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Gross Movie Reviews #688

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Deathstalker (YouTube/remake) – This B-movie fantasy character was a lot of fun a few decades before and someone has decided it was time to bring this popular movie series back to life. An evil horde called the dreadites are sweeping the land looking for an amulet that Deathstalker just happens to stumble upon and steal, sort of from a dying man. The amulet refuses to leave the barbarian’s presence as he is cursed with it. Deathstalker just like the Abraxian Empire want rid of it but for different reasons as if the amulet unlocks the secret weapon as it means the kingdom can be saved and the dreadites and kill them off! It is hard to recapture the cult like status of these films from the 80s but this is a worthy entry. The problem will be “the sequels”? Do you go sex and even lower budget or do you go more “Conan the Destroyer” route? This will really determine this film’s fate over the next five to ten years so don’t sleep on this as it wasn’t perfect but it was entertaining if you were a fan of the fantasy films that came out in the early to mid-80s as I give this 2 ½ stars.

The Job (YouTube) – A short film project that deals with a man going to a job interview who unsuspectingly is greeted by A.I. All the gentleman wanted was a job but finds himself being tested by the past that haunts him in his mind. An interesting take in many ways of how the world is changing quickly around us as I give the project 3 out of 4 stars.

Horrorbuku (Kings of Horror) – An established writer has begun work on a story that has him questioning his own reality after he notices his writing project is blurring into his life after obtaining a mask from a trip he took. The author hears it speaking to him as he becomes fascinated with writing what the mask tells him but the author is uncertain if the mask is there to haunt him, guide him in his latest writing project, or drive him insane? When the mask has the author firmly in its grasp the author ultimately becomes convinced he is a vessel for the grand ideas of the mask. Whether the author believes everything that is spoken to him by the mask or just going insane telling his therapist there is one thing he understands completely is he must finish the book to escape. Being a writer myself (somewhat, go ahead and laugh) I enjoyed it touches on how you the writer can lose yourself into a story even when not working on it. This is far from the usual horror stuff I watch as this movie is for the slow burn crowd as it takes you down a wormhole of entertaining madness as I give the project 3 out of 4 stars.

Dracula Has Risen From the Grave (DVD) – Of course with that title it is a Christopher Lee Hammer Studio film where Dracula was frozen in a mountain side after terrorizing a small nearby village near his castle. A year passes as a holy man comes to investigate all these stories only to find the church of the village left to fall in disrepair. He learns the priest is a drunk and the villagers refuse to enter the once holy place because it still sits in the shadow of Dracula’s castle. The superior holy man wants to put an end to all of this by traveling to Dracula’s castle and performing a church ritual to rid everything evil that has haunted the village. But the drunken priest accidentally awakens Dracula from his deep frozen sleep during his trip back down the mountain only to become a disciple of Dracula as he wants simple revenge on the superior holy man! It’s not the best of the Hammer/Lee vampire flicks but still entertaining and iconic with some of the images as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Kill Canibal Retards (DVD-R) – This gets about as odd as you can get as this 38 minute project comes from the same guy that made ‘Alien Beasts’ decided to film this oddity in 2003 but not to be released until 2018. The film takes place on Halloween where the water supply is contaminated and people die when entering an apartment or as I like to call this: dude set up a camera on a tripod to film himself screaming most of the movie. To be totally honest this was so much weirder than the previous movie I mentioned from him I have no clue what exactly I watched as I give this 0 stars.

The Toxic Avenger Unrated (Amazon/remake) – Just like a lot of Toxie fans I was very unsure how to feel about this getting remade and when it did why do I really want to watch something that sat on a shelf for two years after being finished? Anyway this big budget remake takes place in St. Roma Village which if they did anything right there is a ton of nods to the original Toxie throughout the film. The BTH factory has polluted everything good about the town over the years and now mutations and deaths are starting to fill the rumor mill about the factory. A stepdad named Winston who is a janitor at the BTH factory finds himself in a bad situation when he is told by his doctor he might have six months to a year to live and by the way his company health insurance won’t cover the expensive drugs that might help him. To seek revenge Winston gains entry into the company to steal the company’s money only to meet a bad end of being shot and thrown into a containment unit full of toxic waste that changes him. This mutation into the Toxic Avenger leaves him disfigured but cured of his disease and has powers to help clean up his old town and its takeover by the misfits, big corporate BTH. The remake isn’t terrible by any means it just doesn’t fit what I believe we all enjoyed during the 80s and 90s when mainstream wanted nothing to do with ‘The Toxic Avenger’. It has the nods, the costume was cool, the gore was there but what it is missing for me is being genuine like the original was. The original didn’t fit the norm at the time it was released and still doesn’t fit into today’s norms either. So again not a bad film just something that never screamed to be remade as I only can give it 2 stars.

Blood and Black Lace (DVD) – The Mario Bava film that started a movement in ‘giallo’ films being made as an unknown masked man wearing black gloves kills a fashion model Isabella. The motive is the killer is looking for this diary she had that could allow her to blackmail many throughout the city as the unknown figure begins their murderous rampage through young models looking for it. As authorities investigate, many are suspects as they have secrets they want left unknown. I have never been a large ‘giallo’ fan but do enjoy from time to time checking out the earlier ones that horror fans revere so much as this was a fun watch as I give it 3 stars.

Psycho Night (YouTube) – An independent film that combines elements of: The Running Man, Surviving the Game, Slasher$, Wedlock, and Series 7 with the music industry. A live stream contest held by rich studio heads with too much money but have Greed on their minds as they interact on a show where contestants try to survive and win a hip hop contract.  2 Gravez is a man who just got out of prison and wants to get back to work on music as friends sign him up for this contest. After he is put to sleep 2 Gravez wakes to find himself and five other contestants will have to fight nasty goons, drop some musical knowledge, and sing off the cuff in order to move on through the contest to a hip hop contest. The film has its flaws but its use of the locations around them and tapping into how people consume entertainment as what people are being force fed in all forms of entertainment makes this a relevant and important project for movie watchers to check out. Would have loved a shorter running time for the project but I was overjoyed and I respect seeing a film that should not just be seen as entertainment but a warning of where society is actually heading. To add to that… how we are closer to this future than most believe as I give this impressive independent project 3 out of 4 stars.

