Tag Archives: Gross Movie Reviews

Gross Movie Reviews #383

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Gross Movie Reviews #383

 Terror

Terror at London Bridge (VHS/Comet TV) – Oh the days of TV movies of the 70s and 80s where to fill time slots during the summer they would make horrible movies with actors and actresses of popular network show… We have David Hasselhoff (1985) playing a detective in London, Arizona who is investigating odd murders on the London Bridge that has been brought to America brick by brick. But it is missing one from the Jack the Ripper days in the 1880s. The brick is found and sent to London, Arizona to have a celebration of completing the bridge. And now Jack the Ripper is back killing again in this NBC TV movie. The Hoff not enough? How about Stephanie Kramer from ‘Hunter’ TV show or Adrienne Barbaeu or Clu Glugar as The Hoff’s boss? The movie is bad but a very fun bad and nostalgic trip down TV movie memory lane. I also believe the film can be found in full YouTube. I give this masterpiece 2 ½ stars.

 

Unidentified (DVD) – A movie about four work friends heading out to Vegas for a weekend of fun. They take a side trip to a remote town only to be scared away before heading to Vegas to take off on some dude they owed money too. Once out in the desert they get lost and followed by something, aliens in this case. I really wanted to like this film but its shaky-cam and taking way too long building up the four friends makes it annoying. I like when horror flicks give characters some background but this went far above and beyond like it was hiding a weak film? If into these types of films maybe go with ‘Area 51’ or ‘As Far So Below’ as I give this stinker 1 star.

 

Fender Bender (DVD/Chiller Channel) – A serial killer in S&M gear when killing gets victims’ information by getting in fender benders. When he meets a new driver he stalks her in her friends in her house during a weekend that her parents go out of town. The trailers looked so much better than film. It had a great opening but from there its 80 minutes of the weird creepy stalking a teenager which more boring as the film goes on. It makes you think it could have a better short film than feature. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Crawlspace (DVD) – Mid-80s crazy Klaus Kinski who is the son of a Nazi doctor who is also obsessed with death. Oh yes fellow horror fans, this flick is well worth revisiting time and time again as Mr. Kinski’s character only rents out to cute college women. This is mainly because he enjoys stalking them with the old ductwork of the building but also because he is bat shit fucking crazy! A very underrated film from Empire Pictures that us old folk are trying to push upon the new generations of horror fans and for good reason as I give this 3 ½ stars.

 

Cast A Deadly Spell (DVD) – Fred Ward as Phillip Lovecraft, a private dick, set in the 40s where everyone has accepted witchcraft as everyday life except Lovecraft. Well David Warner’s character hires him to find a mythical thingy and bring it back to me in two days or for a special ritual that involves his virgin daughter. Cthulhu, demons, end of the world fun shit. So while Lovecraft finds the mythical thingy he also learns that may be bad to give it to David Warner. Great movie on several fronts: film noir genre, Lovecraft genre, creature genre, it has it all in this HBO production that most horror fans forget. I believe it’s because of the bad sequel that stars Dennis Hopper two years later which killed any chance of a series? But what do I know? Anyway if you are Cthulhu fan this film is well worth your time tracking down as I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Johnny Mnemonic (DVD) – Keanu Reeves pretty much right after ‘Speed’ takes on a character where he is carrier of information where it’s uploaded into your skull in this futuristic film. A film that centers on the haves and the have nots. Johnny has uploaded more than he can carry in his mid and wants it out. But his boy Udo Kier has set him up as the information that was uploaded is a cure for the “shakes” or “black plague” I think they refer to once? But with the help of his bodyguard Dina Meyer and her scientist friend Henry Rollins they just might be able to get the information out without killing him. If the information doesn’t then Dolph Lundgren’s character “The Preacher” will! A mid-90s film which I thought was horrible when first released but for an odd reason has actually gotten better with age as I revisit the film every few years. If anything it is better than ‘Hackers’… I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Invisible Invaders (DVD/Theater) – Oh bless Bruce Lentz’s heart for showing this flick to me and a shitload of people. A late 50s film where invisible aliens land on earth and reanimate John Carradine’s corpse to threaten the world. Basically the aliens feel threaten by earthlings since they have developed the atom bomb and want to use it again. Hilarious B-movie action my friends and fun for the whole family as I give it 3 stars.

 

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (On Demand) – People are now threaten that Superman can kill all mankind at any point in time so Batman takes it upon himself to stop Superman himself. We are introduced to Wonder Woman and how the “Justice League” starts. It’s a fun popcorn movie nothing great. But just like the ‘Avengers 2’ and ‘Captain America: Civil War’ films they are filler until bigger things come along movie wise. Ben Affleck was okay, the death of Superman could have been its own flick, and Wonder Woman just like the new/old Spidey earlier this year stole the show. Sorry folks we all just need to calm down at times and just enjoy the escape these films can present as I give this 2 ½ stars.

 

Necronomicon: Book of the Dead (YouTube) – A film that just completely baffles a lot of us why this has not found its way on DVD. But also I remember when it was first made it wasn’t like the movie got released right away too so who knows why this film has issues getting out to us nerds. Anyway its anthology film set up by Jeffrey Combs playing H.P. Lovecraft, set in the 30s, going to visit a weirdo church/library thingy with crazy priests that watch over it. Mr. Lovecraft reads through “The Book of the Dead” not realizing it he is unlocking the Cthulhu. The stories involve a great cast in Bruce Payne, David Warner, Richard Lynch, and the beautiful Maria Ford (awesome actress with a great resume but no Kristy Swanson, Tiffany Shepis, or Kathleen Kinmont). The most intriguing thing of the film is Jeffrey Combs/Lovecraft looks a hell of a lot like ‘Army of Darkness’ Bruce Campbell? (Go to YouTube for the trailer and check out the comments many people agree). Another intriguing aspect of the film is Mr. Combs and Mr. Yunza did not get along on set as Mr. Combs did like how the Lovecraft character was portrayed. Okay film buffs go to Google machines as I go find a beer and give this anthology 2 ½ stars.

 

Atomic Shark (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Jeff Fahey stars in a shark film where the shark is radioactive from possible radiation leaking from a sunken Russian sub or just the military testing bombs back in the day. Either way, interesting concept for a B-shark flick that also stars David Faustino as a dude trying to use drones to capture footage of babes on the beach. It’s all up to the wannabe Baywatch bunch and creepy Faustino to try and figure out how to kill a radioactive shark that melts its victims before it even gets to eat them. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Dam Sharks! (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Yep, the moment someone is really reaching for shark movie ideas. But shit, you know I will still watch… at least once! Jason London stars as a bloated rich dude who owns some weirdo computer business that comes up with inventions and decides his workforce needs a retreat weekend. Or at least the ones that survive the downsizing of his company. But they have bigger problems as sharks have infested a river where they were trapped and now become beavers of sorts as they use human victims as the building blocks for their dam. Yes you read that right kids. Damn you SyFy as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Ice Sharks (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Somewhere past Greenland in the Arctic Circle the ice is melting faster than researchers believe. So with this happening ancient sharks have appeared that never been seen before and now are breaking through the thin ice fucking people up. Who would have guessed it took this long to make a global warming shark flick where they would be in the Arctic? Now add in a Kurt Russell with a flame thrower this film may have been watchable as I give it 1 star.

