Gross Movie Reviews #433

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Gross Movie Reviews #433

 

Black Water (DVD) – We have a killer action flick on a super-secret sub starring Jean Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, and Patrick Kilpatrick. JCVD is Wheeler who gets caught up in a double cross over a thumb-drive that has secrets that can be sold worldwide. Patrick Kilpatrick is the man who has brought him in and transporting him on a C.I.A. black ops sub that doesn’t exist. Wheeler’s neighboring cellmate just happens to be a German named Marco played by Dolph who cannot be killed because he knows too much and may be to high profile? When things get double-crossed again and no one to trust as people are being killed on the sub Wheeler turns to Marco for help. The movie plays out like “Under Siege” on a sub which isn’t a bad thing. The film is a lot of fun especially because of the Marco character but just feel more could have been done with this action flick. It’s good but not great and potential to be great as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Blood Moon (VHS) – An Australian slasher film from 1990 about an all-girls Catholic high school and its students being stalked and killed by an unknown killer. When a girl and her boyfriend disappear no one blinks an eye except for her best friend who feels something could be going on? But honestly she isn’t too worried as she goes to a dance and meets a dreamy dude who snuck into their dance. Soon more girls disappear and the police begin snooping around a creepy Science teacher who he and his wife have a secret? This flick is your scraping the barrel kind of slasher film that doesn’t have much substance. Remember its 1990 so I am sure this was made on mostly on the cheap. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

The Raiders of Atlantis (DVD) – Hey remember that “Cannibal Holocaust” Deodato dude? Well he made a bunch of other movies for those who may not know. And this gem is a wonderful must-see mess! Released in 1983 under the title “Atlantis Interceptors” in some countries takes “The Road Warrior” rip-off to a whole other off the wall level. Off the coast of Florida some scientists have found an artifact at the bottom of the ocean that proves the existence of Atlantis. They are going to try and move a sunken Russian sub to investigate more. When moved, the sea floor opens, a tidal wave destroys the scientific ocean platform, and a biker gang led by ‘fish bowl man’ begins murdering people on the mainland. The “Atlantis Interceptors” are back to take the mainland from these dumb humans! Never mind asking why they have customized motorcycles with swords on them and cars with guns on them? Just except this mess of a plot hole and thank me later for enjoying a great post-apocalyptic movie about two dudes trying to save the world by flying into Atlantis and fucking shit up! I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Kindergarten Cop 2 (DVD) – So twenty some years later they decided to make a sequel with Dolph Lundgren. Dolph is a F.B.I. agent who goes undercover to question six year olds about a flash drive their old teacher may have hidden? The drive has all the identities of everyone in witness protection. Of course hijinks ensue but not nearly as funny as the original from 1990 starring Arnold. But it had Dolph so I know I am in it for at least one watch as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Welcome to Willits (DVD) – This odd horror flick was a very nice little surprise from 2016. A girl (Anastasia Baranova from “Z Nation”) home from college in her little Northern California town has an uncle and aunt that have a huge weed crop they protect. Her uncle believes aliens are trying to steal his crop and do weird shit to him. This all started when he substituted something in his batch of meth not too long ago and his visions of aliens and a Dolph Lundgren cop show ‘Fists of Justice’ continue to get worse. What doesn’t help is some campers are staying nearby and stumble upon the crop and war is declared as the uncle believes he is killing aliens. This flick is a funny and unexpected gore fest! To give an extra twist is Rory Culkin who shows up as the weird hitchhiker picked up by the campers to give it that extra creep but fun horror factor. Movie fans this is well worth tracking down as I give it 3 stars.

 

In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds (DVD) – Since I have seen one and three it was only fair I eventually checked out the Uwe Boll sequel starring Dolph Lundgren. Dolph is Granger in present day. Granger gets pulled into a time warp which takes him to a distant time where he is called “The Chosen One”. He is deceived into thinking he must go up a mountain and kill the ‘Holy Mother’ who leads the ‘Dark Ones’. But he finds out the truth from the Holy Mother that he is placed into the future as an orphan to potentially return and save them all from the evil king who has deceived all who follow him. Granger’s future world depends on him stopping the king’s evil plan of a plague. Apparently they ran out of Jason Statham money and Uwe Boll had a leftover script from his “House of the Dead” projects and you have this… I give the fantasy flick 1 star.

