Tag Archives: Donald Farmer

Gross Movie Reviews #689

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Haunted House of Pancakes (YouTube) – A small restaurant owner Frank has bought a vintage waffle iron to take advantage knowing the waffle place down the road has burned down for mysterious reasons. A couple of brothers in Carlos and Jay are put in charge of getting the vintage appliance to start working so it can churn out waffles! While fixing it Jay cuts himself and bleeds accidentally onto the waffle iron which apparently now works because of the blood. It’s not long before the evil waffle iron possesses Carlos into making evil waffles that also in turn tells Carlos to make evil food for the customers so they all can be possessed in time for “the feast”. Jay quickly becomes the unlikely hero with his new friend Sara to defend themselves from the demonic waffles and their bloodbath they want to cause! Not since ‘Attack of the Killer Donuts’ have I seen a cool killer food film that kicks this much ass as the evil food horror project deserves 3 out of 4 stars.

Debbie Does Demons (Blu-ray) – Donald Farmer with one of his best efforts in recent memory has Lauren and friends wanting to contact a witch while fucking around with an Ouija board. Well congrats yinz just conjured a witch named Carmilla who’s a total hot sleazy bad ass that is here to haunt Lauren and friends to death. Meanwhile it just so happens a horror host/witch expert named Debbie has visions of Carmilla’s return so it’s no surprise when Lauren comes begging for help with the witch as she plans to raise hell in this present day earth! If it’s an actual term I would call this entertaining project “tasteful sleaze” as this easily could have been a throw away sequel for the ‘Witchcraft’ series but with Donald Farmer’s talent and the outstanding cast we get one hell of an Indie project for fans to watch multiple times as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Zed’s Dead (Blu-ray) – A passion project of Sean Donohue who is a huge fan of the film ‘Pulp Fiction’ decided to give a backstory loosely based on the characters who run the pawn shop, Zed and Maynard. Call it exploitation done right by Mr. Donohue as he doesn’t just attempt but does a wonderful job of telling a story about these two interesting characters. The film goes down an entertaining wormhole of what these two and their gimp do with their free time, how the pawn shop is run, and how they get into so much trouble in what we are shown in the film ‘Pulp Fiction’. If you are a fan of the award winning film you’ll enjoy this project that was limited to only a few hundred copies being made and if it helps my favorite character in all of this is “The Gimp”! Well done Mr. Donohue as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Tapeworm Z (Blu-ray) – Short version of my review is two words… “Titty snakes”! I don’t even have to review it now as I know you reading that you want to see this no budget project in a bad way! So the plot of the film is this bootleg ‘Night of the Creeps’ leech aliens arrives on earth to attack humans in a small town of course. A set of humanoid aliens arrive on earth to hunt these blood sucking worms aka “Titty snakes” before they quickly destroy this planet. The worms are a parasite that uses the human body to move around or to feed on their insides. Bad acting, gore, and titty snakes makes this a fun surprise to find as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Ssssstoner Snake (DVD) – Now before we get into the review of this film and its title this is a prime example of you know exactly what you are about to watch. It’s the ‘Jason X’ argument… where horror fans will bitch about this entry for whatever fucking reason that doesn’t make any sense other than you getting an immediate response from me: “What were you expecting after nine fucking films of slashing and hacking of teenagers in the woods? It is in space for the love of Rutger Hauer!” Like somehow this is crossing the line with sending Jason in space but it’s okay for Pinhead and Leprechaun after the third film and okay for all of yinz forgetting how Busta Rhymes made ‘Halloween: Resurrection’ unwatchable but let’s complain about Jason being in space. Point is (end of rant, for now) please don’t pretend you weren’t expecting a bad killer snake movie? If you were expecting something else or you feel this film is beneath you please stop watching horror movies! Anyhow, congrats to Daryl Hook and crew just steering into the skid about an alien snake that lands on earth in search of weed. The story about Golimar the snake is so bad it makes Poppy Butterington who is hosting it on “Trash Can Theater” question her life choices. Here is what you need to know Golimar is a stuffed animal snake from outer space, loves weed, eats people for a snack, Golimar has a rap song, Golimar trips balls on catnip and meets the poop fairy, there is a fake penis chomping scene, what more would do you want from an independent film that started as a joke? Legit, yinz had me at the rap song and Mel Heflin as Ms. Butterington losing her shit. The more impressive thing that should be taken away from this project is the amount of talent that put their time and effort in making sure this joke goes all the way. Was it perfect, nah, but is it hilariously entertaining, yes it is as I give Golimar 3 out of 4 stars.

Return to Death Park (Streaming) – The Death Park killer returns to his killing grounds at a public park after his brother visits him in the morgue bringing him back to life with a green serum. The death park killer and his brother spend most of the movie stalking the various bounty hunter groups who are looking for a big payday if they can bag the masked killer. Before viewing if need some background the prequels are now on streaming to prepare you for this project. I wanted to enjoy this film especially with it having a couple known names attached to it but its poor chemistry between characters and what should have been a thirty minute film instead of being stretched thin into 74 minutes hurt this project for the long run as I can only give it 1 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

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Gross Movie Reviews #655

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Seven Cemeteries (On Demand) – Stars Danny Trejo as Santana, a man wrongly accused of murder then jailed for a few decades has finally gotten released. His first stop out of prison is to show up at a ranch that has been under attack by a druglord who intends to use it for the drug trade because its location on the border. Within minutes Santana is gunned down by the local sheriff but saved by a witch who wants to help him since he is a good man. He is given the power to bring back the dead in order to help this woman save her ranch! Santana collects his gang of undead and begin the fight of their lives to do the right thing in this bloody battle with a druglord. The film is cheesy, hilarious, and super entertaining as I give it 3 stars.

The Block Island Sound (4K Ultra HD) – A 2020 film from the McManus Brothers that I never heard of but begins to tell the story of dead fish washing up on shore of a coastal town and birds falling dead out of the sky. These things seem to be causing some issues with Harry’s father that he is unaware of until his father disappears at sea one early morning. Besides Harry is having trouble dealing with his father alone since his mother’s death, his sister Audry has come into town as this immediately causes issues before the disappearance. A few days go by as the father washes up on shore dead but this isn’t enough for Harry as he travels out on the boat to the location where his father disappeared and finds out the real answer the hard way. This project feels like a slow burn ‘X-Files’ episode without FBI agents or similar to ‘Fire in the Sky’ film. The disc has quite a few extras concerning the McManus Brothers: commentary, family home movies, segments on effects, cast, and shooting a smaller budgeted film on the water as I give the package 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapsefilms.com .

The Nailgun Massacre (4K Ultra HD) – As Joe Bob Briggs would say “does it need a 4k version with all the bells and whistles? No, but you know Tim Gross is gonna get it at some point!” Anyway by some chance you have never had the pleasure? This is a story of a young woman who is brutally raped on a construction site by several men. Shortly after the tragic event someone dressed up with a motorcycle helmet on and armed with an air powered Nailgun nails people to trees, the road, to each other. Simple but very effective or penetrating story as the tagline suggests from R.I.P. Terry Lofton who I can actually consider a friend because of my love for the film and getting to meet him. This is a wonderful packed to the gills or full clip on the Nailgun full of extras involving Terry Lofton and the cast that includes a few commentaries and an old Q&A with Joe Bob Briggs. There is a Blu-ray and 4K disc in this set as I feel Terror Vision did an absolutely dam good job in putting together such a special package that Terry Lofton would be proud of as I give it 4 stars.