Bum (YouTube) – A SOV found footage project of a small film crew and local reporter Valerie Charles reporting on the growing homeless problem and how it has tied into the recent kidnapping of a crazy land developer’s baby. As Valerie and Mr. Brooks prove to be complete douche bags about homeless and literally just want to use them to move up the corporate ladder decide to walk through the woods to an encampment of homeless. What they find is beyond whatever they can hope for but what happens is also completely monstrous! A true throwback of the found footage genre in my opinion that actually pays off unlike ‘The Blair Witch Project’ and most of the copycats since. The jump cuts and shaky cam can get annoying but I thought it was cool of where the filmmaker led us as the subplot of the land developer is brilliant and makes for a terrific ending as I give the 39 minute film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Sisu: Road to Revenge (Theater) – If you enjoyed the first film you might enjoy this one also as they turn the Finnish war vet into a Mad Max character. Its 1946 and our non-verbal hero returns to the Soviet border to tear down his home, load it on a truck, and take it back to Finland. The Soviets are not too keen on letting this go unpunished so they let loose their secret weapon that killed the hero’s family in the first place to clean up the mess. From there it just turns into a Mad Max film with lots of blood and the Finnish warrior refusing to be stopped even if Richard Brake and Stephen Lang are on the Soviets side. I love the first one as it felt pure; this sequel is good but feels more like a cashing in more than being a pure bad ass war flick like the first as I only can give it 3 stars this time around.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #622

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Bad Blood (YouTube) – A friend pointed this 1989 Linda Blair film out to me so of course I am down for some “Blair Stuff” as this thriller has Linda Blair as the third billing Evie. Evie’s husband Ted 25 years ago was taken from his family to be with someone who couldn’t have a family so naturally when faced with this Ted wants to know who his mom is? Ted and Evie head out to the country where his original mum is filthy rich and into the incest stuff… After Evie gets the “mysterious stomach illness” mum wants to bang Ted because he looks exactly like his dad in the painting that got these two together again after 25 years. Linda Blair plays second fiddle throughout and is just about an afterthought by the end of the film but don’t let that stop you from watching a bizarre thriller that has the incest overtones n’at as I give it 2 stars.

Five Nights at Freddy’s (Peacock) – The movie based on  a game for teens that has been plagued with problems for years has finally made its way to the big screen. For rabid older horror fans like myself ‘The Banana Splits’ and ‘Willy’s Wonderland’ beat this project to the punch but anyway it didn’t stop them from making a 109 minute horror adaptation that kind of leaves that “meh” feeling inside. The film focuses on a guy name Mike who lost a brother as a kid and now older is trying to take care of his young sister while barely making ends meet. In comes a night security job at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza that Mike cannot pass up. After a break-in at the old abandoned pizza palace the animatronics come to life and kill but that is where the film goes into a weird direction as the local police officer that checks in on Mike knows all about it. If that isn’t enough these animatronics wanna be friends with Mike’s sister but there is a price to pay and reason the way they are? I know the film made a good bit of money but found it a little forgettable and suffers from “too little too late” as I give it 2 stars.

Slotherhouse (On Demand) – A young lady named Emily has one last chance to make president at her sorority house and needs a big boost for it to happen. In comes getting a sloth from a shady exotic animal dude who just happened to be slaughtered by the animal before Emily picks it up. Emily convinces the sorority that the animal is the house’s mascot and thus pushing Emily as the front runner for president. As the more popular the sloth gets the more the bodies pile up as the Sloth slaughters its way through the sisters as it supposedly has Emily’s best interest? Literally the Sloth drives a mustang to a hospital to try to kill Emily’s best friend in a hospital bed! Do we need to say more as it might not be “Cocaine Bear” but you are still going to have a lot of fun with this one as I give it 3 stars.

The Galaxy Invader (DVD) – A hilarious creature feature from legendary Indy filmmaker Don Dohler in 1985. An alien lands in a small town and has a quick encounter with a local that spurs a town wide search for the thing as some old school rednecks want to cash on capturing an alien! The drunker the rednecks get the more rednecks die at the hands of the alien as a professor and his young friend David are trying to help the alien. Out of everything this may have one of the meanest characters you’ll ever see as the old guy trying to capture the alien for the second or third time gets a bit rapey after his best friend dies the night before? This is one of those must watches with many friends and beer just to enjoy the cheese as I give it 2 ½ stars as I thank the lord Rutger Hauer for people like Don Dohler.

Hell House LLC Origins: The Carmichael Manor (Shudder) – In a remote part of New York a manor sits that witnessed murders thirty years ago and part of the family disappeared after. Since then ghost hunters, internet detectives, etc., have told stories about the place but never confirmed. Now two young ladies part of a group called “NetSluths” have rented the place for five days and plan to do an investigation to prove it’s haunted. Margo and Rebecca are completely into this at first as explained by several friends throughout the documentary-style film as they recorded everything that went on there. The internet detectives eventually get more than they bargain for but also find out a very strange connection to a hotel that burned down recently featured in the three films before this. A fun, creepy, entertaining found footage paranormal horror film showing the way to making a superb scare film as I give it 3 ½ stars.

The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (Shudder) – Simply you can call it “Black Re-Animator” (and you are now curious)! A young woman who has lost her brother recently to gun violence believes death is not the end? She believes if death is a disease then she can find the cure? Vicaria or “The Mad Scientist” she is nicknamed in the neighborhood will stop at nothing in making this work which includes stealing fresh bodies and storing them with her equipment in a condemned building. Between society, her home setting, and the loss of her brother this makes her withdraw from life more and more to find the answer or cure to death (sound familiar?) Vicaria figures it out and brings her brother Chris back to life but it comes at a terrible price or does it… A wonderful blend of horror, today’s world problems, and how the world is seen through a young lady who is angry for good reason and firmly believes death can be cured as I give this movie 4 stars.

The Last Voyage of the Demeter (DVD) – The story is based on the captain’s log from the original Dracula story of the Count making his way to London on a boat in 1897. The captain had trouble filling the crew as the crest on the cargo is seen by some who wanted to be a part of the crew. They all have heard stories and do not trusts being on the boat after the sun go down. Just like “Titanic” you know how this ends, but more power to the filmmaker making a small part of the Dracula story into a two hour movie. It’s not terrible; it has a cool looking vampire creature, but it isn’t like you are going to make friends watch this retelling of a small part of the Dracula lure over and over as I can only give it 2 stars.

I Slay on Christmas (DVD/YouTube) – Phil Herman and crew are back again with a another anthology but this time a holiday one that knows keeping it short (82 minutes) and sweet is the way keep the Indy fanatics excited. Terror reigns supreme as a man Joseph finds himself in the woods faced with pine cones along a path and a mysterious thing telling him the stories of the pine cones. Each pine cone represents a holiday horror that must be told to Joseph as he is there for a reason? We get an abusive psycho, a man whose throat gets cut, a woman who finds herself on the wrong end of a ‘date’, and Mrs. Claus seeking a little revenge against the big bearded man himself along with the wraparound of Joseph. The Indy film is a quick, bloody, a little raunchy, and to the point that will surely have Indy anthology audiences screaming for a sequel as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Oh by the way don’t call the cell number on Suzette’s phone because good chance it is Wynkoop screaming at you like his abusive character he plays in the first story. 

