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Gross Movie Reviews #311

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Gross Movie Reviews #311

 

By Tim Gross

 

Chronicle (DVD) – A very surprising film about three teenagers who during a party go out to investigate a crater in the woods that turns out to be a cave with something glowing. One kid is filming everything in his life recently because he believes his life sucks and this may help him through. Through this point of view is most of the movie as after the teenagers see the glowing light they appear in a backyard talking about the experience. Soon they begin to get super powers of sorts unsure what’s going on they make a pact to tell no one. But they try to harness their powers as they keep it secret but soon the teenager with the camera and stressful life goes overboard and causes chaos. The film is underrated, entertaining, and worth wasting your 90 minutes to watch it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Season of the Witch (DVD) – Yeah, it is that Nic Cage film that also stars Ron Perlman and Christopher Lee. Cage and Perlman’s characters are soldiers for the church for several years but decide they believe the church is starting unjust wars and leaves only to come upon a village riddled with the plague and find out it’s been cursed by a witch. The two are forced to travel and take the witch that is believed to be the problem to trial only to find out more. The film could have easily cut the budget in half and made a big deal having a premier on SyFy Channel and believe it would have been more accepting by movie fans. I give it 1 ½ stars.

Midget

Midget Zombie Takeover (DVD/YouTube) – Thank god for independent filmmakers because I love the stuff that keeps being churned out that no one knows about and this another one of those great flicks you need to go buy and support. Thanks to director/writer/producer Glen Berggotz we get a zombie film from Fort Wayne, Indiana that proves there is still room in zombie genre for another great film. Amanda and friends are having a fun party weekend when Amanda’s parents go out of town to grandma’s house. Soon while having fun they are warned by the “Crazy Ralph” neighbor that they will all die by the oncoming ‘midget zombie apocalypse’! Once under siege Amanda and friends slowly make their way into the house and not forgetting their hamburgers to barricade themselves in. They tackle such hard issues as who will go out to the car, they need potato chips, get rid of the fat guy, and who will repopulate the earth?  It was cool to see that the actors and director were on the same page of the dramatic overacting of independent zombie movies and keeping it up no matter what is going on in each scene. The one thing that disappointed me and I also thought was awesome at the same time was I believe that they only had one midget zombie used and reused in every scene that involves zombies which made me torn by this as I was hoping for an army of zombie Warwick Davis’s! If you enjoyed such classics “Holy Shit… Zombies” and “Toxic Shock Zombies”, this film is a must have for your independent collection as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. You can find out more and support the film at https://www.facebook.com/MidgetZombieTakeover .

Reel Zombies

Reel Zombies (DVD) – A surprisingly fucking awesome independent zombie flick that was filmed in 2008 that has recently found distribution with Synapse Films. This film from Michael Masters and David J. Francis is just fucking brilliant and wish I heard about this flick earlier than this. The filmmakers play themselves in the film that takes place during a zombie apocalypse! Yep, the zombies have taken over but people are still trying to live their lives around as much as possible including Mr. Masters and Mr. Francis who have decided it is time to make “Zombie Night 3” but using real zombies in their scenes. So they set out on getting together their old buddies that worked behind the scenes on the first two “Zombie Night” films. Everybody not totally sold on the idea do it anyway because it just seems like it could be a great idea or just sold to them it will be great by the two filmmakers. The movie chronicles the mishaps, zombies eating the extras, the hero zombie being stolen from the set because the caretaker doesn’t want him to die, concert scene gone wrong, and the filmmakers trying to make a masterpiece. It’s a smart look into the behind the scenes of independent productions and you can tell these guys like myself have seen a lot of behind the scene stuff, worked on independent flicks, and most likely have watched way too many to count independent films over the years. The film is not only well scripted with the best cameo appearance of Lloyd Kaufmann that he has ever done, but well casted, great effects, and will be one of the best films that hit DVD in 2014! Don’t forget the laugh your ass of deleted scenes and outtakes (40 minutes of them). You can find this brilliant flick at www.synapse-films.com .

 

Inhuman Resources (DVD) – Another recent Fangoria release that tackles a serial killer in the office work place. A man is accused of being a serial killer and sent to an asylum after he is found in an elevator covered in blood and with an ax. But he isn’t your normal serial killer, he is one that is killing off corrupt company CEO’s. But six people who had something to do with the trial find themselves waking up in an office chained to a table and computers and find out the serial killer is still alive. Without trying to give too much up about this horrifically bloody horror flick the man believes he was framed and wants the six to find out who actually did it? A great blood and guts kinda film that reminds me a little of “Severance”. I give the flick 3 ½ stars. Look for the Tom Savini cameo…

 

