Gross Movie Reviews #509

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Gross Movie Reviews #509

We Summon the Darkness (DVD) – Holy balls this film was fucking great! The film is set in Indiana, 1988 following three young ladies who are heading to a heavy metal concert. Along the way we keep hearing on the radio about some satanic murders sweeping the mid-west. The three metal goddesses reach the concert and meet three metalhead dudes and they all seem to get along. After the concert the boys are invited back to Alexis’ house or her father’s house to be precise. They start drinking and play a little game that gets a little risky. But things get a little weird as the boys pass out and awake inside a room full of bloody pentagrams and that is where the fun begins. The cast, story, effects, and the ending are a wonderful blast. I would like to tell you more about the film but I rather not ruin it for your viewing pleasures? Put it this way this film is another entry into my “Best of 2020 list” as I give it 4 stars.

 

In Search Of: Pittsburgh Bigfoot (Vimeo) – When you have no money, know a bunch of people who want to be actors, and your passionate about your project you get what filmmaker Luther Cosmo Ickes Jr. gets… a hilarious and entertaining independent movie about Bigfoot. Or is it Bigfoots? Don’t know that is always a conversation that gets started whenever I review a Bigfoot movie and plus this project has multiple Bigfoot/Bigfoots! Anyway three yinzers are interested in the latest Pennsylvania sightings of Bigfoot. They wait out for spring since the winters can be gawd damn cold around here n’at. So the three chums head to the woods for some camping, illegal or legal drug use depending how much now that Pa. has turned the corner on that stuff, and looking for evidence of Bigfoot. Oh these three are not the only yinzers looking for Bigfoot apparently the Devil is also according to the witch of the woods and a goat dude with a giant dong! Of course this spells hijinks for the yinzers in the woods as they get lost, screwed up on shrooms, and find themselves in a war between the Devil and the Bigfoots as Bigfoots hitch a ride to the burgh. Lou tries to bond and save these creatures but in the end we all know what happens when the church tries to get involved. The film has many flaws but that is the beauty of Luther’s film: it is a film you grab friends, a case of beer and enjoy its glory because it isn’t going to win an Oscar for the love of Rutger Hauer it’s a gawd damn Yinzer Bigfoot movie as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Relic (On Demand) – So grandma goes missing for a few days and ma and daughter come to her home to hang out in the moldy home. Or as the wife put it: a very long and boring version of ‘Stranger Things’. Take it for what it is as not a whole lot goes on except Grandma is sick and there is something wrong with the house. For me there just wasn’t any payoff after watching this long buildup of a movie as I give it a ½ star.

 

Amityville Island (DVD) – Mark Polonia goes to the “Amityville well” again as a mother of four moves into the cheap area only to become possessed and murder her kids. Sent to prison and on death row she is forced to fight in the basement of the place so it could be streamed for creeps. If that wasn’t enough she is then transferred to some scientist weirdos that label her as Patient 59. Unbeknownst to her captors and weird scientist dudes she is still possessed by the Amityville curse whatever that is? Along the way we meet a freelance reporter who is trying to connect all the murders over the years and how they connect to Patient 59? Don’t get me wrong I love the Polonia Brothers but this film truly feels it is all over the place but really doesn’t have a plot. Also what doesn’t help is I get a possessed shark for three seconds. I felt cheated folks! The shark is on the gawd damn box art! I wanted 75 minutes of an Amityville possessed shark is that too much to ask so in saying that I can only give this Mark Polonia film 1 star because I know Mr. Polonia can do better.

 

D-Railed (DVD) – It is Halloween and there is nothing like a “Murder Mystery Train” party going down where people pay to be a part of dinner and a ‘who done it” play. This is an expensive dinner party so you have to dress the part but as everything is about to start with the train roaring down the tracks a real robbery takes place. Events unfold quickly as people try to stop the robbery with a few people getting shot and the train derailing into a lake bed. The survivors trying to help each other and see if they can get to land easily must contend with a creature looking to consume them. Doesn’t have a strong ending but does have Lance Henriksen explain a few things when needed as I give this neat little horror film 2 ½ stars.

 

Thunder 3 (VHS) – Or as the film is also known to most ‘Thunder Warrior III’. Mark Gregory returns as Thunder for the third time to help defend his Native American community. This time around some racist weekend warrior townsfolk get ahold of Thunder and abuse him and his people. Thunder wanting to do this the right way takes it to the cops and demands money to replace their homes. But the racist townsfolk want none of it so Thunder once again goes all Rambo on their asses and ruins the town until they pay up for revenge. It was pretty much the same as the last two entries but somehow made to look cheaper and less action in some ways as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Raindrops (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst never rests as he has yet another new short film. This time around a plot about a gentleman who is slowly driven insane by raindrops on the window seal. This man soon reacts in a very horrific way in order to remedy the problem. Philip’s shorts get to the point quickly and usually star him as it seems he is challenging himself or teaching different things about filmmaking to himself. I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. His Facebook and YouTube page usually have links to his independent film work that is well worth checking out.

