Gross Movie Reviews #469

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Gross Movie Reviews #469

 

The Texas Roadside Massacre (DVD) – Five college kids roll through a small town called Blue Ridge. Karen and friends soon find themselves stranded after getting a hole in the fuel tank of their SUV. They are in for a fight of their lives as if they don’t they will become the next meal at the locally famous Blue Ridge BBQ restaurant. These days the movie can be found on DVD as “Roadside Massacre” as I give it 1 star.

 

Zombie Island Massacre (DVD) – Some stupid Americans on vacation take a cruise to an island where they witness a ceremony that brings the dead back to life. Of course most believe its fake but enough believe it was actually real. When they go back to the bus to leave they find it broken down and the guide missing. So they find themselves wandering through the jungle being picked off one by one by some zombie like creatures. A bit boring but still made it through for its laughable ending. The film’s composer is Harry Manfredini and you can possibly find this movie listed as “The Last Picnic” in some countries as I give it 1 star.

 

Witchtrap (DVD) – Kevin Tenney’s follow-up to “Witchboard” is this low budget film that stars Linnea Quigley and about a haunted mansion. Devon Lauder now owns the Avery mansion and wants to fix it up to be a bed and breakfast. But before that happens he hires paranormal experts to go investigate and make the home ‘safe’. Just to make sure nothing gets too rough a couple rent-a-cops are sent in with the team. The ghost that haunts the mansion wreaks havoc among the experts killing their miserable asses one by one. The film is nowhere near as good as “Witchboard” but has a wonderful shower kill scene involving Linnea Quigley as I give the film 2 stars.

Demons of the Night (DVD) – So Dan Komarek – filmmaker/independent horror fan has finally unleashed on the public a flick he made in 2008 with some friends. I like to believe the film was hidden somewhere in somebody’s dusty ass basement! The truth is somewhere along the way a lot of the original footage and sound were lost. But there is enough of a finished film to make some sense of what goes on…? A priest known as Father Richards shows up at Paul’s house to predict the devil or something is going to rise in six days on Halloween. Mr. Richards and Paul head to the woods known as Sword Valley searching for a graveyard. They get lost and separated and the priest encounters several weird ass people and creatures. Their main goal is to stop this from happening by any means. But just like many first independent projects there are many flaws. Dan the film is bad but I still felt entertained as it had a nostalgic feel to it while watching. The film felt like I stumbled upon an unfinished project from Jon McBride and the Polonia Brothers. Yes the sound issues did make the film very hard to follow but it was still fun and sometimes that is all you can ask for as I give it 1 out of 4 stars.

 

Litost (DVD) – A very different independent film from Cody Rapp who comes out from the beginning to let you the viewer know the film was made without a script and budget on purpose. Even though no definition for the word ‘Litost’ is actually found in the dictionary the word is being defined as – is a state of agony and torment created by the sudden sight of one’s misery. We are introduced to the main character who says little throughout the film waking up in his bedroom. Every day he wakes, go to work, come back home, fights his illness. Rinse and repeat like most of us. Some public domain film footage from several films is used throughout the movie to move the story along. In the end to me at least it has that ‘art film’ feel to it as its expressing this character’s rage. Stay tuned until the end of the film to understand. I give it 2 out 4 stars for being more different than anything and most likely I am not the audience this film is aimed at but hey Mr. Rapp you did make a film so that is its own reward! I do have to mention I found one scene a little creepy when the main character eye balls the camera while forcing out his afternoon grumpy! And plus he didn’t wash his hands…

 

Massacre Mafia Style (Blu-ray) – A wonderful exploitation film that was written, produced, directed and starred in by Duke Mitchell as Mimi. Mimi is exiled to Italy at the age of 15 because of his father being a mafia boss who gets caught in the U.S. so he is exiled. Two years after his son is born and his wife dies of cancer Mimi wants to head back to the U.S. and take over all the bookies and hookers. Of course Mimi heads to Hollywood to do this and looks up an old friend to help him make this happen. Together the two guns down every pimp, bookie, and mafia person that gets in their way. He goes legit to make pornos among other things to not rein blood in the streets. After his best friend is killed he decides it is time to head back to Italy and settle. The film has over the top action and is the ADD version of “The Godfather”. Can’t sit for three hours to watch a mafia film then watch this as it gets it done in a little over 82 minutes as I give it 3 stars.