Invaders from Mars (DVD/remake) – Time for a rewatch of this remake of the popular 1953 film that has aliens landing in a boy’s backyard and overnight take over the small town. As the aliens take over David’s parents among other adults the only person he can trust is the school nurse played by Karen Black. The two try to find answers on how they can stop this invasion before not just the town is taken over but the world. This version went bigger with effects and aliens but also has had cheesiness worth watching but you get the feeling that Tobe Hooper and crew never got the exactly what they aimed for as it feels from the beginning it was plagued by production problems. Of course the original is superior but this is worth rewatching and debating what went wrong since it flopped in 1986 as I give it 2 stars.

Dark Harvest (On Demand) – Sawtooth Jack is a haunting legend that comes to life in a small farming community in the 1960s on Halloween as it has for many years. Teenagers are sent out to kill or be killed by the legend before it gets to the church at midnight or their crops will die for several years. This is all arranged by the community’s “Harvesters Guild” and if a boy wins your family gets a new house, money, etc. but there is a dark secret to all of it. Richie whose older brother won it the year before hasn’t been heard from since just stories or rumors of him. This sets in motion Richie wanting to join the Halloween festivities and win just in some weird way he will get answers about his brother. As the film progresses the film goes into some dark and bizarre areas as we the viewer learn the high school boys are starved for three days straight by their families to really want to kill the Sawtooth Jack legend. I enjoyed David Slade and others put together a completely new mythology for this Halloween film to work and work effectively! The ending doesn’t wimp out either as it ends the way it should end for a horror film that sets such a dark tone early on as I give the film 3 stars. Also pay attention there is a lot going on in this horror film that could be fonder for film classes?

Release – A Short Film (YouTube) – Another quick project from filmmaker Philip Brocklehurst that has a man wanting to check out on his terms as life is too much for him to handle any longer. Mr. Brocklehurst could be using this art form to say something about himself or just enjoys digging for stories in a deep dark area of his soul that speaks to independent film fans as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

New Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast is up!

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This week we return to converse about 3 more flicks.  First a cultish kids flick with that one guy from The Young Ones and that Fast Times pool lady in DROP DEAD FRED.  Then we have a sexy disco Dracula and some Donny P. in DRACULA from 1979.  And finally we have a wheelchair bound karate master that works as a mob enforcer at their pool parties in MR. NO LEGS.  We also talk about what we have been watching lately, Kyle’s dislike of Christmas horror movies, new possible Friday the 13th stuff, and a lot more stupidity.  So download this episode or Sean Cunningham will sue ya!

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #588

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Dracula 1979 (Blu-ray) – Another retelling of the famous old blood sucker this time around starring Frank Langella the vampire from Universal Studios. Donald Pleasence among other great actors surrounds this adventure in vampire lure. Not my favorite version of Dracula but this film has great a great cast, bat attacks, a fun Dracula death scene, and great set design. Clearly Universal waited too late to compete with Hammer but put their best foot forward except with the part of Dracula. Frank is kind of an odd pick and it shows but don’t let that discourage you from seeking out the newer cleaned up versions of this 1979 flick because enjoy it for what it is. Looking back Frank should have been maybe their tenth pick as Dracula not first or second as everything else they did a great job with as I thought it was time to rewatch this flick and give it 3 stars.

Mr. No Legs (DVD) – I believe the first person that ever alerted me to this amazing gem of exploitation has to be popular writer and podcaster Ed Demko several years ago as he raved about this feature. This late 70s crime thriller is all about drugs and thugs but what separates it from the others is the man who plays the muscle for a crime boss is a man with no legs! But it doesn’t stop there as Mr. No Legs is reminded by his boss a couple times throughout the feature that he was the one that took care of him after his accident. But Mr. No Legs has something to prove and he is one bad ass sum of a bitch as he has shotguns built into his wheelchair, goes swimming with hot women, knows martial arts, and knows how to take care of loose ends. When Mr. No Legs isn’t on screen we have two cops Chuck and Andy that are following leads to find out about the one’s sister’s death which eventually leads them to a fight with Mr. No Legs and his boss! This movie is wacky and entertaining as hell and if that isn’t enough at one point one of the cops is stabbing a corvette with a sword during one of their big fights at the end as I give this wonderful wackiness 3 ½ stars.

Alien Private Eye (VHS) – This 1989 film is terrible but it’s hilariously wonderful if you couldn’t tell by the title? Anyway Lemro is an alien on Earth who spends his time on Earth as a private eye trying to pick up hotties with his crazy dance moves in alleys and his living room! But when his new hottie of a girlfriend Rene gets involved with an artifact that holds the info for a designer drug from his home planet it is time for Lemro to get to work and crack this case. Lemro quickly finds out he isn’t the only alien hanging out on Earth and must figure out whom to trust? This film has everything that will make you shake your head and giggle like a teenage girl which also includes Lemro shooting lasers from his wrists late into the film to save his girlfriend. Now the movie is super terrible, no lie, but I have to give it 2 ½ stars for entertaining the hell out of me and I dare you go seek this one out.

Amityville in Space (DVD) – As usual for all of those who are keeping track with me this is entry #40 where Mark Polonia is back once again and actually got a lot of press with this project late in the summer. Now saying that this wasn’t exactly movie gold like a “Leprechaun 4: In Space”. This time around a priest has decided to take the fight to the haunted house one final time as they bill it ‘Good vs. Evil’. During the battle the demonic house gets bored and forces its way out of existence only to reappear in the year 3015 near a black hole where the space cruiser “Wyoming 227” is trying to decide if they should zap it out of existence? No dice kids’ as usual dumb white people gotta still go into the haunted ass house even in space and of course the space travelers are hit with unspeakable evil and oh yeah they find the priest hanging out in a closet. I won’t bore you with all the great details of why this makes sense but bottom line even in 3015 they are still unsure how to rid the world of this evil and believe me Polonia made sure there is room for a sequel. To me this entry feels like Polonia tried to put some thought into it like his “Deathhouse” entry but just falls flat. I don’t blame him for trying something new in the “Amityville” series, just feels he may have needed more help to pull off this venture as I give it 1 ½ stars for what it could have been…

The Snow Devils (DVD) – A mid-60s flick where the polar ice caps are melting because of some space Yetis and their invention from their home planet that they fucked up years ago! Alien Bigfoots I am in as I have to give this adventure 2 ½ stars.

