This website is dedicated to horror movies (independent and mainstream), beer, Full Moon, Spookies, Graveyard Shift, Leprechaun sequels, massacre films and watching every god damn horror film ever made or die trying!
Rumpelstiltskin (UltraHD/4K) – Okay Terrorvision did you just seriously release this on 4K? Fucking wild since I haven’t watched this film since its release in 1995 as it comes from the same dude that gave us ‘Leprechaun’ of course so it was time for a revisit. So after stealing a baby hundreds of years ago Rumpelstiltskin is cursed into being a rock by a witch. Now present day, a prego wife who has lost her cop husband in a senseless crime finds herself a little later at an oddities store where she buys the rock. She takes it home, she has the baby now, wishes her husband to be alive (after they bump uglies of course in a dream) and now this little demon is chasing her or she is chasing it because it wants the baby’s soul! By the way Rumpelstiltskin smokes cigars, hard to kill, can drive a motorcycle and a long haul truck which fun fact the producers of this flick are the same dudes that gave us Scooby-Doo and Thundarr the Barbarian! This fairy tale terror is not as much fun as Leprechaun but it’s packed with a commentary, making of segment, Shot on VHS behind the scenes stuff, and even has a baking segment as I give it 2 ½ stars and make you say “fuck it” and watch it anyway.
Colossal (DVD) – This 2016 film is about a character Gloria who just happens to be an aging party girl in New York who has a boyfriend that supports her until he has had enough of her all night partying. Gloria being thrown out is forced back to her small town home where her parents died but left her their home. She stays there to decide what’s next besides trying to no longer drink but at the same time Seoul, Korea is attacked by a mysterious giant monster. As the attacks become more frequent not exactly explained to the world Gloria and friends become intrigued? Gloria figures out it have something to do with a childhood trauma at a playground that wasn’t there but is now with her friend Oscar. The film becomes about unresolved childhood trauma, friendship, and Gloria just trying to figure out life. For me the film is neither good nor bad as it had me waiting for something else to happen but never did. But for those that like this film this just “wasn’t my cup of tea” as I give it 2 stars.
Cutter’s Club (Tubi) – A newer but older Charles Band release that stars the legendary fine actor Tony Todd. This was one of the many unfinished projects of Mr. Band from several years ago that he finally got a crew together to unearth it and put it out there for fans. (Way too many stories about why, but this isn’t the first unfinished project that has found its way out there from the Charles Band magical warehouse recently. That is for a whole other conversation sometime.) Jill is a med student in the process of becoming a surgeon believes she could do more research with a disgraced great doctor that could change the world? This great doctor is Doctor Roberts and up until a year or so ago the university loved him until it was found out he was banging Jill so instead of firing him they place him in the basement of the east wing where he continues his experiments… with his odd satanic-like minions. Jill convinces her boyfriend after an experiment with a cat that the right thing to do would be to join forces with Dr. Roberts to further research. The purpose for all involved is “Art of Flesh” but they need more than animals for their big experiment and bring to life a creature with two heads. This 2005 film felt a bit thrown together then and still does now but enjoy seeing the potential in Charles Band finishing some of these “unfinished” projects as I give this 2 ½ stars.
Zombie Repellent (Tubi) – A soon to be married couple find themselves lost and without their car (believed stolen) in the middle of nowhere. They get to a small town that has no hotels, no Wi-Fi, and just a little weird as they can’t sleep as they uncover the town has a zombie problem. Now the couple must do everything they can with whoever will believe them during their misadventure to survive the zombies. There is some parts I am leaving out on purpose because it does have some funny parts but the bigger thing is the movie has an ending that isn’t ‘what you think it is’ so understand why this is more of a vague review as I give the film 2 stars.
Alien Intruder (VHS) – Thank you to my good friend Jon Cross for pointing out PM Entertainment to me this wild movie filler 1993 space gem stars Maxwell Caulfield, Billy Dee Williams, Jeff Conaway, and Tracy Scoggins! It is 2022 A.D. as Nick Mancuso and a few other prisoners are pulled out of New Alcatraz to use their special skills for a rescue mission or salvage mission. Little they know Tracy Scoggins plays a renegade VR program that has infected the ship they are going after and just enjoys making mankind lust for her and then kill each other. With most of the film being filler of Tracy Scoggins being the Ariel program or just being gorgeous the crew tries to disable the program so they can escape this hell. Fun cast in a low budget film that is so low budget it feels like they filmed it all in a K-mart warehouse and basement will always spell fun time to me as I give it 3 stars.
Beast Mode (DVD) – Literally this is one of those films released in 2020 that I cannot tell it was that big of a mess the studio didn’t know what to do with or like a lot of films that year it got “COVIDED” . Anyway we have a beaten down on his luck producer in C. Thomas Howell who accidentally kills or believes he does his meal ticket aka star in Huckle Saxton. Howell’s staff finds a double to pass off as Huckle for a movie project and uses this underground herbal make-up to pass him off. Problem is the make-up is known to make someone who uses it into a bloodthirsty beast. Meanwhile the real Huckle Saxton wakes up in a storage unit and from there the plot just gets real murky at best. No matter what, I found C. Thomas Howell to be the gem in this huge mess as I enjoyed his character throughout but still can only give this film 1 ½ stars.
Arkansas Pigman Massacre (Fawesome) – Another massacre film acquired but problem is they should have thought twice about making it. The film claims the events of the film take place in 2004 where two 12 year old girls go with a big brother randomly to the woods only to be stalked by a guy in a pig mask for most of the film. Or to save us all a bunch of trouble of me ranting about this film I like to call this movie: Look ma, I have a drone! Also I watched ‘In a Violent Nature’ last year and I was always a fan of ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ but for some reason I wanted to have the plot of my film literally not make sense. Hopefully that explains this mess of an Indy movie that I can only give it 0 stars. Want to know more of my breakdown please find me, buy me a beer, and we will have an educational conversation? I so wanted this to be a no-budget fun mess instead I got a turd that someone calls a movie!
Side Effects May Vary (DVD) – A movie project I wish I would have seen sooner as even before we get into the review this will make it into my “Top Ten list of 2025”! So J.R. Bookwalter returns to the director’s chair for the first time in 23 years along with help from writer and star James L. Edwards. Glenn has been sick for several weeks during this pandemic and doesn’t exactly believe in the science behind the new vaccines even though his wife has gotten it. Because of his illness lingering and nagging from his wife Glenn heads to the doctor’s office to get treatment. But because of the illness he cannot be vaccinated but can be part of this experimental shot that can be given during illness. He takes it believing he is doing the right thing for himself and others. It isn’t long after Glenn experiences side effects of blurred/weird visions, then also after a very uncomfortable but hilarious sex scene with the wife his dong falls off! From there Glenn becomes a gooey monstrous mess with murderous tendencies. As Glenn’s best friend gets involved, cops get involved, weird things begin to happen as Glenn’s disgusting meltdown is absolutely glorious with a perfect ending to this social commentary. This independent project is a prime example of doing all the little things right equals’ success as JR and crew put on a Masterclass of “how to make your independent movie correctly”. This was a perfect pandemic film that many have tried and failed at making so congrats to JR and James for bringing this adventure to life as I will be talking about it for years. As I give this project 4 out of 4 stars I also have to say Brinke Stevens steals the show here kids as this is her best performance since ‘Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl-o-rama’! The DVD has a great Q&A for their opening night of the film done by none other Art Ettinger.
The Gorge (Amazon) – Two snipers are recruited to keep watch for 365 days straight over a gorge of unknown origin for uncertain reasons. Mostly they just know it’s supposedly for their country. One on the east and one on the west as shortly after World War II as the story goes three Calvary groups went in and never came back so an international treaty for this gorge was made. It is believed to be the “gate to hell” but as the two become curious about each other and decide to meet which by the way is not allowed as the two fall in love and share stories of what they know. But an incident has both trapped inside the gorge as they soon learn more than just monsters are the problem and it is part of something bigger? This is one of those “I liked it but didn’t love it” as it felt more like a video game adaptation of something thrown together. I enjoyed the concept but also felt like the movie was missing something as I give the project 3 stars.
Screamboat (Fandango) – Another unfunny adaptation of Steamboat Willie going into public domain as the Staten Island Ferry is haunted by the real life Steamboat Willie when it is released from its chamber. The killer rodent slaughters his way through passengers in a pretty boring way but I did enjoy ‘the lower deck scene as this is how we kill off 98% of the passengers in one fail swoop kind of thing’. The movie runs 30 minutes too long, the Disney references border on super annoying, and if you are into Jason Takes Manhattan combined with a bootleg Gingerdeadman vibe then hey you found your movie as I give it 1 star.
Berserker: The Nordic Curse (Tubi) – A 1987 film that I thought I had seen in the past but got it mixed up with two other Indy films I seen like 15 or 20 years ago so this was my first watch of the low budget horror from the 80s. The story takes place in nowhere Utah called ‘Rainbow Valley Campgrounds’ where supposedly Vikings hung out in the tenth century? Some young people are there for a week of camping only to be warned by George Buck Flower and the lone sheriff that there are wild animals out there “so be careful”. The kids get partying; read some stories of the Nordic legend, then one of them wander off to pee and its game time for the Nordic spirit or… the killer bear. Glad I got to see it but yinz arenot missing out on much folks as I give it 1 ½ stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Black Candles (Plex TV) – For starters this film is available on streaming but also had a recent Blu-ray edition and keep in mind its Spanish for those who hate reading subtitles. Anyway getting into the meat of this 1982 film, Carol’s brother dies abruptly so her and her partner fly out to the middle of nowhere to be with the sister-in-law Carol who isn’t impressed with. Within minutes arriving Carol questions Fiona the widow because of the strange circumstances she feels in her mind. It doesn’t help Carol when she arrives at the mansion she immediately smells strange smells, hears her brother’s ghostly voice, hell she has a dream of bumping uglies with her brother… Which that is when I questioned if I tapped into some weird PornHub video or I was watching some serious softcore shit? But also if you didn’t know there is some serious Satanist shit going down in this film because they got some goat fucking going on kids! While all this is going on Fiona seduces Carol’s partner with the sex, orgies, and SATAN! But it’s already too late (maybe?) as Carol is supposed to be Satan’s bride as this coven punishes a dude with a sword to the anus! I won’t ruin the ending but I will say buckle up kids for full bush and you questioning if you are watching a horror film or a full blown porn either or I was entertained as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Freaky Tales (Internet) – For as advertised and heavily waited for this movie got pooped out there into the universe long before its release dateso that leaves way too many questions that has nothing to do with the film. Anyway, I will say the filmmakers got the formula of an anthology down right for this very loosely based tale or tales on events that happened in 1987 Oakland, California. First story is about teenage punks protecting their hangout from Nazis, second story is about two girls getting their chance of a lifetime of being rappers at a rap battle, third story is about a guy who is paid to collect debts and wants to retire, and the last story is about Sleepy Floyd the basketball player which I found the most interesting tale of the whole film. To me at least the film felt heartless, felt like this film sat on a shelf for a couple years before its release to the internet, and really felt like a more of a west coast thing if that makes sense. Or as I like to say to save time, “this film wasn’t made for me” as I felt like I had to sit through 80 minutes of a boring movie to see what I really wanted to watch as I can only give it 1 ½ stars.