Are You in the House Alone?! (DVD) – I never seen this 1978 after school horror special that starred a young Dennis Quaid. And a little sneaky bastard he is. Gayle is newer to the high school as her parents moved to the neighborhood because it was supposed to be safer and have a safer school for Gayle. Gayle finally getting back into the dating game at the urge of her best friend finds a guy at school that really fits her. But at the same time Gayle is being left nasty notes in her locker and crank calls at her home late in the evening. Gayle with help from her best friend blows it off quickly but as it escalates Gayle becomes worrisome and even goes to the school principal. She is being stalked on her dates and her babysitting job which sets her up to be raped. But instead of her going all “Death Wish’ on the person she finally gets her revenge by proving to people he is an asshole rapist that even his rich family couldn’t get away with. The film opens up with Gayle being taken to the hospital then flashes back to tell the story up until then. The film tries its clever ass off to make you think it is several different people and well worth the payoff as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Black Cobra 2 (DVD) – Never mind I didn’t watch the first flick cause I cannot help myself when it comes to sequels. Anyhow Fred Williamson is a hard-nosed Chicago cop in this Eye-talian action thriller. After Lt. Robert Malone gets himself into an incident with him gunning down a criminal he finds himself in an exchange program with the Philippines. After arriving in the Philippines and getting his wallet stolen he partners up with Nicholas Hammond (TV 70s Spider-man himself). This is when I thought I was in for an excellent action bonerjam! Instead I was in for a limp action flick where it looked like not just Fred but all involved were just going through the motions. It seems the plot of the story is the two go down the rabbit hole of the stolen wallet leads them to a criminal ring of drugs, robbery, and some z-grade violence. One good thing came out of this film and that is we get to see a dude get shot in the dong! I am a huge Fred Williamson fan and 70s Spider-man fan but this was pretty much a dud as I have to give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

 

Grossfest had to cancel! Out of our control

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Yesterday I was filled with hope that we would be able to have Grossfest. But with great displeasure, regret, and sadness we are canceling Grossfest 2020. With the new mandates just handed down by the governor of Pa. we cannot go on and have the event we want to have. From the beginning of Grossfest a couple years ago yinz know we would always be upfront about everything we do and this is no different. We tried our asses off and the virus won. Whether you agreed or disagreed with what we were trying to do this year we gave it our all. First and foremost we thank the fans of the convention, vendors, guests, and future fans of Grossfest for supporting us. Second, The George Washington Hotel and staff kicks fucking ass! They went to great lengths to help this event happen with every phase the state had mandated from the beginning. So please support The George Washington Hotel anyway you can in the future.  Third, Tom Gross, Jen Bootleg Gross, Tammy Main, and Terrence Main all worked their asses off to help put together something different for independent film fans. The hours we put in were a lot more than the past two shows we put together. Grossfest will always strive to be different and support independent cinema in the future… Now saying that remember be nice and respectful to your fellow human, wear a mask, and don’t forget we will see yinz July 24th & 25th, 2021 when Grossfest Returns!

 

P.S. not saying but just sayin there might be something Gross going on outdoors July 25th evening… Heard something from a friend?

Also in the meantime please support all who were going to be vendors at Grossfest the next couple weeks. Even if you can’t purchase anything let them know you care because Grossfest may have been their last chance this year to show off their talented work (links below):

https://www.facebook.com/tony.lavorgne

https://www.facebook.com/Minervatrinkets/

https://www.facebook.com/cultclassichorror/?epa=SEARCH_BOX

https://www.facebook.com/daniel.boyd.142240

https://www.facebook.com/BpoFilms/

https://grossfest.com/2020/03/02/announcement/

https://www.facebook.com/slowmutants

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004080845938&fref=search&__tn__=%2Cd%2CP-R&eid=ARDv49Qx5eNjNvI1WLq5WTPoeTyo3jBp1vYG1iT2hA74O-SfI9psMwqDHvT5_bhACNOoVc-uTfhy_KDQ

https://www.facebook.com/lifelesscreations/

https://www.facebook.com/scott.baucan

https://www.facebook.com/SpiritAnimalMovie/?__tn__=%2Cd%2CP-R&eid=ARCWNlDw097qaovRhm3FLZ5f5bMC-8hmn-InBXxi9QEaeTxLqQAYec9pfE1XxWTwz4nZXkRp5Z0R0uHC

https://www.facebook.com/JessWeary44

https://www.facebook.com/chaosrecreations/

https://www.facebook.com/venuscomplete/

https://www.facebook.com/GraceDuhLeeDesigns/

https://www.facebook.com/1331studios/?ref=br_rs

https://www.facebook.com/slinkyslpv/?eid=ARDuOLF4AJJZX-ovWUnm20iNmwTex0sABqm8qse-Lx86yWxv3RVoki6ozRq4LQPEnk1oc-ZF8XQ3jYVn&timeline_context_item_type=intro_card_work&timeline_context_item_source=100001205221550&fref=tag

https://www.facebook.com/creaturesandcreeprods/

https://www.facebook.com/uvmagazine/

https://www.facebook.com/GothicHunnyDesign/

https://www.facebook.com/SixFeetoFSeparation1/

Grossfest is almost here!

