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Gross Movie Reviews #367

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Gross Movie Reviews #367

 

By Tim Gross

 

The Hybrid (DVD) – A film based in Russia where a man gets a chance to get out of prison if he leads a group of mercenaries and a scientist into a heavily guarded facility that happens to be underground in middle of Russia. They need the information and hosts from an experiment that involves alien DNA from rocks and human DNA. It’s an Old Russian experiment that was never shut down and some dark government personal want it now. Not too horrible of a sci-fi film but it has tons of issues like introducing characters and never going back to them??? But anyway if you pass over this one I totally understand as I give it 1 star.

 

Bone Tomahawk (On Demand) – Sid Haig and David Arquette are two unlikely criminals who happen to piss off some Indian/cannibal/troglodytes by walking through on their burial ground. Haig’s character is killed off and Arquette finds a small town Bright Hope looking just for a drink. Once questioned by the sheriff aka shot in the leg and the troglodytes or as I like to call them “chocodiles” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chocodile_Twinkie use the link wisely to understand the yinzer coming out of my mouth) come to town and steal David and Patrick Wilson’s wife and butcher a couple people. So the sheriff and three others make the dangerous trek to where these things or chocodiles live in order to save Wilson’s wife. To give the film that more fun impact the sheriff talks to a Native American man who explains the troglodytes and explains why even the Indians are afraid of these oddities. The western gets a little long when the main characters travel but gets down right fucking brutal when the four come upon the troglodytes cave. A solid western and great to see Kurt Russell back to acting full time again as I give the film 3 stars.

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Blood Frenzy (VHS/DVD-R) – A 1987 low budget slasher film of sorts where a doctor decides to take her six patients to the desert for therapy. Or we don’t have much of a budget so we are doing most of the movie in one location and shooting in five days… just saying. Things go terribly wrong one night when the patients wake up to one of them with their throat cut. Soon everyone is blaming everyone and the RV does not work any longer. Is it one of the crazies? Or is it something else? The film not watched by many but if you wondered the aisles of a ma and pa video store you most likely at least seen the bloody jack-in-the-box VHS cover. I give the film 1 ½ stars.

 

The Hateful Eight (Theater) – A bounty hunter is traveling to Red Rock through the snowy mountains being chased by another snow storm with a woman who he had captured and is seeing to hang. And this is a tale of how it all goes wrong as his wagon is stopped a couple times to pick up two travelers who are trying to escaped the snow storm and must stop  at a cabin to settle for a couple days for the storm to pass by. Problem gets worse as there are a few more men waiting at the cabin like the others trying to escape the snow storm. The landscape is amazing, the characters are fun and interesting, and the music is awesome. The cast consists of Kurt Russell, Samuel L. Jackson, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Bruce Dern, and Channing Tatum. Not the best western ever made but just like “Bone Tomahawk” I enjoy it for what it is as I give it 3 stars. And the gore flows freely throughout the flick.

 

Insidious 3 or Chapter 3 (DVD) – The movie is pretty much what you already know about the Lin Shaye psychic character. But just in case you were bored and didn’t catch on to this cheap cash-in, instead of moving the franchise forward they give you a prequel of why and how Miss Shaye’s character is back in the psychic business. I give the film 1 star.

 

Deadly Dreams (VHS/DVD-R) – Another lesser known horror film from 1988 about a college kid named Alex who is haunted by a man in a wolf mask who killed his parents over a decade ago. The man who was in the mask over a decade ago named Perkins killed himself shortly after but someone is back haunting Alex in reality and his dreams and is losing his grip of both. But not before Alex gets ahold of some redheaded boobage. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (On Demand) – If you are a fan of “Zombieland” then you will be a fan of this hilarious tale of three scouts who must save their town from certain extinction. Three high school sophomores are on their usually Friday night campout where two of them are going to sneak off to their first high school party. But a zombie apocalypse gets in the way of that as several weird things begin to happen: dead deer gets up and leaves after being hit with their car, their scout master doesn’t show up at the camp out, zombie strippers, and the town has been evacuated. From there it is scene after scene of hilarious bloody zombies and zombie cats chasing the scouts. But if they do not get to the compound where people been evacuated too the town will be burned down by the military. I enjoyed the film because it centers on the scouts and that a certain point in your life the scouts are not fun anymore. And this just happens to take place when a zombie outbreak happened. I was a scout for a few years and like “Dogma” this film hits that soft spot in my heart so I thought it was a fun mess to watch over and over again as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Janitor (DVD) – So after 13 bizarre deaths in the Generico offices the FBI is finally stepping in to try and solve who is murdering all the employees. Meanwhile, Lionel – The Janitor is angry but lives for his job and has been living in the janitor closet with his friend Mr. Growbo because their house burned down. But after Lionel’s office crush has quit her job he wants more: a relationship, a woman, a janitor’s job at the local sorority. But when Mr. Growbo screws Lionel out of the custodian job at the local sorority house Lionel wants revenge and there can be only one janitor. Pay close attention to the end of the film as you see a younger Judah Friedlander make an appearance screaming at Lionel. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Black Sea (DVD) – Jude Law stars in a very suspenseful film where he is fired from his submarine salvaging job and has nowhere to turn. But a best friend has an idea of what he could do if they can find an investor. Has Law’s character knows about a sunken Nazi U-boat that was filled with Nazi gold but is in international waters and no salvaging company wants to touch it. So after getting someone to invest into the mission Jude Law puts together a crew of misfits that just may pull off salvage like no other before that would set them all up for life. Well-acted and the suspense make this lesser known film a must watch for any cinema fans as I give it a well-deserved 3 ½ stars.

 

Extinction (DVD) – A zombie film, excuse me a viral outbreak film that just happens to star Matthew Fox and one of my favorite actors Jeffrey Donovan. Nine years ago the two were on a bus being taken to a safe zone by military until the shit hit the fan and all were attacked by the infected. Mathew Fox has a daughter that we see now in the snowy background is being taken care of by his brother played by Jeffery Donovan. It’s been years since the last infected sighting and the brothers refuse to communicate with each other even though they live next door to each other. But one day after a food run Mathew Fox’s character is attacked by a mutation? Is it an infected, human, they leave that one out there for you the viewer to decide and if bitten you do not change like before… You just get torn to pieces. These mutations are smarter, able to call to each other, and they can heal if not shot in the head. If there was a movie I could compare this flick to it would the recent Viggo flick called “The Road”. An interesting take on the zombie bloated genre that is worth taking a chance on especially with almost no advertising about the film. I give it 3 stars.

