Tag Archives: Michael Dudikoff

Gross Movie Reviews #579

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Shark Encounters of the Third Kind (DVD) – Mark Polonia and his scuba diving stock footage is back to haunt audiences with another killer shark film that pretty much fails to be a fun shark flick. In this mess, big headed aliens have entered the earth’s atmosphere to clean up a past mess. The film not played for laughs is mainly about the aliens fucking with sharks and past alien abductees… Next time Mark do fans a favor go make another “Feeders” film instead of what? FIVE SHARK FILMS in two years that has stock scuba diving footage, the same actors and characters, and maybe 60 minutes of actual film between five movies that possibly has been splice together? Not to be critical or anything as I give this shark film 1 star.

Python Island (DVD) – I am not me unless I stumble upon a giant snake film from China that has alternate title of “Giant Snake”. The film sets the tone with a child getting lost on ‘Cannibal Island’ where the kid finds a magical tree that is protected by snakes. After being rescued and his village being ravaged by giant snakes years later the kid all grown up returns to the island with the right intentions to find a cure for his native island where they have been cursed with a mysterious illness. Lots of action, bad CGI snake effects, and people getting eaten keeps this interesting enough for weirdos like myself as I give it 2 stars.

The Devil Doll (DVD) – A 1936 Tod Browning film that is more of a thriller than horror than involves an escaped convict. A wrongly accused convict escapes with a partner from prison only to quickly inherit a secret that gets the man thinking of revenge on those who framed him? Using this certain power and costumes he is able to weave his way back into the lives of his old business partners. The film won’t blow you away in effects or what not but I found myself enjoying this character going to great lengths for revenge and making sure his daughter is well off as I give it 3 stars.

Starship (DVD) – Always looking for fun and dumb science fiction flicks so I give you this Aussie feature that is also known as “Lorca and the Outlaws”. The film is set on another distant planet where working conditions are shitty and an evil dude with an army of robots is trying to wipe out human rebels. There is a ship coming in from Earth and the rebels wanna use it to escape but the evil dude has other plans as he has been given orders to wipe out all human workers and replace them with robots. The movie can be a bit boring at times but I did enjoy finding another film that had Hugh Keays-Byrne in as hired gun to search for the great Lorca as I give the film 2 stars.

Amityville Cabin (YouTube) – So yes entry #38 for all of yinz counting is a short film that is available on YouTube about a no-budget film crew heading to a haunted cabin. Of course things go horribly quickly but not without the film crew basically winking back at the camera the whole time during this short film as I give 1 ½ out of 4 stars as I have seen much worse in this series.

The Barn II (Theater/rough cut) – Now understand horror fans the cut I and many others at the theater got to see is not a finished product. From what I know there is effects still being added, cuts needed still, and a couple corrections, the usual stuff but it is finally finished for us to all go enjoy. Anyway the lone survivor of events a couple years ago is off to college and in a sorority trying to help out with a fund raiser that just happens to be a haunted house or barn. As the small town folk struggle to get past the ban of Halloween being dropped people celebrate and head out in mass to the haunted attraction. But the demons/creatures seem to have some unfinished business and return. Lots of cameos that I wasn’t sure they were gonna work going in to see the film proved me wrong as I enjoyed seeing not only the big cameos but the smaller Indy cameos as they all a place in the film and didn’t feel forced. Without getting too much into as it being a sequel you Justin Seaman and crew wanted to make sure there is more monsters, blood, and Ari Lehman as I give the rough cut 3 out of 4 stars as this wraps up and gets me excited for what Justin and crew do in the future?

Bigfoot or Bust! (DVD) – A pretty recent Jim Wynorski film that has a group of women heading to the woods to look for Bigfoot (it is better you don’t ask why)! Their main task of doing this is shooting Bigfoot in the peen so they can get on T.V. and be relevant. Meanwhile there is also another group of women who come from 50 years in the future to find Bigfoot shit because it is worth millions in the future. Poor acting from the usual Wynorski acting staples, musical numbers, a trampoline (it is a dumb scene), lots of bad fake boobs, old T.V.s being thrown away illegally, and “The Good, The Bad, and The Bigfoot” skit litter this so-called film. Every time I watched hilarious garbage like this I do remind myself he made “Chopping Mall” as I give this 1 star for the mere reason the Bigfoot was actually entertaining.

Shark Side of the Moon (Tubi) – Asylum Entertainment has a new home to throw up new features since an unnamed network has become the ‘Harry Potter’ channel and that home is “Tubi”! So of course any crazy ass dumb shark film starts in 1984 Russia where the Russian scientists are experimenting with sharks and making them humanoid soldiers. The experiment gets loose and a couple scientists save the world by taking or sending the sharks to space depending how you look at it? Anyway 40 years have passed and NASA sends a crew to the moon to begin setting up for colonization of the moon. Sorry, nope, instead these astronauts find hybrid sharks who are surviving on the moon including populating it with plans to return to earth for world domination! But to the astronauts’ surprise they find the lone Russian scientist that knows about the experiment and a human/shark hybrid that is attempting to destroy all hybrid shark plans for world domination. I laughed a lot during this film for good and bad reasons but bottom line it was entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.  