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July 25-26th, 2020 at The George Washington Hotel in Washington, Pa.

http://www.grossfest.com

(Last update before the show: Tim Gross here, honestly people we are all scared with what is going on in the world. But if this is the new normal then we are ready to roll: grab your mask, we got the hand sanitizer, the social distancing of vendors and guests will be in place, and be respectful to your fellow human.  All we ask if you come follow the rules and just like Tom, Terrence, Tammy, Jen, myself, and our volunteers forget about what is going on in the outside world for a few hours. Hang out and check out all the cool vendors, filmmakers, guests, and Angel the coolest tattoo artist you’ll ever meet. Grossfest is just gonna be a little different than past shows. Remember just be nice to your fellow human in these tough times.)

Well…. we had our last meeting with the George Washington hotel staff and…….This year is going to be one for the record books!

The staff have been super great to us and very accommodating! Big shout out to Lia Capito and her crew for really helping make this event come to life! Thanks to them, this year, to help with social distancing, Grossfest will be taking over the entire hotel! Guests and vendors will be spread out throughout different ballrooms to help with social distancing! Each table will be spread 6ft apart as well as we will monitor how many people will be going in to each room to respect people’s social distance.

Award winning head chef of the George Washington hotel James a. Warcholak, will be on hand cooking up some tasty brain tacos for all of us! (I’m being serious, you read that right!) if that is not your thing, there will be other things as well! Menu will be posted soon!

There will be a bar on each level of the hotel for everyone to enjoy!

Second, the movie room will be going both days! We have a lot of cool movies playing this year. Again, to help with social distancing, only a certain amount of people will be allowed in the movie room at one time. To help with that, we will play a couple of movies on Sunday for those who may not be able to get in on Saturday

The hotel and our main goal is to keep everyone safe while we try to show you a good time. If you are sick, please stay home. There will be temperature checks at the door before you enter the show. Also as per the hotel and state , masks are mandatory! They must be worn all day. The only exception is when eating and taking pics. If you are caught without a mask and refuse to comply, you will be asked to leave with no refund. We know this is a touchy subject for some but we must do what is best for everyone and also what the hotel and state are requiring . We are in this together and we want everyone safe!

There will be hand sanitizer throughout the hotel and we recommend fist bumps when greeting each other.

As for pictures, it will be up to the guest or vendor to determine how comfortable they are with pictures.

Table pics are still a go, as long as everyone is comfortable with it.

Lastly, we want everyone to have fun and relax. We have a lot of great vendors and guests this year. This year is gonna be very unique, so bear with us as we all try and make the best out of a situation that is out of our control.

Thank you to everyone and if you have any questions, please feel free to contact us and we will be happy to answer you! See you soon!

 

#grossfest #grossfest2020

Gross Movie Reviews #508

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Gross Movie Reviews #508

Spirit Animal (DVD) – Madeline Deering has made a love letter to The Polonia Brothers, Jon McBride, Todd Sheets, and I am sure a few others that could be mentioned from that bygone era of S.O.V. I easily could have seen myself finding this “we all thought lost 1993 S.O.V. film” in Incredibly Strange Video here in Pittsburgh, Pa.! About 1998, I was finding a lot of these S.O.V. movies from the late 80s and early 90s as independent filmmakers were already using digital video and abandoned the VHS camera. Oh what a time then but that is what makes this such an awesome and unique project as Maddie, Joe, and talented cast got a VHS camera and went into overdrive to get this dream project done. Our story begins at Camp Wannawilla many years ago where a camp counselor is speaking with kids around a campfire about “Spirit Animals”. One child takes exception to this as Aarav believes he can be all of them not just one. Of course the camp counselor meets a horrible death and the camp is closed down. Many years pass and we follow a group of friends to West Virginia on New Year’s Eve to the same Camp Wannawilla. They set up camp, tell the story, and a killer with many animal masks begins slaughtering not just the group but all who enter the woods this New Year’s Eve as a special moon is coming. The music is excellent, ending is fucking great, good editing, good cast, and Maddie puts this all together on a VHS camera, the true old school none of that gimmick shit you get with your fancy laptops and cameras these days! Independent fans rejoice and enjoy because this gets 4 out of 4 stars and will most likely show up on my “Best of 2020 list”.

 

Blade the Iron Cross (On Demand) – So about 20 years too late we get a Blade standalone film Charles Band and Full Moon. Hey I was happy it was going to exist but they also kept it in the Nazi era instead of making it in present time. Bottom line plot wise is a psychic journalist; Elisa owns Blade and brings him to life to fight a Nazi scientist who continues his horrific experiments on humans. This Nazi scientist of course seeks to replicate the Toulon formula but also to enhance it. But Elisa with the help of Blade and a detective try to put a stop to it before it’s too late. For me the question remains do we even get this film if ‘The Littlest Reich’ is ever released? Because I don’t know about you Full Moon fans this movie was just meh as I give it 2 stars.