 

Evil Town (VHS/DVD-R) – A film that was released in 1987 but started film production in 1977 that stars James Keach. “Evil Town” had four different directors, footage of a Playboy Playmate running around nude added in 1985 for selling points, rumored to be three films put together as when they went to do reshoots certain characters died in real life, and the film was also titled at one point: “God Bless Grandma and Grandpa”. Saying all of that the film boils down to a town called, ‘Smalltown’, where travelers and hitchhikers go to disappear. Mainly because a scientist working off the books experiment that deals with anti-aging and the whole town is in on it as they are all over the age of 90! Weird film, bizarre history of the film being made, equals bad movie night at a horror fan’s home in the future as I give it 1 ½ stars just for being so god damn interesting.

 

P2: A New Level in Terror (DVD) – Angela is a high-level corporate employee working late on Christmas Eve. She believes she is the last to leave until a security guard tries to assist. Not paying attention Angela finds herself locked in the building and soon chained to a chair in the security office where this guard (Wes Bentley) is a stalker. From there the film uses the old cat and mouse formula. For me the film isn’t bad as much not as interesting as a “Road Games” or “Duel” or even the segment starring Lance Henriksen in “Nightmares”? But that is just me but I still give the suspenseful film 2 stars.

 

Tobe Hooper’s Night Terrors (VHS) – Robert Englund stars as the 4th century Marquis De Sade of which a cult is based on his book that shows up in Alexandria, Egypt 1993. Pretty much a bad movie I believe that was made for Showtime originally? Zoe Trilling plays a young woman named Genie who visits her father who happens to be an archeologist and she falls to a cult that is preparing her for those who believe. It’s weird and awful mostly, but Zoe Trilling being full frontal naked 50% of the film and a dude who rides a horse completely nude with his dong flapping everywhere keeps me watching till the end for no apparent reason. There is good reason this film has been buried and not talked about much as I give it 0 stars but give Mrs. Trilling a perfect 10!

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #366

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Gross Movie Reviews #366

 

By Tim Gross

 

No Tell Motel (DVD) – Honestly there wasn’t much to tell as cynical young folks are on a trip to party for the weekend. Until one gets angry and flips the RV and they find an old motel down the road that is supposedly haunted. From there it gets a little boring and the characters are not really likable as you rout for all of them to die before halfway mark of the film. But the film tries to be a horrible crossbreed of Paranormal and Slasher flick so go figure why the film doesn’t work? I give it 0 stars.

 

Time After Time (DVD) – A late 70s film that takes a wonderful and interesting take on Jack the Ripper. David Warner is Jack the Ripper and Malcolm McDowell is a person that happens to build a time machine and best friends with Jack. They go through time to 1979 where Jack finds himself more at home than his original century. The effects are dated but the story is brilliantly brought to life by these two actors making this movie well worth revisiting as I give it 3 stars.

 

Time Bandits (DVD) – A science fiction/comedy about a supreme being that has the power to cross times and dimensions. But some midgets/little people have stolen the power that allows them to travel and David Warner is pissed. Along the way a boy is wrapped up in the chaos of the time traveling. An early 80s cable movie staple that may have been lost in the shuffle of fun weird movies that could not decide if it’s a comedy, kids film, or just a plain sci-fi flick. The film is a who’s who of British actors as I give it 3 stars.

 

The House by the Cemetery (DVD) – Another of Fulci’s films that was a drive-in staple in cut up form and on VHS in the early 80s has just been restored and available for horror fan’s consumption. The film stars Katherine (Catriona) MacColl who starred in a few of Fulci’s most notable zombie flicks. Her husband is moving her and their son from New York to an old New England home to do research on a Dr. Freudstein. Never mind the dude is living aka undead and still looking to kill in the basement. After many warnings from a little girl and strange things McColl’s husband never p[picks up on Freudstein enjoys making a gory bloody mess everywhere. If possible the film is a little weirder than “The Beyond” but let that stop you from enjoying the movie on its new format and uncut. I give this Fulci film 3 stars, it’s not my favorite but worth watching the uncut version.

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In The Hell of Dixie (DVD) – After some hunters of a hunting club have a quarrel with a man named Merrill; murders begin to happen one by one. The local sheriff believes it to be his deputy after the deputy is not promoted and a member of the hunting club. Bodies keep piling up and the deputy wants to clear his name and save his friends before there is no hunting club left. This independent film takes the long way around of making a slasher film. And when I say long I say 127 minutes… I believe the film’s biggest mistake was taking way too much time establishing the hunting club and its stale characters outside of the deputy. Most horror fans will check out about the 80 minute mark even with the half decent blood effects and story twist. The film needs to be edited down as not every movie especially horror doesn’t need to be as long as a Hollywood blockbuster. Once edited, I believe this film could be a leaner and meaner independent Southern treat it was meant to be? Otherwise if you need something to help you sleep this film is for you horror fans as I give it 1 out of 4 stars. The film is available at www.alternativecinema.com .

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The Bone Garden (DVD) – Alice and her husband who have been married for a long time have new neighbors move in. One of which works at the same university her husband works at. Even Alice believes her husband is cheating on her especially urging from her best friend Alice is concerned with the new neighbors. She believes they are hiding something as days pass and young women begin to be missing. After Alice’s best friend convinces her into going out to the local bar she sees her husband’s car and is convinced he is cheating and takes upon herself to make herself available. She has a new guy in her life, the husband has been kicked out, and the dead bodies of the missing women are found in the neighbor’s house. Everything is right with the world? But Alice is not convinced it’s her neighbor anymore. This independent flick has a few references to the original “Halloween”, some good effects, and fun plot twists which make it a solid and entertaining horror film. It could be just me but what stops this good movie from being great was the music. At all times throughout the movie the soundtrack just didn’t fit the scenes or the flow of the film and for that I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. The film is available to order at www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Dead Rising: Watchtower (OnDemand) – A horror film based on a newer zombie game that surprised me it didn’t get a bigger release. News reporter Chase Carter and his cameraman/woman are in the heart of a city under quarantine as the government is trying to stop a new outbreak of zombies. The government is using ‘Zombrex’ which taken once a day can prevent people who have been bitten from becoming zombies. But the batch of ‘Zombrex’ is not working and chaos ensues as Chase gets separated from his camera woman and is now trapped in the quarantined city. Chase teams up with a woman whose ‘Zombrex’ works and wants to get the evidence of a cover up out to the public. Another zombie flick for the glut that does not quite separate itself out of obscurity but also isn’t horrible to watch as I give it 2 stars.