Dead Zone (Tubi) – Jeff Fahey and Michael Jai-White star in a cheaper but possibly more entertaining version of the first “Resident Evil” film with special suits because the government is using dirty bombs to kill zombies as I give it 2 stars.

Mutant Blast (DVD) – This is one of those holy fuck gory post-apocalyptic zombie flicks out of Portugal where two survivors try to survive an onslaught of zombie chaos. One is military trained and stabs a lot of zombies in the skull, the other is some hung-over dude who happened to walk into this mess and eventually grows a rat out of his left hand that the rat’s mum comes looking for it eventually. If you enjoyed weird shit like “Bad Taste” and “Evil Aliens” this is your bag kids as I give it 3 stars.    

Massacre at Central High (Blu-ray) – This 1976 film always had that T.V. movie feel to me and it has never looked so wonderful than it does on this Synapse Films Blu-ray. A staple of early 80s cable for me and most likely many others as it was time to revisit this more than relevant film about high school students and write a new review. David is new to the high school and an old friend of Mark who David helped out a while back. Mark wants to introduce David to his clique as they get whatever they want. But it doesn’t take David long to know this small group are bullies and have bullied the whole school into submission. David tries to help out and walk that fine line of standing up to the bullies and defending those who have been bullied for a long time. But after an attempted rape by this clique and David beating them up they pay him a visit and cripple David. Now David just wants revenge, but there is one problem as he gets rid of the bullies, new ones pop up causing David to think bigger in ending this vicious circle of life. The film is over 45 years old and more relevant now than then and seeing it at a young age I may have never comprehend the movie’s subject matter? What makes this film great and David’s plotting relentless is the characters were perfectly casted (Andrew Stevens, Derrel Maury, Robert Carradine, Kimberly Beck, Ray Underwood, just to name a few), there is no adults getting in the way for most of the film, and most likely any person that has or will watch this film/Blu-ray know or have known one of these characters at this school in the film. Again it’s over 45 years old and the film still has realism to it. Along for the ride on the Blu-ray is some audio interviews, trailers, and a very cool documentary that if a fan of the film will have you ‘nerd’ out on who they got talking about the film? A pretty cool release for your physical media collection from Synapse Films as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars, for more details go to www.synapse-films.com .

River of Death (DVD) – Actually been looking for this Michael Dudikoff film for a while as it seem to be out of print until recently as it is popping up everywhere on streaming services and physical media. Our film begins in 1945 Germany where a series of events has a couple Nazis screwing each other over to escape capture or death but also to continue some evil Nazi experiments. Flash forward twenty years in the Amazon jungle Dudikoff (Hamilton) is guiding a doctor and his daughter through the jungle to find the source of a mysterious disease killing the natives. After getting captured and shot at Hamilton wants to go back as he believes he has found ‘The Lost City’ and that is where the doctor’s daughter was taken too. Problem, a lot of people are interested for their own selfish reasons including a Donald Pleasence he believes the Nazi doctor (Robert Vaughn) that screwed him over is alive and well! They all venture into the jungle to survive heat and cannibals to go find ‘The Lost City’. Dudikoff isn’t a ninja but this film was still damn entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #507

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Gross Movie Reviews #507

The Cottage (DVD) – A UK horror/comedy that stars Andy Serkis as one of three men who devise a plan to kidnap a beautiful young daughter of a notorious club owner. Things go well for the three a whole five minutes until follies begin to happen like one of them forgetting their cell phone, needing to check in with the wife, the third being followed and checking the bag for ransom money. It’s one laugh after the next until the night club send in the boys to clean up the mess as they find the three hiding out at a cottage in a small village. Then the story change as one of the kidnappers’ and the young lady traveling the woods start finding a gory mess of body parts and a huge ‘Wrong Turn’ extra that is slicing and dicing anyone near his cottage. A wonderful and gory entertaining film for the horror fan looking to find their horror fix as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Deadly Reactor (You Tube) – In a supposedly post-nuke world where only Amish communities still exist a man (David Heavener) is left for dead and his family gunned down by an evil gang leader named “Hog”. Hog likes to lay waste to the innocent and buy guns and drugs in this new post-nuke world. The man left for dead was a preacher but is taught by an old man to be a gunfighter who heads to the first Amish community that has been taken over by Hog to fight back. He becomes sheriff and convinces the town for the long term they will need to fight back even if they do not believe in violence. There are bits and pieces of backstory between characters of what started the war that got them into this desolate future but never fleshed out. Sorry kids post-apocalypse film I am always curious about those details and especially during a dull B-flick from the end of the 80s as I give it 1 star.

 

Hogzilla (Shudder) – Joe Bob or no Joe Bob this film was terrible and Joe Bob Briggs was correct to rip it during one of his recent shows that had Darcy show it. A news crew heads into the Florida woods (yep, you heard me) to do a story on a rampaging giant mutant hog. Save your time, your effort, and being angry you made yourself watch this and go watch ‘Razorback’ again? Or check out the recent ‘Boar’ with Nathan Jones as this flick was just complete hot garbage and should have stayed lost as I give the 2008 film 0 stars.