 

Planet of the Sharks (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Absolutely loved how this one started out as ‘Waterworld’ with sharks on a low budget. But as usual my dreams of being just a crazy cheese ball movie are crushed when they try to give it a lackluster storyline of how the polar ice caps melted and the sharks now feast on humans since there is no fish left. This film really acts like a sequel to ‘Ice Sharks’? Wait… is this like ‘Slumber Party Massacre’ and ‘Cheerleader Massacre aka Slumber Party Massacre 4’ scenario? Shit! No, Michelle Bauer I’m out. When are yinz properly gonna steal ideas from my brain and have ‘Z-Nation’ meet ’12 Monkeys’ meet ‘Farscape’… with sharks? Come on SyFy don’t act like that’s a horrible idea. Nothing was more horrible than destroying this great low budget idea that I watched get crushed slowly into fecal matter aftermath for ‘Sharknado 4’, just sayin. I give the film ½ star, remember I did like the idea but that was before I seen it on film.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

You can now order a copy online at a discounted price (15%off)!!!

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This book is the follow up to Tim Gross’s successful review book “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews”. Tim brings you unbelievable amount of reviews of horror, independent horror, sci-fi, and quite a few bad flicks. With this book Tim lives his dream of writing, reviewing, and watching as many movies he can get his hands on…

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Gross Movie Reviews #380

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Gross Movie Reviews #380

 

Howl (DVD) – In the middle of Somewhere, UK, passengers are taking a train at night to get to their destination. Problem… train breaks down in the middle of highly wooded area that we later find out has a history of weird shit happening but never substantiated? But driver gets out checking out the problem only to be attacked by something. Two train workers check it out not finding the driver and debating with the several passengers on what they should do. Finally they leave the train only to find the remains of the driver and now something is chasing them back to the train. They are forced to defend themselves as this wolf man like creature is attacking the train trying to eat everyone inside! A fun werewolf flick with lots of blood and guts and I give it 3 stars.

 

Jaws of Satan (DVD) – An early 80s killer animal flick that involves a King Cobra escaping from a train and causing other snakes in the area to attack humans. All because the King Cobra is Satan himself according to the local priest! A possessed snake holding a community hostage is great stuff horror fans and a must watch as I give it 3 stars!

 

The Vatican Tapes (DVD) – A woman named Angela becomes possessed on her 25th birthday and the church gets involved. A special division of the Vatican gets involved after investigating the supposedly possession and tries exorcise the demon from the young woman’s body before it completely takes control. A little more interesting than most of the PG-13 possession films that have flooded the horror genre as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Amityville Death House (DVD) – The story begins with Eric Roberts doing voiceover telling a story about a witch using the ‘Book of the Dead’ as a means to enter present day. Pay attention as you will notice the ‘Book of the Dead’ is: A) The Evil Dead DVD Necronomicon and B) its upside down. Anyway, present day and Tiffany and college friends are stopping by to visit grandma. Well grandma lives in the old Wilmont’s house that was the house to Abigail the witch during the 1800s. Locals always believed witches lived in the home for years. Now the home is shunned by the community even though Grandma Raymond lives there. Tiffany use to spend her summers there until grandpa died and since then hasn’t been back. But now she is back and weird shit begins to happen and six people need to die for Abigail the witch to come into present day. And only in a Polonia Brothers film you would hear the line, “You look like you had a dozen tits?” It’s true if you watch the film she did look like that… Tiffany I mean. Make-up effects from Brett Piper and Anthony Polonia, Fred Olen Ray as an executive producer and Eric Roberts involved with a great looking poster comes off as a slight misfire than classic. I expected more but hey it does have Amityville in the title so I give it 2 stars.

2015-flesh-for-the-inferno-movie-poster

Flesh for the Inferno (DVD) – A film written by the legendary Michael Varrati begins March 11, 1999, at St. Christopher Middle School. A priest has raped a boy and the boy told four nuns about it. They choose to confront the priest and things go bad and next thing you know they are renouncing god as they are bricked up in the basement. Years later… June 2, 2015, a youth group and its leader show up to clean and fix up the old school for the weekend but they are warned it’s a bad day according to the caretaker. Once the cleaning begins the nuns return causing death and chaos inside the walls of this holy place. Gore, ugly nuns, and a little reminder for me at least of ‘The Unholy’ and ‘The Convent’. A fun and gritty low budget horror movie worth seeking out fans as I quite enjoyed it as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. This is the type of horror film I believe needs to make a comeback to the cinemas?

 

Black Sabbath (DVD) – Boris Karloff tells tales of terror in this early 60s horror film that even has Karloff playing a vampire in the last tale of terror. Think of Karloff as the early Cryptkeeper. Found this flick a little dull at times but sure there are some older people that would tell me to fuck off just for saying that as I give this film 2 stars.

 

Swamp Thing: The Series Volume One (DVD) – Yes folks, I am the weirdo that owns this box set but this set actually contains season one and two. The third season for unknown reasons right now is 50 some episodes! It was USA network in the early 90s before they knew what programs were being placed on the channel. Dick Durock returns as the big green guy who pretty much saves a kid named Jim for several episodes before he is shipped off to South America and now has to deal with his older brother Will. The series centers on the struggle between Dr. Arcane and Swamp Thing and the surrounding swamp land. With each story being wrapped up in 23 minutes and everyone including his mom forgetting Jim from the first season was shipped to South America by Arcane. An odd and quirky take on the cult comic book hero but no worse than the ‘Friday the 13th Series’ that was about cursed objects not Jason Voorhees. I look forward tracking down the rest of the episodes but until then hopefully we can get a movie or TV series that gives this interesting character some respect? I give it 2 stars.

Werewolves

Werewolves in Heat (DVD) – Lance Polland and company make a movie that seemed to be a lost film from the early 90s Troma catalog that even includes Ron Jeremy as a pimp named ‘Chancho’. The story centers around three friends leaving the friendly confines of L.A. for the sex, drugs, and party of the desert. Once at their rental house they proceed to the local bar to place flyers for their party and buy some whores. But these just any whores… Let’s remember Ron Jeremy aka Chancho is pimping out the best ever. The three friends are so excited for the women and their party doesn’t know until it is too late when the women/werewolves show up and start a bloodbath once horny! Everyone may get laid but it all ends in death as these women have embraced being werewolves. Hell, we even get werewolf vision which reminds me a lot of the same thing in ‘Howling 7: New Moon Rising’ (a sub-par sequel in the series). Mr. Polland accomplished in giving horror and Troma fans a low budget raunchy gem that makes you reminisce about old school Troma films? I give the flick 3 out of 4 stars. More about the film can be found at: www.facebook.com/werewolvesinheat .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Gross Movie Reviews #379

