Gross Movie Reviews #451

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Gross Movie Reviews #451

 

Stanley (DVD) – Tim is a peaceful Indian who got drafted into the Vietnam War and is now back home in the everglades just trying to enjoy life his way. He finds peace with snakes he calls friends. Tim is very good at catching poisonous snakes and takes them to some Miami doctors so they can use their venom for anti-venom. But recently some poachers have been killing the snakes off nearby for their skins. Tim and his best friend Stanley the snake doesn’t take kindly to this and begin a fight with the poachers. A very weird early 70s film has that feel of “Frogs” and maybe “Squirm”. This lesser known flick does fit the tone of a “Deathdream” and other flicks of that era for that I give it 2 ½ stars. There is a lot of cool extras also worth tracking this disc down.

 

Eye of the Devil (DVD) – An old school black and white flick from the 60s that stars Donald Pleasence as the family priest! Do I need to say more? Some rich dude is called back home because the family vineyard is dying and some evil shit needs to go down for the vineyard to thrive again. I give the film 2 stars and Mr. Pleasence 4 stars as usual.

 

The Killing of Satan (DVD) – Another crazy ass film from the Philippines where a man is chosen to battle evil and eventually Satan. He must defeat Satan for the release of his daughter! The dude’s name is Lando, people are shooting laser beams from their hands and eyes, and apparently there are boulders that weigh less than air being thrown around. I really wanted to enjoy this film but fell asleep twice. I only give the film 1 ½ stars but totally believe this needs to be watched in a setting with beer and a group of people.

 

The Last Halloween (YouTube) – A lost TV show from NBC that only played once in October 1991. Get this folks the show stars Rhea Perlman, Richard Moll, and had Savage Steve Holland directing. Think of a cut up episode of “Goosebumps” that involves Martians landing in a small town looking for ‘cooby’ aka candy on Halloween night. The appeal of this never knowing it existed like the “Grinch Halloween” as I give this 2 stars.

 

Tank Girl (DVD) – This 1995 mess of a flick is what feeds the 90s being a bad decade for films. Oh this post-apocalyptic flick is total mess but after reading the bio and other information that has come out about the film over the years this film was a shell of what should have happened. Anyway it is 2033 and several years ago a comet hit Earth and made most of the water dry up. Now, a corporation called “W&P” and run by Malcolm McDowell own what is left of the water and will do anything it takes to ensure that. But Tank Girl or Lori Petty isn’t going to sit idly by it let them take what belongs to the people. Now remember folks this was a comic book movie made before “Guardians of the Galaxy” so studios didn’t give much effort to cult projects such as this or I should allow them to be themselves? I am not a Lori Petty fan but do not see anyone else at that time that would have pulled off the role. Also knowing what I know while watching this flick again it is ashame but it is still a bad movie mess as I give it 1 star. Maybe the project would have had a better chance now than then? Or it just needed the studio to let the crew do their thing… who knows?

 

Gunhed (VHS) – Here is a random B-movie from Toho Productions that was supposedly a “Godzilla” project in the early stages because of a contest. One thing led to another and it became something else as it set somewhere past 2025 on an island called ‘8-JO’. It is an island that is run by a supercomputer (Kyron-5) that became self-aware and declared war on humanity July 4, 2025. Over a year later the great ‘Robot War’ is still raging and computer chips are the new gold of Earth. Now as a Gunhed battalion launches its last attack on the island thieves are trying to swoop in and gather computer chips. The machines help kill off several characters quickly it’s up to a mechanic, a Texas Ranger, and two kids to stop Kyron-5 from restarting and taking over the world. It’s a Japanese version of the “Terminator” world with a little Full Moon “Robot Wars” thrown in as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Return of the Vampire (DVD) – A 1943 film that intrigue me for the mere reason it was supposed to be a sequel to 1932’s “Dracula”. It even starred Bela Lugosi as the vampire. Problem was this film was made by Columbia Pictures and the original was made by Universal Studios who were about to unleash some legal kick ass on the company for the project. So Columbia Pictures changed all the characters names including Bela as he was known as Armand Tesla. He is a vampire that haunts a family in 1918 and then believed to be killed and buried. But he is disturbed by a WWII bomb over 20 years later and his stake removed so he can haunt the same family again. Pretty cool vampire stuff worth watching if you are a Lugosi fan and a vamp flick fan as I give it 3 stars.

Leaf Blower Massacre 2 (DVD) – Anthony Cooney has returned with a sequel to his 2012 tribute to “Nailgun Massacre”. This time around it is a full feature not a short but both are now available on the same DVD. The masked killer with a leaf blower has returned and the bodies are piling up. Two detectives are stumped of who could be the murderer until the only conclusion they can come to is that a teacher Mr. Jennings knows them all. Even with Mr. Jennings as the main suspect students are still dying to detectives’ disbelief. The film has three scenes that make this a success in my eyes: leaf blower to the girl’s front garage, the killer with leaf blower wanders through a death metal gig and no questions, and I get my death by nails scene! Mr. Cooney sir I give you 3 ½ out of 4 stars for this greatness.

 

Cry of the Werewolf (DVD) – There is a legend about a woman named Marie Latour who turned into a wolf and killed her husband years ago. Immediately after she disappeared and has lived among the gypsies as their queen. Now a professor has been researching the legend and may have found the answers they all had been looking for to prove the legend of Marie Latour. So Ms. Latour goes back to her old estate to stop Doctor Morris and along the way may have found new love. But her new love is soon to be married so she turns the fiancée into follower of hers to help protect the legend of the wolf but again kill the soon to be husband. Fun stuff about werewolf movie lure like this film is the first film to feature a woman as a werewolf as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Mutilation Massacre (DVD) – A short film from Derek Braasch about a young woman who goes on a serious murdering spree after her father decides to remarry. The crazy bitch even goes all “Stepfather” and shit and gets facial reconstruction to change her appearance. But a bitter family member is not fooled! Check out Stephanie the serial killer at www.cheeviesfilms.com as I give the short film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

An Hour to Kill (DVD) – The latest project from independent filmmaker Aaron K. Carter is an anthology that the center pieces are hitmen. Gio – a grizzled vet and Frankie – the newbie are working together but the boss Mr. Kinski believes there is a leak within the organization. The boss gives Gio the new job and wants it done in an hour. So the two drive to a location for the hit and share horror stories: one features five women and a Nazi bunker, a second story about a prank gone wrong, third story about what you got to do to make the bowling team? And of course the wrap around are the two hitmen and their boss. A well-rounded, entertaining, and no weak parts in this anthology from Rotten Productions that made me laugh quite a few times as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. For more details or purchase a copy: AMAZON: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B07JMN34GR

TRAILER: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5as7mXJPrvA&t=2s

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details and upcoming guests.

 

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Need something to read this Halloween season?

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Order your copy: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/tales-from-the-gross-side/paperback/product-23554233.html

 

Looking for something to read this Halloween season? Check out my latest book , that has several short stories that may fill the void for you.

 

Also you can find me and my books at Cinema Wasteland next weekend October 5-7th, 2018. Check out http://www.cinemawasteland.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #449

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Gross Movie Reviews #449

 

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (On Demand) – Chris Pratt and the red-headed scientist are duped in going back to the island to help try and move all the dinosaurs to a different island. The island is unstable and about to have a volcanic eruption that will wipe out all that is there. So an old rich dude who was supposedly partners with making these dinosaurs years ago is funding the expedition. But his handler has other plans once the dinosaurs are stateside and wants to sell them as weapons, pets, whatever. Surprisingly again a fun popcorn flick that doesn’t ask you to think too much but also mirrors that if this did exist we all most likely fuck it up as I give the movie 3 stars.