Shivers Me Timbers (Amazon) – So there is a third horror film about Popeye and this one sucks goat balls to put it plainly if you are asking me. This version decides to go the lazy way in my opinion of trying to put a plot together of being 80s nostalgia claiming it is based on real murders? Takes place in 1986 when Halley’s Comet was a big thing and strange things happen around it when a small ass meteor enters a pipe of an old fisherman. This is how he becomes mutant Popeye or in my opinion A.I. Popeye bullshit! He quickly finds teenagers out in the woods looking to watch the comet so he can murder horribly only for the film to become a crappy image of several past horror favorites that this doesn’t even come close too? The movie was made in Scotland which explains a lot because honestly I would be surprised if the people there really knew Popeye or the impact of the cartoon had but that is for another conversation as I can only give this tragic piece of poop 1 star.
Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (DVD) – A Hammer film on so many levels that leaves you with you so many questions because it has such a different vibe for a vampire film along with why there weren’t several sequels? First off it needs to be stated for this 1974 film that it stars the timeless beauty Caroline Munro! But this basic story in the English countryside has a couple of young women drained of their youth that has the interest of Kronos and his traveling professor companion since the war ended and they now have been fighting a new war against vampires. What’s new and still different till this day at the same time is this odd vamp flick sets up a whole other set of rules and explains even within the film not all rules apply to every vamp. If you are a young horror movie lover or old this movie has a kind of timeless effort and a different vibe than your usual Hammer flick for the mere reason of this odd vamp plot. Without giving too much away as I have watched this three times in my life and believe I have seen something different like John Carpenter’s The Thing is the film comes down to a very dark family secret that is unknown to all. I love the concept and I am curious why some of the most recent so-called talented filmmakers haven’t tackled this as a remake or a sequel as I give it 3 ½ stars.
Jules Verne’s Mysterious Island (DVD) – It is weird to say what I grew up on and how many movies I watched in my life to never come across this film? The film’s plot begins in a Civil War prison in Virginia at the end of the war where some soldiers who are prisoners plot to steal a hot air balloon during a devastating rainstorm. The escapees get off the ground but after a long travel is forced to an island where they must help each other to survive. What also throws the characters off is everything on the island they encounter is giant! When Captain Nemo happens to show himself they come to learn Nemo had traveled here or shipwrecked in so many words has been doing experiments to better human life in the future but has a dire warning about the island itself as they all must leave sooner than later. This 1961 film is more adventure than a horror film and is a great intro for the younger audience into how special effects can help a film as I give it 3 stars.
Robot Holocaust (Blu-ray) – Oh this beauty has popped up again since a legit Blu-ray for whatever crazy reason has made it out into our lives but for those that don’t know this is a product of Wizard Video/Empire Pictures. Yep, Charles Band kids… but it is an actual film made by Tim Kincaid of ‘Mutant Hunt’ fame but this can also be a prequel to Robot Jox, Robot Wars, Crash and Burn. Anyhow in this low budget post-apocalyptic world the robots have long took over and the humans are slaves in most places. But in the location of New Terra (or in the rumble of certain parts of New York) humans are alive and well but slaves who are used to fight each other for sport until Neo arrives. Neo is a product of the wastelands that has somehow survives the atrocities of the wastelands to come and start a revolution against the robots. He helps lead them to a power station to go fight the darklord for their freedom. Hilariously fun and stupid at the same time this film was literally out of print for many decades as it would randomly show up as a bootleg or on a channel for a one time watch so you be the judge as I was just happy it had a legit physical copy. The movie might not be much to desire but the interview on the Blu-ray might explain some things as I give it 2 stars but will never turn down watching this one more time as it looks glorious in this restoration.
Final Recovery (Tubi) – A moderate budgeted Indy film that stars Richard Tyson plays with some uncomfortable realistic storylines… Addiction, recovery, etc., you understand what I am saying? Not a laughing matter as this film takes this subject very seriously begins with 1974 a young lady seeing her father confronted with an addict and killed. Decades later, Nanny Lou runs a present day treatment center called SAGE. This is supposed to be a safe place for addicts and this is where Rodney our main character comes in. Rodney is our everyday addict having trouble sticking to the program with the exception he does have an excuse as he doesn’t trust Nanny Lou? Her effort is there but for nefarious reasons. After Rodney is brought back to the facility once again he finds a friend there and explains Nanny Lou cannot be trusted as it’s all about the money but patients start to disappear on a more regular basis which also raises the red flag. A great movie with a very black passionate heart that tackles a tough subject of life with some wonderful characters you will grow attached too. The film is smart, evil, and playful all at the same time as I give the feature 3 out of 4 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Quadrant (Full Moon) – Charles Band is back in the director’s chair again with a movie that deals with AI and if yinz seen ‘Aimee: The Visitor’ then fans will quite enjoy this computerized treat. The film revolves around two professors who have come up with a revolutionary process called “Quadrant”. A process that no one has funded yet but they believe using their experimental helmet and computers hooked to a person’s brain and connected to an AI world that allows said person to get past their mental issues or get past the fears that haunt them. They mean well with their Quadrant universe firmly believing this will help patients embrace and defeat their fears but it needs volunteers? In comes Erin, a beautiful young woman who is extremely obsessed with Jack the Ripper! She hears of the experiment and wants to be a part of it. Erin is different from the other patients as she does not fear being a part of the universe as she wants to live it, feel it, and live in it. With each treatment Erin embraces Quadrant that much more blurring the lines of reality and the Jack the Ripper AI world she wants to be in. It quickly becomes too late when you cannot decide who is more demented: Erin wanting to murder to feel like the famous serial killer she obsesses over or the professors knowing what Erin is capable of as they have experienced this side effect before? Quadrant is absolutely another entertaining project under the direction of Charles Band. Band has embraced filming in and around Cleveland, Ohio with a small casts, interesting concepts, and the cool vibe of Full Moon finding their second or third wind in bringing fans fun Full Moon projects they want to see as I give this 3 out of 4 stars.
Cemetery Man (Blu-ray) – For most horror movie fans this 1994 Italian classic from Michele Soavi is known as Dellamorte Dellamore but for American fans the name was changed to Cemetery Man when it landed in the U.S. Well Severin Films you went and did it!!! They put together one hell of Blu-ray package of the classic as for some horror fans they declare it to be the last great Italian horror film? It has been a good many of years since I last watched it as I still had my grainy bootleg unrated version. By some chance you were living under a rock and have never heard of this perfectly hilarious zombie film let’s dig into it. Dellamorte and his assistant are employed at the cemetery to take care of “the returners”. Dellamorte believes it could be end of the world but the select few in the village know this is an important job that could only be done by Dellamorte. Simply he is in charge of putting the dead back in their graves after rising from the dead. Blow to the head every time! Things get real interesting when Dellamorte meets an absolutely beautiful woman only known as “She” after burying her older husband and falling in love as she dies suddenly also. Dellamorte begins killing more of the living than the dead without repercussions and keeps running into different versions of his former love. This zombie film is super bizarre and beautiful at the same time as it balances between love story and hardcore zombie film that feels like a weird fever dream at times. The music, the colors, the music were all made for this to get the special treatment for horror fans to enjoy. But also it is loaded with extras: commentary with Michele Soavi and Gianni Romoli, interviews with Rupert Everett, Michele Soavi, and Anna Falchi along with a cool archival makin of segment. This is Severin Films crown jewel of their catalog is a must own for horror fans as I give it 4 stars.
Once Upon a Time in Amityville (On Demand) – Welcome kids to entry #62 of the Amityville series as Mark Polonia this time around sets it in 1846 when all the horror began and Amityville just became a town. Mr. Polonia calls on the usual suspects to come in and help (Jeff Kirkendall and Tim Hatch who are two of the many Polonia suspects) as two bounty hunters come upon a new town of Amityville looking for a wanted man they believe tried to hide in town? Immediately the bounty hunters are a little unsettled as the town seems a little strange but unsure why. Once they learn the criminal they had been tracking was strung up for a crime (or evil sacrifice) in town they must deal with a town that believes in evil. Compared to a lot of the entries this was actually kind of refreshing but will say the old west was never this clean but gotta give Polonia and crew credit for finding a great location to use for the film. Surprisingly entry #62 is a solid watch and believe Indy horror fans more than mainstream horror fans will quite enjoy the fresh take as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
I Puke on Your Grave (VHS) – An hour long movie that has random scenes of murder from horror films that you may or may not have seen? Not totally sure what this project was going for as there was no horror host or ‘Faces of Death’ aspect to it as I can only give it a ½ star.
Lowlifes (Tubi) – A simple story of an average family on their annual corny road trip in the old RV who runs into two backwoods types. Before you say “I have seen this before” they try to make it very uncomfortable like this average family is gonna get raped or murdered or both in the first 15 minutes? But hold on a second there is car trouble and we the viewer quickly learn the tables are turned in this project as the average family from L.A. are vicious cannibal bastards! I quite enjoyed this take on a genre or cliché that has maybe seen its better days so thank you for this as I gotta give this project 3 stars.
Cookies for Christmas (DVD) – This short film is a wonderful take on mixing horror and the Hallmark movie formula as Lacey a young woman returns from the big city to little town Christmas time. Unbeknownst to Lacey and the small fictional holiday town are about to get a horrific visit from Santa Claus! Filmmaker Adam Raynes who is behind the project may have something here in this Hallmark inspired horror as he understood all the ugly cute holiday plot points. Kudos hitting on all these main plot points of a Hallmark holiday film as I believe you may wanna take a second crack at expanding this short film into something bigger but just as fun as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.