 

The Intruder (DVD) – A group of people are invited to an island get together, weekend fling, whatever you wanna call it as a friend/relative has died and they are there for a reading of the will. This so-called death of a friend died in a plane crash over the Amazon and supposedly before his death got gold to his island retreat and hid it somewhere within its walls. As night falls and the people supposedly go to bed at the estate that is when the action begins and the bodies start to pile up quickly. While all left in the retreat are scared and wonder if one of them is killing others off an unknown killer lurks around the island taking care of business. I don’t like its multiple endings or places they could have ended but definitely worth a watch as this 1975 film starring Mickey Rooney and Yvonne DeCarlo was only released in 2017. For some reason the film was finished and shelved for decades. Could not find out exactly why it was shelved and for that long but again it is a solid “who dun it” film from the 70s for the older cinema nerds as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Beyond Dream’s Door (DVD) – Ben Dobbs is a young man who has many nightmares but his latest Ben has been keeping track of. The nightmares have seemed to be interconnecting and bring this to the attention of his professor of his Psych class. Ben has written them down word for word for his professor to read. He even has a daydream during class where he writes a phrase that makes confide in his professor about it. Professor Knox begins to read and feels like he is a part of it some weird magical way and asks for Ben to come over that evening so they can figure out where to go with the nightmare. Figure out what the nightmare means in general. Soon anyone associated with Ben or Professor Knox becomes a part of the nightmare. It is a film that will either be super dull to viewers or really radical for others as it is one those dreams bleed into reality with a cool looking demon that lurks throughout the nightmare chasing Ben as I give it 2 stars.

 

Deadly Impact (DVD) – Another Eye-talian production that was filmed in Arizona and Vegas where two old friends George (Bo Svenson) and Lou (Fred Williamson) get together for some unintentional action. George the cop keeps trying to arrest Lou a helicopter pilot just for any reason he can find but keep finding themselves chasing after two wannabe mob guys who caught onto a couple’s scam in Vegas. The couple was using computers to beat the system (its 1984 folks) to gain enough money to buy a ranch in Arizona and retire. These two mob extras catch on, follow them, and then kill the boyfriend and now track the girlfriend to get the money. George and Lou just keep finding themselves in one action scene after another trying to catch these two before they get away with the money. This film was actually a disappointment to me. Surprise, surprise folks I found a Fred Williamson flick I wasn’t that into as it felt like the film doesn’t go anywhere most of the time. Even though there is a couple cool car stunts just felt dull and the filmmaker didn’t know what to do with these veteran actors or there may have not been much of a script? Anyway I thought I was in for a treat but it turned out to be like stepping in dog poo in your backyard when you do not own a dog as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

River of Death (DVD) – Finally track down this Michael Dudikoff flick and didn’t know he else was in it until I started watching? We got Donald Pleasance as a Nazi war criminal financing an expedition and Robert Vaughn as a Nazi doctor who escaped in the Amazon to still perform his experiments. It begins in 1945 to give us a little backstory on the two Nazi war criminals and their plan to escape to South America. Then we are thrusted to 1965 where Dudikoff’s character is a man trying to make a few bucks being a guide through the Amazon jungle as he knows some of the tribes who live there and is putting together a map that leads to a lost city. He leads a father and daughter into the jungle to find out the strange cause of an illness that has stricken the tribes but is attacked and the daughter taken prisoner. Hell bent on going back Dudikoff gets financing from Pleasance to go in, find the lost city and its treasure. A very uneven story with a lot going on that is not the usual Dudikoff affair action buffs are use too. The film has star power, Dudikoff, and somewhat of a believable story to like movie wise but it just seems like it never hits its stride during the production as I give it 2 stars.

 

Cooking with Roger (DVD) – Indy filmmaker Jim Roberts unleashes his latest short film with the help of filmmaker Jorge Delarosa and crew that has an odd couple trying to film their cooking show for one of the social streaming sites. Roger with the help of his assistant or sister is trying to cook up something special for folks to try at home. Roger decides lets head to his son’s garden for some exotic herbs and veggies to add to the soup he is going to make? Roger convinces his assistant that a mushroom would be perfect for the soup even though he was told not to pick it or eat it. Now mind yinz they are filming their shenanigans sloppily throughout as they are very unschooled in what is proper for their cooking show that just adds to the authenticity of the amateur cooking show. Roger adds the mushroom to the soup, both he and his assistant taste the soup, and quickly they see a disgusting elf that convinces them they need more mushrooms. As both of them keep filming and keep devouring the soup and mushrooms Roger’s son shows up for the chaos. And sadly for Roger’s son it devolves into a horror show for all on the internet to enjoy! I give this evil fun and brilliance of a short film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Ouija Shark (DVD) – Well you had me at ‘Shark’ and 69 minutes running time. Our story begins with a young beautiful lady finding a Ouija board that washed ashore where she decided to take a swim. Jill picks it up and takes along to the all-girls pool party she is attending with a college friend. After some swimming and cooking out she convinces the other young women to play along on the Ouija board. Of course something strange happens and Jill has an odd dream. Next day a spirit shark shows up in the woods and begins chasing down and munching down on humans. After Jill consults with her father who happens to be a “medium” and a couple friends become lunch to the spirit shark she grabs the leather for the climatic fight with the spirit shark. Not to mention the film ‘Ouija’ is reference several times and oh yeah we get some weird Mortal Kombat shit with the spirit shark in the climatic fight. This light-hearted and entertaining independent shark film was well worth the watch as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Tunnels (DVD) – This horror film promised rats and instead I got a thriller about corrupt newspaper owner trying to get rid of the city’s homeless. Pam the editor at The Guardian is challenged to take on the next story no matter how big or how little by the paper photographer. She does as it involves an exterminator taking her into the bowels of the old building looking for rats but instead finds the owner’s brother of the newspaper. From there the story turns from rats to trying to break the story about all the homeless disappearing and why. I may have been a little disappointed I didn’t have another giant rat invasion movie to watch. But go look at the star power that was in this film because they are the reasons I kept watching this lesser known thriller as I give it 2 stars.