Pacific Rim (DVD) – Wasn’t impressed by the trailers so I waited to watch the flick and pleasantly surprised by it. “Pacific Rim” is one those check your brain at the door kinda flicks that combines elements from “Godzilla films”, “Robot Jox” from Charles and Albert Band, and maybe even a small element of “Power Rangers”.  The reason I say check your brain at the door because it’s not trying to be smart or reinvent how movies should be done but just giving as much crazy ass robot action and monsters fighting for the fate of the world. Supposedly aliens aka creatures aka Kaiju has come from what’s called the ‘breech’ at the bottom of the ocean floor and attacking coastal cities throughout the world. Soon in the future all the nations come together to try to come up with a plan to destroy these creatures and prevent them from killing anyone else. Soon they build Jaegers aka giant fucking robots aka Charles Band’s Robot Jox clones to protect the world. But after several years after the war against the creatures has started the creatures seem to become smarter and the world’s leaders want to decommission what’s left of the Jagears. But a select few lead by one man believes there is a way to close the breech and it’s a race to find a way to close it before something bigger comes through and destroy all humanity! And Ron Perlman shows up! I give the fun creature vs robot flick 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #310

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Gross Movie Reviews #310

 

By Tim Gross

 

The Bleeding (DVD) – It’s a vampire film that is supposed to be a spring board for a MMA fighter in the lead role. Problem is the writer, director, and producer take it upon themselves to combine your most popular vampire films from the past ten or twelve years and cram it into a 90 minute elephant crap called a horror film. With a supporting cast of DMX, Vinnie Jones, and Michael Madsen you should expect more but as usual it’s all about the names and not the film plot and what horror movie fans enjoy. The film revolves around a man who is told he is a vampire slayer and must take out the vampire king who just happens to be his brother. The film has a few fun moments but overall makes feel bad for the MMA dude who got stuck with a poopy project. I give the film 1 ½ stars.

 

The World’s End (Blu-ray) – Edgar Wright in to direct, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost to star… Yep, the band is back together for their third outing and it doesn’t disappoint. Character Gary King (Simon Pegg) wants to relive some moments from being a graduating teenager in his old small town. More than anything to go and have one beer in all 12 pubs with his friends, something that got sidetracked years ago. Once King has convinced all his old buddies that this is a good idea they roll into the small town to begin the drinking marathon. Slowly, the friends notice everything is kinda weird and they are convinced once Gary gets into a fight with a younger guy in a bathroom and rips his head off. Things are not what they used to be. The friends in their drunken state must figure out what the hell is going on and how they can get the hell out of town! The film is hilarious and non-stop comedy gold. The Blu-ray has possibly the most extras I have ever seen on one disc as I give the film 4 stars.

 

Attack the Block (DVD) – A fun flick from the UK about teenage gang members taking on aliens when a rock falls from space and a creature awakens and attacks them. Once the alien is killed, the gang celebrates not knowing they are in a world of hurt as the alien is a female and it has all male friends that look like blind werewolves with glowing mouths. A great off-the-wall UK alien flick that I feel was poorly advertised here in the US and has Nick Frost in a small role to boot as a dude who just sells, smokes, and protects weed for his boss in the penthouse. I give the flick 3 ½ stars.

 

Zombie Hunter (Blu-ray) – The film is part “Mad Max”, part zombie flick with a man who since the fall of mankind has been out in the desert obliterating every zombie around alone. The man comes upon a family of sorts led by a priest (Danny Trejo) after his vehicle is destroyed by a dumbass hillbilly that believes zombies can drive. The priest and the followers believe he can save them from an onslaught and maybe get them to an uninfected island? Problem is the man has too much hate that keeps him alive no matter what. The zombie flick is a cool premise that relies too much on the exploitation aspect but I believe possible lack of money help stare this project in that direction and I would have enjoyed seeing more of Danny Trejo. I give the flick 2 stars.

State

State of Emergency (DVD) – A low budget flick from a duo called “The Clay Brothers” that keeps it creepy and dramatic in this film that I can best compare it to Romero’s “The Crazies”. A man carrying his wife through the woods sets her down for her to die looking at him, then drags her to a nearby farmhouse to watch TV and listen to the radio to figure out what exactly is going on as there was chaos before the accident. Time passes but once he has gained his senses something gets in the farmhouse with it forcing him to kill it. The film never calls them ghouls, zombies, infected, etc., which I believe helps give the film a great creepy atmosphere. The cleverly written film makes you pay attention to what is being said on TV and radio and sucks you in and puts you the viewer in his shoes. The drama of the explosions and the strange things standing outside not moving but waiting motionless for humans make this a must see horror film for all! After this I will keep an eye out for any project that involves “The Clay Brothers”. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

The Invisible (DVD) – A teenager (Nick) who is close to graduating and seems to have his life mapped out by his mom is beaten up after a party one night and left for dead in a sewer drain. Next morning Nick returns to school only to learn no one can see him and he believes he is dead so he tries to haunt the girl that beaten him to possible death? Meanwhile the police investigate and the plot thickens when Nick learns his best friend was involved and the girl’s boyfriend doesn’t want the police sniffing around as he is out on parole and wants to prove to his girlfriend that she needs to listen. The girl haunted by her actions wants to do one good thing in her life and Nick tries to steer her into finding his lifeless body or is it? A pretty good, off the beaten path supernatural flick, that should have ghost enthusiasts scrambling to watch it. I give the flick 3 stars.