Mummy Shark (Fawesome) – A maybe intentional or unintentional horror film from Mark Polonia that concerns some explorers uncovering an ancient shark buried under the great pyramids. The archeological dig has disturbed the ancient being and it thirsts for blood. When the explorers are not trying to escape the great shark god look for Tim Hatch trying to get people to eat the Dollar General/Dollar Tree (Fast Bites) cheeseburgers most of the film that had me laughing so hard. (P.S. those cheap ass burgers are wonderful.) If that isn’t enough enjoy Mark Polonia grilling Vegan food in a CGI jungle. Leave it to Polonia to give Indy horror fans a hilarious take on if a Mummy Shark existed as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Camp Blood: Clown Shark (Fawesome) – Someday I have warned readers I will track down all the ‘Camp Blood’ movies just like I did with the ‘Witchcraft’ series and ongoing with the ‘Amityville’ series. But until then I settled to check out the Jeff Kirkendall and Mark Polonia venture that concerns a slasher with a clown shark?! Set at Camp Blackwood as a beautiful woman Jerry is chased down by the killer clown but turns the tables on him as she beheads him. Six months later the spirit of the killer clown takes over a random fish and turns it into a killer clown shark. Jerry has to return to the scene of the crime to put to rest her visions/nightmares of the killer clown that she once thought was dead. This movie was more entertaining than I thought it could be as I give 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Catnado “Tales of Feline Terror” (Fawesome) – Apparently a Donald Farmer presents project that has several different stories of people with this new natural disaster “Catnado” and the fallout that follows. I have quite enjoyed some of Donald Farmer’s work over the years but I didn’t find this funny or interesting that honestly if you don’t have Steve Rudzinski attached to something like this then you have gone about it all wrong as I give it 0 out of 4 stars.

Pandasaurus (Fawesome) – Beware horror fans if you are looking for a straight up monster flick as Mark Polonia goes for dry humor in this project and hits gold! A couple who own a struggling small town zoo claimed they found an egg to a new species of animal as they raise it as their own at the zoo. This new thing is called “Pandasaurus”. The couple believes it is harmless as they raised it as their pet and once it gotten bigger as an attraction for the zoo. But some others outside of the zoo feel this is a danger to society and needs to be studied by the government unlike their therapist played by Mark Polonia who believes the thing is a hoax and the couple is completely off their rocker! The Pandasaurus escapes and people start to disappear as I gotta give Mr. Polonia kudos for pulling off something a little different in this genre as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #650

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Salem’s Lot (Max/remake) – So apparently it was time to remake Tobe Hooper’s late 70s TV movie based on the Stephen King’s writing again… but wait first off why did this sit around as a finished film for a couple years and second did we really need an update after that TNT debacle in the early 2000s? Well, there really isn’t any good answer why this film sat around as other remakes of King’s work made it out there immediately. Now on the other thing I feel horror movie fans totally blanked out that this had been remade before but anyhow that is for another conversation. What this film did right was go back to having it set in the 70s of Jerusalem’s Lot as they gave it few little twists enough to make it different but in the same vein as the original. We get Barlow being creepy again, Ben Mears coming back to visit the small town for inspiration, but also we get a solid vampire film that comes under two hours. I was waiting for a shitshow instead you get something old horror fans like myself can show younger people and introduce them to a fun Stephen King movie adaption as I give it 3 stars.

Meth Gator (Tubi) – The movie didn’t start off wonderful as it didn’t believe in the “steadycam” mode for the first five minutes but don’t let that scare you off as Fred Olen Ray’s kid knew exactly what needed to be done. Anyway two meth makers are chased into the swamp of small town Florida to only drop their meth while being chased by cops. Of course it is eaten by a giant gator and we are off to the cliché race of the giant gator becoming an unstoppable human eating machine because it is seeking out more meth! Think ‘Jaws’ formula combined with ‘Cocaine Bear’. Hell even the mayor is a cool familiar face in Patrick Labyorteaux who plays a great dickhead mayor who could care less about the methed up gator. It is a solid horror film about a rampaging gator as I give it 3 stars. I do have to ask why the computerized gator runs like a bear, just an observation.

Shark Exorcist 2: Unholy Waters (DVD) – The legend Donald Farmer is back behind the camera with a who’s who in front for this crazy devil shark Indy horror film. Those damn crazy nuns go raising the devil shark again to have their blessing in killing everyone, meanwhile we also get a priest who is haunted by his brother’s past and knows he must stop this devil shark. While the darklord hunts for its next victim Jessa Flux just wants wine and be at a beach but not that shark beach? If we are being honest here this movie comes off as a mess compared to some of the more recent work that Farmer has done. It isn’t terrible but I can’t tell Indy fans that it’s good either as I got to give it 1 ½ stars.

Blood Mountain Massacre (Tubi) – Yes kids, I have tracked down another “massacre” title and this was a fun one. A dangerous inmate has escaped prison transport and now stalks an all-girl band on the road. To keep the film interesting the killer wears a pig mask, they introduce another possible stalker, the music is actually good, throw in a couple of scumbags that run a bar, some actual thought out cool kills on a low budget, and the movie is played for laughs and we get one hell of a messy but fun horror film. To explain how serious the movie is besides the party scene of a band member bringing out a cement bag of cocaine we get a bartender telling a story that has very quotable hilarious lines about why he wears an eye patch such as: “Her pussy blew up!” and “The bar was full of VAG shrapnel!” I literally laughed the rest of the way through the movie because of the bartender story as I give the film 3 stars.

The Legend of Crick Foot (Vimeo) – First time filmmaker Bone Jawnson takes a cue from the original ‘The Legend of Boggy Creek’ (maybe?) to come up with an urban Sasquatch legend in Hatfield, Pa. The documentary or mockumentary is about a man who is trying to gather as much info about this legend in Hatfield through stories and interviews. But mainly the man is only finding empty hot dog wrappers and a mystery of what exactly is going on. Entertaining no budget Indy take on the Boggy Creek thing that I can give 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Strange Darling (On Demand) – This serial killer film definitely lived up to its title of being “strange”. The film is the tragic story of many lives taken by a serial killer that spanned a two year period in the Northwest area of the U.S. It is told in six chapters out of order but if it was told in order the movie would have been a very boring concept. The killer spirals out of control after a weird kinky meeting between a man and a woman in a hotel room. That’s about the gist of this strange film because if I say anymore I will give it away and I rather you watch it and decide if this is for you as it just came off more weird than anything to me as I give it 2 stars. The biggest issue with this film will be the rewatchablity so good luck if you feel different.

Halloween Horror Tales (DVD) – A 2018 Indy anthology directed by Jeff Kirkendall that takes place in the small town of Barnum where strange things have always happened. First story is about a killer clown where the victim kills the wrong clown. The second story is a different take on a horror hostess bit. Third story is a no budget story about a killer plant that harkens back to some of the old school 50s flicks. The fourth and final story is about a vampire but the investigator not believing in the bloodsucker was actually kind of refreshing. All the stories were interesting, solid, and Kirkendall knew to keep this at a great running time that makes me encourage Indy fans to check this Halloween fright flick out as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

The Addams Family: Halloween Special (YouTube) – This 1977 TV movie on NBC was actually supposed to be a pilot to bring back the show as most of the regulars showed up to be presented in color. The Addams is celebrating their favorite time of the year Halloween, with a special celebration but of course some crooks come to steal the riches from the spooky family and fail horribly. John Astin and Carolyn Jones as Gomez and Morticia waste no time falling back into their hilarious characters and keep this pseudo pilot full of laughs keeping that old school magic from the original show. If you are a fan and never seen this it’s easy to find on the YouTube and the Tubi so enjoy as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Parasite Lady (Full Moon) – A more recent Chris Alexander Full Moon feature or sorts (43 minutes) is a tasteful artsy vampire film. A female vamp is not just seeking pleasure of the flesh but companionship as she tries to understand why she was turned into a bloodsucker in the first place. Visually it looks amazing but many vampire movie fans are going to find it tough getting through the artsy plot. Not into the artsy stuff you will wanna pass but if you are like me and wasn’t happy with some Alexander’s work you may find this a little more satisfying as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Nano Shark (Tubi) – Maybe one of the surprises of 2024 is this entertaining shark film from filmmaker Brett Kelly. New tech has allowed scientists to possibly shrink a shark down to almost nothing to enter a boy’s bloodstream to seek out and kill a rare blood disease. But… you guessed it a janitor has the tiny shark and the tiny sub injected into his backside by accident. Now it’s up to the military sub team to guide the shark out of his peen hole before it goes back to its original size! Think ‘Innerspace’ with a shark on no budget. Just when you thought the shark ideas were done this hilarious flick comes along and proves there was one more shark movie related idea out there as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Devil’s Knight (Vimeo) – A one-eyed stranger comes out of the woods to tell the story of “The Lost Blades” an elite group of monster hunters. During a two hundred year war in the realm of Veroka where nations fought this allowed monsters and creatures to thrive and now they terrorize humans in this realm. King Samuel tired of this nonsense hires these so-called monster hunters to put an end to the demon’s reign over his people. This man is the last of the group still searching for this horrific creature. Fantasy film with some cool effects, full of creatures, and a few big names makes this an interesting find for movie fans who are constantly searching the streaming sites for a solid film to watch as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #527

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Gross Movie Reviews #527

 

Eyeball (DVD) – Giallo fans rejoice as I dived deep into this feature where tourists are all getting stabbed in the eyeball by an unknown killer. Police are baffled at who could be the killer as these tourists are traveling together and all can be suspects. But eventually the police come up with a clue that helps decide who the killer is when they figure out all the victims have the same color eyeball. This 1975 feature has a little bit of gore, the corny music that will stick you long after the film, and a killer that loves fucking people’s eyeballs up but that wasn’t enough for me as I give this film 2 stars. Let me explain “the giallo’ is not in my wheelhouse but always willing to give it at least one watch because you never know if there is one I go gaga over?

