Gross Movie Reviews #476
Slaughter (DVD) – Jim Brown stars as the title character who wants revenge against a mob in Mexico who has killed people close to him. Slaughter is a no nonsense dude that fucks anybody that gets in his way of his revenge. Even though the F.B.I. uses him to help get the job done because the mob has never seen him Slaughter uses the F.B.I. for their resources. Jim Brown is wonderful in kicking ass but also has an equally cool piece of shit villain in a super racist young Rip Torn! This film is more fun than serious and doesn’t have that Blaxploitation feel even for being released in 1972. I have always been a fan of Fred Williamson but this film help open my eyes to some of Jim Brown’s work as I give it 3 stars.
The Dirty Dozen (DVD) – An all-star Hollywood flick about a secret group of Army men that are needed to go into hostile territory during WWII to take out as many Nazi officers as possible. Think “The Expendables” decades before the concept is thought of! Almost all that read this review had that parent or grandparent that would watch this on TBS, AMC throughout the years. It is one of those unforgettable flicks where Lee Marvin is a Major that is tasked with a group of prisoners he must whip into shape in a short amount of time to take on this secret mission. They all must become and move as one or die of a quick death on the battlefield or in prison if they do not cooperate. Rewatching this film I still believe the film stands the test of time. The film is violent, funny, and has that right mix of characters that you understand why so many people watch this film over and over many times as I give it 4 stars.
Beaster Day (DVD) – This is one of those recent B-flicks you have so much hope to be a fun bad flick to watch and talk about: “Sharknado”, “Woodchipper Massacre” is two examples. This fails horribly! A giant Easter Bunny is eating people throughout a small town as the holiday approaches but the only hope is a crazy focused dog catcher. Now I am not expecting hundred million dollar creature effects but I am at least expecting some half-ass idea why the giant crayon drawn bunny is there eating people? Nope, the vicious fucker is just there eating people while the mayor tries to smoke weed and keep his town calm so their kids could still do their egg hunts… This feature proves I don’t enjoy everything bad and for that I give this 0 stars.
Curse of the Mayans (YouTube) – A modest budgeted film from Mexico that takes on Mayan 2012 legend of something big happening. The film follows a scientist who is tasked by a billionaire to find the secrets of the Mayans for his private collection. Problem is the scientist may have stumbled upon what really happened to mankind all those years ago. Their expedition goes through a very dangerous jungle that is watched over by drug runners. They are allowed passage but warned to not disturb anything. The scientist and his group find an underwater cave that leads downward and has these Mayan drawings that were never seen before explaining the events years ago. They also awaken the ancient aliens who have laid dormant that whole time also that Mayans defeated. The movie is a bit boring at times but was shot beautifully. I cannot poop all over this movie for one I believe this movie was shot for a certain audience and us Americans suck when it comes to understanding foreign films. Two, the wide shots, the action shots, I enjoyed the cinematography. It is better than 75% of the big budget stuff we are forced fed in the U.S. on a regular basis and for that I give the film 2 stars.