The Only Ones (DVD) – First off I gotta give credit for the misdirection of this film as a character tells the story of Boneface trying to scare friends as they travel to a secluded cabin in the woods. Six friends just trying to scare the shit out of each other, drink beer, and enjoy quiet time in nature. But once shrooms are introduced that is where it all goes downhill for the group as someone is shot by accident. The friends try to discuss and clean up the mess but fight over if authorities should be involved as it just snowballs from one thing to another. There is solid structure to this film as it plays out more like a thriller than a straight up horror film. This feels like something that may get a small cult following on a streaming platform sooner than later as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Guerrilla Dogs (DVD) – Another BPO Films project from Blake O’Donnell that just had me laughing a lot because it stars the present day Indy version of the “Three Stooges” with a little more thoughtfulness in storytelling from Blake O’Donnell, Ben Dietels, and Ryan Lintner. Their unique style is once again on display as they are “The Keepers of the Cause” and holding a man captive for ransom as he could be important for “The Effect”. These weekend warrior types believe they are doing right by hiding out in the woods and keeping Mr. Money captive. The films runs a little long but the boys go from one hilarious scenario to the next as they try to live off the land and keep this man until they get their ransom. Literally this is one of those movies you never heard of but would be happy when you did as you witness the hilarity as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.
BPO Films Mixtape Volume 2 (DVD) – The three ultra talented dudes (Ben Dietels, Ryan Lintner, and Blake O’Donnell) made a series of short films over the years that deal with garbage, thumb wars, sex, realtors, a pizza guy, drinking on St. Patrick’s Day, etc. The fun never stops with these guys as it seems they are constantly filming something so get ready to laugh your ass off as I give this project 3 out of 4 stars.
Attack of the Corn Zombies (DVD) – It is the 1960s in a small Midwest town where they are having their annual corn festival. This past year some folks used an experimental fertilizer on the crops to help them grow faster but really didn’t do as advertised. But unbeknownst to the townsfolk all the corn was contaminated by this new stuff. Quickly after ingesting the corn people become zombies who attack those who haven’t. Now a small group of folks are just trying to survive the corn zombies so they can get out of town. I enjoyed this Indy zombie film as the first key was they understood “you are not reinventing the zombie genre”. Second key of this film being entertaining was I enjoyed the corn growing out of the infected… that was really a nice touch that some may never would have given a second look. Third key was having a solid Indy cast that felt like everyone was casted correctly. The film had a vibe of the 70s cult film ‘Toxic Zombies’ meeting Jim Roberts’ ‘Welcome to Deer Creek’ as I gotta give this Indy zombie project 3 out of 4 stars.
Air Fryer Slaughter (DVD) – The Matthew Mark Hunter and Matt Skinner project about a killer air fryer is finally out there for horror fans to enjoy. It is the simple story of an air fryer going rogue for not much reason other than it is hungry for human flesh and … apparently sex? The film is full of Indy names and hilarious infomercials as the air fryer hops around town after it murders someone. As the bodies pile up the cops refuse to believe its prime suspect would be an air fryer as it slaughters its way through most of the cast. When the appliance isn’t killing someone or giving a blowjob, the air fryer is trying to help sell merch ‘Evil Bong’ style! Even though the film gives off that ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ vibe it does run 20 to 25 minutes way to long like the film ‘Rubber’ (movie about a killer car tire) and felt like it gets away from what the film was supposed to be about halfway through. Just my opinion but I gotta give it 2 out of 4 stars.
Bed Bugs (DVD) – A Matthew Mark Hunter project from 2021 where a group of children head out for some trick or treating. At each house they get a scary story as Matthew and crew check all the boxes as the kids get to hear about the boogeyman, zombies, a kid seeking revenge, the devil, and vampires. This is a nice project to introduce some of the younger crowd to Indy horror as I give this film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Quadrant (Full Moon) – Charles Band is back in the director’s chair again with a movie that deals with AI and if yinz seen ‘Aimee: The Visitor’ then fans will quite enjoy this computerized treat. The film revolves around two professors who have come up with a revolutionary process called “Quadrant”. A process that no one has funded yet but they believe using their experimental helmet and computers hooked to a person’s brain and connected to an AI world that allows said person to get past their mental issues or get past the fears that haunt them. They mean well with their Quadrant universe firmly believing this will help patients embrace and defeat their fears but it needs volunteers? In comes Erin, a beautiful young woman who is extremely obsessed with Jack the Ripper! She hears of the experiment and wants to be a part of it. Erin is different from the other patients as she does not fear being a part of the universe as she wants to live it, feel it, and live in it. With each treatment Erin embraces Quadrant that much more blurring the lines of reality and the Jack the Ripper AI world she wants to be in. It quickly becomes too late when you cannot decide who is more demented: Erin wanting to murder to feel like the famous serial killer she obsesses over or the professors knowing what Erin is capable of as they have experienced this side effect before? Quadrant is absolutely another entertaining project under the direction of Charles Band. Band has embraced filming in and around Cleveland, Ohio with a small casts, interesting concepts, and the cool vibe of Full Moon finding their second or third wind in bringing fans fun Full Moon projects they want to see as I give this 3 out of 4 stars.
Galaxy Warriors (DVD) – Veteran Indy filmmaker Brett Kelly uses his mind and his usual no budget to bring a futuristic women in prison movie together. A bounty hunter in space under the name Demeter is contacted about her sister Artemis being imprisoned on a prison planet. So it is big sister to the rescue as her and co-pilot gets thrown in prison to find her sister. Once there Demeter notices everything is not going according to plan and they will need lots of help to make their escape. The film has a lot heart and feels like a 90s independent movie more than a recent one. But it loses some steam towards the end as it felt like Mr. Kelly wasn’t totally sure on how to end this project but that is just me thinking out loud there? No matter what I see fans of Brett Kelly enjoying this film as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Amityville Bigfoot (DVD/Tubi) – Shawn Phillips returns to the director’s chair with entry #60 folks! This time around there are scientists in a secluded cabin experimenting on what should be an unknown creature, “Bigfoot”? What else the plot throws at you is a movie shoot about Bigfoot that is ongoing in the same woods, there are also activists against Amityville Chemical, and a few rando homeless people smoking weed. Once the creature escapes the cabin and there are more sinister things at play here Bigfoot begins his bloody rampage through the woods slaughtering all who cross him. This Bigfoot slasher (maybe?) also stars Eric Roberts, Trent Haaga, and the wonderful Tuesday Knight. I am not totally sure what exactly this entry had to do with Amityville but it was fun to see a movie that could be considered a Bigfoot slasher as I give it 2 stars.
Shakespeare’s Shitstorm (On Demand) – Only Troma could pull something off like this where a new drug has hit the shelves from “Big Pharma” called “Safespacia”: a pill for 18 to 30 year olds so they don’t feel an uncomfortable moment in their lives. They can see friends because it helps create a safe space around them. The story or parody is of Shakespeare’s “The Tempest” like only Lloyd can produce. A boatload of Big Pharma execs are shipwrecked onto the shore of Tromaville, New Jersey. From there they all go looking for help and find “Prospero’s Retreat” in an alley of Tromaville where they can continue their partying and evil ways. But little they know the club is run by a scientist named Prospero who was ousted many years before because he wasn’t in it for the money? Now it’s Prospero’s turn to get his revenge but will that change when his blind daughter falls in love with the big exec’s son? The film takes on all the recent issues of social justice, etc., etc., no stone goes unpunished in usual Troma fashion. As usual the film is perverse and fun but felt like about 60 minutes in or so the message was being beaten into you instead of entertaining you but I still liked the movie enough to give it 3 stars.
Flesh Games (DVD) – What looks like another ‘Jackass’ fan film goes in a little bit of a different direction? A small group of so-called no name stuntmen and comedians are getting the “band back together” to start filming some Jackass adventures again like they did some years before. Then they were teenagers like a lot of people who were influenced by Knoxville and crew but now they are border-line out of shape folks getting drunk and reliving the past while filming it. There is the grandma skit, terrible twister, Homerun derby, glass jaw, skateboarding accidents… you get the picture where this Indy film is going. What seems like just another Indy film being a copycat of the popular project “Magnum Opus: The Movie” from Addison Binek takes a dark odd twist of how far is too far about ¾’s the way through the film. Trying not to spoil it as it was kind of a small surprise for this just over 60 minute movie that I think Indy fans will embrace if they stick this out what it was really going for as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Can find it for purchase at: https://srscinemastore.com/search?q=Flesh+Games
The Primevals (Full Moon) – A passion project from no other than David Allen under Charles Band’s Full Moon Pictures label that has been in some kind of production for decades. Sadly David Allen died in 1999 never seeing the project finished. As the story goes Allen who did the wonderful puppet effects in the first couple ‘Puppet Master’ films had been trying to get this project up and going for decades starting right after the film ‘Laserblast’. Not until the early 90s did Band have the funds for Allen to pull the production off but one thing after another happened causing this project to never being finished and talked about many Full Moon fans for years. But to Charles Band’s credit and some others getting involved in a recent crowd funding campaign the film was finished and restored so all of us fans get to see the fun stop-motion stuff that brings this picture to life! The story revolves around a discovered frozen Yeti and sent off to the U.S. for presentation to get everyone excited for such a creature. This event sparks an expedition to do research in the Himalayas to possibly find proof or another one of these creatures? Their adventure literally leads the group to another world where lizard people/things control the Yetis and rule in this possible alternate prehistoric world! The film comes off very family friendly but the real star is no doubt the stop motion effects of the Yeti and the lizard men that is just such a wonderful throwback to old school filmmaking that will thrill not just Full Moon fans but some cinema buffs too. Thank you to all who got this together for us movie fans to check out and thank you David Allen even though you didn’t get to see you finished product as I give it 3 ½ stars.
Blood, Guts and Sunshine 2: The History of Horror Made in Florida (DVD) – A sequel from Chris Woods who once again dives into the rich history of filmmaking in Florida. There are lots of stories and interviews with such legends Fred Olen Ray, J.R. Bookwalter, Sean Donohue, Chris Woods himself, along with a few well known online movie critics. The first entry dealt with a lot of recent Indy films that have been released and made there where this sequel explains the history of some of our favorite horror films being made there but how different parts of the state can be used for any part of the world for said film. I quite enjoyed also this documentary felt a little more polished than the first but the real gem might be Fred Olen Ray telling stories of how he sold his first film and his experiences early on in his career. Rather entertaining B-movie stuff that very few could pull off or even be done today. Entertaining as hell kids as I give this project 4 out of 4 stars and believe me you will learn something that you didn’t know from this doc. Soon to be available through www.gatorbladefilms.com
Amityville Backpack (Tubi) – No, you haven’t lost your mind as this is entry #61 into this long running series that doesn’t surprise me what they do next but know I will be there to watch and keep track of. From the filmmaker behind the ‘Death Toilet’ series we get this entry where a possessed backpack is bought from a garage sale. (Sorry folks, the vibrator in the yard sale were the best concept) Anyhow, after a kid is murdered by the backpack (you got me paying attention right there) Luther buys the backpack at the garage sale believing it is the answer to all his woes of forgetting stuff? Doesn’t take long for the backpack to try killing Poopsie the cat and heading off to the pool for a beer before killing anyone in its path around Luther at the office. Or at least all the people who have this weird obsession of putting on a backpack? Also if that wasn’t enough the object knows how to shoot a gun and drive a car as over 80 minutes is too much. I believe this joke would have worked so much better as a twenty minute short but that is my opinion as I give it 1 ½ stars. Sometimes projects are better as short films, examples: Amityville Quilt Store and Amityville Outhouse.