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Gross Movie Reviews #379

 Sorceress

Sorceress (Blu-ray) – Wynorski fans will be so happy to find out that finally the uncensored version of this film has been released to Blu-ray. A project that had Wynorski fans talking for years on whether there was an actual uncensored version or not and had them scouring the conventions for the uncensored release. But it’s here kids in all its uncensored beautiful, crisp, clean glory and has two entertaining commentaries. But more on that later… And for those who do not know the title of this Wynorski/Fred Olen Ray joint, it was also under the title ‘Temptress’ which has a sequel. The film stars Linda Blair and Julie Strain as witches. Strain’s character Erica will stop at nothing to help her husband Larry moves up the corporate ladder. So of course she gets naked and turns to witchcraft. Fucks up Amelia’s (Linda Blair) husband but Erica’s husband is not happy and Erica falls to her death! Pissed off, Amelia turns to witchcraft for revenge. It all ends with the ‘Wisdom’ ending. (A mid-80s film I blame for starting a chain reaction in low and big budget films where in the end nothing happened. Look it up it stars Emilio Estevez and Demi Moore.) The film is okay but the main course or reason you need this for your collection isn’t the movie itself but possibly one of my favorite commentaries of all-time is on this new disc. The first commentary is Jim Wynorski but the second commentary is Wynorski and special effects guru Tom Savini. Within five minutes the commentary derails into a comedy of Wynorski forgetting about what’s going on screen and trying to answer Savini’s questions which are absolutely hilarious. A few of Savini’s questions and comments: Is Julie Strain a man? He questions today’s porn and compares it to Wynorski’s films. He admits not owning a Wynorski film. Questions if there was ever a plot to the film? Witches don’t make any money. And now Wynorski and Savini will be making a film called, “Blummy”! Kids, this commentary alone makes this Blu-ray well worth being in your collection. I give the film 2 out of 4 stars but the commentaries and package 4 out of 4 stars as Synapse Films is brilliant for putting this together. You can purchase the Blu-ray at www.synapse-films.com .

 

X-men: Apocalypse (Theater) – The last film had me so excited what the future holds for the franchise and they did not disappoint. Now that they have rebooted, refigured with a younger cast it allows the filmmakers to really get into some geeky fun stories of the X-men universe! This time around the original mutant named ‘Apocalypse’ has awakened and needs his four horsemen to take control back from the humans. He was the original and wants Professor X to add to his mass of mutant powers that he has absorbed over the years. Just like ‘Captain America: Civil War’ everyone gets equal amount of time except Logan or should I say “Weapon X” but has a memorable scene to push forth another later storyline. Fun summer movie stuff as I give the flick 3 ½ stars. Bring me the X-23 film damn it!

 

 

The Unborn (DVD) – There is several films with this title but this film is from 1991 that was under the Roger Corman wing. Brooke Adams plays a woman who is having trouble getting pregnant and goes see James Karen because he has the reputation of helping women getting pregnant. But of course it’s James Karen and he is evil and oh yeah he just happens to be experimenting with the unborn babies trying to make them better. Everything goes well at first as Adams character sees other expecting mothers who went to the same clinic but shit hits the fan when the mothers begin to change and kill their spouses/girlfriends and the babies want blood! A fun movie to show to people who are about to have a kid as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Unborn II (DVD) – The sequel came out three years later direct-to-video again from the Roger Corman wing where a woman is tracking down the babies that were started at the clinic from the first film. She knows they are evil and fucked up and the film gets rolling quickly as she shoots a kid in a playground. The film becomes a little boring at times but nothing like a crazy woman tracking down kids and killing them even if it means killing them in the hospital bed after just being born! Lots of blood splatters kids as I give the film 2 stars.

 

Killer Elite (DVD) – Based on a true story during 1980/1981 where a special ops guy (Jason Statham) gets out of the business until a year later his mentor (Robert DeNiro) was taken hostage because of a high priced job. The reason is six million dollars and he try to run because it’s all about oil that some secret UK guys want but don’t want the public to know. So time for Statham to go kick ass on both sides and get his mentor back so he can retire again. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Vampire Bats (DVD) – So some mutated bats have eaten everything in the bayou of Louisiana and now out to feast on the local population. Lucy Lawless plays a college biology professor who knows about bats and wants to capture a few so she can determine how and why they mutated before they feast on the whole community. When it comes to killer bat movies this movie is pretty generic and for the most part I can see why this film doesn’t pop up any horror website or channel’s radar as I give it 1 star.

 

Rock & Rule (DVD) – An animated film released in 1983 that failed miserably from lack of promotion and several other things that was made to be on par with ‘Heavy Metal’. But I believe its four years in the making maybe didn’t help it either but well worth searching out if you love animation and music being smashed together. The war has happened, all humans are gone, and out of the ashes mutants and animals have taken humans place on earth. Meanwhile an evil dude ‘Mok’ is the greatest music artist ever and he is looking for that “voice” to unlock a portal to another dimension. He finds in a singer named ‘Angel’ and steals her away from her band to bring a demon forth to kill everyone! Cheap Trick, Iggy Pop, Earth, Wind, and Fire are some of the bands on the soundtrack. Cool film to watch but not on the same level as ‘Heavy Metal’ for me at least as I give the picture 2 ½ stars.

 

Lady Death (DVD) – A 2004 animated movie to the cult comic book series about the daughter of Lucifer. Set in the 15th century and Hope is pure at heart but does not know about her father until it’s too late when the locals show up to kill him in the name of god. When he shows his true self and escape they snatch her up to burn at the stake. When burning she says the prayer so her soul can be with her true love but instead is tortured in hell. She escapes into the realm of hell and learns she may be still pure of heart but is Lucifer’s daughter and has unimaginable powers that begin to change her and fill her with rage towards her father. She trains, gets big boobs, a big sword, two werewolf looking dogs, and an army and they attack Lucifer! Was never a fan of the comic book series and the movie itself wasn’t truly exciting but I am sure there is some fans out there that didn’t know an animated film existed as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #377

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Gross Movie Reviews #377

 

Charlie’s Farm (DVD) – A group of four people that includes my favorite Tara Reid travel into the outback looking for a farm. This particular farm is part of an urban legend of where cannibals were gunned down by the locals’ years ago. Rumor is their fucked up cannibal son “Charlie” still roams the farm feeding on whatever may pass by and that includes the individuals looking into the legend. Once there they hook up with another curious couple about the place and they all die gruesomely. The cast is rounded out by Bill Moseley, Kane Hodder, and Nathan Jones. Australian horror films are always a lot of fun and this is no different as I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Reptilian (DVD) – A South Korean film about a Yongary? But is not a remake of the older South Korean giant reptile film. With that out of the way some dinosaur bones have been discovered that are supposedly 50 times larger than a T-Rex! Once the bones are exposed aliens are alerted and bring the monster to life to kill all humans. Apparently this film was made in 1999 right after a strict policy on filmmaking in South Korea was lifted and was their answer to ‘Godzilla’? Always enjoy giant rubber monster fun as I give this flick 2 stars.

 

Bloodsucking Bastards (DVD) – A very hilarious vampire flick about a couple office slackers and their best friend who is trying to break into management. They work for a firm/company that sells the boner pills, abs-flex, etc. They phone sales people who call and try to suck you into deals for shit you don’t need. Well higher-ups have decided it’s time for a shake-up and bring in someone new who has a different way of getting the most out of his sales team. He turns them into vampires that apparently make a ton of sales and don’t complain about work conditions. When it’s almost too late the slackers and best friend realize vampires have taken over their company and they must look up on Wikipedia on how to kill them? Underrated gory awesomeness best describes this 3 ½ star horror film.

 

The Comedy of Terrors (DVD) – An absolute delightful horror/comedy from the mid-60s starring Vincent Price as a drunk undertaker who is about to be evicted by Basil Rathbone and keeps trying to feed poison to his father-in-law Boris Karloff. If that isn’t enough in order to scare up business Price’s character convinces his assistant Peter Lorre to begin murdering people so they make the rent or they all will be thrown out on the street. As usual Price is amazing and for that I give this 4 stars.

