Gross Movie Reviews #588

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Dracula 1979 (Blu-ray) – Another retelling of the famous old blood sucker this time around starring Frank Langella the vampire from Universal Studios. Donald Pleasence among other great actors surrounds this adventure in vampire lure. Not my favorite version of Dracula but this film has great a great cast, bat attacks, a fun Dracula death scene, and great set design. Clearly Universal waited too late to compete with Hammer but put their best foot forward except with the part of Dracula. Frank is kind of an odd pick and it shows but don’t let that discourage you from seeking out the newer cleaned up versions of this 1979 flick because enjoy it for what it is. Looking back Frank should have been maybe their tenth pick as Dracula not first or second as everything else they did a great job with as I thought it was time to rewatch this flick and give it 3 stars.

Mr. No Legs (DVD) – I believe the first person that ever alerted me to this amazing gem of exploitation has to be popular writer and podcaster Ed Demko several years ago as he raved about this feature. This late 70s crime thriller is all about drugs and thugs but what separates it from the others is the man who plays the muscle for a crime boss is a man with no legs! But it doesn’t stop there as Mr. No Legs is reminded by his boss a couple times throughout the feature that he was the one that took care of him after his accident. But Mr. No Legs has something to prove and he is one bad ass sum of a bitch as he has shotguns built into his wheelchair, goes swimming with hot women, knows martial arts, and knows how to take care of loose ends. When Mr. No Legs isn’t on screen we have two cops Chuck and Andy that are following leads to find out about the one’s sister’s death which eventually leads them to a fight with Mr. No Legs and his boss! This movie is wacky and entertaining as hell and if that isn’t enough at one point one of the cops is stabbing a corvette with a sword during one of their big fights at the end as I give this wonderful wackiness 3 ½ stars.

Alien Private Eye (VHS) – This 1989 film is terrible but it’s hilariously wonderful if you couldn’t tell by the title? Anyway Lemro is an alien on Earth who spends his time on Earth as a private eye trying to pick up hotties with his crazy dance moves in alleys and his living room! But when his new hottie of a girlfriend Rene gets involved with an artifact that holds the info for a designer drug from his home planet it is time for Lemro to get to work and crack this case. Lemro quickly finds out he isn’t the only alien hanging out on Earth and must figure out whom to trust? This film has everything that will make you shake your head and giggle like a teenage girl which also includes Lemro shooting lasers from his wrists late into the film to save his girlfriend. Now the movie is super terrible, no lie, but I have to give it 2 ½ stars for entertaining the hell out of me and I dare you go seek this one out.

Amityville in Space (DVD) – As usual for all of those who are keeping track with me this is entry #40 where Mark Polonia is back once again and actually got a lot of press with this project late in the summer. Now saying that this wasn’t exactly movie gold like a “Leprechaun 4: In Space”. This time around a priest has decided to take the fight to the haunted house one final time as they bill it ‘Good vs. Evil’. During the battle the demonic house gets bored and forces its way out of existence only to reappear in the year 3015 near a black hole where the space cruiser “Wyoming 227” is trying to decide if they should zap it out of existence? No dice kids’ as usual dumb white people gotta still go into the haunted ass house even in space and of course the space travelers are hit with unspeakable evil and oh yeah they find the priest hanging out in a closet. I won’t bore you with all the great details of why this makes sense but bottom line even in 3015 they are still unsure how to rid the world of this evil and believe me Polonia made sure there is room for a sequel. To me this entry feels like Polonia tried to put some thought into it like his “Deathhouse” entry but just falls flat. I don’t blame him for trying something new in the “Amityville” series, just feels he may have needed more help to pull off this venture as I give it 1 ½ stars for what it could have been…

The Snow Devils (DVD) – A mid-60s flick where the polar ice caps are melting because of some space Yetis and their invention from their home planet that they fucked up years ago! Alien Bigfoots I am in as I have to give this adventure 2 ½ stars.