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Before we start I always explain I wish I could watch every new flick out there but that is just not in the cards for me. Now I will still get one or two comments of movies I left off or didn’t get to see this year? Hey, it happens but I bet you I have seen dozens or few on my list that you may have not knew existed so remember like all movie lists take this with a grain of salt people.
1) Then My Mind Walked Away (DVD) – One of my favorite Indy filmmakers of all time Jim Roberts has a new project coming to haunt fans as he introduces us to Logan Hill. Filming during COVID, Jim took full advantage of not much crew, not much cast, and the world changing. In the first couple tense minutes the dark tone of the film is set as Logan beats to death his girlfriend and the man she was cheating on him with in bed with a baseball bat. Logan now forced to get rid of the bodies is also quickly faced with visions of horror after the fact. He is soon haunted constantly by a dark figure and visions of himself killing himself constantly. As time passes Logan is going nuts as the young man’s visions get more vivid and real. But when Logan thinks he has completely lost his mind he is shocked by a secret from his family’s past! Trying not to spoil this intense and beautiful film of Jim Roberts, but anyway how to explain it as gore and Jim have gone hand and hand since the beginning. This film has the gore but Jim doing a 180 has only made it a set piece in this feature as this talented bastard may have made the most complete film of his career! And that is coming from someone who absolutely loved “Welcome to Deer Creek” and “Tonight You Die”. This project felt like Jim got out of his comfort zone (now I could be wrong of course, lol), kept it simple, and made something that will surprise Indy fans as this is possibly the best Indy film that I will watch in 2023 (there is a couple releases yet coming). It was a serious film from beginning to end! Everything about this film with the help of Karen Roberts, Jorge Delarosa, and bare bones crew should be proud as the look of this film was beautiful, the natural sounds outside of the music caught in the background, and bare bones cast all played a role in making this wonderful. If I need to say anything else that will make you the movie viewer drool over or run to get this once available as I have a saying about filmmaking: “I am not a filmmaker that would be insulting to actual talented filmmakers, I just know where the record button is…” In this case Jim Roberts is truly one of those talented bastards as I give this movie 4 out of 4 stars!
2) When Evil Lurks (Shudder) – This is a horror film about possession of sorts that just works from beginning to end as it snatches you and keeps you at your edge to the very end. Two brothers check in on a fellow and his family living on some farm land. They come to find a corpse on the land which leads them to this check in. What the brothers find is a disgusting thing that use to be human in bed called a “rotten” or a possessed individual. A professional or “cleaner” was coming to take care of it but that is the corpse the brothers found. Owner (Ruiz) of the land is told by the brothers and next thing they know they are trying to move the “rotten” far from them. This only causes a bigger problem as the thing falls out of the truck and hell comes to the community immediately. There is a set of rules about this kind of demon, there is a bootleg Hugh Jackman, a dog that just snatches a child up by their head, and the movie is SUPER GROSS… count me in as I gotta give this film 4 stars as it is one of the better horror films of 2023.
3) Showdown at the Grand (On Demand) – The Grand theater is one of the longest running theaters in the southwest United States. It has been running since 1928 and has been in George’s family for quite some time as George (Terrence Howard) has made it museum also. This was the theater for exploitation flicks, horror movies, B-movies, everything outside of the norm to be cherished and thrive but its rich history of playing these films is in doubt. George is being pressured by a couple of shady characters to sell the place for future development of high priced apartments and luxury stores. But George’s saving grace might be bringing in an actor he idolizes in Claude Luc Hallyday (Dolph Lundgren) a down on his luck movie star from such films: Iraqnphobia, Moses vs. The Nazis, Blood is for the Living, Necropolis, and Cyber Cartel) who is ready to make a comeback? George’s plan works as he gets a sold out house for the Claude Luc Hallyday event but corporate greed is about to ruin George’s plan as this movie has heart and will make you smile if you are a true movie nerd. Think a splash of ‘Matinee’ mixed with a heavy dose of the Grindhouse trailers of 15 years ago with the state of affairs and pressure the few independent theaters left now have to deal with. I absolutely loved this film and most likely this will be in my “Top 5 movies of 2023” as I give this beautiful film we call art 4 stars.
4) Cocaine Bear (Theater) – The ‘Sharknado’ film of 2023 for us film nerds as this film is very loosely based on drugs found in the mountains of Kentucky and Georgia 1985. A black bear just happens to find the bags of cocaine and likes it! Now add in a couple of drug dealers looking for their stuff, a couple missing kids, a not so smart cop, and a bear high on cocaine looking to slaughter any human that gets in the way of it and its new thing “Cocaine”. This movie was beyond entertaining and most likely will make a lot people’s “Top Ten lists” as they made sure every five minutes the bear is snorting or eating cocaine or characters are talking about the bear on cocaine as I give this brilliance 4 stars.
5) I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday (Blu-ray) – It took me awhile of watching this Indy flick as its a few years old but believe me it will still pack a wallop. The beginning dream sequence is a wonderful and bleak intro to setting up the difficult tone of this post-apocalyptic holiday film that just immediately sucks you in. Kelly and her son Riley are living in a bomb shelter where dad has ventured out into the new cruel desolate and damaged world with possibly no return. One day Kelly ventures out herself just to see if there is any sign of things getting better outside of the shelter? Her findings force her into making a decision about herself and Riley since the end of the world is quickly closing in on them. Without spoiling too much the film is brilliantly shot giving an absolute gloomy, depressing, and utter no hope feel and look. Writer/director Mike Lombardo does a perfect job of not just giving us a terrible new world but giving us an absolutely beautiful unHollywood ending that made me giddy as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars.
6) Renfield (On Demand) – Nic Cage as Dracula and Nicholas Hoult as Renfield oh I was in for this from day one when the trailer hit. But instead of just telling another story directly about Dracula this story is from the point of view of Renfield in present day and his struggles with serving his master. Times have changed and it’s much tougher for Renfield to navigate today’s society let alone having his own doubts about what he is doing so he joins a support group. After the crazy opening of this film as Renfield narrates it is one laugh after another because the chaos Renfield deals with along with making a new friend by accident. While Renfield isn’t at his support group wanting out of his toxic relationship with his boss, Renfield is helping his new cop friend Quincy a loud mouth cop trying to bring down a crime family. The film is hilariously over the top but at the same time super entertaining as Nic Cage just eats up the chance of playing Dracula. For me at least I found myself admiring what Nic Cage did as I haven’t seen quite a performance like this since Vincent Price in the original “House on Haunted Hill” or more recent decades Rutger Hauer in “Split Second”. This bloody good time has much rewatch ability and feel this will become a horror staple around Halloween for horror fans who want to lighten up the mood as I can’t help but give this terrific film 4 stars.
7) 10/31 Part III (Blu-ray) – Rocky Gray and a collection of other filmmakers are back to add to their anthology series that has become popular among independent horror fans. This anthology is a monster marathon hosted by Malvolia and has fake trailers with four tales of Halloween horror from Michael Ballif, Brad Twigg, Jacob Perrett, and Zane Hershberger. Now full disclosure yinz all know I seen Zane’s “Hack-in-the-box” last year and thought it was one of the best things I seen in 2022. So the other three had a lot to live up to and they did not disappoint. I am a huge fan of 10/31 series but always felt something was missing from the first two entries to make them complete if that makes sense? Well I can honestly say for me they got it right with this entry as all four stories fit together, fun to watch, and feels like this anthology is the best of the series and most likely will be one of my favorite films of 2023 as I give this entry 4 out of 4 stars. (P.S. the mummy entry made me have wonderful memories of the “Tales from the Darkside: The Movie” again so thank you).
8) V/H/S 85 (Shudder) – The popular found footage anthology is back and just as strong. They have perfected the formula that others fail constantly at I think there might be only one in the series I wasn’t a huge fan of? This one immediately opens with random stuff that just tugs at my childhood where a tape goes into the VCR and boom… truck and tractor pull in an arena and the tracking needs adjusting, fun shit! First up is a story of young people on a camping trip not doing anyone any harm until a sniper kills all of them? What happens next sets up things for the rest of the film (without giving too much away)? Second up is a rescue for survivors in a building that houses a popular network TV crew in Mexico after being hit by an earthquake. Lots of blood, characters you find interesting, and a monster of sorts that doesn’t disappoint. Third up might be the weak link if I am going to pick one (almost all anthologies have one) where a woman doing a one-person play or art in a public theater on the threat of evolving technology as it’s the new god. Fourth story continues the storyline of the first with the campers but with the sniper and why? Fifth story is about a detective who receives video tapes of horrible murders that he watches before they happen. With some research and good detective work he finds out they are coming from a teenager but not the usual way you think as it has a nice twist to it. All that fun with a cool wraparound of “Total Copy” or if you are old like me like that “Hard Copy” show among others during the 80s. This might be one of the best wraparounds to an anthology to date as I thought hard about this but I have to give the film 4 stars folks.
9) CarousH3ll (YouTube/DVD/Blu-ray) – The third entry into Steve Rudzinski’s wildly popular series “CarousHell” with the help of co-writer and ultra-talented Aleen Isley give us the next evolving chapter of Duke’s adventures. In case you haven’t had the pleasure of enjoying the past two Indy treasures: Duke is a terrifying killer carousel horse who has come to life to kill humans, had a child/puppet horse named Robbie, and has turned good in order to track down others like him that may want to use their evil powers to kill both of them. Okay that is a mouth full to take in but now we are caught up without giving too many spoilers away Duke has a new enemy in Usagi: a chocolate carousel bunny that wants to kill Duke in order to steal his power to become the god she deserves to be. If that wasn’t enough Joe ‘the pizza man looking for his $42.39’ is back in a big way and seeking revenge even if he has only one eye. But Joe has found a new group of friends that want to protect Duke and Robbie from the evil Usagi which leaves Joe very conflicted. Of course along the way there is characters from the past that show up and we get introduced to a couple new intriguing characters as Steve and Aleen made sure ‘CarousHell’ fans get all the over the top carousel sex and violence you could want in your independent movie. This wonderfully entertaining sequel wastes no time jumping into the storyline getting the ‘CarousHell’ taste buds wet but for me it felt a little slow but they made me adjust on the run with this project as I think so highly of the first two films. As I said in the past Steve gave me “House of a 1000 Corpses” and then gave me the “The Devil’s Rejects” which was the best way to explain how I feel about the first two CarousHell films. Now both Steve and Aleen understanding it is virtually impossible to top those last two films went about their business quickly and smartly by not giving us “3 from Hell”. But embracing and understanding the story arc they have built over the past two films as they ran with the insanity and gave us an absolute surprisingly brilliant third entry that gives fans a perfect ending (maybe?). Seriously the cast, the music, the perfect running time of 68 minutes is great but the stand out of this latest entry might be the script from Steve and Aleen and their attention to detail and understanding of the fans of ‘CarousHell’. The writing of this film for me at least is their best work to date and have cemented them in making one of the best independent horror franchises a movie fan could ever watch as I give this enormously humor filled film 4 out of 4 stars. P.S. this film just shows these two are an extremely talented duo to be highly respected in the independent world but also should make many other filmmakers scream for them to be a part of their next project!