 

4 Got 10 (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren, Danny Trejo, and Michael Pare are all wrapped up together in this tale of a man who forgets who he is and has a van full of drugs and money. As the man tries to remember what happened, a crooked cop kills the wrong partner and a DEA agent and a drug lord have questions. Your typical direct-to-HULU/NETFLIX jams for weirdoes like me who believe those three names are always gold for action flicks. Or at least worth one watch as I give it 2 stars.

 

Children of the Corn: Runaway (DVD) – So John Gulager needed a paycheck so “hey we need someone to direct the ninth entry into this useless series only Tim Gross watches?” A woman named Ruth is trying to escape her past with a cult that killed all their parents over a decade ago. She left when pregnant so her son would have a chance in the normal world. Of course evil has followed her and wants her son. The film isn’t terrible but if you are having trouble sleeping this might help you as I give it 1 star.

 

Hellraiser: Judgment (DVD) – Of course this tenth entry sucked a huge double bag of dicks! Think remake of the fifth entry “Inferno”? If you remotely know what I am talking about please turn away and don’t watch because it will make you feel stupid and angry. For the love of DOUG BRADLEY, $350,000 budget! Thank you Dimension Films for releasing another hot pile donkey shit into the world and just insulting horror movie fans, Clive Barker, and humans in general. Worst movie of 2018! Wait question what is worse? Jeepers Creepers 3 or this entry into the so-called Hellraiser series? Hold on I think I need to go drown myself in the tub while I slit my wrists at the same time. Crap film gets crap move on folks.

Surviving Evil (DVD) – So Billy Zane plays an adventure dude who does a survival show for a cable channel. Zane and his crew head to a supposedly haunted island in the Philippines to shoot their latest episode of the TV show. One of the crew knows of the legends on the island but is choosing to ignore them as he has other motives of why he is there. This crew member knows of Japanese gold that is hidden on the island and is willing to risk his friends and his own life for the payoff. But the legend becomes real when shape-shifting tribe of demons show up and sniff out one of the crew is pregnant. Apparently pregnant women to these cool demons are Yuengling to me? The movie has some great build up, Billy Zane being Billy Zane, lots of gore, and really interesting demon things! This pleasant horror film feels like a really awesome SyFy Channel film that was too awesome to be on the “Sharknado” network. This film gets 3 really kick ass demon stars.

 

Kickboxer: Retaliation (DVD) – In case you haven’t had your fill of these movies JCVD’s character Durand is blinded by a fight promoter and must help Kurt Sloane train again. But this isn’t any ordinary fight as the fight promoter is Christopher Lambert and he is a ruthless rich bastard that wants Sloan to fight a chemically enhanced fighter. So Lambert kidnaps Sloan’s wife and gets Sloan arrested and thrown into a Bangkok prison. There Sloan trains with Mike Tyson and JCVD now that he has no choice to defend his title. If you are an action film fan this will be your bonerjam or your Viagra until they give us another Jason Statham action flick? Really enjoying JCVD doing another one of these as I give it 3 stars and yes Mike Tyson still looks scary even when he is acting.

 

Dune Warriors (DVD) – A post-apocalyptic B-movie mess from 1990, the Corman group producing, and stars David Carradine. A small village is being taken over by some warlords for their water. A woman in the village has had enough and goes out to hire five warriors to help defend the village. If you like watching dumb ass shit like me you’ll enjoy it. Let’s just say it isn’t “Deathsport” or “Battletruck”. I give it barely one Carradine as he was barely there for the paycheck.