Winterbeast (Blu-ray) – A film like “Spookies” that was started, never finished, and then restarted again over a couple of years has found its cult audience recently with its new Blu-ray release. Apparently a monstrous Native American legend is Claymation and pissed off as these odd shaped monsters are killing good folk at a popular mountain lodge. Throw in a dumb forest ranger and you got a movie that most of us are totally sure what it’s all about but enjoy the hell out of it as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Ninja (Blu-ray) – Scott Adkins is Casey, an orphaned American teenager who was taken into a legendary dojo that still teaches the way of the ninja. After a falling out with another pupil Masazuka Casey heads to New York from Japan to protect the Yoroi Bitsu or the treasure/weapons of the ninja. If you are a fan of titles “American Ninja” or “Enter the Ninja”? Welcome to a new generation of badassery kids because Scott Adkins and crew put on a show as this isn’t any 80s hokey shit going down Dudikoff as I give this 3 ½ stars.

Ninja II (Blu-ray) – Casey is back and living the life as the new master of the dojo, has a wife, and has just recently found out a kid soon to come. But things are not well when Casey comes home one evening going out for his pregnant wife to find her murdered. Then the rest of the movie becomes one bad ass fight for revenge as Casey after fucking up people in Japan heads to Thailand to obliterate all in his path to satisfy his thirst for revenge as I give the sequel 3 stars.

Creature from Black Lake (Blu-ray) – This 1976 film known to Bigfoot fans takes place in the swamp and small town of Louisiana called Oil City. Two college students from the University of Chicago convince someone to fund their little expedition to Louisiana to investigate and try to prove the existence of a creature called Bigfoot? After hearing about multiple reports of a man losing his friend to a swamp creature they want to study it. Once there of course the two college students stick out like a sore thumb and just try to do their thing without stirring up any trouble as they are in a different country basically. After not much success investigating and only hearing sounds outside of a barn they run into old local Joe Canton who points them in the right direction. That is when the two college boys come face to face with the local swamp creature legend and now just trying to survive its attacks! Only had the pleasure of seeing this feature as a youngster during the mid-80s not remembering any of it most likely because like most fans we all remember “Legend of Boggy Creek”. That film is usually the first that comes to everyone’s mind who grew up at time so cool titles like this get overshadowed. Well now is the time to rediscover this Bigfoot film as Synapse Films has taken the painstaking task of putting a special edition out and it looks unbelievable! This might be one of their best jobs to date with this cleanup of the film and adding a couple extras that will make fans very happy: commentary from Mike Gingold and Chris Poggali, and more importantly “Swamp Stories” with Dean Cundey which is informative, entertaining, and cool how the film was taken in by this small community at the time. Great stuff as I give this package 4 out of 4 stars and available at www.synapse-films.com .

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #585

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Werewolf by Night (Disney Plus) – First I believe this caught some horror fans by surprise this was made and taken seriously. Based on some comics this film takes a stylish approach of making it look old school which worked out well in my opinion from the actors to the werewolf itself. But the center of the film is the “Master of the Bloodstone” has died and there is a gathering of monster hunters to have a chance to lay claim to this stone which pretty much means royalty. Out of this group of death dealers if they survive and slay the creature that is in the maze they can lay claim to the stone but not all are who or what they seem as there is a werewolf among them. Who is the hero, who is the villain? It’s a fun quick 50 something minute movie that was a lot of fun for me to watch as I give it 3 stars.

The Curse of Bridge Hollow (Netflix) – So who would of guessed I would be watching a Marlon Wayans family Halloween film? None of you… Me neither but I took a chance and it paid off as Marlon, wife and teenage daughter move from Brooklyn to the safest small town in the U.S. only to find out they take their Halloween very seriously. The family moves to the old Hawthorne house where apparently a urban legend was born a hundred years ago. The daughter of course investigating the attic happens to stumble upon an old pumpkin or turnip lantern for technical terms and lights it. This causes a series of events that lets evil into the world forever but first it must take over everyone’s Halloween decorations. Now it’s up to the satanic collecting principal, the daughter’s new paranormal club friends, and Marlon to stop the evil before Halloween is over. Its PG-13, it is actually funny, and reminds me of “Goosebumps” so I got give it 3 stars.