 

Teenage Slumber Party Nightmare (DVD) – I didn’t have high hopes for this as I seen it described as a possible homage to ‘Slumber Party Massacre’ but I was expecting something fun in this independent feature. Instead we all get a very dull, uninteresting film if that is what you wanna call it about supposedly 16 year old girls having a slumber party during spring break. The girls are stalked by a 50 year old teenager named Kort who is in love with all the teenage girls at this slumber party. The film fails on all accounts as you should at least try to do something with your hot garbage script before you even try filming something that resembles a half-ass production done with your parents’ camera in one day. Or to keep it simple folks don’t insult us fans of the independent horror genre with your dumb shit that looks like a complete waste of time. I give it a can of dog poo that sat out in the hot sun and smells worse than when it was first picked up!

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #429

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Gross Movie Reviews #429

 

Vengeance Runs Red (Vimeo) – A short film from filmmaker Philip Brocklehurst that tells the story of two who men who are haunted by a past mistake. A young dude takes upon himself to serve justice that is due. I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Want to find out more go here: www.facebook.com/philip.brocklehurst.9

 

War of the Dead (DVD) – The film isn’t horrible but it’s not great either. The film is just another run of the mill Nazi zombie flick that isn’t very memorable. Sorry horror folk no “Outpost”, “Dead Snow”, or “Frankenstein’s Army” here. Just keep moving along as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

The Rezort (DVD) – Another fun take on the zombie genre from the UK I believe? Ten years has passed since some worldwide virus turns millions of humans into zombies. The antidote was introduced to everywhere except one island. This island has now become a ‘Jurassic Park’ of zombies where some big corporation got the idea of if you got the money they have the zombies to shoot and kill. But no one thinks how are they resupplying the stock of zombies? The story mainly revolves a woman whose father was killed during riots when the zombie virus first started to spread. She believes going to this island will get her over her nightmares and fears? Once there she has faced her fears but wasn’t counting on the zombies getting loose in the park and begin feasting on all vacationing there. Now, she and a small group of others have five hours to get off the island before the military levels the island! A wildly entertaining zombie flick folks as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Nemesis 3: Time Lapse (VHS) – I got bored and decided to fall down the Albert Pyun wormhole again and watched these not needed sci-fi sequels that feature Tim Thomerson and Sue Price. In this mid-90s sequel Sue Price is searching out and destroying cyborgs as Tim Thomerson keeps a watchful eye over her for Central Command. Central Command wants her alive at all costs. Really folks not a whole lot happens in this flick but if you are a Tim Thomerson fan I totally get why you would track this bad boy down as I give it 1 ½ stars. The film also is known as “Nemesis 3: Prey Harder”.

 

Nemesis 4: Cry of Angels (VHS) – Albert Pyun brings back Sue Price one more time for what I like to call “Nemesis 4: Sue Price Bangs all the Cyborgs”. Never mind Andrew Divoff’s head speaks about cyborg non-sense throughout the movie. Sue Price’s goal in 2080 apparently is to be naked and bump uglies with all the cyborgs and then kill them. I believe the alternative title to this flick was actually “Hardbodies 3”? But that couldn’t be confirmed or denied at this time. But the gist of the flick this time around is Price’s character fucked up at some point and now there are Hunters all over her naked muscle bound ass! It wasn’t a great flick but it was a hell of a lot more interesting than the last sequel where she sat in a desert for about 75% of the damn movie. I give the flick 2 stars and you may also find this movie under the title “Death Angel” in some countries…

Swiss Army Man (DVD) – Possibly the most bizarre, completely entertaining, and glorious film you will ever watch in your life. I do not say that lightly. Daniel Radcliffe said it best on a late night talk show, “It’s a film about farting, erections, and a dead guy.” If you do not find that funny: one, this isn’t the film for you and two, you are most likely dead inside? The film begins with a young man played Paul Dano who is trapped on a small island trying to hang himself until he sees a dead body wash up on shore. Its Manny aka Daniel Radcliffe and once he begins farting Dano’s character rides him across the water to freedom and onto an adventure that will blow your mind. They become friends, eat out, share stories, start fires, and fight a bear. You get the picture? If you haven’t witnessed this film yet make it so because the ending makes the movie even more bizarre and fun. I give this hilarious flick 4 stars farting all the way.