 

Stranger Things Season One (DVD) – So I finally sat down and watched the Netflix show that everyone went nutzoid over more than the beginning of “The Walking Dead”. The show is set in the early 80s and centers on a group of kids who are not the most popular in school but have each other. Meanwhile, a young girl with supernatural powers has disappeared from a dark government facility. The group and her meet up and quickly become friends but strange things are happening in their small town that may be connected to her. Of course her handler wants her back; she wants to stay with the group as she has become a part of them. As the show goes on little plot lines branch out as it affects their older siblings and the small town cop who takes on the government himself. Including going into this void or darkness that has been made by making the girl aka 11 to use her telekinetic powers and now a monster from this void is killing. The show is well written, produced, and casted and I can see why a lot people went gaga over this show. It makes sense people are rewatching this show sense there is several little things you can miss while watching that possibly be a part of upcoming seasons as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Here Comes the Tigers (You Tube) – Why would I watch a low budget version of “The Bad News Bears” from 1978? Because this was a project that involved Sean S. Cunningham, Steve Miner, and Harry Manfredini and shortly after they came up with a movie only called, “Friday the 13th”. The film is about a police officer who is forced to coach the worst little league baseball team in their town. He must overcome the odds to help these kids to believe in themselves in order to win games and the championship. Here is the problem folks it is like they set out to make the boring version of “The Bad News Bears”. Not a whole lot happens but it is one of those forgotten films for movie nerds to track down and like me try and figure out how they went from this to one of the most famous horror movies ever made a short time later. It’s not memorable but worth the trip into cinema nerdem as I give it 1 star.

 

The Predator (Theater) – As a lot of people are blah on the new film in the series from Shane Black I was super excited and enjoyed it for what it was. We learn the Predators have been coming to Earth on a regular basis and they are coming more frequent recently with the government keeping track of everything they are doing. After the events in 1987 and 1997 the government is very interested but does interact with the species. Until now, one of the ships crash land and a sniper named Quinn and his team that were about to take down some bad dudes are interrupted by the crash. Quinn being a smart dude bags some of the alien tech and gets moving in Mexico. Gets the stuff mailed to his house because he knows the government will find him. So of course he is arrested and placed on a bus with other crazy military convicts. The Predator is brought back to be studied and the crazies are going to be sent off which they were well-casted with Thomas Jane and Keegan-Michael Key as part of this team. Predator wakes up, starts killing all the smart scientist people and Quinn believe they need to escape and track this alien down. But Quinn learns that his son has the alien tech and has opened the box and now wearing the Predator mask as a Halloween costume in a hilariously brutal scene as it kills some dude being rude to the kid. Once Quinn catches up to his autistic kid who is important to the storyline the group also comes to find out this Predator was a rogue trying to deliver something to the humans. As a now larger hybrid is there to wipe everything clean and leave no witnesses. The film has a lot of layers and fun stuff to it. If you were coming into this thinking you getting another Arnold classic from 1987 then you were mistaken because that flick cannot be topped. But if you are a fan of this series allow yourself to let the story unfold. I think Shane Black did a great job. I enjoy the Predators are preparing for our extinction and planning to use Earth. Now the argument I will entertain is the ending as I believe the ending or what the rogue Predator was carrying was the fourth or fifth choice. This would be the weak part of the film but otherwise you tell me I am about to watch a movie that combines “The Dream Team” with a “Predator” movie I am in every time as I give this 3 stars.

 

Sicario: Day of the Soldado (On Demand) – Matt Graver and Alejandro are back! The drug war has not gone away; it has gotten worse as it is believed terrorists are now being smuggled into the U.S. The government brings in Matt again to seek out what and how this going on? Of course there are new rules now as Matt likes to say. Once Matt has found who might be involved he makes contact Alejandro to have him kidnap a drug lord’s daughter. Alejandro does and when trying to return her to Mexico they are double crossed by the authorities. The situation becomes a cluster fuck as Matt and his team must kill the authorities and Alejandro must go track the girl down as she escaped during the fire fight. Once over Matt is told shut it down and wipe it clean including killing the girl. Alejandro knows the situation and knows his life is in danger as is hers. Loved the first flick and really enjoyed the sequel but believe this feature going a little bit of a different direction than the first film may have taken the bite out of the impact of these films. Either way still enjoyed the sequel, I have become a huge fan of Benicio Del Toro, and would love to see one more of these movies but have that feeling we will not as I give this feature 3 ½ stars.

 

Solo: A Star Wars Story (On Demand) – Okay kids and old “Star Wars” settle yourselves down. Of course the film is about the early days of Han Solo and Chewy. You pretty much get all you wanted to know about Han’s early days. I will say I felt they wasted too much time on the heist and felt kinda cheated out of seeing how he met Jabba but it was still fun. You want bad go back and watch “The Phantom Menace” and “Attack of the Clones” otherwise nerds chill out and grab a beer. Allow yourself to be a kid for over two hours and just enjoy the fucking movie I know I did as I give it 3 stars.

Boar (DVD) – Always enjoy me some Australian movies especially when we get a giant animal attack. A huge savage looking mutant boar is terrorizing the outback and starting to eat some of the livestock. Meanwhile Bernie (Nathan Jones) has family (the family includes Bill Moseley who married Bernie’s sister) coming in for some vacation time. Bernie and the family head out to the lake to picnic and enjoy the outback. Bernie did promise a friend he would go lookout for her father who likes to get drunk and sleeps out in the middle of nowhere. The giant boar attacks Bernie and his truck then makes its way to the family. The family and Bernie must fight their way past the mutant boar to make it out of the outback alive. Highlights: lots of gore, some great creature effects, and Nathan Jones singing Vanilla Ice. Lowlights: some bad computer effects of the Boar and the film not exactly paced well and feel choppy at best. It’s not “Razorback” but I can see myself watching this film again in the future as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Another (DVD) – This 2014 film original title is “Another” but has become known under a different title of “Mark of the Witch”. A young lady named Jordyn has just turned 18 and her aunt is weird and fucked up starts explaining to Jordyn that it is time? Aunt Ruth has supposedly been protecting the young lady in some way for years. But now Jordyn is becoming possessed by her mother so her mother can live longer and do sinister things. This is one weird ass movie that is hard to follow and just doesn’t make a ton of sense. But if you are into witches this weirdo flick is right up your alley as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Command Performance (Blu-ray) – Dolph Lundgren writes and directs this feature set in Russia and Dolph plays a drummer for a band there. His name is Joe and his band along with several others is part of some big gig in Russia. But some home bred terrorist who was a part of the Russian military has other plans. The terrorists shut down the concert killing many concert goers but there for the Russian president and his two kids. Once military gets involved and some of the terrorists believe this isn’t for the money they are asking and just to prove a point before death things get very messy. But don’t fear as Joe is former U.S. Special Forces and is helping one of the Russian president’s secret service to exterminate the terrorists. Think if “Die Hard” may have been made with Dolph Lundgren… maybe. I give this Dolph action flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Direct Contact (Blu-ray) – Dolph is stuck in a Russian prison for several months now but is broken out or released by Michael Pare who has a job for him. Pare convinces Dolph to rescue an abducted American woman and he makes an easy $200,000. But once Dolph kidnaps her out of the compound he finds out quickly he has been double crossed for a business reason. The American has just gained her father’s company that is worth billions and they Pare wants her to sign it over to him. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Terror Out of the Sky (YouTube) – The TV movie is a sequel to 1976’s “The Savage Bees” and stars Dan Haggerty. In this film The National Bee Center has found out one of their hives have been taken over by a queen South American killer bee. And the Center may have sent out several shipments of these killer bees to different parts of the U.S. where they can do lots of damage. So the scientists from The National Bee Center begin their journey to try and stop this. They catch up to a couple one swarm gets loose after an accident and now it is about to attack a community day baseball game. But with some help of cub scouts and a school bus the scientist gets the swarm of killer bees to follow them to a nearby decommissioned air force base. From there they trap and spray insecticide of the bees once trapped in the facility. I give the flick 2 stars.

