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Gross Movie Reviews #448

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Gross Movie Reviews #448

 

The Babysitter (DVD) – This teen horror film that is a wolf in sheep’s clothing lures you in thinking the film is just another teen horror but blossoms into a hilarious gore fest. Cole is a nerdy teenager that still has a babysitter. But the babysitter is a very hot young lady named Bee that just seems to get Cole. Cole and she have a lot in common and Cole is starting to grow up and see Bee in a different light. Cole convinced by the girl across the street to stay up to see if Bee parties or make out with her boyfriend after Cole goes to sleep during babysitting nights. Cole does… And what Cole witnesses is nothing he was prepared for as Bee invites friends for a game of spin-the-bottle which turns into a blood-soaked sacrifice! Cole now must go all “Home Alone” in order to survive Bee and her friends now he knows the truth. The horror flick is a fun reminder yes it takes lots of blood and guts to entertain but also just a simple hilarious storyline could make the horror film worth the watch. I really enjoyed this fun horror flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Demon Murder Case (YouTube) – A 1983 TV movie that claims to be based on the ‘Warrens’ but using different names and stars Kevin Bacon. Kevin’s character Kenny and his girlfriend go to check out a house and his girlfriend’s younger brother claims seeing a burned up 4 foot man at the house. As the days pass the younger brother changes, seems different. When things get out of control and the police get involved, priests are called in and even paranormal experts. The kid claims this demon called “The Beast” has taken him over? Kenny cares for the kid so much he challenges the demon and the demon takes the challenge on and possesses Kenny. A death is involved and most of the story is told from flashbacks as Kenny stands trial for murder a year after events. A cool lost TV horror flick that I believe has not been released on DVD and possibly ever on VHS as I cannot find it. But you can find it on YouTube as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

This House Possessed (YouTube) – Again here is another rare TV movie find from my childhood. The film was released in 1981 on NBC starring Parker Stevenson, Lisa Eilbacher, and pay attention ‘Elm St.’ fans Amanda Wyss. Gary is a hard working singer who doesn’t take much down time collapses at a concert. He is rushed to the hospital and told he needs to take a break from the business as drugs or heavy drinking is ruled out. Sheila is a nurse that Gary hits it off with and trusts and hires her to take care of him while he goes on an extended vacation. They head out driving in the middle of nowhere and find a very cool house by itself. The house was a hi-tech house built before they were popular but hasn’t been really lived in since a fire several years ago. Once bought and settled in, Sheila and Gary start to become more of a couple the home seem to have a mind of its own and begins to spy on them. Strange things and eventually deaths happen surrounding the house. You get a water hose spraying down a young couple on the lawn, the house crushing a woman in her car with the front gates, and even boiling another woman in the pool. The TV movie feels so 70s but was released in 1981 and to my knowledge has not been released on any format. So as I give this film 3 stars take a gander at YouTube and search for this horror gem.

Bubba the Redneck Werewolf (DVD) – Bubba is a redneck through and through and doesn’t stand up for himself much as his high school girlfriend (Bobbi Jo) is now seeing someone else. Bubba depressed decides to make a deal with a demon to help this status and he is turned into a werewolf for his soul. While Bubba is learning of his new appearance, strength, actually having sex with Bobbi Jo, and hunger for chicken wings at the bar, the demon is going around the small town and finding gullible folks. The demon makes deals for their souls that go bad quickly. Now the small town looks to Bubba the Redneck Werewolf to do something about it? And Bubba does what any self-respecting person does and that is challenge the demon to a game of quarters! I absolutely loved this film and totally believe if the great horror film “Wolfcop” exists more horror fans would have found this 2014 flick and been talking about it. This is much lower budgeted film than “Wolfcop” but is very witty take on the werewolf concept and think horror and werewolf fans need to give this film a chance as I give it 4 stars.