 

Avenging Force (DVD) – One of Michael Dudikoff’s better action flicks outside of the “American Ninja” saga. Dudikoff’s buddy, Steven James of course is running for senate. Until some rich white racist dudes with their leader John P. Ryan decide to kill him and his family. On top of that they make Dudikoff play “Surviving the Game” eight years before Ice-T did! This 80s action flick will satisfy your action flick hunger if needed as I give it 3 stars.

 

Love Eternal: The Silent Film Cut (YouTube) – Forte Films Entertainment as at it again flaunting their filmmaking talents with a cool throwback short film version of Dracula and Mina. Done their way they give ‘silent era film buffs’ a tasty treat. Wonderfully done this filmmaking group needs more support and money because I would love to see these guys making a couple features a year. I give this fun treat 3 out of 4 stars and you can find out more at: www.fortefilmsentertainment.com .

Explorers (DVD) – Holy crap folks I do not know how I missed this 1985 flick starring Ethan Hawke and River Phoenix. This was so in my wheelhouse. But after reading some of the info on it and how it was considered a flop maybe somehow it fell off my cable watching radar as a kid? Apparently this movie was over 3 hours long and I believe Paramount Studios were like “nope”, not happening Joe Dante. The film is reportedly unfinished but a finished product. Very strange stuff but anyway folks the story centers on Ethan Hawke who has a weird dream about aliens and an image. He draws it and shows it to his best friend who of course is the nerdy kid down the street doing experiments in his basement. Hawke’s character continues to have these weird dreams and once his two friends become a part of it and his nerdy best friend uses a computer to make a bubble they decide its plans for a spaceship. The spaceship consists of a trash can, an old carnival ride, microwave doors, and a computer in the movie that didn’t exist in reality but was built just for this movie. They fly around and fuck shit up until Dick Miller finds them and eventually go off planet to meet the aliens. Really not too much to the movie but it is a fun glorious kick in the ass of childhood if you are a 80s kid? I give the entertaining film 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Oh its real and its happening… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

Gross Movie Reviews #385

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Gross Movie Reviews #385

 

Navy Seals vs. Zombies (DVD) – Michael Dudikoff heads a team of special Navy Seals that are ready for anything. A zombie outbreak traps the vice president in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and the Navy Seals are sent in to rescue him. Once finished they must head to a different location in the city looking for scientists at a classified CIA lab to extract them for the possible cure to the outbreak. Along the way the Seals are being filmed by a reporter who is looking for her big break. For the most part horror fans the box art is better than the film as it’s just another cookie cutout zombie flick that the only reason to watch is for the “Dudikoff”. I give this lame zombie film 1 ½ stars.

 

Freaks of Nature (DVD) – It amazes me the crap that makes the theater and then the random unbelievable awesome horror films that just show up on cable, On Demand, etc. This flick is the latter as aliens attack the small town of Dillford. The town has its issues as humans, vampires, and zombies are finding it very hard to coexist these days and the alien invasion gives them a reason to fight each other. Meanwhile, during the alien invasion and the war between Dillford residents, three teenagers (a human, a vampire, and a zombie) all must get over their everyday hang-ups of being teenagers. If they do not the world is surely going to die. The film has a great dialogue, great effects, but it all doesn’t work without these three: Mackenzie Davis, Nicholas Braun, and Josh Fadem. Without them this movie is nothing but because of them the film has that allure of a ‘Weird Science’ or ‘The Monster Squad’ or ‘Popcorn’ where movie fans will want to watch it over and over again. An amazing masterpiece in my eyes as I give it 4 stars and surely it will be on my “Best of 2016 list”.

Knuckle Bones

Knucklebones (DVD/Vimeo) – Here’s a little unknown horror film from Mitch Wilson and Midnight Releasing about some weird demon shit going down at a dry cleaner in Texas, 1976. 40 years we are introduced to a cute college girl named Neesa who gets dumped by her long time cute boyfriend. Neesa goes with the next step of trying to commit suicide but does not succeed. So when released, friends try to help and get her out of her funk by taking her along with two dudes to the supposedly haunted dry cleaner that has been closed since that faithful day in 1976. They find a box that has dice/bones/summoning stones (take your pick) and it has written instructions. So of course let’s summon demons and get our young nubile bodies sliced and diced! But it does not stop there as the demon “Knucklebones” they bring to life survives on death and gore but also does a horrible Freddy Kruger impression. After killing several people and the dice being crushed Neesa goes completely batshit crazy bad ass and cuts off her hand! Only to burn the flesh off the hand and send old Knucklebones away. What looked like a boring independent horror film not worth talking about turned into a gorefest where demons use chainsaws and women go Bruce Campbell to save the fucking world! My only complaint of the whole film is the decision of Knucklebones cracking shitty jokes the whole way. Outside of that little complaint this movie is bad ass with its demon, its gore, and just a bad ass character in Neesa. Thank you Midnight Releasing for putting this wonderful horror film out there as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. You can find out more about it at: www.braindamagefilms.com or www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Green Room (DVD) – So Patrick Stewart runs a club for Nazi punks… that’s normal. Honestly fun thriller as an underground punk band finds a gig in the middle of the woods in skinhead country. They play a bad ass gig, get paid, grab their shit, and witness a murder. Bad news you cannot leave because Patrick Stewart gotta take care of things. So it’s up to the trapped band members to fight their way through killer dogs, skinheads, and just Nazi punks wanting to prove themselves. It gets pretty graphic and only bad thing I can say is I felt like I seen this movie before but don’t let that stop you from watching this non-stop onslaught of craziness. I give the film 3 stars.