 

Reaper (DVD) – Interesting mess of a concept here?  Vinnie Jones, Jake Busey, and Danny Trejo star in a film where a supernatural preacher/escapee/serial killer is killing people at The Last Chance Hotel. Was this the pitch in the meeting for this film: Okay we are remaking “Shocker” and “The Horror Show” in five days, a poster that makes no sense, and yinz all collect a paycheck? I give it 1 ½ stars, can’t help myself I like “Machete”!

 

See No Evil 2 (DVD) – The popular and very talented Soska sisters take on the sequel about the unstoppable killer Jacob Goodnight. The film picks up from the end of the first film where the body of Goodnight is taken to the morgue. But its Amy’s (Danielle Harris) birthday and she is done with work. She is about to go out the door to party with friends (Katharine Isabelle and others) but stays once hearing her friends are going to be swamped at the morgue. So the party is moved to the morgue. Once a couple begins to have sex next to Goodnight’s body disappears the killing never stops. Not sold on the “Halloween 6” type killing of Goodnight but did enjoy the slasher sequel more than most recent sequels aka “Laid to Rest 2” for example. Hope there is a third and hope the Soska sisters keep doing great work as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Final Girl (DVD) – The movie begins with a little girl sitting at a table in a blank room with a man asking her odd questions and hands her a maze to figure out. Veronica finishes it is asked if she wants to be a part of something many cannot do and she just wants ice cream. 12 years later Veronica is in training with her trainer, the same man that questioned her. He is preparing her for a situation where she will take on four vicious gentlemen who go hunting… for women. She meets with them and turns the table on the gentlemen. It’s a weird movie that exists in its own universe, doesn’t give back story, and you don’t if it’s a government experiment or something totally different. A horror film that not meant for you to think but the more you read into it you will. I enjoy fun little horror films like this you are not sure how to classify and make me want to revisit again and again as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #364

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Gross Movie Reviews #364

 

By Tim Gross

 

Fortress 2: Re-Entry (VHS) – Christopher Lambert is back in this sequel that lacks the excitement of the first prison outbreak movie. But it does have the cheese quality as this one takes place ten years in the future and he has been caught again and place in a prison in space. Did I mention Pam Grier makes an appearance, she is no Jeffrey Combs in the first flick but it is always cool to see Pam in these types’ cheesy flicks? All Lambert wants to do is escape and get back to his family as I give it 2 stars.

 

Elvira Presents: Dead of Night (VHS) – A Thriller Video Production that has Elvira hosting an anthology film from the late 70s that were all stories based on Richard Matheson works. First one is about time travel, the second is about vampires, and the third story is the creepy one as it’s about a woman who brings her dead kid back to life. The film doesn’t play out like a hardcore horror anthology like a “Creepshow” or “Tales from the Crypt” but more like an “Amazing Stories” episode and still a lot of fun to watch. I give it 3 stars.

 

Teen Alien (VHS) – A low budget film from 1978 that is like a mid-west after school special. In the 50s something landed up at the Old Mill. It has been quiet for 20 years until now when the alien decides to turn itself into a kid and visit the local town’s school population. It finds out his home ‘the old mill’ is about to be used as a ‘spook alley’ for Halloween by some teenagers. Once the kids are inside it slowly terrorizes the kids. Fun crappy 70s cheesy goodness for the soul as I give it 2 stars.

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My Crepitus (VHS) – The independent film is from 2000 and apparently considered the first film of filmmaker Michael Maggot aka Michael Todd Schneider. The film was rereleased in a very limited VHS format under its original title “I Never Left the White Room”. So apparently the VHS I found in my basement is one of its kind (sort of)? But anyway the best way to describe Mr. Maggot’s first feature a slow, bizarre, visually crazy twisted overload of the horror senses. A man named Jeffery has lost his mind and the film takes you down the rabbit hole that is Jeffery’s madness. If there is one thing I have learned watching Mr. Maggot’s films they are an entity of its own as his film are always something different and something you may never see again… I give the truly bizarre feature 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Beyond the Door III (VHS) – Thought I found another true sequel to a series of films that lack everything in an entertaining horror film and I was right. But the film is also known as “Amok Train”. A young lady named Beverly heads of on a class field trip to Belgrade, Serbia for some weird centuries old ceremony. Once there she is put to sleep while her friends are boarded up and set on fire in these huts. Most escape to get on a train for the next 70 minutes that apparently is possessed and fucks all kinds of shit in front of it and can drive across swamps! Weird unentertaining shit, but it was a sequel and in my DNA I was put on this earth to witness this kind of crap as I give it 1 star.

 

Cannibals (VHS) – Jess Franco’s 1979 version of a cannibal movie as the film has had several titles: Cannibal Girl and White Cannibal Queen are the popular titles. A family is shipwrecked on an uncharted island that just happens to have cannibals. The tribe eats the mother to death, eats the father’s arm, and takes their little girl to make their own. Many years later the father struggles to put together an expedition together to go find his little girl. Whose now all grown-up, topless, and getting raped by the top warrior of the cannibal tribe. We are talking family entertainment my friends. Somewhat boring but has a few disgusting cannibal moments that will warm a gore hound’s heart. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Taken 3 (DVD) – Liam Neeson decides it’s time to reboot “The Fugitive” without Tommy Lee Jones but with Forest Whitaker. Somewhat disappointing as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Hollow (DVD) – Yes, I know I keep finding movies that have this title and if keeping track I believe this is the third or maybe the fourth but anyway it’s about the Headless Horseman of course. Ichabod Crane’s descendent has to save the small town of Sleepy Hollow as the Headless Horseman returns according to Stacey Keach as the caretaker. But Crane’s descendent denies that the legend can be true until he is actually faced with the demon throwing pumpkins at him. The film also has some famous familiar young faces. If possible the film is more like a “Goosebumps” entry into the Headless Horseman lure but a good watch for all horror movie fans as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Divide (DVD) – This 2011 film stars Michael Biehn as the super of an apartment building that several tenants rush to the basement with Biehn’s character to lock themselves in as nuclear war has broken out and destroyed the world above them. Not long after settling in someone comes knocking on the door and its men in biohazard suits that shoot a couple people and steal the lone child of the group. After that which seemed like an amazing bad ass film becomes a stupid boring useless entry into the nuclear war genre of film. The film either lacked funds or brains behind the project ( I will go with brains) and was most likely the factor the film went unnoticed by many including Hollywood. The film is one of the bigger disappointments in my recent movie watching as I give zero stars for fucking up a good concept!