Mini-Golf

Mini-Golf Massacre (YouTube) – I continue my dream of watching every film I can get my hands on that has ‘massacre’ in the title. Especially when the film has that kinda “shot on VHS 80s” feel. When Leroy gets fired from the local putt-putt place, he steals the mascot mask and goes on a killing spree. I couldn’t stop laughing at the 31 minute movie as you can see the chainsaw clearly doesn’t have a chain on it. But fuck that shit, grab some friends, some beer, and some pizza and enjoy this horrible fun flick as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Manborg (DVD) – A complete over-the-top nutzoid, stop motion, CGI, anime influenced, mind blowing fantasy film from Steve Kostanski that pits humans vs. Hell’s Armies in the future after Count Draculon wasn’t stopped during a war long ago. In the future, Draculon’s armies have taken over and most of mankind is gone or underground. During the war long ago a man fighting Count Draculon was believed killed but became an experiment called, “Manborg” awakens in this hellish future. Manborg may be the one hope for mankind as he is taken into custody after killing a guard who was chasing an escape prisoner aka an extra from Mortal Kombat. Once in Hell’s prison he must fight in the arena. With help from other prisoners they soon begin killing all of Hell’s Armies. Soon Manborg learns to harness his powers after escaping and Manborg and friends begin an all-out assault on Count Draculon! The film is literally like a comic book geek’s brain exploded on screen. I enjoyed this completely unique and crazy film but feel there will be some fans that just won’t understand what exactly the film is and dislike it. I give this Mr. Kostanski’s amazing effort 3 ½ stars.

 

Mystery Science Theater 3000 (DVD) – Film version of the cult show in 1996 that spawned or influenced many recent internet horror hosts and podcasts that has a man Michael J. Nelson trapped in space and his two robots stuck in space made to watch horrible old sci-fi films. For this film version of the show they are made to watch “This Island Earth”. MST3K is the type of programming that has a rabid fan base that keeps its spirit alive now for years even though the show has been canceled. It’s a program clearly marketed for film geeks or stupid people who drink beer like myself. I give the film version of the original TV program 4 stars and may the influence of Michael J. Nelson and the robots live on.

 

Oblivion (DVD) – Its 2077, and earth has been ravaged by after effects of dropping nukes during a war with aliens in 2017 and the moon was half destroyed causing weather related catastrophes. Tom Cruise plays Jack, part of a two person team who is trying to protect these water things in the sky, keep maintenance up on drones that supposedly protect the planet from scavengers. The Scavengers are what came and started war with earth. While out on patrol Jack propels himself deep into a library to check for a down drone only to be attacked, but before that finds a book and reads a passage. Jack tries to bring it up to his partner but she wants none of it which is why he never tells her of the dreams that haunt him nightly. Soon Jack questions whether he wants to leave earth since he is supposed to report back to a colony that is on one of Saturn’s moons. Jack begins to question his dreams and exactly what he is doing. Oblivion is a futuristic film that starts off innocently enough as your big budget garbage but uses misdirection in its alien storyline to make the film very interesting. Plus, Tom Cruise gives a performance that reminded me he wasn’t always a dick in the industry and can still be someone worth watching in film. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Curse of Chucky (DVD) – Brad Dourif not only comes back for this sequel but his daughter stars in it, I’m in! Number six in the series plays like a regular bloody series sequel with Chucky on a killing spree but even with a little meaner streak if possible. Surprised there hasn’t been a remake yet? I sat back to watch as they stick with the slasher formula that worked in the past to give Chucky new life again as he arrives in a mail package with no return address. Soon a mother is dead and a daughter in a wheelchair is left picking up the pieces and wondering what the hell happened? Family comes to help and the fun begins. Chucky’s killing spree is something we have seen before but the whole time it felt different and different it was once you learn why Chucky arrived anonymous to this house and that’s where the real fun begins. If anything good comes out of the latest Chucky film it proves not everything has to be remade in order to be entertaining… I give it 2 ½ stars and just like to say thank you to Universal for giving the series another chance before that eventual reboot?

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #308

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Gross Movie Reviews #308

 

By Tim Gross

 

Return to Class of Nuke ’Em High Volume One (Theater/Blu-ray) – Recently Uncle Lloyd decided it was time to revisit the classic series and revive it with an entry that goes the route of the latest “Star Trek” films of being: a remake, sequel, and everything in-between. You know the film is going to be epic when Stan Lee is the first face you see and a few minutes later Lemmy from Motorhead is the president of the United States and he has subtitles. Sometime has past and society has changed and it isn’t cool to make fun of toxic waste and nuclear energy. So now, Lloyd Kaufman the president of “Tromorganic Foodstuff Products” and he supplies most of Jersey and the new Tromaville High School with food. But this is only a subplot of the film as the film revolves around two girls’ name Lauren and Chrissy who are learning to get along. But when a leak of Tromorganic green liquid gets in the school lunch soon the drama department becomes “The New Cretins”! And then no one is safe as they terrify the school and its students but soon Lauren and Chrissy have odd dreams or nightmares of having giant dicks and beating up The New Cretins. The film is a lot of fun and is reminder of how good the original is, was, and always will be … but I also believe this is a film for the new generation of Troma fans which will look upon on this great flick just like the first generation of Troma fans look at: The Toxic Avenger and Class of Nuke ‘Em High. Of course Troma believes nothing is untouchable as they make fun of: House Foreclosures, Jerry Sandusky, CNN covering school shootings, illegal downloading, blogging, people with diabetes, the glee club, Obama Care! If that wasn’t enough Debbie Rochon, Cigar face, and quite a few other characters from past Troma films make an appearance so pay close attention. The movie was perfect and one of the best films of 2013. The only thing I could find to complain about is of course they shot so much fun stuff for the film they had to split it into two films. I give this newest classic from Troma 4 stars.