 

The Demented (DVD) – Six partying college friends just happen to be at a cabin where a dirty bomb goes off nearby and zombies happen because of the bio-chemical fallout. They must fight their way out of the cabin and the small nearby town just to get some help. I felt like the film ‘Chemical Peel’ may have done this a little better but they don’t have zombies as I give this 2 stars.

Auto Shop of Horrors

Auto Shop of Horrors (DVD/YouTube) – When Glen Berggoetz contacts me about a new flick he has done I know it’s gonna be a good day and it was with his latest project that he co-produced, co-written, co-directed, and of course starred in. Glen’s character is Randy. Randy happens to be a mechanic at the local auto shop who is very interested in the ancient Aztecs. As you know “the ancient Aztecs use to eat people’s eyeballs so they can see in the future.” Randy doesn’t question it at all and just goes with it as the auto shop now turns into ‘Blood Diner’. With each new client having engine trouble, Randy traps them, kills them, eats their eyeballs, and pushes them off a cliff in their car (or the same car in every scene.) Even when a detective begins questioning Randy that doesn’t stop Randy from being obsessed with eating eyeballs and seeing in the future. The highlights are licking eyeball scene which may be the most disturbing thing I have ever seen, his visions of ‘Midget Zombie Takeover, and what looks like twizzlers hanging from the eyeballs once removed. Glen has produced another classic independent horror film that is worthy of its title and to be watch by many as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. Find out more about the film or Glen’s other worthy projects go here: www.facebook.com/glenn.berggoetz or www.facebook.com/AutoShopOfHorrors .

 

Isle of the Dead (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Joey Lawrence is a part of a Navy Seal team going to an island that is infested with zombies. The island became infested after a military experiment went wrong ten years ago so now the government sends in a team to extract information before nuking the island. I am sorry you are still processing I said Joey Lawrence but either way just move along because you are not missing much in this latest entry to the zombie genre as I give it maybe 1 star …

 

Venomous (DVD) – A 2002 flick about Treat Williams playing a doctor in the desert town of Santa Mira where rattlesnakes just happen to be carrying a new strain of “Ebola”. These rattlesnakes just happen to be a mutation of an experiment during the Iraq war that disappeared or the building blew up. Long buried but now rearing its ugly head in this small town some military types want everyone to go away permanently as they try to convince Andrew Stevens to nuke the town. But Treat Williams and his cute ex-wife finally come up with antidote and get on TV to stop the nukes! Treat Williams always makes “when animal goes bad” flicks so much fun as I give this snake flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Terrordactyl (DVD) – A generic “Tucker and Dale” hook up with a cute bartender to fight space dinosaurs and there wasn’t even an Eric Roberts cameo. Count me out as I give this flick 1 star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #316

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Gross Movie Reviews #316

 

By Tim Gross

 

Oblivion (DVD) – A great sci-fi/western/comedy off the beaten path type of film from Charles Band and Full Moon back in the mid-90s. It’s the year 3031 and the old west is back again with even a cyborg deputy played by the cool ass Meg Foster! A bad dude named Red Eye played by Andrew Divoff rolls into town of Oblivion for the mere reason to shoot down the town sheriff. Once done, Red Eye and his S&M sidekick Lash plan on taking over the town. The son of the sheriff learns of the news from the undertaker and returns to a town looking for a new sheriff and he believes he isn’t it as his father and he didn’t see eye to eye. Whether Zack wants to or not he must face off with Red Eye in a showdown as lives depend on it. The film has some great moments that include the night scorps and an arm wrestling event that involves a little green puppet monster. This is a film that has been forgotten by most but worth revisiting as Charles Band proved he can do other projects outside of the usual suspects: Puppet Master, Trancers, and Subspecies. The film also stars the likes of Issac Hayes, Julie Newmar, George Takei, Carel Struycken, and Irwin Keyes. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Oblivion 2: Backlash (DVD) – The film continues the storyline of Lash still doing criminal activity but with Red Eye dead she is forced to do everything herself and the new sheriff Zack plans on keeping the town of Oblivion safe. But soon that changes when a bounty hunter played by Maxwell Caulfield flies his ship into town to arrest Lash for something she never did years ago. Zack finds himself between a rock and a hard place when he has to defend Lash but also finds out Red Eye has a brother Jaggar has just landed and wants to find Lash also. The sequel struggles to have the same fun western/sci-fi feel of the first flick and seems at times Charles Band maybe shouldn’t have stretch the storyline to a second film… But if you watched the first film you need to see the second film to see how it ends as I give the film 2 stars.

