Gross Movie Reviews #711

Fearless Dragons (Blu-ray) – Severin Films brings a 1980 kung fu classic to new life with this special edition of an unlikely duo of con men who are accused of a robbery they did not commit. Now the two find themselves in a pickle and must work together to find who actually did commit the robbery to clear their names. The story has been used many times since but works on so many different levels in this film. The film might be an Abbott and Costello meet Lethal Weapon routine but the final fight between the unlikely duo and the real villain is pure magic choreography-wise and cinematography-wise! Raid: Redemption owes something to this martial arts project. The blu-ray also features a commentary, an interview with the director, but most importantly an interview with one of the leads in Phillip Ko looking back and speaking fondly of this project as I give it 3 stars.

Blood Sisters (DVD) – Alicia seems like a normal thirty-something woman enjoying a great time with her boyfriend Adam and looking to the future with him. But two old friends come knocking at her door as they bash her for changing as these girls want the old Alicia as they are vampires and as you know vampires are not supposed to change but Alicia has. Martin their master was killed during the 80s and since then the three drifted apart until now that there is a chance they could bring back their master. Alicia sees it as a bad idea of course especially after she has to tell her boyfriend the truth who seems to be cool with everything. They bring Martin back to the life of the undead again only to be disappointed in his assery they didn’t see the first time around. This independent vamp film is not terrible by any means and a fun premise but really lacked any punch to get you excited about the project as I could only give it 2 out of 4 stars.

The Deep Dark (Tubi) – A French creature feature of a mine where some weird stuff happened several decades ago with no answers. The mine is still open but it takes extra money to get a select group of coal miners to take a professor down a shaft to get samples from the so-called “hellhole”! The miners requested to blow a hole in the floor of the cave to go beyond the 1000 meters for the professor to get these samples. The deeper the group goes into this cave the weirder things get as they are surrounded by complete darkness but find some clues of what happened years ago. After a cave-in and the men scrambling to find a way out, that is when the hidden creature goes hunting. The film feels a bit clunky but maybe a better version of ‘The Boogens’ for some horror fans as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Sharks vs. Mermaids (Tubi) – A guy named Derek is committed to an asylum and has come home after several months as he has this strange feeling of returning to the beach his girlfriend disappeared from. When the moon goes full Derek turns full manshark and murders people on the beach aka puts on a shark mask as he runs around like a lunatic while some mermaid sings or yells in the distance. Confused Derek is saved one night by one of these mermaids from other mermaids as there really isn’t any fighting between the two which again if that is the title of your movie “WTF” are you doing but anyway… The biggest mistake from scene one of this film is it going full seriousness not even trying to give it a few laughs as it just ends up as a large boring mess I give 1 out of 4 stars too.

Horror House on Highway Five (DVD) – A super weird 1983 independent flick that has students sent out in the field to do research on scientist Fredrick Bartholomew and his hand in the work of the V2 rocket for the Nazis. What goes along with weirdness is two brothers who lay claim to Bartholomew as they say he lives in their basement and should not be disturbed. Lets not even talk about the bizarre habits of the brothers as bodies are piling up because an individual wearing a Richard Nixon mask is killing people. The movie is either gonna be seen as brilliant or one of the most incoherent things you ever watched as I just go for meh giving it 2 out of 4 stars.

Shot By Night: The Byron C. Miller Collection (Blu-ray) – This collection is eight SOV shorts from Mr. Miller’s middle and high school days he shot with friends. The short films are introduced by a guy trying to scare kids with stories about werewolves, a mummy, zombies, creatures, slashers, etc. Never heard of the dude but it is a fun look into the innocent times of an aspiring filmmaker that should be passed to others in the future to understand this can be done and for fun as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Demon Squad: Tooth and Claw (Tubi) – Nick Moon aka bootleg Michael Madsen is a locally known paranormal investigator with a great assistant in Daisy who has stumbled across a monster, more specifically a werewolf or Dogman. The duo is known among the humans and supernatural entities and trusted. Think of a generic Dylan Dog (which I loved). Nick gives into a fake psychic to help him track down this dogman and maybe find a relationship as I give this project 2 out of 4 stars.

Creatures of the Night (Tubi) – No not the Kiss album many of yinz don’t remember but many debate on who actually played on it? This is more of a simple film where a hitman named “Goose” is paid handsomely to show up to a mansion to protect an old man for the evening until 3 am. The crazy old man, excited by the presence of Goose, convinces him to tell stories of monsters, zombies, demons, etc., or read between the lines of the newspapers. An anthology done with a little flare than usual comes off as an old school British sequel to Tales from the Crypt of sorts. Maybe not the cream of the crop anthology but something I wouldn’t sleep on as I enjoyed the wraparound as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Broken Innocence (DVD) – Another project from filmmaker Chase Dudley who crafts some interesting big budget ideas on a small budget with great cinematography and talented casts. This project isn’t my usual cup of tea about a teenage girl who has been sexually abused over the years by her father who still wants her to be ‘his little girl’. It’s a slow burn of the girl Lilly just not interested in her father touching her or watching her constantly but most importantly she may have broken as she practices manipulation and killing to get what she wants as it all leads up to her losing her shit on her father. Again not my usual viewing choice but impressed with Chase Dudley as he doesn’t stick to one genre, my only concern of his projects is the running time as this goes 110 minutes and in my opinion just like other projects I have watched could use editing down as I give this 2 out of 4 stars.

Popeye Returns (Tubi) – What is this? Number five, six Popeye films out in the past year or so but doesn’t matter as this tries to be a sequel? Anyhow, this time around apparently Popeye is actually a British government experiment that isn’t dead like in the last film that the experimental formula ‘SPN-X’ was used on the man to make him a mutant killer. Five years have passed since he went on a rampage and now he has escaped the black ops facility to go murder the shit out of a summer camp! The first time around was sort of fun, the second time around feels forced and eventful but don’t worry kids they did leave it open for another entry soon as I give this 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

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