Accident Man (DVD) – Scott Adkins 2018 film and possibly one his best to date that has Scott playing a hitman named Mike Fallon who makes his hits look like an accident. Things are good for Mike as he is paid well to make things look like an accident until he gets a call about his ex-girlfriend has died but things don’t add up as Mike finds out a few details. Mike quickly looks into the death and finds not only was a hit put out on her but she was pregnant with his child. Blaming himself Mike wants answers but his teacher Ray Stevenson has always said “Don’t get involved”. Mike breaks this rule immediately and after several bad ass fight scenes finds out he has been set up and her hit was ordered by his boss Milton! This not your average hitman action flick and I dare you to watch and not say this isn’t possibly one of the best Adkins starring flicks out there as I give it 4 stars.

Accident Man: Hitman’s Holiday (On Demand) – Mike Fallon is back, kind of as he has been lying low in another country for the past four years until he bumps into one of his old buddies from the firm Fred. Fred is in pursuit of his girlfriend he met online (you need to see the first film to understand the backstory of Fred). Anyhow the two become quick friends again and start up as a hitman duo and trying new techniques. After saying no to doing a hit on a mob boss’s son they are kidnapped and forced to now protect this poor soul as assassins from around the world want in on the hit that pays over 7 million dollars US! Again lots of fun, brings back a couple characters from the first film, flips the tables now for Fallon to be a bodyguard, awesome fight scenes but slips a little in the magic that was captured the first time around but still well worth the watch as I give it 3 stars.

Spookie Dookie (Blu-ray) – The talented Brian Papandrea (or the last name I cannot pronounce) and the Rock Bottom Video crew are back to give us independent film fans a trashy Halloween film that is missing from our lives. So we get a terrible Gatekeeper who dances around the cemetery to find passersby to tell scary tales too when he isn’t jerking off on them.  The trashy shorts all interconnect with old Halloween promos, commercials, Halloween news clips, and Dracula needing to see a doctor because he has AIDS! It feels like something Troma would have done in the 90s but only better as these kind folks make sure if you are looking for trash they have it for you as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Honestly the back cover of this Blu-ray if you have a chance to read will make you buy it on the spot!

