Gross Movie Reviews #543

Time Walker (DVD) – This early 80s z-grade flick is about another mummy is discovered in the famous King Tut’s tomb. This professor has it taken back to his college campus to be studied by students and to be shown off by the campus for publicity. While during the research the campus x-ray tech uses too much radiation on the mummy for an X-ray and the sucker gets up to take a walk but also the tech notices there is potential treasure inside the this thing. While the mummy is wondering around campus and whoever it touches it kills with a killer fungus that melts flesh the tech is trying to have his new treasure appraised. One problem the mummy is looking for this treasure because it is the way for it to get home as the mummy is an actual alien? The movie is not great but it does have that bad lovable charm to it that makes it worth watching a couple times as I give it 2 ½ stars.

She-Wolf of London (DVD) – A mid-40s flick that gives the “Wolfman legend” an interesting twist as a woman named Phyllis Allenby always has all of Scotland’s dogs pissed off at her. Apparently Ms. Allenby comes from a rich family that has a dark past or as the legend goes that they were “cursed”?! For a few days in a row people keep getting attacked in the park and rumors start about a wolf-woman doing the dirty deed. Phyllis sent into a tizzy by the circumstances is being drugged by her aunt just to sleep and not think of the horrible events night after night. But we come to find out Phyllis’ aunt isn’t really an aunt and she is an evil planning bitch as I give this flick 3 stars for being a little different even at a time the monsters in movies were just getting started.

Infected (DVD) – A 27 minute short film from independent filmmaker Keith Munden in 2014 where our story takes place in small town Ohio where a virus has hit the town and turning humans into murderous maniacs. The radio broadcasts say it’s happening everywhere but our small group of survivors don’t all believe it a couple believe it is isolated. As the murderous insane people roam the woods the small group of survivors engages in a political debate of what they should do? Run or stay? The movie has this odd feeling of an old school investment video or student film to explain if they had more of a budget, different cast, etc., they could do more to explore this idea that I would another variation of ‘The Crazies’. Good concept but wasn’t thrilled with the dialogue as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars. The DVD also has two other short films, a making of video, and blooper reel so go check out www.legacyverseproductions.com for more of Munden’s movies.    

Safe Place (DVD) – Here is another short film (20 minutes long) from Keith Munden in 2013 where a small group of people are fighting off ghouls and escaping to a house or what they consider a safe place. Unbeknownst to our small group of victims bootleg tater sack Jason lives in the basement of the home and very pleased he or it has visitors. Also bootleg tater sack Jason is totally unaware of the circumstances that are happening outside or possibly just doesn’t give a flying fart hole about it? One by one the group is killed and going to be eaten by the killer who lives in the basement. I actually enjoyed this short film from Mr. Munden more than “Infected” as it left me wanting more and asking a lot of good questions which of course leaves a memorable impact not only on me but other viewers most likely. For that I have to give this flick 3 out of 4 stars and also can be found at www.legacyverseproductions.com .

Rescue Force (DVD) – A low budget direct-to-video action film that is a B-movie gem waiting to be discovered was also known as ‘Commando Girls’ in some other countries during its release in 1990. When a foreign ambassador and his daughter are kidnapped and taken to a secret cave in the desert by terrorists the C.I.A. is called in. But this isn’t your regular C.I.A., they have a special force for these kinds of things and they are called “Rescue Force”! A hilariously awkward (wasn’t trying to be funny) militant team made up of hot babes in fatigues and over-the-hill dudes from the C.I.A. office who spend half off their time staring at chests of the babes when the boom mic isn’t falling into frame. The hot bad ass gun-toting babes do most of the work to rescue the ambassador and his daughter as the old men are mostly just smoking cigars for no reason. What makes this flick watchable is the amount of action: explosions, bullets flying, and stunts, they are constant throughout this film so it wouldn’t be dull and for that I thank them as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Peacemaker (DVD) – Horror fans need to have this this oddity in their lives as ‘Night of the Demons’ Kevin Tenney wrote and directed an alien/action film that stars Robert Forster, Robert Davi, and the lovely Hilary Shepard. Ms. Shepard plays a pathologist (Dori Caisson) who gets caught between two warring aliens after a meteor hits earth. Sgt. Ramos gets called in the pathologist goes missing and the chase is on between cops and aliens as Dori cannot make up her who she believes is good and bad. Nevermind that as eventually Dori decides the only way you can tell is to just jump their bones (or on their bone in this case) with one of the aliens to be sure who is good? Pay attention as almost to the end of this action-packed film Dori believes both aliens without question and its hilarious cause you find yourself the viewer asking, “But didn’t you just bumped uglies with that dude?” Anyway see Mr. Tenney’s version of ‘I Come in Peace’ I guess… as I give it 2 stars.

Night of the Dribbler (DVD) – Honestly kids WTF? A 1990 Canadian low-budget horror spoof… maybe? Anyhow this weird combo is about a school basketball team the Watergate Plumbers who suck out loud and have a senior player/equipment manager Stan who hasn’t gotten to play once yet. Stan believes he can play as he tries and tries to explain to the coach. Meanwhile a person wearing a basketball mask is killing or injuring Watergate’s players one by one so at some point the coach will be forced to play Stan. And of course the climax of the film is the big final game and Stan finally gets his chance and they win! This dumb no blood and guts G-rated flick is downright weird and gets weirder when Stan gets a girlfriend, Beckula, and you don’t know if “High School Musical” is going to bust out or one of those “PornHub stepsis videos” is about to start? This whole film just doesn’t know what it wants to be and I am still unsure if that is good or bad as I give it 1 star.

Delta Heat (DVD) – God bless the early 90s for the most bizarre buddy cop films that could be made! In this one we get L.A. cop Anthony Edwards (with hair, sort of) coming to New Orleans to back up his partner. But he learns his partner’s heart has been cut out after following the lead on this new strain of drugs from L.A. to here. No one in New Orleans has seen such a killing since the serial killing drug dealer disappeared several years ago. With this event we are introduced to a retired cop Jackson Rivers (Lance Henriksen) with a hook on his left hand gets lured back in with Anthony Edwards to make sure this drug dealing serial killer stays dead. The two opposites begin their investigation and quickly understand the case was never over as of course there is always more to it. Fun stupid direct-to-video buddy cop stuff that I give 2 ½ stars too.

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