 

Dark Shadows (DVD) – Johnny Depp brings the character of Barnabus Collins to life in this film adaption of a 70s daytime television cult favorite. It’s 1972, and Mr. Collins has been asleep for a very long time only to wake up and find out his family business is in shambles and the witch that cursed him is still alive and trying to get rid of his descendants by any means necessary. But Barnabus is not all about sucking blood from people’s necks as he would like the curse to be lifted to live out his life. The movie is nor good or bad more of a time filler until you find something better. I give the flick 2 stars.

 

Beneath (Chiller TV/DVD) – Five teenagers have just graduated high school and want to have one last party before they go their separate ways. They decide they want to boat across the lake but only Johnny knows they shouldn’t because of the legend that lives in the lake. Persuaded by the girl he wants but can never have to help them get across things go bad when they decide to take a swim once out in the middle of the lake. That is when the film becomes more than just an ordinary lake creature film and the characters bicker about who should live and who shouldn’t so others can survive. By the end the creature feature becomes a mean spirited story of what teenagers can be like these days? It is a little different; a little bit interesting, a creature feature that rethinks the usual formula of your usual present day killer fish monster film! I give the flick 3 stars and believe more horror fans need to give this a second look.

 

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (DVD) – Robert Downey Jr. reprises his role as the eccentric investigator Sherlock Holmes as he must deal with his companion Watson getting married and not wanting to solve any mysteries any longer. But when one man who believes he is smarter than anyone in the world involves Watson and his new wife, he must help Holmes solve and save the world that cause world war. I enjoy Robert Downey Jr. as an actor and enjoyed the first film but believe this entry was more to just fulfill a contract more than adding just inspiring to the series. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Skyfall (DVD) – The latest in the new Bond films starring David Craig as 007 dies at the beginning of the film or thought to be dead when trying to stop a man who is stealing secret identities of agents undercover for MI6. Several months go by and no James Bond and that’s when the cyber-terrorism begins as names begin to leak out on YouTube and it’s all aimed at M for something she did in the past. Bond seeing this on a television far from his old home feels he is needed to get back in the secret agent game and help M. M knows even if Bond is in poor condition he is the best chance to save MI6 and bringing down those who are creating the cyber-terrorism attacks. The film goes full circle, excites old school Bond fans, and begins anew. If you were a fan of Sean Connery or a fan of Roger Moore like I was this Bond brings you more interested than ever about what’s the next Bond film?! If you were any type of Bond fan do yourself a favor and see this film as I give it 4 stars.

 

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (DVD) – A children’s story with a new horror twist to it. Apparently, Hansel and Gretel were orphaned so they wouldn’t be sacrificed and grew up to hate and hunt witches for a living. The film asks if you the viewer checks your brain at the door and enjoy the crazy over the top storyline with shitty computer effects. The film was a little better than a pile of shit I thought it would be but I believe this project should have been a SyFy Channel exclusive as I believe horror fans would have been more accepting and would have at least tuned in to watch it when it premiered? I give it 2 stars.

 

Zombie Nightmare (DVD) – Jon Mikl Thor stars as a man who has just been killed by some young party goers who just poured out of a high class bar. Thor’s mother is owed a favor by the local voodoo witch in town who brings his back to life to seek revenge. Did I mention we have Adam West as a detective and Tia Carrere as one of the young party goers? And yes its 1986… It’s very bad but in such a great “USA Up All Night” way where you are waiting for Rhoda Shear to cut in every ten to fifth-teen minutes. I give it 2 stars.

Hellinger

Hellinger (DVD) – A little girl named Melissa 20 years ago is eating with her father who despises her. He despises Melissa so much he taunts her with her favorite stuffed animal until Melissa wishes him to be dead. Then evil is born. Within seconds a strange dark figure appears and ends Melissa’s father in a very gruesome way. 20 years has past and Melissa is still afraid of the darkness and believes what came to murder her father that night 20 years ago still sits and waits in the darkness for her. Melissa still distraught by the darkness is seeing a doctor to help her through her past of what she calls the darkness. But let’s not forget Melissa now all grown up may be still afraid of the darkness but has time to boink the fuck out of her boyfriend before he becomes a gory mess at the hands of the strange darkness. The film plays out like an odd independent homage of “Hellraiser” that may have been misunderstood in 1997 but if made today with a little more money I could see a huge following for the strange film about a priest named Father Donaldson who had his own ideas of how his religion should be followed. Gore, boobs, and strange shit about darkness makes this shot on video flick a must see for the fans of independent cinema as a give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Carnage Road (DVD) – “Hellinger” filmmaker Massimilano Cerchi directs, John Polonia wrote the screenplay, and the editor is Mark Polonia make this modern shot on video slasher interesting enough. The film centers around four photography students who go out to the Nevada desert to get the best pictures for their project. Little they know “Quiltface” is awaiting their arrival. Quiltface is a legend about a disfigured person who lives out in the desert killing those who get lost there. Or if you go by what I say: its Leatherface’s second cousin on his mum’s side and has the fat bootleg version of Bill Moseley to help, as he only goes into town to get shit paper. And these two enjoy collecting fresh body parts especially if they are stupid college students who don’t believe in the legend of Quiltface. I give the shot on video flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Better Off Dead (DVD) – A very offbeat comedy from 1985 that stars John Cusack as Lane, a high school teenager who can’t catch a break as he can’t make the ski team and his girlfriend (Amanda Wyss) Beth just broke up with him with the ski team president. So Lane spends a lot of the film trying to come up with funny ways to commit suicide until Monique the foreign exchange student from across the street takes notice and wants to help him out of his funk of trying to commit suicide or trying to find a way to impress Beth again. Meanwhile Lane’s best friend Charles Demar isn’t helping much as he just wants good drugs in their lame ass town. The film is a great 80s flick that sums up a lot about the decade and this film is still considered a huge fan favorite. I give the great flick 4 stars.