 

Pound of Flesh (DVD) – Jean-Claude Van Damme goes to China to donate one of his kidneys to his niece. But the night he gets there he hooks up with an escort and his kidney gets taken. Now it’s a race against time as he must find his kidney so his niece can survive which we also find out is actually his kid because he banged his brother’s wife ten years ago! Completely unrealistic shit that I love seeing JCVD in as I give it 3 stars.

 

Exists (DVD) – Some twentysomethings take off deep into the woods to their uncle’s remote cabin. Their uncle has not been to the cabin in years because of something he saw. Once there the young-ins has some fun but hear some horrible noises but think nothing of it. But one of them films everything and begins to capture or notices some strange images in the background and believes its Bigfoot. The film dude believes this because the night before their truck hit something and possibly wounded it. But now it’s too late as Bigfoot starts terrorizing them at the cabin and it wants blood! Reminds me a little of “Embedded” and this sasquatch film is so much more interesting than “Willow Creek” as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Gross Movie Reviews #363

0
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Gross Movie Reviews #363

 

By Tim Gross

 

Cooties (On Demand) – There are recalls on all chicken tenders coming out of the ‘Happy Poultry’ Corporation in Fort Chicken, Illinois. And a little girl at the Fort Chicken Elementary Summer School has found the tainted tender. She becomes slowly infected, meanwhile Elijah Wood is Clint Hanson who just happens to be a substitute teacher at the school and witnesses the little girl biting a piece of a boy’s face off! The infection spreads quickly and during recess the kids begin cannibalizing the teachers. The teachers fear for their lives as they become torn to pieces by infected children and try to survive the outbreak. Love this concept for a horror film and surprised it hasn’t been used already as I give the gory little film 3 stars. Plus I love the scene where they drug the infected kids with Ritalin and there is a “Commando” movie reference.

 

D.C. Cab (DVD) – A stupid but brilliant early 80s film about Washington D.C. cab drivers. The film has one of the best casts for a comedy ever and centers around Adam Baldwin’s character hitchhiking from down south to become a cab driver. Marsha Warfield, Mr. T just to name a couple but fat Gary Busey is at his best in this hilarious film. Worth revisiting now and again as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Why Horror? (On Demand) – A documentary from Tal Zimerman who is a self-proclaimed “huge horror fan” like the rest of us. Tal takes us viewers on an interesting ride through the history of horror films and his own experiences with horror movies over the years. Pointing out all the peaks and valleys of horror film and all the great people in the genre. An interesting movie that can be done 500 different ways but this dude got his financed and out there so kudos to him as I enjoyed it. If anything it spends almost the whole time highlighting how cool horror movies can be as I give the documentary 3 stars.

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Die Die Delta Pi (DVD) – The film begins in Spring 1986 where the Delta Pi sisters are deciding what they are going to do on spring break. But before they do anything they have the Toga party on the beach with the boys to haze the new girl Marissa. Things go wrong and Marissa catches on fire, several sisters are found murdered, and the house mother is missing. 27 years later the Delta Pi sorority has reopened at Sun State University. And according to one crazy old sorority sister ‘The Burnt One’ is coming! If that isn’t enough the new sisters are reestablishing the annual bonfire and tell the story of what happened many moons ago. Soon the new sisters are being murdered one by one. A fun, entertaining, and nostalgic independent horror film that does a great job fitting in with the likes of “Slaughter High, Killer Party, Cheerleader Camp, etc.” It is missing the corny 80s music soundtrack or even corny music video but does redeem itself with a great death scene on a gas grill. This type of film always wins my horror movie heart as I give it 3 out of 4 stars and available on amazon.com.

 

Croczilla (DVD) – This dude in China raises a pet giant crocodile only to sell it and its babies to a crooked dude who wants to sell the meat at his restaurant. Soon the giant crocodile gets pissed and loose then begins to wreck everything outside of Beijing, China. The movie takes a comedic twist when the giant croc swallows a woman’s bag of euros and she wants them back as it’s her life savings. Entertaining at times but has some hokey effects at times also. So for that I give it 2 stars as its no “Killer Crocodile’ or “Alligator”.

 

Avengers Grimm (DVD) – Casper Van Dien plays Rumpelstiltskin who leads a revolution against Snow White and her kingdom. During the fight they get thrown through the magic mirror into present earth time. But by time the princesses find a way through Rumpelstiltskin has already set up shop and has an evil plan to take over the world. And the princesses become superheroes… yes it was that terrible as I give it 0 stars as Asylum should stick to “Sharknado”.

 

Lost After Dark (DVD) – The slasher flick begins in 1977 Michigan as we are treated to a woman being chased and hacked to pieces by a bear trap in the opening minute of the film. Seven years later some teenagers plan on skipping out on the school dance, steal a school bus, and party at a cabin for the weekend. Two problems: first the bus breaks down and they go looking for help, second Robert Patrick is the vice principal and he decides to take matters into his own hands by tracking down his kids and the bus. But they all get fucked up by the cannibalistic hippie who has lived for many years on his own deep in the woods. An urban legend of sorts… The storyline isn’t breaking new ground but the film does sport some beautiful, gooey, bloody wet goodies throughout each murder scene. Another fun nostalgic slasher film worth putting on your watch list as I give it 3 stars.

 

Grabbers (DVD) – An Irish creature feature about sea creatures that attack an Irish village that survive only on water and blood. So the answer to defeating them is going to the tavern and getting the whole village drunk! Love the Irish as they keep it simple, funny, and have some bad ass sea creatures. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

Mercenaries (DVD) – The main plot is a female version of “The Expendables” or even “Escape from New York” of female prisoners are sent on a mission to rescue a diplomat. Cynthia Rothrock plays the president and Zoe Bell kicks some ass but the film lacks some direction and thought could have been better in the long run if they wouldn’t have rushed the project out there a couple years back. I give it 2 stars.