Slaughter of the Innocents (Blu-ray) – Synapse Films has just released a wonderful special edition of this serial killer film that wasn’t forgotten but maybe a bit lost in horror fans memories. This film was one those HBO premieres from the early 90s that took advantage of the door that was opened by “Silence of the Lambs”. We forget there was a dozen or so serial killer films that used cable channels and direct-to video for their big premieres as people’s movie watching habits were changing again. This feature starring Scott Glenn as F.B.I. agent Stephen Broderick was one of those early 90s movies that was well-crafted but unrealistic as a lot of us seen but maybe doesn’t get nearly as much press as the ‘Hannibal’ series did? Five years ago there was a brutal murder in Utah that was solved and now in present time (1993) a new murder and kidnapping has happened that fits the profile. Agent Broderick travels to Utah before the killer is put to death trying to explain he never felt good about the guy that was arrested. Sadly the man is put to death and this murder that fits the profile pops up and has Broderick’s interest. He wants to not only find out why this guy disappeared for five years but how he has never been found during that time. So with the help with his borderline genius son they track down the real killer who happens to be a religious nutjob who believes he is leading up to something biblical. Now true it is very unbelievable that in today’s society that a kid no matter whose kid would be allowed to travel across several state lines to help investigate murders. The movie does ask for you to suspend what you know but putting that aside for future drunken conversations with your horror friends, the film is rather fun, fast-moving, and beautifully brutal at times. You have a serial killer movie friend in your group make sure you drop this one on them as it will blow their mind how cool this film still is after 25 years. The Blu-ray special features are pretty damn cool with its deleted scenes that all feel like they belong except one that were most likely cut out for time restraints than just not fitting? Also there is an alternate assault sequence that had a different actor and reasons for changing the scene which is very interesting and I never knew existed. Plus there is a wonderful interview with a much underrated talent Gabe Bartalos talking about all his effects in the film. And the fun blast from the past topper for memory sake is the original HBO promo spot! This serial killer film is not perfect by any means but still deserves 3 out of 4 stars and as usual 4 stars for the package as Synapse Films once again hits it out of the ballpark. For more details on the Blu-ray please go to: www.synapse-films.com .
The Island (Blu-ray) – This was one those movies from the 80s that was on list that haven’t track down to watch until now. It stars Michael Caine as a reporter Blair Maynard who wants to travel to Florida and some small islands surrounding it to investigate the mysterious disappearance of ships in the Bermuda Triangle area. He takes his young teenage son with him to bond as he got stuck with him because his ex-wife ran off with her boy toy to Dallas. As Blair investigates he tries to bond with his son by going fishing. They are attacked by pirates who have somehow have lived off of the grid for hundreds of years and now are convinced in recent years to survive they must attack vacationers. Why is because most people would just chalk up as lost at sea or it is the Bermuda Triangle. Now instead of investigating Blair must survive David Werner and others as they plan to brain wash Blair’s son into joining the pirate life and continuing their bloodline. Not a straight up horror flick but fun for summer watching as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Tammy and the T-Rex (YouTube) – Here is a B-movie from 1994 that I literally thought someone made up. You know one those rumors about a film that exists but actually doesn’t and has gained internet fame as an urban legend of existing. Well folks it exists and I absolutely loved it as I couldn’t stop laughing at how silly this movie was and the cast it had. Tammy and her new boyfriend Michael are in love but of course Tammy’s ex-boyfriend believes she belongs to him no matter what. So Michael keeps having run-ins with the ex and keeps being warned he will get killed. One night Tammy and Michael’s hot kiss fest in Tammy’s bed is interrupted by the ex and his gang as they leave Michael beat up and in an animal park where he is attacked by lions. Michael ends up in a coma at the hospital from the attack and neurosurgeon/evil scientist guy who just happens to have built a robotic T-rex has a plan to bring it to life. With Michael’s brain of course! The dinosaur experiment works and next thing you know what seems like a PG-rated Disney film has a dinosaur going to a party and slashing and smashing to death Tammy’s ex and his gang members. This movie is complete chaos and bad, but a wonderful hilarious bad that stars a clean shaven George ‘Buck’ Flower, an absolutely fresh and hot and before batshit recent crazy years Denise Richards, an equally hot fresh Paul Walker, Terry Kiser, Sean Whalen, and John Franklin just for horror fans minds to be blown! As I laugh my ass off thinking about the film I give it 3 stars just for being so damn entertaining.
Demonic (DVD) – A paranormal group convinces a friend he needs to visit a house his mother was at over twenty years ago. He keeps having dreams of his mother when she was younger in what is called “The Livingston House” because there was several murders there years ago that this small southern town would like to forget. The group believes he can find the answers he has been looking for there. They go and set up for the night only to unlock something the house hasn’t seen over for over twenty years. The film does star the talented Maria Bello and doesn’t really break new ground in this paranormal genre but does give a watchable horror film about a demon trying to enter our world which is more I can say about a lot of the films in this genre as I give it 2 ½ stars.
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