 

The Burning Dead (DVD) – Okay somehow Danny Trejo is a Native American who tells a story of the ‘Donner Party’ in 1846 is part of some kind of volcanic zombies? Now in present day the volcano has erupted again it is bringing the zombies back with its exploding green rocks. Confused… Bored? Just pass on this one folks as this is why I exist to watch crap like this as I give it 1 star for just Danny Trejo showing up.

 

Last Ones Out (Shudder) – In 2015, an unknown virus hits rural parts of South Africa and it is beginning to spread. An American is there with his fiancée but has an appendix problem. While awaiting surgery in the hospital the virus hits and he wakes to find no one is left except a nurse. Now, the American, the nurse, a doctor and his brother make their way across the country side hopefully to find help? The American claims there is a convoy at a location that leaves in the morning as it can take them out of the quarantine zone. This isn’t a zombie flick as much as a rage virus flick aka “28 Days Later”. If you were a fan of the flick “The Dead” that was released a few years back this will be in your wheelhouse as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Sheborg Massacre (DVD) – An Australian film that is a big old mix of several genres about a cyborg alien that escapes its captors to crash land on earth near a puppy farm. This cyborg alien uses the puppy farm for food and begins its evil plan of turning people into machines. Meanwhile two hot young ladies are causing havoc around town and get together with a punk rock singer to go release the puppies from their prison. Unbeknownst to them once at the puppy farm they must fight these cyborgs in order to escape. Once back home they must make the decision to go to war with these cyborgs and the alien in order to not only survive, save their little town, but the world. This movie is a glorious bloody mess and the women that played the roles of Dylan and Eddie were absolutely fucking awesome! If you enjoy “Dead Alive”, “Evil Aliens”, “Bad Taste” this 3 ½ star horror film is right up your alley.

 

Fear Town, USA (DVD) – It is St. Blevins Day, the day of big celebrations. The day to celebrate St. Blevin who led all the polish children out of the village to the ocean and their death! So there is a big party that everyone is trying to get into. Four nerdy Dungeons and Dragons bros are going, some others are just camping out next to it, supposedly there is an escaped mental patient, and there is a ghost sorority girl. Mash this all together with dudes and women talking about getting their pussies crushed every thirty seconds and you have this hilarious slasher film. But the best part of the film might be the four nerdy bros who find the wrong party and become a part of a sacrifice that doesn’t work so the Satan worshippers decide to start a bowling league! Fun random stuff my friends and has been released by Troma so go support as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Silent Madness (DVD) – A lesser known 1984 slasher film also known as “Beautiful Screamers”, “The Omega Factor”, and “The Nightkillers”, is about a patient that is mistakenly released from the Cresthaven Hospital. The patient Howard Johns is a man with a murderous past and heads to a small woman’s college to continue his killing spree. A doctor from the hospital heads to the college to investigate this clerical error. She goes uncover for the local paper so she can find out more at the college but stumbles upon what may have sparked everything 17 years ago. Not the best of the slasher films but if you are a completest you will want this on your list as I give it 2 stars. At this time I believe there is only a Region 2 DVD of this title.

 

Summer of 84 (DVD) – It is Freeport, Oregon, June 1984 and a serial killer is loose in suburbia. Four friends get together and decide to stalk the neighborhood cop they believe is the serial killer. But they do not have evidence so they come up with a plan to get some. The friends keep come up with dead ends until finally they get the bright idea to break in his house and video tape their findings. Problem is they find way more than they wanted too and now the cop is on the run or so they think as he wants revenge. The film has that “Stand by Me” vibe so I was in from the beginning and enjoyed the kids trying to solve who the killer. But I believe the coolest thing of this movie was the feel of 1984. The shoes, the bikes, the background cars and houses, they got everything right to help set up this story. Yeah the movie isn’t exactly horror and runs a few minutes long but don’t let that stop you from seeing a very entertaining flick as I give it 3 stars.