Winterbeast (Blu-ray) – A film like “Spookies” that was started, never finished, and then restarted again over a couple of years has found its cult audience recently with its new Blu-ray release. Apparently a monstrous Native American legend is Claymation and pissed off as these odd shaped monsters are killing good folk at a popular mountain lodge. Throw in a dumb forest ranger and you got a movie that most of us are totally sure what it’s all about but enjoy the hell out of it as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Ninja (Blu-ray) – Scott Adkins is Casey, an orphaned American teenager who was taken into a legendary dojo that still teaches the way of the ninja. After a falling out with another pupil Masazuka Casey heads to New York from Japan to protect the Yoroi Bitsu or the treasure/weapons of the ninja. If you are a fan of titles “American Ninja” or “Enter the Ninja”? Welcome to a new generation of badassery kids because Scott Adkins and crew put on a show as this isn’t any 80s hokey shit going down Dudikoff as I give this 3 ½ stars.

Ninja II (Blu-ray) – Casey is back and living the life as the new master of the dojo, has a wife, and has just recently found out a kid soon to come. But things are not well when Casey comes home one evening going out for his pregnant wife to find her murdered. Then the rest of the movie becomes one bad ass fight for revenge as Casey after fucking up people in Japan heads to Thailand to obliterate all in his path to satisfy his thirst for revenge as I give the sequel 3 stars.

Creature from Black Lake (Blu-ray) – This 1976 film known to Bigfoot fans takes place in the swamp and small town of Louisiana called Oil City. Two college students from the University of Chicago convince someone to fund their little expedition to Louisiana to investigate and try to prove the existence of a creature called Bigfoot? After hearing about multiple reports of a man losing his friend to a swamp creature they want to study it. Once there of course the two college students stick out like a sore thumb and just try to do their thing without stirring up any trouble as they are in a different country basically. After not much success investigating and only hearing sounds outside of a barn they run into old local Joe Canton who points them in the right direction. That is when the two college boys come face to face with the local swamp creature legend and now just trying to survive its attacks! Only had the pleasure of seeing this feature as a youngster during the mid-80s not remembering any of it most likely because like most fans we all remember “Legend of Boggy Creek”. That film is usually the first that comes to everyone’s mind who grew up at time so cool titles like this get overshadowed. Well now is the time to rediscover this Bigfoot film as Synapse Films has taken the painstaking task of putting a special edition out and it looks unbelievable! This might be one of their best jobs to date with this cleanup of the film and adding a couple extras that will make fans very happy: commentary from Mike Gingold and Chris Poggali, and more importantly “Swamp Stories” with Dean Cundey which is informative, entertaining, and cool how the film was taken in by this small community at the time. Great stuff as I give this package 4 out of 4 stars and available at www.synapse-films.com .

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #539

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Gross Movie Reviews #539

Boys from County Hell (Shudder) – An Irish horror film where a small town called Six Mile Hill is the center of the story as legend goes Bram Stoker used the location to write his famous story. The local legend claims that the real Dracula story happened there as a landmark of stones marks the grave of the vampire or at least that is what’s been told for many years in those parts. One drunken night two friends strolling home from the pub fall into the landmark and one of them is speared by a farm animal. Nothing physical came from the grave but blood seem to disappear from the corpse. Eugene quickly understands he may accidentally set free the vampire legend on the small town and must now try to bury the bloodthirsty monster that doesn’t play by the usual vampire rules. Fun monstrous times to be had in this Irish treat as I give it 3 stars.

The Frozen Ghost (DVD) – A stage mentalist played by Lon Chaney Jr., has a skirmish with an audience member that he believes caused the man’s death. Retiring the act, trouble seems to follow the mentalist as while at the museum he gets in a tussle with someone who dies and believes he did it again. For me this wasn’t the best Lon Chaney Jr. of course for fans who just need something a little lighthearted you will enjoy this feature as I give it 2 stars.

Great White (On Demand) – Pearl Air Charters  is a one charter plane business run by a sexy couple who takes people on tours of areas like “Hell’s Reef”. When on their latest tour they land so a couple can have a late lunch it is quickly spoiled by finding half of a corpse of the beach. The small group realizes someone could still use help out in the ocean they jump back in the small plane for a limited time because of fuel to search. They spot the boat and when they land on the ocean near that is when things go bad for the group and the suspense builds as they wait for rescue. With only the life raft the group must hope they can paddle back to the island before the sharks stalk and eat them for a snack! A lot of buildup in this film, think ‘The Shallows’ but with a few more people and trying to feel a little more like ‘Jaws’ as I give it 3 stars.

Bigfoot vs. Illuminati (On Demand) – An animated film I had so much anticipation for being a fun stupid film to enjoy and talk about. Instead I got a horrible boring dud. Many years into the future where the Earth is basically dead and humans are about to go extinct as they are at war with aliens. Humans only hope is Bigfoot who happened to listen to rap music way too much. Oh and Bigfoot tag teams with a Van Helsing clone… this was dumb as I give it 0 stars. I guess I need to stick with ‘Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper’?

Benny Loves You (On Demand) – Meet Jack, a 35 year old who lives with his parents and is a junior toy designer whose parents still celebrate Jack’s birthday as if he was a child. But this year is different as the parents die accidentally while preparing for his birthday. Nothing is going right for Jack so now alone he decides he wants to improve his life and this means getting rid of everything including his childhood toy that he still has. The toy’s name is Benny and doesn’t like it too much he is about to be thrown out but also wants Jack to be happy again? From here Jack is sent into a downward spiral of death and despair as anyone that comes to the home or Jack doesn’t like Benny slices and dices them. As the bloodbath ensues in a weird way Benny helps Jack get his job back with new designs based on Benny… The horror film is a wonderful insane oddity of gore that needs to be witnessed as this will be one of the best horror films I will watch in 2021 and for that I give it 4 stars.

Fulci for Fake (DVD) – A Severin Pictures biopic about a man about to dive head first into becoming the famous Italian filmmaker Lucio Fulci. In order to accomplish becoming the legend he must learn more about him and interviews several friends and colleagues of Fulci’s taking the viewer on a ride through stories of the beginnings of Fulci’s work. To of course what made Fulci a household name among horror movie fans as I give the documentary 3 stars.

