Gross Movie Reviews #512

0

Gross Movie Reviews #512

 

Curse of the Blind Dead (DVD) – Many years ago these Knight Templars are holding a ritual that includes a pregnant woman and a symbol that is not about God. The ritual is so rudely interrupted by some God-fearing villagers and the Templars are of course blinded and sentenced to death! It’s now present day Eye-talian apocalypse and a man and daughter are traveling through the woods trying to get to a location that claims salvation? They are jumped by a few marauders but saved by some very serious weirdo survivors that say, “Come to our community.” Soon they find out the weirdo priest and survivors that follow him want the unborn child from the daughter because they are preparing for the ritual of the Templars. Oh by the way the Templars back years ago claim they were trying to stop the apocalypse? Bad news the father cuts his thumb off to get out of some cuffs and save his daughter and escape, the other baby that was for the ritual is still-born, and the blind zombie Templars are now pissed! A gory mess happens as they massacre the community as the daughter gets away and eventually finds the salvation they were looking for only to understand there is no escaping the Templars prophecy. First, this isn’t a remake, reboot, or whatever just some folks that were fans of the series. Second, I am not a fan of the original series but glad I gave this one a chance because I like the whole post-apocalyptic storyline and tying it in with the Templars. Not all the effects are great but I was surprisingly happy with this feature and hope there is another soon as I give it 3 stars.

Marley’s Revenge The Monster Movie (VHS) – A super low budget film that was released sometime in 1989 that centers around two gentlemen trying to illegally get two relatives into the country. But the two dudes are mistaken for drug smugglers by the local rednecks and leaving them for dead on an island. Of course this doesn’t go as planned as Marley one of the two relatives on the island that are trying to get into the U.S. loses his shit and conjures a dinosaur and an army of zombies! This sets up the rest of the film where the two gentlemen are trying to escape the island in hilarious fashion by going by an “Africa Dan” book. Watch the movie the Africa Dan part is hilarious as I give this flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Sea Fever (On Demand) – An Irish student of Marine Biology is urged to take a trip on a fishing vessel to get her hands dirty in her field by her professor. Once out on the water searching for its next catch the boat hits something mysterious. The something is a large creature with tentacles that stay connected to the boat as the crew panics slightly they are able to get loose. But then strange things begin to happen to the crew as they are becoming infected with something, a parasite. Now they fight among each other as they slowly die whether they should go back to port and expose everyone else? It’s a slow burn film that is neither bad or good more like meh as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Hanukkah (DVD) – It opens up with a man on December 8, 1993 who has slaughtered people during the “Festival of Lights” or Hanukkah but never got to finish. 36 years go by and someone has decided to pick up the killing spree during the Jewish holiday. Some Jewish friends who are not exactly celebrating the Jewish holiday become the targets of this sadistic killer. ‘Hanukkah’ has a wonderful cast to kill for but this holiday horror film is such a misstep as it drags on too long and I was expecting more from the crew behind it. Also there are weird delays during dialogue and a few important scenes that don’t exactly make a lick of sense? Super disappointed with the film and another example of you can have an all-star cast but that doesn’t mean you’ll have an all-star movie as I give it a ½ star.

 

The Las Vegas Serial Killer (DVD) – Always enjoy checking out a cheesy Ray Dennis Steckler feature. This time around Cash Flagg has a story about a man (John Glick) who six years ago couldn’t stop himself from strangling women on the strip. Mr. Glick gets released from prison in present day 1987 as the parole board claims lack of evidence for putting him behind bars. Of course it doesn’t take long for John to go back to his bad habit. But what is kind of funny there is two random dudes who decided to drive to Vegas to stalk some women who are getting the blame for the recent killings. After lots of stock footage John Glick gets his in the end when he runs into the two weirdos during another purse snatching! Yes, I know Steckler’s movies can be in bad taste and the full of stock footage but there is always a certain charm to his work and for that I give it 2 stars.

 

City of Vampires (DVD) – A film from early on in filmmaker Ron Bonk’s career about vampires. This S.O.V. film takes place in a small city of Braddock where the population has dropped dramatically in the past three years. A young man named Sam heads to the broken down town of Braddock looking for his girlfriend and answers to her disappearance. Once there he soon understands what the problem is and it is vampires as they drinking the population dry. Sam must survive the night if he wants answers gets help when he stumbles into a fortified home owned by Max. The young woman Max refuses to leave and fights the vamps every night. Sam must defeat the leader of vamps named Legion in order to get his girlfriend back but this isn’t gonna be easy, but Max is more than willing to help with her stash of weapons. No budget, some bad acting, but still some fun for S.O.V. nerds that wanna check out one of the first things Mr. Bonk ever made as I give it 2 stars.