 

Mandy (On Demand) – Holy crap is this trippy flick over the top Nic Cage crazy! The visuals are completely wild and essential to the film. The film is set in 1983 deep in the woods of Shadow Mountains I believe they called it. Nic Cage is a logger back home from work to hang with his love of his life Mandy. What disrupts this love story is a cult leader explains to his followers he must have her. She is something special and believes he deserves her. So his followers summon some bad ass weird dark biker gang to grab her and the cult leader tortures Mandy and Nic Cage after Mandy laughs at him. Nic Cage goes in to a rage of revenge, makes a crazy looking Viking axe, visits Bill Duke and Richard Brake and heads off to hunt the evil bikers and this cult leader! The movie starts off very slow to build this love story and weirdness about the hippies but when the torture and gore start… Holy shit does this movie go for the jugular as Nic Cage wants revenge! I give the film 3 ½ stars and Nic Cage is on a roll this year!

 

Lake Nowhere (DVD) – So here is another retro horror flick with trailers and all that is about 45 minutes long. Set 1980ish where a group of young people head out to a cabin to party. One dude disappears swimming but they pay it no mind because they want to party. Along with their missing friend is this weird creature or person in costume being a peeping tom. The party is starting to slow down when the friend shows up naked and cold. The friends get him settled and things seem to be good until he wakes up in the middle of and goes cannibalistic! The place is in chaos as the friends cannot find the car keys and try to come up with answers. But then the creature costume thing decides to start his own killing spree. In the end everyone dies and we get some weird creature ceremony on the lake. The film doesn’t make a ton of sense and feels like “Okay we ran out of money. Let’s end it and put it out there.” I give the movie 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details and for upcoming guests.

Gross Movie Reviews #448

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Gross Movie Reviews #448

 

The Babysitter (DVD) – This teen horror film that is a wolf in sheep’s clothing lures you in thinking the film is just another teen horror but blossoms into a hilarious gore fest. Cole is a nerdy teenager that still has a babysitter. But the babysitter is a very hot young lady named Bee that just seems to get Cole. Cole and she have a lot in common and Cole is starting to grow up and see Bee in a different light. Cole convinced by the girl across the street to stay up to see if Bee parties or make out with her boyfriend after Cole goes to sleep during babysitting nights. Cole does… And what Cole witnesses is nothing he was prepared for as Bee invites friends for a game of spin-the-bottle which turns into a blood-soaked sacrifice! Cole now must go all “Home Alone” in order to survive Bee and her friends now he knows the truth. The horror flick is a fun reminder yes it takes lots of blood and guts to entertain but also just a simple hilarious storyline could make the horror film worth the watch. I really enjoyed this fun horror flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Demon Murder Case (YouTube) – A 1983 TV movie that claims to be based on the ‘Warrens’ but using different names and stars Kevin Bacon. Kevin’s character Kenny and his girlfriend go to check out a house and his girlfriend’s younger brother claims seeing a burned up 4 foot man at the house. As the days pass the younger brother changes, seems different. When things get out of control and the police get involved, priests are called in and even paranormal experts. The kid claims this demon called “The Beast” has taken him over? Kenny cares for the kid so much he challenges the demon and the demon takes the challenge on and possesses Kenny. A death is involved and most of the story is told from flashbacks as Kenny stands trial for murder a year after events. A cool lost TV horror flick that I believe has not been released on DVD and possibly ever on VHS as I cannot find it. But you can find it on YouTube as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

This House Possessed (YouTube) – Again here is another rare TV movie find from my childhood. The film was released in 1981 on NBC starring Parker Stevenson, Lisa Eilbacher, and pay attention ‘Elm St.’ fans Amanda Wyss. Gary is a hard working singer who doesn’t take much down time collapses at a concert. He is rushed to the hospital and told he needs to take a break from the business as drugs or heavy drinking is ruled out. Sheila is a nurse that Gary hits it off with and trusts and hires her to take care of him while he goes on an extended vacation. They head out driving in the middle of nowhere and find a very cool house by itself. The house was a hi-tech house built before they were popular but hasn’t been really lived in since a fire several years ago. Once bought and settled in, Sheila and Gary start to become more of a couple the home seem to have a mind of its own and begins to spy on them. Strange things and eventually deaths happen surrounding the house. You get a water hose spraying down a young couple on the lawn, the house crushing a woman in her car with the front gates, and even boiling another woman in the pool. The TV movie feels so 70s but was released in 1981 and to my knowledge has not been released on any format. So as I give this film 3 stars take a gander at YouTube and search for this horror gem.

Bubba the Redneck Werewolf (DVD) – Bubba is a redneck through and through and doesn’t stand up for himself much as his high school girlfriend (Bobbi Jo) is now seeing someone else. Bubba depressed decides to make a deal with a demon to help this status and he is turned into a werewolf for his soul. While Bubba is learning of his new appearance, strength, actually having sex with Bobbi Jo, and hunger for chicken wings at the bar, the demon is going around the small town and finding gullible folks. The demon makes deals for their souls that go bad quickly. Now the small town looks to Bubba the Redneck Werewolf to do something about it? And Bubba does what any self-respecting person does and that is challenge the demon to a game of quarters! I absolutely loved this film and totally believe if the great horror film “Wolfcop” exists more horror fans would have found this 2014 flick and been talking about it. This is much lower budgeted film than “Wolfcop” but is very witty take on the werewolf concept and think horror and werewolf fans need to give this film a chance as I give it 4 stars.

 

The Burning Dead (DVD) – Okay somehow Danny Trejo is a Native American who tells a story of the ‘Donner Party’ in 1846 is part of some kind of volcanic zombies? Now in present day the volcano has erupted again it is bringing the zombies back with its exploding green rocks. Confused… Bored? Just pass on this one folks as this is why I exist to watch crap like this as I give it 1 star for just Danny Trejo showing up.

 

Last Ones Out (Shudder) – In 2015, an unknown virus hits rural parts of South Africa and it is beginning to spread. An American is there with his fiancée but has an appendix problem. While awaiting surgery in the hospital the virus hits and he wakes to find no one is left except a nurse. Now, the American, the nurse, a doctor and his brother make their way across the country side hopefully to find help? The American claims there is a convoy at a location that leaves in the morning as it can take them out of the quarantine zone. This isn’t a zombie flick as much as a rage virus flick aka “28 Days Later”. If you were a fan of the flick “The Dead” that was released a few years back this will be in your wheelhouse as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Sheborg Massacre (DVD) – An Australian film that is a big old mix of several genres about a cyborg alien that escapes its captors to crash land on earth near a puppy farm. This cyborg alien uses the puppy farm for food and begins its evil plan of turning people into machines. Meanwhile two hot young ladies are causing havoc around town and get together with a punk rock singer to go release the puppies from their prison. Unbeknownst to them once at the puppy farm they must fight these cyborgs in order to escape. Once back home they must make the decision to go to war with these cyborgs and the alien in order to not only survive, save their little town, but the world. This movie is a glorious bloody mess and the women that played the roles of Dylan and Eddie were absolutely fucking awesome! If you enjoy “Dead Alive”, “Evil Aliens”, “Bad Taste” this 3 ½ star horror film is right up your alley.

 

Fear Town, USA (DVD) – It is St. Blevins Day, the day of big celebrations. The day to celebrate St. Blevin who led all the polish children out of the village to the ocean and their death! So there is a big party that everyone is trying to get into. Four nerdy Dungeons and Dragons bros are going, some others are just camping out next to it, supposedly there is an escaped mental patient, and there is a ghost sorority girl. Mash this all together with dudes and women talking about getting their pussies crushed every thirty seconds and you have this hilarious slasher film. But the best part of the film might be the four nerdy bros who find the wrong party and become a part of a sacrifice that doesn’t work so the Satan worshippers decide to start a bowling league! Fun random stuff my friends and has been released by Troma so go support as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Silent Madness (DVD) – A lesser known 1984 slasher film also known as “Beautiful Screamers”, “The Omega Factor”, and “The Nightkillers”, is about a patient that is mistakenly released from the Cresthaven Hospital. The patient Howard Johns is a man with a murderous past and heads to a small woman’s college to continue his killing spree. A doctor from the hospital heads to the college to investigate this clerical error. She goes uncover for the local paper so she can find out more at the college but stumbles upon what may have sparked everything 17 years ago. Not the best of the slasher films but if you are a completest you will want this on your list as I give it 2 stars. At this time I believe there is only a Region 2 DVD of this title.