 

Lunatics: A Love Story (DVD) – This oddity is truly a love story that stars Ted Raimi as Hank, who is a writer and has not left his apartment in six months. A huge part of it is he keeps having delusions of spiders and a doctor (Bruce Campbell) trying to cut him or give him a shot. His life changes when he believes he is calling a dating line and it happens to be a pay phone. The phone is picked up by Deborah Foreman’s character Nancy, who believes she is a jinx. She just got done getting thrown out of her hotel room, dumped by her boyfriend, and shot a gang member in the foot. On a whim Nancy accepts Hank’s invite to his apartment. Nancy tries to look past all the foil and Hank’s weirdness and they connect for their love of poetry. But Nancy believing she is a jinx runs away only to force Hank to overcome his fear of leaving the apartment to go get the girl. Josh Becker put together a hilarious tale with a great cast that I believe the studios were unsure of how to advertise. When someone brings up you should watch a love story with them go with this flick as I give it 3 ½ stars and you won’t be disappointed or bored.

 

Nightflyers (VHS) – I keep getting this confused with the Stephen Machet flick with killer bats. But this is the 1987 space flick starring Catherine Mary Stewart who is a part of a crew that gets on a ship that might be alive? They are off on a mission and become more curious as they never meet the captain and the Class 10 telepath on board keeps warning them bad shit is going to happen to them. The ship computer controls everything including her son Royd who must have seen “The Last Starfighter” and “Night of the Comet” and realizes how hot Ms. Stewart is and begins to converse with her. Some boring space shit happens, then the ship tries to kill them all, and we get a scene where the telepath gets his face cut in half by a laser “Intruder-style”. Outside of the really cool death by laser scene; the movie seems to suffer several things including many rewrites most likely. But hey it is being remade into a TV show so there is that as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Argoman: The Fantastic Superman (YouTube) – Oh the shit I couldn’t make up? Sir Reginald Hoover is Argoman. An Italian Batman clone who believes saving the world and keeping peace. But also he loses his powers for six hours if he bangs hot women of 1967. Argoman’s nemesis Jenabell is busy stealing a crown and forcing France to give her all their money. When that isn’t going on Sir Reginald is busy boning Jenabell and will capture her when the time is right. The rest of the movie is Argoman escaping custody and just seeing what else he can do for fun with his amazing powers. The movie doesn’t a whole lick of sense but I was entertained and laughed several times and for that I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

See yinz at GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

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Gross Movie Reviews #394

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Gross Movie Reviews #394

 

Star Trek: Beyond (DVD) – So this is the third flick in the J.J. Abrams reboot of the series. The first two were amazing and fun. This entry was good but I believe made for a different audience than the first two films. With the now established young cast Spock and Kirk on two different paths but things change when they go out to a planet to investigate for the Federation and get massacred. Once on the planet they find many races of beings have been lured to the planet to be slaves to an evil force that plans on destroying the Federation and its peace keeping ways. Like I said the cast is great but this entry seems to be more for the fans of the original series than the fans of the recent films and the entries that were made in the 80s. Still hope for another entry but be prepared for a possible letdown as I give it 3 stars.

 

To All a Goodnight (DVD) – A long lost slasher film that isn’t talked about much when horror fans bring up slashers. It also surprises me that the famously creepy but talented David Hess directed this effort. It’s Christmas vacation and a few college kids have some partying to do but little they know a tragedy happened and now they are about to be victims. Victims to Santa Claus! To be honest just like ‘Body Count’ the slasher film doesn’t make a whole lick sense except for someone has decided to dress like Santa Claus to dispatch of some college kids. But if you seen that David Hess film you will wanna check this out also. I personally say it was a “lost film” for a couple reasons: a) when you think Christmas horror films? No one brings this up. (Christmas Evil, Don’t Open Till Christmas, Black Christmas, Silent Night Deadly Night, the usual) b) the film was just released on DVD/Blu-ray in the past year or so, before that I don’t remember seeing a VHS copy anywhere at any point in time. c) When at conventions you very rarely would come across a copy at an out-of-print table, maybe no demand? But if you are a weirdo like me you’ll wanna watch possibly the film that started the trend quietly “killer Santa Claus”. I give the flick that stars the beautiful Jennifer Runyon 2 stars.