 

Hoax (DVD) – A TV producer is told he has one last chance to come up with a hit show so he takes a chance to go looking for Bigfoot! There have been recent disappearances in the Colorado Mountains and the word is that a rumor of a Sasquatch has roamed the area for years. So the producer thinks, “why not bring real evidence back and make it a reality show.” Ben Browder (Farscape and Stargate SG-1 fame) plays the producer as he takes a small crew that includes a security officer (Brian Thompson) just in case they do actually find something. The crew of thinks it is all bullshit until a parent of one of the recently missing is a part of their crew to help search the area as cameras are set up everywhere. Soon after hitting the base camp a crew member goes missing setting up the crew to start believing in the rumors of Sasquatch. Should they finish the production or run? Kids, remember the title of the film as the climax hits as I enjoyed this SyFy Channel-lite film fare up until then as I give it 2 stars.

You’re Next 3: Pajama Party Massacre (DVD) – This 2007 independent effort was written by Dustin Lavalley and Joe Knetter. The 23 minute film centers around two young ladies (Elske McCain and Scarlett Salem aka Sarah French) having a night to themselves and the women tell stories about serial killers that were never caught. This set up for the girls to soon become victims of an unknown killer that is stalking the home. Lots of extras on the disc for fans but also explains the title as there is flashbacks aka prequel shorts to this longer short film. Not sure if that makes a lick of sense but anyway I give this ‘massacre’ title 2 ½ stars as it keeps it simple: Blood, Boobs, and… a beast.

 

Oasis of Lost Girls (DVD) – Looking to fill your void with European sleaziness then I got a piece of trash for yinz sleazy bastards to enjoy. A 1981 film that has found new life on the Full Moon streaming platform and DVDs. A couple of sick bastards pick up women, take them home, drug them, and “try them out” before they sell the girls to even sleazier assholes. These sleazoids take the girls to an island to be raped then trained for “work”! Another genre not exactly in my wheelhouse but sometimes I do have to pull my head out of the sand and check out something other than ‘massacre’ titles. Sadly I chose this title that I give 1 star too. Yes, this isn’t my favorite but I do know there is a certain audience that just eats this genre and sometimes they just didn’t know some of these titles have been made available again for public consumption.

 

Invasion of the Scream Queens (DVD) – A 1992 documentary from iconic independent filmmaker Donald Farmer that I remember seeing a few clips for then and reading about in a horror magazine. It features interviews and film clips of actresses Michelle Bauer, Martine Beswick, Monique Gabrielle, and many more talking about their experiences on these B-movies and how they made careers for themselves. They talk good times and bad and in recent years we have seen many of these… but what makes this a hidden gem of a documentary is it ends on a high note with interviewing Mary Woronov! I have always found her and her career super interesting as she has literally done it all in Hollywood. This interview made this documentary just an absolute must watch as I give this movie doc 3 stars and well done Mr. Farmer.

Lethal Nightmare (DVD) – First I have seen this movie called ‘Lethal Nightmares’ and ‘Lethal Nightmare’ either way it is the same movie made by the famous Polonia Brother duo in 1992. Second the film was never released until recently as it was a remake shot on Super-8 of an earlier film called ‘Hallucinations’. The DVD begins with an intro from Mark Polonia who gives the viewer a history of how and why they remade the film and it not being released. The film centers on a young man Doug who is horrific weird dreams/visions. Doug and his brother first blame the older weirder brother for just fucking up the family dynamic that would possibly cause these dreams. Because in reality all Doug wants is his kitty after believing he seen it murdered. This is only the beginning as the other two outside of Doug quickly become affected and fall into these weird dreams/visions and do not know what is reality? Independent film fans this is a flick worth checking out just for the mere reason this isn’t the usual Polonia Brothers film we have grown up with and loved. This feature really feels like they went out of their safe bubble and try something different and I believe they may have accomplished something weird and interesting as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Psycho Goreman (On Demand) – So the guy that gave us: The Void, Leprechaun Returns, and Manborg has decided there isn’t enough 90s nostalgia… Two kids Mimi and Luke are playing the game they made up and the loser (Luke in this case) must dig his own grave. While digging in the backyard they find this mysterious rock and believe when in bed that night monsters may come to get them for finding it. They were not far from the truth as they actually unleashed an intergalactic evil being that loves murder and mayhem. But because Mimi now holds the gem they control this being and give him the name “Psycho Goreman”. Mimi of course uses the control for stupid stuff to amuse herself but it also involves their parents as Psycho Goreman is sort of part of the family now. Or just obey every command Mimi gives him. There is a price to pay having this power and possibly even more evil beings called the Templars send something to earth to destroy Psycho Goreman. It now becomes a war between the kids and their pet monster with this Templar creation, who will survive? I loved the rubber monster effects as they look like they were straight out of an episode of the ‘Power Rangers’ TV show. The movie is a lot of fun as I feel this film will be the rubber stamp horror flick for the 90s nostalgia crowd as the 80s nostalgia might be dying out. I did think the ‘Goosebumps’ films were gonna start the 90s nostalgia craze but it faded out but I highly believe this is the jump start the genre needed as I give this film 3 stars.

 

Hand of Death (DVD) – An early 60s B-monster flick about a scientist that may have come up with the latest formula for nerve gas. While Alex tries to perfect the gas he gets it upon him causing a slow transformation of his body but also gives him the “death touch”. Whoever he touches or person touches him they die of a quick death. With no cure in sight Alex begins to go insane until the authorities track him down and rid him of this life as I give the film 2 stars.

 

The Case of the Bloody Iris (DVD) – Trying out another giallo which in this 1972 film an unknown killer is killing beautiful women who live in the same apartment building. Of course the landlord is to blame as he is almost at every scene of the murder but with giallos we all know he is not the killer. I liked some of the lead up to the killer but the film seems to lose steam after halfway through as I give it 2 stars. Need a laugh pay attention to the photographer in the film as he reminds me of the old cartoon character “Snagglepuss”, stage left…? (I know I’m old)

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

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Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

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Gross Movie Reviews #511

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Gross Movie Reviews #511

 

Deep Blue Sea 3 (On Demand) – This time around has Dr. Collins and her team working the summers at a shark nursery where sharks come by to give birth. The crew is studying the effect of climate change and what is happening to the sharks but a wrench is thrown in the study when Dr. Collins ex-boy toy shows up. The ex and mercs are there because they been tracking the experimental sharks that got away and they need to kill them or capture them by any means! Being the third in the series this sequel doesn’t take a chance but also doesn’t fuck up as it sticks to the formula of recent cheap shark film releases as I give it 2 stars.

Wrestling Women vs. The Aztec Mummy (DVD) – A few doctors open up a tomb and find an Aztec codex that could lead to a fortune but now these same people fear for their lives as the Black Dragon have got involved. The Black Dragon is a gang of evil dudes who want the gold for themselves and begin killing the doctors for the codex. The last person left with access to the codex enlists two bad ass women wrestlers to help him keep the codex from the evil Prince Fujiyata who heads the Black Dragon. So the group breaks up the codex in a few pieces even though the Prince gets ahold of most of the pieces he is faced with having his judo-fighting sisters wrestle the women wrestling stars in a match for the whole codex! Good of course defeats evil but that isn’t enough as the evil Prince still keeps tabs on the crew as they use the codex to search the tomb and instead of treasure or gold they must face off an Aztec mummy! The 1964 film has its moments and feels like something you may have seen Saturday afternoons on Commander USA during the 80s but it does not have the fun factor of the Santo films as I give it 2 stars.