 

Turbo Kid (On Demand) – Another film that is a throwback as it acts like a 80s flick set in a 1997 post-apocalyptic world that just happens to be a Canadian/New Zealand co-production. A kid who is surviving on his own with his BMX bike collects relics from the world that use to be and live alone in his bunker. From time to time he goes to trade stuff for water and a new comic book! He comes across a girl while reading his comic book and they soon become friends but are thrusted into harm’s way when ultra-evil dude Michael Ironside captures the girl and Turbo Kid tries to save her a couple times. The film is like a blend of every sci-fi PG-13 film that showed on HBO Saturday mornings during the 1980s. And for me I am all in on enjoying such an over the top entertaining flick. The characters, the weapons, and the over the top violence make this film a gem as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Mimesis (DVD) – Some people get drugged and dragged off to a farmhouse to be dressed like characters from the “Night of the Living Dead” film and be a part of some twisted role-playing game. Soon the people figure out what’s going on and begin fighting the zombies’ aka real life psychos who claim the movies made them do it. A different horror movie concept but using “Night of the Living Dead” as the backdrop is just too easy for the cash in instead of trying to use maybe an obscure horror flick or something that wouldn’t give your horror film as much backlash. Also I was disappointed in the film overall but understood why they went with it but still only give the film 1 ½ stars.

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Winners Tape All: The Henderson Brothers (Vimeo) – Independent filmmaker Justin Channell gets the band back together (Zane Crosby and Josh Lively) to put out a mockumentary about two famous brothers who made backyard horror flicks in the 80s. Justin smartly uses the VHS collector’s boom the past several years as the backdrop of the story. Henry Jacoby, VHS enthusiast, gets the ball rolling on how video stores were getting rid of VHS tapes for nearly nothing when DVD hit big and Henry discovered The Henderson Brothers films. “The Curse of Stabberman” and “Cannibal Swim Club” are the masterpieces of the Henderson Brothers. And Henry takes great joy in this as the brothers are brought together to discuss their projects, how they were made, and where they go from here? Especially now their long awaited project “Father’s Day of the Dead” is being financed by Henry’s Blood and Guts Video. Justin and company give a funny look inside look of what has gone on the past several years in the horror genre. And if I could describe this movie in the best way possible I would say “The Spinal Tap of the shot-on-video genre”. This movie had me laughing out loud several times throughout just for the mere reason I have watched many shot-on-video movies but their rereleases on DVD and VHS (again) and Justin did a great job bringing this project to life. When they talk about anyone that was involved with the two projects are dead I had tears coming out of my eyes laughing. If you are a hardcore movie/VHS tape collector and know humor this film is perfect for you as I give it 4 out 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #362

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Gross Movie Reviews #362

 

By Tim Gross

 

Kenny and Company (DVD-R/YouTube) – So who would of guessed the man that gave us such an evil but bad ass film in “Phantasm” would do a coming of age film in 1976 centered a kid named Kenny and Halloween. We all got start somewhere and Don Coscarelli started with this film. It’s not a horror film at all but more of your typical 70s ‘after school’ special about Kenny and his best friend trying to build a car for soapbox derby, overcome bullying, girls, and having Reggie Bannister as a teacher. The film is a little dated but a lot fun if you were born during the 70s and worth tracking down. I give the film 2 stars.

 

The Magnificent Seven (DVD) – This was one those films that had always been on my list to watch as I am a huge fan of “The Good, the Bad, the Ugly”. Plus, Eli Wallach is a bad ass who bullies a small Mexican village ever year before harvest time. Well, the village has had enough sending the women and small children to live in the shadows as the farmers do the work but send three men out to buy guns. They come across a no bullshit gunslinger played by Yul Brynner. Yul is the man before Clint’s ‘The Man with No Name’ character showed up in 60s spaghetti westerns. Yul decides the poor farmers need help more than he needs money but it just can’t be himself that takes on Eli Wallach and his bandits. All-star cast in Charles Bronson, Steve McQueen, James Coburn, and a young Robert Vaughn makes movie just perfect to watch. It is a piece of cinematic history as I give it 4 stars and do yourself a favor of watching it at least once before you die!

 

Deathgasm (OnDemand) – Best movie of 2015 outside of “Mad Max: Fury Road”! We got gore, death metal, demons, and it is made in New Zealand… Perfect! Brodie is a teenager that is screwed since he got sent to live with his aunt and uncle because his mom decided to do drunken sexual favors to a mall Santa! So now living in the middle of ‘Ass Fuck’ nowhere Brodie tries to make friends with the local nerds Dion and Giles and just happens to have a crush on his dickhole cousin David’s girlfriend Medina. Who later on we find out is a pure bad ass. So Brodie scopes out the local record shop and meets Zaak. Immediately they become blood brothers and start a death metal band. The two just happen to stumble upon satanic sheet music in an album protected by a musician named Rikki Daggers. Brodie then figures out how to play the sheet music after getting his ass kick by his cousin and bring forth demons that will put the whole world in darkness. Once it happens and demons take over almost everyone in the nowhere town Brodie must find a way to stop it with help from his friends. Highlights from the film include: the quote “Do Demons recognize Day Light Savings Time”, a fight with demons that involves sex toys, and a music shop psychic. Everyone involved from cast to crew is awesome for putting this film together. The 16 year old metalhead still inside me was ready to throw up the devil horns and start thrashing after this fun 4 star movie.

 

American Ninja 5 (DVD) – Hell yeah I found it folks! David Bradley is the man in this PG-13 rated 1993 direct-to-video film that also stars Pat Morita. Bradley is reluctant to talk about his ninja ways until his girlfriend is kidnapped and taken hallway across the world. So Bradley and a young boy he is stuck with that weekend stowaway on the bad guys’ plane and save his girlfriend. Boring but definitely a possible precursor to “Power Rangers” as there are multiple colored ninjas fighting David Bradley. I give the film 1 star.