 

Mom and Dad (DVD) – This bat shit crazy film stars Nic Cage and Selma Blair as normal parents just trying to make it through parenthood. But a strange unexplained virus is hitting parents worldwide where they have the urge to kill their own children. And parents are just doing plain boring murders they are trying to do some brutal ass damage. Once the virus hits Nic Cage and Selma Blair’s characters it is freaking hilarious as they chase their kids all over the house and try to gas them out of the basement. When you thought it could not get any better we get a great scene about life sucking with kids and people not understanding. But the ultimate topper is when the grandparents show up for the forgotten dinner and the grandpa is mother fucking the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen and he starts stabbing the shit out of Nic Cage. Horror fans check the brains at the door and just enjoy this this amazing piece of film of complete chaos and how beautiful it is as I give it 4 stars.

 

Party Bus to Hell (DVD) – Bus full party goers are on their way to ‘The Burning Man Festival’. The bus driver stops in the middle of the desert night after running down a terrified Tara Reid and leaves the people to fend for themselves. She has left them for a group of Marauders/Satanists/Mad Max extras? Take your pick folks. Anyway this group of bloodlust freaks keep chanting “Release the Chosen One” as they attack the party goers and try to murder and eat them. The party goers figure out the virgin among them and force her to have sex with someone to stop the bloodlust freaks belief from coming true. This film has a good set up but just never seems to hit all the right notes and seems disjointed as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Seventh Moon (DVD) – Amy Smart and her man have gone to China for their honeymoon and to meet his parents. But according to Chinese myth the full moon on the seventh lunar month some weird shit goes down in the countryside where old myths die hard. Well the couples are lost in the countryside thanks to their driver who abandons them. Apparently we come to find out later in the film that this dude believes in the myth of the pale demons coming to murder and he needed a sacrifice and they were it. The couple must face of with the pale demons and survive the night. Sounds like a good concept but I have seen some better foreign horror films and this just had long boring lulls throughout that makes it tough to sit through. Want weird? Look for a film called “The Johnsons” as I give this film 1 star.

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

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Gross Movie Reviews #333

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Gross Movie Reviews #333

 

By Tim Gross

 

Apocalypse L.A. (SyFy Channel/DVD) – The film was released under a different title last year “Disaster L.A.” but has been rereleased by SyFy Channel recently. It’s a zombie movie without calling it a zombie movie. Meteors start crashing to earth or L.A. specifically changing certain folks into flesh-eating mutants… hence zombies! Call them whatever you want but a group of so-called friends are fighting to get out of the city and flee the chaos. If you have destroyed many brain cells with beer like I you will most likely find yourself watching this flick just because otherwise choose your movies wisely my friends as I give this mediocre sci-fi flick 1 star.

 

Shattered Hopes: The Amityville Horror Murders (DVD) – If you were someone who was born in the 70s and remember all the stories of the movie and the family that left because the devil or evil spirits lived in a red room in the basement you’ll enjoy this… Why?  It debunks everything we know then and tries to get behind the real truth of the home and the murders and there was a cover up of some things that happened during the murders years ago. Fun stuff I tell you kids! I give it 3 stars.

 

Edge of Tomorrow (DVD) – Tom Cruise continues to be in some of the best fucking movies I have seen years as this flick is “Aliens meets Starship Troopers meets Groundhog Day”! Starts off with you saying to yourself “I have seen this film before…” But that’s when the movie gets interesting as Tom Cruise plays an officer who has never had the pleasure fighting the aliens who are trying to take over Europe in the near future and when he does, he dies constantly! Then he wakes up to relive the same day and same invasion over and over until he is able to figure out what to do. Great flick, Tom Cruise was great, Hollywood keep letting Cruise in these very entertaining flicks as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Vampire Hunter D (DVD/You Tube) – I know you are saying to yourself, “Holy shit the Gross Man actually watches Japanese Anime?” And the answer is yes. Not much but I have my moments because I respect the genre as those who follow it all are small in numbers but embrace it more than horror fans embrace their favorite horror films. Anime is almost like its own culture. But I am not expert to explain to this so let’s talk about one of the best animated horror films of all time if not the best as this flick in my opinion changed everything in 1985. Up until then anime wasn’t talked about and most of us only had the pleasure watching such other animated flicks: “Heavy Metal, Wizards, Fire and Ice, etc.” “Vampire Hunter D” took the plotline of futuristic vampires, the action icon of anti-hero to save all, and amazing animated gore and threw into a blender which in turn made an amazing animated horror film that changed a generation. Magnus Lee a head vampire named after Christopher Lee comes back to his homeland after being gone for many years and finds a young girl he would like to make his wife. Villagers live in fear of her believing she will bring an army of bloodsuckers down upon them so they ban her from town. So she seeks the help of a known stranger who makes it his life’s work to kill vampires. It is violent brilliance in action my friends. I give it 4 stars.

