Gross Movie Reviews #488

0

Gross Movie Reviews #488

 

Commando Squad (DVD) – A Fred Olen Ray action flick from 1987 that has more names in it than it does action. An undercover cop Clint (Brian Thompson) is in Mexico trying to put a stop to a cocaine growing and processing plant run by an ex-cop (William Smith) who is trying to recruit Clint once he is captured. Of course William Smith’s partner in crime is played by Sid Haig wants Clint dead and stop wasting time. But Clint’s old partner Kat played by Kathy Shower has been sent in for the rescue as she sidekicks her way through the whole drug cartel! I am a huge Brian Thompson fan, William Smith was fun, and Sid Haig was the best part of the film but there wasn’t anything there plot wise. The film just drags for a very long time so I can only give it 2 stars if that?

 

The Devil’s Bride (DVD) – A late 60s flick starring Christopher Lee as this Duke who swore to look out for this young man named Simon. Even if Simon does not want help the Duke swore to help and protect him. During a surprise visit the Duke finds Simon wrapped up with Satanists and they are having a party as they are about to have their circle of 13. The British movie is craziness of The Duke vs. Black Magic that features blood, sacrifices, strange images, possible orgies, The Devil, and even The Angel of Death! And Christopher Lee is just a plain bad ass in this taking it all on in order to save Simon. Fun Satanist shit that I give 3 stars.

 

3 From Hell (Theater) – Rob Zombie’s latest picks up from the end of “The Devil’s Rejects” where the three have taken on 20 bullets a piece in their bodies and somehow survived. After a quick court process all three are convicted but questions are raised on what exactly they did and how much? They become legendary figures in the media and ten years pass by. During that time Captain Spaulding is executed for his crimes so cue ‘we need a new character’ Richard Brake comes in as Otis’ half-brother. When Baby is denied parole and Otis escapes prison the brothers come up with a plan to break Baby out. Once out the three head for Mexico for safety but once again they must fight for their lives against Luchador assassins. This all sounds great in theory but in my opinion without getting too much into it just because if you like it? Good for you I am glad but personally I just feel Rob Zombie should have left this one alone and moved on to a different project. The film isn’t bad or anything I just feel he should have left the “Devil’s Rejects” ending alone as I give the movie 1 ½ stars.

 

Hell House LLC III: Lake of Fire (Shudder/DVD) – So it is now ten years since the original horrific events of the hotel went down. It is October 2018 and the hotel is scheduled for demolition but some super rich dude (Russell Wynn) steps in last second and buys the hotel. He wants the hotel to host his haunting interactive show called ‘Insomnia’ which people loved in New York. So why move the show in the sticks? Well he would like everyone to believe no matter where this new haunting attraction is at people will find it and pay to get in. But we have seen the other two movies and know something is up immediately but you won’t quite know why until closer to the end of the film. With this event happening in the hotel a new host for ‘Morning Mysteries’ is there to document everything but just like any normal person she is very leery of going in the hotel. Again strange things begin to happen until it leads up to opening night and its then you learn why Wynn bought the hotel in the first place. Great wrap up story as I give the movie 3 stars.

Little Monsters (On Demand) – Another amazing horror film comes from Australia, big surprise there… The film begins innocently enough about a man who has relationship and job trouble. When he and his girlfriend break up after nine years this sends David to live with his older sister and five year old kid. Of course Uncle David tries to be the cool Uncle but is very unsure what it is like to act like in front of kids. After David meets the kid’s teacher Miss Caroline, David immediately falls in love so he volunteers for a field trip a farm with the class. Believing this will help him get closer to Miss Caroline. Meanwhile, a U.S. military top secret facility is host to Project: Regeneration is right next to Pleasant Valley Farm where the kids’ field trip is at. Project: Regeneration has broken containment and unbeknownst to David and the kids, Teddy McGiggles turns into a real asshole when the zombie apocalypse happens! Miss Caroline’s goal is to keep the kids safe at all costs in this hilarious and light-hearted zombie flick. This is an absolutely lovable rewatchable zombie film that will most likely make my top ten list of 2019 as I give it 4 stars.