 

Summer of 84 (DVD) – It is Freeport, Oregon, June 1984 and a serial killer is loose in suburbia. Four friends get together and decide to stalk the neighborhood cop they believe is the serial killer. But they do not have evidence so they come up with a plan to get some. The friends keep come up with dead ends until finally they get the bright idea to break in his house and video tape their findings. Problem is they find way more than they wanted too and now the cop is on the run or so they think as he wants revenge. The film has that “Stand by Me” vibe so I was in from the beginning and enjoyed the kids trying to solve who the killer. But I believe the coolest thing of this movie was the feel of 1984. The shoes, the bikes, the background cars and houses, they got everything right to help set up this story. Yeah the movie isn’t exactly horror and runs a few minutes long but don’t let that stop you from seeing a very entertaining flick as I give it 3 stars.

 

Mom and Dad (DVD) – This bat shit crazy film stars Nic Cage and Selma Blair as normal parents just trying to make it through parenthood. But a strange unexplained virus is hitting parents worldwide where they have the urge to kill their own children. And parents are just doing plain boring murders they are trying to do some brutal ass damage. Once the virus hits Nic Cage and Selma Blair’s characters it is freaking hilarious as they chase their kids all over the house and try to gas them out of the basement. When you thought it could not get any better we get a great scene about life sucking with kids and people not understanding. But the ultimate topper is when the grandparents show up for the forgotten dinner and the grandpa is mother fucking the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen and he starts stabbing the shit out of Nic Cage. Horror fans check the brains at the door and just enjoy this this amazing piece of film of complete chaos and how beautiful it is as I give it 4 stars.

 

Party Bus to Hell (DVD) – Bus full party goers are on their way to ‘The Burning Man Festival’. The bus driver stops in the middle of the desert night after running down a terrified Tara Reid and leaves the people to fend for themselves. She has left them for a group of Marauders/Satanists/Mad Max extras? Take your pick folks. Anyway this group of bloodlust freaks keep chanting “Release the Chosen One” as they attack the party goers and try to murder and eat them. The party goers figure out the virgin among them and force her to have sex with someone to stop the bloodlust freaks belief from coming true. This film has a good set up but just never seems to hit all the right notes and seems disjointed as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Seventh Moon (DVD) – Amy Smart and her man have gone to China for their honeymoon and to meet his parents. But according to Chinese myth the full moon on the seventh lunar month some weird shit goes down in the countryside where old myths die hard. Well the couples are lost in the countryside thanks to their driver who abandons them. Apparently we come to find out later in the film that this dude believes in the myth of the pale demons coming to murder and he needed a sacrifice and they were it. The couple must face of with the pale demons and survive the night. Sounds like a good concept but I have seen some better foreign horror films and this just had long boring lulls throughout that makes it tough to sit through. Want weird? Look for a film called “The Johnsons” as I give this film 1 star.

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details and for upcoming guests.

Gross Movie Reviews #447

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Gross Movie Reviews #447

 

Megalodon (SyFy Channel/DVD) – A Navy ship defies orders from its admiral (Michael Madsen) in order to try and save a shipmate and her experimental sub that is swallowed up by a monster shark. The monster shark is loose because the Russians were supposedly at the bottom of the ocean trying to tap into the pipeline. The Navy could never find evidence of it but now they have if it if they can survive the attack of this prehistoric shark that is now trying to destroy the ship. The film was fun for about 15 minutes but I couldn’t take seriously Michael Madsen as he doesn’t fit into a military outfit let alone the U.S. Navy. But whatever as I give this limp noodle of a shark flick 1 star.

Santa Jaws (SyFy Channel/DVD) – So this may have been the underrated treat of “SyFy Channel Shark Week”. A teenager who is an aspiring comic book artist is grounded for Christmas and told he will miss the comic book party. He opens up an early Christmas present which just so happens to be a magic pen. With this magic pen the teenager Cody begins drawing his latest comic adaptation ‘Santa Jaws’. It is literally a great white shark with a Santa hat on its fin that begins to track down Cody’s family and eats them on Christmas Eve. Once Cody knows that Santa Jaws is real he must convince everyone else and figure out how to get rid of this jolly man-eater. There are a lot of corny holiday bad jokes, the subplot of the Cody trying to talk to the cute girl across the street, and the weird comic book dude that hits on all women. Before you start bitching why this movie shouldn’t exist, remember there was “Santa Paws”… So check your brain at the door and keep this on the back burner for the holiday season as I give this holiday film 3 stars.

 

Frenzy (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Starts off like a found footage film but corrects itself into complete crap that makes root for the characters to die of a quick horrible death. But apparently the filmmaker watched “The Swallows” on a continuous loop for a month and an idea to appeal to younger horror fan… maybe? The Lewis sisters and friends have a YouTube show where they go adventures and such and record it for their online shows. This episode has them filming as they illegally get someone to take them into a protected sanctuary just so they can say they were there. Of course the plane has problems and they crash in the ocean only to become fish food for some hungry sharks. I literally hate watched this film about ten minutes in and wanted all the characters to die cause sad part is I could see real life dumb asses doing this to begin with. Anyway… get off my lawn as I give this piece of garbage 0 stars.

 

Nightmare Shark (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Now, I am not saying this shark movie was great or anything but have to say kudos for a different shark film. A doctor finds a way to reach out to shark attack victims for an experimental group therapy weekend. He claims to be working on a drug to help cure the nightmares they all have about the same shark. A shark that Dr. Novak may have seen when he almost died in Hawaii a few years before and it asked him to serve the shark god. So yes Dr. Novak has bad intentions once all members of the group have arrived. But remember it is about nightmares so not all you will see is true or basically imagine if Freddy Krueger was an ugly shark trying to kill you in your dreams. Just weird enough it kept me interested and for that I give it 2 stars.

 

Aftershock (YouTube/VHS) – A crazy off the wall post-apocalyptic flick where war has turned most of the world into a wasteland and an alien has decided to visit. The alien is there to gain information on how to stop their world from killing each other in war but soon understands there is no hope on Earth either. John Saxon plays a militant madman trying to win a war who only answers to Richard Lynch and has a bodyguard played by James Lew. Did I forget to mention Michael Berryman shows up in drag, Matthias Hues comes off as a wrestler in the future who lost his way from the movie set of “I Come in Peace”, Al Leong is hanging out with the bad guys watching Michael Berryman stab a dude in a bar fight, and there floppy disks may help save the world from John Saxon. Bad movie gold my friends and deserves to have a Blu-ray as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Sleeper (Blu-ray) – A way cool 2-disc retro horror flick set in 1981 on a college campus. The Thetas are looking for a few new pledges but an unknown psycho has other plans as he keeps crank calling the sorority house and announcing which member he is about to kill next. His weapon of choice is a hammer which brutally messes up his victims. When more girls begin to go missing the police begin to take the murders seriously but have trouble tracking down who the killer could be? Justin Russell the writer/director of the film puts together a wonderful horror walk down memory lane that was like a mash up of “Black Christmas” and “Graduation Day”. If that wasn’t enough we also get a cameo appearance by the man, the myth, the legend, Joe Bob Briggs as the doctor but also you get him to do his ‘drive-in totals’ for the film as an extra. Great stuff folks as I give this fun retro horror film 3 ½ stars.

 

The BPO Halloween Mixtape from Hell! (DVD) – The BPO Films trio has a lot of fun with a couple of short films called Benny Bob and Phantom’s Super Halloween Special 1 & 2. Also in between you get a couple “Pizza Boy” trailers which I could not stop laughing throughout. If Benny Bob and Phantom are not trying to scare each other they do fight a demon! This collection doesn’t show off their talent as much showing they are all about just having fun when they put together a wonderful project and that can take you a long way. It reminded me a lot of the early stuff that I have seen from independent filmmakers Jim Roberts, Steve Rudzinski, and Rick Fusselman. Make something out of nothing and just enjoy what you put on film. Dumb hijinks that doesn’t get old and also just referencing popular movies like “Ghostbusters” doesn’t hurt for laughs. Well done guys as I give it 4 out of 4 stars as this entertaining DVD will get replayed around Halloween at my home. For more info on these guys check out www.bpofilms.com .

Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich (On Demand) – One of the most talked about horror films of 2018 and for good reason. This got a lot of horror fans’ attentions when the puppets first showed up at Texas Frightmare weekend and we all were learning this film will be very different from the original Charles Band production. It is hard to define if this is a reboot, sequel, etc., as the new film is based on the characters but taken in a much darker direction that many of the “Puppet Master” entries stayed away from. But anyhow a comic book store employee has recently moved back home after a divorce and has hooked up with the girl across the street. They make the decision to head to a toy convention that is celebrating the 30 year anniversary of ‘The Toulon Murders’. There he hopes to sell what he thinks are one of Toulon’s original puppets that may or may not have killed his brother when they were young. Once there and after the creepy tour with Barbara Crampton the retired cop, the dolls are disappearing from people’s hotel rooms and thought stolen. But the evil puppets are killing again thanks to Toulon who has risen from the grave! The hotel becomes the center of an all-out bloodbath and the only way to maybe stop the murdering puppets is find the undead Toulon. After watching the film I was surprised at the cameos and how many bodies pile up in the film. The film takes a wonderful and entertaining ride into evil and I liked it! Not a fan of the puppets like the original but I am wanting more… I give the film 3 ½ stars. But I have two questions I want answered: When is the sequel coming? And will Charles Band ever make another “Puppet Master” film now with this existing?

 

6-Headed Shark Attack (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Married couples on an island for a couple retreat or boot camp to help them get back what they once had. This is disrupted by a six-headed shark that may have been the results of an experiment over 30 years ago on the other side of the island? Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer this film may have had the whiniest and bitchiest characters of all time! I so wanted the six-headed shark to be thrown like a Chinese star through the island when the bad weather arrives in the film. Thus ending this feature quickly as these people needed to die. No one here was likable. I really hope films like “Frenzy” and this sequel do not become a trend in horror movie making because it just plain sucks out loud! I give it 0 stars.

 

8-Bit Bloodbath (DVD) – A twenty minute film about a gamer named Billy who is invited to a Halloween party but becomes a sacrifice instead. But Billy rises from the dead as an undead 8-bit super zombie who seeks revenge against mankind. Once undead he slaughters people with his various weapons he is able to produce out of his zombie Nintendo glove. The independent short film is raw but very entertaining and reminds me a little of the Polonia Brothers early stuff shot on VHS. Todd Wolfson has my attention with this film and his trailer for ‘Sponge’ which looked very funny and entertaining. I give this fun short film 3 out of 4 stars and cannot wait to see what is to come next from Mr. Wolfson and crew. For more info on this project check out:  https://www.facebook.com/8BitBloodBath/

 

Patient Zero (On Demand) – A UK flick that has the world being infected by a super rabies virus. It started with animals but mutated once it got into humans causing them to become raging violent maniacs. With the population being decimated quickly the military grasps at straws with their research and trying to find ‘Patient Zero’ for answers on how to cure people. But there is a slight hope as a man helps the research on a daily basis as he was bitten but never turned. With this he is able to communicate to the infected and hopefully using this power helps them all find the cure. Problem becomes the infected are evolving and want not a war but everyone to be infected. A very curious alternative horror film that is a reminder of how good “28 Days Later” was and how I am surprised not to see more films like this made over the years? I give this interesting flick 2 ½ stars. I may have given it a better rating but wasn’t really impressed with the non-ending.

 

The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time (SyFy Channel/DVD) – And just in case for those of you counting at home this is “Sharknado 6”. When we last seen Fin, he was in the future with his son (Dolph Lundgren) and he was going to help his father to get back to the past. Now, Fin ends up in prehistoric times and finds most of his family as they fight a Sharknado at key points in history. Along the way they are trying to find Fin’s son (no longer Dolph Lundgren because it was cheaper I guess?) so they can meet up. But after killing off a bunch Sharknados their flux capacitor goes awry and they end up in 20013 or something… Basically ‘Planet of the Aprils’! The movie goes completely absurd but does a much better job of going absurd than the past two sequels as this entry was much more entertaining of how they are trying to stop the Sharknados for good. It was a wonderful movie idea they ran into the ground but I am glad it exists for the mere reason it got people who usually wouldn’t pay attention to this kind of film to pay attention. So thank you Sharknado for the good and bad shark movie sequels as I give this entry 2 ½ stars. Also I give it three years before it gets remade???

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #446

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Gross Movie Reviews #446

 

A Quiet Place (DVD) – So this cool and different monster flick kinda pooped out there into the cinemas earlier this year and surprised horror fans. The movie begins on Day 89 in a post-apocalyptic world where some monsters have pretty much taken over the world and laid waste to humans. They are attracted to sound and will find you if you make a sound. The story centers on a family that uses sign language to communicate with each other and wear no shoes. On their way back from looking for food their son is playing with a toy that makes sound and the monster comes and snatches him up. We fast forward 400 days and the family is still living in silence and still have hope that they can find a weakness to hurt these flesh-eating monsters. They find the answer by accident when the daughter’s hearing aid makes static sound. I give the filmmakers props for a different concept and a cool looking monster. It was so cool to see a different kind of monster flick and for that I give 3 stars.

House Shark (DVD) – So in the village of Liverpool, Frank the cop lives with his son and is a divorcee. Frank is about to go out on his first date in a very long time. So Frank leaves his son with Betsy the babysitter. But apparently a period fart lures a shark to come up the commode and eat Betsy ass first. Frank and son shocked move out of the house and live in the backyard in a tent. Besides no one believes Frank’s story of a shark in the house he refuses to live inside. The bank is about to foreclose and the real estate company is pissed they cannot sell it because of Frank. So they get Frank away from the house long enough for people to come by to see if they want to buy it? They do but are eaten by the ‘House Shark’ but not before another witness sees it happen and we get the great line, “John stop! I don’t want anybody to see your fingers up my butt!” Frank finds a “House Shark” expert in Zachary Taylor and the real estate company sends in Abraham Lincoln… kind of to help take care of this shark issue. The independent horror film is filled with tons of jokes that keep the movie moving right along including the hilarious shark costume. I really enjoyed this shark as I couldn’t stop laughing but again people it should be pushing two hours long. But kudos to you Ron Bonk for making a legit cool Indy shark flick as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Land Shark (DVD) – The latest from Mark Polonia and crew that stars Sarah French whose character works for the Malco Research Corp. Of course they have been experimenting with sharks but little does Ms. French’s character knows they are secretly trying to make the sharks into weapons. She finds this out after some sharks have crawled out of the tank on land and have killed some people. Malco believes the project is going in the right direction until the sharks are out of control. All this film was missing was Joe Estevez and “Roller Gator” as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

The Meg (Theater) – So Jason Statham showed up in this cornball shark movie that is nothing more than a much higher budgeted ‘SyFy Channel Shark Week’ flick. Statham is Jonas who is only one of a few people who have gone 10000 feet for a rescue. Five years ago he had to leave two buddies behind saving a crew of a sub that was under attack by something. No one believed him it was a large shark. Present time off the coast of China a crew has been attacked and disabled on the bottom of the ocean and Jonas is called in for the rescue. They are saved but the very large shark has followed them and now is feeding on all in the ocean. Like I said, “cornball movie”. If you are not expecting much you will be entertained but otherwise wait for the “Sharknado” sequel as I give this 2 ½ stars.

 

Revenge (DVD) – A French horror flick that deals with a young woman who is with her much older married boyfriend for a weekend. Then his two hunting buddies show up. They cannot control themselves and they get very touchy. The boyfriend tries to smooth over the event with a check but she runs out of the house and the men run after her. Once the heated exchange settles and supposedly a helicopter is coming to pick her up she is pushed off a cliff to her death. The men figure to clean her up while they come back through hunting. But she is able to burn the tree she was impaled on and escape. Now injured but very pissed she seeks revenge against the three men. A wild and gory time but the film has been done many times before but I did enjoy the gory ending as I give it 2 stars.