 

Captain America: Civil War (Theater) – The third film in the ‘Captain America’ series lives up to the hype and comes off more like a sequel to ‘The Avengers’ series. The whole point to the film is the team turns on each other as they pick sides of who is for saving Bucky. But the savior of the film in my opinion is the new Spidey. Or is it the old Spidey? The point is Spider-man steals the show with his onscreen antics and proves that Disney/Marvel understood they screwed up with doing the ‘Amazing Spider-man’ films. If you enjoyed the recent Marvel movies up till now you will most likely enjoy this one too. I give the film 3 stars, but the new/old Spider-man 4 stars and cannot wait to see Tom Holland in his own flick.

 

Zombie Militia (DVD) – A hilarious no budget short film from 2009 that isn’t meant to be taken serious but most horror fans know of someone or related to someone that would be the real-life version of this film… Jack is part of the ‘Zombie Militia’. They believe the government is trying to start the apocalypse, take your guns, etc. Well Jack is pumped up after the latest meeting in breaks into someone’s garage and believes he is stopping the zombie apocalypse? Filmed in Kokomo, Indiana by Squirrelly Cow Films and they can be found on Facebook: www.facebook.com/SquirrellyCowFilms . I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

I Spit on Your Grave 2 (DVD) – The sequel to the remake that really surprised me how much I liked it. This film has no connection to the first goes with another young woman named Katie Carter from the Midwest who has moved to New York City recently. She is model but finding it hard to get work in the big city. When faced with a decision she makes a horrible one by going to a free photographer in hopes of building a new portfolio? When the three creepy foreign dudes creep her out and she understands they just want naked pictures she leaves. So very creepy brother tracks down Katie and takes pictures of her in her bedroom and it spirals from there. The catch is they don’t rehash the first story as they go into a different direction with this rape/torture victim Katie. After her brutal rape from very creepy dude, his brother and best friend drug her, box her up, and ship her to freakin Bulgaria! Too of course do even worse shit. Once escaped, recaptured, raped, tortured horribly and left for dead. Katie is boxed up again and buried. Only to fall into abandoned sewer catacomb thingy where she scavenges for clothes and food (rat on a stick anyone?). Here she heals and plots her revenge but what also makes an interesting story is she finds a church where the priest immediately something horribly wrong has happened to this beautiful American girl. Instead of forcing God on her, he just tries to help at her pace and tries to bring the police in. But meanwhile Katie is beating a creepy dude into a shit filled toilet, cutting up another and shoving bugs and shit in his wounds, and puts another dude’s balls into a vise which by no means pretty… Again I was pleasantly surprised by the story change. Fun family entertainment folks as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

I Spit on Your Grave 3: Vengeance is Mine (DVD) – A little confusing at first but if you have seen the first film you know something is amiss as the Jennifer Hills character is now going by the name Angela. Angela is still having trouble moving on from the events of the first film. She is going to see a therapist who doesn’t seem to help but starts to go to group therapy where she meets a friend, someone to trust again, and her name is Marla. Angela and Marla become fast friends and Angela slowly opens up telling Marla her story. But Marla has rage and still wants a piece of vengeance especially sitting in group therapy and hearing the stories from young Cassie whose innocence has already been taken by her mom’s boyfriend. After sharing each other’s past lives Angela and Marla go and clobber the man that has ruined Cassie. The after effects Cassie is happy again and being treated with respect but Marla goes to visit her ex-boyfriend. A few days pass and Angela doesn’t think anything of it until she is at group therapy and told Marla is dead. Once the police can’t make charges stick Angela decides the only way to find happiness or piece of mind is through vengeance. Angela becomes Jennifer again and first on the list is Marla’s ex-boyfriend who gets penis head bitten off and his dick sliced in half like she was making some jerky. She goes completely off the range folks as she is now looking for revenge against all who have raped or even thought of rape. Including killing a dude by sticking a pipe up his ass! Interesting ending as we see Jennifer aka Angela being released after two years of jail but still has visions/dreams of slicing/dicing/torturing people. Even though the film is a little confusing at times with the dreams and name change I still surprised third entry in and it’s interesting. Fun stuff horror fans as I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Phase IV (YouTube) – The film is on DVD but I watched it for our podcast Bloodbaths and Boomsticks. This is one of those 70s films always been interested in watching but never found time or always found something better and apparently it was for good reason. Ants are evolving and suddenly get smarter as they talk to each species of ant and slowly start attacking a desert town. Meanwhile a couple scientists try to do experiments and figure out if the ants are now at the top of the food chain? The film is a bit boring and maybe not as fun as ‘Empire of the Ants’ but nothing wrong with watching 70s film that is trying to scare the shit out of you claiming the world is going to end soon… I give it 1 ½ stars.

Revenge

Revenge of the Spacemen (DVD) – A little redneck community that is invaded by large green men aka aliens who are interested in probing everyone and everything. Which in turn the anal probing from the spacemen turns things green like them? But through stupidity and chaos the rednecks and a group of twenty-somethings figure out alcohol kills the aliens and cures the townsfolk. A fun independent project that is worthy of 50s and 60s film fans seeking out and enjoying its entertaining ridiculousness! I give the project 2 ½ out of 4 stars and you can find it at www.revengeofthespacemen.com plus the film has a Facebook page so go visit.

 

Deadpool (DVD) – Marvel/Disney dipping their toes into R-rated comic book movies again with this hilarious origin story of a man who has lung cancer and takes on an experimental process he wasn’t supposed to survive. Or if he did his mutant power would activate and save him. Soon Ryan Reynolds goes from hunk mercenary to ugly/super mutant/superhero whether he wants to or not. So Deadpool dedicates his life finding the bad guy who fucked his face up and make him return his hunk status. I laughed my ass more and more as the film went on and loved its connection to the X-men without being connected. Marvel/Disney you did a great job kids now go get Wesley Snipes and start making another damn ‘Blade’ film!!! I give Deadpool a well-deserved 4 stars.

 

Zoombies (DVD) – I enjoy Asylum Entertainment’s refusal to go away and bring us or should I say me, another zombie adventure that deals with zoo animals. Yep, ‘Zoombies’! Apparently, when animals are faced with extinction they either die off or evolve into zombies or Zoombies. A private zoo park is taking interns to help with funding new habitats and their financial bottom-line to stay open. With all that going on monkeys strangely die and turns into Zoombies that infect other animals and want to kill humans. From there it’s complete chaos as the police and CDC try to get inside and kill the animals but find it hard when there is a Zombie-lion eating them. This is one of those movies that was perfectly made for MSTK3000, Commander USA, USA Up All Night, etc. The film is so bad its good kinda thing as I give it 2 stars just for existing.