 

10 Cloverfield Lane (DVD) – Sequel, unrelated film, and events happening at same time as the original found footage film that is for you to decide? This story follows a young woman who is running away from her life and gets into an accident and ends up in John Goodman’s basement. Or I should say underground bunker where it is explained the air is unbreathable above. Goodman’s character explains a possible war has broken out and he was prepared and he just happens to save the woman’s life? Goodman is just a brilliant creepy “Doomsday Prepper” as you the viewer are unsure the whole film if he is good or bad. They introduce Goodman’s neighbor also just to add tension of whether Goodman is telling the truth? But no matter what all three characters know something weird or wrong is going on up top… The movie builds up a lot of suspense and pays off big time as this isn’t your regular sequel if it truly is that? I give this little surprise of a flick 3 ½ stars.

 

Godzilla vs. Biollante (DVD) – This film basically marked a new era in ‘Godzilla’ films as this entry of the unkillable giant lizard found its way to the US in 1988. This opponent for Godzilla was a genetic engineered plant from Godzilla cells that was a plot of revenge from a scientist that lost his daughter several years ago. Sorry folks I love Godzilla films but for me this is one of the weaker of the new era. He fights a fucking plant! The only thing more boring is Mothra! I didn’t like it when it was first released all those years ago and I still don’t care for it now as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Sabotage (DVD) – Another comeback film for Arnold as he was reestablishing his action stardom a couple years back. This time Arnold plays a leader of a special team of individuals who go get bad guys that cannot be caught or taken down. But the layer to this plot is Arnold’s character is blamed by the government for stealing 10 million bucks. Eventually all the members of the team blame each other and the F.B.I. is just trying to piece together who did actually taken the money? A good action flick that for me felt like a misstep or miscasting of Arnold as he seems like second choice for this film. Go watch a better Arnold flick in ‘The Last Stand’ as I give this one 2 stars.

 

Safe (DVD) – Jason Statham is a beaten cage fighter that has gotten himself into trouble with the Russian mob. When he is about to step off in front of a train he sees a little girl being chased down by some bad looking dudes. He saves her but begins to understand this girl is very valuable to a lot of people besides the Russian mob. Think ‘Mercury Rising’ with a lot more action and fun than seriousness of the Bruce Wills thriller. Also we have some great casting here kids: Chris Sarandon as the crooked mayor, Robert Burke as the crooked police chief, and James Hong as a bad ass Asian mob boss that makes the little girl remember numbers for his business. Cannot go wrong with that as I give it 3 ½ stars.

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Rain (YouTube) – This isn’t a horror film by any means but it is an interesting slow burn 40 minute drama from filmmaker Todd Ernest Braley. Yeah, this isn’t in my wheelhouse like straight horror films but it is independent and it looks amazing. Kierra Hall is Ashley who has a fear of rain when she seen her parents die at a younger age. It affects her so much that when it rains she physically cannot leave her home and has a mental breakdown. The film chronicles the torture of Ashley when a several day storm blows in causes Ashley a psychotic break and eventual death. Dramatic, brilliant, a beautiful slow burn, and Kierra Hall was absolutely perfect this role in ‘Rain’. It may not be in my wheelhouse but Mr. Braley’s film was impressive as I give it 3 ½ out 4 stars. Check out: www.facebook.com/Rain-A-Short-Film-by-Todd-E-Braley-1743711622545087 for more info.