 

Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong (DVD) – The mish-mash flick may never have lived up to the hyped but Charles Band goes all out to market the film any way possible as I got mine in a box of cereal called “WEEDIES”! At least Full Moon veteran actress Robin Sydney (Sarah) returns; as the pretty girl who owns the bakery that brought to life the foul-mouthed cookie monster we all know and love. But Charles Band doesn’t stop there as he brings back Larnell from the “Evil Bong” series and he relives his story through flashbacks now that he owns his own Head Shop and would like to meet Sarah in order to help each other out business wise. Meanwhile the evil cookie is back and wants his revenge on Sarah but he has to go find them in the world of EEBEE the Evil Bong. Soon it builds for a face-off that just putters out than be a fun colossal fight. This film disappointed me, but shouldn’t have as Charles Band has tried mish-mash fights like this in the past and it doesn’t translate well in Full Moon movie world as I give the film 1 ½ stars.

 

The Missing (DVD) – Tommy Lee Jones stars in this supernatural western film that has him as a father to Kate Blatchett that left her years ago to pursue a dream he had that told him that he needed to leave his family. But now he is back trying to reconnect only to have it go wrong when an Indian attacks his family and kidnaps his granddaughter. But this Indian is considered a witch as he hangs snakes from trees and only believes in selling women of any color in Mexico. To be honest I totally forgot this flick but glad I got a chance to watch this film as I can see why some people even classify it as a horror film. I give it 3 stars.

Survival Quest

Survival Quest (VHS) – A great forgotten Don Coscarelli film that doesn’t get its due it deserves as Lance Henriksen plays a character named Hank Chambers who is a mountain man that helps normal people come to his camp and learn to work together, survive in the wild, and respect the world. When Hank confronts a crazed weekend warrior and he is wounded his group runs for their lives and tries to survive the crazed weekend warrior’s attacks throughout the woods and the only ones they can depend on is themselves as Hank has taught them. A great 80s adventure film that seems timeless and deserves a better fate than YouTube/VHS hell. I give the flick 4 stars and as usual prove Lance Henriksen makes everything better including having Reggie Bannister as your airplane pilot.

 

The Last Warrior (DVD) – A 9.7 magnitude earthquake separates California from the rest of the United States and Dolph Lundgren has taken it upon himself to try and restore order at his lonely armed forces compound to all who come. The film sounds better than it is just for the mere fact the film lacks budget and could have possibly been bad ass if there was a better budget for Dolph and company. I give the film 2 stars.

sucky_teen_romance

My Sucky Teen Romance (DVD) – Emily Hagins, the young filmmaker that gave us the interesting zombie flick “Pathogen” several years ago this time around tackles teens facing college, their last trip to SpaceCon, and are vampires actually real. The movie pokes fun at the recent “Twilight” films every chance it gets but also pokes fun at today’s awkward teens just trying to live their lives the way they want. Don’t let the title mislead you away from this very funny and a must watch comedy. I give it 3 stars.

 

The Fine Art (VHS) – Its Eric Stanze’s shot on video student film from 1992 and released in 1994 that revolves around an artist named Valerie that is very talented but not at love as she is very unsure of herself. Valerie goes out on a blind date at her friend’s persistence with a friend of hers and soon allows him into her world. But when Valerie peaks into his world she is disturbed and scared what could happen next, especially when her best friend brings up the Cedar Hill Slayer murders that happened last year. The film is very rough around the edges but if given a chance you can see why Eric Stanze is considered a talented filmmaker. I give it 2 stars.

 

Bounty Hunters 2: Hardball (VHS) – Michael Dudikoff and Lisa Howard are back in the sequel playing bounty hunters who get tangled up with the mob only to realize they really need to work together before both are killed. Yeah, the movie is a big bag of boring poo but with Dudikoff starring and a number 2 after the title there was no way I could pass it up. I give the flick 1 star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #315

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Gross Movie Reviews #315

 

 By Tim Gross

 

The Visitor (DVD) – The crazy hippie space out film from 1979 is also known as “Stridulum” is being released by Alamo Drafthouse Films. I believe there is no sure way to describe Hippie Jesus and an old dude help alien children and they are from a different dimension or something like that. This film makes the ‘mindfuck’ film “Fight Club” like a normal boring film. Apparently, Space Jesus aka Franco Nero tells a story about an alien prisoner who escaped years ago and pretty much impregnated any woman he could on earth so there would be evil alien children! It only gets better when a 8 year old named Katie shows up at a Lance Henriksen owned Atlanta Rebels basketball game to make a basketball explode in the final seconds and no one questions it. From there Katie’s mom doesn’t want to get married or have another child as Lance’s character presses her to do so as he is being controlled by a room full of unknown men. There is an agenda somewhere but between the old dude John Huston showing up to take Katie to another dimension and some weird sexual thing in white tents on top of a building I am not sure exactly what agenda it is serving except for those of you that will take LSD when watching the film. The film also stars Sam Peckinpah, Shelley Winters, and Glenn Ford in a movie that words cannot do justice for… Which by the way did I mention Space Jesus? Good luck my weird movie watching friends as I give the film 3 stars for just being that out there.

