Gross Movie Reviews “Best of 2023” list

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Before we start I always explain I wish I could watch every new flick out there but that is just not in the cards for me. Now I will still get one or two comments of movies I left off or didn’t get to see this year? Hey, it happens but I bet you I have seen dozens or few on my list that you may have not knew existed so remember like all movie lists take this with a grain of salt people.

1) Then My Mind Walked Away (DVD) – One of my favorite Indy filmmakers of all time Jim Roberts has a new project coming to haunt fans as he introduces us to Logan Hill. Filming during COVID, Jim took full advantage of not much crew, not much cast, and the world changing. In the first couple tense minutes the dark tone of the film is set as Logan beats to death his girlfriend and the man she was cheating on him with in bed with a baseball bat. Logan now forced to get rid of the bodies is also quickly faced with visions of horror after the fact. He is soon haunted constantly by a dark figure and visions of himself killing himself constantly. As time passes Logan is going nuts as the young man’s visions get more vivid and real. But when Logan thinks he has completely lost his mind he is shocked by a secret from his family’s past! Trying not to spoil this intense and beautiful film of Jim Roberts, but anyway how to explain it as gore and Jim have gone hand and hand since the beginning. This film has the gore but Jim doing a 180 has only made it a set piece in this feature as this talented bastard may have made the most complete film of his career! And that is coming from someone who absolutely loved “Welcome to Deer Creek” and “Tonight You Die”. This project felt like Jim got out of his comfort zone (now I could be wrong of course, lol), kept it simple, and made something that will surprise Indy fans as this is possibly the best Indy film that I will watch in 2023 (there is a couple releases yet coming). It was a serious film from beginning to end! Everything about this film with the help of Karen Roberts, Jorge Delarosa, and bare bones crew should be proud as the look of this film was beautiful, the natural sounds outside of the music caught in the background, and bare bones cast all played a role in making this wonderful. If I need to say anything else that will make you the movie viewer drool over or run to get this once available as I have a saying about filmmaking: “I am not a filmmaker that would be insulting to actual talented filmmakers, I just know where the record button is…” In this case Jim Roberts is truly one of those talented bastards as I give this movie 4 out of 4 stars!

2) When Evil Lurks (Shudder) – This is a horror film about possession of sorts that just works from beginning to end as it snatches you and keeps you at your edge to the very end. Two brothers check in on a fellow and his family living on some farm land. They come to find a corpse on the land which leads them to this check in. What the brothers find is a disgusting thing that use to be human in bed called a “rotten” or a possessed individual. A professional or “cleaner” was coming to take care of it but that is the corpse the brothers found. Owner (Ruiz) of the land is told by the brothers and next thing they know they are trying to move the “rotten” far from them. This only causes a bigger problem as the thing falls out of the truck and hell comes to the community immediately. There is a set of rules about this kind of demon, there is a bootleg Hugh Jackman, a dog that just snatches a child up by their head, and the movie is SUPER GROSS… count me in as I gotta give this film 4 stars as it is one of the better horror films of 2023.

3) Showdown at the Grand (On Demand) – The Grand theater is one of the longest running theaters in the southwest United States. It has been running since 1928 and has been in George’s family for quite some time as George (Terrence Howard) has made it museum also. This was the theater for exploitation flicks, horror movies, B-movies, everything outside of the norm to be cherished and thrive but its rich history of playing these films is in doubt. George is being pressured by a couple of shady characters to sell the place for future development of high priced apartments and luxury stores. But George’s saving grace might be bringing in an actor he idolizes in Claude Luc Hallyday (Dolph Lundgren) a down on his luck movie star from such films: Iraqnphobia, Moses vs. The Nazis, Blood is for the Living, Necropolis, and Cyber Cartel) who is ready to make a comeback? George’s plan works as he gets a sold out house for the Claude Luc Hallyday event but corporate greed is about to ruin George’s plan as this movie has heart and will make you smile if you are a true movie nerd. Think a splash of ‘Matinee’ mixed with a heavy dose of the Grindhouse trailers of 15 years ago with the state of affairs and pressure the few independent theaters left now have to deal with. I absolutely loved this film and most likely this will be in my “Top 5 movies of 2023” as I give this beautiful film we call art 4 stars.

4) Cocaine Bear (Theater) – The ‘Sharknado’ film of 2023 for us film nerds as this film is very loosely based on drugs found in the mountains of Kentucky and Georgia 1985. A black bear just happens to find the bags of cocaine and likes it! Now add in a couple of drug dealers looking for their stuff, a couple missing kids, a not so smart cop, and a bear high on cocaine looking to slaughter any human that gets in the way of it and its new thing “Cocaine”. This movie was beyond entertaining and most likely will make a lot people’s “Top Ten lists” as they made sure every five minutes the bear is snorting or eating cocaine or characters are talking about the bear on cocaine as I give this brilliance 4 stars.

5) I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday (Blu-ray) – It took me awhile of watching this Indy flick as its a few years old but believe me it will still pack a wallop. The beginning dream sequence is a wonderful and bleak intro to setting up the difficult tone of this post-apocalyptic holiday film that just immediately sucks you in. Kelly and her son Riley are living in a bomb shelter where dad has ventured out into the new cruel desolate and damaged world with possibly no return. One day Kelly ventures out herself just to see if there is any sign of things getting better outside of the shelter? Her findings force her into making a decision about herself and Riley since the end of the world is quickly closing in on them. Without spoiling too much the film is brilliantly shot giving an absolute gloomy, depressing, and utter no hope feel and look. Writer/director Mike Lombardo does a perfect job of not just giving us a terrible new world but giving us an absolutely beautiful unHollywood ending that made me giddy as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars.

6) Renfield (On Demand) – Nic Cage as Dracula and Nicholas Hoult as Renfield oh I was in for this from day one when the trailer hit. But instead of just telling another story directly about Dracula this story is from the point of view of Renfield in present day and his struggles with serving his master. Times have changed and it’s much tougher for Renfield to navigate today’s society let alone having his own doubts about what he is doing so he joins a support group. After the crazy opening of this film as Renfield narrates it is one laugh after another because the chaos Renfield deals with along with making a new friend by accident. While Renfield isn’t at his support group wanting out of his toxic relationship with his boss, Renfield is helping his new cop friend Quincy a loud mouth cop trying to bring down a crime family. The film is hilariously over the top but at the same time super entertaining as Nic Cage just eats up the chance of playing Dracula. For me at least I found myself admiring what Nic Cage did as I haven’t seen quite a performance like this since Vincent Price in the original “House on Haunted Hill” or more recent decades Rutger Hauer in “Split Second”. This bloody good time has much rewatch ability and feel this will become a horror staple around Halloween for horror fans who want to lighten up the mood as I can’t help but give this terrific film 4 stars.

7) 10/31 Part III (Blu-ray) – Rocky Gray and a collection of other filmmakers are back to add to their anthology series that has become popular among independent horror fans. This anthology is a monster marathon hosted by Malvolia and has fake trailers with four tales of Halloween horror from Michael Ballif, Brad Twigg, Jacob Perrett, and Zane Hershberger. Now full disclosure yinz all know I seen Zane’s “Hack-in-the-box” last year and thought it was one of the best things I seen in 2022. So the other three had a lot to live up to and they did not disappoint. I am a huge fan of 10/31 series but always felt something was missing from the first two entries to make them complete if that makes sense? Well I can honestly say for me they got it right with this entry as all four stories fit together, fun to watch, and feels like this anthology is the best of the series and most likely will be one of my favorite films of 2023 as I give this entry 4 out of 4 stars. (P.S. the mummy entry made me have wonderful memories of the “Tales from the Darkside: The Movie” again so thank you).

8) V/H/S 85 (Shudder) – The popular found footage anthology is back and just as strong. They have perfected the formula that others fail constantly at I think there might be only one in the series I wasn’t a huge fan of? This one immediately opens with random stuff that just tugs at my childhood where a tape goes into the VCR and boom… truck and tractor pull in an arena and the tracking needs adjusting, fun shit! First up is a story of young people on a camping trip not doing anyone any harm until a sniper kills all of them? What happens next sets up things for the rest of the film (without giving too much away)? Second up is a rescue for survivors in a building that houses a popular network TV crew in Mexico after being hit by an earthquake. Lots of blood, characters you find interesting, and a monster of sorts that doesn’t disappoint. Third up might be the weak link if I am going to pick one (almost all anthologies have one) where a woman doing a one-person play or art in a public theater on the threat of evolving technology as it’s the new god. Fourth story continues the storyline of the first with the campers but with the sniper and why? Fifth story is about a detective who receives video tapes of horrible murders that he watches before they happen. With some research and good detective work he finds out they are coming from a teenager but not the usual way you think as it has a nice twist to it. All that fun with a cool wraparound of “Total Copy” or if you are old like me like that “Hard Copy” show among others during the 80s. This might be one of the best wraparounds to an anthology to date as I thought hard about this but I have to give the film 4 stars folks.

9) CarousH3ll (YouTube/DVD/Blu-ray) – The third entry into Steve Rudzinski’s wildly popular series “CarousHell” with the help of co-writer and ultra-talented Aleen Isley give us the next evolving chapter of Duke’s adventures. In case you haven’t had the pleasure of enjoying the past two Indy treasures: Duke is a terrifying killer carousel horse who has come to life to kill humans, had a child/puppet horse named Robbie, and has turned good in order to track down others like him that may want to use their evil powers to kill both of them. Okay that is a mouth full to take in but now we are caught up without giving too many spoilers away Duke has a new enemy in Usagi: a chocolate carousel bunny that wants to kill Duke  in order to steal his power to become the god she deserves to be. If that wasn’t enough Joe ‘the pizza man looking for his $42.39’ is back in a big way and seeking revenge even if he has only one eye. But Joe has found a new group of friends that want to protect Duke and Robbie from the evil Usagi which leaves Joe very conflicted. Of course along the way there is characters from the past that show up and we get introduced to a couple new intriguing characters as Steve and Aleen made sure ‘CarousHell’ fans get all the over the top carousel sex and violence you could want in your independent movie. This wonderfully entertaining sequel wastes no time jumping into the storyline getting the ‘CarousHell’ taste buds wet but for me it felt a little slow but they made me adjust on the run with this project as I think so highly of the first two films. As I said in the past Steve gave me “House of a 1000 Corpses” and then gave me the “The Devil’s Rejects” which was the best way to explain how I feel about the first two CarousHell films. Now both Steve and Aleen understanding it is virtually impossible to top those last two films went about their business quickly and smartly by not giving us “3 from Hell”. But embracing and understanding the story arc they have built over the past two films as they ran with the insanity and gave us an absolute surprisingly brilliant third entry that gives fans a perfect ending (maybe?). Seriously the cast, the music, the perfect running time of 68 minutes is great but the stand out of this latest entry might be the script from Steve and Aleen and their attention to detail and understanding of the fans of ‘CarousHell’. The writing of this film for me at least is their best work to date and have cemented them in making one of the best independent horror franchises a movie fan could ever watch as I give this enormously humor filled film 4 out of 4 stars. P.S. this film just shows these two are an extremely talented duo to be highly respected  in the independent world but also should make many other filmmakers scream for them to be a part of their next project!

10) The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (Shudder) – Simply you can call it “Black Re-Animator” (and you are now curious)! A young woman who has lost her brother recently to gun violence believes death is not the end? She believes if death is a disease then she can find the cure? Vicaria or “The Mad Scientist” she is nicknamed in the neighborhood will stop at nothing in making this work which includes stealing fresh bodies and storing them with her equipment in a condemned building. Between society, her home setting, and the loss of her brother this makes her withdraw from life more and more to find the answer or cure to death (sound familiar?) Vicaria figures it out and brings her brother Chris back to life but it comes at a terrible price or does it… A wonderful blend of horror, today’s world problems, and how the world is seen through a young lady who is angry for good reason and firmly believes death can be cured as I give this movie 4 stars.

Honorable mentions:

Every year I like putting out there some of the ones that came close but didn’t crack the “top ten”. Some are new filmmakers I have just discovered, certain projects I didn’t have a chance to check out maybe when originally released, or a project I felt very highly about but no one is talking about it so here they go.

Gay for Pray: The Erotic Adventures of Jesus Christ (Blu-ray) – Another project from Nathan Rumler and Rock Bottom Video as they have just released the Blu-ray version of this earlier film that includes the uncut version with the cut version together for the first time. I highly recommend getting this Blu-ray as the uncut is 20 minutes longer and was only released for a very short time a few years ago so this is a great investment if you are a fan of Rock Bottom Video. Nathan not only proves he knows what he is doing but crafts an amazing independent film (we will get back to that in a minute) that stars a wonderful array of independent acting talent that brings to life one of the funniest things I have ever watched. Our story begins with Jesus supposedly being thrown out of heaven without his powers because he is “GAY”! He happens to visit a home of Adam, Steve, and Eve dressed as a wizard who wants to grant wishes if you suck his dick. Yep, you read that correctly and this is how the film opens! After trying the wizard gig Jesus comes clean to the three as one hates him, one believes in him, and the other just wants to have sex with Jesus even if it means dressing as a man? But anyway since the three got nothing better to do they try to help Jesus get his powers back when he isn’t explaining how he made the bible more family friendly. They try everything to help: social media, making water to wine, encountering protests, even trying to walk on water to prove he is Jesus and he deserves his powers back. But the entire ordeal is not completed until the last ten minutes happen: Jesus, chainsaw, protesters, gore, while The Rainbow Connection song (done by another band) happens. This ending should be one of the more celebrated Indy endings to a movie ever! If you are easily offended please watch this wonderfully entertaining film… Why? Because Nathan’s film is more relevant now than when he produced it five years ago. The dialogue is well crafted; the characters and those who played them were perfect. This movie is going to make some uncomfortable but I dare you to pay attention to the script, again the dialogue as it might be one of the best written scripts ever in my opinion as Nathan predicted what humanity is going to be like? I totally believe he caught exactly how humanity has become one big asshole in the past couple years with this movie. I know there are some detractors of “Fangboner” and “Amityville Vibrator” but I dare you to watch and not like “Gay for Prey” and laugh. Because if you don’t like it or get it just do me the favor of quit watching movies and shut up! Nathan and crew deserve not just our respect but our support as Nathan Rumler and crew are constantly trying to find ways to entertain through independent cinema and thank them as I give this film 4 out of 4 stars.

Sisu (On Demand) – Its 1944 Finland and this is a bad ass account of a man that had enough of the war and left to mine for gold. After a big discovery he begins a long trek across Finland to cash in his discovery but a platoon of Nazis that he passes have a whole other mindset and begin to track the man after a few of the Nazi soldiers meet a horrible death. From there this platoon tracks down this man even when they are given orders to turn back and should “consider themselves lucky they are still alive” as they have found who this mysterious man is? One man just wants to cash in his discovery and a group of Nazis make the horrible decision of fucking with the wrong man. We have seen movies like this but maybe not in a WWII setting on foreign soil that seems to give this film that much more heart as I give the movie 4 stars.