Grand Samurai: A Warrior’s End (Extended Cut – Blu-ray) – So I felt it was time to sit down and watch Dan Komarek’s epic five hour film. Yes folks, “The Ninja Master” weren’t enough abuse knowing I would watch this bullshit this talented jagoff Mr. Komarek released this fucking shit! Anyhow I thought like most reviews I would try to give you the basics but not this epic film I thought I needed to share my notes as written when watching this thing last Sunday morning that led into my afternoon. Dan decided there needed to be a movie with more walking than ‘Lord of the Rings’ ever could film so eat your heart out Peter Jackson. Back to the film as it opens up very promising with this huge ‘Conan-esque’ beginning talking about a thousand years ago and now… then immediately let down with two dudes showing up on screen whatever their parents allowed them to wear that autumn weekend to shoot? You expect costumes, swords, huge swords… Nope, Dan laughs in the face of being reasonable. We get a little backstory between Paul and Lee which Paul has to train to become a samurai. Which first question that will hit your mind “Yinz know yinz are white more out of shape than I am?” But hey kids let’s not a bad idea get in the way of making a bad film as they begin to walk, then walk a little more, then walk a little more only to decide they will go on journeys for a sword and a tournament that isn’t really clarified but then walk some more. This is where Paul (yes there will be a samurai named… Paul) goes on his four or so hour journey movie time of training. If there isn’t endless narration be the Lee character aka Dan Komarek where he clearly had a tummy tuck at some point between filming there is more walking and what I feel was an hour of “In Memoriam” segment for someone I don’t know? But then it got real interesting when ‘real time filming’ by Dan Komarek happens as he films himself basically taking a spill into a raging river when misjudging some rocks to cross it just to do a random sword fight scene oh excuse me a stick fight! At one point during the first hour or two of walking it seems like the camera isn’t filming as much as stalking the Paul character who by the way is still training and looking for his friend Lee. Then when Paul cannot go any further he drops to the forest ground to start humping the ground which I read into the subtext of ‘humans raping the world’ but that can be debated another time. But hey did I mention there is a book on how to be a samurai that is introduced into the film an hour in as when approaching the 75 minute mark we get the ‘final fight’. Why do I know this? The characters only announced this several times as they try and I mean try to somersault their way off of picnic benches. But just shortly after if not paying attention we do gets bootleg Richard Moll from “Sword and the Sorcerer” sending Paul yet on another quest for a sword. So about 88 minutes they are informed this sword they are on a journey for is a sword for a tournament to end all tournaments and we haven’t even gotten to the first one. If you need a laugh the scene ends with the neighbor’s dog attacking someone off screen in the background. So as they keep walking again the two find a village where they sleep for a month (don’t ask) again this leaves the Paul character alone as he mourns for his heterosexual life mate Lee. Then there is more walking… inner monologue… more walking… Paul walks through all four seasons through the same patch of woods. Then 129 minutes in Paul gets fucked up on a snowy tree stump and instead of Dan putting down the camera he still films Paul now limping instead of walking, clearly injured… (but, it’s for the art man!)  Literally that was the point I waiting for the Benny Hill music to start as it followed a limping Paul through the snow. After more walking about the 145 minute mark we get to hear Dan Komarek directing the movie while doing a couple lines of dialogue in the mouth of a cave or I like to think a sewer pipe? With more walking comes more training and at the 165 minute mark I begin to wonder if the journey isn’t for a sword but for the two come to grips with their love for each other? I come to this conclusion as the two come to a beach in their long journey and gazing at each other while plotting on them doing more walking through the woods. Which shortly after this the filmmaker has the balls of putting an intermission in, DUDE, how about ending this fucking movie already! After regretting that there was an intermission our heroes at the 170 minute mark are back from their love fest at the beach and most likely smoking weed only to walk more. They keep saying they must finish the journey so of course there is more walking this when I notice and have come up with a drinking game those three people like me who crazy enough to watch this film to completion. Now for yinz three paying attention: every time Paul has his ninja suit on or putting it back on, drink a beer for every different shirt you see the Paul character wearing underneath? You will be drunk and that is better than watching this film again, again anyway, nine minutes I am completely convinced the film has nothing to do with samurais but two young dudes taking the long way around of just saying they love each other but just cannot find the courage to say it. At the 191 minute mark after walking more Paul lays on the ground and looks to the night sky accepting he will only be complete with his life partner Lee who has disappeared again. Finally about the 215 minute mark we finally are getting to the climax of the film as a horrible unfinished fight scene happens as minutes later Paul loses Lee as he was killed by a Chevy Corsica fender they randomly found in the creek they ran across. More walking happens and at the 248 minute mark is when Paul and Lee (who has died twice, I think) are reunited and receives the sword which the fuckers never get to be in a tournament! And what is this fucking Dan Komarek ends this fucking “EPIC” with a ‘to be continued’… WTF dude! Dan I love you brother, I think you are a fine editor and cinematographer but stop digging this absurd bullshit up and make something new. You have the talent to do it so give me a break as this epic is epic I cannot even give it a rating as much dare someone to watch it all the way through like I did so I am not the only psycho.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #571

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Gross Movie Reviews #571

The Hunger (DVD) – This 1983 vampire flick that stars David Bowie, Susan Sarandon, and Cliff DeYoung has always intrigue me…Mainly because I had seen it on cable TV way back in the early days of cable and completely forgot about it because I was a kid. This movie never impacted me like “The Monster Squad” or a “Halloween” even but I finally felt it was time to revisit this film and it is either ahead of its time or quite misunderstood since I don’t hear many horror movie fans bring this one up? Anyway, Miriam and John (David Bowie) are lovers and Miriam has lived many centuries and when she has had enough of her lover they tend to age and die quickly. John becomes very concerned feeling their love is over and finds a doctor (Susan Sarandon) who has made some interesting breakthroughs? Soon the good doctor Sarah is wrapped up in some erotic weirdness and cannot decide if she is love or there believing this will further her research? The film has an erotic charm to it deserves a second look as it doesn’t play by the vampire rules we all grew up with as I give this vampire feature 3 stars. Also too if you wanna do some prep work to help get more interested into this film there is a lot of great facts about the behind the scenes stuff that made me just happy to give this a second watch.