 

Misfit (YouTube) – A teenager named Cybil (I believe?) is bullied constantly by a foursome of mean girls. This foursome tortures Cybil day in and day out. Home life isn’t much better for the young woman as her mother is constantly rides her and one point in the film wishes Cybil to never be born. Well one day after school the evil foursome runs down the troubled teenager onto a porch. As they are about to light her on fire and film it on their cell phones a disfigured gentleman rushes out and chases off the mean girls. After a conversation with Cybil, he goes inside to have a conversation with an unknown figure. Cybil is intrigued and intrudes inside to confront both of them. After more fighting at home Cybil visits the two people again only to learn they have plans for her? Plans for Cybil to seek the revenge against all who ever wronged her. The film runs a little long but will find an audience among fans who love independent revenge flicks. The film is well shot by Mr. Braley but the most impressive part is the teenagers filming everything that goes on: bullying (teenagers can be cruel), teacher yelling, etc. to post it on social media. I enjoyed this realism in the film as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on the filmmaker go check out: www.facebook.com/toddernestbraley or check out www.facebook.com/infinitymediaproductions .

 

Incarnate (On Demand) – Dr. Ember is a scientist of sorts that has the ability to enter people’s possessed mind and help them escape. Think ‘Dreamscape’ without the wires and involves demons that just want to suck on weak souls of humans. Dr. Ember has been on the search of a demon named “Maggie” ever since this demon crippled him and killed his family in a car accident. But a young boy has become possessed and it’s not your run of the mill demon as Dr. Ember must not fear death in order to save the boy. A non-eventful demon possession film that is a half-step better than most of the PG-13 paranormal crap we are being force fed these days. For that I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Rare Exports (DVD) – An oddity Christmas tale from Finland… I think? The film was released a few years ago and its audience is still growing as it is a tale of the original Santa Claus being buried in a mountain and now is being dug up. The original Santa wasn’t what we are taught, he is a pissed off creature that snatches young kids from their beds by his elves and fed to him! While Santa is being thawed out like the alien in ‘The Thing’ his elves is snatching all the children in the surrounding village to be fed upon when he awakes. But a young kid and his father capture one of the elves in a bear pit and the adventure goes from there as they must find a way to stop Santa from awaking on Christmas. The film is bizarre, hilarious, and the ending is absolutely perfect for what it was going for as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Hardcore Henry (Blu-ray) – Sharlito Copley deserves an Oscar for this flick! The action flick will give you a fucking headache but is absolutely chaotic and awesome! Copley who plays like two dozen characters in the film is an experiment for a supernatural weirdo villain who plans on making an army. And the story is about one of the experiments/cyborg/whatever it is/Jimmy breaks out of an airplane and is contacted by Jimmy. He goes through a series of crazy shootouts, fights, etc., that can only happen in a video game. This may be the closest a movie has come to being a video game. The film reminded me a lot of the “Wolfenstein” game. The film is intense, funny, and one-of-a-kind experience that cannot be explained that can only be watched to understand! Don’t do drugs, don’t drink, or will be sick be the end of this wild 4 star movie.

 

Beyond the Gates (On Demand) – Two brothers meet up at an old video store to begin boxing up everything. Their father disappeared several months ago and the brothers see each other for the first time in a long time to decide what to do with all the stuff. They remember working and running around the store and try to keep their minds on what they are doing until the brothers found a game in their father’s office called, “Beyond the Gates”. An old scary VCR board game that was popular in the late 80s and early 90s. The brothers take it home to play after playing the tape and noticing the gorgeous host of the game (Barbara Crampton). Once the game begins, strange things begin to happen. The brothers try to quit and it won’t allow them and they even track down where it was bought at and told they must finish the game. Finish the game you live, if not their souls along with their father’s is damned forever in the game. The film has a couple fun gore scenes and is mainly for us old folks to have a fun memory of these horror related games. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Bad Asses on the Bayou (DVD) – Danny Trejo and Danny Glover are the old guys kicking ass still as they travel to outside Baton Rouge for their friend Carmen’s wedding. Once there she is kidnapped and they add a third to the team in John Amos so they can kick some bad guy ass. Nothing eventful but will always watch a film with Danny Trejo at least once these days as I give it 2 stars.