 

Zombie Night (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Anthony Michael Hall dips his toe into the lower budgeted zombie genre with his role as a father trying to protect his daughter and wife (Darryl Hannah) from hordes of flesh eaters. Take it or leave it kinda of film that was kinda fun to watch Anthony Michael Hall fucking up zombies to save his family. Too bad there was no Judd Nelson. I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Gross Movie Reviews #307

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Gross Movie Reviews #307

 

By Tim Gross

 

Wake in Fright (VHS/YouTube) – Well here goes an odd film of sorts from Australia, 1971. The film stars a crazy drunken Donald Pleasance who believes he knows how to get through life for free but that’s just part of this dramatic serious film. John Grant is a teacher on vacation that seems unhappy with the state of his job and life mainly because in this time period teachers are bonded and need a thousand bucks to buy themselves out. During a layover waiting for the next train in a small and rough mining town, Mr. Grant takes in the sights along with the gambling and drinking. Days pass and Mr. Grant soon finds he is ready to shoot himself. Donald Pleasance is a highlight of this dramatic film but that story is far more interesting as it gives you a look of one teacher’s perceptive in 1971 Australia. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Raymond

Raymond Did It (DVD) – A Travis Legge independent film that revolves around two brothers. One brother, Bryce is your normal teenager, the other, Ray is mentally handicapped but the brothers hang together at all times or when mom says so. Well the brothers go out with Paige and Tammy and others to the park. Paige constantly gives Raymond a hard time until Bryce steps in and Tammy speaks up but a scuffle breaks out and Bryce falls into a tree and dies accidentally. Everyone except Tammy go in on a plan to blame Raymond. Six years have pass and all the friends are getting together at a party. Even Tammy goes who seems to be a recluse since the accident and it all takes place on the day Raymond escapes from authorities. Tammy still relives the tragic day as all her friends simply forgot about it as in their words “the re re deserved it”! Well guess what Raymond is pissed and wants revenge. We have death by washing machine (aka warshing machine if you live in Pittsburgh), very cool death by lawnmower, and we have a death of a dude where we see the aftermath of him lying on a shower curtain on the floor in blood with the shower curtain protecting the floor from all the fake blood. The independent film doesn’t go full slasher mode as Travis allows his talent to give the film some soul of not going down the same road slasher film fans are use too when watching such a flick. I love the gore, the direction of the film was brilliant, and filmmaker Travis Legge really made you feel for the characters of Tammy and Raymond. Like I said an independent slasher film with soul and as a horror movie fan I believe you can’t ask for much more. I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars and did I mention death by lawnmower was pretty fucking awesome? You can purchase the film and find out more at: https://www.facebook.com/RaymondDidIt and http://www.amazon.com/Raymond-Did-It/dp/B00B691NV4 .

 

Grave Halloween (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Another supported horror film on SyFy Channel that fails to be interesting as a college girl is haunted by dreams of her real mother and decides to travel where she committed suicide. Not only does she believe it will help her get past the suicide but allows her best friend to do a documentary on it. Oh yeah she died in a supposedly haunted forest in Japan. I just have that feeling if the film was done more in the vein of Asian cinema instead this American bastard version it would have been more interesting. I give the flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Resident Evil: Retribution (DVD) – If the films before this didn’t prove it then this film made sure for the stupid people you understand that Paul W.S. Anderson has some weird fantasy of his wife fighting monsters and evil corporate types in slow motion all while wearing leather and sharing it to the world. Mr. Anderson I rather just see the sex tapes not this poor excuse for another sequel that just baffles me how Hollywood hasn’t wanted to remake this whole fucking franchise? And who is giving you the budget to film these things you call films? Outside of part three this film goes about its way of insulting any fan of the original scary ass video game series of the late 90s who may still be paying attention. I watched the film for free and feel I should get money back anyway. Do yourself a favor horror fans stop supporting, go watch the two animated features, and start email blasting Hollywood why Alexander Aja hasn’t got the call to remake this series yet? I give it crap because it is crap!

