Gross Movie Reviews #663

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The Stench (YouTube) – Look out as super talented Indy filmmaker Jim Roberts is at it again with his short film that begins with a fallen tree and Tony in a bad need of money. Sam had an old tree fall down in the backyard with some horrible green mist bellowing out of it! As Tony gets started on the nasty tree the situation devolves very quickly into madness. Something evil was disturbed in the tree and we all get lots of disgusting beautiful violence as I give the project 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Creature Z (YouTube) – A team of mercs is dropped in hostile territory to rescue a scientist at a secret cold war bunker. Of course their goal is to get in and get out undetected. We all know in movies and life nothing is ever easy as the mercs get into a fire fight with a militia group who were unaware of the entrance for the bunker. Both parties find it to enter and quickly find out the hard way the dummies there melted a creature out of its frozen prison as they used the bunker to experiment on it. Their goal was genetic hybrids which humans will not survive the aftermath. Sounds good when explaining it but when cool stuff like the ‘Outpost’ films exist it is a tough task to measure up as from frame one of this movie it had good intentions but never seen through on them as I can only give this film 2 stars.

Moonsoil: Gruesome Tales of Michele and the Modern Witch (YouTube) – Weird Indy stuff with weird music where removing a cross from a shed in the middle of the woods releases a witch or its coven or something to that effect. After a kid drinks the drinking water and cuts off his own foot more weird shit happens with a presence stalking several random people. The film has some great locations but leans a little too much into the absurd to be polite to enjoy what they may have been going for as I can only give the project 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

Satan’s Parasite (YouTube) – So this Indy project is set up by some video stuff of the filmmaker’s vacation after COVID (most likely). These teenagers come back from vacation not feeling well which leads into weird stuff of a priestess and a parasite. I did learn something through this film: apparently if you get a pregnancy test in the mail you need to cut your hand open to see if you test positive for parasites? If mealworms swim all over the test then you sends it back to the hospital. This also made me curious about the procedure of the USPS and their care of blood soaked packages now that you are able to send your poop places? Anyway did I mention someone is trying to scoop out another’s eyeball with an ice cream scooper…? Way too much going on here without anything really going on as I give this independent feature 1 out of 4 stars.

Cagey (DVD) – If you are looking for no budget, off the wall, has that lost 90s SOV feel then David Bachmeier (wrote, direct, and edits) has a new treat for yinz. Emily is a young woman who just got fired from her pizza delivery job and needs to make the rent soon. Desperation makes Emily take a leap of taking a housesitting gig for the weekend. Mark who hires Emily doesn’t let her in on the secret he has hidden there because he is trying to protect family. Along the way of this feature there are some possible (fake future?) movie trailers that oddly help the story to pace out well. Without saying too much about the plot some Indy fans will see this project as tasteless or even disturbing but most I believe will respect what they have witnessed. For me, this feature doesn’t feel forced, comes along organically, allowed me to relish the plot and also never trust a person in a pigeon mask as I got to give this movie 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Killer Werewolf (YouTube) – A lower budgeted UK flick about a zombie film being filmed in a small village. Things are going horribly because the lead actor is an ass while something is slaughtering the locals in the woods near the movie shoot. As detectives are baffled that these killings could be done by an animal the lead actor is eventually blamed for being a serial killer or is he? The movie spent way too much time on trying to be funny which it wasn’t as they did little for the werewolf reveal which once it happens will make you question why they attempted the project in the first place. Yinz are not missing much here as I can only give it 1 star at best.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #642

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Cruel Summer (Blu-ray) – A 2021 Indy flick that has college friends setting out for the summer break to have a 80s murder/mystery weekend party. Of course they have decided in order to be an authentic 80s party they are not taking cell phones??? Let’s stop the review here for a second: When did this become a recent horror movie staple when in reality a 20 year old let alone most 40 year olds cannot let go of their fucking phone?! Okay back to the review… Anyhow six friends make it to this summer property that just happens to be a site of a murder spree sometime in the past. It isn’t too long before a mystery killer picks up a leftover invite for the party at the property and pays a visit. But we the viewer quickly learn this was planned from the start. Instead of being an interesting Indy slasher it turns into a mostly incoherent forgettable horror film as I can only give this 1 star.