 

Fist of Jesus (You Tube) – A Spanish short film about Jesus trying to help resurrect a woman’s son, only for him to become a zombie. Next thing you know we have Roman zombies, Cowboy zombies, all kinds of zombies. And Jesus must kick zombie ass and save his friend Judas. The film was influenced by Peter Jackson and a well worth of wasting 15 minutes of your time on You Tube. But while watching notice the production, the effects, all impressive in my opinion! Check out www.fistofjesus.com as I give it 4 out of 4 gory stars.

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House of Forbidden Secrets (Vimeo/DVD) – Another horror flick from independent mastermind Todd Sheets that takes place at an office/retail building where Jacob has just become the new night security guard. All is asked of Jacob is don’t fall asleep on the job. But a strange crack in the basement wall and a séance that Jacob takes a part in sets off strange shit happening throughout the place. Supernatural beings begin to spread and corner all involved with the séance one by one including anybody that stayed late in the building. In order to survive the night Jacob and the psychic must figure out the building’s past in order save themselves in the present. Great intro, fun soundtrack, surprising cameos, great gore FX makes this a treat for Eye-talian horror film fans. The movie reminds me of ‘The Beyond’ and ‘Gates of Hell’ and just like those Fulci movies not everything will make sense but you will enjoy it for what it is. Mr. Sheets and company make sure you will take notice of what they can do with a great shooting location and their love for making an old school Eye-talian influenced horror film. I give the movie 3 out of 4 stars. Of course more about the film, Todd Sheets, or his crew check out: www.zombiebloodbath.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

 

Gross Movie Reviews #315

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Gross Movie Reviews #315

 

 By Tim Gross

 

The Visitor (DVD) – The crazy hippie space out film from 1979 is also known as “Stridulum” is being released by Alamo Drafthouse Films. I believe there is no sure way to describe Hippie Jesus and an old dude help alien children and they are from a different dimension or something like that. This film makes the ‘mindfuck’ film “Fight Club” like a normal boring film. Apparently, Space Jesus aka Franco Nero tells a story about an alien prisoner who escaped years ago and pretty much impregnated any woman he could on earth so there would be evil alien children! It only gets better when a 8 year old named Katie shows up at a Lance Henriksen owned Atlanta Rebels basketball game to make a basketball explode in the final seconds and no one questions it. From there Katie’s mom doesn’t want to get married or have another child as Lance’s character presses her to do so as he is being controlled by a room full of unknown men. There is an agenda somewhere but between the old dude John Huston showing up to take Katie to another dimension and some weird sexual thing in white tents on top of a building I am not sure exactly what agenda it is serving except for those of you that will take LSD when watching the film. The film also stars Sam Peckinpah, Shelley Winters, and Glenn Ford in a movie that words cannot do justice for… Which by the way did I mention Space Jesus? Good luck my weird movie watching friends as I give the film 3 stars for just being that out there.

 

Bounty Hunters (VHS) – Michael Dudikoff is a low end bounty hunter that needs a paycheck to his bills that month and pleads to the local police he needs something. Well, he gets a guy he is supposed to pick up that gets him $10,000 but soon realizes he might want more money as a woman bounty hunter has been camping out on the guy for five days and they just got mixed up into some mob business. Unless you are a Dudikoff fan it’s not the most exciting action film as I give it 2 stars.

 

This is the End (DVD) – James Franco is having his usual Hollywood party that has all the young rich stars partying like it’s the end of the world until it is. Earthquakes begin to happen; trees are falling, people getting sucked up by blue lights from the sky, people dying… Once Seth Rogen and his best friend get back from the convenience store, Franco and others board up the house and try to decide what the next move is for them, if any. The film is hilarious but for me not as good as “The World’s End” but was still glad I got to see it. I have to give the flick 3 stars.