 

The Aftermath (VHS) – A lower budget, mutants, and three some years before ‘Def-Con 4’ is this sci-fi flick about two astronauts who come back to earth after a very long mission only to find we all fucking nuke each other. While trying to come to grips with the situation the astronauts try to make the best of it until they have a run in with a wannabe cult leader named Cutter played by Sid Haig who has his followers kill the men and keep the women and eventually kill the children when they get annoying. If you are able to lay your hands on a copy of the film it does have a couple interesting extras from the filmmakers and some from the Corman group talking about the film. I give the apocalypse sci-fi flick 2 stars.

 

Mr. Nice Guy (DVD) – Jackie Chan is just a cook… on a cooking show in Melbourne and gets mixed up with a reporter who just happens to film incriminating evidence against a crime boss. Soon Jackie is running through malls hitting people with food, jumping onto trucks, almost getting his nuts cut off by a band saw. A good Jackie Chan film but from one of his best films you need to see as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Saturday Morning Massacre (DVD) – A film that pretty much tries to make the Scooby-Doo gang a little older and at least admit they do drugs go to a mansion to investigate ghosts that have haunted the old place for years. If you get pass the complete Scooby-Doo rip-off you might enjoy the payoff in the end or just go get high and watch Scooby-Doo and Blair Witch Project on dual screens to get the same effect. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Cruising (DVD) – A very interesting crime thriller starring Al Pacino who is a young police officer who is given the chance to make detective. But he must go undercover for Paul Sorvino into New York’s dark underbelly of the gay community to find an unknown gay serial killer who keeps stacking up bodies around the city. The film does not go your typical route of normal cop thrillers as it has Pacino’s character really get involved into an unknown world of gay bars, hook-ups, etc. Pacino puts in a great performance as his character is even showing he has problems sexually with his girlfriend when he has exposed himself to so much he did not know about gay males. The film is smart, interesting (especially for its time of New York’s glory days and before HIV-positive), and leaves you wondering if Pacino’s character get the right guy? If you are the type film fanatic always looking for a different film, do yourself a favor and watch this flick as I got to thank Russ Rutter for this recommendation. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Episode 94 is now up!

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Jon Cross returns (applaud you guys!) And he brings with him a classic of British cinema in Get Carter.  JSB checks in with his pick from Australia Wake in Fright.  And Tim covers a possible precursor to the Puppet Master flicks with the Charles Band / Stuart Gordon production Dolls.  Along the way we talk about a lot of stuff about midgets. Terrible school teachers. And Mister Cross may or may not fall into a time loop. 

http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

 

EPISODE 94

Gross Movie Reviews #306

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Gross Movie Reviews #306

 

By Tim Gross

 

Wrath of the Titans (DVD) – Years have passed since Perseus has fought the Kraken and people no longer believe in the great Greek gods. He now has a son and is trying to live a normal life of a fisherman. But when the God of War and the brother of Zeus decide to unleash hell on earth Zeus tries to lure Perseus out of his retirement to save what’s left of the gods and warns him what is imprisoned in Hates may destroy all human life. So Perseus with the help of the son of Poseidon go on a quest to save Zeus and humans alike. An entertaining popcorn flick but it will never be as much as the 1982 classic we all know and love as I give it 2 stars.

Blood of Redemption

Blood of Redemption (DVD) – One of the newest action films starring Dolph Lundgren as a bodyguard for a mob boss and his youngest son. The mob boss is trying to keep his youngest out of the business and soon knows the oldest is trying to make a play on running his business. On top of that Dolph gets fucked over and disappears for a short time only to reappear for revenge and revenge only! Not the best of action plots but when the film also stars Vinnie Jones, Robert Davi, and Billy Zane you know I was going to watch it just out of curiosity. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Edge of Sanity

Edge of Sanity (DVD) – Anthony Perkins does his impression of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in this 1989 sexually violent horror film that was lambasted by the MPAA even before its release. Perkins plays the good doctor who is on the verge of something big with his experiments with cocaine. But one night after a slight mishap with his experimental monkey the drug changes Perkins into a sexually charged murderer as bodies begin to pile up around London. The film has lost a little edge 25 years later because what some horror fans have had a chance to witness. The film was quickly buried after its VHS release and was hard to find an uncut version unless you were near the one or two ma and pa video stores that actually bought it. The film deserved a better fate than it had as Perkins cements his role as one of the scariest actors in all horror films with his performance. The film would make a great partner for fans who enjoy ‘A Clockwork Orange’ and looking for something just as bold… I give the film 3 stars.

