Gross Movie Reviews #411

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Gross Movie Reviews #411

 

Odd Thomas (DVD) – Anton Yelchin plays a young man that does not have anything tying him down except for his beautiful girlfriend that knows his secret. Odd Thomas can see dead people. They don’t talk, get upset, or bother people but they use Odd to help them resolve issues. But what else come with that is these ghastly creatures he will encounter from time to time when there is evil present. Odd has a knack of solving murders and cold cases because of this gift and the local detective played by Willem Dafoe is thankful for this. We also get a weird but funny appearance from Arnold Voosloo who hangs out at a tire shop all day and makes jokes with his severed hand. The film is based on a series of Dead Koontz books which sad to say without Anton I cannot see a studio trying to continue the series as of now on the big screen. I give this nice surprise of a movie 3 stars.

 

Satan’s Storybook (VHS) – A lost shot-on-video anthology that stars Ginger Lynn (Allen) the former porn star as a ninja who her and her companion are in the realm of hell to kidnap Satan’s queen. After the companion is killed Ginger the ninja is able to kidnap the queen only to find out it is her sister which Satan told her that Ginger’s character was killed. So Satan sends out his minions to search for her as his jester tries to calm the dark lord with stories of a mass murderer brought back to life by a witch and a clown who hangs himself after being fired. When the queen is returned to Satan she leaves for the Black Forest with her sister upset at Satan. Of course Satan lied to you but it just makes the movie that much more of a fun hokey watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Devil’s Candy (DVD) – A man and his wife find a house cheap mainly because shortly after a man happened to hear Satan speaking to him and he killed his parents. But the man has returned to the home and wants to stay at the same time the father who is an artist keeps blanking out from our world and begins to paint these crazy images. These new paintings only get him in trouble with his daughter as he keeps losing time every time he enters the barn to paint and he is beginning to hear voices. Some cool satanic metal shit goes down in this movie (example: the killer plays a guitar loud to drown out Satan) but some things are left unexplained possibly because of cuts to the film. The movie at times felt like there was a lot more (15 to 20 minutes more) because of a couple characters that were introduced but not fully developed. This is not “Deathgasm” but maybe something a little more low key for fans of this type of horror movies as I give it 2 stars.

The Ice Cream Truck (DVD/Vimeo) – A young married woman named Mary has moved back to her small home town from the busy West Coast. She has arrived to get the house in order while her husband and kids are still finishing school and work. Mary meets the neighbors and they talk her into coming to a graduation party to hang and see the rest of the weird ass neighbors. As they establish how weird suburbia can be compared to the big city a dude with an old school ice cream truck roams the neighborhood at all hours of the day and night. Now this where the film gets itself in a little horror movie trouble: Is it a thriller/slow burn kind of thing where you are waiting for Mary to fuck the 18 year old dude? Oh which by the way who cares if his girlfriend gets killed by the young ice cream serving lunatic? Or is it a true gruesome slasher flick about the ice cream kid and his truck?  Plus you should know as a filmmaker ahead of time hey half ass horror fan will compare this to the Clint Howard classic of the 90s. I enjoy the creepy suburbia back drop and characters but the lack of trying to explain why exactly The Ice Cream Truck killer is there in the neighborhood hurts this film for the long run. Cool poster, good idea, but poor execution and its inevitable comparison to Clint Howard’s cult classic will hurt this film in the long run as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. Check out more about it at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

 

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (DVD) – Apparently Tom Cruise meant Pittsburgh as they go away from what they did great in the first flick and using Pittsburgh as the back drop. But in this sequel Jack Reacher helps out a fellow military officer who is screwed over when she investigates the deaths of two of her personnel overseas. The two race around avoiding authorities to prove her innocence and bring down the plotting officers within the army. The sequel is a far cry from the first film but doesn’t do itself any favors as this film seem to lack heart as I give it 2 stars.