 

Weedjies! Halloweed Night (On Demand) – Three college girls need to raise funds for their next semester’s tuition so they have a Halloween party. So they rent a hotel in Vegas and Halloween it up for the party. The catch for all to come is that you pay to get in to be a part of a scavenger hunt and whoever wins gets this “ultimate weed”. The party gets going, the hunt begins, and an evil baroness shows up and gets the friends to play an evil game of Ouija that unleashes the “Weedjies”. If they do not capture the Ghoulies-lite extras they will also become part of the game. The Danny Draven film is one of those shut your brain off films that isn’t truly a horror film but kind of fun to watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Yummy (Shudder) – A Dutch horror film about a couple who are going to a shady ass hospital for a breast reduction. Allison feels they are too big and it’s time to do something about them. Finally after a false start because of the boyfriend barging in Allison and the doctors are ready for the surgery. That is until Allison’s boyfriend stumbles in to warn people about the zombie outbreak in the hospital. From there on it is all blood, breasts, and chaos that include a dong on fire! Cool creatures and great effects make this film a riot as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

A Man Called Rage (YouTube) – Another Eye-talian post-apocalyptic film from 1984 that has a lone man named Captain Strike or nicknamed Rage brought to a military facility after he kills like twenty men to begin the film. Rage is a man who never got sick after the nukes but there is many others that did and this group of people living in this facility need his expertise to lead an expedition to find Uranium. They believe with this the people can survive the oncoming illness. Captain Strike agrees and along the way makes a deal with a complete psycho who use to be in his outfit years ago for maps that lead them to an air base in the “Forbidden Lands”. They get there and there is no Uranium but something better… VHS tapes on engineering, seeds, and the bible as I give this fun apocalyptic flick 2 ½ stars.

 

The Torturer (Vimeo) – A short story written by Paul Kane that has made into a short film about a man named Andy Brooks. Andy is thrown into a dark room to be interrogated by a stern man with a clipboard. No backstory, not just yet as this stern figure can’t anything out of Andy except for his name as Andy claims he doesn’t remember anything. What seems like your typical movie interrogation takes a turn when the torture begins and Andy has dreams or flashes of a past life that come to haunt him. An interesting take story wise and worth a look as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. www.LittleSparkFilms.net

Intrusion Disconnected (Google) – This is the long awaited sequel from writer/producer Craig Everett Earl’s 2015 creepy thriller ‘Intrusion’. Mr. Earl and crew waste no time keeping up the creepiness of the connection between Holly and Ray. Some time has passed since the tragic events of the first film and Holly is still nowhere near living a normal life. Convinced Ray is still alive since the police never found his body in the wreckage of the paramedic van’s accident. The nightmares come nightly as Holly wakes up screaming most nights staying with friends just trying to find a way to deal with it. But the gloves are off this time as the anniversary of the horrific event in Holly’s life draws near as there is a slaughter happening and it is slowly closing in on Holly. Craig dives deep into the two characters of Holly and Ray to expand their backstory and show their connection in this bloody sequel. Again they rely heavily on the Holly and Ray characters to move the story along more than blood or sex that is thrown into most Indy films to move them along. This is a unique independent film for the reason it is a true thriller which you do not get much in the low budget world these days and for that I give it 3 out of 4 stars. Katie Stewart and Craig Everett Earl, remember their names as I can see bigger budgeted projects coming their way soon as they are super talented people.

 

Savage Beach (On Demand) – This late 80s big boobied action/adventure flick is about two beautiful DEA agents crash landing on an island that has several people looking for gold. Apparently during WWII a Japanese boat went down nearby or may have shipwrecked on this island as it was carrying a lot of gold that set anybody up for life. So we have a few small groups of individuals trying to dupe the other while they find the gold first. These two beautiful ladies and a strange survivor from WWII just happen to wreck the treasure hunting party. It has a lot adventure hijinks to be put in the 80s sex comedy genre but if you enjoy that genre this will be worth a look as I give it 2 ½ stars for just keeping me entertained all the way through.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Just uploaded three more episodes of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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This episode has it all!  First Kyle talks about the awesome flick THE COLLECTOR.  Then it’s back to the ABC movie of the week for THE VICTIM.  And finally G. Gordon Liddy vs. Wings Hauser in STREET ASYLUM.  We also chat about the mystery of the banging bikers in Dawn of the Dead, Neo-Nazi Kevin James, Bug zappers and their place in the scientific realm, that time Kyle met a very drunk Danny Hicks and he spelled his name wrong.  And we also have news, what we have been watching this week, and a whole lot of other fun stuff.  So download this episode or Jake will stab you with the Canadian dagger.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This week we turn up to talk another 3 more flicks.  First we cover Robert Stack in A STRANGE AND DEADLY OCCURRENCE.  Then we have Kyle talking about a ho-hum mid 2000’s thriller in VACANCY A.K.A. Ned Flanders Snuff Hotel.  And John brings a Corman classic to the table in BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS.  Was also chat about drink dispensing belt buckles,  missing nipples, Why Kyle has never ever seen and Abbot and Costello flick,  That time Quincy took on Punk Rockers, And as always we chat about what we have seen and all the news that’s fit to print (or make up in Bloody Disgusting’s case).  So download this episode or Quincy will slam dance on yer face!