 

Muck (DVD) – A much misleading poster and title is about a group of college-aged people being stalked on St. Patrick’s Day by albino bald dudes and then tortured and murdered. The thing is the filmmaker tried to do something a little different where the film picks up with the group already been attacked and lost a friend somewhere in the marsh or starts at the 35 minute mark. With it beginning without a beginning you do get a lot of horror cliché jokes and more boobs than a Cinemax ‘After Dark’ soft-core porn! Personally at first glance I thought I was getting something like the ‘The Raft’ segment from ‘Creepshow 2’? But nope it was a weirdo flick where Kane Hodder is the leader of these random albino dudes who stalk humans. Lots of gore and some random horror fun but the film comes off more like an incomplete movie as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Spell

Spellcaster (VHS/Comet TV) – Here is a lost out-of-print title from the Charles Band Empire Pictures catalog that sports a lot of cool creature creations from John Carl Buechler. And I believe it does take place at the famous Charles Band castle that was in a lot of the early Full Moon flicks. But a brother and sister combo wins a chance to stay at a castle for a weekend in Italy so they can treasure hunt for a check worth a million dollars. It’s all sponsored by Rock TV (of course spoofing MTV at the time). The strange man (Adam Ant) that owns the castle refuses to show up at meals with the contestants but soon has fun killing them off one by one. One gets eaten by a demonic chair and another is turned into a man-pig. Plus William Butler shows up long enough to get blown up in a car. And a big time music star apparently made a deal for her soul to be a rock star. The film is a little dated but us old people and Empire Pictures fans it is a prime example of Charles Band goodness when he has money to produce it. I give ‘Spellcaster’ 3 stars and like to thank John Carl Buechler for being an amazing make-up/creature effects person!

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #376

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Gross Movie Reviews #376

 

Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs (DVD) – Sometimes you wonder why these types of movies exist? Simply two things: One as long as I am alive I will find them and two I believe someone is stealing my dreams while I sleep or the government is uploading crap from my mind. Yes folks, call Mulder and Scully I think I am an X-file! Anyway, Eric Roberts shows up for a paycheck as a drunk local and Vernon Wells shows up as a badass as usual where he is trying to keep a mine going and escape dinosaurs in this small town. Local boy comes back home to small town Montana to find things have changed and not for the better. A mine explosion happens and dinosaurs are running loose eating the locals but Vernon wells and the local sheriff I trying to keep a lid on the multi-million dollar mining operation. Eventually local boy gets back on a horse and saves everyone but not before you will notice that if you are an old dude in this flick you have a hot girlfriend that is 20 years younger than your character… I give it 1 ½ stars, honestly it has Vernon Wells!

 

Yongary, Monster from the Deep (DVD) – Love Godzilla, enjoy random giant lizard movies, well you may enjoy bootleg Godzilla in this 1967 Korean B-movie? A mysterious earthquake happens and next thing you know a horned giant lizard starts fucking shit up. It’s the 60s and most likely this played constantly at the drive-in as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Orphan (VHS/DVD-R) – A weird and relatively unknown horror/thriller that was made in 1977. But what was weird and interesting was the film wasn’t released until late 1979 and was actually titled ‘Friday the 13th: The Orphan’? But some money changed hands and that was movie history as we all know the slasher genre was sent into overdrive! But the story revolves a young boy named David whose parents die so he must go live with his old Aunt Martha and oh by the way the film is set in the 1920s. David slowly goes nuts and begins praying to a stuffed Monkey in a shed and old Aunt Martha drives him into madness which gives the film a very dark ending. I give the film 2 stars.

Dark

Dark (Vimeo/DVD) – A new low budget flick from the writer and directors of such independent projects ‘Gut’ and ‘Phobia’ which I enjoyed immensely but also executive produced by Joe Dante so you got my attention. The film is set during a blackout in 2003 New York City where Whitney Able plays Kate aka bootleg version of Jennifer Jason Leigh which is always a good thing in my book. Kate is lost in life… She is not sure about her girlfriend, her life, and so on but then the blackout happens when her girlfriend goes out of town for the weekend. Kate is alone and decides to head to the bar to make some bad decisions. Soon she finds herself being followed and returns home only to darkness. This is where the story gets really weird because it raises the questions of did it happen, is she imagining it all, and did she even go to the bar? Her world unravels in this dramatic and beautiful world of weirdness I enjoyed. ‘Dark’ cannot be labeled a horror film as so much a thriller as you know you are getting something different from these guys involved with the project as they make projects that don’t fit into one genre. Think outside of the box in so many words as I give ‘Dark’ 3 out of 4 stars. Want to know about the film go check out: www.darkthefilm.com .

 

Future Hunters (VHS/YouTube) – Robert Patrick’s first flick from and 1986 and the Philippines where he (Slade) and his girlfriend are entrusted with the “Spear of Destiny” by a time traveling dude named Matthew. Matthew is from 2025 after the holocaust and believes this is the only way he can save his world and stop the holocaust from happening. So Matthew travels back in time to 1986 and meets Slade. But evil is coming and it’s in the form of Nazis and the Nazi version of Playboy Buddy Rose! The couple goes looking for Professor Hightower who is the key to helping them saving the world. But along the way they run into crazy kung fu people, amazon tribes on horseback, car chases, explosions, cave full of midgets, amazon women, and gators! After several ordeals Slade and his girlfriend make a deal with the sledgehammering midgets in the cave and find the rightful place for the “Spear of Destiny” and save the world. If it helps make this film any better it is from the same dude that gave us ‘Wheels of Fire’ as I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Sugar Hill (DVD) – A young lady named Sugar wants vengeance after her man is killed by gangsters who want his club. But she just isn’t down for any vengeance; she wants to get medieval on their gangster asses and recruits the likes of Baron Samedi or Baron Zombi if you are a yinzer like me. And Baron Samedi has zombies that are former slaves that died on their way to America. A fun 70s zombie flick you must add to your collection if you haven’t already as I give it 3 ½ stars.

The-Path-to-Pet-Sematary-Movie-Poster

 

Unearthed & Untold: The Path to Pet Sematary (DVD/Vimeo) – These days it seems a lot of documentaries are being made about horror films and such. Some deserve it? ‘Pet Sematary’ deserved it for sure for its impact on the horror genre. Honestly horror movie fans it was one of the better book to film adaptions of King’s. The Stephen King story that was brought to life by director Mary Lambert had a long journey and interesting one. The film came at the end of the “Slasher Era” and no studio wanted it to be made mainly because of the kid death in the story/script/movie. But with a strike looming at the time Mary Lambert and others took advantage of this and the rest was film history. The documentary takes a very in-depth look how it got from book to film but also how it’s one of King’s darkest books that scared him when he first wrote it. The filmmakers tracked down everyone that had anything to do with the film and they share stories of how the production got to Maine instead of California but what it meant to the small town Maine residents especially being a Stephen King movie. Plus the interview with all the cast members involved sharing their stories of on and off set makes this one the best and interesting horror documentaries of recent times. I believe it was crucial having Mako Hughes talk about his experience and what he actually remembers of the project to make this the perfect documentary for ‘Pet Sematary’ fans. The film did win “Best Documentary” at the Rhode Island International Horror Film Festival in 2014 which I know why and give it 4 out of 4 stars. For more info on the project and its upcoming release check out: Official Store: http://shop.terrorfilms.net/ , Official Trailer Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnP7swXKQXo, Official Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/UnearthedandUntold, Terror Films Website: www.terrorfilms.net .