 

Violent Shit III: Infantry of Doom (DVD-R) – The film is also called “Zombie Doom” but that doesn’t matter as Karl the Butcher returns again in this German produced independent feature. Karl now has a son to help and they live on a small island where they train to be Karl disciples. The cult finds three shipwrecked men who are disposed of quickly by torture and a game of death involving the disciples chasing them on the island. But no fear some random ninjas just happen to be on the island and Dr. Senius has made a shitload of zombies to attack Karl the Butcher and crew. Oh did I mention Karl’s son owns a double barrel shotgun with unlimited bullets. Not as entertaining as the second flick but I still found some humor in this movie existing as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Shark Lake (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren is Clint Gray who gets arrested for selling illegal exotic animals. Five years later, the deputy that arrested him has his daughter and there is a shark or sharks eating the locals. Now, Clint has to protect his daughter from his former employer and must get the deputy to not arrest him while trying to capture or kill the sharks. The effects are just downright horrendous and story seems kind of choppy. But we do get to see Dolph punch a shark in the fucking face so there’s that. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

The Hollow (DVD) – A great concept about a 100 year Halloween storm and a fire creature but it three whiny sisters that you will want to die in the first five minutes. The whining is non-stop in this “should have been a lot better” Halloween-themed feature. I give the film 1 star.

 

Robocop (DVD/remake) – So I finally sat down to watch Snake-eyes fight crime in the future. It’s a little harsh but come on Hollywood once again remade a violent classic. But I gave it a chance and was not disappointed but if anything this flick would help my argument of just continuing the series and not rebooting it. This time around its 2028 and politicians are fighting over robots being the police force in America even though it has worked so well in other countries. So Michael Keaton and crew agree on making a cyborg to win the people’s vote. This version goes for giving a more non-violent and family man “Robocop” than the original. The film has its moments and was a pleasant surprise how watchable it was but what it misunderstood about the original concept from 1987 is it’s over the top violence but also its cheesy commercials which made the film a classic. What also did not help the reboot of the film was the main villain was killed halfway through the film leaving the new Robocop just tying up loose ends. Now that I have gotten older I have try to give remakes a second watch, a second thought, or just a chance but still doesn’t mean they are good. I am glad I watched it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Night Train of Terror (YouTube) – This 1985 film has been rumored to be two or three films smashed into one… Spookies anyone? But in this film God and Satan ride a train where they discuss three cases and decided who gets who when they are dead. The film is weird, has a lot of Claymation, has Richard Moll, and looks like most of it was shot in 1979. And by the way that weird bootleg Jane Fonda workout music video that was going on in the train didn’t make a lick of sense but I still give the chaos of a film 2 stars. If interested, the film has finally seen the light of day on Blu-ray.

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Slimy Little Bastards (YouTube/DVD) – A cheapie but goodie from independent actor turned independent filmmaker Dave Parker gives us a film about a curator who tries to help a gentleman in need as his van “took a poop’ on him. While the curator looks for a car jack for the gentleman he tells him three stories about rare small creatures he likes to collect: ‘Organic Shit’, ‘Brain Busters’, ‘The Crusties’. If you are a Dustin Wayde Mills fan you will notice a couple familiar faces along with Dustin acting in front of the camera for Mr. Parker. The film is a gooey fantastic entertaining fun ride that doesn’t over stay its welcome in the anthology film world. I believe Mr. Parker did a fine job of giving independent fans something fun to add to their collections as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Plus I couldn’t stop laughing when a character in the last story pointed to a toxic shitfrog and ask “is that a jugaloo?”

 

From Whisper to a Scream (DVD) – One of my favorite filmmakers Jeff Burr got a chance to direct Vincent Price in this anthology that was very early in his career. But also I have always known this film as “The Offspring” with its creepy box art from 1987 of a small creature peeking out of a tear in the picture. Vincent Price plays a librarian who chronicles stories of the small town Oldfield. He begins telling them to a woman posing as a journalist questioning Price’s character on his niece’s execution. First story deals with an old dude having sex with a corpse and surprise comes nine months later. Second story deals with a man who wants immortality after he is brought back to life after being left for dead. Third story is about a freakshow romance that ends in buckets of gore and sadness. And the last story is about the Civil War ending and some Union soldiers having the tables turned on them when they come across some children fending for themselves. A lesser known but a very solid anthology that gets lost in the shuffle when horror fans recall some of their favorites. But believe me with its new release on DVD/Blu-ray many horror fans will be happy and it will make many more with its availability as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Halloween may be over but you may still need a new movie guide?

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 or check it out locally at:

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Gross Movie Reviews #361

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Gross Movie Reviews #361

 

By Tim Gross

 

Crimson Peak (Theater) – The best way to describe the film is the way Guillermo Del Toro described it as “gothic romance”. Here is the quick story; the dude that played Loki in “the Avengers” movies is inventor looking for money from big American companies to invest to help him finish it. Think of it as a Kickstarter campaign or Indie Go-Go. Well he gets denied by a big shot that just happens to have only one daughter and of course she isn’t married yet. Well Loki isn’t there so much for the money right now as he is looking for a new bride to take home to his sister to kill for the money… and incest. Things don’t go according to plan when the new bride keeps seeing ghosts in the broken down castle. Great atmosphere, great scenery, but blah overall on the ‘Hammer-lite’ flow.  It pretty much just exists and for that I just give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Night of the Wild (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Eric Red made a movie with Asylum Entertainment about meteors falling and causing all dogs to attack humans. Well most of the attacks looks like the dogs are wrestling or playing with the actors when they are not CG’d in. This movie tries hard not to be a pile of steaming poo but damn if you can’t get that scent out of your nose while watching it. Asylum stick with the ‘Shark Attack, Sharknados, and Shark whatever’ films as I give this flick 1 star.

 

Moonstalker (DVD-R/DVD) – The director of the 80s film “Hellgate” also did this flick too before disappearing from filmmaking land. It’s the middle of winter and a family is vacationing all by themselves in the middle of the woods. Until, an old dude rolls up sits down for some talk and cake and then unleashes his son! Who just happens to be a pillow sheet, straight-jacket wearing weirdo that goes and kills the family for their microwave? But that wasn’t enough for Bernie as he disguises himself as one of the incoming people to the ‘Wilderness Councilor Camp’. Then Bernie continues his slashing ways through the others. Movie was heavily influenced by “Friday the 13th”.  I give it 2 stars.