Live Evil (DVD) – An old vampire hunting priest has his eyes locked on these four vamps that have run together for a long time now. The priest wants to slice and dice this group as he has tracked them everywhere at any cost. The group keeps moving around recently as humans more and more have tainted blood and the vampires fight amongst each other in the effort of finding “pure blood”. The vampires head to L.A. for a last ditch effort of getting pure blood from a dealer named Max. The vampire hunter is played by the legendary Tim Thomerson so imagine Jack Deth retired to become a priest who hunts vamps with a late 90s direct-to-video vibe. A fun watch with some gore and some audio glitches but well worth checking out this Mark Terry produced film that also has appearances by Tiffany Shepis, Ken Foree, and Elissa Dowling as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Feaster Sunday (DVD) – A not so typical independent holiday horror film where a man, Dr. Gideon Lear is putting forth his best effort to put on “The Passion” play at the community theater that hasn’t happened in twenty years. Lear wants perfection out of his actors as he explains in his recent interview with Eddie from the local Public Access Channel. Lear nor his actors seem to be too concerned with the history of the play as “the show must go on”. Meanwhile Eddie sees someone he knows among the actors, Tess, and they reconnect after Tess is dropped by her boyfriend Reen because he needs his full attention on playing Jesus. As time goes on actors for the play disappear, warnings for the play “not to go on” are ignored, and Dr. Lear begins his struggle to keep the production together. There is a whole lot of crazy going on in this flick that just made me giddy to watch! Wonderful casting choices (Dave Parker as the original Jesus, brilliant), great script, cool puppets, and a low budget production that felt bigger than it was should get some mainstream respect as I give this excellent production 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #510

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Gross Movie Reviews #510

 

Camp Killer (Blu-ray) – David Lightfoot is a small town masked serial killer who has supposedly been stalking the woods for years. After the last body count Tina Wilcox just happens to be the lone survivor of the latest slaughter in the woods. But what looks like the usual paint-by-numbers independent slasher flick changes in a heartbeat as minutes later we see the small town sheriff and the notorious killer meet up at the local bar to have a drink together. Their discussion involves how dumb humans can be over the past 30 years as they keep coming back to the woods to get killed. But here is the kicker there is a story behind why the brothers are making sure many people keep getting killed over and over. Thirty years ago they made a pact with the devil and they are almost at 666 kills, then its retirement for the brothers. But if Tina has it her way the brothers will get it in the end. This was an enjoyable, smart, very bloody slasher film that separates itself from the usual slashers as I like to give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Maniac Farmer (Blu-ray) – A punk named “Blasphemous Rex” is about petty crime, he is all about the violence and how his little gang of punks needs to step it up in their country bumpkin town. Rex wants to kill people for no reason, no motive, just to keep the police guessing as they try to track down the mysterious killings of this country town. But next on Rex’s list is a quiet farmer who doesn’t bother with anyone and takes care of his mother. The farmer of course doesn’t take to kindly to the violence that is trying to be inflicted on him so he captures the punks himself and turns the tables on them. The film isn’t bad at all it just should never run longer than 30 minutes. It gets to the point quickly and just becomes a dull mess that you see the ending coming immediately as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Ark of the Sun God (YouTube) – A mid-80s adventure film about a master thief that is set up by a former agent of Scotland Yard; to do an impossible job in Istanbul. Rick Spear (David Warbeck) is talked into searching for a mysterious scepter by this Lord Dean. Starts off kind of interesting but becomes full schlock by the halfway point and keeps going downhill from there. I give this mess 1 ½ stars.

Her Name Was Christa (DVD/Vimeo) – James L. Edwards an independent acting vet dips his toe into the writing and directing waters with this curious project. The plot involves a man named Steve who is in his 40s, single, and just quietly going through life. Then one day at work Steve meets a new co-worker who becomes quick friends with Steve and believes Steve needs to get back out in the dating scene. But Steve is looking for love not a quickie! The new best friend pressures Steve into trying a hooker and eventually explaining “The Girlfriend Experience”. First time out goes bad but by accident Steve strikes it rich when he is eating at a diner alone. When Steve sees a pretty young lady out front and strikes up a conversation, Candy soon becomes interested in the arrangement they make for Candy to be the fake girlfriend. After several dates and things going well for both Steve loses his job after a disagreement but Candy/Christa admit her love for Steve and wants to take it to the next level. I could see the plot twist coming but surprised how far it goes… Is Steve just broken or insane in this slow burn film that takes a creepy and uncomfortable turn in the third act that will have the sleaze hounds applauding for hours afterward? A very twisted love story with an insane payoff as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Blood Vessel (On Demand) – It is almost the end of World War II and there is survivors in a raft that got off their sinking ship but are in much bigger danger as they have no food or water. Hopeless and not sure what they can do a German ship comes near but no one is aboard. With no other alternative the survivors board the ghost ship. They find food but also see the ship is about to blow if they do not turn the engines off and let them cool? But the survivors soon find themselves in even a worse situation when they figure out they are not alone and the cargo on the German ship is alive… sort of. From there it turns into a wonderful creature filled bloodbath as I give it 3 stars.

 

Gehenna: Where Death Lives (DVD) – Paulina is heading to a resort in Saipan to see if it is ripe for a real estate transaction. The land is considered sacred by the natives but they also believe it is cursed. Paulina and her crew just need to make sure they get the whole layout before they go on with the sale but during the surveying they find an old bunker from WWII. The group goes exploring so there is no surprises during the construction of the new resort. But once in the group is locked into the bunker and things begin to change and they must face an unknown evil. Not a bad concept of a film but the upsetting part is once you have watched it you will say “there isn’t any point to it?” For that I can only give the film a ½ star for Lance Henriksen showing up for 30 seconds.

I Had a Bloody Good Time at House Harker (DVD) – It is present day and we meet the great grandchildren of Jonathan Harker. Yes, that Harker from the famous Dracula story. Well his great grandchildren are dysfunctional and they still own the skull of the last vampire killed in 1912. The Harker family is given one week to leave their home as they have no money to keep it. Now a serial necro-rapist invades their home to rob them of their riches they do not have and instead unleashes a vampire into the town when he bleeds on the skull before he dies accidentally. The Harker family and best friend don’t wannabe caught with a dead body so they dump it which when found rumors start about vampires and the Harkers have come with an idea to save their home. This lower budgeted horror comedy hits on all the right notes and is one big gore fest when needed as I give it 4 stars. And if that wasn’t enough they promise werewolves in the sequel.

 

Book of Monsters (On Demand) – Sophie when she was a kid always had her mom read her stories of these monsters in this weird book until one night a monster took her mom away. Now it’s her 18th birthday and her friends are doing it right for her until monsters that took her mom are now crashing Sophie’s party! As the monster bloodbath occurs Sophie must rally the friends and put a stop to the murdering monsters before they capture Sophie and use her for their spell! I really enjoyed the film for its monsters; the whole backstory of Sophie’s mom was “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, but my only complaint was it felt choppy in parts. But this horror film is still a must watch for monster fans as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Barge People (DVD) – Two couples head off to the countryside to hang out and party in a barge that slowly moves down the stream. Unbeknownst to them besides the weirdo couple they pissed off and now this country couple wants a piece of them, they are being stalked. This isn’t your ordinary stalker but some weirdo mutant creatures that seek outsiders and take them to their own barge for lunch. They are quick, strong, and ugly! If you just need a weirdo creature feature ‘The Barge People’ will give you your fix as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Glerbrot (DVD) – Or for most people the title is ‘Broken Glass’ a TV flick from Iceland in 1988. Bjork plays a young woman whose family commits her because she never listens or comes home on time. Once there is she is abused until she escapes and meets up with her boyfriend. Or all you need to know is an Iceland art film. I give it 0 stars because I was hoping for some crazy Icelandic monsters and shit!