 

Fatal Games (DVD) – Falcon Academy of Athletics is a school for some of the best athletes who are trying to make it to the Olympics. After the latest competition where the school did very well the students begin training for Nationals. But someone wearing a dark track suit and a javelin begins killing the young people. There is a weird steroid and synthetic drugs storyline to try to give the film depth but you won’t get over the javelin hits people like it came out of a harpoon gun! This film isn’t good by any means but this slasher is for people like me that need to see that hidden 80s film at least once just because as I give it 1 star.

 

I’m God (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst is back at it again with another short film that runs about 8 ½ minutes long. The plot is about a man who believes he is God and claims he got bored in heaven and came to live among humanity. But a doctor refuses to believe causing issues for supposed God. I really liked the concept and I know Mr. Brocklehurst does some great work with his short film projects. This is one project I would have liked to see him flesh out a little more as there seem to be more story to tell about this character as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Peninsula (On Demand) – So we got a sequel to the wonderful zombie film ‘Train to Busan’, the film picks up four years later. Any bordering country has a blockade up and does not allow anyone to enter South Korea because of the viral outbreak. A former soldier like a lot of misplaced Koreans lives in Hong Kong and down on his luck. A shady dude he does things for gives the ex-soldier a mission of entering the zombie-infested peninsula for a truck that has 25 million U.S. dollars in the back of it safely waiting. If he retrieves it he is rich, if not he is most likely zombie food as the zombies still roam the area. Without spoiling too much I will describe the film has elements that cross between ‘Land of the Dead’ and ‘Escape from New York’ but keeps the heart of the first film. Wonderful zombie stuff again horror fans as this fast-paced sequel pleases me much so that there could be another entry into this series like ‘REC’?! I give the bad ass international zombie movie 4 stars all the way.

 

In Search of Darkness: A Journey into the Iconic 80s Horror (Shudder) – Another great documentary about 80s horror of course. But this one is 4 ½ hours long as it breaks down 1980 to 1989 with different writers, filmmakers, etc. as they dip their toes into sub-genres of horror and what made the decade so much fun. I am glad Shudder got a hold of this for a lot of us horror fans to check because that $50 price tag everyone saw early on was just not gonna happen. Some of the stories have been told before but there are still a few gems to enjoy for the horror nerds to enjoy as I give it 3 stars.

 

Force to Fear (Festival screener) – One of the most anticipated independent films of 2020 is finally here. We get this retro action film where a couple so-called cops are torturing a drug dealer is interrupted by so-called twenty-somethings who break into the abandoned school to party. The party ends up to be cover for these party goers who track down criminals to be arrested but their latest target or unknown assassin known as “the target” is prepared to take out all involved. Everything goes south when one of the young criminal hunters die and they are all locked in the building. Now everyone left must fight for their lives against “the target’ that has body armor on and has some bad ass fighting skills! Zane Hershberger and Chad Bruns have done a wonderful job of crafting an action filled independent film that has some cool fighting scenes that are not done without a fully committed cast. Those fight scenes done by the cast were just a delight to watch and might make some filmmakers jealous of the work that was done. Kudos to all of the actors involved in this project as it has that charm of finding that cool direct-to-video action film I enjoyed finding in the early 90s at the video store. ‘Force to Fear’ is a strong, fun, and an impressive independent gem! ‘Force to Fear’ is the type of project that may get overlooked because when talking “independent” it is usually referring to low budget horror. Stop and go no further as you may find this to be the diamond in the rough of the independent genre in 2020 as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #446

0

Gross Movie Reviews #446

 

A Quiet Place (DVD) – So this cool and different monster flick kinda pooped out there into the cinemas earlier this year and surprised horror fans. The movie begins on Day 89 in a post-apocalyptic world where some monsters have pretty much taken over the world and laid waste to humans. They are attracted to sound and will find you if you make a sound. The story centers on a family that uses sign language to communicate with each other and wear no shoes. On their way back from looking for food their son is playing with a toy that makes sound and the monster comes and snatches him up. We fast forward 400 days and the family is still living in silence and still have hope that they can find a weakness to hurt these flesh-eating monsters. They find the answer by accident when the daughter’s hearing aid makes static sound. I give the filmmakers props for a different concept and a cool looking monster. It was so cool to see a different kind of monster flick and for that I give 3 stars.