Dredd (DVD) – Karl Urban reprises the legendary comic book movie role that Sly Stallone destroyed in the big budgeted flop years ago and brings it out of the ashes with its no nonsense back to what the character was and everyone enjoyed about it. Kick ass, in your face, violent action! I felt the film was cut a little short but was an excellent comeback for a franchise that never had the chance to get off the ground in the first place with great casting of Karl Urban. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

Anthropophagus (DVD) – The brutal Italian horror film from 1980 also known as ‘The Grim Reaper’ to some here in the states has had the special DVD treatment for horror fans to enjoy in all its baby chomping glory! The film is about friends traveling by boat to an island that seems to be abandoned until they find a blind girl screaming in a barrel of blood and a story of a crazed cannibal stalking the island. Not believing her at first the friends soon become lunch and dinner for George Eastman’s famous baby munching character gorehounds will always remember. The film can be very boring and seems to have lots of random walking scenes but makes up for it till this day with its shocking and violent scenes. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Anthropophagus 2 (VHS) – The film is most widely known as ‘Absurd’ but has several names: Horrible, Monster Hunter, The Grim Reaper 2, and Zombie 6: Monster Hunter. Joe D’Amato is back directing George Eastman in this weird sequel-not-sequel where a priest is stalking a man who has the unique ability to heal quickly and just happens to murder people for the hell of it. For the most part George Eastman plays the same exact character from the first film but without the skin condition and trying to eat people’s babies except when he spends seven minutes of screen time to bake a babysitter’s head to get to a couple of kids in their mansion. The movie is boring for big spans of time like the first ‘Anthropophagus’ but has some crazy violent death scenes that makes you as a horror fan to sit through it. I give the film 2 stars.

Star Trek: Into Darkness (DVD) – The J.J. Abrams sequel refuses to disappoint as he not only once again reinvents the Star Trek universe but stick with what made the original films good. This time young Kirk and crew are faced with an old enemy in Khan. But this time it has a different twist where Khan is just the cover for something bigger going on inside the Federation as someone is just trying to cover up the Federation is actually preparing for war more than peacekeeping missions through space. The film is once again a great sequel, prequel, remake that ends with opening all new universes of stories to be told because of its great blending of old and new characters and storyline. The new Star Trek series doesn’t just have me excited but I stand erect as hell waiting for the next film as this series for me maybe the last hope of me still paying attention to Hollywood. I give this fine sci-fi flick 4 stars and the people who don’t like it can go shove it up there asses as they have no fucking souls!

The Silencer (DVD) – A 1999 film starring Michael Dudikoff in a low budgeted version of Chuck Bronson’s ‘The Mechanic’. I give it 3 stars.

Horror Stories (DVD) – A great Korean anthology that will have American horror fans wetting their pants in happiness of getting a copy as this Asian anthology doesn’t disappoint in its four fun horror stories and wrap around. The wrap around begins with a man kidnapping a teenager because he cannot sleep and wants her to tell him a scary story to put him to sleep. The first film ‘Don’t Answer the Door’ is very creepy as it shows why kids need to make sure the door stays shut and locked. The second film is called ‘Endless Flight’ and a serial killer should never be trusted even on an empty flight to prison. ‘Endless Flight’ has a bucket of gore. The third film ‘Secret Recipe’ may be the most interesting story of the anthology as the best way I can describe is two step sisters fight over the Asian version of Hannibal Lector but they do not know that just yet… The fourth story ‘Ambulance on the Death Zone’ is a solid film but possibly the weakest if there is one of the anthology as a paramedic van stops to pick up two survivors but the doctor on board believes the child is bitten and will turn into a zombie. Mother swears she won’t and will do anything to make it back to the hospital. The anthology has its moments of gore, creepiness, and solid writing that makes it hard to not want to watch it again and give it 3 out of 4 stars. The film can be found at www.artsploitation.com .

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed project from Daniel Boyd and myself called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Have you purchased your copies of “Jagoff Massacre” to give out to the family? If not, you understand the old you would have already!

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Buy it at http://www.jagoffmassacre.com

jagoff

On a cold winter night in the Greenfield neighborhood of Pittsburgh, PA, two local drunks by the name of Chosky and Stutch run afoul of a group of inept satanists. As a chase ensues through Pittsburgh, blood will be shed! It’s time to Red up Pittsburgh!
Jagoff Massacre
Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fl-poWn4E2E

Gross Movie Reviews #305

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Gross Movie Reviews #305

 

By Tim Gross

 

Freaks (DVD) – A misunderstood classic when first released in 1932. Many were sickened, disgusted, and just didn’t care for the film. But over the years that followed its original release it gained cult status for its subject matter which is circus freaks and how they turn on a circus performer who mocks them. Even when the so-called circus freaks accept Cleopatra she still mocks. So the circus freaks get together and plan her demise when the show is on the move to the next town. These days the film may not have the impact it once did but still sheds light on a cultural divide even in today’s society. I give the flick 3 ½ stars.

 

Bad Ass (DVD) – A very corny action flick starring Danny Trejo as an aging Vietnam vet who is just tired of the younger generation being complete asses and beats two skinheads up on a bus when going home one day when they wouldn’t leave no one alone. The event is caught on people’s cellphone videos and it goes viral. Things are going great for Trejo’s character until his best friend is killed for a flash drive that contains some highly illegal activity being done by the mayor played by Ron Perlman. Like I said it’s corny but entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Taken 2 (DVD) – Liam Neeson is back as the super-agent who is trying to learn how to be a father and accept his wife is married to someone else. This time around he is the one that is kidnapped along with his wife while on vacation and it’s up to his daughter Maggie Grace who seems to still be playing a high school student but is like 30 years old in real life… But anyway she has to be the one to help out super-agent dad or him and mom will be killed! Lots of brutal violence and action sequences make this a film you cannot blink while watching or you’ll miss something. I give the action film 3 stars.