10) The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (Shudder) – Simply you can call it “Black Re-Animator” (and you are now curious)! A young woman who has lost her brother recently to gun violence believes death is not the end? She believes if death is a disease then she can find the cure? Vicaria or “The Mad Scientist” she is nicknamed in the neighborhood will stop at nothing in making this work which includes stealing fresh bodies and storing them with her equipment in a condemned building. Between society, her home setting, and the loss of her brother this makes her withdraw from life more and more to find the answer or cure to death (sound familiar?) Vicaria figures it out and brings her brother Chris back to life but it comes at a terrible price or does it… A wonderful blend of horror, today’s world problems, and how the world is seen through a young lady who is angry for good reason and firmly believes death can be cured as I give this movie 4 stars.
Honorable mentions:
Every year I like putting out there some of the ones that came close but didn’t crack the “top ten”. Some are new filmmakers I have just discovered, certain projects I didn’t have a chance to check out maybe when originally released, or a project I felt very highly about but no one is talking about it so here they go.
Gay for Pray: The Erotic Adventures of Jesus Christ (Blu-ray) – Another project from Nathan Rumler and Rock Bottom Video as they have just released the Blu-ray version of this earlier film that includes the uncut version with the cut version together for the first time. I highly recommend getting this Blu-ray as the uncut is 20 minutes longer and was only released for a very short time a few years ago so this is a great investment if you are a fan of Rock Bottom Video. Nathan not only proves he knows what he is doing but crafts an amazing independent film (we will get back to that in a minute) that stars a wonderful array of independent acting talent that brings to life one of the funniest things I have ever watched. Our story begins with Jesus supposedly being thrown out of heaven without his powers because he is “GAY”! He happens to visit a home of Adam, Steve, and Eve dressed as a wizard who wants to grant wishes if you suck his dick. Yep, you read that correctly and this is how the film opens! After trying the wizard gig Jesus comes clean to the three as one hates him, one believes in him, and the other just wants to have sex with Jesus even if it means dressing as a man? But anyway since the three got nothing better to do they try to help Jesus get his powers back when he isn’t explaining how he made the bible more family friendly. They try everything to help: social media, making water to wine, encountering protests, even trying to walk on water to prove he is Jesus and he deserves his powers back. But the entire ordeal is not completed until the last ten minutes happen: Jesus, chainsaw, protesters, gore, while The Rainbow Connection song (done by another band) happens. This ending should be one of the more celebrated Indy endings to a movie ever! If you are easily offended please watch this wonderfully entertaining film… Why? Because Nathan’s film is more relevant now than when he produced it five years ago. The dialogue is well crafted; the characters and those who played them were perfect. This movie is going to make some uncomfortable but I dare you to pay attention to the script, again the dialogue as it might be one of the best written scripts ever in my opinion as Nathan predicted what humanity is going to be like? I totally believe he caught exactly how humanity has become one big asshole in the past couple years with this movie. I know there are some detractors of “Fangboner” and “Amityville Vibrator” but I dare you to watch and not like “Gay for Prey” and laugh. Because if you don’t like it or get it just do me the favor of quit watching movies and shut up! Nathan and crew deserve not just our respect but our support as Nathan Rumler and crew are constantly trying to find ways to entertain through independent cinema and thank them as I give this film 4 out of 4 stars.
Sisu (On Demand) – Its 1944 Finland and this is a bad ass account of a man that had enough of the war and left to mine for gold. After a big discovery he begins a long trek across Finland to cash in his discovery but a platoon of Nazis that he passes have a whole other mindset and begin to track the man after a few of the Nazi soldiers meet a horrible death. From there this platoon tracks down this man even when they are given orders to turn back and should “consider themselves lucky they are still alive” as they have found who this mysterious man is? One man just wants to cash in his discovery and a group of Nazis make the horrible decision of fucking with the wrong man. We have seen movies like this but maybe not in a WWII setting on foreign soil that seems to give this film that much more heart as I give the movie 4 stars.
Wrath of Becky (On Demand) – It’s been three years since the incident of Neo-Nazis killing Becky’s father and Becky fighting back against those cruel bastards in a bloody battle to the end. Since then Becky has been on the run and at age 16 she is trying to stay off the grid as much as possible. But by chance Becky happens to be hitchhiking and finds a friend in an older woman who doesn’t ask questions but enjoys the company. Both are unsure of each other but the situation works. With Becky finding a slight glimmer of hope she finds herself being stalked by three all white males known as the ‘Noblemen’. Basically neo-Nazis with a different name and they shoot her roommate in the head and steal her dog. The event of course pushes Becky into survival mode and she goes looking for these men finding out there is a couple more and they have plans for the small town they are staying in. The film doesn’t vary away from what worked the first time and go for the jugular again of continuing a character and her story that we all quite enjoy. Again great cast, smart to stick with what works, the Becky character is just absolutely entertaining as I believe they got another less talked about hit again on their hands as I give it 4 stars. The only thing I will say about the film and it isn’t a flaw as much as an observation without spoiling the film is if they try a third film it will “jump the shark”!
Shackles (DVD) – A Jason Burke film that has no dialogue but uses music and the actors’ actions to tell the story as a man wakes everyday only to be haunted by a beautiful lady whose simple presence is just defeating to the main character. He hopes every time he wakes not to see her but finally gets the courage to push by, smile, and go out his front door. This is some of the best story telling film wise I have seen since: The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl and Incest Boy and Hexercise as I give this inspiring tale 4 out of 4 stars.
Zero Budget Heroes: The Legend of Chris Seaver and Low Budget Pictures (Tubi) – First off in case the collectors need to know there is physical copies of this out there available. Okay with that out of the way this documentary hits directly in my wheelhouse where I have met Chris a few times over the years and of course he may not remember me but I do remember our interaction. I bring this up because they do spend some time talking about fan interaction, reviews, etc. But mostly the doc focuses on a dude in his 40s now that had a dream of making bad movies as a kid and have fun doing it. This documentary does a superb job of chronicling all the films, events, Chris’ life and feelings about making the films he does. This was wonderful because it allowed an Indy filmmaker to be vulnerable and if anything made me have even more respect for him now than I did maybe a decade or so ago. He is a great example of someone who has done it for many years, kept with it, and talks the highs and lows of those who stick around. Again going back to our interaction I will always come out and say I wasn’t a fan of his ‘Teen Ape’ or a few others early 2000s stuff. ‘Ski Wolf’, ‘Terror at Blood Fart Lake’, ‘I Spit Chew on Your Grave’, ‘Sexsquatch’, these were titles that just sang to me or made me respect what Chris was going for? The other reason I enjoy the overall career Chris: a) he is still doing it, b) but most importantly there is filmmakers out that can’t smell their own shit that outright dislike him, for that I got made respect Chris Seaver and his group as I give this fun and relevant doc 4 stars.
The Pervert’s Guide to Cinema by Slavoj Zizek (YouTube) – Had a close friend suggest this one to me recently as this gentleman looks at film from the philosophical side of things. This three part/2 ½ hour documentary of sorts goes down a rabbit hole of film class so to speak. He breaks down some of the biggest films: The Exorcist, The Matrix, Hitchcock, David Lynch, and tackles music, characters, sexual content, some older films and their impact and the paradox of cinema. If you ever thought there could more to movies this is a good place to start as he break down several things in these movies over the years to explain what they really mean and what they may have been going for as most of us of course missed it. Yeah, this was way too smart for my “Amityville, massacre, slasher film, bad Indy shit” watching ass to understand at spots but a very interesting piece of work to kill time and actually learn something about film that I love and enjoy so much! Well worth checking out kids as it also made me think how much more I would love to have a movie/documentary version of Joe Bob Briggs “Profoundly Disturbing” book. As I feel that might be one of the best things documenting cinema history and its impact on society. Point is if you are a Joe Bob Briggs fan to break it down for yinz n’at, this is well worth your time to understand something we all our so passionate about as I give it 4 stars.
Project Wolf Hunting (On Demand) – Once again Asian horror fucking rocks! This blend of “Con-Air”, “Dead Alive” splatter, with a glass of “The Raid” and “Captain America… sort of” is a Korean flick that has a group of dangerous criminals being transported by ship from the Philippines to South Korea. All the doors have been taken off to the rooms so each convict can be watched by the authorities going along for the ride. Of course there is a plan in place for the convicts to escape but what they are not counting on is the super-secret experiment hanging out in the bottom of the ship that only a doctor who is there for a bundle of cash knows about. This secret is known as “Alpha”! Once the escape and takeover begins it’s a wonderful war between cops and criminals until the “Alpha” has awakened by some human blood dripping down below (believe me just watch because it’s bad ass what happens next). This experiment is awake and pissed off as it is not picking sides. Hell a dude gets beaten with his own arm as this film sports possibly the most gore since “Dead Alive” if not more? Bottom-line: The Alpha doesn’t get old, very hard to kill, and has the strength of five men and he can smell your ass! What turns out from large scale takeover turns to a movie about survival as the movie explains a few things in the second half so stick with it. Most likely there won’t be a bigger splatterfest in 2023 but I was not impressed with the ending and felt it hurts the overall product as I give the film 3 ½ stars.
Don’t Fuck in the Woods 2 (Tubi) – Welcome to Pine Hills Summer Camp as a blood soaked survivor, Jane, wanders in after her ordeal from the first picture. Problem is the thing has followed her! Thus a new group of actual likable characters who eventually fuck in the woods of course have decided to go camping at the wrong time. Or I should have opened with: Welcome to the sex-filled gorefest where a creature feeds on humans after taking over its host! And has a super talented Indy cast! I wasn’t a huge fan of the first film so I was surprised this was getting a sequel but surprise, kudos to the filmmaker for giving a vast improvement of a creature feature as this felt like it was more structured and had an endgame. Bottom line fun shit kids as I give it 3 ½ stars.