 

The Art of the Steal (On Demand) – If you were awaiting Kurt Russell’s comeback like I was you will not be disappointed in this crime/action flick that has Kurt Russell as an aging thief who did 5 ½ years in a Poland prison and now retired from the life of crime after his brother put him there. Russell is a motorcycle riding stuntman who pretty much does stunts for small carnivals and so on which pales in comparison what he used to do in another life. But when an opportunity arises for Russell to not only get back in the game but be remembered for one of the biggest art heists ever he has a plan you don’t see coming until it is over. The film is well directed, well casted, and kept me at the edge of my seat the whole time. Loved every second of screen time Russell had and just to top it off General Zod from “Superman 2” is a former art thief who helps authorities look into criminals like Russell’s character. The film is absolutely brilliant and cannot wait to watch it again as I believe it will be one of the best films for me in 2014 as I give it 4 stars.

 

Machete Kills (DVD) – Danny Trejo is back to reprise his role as “Machete” this time to do a job for his new country and to help out president Carlos Estevez kill a man in Mexico who has his sights or missile aimed at Washington D.C. But when the missile is control by the madman’s heart Machete just can’t kill him he must fight to get him over the border in 24 hours and get the only other person that exists to remove the contraption. Once again lots of over the top action, blood, and famous cameos but in the end I find myself enjoying the first film more than this sequel. Maybe it was missing crazy luchadors? But if Robert Rodriguez is able to pull off a third film that takes place in space that could be even more amazing than the first film! I give the sequel 3 stars and thought it was smart casting choice in making Mel Gibson the villain “Voz”. Now go and enjoy!

 

Hidden (DVD) – A fun horror film about a dude that inherits a building that just happens to hold his mother’s scientific experiments where she believed she could cure addiction all together with the help of a flying insect. But once himself and friends arrive to check out the place and decide what to do with it the man finds out his mother did these experiments hidden away for good reason as strange kids begin to fucking eat his friends one by one. The film reminds me a lot of the relatively unknown horror film “The Kindred” from 1987. The horror film is worth taking a chance on as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Back Road

Back Road (DVD) – Independent film producer and writer Jon Manthei with the help of writer/director Joseph Thompson is back at it again with his latest short film that in my belief could make a great 75 or 80 minute feature. The film follows Tommy and Tabaitha who are on their first date and have a flat tire on a long dirt road and its getting dark. Together they find help from a kind stranger driving by only to find they are next on the family’s menu but the film ends when it is just beginning as one of the couple have a surprise for the cannibal family. The film feels like “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and 3” meets “From Dusk Till Dawn” as it lures you in with the feeling you have seen this film before until the surprise happens and makes you want more from the talented duo. What makes the film work really well is not only how well the surprise is set up but I thought the two actors playing Tommy and Tabaitha played the ‘awkward first date couple’ so well you actually feel really bad when they are first kidnapped. I give the short film 3 ½ out of 4 stars and hope the talented duo listens and fleshes out a feature of this short film with a little more darker and demonic overtone to it? To find out more about Jon Manthei, Joseph Thompson, and their future projects go check out www.facebook.com/campfirepictures . Oh by the way look for the Ted Nugent for President bumper sticker, it fits perfect in this short film.

TRANCERS1_5Newsletter

Trancers City of Lost Angels (DVD) – Finally, the lost sequel or segment for Charles Band’s “Pulsepounders” anthology that never seen the light of day has been restored and released to DVD recently. Most people call it “Trancers 1.5” as the 25 minute film picks sometime after the first film with Jack Deth and his girlfriend Helen Hunt in 1986 running Deth’s detective agency. While during an argument between the two, McNulty knocks on the door after coming down the line to warn Jack about a criminal Edlin Shock who has escaped and wants him dead after spending five years in a prison in the future. Jack Deth springs into action again to return the futuristic criminal only to realize he misses the past and wants to spend his time in the past. It’s great seeing this film as if you are a fan of the series “1.5” fits just right into the timeline and most likely was to help new fans of Full Moon in 1988/1989 to understand the Jack Deth character more as the first film was hard to find depending where you lived. Once the sequels came out, the first film eventually became easier to find especially with the introduction of DVD in the 90s. I give the film 3 stars if you are a fan of the series, 2 stars if you are new to the whole Jack Deth story as most likely since this is one of the earlier Full Moon series that hasn’t had a sequel or reboot in years?

 

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