 

The House on Willow St. (DVD) – Four criminals get together to plan out a kidnapping for quick ransom that will help all of them out. It’s an easy money grab or so they believe as they spend six weeks planning. But once they move in on the house for the kidnapping nothing seems to be right. It seems a little too easy. They find the girl and take her to an abandoned warehouse where they make the call for ransom demand. Problem is no one is calling back or seems to care. Strange things begin to happen to all four but nothing serious just yet as two stay at the warehouse to watch the girl and the other two go back to the house. Before they know it the girl they kidnapped just happens to be possessed by a demon that wants their souls and there is a house full of mutilated bodies that now has their fingerprints. The movie asks the question: What do you do next? I wasn’t thrilled with the film but did enjoy the gore and different concept for a horror movie as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Devil’s Dolls (Blu-ray) – Henry is a bad ass serial killer that uses a “Slumber Party Massacre”-like drill to kill his victims. But one gets away, finds authorities, and they gun him down. A detective who been tracking him down for a long time has Henry’s box of trinkets that happen to be evil. The detective’s little girl makes jewelry out of them and sells them at the second hand shop. Anyone that holds one of these dolls/trinkets becomes evil and starts fucking people up! The film keeps it quick, simple, and bloody and gives the paranormal genre a little twist as I give it 3 stars.

Garden Party Massacre (DVD/Vimeo) – Filmmaker Gregory Blair gives us a film about a couple (Caleb and Addison) who are having a small gathering that the theme is ‘no cell phones’. The party is all about people interacting with each other. The socially awkward party begins when all the characters show up and begin eating until a psycho with a pick axe shows up and kills the annoying girl. Now Caleb and Addison and fellow guests must figure out how to escape the house and make a run for it as the psycho killer has them trapped. The killer wants blood, the guests are in a state of panic, and Mr. Blair throws a curve ball for the party guests as much more happens. I would love to say more but then I would just be giving away the movie. Blair and company make great use of the house and backyard but the story set up and the actors playing the characters are the gems of this movie. The actors should be proud of what they done because they were simply entertaining and made this typical horror movie into so much more! I was just happy to see a movie with a title like this made but for the horror flick to be this much fun was just icing or blood on top of the red velvet cake (watch the movie you’ll understand). Plain and simple the movie was fucking brilliant and may show up on my “Best of 2017 list” as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. Go to www.gardenpartymassacrefilm.com for more details.

 

The People Who Own the Dark (VHS) – A Spanish film starring Paul Naschy of course about some government executives going to a castle in the middle of nowhere to get their freak on! But before the body fluids can flow like wine nuclear bombs have hit nearby causing blindness in people who were not in the castle’s catacombs. Now it’s everyone for themselves in this new post-apocalyptic world as the group of persons makes their way to a village for food and decides how bad is it? After killing one of the villagers and grabbing food they are eventually tracked down by the blind village who want revenge. The 1976 film has some odd pacing to it but has a pretty dark outlook of what happen to people who seen the blast and being affected by the radiation fallout. I give the post-apocalyptic 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

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Gross Movie Reviews #387

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Gross Movie Reviews #387

 

Parker (DVD) – In this 2013 Jason Statham film, Statham plays a man named Parker who just happens to be a thief. In gets in with a group of guys to rob the Ohio State Fair but the four other guys want a bigger heist (diamonds and jewels) after it is over. Parker wants out so they kill him or so they thought as they leave him on the side of the road. A nice old couple finds Parker left for dead and take him to the hospital. From there Parker finds out as much info about the next heist as he can so he can plot his revenge and get his cut of the state fair heist. Remember its principal folks… But Nick Nolte gets involved, and then Jennifer Lopez as a failing real estate agent gets involved and the mob is involved. A really fun heist movie that has a lot of Statham kicks to the face action. The film is a bit like the Mel Gibson flick ‘Payback’? But anyhow Statham fans make sure you check this film out if you haven’t already as I give it 3 stars.