AIMEE: The Visitor (DVD/Vimeo) – Full Moon like a lot of other studios are jumping on the bandwagon of making movies about AI. This is no longer the 80s and 90s where we just dreamt about this shit like AI… It is happening as we speak so a movie with present happenings can be interesting if done right? So Charles Band bare bones this feature with a small cast and one location that effectively give the creepiness and suspense of Scott Keyes receiving an interesting package. Besides enjoying porn and fast food Scott never leaves his loft as he is a super intelligent hacker who doesn’t like humanity much. His two partners who are into the illegal business with Keyes have acquired ‘AIMEE’ for him. AIMEE is a mind blowing piece of sophisticated software that interacts with the person that turns it on. Immediately Keyes is fascinated and already lured in with AIMEE as it has Keyes questioning the need for human interaction ever again. The AI doesn’t just interact but learns anything that possibly can be learned about the person that opened her. His friends quickly become worried as they learn this AI was invented for a dark reason then may have gone rogue? The film has a couple cheeseball moments but the low budget just adds to how effective and disturbing this present day film truly is as humans try to understand AI in this extremely creepy tale that I give 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Swamp Woman (DVD) – Sean Donohue and Gatorblade Films go in a different direction than the usual with this parody of a monster film of sorts? He made a no budget parody of ‘Swamp Thing’? Anyhow kids it all starts in 1983 where our beaches are being polluted by toxic waste from Biotech Prime but now in present day they are still doing it but quieter. We are introduced to a scientist Angela Honeydew who is going to change the world with her genesplicing formula but it’s stolen from her when another scientist (evil of course) Dr. Olsen sends his thugs after her. A battle ensues between thugs and Dr. Honeydew as she gets covered in her own formula and runs naked for the swamp only to come back out later as a changed person/thing. Now the new monstrous Dr. Honeydew wants revenge and seeks those who stole her formula. This hilarious over the top ‘Swamp Thing’ parody has everything! Sean Donohue playing the most monotone doctor on purpose that almost had tears of laughter coming out of me, Joel D. Wynkoop pretty much stealing the movie with his performance that felt like Mark Hamil’s version of the Joker being a scientist, and most of all kudos to Sushii Xhyvette Holder for wearing full body make up and running through the swamp fully nude as Swamp Woman. Now I don’t know if Mr. Donohue was trying for a parody here but I will say this “it was one of his best films to date” from Gatorblade Films as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S…. Donohue did make sure there was a shower scene for yinz!
Wolf Hollow (Blu-ray) – Mark Cantu and friends attempted what usually fails in independent cinema… a werewolf film. This story takes place in small town America ‘Wolf Hollow’ or not too far from where I reside. A year after an incident that was a complete bloodbath that the town would like to keep quiet as a familiar face with filmmaker friends returns home to use his family property that has a scare house on it he would like to use for filming. But Ray and Bart still haven’t worked out their differences even though they are family and werewolves. Add in small town politics not for the better, small town secrets, and werewolves just not into being pushed around and we have a fun howling at the moon monster movie with heart and great costumes. What adds to this low budget production is some star power in Felissa Rose, Lynn Lowry, and Hannah Fierman given the right character roles to help this film get the right kind of notice. If you have read my reviews in the past you know I can be rough on Indy werewolf films but I am glad I can say with confidence this is the best Indy werewolf flick I have seen since Todd Sheets’ “Bonehill Road” as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Fear Pharm (DVD) – Four young people head to the local family-owned corn maze on Halloween that has stories about an unfortunate cult-like incident 15 years ago that no one can really prove or disprove. Melanie, one of the four in the group happens to be the “10,000 person” to come through the gate and gets the chance to go through the “VIP maze”. The group makes it through in so much time they win $10,000! But is it too good to be true, the kids don’t care as it will be fun getting scared and possibly winning a whole lot of cash. Problem is the group doesn’t know if they don’t make it through they will die. Without giving too much away because I consider this film to be “the little horror film that could”. But the filmmaker and crew made great use of location, great camera work at times, and kept the story lean and fresh. This movie has no business being as good as it actually is? They took a generic horror formula that has been used several times in recent years and gave it substance! One of my favorite parts of the film is a character getting his arm cut off and his reaction to it was simple but effective. This is the type of film for horror fans that is a gem that gets talked about well after its release when it hits a streaming platform like Shudder and Tubi and makes you wonder how this didn’t get a bigger release? Anyway I say fucking enjoy kids as this was a huge surprise and have to give it 3 ½ stars.
Bathtub Shark Attack (Theater) – Only from the brilliant mind of independent filmmaker Maddie Deering could a killer shark movie that takes place at times in a “bathtub” and star Lynn Lowry. Hello… SyFy Channel, Discovery, I think you have your next hire? A bubbly couple down on their luck happen to stumble on an offer of great proportions or let’s say cheap when they find the perfect apartment they can afford. Unbeknownst to the couple this little apartment house is home of a dark secret and few are left to talk about it as the tenants usually check in but never check out. As the longer they stay the more Cindy changes as this causes Chad to get to the bottom of the strange happenings and find out how there is a connection to an evil shark god that likes to feast on people in their tubs! This SOV throwback has everything from wall to wall gore, to Lynn Lowry, to human ritual sacrifices (sort of don’t want to give everything away), to a plumber that refuses to die, to a shark that has a dick?! You may believe you have seen every shark movie but there is no way in hell you could think of any more zanier or entertaining shark movie than Maddie Deering delivers here as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Black Circle (Blu-ray) – A 2019 film from Adrian Garcia Bogliano that is in Swedish I believe but has English subtitles and stars the great Christina Lindberg as Lena who plays a very important role. This story centers around two sisters Celeste and Isa who listen to an old self-help hypnosis album that is supposedly helping you relax. But from the first listen something very sinister is happening and causes the sisters to seek out the help from Lena Carlsson who recorded the album as a limited edition product that was an experiment. According to Lena an experiment that wasn’t meant for the world as it brings forth your double or doppelganger from the other side. This other you, follow you, and continue to suck life from you to survive in this new world and take over your existence. With the help of Lena they hope she is able to put them back together before the other them takes over? This film is all kinds of interesting, creepy, insane, and an excellent trippy experience into slow burn horror. With this Blu-ray from Synapse Films you get a CD soundtrack that will have fans absolutely delighted, commentary with Adrian Garcia Bogliano, trailer, a short film, behind the scenes of the film, and a great interview of Bogliano and Christina Lindberg. I can definitely see the younger horror crowd losing their shit over how good this movie is as I give the Blu-ray package 3 ½ out of 4 stars and found at www.synapse-films.com .
The Blackening (On Demand) – A mostly black casted horror film that has one of the greatest taglines ever, has the cast heading to a cabin in the woods to celebrate Juneteenth holiday. The couple who rented the cabin find a board game that sets up the plot of the film where the black characters are forced to answer questions or die. As they are forced to play there is a masked character trying to kill them off one by one and they let the jokes fly that keeps the film moving at a crisp pace. I absolutely loved this film until about 45 minutes in as it was like the filmmaker ‘let off the gas’ until the last few minutes of the movie which is very culturally relevant and a solid entertaining horror movie. For me I just wish they would have kept the gas to the floor, but watch it, enjoy it, understand it as I give this 3 ½ stars.
Night of the Axe (DVD/YouTube) – First feature length film from Shawn Wright that features music from Matt (Hexercise) Cannon and it is a slasher so right away you have my attention good or bad. Our story begins with a very large mute man in an insane asylum where he decides to get up and begin a murder spree! But the small town doesn’t have the resources to track him down as had escaped weeks ago but also the young people of the town don’t care until now. Bulk of the film takes place in a home where the locals are having a small high school reunion party where they can get drunk, high, and bump uglies. I gotta give kudos to Mr. Wright for understanding “when to end the film”, giving Indy fans what they want, and keeping the first feature length formula simple. I found the pacing of the whole story a little choppy but still delivered on the blood and guts factor and most likely will have independent movie fans wondering “what’s next” for the second feature as I give this delight 3 out of 4 stars.
Subspecies V: Blood Rise (Tubi/DVD) – Charles Band and Ted Nicolaou return to a fan favorite ‘Radu’ who was one their staples in the early days of Full Moon. This story tells the story of Radu shortly after being born is stolen by the church and grows to be a crusader who tracks down evil for a living. But Radu makes a mistake one evening rescuing a woman and her child believing there has been enough death and just coming face to face with his father/master. After several days of trying to help this woman and child, the woman is a vampire and bites Radu thus beginning Radu’s transformation into an evil vampire with no master who thrives on death and destruction. This was a wonderful edition to the “Subspecies” series and makes you wonder why Charles Band can’t get his shit together to make more projects like this that makes you nostalgic for the original Full Moon days but actually have hope of seeing some cool new shit from them. Old Full Moon fans like me will be actually delighted with this entertaining entry as I give it 3 stars.
Worst Movie of the Year:
Honestly I didn’t want to pick another Chris Alexander film as my “worst” of the year as it would seem I am picking on his films but it just edged out Cocaine Shark from Mark Polonia. But I had too!
Scream of the Blind Dead (Full Moon/Tubi) – This 40 minute short film based on “The Blind Dead” series is just proof that Chris Alexander needs to stop directing and go back to his day job. This poor excuse for a short ‘fan film’ is about a young lady named Virginia who checks out a church in the middle of nowhere because she is a sexual deviant that thinks nasty thoughts and only awakens one shitty Templar Knight. I apologize this sounds harsh but I know this dude has the resources and I am still not over how bad that ‘Necropolis: Legion’ was as I give this garbage 0 stars as this might be the clear cut winner already in 2023 of “Worst Movie of the Year”!
Wigwolf’s The Wizard of Oz (YouTube) – Filmmaker/Content creator writes/edits/directs this demented trippy modern version of the movie and famous story that most people love. This bizarre film focuses a lot on Dorothy as she is miserable and upset with that one bad thing she once did long ago. If that wasn’t enough in this version she was apparently married to her dog Toto, and things didn’t work out for the good as Toto seems to be also stalking Dorothy through the woods. The film is full of weirdness that even has actual chickens narrating the story while Toto is looking like a bootleg Paul Stanley without the 70s makeup! Honestly imagine if Troma made this and kiddingly or maybe not so much ask you to do drugs while watching it fans would clamor for it. Overall this odd experimental theater play is not my cup of tea but I can easily see younger people enjoy this trippy version and want a YouTube series to sequelize it I give this feature 2 ½ out of 4 stars just for trying something you don’t see coming.