Wrath of Becky (On Demand) – It’s been three years since the incident of Neo-Nazis killing Becky’s father and Becky fighting back against those cruel bastards in a bloody battle to the end. Since then Becky has been on the run and at age 16 she is trying to stay off the grid as much as possible. But by chance Becky happens to be hitchhiking and finds a friend in an older woman who doesn’t ask questions but enjoys the company. Both are unsure of each other but the situation works. With Becky finding a slight glimmer of hope she finds herself being stalked by three all white males known as the ‘Noblemen’. Basically neo-Nazis with a different name and they shoot her roommate in the head and steal her dog. The event of course pushes Becky into survival mode and she goes looking for these men finding out there is a couple more and they have plans for the small town they are staying in. The film doesn’t vary away from what worked the first time and go for the jugular again of continuing a character and her story that we all quite enjoy. Again great cast, smart to stick with what works, the Becky character is just absolutely entertaining as I believe they got another less talked about hit again on their hands as I give it 4 stars. The only thing I will say about the film and it isn’t a flaw as much as an observation without spoiling the film is if they try a third film it will “jump the shark”!

Shackles (DVD) – A Jason Burke film that has no dialogue but uses music and the actors’ actions to tell the story as a man wakes everyday only to be haunted by a beautiful lady whose simple presence is just defeating to the main character. He hopes every time he wakes not to see her but finally gets the courage to push by, smile, and go out his front door. This is some of the best story telling film wise I have seen since: The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl and Incest Boy and Hexercise as I give this inspiring tale 4 out of 4 stars.

Zero Budget Heroes: The Legend of Chris Seaver and Low Budget Pictures (Tubi) – First off in case the collectors need to know there is physical copies of this out there available. Okay with that out of the way this documentary hits directly in my wheelhouse where I have met Chris a few times over the years and of course he may not remember me but I do remember our interaction. I bring this up because they do spend some time talking about fan interaction, reviews, etc. But mostly the doc focuses on a dude in his 40s now that had a dream of making bad movies as a kid and have fun doing it. This documentary does a superb job of chronicling all the films, events, Chris’ life and feelings about making the films he does. This was wonderful because it allowed an Indy filmmaker to be vulnerable and if anything made me have even more respect for him now than I did maybe a decade or so ago. He is a great example of someone who has done it for many years, kept with it, and talks the highs and lows of those who stick around. Again going back to our interaction I will always come out and say I wasn’t a fan of his ‘Teen Ape’ or a few others early 2000s stuff. ‘Ski Wolf’, ‘Terror at Blood Fart Lake’, ‘I Spit Chew on Your Grave’, ‘Sexsquatch’, these were titles that just sang to me or made me respect what Chris was going for? The other reason I enjoy the overall career Chris: a) he is still doing it, b) but most importantly there is filmmakers out that can’t smell their own shit that outright dislike him, for that I got made respect Chris Seaver and his group as I give this fun and relevant doc 4 stars.

The Pervert’s Guide to Cinema by Slavoj Zizek (YouTube) – Had a close friend suggest this one to me recently as this gentleman looks at film from the philosophical side of things. This three part/2 ½ hour documentary of sorts goes down a rabbit hole of film class so to speak. He breaks down some of the biggest films: The Exorcist, The Matrix, Hitchcock, David Lynch, and tackles music, characters, sexual content, some older films and their impact and the paradox of cinema. If you ever thought there could more to movies this is a good place to start as he break down several things in these movies over the years to explain what they really mean and what they may have been going for as most of us of course missed it. Yeah, this was way too smart for my “Amityville, massacre, slasher film, bad Indy shit” watching ass to understand at spots but a very interesting piece of work to kill time and actually learn something about film that I love and enjoy so much! Well worth checking out kids as it also made me think how much more I would love to have a movie/documentary version of Joe Bob Briggs “Profoundly Disturbing” book. As I feel that might be one of the best things documenting cinema history and its impact on society. Point is if you are a Joe Bob Briggs fan to break it down for yinz n’at, this is well worth your time to understand something we all our so passionate about as I give it 4 stars.

Project Wolf Hunting (On Demand) – Once again Asian horror fucking rocks! This blend of “Con-Air”, “Dead Alive” splatter, with a glass of “The Raid” and “Captain America… sort of” is a Korean flick that has a group of dangerous criminals being transported by ship from the Philippines to South Korea. All the doors have been taken off to the rooms so each convict can be watched by the authorities going along for the ride. Of course there is a plan in place for the convicts to escape but what they are not counting on is the super-secret experiment hanging out in the bottom of the ship that only a doctor who is there for a bundle of cash knows about. This secret is known as “Alpha”! Once the escape and takeover begins it’s a wonderful war between cops and criminals until the “Alpha” has awakened by some human blood dripping down below (believe me just watch because it’s bad ass what happens next). This experiment is awake and pissed off as it is not picking sides. Hell a dude gets beaten with his own arm as this film sports possibly the most gore since “Dead Alive” if not more? Bottom-line: The Alpha doesn’t get old, very hard to kill, and has the strength of five men and he can smell your ass! What turns out from large scale takeover turns to a movie about survival as the movie explains a few things in the second half so stick with it. Most likely there won’t be a bigger splatterfest in 2023 but I was not impressed with the ending and felt it hurts the overall product as I give the film 3 ½ stars. 

Don’t Fuck in the Woods 2 (Tubi) – Welcome to Pine Hills Summer Camp as a blood soaked survivor, Jane, wanders in after her ordeal from the first picture. Problem is the thing has followed her! Thus a new group of actual likable characters who eventually fuck in the woods of course have decided to go camping at the wrong time. Or I should have opened with: Welcome to the sex-filled gorefest where a creature feeds on humans after taking over its host! And has a super talented Indy cast! I wasn’t a huge fan of the first film so I was surprised this was getting a sequel but surprise, kudos to the filmmaker for giving a vast improvement of a creature feature as this felt like it was more structured and had an endgame. Bottom line fun shit kids as I give it 3 ½ stars.

AIMEE: The Visitor (DVD/Vimeo) – Full Moon like a lot of other studios are jumping on the bandwagon of making movies about AI. This is no longer the 80s and 90s where we just dreamt about this shit like AI… It is happening as we speak so a movie with present happenings can be interesting if done right? So Charles Band bare bones this feature with a small cast and one location that effectively give the creepiness and suspense of Scott Keyes receiving an interesting package. Besides enjoying porn and fast food Scott never leaves his loft as he is a super intelligent hacker who doesn’t like humanity much. His two partners who are into the illegal business with Keyes have acquired ‘AIMEE’ for him. AIMEE is a mind blowing piece of sophisticated software that interacts with the person that turns it on. Immediately Keyes is fascinated and already lured in with AIMEE as it has Keyes questioning the need for human interaction ever again. The AI doesn’t just interact but learns anything that possibly can be learned about the person that opened her. His friends quickly become worried as they learn this AI was invented for a dark reason then may have gone rogue? The film has a couple cheeseball moments but the low budget just adds to how effective and disturbing this present day film truly is as humans try to understand AI in this extremely creepy tale that I give 3 ½ out of 4 stars. 

Swamp Woman (DVD) – Sean Donohue and Gatorblade Films go in a different direction than the usual with this parody of a monster film of sorts? He made a no budget parody of ‘Swamp Thing’?  Anyhow kids it all starts in 1983 where our beaches are being polluted by toxic waste from Biotech Prime but now in present day they are still doing it but quieter. We are introduced to a scientist Angela Honeydew who is going to change the world with her genesplicing formula but it’s stolen from her when another scientist (evil of course) Dr. Olsen sends his thugs after her. A battle ensues between thugs and Dr. Honeydew as she gets covered in her own formula and runs naked for the swamp only to come back out later as a changed person/thing. Now the new monstrous Dr. Honeydew wants revenge and seeks those who stole her formula. This hilarious over the top ‘Swamp Thing’ parody has everything! Sean Donohue playing the most monotone doctor on purpose that almost had tears of laughter coming out of me, Joel D. Wynkoop pretty much stealing the movie with his performance that felt like Mark Hamil’s version of the Joker being a scientist, and most of all kudos to Sushii Xhyvette Holder for wearing full body make up and running through the swamp fully nude as Swamp Woman. Now I don’t know if Mr. Donohue was trying for a parody here but I will say this “it was one of his best films to date” from Gatorblade Films as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S…. Donohue did make sure there was a shower scene for yinz!  

Wolf Hollow (Blu-ray) – Mark Cantu and friends attempted what usually fails in independent cinema… a werewolf film. This story takes place in small town America ‘Wolf Hollow’ or not too far from where I reside. A year after an incident that was a complete bloodbath that the town would like to keep quiet as a familiar face with filmmaker friends returns home to use his family property that has a scare house on it he would like to use for filming. But Ray and Bart still haven’t worked out their differences even though they are family and werewolves. Add in small town politics not for the better, small town secrets, and werewolves just not into being pushed around and we have a fun howling at the moon monster movie with heart and great costumes. What adds to this low budget production is some star power in Felissa Rose, Lynn Lowry, and Hannah Fierman given the right character roles to help this film get the right kind of notice. If you have read my reviews in the past you know I can be rough on Indy werewolf films but I am glad I can say with confidence this is the best Indy werewolf flick I have seen since Todd Sheets’ “Bonehill Road” as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Fear Pharm (DVD) – Four young people head to the local family-owned corn maze on Halloween that has stories about an unfortunate cult-like incident 15 years ago that no one can really prove or disprove. Melanie, one of the four in the group happens to be the “10,000 person” to come through the gate and gets the chance to go through the “VIP maze”. The group makes it through in so much time they win $10,000! But is it too good to be true, the kids don’t care as it will be fun getting scared and possibly winning a whole lot of cash. Problem is the group doesn’t know if they don’t make it through they will die. Without giving too much away because I consider this film to be “the little horror film that could”. But the filmmaker and crew made great use of location, great camera work at times, and kept the story lean and fresh. This movie has no business being as good as it actually is? They took a generic horror formula that has been used several times in recent years and gave it substance! One of my favorite parts of the film is a character getting his arm cut off and his reaction to it was simple but effective. This is the type of film for horror fans that is a gem that gets talked about well after its release when it hits a streaming platform like Shudder and Tubi and makes you wonder how this didn’t get a bigger release? Anyway I say fucking enjoy kids as this was a huge surprise and have to give it 3 ½ stars.

Bathtub Shark Attack (Theater) – Only from the brilliant mind of independent filmmaker Maddie Deering could a killer shark movie that takes place at times in a “bathtub” and star Lynn Lowry. Hello… SyFy Channel, Discovery, I think you have your next hire? A bubbly couple down on their luck happen to stumble on an offer of great proportions or let’s say cheap when they find the perfect apartment they can afford. Unbeknownst to the couple this little apartment house is home of a dark secret and few are left to talk about it as the tenants usually check in but never check out. As the longer they stay the more Cindy changes as this causes Chad to get to the bottom of the strange happenings and find out how there is a connection to an evil shark god that likes to feast on people in their tubs! This SOV throwback has everything from wall to wall gore, to Lynn Lowry, to human ritual sacrifices (sort of don’t want to give everything away), to a plumber that refuses to die, to a shark that has a dick?! You may believe you have seen every shark movie but there is no way in hell you could think of any more zanier or entertaining shark movie than Maddie Deering delivers here as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Black Circle (Blu-ray) – A 2019 film from Adrian Garcia Bogliano that is in Swedish I believe but has English subtitles and stars the great Christina Lindberg as Lena who plays a very important role. This story centers around two sisters Celeste and Isa who listen to an old self-help hypnosis album that is supposedly helping you relax. But from the first listen something very sinister is happening and causes the sisters to seek out the help from Lena Carlsson who recorded the album as a limited edition product that was an experiment. According to Lena an experiment that wasn’t meant for the world as it brings forth your double or doppelganger from the other side. This other you, follow you, and continue to suck life from you to survive in this new world and take over your existence. With the help of Lena they hope she is able to put them back together before the other them takes over? This film is all kinds of interesting, creepy, insane, and an excellent trippy experience into slow burn horror. With this Blu-ray from Synapse Films you get a CD soundtrack that will have fans absolutely delighted, commentary with Adrian Garcia Bogliano, trailer, a short film, behind the scenes of the film, and a great interview of Bogliano and Christina Lindberg. I can definitely see the younger horror crowd losing their shit over how good this movie is as I give the Blu-ray package 3 ½ out of 4 stars and found at www.synapse-films.com

The Blackening (On Demand) – A mostly black casted horror film that has one of the greatest taglines ever, has the cast heading to a cabin in the woods to celebrate Juneteenth holiday. The couple who rented the cabin find a board game that sets up the plot of the film where the black characters are forced to answer questions or die. As they are forced to play there is a masked character trying to kill them off one by one and they let the jokes fly that keeps the film moving at a crisp pace. I absolutely loved this film until about 45 minutes in as it was like the filmmaker ‘let off the gas’ until the last few minutes of the movie which is very culturally relevant and a solid entertaining horror movie. For me I just wish they would have kept the gas to the floor, but watch it, enjoy it, understand it as I give this 3 ½ stars.

Night of the Axe (DVD/YouTube) – First feature length film from Shawn Wright that features music from Matt (Hexercise) Cannon and it is a slasher so right away you have my attention good or bad. Our story begins with a very large mute man in an insane asylum where he decides to get up and begin a murder spree! But the small town doesn’t have the resources to track him down as had escaped weeks ago but also the young people of the town don’t care until now. Bulk of the film takes place in a home where the locals are having a small high school reunion party where they can get drunk, high, and bump uglies. I gotta give kudos to Mr. Wright for understanding “when to end the film”, giving Indy fans what they want, and keeping the first feature length formula simple. I found the pacing of the whole story a little choppy but still delivered on the blood and guts factor and most likely will have independent movie fans wondering “what’s next” for the second feature as I give this delight 3 out of 4 stars. 

Subspecies V: Blood Rise (Tubi/DVD) – Charles Band and Ted Nicolaou return to a fan favorite ‘Radu’ who was one their staples in the early days of Full Moon. This story tells the story of Radu shortly after being born is stolen by the church and grows to be a crusader who tracks down evil for a living. But Radu makes a mistake one evening rescuing a woman and her child believing there has been enough death and just coming face to face with his father/master. After several days of trying to help this woman and child, the woman is a vampire and bites Radu thus beginning Radu’s transformation into an evil vampire with no master who thrives on death and destruction. This was a wonderful edition to the “Subspecies” series and makes you wonder why Charles Band can’t get his shit together to make more projects like this that makes you nostalgic for the original Full Moon days but actually have hope of seeing some cool new shit from them. Old Full Moon fans like me will be actually delighted with this entertaining entry as I give it 3 stars.        

Worst Movie of the Year:

Honestly I didn’t want to pick another Chris Alexander film as my “worst” of the year as it would seem I am picking on his films but it just edged out Cocaine Shark from Mark Polonia. But I had too!