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This time we return to talk about 3 more fine flicks to watch in a corona filled world.  First we have a David Hebert join about Amish surviving the apocalypse in DEADLY REACTOR.  Then we check out a 100% accurate documentary on one of the greatest president ever in FDR: AMERICAN BAD ASS.  And finally we have THE COTTAGE starring Golem and an inbred redneck.  We also chat about local murders, Joe Bob warning us about streaming services, and as always we talk about what we have been watching and all the news that came up.  So, download this episode or David Epstein will give you a massage.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Cannibal Hookers review

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Cannibal Hookers (Vimeo/Remake) – So the independent icon Donald Farmer is back with his latest project and it is a remake of his 1987 independent cult classic ‘Cannibal Hookers’. Carmilla is a beautiful all powerful woman that sleeps in a casket for no other reason than she is the leader and her blood gives cannibal immortality to other young ladies or in this case “hookers”. We get several scenes of the cannibal hookers eating their clients or johns (one of them being the famous Addison Binek) until they come across Kristen. They take interest in her and bring Kristen into the group. But with bringing her into the group she has baggage like a crazy, shouting priest Kristen ran away from. On top of that we have a bounty hunter searching every dark place she can looking for the cannibal hookers to kill them. The feature is fun, a little sleazy, and of course knowing the icon Donald Farmer is still going strong. But what didn’t help the film is the filler or cannibals at the bootleg Chucky Cheese place, the quick kill of the crazy priest, and the use or lack of “the bounty hunter”. Overall I believe I am a bigger fan of ‘Shark Exorcist’ but this remake did give the line of the year “We are sisters with benefits” and for that I give the entertaining flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars.  

Gross Movie Reviews #507

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Gross Movie Reviews #507

The Cottage (DVD) – A UK horror/comedy that stars Andy Serkis as one of three men who devise a plan to kidnap a beautiful young daughter of a notorious club owner. Things go well for the three a whole five minutes until follies begin to happen like one of them forgetting their cell phone, needing to check in with the wife, the third being followed and checking the bag for ransom money. It’s one laugh after the next until the night club send in the boys to clean up the mess as they find the three hiding out at a cottage in a small village. Then the story change as one of the kidnappers’ and the young lady traveling the woods start finding a gory mess of body parts and a huge ‘Wrong Turn’ extra that is slicing and dicing anyone near his cottage. A wonderful and gory entertaining film for the horror fan looking to find their horror fix as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Deadly Reactor (You Tube) – In a supposedly post-nuke world where only Amish communities still exist a man (David Heavener) is left for dead and his family gunned down by an evil gang leader named “Hog”. Hog likes to lay waste to the innocent and buy guns and drugs in this new post-nuke world. The man left for dead was a preacher but is taught by an old man to be a gunfighter who heads to the first Amish community that has been taken over by Hog to fight back. He becomes sheriff and convinces the town for the long term they will need to fight back even if they do not believe in violence. There are bits and pieces of backstory between characters of what started the war that got them into this desolate future but never fleshed out. Sorry kids post-apocalypse film I am always curious about those details and especially during a dull B-flick from the end of the 80s as I give it 1 star.

 

Hogzilla (Shudder) – Joe Bob or no Joe Bob this film was terrible and Joe Bob Briggs was correct to rip it during one of his recent shows that had Darcy show it. A news crew heads into the Florida woods (yep, you heard me) to do a story on a rampaging giant mutant hog. Save your time, your effort, and being angry you made yourself watch this and go watch ‘Razorback’ again? Or check out the recent ‘Boar’ with Nathan Jones as this flick was just complete hot garbage and should have stayed lost as I give the 2008 film 0 stars.

 

The Intruder (DVD) – A group of people are invited to an island get together, weekend fling, whatever you wanna call it as a friend/relative has died and they are there for a reading of the will. This so-called death of a friend died in a plane crash over the Amazon and supposedly before his death got gold to his island retreat and hid it somewhere within its walls. As night falls and the people supposedly go to bed at the estate that is when the action begins and the bodies start to pile up quickly. While all left in the retreat are scared and wonder if one of them is killing others off an unknown killer lurks around the island taking care of business. I don’t like its multiple endings or places they could have ended but definitely worth a watch as this 1975 film starring Mickey Rooney and Yvonne DeCarlo was only released in 2017. For some reason the film was finished and shelved for decades. Could not find out exactly why it was shelved and for that long but again it is a solid “who dun it” film from the 70s for the older cinema nerds as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Beyond Dream’s Door (DVD) – Ben Dobbs is a young man who has many nightmares but his latest Ben has been keeping track of. The nightmares have seemed to be interconnecting and bring this to the attention of his professor of his Psych class. Ben has written them down word for word for his professor to read. He even has a daydream during class where he writes a phrase that makes confide in his professor about it. Professor Knox begins to read and feels like he is a part of it some weird magical way and asks for Ben to come over that evening so they can figure out where to go with the nightmare. Figure out what the nightmare means in general. Soon anyone associated with Ben or Professor Knox becomes a part of the nightmare. It is a film that will either be super dull to viewers or really radical for others as it is one those dreams bleed into reality with a cool looking demon that lurks throughout the nightmare chasing Ben as I give it 2 stars.