 

Horrors in the Witch’s House (DVD) – Alex Wesley and his gore hound friends are at it again with his latest short film about a man named Azulyat who was just released from prison. Azulyat has a debt to pay but has a plan. His plan is go to his aunt’s house, kill her, and sell the house off to pay the debt. But once there Azulyat decides to do some heroin and finds his aunt was into some demonic shit and hid it in the attic. Not thinking he has messed with some dark magic and now it has come back to haunt him and make him suffer. As usual these guys bring the gore and guts in bucket loads and do not disappoint with their latest effort as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Legacy of Blood (DVD) – This weird 1971 horror flick has John Carradine dying at the beginning of the film and is going to leave his inheritance to his family and staff. But there is a catch they must spend the night in his home that is considered evil by the family. There are flashbacks of abuse, possible incest, and just plain weird shit going down. The interesting part is if someone leaves or doesn’t survive the night their share is split up among those that are left. Kind of an oddity of a horror flick as it doesn’t exactly fit a genre of horror flick but well worth the watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Brutal Massacre (DVD) – David Naughton is Harry Penderecki, a famous low budget horror filmmaker whose last few films haven’t made a dime. Harry is shopping around a new project that he believes could get him back on the right track. He is mostly known for the films: Sasquatch in the Mall, People Pesticide, Bowel Movements, but believes this flick will be different? Hollywood gives him one last chance and not much of a budget to pull off his last project. Meanwhile a documentarian named Bert follows around Harry to see the process of the film from pre-production to finished product. Everything you can think of goes wrong with the troubled production but because of the non-ending it becomes the elusive masterpiece he has lived for. Great roles filled by Gunnar Hansen and Ken Foree in this absolutely hilarious film and possibly David’s best since “The Sleeping Car”. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Lion (Vimeo) – The latest short film from Davide Melini that deals with child abuse. An abused child is in bed trying to sleep and wishes to his stuffed lion to not be hit anymore. Once his stuffed lion hits the floor his wish comes true when his father is watching a program with lions on it. A great way to get a message out about child abuse as the short film deserves 4 out of 4 stars. Well done Davide, well done sir.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #445

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Gross Movie Reviews #445

 

Blood Slaughter Massacre (DVD) – Some murders happen at a small party in Havenwood. The killer was never found and was nicknamed “The Ripper” but many in the community buried any news about the horrible event. Ten years go by with no clues or any murders and then “The Ripper” strikes again. The detective who was young and just started on the police force when the killings first took place is determined to find the killer no matter what. The film has an okay slasher concept and runs with it but the biggest problem is the camerawork sucks and the running time is two hours long. You find someone that knows what a tripod is or understand there are cameras with downloadable apps for steady-cams and understand 40 minutes of this flick could be edited without even thinking then we are talking a much better horror film. Saying that it is worth a watch if you are weird like me but take it with a grain of salt as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Video Nasties: Moral Panic, Censorship, and Videotape (DVD) – This documentary that was released in 2014 gives you a crash course in what was the “Video Nasties” and what started it in the UK. About 70 horror movies being released in the early 80s sent certain groups of crazy people into frenzy to ban certain horror movies because of their level of violence. It took years for people to reverse this trend in the UK as horror movies were delayed in being released to video or just never seen at all. The documentary dives into people being up for fines or imprisonment for just owning an uncut version of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” or “The Evil Dead”. This led to a whole new ratings system that just upset everyone anyhow. A very interesting look into what most horror fans over the age of 30 only heard about. I give it 4 stars.

 

Video Nasties: Draconian Days (DVD) – This was part two of the 2014 documentary that dives deeper into the “Video Nasties” but how the censorship went way beyond that. Hell I thought the U.S. had it bad with the MPAA? Over in the UK it was to the point certain normal cartoons were being censored or pulled because one dude was like “Yep that is going to corrupt kids, cut it or pull it completely”. It was some crazy shit going down. It was no longer horror movies into the 90s as it expanded to all genres of film. The BBFC basically help start the black market for uncut horror films in the 90s… Interesting stuff folks as they even talk about the horror conventions in the 90s were there but you had to have the special invite to get the good stuff or uncut flicks. Once again I give it 4 stars.

 

Lady Terminator (DVD) – Oh just your typical crazy foreign flick about a woman anthropologist who goes out to sea to investigate the disappearance of an evil queen from centuries ago. She disappears only to be captured and have her tent hole to be entered by a CGI snake that possesses her with an evil queen from the past that fucks dudes to death. Yes kind folks that is pretty much the plot of this fucking gonzo flick. Once bored with dudes on the beach she heads to the mall, a dance club, and even gets in a car chase with a police officer which isn’t fully explained. But hey who cares as she is banging dudes to their deaths! One of those movies you will think I made up but have to watch just to make sure as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Dangerous Seductress (DVD) – Six years later there is a sequel of sorts to “Lady Terminator”. The Evil Queen returns when a nutzoid car chase goes down and ends in a horrific crash that leaves gore everywhere. This blood jump starts The Evil Queen to partial life but when a stupid American girl named Suzie reads some ancient text for no apparent reason this bring The Evil Queen to her. Now, Suzie becomes possessed and given the powers of darkness which include banging hot dudes to death! Will this sexed up killing spree ever end? Maybe… but still not as entertaining as “Lady Terminator” so I got to give it 2 stars.

Urban Cannibal Massacre (DVD) – A 2013 independent flick from ‘Ghetto Hollywood Pictures’ that was just pooped out there in existence without anybody telling me about its greatness! The film takes place in Akron, Ohio where the Jones family is a well-respected family of a small community. The secret of the family is they feed on the homeless and only like the white meat. The Jones family does not believe in eating their own kind. The only problem this prospering family has is the youngest daughter is a vegan and thinks it’s absurd the family carries on the tradition of killing poor white people and feasting on them. No one in the community suspects anything weird with the Jones family especially with having friends that know about their business for a certain price. But this family is about to be outed when some college friends come to town looking for a missing friend and they find clues that lead them to the Jones family. These college kids get more than what they bargain for when they mess with the Jones family especially when the young daughter Kendal is in love with one of them. Hilarious storyline and an amazing amount of awesome gore make this wonderful movie a treat for gorehounds as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Scratch (DVD) – German killer rat movie sounds awesome at first but what starts off great falls apart in the second half of the film when they go away from the storyline… Which is killer rats fucking rule people. I was disappointed as I give this mutant rat flick 1 star.

 

Evil Bong 777 (DVD) – I thought I swore off watching this series but who am I kidding as this is a Full Moon feature. No matter how much I believe this series makes Charles Band look like he has no passion for filmmaking anymore and it just insults the original Full Moon fans, you know I had to watch it. Eebee and friends are back from ‘Sexy Hell’ (don’t ask that would require me caring to watch Evil Bong 666 sooner than later). Of course first thing back you gotta go to Vegas to see a puppet sex show.  Then after that the friends head to a cheap haunted hotel to relax. But that doesn’t last long when Evil Lucy cuts of the head of Satan in Sexy Hell so she can return and get her revenge. And by the way the story will continue in part eight whether you want it to or not. But the main reasons for watching this film is pretty much Sonny Carl Davis but also Robin Sydney who I consider a wonderful actress. Robin with her work has probably become 1C in actresses for me as I declared Tiffany Shepis and Debbie Rochon 1A and 1B several years ago. I give the film 1 star for the mere reason it wasn’t a 60 minute Full Moon ad!

 

Dr. Alien (DVD) – Here is a weirdo bottom of the barrel sex comedy from David DeCoteau in 1989 that stars Billy Jayne (Parker Lewis Can’t Lose fame) as a college freshman who has trouble with the woman. Well lucky Billy Jayne’s character (Wesley) his Biology teacher is killed searching for an U.F.O. and a hot young lady shows up to be the new biology teacher. Oh yeah she is from outer space and convinces Wesley to allow her to experiment on him with a new vitamin that makes a thing come out of his head and girls want to bang him. Wesley all about the extra credit believes it works but the girl he is after is just a girl that likes him for being him. In the end we come to find out that the hot biology teacher is from a planet that is dying and they have trouble breeding and needed to test her experiment on Earth! Hilarious crap I cannot make up as I give it 3 stars.