 

Hollywood Meat Cleaver Massacre (YouTube) – Mason and friends don’t agree with their college professor on his teachings. They believe it is all mumbo jumbo so they get drunk, drive to the professor’s house, and decide hey it’s cool to kill his whole family. But the professor does survive the attack and awakes to find out his family is dead so from his hospital bed conjures a demon! This demon kills the four college students one by one as the man lies in bed. The film is mostly known for Christopher Lee doing the narration before and after the film. But here was the kicker Mr. Lee was filmed by another producer in 1976 for a project that never happened and the footage was sold to the producers of thus said film. Mr. Lee supposedly lawyered up to take the producer to court but thought twice because of the time and money to get his name off the film… You can find the film grainy and in its glory on YouTube as I give it 1 ½ stars. This massacre title wasn’t horrible but wasn’t good either and you will most likely forget what you watched literally within hours of it.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

 

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You need to fund this project!!!

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Justin and friends from The Barn are at it again preparing for the sequel and here is your chance to get in on the action!

Check out for details: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-barn-part-ii-80s-horror-feature-film-sequel?fbclid=IwAR25Z4rOBcMrbTkj4dwBnGPwJf9eMz5UInHJU0Kd5FS5U25KzJYZjVaOObw#/

 

Gross Movie Reviews #420

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Gross Movie Reviews #420

 

Bonehill Road (Vimeo) – Todd Mother F’N Sheets reaches into the depths of his mind and pulls out this latest project of an old school werewolf film. The film centers on a mother and daughter who are escaping an abusive relationship. On the road to grandpa’s house they meet a creepy dude at a rest stop (which I believe happens to all of us at least once) and believe they just narrowly missed hitting a bear? Shortly after the narrow miss a tire blows out and they hit a tree. The women take a few to get their senses and try to figure out what they should do but that so-called bear comes back to haunt them or I should say werewolf. On the run the ladies find a house but their luck is worse than they think when creepy dude from rest stop is the owner and has his own serial killer thing going on. These women have already been battle tested and know what is outside is worse than inside. Once the madman is dispatched in a rather gruesome manner its back to figuring out how to fight off these werewolves who are trying to break their way into the home. I absolutely enjoyed this werewolf flick. I would compare to Todd’s film to another werewolf flick “Wolfen” or “Bad Moon”. Mr. Sheets went for a more story driven werewolf flick and when it pays off it more than pays off with a scene in the kitchen. While a woman recently bitten transforms another not one but two werewolves shot in 100% light wander into the kitchen and it is a beautiful thing. Most independent werewolf films have to hide their monster. Hell most mainstream flicks do the same but Todd Sheets made sure you got the money shot and more with this scene. Todd absolutely delivered on a giving horror fans an entertaining treat of a werewolf film. And yes horror fans the film is a little slow but again the film is more story driven than gore driven but you will get your blood, guts, and cannibalism! A couple other cool tidbits to the film are the end credits scene with fake Gene Simmons again and they have a “stunt werewolf” thanks to Mr. Steele. Todd Mother F’N Sheets did again and I think fans will be pleased with his old school werewolf flick as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Fistful of Undead (Vimeo) – A short film from Todd Mother F’N Sheets that is about a cowboy fighting the undead. No dialogue, zombies, a bad ass cowboy… sometimes it is just that simple as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Knock Knock (On Demand) – No folks this isn’t that terrible Keanu Reeves movie we all lured into watching last year. This film is something much better! 2012 “Dorm of the Dead’s” Toby Canto makes his return back to the independent horror genre with this great gem. A story of misfits living in an apartment complex. An old boxer named “Stonefist” Sam is turning 60 today. Not the most pleasant person returns home to his weirdo neighbor Oliva hanging out in his apartment complaining about a vampire living across the hall. She can’t make her mind up if its Dracula or just a hot vampire living next door as she has been watching him worried he will kill her. As Sam tries to calm her down another weirdo neighbor Dragon busts in with his bag of goodies to kill the vampire and blurts out this great quote “Fucking Draculas Bro”! He also has stories of Dracula living next door including ripping his “Missing in Action” poster off of his front door. Once Gretchen stops by the scene is set as Oliva stole a package that was left for the vampire. As the four argue the vamp knocks on Sam’s door to nicely get the package but that goes horribly wrong when he was already invited to an apartment complex party. Sam doesn’t believe the neighbor is a vamp until the vamp tries to bring hell down on the four and Sam shows why he was nicknamed “Stonefist”. After they beaten the vamp down and tie him up they warn him to just be a good neighbor or leave? The credits role and we all find out the vamp has friends as a war takes place in the apartment. Smart production, hilarious script and characters, and the actors were down right fucking awesome and perfect for these parts! This flick had me laughing my balls off the whole time watching it. Toby I hope all of us horror fans get to see more projects from you as this is one of the best independent horror projects I have seen in 2017. I give this flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Check out Pop Art Pictures Facebook page for more details on the film.