 

Goosebumps (Theater) – Now let me explain something here, “Goosebumps” the books and original TV series missed me by a few years. By time this book series became known and popular I was 17 or 18 years old and about to graduate. But several younger friends I had would always talk about this series for years to come. It was great PG-rated horror stuff for teenagers. So over the years the series has gone and came back and even had a new series come back for a couple years not too long ago but the movie should have happened 10 or 15 years ago. And that folks is the only bad thing I could say about the film. Now present day, Jack Black is R. L. Stine who has a daughter/Hannah/maybe and moves around a lot for unknown reasons. Cue in new boy movies in next door, Madison, Delaware, daughter takes an interest. Mr. Stine says, “Stay away!” New boy tries to be good about it until one evening he calls the police because Stine is screaming at Hannah. Worried and the police are about to file a false report warning against the young man he sneaks back in to check on Hannah with a friend a couple days later. When in they both find a room that has all the “Goosebumps” manuscripts written. Accidentally, one gets knocked down, opens and Sasquatch is loose! Hannah and the boys follow it and try to capture it but fail but get help from R.L. Stine. Mr. Stine explains this is the reason they keep moving because eventually someone opens one of the manuscripts and chaos ensues. But it’s too late as Slappy the Dummy is loose and plans on making sure none of them get sucked back into the books. This movie is absolutely wonderful and perfect. Again if it was made 10 or 15 years ago it’s “The Monster Squad” of that generation. I give the film 3 ½ stars and Jack Black was awesome as R.L. Stine. Critics get over yourselves this movie was good.

 

The Green Inferno (Theater) – College students join a major protestor that has arranged for them to fly into Peru and go chain themselves to construction vehicles that are about to destroy a jungle and an ancient tribe. The protestors want to protect them and film it for the world to see to help stop it. After the event they get back on a plane to go back to their hotel only for it to go down in the middle of the jungle and be capture by the ancient cannibal tribe in the aftermath. Once captured those who didn’t die almost want to as they witness some horrible imagery as they watch their friends be baked, sliced, and diced for meals. Never mind the head of the protest is a complete dickhead but adds to the horrific storyline. Congrats Eli Roth, you made your cannibal film. It was good. I enjoyed the tribes’ people and the storyline. It was a good, bloody, cannibalistic time and that is all I look for in this type of film. I am sure fans will call it Eli Roth’s “Cannibal Holocaust”, which it’s not but it is a must watch for cannibal fans. I give the fun flick 3 stars.

 

Knock Knock (On Demand) – So Eli Roth has been a busy man since he released this film also at the same time as “The Green Inferno”. Love the choice of Keanu Reeves as the lead but that is about all I enjoyed about the film. This film is about you are supposed to know males are pigs and do not trust another fucking soul on this earth especially if they have hacked your social media. Mr. Roth lets go make a sequel to “The Green Inferno” as I give this 1 star.

 

They Found Hell (SyFy Channel) – Scientists in training have figured out the doorway to hell by accident. They were trying to do the Jeff Goldblum thing with transferring an object from one place to another and thought they did it until it opened a hole in the ground that sucked them into hell. It’s a cool concept that may not have been executed correctly. But anyhow the students/scientists in training try to make their way through hell in hopes of finding the disc that can get them back through the portal. Monsters, zombies, and creatures of sorts constantly try to kill them, because it is hell… I could be wrong on this but I thought this could have made a great B-movie for SyFy Channel fans if they used it for another “Dungeons and Dragons” sequel or even a “In the Name of the King” sequel with Dolph Lundgren. I give it 2 stars.

Sequence

Sequence of Demise (YouTube) – A 27 minute film from director Jim Mitchell a few years back. The film lives up to its title as a quiet ride between three friends and a baby to the cemetery goes wrong quickly after two unknown men decide it’s time for  rape, torture, and murder. The independent short film from Mr. Mitchell comes off as an experimental film or first rough cut of what Jim Mitchell wanted on film. With that said it fits in with such films as “August Underground” or “Double Dose of Terror”. Usually not my cup of tea but if it is truly experimental and Mr. Mitchell seeing what he can do film wise it has me interested how he has progressed since 2008. It’s available on You Tube and worth checking out as I give 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews has just sold another copy in the UK… Have you gotten your new movie guide?

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Also you can purchase a copy locally in the burgh at Rickert and Beagle Books: They are located at 3233 West Liberty Ave in Dormont (15216) Call us at (412) 344-7444(412) 344-7444

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Gross Movie Reviews inside look of a Saturday in October

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So when I am not writing reviews or working 55 to 60 hours a week at my real job to try pay bills this is an inside look of me on Saturday in October…

Of course you must start your day out right. Ran out of beer so this was the next option.

Of course you must start your day out right. Ran out of beer so this was the next option.

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My daughter waiting patiently for "Goosebumps" to start! Which was awesome horror fans!

My daughter waiting patiently for “Goosebumps” to start! Which was awesome horror fans!

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Me hanging out with my son watching the Pitt football for lunch and I found beer!

Hanging out with a cool reviewer named Mario Dominick at the Trick or Treat screening.

Hanging out with a cool reviewer named Mario Dominick at the Trick or Treat screening.

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Mario and the coolest grandma I have ever met in my life!

And... yeah this happened!

And… yeah this happened!

 

 

Is that Bootleg Tim Gross?

Is that Bootleg Tim Gross?

 

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Joe Bob doing the introduction to Trick or Treat

 

 

Gross Movie Reviews #360

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Gross Movie Reviews #360

 

By Tim Gross

 

Mongrel (VHS/DVD-R) – A 1982 thriller about people living at a boardinghouse where an old mean dog terrorizes a timid tenant that looks a lot like Jeffery Combs. One day one of the tenants teases the dog and the dog gets loose and attacks. After the dog is put down the timid tenant claims to hear strange noises at night (which sounds like me burping after guzzling a bottle of Yuengling). And tenants begin to die of strange vicious deaths. The film has its moments and also two things going for it: first, it’s Mitch Pileggi’s first film and second, there is a “Deep Throat” pinball game featured in a scene where tenants are drinking in a game room gossiping. Never heard much about the film before this but believe this will be a film I will revisit in the future as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Gallows (On Demand) – Another so-called “found footage” film that involves a high school drama class. Apparently, twenty years ago during a play called “The Gallows” a kid hangs himself when the play was being performed. After much speculation and begging by the drama class director they are doing the play again. But a kid that films everything has other plans and just happens to be best friends with the lead of the play also. Together with another friend learn the back door to the high school does not lock and break-in to destroy the set so they “The Gallows” play cannot go on the next night. Once in, strange things begin to happen while the camera rolls. Think “Grave Encounters” in a high school. There isn’t much to the film besides it being a cheap cash-in for Hollywood but again it raises the question for me… Who found this footage? Especially since it never made it out of the high school and if it did the person or persons that were a part of the deaths in the school would be arrested for the deaths. Oh no, I gave away the awesome plot! I give this uninteresting film 1 star.