The Sadness (Shudder) – Honestly I don’t know if more can be said about this wonderful virus infection flick from Taiwan other than it will be on my “Best of 2022 list”. The pandemic is the backdrop and the virus has yet mutated again according to background news reports that like most of us we are not paying attention. But this mutation is different as those who are sick soon go into a fit of rage, rape, murder, and even a little cannibalism. As most of the population has lost its mind two young lovers try to navigate the city to find each other again! But what separates this “The Crazies” type of film from a lot of horror films is the violence, gore, the madness ramps up as the film goes along. When one crazy thing happens, give it ten minutes and you get to see something even more nutzoid! The film was wonderful, beautiful and played just right but funny thing and this is just me nit picking at shit but I can honestly say I wanted let’s just say a little happier ending without spoiling the fun? Anyway I still give this horror flick 4 stars and must see for horror fans this year. 

Super Dark Times (DVD) – A couple teenage best friends are screwing around with each other as usual until an accident with a sword happens. Instead of reporting the accident they bury it. As the days pass the friends fall down a deep hole of darkness trying to cope and move past the accident. But there is a problem the sword is missing and now a couple more people have gone missing at school. I really like the tone of this screwed up flick because I think it hits on a very believable string of events as I give this film 3 ½ stars.

The Chain Reaction (DVD) – Another crazy Australian film from 1980 that is an environmental action/drama that stars Toecutter and Goose from “Mad Max” and watch close because Mel Gibson shows up for a quick one line. But we have an earthquake that hits an area where a toxic waste dumping plant (WALDO) has a spill where an employee is involved and taken to their infirmary. Heinrich the employee is upset because he knows the spill is horrendous and believes the public should be warned. But the corporation feels much differently about this. What the corporation doesn’t know Heinrich had been approached by an outside source explaining the dangers of a spill if it ever happens? Heinrich escapes, warns his source, and along the way finds a young vacationing couple, the Stilsons, who help take care of him. But soon WALDO’s boss Gray tracks them all down and plans silencing everyone so any info about the spill will go away. Think dramatic dangers of nuclear waste in the early 80s with some bad ass car chases as I give the film 3 stars.

Castle Falls (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren stars, directs, and produces this feature that also stars another action film favorite Scott Adkins. Castle Heights Hospital is about to be demolished in 90 minutes to make way for new condominiums but three parties in Mike, Ericson, and a gang member claiming they are owed money are about to risk their lives for a couple million dollars hidden in the structure. All three are desperate for different reasons but just like “Trespass” with Ice-T, Bill Paxton this type of film is still mindless fun for 90 minutes as I give it 3 stars.

Virus: 32 (Shudder) – A Spanish film where a mother who isn’t exactly excited to have her young daughter today has to take her along to work at an empty club she guards. After a fun quick tour the two quickly realize the world outside is changing. Virus infected people are trying to make their way into the club to kill them both. Red marks on the hands of people can help identify the infected as Iris and Tata are separated in the club and try desperately to find each other as the infected are only satisfied by violence. Enjoyed the premise of the film and liked the rules of the infected as like “The Sadness” the twist makes for good memorable horror stuff as I give this 3 ½ stars.

House on the Edge of the Park (Blu-ray) – Severin Films recently released this sleazy revenge flick with a crazy amount of extra goodies for the horror kids to filter through. The movie from 1980 begins in the city where a rich couple stops in a garage that happens to have two lunatics Alex and Ricky getting ready for a night of dancing and partying. But after fixing the couple’s car they head off with the couple to the “get together”. Once there Alex immediately sees or believes the rich douchebags are taking advantage of his buddy. So Alex allows his demented brain to take over and turn the tables on these rich folk believing they need to be taught real respect? Alex always has a plan as he slowly beats and tortures the group that even includes controlling his friend Ricky. Thus making for a great set up ending as David Hess just seems to relish the role of the sadistic Alex. I enjoyed the film for what it is and just like “Last House on the Left” I needed to take a shower after watching it. This is just another example of why we all need more David Hess in our lives as I give the film 3 stars.