 

Voodoo Island (DVD) – A great late 50s b-horror film starring Boris Karloff as a man who debunks: ghosts, demons, and present day myths. He leads an expedition to a tropical island where a millionaire wants to build his best vacation hotel yet. But surveyors that were sent there before disappeared and the lone survivor is in a zombie like trance. Once there weird stuff begins to happen like food going bad, boat doesn’t work, and plants just happen to eat people! Fun stuff and it looks like old Boris Karloff had a lot fun with this project as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #374

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Gross Movie Reviews #374

 

By Tim Gross

 

Vicious Lips (DVD) – A forgotten and lost film that has found its way to a DVD four-pack not long ago from the great Empire Pictures. Charles Band is an uncredited producer but something tells me he had more to do with this film from the stories I have been told by several people over the years who have worked with him? But that being said how about Greg Cannom and John Carl Buechler doing effects and the legendary Albert Pyun directing? Well that is exactly what you get in this weirdo sci-fi film where a band is traveling to a different planet to get their big break and with a new lead singer. There isn’t much else to say as I just described the whole plot of the film in one sentence. It is a forgotten gem for movie nerds to have for their collection as I give it 2 stars.

 

Shinjuku Incident (DVD) – Jackie Chan is a Chinese immigrant who finds himself in Japan trying to make things go his way. But the only way to make it work is steal merch and resell. Soon he becomes highly regarded by his fellow immigrants as he becomes feared by some in Japan’s local mob circles. As Jackie Chan uses the local mobs they use him to get what both want. Not your typical Jackie Chan crazy action-stunt film but an interesting film about the rise of Chinese immigrants in Japan. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Auntie Lee's

Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies (VHS/DVD-R) – Let me just say this any horror film that begins with Suicidal Tendencies “I Saw Your Mommy and Your Mommy is Dead” gets 4 stars no matter what comes next. But that just isn’t enough for this fun gem of unknown goodness! Karen Black stars as Auntie Lee, Pat Morita as the local small town sheriff, Michael Berryman as the weird dude (Larry) who takes care of the nieces’ cars after deliveries, and the very beautiful Teri Weigel. Teri may have done a lot of porn but always found a way into a stray horror film which I always enjoy finding. Teri is one of the best. But after jamming out to Suicidal Tendencies we are introduced to some lunatic who tries to carjack a young lady and becomes a victim himself for Auntie Lee. Auntie Lee for years has sold her famous meat pies to the local town folk of Penance. And these days now her nieces are all grown up they go out and lure men in for the taking. Usually if there is car trouble or car cleaning needing to be done it’s up to Larry until he is caught one day with a trunk full of bones! Pat Morita decides then with the bootleg David Bowie as a private investigator try to bring down Auntie Lee. But the real question is will the sheriff bring her in or will he become the next meat pie? Everyone is awesome in this light-hearted “Motel Hell” horror film. This movie deserves to be seen all horror movie fans as I give this fun meaty morsel 4 stars.

 

Night of the Zombies (VHS/DVD-R) – The film is also known as Part II starring the famous Jamie Gillis as a CIA agent who is sent to search for poisonous canisters after two scientists going missing. The more he searches for these mysterious canisters the more he understands he has become part of a war that never ended 40 years ago. Zombie fans may even overlook this one as the film is filled with very dull scenes but tries to make up for the lack of good film with weird, nasty looking zombie make-up which was just enough to keep me watching to the end. I give the Gillis-zombie adventure 1 ½ stars.

 

Mutilations (YouTube/DVD-R) – A funny low budget flick from the mid-80s where students and their teacher witness a spaceship flying by. When the ship lands the alien feasts on some hobos. Meanwhile the next day the teacher and students while in class debate about UFOs! So after agreeing they investigate the UFO sightings further and we are bombarded with fun scenes of Claymation and the destruction of the student body by the alien… It has that “Deadly Spawn” kind of feel to it if it helps as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

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Fun Time (DVD) – Some lucky people get invited to a night of Funhouse fun filled with clowns. If they make it through the night they get $500,000. If not, they become part of the body count. Not so much the invitees surviving as much as the clowns entertaining themselves and not paying anyone as usual. The clowns put the contestants through several torturous games in “Saw” like fashion to be one step closer to escaping. But will they as the clowns begin to turn on each other? Michael Taylor Pritt proves clowns are always gonna be an effective thing to scare the poop out of people as I give this independent feature 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Found out more about the film at: www.facebook.com/OfficiallyFunTimez .

 

Unnatural (DVD) – A selection from the 2015 After Dark Horrorfest which I was surprised it was still going on? Middle of nowhere Alaska a photographer and a couple of models are doing their latest project. They just happen to be staying in a cabin with James Remar who tells the story of an unstoppable polar bear to scare the city folk. His story becomes true when people become bloody puddles of mess as a scientist (Sherilyn Fenn) is running for her life from a genetically altered polar bear who wants to fuck some humans up! A fun ‘when animal attacks’ movie that also has Ray Wise as a head honcho of an envoirmental company claiming bullshit when the polar bear kills all. I give the horror flick 3 stars.

 

The Collapsed (DVD) – The apocalypse has happened and no one is sure of how or why? A family fighting for survival out in the woods making their way to a rural area to get away from all the craziness of the big city. But something evil is stalking them and slowly they die one by one by this mysterious evil. Not the best of the recent apocalypse films but has an interesting plot twist of the mysterious evil that follows the family. The answer will make you happy you made it all the way through the film as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Up next, Cinema Wasteland! Come visit, see yinz there!

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http://www.cinemawasteland.com

April 1, 2, 3, 2016

Look for us (Out of Print Dan and Gross Movie Reviews) in the dealer room along many other cool vendors and guests…

 

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Gross Movie Reviews #373

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Gross Movie Reviews #373

 

By Tim Gross

 President

President Wolfman (DVD) – The title alone is what reeled me into wanting to watch this gem of a horror flick. But when I opened it and started to read the sleeve and began watching the film to my amazement the project was entirely stock footage of public domain titles and major parts are from the 1973 film ‘The Werewolf of Washington’. This 1973 film stars Dean Stockwell who was the go between for Sam and Ziggy from the ‘Quantum Leap’ show. But anyway the film is edited footage with new voiceovers, music, etc. Amazing work from Mike Davis and crew to craft a horror movie about president John Wolfman who tries to spend more time with his son Bobby and is attacked by a diseased coyote on a camping trip! From there mysterious murders are happening in the nation’s capital and that is the least of their problems as the Chinese continue their takeover of America. At one point President Wolfman has surgery that turns him into a hippie but reverses to a werewolf again. John Wolfman is also being pushed by Congress to sell out to the Chinese as they all will own a skyscraper in New York City. A fun horror film and a truly amazing accomplishment in editing by all involved. There were several parts of the film that I could not stop laughing at as I give this fun creation 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find this and many other fine films at www.wildeyereleasing.com .

 

Lumberjack Man (DVD) – First, did you know there was still an “After Dark Horror Fest”? Second, this film truly points out there are some lame slasher film ideas out there… But that didn’t stop me from watching Michael Madsen try to play a doctor who runs to Big Timber Woods to warn teenagers and forest rangers of the demon that lurks in the woods! Apparently every thirty years since 1892 a demon appears in the woods and kills whoever with his pancakes? If that isn’t enough to entice you to watch it, how about the demon can be killed by maple syrup?! I swear I am not making this shit up these types of films just seem to find their way to me. But I did thoroughly enjoy a scene where a teenager is thrown against a tree and then bent into several uncomfortable positions. I give this mess of a horror film 1 ½ stars.