 

Sinners (DVD) – A short film about a man who died during an accident for three minutes and has come back different. He goes to a church to bare his soul but is really there to kill him! Pretty cool concept I give 3 out of 4 stars too.

 

Lady in the Walls (DVD/YouTube) – A short film where the plot of the film about a boarding school in 1958 where two older girls take the younger new girl into a den with history and tell her the story of the “Lady in the Walls”. Of course they just try to scare her and shut off the lights only for her to disappear. Years later an old woman goes to see if the legend is still true. I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Scared to Death (DVD/YouTube) – This short film involving the famous Drew Marvick who has a zombie knocking at his door. Next thing you know Drew is running for his life as he believes the zombie invasion is on! I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Play Time (DVD/YouTube) – In this short film a woman is being haunted by a terrifying spirit in her home. This wasn’t horrible but there wasn’t much substance to it as I give it 1 out of 4 stars.

 

The Family that Prays (DVD) – A short film that has a group of young people going to their local haunted attraction. But this haunted attraction is looking for dinner and they have some help… I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Vibes (DVD) – A hilarious film about two psychics (Cyndi Lauper and Jeff Goldblum) hired by Peter Faulk to help find his son in Ecuador. Once there they learn they are there actually to find the “City of Gold”. Along the way the two psychics start to fall for each other but must help to get to the “City of Gold” first as there are others looking for it for evil reasons including their doctor friend played by Julian Sands! There they find out it isn’t gold but the epicenter of psychic energy that could have someone rule the world. Yeah it is a super corny movie but Cyndi Lauper is hilarious, Goldblum is Goldblum, we got Julian Sands (Warlock himself), and fucking Colombo people! This will be a rewatch down the line for sure as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Four new episodes for your listening pleasures…

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This week Tim, Kyle and John return to discuss 3 more fine flicks.  Starting with a great comedy jam directed by Jackie Kong and starring the Unknown Comic in NIGHT PATROL. Then we continue on to cover a really great art/horror flick in MESSIAH OF EVIL.  And lastly we chat about an all-time video store jam in 1984’s MUTANT.   We also talk about shudder T.V. and Joe Bob Briggs conspiracies, Shitty Amazon practices, why every podcaster is always sick, and Kyle watches more quasi racist Clint Eastwood movies.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This week Kyle, Tim and John return with 3 more genre flicks to talk about.  First we go to jail to meet John Vernon and his weird sexy time jail house in CHAINED HEAT. Then, John talks about another video store jammy jam in Kevin Tinney’s WITCHTRAP (wick Kyle may have watched Witchboard mistakenly watched). And lastly Tim picks a real turd in THE KILLINGS OF OUTPOST ZETA.  We also talk about how awesome Alice Cooper is, how shitty KISS is, and we also answer your questions and read some news too.  So download this show or Gene Simmons will set your wallet on fire.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This go around we reunite to cover all things Westeros in our annual GAME OF THRONES SEASON * Wrap up show.  And since Tim and John don’t watch (or care about) the greatest television show of our time Kyle has invited 2 sensible human beings to co-host the episode with him.  Those 2 dudes being T-Shirt Joe and Danno Klonowski.  So did the show end with a bang, or, did it go out with a whimper and shit the bed. You decide!  So, go and download this episode or you won’t get any tasty Varys BBQ.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This week we return from our respective graves to chat up 3 more genre films.  The first being an independent slasher in the wood flick with the always great Tiffany Shepis in AXEMAN.  Next we dive into the deep end of Bruce-sploitation and we see what happened when Bootleg Bruce Lee fights Popeye, The Godfather, Emmanuelle, Dracula, and all sorts of other kooky dudes in hell in THE DRAGON LIVES AGAIN.  And lastly we chat about Jamie Lee Curtis in an all-time 80′ slasher jam in TERROR TRAIN.  We also talk about the absurdity of Avengers: Endgame.  Tim continues his search for Platypossum, and we also have a ne fascination with our new found podcast mascot Chinese Popeye.  So download this episode or no spinach for you!

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

Gross Movie Reviews #441

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Gross Movie Reviews #441

 

The Jurassic Dead (DVD) – So how about a zombie T-Rex shows up 60 seconds in the flick and the chaos just goes from there. Dr. Borge wants this secret serum for his possible re-animated experiments. He pays for it, not makes it (like a Herbert West) and has plans for it. But first he must show it off for the college class he teaches! Gets in trouble, then fired, and immediately gets run down by an automobile. Some time passes and we the viewer are introduced to some misfit mercenaries and a car of college somethings driving out in the desert. At the same time a giant rock or two hits Earth and causes an EMP and shuts down everything. This forces both groups on foot and eventually to a secret bunker where Dr. Borge has continued his experiments and plans for world domination through ‘Zombie T-Rexes’! We get a Duke Nuk’em joke and blood and chaos ensues as everybody runs for their lives when the Zombie T-Rex begins eating everyone or at least biting them. The movie spent all its money on the end credits and the cool T-Rex puppet. The movie is completely hilarious and has no business being as good as it was. It’s just one of those weird, hilarious, entertaining horror flicks that just can’t be explained but just witnessed as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Evil Within (DVD) – Here is a wicked downer of a horror flick that stars the legend Michael Berryman, the beautiful and talented Dina Meyer, and one of the “Boondock Saints” dudes aka Sean Patrick Flanery. The film revolves around a mentally challenged person named Dennis who has trouble with change or things out of place or just with his brother. Dennis’ brother played by Boondock Saint Dude brings in an antique mirror thinking one, Dennis will like it and two, it will increase the value of the house he is going to try and sell. Of course this interrupts Dennis’ life and he is pissed until a demon in the form of Michael Berryman that changes himself into Dennis’ image begins to speak with him. So Dennis begins to have regular conversations with the mirror. The talks progress quickly asking Dennis to begin killing and the image will tell him how… But should Dennis do it? The evil image of Dennis explains “it is to fix his brain”. Pretty fucked shit from there as Dennis spirals into a serial killer but does it fix his brain in the end? I will leave that for you to see as this was a pretty dark fucked up flick and for that I give it 3 ½ stars.

Don’t Go In The House (DVD) – This creepy 1979 horror film has a character named Donnie who hears voices as an adult. The voices become louder shortly after his abusive mother dies who he cares for. Think “Psycho” with less personality. I don’t say that in a mean way but takes too long to exactly explain but you’ll understand after the flick. This of course sends Donnie into a descent of madness. But isn’t just any psycho madness, this is some deep dark fucked up interesting shit! Donnie decides it is time to go pick women after he has built a steel furnace in his mother’s house. He takes the women to the home and uses a flame thrower on them. Afterwards he sits them with mum to rot and have conversations with. Shit gets weird for Donnie as he tries to go out with his concerned work friend but things go wrong and he decides it’s time to burn everything! An amazing bat shit crazy thriller/horror flick worth your time horror movie friends as I give this hidden late 70s gem 3 ½ stars.