Mutant War (DVD) – Another diamond in the rough I found while searching all the movie channels as Brett Piper writes and directs this 1988 post-apocalyptic sequel. Harry Trent is wandering the wastelands five years after “Galaxy Destroyer” and stumbles upon a young woman who needs help from a mutant. He helps and she enlists Trent to break out her so-called sisters who are held captive in a compound by a shitload of these mutants. But it isn’t as easy as it looks because the mutants obey a crazy old human who has intentions of taking over the world! Fun low budget stuff from Mr. Piper that I feel like deserves some kind of box set edition for more fans like me to see more often as I give this flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Munsters Go Home! (DVD) – This is one of test movies to know if your favorite horror fan is legit. The show was fun but the movies are hilarious and this 1966 classic set it all up for future laughs. Herman Munster has just inherited a lordship and properties in England. So Herman and the family pack up at 1313 Mockingbird Lane and head to Munster Hall to see what it is all about. But there is some of the Munster family in England that doesn’t believe Herman deserves any of it so they spend their time trying to scare him. When that doesn’t work they come up with a plan to kill him in the yearly car race that is between several families that live around Munster Hall. If you don’t find this movie funny seriously there is something wrong with you and you might have to start questioning your life choices? I give it 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #444

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Gross Movie Reviews #444

 

He Knows You’re Alone (DVD) – Here is a little lost slasher from 1980 that has an early appearance from Tom Hanks and just recently got the DVD/Blu-ray treatment. A young lady’s parents go out of town for the week and she is in the process of getting married. She might be having second thoughts now her fiancée has taken the scouts camping and the ex is shooting hard for her. But unbeknownst to her there is a serial killer on the loose who is killing women who are about to be married. Never mind how he knows, he is a movie serial killer of course he knows. But he stalks her throughout the film and kills all around her. For me it was a first time watch and definitely good enough to revisit again someday as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Ninja Demon Massacre (VHS/DVD-R) – Now, you most likely believe I made this up? It is real folks I assure you that. In 1988, ninjas must be hurting for business as in Hong Kong they start selling foreign secrets. So of course some dubbed U.S. actors/authorities get involved and send in a secret agent or two to stop this from happening. There is no demon which was kind of disappointing and not much ninja action. But it did have ‘massacre’ in the title so of course I sat down to watch it… once… I give it maybe 1 star, maybe 2 stars for stealing the music from the Gene Simmons flick “Runaway”.

She Was So Pretty (DVD) – Alfred or Alfie as he is known in the film is out looking for the perfect woman/victim. He finds it in a woman named Valerie who tells friends she hasn’t felt like herself for about year now. It’s like someone is watching her which of course Alfie is. But in Alfie’s spare time he brutalizes other women. When Valerie heads to the woods with some friends for some vacation time Alfie takes this time to kidnap her and take Valerie home to watch some “Casper”. The weirdness only adds to the suspense and sleaze of the flick as Alfie doesn’t have a whole lot to say, he just does things. When the local park ranger/cop is called in and does his so-called investigation he finds Alfie and in a strange plot twist joins in on the brutal fun. I like the weirdness of this serial killer flick as it stands out from most but the only downfall to me at least was the film doesn’t exactly have an ending. Whether you like or not it is something you don’t see very often in independent film so you get kudos for that. But good news horror kids there is a sequel in the works as I give this flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on the film go to: www.shewassopretty.com .

 

You’re So Cool, Brewster! The Story of Fright Night (DVD) – This is literally the most in-depth documentary you could watch on the making of this fun classic horror film. The documentary covers nearly 2 ½ hours of your time watching as it dips into everything and anything you could want to know about the famous 1985 vampire flick. The only issue I had with the documentary was the running time and it spending about 60 seconds on the sequel and nothing said about the rumored third film that was being pitched around Hollywood in 1990? But it got everything it could into this flick and most fans will be happy with it. So kick up your feet and enjoy inside story of “Fright Night” as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Massacre at Rocky Ridge (DVD) – A real dumpster fire of a no-budget film that has CITs (Counselors in Training) taken out in the woods for the yearly training. Mainly because they couldn’t afford a movie set with cabins so it is just tents. Once there some boring dialogue takes place, the gratuitous girl on girl scene, and people dying at the hands of a masked killer in a robe. This one is so bad or I just made up another “massacre” movie that it doesn’t have an IMDB page but can be bought for $29.95 on a website if you search hard enough. For that I give it a ½ star.

 

Meathook Massacre (DVD) – A woman and her two friends set out on a trip to a concert in Nebraska. But first she has to watch entire rock video just like “Killer Party” but nowhere near as good! Car runs out of gas on a lonely dirt road and one of them gets out going to look for help. She comes across a small weird farmhouse where a masked killer lives and likes to chase his victims with a meathook. For a sixty minute movie there was way too much talking and not enough killing as I give it 1 out of 4 stars.

 

Meathook Massacre 2 (DVD) – Ten years have gone by since that faithful day of those horrific events. But the meathook murders have popped up again in the news and a man whose twin sister was a victim of Bubba is hell-bent on finding this sadistic killer. Not many meathooks in this flick but with a few more dollars in the budget compared to the first flick the filmmaker decided to do a no-budget jam of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and 3. There was a little more killing going on this flick so I give it 1 ½ out 4 stars.

 

The Quiet Earth (DVD) – A 1985 sci-fi flick from New Zealand where a world one morning basically stopped and there was possibly only one survivor. The first thing you see besides the sun rising is a dude named Zac and his hairy dong getting out of bed. As he drives into work he notices something weird, everyone is gone. For whatever reason all the people are all gone. Once Zac is done losing his mind for several days he gets his shit together and goes on the road to find someone, anyone. Along the way he finds a woman and another man. Over dinner they discuss what actually happen and they figure out “The Effect” kept them on earth for some reason. But after more discussion they figure out they all died at the exact moment when “The Effect” happened. “The Effect” as we learn could have been produced by an experiment from Zac’s company that was helped by the government. Soon Zac figures out the sun is soon to collapse and then there is no earth so they come up with a plan to blow up Zac’s company to shutdown “The Effect”. The ending is real weird as you are not totally sure what happened or what didn’t but glad I watched this post-apocalyptic flick as I give it 3 stars.

 

Blood Massacre (DVD) – A Don Dohler flick that was actually made in 1987 but never released until 1991 under some shady dealings that did make Don Dohler happy at all. Great stuff to read up on before watching the flick. Four thugs go rob a video store only to shoot a clerk there while getting away with the money. On the run their car breaks down and forces them to find other transportation. A woman named Elizabeth Parker picks them up and now hostage takes them to her family farm where the four thugs are going to rob them blind and eat before moving on. Soon the armed thugs are surprised that his family isn’t your typical family as they like flesh and slaughtering humans. A little icing on the cake is near the end of the film one of the thugs Rizzo gets away and prepares the woods like Rambo to fuck the family up only to find out they are not just cannibals… Love it, fun stuff as I give it 3 stars.