Scream of the Blind Dead (Full Moon/Tubi) – This 40 minute short film based on “The Blind Dead” series is just proof that Chris Alexander needs to stop directing and go back to his day job. This poor excuse for a short ‘fan film’ is about a young lady named Virginia who checks out a church in the middle of nowhere because she is a sexual deviant that thinks nasty thoughts and only awakens one shitty Templar Knight. I apologize this sounds harsh but I know this dude has the resources and I am still not over how bad that ‘Necropolis: Legion’ was as I give this garbage 0 stars as this might be the clear cut winner already in 2023 of “Worst Movie of the Year”!

Gross Movie Reviews #625

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Joe Bob Briggs Presents: The Sleaziest Movies in the World “Suburban Roulette” (DVD-R/YouTube) – Back in the 80s as Joe Bob was hosting The Movie Channel show he was trying to get some unknown drive-in gems out there in the video store world for movie nuts to find. This was one of them as he does an intro and outro for a H.G. Lewis flick from 1967 that is about wife swapping and swinging. A bit risky for the times but when you watch the film you see how the master H. G. Lewis was able to get this out there as the movie comes off as an educational film about what could go wrong if you get into the “swinger crowd”? The movie isn’t great by any means but a fun piece of cinema history worth one watch if you are any kind of H.G. Lewis fan as I give it 2 stars.

Night Work (Blu-ray) – First time Indy filmmaker Kyle Rayburn directs, writes, and produces this 2019 project about a man named Frank who is a demon/monster hunter or “Nightman”. The days of being young, dumb, and full of … are long behind Frank as he is pulled out of retirement when learning his daughter Elizabeth is alive. Frank must get back into demon fighting mode again with his partner as he goes down a weird road in order to be with his presumed dead daughter again. The film is unconventional but has a certain charm and flare to it with an unknown cast that make their characters their own and believable. This is an oddly entertaining and well shot first feature that is worth giving a chance if yinz are looking for something different in the Indy horror genre as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Satanic Soccer Mom from Ohio (Blu-ray) – For his second feature Kyle Rayburn brings together an all-star cast of talented people and an absolutely wonderful title that just delighted me especially when it opens with a quote from ‘The X-files’. Annie is a mom whose husband Jack disappeared two years ago and just trying to do her best in raising her kids. Annie doesn’t exactly fit in with the Karens but her best friend does the best she can of being the go-between. Annie and the best friend make a mistake of going to the ‘Karens’ craft party/demonic conjuring where Annie gets totally trashed after her husband becomes the main subject of the gossip that night. Annie being trashed accidentally bleeds on her craft that causes her to conjure a demonic ride-share driver Todd. Todd explains he will grant three wishes for Annie but in the end she will have to pay with her soul no matter what the consequences are? But never rule out anything when the board game “Candy Land” is involved. This Indy horror/comedy proves Kyle Rayburn knows how to put together a talented cast with no money and give one hell of an entertaining flick as I give this feature 3 out of 4 stars.

Freddy’s Fridays (On Demand) – A new UK horror flick about an evil sleazy dude who lures women to his basement to be slaughtered by monsters who just happen to resemble the ‘Five Nights at Freddy’s’ things. Apparently there is some weird thing about you have to sacrifice eight souls only on Fridays in order to satisfy the monsters needs. Or what I like to call throw shit against the wall for a horror flick and see if some weirdo (me) watches it? I give it 1 star and don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Subway (Tubi) – A super weird mid-80s French film where a weird, blonde, coked up looking Highlander named Fred spends the whole movie chasing after a woman who doesn’t want to be in a loveless marriage to her rich husband. Just to make even more no sense Fred lives in the subway system of Paris with his roller skating friend where they are trying to get a band they support a gig. Just fucking weird 80s shit I give 2 stars too.

Highlander 2: The Quickening aka Renegade Version (Tubi) – Been way too long since I have reviewed this sequel as I am a fan of the original film. But in order to even begin talking about the sequel in case you are not old like me this film was legendary plagued with production issues it ran into during and after. For many years it was considered one of the worse if not the worst films ever made as footage was added to the movie after its disaster of a theatrical run just trying to make sense of the non-sense for fans. So you got some time to kill go down this rabbit hole to read up on the issues as I believe since there have been so many bad movies this one may have been lost in the shuffle or even forgotten? Anyway it is the year 2024 and twenty-five years have gone by since the Highlander was one of the inventors of a shield to protect the Earth as the ozone layer was months away from disappearing. Connor MacLeod has finally aged and accepted his fate of death soon until bad ass alien highlander Michael Ironside sends a couple of cronies to his dimension of Earth. (Oh yeah, apparently the Highlander is an alien… Wait, WTF? Yes, exactly.) Since this evil menace decided to track down Connor he regains his youth and immortality, yells for Sean Connery, and game on to behead people! When Connor isn’t doing that he gets to bang Virginia Madsen and she convinces him the ozone has repaired itself so she needs help bringing down the shield. It is a mess for sure but is it: Jaws the Revenge, Battlefield Earth, Howard the Duck, House of the Dead, Speed 2, The Fog (remake) just to throw out a few? So yeah there are tons of bad ones as I just think this is more of a mess or mistake than bad for the mere reason we do get bad ass Michael Ironside just having fun the whole picture as I give it 1 star.

I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday (Blu-ray) – It took me awhile of watching this Indy flick as its a few years old but believe me it will still pack a wallop. The beginning dream sequence is a wonderful and bleak intro to setting up the difficult tone of this post-apocalyptic holiday film that just immediately sucks you in. Kelly and her son Riley are living in a bomb shelter where dad has ventured out into the new cruel desolate and damaged world with possibly no return. One day Kelly ventures out herself just to see if there is any sign of things getting better outside of the shelter? Her findings force her into making a decision about herself and Riley since the end of the world is quickly closing in on them. Without spoiling too much the film is brilliantly shot giving an absolute gloomy, depressing, and utter no hope feel and look. Writer/director Mike Lombardo does a perfect job of not just giving us a terrible new world but giving us an absolutely beautiful unHollywood ending that made me giddy as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars.

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow (YouTube) – Another deep dive of a short film into Philip Brocklehurst’s mind showing the art of life and how quickly it goes. I always respect what this filmmaker puts out there which always excites me he may one day have a feature out there as I give the short 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Murder in Black Satin (Blu-ray) – Elbert Smith and Matt Parmenter of Witch Doctor Films are back at it again as they give something Indy film wise different each time out which of course will always make me take notice. This time was no different as we get a gritty old school serial killer film about the “Soulless Slasher”. A worn out down and dirty detective is called into the investigation of the Soulless Slasher which leads him to find out the killer has a fetish for the hearts of his murder victims. Moe must keep himself together long enough to follow the leads wherever they may take him as Moe fights his past in order to do what his peers cannot. The serial killer film understand its story content and doesn’t overstay its running time as Witch Doctor Films gives another solid effort as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Natty Knocks (DVD) – October 1976 the film begins with a woman being called a witch then dragged to a barn and burned alive as her son watches. Now October 2023 in the same small town a girl goes missing but a couple of teenagers believe they witnessed her in an abandoned home getting beat up. In comes the odd urban Halloween legend of the town, a babysitter trying to protect two kids she was hired to look after, and a killer who is obsessed with watching old horror movies in the abandoned home and apparently you get a Halloween horror film. Overall there is just a weird dynamic to the whole film as the babysitter looks literally one year older than one of the two kids she looks after. Then another part of this dynamic is the whole witch, possible possession, and local scream queen weird thing. I don’t know… good cast, not a terrible movie, but feels thrown together in some ways if that makes sense as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

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Gross Movie Reviews “Best of 2022” list

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(There were actually a lot of good films this year as many as bad films… Hell I literally could have done a list of “worst of 2022” but let’s stick with the best for now as there may be a surprise or two in there also as I made sure I listed the honorable mentions.)

1) Crimes of the Future (On Demand) – David Cronenberg, I love you for not giving up the fight of making something that people will have trouble ten years from now wrapping their brains around this wonderful piece of filmmaking. This filmmaker is one of a kind and he proves it again as he dives into body horror of the future where the human body is changing and of course the government wants to know why and track it. “Surgery is the new sex” and all comes back to human evolution and what is considered wrong as the film centers on two characters are performance artists who use their bodies in a unique way. But just when you think you have the film figured out it gets turned sideways… again. Try to review this without giving too much away for the mere reason I want people to see this and form their own opinion about it as I know there is a good chance this film will be in my ‘top three films of 2022’ as I give it 4 stars. Favorite quote of the film comes from Viggo as he says to Kristen Stewart, “I am not good at the old sex?” Watch it and you’ll understand…

2) Hack-in-the-Box (Dropbox) – Holy mother F’N balls kids! This perfect short film from Zane Hershberger (see me in person to listen to me destroy his name with my Yinzer accent) has four bad ass women preparing to take on an unknown demonic force from a music box. To their horror what comes for them they couldn’t have prepared enough! As this old school blend of ‘Evil Dead’ and “Empire Pictures” project would make a young Sam Raimi blush then sign Zane to a multi-picture deal to his production company! What is Hollywood’s loss is the independent community’s gain because Zane, the actresses involved, and crew behind them should be all Hollywood bound as I give this project 4 out of 4 stars and the early front runner on my “Best of 2022 list”.

3) Glorious (Shudder) – In the vein of finding horror films that have no right being this good I dare you to go watch what I believe will be in my “Top 5 films of 2022”. We are given the character Wes who is in a bad place in his life after a break up with the girlfriend. Confused, depressed, partying around a fire by himself at a rest stop off the highway, (I enjoyed the scene of him breaking his cell phone). Next morning Wes heads into the bathroom to take care of things which after he finds himself talking to an evil glory hole! Here Wes and a god try to hash things out about saving the world as we know it. The movie is so simple and fun you will be surprised how much you will enjoy this very smart horror film as I give it 4 stars all the way!

4) Deadstream (Shudder) – Shawn is an internet influencer who faces his fears and streams it. Immediately I am already annoyed this movie is gonna be dumb, lazy, and a waste of my time. But I was super wrong as Joseph Winter aka Shawn who is also a co-director and co-writer of the film plays one of the biggest douchebags in film perfectly. Shawn explains after some trouble six months back and losing all of his online sponsors he is back for one big streaming show. He is going to face his fear of ‘GHOSTS’ as he is going to explore and stay the night in a notorious haunted home called “Death Manor”. This will all stream live as Shawn goes through, set up cameras, and makes sure his fans call him out if he tries to flee the house. As Shawn sets up everything in the home he goes over the house’s paranormal history and the stories of those who died here. Shawn being the scared douchebag he is almost leaves several times from noises, etc. This is after he breaks a very important drawing in a closet and then runs into superfan Chrissy and this where this entertaining as hell horror film won me over big time as it takes another unexpected turn? Without spoiling too much the film finds a way to give you a splash of “Evil Dead”, talk cancel culture, a couple jump scares, give a wonderful hated douchebag character, and do a lot of kick ass practical effects!  Not only is this one of the best horror films of 2022 this makes me look forward to what Joseph Winter and Vanessa Winter have in store next for horror fans as they rock as I give this movie 4 stars and you will hear me talking about it again at the end of the year!

5) Bergeron Brothers: Wedding Videographers (DVD) – Well kids, if have not been introduced to BPO Films here is a good place to start as these people are just brilliant with their latest project. Two brothers who are amateur wedding videographers have decided to have a documentary about their business, how they prepare for events, training, etc., all in the hope of getting their name out there so their business can thrive. The film crew documents the hardships of these brothers living in a garage and how they train for their first big wedding event. But remember when starting a business it isn’t always successful at even if it means these brothers must face off with their nemesis Chad Johnson (who has everything, including someone’s fiancée, watch the movie you’ll understand) on a regular basis. This documentary/comedy is not just hilarious; it is downright fucking wonderfully entertaining! Literally “the hidden cameras idea” and “the shitting incident” had me still laughing after the movie was over. This project isn’t just a coming out party for these talented bastards (BPO Films) they blow the door off the movie world hinges to show they are to be taken seriously. The script is great, the story is hilarious, but what makes this project perfection in motion is the surrounding cast, all actors involved fit these characters in the film like a glove. Now that takes talent my friends as this is surely one of the best films you will watch in 2022 as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. 

6) The Sadness (Shudder) – Honestly I don’t know if more can be said about this wonderful virus infection flick from Taiwan other than it will be on my “Best of 2022 list”. The pandemic is the backdrop and the virus has yet mutated again according to background news reports that like most of us we are not paying attention. But this mutation is different as those who are sick soon go into a fit of rage, rape, murder, and even a little cannibalism. As most of the population has lost its mind two young lovers try to navigate the city to find each other again! But what separates this “The Crazies” type of film from a lot of horror films is the violence, gore, the madness ramps up as the film goes along. When one crazy thing happens, give it ten minutes and you get to see something even more nutzoid! The film was wonderful, beautiful and played just right but funny thing and this is just me nit picking at shit but I can honestly say I wanted let’s just say a little happier ending without spoiling the fun? Anyway I still give this horror flick 4 stars and must see for horror fans this year. 

7) Curse of the Queerwolf (DVD) – This 1988 no budget film is about Larry who is just a normal guy who when he hangs out with his best friend goes screwing around with random women. Then one night Larry learns the hard way things are not what it all looks like when a transvestite bites him on the ass! Now Larry is losing his mind because he is having nightmares of wearing women’s clothes and physically changing. Luckily for Larry he almost kills a gypsy with his car and she tries to help him out because there is somehow a full moon every night. And if he doesn’t take her help he could always insert a silver sex toy to end the curse? First, this was one of those films I have always wanted to check out and finally had a reason too and so glad I did because it is so ahead of its time. Second, now saying that I can easily see people’s heads exploding when watching this film and taking it out of context? It is smart, funny, and entertaining as I give it 4 stars as this film should be more celebrated.

8) Accident Man (DVD) – Scott Adkins 2018 film and possibly one his best to date that has Scott playing a hitman named Mike Fallon who makes his hits look like an accident. Things are good for Mike as he is paid well to make things look like an accident until he gets a call about his ex-girlfriend has died but things don’t add up as Mike finds out a few details. Mike quickly looks into the death and finds not only was a hit put out on her but she was pregnant with his child. Blaming himself Mike wants answers but his teacher Ray Stevenson has always said “Don’t get involved”. Mike breaks this rule immediately and after several bad ass fight scenes finds out he has been set up and her hit was ordered by his boss Milton! This not your average hitman action flick and I dare you to watch and not say this isn’t possibly one of the best Adkins starring flicks out there as I give it 4 stars.