House Shark (DVD) – So in the village of Liverpool, Frank the cop lives with his son and is a divorcee. Frank is about to go out on his first date in a very long time. So Frank leaves his son with Betsy the babysitter. But apparently a period fart lures a shark to come up the commode and eat Betsy ass first. Frank and son shocked move out of the house and live in the backyard in a tent. Besides no one believes Frank’s story of a shark in the house he refuses to live inside. The bank is about to foreclose and the real estate company is pissed they cannot sell it because of Frank. So they get Frank away from the house long enough for people to come by to see if they want to buy it? They do but are eaten by the ‘House Shark’ but not before another witness sees it happen and we get the great line, “John stop! I don’t want anybody to see your fingers up my butt!” Frank finds a “House Shark” expert in Zachary Taylor and the real estate company sends in Abraham Lincoln… kind of to help take care of this shark issue. The independent horror film is filled with tons of jokes that keep the movie moving right along including the hilarious shark costume. I really enjoyed this shark as I couldn’t stop laughing but again people it should be pushing two hours long. But kudos to you Ron Bonk for making a legit cool Indy shark flick as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Land Shark (DVD) – The latest from Mark Polonia and crew that stars Sarah French whose character works for the Malco Research Corp. Of course they have been experimenting with sharks but little does Ms. French’s character knows they are secretly trying to make the sharks into weapons. She finds this out after some sharks have crawled out of the tank on land and have killed some people. Malco believes the project is going in the right direction until the sharks are out of control. All this film was missing was Joe Estevez and “Roller Gator” as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

The Meg (Theater) – So Jason Statham showed up in this cornball shark movie that is nothing more than a much higher budgeted ‘SyFy Channel Shark Week’ flick. Statham is Jonas who is only one of a few people who have gone 10000 feet for a rescue. Five years ago he had to leave two buddies behind saving a crew of a sub that was under attack by something. No one believed him it was a large shark. Present time off the coast of China a crew has been attacked and disabled on the bottom of the ocean and Jonas is called in for the rescue. They are saved but the very large shark has followed them and now is feeding on all in the ocean. Like I said, “cornball movie”. If you are not expecting much you will be entertained but otherwise wait for the “Sharknado” sequel as I give this 2 ½ stars.

 

Revenge (DVD) – A French horror flick that deals with a young woman who is with her much older married boyfriend for a weekend. Then his two hunting buddies show up. They cannot control themselves and they get very touchy. The boyfriend tries to smooth over the event with a check but she runs out of the house and the men run after her. Once the heated exchange settles and supposedly a helicopter is coming to pick her up she is pushed off a cliff to her death. The men figure to clean her up while they come back through hunting. But she is able to burn the tree she was impaled on and escape. Now injured but very pissed she seeks revenge against the three men. A wild and gory time but the film has been done many times before but I did enjoy the gory ending as I give it 2 stars.

 

Horrors in the Witch’s House (DVD) – Alex Wesley and his gore hound friends are at it again with his latest short film about a man named Azulyat who was just released from prison. Azulyat has a debt to pay but has a plan. His plan is go to his aunt’s house, kill her, and sell the house off to pay the debt. But once there Azulyat decides to do some heroin and finds his aunt was into some demonic shit and hid it in the attic. Not thinking he has messed with some dark magic and now it has come back to haunt him and make him suffer. As usual these guys bring the gore and guts in bucket loads and do not disappoint with their latest effort as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Legacy of Blood (DVD) – This weird 1971 horror flick has John Carradine dying at the beginning of the film and is going to leave his inheritance to his family and staff. But there is a catch they must spend the night in his home that is considered evil by the family. There are flashbacks of abuse, possible incest, and just plain weird shit going down. The interesting part is if someone leaves or doesn’t survive the night their share is split up among those that are left. Kind of an oddity of a horror flick as it doesn’t exactly fit a genre of horror flick but well worth the watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Brutal Massacre (DVD) – David Naughton is Harry Penderecki, a famous low budget horror filmmaker whose last few films haven’t made a dime. Harry is shopping around a new project that he believes could get him back on the right track. He is mostly known for the films: Sasquatch in the Mall, People Pesticide, Bowel Movements, but believes this flick will be different? Hollywood gives him one last chance and not much of a budget to pull off his last project. Meanwhile a documentarian named Bert follows around Harry to see the process of the film from pre-production to finished product. Everything you can think of goes wrong with the troubled production but because of the non-ending it becomes the elusive masterpiece he has lived for. Great roles filled by Gunnar Hansen and Ken Foree in this absolutely hilarious film and possibly David’s best since “The Sleeping Car”. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Lion (Vimeo) – The latest short film from Davide Melini that deals with child abuse. An abused child is in bed trying to sleep and wishes to his stuffed lion to not be hit anymore. Once his stuffed lion hits the floor his wish comes true when his father is watching a program with lions on it. A great way to get a message out about child abuse as the short film deserves 4 out of 4 stars. Well done Davide, well done sir.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.