Gross Movie Reviews #532

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Gross Movie Reviews #532

 

Allan Ouartermain and The Lost City of Gold (DVD/YouTube) – Richard Chamberlin is back as Quartermain and Sharon Stone as Jesse and they are talking marriage until someone comes out of the jungle talking about Quartermain’s brother and The Lost City of Gold and might be dead. So of course Quartermain goes looking for him and Jesse is not happy delaying the wedding and having another near death experience. Allan find his brother and The Lost City of Gold rather quickly but they find out that the people who live there are under control of a demanding slave trader (Henry Silva and Cassandra Peterson) who claim to be a god but really just stealing the gold. A fun follow up from 1987 that is worth checking out if you enjoyed the first film as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Bunker: Project 12 (DVD) – During the Cold War Russian scientists were working on a secret project that involved super soldiers but was after funding was cut in 1973 the scientists disappeared. Henderson (Eric Roberts) who is one of the most renowned scientists pays some mercenaries to track down these lost scientists so they can access this hidden bunker and gather information of this project. Once there documents are found going step by step on the old project but there is also something waiting for them. Since this story has been done to death recently the writer throws in a storyline with one of the mercs turning on the team to gain more money. Love seeing Eric Roberts but this lackluster feature highly lacked some of the films with similar storylines in the past. In the end wished they would have at least tried to do something different but they went with what works but just not in this project as I give 1 star.

 

Mystery of the Wax Museum (DVD/YouTube) – Stop me if you heard this one before? After a fire in a London wax museum to collect insurance money a new one pops up in New York. Not too long after its opening bodies begin to go missing from the city morgue and show up at the life like museum people are raving about. This 1933 feature sounds a lot like ‘House of Wax’ with Vincent Price but with a few differences. ‘House of Wax’ is always wonderful but you can now see where it got its influence as this was a fun find for me as I never seen this flick until now. This is some fun stuff to check out as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Cheerleader Camp to the Death (DVD) – A Dustin Ferguson joint for no money where cheerleaders from different schools head out to camp for three days to work, relax, and unplug. So who cares cheerleaders died the year before at Horizon Fields Camp in a weird sprinkler accident, they are there to have fun and work on the newest routines. Of course once coach goes missing the girls refuse to see there is a problem until it’s too late as they are being killed off by a person dressed as a panda. Not covering new territory but there is a wonderfully hilarious scene around the campfire where one of the cheerleaders tells a story about a 12 inch cock! “Because, it is like an urban legend or… something!” This Indy flick as a couple laughs but not enough gore for me but its short running time does make it a quick out as I give it 2 stars.

Corporate Cutthroat Massacre (DVD) – This unknown 2009 feature has Brandi Babcock as the boss of an office that she is claiming getting pressure from up top for her staff to work harder as the numbers are down. So after firing a person or two explains all must stay after hours to get all their sales together from the past three quarters. If they do not or whoever has the lowest they will be fired also. Brandi needs to fix it fast as “Corporate” is losing money! As the night moves along people who work in the office begin to disappear as you wonder are they fired or has Brandi finally pushed someone to kill? No matter what none of them are good enough in Brandi’s eyes as I give this half step above dullness 1 ½ stars.

 

Promising Young Woman (On Demand) – Cassie is a young woman whose life hasn’t gone exactly the way she dreamed of. Now 30, working at a coffee shop, and still living at home with the parents Cassie hasn’t wanted to tackle life goals as with her complicated past she just goes to bars and gets revenge on guys by letting them think she is drunk and fucks with them. Then one day happiness shows up for her but when she is about to believe her life has taken a great turn her complicated past comes back to haunt her in a horrible way. The only way to deal with it is the only way Cassie knows how haunt it and the people who were a part of it back! A fun revenge film I give 3 stars too.