 

Dracula Untold (DVD) – So recently the now defunct ‘Dark Universe’ peaked my interest so I thought it was time to watch this turd. I am wrong this retelling of the Dracula story is not a turd at all and may have been an actual great set up for the ‘Dark Universe’? Luke Evans stars as Vlad the Impaler we know and love. But his legendary and brutal war times are behind him. Vlad is a family man but his people are in trouble because he refuses to give up his kingdom’s 1000 children to the Turks. They test Vlad because they believe the Vlad they know and feared is in the past. But what they don’t know Vlad on a scouting trip in the woods decided to search atop of a mountain and found an evil creature… a vampire. He goes back home to find out more believing this creature never existed but it does. Faced with no options, he heads back to the mountain to find the creature played by Charles Dance (or Brother Nupsie). Without fear Vlad goes into the dark mountain and the creature is very intrigued with Vlad and makes him a deal. If Vlad is given powers of the vampire he has three days to not drink blood and the Charles Dance stays a vampire. If Vlad drinks human blood he forever becomes the vampire and Charles Dance is free again. Vlad uses these new found powers to destroy his enemies to help save his kingdom but in the end he loses everything and everyone dies, maybe? This film surprised me with its story telling because from trailers and word of mouth I was expecting a turd. But I was wrong and find myself still asking why did Universal stop trying to get this ‘Dark Universe’ off the ground? I give this flick 3 stars.

 

Don’t Look in the Cellar (DVD) – A very cheap looking movie where community college students are given an assignment. Their project is about the local asylum or the Midvale Asylum where a couple students disappeared there several years ago. So the students get together on Halloween to party in the old asylum which was someone’s house (no kidding) and to do research so they can debunk the urban myth. Once there they begin to die in boring ways by the two occupants who still live there. Now this was a turd as I give it 0 stars.

 

The Night Walker (DVD) – A William Castle flick from 1964 about a woman who dreams her dream man while she is married to a jealous blind man. But her husband dies in an explosion and suddenly lines between her dreams and reality become blurred to point she has to move out. But these dreams continue until husband’s lawyer comes to the rescue or so it seems as her husband faked his own death only to screw with his wife. A very twisted story of horror from the filmmaking legend as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

School Night Massacre (DVD) – A 2005 independent Swedish flick that is also known as “Death Academy”. It begins with four students breaking into a school for fun only to be stalked and killed by a masked person. Ten years go by and students are given an assignment on serial killers. So four students decide to cover what happened at the school ten years earlier because the man (Niklas) that was put away in an asylum is being released today. The students want to get his side of the story because he claims the police got the wrong guy? Once they interview Niklas they convince him to help prove his innocence as they go to the school to get evidence against the principal. When the principal figures out this is all going down he locks down the school trapping them all inside with a masked killer. A good amount of bloody deaths and a switcheroo makes this Indy slasher a fun watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The New York Centerfold Massacre (VHS/DVD-R) – This 1985 film has a better backstory than the movie itself. Apparently all the master tapes for the film got screwed up and the film was supposed to be 55 minutes. But because of the screw up it is cut at 39 minutes and was only available on VHS by mail order. And by the looks of the film or seventh generation VHS/DVD-R copy I watched I would put this more 1982ish. The film is about some young ladies answering modeling ads that are disappearing. The police believe it is this Martino guy who just moved in the area who has tried to get young ladies into porn? But after a talk with a psychic and a story about a masked person in the Soho district the cops go take down the killer. A bit boring but worth the watch if you are a VHS buff as I give it 1 star.

 

Suicide Girls Must Die! (DVD) – So this been sitting at my house for a while and I knew there was a possibility I would regret watching this giant turd and I did. This god awful film has tatted up website models heading out to a remote cabin to do the calendar shoot. But on top of what they are all doing they decide they will film everything or stream it at all times… supposedly? They want a reality show for the website for fans to enjoy but once a couple girls go missing some of the others get worried. A couple will shoot pics of a topless girl while a couple others worry and stay at the remote cabin. In the end they did their version of “April Fool’s Day” which you see coming as the film began. But when your only plot of the film is to shoot pictures of topless women that isn’t a horror film as much as a bad soft-core film that just annoys so this flick is just a pile of crap that angered me. This turd needs to be buried deep to never be witnessed by anyone again.

 

Camp Massacre (DVD) – A rather recent flick that has Jim O’Rear starring and directing a horror flick about ‘Fat Camp’. The film stars Dick Warlock, Al Snow, and one of my favorite porn stars Bree Olson (disappointingly is only in the first four minutes of the film). So ten fat dudes are picked to go to this fat camp to lose weight for a reality TV show. The fat dude that loses the most weight at the end of the show wins a million dollars. Jim O’Rear is the TV host who is trying to get these dudes going but has a staff behind him to help everyone to stay on site. Problem is the fat dudes are being killed one by one by a person wearing an apron and a bucket on their head and oh yeah they have a fake machete. I enjoyed the concept of the film, loved Al Snow as fat camp security, enjoyed Bree Olson for the short time she was in it (yinz know she can actually act right?) But the 130 minute running time is what kills this possibly fun slasher film before it ever gets started. I would have loved to see this film edited down but otherwise I only give this film 1 star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

See yinz at GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

 

Gross Movie Reviews #420

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Gross Movie Reviews #420

 