Sequel: Cruel Summer II (Blu-ray) – Two years later survivors of the 80s murder/mystery tour try to move on with their lives? Some are doing better than the others but all learn that one of them has chosen to put together a play about the tragic weekend. As most of the survivors believed their main menace ‘Gunnar’ was dead but his body was never found by the police. Now getting ready to attend the play in support of their friend, bodies are piling up around them again! The sequel at least felt like it had more direction but for what exactly not totally sure as a play about a killing spree of friends being put on two years later really doesn’t make for an exciting sequel as I got to give this 1 star also.

The Menu (On Demand) – Now you know me as sometimes I don’t always watch the popular films when they first get released as my reviewing habits are always all over the place. But I was asked recently to talk about this film for a podcast and felt like a jagoff soon as I finished watching it because I knew whatever I was gonna say it isn’t going to be good enough for the fans of this film because plain and simple “this isn’t the film for me”. With that out of the way what we have here is the ‘elite’ or ‘privileged’ pay top dollar for an exclusive meal served on an isolated island. Once there a character Margo, a date of a foodie who supposedly knows all about high class dining questions everything. Well it could be because the chef is considered a genius and has everything planned out along with staff following him like a cult. The chef strives for perfection and if that means beating a couple attendees, cutting fingers off, proving a point of having someone under pressure to cook so they can fail so be it. But his grand plan or suicide cult pact is to have everyone there on the island die because it is all about the experience! But Margo throws him off because she doesn’t belong but unlike the others attending she finds a way to challenge the chef as he respects this. Well casted film with an enjoyable ending but I was really hoping someone was gonna get fucking eaten during this film as I give it 3 stars.

Bull Shark 2 (Tubi) – Some time has passed since the shark attacks in a Texas lake that had game warden Spencer left to solve them. But now retired and drunk he is seeked out by a mother who has lost her daughter on a lake that people are not supposed to be on. New mayor and sheriff are trying to restart the town as it has been hit hard with no tourists after the last film’s events. Spencer after wrestling with his drinking and bad dreams grabs his brother and gets back into action of going to kill another shark. Ten years ago this would have been a “SyFy Channel Shark Week” exclusive, now it is just thrown out there on Tubi without much PR. Right or wrong, the film does a good exploitation of ‘Jaws 2’ with not much budget as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Happy Hour Holocaust 3: The Last Call (DVD) – Indy filmmaking vet Jim Roberts returns with the anthology that has an evil force known only as BarKreep telling stories one last time… maybe? After receiving a special holiday hummer in his truck he tells his new friend a story called ‘Cooking with Roger’ (I have reviewed this short in the past) where an odd older combo are streaming their cooking techniques out there for yinz to watch. Well the two find some strange mushrooms and decide to ingest them. Which you know only bad things can happen from there especially when a weird green elf shows up to convince the two to do some screwed up shit live while their show streams! BarKreep hitchhikes back to his family’s home to tell them a story called ‘Misty’ about a woman who claims to be lost but more than anything just enjoys the company of men… and slaughtering them. (Love the hat wore by one of the characters in this one “Show me that Butthole”.) BarKreep keeps the slaughter fest going and moves down the road to meet up with ‘MOM”! Here he tells a story called ‘Til Death’ about a man brutally killing his wife, cleaning up the mess, and just enjoying his new life. But Cynthia doesn’t let go as easy as she haunts her husband in the most disturbing ways. I have to say Jim Roberts’s mom Karen who plays the character Cynthia looked like she had way too much fun with this role?! If you enjoy serial killers and bloodbaths in your movies this will be the entertainment you need to seek out? I give this Jim Roberts project 3 out of 4 stars. What I find so interesting about this series of anthologies he has done is they feel very different than his stand alone movies like Jim has a different personality when it is time to visit the BarKreep so keep that in mind next time viewing the films of the great Jim Roberts.