 

The 7th Victim (DVD) – An early 40s flick that tackles satanic cults where a young woman named Mary leaves school to go looking for her sister Jacqueline. She arrives in New York to look for her sister only to find Jacqueline’s husband and a lot of stories about her. Mary reports her missing to the police but a private investigator takes a personal interest in the case. When they believe they have tracked her down the private dick gets stabbed to death. As Mary unravels the mystery it becomes clear the satanic cult Jacqueline got mixed up with wants her dead but Jacqueline has other plans. The movie is a little slow but a very interesting take on satanic cults at the time that plays out more like a drama than a horror film. Even though I am giving this only 2 stars I do highly recommend giving this film at least one watch to see something cinematically different for the early 40s.

Candy Corn (On Demand) – An all-star cast heads up this Halloween fright flick about a young man Jacob who is a little different from everyone else. A small group of people have hazed Jacob every year on Halloween and this was going to be no different as Jacob now worked for the Freakshow that has rolled into town. The four head to the Freakshow and meet Jacob out back and the hazing goes too far as they kill Jacob. This upsets the barker of the Freakshow Dr. Death and he performs a ritual that brings Jacob’s body back with a horrific mask on. Undead Jacob tracks down each person in the group and brutally murders them for revenge. This flick has some great gore shots but overall the movie seems disjointed and doesn’t exactly commit to the Jacob storyline as you wanting to know more about the Dr. Death character. Right or wrong the filmmaker may have left out some important scenes concerning this character. Enjoyed Courtney Gains and P.J. Soles characters but like most horror films Tony Todd’s character seemed wasted as he is so much more… Don’t get me wrong a good Halloween film to check out but not a great one as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Annabelle: Creation (DVD) – So just in case you needed to know how Annabelle came to be I have two words for “Pet Sematary”. Yes indeed sometime in the late 30s or early 40s a little girl gets destroyed by a truck and after the parents were praying to whoever would listen… Presto, changeo, killer ghost child is back ready to fuck people up! A dozen years pass by until a group of orphan girls are offered to live at the home. Of course one of them doesn’t listen and open the room where Annabelle was hanging out at and now she lurks around for scares. I wasn’t expecting much but enjoyed the jump scares and the creepiness it kept from “The Conjuring” films as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #473

0

Gross Movie Reviews #473

 

The Nun (DVD) – “The Conjuring” series continues as they did a prequel or more of an origin story for that scary ass nun that scares the nutsacks out of the Warrens. It is set in 1952 where a sect, group, whatever you wanna call them of nuns hang out in this remote castle called the Abbey outside of a small Romanian town. However these quiet young ladies have been keeping an evil secret hidden away from the Vatican and the world. After a young man who delivers food to the Abbey finds a bloody ass nun hung herself he thought he should get word to the right people. So the Vatican sends a priest with a mysterious past and a nun who has yet to take her vows to the Abbey and investigate the suicide. And see if the rumors are true about something evil living there? Once there they both understand quickly this evil is real and must be dealt with in a hurry as its power is beginning to grow. But no matter what happens we all know from the past films with the Warrens the ‘nun’ is still doing some ghostly shit so in the end what was the point of the film? For that I give a meh and 2 stars.

Empire of Ash (YouTube) – Been a little while since I touched on my second favorite genre “post-apocalyptic films”, so I thought it was time to tackle this Canadian thriller from 1988. If I got the backstory right it was supposedly filmed in 1986 then got rereleased in 1988 as “Empire of Ash II” in case you cannot find one, which is why. For another weird fact it was also retitled in some countries as “Maniac Warriors”, no wonder it took me a while to track this lower budgeted crap down. So the apocalypse happened and there are some survivors. Problem there is a crazy ass priest with his band of post-apocalyptic misfits killing survivors who are not down with the new god in ‘New Idaho’. A woman warrior (Danielle) and a weird bootleg of a bootleg loner warrior team up, bump uglies, and try to save the one’s sister. If that wasn’t enough plot for you on the other side of ‘New Idaho’ there is some generic scientists using some survival weirdos of kidnapping fresh victims, I mean survivors to use for their possible cure. In the end a lot of random filler and a hot young lady warrior 80s style fucking shit up but not enough for me to recommend yinz going down the same path of finding this as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Empire of Ash III (YouTube) – Yes for the love of Rutger Hauer it had a sequel and I watched it. Released in 1989 it still follows the same female warrior (Danielle) who lost her man, her sister, and really doesn’t seem to care… Supposedly its 2050 and William Smith playing the new bad ass nutzoid priest is out fucking people up in ‘New Idaho’. Danielle after getting naked decides to help a young man rescue his teenage love from William Smith before he boinks her for god! There was little recasting from the first movie as you see a lot of the same people in this sequel but most likely someone got fired to pay for William Smith as he wasn’t doing high profile projects any longer. Best thing I can say about this besides Danielle and William Smith is there are cannibals and for that I give 2 stars. And before I forget this movie was also retitled “Last of the Warriors” at one time.