 

The Shadow of the Cat (DVD/YouTube) – Another old school flick I never had the pleasure of viewing as a child an old woman named Ella is killed off by three greedy people close to her and the cat witnessed it. Now as the three murderers try to cover up the cat is haunting them as much as it can. Thus making it difficult to get away with when Ella’s favorite niece Beth shows up and the cat likes her. Authorities get involved but keep being side tracked by the family so they all can split up the fortune and find Ella’s real will to burn it. A fun PG rated early 60s horror film that we get another of someone explaining cats stealing people’s breath… TOLD YOU ITS REAL as I give the flick 2 stars.         

Massacre (DVD) – Another late 80s film with the title ‘Massacre’ that was also known in some countries as ‘The Border of Tong’ starring David Heavener. Heavener is Detective Walker who is investigating some horrible murders in Chinatown. While he has no leads a gang known as The Tong is looking for a missing black book that has names and numbers that could ruin things for them in the long run. But the hard-nose detective refuses to let borders get in the way of a good investigation has he tracks down a suspect into Canada. I would love to say this crime thriller gets good but stays consistently dull throughout with a little spice in the middle where the suspect falls in love with a runaway sex slave. They get a room in Calgary and try to live a normal life until The Tong and Walker come a knocking. Don’t worry in the end it all works out as the good guy catches all the bad guys as I give it 1 star for David Heavener’s first film.

 

Street Hunter (DVD/YouTube) – This is one of those crazy B-action flicks that went straight-to-video that stars a host of people that makes you ask in wonder, “They are in this?” Steve James is Logan Blade, a lone wolf bounty hunter who was wronged as an officer of the law. Logan just happens to witness a big time drug dealer (John Leguizamo) have a mercenary (Reb Brown) on the payroll who has trained the dealer’s cronies into an army that is ready to take over the streets for the Columbians. The only person that can stop them is Logan and now they have his girl and they killed an old friend on the force. Get ready for a huge squibfest in this slightly fun action flick as I give it 2 stars.

 

Raiders of the Golden Triangle (DVD/YouTube) – Two rival gangs fight over opium in the mountains of Asia that is called “The Golden Triangle”. A Hong Kong officer goes undercover and is able to become a member of one these gangs so he can stop the big drug operation. The film is self-explanatory but felt like I would have enjoyed this much more if I actually got high or had drank a ton of alcohol as I give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

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Gross Movie Reviews #429

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Gross Movie Reviews #429

 

Vengeance Runs Red (Vimeo) – A short film from filmmaker Philip Brocklehurst that tells the story of two who men who are haunted by a past mistake. A young dude takes upon himself to serve justice that is due. I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Want to find out more go here: www.facebook.com/philip.brocklehurst.9

 

War of the Dead (DVD) – The film isn’t horrible but it’s not great either. The film is just another run of the mill Nazi zombie flick that isn’t very memorable. Sorry horror folk no “Outpost”, “Dead Snow”, or “Frankenstein’s Army” here. Just keep moving along as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

The Rezort (DVD) – Another fun take on the zombie genre from the UK I believe? Ten years has passed since some worldwide virus turns millions of humans into zombies. The antidote was introduced to everywhere except one island. This island has now become a ‘Jurassic Park’ of zombies where some big corporation got the idea of if you got the money they have the zombies to shoot and kill. But no one thinks how are they resupplying the stock of zombies? The story mainly revolves a woman whose father was killed during riots when the zombie virus first started to spread. She believes going to this island will get her over her nightmares and fears? Once there she has faced her fears but wasn’t counting on the zombies getting loose in the park and begin feasting on all vacationing there. Now, she and a small group of others have five hours to get off the island before the military levels the island! A wildly entertaining zombie flick folks as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Nemesis 3: Time Lapse (VHS) – I got bored and decided to fall down the Albert Pyun wormhole again and watched these not needed sci-fi sequels that feature Tim Thomerson and Sue Price. In this mid-90s sequel Sue Price is searching out and destroying cyborgs as Tim Thomerson keeps a watchful eye over her for Central Command. Central Command wants her alive at all costs. Really folks not a whole lot happens in this flick but if you are a Tim Thomerson fan I totally get why you would track this bad boy down as I give it 1 ½ stars. The film also is known as “Nemesis 3: Prey Harder”.