 

Deadly Impact (DVD) – Another Eye-talian production that was filmed in Arizona and Vegas where two old friends George (Bo Svenson) and Lou (Fred Williamson) get together for some unintentional action. George the cop keeps trying to arrest Lou a helicopter pilot just for any reason he can find but keep finding themselves chasing after two wannabe mob guys who caught onto a couple’s scam in Vegas. The couple was using computers to beat the system (its 1984 folks) to gain enough money to buy a ranch in Arizona and retire. These two mob extras catch on, follow them, and then kill the boyfriend and now track the girlfriend to get the money. George and Lou just keep finding themselves in one action scene after another trying to catch these two before they get away with the money. This film was actually a disappointment to me. Surprise, surprise folks I found a Fred Williamson flick I wasn’t that into as it felt like the film doesn’t go anywhere most of the time. Even though there is a couple cool car stunts just felt dull and the filmmaker didn’t know what to do with these veteran actors or there may have not been much of a script? Anyway I thought I was in for a treat but it turned out to be like stepping in dog poo in your backyard when you do not own a dog as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

River of Death (DVD) – Finally track down this Michael Dudikoff flick and didn’t know he else was in it until I started watching? We got Donald Pleasance as a Nazi war criminal financing an expedition and Robert Vaughn as a Nazi doctor who escaped in the Amazon to still perform his experiments. It begins in 1945 to give us a little backstory on the two Nazi war criminals and their plan to escape to South America. Then we are thrusted to 1965 where Dudikoff’s character is a man trying to make a few bucks being a guide through the Amazon jungle as he knows some of the tribes who live there and is putting together a map that leads to a lost city. He leads a father and daughter into the jungle to find out the strange cause of an illness that has stricken the tribes but is attacked and the daughter taken prisoner. Hell bent on going back Dudikoff gets financing from Pleasance to go in, find the lost city and its treasure. A very uneven story with a lot going on that is not the usual Dudikoff affair action buffs are use too. The film has star power, Dudikoff, and somewhat of a believable story to like movie wise but it just seems like it never hits its stride during the production as I give it 2 stars.

 

Cooking with Roger (DVD) – Indy filmmaker Jim Roberts unleashes his latest short film with the help of filmmaker Jorge Delarosa and crew that has an odd couple trying to film their cooking show for one of the social streaming sites. Roger with the help of his assistant or sister is trying to cook up something special for folks to try at home. Roger decides lets head to his son’s garden for some exotic herbs and veggies to add to the soup he is going to make? Roger convinces his assistant that a mushroom would be perfect for the soup even though he was told not to pick it or eat it. Now mind yinz they are filming their shenanigans sloppily throughout as they are very unschooled in what is proper for their cooking show that just adds to the authenticity of the amateur cooking show. Roger adds the mushroom to the soup, both he and his assistant taste the soup, and quickly they see a disgusting elf that convinces them they need more mushrooms. As both of them keep filming and keep devouring the soup and mushrooms Roger’s son shows up for the chaos. And sadly for Roger’s son it devolves into a horror show for all on the internet to enjoy! I give this evil fun and brilliance of a short film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Ouija Shark (DVD) – Well you had me at ‘Shark’ and 69 minutes running time. Our story begins with a young beautiful lady finding a Ouija board that washed ashore where she decided to take a swim. Jill picks it up and takes along to the all-girls pool party she is attending with a college friend. After some swimming and cooking out she convinces the other young women to play along on the Ouija board. Of course something strange happens and Jill has an odd dream. Next day a spirit shark shows up in the woods and begins chasing down and munching down on humans. After Jill consults with her father who happens to be a “medium” and a couple friends become lunch to the spirit shark she grabs the leather for the climatic fight with the spirit shark. Not to mention the film ‘Ouija’ is reference several times and oh yeah we get some weird Mortal Kombat shit with the spirit shark in the climatic fight. This light-hearted and entertaining independent shark film was well worth the watch as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Tunnels (DVD) – This horror film promised rats and instead I got a thriller about corrupt newspaper owner trying to get rid of the city’s homeless. Pam the editor at The Guardian is challenged to take on the next story no matter how big or how little by the paper photographer. She does as it involves an exterminator taking her into the bowels of the old building looking for rats but instead finds the owner’s brother of the newspaper. From there the story turns from rats to trying to break the story about all the homeless disappearing and why. I may have been a little disappointed I didn’t have another giant rat invasion movie to watch. But go look at the star power that was in this film because they are the reasons I kept watching this lesser known thriller as I give it 2 stars.