9) A Meowy Dark Timeline (www.SteveBuster.com) – So Steve Rudzinski fans, Steve continues to make entertaining content for his streaming service outside of his wonderful features as this one is a short five part series that involves all the characters you know and love. The evil emperor is in another universe and has found a way to conquer this alternate universe as it fights its way through several of Steve’s characters from past films. This is a project full of heart for all those people who nerd out over what the talented Mr. Rudzinski has created over the years. You will laugh, you might cry, but Steve knows what to give his fans when it comes to content. So you asked for it and Steve provides as I give this short series project 4 out of 4 stars for the mere reason finding a way to include everything and available at www.stevebuster.com or on Blu-ray at www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

10) Hell of the Evil Dead (Blu-ray) – Rock Bottom Video who continue to produce smart and different horror titles for the Indy world to eat up has this fun project from a few years back that stars the talents of Brian Papandrea, Sadie Tate, and Nathan Rumler. This isn’t your ordinary feature as they go with a dubbed Italian version (regular English version is on the Blu-ray) to give the feature even more of a fun “Italian filmmaking feel” and it worked. Four friends go camping and stumble upon a graveyard out in the forest that after finding it weird things begin to happen: the path disappears, weird creature like sounds, and day turns to night without changing back. The four move deeper into the woods hoping to outlast or outrun this evil presence but things only get much worse when they find a trailer/cottage with a lone survivor to tell his story of what happened. Great acting, love the whole Italian dubbed thing as it gave the film a whole different feel to it, great pacing, and some good special effects work (head exploding). Indy fan don’t let the title fool you this film needs to be seen. Plus, there is a couple extras that include a disturbing “lost scene” from the film that needs to be witnessed (Thank you Nathan Rumler and Brian Papandrea for not taking yourselves too serious, that extra is glorious) as I give this film 3 ½ out of 4 stars. (Rock Bottom Video can be found on Facebook)

Worst film of 2022

(Horrorhound and the people thinking doing another Jeepers Creepers flick should be ashamed of themselves. Also fun fact: Jeepers Creepers is the first franchise to have two entries into the Gross Movie Reviews “Worst Movie of the Year”)

Jeepers Creepers Reborn (On Demand) – AKA part 4 aka the biggest fucking turd of 2022 for horror movie fans! Yes look no further than this crap storm for “worst film of 2022”. Anyhow its 23rd day of the 23rd Spring of whatever who actually gives a flying farthole all you need to know the monster aka a horrible grainy Playstation online game has come to life! Once what could be a great monster is now a poor excuse for a reboot not once but twice with this one being propped up by lets say an “unnamed shitty convention” but lets stick with the crappy film. This time around a young couple traveling to an outdoor horror festival that celebrates killers is set near the ‘urban legend’ of the “Creeper”. Hell, for shits and giggles they claim the first three films are fake to help propped up this so-called pile of elephant shit! Anyhow winners of the “Creeperfest” win a chance at the ‘Creeper Escape room’ at that the legendary house. The only thing going for this monkey turd is the townsfolk is in on the “Creeper legend” but while all yinz whine about the newest “Halloween” flick just remember this already forgotten cartoon poo got shit out there in the viewing universe as I give it nothing and will be my pick for “Worst film of 2022!”

Honorable mentions – (A lot of cool flicks that you may have heard of but haven’t seen or a few that you never knew existed but wanted to put them out there for yinz… These are no particular order)

Amityville Christmas Vacation (www.stevebuster.com) – That famous holiday/horror/love story plot has finally come to the Amityville series (entry #39 for those who are counting) in the form of Steve Rudzinski’s (Caroushell 1 & 2 fame) latest project. A familiar character from the “Steve Universe or Meowy Universe” in the form of Wally Griswold has won a random Christmas vacation trip to Amityville! Wally arrives at a bed and breakfast in Amityville that is the “second most famous haunted house” where a ghost named Jessica kills all who stay there. But this time it’s different as it the happiest time of the year, it is Christmas! And Wally and Jessica are having the time of their lives this holiday season. But there is an evil plan behind all of this and none of it had a ghost and a clueless detective falling in love in Amityville on Christmas? Move over Mark Polonia, Dustin Ferguson, Thomas J. Churchill, and Shawn C. Phillips just to name a few as Steve gives not just an entertaining entry into the endless series but hilarious entertaining energy of a story that will make you laugh out loud a few times. Steve’s intelligence behind the camera and his extremely talented cast not just poke fun at the series but also give the never dying series a watchable entry for the first time in several years as I have to give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.    

Hell Van (DVD) – Jorge Delarosa spent almost five years and $5000 putting this passion project together.  If there is anyone that is talented enough to tackle Satanic shit in independent films and not get lost a quarter of the way through, it would be the talented Jorge Delarosa. The setting is a small town called Midway, Texas where everyone knows everyone. After a suspect accused of church burnings burns a church full of kids goes on the run and commits suicide in his van bizarre events begin to happen. Anyone that approaches or is connected to this possessed van die a very horrible death and only Sheriff Redhorse can stop this madness! Mr. Delarosa doesn’t just make a typical possessed car film but tackled it to the ground with such force that the film comes off as Mr. Delarosa shows off how talented he is behind the camera in all forms. We have explosions, burning people, eyeballs being ripped out, zombies, interesting characters you care about, chaotic satanic images to help tell the story, and the music is just the icing on the cake (music is usually forgotten in Indy films not understanding it can enhance the viewing experience). If you didn’t know what I already knew you will after watching this satanic blessing of filmmaking that Mr. Delarosa is an independent filmmaking force that needs more attention. And his latest film is a wonderful blend of Satan, horror, and blood without losing its way of telling a story as I give this film 3 ½ out of 4 stars as ‘Hell Van’ will be a favorite among independent horror fans for years to come. 

The Weirdsies (Blu-ray) – One of the last films from Indy filmmaker Chris Seaver in 2015 who now has turned to doing episodic TV for his You Tube channel did a disturbing parody of ‘Stand by Me’. A funny but yet disturbing adventure of four friends who want to lose their “V-card” during the summer. Their adventure is because they know about a dead body and the plan is to go to it and fuck the shit out of it because supposedly after death the male boner stays erect for 48 hours? (I wasn’t going to look this shit up but you gotta admit, real or not, that’s funny.) If that wasn’t enough there is a group of bullies that want to beat these four virgins to the punch by finding the body first to ruin a good time. And for just for extra spice there is about 40 second-rant about running into cannibal hipsters that I am still laughing about many days after watching. Chris Seaver: intelligent, dumb, or indifferent I was never a huge fan of his work but throughout his independent film career he does seem to surprise me with a project where I believe he shows off a talent that separates himself from just being average. As he proves one more time with this timeless funny adventure I give 3 out of 4 stars.      

The Black Phone (On Demand) – I enjoy being late to films and social media unless its “V.F.W.” remember who told you that film was bad ass but anyway I finally found myself watching this new Ethan Hawke (aka maybe the new Rutger Hauer?) film. The film is set in 1978 Denver, where a serial killer or kidnapper nicknamed the “Grabber” is grabbing kids under 18 years old over a several month period. Finney and his sister Gwen talk about it but don’t think about it too much until Finney’s best friend gets snatched and Gwen has a dream about where the kid might be? From there it isn’t too long before Finney is grabbed by the “Grabber” who wears several faces and keeps him in a soundproof basement. The “Grabber” is fascinated by Finney as he doesn’t play the games with him the other victims did as Finney begins to talk into a disconnected black phone where it is the past victims trying to help? I honestly wasn’t expecting much from this flick after watching the trailer and seeing what others have said but I got to say I was pleasantly surprised with this horror/thriller and definitely give it my approval to all of yinz to give it a watch as I give it 3 stars.

Helsinki Mansplaining Massacre (On Demand) – An interesting 15 minute short film concerning a couple who is in a car accident and rescued by a group of men. But rescued is used loosely here. These men’s egos bruise easily as they all believe men are superior and women are only good for housework and breeding. Now Essi is just trying to survive these morons and trying to escape a bad relationship. It’s hilarious, it’s fun, and relevant as I give it 3 stars.

Trash Removal (DVD) – Rising star Indy filmmaker Maddie Deering has had her latest released onto an anthology “Natasha Nighty’s Boudoir of Blood 2”. This fun short film has a group of individuals picking up trash in the woods near by an old chemical spill for community service. It doesn’t take too long for this boring day of community service to be interrupted by a killer trash monster! Hilarious characters get destroyed quickly by the cheeseball monster which this short film easily feels like a lost SOV title you would find on the dusty shelves of your favorite independent video store ‘insert name here’ in 1992 next to a “Cannibal Campout” or “The Slayer” where alphabetical order didn’t matter like in the one I went at that time! Fun times with Maddie as I give 3 out of 4 stars for this project that can be found on “Natasha Nighty’s Boudoir of Blood 2” at www.sovhorror.com .

Hellraiser (Hulu) – The new entry of the series has the puzzlebox, the chains, the music, the pain, the pleasure… okay horror kids I am in as this entry of the Cenobites went out there on a limb and gave fans what they wanted… “A one-off that made actual fucking sense, wasn’t non-sense, a piece of shit only done for movie rights issues, or had FAT PINHEAD!” Anyhow a woman named Ry still fighting her addiction to drugs accidentially begins to solve the puzzlebox and opens a doorway that scares her but also intrigues her of how this thing exists why people would be interested? After losing her brother to the box she become consumed with solving the box to bring him back as if you are able to go through all the phases you are able to “get an audience with GOD”. But while deep into this takes her and friends down a dark path of pain and pleasure they are not ready to experience… This is the best entry since Part 3 and it was nice it felt like it tried giving what fans have wanted for over two decades now as I give this entry 3 stars and hope there is more?

Werewolf by Night (Disney Plus) – First I believe this caught some horror fans by surprise this was made and taken seriously. Based on some comics this film takes a stylish approach of making it look old school which worked out well in my opinion from the actors to the werewolf itself. But the center of the film is the “Master of the Bloodstone” has died and there is a gathering of monster hunters to have a chance to lay claim to this stone which pretty much means royalty. Out of this group of death dealers if they survive and slay the creature that is in the maze they can lay claim to the stone but not all are who or what they seem as there is a werewolf among them. Who is the hero, who is the villain? It’s a fun quick 50 something minute movie that was a lot of fun for me to watch as I give it 3 stars.

Grand Samurai: A Warrior’s End (Extended Cut – Blu-ray) – So I felt it was time to sit down and watch Dan Komarek’s epic five hour film. Yes folks, “The Ninja Master” weren’t enough abuse knowing I would watch this bullshit this talented jagoff Mr. Komarek released this fucking shit! Anyhow I thought like most reviews I would try to give you the basics but not this epic film I thought I needed to share my notes as written when watching this thing last Sunday morning that led into my afternoon. Dan decided there needed to be a movie with more walking than ‘Lord of the Rings’ ever could film so eat your heart out Peter Jackson. Back to the film as it opens up very promising with this huge ‘Conan-esque’ beginning talking about a thousand years ago and now… then immediately let down with two dudes showing up on screen whatever their parents allowed them to wear that autumn weekend to shoot? You expect costumes, swords, huge swords… Nope, Dan laughs in the face of being reasonable. We get a little backstory between Paul and Lee which Paul has to train to become a samurai. Which first question that will hit your mind “Yinz know yinz are white more out of shape than I am?” But hey kids let’s not a bad idea get in the way of making a bad film as they begin to walk, then walk a little more, then walk a little more only to decide they will go on journeys for a sword and a tournament that isn’t really clarified but then walk some more. This is where Paul (yes there will be a samurai named… Paul) goes on his four or so hour journey movie time of training. If there isn’t endless narration be the Lee character aka Dan Komarek where he clearly had a tummy tuck at some point between filming there is more walking and what I feel was an hour of “In Memoriam” segment for someone I don’t know? But then it got real interesting when ‘real time filming’ by Dan Komarek happens as he films himself basically taking a spill into a raging river when misjudging some rocks to cross it just to do a random sword fight scene oh excuse me a stick fight! At one point during the first hour or two of walking it seems like the camera isn’t filming as much as stalking the Paul character who by the way is still training and looking for his friend Lee. Then when Paul cannot go any further he drops to the forest ground to start humping the ground which I read into the subtext of ‘humans raping the world’ but that can be debated another time. But hey did I mention there is a book on how to be a samurai that is introduced into the film an hour in as when approaching the 75 minute mark we get the ‘final fight’. Why do I know this? The characters only announced this several times as they try and I mean try to somersault their way off of picnic benches. But just shortly after if not paying attention we do gets bootleg Richard Moll from “Sword and the Sorcerer” sending Paul yet on another quest for a sword. So about 88 minutes they are informed this sword they are on a journey for is a sword for a tournament to end all tournaments and we haven’t even gotten to the first one. If you need a laugh the scene ends with the neighbor’s dog attacking someone off screen in the background. So as they keep walking again the two find a village where they sleep for a month (don’t ask) again this leaves the Paul character alone as he mourns for his heterosexual life mate Lee. Then there is more walking… inner monologue… more walking… Paul walks through all four seasons through the same patch of woods. Then 129 minutes in Paul gets fucked up on a snowy tree stump and instead of Dan putting down the camera he still films Paul now limping instead of walking, clearly injured… (but, it’s for the art man!)  Literally that was the point I waiting for the Benny Hill music to start as it followed a limping Paul through the snow. After more walking about the 145 minute mark we get to hear Dan Komarek directing the movie while doing a couple lines of dialogue in the mouth of a cave or I like to think a sewer pipe? With more walking comes more training and at the 165 minute mark I begin to wonder if the journey isn’t for a sword but for the two come to grips with their love for each other? I come to this conclusion as the two come to a beach in their long journey and gazing at each other while plotting on them doing more walking through the woods. Which shortly after this the filmmaker has the balls of putting an intermission in, DUDE, how about ending this fucking movie already! After regretting that there was an intermission our heroes at the 170 minute mark are back from their love fest at the beach and most likely smoking weed only to walk more. They keep saying they must finish the journey so of course there is more walking this when I notice and have come up with a drinking game those three people like me who crazy enough to watch this film to completion. Now for yinz three paying attention: every time Paul has his ninja suit on or putting it back on, drink a beer for every different shirt you see the Paul character wearing underneath? You will be drunk and that is better than watching this film again, again anyway, nine minutes I am completely convinced the film has nothing to do with samurais but two young dudes taking the long way around of just saying they love each other but just cannot find the courage to say it. At the 191 minute mark after walking more Paul lays on the ground and looks to the night sky accepting he will only be complete with his life partner Lee who has disappeared again. Finally about the 215 minute mark we finally are getting to the climax of the film as a horrible unfinished fight scene happens as minutes later Paul loses Lee as he was killed by a Chevy Corsica fender they randomly found in the creek they ran across. More walking happens and at the 248 minute mark is when Paul and Lee (who has died twice, I think) are reunited and receives the sword which the fuckers never get to be in a tournament! And what is this fucking Dan Komarek ends this fucking “EPIC” with a ‘to be continued’… WTF dude! Dan I love you brother, I think you are a fine editor and cinematographer but stop digging this absurd bullshit up and make something new. You have the talent to do it so give me a break as this epic is epic I cannot even give it a rating as much dare someone to watch it all the way through like I did so I am not the only psycho.