Chainsaw Cheerleaders (DVD) – A mid-2000s flick from independent filmmaking legend Donald Farmer about a witch played by Tiffany Shepis, who casts a spell at her death 500 years ago for her soul to survive forever. Now present day we are introduce to an angry redhead named Dawn who is about to turn 18 and just got screwed over by her boyfriend. Of course Dawn doesn’t take kindly to this and tries to cave in her ex-boyfriend’s face which she is faced with go to jail or join the cheerleader squad. Dr. Lacey played by Debbie Rochon believes it would be good for Dawn in the long term if she can do this. Begrudgingly Dawn joins and her first task is to help the squad sell magazines door-to-door. Well Dawn knocks on the wrong door where she witnesses the witch Lucinda to be conjured up through a portal to her time and now Lucinda wants the angry redhead. Now anybody that gets in-between the two just becomes a part of a bloody path that Lucinda makes on her way to Dawn. Throughout the film Dawn is narrating the story and I do not know if this actually makes the movie better, worse, or just something to move the story along. The film has its fun bloody moments, but could have used more chainsaw (since that was in the title), more Tiffany Shepis as Lucinda (she disappears for various reasons throughout), and the rest seemed like filler at times. I enjoy Donald Farmer’s work but a lot of times it feels uneven to me and what the script calls for and what makes it too film could be two different things? Anyway, it has boobs, blood, and a non-running chainsaw most of the time so see if you feel different about the film than I do as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Science Crazed (DVD) – A man named Dr. Frank injects an unwilling woman with his new formula that makes her pregnant and gives birth to a full grown human within hours! I wouldn’t say human as much as a human monster as he hides his face with toilet paper wrapped around his head. This monster stalks the hallway of a building for most of the film after killing Dr. Frank. With each door that the fiend opens in the same hallway that is shown comes a new situation of human or humans to kill in the most hilarious of ways. My favorite might be the first of follies in this film as we have random aerobics class that has two people go on for ten minutes! I honestly believe this may have been stock footage of someone leaving the camera on and eventually they edited it in because they needed more filler? As the scene goes on I believe all the talking going on in the background is the crew preparing the scene or another scene? Or the runner up scene of the woman who dry humps the fiend for five minutes in a random room! But it gets worse as the fiend enters a cheap motel pool area where only two people can be in the scene at once like a Nintendo game that could only have so many characters on screen at once or everything would slow down… If you are not laughing enough the big reveal at the end when the monster/fiend is unmasked of his toilet paper mask and reveals he looks like someone’s boob with peanut butter smeared all over it. This movie was so terrible it became entertaining and remarkable that someone wanted to issue a special edition of the film and for that I thank those people in charge and give this horrible thing we call a film 2 ½ stars… just because it was that damn funny.

Army of Frankensteins (DVD) – Just in case you were worried I don’t abuse myself enough I decided to watch this flick completely sober and that was a mistake I paid for dearly. This recent take on the Mary Shelley story has an old mad scientist who has taken in an orphan that he named Igor of course. This old dude is busy working on a present day Frankenstein and with the help of the kid/orphan he removes an eye from a healthy male who just got turned down by his girlfriend in a grocery store. Of course one thing leads to another as a switch is pushed and we have a portal open from a possible parallel dimension where cloned Frankies just roam the countryside helping the South fight in the Civil War. All get pulled through this portal and they must help the North win the war and possibly save Lincoln! This was possibly the dumbest movie I watched in the past decade and shame on the critics who try to claim this is a B-movie in waiting. That is fucking horseshit as this movie is a big old pile of shit as I give it 0 stars.

Black Water: Abyss (On Demand) – Since I can’t get enough of killer crocodile movies I knew I needed to watch this long awaited sequel from Australia that has nothing to do with its predecessor. This around a group of people go spelunking into an unknown cave in hopes of finding something they could make money off of doing tours. But a hideous rain storm causes a cave-in and now they are trapped inside with the water rising and a hungry pissed off croc! If you are looking for a serious “animal attacks film” this should fill the void? Or if you are me you want the actress that plays Jennifer in the movie to die 30 seconds in and I almost got it but it was just a tease… Damn filmmaker as I give this serious giant croc film 2 ½ stars.

Monstrous (On Demand) – Two things before we begin this review: first, yes, it is a Bigfoot film. Second, anything I say after this will spoil the sort of twist it has going for it? Anyway if you are still reading two women meet through a craigslist ad to travel from Michigan to Whitehall, New York in the Adirondack Mountains. Sylvia only takes up the offer with Alex because her brother firmly believes this is the same person that was with his girlfriend Dana before she died. The two travel through a couple states and begin to have a connection but Sylvia still feels like she must lie why she is with Alex until they reach their destination. An isolated cabin in the mountains and finally Sylvia comes clean why she is there while Alex comes clean about the Sasquatch that stalks the outside of her cabin. There are glimpses of the Sasquatch trying to get to the cabin but is not happy when Sylvia’s brother shows up and then it gets real interesting as Sylvia learns by accident Alex is a serial killer! It takes a little while to get where they are going but the payoff was really interesting and that was why I feel bad even writing about the film because it is literally one of those movies you will spoil it soon as you start talking about it. A different concept for an often used creature in horror films recently and really enjoyed the payoff as I give the Bigfoot film 3 stars.

Killer Raccoons! 2! Dark Christmas (On Demand) – Holy Rutger Hauer, filmmaker Travis Irvine has earned my respect for not only making a killer raccoon movie. But he did it while doing a parody of ‘Under Siege 2: Dark Territory’! We normal lunatics smell our own… But really prisoner Ty Smallwood now named Casey has just got released from jail after serving ten years for underage drinking. He is jumping on a train to Washington D.C. to hang with his dead girlfriend’s sister to explain what happened on the camping trip several years ago? As Darlene wants answers Ranger Rick Danger takes over the train with his raccoon assassins so they can steal data to hold the U.S. hostage while they sell secrets to foreign powers just like the Steven Seagal less liked sequel. Travis and crew not only deliver the goods but I couldn’t stop laughing as film continued on with the Killer Raccoons being the focus throughout unless it was Casey Smallwood. The effort, the passion, and raccoons trained by the C.I.A. with mini machine guns made this the holiday comedy to watch in 2020 as I give it 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Cannibal Hookers review

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Cannibal Hookers (Vimeo/Remake) – So the independent icon Donald Farmer is back with his latest project and it is a remake of his 1987 independent cult classic ‘Cannibal Hookers’. Carmilla is a beautiful all powerful woman that sleeps in a casket for no other reason than she is the leader and her blood gives cannibal immortality to other young ladies or in this case “hookers”. We get several scenes of the cannibal hookers eating their clients or johns (one of them being the famous Addison Binek) until they come across Kristen. They take interest in her and bring Kristen into the group. But with bringing her into the group she has baggage like a crazy, shouting priest Kristen ran away from. On top of that we have a bounty hunter searching every dark place she can looking for the cannibal hookers to kill them. The feature is fun, a little sleazy, and of course knowing the icon Donald Farmer is still going strong. But what didn’t help the film is the filler or cannibals at the bootleg Chucky Cheese place, the quick kill of the crazy priest, and the use or lack of “the bounty hunter”. Overall I believe I am a bigger fan of ‘Shark Exorcist’ but this remake did give the line of the year “We are sisters with benefits” and for that I give the entertaining flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars.  