 

Teenage Slumber Party Nightmare (DVD) – I didn’t have high hopes for this as I seen it described as a possible homage to ‘Slumber Party Massacre’ but I was expecting something fun in this independent feature. Instead we all get a very dull, uninteresting film if that is what you wanna call it about supposedly 16 year old girls having a slumber party during spring break. The girls are stalked by a 50 year old teenager named Kort who is in love with all the teenage girls at this slumber party. The film fails on all accounts as you should at least try to do something with your hot garbage script before you even try filming something that resembles a half-ass production done with your parents’ camera in one day. Or to keep it simple folks don’t insult us fans of the independent horror genre with your dumb shit that looks like a complete waste of time. I give it a can of dog poo that sat out in the hot sun and smells worse than when it was first picked up!

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

New episode of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks is up!

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This week we bring you yet again 3 more flicks from the far flung corners of the video stores.  First John covers the giallo flick THE STRANGE VICE OF MRS. WARDH.  Then Tim talks about a 90’s action flick starring Wings Hauser in GHETTOBLASTER.  And finally Kyle chats about a flick made up of 2 short films based on the works of Stephen king in STEPHEN KING’s NIGHTSHIFT COLLECTION VOL.1.  We also cover this week’s current watches,  answer your questions, and chew the fat about such subjects like,,, Our most horrible bicycle injuries, Joe Bob’s gutsy showing of Cannibal Holocaust, Crazy ass convention guests, alien conspiracy flicks you can watch on Netflix, The Labyrinth and who can or cannot fill Bowies’ codpiece And so much more.  So download this episode or puppet David Bowie will kidnap your children.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #506

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Gross Movie Reviews #506

 

Scream, Queen! My Nightmare on Elm Street (Shudder) – A documentary that has been years in the making that centers on the actor Mark Patton from the second film in the series. For many years Mark was blamed by many fans for the failure of the sequel. In reality it did not fail it was just pointed out how “gay” the film was and the blame was placed on Mark Patton by the writer of the film and many critics over the years. This project and the aftermath changed his life so much he chose to walk away until he was contacted for the ‘Never Sleep Again’ documentary about the whole series and this is where Mark’s journey begins. A very interesting look into an industry that can just crush a human being into nothing but Mark has made it past it all to enjoy what he has now. This is a must watch for every Elm Street fan and horror fans in general as I give this 4 stars. For me I just always felt the film never fit the flow of the series and seemed darker than the first. But also too I wasn’t looking for the gay subplot like so many and just watching it for what it was a sequel. And for the love of Freddy ‘The Dream Child’ was just downright terrible not ‘Freddy’s Revenge’ and so glad Mark is on top of the world now.

 

Itsy Bitsy! (DVD) – A black egg is stolen from an ancient tribe and it is given to an old man for his now deceased wife. But the old man doesn’t see it that way and unwilling to trade or sacrifice to this ancient egg, things are predicted to go bad in his life soon. When the egg is broken it unleashes this huge hideous spider that slowly takes over the attic of his new neighbors or nurse and family who are going to take care of him. While things disappear, strange noises are heard, and the family is breaking a part slowly the huge spider is planning on the family being the feast it wants. Not a great spider film, it’s more of a second rate Goosebumps film than something fun as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Victim (YouTube) – A 1972 TV movie starring everybody’s sweetheart from the ‘Bewitched’ show, Elizabeth Montgomery where she plays a character named Kathryn Wainwright. Kathryn is worried about her soon-to-be divorced younger sister Suzie. So Kathryn travels to her sister’s out of the way place during a storm that has knocked out phone lines and roads. Once there Kathryn cannot find Suzie and has learned from a friend of Suzie’s the long time housekeeper was fired a while ago. As the mystery thickens the soon-to-be ex-husband shows up and the housekeeper is still lurking around. A quite fun TV mystery worth checking out if you got 70 minutes to burn as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Strange and Deadly Occurrence (YouTube) – A TV movie from 1974 that looked like it had potential starring Robert Stack and Vera Miles. They are a family with their teenage daughter move out from the big city to the mountain small town area. First six months of living there everything is just fine then all of sudden problems with the electricity; a weird ass doctor dude asking to buy the place, gopher problems, and the daughter is having some strange dreams at night. The cops have been a few times and just believe it is the rich city folk overreacting, but when the weird doctor shows up dead in the pool things get interesting… Or should have? Not to give too much away like I did on our podcast Bloodbaths and Boomsticks: The buildup was cool but the payoff can go suck a bag of dicks because it was lame as I give this limp entry of a TV movie 1 star.