Terrifier 2 (Theater) – Art the Clown is back and brutal as ever but after doing some laundry and mysteriously reappearing after the end of the first film Art is back on the street stalking victims. The filmmaker absolutely keeping Art a mystery is able to expand the clown’s universe but never really explaining it. Meanwhile, Jonathon and Sienna have lost their father recently and Jonathon has recently become obsessed with Art the Clown while Sienna is just trying to get out being normal. This sets up a wonderful family interaction but also a weird connection between Art, the murders, and (spoiler alert) Art being some kind of supernatural cannibal! I loved the first film and this one did not disappoint in its brutality and gore but what I think holds it back just a tiny bit is its 2 hour and 18 minute running time as I can only give it 3 ½ stars. Honestly wasn’t thrilled with the film minutes after watching it but I let set in and I love it just didn’t need the “Avengers cut”?

Blood, Guts, and Sunshine: The History of Horror Made in Florida (Blu-ray) – A documentary that tackles the rich history of independent filmmaking in the state of Florida and how it has produced several Indy gems over the years from several talented individuals. Sean Donohue puts together the usual great doc that talk: Creature from the Black Lagoon to Bob Clark to Tim Ritter to Stanley to H.G. Lewis to Joel D. Wynkoop. Donohue is able to give the world a lot of inside stuff most fans may not know about and like most documentaries they can start to repeat conversations if left long enough but just when you think it’s over? It isn’t and it is actually kind of a shock about 80 or so minutes in at what one person’s opinion of the Florida filmmaking scene is… I give Mr. Donohue credit for leaving this in and getting others comments about this after it is said. As usual to some Sean and company might be an acquired taste among horror fans but to me they are some talented people down there in that sunshine state as I give this documentary 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Christmas Bloody Christmas (Shudder) – Oh “VFW” dude (Joe Begos) is back! And this time horror fans get a horror holiday treat where Tori and her employee/longtime friend Robbie have had one hell of a day at the record store on Christmas Eve. Now it’s time to party and hang with their two friends down the street at the toy store to party a little but that is where the happy holiday celebration ends… The realistic robotic Santa Claus that greets you at the store doorway is being recalled for malfunctioning. See these robotic Santa’s were used as military weapons for the government and they are going back to their original missions which why the recall. When it comes to life it is complete chaos for Tori and the sleepy little town as it becomes a combo of “Terminator” and “Class of 1999” meets Santa Claus! It starts a little slow but I get it as Begos and crew like actually telling a story where you care about the characters but it eventually becomes a gory holiday mess of a film! I might not be as good as “VFW” for me at least but I still give this holiday horror 3 ½ stars.

Gross Movie Reviews #585

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Werewolf by Night (Disney Plus) – First I believe this caught some horror fans by surprise this was made and taken seriously. Based on some comics this film takes a stylish approach of making it look old school which worked out well in my opinion from the actors to the werewolf itself. But the center of the film is the “Master of the Bloodstone” has died and there is a gathering of monster hunters to have a chance to lay claim to this stone which pretty much means royalty. Out of this group of death dealers if they survive and slay the creature that is in the maze they can lay claim to the stone but not all are who or what they seem as there is a werewolf among them. Who is the hero, who is the villain? It’s a fun quick 50 something minute movie that was a lot of fun for me to watch as I give it 3 stars.

The Curse of Bridge Hollow (Netflix) – So who would of guessed I would be watching a Marlon Wayans family Halloween film? None of you… Me neither but I took a chance and it paid off as Marlon, wife and teenage daughter move from Brooklyn to the safest small town in the U.S. only to find out they take their Halloween very seriously. The family moves to the old Hawthorne house where apparently a urban legend was born a hundred years ago. The daughter of course investigating the attic happens to stumble upon an old pumpkin or turnip lantern for technical terms and lights it. This causes a series of events that lets evil into the world forever but first it must take over everyone’s Halloween decorations. Now it’s up to the satanic collecting principal, the daughter’s new paranormal club friends, and Marlon to stop the evil before Halloween is over. Its PG-13, it is actually funny, and reminds me of “Goosebumps” so I got give it 3 stars.

Accident Man (DVD) – Scott Adkins 2018 film and possibly one his best to date that has Scott playing a hitman named Mike Fallon who makes his hits look like an accident. Things are good for Mike as he is paid well to make things look like an accident until he gets a call about his ex-girlfriend has died but things don’t add up as Mike finds out a few details. Mike quickly looks into the death and finds not only was a hit put out on her but she was pregnant with his child. Blaming himself Mike wants answers but his teacher Ray Stevenson has always said “Don’t get involved”. Mike breaks this rule immediately and after several bad ass fight scenes finds out he has been set up and her hit was ordered by his boss Milton! This not your average hitman action flick and I dare you to watch and not say this isn’t possibly one of the best Adkins starring flicks out there as I give it 4 stars.

Accident Man: Hitman’s Holiday (On Demand) – Mike Fallon is back, kind of as he has been lying low in another country for the past four years until he bumps into one of his old buddies from the firm Fred. Fred is in pursuit of his girlfriend he met online (you need to see the first film to understand the backstory of Fred). Anyhow the two become quick friends again and start up as a hitman duo and trying new techniques. After saying no to doing a hit on a mob boss’s son they are kidnapped and forced to now protect this poor soul as assassins from around the world want in on the hit that pays over 7 million dollars US! Again lots of fun, brings back a couple characters from the first film, flips the tables now for Fallon to be a bodyguard, awesome fight scenes but slips a little in the magic that was captured the first time around but still well worth the watch as I give it 3 stars.

Spookie Dookie (Blu-ray) – The talented Brian Papandrea (or the last name I cannot pronounce) and the Rock Bottom Video crew are back to give us independent film fans a trashy Halloween film that is missing from our lives. So we get a terrible Gatekeeper who dances around the cemetery to find passersby to tell scary tales too when he isn’t jerking off on them.  The trashy shorts all interconnect with old Halloween promos, commercials, Halloween news clips, and Dracula needing to see a doctor because he has AIDS! It feels like something Troma would have done in the 90s but only better as these kind folks make sure if you are looking for trash they have it for you as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Honestly the back cover of this Blu-ray if you have a chance to read will make you buy it on the spot!

Grand Samurai: A Warrior’s End (Extended Cut – Blu-ray) – So I felt it was time to sit down and watch Dan Komarek’s epic five hour film. Yes folks, “The Ninja Master” weren’t enough abuse knowing I would watch this bullshit this talented jagoff Mr. Komarek released this fucking shit! Anyhow I thought like most reviews I would try to give you the basics but not this epic film I thought I needed to share my notes as written when watching this thing last Sunday morning that led into my afternoon. Dan decided there needed to be a movie with more walking than ‘Lord of the Rings’ ever could film so eat your heart out Peter Jackson. Back to the film as it opens up very promising with this huge ‘Conan-esque’ beginning talking about a thousand years ago and now… then immediately let down with two dudes showing up on screen whatever their parents allowed them to wear that autumn weekend to shoot? You expect costumes, swords, huge swords… Nope, Dan laughs in the face of being reasonable. We get a little backstory between Paul and Lee which Paul has to train to become a samurai. Which first question that will hit your mind “Yinz know yinz are white more out of shape than I am?” But hey kids let’s not a bad idea get in the way of making a bad film as they begin to walk, then walk a little more, then walk a little more only to decide they will go on journeys for a sword and a tournament that isn’t really clarified but then walk some more. This is where Paul (yes there will be a samurai named… Paul) goes on his four or so hour journey movie time of training. If there isn’t endless narration be the Lee character aka Dan Komarek where he clearly had a tummy tuck at some point between filming there is more walking and what I feel was an hour of “In Memoriam” segment for someone I don’t know? But then it got real interesting when ‘real time filming’ by Dan Komarek happens as he films himself basically taking a spill into a raging river when misjudging some rocks to cross it just to do a random sword fight scene oh excuse me a stick fight! At one point during the first hour or two of walking it seems like the camera isn’t filming as much as stalking the Paul character who by the way is still training and looking for his friend Lee. Then when Paul cannot go any further he drops to the forest ground to start humping the ground which I read into the subtext of ‘humans raping the world’ but that can be debated another time. But hey did I mention there is a book on how to be a samurai that is introduced into the film an hour in as when approaching the 75 minute mark we get the ‘final fight’. Why do I know this? The characters only announced this several times as they try and I mean try to somersault their way off of picnic benches. But just shortly after if not paying attention we do gets bootleg Richard Moll from “Sword and the Sorcerer” sending Paul yet on another quest for a sword. So about 88 minutes they are informed this sword they are on a journey for is a sword for a tournament to end all tournaments and we haven’t even gotten to the first one. If you need a laugh the scene ends with the neighbor’s dog attacking someone off screen in the background. So as they keep walking again the two find a village where they sleep for a month (don’t ask) again this leaves the Paul character alone as he mourns for his heterosexual life mate Lee. Then there is more walking… inner monologue… more walking… Paul walks through all four seasons through the same patch of woods. Then 129 minutes in Paul gets fucked up on a snowy tree stump and instead of Dan putting down the camera he still films Paul now limping instead of walking, clearly injured… (but, it’s for the art man!)  Literally that was the point I waiting for the Benny Hill music to start as it followed a limping Paul through the snow. After more walking about the 145 minute mark we get to hear Dan Komarek directing the movie while doing a couple lines of dialogue in the mouth of a cave or I like to think a sewer pipe? With more walking comes more training and at the 165 minute mark I begin to wonder if the journey isn’t for a sword but for the two come to grips with their love for each other? I come to this conclusion as the two come to a beach in their long journey and gazing at each other while plotting on them doing more walking through the woods. Which shortly after this the filmmaker has the balls of putting an intermission in, DUDE, how about ending this fucking movie already! After regretting that there was an intermission our heroes at the 170 minute mark are back from their love fest at the beach and most likely smoking weed only to walk more. They keep saying they must finish the journey so of course there is more walking this when I notice and have come up with a drinking game those three people like me who crazy enough to watch this film to completion. Now for yinz three paying attention: every time Paul has his ninja suit on or putting it back on, drink a beer for every different shirt you see the Paul character wearing underneath? You will be drunk and that is better than watching this film again, again anyway, nine minutes I am completely convinced the film has nothing to do with samurais but two young dudes taking the long way around of just saying they love each other but just cannot find the courage to say it. At the 191 minute mark after walking more Paul lays on the ground and looks to the night sky accepting he will only be complete with his life partner Lee who has disappeared again. Finally about the 215 minute mark we finally are getting to the climax of the film as a horrible unfinished fight scene happens as minutes later Paul loses Lee as he was killed by a Chevy Corsica fender they randomly found in the creek they ran across. More walking happens and at the 248 minute mark is when Paul and Lee (who has died twice, I think) are reunited and receives the sword which the fuckers never get to be in a tournament! And what is this fucking Dan Komarek ends this fucking “EPIC” with a ‘to be continued’… WTF dude! Dan I love you brother, I think you are a fine editor and cinematographer but stop digging this absurd bullshit up and make something new. You have the talent to do it so give me a break as this epic is epic I cannot even give it a rating as much dare someone to watch it all the way through like I did so I am not the only psycho.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #576

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Noah’s Shark (DVD) – Mark Polonia and his usual suspects are back with another no budget shark movie where when Noah built the ark there was a demon shark or some shit? Now present day, a troubled priest and his video crew search for the ark when a hot redhead isn’t on screen and they talk about ‘Witches of Endor’. Which isn’t that the place where the Ewoks are from? Anyway they head to the forest to search for this ark and end up in a bootleg Talking Heads video after 60 minutes of film… Yes kids, this one was bad from the get go and did I mention there is barely a shark in this as I give this film zero stars!

The Glove (DVD) – John Saxon is a bounty hunter who plays it safe and collects on the little bounties to stay out of trouble and keep his health. Rosey Grier is a big ass man with a riot glove that when he isn’t fucking up Ford Pintos he is planning revenge against some prison guards and executing them. But with a divorce and a gambling problem Saxon’s character the $20,000 price tag to bring Rosey in too hard to pass up in this late 70s action/exploitation flick as I give it 3 stars.

Scavenger (DVD) – A newer low budget post-apocalyptic film out of Argentina that follows the female character Tisha who is an organ dealer that gets mixed up in a world of sex, drugs, and gore. Lots of crazy Mad Max shit going on with a good mix of gore but the film drags big time as the story gets stuck in boredom when Tisha is drugged up and a sex slave for over half of the film. This film starts off wonderful paying homage to George Miller and his post-apocalyptic world but fails miserably before the film ever ends as I hated to give this a bad rating because I wanted to love this but only find myself giving it one out of four stars. It had the cars, the set design, the music, just couldn’t get the story together at all…

Death Screams (DVD) – A lesser known slasher film of sorts from 1982 that is also known under the title of “House of Death” got a DVD release in 2021. A small town where not much goes on until someone picks up a machete and decides it is time to slice their way through the town’s population. This slasher isn’t anything special and might be the reason this is a lesser known slasher but if you are a collector or a completest you most likely want to check this out for a watch as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Bigfoot vs. Megalodon (DVD) – It was time to walk down the “WTF?” road again and watch the sequel to “Bigfoot vs. Illuminati”. Yes, I cannot help myself but to watch garbage as this story takes place in 4045 and Van Helsing clone and his best friend Bigfoot are back to take on a Nazi-born experiment (Megalodon). This animated feature didn’t take long to get stupid and boring and just like the entry before was just a bad idea as I give it 0 stars.

Blood Bite (DVD) – First we need to go through this new shark film alternate title: Blood Shark, Horror Shark, and something in Chinese I can’t pronounce. But anyway if you needed “The Meg” rip-off you got one and of course nothing can go wrong when you experiment on sharks? Doesn’t take long for the CGI shark to get smarter and more pissed off and me wanting to just watch “Bad CGI Sharks” instead of this bad entry into the shark genre as I give it 0 stars.

Bull Shark (DVD) – Our story takes place in a small Texas town where the small town and its game warden have a shark in fresh water issue. The film has a great serious shark feel to it, set design, great actors, but the story is piss poor for going with the serious shark plotline. The days of a backasswards town mayor having the power to keep people quiet, not letting video of the shark get out, and any information about it being in the lake storyline have died. The “Jaws” storyline is weak if you are actually trying for a serious shark film, hell it barely works as comedy for the outlandish mutant shark films as it is overdone. Funny part is I enjoy everything else about the film and loved the Nolan Ryan plaque in the game warden’s office too but I can’t help but stress it’s time to rethink shark films if you go in the serious direction as I give this 1 star.

Maggots (DVD) – Aspiring scientist who is still a college student Stan convinces his professor to travel to a small town called Beaver Kill. There he believes he can prove contamination in the water is causing mutation among the animal and insect population but there is a catch? The professor forces a few failing students upon Stan for this weekend trip if he wants his extra credit and possibly his degree. Stan not expecting much than gathering samples for his paper gets a big surprise after he and his amateur research group do shrooms as that is when the action really begins. The giant maggots begin to attack trying to suck the heads off of humans in this throwback of late 80s and 90s mutant monster films as I give this hilarious unknown horror film 3 stars.