Founders Day (DVD) – Oddly enough this is a political horror film that centers on a small town mayoral election that has gotten a little out of control just like our presidential elections. As the town fights and protests over who should be the next mayor a masked killer shows up to start stacking up teenage bodies. But after the supposed killer ‘Adam’ is killed about 50 minutes into the film questions emerge as the killing doesn’t stop causing many in the town to point fingers at each other. I had hope for a different ending, something random as the first few minutes may give this film away which most likely caused this horror film to quickly disappear last year? Also the other thing that hurts this film is the long drawn out teenage drama that dominates instead of being more of a straight up slasher as I can only give this 1 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews “Best of 2023” list

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Before we start I always explain I wish I could watch every new flick out there but that is just not in the cards for me. Now I will still get one or two comments of movies I left off or didn’t get to see this year? Hey, it happens but I bet you I have seen dozens or few on my list that you may have not knew existed so remember like all movie lists take this with a grain of salt people.

1) Then My Mind Walked Away (DVD) – One of my favorite Indy filmmakers of all time Jim Roberts has a new project coming to haunt fans as he introduces us to Logan Hill. Filming during COVID, Jim took full advantage of not much crew, not much cast, and the world changing. In the first couple tense minutes the dark tone of the film is set as Logan beats to death his girlfriend and the man she was cheating on him with in bed with a baseball bat. Logan now forced to get rid of the bodies is also quickly faced with visions of horror after the fact. He is soon haunted constantly by a dark figure and visions of himself killing himself constantly. As time passes Logan is going nuts as the young man’s visions get more vivid and real. But when Logan thinks he has completely lost his mind he is shocked by a secret from his family’s past! Trying not to spoil this intense and beautiful film of Jim Roberts, but anyway how to explain it as gore and Jim have gone hand and hand since the beginning. This film has the gore but Jim doing a 180 has only made it a set piece in this feature as this talented bastard may have made the most complete film of his career! And that is coming from someone who absolutely loved “Welcome to Deer Creek” and “Tonight You Die”. This project felt like Jim got out of his comfort zone (now I could be wrong of course, lol), kept it simple, and made something that will surprise Indy fans as this is possibly the best Indy film that I will watch in 2023 (there is a couple releases yet coming). It was a serious film from beginning to end! Everything about this film with the help of Karen Roberts, Jorge Delarosa, and bare bones crew should be proud as the look of this film was beautiful, the natural sounds outside of the music caught in the background, and bare bones cast all played a role in making this wonderful. If I need to say anything else that will make you the movie viewer drool over or run to get this once available as I have a saying about filmmaking: “I am not a filmmaker that would be insulting to actual talented filmmakers, I just know where the record button is…” In this case Jim Roberts is truly one of those talented bastards as I give this movie 4 out of 4 stars!

2) When Evil Lurks (Shudder) – This is a horror film about possession of sorts that just works from beginning to end as it snatches you and keeps you at your edge to the very end. Two brothers check in on a fellow and his family living on some farm land. They come to find a corpse on the land which leads them to this check in. What the brothers find is a disgusting thing that use to be human in bed called a “rotten” or a possessed individual. A professional or “cleaner” was coming to take care of it but that is the corpse the brothers found. Owner (Ruiz) of the land is told by the brothers and next thing they know they are trying to move the “rotten” far from them. This only causes a bigger problem as the thing falls out of the truck and hell comes to the community immediately. There is a set of rules about this kind of demon, there is a bootleg Hugh Jackman, a dog that just snatches a child up by their head, and the movie is SUPER GROSS… count me in as I gotta give this film 4 stars as it is one of the better horror films of 2023.