 

Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (DVD/YouTube) – The argument can be made they waited 15 years too long for a sequel but we got one anyway and it is fucking awesome! Imagine films: “Vampires, The Road Warrior, and Gary Oldman from Bram Stoker’s Dracula” were mashed together and we get the great chaos in an animated film that has “D” trying to save a rich man’s daughter from a vampire that claims he loves her. The vamp and the woman want to leave this earth for a place where they will not be hunted and live in peace. Some people prefer this flick of the first but I enjoy the origin story more but this flick still has enough punch to gut for horror and anime fans to enjoy as I give it 3 ½ stars.

INVALUABLEDOCUNEWS

Invaluable (DVD) – A documentary that was written/directed/edited by independent filmmaker Ryan Meade, who took it upon himself to bring to light the greatness of Mr. Tom Sullivan. If by some chance you do not know who this man is you are missing something in your life. Mr. Sullivan or we should call him Mr. Evil Dead was the man who did the amazing special effects for the first “Evil Dead” film and is a superb artist also! The documentary dives into Sullivan’s life from the time he grew up and met Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell to his soul mate dying (which I never knew about) to how Sullivan with just a chance meeting with Cinema Wasteland’s Ken Kish at a convention in the late 90s made him an icon among horror movie fans and convention goers alike. The film has interviews with Michael Berryman, the ladies of “Evil Dead”, Bruce Campbell all talking about Tom Sullivan not only being a great friend but the backbone of a film that still has generations of horror fans talking about over 30 years later! The film promotes Tom Sullivan’s artwork which is just amazing and I could stare at all day but also shows his traveling “Evil Dead” museum. Ryan should be proud of this project because there are still many people out there that don’t know about Mr. Sullivan and should. Tom is one of my favorite celebrities to have ever met and I will tell everyone he is one of us… a horror fan and has fun still too this day doing what he does. I give this perfect insight into the life of the artist Tom Sullivan 4 out of 4 stars. Now do yourself a favor and go visit this page and support Ryan Meade and Tom Sullivan: http://ryanmeadesmovies.wix.com/invaluablemovie .

 

Kickboxer 2: The Road Back (DVD) – Sasha Mitchell shows up as a third brother in the Sloan family who runs an old gym his brothers use to run until they were killed by Tong Po who was the villain that fought Jean-Claude Van Damme in the first flick. This flick has a shitload of faces in it that you will recognize immediately: Peter Boyle, Dennis Chan (who was the trainer in the first film), Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa (yeah trying saying that three times in a row, but mother fucker is in everything), Michel Qissi as Tong Po, Matthias Hues (we will always know him as the alien dude in “I Come in Peace” and one of my favorite directors, Albert Pyun directs. An enemy that was disgraced by Tong Po for killing the Sloan brothers forces the final Sloan brother to fight for honor after burning down his gym and making him do yoga with hobos in the park. Good follow-up to the original JCVD flick as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Kickboxer 3: The Art of War (DVD) – Sasha Mitchell and Dennis Chan travel to Brazil to make some money but instead befriend a couple kids that live on the streets and must fight for their freedom. Some asshole promoter sells slaves/hookers, whatever and wants Sloan to take a dive during a fight to make a bunch of money. But Sasha says it ain’t happening and begins kicking ass all over Brazil. The sequel is entertaining enough to make me watch the next flick so let’s move on as I give it 2 stars.