 

Nemesis 4: Cry of Angels (VHS) – Albert Pyun brings back Sue Price one more time for what I like to call “Nemesis 4: Sue Price Bangs all the Cyborgs”. Never mind Andrew Divoff’s head speaks about cyborg non-sense throughout the movie. Sue Price’s goal in 2080 apparently is to be naked and bump uglies with all the cyborgs and then kill them. I believe the alternative title to this flick was actually “Hardbodies 3”? But that couldn’t be confirmed or denied at this time. But the gist of the flick this time around is Price’s character fucked up at some point and now there are Hunters all over her naked muscle bound ass! It wasn’t a great flick but it was a hell of a lot more interesting than the last sequel where she sat in a desert for about 75% of the damn movie. I give the flick 2 stars and you may also find this movie under the title “Death Angel” in some countries…

Swiss Army Man (DVD) – Possibly the most bizarre, completely entertaining, and glorious film you will ever watch in your life. I do not say that lightly. Daniel Radcliffe said it best on a late night talk show, “It’s a film about farting, erections, and a dead guy.” If you do not find that funny: one, this isn’t the film for you and two, you are most likely dead inside? The film begins with a young man played Paul Dano who is trapped on a small island trying to hang himself until he sees a dead body wash up on shore. Its Manny aka Daniel Radcliffe and once he begins farting Dano’s character rides him across the water to freedom and onto an adventure that will blow your mind. They become friends, eat out, share stories, start fires, and fight a bear. You get the picture? If you haven’t witnessed this film yet make it so because the ending makes the movie even more bizarre and fun. I give this hilarious flick 4 stars farting all the way.

 

Avenging Force (DVD) – One of Michael Dudikoff’s better action flicks outside of the “American Ninja” saga. Dudikoff’s buddy, Steven James of course is running for senate. Until some rich white racist dudes with their leader John P. Ryan decide to kill him and his family. On top of that they make Dudikoff play “Surviving the Game” eight years before Ice-T did! This 80s action flick will satisfy your action flick hunger if needed as I give it 3 stars.

 

Love Eternal: The Silent Film Cut (YouTube) – Forte Films Entertainment as at it again flaunting their filmmaking talents with a cool throwback short film version of Dracula and Mina. Done their way they give ‘silent era film buffs’ a tasty treat. Wonderfully done this filmmaking group needs more support and money because I would love to see these guys making a couple features a year. I give this fun treat 3 out of 4 stars and you can find out more at: www.fortefilmsentertainment.com .

Explorers (DVD) – Holy crap folks I do not know how I missed this 1985 flick starring Ethan Hawke and River Phoenix. This was so in my wheelhouse. But after reading some of the info on it and how it was considered a flop maybe somehow it fell off my cable watching radar as a kid? Apparently this movie was over 3 hours long and I believe Paramount Studios were like “nope”, not happening Joe Dante. The film is reportedly unfinished but a finished product. Very strange stuff but anyway folks the story centers on Ethan Hawke who has a weird dream about aliens and an image. He draws it and shows it to his best friend who of course is the nerdy kid down the street doing experiments in his basement. Hawke’s character continues to have these weird dreams and once his two friends become a part of it and his nerdy best friend uses a computer to make a bubble they decide its plans for a spaceship. The spaceship consists of a trash can, an old carnival ride, microwave doors, and a computer in the movie that didn’t exist in reality but was built just for this movie. They fly around and fuck shit up until Dick Miller finds them and eventually go off planet to meet the aliens. Really not too much to the movie but it is a fun glorious kick in the ass of childhood if you are a 80s kid? I give the entertaining film 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Oh its real and its happening… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details!