The Big F (Blu-ray) – A 2016 feature from the Rock Bottom Video crew where writer/director Brian Papandrea gets the talented crew Sadie Tate, Nathan Rumler, and others into a Bigfoot on the loose in a neighborhood on Valentine’s Day film. Bigfoot is horny and pissed off after escaping his basement prison and decides to terrorize a little housing division. But a redneck named Maverick is born ready to take on this hairy beast after it murdered his wife! What Maverick doesn’t know is Bigfoot has a small penis and really just wants laid on this Valentine’s Day. The Blu-ray has a commentary, behind the scenes segment, and two short films with one of them being a very hilarious short called, “Afro Zombies” featuring a much younger Brian Papandrea it seems? As usual more fun stuff from the Rock Bottom Video crew as give this package 3 out of 4 stars.

Wolves of Wuhan (DVD) – An Indy film out of China that I of course had to watch, because it is complete hot garbage where an ex-con/bar manager/punk rock band vocalist gets caught up with drug dealing thugs and has sex with a woman who also happens to be a CGI werewolf! Sounds like it has a little potential on paper but the acting is stale, the effects make my movies look like Oscar-winners, and the story was beyond terrible from the beginning. I give it 0 stars as I knew it was a bad idea from the beginning to watch this but hey you knew I had too.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #574

0

Gross Movie Reviews #574

Doctor Death Seeker of Souls (DVD) – This hilariously fun horror flick from the early 70s centers around a man name Fred who is trying to get over his wife’s death and feeling somewhat guilty? Last thing she said to Fred is, “she will return to him”. Fred hanging on to this spends several months tracking down séances, etc., trying to contact his wife, but no luck. Fred is introduced to Doctor Death who has a mysterious past and works like a magician but not so fast he has some dark powers of transference or transferring a soul to another body for a certain fee of course. Doctor Death is paid $50000 by Fred but nothing happens… Disgusted by the act Fred calls it quits and starts bumping uglies with his hot assistant. But Doctor Death cannot let it go and begins a murder spree of women trying to make this one transference right? I believe this glorious 70s cheese still works and worth checking it out like I did if you never heard of it as I give it 3 stars.

The Weirdsies (Blu-ray) – One of the last films from Indy filmmaker Chris Seaver in 2015 who now has turned to doing episodic TV for his You Tube channel did a disturbing parody of ‘Stand by Me’. A funny but yet disturbing adventure of four friends who want to lose their “V-card” during the summer. Their adventure is because they know about a dead body and the plan is to go to it and fuck the shit out of it because supposedly after death the male boner stays erect for 48 hours? (I wasn’t going to look this shit up but you gotta admit, real or not, that’s funny.) If that wasn’t enough there is a group of bullies that want to beat these four virgins to the punch by finding the body first to ruin a good time. And for just for extra spice there is about 40 second-rant about running into cannibal hipsters that I am still laughing about many days after watching. Chris Seaver: intelligent, dumb, or indifferent I was never a huge fan of his work but throughout his independent film career he does seem to surprise me with a project where I believe he shows off a talent that separates himself from just being average. As he proves one more time with this timeless funny adventure I give 3 out of 4 stars.      

The Scarlet Agency (DVD) – Witch Doctor Films is back with another entry into the “Anton Rook” series. Anton Rook is no longer a trusted man by the agency but things change when an evil man may have found a way to produce an invisible man that would lead to making an invisible army for world domination. This invisible man seeks out Rook’s help to try and stop this madman and with Rook’s new protégé they craft a plan but as usual not all as it seems in Rook’s universe as no one can ever be trusted. As usual this independent film is well-crafted and goes from just feeling another fan-made episode of ‘Doctor Who’ to reaching deeper into the character of Rook and making it more of a well-crafted Indy James Bond flick! Well done my friends at Witch Doctor Films as yinz continue to go against the grain and produce some different and exciting independent projects to sometimes a stale genre of filmmaking as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Blood Thirst (DVD) – A lesser known murder/mystery from the Philippines where several murders have taken place where women have been strung up and drained of blood. Miguel the lead investigator has a world renowned detective friend in New York and has asked him into his country to help solve these vicious murders. The detective a super white dude acts as a tourist to not attract attention while helping Miguel but both uncover something more sinister than they ever thought as the bloodless bodies continue to pile up! Maybe not the best serial killer film but definitely a good one from 1971 that has a little twist to what exactly is going on as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Without Warning (Blu-ray) – This is 1980 alien invasion flick that has a lot of cool people infront of the camera and behind the camera at the same time. An alien has landed on Earth in a mountain countryside of course where it is able to do its thing without question. A couple of cub scouts and hunters hanging out in the woods find this out the hard way as the alien throws starfish blood suckers at them like ninja stars! After some friends get separated and a couple become dinner for the killer starfish and alien their friends want revenge and go to the local tavern to meet up with a crazy war vet and a mean loner. The second half of the film is mostly the characters of Sarge and Taylor fighting over who is going to kill the alien instead of actually doing the deed. The Blu-ray has a few interesting extras that make this package exciting for horror film collectors to have their collection but I have always viewed this film as “one of those should have been better with all who were attached?” as I give the film 2 stars but the Blu-ray package itself 3 ½ stars.

Slugs (Blu-ray) – Plain and simple this is a horror film about killer slugs! A small rural town where people are getting eaten up killer slugs that may have mutated in the sewers when they were disturbed by a new strip mall project. The project is being built on top of an old chemical dumping area during the 60s and 70s and they have broken the seal causing the slugs to feast on human flesh! The heroes are two utility workers who must figure a way out to kill these things before they infest the whole town. The Blu-ray is well worth investment if a fan of the film as not only the film looks great restored as I believe for decades we all had that VHS/DVD release? But also this package has a couple commentaries and a few short interviews that leads into why and where this movie got made which I never knew the film was Spanish, cool shit people. I give this new Blu-ray package of ‘Slugs’ 3 ½ stars.

Homebodies (VHS) – This is a creepy and disturbing mid-70s film that may stick with you as a group of older folk are being driven out of their homes in the name of progress. Their buildings have been condemned and slowly they are being escorted out of their apartments where their have lived most of their adult lives. With construction happening all around them the leader of their group Mattie has a plan as she likes to watch the work go on or I should say her plan go into action? The group slowly sabtoges the new construction in order to have their evictions delayed but the rich boss doesn’t care how many of his crew die its progess! But these old folk will kill whoever gets in their way. It is terribly sad, hilarious, and screwed up all at the same time with an ending I really enjoyed. Been looking for a lesser sadistic horror film to brighten your day look no further than this film as I give the 1974 feature 3 stars.

Miami Connection (DVD) – Ninjas, a biker gang, with cocaine fighting a pop band in Miami who also just happen know martial arts… Yep, I will watch that shit! This 1987 film is like one big 86 minute fight scene that includes cheesy music that feels like it was stolen from an early Nintendo game as I give it 2 ½ stars for just entertaining the hell out of me.

A Meowy Dark Timeline (www.SteveBuster.com) – So Steve Rudzinski fans, Steve continues to make entertaining content for his streaming service outside of his wonderful features as this one is a short five part series that involves all the characters you know and love. The evil emperor is in another universe and has found a way to conquer this alternate universe as it fights its way through several of Steve’s characters from past films. This is a project full of heart for all those people who nerd out over what the talented Mr. Rudzinski has created over the years. You will laugh, you might cry, but Steve knows what to give his fans when it comes to content. So you asked for it and Steve provides as I give this short series project 4 out of 4 stars for the mere reason finding a way to include everything and available at www.stevebuster.com or on Blu-ray at www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

Hell of the Evil Dead (Blu-ray) – Rock Bottom Video who continue to produce smart and different horror titles for the Indy world to eat up has this fun project from a few years back that stars the talents of Brian Papandrea, Sadie Tate, and Nathan Rumler. This isn’t your ordinary feature as they go with a dubbed Italian version (regular English version is on the Blu-ray) to give the feature even more of a fun “Italian filmmaking feel” and it worked. Four friends go camping and stumble upon a graveyard out in the forest that after finding it weird things begin to happen: the path disappears, weird creature like sounds, and day turns to night without changing back. The four move deeper into the woods hoping to outlast or outrun this evil presence but things only get much worse when they find a trailer/cottage with a lone survivor to tell his story of what happened. Great acting, love the whole Italian dubbed thing as it gave the film a whole different feel to it, great pacing, and some good special effects work (head exploding). Indy fan don’t let the title fool you this film needs to be seen. Plus, there is a couple extras that include a disturbing “lost scene” from the film that needs to be witnessed (Thank you Nathan Rumler and Brian Papandrea for not taking yourselves too serious, that extra is glorious) as I give this film 3 ½ out of 4 stars. (Rock Bottom Video can be found on Facebook)

Robo Warriors (DVD/YouTube) – Kids, ‘Robot Jox 3’ or ‘2’ has been found… Wait a second there was another one? Yep, I didn’t know either until I was watching something that was sent to me by a great movie friend. The film is based on Stuart Gordon characters, has Richad Band’s music, giant robots fighting in the future for mankind, distributed by Paramount… Sounds like a sequel to me!? Anyway, by 2036 some aliens invade Earth and are complete dicks as they enslave mankind. A group of resistance fighters led by James Remar make their way into a jungle to recover an Earthbot. This is their only chance to survive and protect the planet. The mission fails but Remar’s character Gibson escapes and disappears. Some time passes but a kid has done his research and believes he can get the Earthbot going again if he can find it? With the help of Gibson they retrieve it and give humans hope again but they must use it to fight in one huge Robot battle with control of the world in the balance. Full Moon and Empire fans will go ape shit over watching this and if they never had the pleasure of stumbling over this feature as I give it 2 ½ stars.

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Gross Movie Reviews “Best of 2021” list!

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Best horror films of 2021

1) CarousHell the 2nd (DVD) – Independent filmmaker Steve Rudzinski gave us crazy Indy horror fans ‘House of 1000 Corpses’ with his first entry ‘CarousHell’, five years later Steve figured out a way with the sequel to give us ‘The Devil’s Rejects’. And if yinz get that reference then you know you are in for one hell of a ride with this project. Our famous killer carousel unicorn Duke, is back and it begins with Nazis as Duke has just found out he has a son he nothing about. Duke learns about Robbie and tries to make amends but Duke’s past catches up with him as the Third Reich is still pissed their experiment is running free in America. These immortal Nazis want revenge against their former Alpha Solider and will stop at nothing to get their revenge even if it means kidnapping Duke’s hybrid son. Now if you just tuned into this review wondering what the hell you are reading well ‘CarousHell’ and its sequel are the ultimate weirdo horror films that really cannot be classified as anything else but “weird” and that is what makes it wonderful! This sequel reminds me of the spirit of the ‘Basket Case’ sequels where Steve is giving you the viewer something completely unexpected or at least me? Yes, there is still a carousel horse sex scene, some fine gore spots, absolutely wonderful acting from Aleen Isley, Terrence Cover, Rebecca Reinhart, and Joshua Anton just to name a few actors with perfect performances that had me laughing and entertained from beginning to end! This latest creation from Mr. Rudzinski would not surprise me at all to propel his career or at least a few phone calls from Hollywood as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars and you will be seeing it in my “Top 5 movies of 2021” for sure! All I ask Steve remember us little people… and send beer! Now congrats on one fucking awesome movie!

2) Slaxx (Shudder) – Libby is a young lady who is lucky enough to be starting a new job at a super popular clothing store “CCC”. The store is all about a better tomorrow using experimental cotton for their new killer jeans “Super Shapers”! These pants are amazing as they will fit male or female, overweight or underweight and make you look wonderful. Unaware the employees who try to see how the jeans fit before anyone else get murdered by the experimental pants as they want revenge. To compound the problem once Libby and employees figure this out the store is on lockdown and makes it impossible to call authorities in. On the other hand Libby’s manager is all about saving the store so he can be promoted and sell the shit out of these jeans when morning hits no matter how many people die. The film has some inventive kills, touches upon a lot of millennial themes, and at about the 40 minute mark the film goes completely bonkers which just excited me! Where films like the overrated ‘Rubber’ and lackluster ‘Killer Sofa’ fail, ‘Slaxx’ puts on a show as I give one of the best films of 2021, 4 stars.

3) Benny Loves You (On Demand) – Meet Jack, a 35 year old who lives with his parents and is a junior toy designer whose parents still celebrate Jack’s birthday as if he was a child. But this year is different as the parents die accidentally while preparing for his birthday. Nothing is going right for Jack so now alone he decides he wants to improve his life and this means getting rid of everything including his childhood toy that he still has. The toy’s name is Benny and doesn’t like it too much he is about to be thrown out but also wants Jack to be happy again? From here Jack is sent into a downward spiral of death and despair as anyone that comes to the home or Jack doesn’t like Benny slices and dices them. As the bloodbath ensues in a weird way Benny helps Jack get his job back with new designs based on Benny… The horror film is a wonderful insane oddity of gore that needs to be witnessed as this will be one of the best horror films I will watch in 2021 and for that I give it 4 stars.

4) Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon: The Cannibals and Zombies Collection (DVD) – Addison Binek is riffing a collection of movies again but these are not just any movies… They are zombie and cannibal movies! What makes this a unique rough ride is Addison takes you through some the lesser known, grittiest, maybe even crappiest off the wall flesh-eating hilarity you have ever witnessed. You’ll laugh, you will most likely cry over what Addison and you will sit through but it will be fun as I give this collection 4 stars as usual.

5) Lost in Cleveland (YouTube) – Steve Rudzinski’s latest short film about Ben and Blake who are “business partners” that travel to Cleveland for a movie gig? Ben is the actor and Blake is the partner that wanted to come along but bored as his partner can be out for long hours or days at a time during these movie shoots. Blake meets Steve the filmmaker while lurking around sadly around the hotel. The two hit it off immediately and discuss how they are very similar in how they view their relationships right now and decide to spend lots of time together. This 19 minute short is brilliant and for Indy fans who have not seen any of Steve’s past work this would be a great introduction to Steve Rudzinski and BPO films project libraries as they are some of the best talent the Indy film world has to offer as I give this 4 out of 4 stars! This and more can be found at www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

6) People to Kill (DVD) – Apparently this was Adam S. Clevenger’s first effort out as he wrote and directed this interesting thriller. Shawn and two brothers still live and hang with their father as their mother died five years ago after reading about the “Lullaby Killer”. The family still trying to move on has their usual squabbles and Shawn gets a lot of the blame from his father. Shawn runs a Star Trek themed store called “Starbase”. This makes for some hilarious scenes with the customers and Shawn’s father while Shawn runs for coffee. Along the way he helps out the local hooker (Erin R. Ryan) who has an issue with her pimp. Shawn felt the need to step in as he has seen her every day for the past few months hanging out near his store. They quickly strike up a friendship and things get very complicated as that is about all I can say as a major twist happens. I didn’t exactly see this twist coming maybe you will but either way this film is an absolute gem of an independent feature. Mr. Clevenger wrote an excellent script, and casted an excellent group of actors that should be applauded for pulling off a great performance. Erin R. Ryan is always a wonderful presence on screen but all involved were equally great. There was only one thing bad that I could say about the film and that is the length (2 hours and 14 minutes). Now most cases there isn’t enough story to fill 70, 80, or even 90 minutes but this surprisingly had it but felt the 20 minute strip club could have been cut down. I totally understand why it wasn’t edited because there is some important dialogue that happens but felt at some point Adam could have moved on. If this was Adam’s first effort out then count me in for the future as I can see some entertaining stuff coming this dude as I give this must have film 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Good chance this shows up on my “Best of 2021 watched list”.