Craving (Vimeo/Tubi/Blu-ray) – Jason Horton directs this horror/thriller that stars some cool people in Felissa Rose and Gregory Blair that carries an ‘Alien’ vibe story wise with a ‘Feast’ setting kind of vibe. I believe set in 1998 which is relevant as there is some flashbacks that help dig deep into why we have a stand-off in an isolated bar between two groups of people. It was a normal night of drinking, billiards, and the customers getting away from real life. That is until one group of people with attitudes and guns bust on in like they are there to take hostages and steal money as another group of people in skin masks begin to barricade the doorways! Thus begins the stand-off of those inside with those outside as the group outside seem to be content on waiting as they talk about wanting the “monster” and “the last time it feed” The movie is filled with tension, gore, and creature effects (imagine if the cool Berserker from Nightbreed had sex with the Xtro alien?) that makes the slow burn story building worth the time of viewing this unique horror/thriller. Film is quite entertaining but if I would second guess anything it might be the music that plays throughout the feature as that is my opinion. My example is to pay attention to the end credits as it’s some crazy upbeat country music as the end credit scenes hit while they are shot in Grindhouse vision which just gives the film a whole different vibe? Again just me nit picking at this feature as I give it 3 out of 4 stars as it was solid from beginning to end.
Bigfoot Unleashed Part VII (YouTube) – An actual short film made to be inside another production that should be finished and released for 2025 (The Haunting of Prince Dom Pedro). This creation comes from writer/actor Joe Fishel and director Don Swanson. A smart and hilarious concept of a person who has seen Bigfoot six times but will they survive the seventh time? Horrible looking Bigfoot; cops claiming “they will be ready for next time”, and a vibe of a bad movie rental from the early 90s that made your friends question your taste in movies! Very entertaining as I have to give it 3 out of 4 stars.
AIMEE: The Visitor (DVD/Vimeo) – Full Moon like a lot of other studios are jumping on the bandwagon of making movies about AI. This is no longer the 80s and 90s where we just dreamt about this shit like AI… It is happening as we speak so a movie with present happenings can be interesting if done right? So Charles Band bare bones this feature with a small cast and one location that effectively give the creepiness and suspense of Scott Keyes receiving an interesting package. Besides enjoying porn and fast food Scott never leaves his loft as he is a super intelligent hacker who doesn’t like humanity much. His two partners who are into the illegal business with Keyes have acquired ‘AIMEE’ for him. AIMEE is a mind blowing piece of sophisticated software that interacts with the person that turns it on. Immediately Keyes is fascinated and already lured in with AIMEE as it has Keyes questioning the need for human interaction ever again. The AI doesn’t just interact but learns anything that possibly can be learned about the person that opened her. His friends quickly become worried as they learn this AI was invented for a dark reason then may have gone rogue? The film has a couple cheeseball moments but the low budget just adds to how effective and disturbing this present day film truly is as humans try to understand AI in this extremely creepy tale that I give 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
CarousH3ll (YouTube/DVD/Blu-ray) – The third entry into Steve Rudzinski’s wildly popular series “CarousHell” with the help of co-writer and ultra-talented Aleen Isley give us the next evolving chapter of Duke’s adventures. In case you haven’t had the pleasure of enjoying the past two Indy treasures: Duke is a terrifying killer carousel horse who has come to life to kill humans, had a child/puppet horse named Robbie, and has turned good in order to track down others like him that may want to use their evil powers to kill both of them. Okay that is a mouth full to take in but now we are caught up without giving too many spoilers away Duke has a new enemy in Usagi: a chocolate carousel bunny that wants to kill Duke in order to steal his power to become the god she deserves to be. If that wasn’t enough Joe ‘the pizza man looking for his $42.39’ is back in a big way and seeking revenge even if he has only one eye. But Joe has found a new group of friends that want to protect Duke and Robbie from the evil Usagi which leaves Joe very conflicted. Of course along the way there is characters from the past that show up and we get introduced to a couple new intriguing characters as Steve and Aleen made sure ‘CarousHell’ fans get all the over the top carousel sex and violence you could want in your independent movie. This wonderfully entertaining sequel wastes no time jumping into the storyline getting the ‘CarousHell’ taste buds wet but for me it felt a little slow but they made me adjust on the run with this project as I think so highly of the first two films. As I said in the past Steve gave me “House of a 1000 Corpses” and then gave me the “The Devil’s Rejects” which was the best way to explain how I feel about the first two CarousHell films. Now both Steve and Aleen understanding it is virtually impossible to top those last two films went about their business quickly and smartly by not giving us “3 from Hell”. But embracing and understanding the story arc they have built over the past two films as they ran with the insanity and gave us an absolute surprisingly brilliant third entry that gives fans a perfect ending (maybe?). Seriously the cast, the music, the perfect running time of 68 minutes is great but the stand out of this latest entry might be the script from Steve and Aleen and their attention to detail and understanding of the fans of ‘CarousHell’. The writing of this film for me at least is their best work to date and have cemented them in making one of the best independent horror franchises a movie fan could ever watch as I give this enormously humor filled film 4 out of 4 stars. P.S. this film just shows these two are an extremely talented duo to be highly respected in the independent world but also should make many other filmmakers scream for them to be a part of their next project!
Space Mutiny (VHS/YouTube) – A very B-grade film from 1988 set many years into the future that also stole scenes from an old sci-fi TV series where people live on a ship called the Southern Sun. On this ship is a select few who want to sabotage the mission and do not want to live on the ship all their lives but we have our hero Reb Brown who wants to solve the issues peaceful as possible. This space movie is hilariously bad to the point apparently it was one of MST3K’s best episodes of all time as I give the film 1 star and enjoy the space go-kart chase scene.
The Lazy Werewolf (DVD/YouTube) – A weirdo short film about a cheesy ass werewolf that has decided it’s time to get back into shape as I give it 2 out of 4 stars for effort as you can find out more at www.cheeviesfilms.com .
Killer Claus (DVD/YouTube) – Another short film from www.cheeviesfilms.com where a man gets fired from his Santa job and this drives him to decide it is time to kill for the holidays. A funny short just because it is a ‘killer Santa Claus’ movie and has a nice little twist at the end as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Redder (DVD/YouTube) – It’s the old story about a woman killing her boyfriend when she found out he was cheating on her! But this goes in a little different direction as it focuses on the woman trying to convince herself this was the best course of action? By doing this we learn a lot about this woman who has long since slipped into her own madness and makes you question who the real villain actually was as I give this short flick from www.cheeviesfilms.com 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Mutilation Massacre (DVD/YouTube) – Thank you to www.cheesviesfilms.com for adding to my ‘massacre movie’ list as this short film has a woman named Stephanie tied to a tree to be tortured. Before you feel bad the viewer comes to learn it might be karma not evil finally catching up to her as I give this short film 2 out of 4 stars.
Battle for the Lost Planet (DVD) – An early Brett Piper flick from 1986 that is a super entertaining story about Harry Trent who is an old man and choosing to write about how the new world started. Many years ago when Trent was a thief, he steals a cassette and takes off of earth in a spaceship. But as he escapes and believes he is a bad ass, he sees the oncoming invasion by aliens. Five years pass before Trent returns to earth because he cannot change course. (By the way Young Trent is Matt Mitler from The Mutilator) Trent hits earth and finds some new friends mainly the lovely Dana who eventually gets taken by a typical post-apocalyptic gang who also owns a ‘Mad Max’ Ford Pinto that will have you laughing your ass off! But the leader of the gang might know the location of a device that could help all of mankind but do they really want mankind to go back to what it used to be? A blissfully entertaining independent film that will make nostalgic for video stores, Brett Piper, and how much fun it was finding these flicks a couple decades ago as I give the film 3 stars.
Killer Christmas (DVD) – An interesting short film from MMH Productions, where a group of young people move into a house for the holidays and take advantage of the free holiday decorations that were left by past owners. Unbeknownst to the group the Christmas decorations are evil and go on a murderous rampage as I give this short film 2 out of 4 stars.
Killer Christmas 2: Deadly Night (DVD) – MMH Productions uses the sequel to make another short film but twice as long and look like they had a bigger budget to work with as the killer decorations return a couple years later. A new family moves in and once again the killer decorations are in full kill mode but two individuals Christian and Clank begin investigating these strange murders. They find a survivor of these vicious attacks and have help their investigation but how stable she is can be a whole different story. The three enter the home that has the murderous holiday home with every intention in ending the horror but you can never truly stop evil in the first two Indy projects I have seen someone have killer decorations so kudos to MMH as I give the sequel 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
The Black Scorpion (DVD) – A late 50’s monster flick that takes place in Mexico where volcanic eruptions has caused a super large scorpion to escape the depths of the earth and begin its reign of terror on the people of Mexico. This black scorpion is an ancient species thought to be long dead but has been awaken again by these horrible eruptions. A film that deserves a little more love from us 50s and 60s sci-fi film lovers as I give it 3 stars.
Demonic Toys: Jack-Attack (Vimeo) – Charles Band once again turns to Full Moon filmmaking vet William Butler to continue breathing new life into a long running original Full Moon franchise that never found the love the ‘Puppet Master’ or ‘Subspecies’ series did? William Butler continuing his magic touch tells a story of Lily the teenage girl who has been traumatized by the event of losing a battle with the evil jack-in-the-box. Not long after Lily finds herself in foster care and non-verbal but with help of her social worker Audrey finds a family quickly. But that also means her belongings will follow her to her new home which means the evil jack-in-the-box murder spree has just begun. With Audrey having strange visions of the evil jack-in-the-box and having some odd attachment to Lily it makes for an interesting uneasy piece of cheese that William Butler by the end finds a way to keep everything connected in his new ‘Demonic Toys’ universe as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars and be able to find more about this feature at www.fullmoonfeatures.com .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Mad God (Shudder) – I’ll be honest about this flick Joe Bob Briggs gave me a reason to finally sit and watch this film. It always had my interest but I would always find something else to watch? Mostly because I had a feeling this movie might be a bit too artsy for me or fall into “not my cup of tea” kinda thing? Anyhow this film took thirty years to make as it’s a stop-motion animation of a post-apocalyptic world where a thing is sent into this visually stunning world to carry a bomb to the deepest depths of it. Mission would be accomplished but it is stopped by a crazy monstrous thing. This world has tons of creations to enjoy but it is hard to follow and definitely not a project you could classify as horror. This film reminds me of an old show “SyFy Exposure” that use to run late Sunday nights on SyFy Channel where you get to see several off the wall short films from filmmakers all over the world. It is an interesting project but with a run time at 110 minutes and not being your typical film to follow be prepared going in as I give it 3 stars for being wonderful to look at but is not my cup of tea thing.