 

Cavegirl (DVD) – I remember this sex comedy (if that is what you want to call it?) from the “USA Up All Night” days with Rhonda Shear. Daniel Roebuck is a nerd named Rex who goes on a class field trip to an old mine. Rex finds himself in prehistoric world of sorts when he finds a weird stone in the cave and touches it. After Rex realizes he just went through a time warp and is chased by a giant bear a Cavegirl finds him so he tries to communicate and live among her tribe. Mid-80s film trying to cash in on the end of the sex comedy craze that is on the lower tier but still a fun trip down memory lane of knowing this type film exists. Thank you Rhonda Shear as I give the flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Fist of Fury (DVD) – Bruce Lee comes back to his master’s home only to find him being buried and his former school being pushed around. So Bruce Lee does what he does best and beats the holy shit out of everyone from the other school. I give it 2 stars.

 

Dragon Blade (DVD) – This Jackie Chan film caught me off guard as it stars John Cusack and Adrien Brody and based on true events of a Chinese man who got in the middle of warring Romans. Chan’s character is a man of honor and peace with the help of his fellow soldiers they try to keep peace in the land and keep everybody friendly. Then Brody’s Roman character comes along and wants everyone dead! This wasn’t the usual ‘Rumble in the Bronx’ and ‘Police Story’ stuff I am usually seeing Jackie Chan in. Plus, John Cusack as a Roman general, weird but interesting stuff I say as I give it 2 stars.

 

Rotgut (DVD) – A couple of hobos in a back alley find a bottle of tequila in the dumpster to keep them drunk today… Problem is the stuff as just been recalled for unknown reasons. After drinking it and trying to eat 2 for 99 cent hot dogs both begin to get sick especially after the one drank the worm. Meanwhile, one of our main characters Leon comes in to his shitty bartending job at the local bar that is on the verge of closing and must buy some booze as their supply is low. So the vendor he deals with lets Leon have some of the recalled booze so it can be the “special of the day” at the bar. A few regulars show up to their daily dose along with a random combat veteran back from the war not know their day will come to an end when the crazy ranting hobos show up. The infected booze begins changing all who drink it and eventually making your guts explode or sloppy ass worms burst out of your skull. If that wasn’t enough the ATF is trying to track down all the recalled tequila. The film has its moments of gooey goriness but never commits to being as fun and crazy as a ‘Slime City’ as I give 2 out of 4 stars to the recalled booze flick. More info or to purchase the DVD go to: www.campmotionpictures.com or www.alternativecinema.com .

the-ghosts

The Ghosts of Johnson Woods (DVD) – A project from Glenn Berggoetz I have been following ever since Glenn announced Joe Bob Briggs was casted for it. Of course the talented Mr. Berggoetz writes, directs, and produces this project and goes off the beaten path of his usual projects that are injected with comedy, horror, and sometimes the absurd. Glen goes the direction of dramatic thriller of a boy meets girl, girl convinces boy to make a movie just involving themselves to get famous. Lenny and Heather rip ‘Blair Witch Project’ and discuss what and how they can do it on Lenny’s iPhone. Cheap, easy, make quick cash… A friendship is born in a weird way between Lenny and Heather as both want a movie but for different reasons. After settling on the “Johnson Woods” legend as their backdrop, Lenny and Heather pick a good spot in the woods and begin filming. As a viewer you get to see the relationship grow between the two even though we are never introduced to Heather’s parent or parents and the only other main character is Lenny’s dad (Joe Bob Briggs) and a hooker. As the relationship and film blossoms a creep factor sets in, especially in the last ten minutes of the film. No nudity, not much blood, interesting oddity of boy meets girl storyline, but the creepiness of the ending makes this strange tale an amazing independent thriller that will make movie fans cringe with fear! Glenn you made a cringe worthy film as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on the film or Glenn check out: www.facebook.com/glenn.berggoetz and www.facebook.com/ghostsofjohnsonwoods .