Gross Movie Reviews #500

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Gross Movie Reviews #500

 

The Dark Dealer (DVD) – This is another independent anthology from a dude, Tom Alexander that is his only director credit. He has done other things in the movie biz but apparently I guess he didn’t like didn’t after this 1995 feature. A young man stumbles into a blackjack game in the basement of an office building that he is running from an electrical force. He is asked to sit down as he has time to wait and each player has their story told by the dealer as he deals them all in for blackjack. First story is about a couple of low life criminals breaking into the wrong old man’s apartment… Pretty cool creature in this one. Second story has a music lawyer stealing dead blues artist music for profit. Third story of course is the young man who stumbled into the game. He is forced by a drug dealer to break into his father’s pharmacy lab company to grab some drugs to sell and all the young man was trying to do was get his girlfriend out of debt and clean. If you are a fan of the 90s version of “The Outer Limits” then this is right up your alley as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Meet the Feebles (DVD) – Peter Jackson’s 1989 effort that wasn’t seen by most audiences until about 1994 after ‘Braindead’ aka ‘Dead Alive’ was dropped on horror fans. Best way to may describe this film is imagine if the Muppets were in a Bizarro parallel dimension. Robert is the newest cast member of the “Feeble” chorus for the ‘Meet the Feebles’ variety hour. Through Robert and his interactions we are introduced to all the cast and the reality of what goes on behind the scenes: sleaze, paternity suits, drugs, disease, a rat filming porn and that is just some of it. Everything seems to be going dandy until Heidi the star is fired when ‘Meet the Feebles’ has now been signed into syndication. To this day it is still one of the weirdest, most glorious films ever made and thank you Peter Jackson as I give it 4 stars!

 

The Goalie (On Demand) – A biopic about one the most famous NHL goaltenders Terry Sawchuk who played most of his career during the 50s and 60s without a goalie mask. Terry was considered then and still considered one of the best goalies to play in the league. The film touches upon how Terry beat himself up just to stay in the game because during this era of hockey goaltenders were considered expendable no matter how good you were. If you had a bad streak one season there was a chance you would be cut for the next guy in the minors and at a time when all the teams only carried one goalie. The story is somewhat sad but very interesting if you never been that big of a fan of hockey or on the other end a super sports nut as I give the flick 4 stars.

 

Black Face Killer (DVD) – This 2009 independent flick is set in 1978 Texas and I know the filmmaker is trying to go all Quentin Tarantino but I feel he failed in trying to go for that. Instead yes the film does come off a little racist. Hell they changed the name of the film to ‘The Minstrel Killer’ when it got picked up for distribution so that is for another conversation. Anyway we have a couple of officers who are stuck together to work a case where a serial killer is believed to be? The theory is the killer happens to be using “slave torture methods” to kill. The film has its sleaze, cannibalistic hillbillies, and a couple dead bodies but overall it is dull and a poor excuse to use the N-word. I am sure there is an audience out there for this film it just ain’t me as I give it 0 out of 4 stars.

Teen Lust (DVD) – Surprise another cool horror comedy from Canada that no one has talked about. Neil is your usual uncomfortable male teenager who has church to go too… The Church of Satan, yes Neil, his best friend, the parents all go to The Church of Satan that is led by the wonderful Cary Elwes as Sheldon. Instead of Neil accepting the hot girl’s invite to the high school party of the year he declines because he must keep his oath of being a virgin and go to church Saturday evening to be sacrificed. Once he is Satan will rise and stop the 1000 years of peace! Right as Neil is about to be sacrificed his best friend Matt grabs him and they escaped only to be chased down the rest of the night by Satanists. But there is hope as Neil goes and visits another great friend Denise who is a girl and actually likes Neil. But just like most teenagers there are glitches and one of them is Neil does it on Denise’s leg before the act gets started. Eventually the Satanists catch up and try to get him back to the altar before sunrise. A very hilarious film in the same vein as the recent ‘Satanic Panic’ as I give it 3 stars.

Skeletons in the Closet (Blu-ray) – I am always excited to watch another Tony Wash project and this was no different as this time it’s an anthology project. But this film is far from your typical anthology formula as it possibly can. Every Friday night a young kid named Jamie never misses her favorite show where a beautiful woman (Ellie Church) and her dead husband rent a horror movie to watch. Just like any horror hosts they do their commentary on it and Jamie watches as we get monster grandmas and kids, a woman dreaming of killing her husband, and thieves who try to find cover in a haunted junkyard. Now I won’t give too much away other than that because I thought Mr. Wash and company did a wonderful job of putting together an anthology unlike most I have seen before. We all know Ms. Church is wonderful but the person that steals the film is Alainia Karner as Jamie as she was perfect casting for the anthology as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

The Phantom (DVD) – The 1996 comic book adaption has the cool Billy Zane as The Phantom, a mystical comic book character that has been long forgotten but is a superhero that is passed down generation to generation to protect the jungle and people from injustice. The setting is 1939 and a criminal mastermind in Treat Williams is trying to gather the three skulls to rule the world and along the way we get the lovely Kristy Swanson for some eye candy. A fun adventure film in the spirit of ‘Indiana Jones’ that I would have loved to see a sequel or two with Billy Zane continuing the character. But instead this 3 ½ star superhero flick was never heard from again exception was that horrible TV mini-series that tried to update a cool character instead of building upon it.

 

Deadly Memories (DVD) – A 2002 Donald Farmer flick about a man losing his wife in a fiery car accident and his daughter falling into a coma because of three twenty-somethings running them off the road. Two years have passed and Art is trying to move on but cops have showed up asking questions again and Art believes he has seen the same young man that was driving that day in the bar. So when people begin to disappear of course the police suspect him because they know he has revenge on his mind. Always enjoy Donald Farmer flicks but this one runs a little longer than it should have but has William Smith, Robert Z’Dar, and Tina Krause for this indy feature I give 2 ½ stars too.

 

Journey to China: The Mystery of Iron Mask (On Demand) – It doesn’t matter what the movie is about listen to this cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jackie Chan, Charles Dance, and Rutger Hauer, I have your attention now correct. Anyway the film is now known as ‘Iron Mask’ but is all about dragons, wizards, and how Arnold allows prisoners fighting him for their freedom. The real plot of this fantasy film is there an imposter princess that has enslaved all her people and is looking for the mystical dragon seal. If found she would control the dragon that sleeps in the cave below them. This international film is full of adventure and effects but for me getting to see Arnold and Jackie fight each other on film was glorious and hilarious. The scene is a must watch for any action film enthusiast as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Vivarium (On Demand) – A boring ass flick about couples who are house hunting but are left by the realtor at a “forever home”. A term the realtor/alien/parasite or whatever takes quite seriously. Once the couple is there they cannot leave. No matter how much they drive, walk, burn down the house or dig there is no escape. They are fed, clothed, but eventually they are given a child to raise. It starts out innocently but quickly understands it isn’t a typical human child. Now this is where the film started bothering me because I was waiting for the payoff… Where the dude just fucking loses it and puts the axe into the skull of the kid or kills the wife. Or goes all ‘Deadly Friend and makes the kid’s head explode? Nope, he just digs and the wife just tries to understand this thing and why? Fuck that, I would of killed one or both because you know yinz are trapped and no way getting out. Sorry keep your artsy wannabe thrillers to yourselves as yinz should have hit the reset button on this project as I give it 0 stars.

 

7 Guardians of the Tomb (DVD) – Kelsey Grammer sends a dude into a known funnel spider cave to find the ultimate cure in order to save his company Biotech.  The sister goes looking for him with a search party full of Biotech researchers with only Kelsey knowing these spiders are more venomous than anything on Earth. And of course it is all about profit margin as the team must fend off these spiders but the big mutant spider that seems to communicate with the rest throughout these endless tunnels some ancient dude made. It’s not any worse than the crap on SyFy Channel the past few years so I give it 1 ½ stars for that.