 

Brides of Dracula (DVD) – Peter Cushing as Van Helsing returns to Transylvania to kick some vampire ass. A vamp is turning the village’s beautiful women into his brides and Van Helsing refuses to allow this crap to go down. A great buildup ending in this movie as the vampire believes he has killed Van Helsing by biting him but Van Helsing cures himself in a cool legendary manner. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Never Knock (SyFy Channel/DVD) – To set the scene it is Halloween 1986 and some kids go up to 59 Oakwood Lane to knock on the door of a supposedly haunted house. A kid’s hand begins to bleed on the door of the home and a dark force opens the door and kills the kids. But also when police officers arrive on scene they find “Never Never Knock” carved into the one body. So over the next thirty years kids in the small neighborhood go up and knock on the door every Halloween to scare each other. Meanwhile the murders go unsolved and become a thing of legend. Present day Jenna and friends go to the house and little sister Jenna knocks on the door, creature appears, and Jenna disappears. The friends look for Jenna as this sinister creature connected to this door of the home makes the friends see things that are not there until it kills them. Wasn’t overly impressed with the flick and left me asking why didn’t the city or neighborhood destroy this house to rid the town of the memories? Or who was taking care of this place for thirty years? I believe these questions would have made this a much shorter and more watchable movie for all of us as I give it 1 star.

 

Stickman (SyFy Channel/DVD) – A girl’s night terror or nightmare comes to life and kills and eventually sends her to an asylum for troubled kids. She spends several years there trying to get over this issue as her sister and mother were plagued by this issue after her sister read a poem about the “Stickman”. She is now about to turn 18 and has made it to a halfway house but her night terror has come back and is out in real world killing everyone. She must break into the asylum to find answers. The concept of the film is interesting but feels like it wasn’t completely executed properly? This flick was a little more bearable than some of the other recent SyFy Channel Halloween flicks as I give it 2 stars.

 

Jeeper Creepers 3 (On Demand) – Holy fart knocker did yinz screw this shit up! Okay folks never mind the creeper behind the camera directing the film let’s just talk this horrible film. This sequel is everything you didn’t want to be. Now, I was never a huge fan of this series but found the demonic creature “The Creeper” interesting. Apparently this takes place in between films one and two and people are out in force hunting this creature before he goes back to sleep. Wait… wait… wait… What? Where in the fuck is Ray Wise’s character fuckheads! Anyway, now the Creeper is able to hunt during the day, killing at will. The creeper also kidnaps a young teenager and his truck is impervious to everything and oh yeah it now has “Boobie traps”! The movie seems incoherent at times like Tim Gross and Daniel Boyd were drunk and wandered on set and started filming. But seriously folks I love character actors such as Stan Shaw, Meg Foster, and Gina Philips, but guys yinz should have sat this project out. I believe the biggest issue for me but all horror fans especially fans of this series is there was so much you could have done with this character? This character oozes a franchise and several years later we get this crap. Let’s call this what it is “CRAP”. I see crap and I give it crap so if you haven’t seen it yet? Don’t and thank me later.