 

Tremors 5: Bloodlines (DVD) – The film series that features blind giant man-eating worms and things called ass-blasters has been revived once more again featuring Michael Gross aka Burt Gummer. Gummer is now hanging out in the Nevada desert filming his survivalist internet show. It’s been years since Graboids have attacked or any new ones have popped up. But Gummer soon gets two visitors. The first is Jamie Kennedy who plays the role of crazy cameraman and fan of Gummer and second is a man from South Africa that proposes Mr. Gummer to come to South Africa to help them with their Graboid problem or I should say Ass-blaster problem. Gummer says, “If you got ass-blasters, you have Graboids.” From there Burt Gummer explains the evolution of Graboids not only for his new cameraman but for the viewers and catches everybody up on the evolution of the Graboids. Great stuff! But Gummer finds out the game has changed again in South Africa as the Graboids may have mutated one more time as their tentacles are able to detach and seek food but the Graboid is bigger and ass-blasters are not after heat as much anymore. Once Gummer understands he is being screwed over by a poacher and has a possible adult son it is time to find and destroy the nest of the mutated Graboids. Once again there isn’t a bad installment in this series that gets revived every few years or so and for great reason as the source material “Graboids” are fun to see and have been smartly written to keep audiences enjoying the evolution of them. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Death Squad (DVD) – Rutger Hauer, Darryl Hannah, Stephen Baldwin, Danny Glover, and Michael Madsen and its set in 2046! With a title and cast like this the flick should be movie gold? NOT THIS PILE OF DOG SHIT! Somebody, somewhere overthought this futuristic film that didn’t get a big release and for good reason. Its 2046 and the government has broken down, there is war, Danny Glover has two computers from the late 90s, and zones where radiation has killed millions of people. What it comes down to is a secret mission has Baldwin’s character trying to find an old uplink to a satellite that could change the course of the war. Danny Glover just spends the whole movie in one room yelling at Baldwin. Rutger Hauer is one bad dude in charge of Darryl Hannah’s character and apparently has Michael Madsen on speed dial to go kill people double secretly. Got it? Good! Because it doesn’t make a lick a sense at times especially when Baldwin’s character meets a purple/red painted lady who may be real or may be from radiation poisoning to a person who has been in this infected zone too long without medicine. I love me some Rutger Hauer but someone fucked up royally on this flick as I give it a ½ star.

 

Storage 24 (DVD) – A not much known UK sci-fi/horror flick that of course involves a huge storage facility and a down spacecraft or debris nearby during a couple of friends who are trying to help a couple split up their stuff after a break-up. Soon power and computer outages cause the storage facility to go into lockdown where no one can leave and the storage company is trying to fix it while a soap opera unfolds inside. And… there is a bad ass looking alien chowing down on humans trapped inside. Before you say “I have seen this before”, give this film a chance as the film has great effects in the creature and the death scenes as buckets of blood and goo flow. But also the film keeps it simple and claustrophobic for a lot of the film so it never seems to drag. Horror fans this is a hidden gem worth seeking out and enjoying this creature feature as I give it 3 stars.

 

Lucy (DVD) – Need to waste 90 minutes watching a flick that won’t make you think this science fiction flick starring Scar Jo and Morgan Freeman is the go to film. Scar Jo’s character gets used as a drug mule for a new drug that could kill you or in Lucy’s case unlocks her brain. Lucy knows she could die soon but discovers as more of her brain is able to unlock she is becoming less human and control almost everything around her. But she also wants to pass the knowledge along to Morgan Freeman’s character who is studying the effects of unlocking the brain. The film isn’t bad or great but a fun time to waste 90 minutes and not have to think too much as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Area 51 (DVD) – Another ‘found footage’ film that features three friends who are going to break-in at the Area 51 facility and get proof that aliens exist. I always enjoy these types of movies that involve Area 51 mainly because I find the location interesting just like the Reed character. But Reed is searching it out for a whole different reason as three months ago he was a typical college-aged dude partying with friends and loses a bet where he must sing or rap karaoke. Lights go out and Reed disappears. His two buddies leave the party a few hours later and find a disorientated Reed wondering the highway. Now the past three months he has become obsessed with aliens and Area 51and his personality has completely changed. They find a way to break-in and find a whole lot more inside after being chased by the military. But with the camera falling into the desert and busted again I ask the question “Who found this footage?” I give the film 2 ½ stars not so much for the characters as much for the plot of the film of three people going to great lengths to find aliens in Area 51.

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The Slashening (DVD/Vimeo) – Five girlfriends are having a slumber party and the parents are out of town. Old friends just celebrating friendship as you have one straight out of rehab and another coming off a very bad relationship. This Brandon Bassham directed feature follows the formula of a “Slumber Party Massacre” and “Student Bodies”. As the five friends have boys show up and I learn new phrases like “coke pussy”, someone in a tater sack is slashing their way through dumb pizza dudes. If that wasn’t enough everyone confesses to banging Lucy’s boyfriend and the pizza is three hours late as the girls begin to disappear one by one by the hands of a tater sack killer. What the film lacks in effects more than makes up in talented actors, dialogue, and the filmmaker’s love for horror/comedies. Annum Films and Mr. Bassham get kudos from me for making a smart and hilarious horror/comedy on a shoestring budget! Many are made but very few worth viewing but also owning like this great feature. Picked up Troma and sold on amazon.com I have to give one of the better films of 2015 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Super Fuzz (YouTube/VHS) – Ernest Borgnine has a rookie partner who was presumed dead after a rocket exploded over a remote are the officer was at. But a red powder has given Officer David Speed super powers. Only one problem every time he sees red he loses his super powers. But that doesn’t stop this film being a prototype for the TV show “The Greatest American Hero” and being a staple for us old people in our young days of early 80s HBO. One scene after another has David stopping crime before it stops because of his super powers along with falling out of windows also. The film is a hilarious reminder of what played constantly on the early days of cable and what we all found amusing. If you remember it or never witnessed a man talk to a fish in a movie do yourself a favor and look this up now! I give it 3 stars.

 

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