 

Abby (VHS/YouTube) – William Marshall is Dr. Williams and he heads to Nigeria for research and exploring. Dr. Williams finds an artifact and unleashes a demon force from it that travels to the states and takes over his very religious daughter-in-law. He returns to the states to deal with the possession when his son cannot control Abby any longer. She rampages through their home, the church, and then to the bar so she can kick dudes in the nards as tries to bang them! A fun 70s film from the guy that gave us ‘Day of the Animals’ and ‘Grizzly’ as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #478

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Gross Movie Reviews #478

 

The Beast of 20,000 Fathoms (DVD) – A classic, a dull classic but considered a classic from the early 50s where those damn humans haven’t learned anything and have scientists testing atomic weapons in the Artic. The latest test awakens a dinosaur that is awaken from its long sleep and begins eating people and making its way to New York. The fans of this film will give you two reasons to watch it: first of course is Ray Harryhausen as this was the film that really got his name out there and second is a small role for Lee Van Cleef who became a favorite actor of many of the next two or so decades. I find it kind of dull but still a must watch every ten years or so as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Running Man (DVD) – It is 2017, and life we know it is no more as society has collapse and now run very differently. The biggest thing in this world is a game show called, “The Running Man”! It is where prisoners get a chance to live if they can make it through this dangerous course full of stalkers who are trying to kill them. A prisoner named Ben Richards played by Arnold Schwarzenegger has just happened to break out of prison with two other fellows. He has caught the eye of game show host Damon Killian. Killian wants him for the show for ratings and once he got him he was right as Ben and friends are not about to die quickly. As they begin fighting back in the course and killing stalkers they also want to find the resistance as they want to steal the uplink code for the satellite and show the people all over the world they are being lied too. An amazing action filled flick with lots of Arnie one liners, over the top violence, and sense they were not too far off predicting the future these days. 4 star flick all the way!

 

Hellboy (On Demand) – The remake, reboot whatever you want to call it that wasn’t needed. By no means is this film bad it is just Ron Perlman is ‘Hellboy’… Like Robert Englund is ‘Freddy’, and Kane Hodder is ‘Jason’. They own the role so it’s very tough to put forth a different version of that character out there to the fans. It is the retelling of the origin story of ‘Hellboy’, think “The Amazing Spider-man” it looks the same but something is missing? And in this film if it isn’t the Del Toro and Perlman tag team magic then it was the really bad CG effects at different times throughout this film. The movie is entertaining but for me at least doesn’t hold a candle to the first two films and by the way they were not that old as I give it 2 stars.

Zoombies 2 (On Demand) – Same director and writer are back with a film that doesn’t have anything to do with the oddly fun film that was released a couple years ago. This time around some poachers come to a jungle island trying to capture animals. But a special toxin that was made to shoot the animals with instead of bullets is used it turns the animals into zombie animals that are attacking any human. Here is the kicker human blood is the antidote for them. So the poachers, animal researchers, and a tough ass ranger must team up to survive this catastrophe! The first was hilarious in a good/bad way and seem to be a lot of fun where the second entry seem to maybe overthink this concept and lost its charm along the way that made horror fans interested the first time around as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Stranger Things Season 3 (Netflix) – Just like everybody else I was interested in where the Duffer Brothers go from here with the group and the alternate world that had been closed for good last season. Now summer of 1985, the group are becoming full blown teenagers and growing a part at times but when a mysterious darkness crops back into Hawkins again it gets the kids and Hopper back together again and there are RUSSIANS! For the love of Joe Pilato they open with a Day of the Dead scene and pay attention to episode six has the music. I love the series as it is fun, entertaining, and doing the 80s nostalgia right. This is four stars all the way and I believe if they are going to stick out at least one more season it would not surprise me if Chernobyl is involved? Just saying since the Duffer Brothers have made it a point of doing things in order in the 80s world… Either way like most I will be waiting the new season whenever that will be.

 

Cannibal Cop (DVD) – Another recent Donald Farmer flick that has a dirty cop in Detective Warbeck roughing up criminals in New Orleans. What the officer doesn’t know is he is being stalked by a young lady who wants to bring to light the police brutality that goes on a nightly basis. She gets footage of a drug dealer killed by Detective Warbeck but the local news station isn’t interested so the young lady still stalks him. But to Warbeck’s surprise the drug dealer has a final wish and that is to become part of the undead for revenge. Once undead he attacks and bites Warbeck making him ‘Cannibal Cop’! The usual no budget gore with lots of filler. I like the cast but what the script was most likely should have never been feature length as I give it 2 stars.

 

Finding Purpose (DVD) – A non-horror film review here which is rare for me as this flick is from John Reign who decided to make a drama on $5,000 or that is at least what IMDB claims. Anyway John wanting to dedicate his film to fallen U.S. troops and what it means to him crafts a story about two brothers and their adventure together. John Kayhill and his two Army vet buddies from their outfit 25 years ago are still trying to find where they actually fit in society as they struggle mightily. John a little more struggle than his two buddies because he has been taking care of mentally handicapped brother. The state comes in and removes Rod from John because they declare him unfit and if he doesn’t get his act together he will also be homeless. Distraught and not knowing what to do he speaks with his two buddies who help craft a plan for John to go get his brother from the group home 20 miles away. After police get wind of the escape they now start investigating the whereabouts of the two. Both John and Rod get into some heated trouble just trying to stay together and doing the right thing by helping others. The story is great and can be even a little tear jerky if you have dealt with something like this? Wasn’t thrilled by the whole stripper angle to the story but it was needed for where the adventure was going. A more perfect running for the film is most likely 85 minutes than the almost 100 it is but I am picking at little aspects of the film. John and cast should be proud of the tale they got on film as it is a wonderful drama done on no budget that is better than 99% of the other dramas that are shoved down people’s throats these days as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Strange New World (YouTube) – Another ‘ABC Movie of the Week’ find starring John Saxon from 1975. In present day the scientific team of three is sent to space for a suspended animation experiment on themselves for a short period. During their sleep meteors destroy Earth as they know it and people back home put into the computer a certain time frame to keep them sleeping. Doing this helps when it is safer to travel back to Earth and find the underground facility that is doing the same experiment. The team of three awakens in 2155, 180 years later and find out what happened. With Earth still there they go back and begin their journey into the unknown where they find almost caveman types surviving in the jungles and people that clone themselves to live maybe forever? It is no “Damnation Alley” but I am always in for a watch when John Saxon is involved as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

 

Gross Movie Reviews #474

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Gross Movie Reviews #474

 

I Spit on Your Grave: Déjà vu (On Demand) – Meir Zarchi is back with a direct sequel to the original even bringing back Camille Keaton to reprise her role as Jennifer Hills. Well Jennifer Hills had a daughter Christy who has become a super model. The two are having lunch together and Christy is talking about getting out of the business. But unbeknownst to the mother/daughter combo there is two men in the parking lot waiting for them. They have old business to take care of. These redneck relatives want revenge against Jennifer Hills. The film uses flashbacks of the first film along as it moves a little slow. Christy wasn’t supposed to be a part of the kidnapping but now she is and she must fight for survival. As the two get separated by their redneck captors time runs out for Jennifer and eventually Christy is met with the safe fate her mother did all those years ago. Christy being just like her mother is a very vengeful bitch and not leaving until she has her mother’s body. Jamie Bernadette plays a wonderful vengeful bitch, a weird ending to the film, and the film is a little too long for my taste. But I was happy to see the original Jennifer Hills back in movie that takes on the “What if?” scenario. ‘Déjà vu’ was solid, bloody, and an entertaining conclusion the series. I give it 3 stars.

 

Hooker with a Hacksaw (DVD) – A newer Donald Farmer flick that focuses on a young lady named Kristen who makes her cash doing the phone sex numbers in the back of the newspapers. Kristen is usually pretty upfront about not meeting people through there but makes an exception for Mitch in exchange for pills. Kristen regretting doing this soon understands this has opened the door for all the weirdos to call her for all their fetishes. Kristen tries to move on with a new girlfriend but when the weirdos come back and steal her girlfriend Kristen snaps. And its hacksaw time! The movie is a bit choppy but has its moments as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Molly (Blu-ray) – A new post-apocalyptic film out of the Netherlands about a young woman named Molly who roams the Wasteland for food and shelter. She is a loner but there has been a story of her in some of these survival camps including the one that holds their nightly cage fighting. Molly tries to keep to herself because she a past she does not fully remember. Through flashbacks and dreams we learn she was experimented on by the government and escaped to the Wastelands. With these experiments she has somehow harnessed super powers. A crazy dude that runs the cage fights wants Molly for his main attraction so his gang kidnaps the little kid she is watching over. Molly instead of doing the cage fighting thing goes all John Wick on everybody in the last 15 minutes of the movie. This post-apocalyptic tale is weird and fun. I wouldn’t call it “Mad Max” meets “Turbo Kid” like the box said, I believe it carves its own little niche into the post-apocalyptic genre as I give it 3 stars.