 

Wake Up (YouTube) – A pretty different and maybe artsy short film that deals with a man who keeps writing “Awake or Alive”. The man is going insane or already there and not totally sure what is real? Cool stuff from Running Director Productions can be found at www.facebook.com/RunningDirectorProductions as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

StatACHE (YouTube) – A quite bizarre short film where a strange man with a bag on his head has a relationship with his television. A short film that mess with your mind thinking about it as I give it 3 out of 4 stars and more about it can be found at www.facebook.com/RunningDirectorProductions .

 

The Last Room (YouTube) – A short film more up my alley as the apocalypse has happened and a man is trying to tell the story before he goes completely bonkers! First, people’s minds went, and then people were offering themselves to the flames or mass suicide I am guessing. Then all the utilities went! Now, Kameron haunted by his own visions after cannibalism wants there to be a record of what happened to humanity. Dark, deep thinking, rough… would like to see this fleshed out more as I give 3 out of 4 stars and more about it can be found at www.facebook.com/RunningDirectorProductions .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

 

The countdown has begun horror fans… it’s coming!

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Our annual spring show debuts at a new home – the Doubletree By Hilton Greentree!

 

 This will be the ONLY Horror Realm convention of 2016 so don’t miss it!

 Hr

 Guests include:

 – Return of the Living Dead cast members:

ROTLD

 – Clu Gulager (Burt)

 – John Philbin (Chuck)

 – Brian Peck (Scuz)

 – Jewel Shepard (Casey)

 – Linnea Quigley (Trash)

 – Thom Mathews (Freddy)

 – Alan Trautman (Tarman)

 – Beverly Randolph (Tina)

 

Nightmare

 – Nightmare on Elm Street franchise cast members

 – Tuesday Knight (NOES 4: The Dream Master & New Nightmare)

 – Brooke Bundy (NOES 3: Dream Warriors & NOES 4)

 – Ken Sagoes (NOES 3 & NOES 4)

 – Beatrice Boepple (NOES 5: The Dream Child)

 – Erika Anderson (NOES 5)

 

 – Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead, The Devil’s Rejects)

 – Tiffany Shepis (Sharknado 2, Tromeo & Juliet, Nightmare Man)

 – Mia Shepis (Tales of Halloween)

 – Diane Ayala Goldner (Feast II & III, Rob Zombie’s Halloween II)

 – Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp)

 – Author Mord McGhee (Murder Red Ink, Old Flames and Heroes)

 – Dan Kamin (Creepshow 2, Chaplin impersonator)

 – John Russo (Night of the Living Dead, My Uncle John is a Zombie)

 – Erin Brown aka Misty Mundae (Shock-O-Rama, Midnight Massacre)

 – Steve Rudzinski (Silver Spotlight Films)

 – Amy Lynn Best & Mike Watt (Happy Cloud Pictures)

 – Fred & Shelby Vogel (ToeTag)

 

 Ticket levels:

 – VIP – $100 – must be purchased in advance and limited to 50. Includes:

 One weekend pass

 Horror Realm tote bag with lots of goodies

 Horror Realm shot glass

 Souvenir badge with lanyard

 Exclusive limited edition convention poster

 T-shirt

 Priority seating at all panels

 Exclusive VIP party with open bar & appetizers

 

 – Weekend -$40

 – Friday – $15

 – Saturday – $20

 – Sunday – $10

 – Kids 12 and under are free with an adult admission.

 – Free single day admission for active duty military & veterans with valid ID.

 

 All ticket sales are final – no refunds

 

 Horror Realm moves to the Double Tree by Hilton Pittsburgh Green Tree hotel in 2016! Conveniently located at 500 Mansfield Avenue, Pittsburgh, PA 15205 off the Green Tree exit of I-376 (Parkway West), this three-star hotel features:

 • Ample free parking

 • Pets allowed ($50 non-refundable deposit)

 • Indoor pool & whirlpool

 • On-site convenience store & snack shop

 • Chocolate chip cookies for registered guests

 • Complimentary hotel shuttle to Pittsburgh International Airport

 

 We have a very special group rate of $109 plus tax per night (regularly $154 and up). You can reserve your room now at the link below or by calling 412-922-8400 and mentioning group code HRP.

 

http://doubletree.hilton.com/en/dt/groups/personalized/P/PITGTDT-HRP-20160304/index.jhtml

 

 Please visit Horror Realm’s web site (www.horrorrealmcon.com) for the hotel’s terms & conditions.