Amityville Outhouse (DVD) – Just when I thought I was done I get pulled back in as entry #37 finds me through the talented filmmaker Maddie Deering and her love for independent films. This 60 minute adventure is literally a hodgepodge of an anthology where a hobo in the woods stops a man from taking a shit in a haunted outhouse! Reminder even the filmmaker of the film doesn’t want the viewer to take this dumb outhouse thing seriously. With that the crazy hobo explains the outhouse is built from lumber from Amityville or left over demolished houses, honestly does it actually matter? Then the hobo tells three stories concerning a killer panda at a party, a priest pooping out a puppet, and a mobster fighting The Meatman. The first 15 minutes were funny but by the 30 minute mark I wanted to be watching something else and should have been limited to a short film? I actually hoped for something else but 37 entries in I got this so I give it 1 star.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #384

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Gross Movie Reviews #384

 

Full Eclipse (DVD) – Oh the glory of random HBO original movies… This lesser known werewolf film if you can classify it as that was released in 1993 starring Bruce Payne, Mario Van Peebles, Patsy Kensit, Dean Norris, Jennifer Rubin, and Paula Marshall. Max is a young cop who just lost his partner in a chaotic hostage takeover of a nightclub. Some time passes and his partner is back and good as new or so it seems. Meanwhile a man named Adam Garou wants Max to be part of his “special forces unit” within the police department. They help reduce crime drastically where ever Garou goes. Max not being a team player thinks something is weird and sees it in person when he is invited to a raid of a mob party where this group turns monstrous and kills all! Garou injects the team with a serum of his making that makes the team impervious to pain or being killed. One problem you are part werewolf and could go mad or become disfigured if you do not take the serum on a regular basis. ‘Full Eclipse’ is a very different twist on the werewolf genre that not many horror fans talk about plus added bonus debating if it was influenced by the ‘Wolverine’ character, just sayin? I give the werewolf film 3 stars.

 

Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves (DVD) – Let that title sink in for a minute as it is totally based on an accurate account of Alabama in 1910… Helen and family are attacked by these vicious creatures known as Nightwolves which causes her to be deaf and blind. So Helen takes upon herself to defend her small town and family against the evil creatures with some help from Barry Bostwick. The film also includes a hilarious line when Helen first meets Barry Bostwick’s character and feels his face and says, “It feels like Bruce Campbell”. This movie had me laughing from the time it began to after the credits as it takes nothing serious and that’s good in my book as I give it 3 stars.

 

Ozark Sharks (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Sharks have infested a Colorado lake and there is a dude with a Jeep Cherokee Truck that has a harpoon gun attached to it just because. Okay I will watch but I didn’t say it was good as I give it 1 star.

 

Shark Killer (DVD) – Arnold Vosloo is an unstoppable bad ass who likes diamonds and lives in South Africa. Someone screws over Vosloo and the biggest diamond on earth has been swallowed by a great white shark. The only one that can help is bootleg Chris Pratt aka Chase Walker who makes his living with sharks, sort of. His brother is the one that screwed over Vosloo and Vosloo has been shot, burned, and attacked by sharks but keeps coming. A wonderful overlooked B-movie worth watching with friends and enjoy the cheese but be entertained also as I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens (DVD/SyFy Channel) – It’s been five years since the last known Sharknado has hit anywhere in the world. Ian Ziering as Finn has been resting comfortable at home with his and April’s son and decides to go to Las Vegas. There is the epicenter of Tommy Davidson’s invention of a weather destabilizer and many located around the world stop the Sharknados before they ever get started until now. This time around the Sharknados get started on land and cannot be stopped as there is a snownado, firenado, radioactive Sharknado, you name the nado! Finn rushes back to Kansas to save his son but must help everyone along the way. Tara Reid returns from the aid of her father Gary Busey. David Hasselhoff returns, Lloyd Kaufman makes an appearance, horror fans get Caroline Williams from ‘TCM 2’ fame to make not one but two references to ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’, and if that wasn’t enough Steve Guttenberg shows up with a Stephen King ‘Christine’ reference! The series is fun but as I said last time out I believe the series needs to end as I give it 2 stars.

 

2 Lava 2 Lantula (DVD/SyFy Channel) – I believe I have finally broken the computer’s spellcheck with that title? Steve Guttenberg is back as Colton and this time he has to go save his college-aged daughter in Florida as the lava spiders are attacking again. With the help of his partner Michael Winslow, Colton leaves his latest film project to find his daughter, throw out I believe a very random ‘Cocoon’ reference, and fight with Martin Kove about not waking the queen lava spider and long enough for Kove to say “sweep the leg”. The sequel still has the magic of the first film but like ‘Sharknado’ kill off the series before it becomes a shell of itself and where in the hell is the real star Michael Varrati? I give the sequel that had some awesome trailers 3 stars.