 

A Werewolf in the Amazon Collection (DVD) – This collection is a three-disc set from Camp Motion Pictures that has four movies from Brazilian director Ivan Cardoso and a disc filled with short films worthy of hardcore cinema fans pursuing through. The collection not only brings some of the filmmaker’s films to America on DVD but gives you access to stuff some fans have not seen yet? The first film in the collection is 1982’s ‘The Secret of the Mummy’. The best way I can describe is if an old school mummy film was a sex comedy dream… The second film in the collection is 1986’s ‘The Seven Vampires’ where a bizarre man-eating plant from Africa supposedly kills a scientist and turns his wife into a vampire? Maybe… While trying to move on from the death of her husband she has bloodless bodies stacking up around her. Third flick is 1990’s ‘The Scarlet Scorpion’ which is about a popular radio soap opera that everyone listens to on a nightly basis. The show becomes even more popular when someone begins to copy the murders from the show. And then the final flick starring Paul Naschy is 2005’s ‘A Werewolf in the Amazon’. Naschy is Dr. Moreau who has moved his experiments and work to the deep jungles of the Amazon. But is found by a group of friends who are there to see the sights and trip their asses off. Moreau is feverishly looking for his own cure but may have found it in one of the women of the group. If you are a hardcore cinema nerd or a cult film collector this collection is right up on your alley as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars as it can be found at www.campmotionpictures.com or www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Pray For Death (DVD) – Sho Kosugi moves his family to America on the persistence of his wife to start his own business. But things go south when some jewels go missing that was hidden under the floor of the business. Some crooked cops and the mob is involved and tries to hurt or kill Kosugi’s family believing they may have found the jewels and keeping them? Kosugi won’t stand for this so brings out his old ninja uniform and starts throwing Chinese stars and back flipping everywhere. And if there is one thing that sums up this crazy mid-80s ninja flick it is: Ninja vs. chainsaw! Done!!! I am in every time folks. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Pillow Talk (YouTube) – A new filmmaker (Mitch Dolan of Bummer City Youth Productions) or someone just trying to experiment film wise has made a shot film which involves time travel, Donald Trump’s diary, a lot of talk about cock sucking, and yes, aliens! Weird… art… complete crap? Not totally sure but it did make me laugh a few times as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. Go check it out at: www.instagram.com/mitch.dolan or www.vimeo.com/182429792 .

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The Barn (Drive-in Theater) – Sam and Josh are just two normal high school seniors enjoying their last Devil’s Night and Halloween. Sam gets in trouble with his dad after Josh and he scare the shit out of Linnea Quigley’s character. Now Sam has to collect food for their church on Halloween and then face being grounded. But it’s Halloween and Sam refuses it to be shitty. So after seeing on TV about a band playing at a nearby town Sam and Josh come up with an idea to find a ride with friends to the concert and collect stuff in the small nearby town. When they arrive at the creepy small throwback community they find a barn. Is it ‘The Barn’ from a story that originated 30 years ago they have heard as kids that was haunted? They test the theory and just happen to awake three bad ass demons that want nothing more than blood and murder on Halloween night! Once ‘The Barn’ doors open and the demons arise, no one is safe as the creatures just begin to slash through the locals. We even get a “Yinzer” Crazy Ralph character that helps give the backstory of the demons. Now it’s up to Sam and Josh to find a way to send the demons back to hell! ‘The Barn’ is a perfect mix of 80s horror classics with a new and exciting touch to it. We get scary (amazing looking) demons, gore, Linnea Quigley and Ari Lehman, and the right amount of 80s corny horror cheese that made those horror movies so much fun! This film is a perfect Halloween-time movie that belongs on all horror fans’ watch list every Halloween… Literally watching the film I was saying to myself: I will watch this film every Halloween! It reminded me of such films: Neon Maniacs, Killer Party, Night of the Demons, Trick or Treat, horror classics that never get old. Kids, I give ‘The Barn’ 4 out of 4 stars and hands down one of the best horror films I have seen since I was a kid renting horror movies for Halloween. Check out www.nevermoreproductionfilms.com for more info.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.