ids_rising_amber_movie_poster_by_joypadmaster-d5dlgj3

IDS Rising (DVD) – Cory J. Udler continues one of my favorite independent film storylines “Incest Death Squad” in this third film that picks up with Amber believed to be dead but is in a coma at a hospital for the past three months after the big shoot out ending of the second film. She is taking a verbal beat down from her brother Jeb but we soon learn she is in a coma. Two-thirds of the film takes place in Amber’s mind as she tries to find answers on why things happen the way they did and why she is still alive only to learn a whole lot more when she is visited by all of her dead friends and parents in her dream state. Best way to describe the film is ‘Prophecy 3’. I enjoyed the second film more but this sequel is a great tie film as it explains a lot about Jeb, Amber, their fucked up parents plot and why Amber is like the way she is. This sequel is a nice way to wrap up a trilogy with also leaving the door open to possibly revisit the ‘Incest Death Squad’ without hurting the fun films that came before it. Why I describe it as ‘Prophecy 3’. Mr. Udler does another good job of keeping me entertained with another entry of twisted and sick fun he calls ‘IDS rising aka Incest Death Squad 3’. I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. You can purchase the film or find out more about Cory J. Udler at www.incestdeathsquad.com .

 

World War Z (DVD) – At first I had high hopes when Brad Pitt’s company bought the film rights. But once I heard a bigger studio was getting involved and the budget ballooned over the $100 million I stopped being excited and hoped it wasn’t an ‘I Am Legend’ fiasco again… So I sat down to finally make myself watch this flick. A mysterious virus has hit the world and all are turning into zombies at an alarming rate. Brad Pitt reacts as if he has seen it before and helps his family get rescued by the UN to a Navy vessel. From Pitt’s character goes searching for a cure to the zombie plague and its origins. While he is searching the globe the zombies are taking over the planet until he has found a way to camouflage humans from being lunch. I believe this is the first big budget popcorn summer flick. In other words the film didn’t suck but is forgettable. I will stick with Romero, O’Bannon, Fulci, and Nazi zombies as I give this film 2 stars.

 

The Colony (DVD) – Years into the future where global warming took a header and one day it started to snow and has never stopped. With freezing temps, very little food, and human connection, humanity is in trouble unless it finds a way to reverse the weather problem or a new food source. The film stars a paranoid Bill Paxton and Laurence Fishburne who leads Colony 7 who has lost contact with Colony 5 but receives a distress call a week later. A small team goes to visit only to find blood, destruction, and a scared survivor who claims they have found a warm spot 40 miles north. When the team investigates the screams and noises they run for their lives after finding what happened to the Colony. It soon follows the team back home for a fight for its life where flu is no longer the only enemy. At any point during the film I was waiting for 1982 Kurt Russell to pop out of nowhere looking for “Childs”! The movie is great but swings and misses on a key plot point that I thought could have made the film one of the top five films of 2013 when do not explain more about the weather machines??? Hell, there looks to be a scene missing when they arrive at one weather machine on their way to Colony 5. This film is still pulse pounding fun terror and violence and worth seeking out as it was dropped from theater release earlier in 2013. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Scarecrow (SyFy Channel/DVD) – A big steamy pile of rat shit called a horror film about a small town legend of a killer scarecrow spirit that begins to kill high school students that were on a Saturday detention field trip. Where’s fucking Larry Drake when you need him? Save yourself the time and punch yourself in the face you’ll at least feel better in 90 minutes than watching this flick, I give it 0 stars.

Young Blood

Young Blood: Evil Intentions (DVD) – Two young sisters that are not happy with mom’s choice in men decide they need a change or at least the older sister Anavey convinces the younger sister Anastasia it’s a change for the better.  Anavey uses the best line I have heard in a film this year: “I am 75% sure it might work!” to convince her. Once the sisters are vampires, the older sister Anavey explains the rules and what is needed to be done for Anastasia to go full vamp. Then she assembles a vampire cult with all the town’s children to begin killing all adults she does not like. The film is a crossover of ‘Children of the Corn’ and an adult version of the ‘Goosebumps’ show. The independent movie has its moments of comedy, great cameos, violence, and funny jabs at the ‘Twilight’ vampires and I enjoy its take on a small southern town reacting to kid vampires. But its 100 minute running time makes the film seem to be dull in parts or the story stretched a little too thin. This is a common mistake among a lot of beginning filmmakers and gets corrected over time as they learn more and experience the process with more projects. Overall it’s entertaining and I enjoy its late 80s shot on VHS feel as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. You can purchase and support the independent film at www.youngbloodmovie.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed project from Daniel Boyd and myself called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Episode 88 tackles oh so much in so little time…

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This week Ben Grimm comes back to talk with us about the state of things.  We do a healthy rundown of our top 10 movies of all time, talk about what we have been watching and totally geek the hell out over Predator and the subsequent franchise. Also we get to answer your viewer mail, talk about Witchtrap (which JSB has never seen) and wonder what would happen when a genetically enhanced creature gets totally horned up and goes on a rape craze in Splice.  Check it out.

http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

EPISODE 88