 

Burlesque Massacre (DVD) – A wanna be porn film that is a poor excuse for a horror film. The flick centers on a killer brother and sister combo that believe “incest is best”. The sister brings her burlesque troop to her brother’s house for a vacation weekend but instead they get killed after showing lots of tits and ass. There is more sex than killing and probably should have just sold out and became full blown porn just for entertainment sake. But whatever again it had “massacre” in the title and I give it 0 stars because I had to watch it.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

See yinz at GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

Gross Movie Reviews #443

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Gross Movie Reviews #443

 

The Tripods (VHS) – This made-for-TV flick was a BBC production made in the year 1984 and some would say even has some kind the film has some kind of cult status? But anyway this 2 ½ hour film is set in July 2089 outside of London where mankind has been long invaded by alien machines. People have accepted this and live in peace and actually worship the machines and have somewhat gone back to the old days of living before technology. But there are a few people or vagrants that have refused the “capped” process and live scattered among the mountains to evade capture by the alien machines. Since the machines have arrived, war has been non-existent, and the people willingly give their children at the age of 16 to the machines to be “capped”. The machines take them in and basically tattoo their skulls or doing god only knows to their brains. So two teenagers meet this vagrant and decide they don’t want to be “capped” or questioning authority and runaway to the mountains to escape believing there is more to life than these alien machines. The project is very British so for me a little bit was lost in translation but is an interesting project and worth the watch if you love sci-fi flicks as I give it 2 stars. Random fact the TV movie premiered here in the U.S. in the mid-80s on PBS.

Nightfall (VHS) – A 1999 independent vampire flick that had distribution through Troma that was set in Seattle, Washington. A F.B.I. agent named Jack Talbot is investigating a string of murders that have the victims bloodless and marks on their necks and believing there is a serial killer in the city. But Talbot’s partner is killed during the investigation and he begins to believe this vampire theory to the point he chases the vampire to a different city. Talbot teams up with a couple of local detectives who are already on the case of similar victims to try to kill this vampire. I can understand why Troma picked up this flick: nice amount of blood, the acting isn’t terrible, and the story is pretty solid. I give it 2 stars.

Jack Be Nimble (VHS) – This is a story of two kids, Jack and Dora who live in New Zealand and were given up for adoption but separated for the adoption. Jack went to a weird, backwoods; abusive family and Dora went to a nice couple and grew up without issues until high school. Now teenagers they both are having issues and try to explore this possible psychic link in finding each other? Dora gets picked on because of this obsession so she kicks some major ass at school and begins her search for Jack. Where Jack gets down right crazy and dark and hypnotizes his family to kill his parents to escape into the countryside looking for Dora. A really weird and violent flick from the country down under but it makes for an enjoyable watch. Plus you get to see Alexis Arquette in an early role as I give it 2 stars.

 

Big Legend (On Demand) – Tyler and his soon to be wife head out to the remote woods to spend time together and so Tyler can propose to his girl. But it is interrupted by a very large hairy creature that drags her away and leaves him a mess as she disappeared. Twelve months go by and we see Tyler leaving an asylum where he was placed as many thought he was crazy and try to get him to understand it was most likely a grizzly bear attack. Once out and some advice from his mother he heads to the woods armed to the teeth wanting answers. While there he is attacked by this large thing again but it goes away and Tyler meets a new friend who tells him a story or two and talks about a private company owns the woods. This private company knows about the thing in the woods and he has also been looking for it but only has heard sounds and stories until today. Eventually Tyler has a bloody battle with thing/bigfoot/creature and survives. The film ends with having a conversation with Lance Henriksen setting up an “Avengers vs. Bigfoot” sequel or at least I hope that is what it’s for?  Also look for cameos by Amanda Wyss playing Tyler’s therapist and Adrienne Barbeau playing Tyler’s mother as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Domestics (On Demand) – The film is set in a post-apocalyptic world where the government may have hit the reset button by dropping black poison on all its citizens one random day. Those who were immune or survived are faced with fighting for their lives day in and out if you are anywhere near the major highways or roads. These are the areas where different gangs of “Sheets, Gamblers, cannibals, etc.” settle at looking for fresh humans for whatever means they need. We are introduced to a lovely couple who were in the process of a divorce right before all this shit went down and just trying to survive like everyone else. The wife has lost contact with her family and wants to travel to Milwaukee to see them. So the husband packs up the AMC Eagle and get on the road out in the Midwest to drive to their destination and satisfy the wife. I really enjoyed this possible reality or outcome of America because I could easily see this happening and that is some cool shit! For that I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Beyond the 7th Door (DVD) – A Canadian film from 1987 that centers on a man named Boris who just got out of jail and is meeting his ex for a drink. After some bickering about who should have done what before he went to jail suddenly come up with an idea that involves Wendy’s boss and his house. Wendy’s boss is Lord Breston who pays well but supposedly keeps a bunch of cash on hand. So the two come up with a plan of Wendy sneaking Boris in once her shift starts and getting out Boris out when she is done. Once in both are trapped inside by a heavy steel door and they must go forward. A recording of Lord Breston comes over a speaker explaining in order to get out they must move forward for the money or die trying. So it becomes a series of rooms that Boris and Wendy must solve until they get to the end where a million dollars sits. The film is overall really weird and how Wendy and Boris ever got together is a story I would like explained. But the kicker of the film is the ending once they have made it through. Like or hate it you will have to admit this is one of the more interesting films that you will have in your collection as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Medusa Against The Son of Hercules (DVD) – One of the many Italian ‘Hercules’ films that came out in the late 50s and early 60s where this one has no Hercules but it has monsters! A warrior named Perseus fights a sea dragon and Medusa to try and stop a war. But Perseus is double crossed and war breaks out anyway. So by killing Medusa he is able to have warriors return from stone and help. A fun introduction for kids who want to watch some fantasy genre films or just a nice appetizer for the early 80’s cult flick “Clash of the Titans”. I give it 2 stars.

 

The Raven (YouTube) – Todd Ernest Braley shows off his filmmaking and casting talents with this short film adaption of the Edgar Allan Poe story. The black and white short film has narration throughout telling the story as two wonderful actresses act it out. Poe fans will love this short film so be sure to hit up Todd at: https://www.facebook.com/colofilmmaker as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

The Bucks County Massacre (DVD) – This is an independent found footage flick released through Brain Damage Films. The event in question takes place in 2008 with the film/documentary being released in 2010. Basically a group of friends head to a remote cabin for a 25th birthday party. Of course someone is filming everything going on there. While the footage unfolds there are interviews with family members of the deceased from the videos. All of them of course trying to get past the hard times but also still trying to understand how this could happen?  Especially with police trying to stop the leak of the footage out there on the internet but anyway once the party is starting to die down a girl goes missing. Her boyfriend goes looking, people get angered, poor judgment because of the drinking, and presto they are all being attacked by some human-like creature. From there it is all blood and chaos. The film is not bad at all just for me takes entirely way too much time building up the party and every character in the party even before the girl goes missing so I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Tagus Ranch Massacre (DVD) – A group of friends heading out to a deserted restaurant on a bus breakdown but after some repairs finally get to their destination. Mostly tired and miserable the group of friends wants to just sleep after getting there but a friend falls down and may have had a seizure? Nope, just a demon spirit possessing his ass! Of course the group slowly disappears or becomes possessed by these demon spirits that haunt the former restaurant. The demons don’t just possess them they also want to kill in very gruesome ways. Think of “Night of the Demons” on a much smaller budget and I can respect that. Not a big fan of the ending but sure it felt right when the project was finished leaving it open as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

See yinz at GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

Hey we got that damn thing to download our shows… so enjoy!

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This week Tim and Kyle get back together to review a dad flick that Kyle probably should have seen as Kyle starts Eastwood Summer in THUNDERBOLT AND LIGHTFOOT.  Then Tim talks about a made for television flick starring the legendary Tom Atkins in TARANTULAS: DEADLY CARGO. All this and we chit-chat about the most deadly badminton tournament in the history of Pittsburgh.  The lack of a badminton based slasher movie, CHUD uprisings, Kyle sees Deadpool 2 and dives into the series Black Mirror, and we answer your questions, and chat about what we’ve been watching.  

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 This week Kyle and Tim welcome back the legend that is T-Shirt Joe to talk about the Tanya Harding based b-movie action flick BREAKAWAY.  Kyle continues his Eastwood summer and watched THE GAUNTLET.  And Tim talks about one of the best movies in recent memory in SICARIO.  Also, we talk about Tim’s trip to the Slayer/Anthrax/Testament/Lamb of God/Behemoth metal extravaganza.  Joe’s concert stories and we answer all your listener questions and ramble on about movies, life… and what not.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/