 

Kickboxer 4: The Aggressor (DVD) – Sasha Mitchell is back for another round looking uninterested and without his buddy and instructor Dennis Chan. This time around some dude looking like Tong Po who seems to survive every movie is a druglord and is running Mortal Kombat/cough, cough I mean a tournament in Mexico to decide who will win a million dollars and fight him? Uninterested Sloan makes his way to Mexico to save his wife from Tong Po who won’t know its Sloan fucking up all his minions in his compound! The film is hilarious for the wrong reasons or the right reasons if you are weird like me as I give the flick 2 stars. Did I mention Albert Pyun was back to direct this sequel?

 

Kickboxer 5: The Redemption (DVD) – AKA we are done making sequels for now because we believe that Tim Gross guy and those two weird people from Seattle are the only ones that would watch part five in America. Huge hits overseas… here not so much. Mark Decascos takes over for Sasha Mitchell as the unstoppable American who fucks up anybody that messes with his friends or in this case kill off the Sloan clan. Anyway Mark’s character travels to South Africa to avenge Sloan’s death and the no name dude that gets his as beat on a rooftop by a couple of extras. Training montage, lost in Africa until a new friend’s sister picks them up, generic mock “Enter the Dragon” end fight scene and you have part five! I give the film 1 ½ stars. Good news kids there are a sequel/remake in the works being directed by Albert Pyun!

WolfCop (DVD) – I always enjoy when I find or hear about films like this feeling like the film was made just for me to watch and review?! The title says it all and I laughed my nutsack off watching this masterpiece. A drunken deputy of a small town named Lou that is useless keeps being sent out for disturbances in the woods of kids partying or doing satanic shit until one night his ass gets knocked out and wakes up in his own bed. Lou has flashes of what happened the night before but is unsure and soon becomes a cop who wants answers. Soon we got fun werewolf transformations; bad jokes that make me laugh my ass off, and a “Wolf Cop” car that is bad ass! Lou begins his bloody rampage through town trying to find answers and uncovers the truth behind the town’s leaders and why every 32 years a local event gets canceled. I love cheap Canadian horror movies as the filmmaker and company knew they were making a cheese fest and embraced it and that is what makes this one of my favorite horror films of 2014 as I give this son of a bitch 4 stars! And thank the lord there is a sequel in the works!

 

The Town that Dreaded Sundown (DVD) – Is it a sequel, a remake, you be the judge as it is one good fucking movie. The tatersack killer is back! 66 years after the original murders he appears again Halloween night 2013 during a showing of the 1976 film at the local drive-in. The townsfolk baffled, scared, want answers to why is this happening again, and a high school that is told , “to make everyone remember”? Jami is a shy girl who was just happy to go on a date but now is the center of attention as the unknown killer is back and haunting her but she fights back by researching who may have been the original killer as that mystery still remains unsolved. The film also incorporates the 1976 film and its filmmaker into the mystery as Jami believes if she can find the real killer the new one will disappear? Trying not to give away a lot as I was impressed with the direction the film went. So if you are a big fan of the original garb a six pack and pizza and enjoy this fun present day classic as I give it 3 stars.

 

Kolchak: The Night Stalker (DVD) – It all started in Vegas with Kolchak investigative reporter into the unknown. Kolchak is given a job to report on a murder of a woman having her blood drained from her body. Not sure what to make of it he investigates deeper and tries to bribe his way into the morgue and try other sources that may have other information as the bloodless bodies begin to pile up. But when it comes down to it Kolchak convinces the Vegas police they must carry silver crosses and wooden stakes to drive into this madman’s chest. Great 70s TV movie that as I said before inspired “The X-Files” and many other TV shows. Darren McGavin was awesome in this role as I give the flick 3 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews and Jagoff Massacre t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.