 

Spectre (DVD) – James Bond faces his own extinction and must make a choice as the demise of the “007” program is about to be finalized but for the wrong reasons. With no one to trust and being tracked by his own government James must find out why the program is about to go away but why one man is about to be given all the power of most of the world’s securities and be able to track and see anything and everything. I really enjoyed the Bond film as I thought it was a spectacular ending to the recent stretch of Daniel Craig entries. Will it be his last remains to be seen but if there is one more this has made sure we will get finally a stand-alone Bond film that has no connection to the past films. This film presents a case that Bond is still relevant as I give it 3 stars.

 

Outlaw of Gor (VHS/Comet TV) – The Professor Cabot once again returns to the world of Gor where the place he once saved is in trouble as a high priest and a cheating queen cause issues in the kingdom. The high priest is played by Jack Palance and this 1988 film has made it on many bad film lists over the years and one of the more popular episodes of MST3K among fans. For me it’s a sequel and I seen the first fantasy film so of course I needed to see this oddity as I give it 2 stars.

 

Frontier Marshal (YouTube) – As a request from a friend I watched this western to review it and glad I did. The 1939 film is all about Wyatt Earp and the O.K. Coral and put it simply influences the modern day film ‘Tombstone’ that stars Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer. It’s wild as we get to see a young John Carradine, a young Cesar Romero play Doc Holliday, and the Wolfman himself Lon Chaney Jr. playing a henchmen/paid gunman. Enough violence to make it stand out from the usual westerns of the day but its portrayal of the O.K. Coral is amazing and you understand why so many kids of that era wanted to be cowboys. I give this oldie but goodie 3 ½ stars.

Creature Feature

Creature Feature (DVD/Vimeo) – Filmmaker Chase Smith presents to you an anthology of scary stories that are being told by a group of friends trying to scare each other at a Halloween party. We have clown statues, revenge zombies, witches, scarecrow/pumpkin man, and a haunted house with a baby killer/werewolf who lives there. The group is trying to scare the shit out of each other with each story as drink more and more but who ends up scaring who is the twist. The 80s inspired anthology screams fun with its short quick stories, nudity, and gore and gives horror/Halloween themed film fans something else to look forward to watch for the upcoming Halloween holiday as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. You can found out more about the film at www.braindamagefilms.com and www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Batman: The Killing Joke (DVD) – The comic book story of Batman and Joker of where Joker crossing the line comes to animation film land. Batman has been training Batgirl/Barbara Gordon for a few years now and things have become different at least for Batgirl. Frustrated, she goes out on her own to fight a mob boss’ son who wants to get in the head of Batgirl. Once resolved and the relationship has changed between Batman and Batgirl, The Joker has found his way out of the asylum and has big plans for Commissioner Gordon and his daughter. I enjoyed the film till the end where Batman and the Joker just laugh together instead of killing each other. I am sure there is some comic book nerds that will explain this to me but I thought someone die after Barbara Gordon was raped at gun point. I give the film 2 stars.

Hollywood Nightmare

Hollywood Nightmare (DVD/Vimeo) – Another Chase Smith film that stars Zoe Meyers as a stuck up actress Kendall Summers who thinks she is a movie star before she has become one. Kendall walks off her latest project for the weekend to get together with friends and show off her new million dollar home she just signed the papers to lease. Once there her two friends have better plans as their boyfriends show up and Kendall is forced to go to bed alone and drunk. Annoyed, Kendall keeps hearing noises all night. Next morning Kendall practicing lines for Monday’s scenes notices a shadow/a dark figure while studying the tape of her lines. When the leasing agent Sam keeps showing up unexpected, Kendall begins to question Sam about the history of the home. Sam is vague about everything as Kendall continues to hear noises, have dreams, and see a dark figure. The film is a fun thriller that runs a little longer than I like but the performance of Zoe Meyers is what makes this story work as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars. You can find out more at: www.braindamagefilms.com and www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Reviled: Ep. 2 (Vimeo) – Filmmaker Jim Stramel continues his zombie saga that revolves around zombie pit fighting in the south. The events happen after the zombie apocalypse has come and gone and were a blimp on the social radar screen. Frank and his zombie daughter travel in their dirty van killing or crippling zombies in the illegal sport for money. But the real story is how Frank is still attached to his undead daughter and refuses to let go. This episode continues to introduce some new characters and expand the universe of this unique idea. Its dirty, has a lot of grime, a little gory, and absolutely beautiful zombie universe. My favorite part of this episode might be the kids selling bug spray for 25 cents as it is a little thing that makes it known to me that Jim Stramel takes this project seriously and make me wanting more! I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Wanna check it out or maybe throw a few dollars Stramel and company’s way to help fund future episodes go to: www.reviledzombieseries.com .