Bonehill Road (Vimeo) – Todd Mother F’N Sheets reaches into the depths of his mind and pulls out this latest project of an old school werewolf film. The film centers on a mother and daughter who are escaping an abusive relationship. On the road to grandpa’s house they meet a creepy dude at a rest stop (which I believe happens to all of us at least once) and believe they just narrowly missed hitting a bear? Shortly after the narrow miss a tire blows out and they hit a tree. The women take a few to get their senses and try to figure out what they should do but that so-called bear comes back to haunt them or I should say werewolf. On the run the ladies find a house but their luck is worse than they think when creepy dude from rest stop is the owner and has his own serial killer thing going on. These women have already been battle tested and know what is outside is worse than inside. Once the madman is dispatched in a rather gruesome manner its back to figuring out how to fight off these werewolves who are trying to break their way into the home. I absolutely enjoyed this werewolf flick. I would compare to Todd’s film to another werewolf flick “Wolfen” or “Bad Moon”. Mr. Sheets went for a more story driven werewolf flick and when it pays off it more than pays off with a scene in the kitchen. While a woman recently bitten transforms another not one but two werewolves shot in 100% light wander into the kitchen and it is a beautiful thing. Most independent werewolf films have to hide their monster. Hell most mainstream flicks do the same but Todd Sheets made sure you got the money shot and more with this scene. Todd absolutely delivered on a giving horror fans an entertaining treat of a werewolf film. And yes horror fans the film is a little slow but again the film is more story driven than gore driven but you will get your blood, guts, and cannibalism! A couple other cool tidbits to the film are the end credits scene with fake Gene Simmons again and they have a “stunt werewolf” thanks to Mr. Steele. Todd Mother F’N Sheets did again and I think fans will be pleased with his old school werewolf flick as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Fistful of Undead (Vimeo) – A short film from Todd Mother F’N Sheets that is about a cowboy fighting the undead. No dialogue, zombies, a bad ass cowboy… sometimes it is just that simple as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Knock Knock (On Demand) – No folks this isn’t that terrible Keanu Reeves movie we all lured into watching last year. This film is something much better! 2012 “Dorm of the Dead’s” Toby Canto makes his return back to the independent horror genre with this great gem. A story of misfits living in an apartment complex. An old boxer named “Stonefist” Sam is turning 60 today. Not the most pleasant person returns home to his weirdo neighbor Oliva hanging out in his apartment complaining about a vampire living across the hall. She can’t make her mind up if its Dracula or just a hot vampire living next door as she has been watching him worried he will kill her. As Sam tries to calm her down another weirdo neighbor Dragon busts in with his bag of goodies to kill the vampire and blurts out this great quote “Fucking Draculas Bro”! He also has stories of Dracula living next door including ripping his “Missing in Action” poster off of his front door. Once Gretchen stops by the scene is set as Oliva stole a package that was left for the vampire. As the four argue the vamp knocks on Sam’s door to nicely get the package but that goes horribly wrong when he was already invited to an apartment complex party. Sam doesn’t believe the neighbor is a vamp until the vamp tries to bring hell down on the four and Sam shows why he was nicknamed “Stonefist”. After they beaten the vamp down and tie him up they warn him to just be a good neighbor or leave? The credits role and we all find out the vamp has friends as a war takes place in the apartment. Smart production, hilarious script and characters, and the actors were down right fucking awesome and perfect for these parts! This flick had me laughing my balls off the whole time watching it. Toby I hope all of us horror fans get to see more projects from you as this is one of the best independent horror projects I have seen in 2017. I give this flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Check out Pop Art Pictures Facebook page for more details on the film.

 

Brides of Dracula (DVD) – Peter Cushing as Van Helsing returns to Transylvania to kick some vampire ass. A vamp is turning the village’s beautiful women into his brides and Van Helsing refuses to allow this crap to go down. A great buildup ending in this movie as the vampire believes he has killed Van Helsing by biting him but Van Helsing cures himself in a cool legendary manner. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Never Knock (SyFy Channel/DVD) – To set the scene it is Halloween 1986 and some kids go up to 59 Oakwood Lane to knock on the door of a supposedly haunted house. A kid’s hand begins to bleed on the door of the home and a dark force opens the door and kills the kids. But also when police officers arrive on scene they find “Never Never Knock” carved into the one body. So over the next thirty years kids in the small neighborhood go up and knock on the door every Halloween to scare each other. Meanwhile the murders go unsolved and become a thing of legend. Present day Jenna and friends go to the house and little sister Jenna knocks on the door, creature appears, and Jenna disappears. The friends look for Jenna as this sinister creature connected to this door of the home makes the friends see things that are not there until it kills them. Wasn’t overly impressed with the flick and left me asking why didn’t the city or neighborhood destroy this house to rid the town of the memories? Or who was taking care of this place for thirty years? I believe these questions would have made this a much shorter and more watchable movie for all of us as I give it 1 star.

 

Stickman (SyFy Channel/DVD) – A girl’s night terror or nightmare comes to life and kills and eventually sends her to an asylum for troubled kids. She spends several years there trying to get over this issue as her sister and mother were plagued by this issue after her sister read a poem about the “Stickman”. She is now about to turn 18 and has made it to a halfway house but her night terror has come back and is out in real world killing everyone. She must break into the asylum to find answers. The concept of the film is interesting but feels like it wasn’t completely executed properly? This flick was a little more bearable than some of the other recent SyFy Channel Halloween flicks as I give it 2 stars.

 

Jeeper Creepers 3 (On Demand) – Holy fart knocker did yinz screw this shit up! Okay folks never mind the creeper behind the camera directing the film let’s just talk this horrible film. This sequel is everything you didn’t want to be. Now, I was never a huge fan of this series but found the demonic creature “The Creeper” interesting. Apparently this takes place in between films one and two and people are out in force hunting this creature before he goes back to sleep. Wait… wait… wait… What? Where in the fuck is Ray Wise’s character fuckheads! Anyway, now the Creeper is able to hunt during the day, killing at will. The creeper also kidnaps a young teenager and his truck is impervious to everything and oh yeah it now has “Boobie traps”! The movie seems incoherent at times like Tim Gross and Daniel Boyd were drunk and wandered on set and started filming. But seriously folks I love character actors such as Stan Shaw, Meg Foster, and Gina Philips, but guys yinz should have sat this project out. I believe the biggest issue for me but all horror fans especially fans of this series is there was so much you could have done with this character? This character oozes a franchise and several years later we get this crap. Let’s call this what it is “CRAP”. I see crap and I give it crap so if you haven’t seen it yet? Don’t and thank me later.

 

Wake Up (YouTube) – A pretty different and maybe artsy short film that deals with a man who keeps writing “Awake or Alive”. The man is going insane or already there and not totally sure what is real? Cool stuff from Running Director Productions can be found at www.facebook.com/RunningDirectorProductions as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

StatACHE (YouTube) – A quite bizarre short film where a strange man with a bag on his head has a relationship with his television. A short film that mess with your mind thinking about it as I give it 3 out of 4 stars and more about it can be found at www.facebook.com/RunningDirectorProductions .

 

The Last Room (YouTube) – A short film more up my alley as the apocalypse has happened and a man is trying to tell the story before he goes completely bonkers! First, people’s minds went, and then people were offering themselves to the flames or mass suicide I am guessing. Then all the utilities went! Now, Kameron haunted by his own visions after cannibalism wants there to be a record of what happened to humanity. Dark, deep thinking, rough… would like to see this fleshed out more as I give 3 out of 4 stars and more about it can be found at www.facebook.com/RunningDirectorProductions .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

 

Filmmaker Toby Canto is back from hiatus with this awesome flick!

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Toby Canto’s latest flick since the fun zombie film “Dorm of the Dead” is back with this excellent mix of comedy and horror in “Knock Knock”. (review coming soon…)

TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFZMq0lscxg

SOUNDTRACK: https://stevencanham.bandcamp.com/album/knock-knock

MOVIE to go rent:  https://vimeo.com/ondemand/knockknock2017