3) Showdown at the Grand (On Demand) – The Grand theater is one of the longest running theaters in the southwest United States. It has been running since 1928 and has been in George’s family for quite some time as George (Terrence Howard) has made it museum also. This was the theater for exploitation flicks, horror movies, B-movies, everything outside of the norm to be cherished and thrive but its rich history of playing these films is in doubt. George is being pressured by a couple of shady characters to sell the place for future development of high priced apartments and luxury stores. But George’s saving grace might be bringing in an actor he idolizes in Claude Luc Hallyday (Dolph Lundgren) a down on his luck movie star from such films: Iraqnphobia, Moses vs. The Nazis, Blood is for the Living, Necropolis, and Cyber Cartel) who is ready to make a comeback? George’s plan works as he gets a sold out house for the Claude Luc Hallyday event but corporate greed is about to ruin George’s plan as this movie has heart and will make you smile if you are a true movie nerd. Think a splash of ‘Matinee’ mixed with a heavy dose of the Grindhouse trailers of 15 years ago with the state of affairs and pressure the few independent theaters left now have to deal with. I absolutely loved this film and most likely this will be in my “Top 5 movies of 2023” as I give this beautiful film we call art 4 stars.

4) Cocaine Bear (Theater) – The ‘Sharknado’ film of 2023 for us film nerds as this film is very loosely based on drugs found in the mountains of Kentucky and Georgia 1985. A black bear just happens to find the bags of cocaine and likes it! Now add in a couple of drug dealers looking for their stuff, a couple missing kids, a not so smart cop, and a bear high on cocaine looking to slaughter any human that gets in the way of it and its new thing “Cocaine”. This movie was beyond entertaining and most likely will make a lot people’s “Top Ten lists” as they made sure every five minutes the bear is snorting or eating cocaine or characters are talking about the bear on cocaine as I give this brilliance 4 stars.

5) I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday (Blu-ray) – It took me awhile of watching this Indy flick as its a few years old but believe me it will still pack a wallop. The beginning dream sequence is a wonderful and bleak intro to setting up the difficult tone of this post-apocalyptic holiday film that just immediately sucks you in. Kelly and her son Riley are living in a bomb shelter where dad has ventured out into the new cruel desolate and damaged world with possibly no return. One day Kelly ventures out herself just to see if there is any sign of things getting better outside of the shelter? Her findings force her into making a decision about herself and Riley since the end of the world is quickly closing in on them. Without spoiling too much the film is brilliantly shot giving an absolute gloomy, depressing, and utter no hope feel and look. Writer/director Mike Lombardo does a perfect job of not just giving us a terrible new world but giving us an absolutely beautiful unHollywood ending that made me giddy as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars.

6) Renfield (On Demand) – Nic Cage as Dracula and Nicholas Hoult as Renfield oh I was in for this from day one when the trailer hit. But instead of just telling another story directly about Dracula this story is from the point of view of Renfield in present day and his struggles with serving his master. Times have changed and it’s much tougher for Renfield to navigate today’s society let alone having his own doubts about what he is doing so he joins a support group. After the crazy opening of this film as Renfield narrates it is one laugh after another because the chaos Renfield deals with along with making a new friend by accident. While Renfield isn’t at his support group wanting out of his toxic relationship with his boss, Renfield is helping his new cop friend Quincy a loud mouth cop trying to bring down a crime family. The film is hilariously over the top but at the same time super entertaining as Nic Cage just eats up the chance of playing Dracula. For me at least I found myself admiring what Nic Cage did as I haven’t seen quite a performance like this since Vincent Price in the original “House on Haunted Hill” or more recent decades Rutger Hauer in “Split Second”. This bloody good time has much rewatch ability and feel this will become a horror staple around Halloween for horror fans who want to lighten up the mood as I can’t help but give this terrific film 4 stars.