 

I Saw the Devil (DVD) – Byung-Hun Lee aka bad ass dude that has shown up in recent action films and takeover or over shadows the stars in the film plays a bad ass in this film. But this isn’t just any type of action/horror weirdo fucked up flick? No, no, no Mr. Lee plays a character whose pregnant wife is killed by some nasty serial killer and for revenge wants to capture the man an torture him. Then repeat, torture, and then repeat, until innocent bystanders are now being killed in the process. But it’s one man’s quest to make the murderer to feel his pain. One fucked up and amazing film as I could not look away waiting to see what would happen next. I give this fun family flick 4 stars.

 

House (DVD) – Michael Madsen and most of ‘The Devil’s Rejects’ cast fuck with two couples who just happen to be stuck at an old house off of a back road. The cast is great, the plotline is pretty good but sometimes no household Hollywood types give this type of horror movie a grittiness that is memorable for the long run? For me it comes off more like some of our favorite celebrities were collecting a paycheck instead of being a part of something really awesome… I give the film 2 stars but sorry folks no William Katt, Richard Moll, or Norm from ‘Cheers’.

AMERICASDEADLIESTRELNEWS

America’s Deadliest Home Video (DVD) – Apparently for the first time in 25 years this S.O.V. film is available again. As described on the inner sleeve it is the first “found-footage film” and it stars Danny Bonaduce. Between the inner sleeve and the two commentaries on the disc it is full of crazy information about this very rare feature. The stories about its making are amazing and just made the viewing experience that much better as I sat down and watched Doug played by Danny Bonaduce film everything going on around him. Doug is obsessed with filming everything especially now his wife of two years is found cheating on him. So Doug decides to jump into the mini-van and travels the US to film stuff. He eventually comes across three criminals simply known as “The Clint Dryer Gang”. Doug finds the three and films them pushing a car off of a cliff. They notice Doug and they take him captive. Unsure of killing him or not, Clint comes up with the idea of Doug filming all their criminal activity. From there Doug slowly finds himself a part of the gang and being filmed trying to hold up a place until he is shot. As authorities close in they turn on each other in a bloody climax. Not a horror film but easily a S.O.V. collector’s dream for this to be available again. Great stuff, interesting concept for when it was made (early 90s), and so happy Camp Motion Pictures/Alternative Cinema makes a project like this available again. I give this rare gem 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.alternativecinema.com .

 

The Outing (DVD-R/You Tube/DVD) – A lesser talked about horror film released in 1987 that I remember watching as a teenager on Skinamax. What makes this an interesting horror film it may be the first killer genie slasher film? Also the film was once released under the title “The Lamp”. But no one is sure if that version has the extra twenty minutes that was originally cut from the film before it had a short run at the theaters. Anyway the film begins with a mysterious death in 1893, Galveston, Texas, then to present day. In present day (!986/1987) three so-called thieves break into a woman’s home and try to steal the lamp for money but never make it out the door. The three are murdered by an unseen force from the lamp. From there the lamp is sent to a museum in Houston, Texas. Where a dude that is studying it has a daughter who gets a little too hands on with the lamp and becomes possessed by the Jinn and next thing you know she and friends stay the night after a field trip. Bad move folks, as the Jinn have a field day of killing teenagers off in various odd scenarios.  I give this lesser known genie horror film 2 ½ stars but at least you know ‘Wishmaster’ perfected this formula eventually in the 90s.

pi day

Pi Day Die Day (DVD/Vimeo) – Not all the holidays have been taken or obscure ones or wait not sure if this is an actual day to be celebrated? But for the movie sake and for me just enjoying another random independent slasher “Pi Day” exists. March 14th to be exact and high school students that have a connection with a shy girl named Gabriele are being murdered by a mysterious killer. Never mind the principal played by Ari Lehman is unsure on how to help the student body because the pie eating contest on “Pi Day” has been canceled because of the murders. Meanwhile the popular girls can’t believe Gabriele has found a guy and shows up to their popular party where one person’s head explodes from the beer keg… Great inventive kill! The film has its good and bad moments but I got to congratulate Michael E. Cullen II for giving me another obscure holiday horror film. Now I am not sure if the rest of the horror movie watching world is weird like me and will accept this film like this but I say “Bravo!” I give the independent horror film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Find out more at www.pidaydieday.com .

Zombiefied

Zombiefied (DVD) – Finally I was able to sit down and watch the sequel to one of my favorite independent films ever ‘Death Metal Zombies’. No doubt Todd Jason Falcon Cook knew there had to be a sequel but it took him many years! It’s been 13 years since the outbreak of zombies that were reversed to human form after a cassette of a new song from ‘Living Corpse’ was played backwards. But Angel and Tommy still have nightmares and it all happens again as a mysterious person goes to the local metal club and throws in a CD called “Phase II” and all in the club become flesh eaters. Now it is once again up to Angel, Tommy, and friends to stop the zombies. Reverse them to human if possible and if not find out who this mysterious person in a Nixon mask is and how he is able to control the undead. Nowhere near as much fun as the 1995 flick ‘Death Metal Zombies’ but still has some cool zombie effects. Maybe too much time had passed between films, maybe the first just had that something special (chaos perhaps), but this sequel just doesn’t live up to the hilarious fun the original is and was as I give this flick 2 out of 4 stars. You can find out more about the film at www.zombiefiedmovie.com and www.facebook.com/zombiefiedmovie .

B documentary

B-Documentary (DVD) – Nick Charles for his first film chose to do a documentary about “how to make a film”. In doing that Mr. Charles traveled to meet and interview celebrities Lloyd Kaufman, H.G. Lewis, Bill Johnson, Lisa Gaye, D.J. Calvitto, Patrick Madcox, and Nurse Hatchet. With this Nick Charles gets these fine people to tell stories of “how they got started”, “keys to success”, “how to make a movie”, along with several other subjects that includes “digital vs film”. The movie isn’t so much a documentary as much as a perfect instructional guide for movie fans and filmmakers alike to hear what’s it like to make a movie or act in one. They all have sound advice and varying opinions which makes this film not just a must see but a must own for any horror movie or independent movie fan out there. Nick Charles did an amazing job first time out in the filmmaking world and now has my attention in what he does next. I personally wish him good luck. I give this wonderful project 4 out of 4 stars and more about it and where to purchase it can be found at www.officialdungeonfilms.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Next up, you can come by the vendor table I will be at for a book, shirt, or a movie at Cinema Wasteland April 1, 2, 3rd, 2016 in Strongsville, Ohio (for details: www.cinemawasteland.com) .

 

Gross Movie Reviews #372

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Gross Movie Reviews #372

 

By Tim Gross

 

The Barbarians (DVD) – This 1987 fantasy film and everything you could want? Ruggero Deodato directing, Richard Lynch as your villain, Michael Berryman as The Dirtmaster who trains these twins to be warriors, and a George Eastman appearance! A traveling circus is attacked by an evil bastard (Richard Lynch) who decides to take the princess aka the woman named Canary and the twins traveling with the circus. The twins are separated and trained to be warriors. When the twins grow up they are played by popular 80s muscle bound duo: Peter and David Paul. The twins are forced to fight each other but overcome the battle and help each other out to escape and get revenge. There is also a dragon, looks horrible but still a shit load of fun! I give the flick 3 ½ stars.