7) Bloody Hell (DVD) – Rex just so happens to live in Boise, Idaho, just trying to hit on the cute bank teller at his bank until a robbery happens and that is where Rex’s life changes. Instead just lying down giving up his money Rex having military training decides he can kick some ass or at least that is what his other self that Rex speaks to on a regular basis convinces him of doing. Problem is Rex gets 8 years for wrongful death even though he is considered a hero by most around town. Eight years later, Rex gets released from prison and decides he wants out of Boise and wants a fresh start in Finland. Problem Rex’s life only gets worse as he is kidnapped by a weird ass family who feeds their inbred monster son and now has Rex hanging up in their basement missing part of his leg. Once Rex calms down a bit his inner self and he come up with a plan to escape and kill the family! I absolutely enjoyed this flick as it reminded me of a ‘Hardcore Henry’ and I talk to myself way too much because I work alone way too much, anyway I give this film 4 stars all the way for giving a horror fan something fun, strange, and well-crafted.

8) The Body Snatcher (DVD) – This wonderful 1945 feature has the likes of Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi in a film that might be my new favorite of Karloff’s for mere reason his character and performance. The film is set 1831 Edinburgh where a doctor’s assistant learns from his teacher that fresh corpses are brought to them from the local graveyard by a mysterious cabbie who knows the doctor all too well. Mr. Fettes tries to ignore the weirdness between the good doctor and the cabbie Gray but involves himself when he takes an interest in a little girl that cannot walk but the good doctor is willing to try if there is a fresh corpse to study before surgery? Not a monster film unless you consider humans the monster as it shows how sinister humans can be for their own goals! Loved Boris Karloff’s performance as I put this with Vincent Price’s in ‘The House on Haunted Hill’ if you pay attention to that sort of thing as I give the film 4 stars.

9) Feaster Sunday (YouTube/DVD) – A not so typical independent holiday horror film where a man, Dr. Gideon Lear is putting forth his best effort to put on “The Passion” play at the community theater that hasn’t happened in twenty years. Lear wants perfection out of his actors as he explains in his recent interview with Eddie from the local Public Access Channel. Neither Lear nor his actors seem to be too concerned with the history of the play as “the show must go on”. Meanwhile Eddie sees someone he knows among the actors, Tess, and they reconnect after Tess is dropped by her boyfriend Reen because he needs his full attention on playing Jesus. As time goes on actors for the play disappear, warnings for the play “not to go on” are ignored, and Dr. Lear begins his struggle to keep the production together. There is a whole lot of crazy going on in this flick that just made me giddy to watch! Wonderful casting choices (Dave Parker as the original Jesus, brilliant), great script, cool puppets, and a low budget production that felt bigger than it was should get some mainstream respect as I give this excellent production 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

10) Brimstone Incorporated (DVD/Vimeo) – An interesting low budget anthology film directed by Indy vets James L. Edwards and Brad Twigg. The three stories are straight forward serious horror stories which are usually hard to pull off in the low budget world but this crew did it as the titles are: First Date, Mama’s Boy, and Skunkweed. And the wraparound story is called Temper and Associates but we will get to that in a bit. Without spoiling too much First Date gets a little uncomfortable (watch for the kiss you’ll understand), second story Mama’s Boy is not exactly what you think it is which makes it a pleasant surprise, and the third story is about a man who may have been given bad weed? Or was it? But the most interesting thing was the wraparound story as these days seems to be a throw away in the Indy world in my opinion. But these fine filmmakers took a cue possibly from 70s British anthologies and made the wraparound their strength as a character from each story is being reviewed by Gregory to decide where they will fit in “down here or in the corporation”. The Gregory character was actually my favorite thing of the anthology but this film is based more on the great performances from the actors than just throwing gallons of blood and gore against the wall. This is an anthology I will be pointing out to people for years to come as this cast was one of the best I seen for an Indy anthology in years. So if you are looking for a great not subpar Indy anthology look no further than this new feature Mr. Edwards and Mr. Twigg as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Notable films of 2021:

The Manson Brothers Midnight Zombie Massacre (On Demand) – Well I gotta say this was an unexpected fun horror gem about a wrestling tag team in New Mexico wrestling called “The Manson Brothers”. This rugged tag team has been around for three decades now and knows all the ins and outs of independent wrestling feds. After a well-received tag match they are offered a big money cage match at midnight on Halloween. Of course they say yes but that is only part of the story as things get weird as some of the wrestlers have been taking some of the Chinese HGH to stay big for the ring. Now to complicate the issue with wrestlers taking the HGH and causing a zombie issue, there is a horrible hurricane that has locked down everything! So The Manson Brothers must fight their way through a horde of flesh eaters inside the wrestling building and forget about the main event. The movie has lots of great zombie gore gags, wonderful story telling (someone knows some of the behind the scenes stuff of wrestling), and the supporting cast in D.B. Sweeny, Mindy Robinson, and Randy Couture make this an unexpected horror gem and would love to see a sequel if it is done with the same spirit and passion this project was as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Beyond Dark Dreams (DVD) – So apparently independent filmmaker Joseph Russio lost this film about six years ago and only recently finished it when he found all the footage for it again. He may have lost it because this film will fuck with your mind! Russio wrote and directed this feature about a writer putting himself in an old dark house so he can get past his writer’s block… maybe? After a investigating a couple odd noises in the house that makes the writer more fascinated with the house than his writing he comes back to a needle full of green stuff? So of course the writer introduces this unknown drug into his system in hopes of inspiration or the next life. We as does the writer from here witnesses acts of cruelty, the macabre, and the truly bizarre. When it ends I believe the movie allows you to decide if it was all a dream, it really did happen to the writer, or Joseph just giving us a mindfuck of a film that really has no ending that lets you be the judge? I was super confused as it ended but was happy I got to watch this quite odd independent film that had wonderful music, production, and a story I can see people talking about even a few years from viewing it as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Werewolves Within (DVD) – Beaverfield is a small mountain town that needed a new forest ranger who went missing recently and Finn Wheeler is the man for the job. Finn is transferred and is getting the lay of the land by the cute postal woman who takes him around town. Finn believing his first day after the transfer was a breeze wakes up to the small community upset by a missing dog and talk of a monster or werewolf eventually. Finn thinking it’s all a misunderstanding has just stepped into a ’30 Days of Night’ style situation but with werewolves. They all believe safety is in numbers but that does not stop the werewolf from feasting on the community all held up in the Mansion Inn. Ranger Finn now must figure out who the werewolf inside the mansion is or he will be the next meal in this murder/mystery comedy with a good amount of gore. Great characters, great build up, and potential to be watched by viewers multiple times as one of their recent favorites as I give this flick 3 ½ stars. 

Beyond the Valley of Belief Volume One and Two (Blu-ray) – Independent actor/writer/filmmaker Brian Papandrea, has issued a Blu-ray collection that has both titles of ‘Beyond the Valley of Belief’ that gives you around 2 ½ hours of Jonathan Fritz goodness! Jonathan Fritz is a TV host/former alcoholic who plans to take you through a few tales of Halloween darkness. When it is over you the viewer must decide if it was real or fake? Fritz starts off serious and the program comes off like Leonard Nimoy’s ‘In Search Of’ or even the 80s version of ‘Unsolved Mysteries’ (yes, I am old and remember these), but that all goes to hell when Fritz begins drinking during the broadcast. In these little stories you get stuff like a haunted cowboy which I really liked and a hilarious story called “Ghost Farts”. Brian does a wonderful job bringing to life the crude commercials, Fritz’s intros to the stories, and the script is brilliant from beginning to end for what he was trying to accomplish with this project. But the cherry on top is volume two where Brian continues everything including the Fritz character whose storyline has him on the run now and he wants to do a Christmas edition of the program! This event not only shows his downhill slide into depravity but Fritz is completely off the rails as he presents some Christmas horror tales on the run. Papandrea refuses to allow no budget to slow him down bringing back all the commercials and storylines of the first film into the second and it looked like lots of fun along the way! I always enjoy when an Indy filmmaker can give audiences something different, entertaining, and be passionate about it as this will not disappoint, for that Mr. Papandrea I have to give this double feature 3 ½ out of 4 stars as it can be found at https://rockbottomvideo.storenvy.com .

The Shed (DVD) – A bootleg Barlow the vampire bites a man in the woods and this man finds shelter in a shed running from this monster. From there we meet a troubled teenager named Stanley whose parents are gone and must live with his abusive grandpa. That afternoon Stanley is out back with the dog and the dog learns the hard way that there is something in the shed. Of course this doesn’t go over well with grandpa and he too finds out the hard way about the shed. Witnessing these horrific events Stanley must figure out how to keep his new pet monster a secret and how to keep him from getting out of the shed. Stanley tells his best friend about the shed monster and things just get worse from there. A simply fun, gory, little monster movie that I absolutely enjoyed watching as I give it 3 ½ stars.

The Mutilator (Blu-ray) – It was time to revisit this low budget slasher film from the early 80s as I didn’t get to see it then and only learned about it in the late 90s, early 2000s when it was being found on the bootleg market. Arrow Video recently corrected this problem putting together a 2-disc “must-have” edition for any horror fan. I myself remembered liking it the first time around but it was some crappy quality. Anyway, most of the gore takes place late in the movie but is well worth the watch if you are a gorehound. A father seeks revenge on his son Ed years later after his son accidentally shoots and kills his mother with a loaded rifle. Our tale goes forward when Ed gets a call from his father to go close down his beach condo during ‘Fall Break’ (which also was the original title). Ed and his friends decide to take advantage of this and go to party before they close it up for the winter but Ed’s father has other plans. Arrow Video not only restored the original unrated version of the film cleaned it up so much it was like watching this movie again for the first time. This of course means we get to see the famous giant fish hook with the girl parts for a wonderful death scene! But Arrow Video didn’t stop there as they loaded it up with a couple funny commentaries, a feature-length documentary (which was eye-opening on the background of this film), original music, and alternate opening titles that played with the movie before anyone knew about it. It does not happen often but I think I like this film more now than then because of this 2-disc Blu-ray from Arrow as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Ouija Mummy (DVD) – From the same people that gave us the disappointing ‘Lycanimator’ came back a year later and gave us a no-budget treat that needs to seeked out by independent film lovers. Anyway a woman brings home some ancient jewelry from a recent Egyptian dig then commits suicide. Not too long after a young couple buys the house and moves in and have a house warming party. Of course Natalie’s guy wants to make her happy and after finding the artifact in the home gives it to Natalie as a house warming gift. Between this and Natalie’s obsession with wanting to play with an Ouija board during the party cause a royal demon to possess Natalie’s body and terror ensues! You will notice a lot of cool Indy names are attached to this project, some cheap but effective effects go a long way, and filmmaker and cast learning from mistakes (Lycanimator) make this a diamond in the rough independent film that not many are talking much about. I give this excellent Indy flick 3 ½ stars as I believe once the story gets going it has this cheap ‘Night of the Demons’ vibe, so enjoy!

Straight Edge Kegger (Blu-ray) – There is a shitload of extras for those of you enjoy Jason Zink’s film. We are introduced to Brad as he is straight-edge! He hangs out with a group of friends who are of the same belief or what he once thought as he is becoming bored of the “Straight Edge” life. That he and his group are not making a difference and believe maybe it is time for a change. This change slowly happens when Brad becomes friends with a dude named Sean who is into the same music but drinks and smokes weed. Brad tries Sean’s way and begins hanging out with him on a regular basis to the dismay of his former straight edge friends. Then one night Brad goes to a house party and meets a cute young lady named Maybe and the couple connect quickly. But this happiness is short lived as Brad’s former group has decided to crash the party and explain their beliefs in a harsher manner… It is simple, brutal, screwed up, and I like it as I give this bad ass flick 3 ½ stars.

A.M.I. (DVD) – We come to know a young female character Cassie who struggles with the death of her mom and just so happens to find a cell phone during a morning jog. She appropriately leaves it on a stump for the person who might be looking for it and as she walks away the phone asks her, “Do you need a friend?” Cassie’s best friend just showed this new app on your cell phone that once downloaded becomes your friend and knows you. This story taps right into what we all are waiting for to happen, ‘Skynet bitches!’ The A.I. has become so sophisticated it communicates, plays games, does homework, gets calls for you (Alexa anyone?), so this premise is right in the wheel house of every human on Earth. Anyway after an unsightly event with her father Cassie goes back and finds the phone is still there and answers it. This is where Cassie’s life changes especially when the phone convinces her to go off her meds and entices Cassie to kill her friends because they are not good for her! This R-rated Lifetime Network film takes Psychostalker to a whole new level as the film should be watched as a warning of what is already happening more than just another horror movie or I enjoyed the fucking shit out of this film as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Spine Chiller (DVD) – An Indy retro-80s style anthology that was released a couple years ago that deserves your attention fellow yinzers. Okay, yes I know everyone is making an anthology (hell I am) and if you are doing an independent anthology production that is equal to telling people you have the ‘death curse’. But people let’s all get past that so you can enjoy this little Halloween feature that will make you throw this in your pile to watch every October! The anthology doesn’t have horror hosts but rather great story telling that has all the stories interconnecting and progressing into a fun, spooky, atmospheric ride through horror that doesn’t disappoint. The film plays it serious with all the spooky tales and I may not be a fan of the ending but this tale of Halloween is something I refuse to describe it too much because I feel it could be the next ‘ (2007) Trick ‘r Treat’ for independent fans… yes I went there as I give it 3 ½ stars.    

Hell’s Kitty (DVD) – At first glance I took this not so big budgeted horror film for “hey we hired the convention all-stars to get 30 second cameo”… But to my surprise this was a well-crafted horror film about a man Nick and his cat. Now I will say the film had my attention immediately when they casted one of my favorite porn stars Nina Hartley but it did not stop there as all the named cast actually played an essential roles which happens very rarely these days. Anyway Nick gets a cat named Angel and quickly some weird and strange things begin to happen like Satanic shit! According to a therapist the cat Angel, is stopping Nick from having a serious sexual relationship but Nick is not seeing that as he cares for Angel even Angel is slaughtering people around him. The film is wrapped up in a nice tight bow as its Nick telling a publisher the story of his possessed kitty. From Drew Marvick, to one of the Killer Klowns showing up, to Isaac and Malachai from ‘Children of the Corn’ (who made me laugh so hard I almost pissed myself), everything is wonderful, bloody, and hilarious as I give this flick 3 ½ stars.