 

Bounty Hunters (VHS) – Michael Dudikoff is a low end bounty hunter that needs a paycheck to his bills that month and pleads to the local police he needs something. Well, he gets a guy he is supposed to pick up that gets him $10,000 but soon realizes he might want more money as a woman bounty hunter has been camping out on the guy for five days and they just got mixed up into some mob business. Unless you are a Dudikoff fan it’s not the most exciting action film as I give it 2 stars.

 

This is the End (DVD) – James Franco is having his usual Hollywood party that has all the young rich stars partying like it’s the end of the world until it is. Earthquakes begin to happen; trees are falling, people getting sucked up by blue lights from the sky, people dying… Once Seth Rogen and his best friend get back from the convenience store, Franco and others board up the house and try to decide what the next move is for them, if any. The film is hilarious but for me not as good as “The World’s End” but was still glad I got to see it. I have to give the flick 3 stars.

 

The Art of the Steal (On Demand) – If you were awaiting Kurt Russell’s comeback like I was you will not be disappointed in this crime/action flick that has Kurt Russell as an aging thief who did 5 ½ years in a Poland prison and now retired from the life of crime after his brother put him there. Russell is a motorcycle riding stuntman who pretty much does stunts for small carnivals and so on which pales in comparison what he used to do in another life. But when an opportunity arises for Russell to not only get back in the game but be remembered for one of the biggest art heists ever he has a plan you don’t see coming until it is over. The film is well directed, well casted, and kept me at the edge of my seat the whole time. Loved every second of screen time Russell had and just to top it off General Zod from “Superman 2” is a former art thief who helps authorities look into criminals like Russell’s character. The film is absolutely brilliant and cannot wait to watch it again as I believe it will be one of the best films for me in 2014 as I give it 4 stars.

 

Machete Kills (DVD) – Danny Trejo is back to reprise his role as “Machete” this time to do a job for his new country and to help out president Carlos Estevez kill a man in Mexico who has his sights or missile aimed at Washington D.C. But when the missile is control by the madman’s heart Machete just can’t kill him he must fight to get him over the border in 24 hours and get the only other person that exists to remove the contraption. Once again lots of over the top action, blood, and famous cameos but in the end I find myself enjoying the first film more than this sequel. Maybe it was missing crazy luchadors? But if Robert Rodriguez is able to pull off a third film that takes place in space that could be even more amazing than the first film! I give the sequel 3 stars and thought it was smart casting choice in making Mel Gibson the villain “Voz”. Now go and enjoy!

 

Hidden (DVD) – A fun horror film about a dude that inherits a building that just happens to hold his mother’s scientific experiments where she believed she could cure addiction all together with the help of a flying insect. But once himself and friends arrive to check out the place and decide what to do with it the man finds out his mother did these experiments hidden away for good reason as strange kids begin to fucking eat his friends one by one. The film reminds me a lot of the relatively unknown horror film “The Kindred” from 1987. The horror film is worth taking a chance on as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Back Road

Back Road (DVD) – Independent film producer and writer Jon Manthei with the help of writer/director Joseph Thompson is back at it again with his latest short film that in my belief could make a great 75 or 80 minute feature. The film follows Tommy and Tabaitha who are on their first date and have a flat tire on a long dirt road and its getting dark. Together they find help from a kind stranger driving by only to find they are next on the family’s menu but the film ends when it is just beginning as one of the couple have a surprise for the cannibal family. The film feels like “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and 3” meets “From Dusk Till Dawn” as it lures you in with the feeling you have seen this film before until the surprise happens and makes you want more from the talented duo. What makes the film work really well is not only how well the surprise is set up but I thought the two actors playing Tommy and Tabaitha played the ‘awkward first date couple’ so well you actually feel really bad when they are first kidnapped. I give the short film 3 ½ out of 4 stars and hope the talented duo listens and fleshes out a feature of this short film with a little more darker and demonic overtone to it? To find out more about Jon Manthei, Joseph Thompson, and their future projects go check out www.facebook.com/campfirepictures . Oh by the way look for the Ted Nugent for President bumper sticker, it fits perfect in this short film.

TRANCERS1_5Newsletter

Trancers City of Lost Angels (DVD) – Finally, the lost sequel or segment for Charles Band’s “Pulsepounders” anthology that never seen the light of day has been restored and released to DVD recently. Most people call it “Trancers 1.5” as the 25 minute film picks sometime after the first film with Jack Deth and his girlfriend Helen Hunt in 1986 running Deth’s detective agency. While during an argument between the two, McNulty knocks on the door after coming down the line to warn Jack about a criminal Edlin Shock who has escaped and wants him dead after spending five years in a prison in the future. Jack Deth springs into action again to return the futuristic criminal only to realize he misses the past and wants to spend his time in the past. It’s great seeing this film as if you are a fan of the series “1.5” fits just right into the timeline and most likely was to help new fans of Full Moon in 1988/1989 to understand the Jack Deth character more as the first film was hard to find depending where you lived. Once the sequels came out, the first film eventually became easier to find especially with the introduction of DVD in the 90s. I give the film 3 stars if you are a fan of the series, 2 stars if you are new to the whole Jack Deth story as most likely since this is one of the earlier Full Moon series that hasn’t had a sequel or reboot in years?

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.