 

Mortal Engines (On Demand) – It took 60 minutes for the world to destroy itself. Now many years later for humanity to survive they have made the cities mobile. But a man named Valentine is using London to find a weapon that has long been gone but started the war that destroyed everything in 60 minutes, the Quantum Energy Weapon. He believes they can use this to not only break through the wall to the east but rule the world. A young lady named Hester wants to stop him as Valentine killed her mother long ago. The effects were cool and story is okay but this wasn’t a movie that is gonna make you sore you miss it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Prospect (DVD) – A father/daughter combo do one last space drop to a planet for one last dig. Approached by two armed men things go south quickly. Now one of the men is killed and the girl is missing a father because he is also dead. Both stranded they must become unlikely friends in order to survive and find a way off the planet. Interesting story but I wanted me some space monsters as I give it 2 stars.

 

Iron Sky: The Coming Race (On Demand) – Survivors from what was Earth now live on the dark side of the moon in 2047 in the old Nazi stronghold. Planet Earth has become a nuclear wasteland with not much life left. But an old Nazi spaceship arrives at the moon with what’s left of Earth survivors. They explain the ship just automatically had the coordinates but never count out a Nazi as Udo Kier is back and has made his way back to the stronghold with the survivors. He explains to an engineer he is an alien and there is a power source to help them long term at the center of the earth called the ‘grail’. If they go back in the spaceship and steal it he would help. Nowhere near as fun as the first film but has its moments with Tom Green as a priest! I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Hard Target 2 (DVD) – Scott Adkins plays a MMA dude named Wes Baylor who kills his sparring partner by accident in the ring during a big bout. Six months later in Bangkok Wes is a drunk reliving the nightmare that happened in the ring. Wes is approached by a rich dude offering $500,000 for a fight. Wes takes the offer but wants a million clearly in a foreign country he doesn’t understand it wasn’t most likely going to be a fight but a hunt. Wes is the hunted and must make it to the border of Thailand in order to win, if he doesn’t he is dead. Scott Adkins is awesome as usual and it was great having Rhona Mitra in the cast but for me I thought the film was missing a real bad ass villain like a Lance Henriksen or Rutger Hauer. Hell I would have taken Ice-T or Gary Busey just because of “Surviving the Game” but anyway I give it 2 stars.

 

Range 15 (DVD) – A band of misfit soldiers are arrested and wake next morning to a zombie apocalypse. These army vets led by Mat Best must fight their way to their commander to show him they have a cure for the zombie plague. There are a lot of in-jokes along the way (stuff most likely the group of soldiers only know), cameos, and a good amount of gore. Don’t go into this expecting 1985’s “The Return of the Living Dead” and you should be okay with it. There are appearances by Sean Astin, William Shatner, Danny Trejo, Randy Couture, Keith David, and Ron Jeremy as I give the film 2 stars.

Mega Time Squad (On Demand) – A hilarious New Zealand film where a young man John robs an Asian antiques store and a bracelet. He was just supposed to take the money that was dropped off there for his boss but John wants to start his own thing now. John is warned about the bracelet but chooses to ignore it. But through a series of mishaps and hilarious missteps John figures out it is a time traveling device that makes copies of him. So he gets all his copies together and forms the “Mega Time Squad” to perform his dumb ass schemes to get all the money and to get the girl he is falling for. I give this film 3 stars.

 

Mime Massacre (YouTube) – A wonderful short film about a man who enters a mime classroom and a glorious bloodbath begins! Of course he uses invisible weapons to kill off the mimes as they build walls, close doors, etc. to get away from the man. Want to laugh for a few minutes its worth tracking down as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Colony Mutation (DVD) – Even though this independent feature was released in 1995 it looks much older. But this sci-fi film doesn’t disappoint in the bizarre as Jim and Meredith are married and work at the same genetic design firm. When Meredith finds out Jim is boinking his secretary she wants a divorce and throws a formula she was working on for growth onto Jim. The formula is a tissue-regrowth serum that changes Jim slowly as he becomes hungry for human flesh. If that wasn’t enough Jim’s limbs disconnect from his body and search on their own for food! For not much budget and it being bizarre it is a worthy watch for horror fans as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Banana Motherfucker (DVD) – A short film released by Troma where filmmakers Fernando Alle and Pedro Florencio give us a project that is worthy to be mentioned in the same sentence as “Fist of Jesus”! A so-called film crew goes to a cursed cemetery deep in the jungle to begin filming some scenes. Soon the individuals are being ripped a part by bananas and one person survives but should have he survived so the world could be safe? I give this hilarious and entertaining short 4 stars. Imagine if Fulci’s “Zombie” was about bananas killing people?

Alone in the Dark (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst constantly working on projects has another short film about a man who sits alone reading. He looks up and believes he sees something? A creepy short that runs a little under 5 minutes that is more for the audience to decide if the man is alone or not? Mr. Brocklehurst is doing some good stuff and this is no different as I give it 3 stars.

 

Train to Busan (Blu-ray) – I took my time getting to this Korean zombie film and I am sorry for doing that. A man who works constantly finally takes time out of work to take his daughter to Busan to see her mother for her birthday. They board the train as do a couple of weird folks. One of them keeps babbling about “their all dead” while another is a girl who was bitten on the leg and collapses. She begins having seizures and with the train moving the employees are unsure of what to do until she begins chomping down on people. The fast moving virus devours the train quickly but this isn’t just happening on the train it is happening everywhere for some unknown reason. Now with a train full of zombies and the outside world infested with zombies also the passengers that are left become divided and show how humanity is shitty. They have to decide if the train is the safer than the outside world. A brutal, emotional train ride into hell is how I would describe this wonderful zombie flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Shreck (YouTube/DVD) – A grainy ass independent flick from 1990 that has three young gentlemen messing around with Nazi propaganda. With their fake séance they raise the dead in famous Nazi Max Shreck. Now the three are slowly being tortured by the undead Nazi soldier. The film is hilarious at times unintentionally but also a funny thing about the film is its cinematographer is Arch Stanton aka Jim Wynorski. Apparently Jim is a big fan of “The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly” as I am and for that I give it 2 stars.

 

Death Race: Beyond Anarchy (DVD) – The newest sequel to the remake that was done in 2008 I believe stars Danny Trejo and Danny Glover. This time around Frankenstein has taken over a whole city that is a prison that is walled off from the rest of civilization. Sounds familiar “Escape from New York” fans? Whenever they do the ‘Death Race’ it still gets broadcast but the Weyland Corp believes Frankenstein has gotten too big and it is time to erase him. So the corporation sends in not one but two people to kill to kill the Death Race leader but as like in third film you can’t just kill Frankenstein or you will have chaos. Just another bag of poo called a movie I got bored and watched because it was now the fourth entry… I give it 1 star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

Gross Movie Reviews #402

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Gross Movie Reviews #402

 

Lights Out (DVD) – Maria Bello is a mom that is haunted by her past literally… A dead girl from her days in the crazy house still haunts her and now starting to haunt her young son. The older daughter stops having anything to do with nuttiness early in her teen years and left. Now her brother is getting the brunt of it she is worried. Every time the lights are turned out this ghastly thing appears until the lights are turned back on. A fun creepy ghost flick made for people under the age of 25 so enjoy as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Spy (DVD) – Surprisingly a funny ass movie that stars Melissa McCarthy, Jude Law, and Jason Statham. Melissa’s character sits behind a computer to help her super-hot spy agent through trouble when needed as she is his eyes and ears. When he is killed off supposedly it forces the agency to send someone in that the bad guys have never saw before, in comes Melissa McCarthy’s character. She goes into the field but it’s been a decade since she went through intense training. It is up to her to stop a sale of a nuclear device on the black market. Like I said it made me laugh more than I ever thought and for that I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Night Visitor (DVD) – A lesser known late 80s satanic flick about a high school kid named Billy. Billy believes he has seen his extremely hot piece of ass neighbor (Shannon Tweed) has been sacrificed to a higher power or lower power? He also believes it was his history teacher dabbling in some satanic stuff… Once the cops don’t believe him and think he is a possible suspect he visits a retired cop (Elliot Gould) for help. This little known film is worth tracking down for the watch because it also stars Michael Pollard, Richard Roundtree, and one of my favorite porn/horror actresses Teri Weigel! Think of it as a lighter horror/comedy that does not exist without ‘Evilspeak’ and ‘976-Evil’ being released first. I give the flick 3 stars folks.