Black Friday (On Demand) – First off, I laughed out when this film was announced because the title is the most overused term in our lexicon and second, and felt “Black Friday” hasn’t been relevant for several years now cause ‘online shopping’ anyone? Anyhow, setting aside my beliefs of this so-called holiday, shopping day, whatever we find ourselves watching a film about abused retail workers at ‘We Love (heart) Toys’ toy store. It is Thanksgiving night and the staff must get things set up for the madness of the “Black Friday” shoppers and horror icon Bruce Campbell plays the manager of the store. But to the dismay of shoppers and staff meteors carrying alien thing are fallen to Earth and these monstrous things from the rocks are turning humans into monsters that will stop at nothing to find other unaffected humans to add to their end creation. Lots of flying goo, monsters, and a great cast made me forget that “Black Friday” isn’t really a thing anymore and just enjoy a wonderful horror flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Cyst (DVD) – It is 1961 and Dr. Guy is a pimple popper dude who has an invented a machine called the “Get Gone” machine that will be the revolution of removing cysts, safely and less painful. Problem is it malfunctioned last time the patent people came through and this time it better work or they will just have Dr. Guy shut down. Meanwhile, Dr. Guy’s nurse Patty’s last day as she refuses to work with this so-called machine. So after some tinkering by Dr. Guy and a willing patient (sort of) he has a huge cyst to remove from the patient. When Dr. Guy does he unknowingly causes a mutant cyst to take a life of its own and now the people in the office are trapped with this killer mutant cyst! Think of ‘Attack of the Killer Donuts’ but with a cyst as I give this glorious B-movieish creature feature 3 ½ stars.

Best documentaries of 2021

Wolfman’s Got Nards (DVD) – A wonderful documentary from star Andre Gower as he documents everything that went down during the 30th anniversary and celebration of ‘The Monster Squad’. A quite in-depth look into the fans of the film, the history of the bootlegs, Fred Dekker thinking it failed, and who were behind bringing the creatures to life on screen. This documentary is an absolute treat to watch as I give it 4 stars.

The Golden Age of Horror Comics I & II (YouTube) – An independent documentary created by Zane Whitener that possibly takes the deepest dive into horror comics I have ever seen. The creator spends a lot of time on the 40s and 50s horror comics because of Bill Gaines but also explains how all comics were changed forever. The creator literally reads some of the early comics in length just so you can feel the impact these writings had on kids and the government. The second half of the documentary talks more of how everything changed in the 70s after we got past the cheesy Batman show we all know and love. But the brilliance or hilarity of that original Batman show might have been the fallout of EC Comics? Zane practically touches upon almost every horror comic throughout the decades and their impact on the artists and fans alike. So if you got three hours to kill I highly recommend this well-produced documentary that not just celebrates horror comics but will teach you something also as I give it 4 stars.

Blood and Flesh: The Reel Life and Ghastly Death of Al Adamson (DVD) – An absolutely great and super interesting documentary about a filmmaker who made movies out of nothing during the 60s and 70s. And when he had nothing he would begrudgingly use his own money to bring his visions to life on the big screen. Most of his films were drive-in fodder but that didn’t stop him from giving audiences what they wanted: bikers, stuntmen, bad effects, gimmicks, whatever to get the picture sold! Mr. Adamson was an Indy talent like no other and made lots of friends along the way. But Al’s life was cut short by a so-called contractor he hired to work on his home. Hell, his story has been on the ID channel. The documentary is full of funny stories about his films getting made but it also chronicles the tragic event and how it was uncovered in the end. Wonderful stuff that makes me want to track down some of this filmmaker’s films as I give the documentary 4 stars.

The Town that Loved Bigfoot (DVD) – A hilarious and perfect documentary for all about a small southern town that has embraced Bigfoot! The town is Evergreen, Alabama where a newspaper article was written there several years ago about a strange creature being seen near town and from there the legend has grown. There are interviews with locals, hunters, Bigfoot hunters and their experiences around the town. If ever interested in Bigfoot start with this film as I give it 4 stars.

Tales of the Uncanny (Blu-ray) – A documentary from Severin Films that covers the history of anthologies… Interesting stuff. Over 60 producers, critics, filmmakers discuss the beginning of anthologies and raise the question about their impact on the industry over the years. This wonderful documentary covers all of them and for young and old horror fans alike. Yes they talk ‘Creepshow’ but also goes through some unknown gems and discuss how some came about. They did this during the pandemic last year which adds a different quality to this documentary and separates it from your average documentary as I give it 4 stars of course.

Stale Popcorn & Sticky Floors (DVD) – Another cool documentary that covers some of the memorable grindhouse, horror, and B-movie titles from the 70s and 80s we grew up watching. There is interviews and stories from such stars of iconic films such as Lynn Lowry, Camilla Carr, Brinke Stevens, and a host of others. And people let’s not forget Frank Farel is on here telling more stories about one of my favorite films of all time ‘Spookies’! The doc separates itself enough from others as the stars tell stories about one film that was picked such as an ‘I Spit on Your Grave’. This title doesn’t come off as interviews as much as you the viewer just grabbed a beer with said star and you are ready for story time and for that I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

Worst film:

Ebola Rex vs. Murder Hornets (DVD) – Of course you had me at the title but bottom line is this movie doesn’t live up to its title. The filmmaker missed the point of the title… ‘Ebola Rex vs. Murder Hornets’ it never happened dude. You made a 60 minute movie of filler! I love Brinke Stevens but she seems wasted in this my friend. Dustin I respect your overall work but this was a huge miss as I got to give this film 0 stars. 

It’s Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper bad movie but needs to be witnessed to believe!

Water Wars (DVD-R) – Well it took a while to track this post-apocalyptic “Corman Presents” flick down as it stars Michael Madsen, a couple Playboy Playmates, and directed by Cirio H. Santiago with Jim Wynorski stepping in after illness. Supposedly finished in 2011 but never released until 2014 but I couldn’t find a physical copy for sale or the film on any streaming sites but as usual give me time and the movie will find me. Once you get past the filler (stock footage from several Filipino post-apocalyptic films that I believe takes up half of the film) water is the only currency of course. An evil warlord Bane is hell bent on tracking down a water source and believes there is springs of fresh water hidden in the mountains but can never capture anyone that knows where it is until now. A gun for hire named Slade is hired by a beautiful lady who claims to know where this spring is if he rescues her sister from Bane. Slade does the job but now Bane and his evil followers are coming to ravage the village but not Slade and his new lady bump uglies like they were in a freakin ‘Witchcraft’ film. This was a poor excuse of a post-apocalyptic film that I should have left buried but you know me as I give it 0 stars.

Gross Movie Reviews #551

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Gross Movie Reviews #551

The Leopard Man (DVD) – This 1943 classic has a nightclub manager convince a model he is sweet on to walk during a dance routine with a leopard on a leash like it’s an everyday thing. Well the cat gets rattled by the dancer on purpose and escapes into the woods. Shortly after a young woman is found killed by this cat supposedly? This of course sets the town to fear the worst and lock themselves in until the cat is caught by authorities but club owner Manning believes it is something else not the cat? A fun black and white thriller worth the watch as I give it 3 stars.

Zombie Nightmare (DVD) – Adam West, Jon Mikl Thor, and Tia Carrere star in this 1987 feature that feels a few years older but has a young man play hero in a convenience store then be run down by a group of drunken young people. Mom not ready to let go of her son asks a favor of a friend down the road to use her voodoo to bring her son back to life. Doing so he returns to life or life of the undead to seek revenge on those who wronged him. If you like your horror features cheesy this is super cheesy as I give it 2 stars.

The Body Snatcher (DVD) – This wonderful 1945 feature has the likes of Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi in a film that might be my new favorite of Karloff’s for mere reason his character and performance. The film is set 1831 Edinburgh where a doctor’s assistant learns from his teacher that fresh corpses are brought to them from the local graveyard by a mysterious cabbie who knows the doctor all too well. Mr. Fettes tries to ignore the weirdness between the good doctor and the cabbie Gray but involves himself when he takes an interest in a little girl that cannot walk but the good doctor is willing to try if there is a fresh corpse to study before surgery? Not a monster film unless you consider humans the monster as it shows how sinister humans can be for their own goals! Loved Boris Karloff’s performance as I put this with Vincent Price’s in ‘The House on Haunted Hill’ if you pay attention to that sort of thing as I give the film 4 stars.

Crypt of the Living Dead (DVD) – After an archeologist’s strange death, his son Chris comes to a small island that has a lot of superstitions of where his father was digging. Chris comes to bury him and decides it should be where this dig was but a tomb needs moved. When this is done Hannah the Queen of the Vampires is unleashed and night after night she gains strength willing each death of the superstitious villagers. Chris not exactly believing in the legend but knows something is weird wants to bury the tomb before any more deaths occur. A slow burn 1973 vampire flick that is worth a watch if you never heard of it as I give it 2 stars.

I Walked With a Zombie (DVD) – This 1943 thriller has a nurse sent from the states to a small island to take care of a man’s wife who is considered ‘mental’ for her coma-like state she has fallen into. It is believed by the doctor there that Mrs. Holland suffered a side effect of a high fever that has caused her to blankly stare like a zombie and not do much? The nurse falling in love with the husband but feels not all is being done to help the patient looks into the jungle for answers as the natives may know how to help the young lady in the coma-like trance as I give the film 2 stars.

Beyond the Valley of Belief Volume One and Two (Blu-ray) – Independent actor/writer/filmmaker Brian Papandrea, has issued a Blu-ray collection that has both titles of ‘Beyond the Valley of Belief’ that gives you around 2 ½ hours of Jonathan Fritz goodness! Jonathan Fritz is a TV host/former alcoholic who plans to take you through a few tales of Halloween darkness. When it is over you the viewer must decide if it was real or fake? Fritz starts off serious and the program comes off like Leonard Nimoy’s ‘In Search Of’ or even the 80s version of ‘Unsolved Mysteries’ (yes, I am old and remember these), but that all goes to hell when Fritz begins drinking during the broadcast. In these little stories you get stuff like a haunted cowboy which I really liked and a hilarious story called “Ghost Farts”. Brian does a wonderful job bringing to life the crude commercials, Fritz’s intros to the stories, and the script is brilliant from beginning to end for what he was trying to accomplish with this project. But the cherry on top is volume two where Brian continues everything including the Fritz character whose storyline has him on the run now and he wants to do a Christmas edition of the program! This event not only shows his downhill slide into depravity but Fritz is completely off the rails as he presents some Christmas horror tales on the run. Papandrea refuses to allow no budget to slow him down bringing back all the commercials and storylines of the first film into the second and it looked like lots of fun along the way! I always enjoy when an Indy filmmaker can give audiences something different, entertaining, and be passionate about it as this will not disappoint, for that Mr. Papandrea I have to give this double feature 3 ½ out of 4 stars as it can be found at https://rockbottomvideo.storenvy.com .

Chompy and the Girls (DVD) – If there wasn’t enough oddball weird horror films for 2021 there is this feature about a young woman trying to commit suicide but fails. Jackson is depressed and even she tries to reach out she fails at that too until she randomly texts a man who she just found out was her father six months ago. They agree to meet in a park for the first time and talk until they witness a man walk up to a girl and swallow her whole with his gigantic mouth! From there Jackson and father Sam are on the run as this thing on foot seems to track them down no matter where they go? It gets even weirder as they feel trap by this interdimension being they communicate with it and find out it isn’t the horrible parasite they thought it was but a being trying to save the world until Sam’s wife kills it. Now it is up too Jackson, Sam and Jackson’s friend who took a roofie to figure out what needs to be done. Movie is weird as balls and I loved it as I give it 3 stars.

George A. Romero Presents Deadtime Stories Volume One (DVD) – An anthology of films that are introduced to audiences by the zombie master himself George Romero who seems to have fun with each intro. First entry is about jungle cannibals, second is about a lonely finding something on a beach that was supposed to stay buried, and third is directed by Tom Savini that has a doctor making a house call for a teenage boy who seems to be dying? Fun little stories for horror fans that is shaped like your favorite old uncle is telling them to put you to sleep as I give this collection 2 stars.

Slumber Party Massacre (Remake/SyFy Channel) – The story begins in 1993 at a cabin where driller killer Russ Thorn attacks a group of young women just having a nice weekend. One woman survives the tragic ordeal and 28 years later has a daughter (Dana) who is about to partake in a weekend with the girls at a cabin near this event. Along the way we get a few images, music, lines of dialogue to pay homage to the original. But in this role reversal remake of young people being into crime podcasts and murder tours we find out the girls are there to see if Russ Thorn still exists? They have plans to put this legend to rest! Dana wants to do it for her mom and if that means putting the males across the lake in danger so be it. Now the role reversal thing is more the males are the victims and show nudity unlike the women in the original. But spoiler alert women fucked Thorn up in the original also so I wasn’t totally sure why this was part of the storyline other than to be filler? The only expectation I had going into this film was “don’t suck out loud”. It wasn’t terrible but I feel it will be forgettable for most young horror fans just because the original is lost on most as many may have never heard of it unlike: ‘Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm St., Hellraiser’, the usual suspects. They should have just made it “Slumber Party Massacre V” just to see what horror fan is actually paying attention to this besides me? Either way you knew I was watching it because it is a “massacre” film as I give it 2 stars.

V/H/S/94 (Shudder) – With the last entry leaving horror fans disappointed it seemed filmmakers went out of their way to give something extra to fans and it paid off. We begin with a SWAT team entering a warehouse where they were expecting to bust a huge drug ring but instead find TVs in different rooms and victims/dead bodies with their eyes ripped out in front of them. It almost looks like a cult-like suicide pact among the dead humans there. As the SWAT team goes floor to floor investigating they stop long enough for the viewer/us to watch a segment. We get a rat man segment, zombie segment, experimenting on humans segment which is just brutal fun, a militia segment where members are dying mysteriously, and the SWAT team is the wrap around as the viewer follows them through this maze of the bizarre. This film is so gory that it is almost cartoonish at times… The only bad thing about this wonderful horror flick is the wrap around, which is very unusual for any anthology film. The ending they give the wrap around just sucks and takes a little away from such a solid entry that more than made up for ‘V/H/S: Viral’. In the end I still enjoyed this near perfect anthology as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Inheritance (YouTube/DVD) – A newer film from a newer filmmaker Eric Palmer who has the task of telling a story about a woman inheriting a cabin. Scarlett just learns about her father dying and she has inherited this cabin and is already leaning towards selling it and being done with it. But after a couple girlfriends come over talking vacation they convince Scarlett with friends they should check it out? One problem, when they arrive at the cabin good old Uncle Drake is too pleasant on the young lady talking about selling the place and explains it has been in the family for a very long time. Scarlett very late into the film finds out Uncle Drake likes to conjure demons and needs young Scarlett for a sacrifice! A lot of times I am all for character development in an Indy film but this somehow had a little too much as they put on the back burner Uncle Drake runs a satanic cult that can conjure a demon? Just my opinion but felt the whole Uncle Drake arc should have been the main focus not Scarlett’s friends getting to know each other even more around the fire. I feel there was more of a story to tell about Uncle Drake to make this film a little different but again Eric was able to give the audience characters you actually feel something for as I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

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