 

Vile Prey (DVD) – Independent filmmaker Tim Novotny has a new sick horror project out there. It begins with three men doing a blood ritual of sorts but we are quickly thrown into a scene of brutality as the three men are torturing a couple during a house invasion. Credits roll… with news clips on television about murders, serial killer, and the local authorities being baffled but determined in solving these small county murders. But the three men are getting sloppy with their work and what seems just another torture movie takes a left turn when Marcus, the leader’s van has engine trouble on a dark back road. Soon they are being watched by someone with a night vision gun scope who captures Marcus. Beats him up a little, drugs him, and explains it is time for a hunt as Marcus is left disoriented in the middle of the woods. The man is named Max and he captures Marcus’ two cohorts to torture and maim them. The weird thing is Max’s brother is Dan head of the police department who knows all about what Max is doing in the middle of the dark woods. They believe in justice and covering it up so the feds believe the killer or killers are dead or captures. Novotny does a balancing act between thriller and just another torture revenge flick with ‘Vile Prey’. The film could have gone in many directions and I would not be surprised if there were several revisions of the script from Novotny as I can easily see the talented filmmaker revisiting this material again for another twisted project. ‘Vile Prey’ is somewhat brutal and interesting and shows Novotny is just getting started writing and directing wise as I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info and to see the trailer check out: www.facebook.com/VilePrey .

 

Legendary (DVD) – The film is also known as ‘Tomb of the Dragon’ and stars Scott Adkins as Dr. Preston who is a cryptozoologist who is tracks down strange creatures to see if they exist or they are just mere myth. On his latest expedition one of his young assistants is killed when they find a prehistoric bear and Dolph Lundgren as Harker shoots at it wanting another trophy on his wall. Months have pass and lawsuits are piling up from Harker until a mysterious lawyer comes by the office to have Dr. Preston look into a dragon/giant lizard/croc-like creature attacking in China. The creature keeps attacking a facility that has already hired Harker to kill the creature. This is a Saturday night SyFy Channel film if I ever seen one and with Adkins and Lundgren starring in it this film was a blast as I give it 3 stars.

 

Dead Rising: Endgame (On Demand) – Jesse Metcalfe is back as Chase Carter the reporter who broke the story about Zombrex and the military and based on the video game. Two years have passed and Chase has entered the East Mission Quarantine Zone tracking his story still about the military and the zombies. The military has expanded to using drug dealers in and out of the quarantined zone in exchange for fresh subjects for experimentation. Chase gets the footage but starts the clock on the “Afterlife Project”. A fail safe for the military to kill all 1.5 million people who are infected and have the tracking devices implanted in them at the same time. Ultimately the military will release another zombie virus into the population for them to keep the experiment going. Chase with the help of his news team and his gun nut friend go through the infected city to get to the V.A. hospital to shut down the Afterlife Project from its source. Plus what is a zombie without Billy Zane as a crazy doctor experimenting on humans and zombies? A fun zombie video game adaption that goes unnoticed because it’s not called ‘Resident Evil’. I enjoyed both games but feel ‘Dead Rising’ is the superior zombie movie series thus far or until ‘Resident Evil’ gets rebooted as it needs to be? Zombie fans stop waiting for the next lame season of ‘The Walking Dead’ and live or die a little and take a chance watching these entertaining zombie flicks as I give this sequel 3 stars.

 

Alien Uprising (Blu-ray) – An alien film that is British, has Jean-Claude Van Damme for twenty minutes, and the aliens win? Okay you got my attention! Once all the power goes out and the military is fighting a losing battle against aliens a group of friends fight to survive and go visit Uncle JCVD… A little different and worth the watch for weird people like me and Jon Cross as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

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Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.