 

Pro-Wrestlers vs. Zombies (Blu-ray) – Okay people I really wanted to like this movie but man this was disappointing folks. The film stars Shane Douglas as himself. Douglas has a feud with another wrestler Billy that gets ugly quick over a woman. Douglas ‘accidentally’ kills this wrestler Billy in the ring. Billy’s Brother Angus in order to get revenge he must sacrifice a nurse to begin his zombie horde, and pay a promoter to set up a private wrestling event at an empty West Virginia prison. A bus takes the wrestlers (Douglas, Roddy Piper, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Matt Hardy, and a few others) along with valets to the prison. Oh before I forget Kurt Angle makes a cameo through the side door that even seems out of place for this film? Now they all must fight through the hordes of zombies because Douglas and this now dead wrestler Billy could get along. Damn that is really playing a wrestling angle… too bad it is pretty boring. It has a little bit of gore and tons of extras but Piper has little to work with to help this feature along as maybe the film idea should have stayed dead as I give it 1 star.

 

John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum (Theater) – Holy fuck nuts the action does not stop in this wonderful film. If you are looking for story or closure into the John Wick storyline you won’t find it here. But if you are looking for some of the best action sequences ever for a US film and wanna see John Wick kill hundreds, Mark Dacascos be one of my favorite villains and enjoy his work, Halle Berry have dick-chomping dogs, and be introduced to some bad ass action dudes you may have not had the pleasure watching in other films like I have? Check your brain at the door and allow your mind to be action fucked by this great film. The movie has flaws if you sit back and have been studying the storyline of the franchise as my podcast partners John Shatzer, Kyle Poling, and I did on our podcast Bloodbaths and Boomsticks. Imagery is top notch but somewhere behind all that the writers may have forgotten what makes this run? Either way people I don’t care as I was entertained as hell as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Cold Steel (VHS/YouTube) – Jonathan Banks who plays Isaac the Iceman in this direct-to-video thriller wants revenge against Johnny Modine no relation to Matthew Modine. Johnny and Isaac were young cops who were close buddies partying until they got into a scuffle they couldn’t handle in an alley way behind the bar. Johnny got knocked out; Isaac got his throat and face slashed, and their buddy died. Besides killing Johnny’s father on Christmas Eve night he uses a young Sharon Stone to lure Johnny’s trust and let his guard down so The Iceman can play with him before his revenge. Maybe not the best of thrillers but you have amazing car stunts, Jonathan Banks who has always played a great bad guy, Adam Ant as a meth dealer, and Sharon Stone naked, I am in to watch this again as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Possession (DVD) – Well this 1981 film was one fucking weird movie folks. Mark and Anna are having marriage troubles. Mark was away for a long time with his government job only to come home and spend some quality family time and find out his wife Anna is not just fucking another dude… But she apparently gave birth to some weird gooey thing in the subway tunnel that she has sex with and you are supposed to decide if its: God, the devil, or just Mark’s clone for some weird unknown reason? When you think the film gets strange and blows past that and just get downright confusing as Anna has an apartment away from Mark and her boyfriend so she can take care of this thing. Which she must kill to feed it by the way but Mark doesn’t understand until the very end when Anna regrets it when they both die. Isabelle Adjani and Sam Neill were fucking amazing in way into the roles but I still don’t quite know what I watched in this gooey mystery as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019