feels this is a good way to bond. Once there they are with a few other people and the game begins as they only have 60 minutes to get through the spooky house. As they search for keys to move from room to room some freaky things begin to happen and people playing go missing. A little above average horror film that makes you question if any of the events in the film actually happen or not at all? I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Dementia 13 (Remake/DVD) – Very surprised to learn there was a remake of the 1963 classic and this version sticks close to the original concept. An abusing rich husband is killed off by his beautiful wife. A couple weeks go by and the husband’s family arrives at the castle for a weird yearly memorial. The family never approved of the wedding but the wife did not care as she had plans with all the money. But the plot thickens when she killed soon after the family arriving by a hooded figure. A horror film about rich people’s problems with enough blood spilled and a twist to satisfy the curious viewer as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Amazon Hot Box (DVD) – A crowd-funded project about an innocent college student name Penny who is thrown into prison with a few other women for a minor misunderstanding. This prison isn’t a normal prison as it is all “Reform School Girls” inside and Penny is the prize. The island is called Rattica and Warden Inga Von Krupp runs the place in order to carry out her experiments. By the way the evil warden is played perfectly by Ellie Church. In her short career she is making an impact in cinema and people are taking notice. Anyway Krupp enjoys experimenting on the inmates. But Krupp is totally unaware Penny is a KS-13 agent who has been trying to infiltrate the prison to bring it down as another agent tries to break in. The government wants this illegal operation to be brought down. The film is a throwback of sorts to the ‘women in prison’ movies. It’s fun, entertaining, tries its best to hit all the right scenes, but outside Ellie Church’s performance the movie is average as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Sorority Slaughter House (DVD) – A project that stars Eric Roberts, directed by David DeCoteau, and written by Rolfe Kanesky that wasn’t produced by Full Moon somehow. Eric Roberts stars as a dean of a college long enough to commit suicide and have his spirit transferred to a clown doll. After a sorority girl played with his emotions the dean now 12 inches tall decides it is his time to go murder a few sorority girls. The movie gets a little dull in the sense we have seen this horror film one too many times but the highlight for me was I believe the movie was made at the same house in “Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper” and for that I will always enjoy David DeCoteau. It’s bad but a fun bad as I give it 2 stars and don’t forget to look for the nerdy girl using the clown as “an appliance with no quit”…

 

Truth or Dare (SyFy Channel/DVD) – No one cared except the select few cult horror fans know of the Tim Ritter film of the same until this past year where somehow we got two films of the same name but went different directions with the concept. This version goes the twisted route where they make up some simple movie rules for the game that teenagers play. Thirty some years later after a game of Truth or Dare went very tragic some college kids rent the place where it took place and decide to play the game and party. But the game gets out of control quickly as they all get upset with each other and begin to get injured or die because they didn’t do the dare. A demon within the home waits for that certain group of people to latch on and not let go until they all die. Wasn’t expecting much from the movie but was much better than it should have been as I give it 3 stars.

 

Scream for Help (DVD) – This weird version of “The Stepfather” and “ABC After School Special” is pretty sleazy and written by Tom Holland in 1984. A 17 year old Christie Cromwell believes her new step father is trying to kill her and her mother. Christie always felt Paul Fox was good looking enough to steal her mother away but had a feeling he wanted her money more. Since no one believes Christie she goes on a crusade to convince her mother he is cheating on her. Once Christie has proof and her mother does believe her, Paul Fox and another couple who are supposed to be brother and sister decide it is time to purge these two! This weirdo flick gets 2 stars and little known fact is the film was only released on DVD within the past few months.

 

Beyond Atlantis (YouTube) – Sid Haig in an early 70s flick as a pimp who finances a trip for treasure on an island where they encounter natives with big ass eyeballs and a woman that must reproduce! No need to say more as I give it 3 stars.

 

Death Machines (DVD) – An Asian woman and her three assassins have taken over a sleazy city. If you want to put out a hit on someone you must go through her now as her unstoppable assassins cannot be killed. But off course the three men are getting restless with the dragon lady so they kill her and grab a train ticket. Not a whole lot to the film but it does have some entertaining parts as I give it 2 stars.

 

Blood Lake (YouTube/VHS) – A really bad shot-on-video slasher flick about a group of people who head out a vacation spot for some partying. The party is cut short when a deranged killer shows up to start killing people in the group. The acting is bad, the lighting is bad; I think I do better camera work, so I think I really enjoyed this bad movie as I am Tim Gross and I give it 2 stars.

 

13 Ghosts (DVD) – A classic horror from 1960 about a family who inherits a supposedly haunted mansion. The mansion is a home to ghosts that their relative brought from all over the world. Even though the family is haunted by the restless spirits there are even more evil forces at work here trying to get the money that is hidden within the home? I give the classic 3 stars.

Dick Johnson and TommyGun vs. The Cannibal Cop (Blu-ray) – With a title like that you always have my attention just because but it never hurts to have Debbie Rochon and Danny Hicks in your cast also. The movie opens with a woman being abducted in an alley way by a serial killer posing as a police officer. After a detective (TommyGun) gets a piece of info about this he is partnered up with a younger detective Dick Johnson. Together these two are given the go ahead to track down all leads on the case as details have already been leaked to the public. What helps the two unlikely partners is a book made of flesh that was found inside a dufflebag left in the alley way. In Latin the book explains that the killer will keep abducting victims and eating them until he has a hundred souls and he will become a god. As the two detectives set their differences aside to get deeper into the investigation the story takes a nice weird twist. A great buddy cop horror movie that reminds me a little of the 80s film “Dead Heat”. This independent flick has lots of laughs and blood and I can get behind that as I give the feature 3 out of 4 stars. For more details or to purchase the film go to: www.alternativecinema.com or www.facebook.com/AlternativeCinemaVideo .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details and upcoming guests. #grossfest #grossfest2019