 

Chemical Peel (DVD) – A bachelorette party in the woods goes horribly wrong when the women go to sleep and wake up to a horrible fog outside of their cabin and a dead baby in the cabin. Things break down from there as they learn through static TV and radio that a train derailed not too far away and spilled a chemical that reacted causing mass evacuation. With the fog seeping in and the ladies learning the hard way to not use water it becomes a horrifying outcome. Great stuff folks, women turning on each other, characters you will hate right off the bat, and some beautiful disgusting gooey effects. So see who survives as I give the horror flick 3 stars.

 

Night of the Creeps 2 (DVD) – First off this film has nothing to do with the classic we all know and love. But what is weird this film from 2006 is an independent film that I know as ‘Zombie Town’. So how did it get the name blame Germany as it was sold there as a sequel somehow? But what makes this title even weirder is that I viewed a screener of the film ‘Zombie Town’ from MTI video over a decade ago and it was different from the version called, ‘Night of the Creeps 2’. Some of the information is sketchy but could not find out who exactly made this decision to retitle, rerelease, or even recut the film. Bottom line: I remember liking it just as “Zombie Town” and even comparing it or getting its influence from ‘Night of the Creeps’ but now pissed it somehow was marketed as a sequel. If you like killer leeches that turn small town folk into zombies this is right up your alley. So try not to condemn this film for a title change that was most likely out of the filmmaker’s hands… I believe I give it 3 ½ stars a decade ago. So hope your mind just didn’t blow up knowing this exists?

septicman11

Septic Man (DVD) – Same person that gave us ‘Monster Brawl’ gives us horror fans another weird tale of Canadian horror that stars Stephen McHattie (plays all-around creepy cool dudes), Julian Richards (best known as ‘Death’ on ‘Supernatural TV series’), and the great actress Molly Dunsworth (Hobo with a Shotgun). A town is being evacuated because sickness and disease is spreading through the town killing people but Jack chooses to stay behind. Jack is the ‘Septic Man’. He is offered a large sum of money to stay behind and solve the issue as he believes he knows why the water is contaminated?  But Jack isn’t ready for what happens after he fixes the problem and that is being trapped in the contaminated waste of the dead that is being dumped by a weirdo killer and his 7 foot brother who is afraid of him. The problem is fixed and the people come back but Jack is still trapped and going insane! Great weirdo ‘Slime City’ kinda vibe horror film as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Poltergeist (DVD/remake) – I was on the ropes about this flick mainly because the trailers made it look like another ‘Paranormal Activity’ clone. But I finally gave the remake a shot and was very surprised of how much it did not stray away from the 1982 original film. I didn’t hate it, I didn’t like it… The film really doesn’t take any chances to separate itself from the original. There isn’t a whole lot to say as much of it is a clone. I see this film as a useless chore in viewing it. I give it 2 stars. Hell, most people will forget this like ‘The Evil Dead’ remake.

Final Girls

Final Girls (DVD) – The only bad thing I can say about this film was I wish I seen this sooner as this will be one of my favorite horror films I have watched in 2016. Anyway a college girl, Max, is trying to get over her mother’s death still three years later. Her best friend’s brother works at a theater that is celebrating the cult horror slashers ‘Camp Bloodbath 1 and 2’. Max’s mother was famous for starring in the original and Max is asked to come be a part of the festival. She does an accident happens which starts the theater into a full on raging fire. Max and her friends cut through the movie screen to escape and find themselves in 1986 ‘Camp Bloodbath’ movie world. The non-stop slashing, blood, laughs are non-stop as Max and friends try to figure out how to fend off the movie’s killer Billy long enough to get back to the real world! This horror film is 4 stars all the way. It’s a slasher fan’s wet dream of a horror movie!

 

Manson Family Vacation (DVD) – A film about two brothers who are complete opposites and the older brother is adopted. The older brother was an artist but now has sold everything to travel the US and go on a road trip with his brother to everything Manson related before he goes off into the desert for his next job. The younger brother keeps trying to look out for him but knows he cannot control what he does not understand. It’s not a comedy, it’s not horror, and I don’t know if you could classify it as a road trip movie? But I do know I would like my 90 minutes back that I wasted on watching it. I give it 1 star.

 

The Editor (DVD) – A lot of the same people that were involved with ‘Father’s Day’ and ‘Manborg’ have yet another oddity where it seems to be set in early 80s Italy where an editor Rey Ciso was famous at one point but had a horrible accident. The accident took away four of his fingers off of his right hand. Now, treated like shit he is a suspect on the latest film he is editing as the stars are dropping like flies in bloody Eye-talian fashion. It is a beautifully absurd horror film that is a must see like the other two projects I have mention earlier in the review. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Spring (DVD) – A young man named Evan watches his mother die and there are not many friends around so he decides it is time to take a trip far, far away. Evan goes to Italy to drink with a couple of dudes and he doesn’t know but travels with anyway until he meets a mysterious woman. Almost immediately falling in love with her Evan finds a place to stay and goes into town just to run into her have dinner, coffee, anything just to have a relationship. But the woman with the dark past blows Evan’s mind when after they have sex she wants him to go away, she is now pregnant, and just happens to be some kind of ancient creature that needs stem cells to possibly stop her transformation. To put it simply: A Lovecraftian love story. Love the wide and far shots as you can see the beauty of the country in a lot of the scenes. And enjoyed the dialogue that keeps the film moving along but in the end I kept waiting for something more to happen… I give the film 2 stars.

Mold

Mold (DVD) – Its 1984, somewhere in the middle of the Arizona desert and scientists are experimenting with mold. They have developed a new strain of mold spores for the military that can kill everything and they are putting on a classified show for a select few. Things go okay until the new deadly mold infects the congressman. The underground bunker soon has the deadly mold spores spreading throughout the place. The group only has one chance if they can get controller agent and that isn’t even a given since it is untested. The group also finds out they are never allowed to leave as they are part of a bigger experiment to see how well the new deadly mold works. Pretty cool concept for an independent horror film but what makes worth the watch is its unbelievable gooey and gruesome over the top splatter effects! Gallons of green goo, exploding body parts make this a must for all gorehounds! I give the goo busting horror film 3 stars.

 

White Phantom (VHS) – I knew I was in for a treat when the Vidmark logo came up on this 1987 ninja flick. The film begins with some camo ninjas stealing weapons grade plutonium for the Sakura family who are powerful in China. From there we go right to the nightclub scene where we are introduce to our hero the ugly American (Jay Roberts Jr.) checking out a hot dancer. Roberts’s character is a mysterious man of sorts as he likes whores and playing basketball with the local kids when he isn’t signing baseballs as Babe Ruth. When that isn’t going down he would like to know more about this hot dancer at the night club who is just trying to repay a debt by getting info from the Sakura family about the weapons grade plutonium. The dancer is eventually killed by a ninja which of course sets up winner takes all (plutonium min this case) good ninja vs. bad ninja. And Bo Svenson collects a paycheck. I give the ninja film 2 ½ stars.

 

The Asphyx (YouTube) – A scientist who finds a blotch in a photograph and believes it is a ghost or possible soul leaving the body. He becomes obsessed with this find and wants it. The scientist believes this could be the link to immortality? An early 70s movie that is a good pick for a rainy Saturday afternoon that has that Hammer film feel to it as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Next up, you can come by the vendor table I will be at for a book, shirt, or a movie at Cinema Wasteland April 1, 2, 3rd, 2016 in Strongsville, Ohio (for details: www.cinemawasteland.com) .