 

Catacombs (DVD) – Just another example of missing the good old days of Charles Band and Empire Pictures. This flick takes place in the “Abbey” where priests go to further their studies. What most don’t know the priesthood in the 1500s banished some evil dude in the basement and buried it? Of course some young beautiful woman comes along and wants to study there too and it just happens the evil has awakened to start a bloodbath! Cheap, effective, and fun the Charles Band way you cannot go wrong. Example: there is a bad ass scene where a re-animated Jesus comes off the cross and kills one of the priests in the catacombs. We are talking a glorious kill here folks. In case you didn’t know this flick is a part of that new Blu-ray Empire Pictures box set that is limited. Another fun Empire Pictures flick gets 3 stars from me.

 

Shark Exorcist (DVD) – Some would say this idea was stolen from my mind in my sleep but the honor of bringing this glorious idea to life is Donald Farmer. A nun believes the world has betrayed her? So of course like all nuns that have been betrayed she kills a woman and throws her to the sea all in the name of revenge of bringing her a savior… And that is a possessed shark that bites a semi-good looking lady and possesses her to walk on land and cause havoc. Meanwhile, the host of a TV shows “Ghost Whackers” shows up to speak to the spirits of the sea to see why there is so many shark attacks? Once a brother of a priest named Father Michael is killed the priest becomes involved in solving this mystery. Who will stop the horror at Paris Landing Lake? Not totally sure but I believe Donald Farmer took some notes from ‘Roller Gator’ and shot a good random portion of the film at a fairgrounds for filler minus the Joe Estevez. Personally, I am just glad this film exists as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Six-String Samurai (DVD) – Ana amazing post-apocalyptic flick that ignores history and has the bombs go off in 1957 almost killing everyone. But Elvis is the king of Lost Vegas for 40 years and has just recently died. This means all the rock-n-rollers from all over the wastelands are trying to make it to Vegas to become the new “king”. But there is Buddy, who is just as good with his guitar as he is with his sword traveling across the wastelands slicing, dicing, and guitar licking his way to Vegas. Even Death is searching for Buddy so he cannot make it to Vegas. Death aka bootleg Rob Zombie fears if Buddy makes it he will be the “king”. Buddy must fight through the heat, Russians, other rock-n-rollers, the spinach monster, Death, and do it all while carrying along an orphan during his travel through the wasteland. The 3 ½ star film comes complete with the soundtrack done by “The Red Elvises”! Just watch the film and thank me later.

 

Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies (DVD) – In the Alps some dude has an experimental snow making machine that he is trying to impress a Russian investor. Investor gets hosed with green stuff and the local wildlife begins to drink it and we have zombies! Trapped on the mountain at a mountain inn at the end of the season a couple snowboarders must fight off hordes of zombies and an asshole that started the zombie infestation. Its ‘Dead Snow-lite’… Some fun effects and snowboarding zombies are cool but it makes you wanting another sequel to ‘Dead Snow’ as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Violent Shit Collection (DVD) – For those movie fans that may not know this is a thing. But the ‘Violent Shit’ movies are an independent creation from a German filmmaker named Andreas Schnaas. His first flick that took a couple years to make in the late-80s was a gorefest that made fans all around the world. Well this collection is a five film set of the first four films up to 2010 and the special extra bonus of ‘Zombie 90: Extreme Pestilence’. Andreas came up with a character named “Karl the Butcher” who becomes the most notorious serial killer around. He brutalizes his way through victims through the first film; second film has Karl Jr., continuing the killing spree, third film has both Butchers on an island gathering an army, and the fourth film takes place in 2023 after the apocalypse and Karl escapes from hell to kill his son but instead teams up with him to lay waste to all the gangs in the wastelands! These were some stuff of legend among independent film fans for the extreme gore scenes. I was never a huge fan of the series but respect the hell out of Andreas Schnaas and Timo Rose for their passion of making gory independent films they enjoy. And now many others in Canada and the US can enjoy them all together finally in their remastered glory. Synapse Films as usual takes the pain staking task of giving ‘Violent Shit’ movie fans what they want and that is a box set. And for that I give it 3 out of 4 stars as the five disc set is available through www.synapse-films.com .

 

The Hound of the Baskervilles (DVD) – A wonderful late 50’s Hammer flick; stars Peter Cushing as Sherlock Holmes who is hired to protect Sir Henry (Christopher Lee). Sir Henry inherits a castle but also a curse after his uncle dies mysteriously. The curse has haunted the family for years after a hound of hell attacked a relative. But of course Holmes is more than up to the task proving this all wrong and protect Sir Henry from certain death. Great old school Hammer stuff that I give 3 stars.

 

King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table (DVD/Vimeo) – Asylum Entertainment takes a stab at the “King Arthur” tale as Bootleg Sean Bean aka Merlin and King Arthur banish Morgana and her son from earth. 1500 years pass and Morgana and son are back from their banishment searching for Excalibur. But things have change and even the descendants of King Arthur are totally sure Excalibur or the stories are real until they are faced with Morgana. Morgana forms an undead army to do the job her son cannot do and that is to steal the Holy Grail and kill the descendants of Arthur. If that wasn’t enough we get some bootleg Mortal Kombat stuff for the climax of the film in order for Morgana to be killed. As usual fun B-movie stuff that needs to premiere on the SyFy Channel Saturday nights as I give it 2 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.facebook.com/ocotbercoast .

 

Rattlers (DVD) – A hilarious mid-70s flick about a snake professor who is making some extra bucks checking out some unprovoked snake attacks. The snake attacks all seem to happen after the military buried some bad stuff in an old cave in the desert. These mad animal B-flicks are great for movie watching parties as I give it 2 stars.

The Dark Tapes (On Demand) – The film is a series of “dark tapes” or stories over the course of several years that tackles evil or evil entities that exist. The series of stories are fun creepy feel that concern a science experiment with possible demons from a parallel world, how the paranormal affects a young couple in their new house, strange things that happen with Cam Girls, and a woman who changes and begins her fight with her nightmares after a horrible incident at a friend’s party. All the stories are different but have a similar creepy and interesting tone that will capture the imagination of movie fans who enjoy stuff like: ‘The Innkeepers’, ‘V/H/S’ and ‘Grave Encounters’. One of the more intelligent paranormal films I have the pleasure of watching. Without giving too much away I give this cool project 3 out of 4 stars. You can check out more about the film at www.facebook.com/thedarktapesmovie and www.thedarktapes.com .

 

Where Have All The People Gone (YouTube/DVD) – An ABC movie of the week in late 1974 of a family trying to deal in the post-apocalyptic world! The film stars Peter Graves as a father of a family who happen to be in some mountain caves when an eruption/explosion/earthquake happens. When they come out the radio is out and their friend is really sick. They eventually believe a possible nuclear attack happen and believe fallout is killing them and their friend. So the family makes their way down the mountain trying to conserve food and water and save their friend. When they turn away he dies and turns to dust. When they finally get back to what they think is civilization in Rainbow, Ca. all they find is people who turned to dust and killer dogs. Unsure of what to do they decide to make their way to their million dollar Malibu home to find mom had died too. So they move out to Northern California to become farmers and apparently solar flares from the sun killed everyone! Oh the 70s TV movies I miss thee as I give you 2 stars.

 

Fair Game (YouTube/DVD) – A mid-80s Australian flick that pits a woman who runs a wildlife sanctuary against three men who enjoy a great deal of hunting on her property. After she is almost killed and run off the road by the three and authorities don’t believe her. The film becomes your cat and mouse chase film as they torture and drag her all over the outback. Once back home she lures the men into her compound to destroy them with traps she set up. All 80s Australian flicks have a certain charm but this film loses it quickly as you get bored waiting for it to end. The trailers are much better than the movie as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html