Hellblazers (Tubi) – Here is a modest budget horror film that most horror fans would blow off because if you read the description and seen the cast your response would most likely be: “Great another stupid convention all-star horror film where people say their one line and collect a paycheck in a horror film with no soul.” Well kids this one is a little different (we have seen this story before… but) and worthy giving a chance as everyone has a role to play in making this quite entertaining. In a small community of Hope Valley where Billy Zane and friends raise a demon kind of surprisingly after a ritualistic sacrifice. Now a big city sheriff is trying to adjust to small community police work until this comes to light as a demon now stalks the town to feed to become stronger. With the help of the countless cult members the small community is quickly cut off from the rest of the world and as the demon feeds it becomes disgustingly cooler! Now the cast: Billy Zane, Tony Todd, Meg Foster, Adrienne Barbeau, John Kassir, Bruce Dern, and Courtney Gains. For this little horror surprise I gotta give it 3 stars.
Camp Murder (DVD) – A 2021 Mark Polonia film where a patient of Dr. Lewis decides it is time to leave the asylum when Dr. Lewis is retiring after 25 years. The patient Tommy escapes and returns to a campsite where it all began so many years ago. Problem is an Indy wrestler and friends have chosen to camp out for a couple of days in the same area. Doesn’t take Tommy long to find a mask and weapons to help him slaughter anyone in the woods. Funny thing is there is a subplot of the female Indy wrestler plotting to kill her husband for one of her fans because said fan of hers has a big dong! Starts off promising but quickly falls off of being any bit entertaining as you feel like Mark Polonia and crew slept walked through this one in two or three days as I give it 1 star.
Camp Murder (DVD) – Oh you are reading that correctly as I found another movie of the same title that came out a year later from Josh Bzura where a radio dude tells a Halloween story of some Adamsville people who get slaughtered at a summer camp August 1984. We all have seen this film hundred times or so but full kudos to Josh and crew for having a great set up, great use of location, a solid cast, and people that knew how to have fun with the formula of a masked killer at summer camp with a machete. There is a couple things that happen in this film that make me giggle as Josh does a great job building up some of these characters and capturing the awkwardness of others as this another worthy Indy horror film worth checking out as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Manhattan Baby (DVD) – It is 1982 and an archeologist disturbs a tomb and sets in motion an evil spirit following him back to New York City as he is found blind outside of the tomb. It takes some time for the archeologist to regain his sight but by then strange things already begin to happen in this weird Fulci feature. Mostly because the dude’s daughter has some ancient medallion that has chosen to possess her? So if you are looking for “Zombie” or “Gates of Hell” you will be way off with this one so don’t be surprised this makes your favorites of the Fulci collection as I give it 2 stars.
The Blackening (On Demand) – A mostly black casted horror film that has one of the greatest taglines ever, has the cast heading to a cabin in the woods to celebrate Juneteenth holiday. The couple who rented the cabin find a board game that sets up the plot of the film where the black characters are forced to answer questions or die. As they are forced to play there is a masked character trying to kill them off one by one and they let the jokes fly that keeps the film moving at a crisp pace. I absolutely loved this film until about 45 minutes in as it was like the filmmaker ‘let off the gas’ until the last few minutes of the movie which is very culturally relevant and a solid entertaining horror movie. For me I just wish they would have kept the gas to the floor, but watch it, enjoy it, understand it as I give this 3 ½ stars.
Amityville Death Toilet (DVD) – Welcome folks to entry #53 aka “Death Toilet 5” as I couldn’t track down part four but was able to find this entry where the first kill has a gentleman sitting on a toilet and getting killed so hard he loses his mustache! But Evan Jacobs who has been behind all five movies decided it was time to set this one in Amityville where Mayor Dump the mayor of Amityville is flustered and wants an end to the senseless murders by the death toilet. Because you know it will kill the tourist season for Amityville! So Mayor Dump hires a ghost hunter Gregg G. Allin (G.G. Allin yinz clever bastards) who literally has tens of followers to take care of the death toilet before tourist season starts for Amityville. Pretty much a 71 minute feature with lots of filler could have easily been cut down to 20 minutes as I give this a 1 star.
Track of the Moon Beast (DVD) – A hokey mid-70s film where a small part of a moon rock falls from the sky and lodges itself in this dude Paul that causes him to change into a lizard monster at night. As humans die a local professor and police debate over lizard creatures walking the earth millions of years ago as they try to stop Paul before he eats his way through the locals in this cheesy mess that I am surprised haven’t run into over the years on a horror host show. For that I give it 1 ½ stars.
Subspecies V: Blood Rise (Tubi/DVD) – Charles Band and Ted Nicolaou return to a fan favorite ‘Radu’ who was one their staples in the early days of Full Moon. This story tells the story of Radu shortly after being born is stolen by the church and grows to be a crusader who tracks down evil for a living. But Radu makes a mistake one evening rescuing a woman and her child believing there has been enough death and just coming face to face with his father/master. After several days of trying to help this woman and child, the woman is a vampire and bites Radu thus beginning Radu’s transformation into an evil vampire with no master who thrives on death and destruction. This was a wonderful edition to the “Subspecies” series and makes you wonder why Charles Band can’t get his shit together to make more projects like this that makes you nostalgic for the original Full Moon days but actually have hope of seeing some cool new shit from them. Old Full Moon fans like me will be actually delighted with this entertaining entry as I give it 3 stars.
Raw Nerve (DVD/YouTube) – An oddball serial killer film that stars: Sandahl Bergman, Tex Cobb, Jan-Michael Vincent, and Traci Lords in 1991 which spells B-movie gold that was most likely a direct-to-video release back in the day? A detective baffled by the mysterious serial killer who has killed over the last several days is known to shoot the women victims in the face. Meanwhile, Jimmy an amateur race car driver has visions of the murders and goes to the police about it but they don’t believe him. Oh did I mention you will know who the killer is five minutes in and there is some weird plot twist about incest? Believe me it is cheesy and weird enough to keep you entertained for 90 minutes as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Amityville Ride-Share (YouTube) – NO FUCKING KIDDING KIDS! Entry #47 can’t even stick to its title as only 20% of the film is doing the Amityville Uber thing or is that copyrighted? Anyway, we get 70 minutes of portals, a midget (sorry little person clown), news story about a missing girl who may be part of a snuff film, another uber driver who gets stabby, another clown killing someone in a cannabis store, a You Tuber’s live stream of a bad weed reaction, and whatever at this point as I lost track as some dude Henry comes on screen to explain he is making “Amityville: Faces of Death” or something… I guess? Then trailers roll for twenty minutes like the terrible “Evil Bong” series and Charles Band you are not. Honestly this was a dumb idea for a movie because here is its legit issue: You stuck with the ride-share thing literally only a fraction of the film so you failed horribly as I give this 0 stars.
Message from Space (DVD) – An Asian film from 1978 about a dying planet that has an old dude who throws eight seeds into space that will sprout heroes to save them?! No, I wasn’t high when watching this… Anyhow, Sonny Chiba and Vic Morrow show up in this Japanese production to give it creditability as a princess follows the seeds so she can oversee the heroes. The plan is for these seeds to find good people to fight these evil steel plated people who if they would have listened to this cruel old lady the movie would have been over in twenty minutes as she just says most of the film “Kill so and so”! For that I give 1 ½ stars.
Mansion of the Doomed (DVD) – Okay yinz kids let me set the picture: Lance Henriksen, Richard Basehart, and Stan Winston doing effects, and Charles Band’s first produced feature supposedly… you interested? If not then you are an asshole or dead so let’s move on. An experienced doc in Dr. Chaney who is in a car accident with his daughter Nancy that causes her to go blind. Dr. Chaney has a sudden change of heart in experimentation of eyes in order to bring his daughter’s eye sight back? But this requires live donors and the first is Dr. Dan Bryan who he drugs in order to perform surgery and it works for his daughter… for a short while. Thus setting up two storylines: one the good doctor non-stop experimenting until he can perfect and truly bring his daughter’s eyesight back and second, the live donors that rot in a prison in the Dr. Chaney’s basement. On top of that his daughter going crazy from all the transplants driving her insane! This film has aged a little bit but doesn’t take away how disturbing and cringe worthy this flick is as I got to give it 3 ½ stars.
Dead Dudes in the House (DVD) – The film is also known as “The House on Tombstone Hill” and recently got the special treatment but never heard of this film. Funny thing is I know if I see it when first released in 1989 there is good chance I would be talking about it like I talk about “Spookies”. But with this we get a young group of friends arriving at a broken down home that Mark of the group just purchased. After one of Mark’s friends destroys a tombstone in the backyard an old lady wakes up and the group is suddenly locked in the house. Now this group of unsuspecting people must fight an old lady that is able to hack these people to pieces with no effort. The film has its moments, blood, and the killer old lady which makes this fall under that category of fun weird shit that includes “Spookies and The Video Dead” of we can’t explain this shit but I am giving it 3 stars.
Winnie the Pooh Blood and Honey (On Demand) – Apparently the talking animals of 100 Acres woods and our childhood stories is pissed off at Christopher Robin! All because Christopher when he grew up decided to pick college over his animal friends and there happen to be a bad winter and ate one of their own. Now, they have vowed to not talk to humans and fuck people up turning the childhood story into a subpar slasher film. Reverting back to their original instincts causes them to become the ‘bigfoot’ of our time? But of course this doesn’t stop a group of women heading to the woods for the weekend to become slasher fodder for the animals. I get the premise; I understand what was trying to be done… But lightening in a bottle only came with “The Banana Splits” if you wanna be truthful as I give this sadly unoriginal tale of our youth 2 stars.
Unwelcome (DVD) – So literally it is like someone decided there needed to be an origin story and a sequel to the wall gnome from “Cat’s Eye”? Thank you for amusing me for a minute anyhow a young couple who get brutalized in their swanky townhome recently inherit a country house in the Irish countryside and decide to go be a apart of this small community. Shortly after arriving they are told of a legend of the little people/red caps who live beyond the door of their garden. The aunt that use to live there gave them a blood offering nightly to keep them at bay or so the legend goes among the community? Well there is a lot of buildup of these redcaps the first hour or so but the payoff is glorious and enjoyable for all. Great writing, fun characters, and love that the wall gnomes live as I give this film 3 ½ stars.
Grimoire Volume One (YouTube/DVD) – A short film from filmmaker Donovan Smith who brings us a grim and gritty tale of a man reflecting on his past. He is on the hunt for something evil that leads him to an ancient book. Thus the ancient book gives him knowledge of a cruel unkind creature he has been tracking for some time and it must end now. This short film looks amazing but feels unfinished like it is supposed to lead to something or what you kids don’t know about what we call an investment video for a feature before there was a Kickstarter, indiegogo, etc. I enjoy the premise, the character, what it could be? Mr. Smith has something here; now let’s see if he takes this interesting piece in the right direction as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
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