Shellmont County Massacre (DVD) – A small town has a serial killer problem suddenly and it quickly gets out of hand when a young man in a clown mask decides to start knocking on peoples’ doors. He absolutely enjoys the horror he brings to those who open the door. The serial killer is nicknamed “The Shellmont Butcher” when the bodies keep piling up and the sheriff no longer wants to bring the killer to justice but just end his existence. The actors were good, great exploding head effect along with some fun gore scenes, but the middle of the film feels more like filler than actually having something to keep you interested throughout the film. Hack off ten minutes or so of the filler and I believe independent fans are saying a lot of great things about this film as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Battle Beyond the Stars (DVD) – Plain and simple this was Roger Corman’s answer to ‘Star Wars’… ‘The Magnificent Seven’ in outer space. A peaceful planet is threatened to be destroyed in a few days by an overlord in John Saxon. A young man is sent out into space to seek out mercenaries who would be willing to help their cause in fighting this overlord. Depending how you are looking at the ship the kid is flying it is either a huge ballsack or a pair of giant boobies! Anyhow the young man finds some characters who are more than willing to help fight Sador in a war in which Sador has never lost. The biggest threat to them all is the weapon called “Stellar Converter”, if they can stop that they can stop Sador. For 1980 and on a Corman budget the film still holds up somewhat today as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Milwaukee Murders (VHS) – A never released S.O.V. movie with big hair, so-called twenty-something actors playing high school kids, an exploding Ford Pinto, and a killer on the loose. But it isn’t just any killer it is Vanessa’s boy toy Huey who is being teased for seeing an older woman by his friends. Vanessa convinces Huey to kill for her and as proof she wants body parts. But be careful what you wish for Vanessa as it backfires and Huey comes for her also! The movie is terrible and hilarious as you can see why it was never released intentionally. Even it is bad I am glad I did get to watch it as I give it maybe… 1 star.

Massacre on Aisle 12 (DVD) – It is Christmas Eve and Dave has started his new job at the big hardware store. Dave and another employee try to move a heavy tool crib until they open it and find out along with all the store employees there is a dead body in it. Also a large sack of money! The employees are faced with a dilemma keep the money or call the cops. Or just lockdown the store and awkwardly not try to kill each other while trying to act like you don’t want the money… Money or not the bodies drop quickly and the filmmakers use the location to its fullest as I give this fun little horror comedy 3 stars.

 

Thunder (VHS) – Mark Gregory, a young Native American comes back home only to find trouble quickly with his local law officers. If that wasn’t bad enough a construction company has begun to build on the ancient cemetery that is protected by a treaty between the government and Indians many years ago. Thunder tries to do the right thing and take it to the authorities, the bank, but none of give a crap because he is a Native American. So Thunder decides to go to war with the police department and the construction company himself. The authorities try to make it out like Thunder is a crazy person but a news reporter who happens to be driving through the town stays to write a story. This might be the only way Thunder isn’t killed by the authorities? A fun Eye-talian rip-off of ‘First Blood’ starring Bo Svenson as the sheriff and it was shot in Arizona in 1983 as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Thunder 2 (VHS) – After barely escaping a few years back Thunder returns to his small town again but this time he returns as a deputy sheriff who was hired by the governor. Thunder quickly learns of a corrupt deputy that is taking advantage of young poor Native Americans with drugs. Soon Thunder finds himself framed and sent to county jail. But of course that doesn’t last long as he breaks out and goes to war again with the town and the police. The first film was a fun rip-off where the sequel seems more like a thrown together film in hopes of making a quick buck with no thought as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Blood Feast (remake/DVD) – I had no expectations going into this film because just like everyone else I felt this had been done already… ‘Blood Diner’ anyone! Hell even ‘Blood Feast 2’ made a decade or two ago? But of course that didn’t stop anyone as an American family the Ramses headed to Paris six months ago and started an American restaurant. The owner Fuad is having tough times so he picks up a second job working night shift at a museum. One morning Fuad loses his pills which are critical to his health and that night is when he witnesses Ishtar. Ishtar has fascinated Fuad so much he goes to the library and does research on the goddess. Thus the research makes Fuad believe he has found the answer to his failings in Paris and it starts with a feast that upcoming Saturday night with his family. Not only is he feeding on those he is killing but his family will also feast all in the name of Ishtar. There is doubt the film is gory as hell and Robert Rusler has that voice that just fits the role for the film but I was still not impressed overall. The film isn’t overall and maybe this is more for the newest generation of horror fans but I will always have ‘Blood Diner’ as I give this film 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Yes we are crazy as we got two more episodes for your listening pleasures

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This week we return despite the corona virus to bring you some more movies to talk about.  First we have Sybil Danning in PANTHER SQUAD.  Then John breaks out another made for television flick directed by Stephen Spielberg in SOMETHING EVIL. And lastly Kyle talks about fish dudes chasing some folks around a village in Europe in Stuart Gordon’s H.P. Lovecraft adaptation DAGON.  Also we have tales of drinking with Sasquatch, why Kyle loves to see Thor slapping children, How to cure your dog of every aliment.  And as always we read your questions, and chat about what we have been watching this week.  So, download this episode or the band A.C. will play your bar-mitzvah.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This week in celebration of beating the Corona virus we change it up a little and talk about our own personal memories of our local mom and pop video stores.  What were the movies you rented?  What local weirdos were lurking about?  What strange things happened in that weird “back room”?  All will be explained!  Also we cover what we have been watching and have a ton of stories from the fans about their own local video stores.  So download this episode or all your late fees will double.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/