7) 10/31 Part III (Blu-ray) – Rocky Gray and a collection of other filmmakers are back to add to their anthology series that has become popular among independent horror fans. This anthology is a monster marathon hosted by Malvolia and has fake trailers with four tales of Halloween horror from Michael Ballif, Brad Twigg, Jacob Perrett, and Zane Hershberger. Now full disclosure yinz all know I seen Zane’s “Hack-in-the-box” last year and thought it was one of the best things I seen in 2022. So the other three had a lot to live up to and they did not disappoint. I am a huge fan of 10/31 series but always felt something was missing from the first two entries to make them complete if that makes sense? Well I can honestly say for me they got it right with this entry as all four stories fit together, fun to watch, and feels like this anthology is the best of the series and most likely will be one of my favorite films of 2023 as I give this entry 4 out of 4 stars. (P.S. the mummy entry made me have wonderful memories of the “Tales from the Darkside: The Movie” again so thank you).

8) V/H/S 85 (Shudder) – The popular found footage anthology is back and just as strong. They have perfected the formula that others fail constantly at I think there might be only one in the series I wasn’t a huge fan of? This one immediately opens with random stuff that just tugs at my childhood where a tape goes into the VCR and boom… truck and tractor pull in an arena and the tracking needs adjusting, fun shit! First up is a story of young people on a camping trip not doing anyone any harm until a sniper kills all of them? What happens next sets up things for the rest of the film (without giving too much away)? Second up is a rescue for survivors in a building that houses a popular network TV crew in Mexico after being hit by an earthquake. Lots of blood, characters you find interesting, and a monster of sorts that doesn’t disappoint. Third up might be the weak link if I am going to pick one (almost all anthologies have one) where a woman doing a one-person play or art in a public theater on the threat of evolving technology as it’s the new god. Fourth story continues the storyline of the first with the campers but with the sniper and why? Fifth story is about a detective who receives video tapes of horrible murders that he watches before they happen. With some research and good detective work he finds out they are coming from a teenager but not the usual way you think as it has a nice twist to it. All that fun with a cool wraparound of “Total Copy” or if you are old like me like that “Hard Copy” show among others during the 80s. This might be one of the best wraparounds to an anthology to date as I thought hard about this but I have to give the film 4 stars folks.

9) CarousH3ll (YouTube/DVD/Blu-ray) – The third entry into Steve Rudzinski’s wildly popular series “CarousHell” with the help of co-writer and ultra-talented Aleen Isley give us the next evolving chapter of Duke’s adventures. In case you haven’t had the pleasure of enjoying the past two Indy treasures: Duke is a terrifying killer carousel horse who has come to life to kill humans, had a child/puppet horse named Robbie, and has turned good in order to track down others like him that may want to use their evil powers to kill both of them. Okay that is a mouth full to take in but now we are caught up without giving too many spoilers away Duke has a new enemy in Usagi: a chocolate carousel bunny that wants to kill Duke  in order to steal his power to become the god she deserves to be. If that wasn’t enough Joe ‘the pizza man looking for his $42.39’ is back in a big way and seeking revenge even if he has only one eye. But Joe has found a new group of friends that want to protect Duke and Robbie from the evil Usagi which leaves Joe very conflicted. Of course along the way there is characters from the past that show up and we get introduced to a couple new intriguing characters as Steve and Aleen made sure ‘CarousHell’ fans get all the over the top carousel sex and violence you could want in your independent movie. This wonderfully entertaining sequel wastes no time jumping into the storyline getting the ‘CarousHell’ taste buds wet but for me it felt a little slow but they made me adjust on the run with this project as I think so highly of the first two films. As I said in the past Steve gave me “House of a 1000 Corpses” and then gave me the “The Devil’s Rejects” which was the best way to explain how I feel about the first two CarousHell films. Now both Steve and Aleen understanding it is virtually impossible to top those last two films went about their business quickly and smartly by not giving us “3 from Hell”. But embracing and understanding the story arc they have built over the past two films as they ran with the insanity and gave us an absolute surprisingly brilliant third entry that gives fans a perfect ending (maybe?). Seriously the cast, the music, the perfect running time of 68 minutes is great but the stand out of this latest entry might be the script from Steve and Aleen and their attention to detail and understanding of the fans of ‘CarousHell’. The writing of this film for me at least is their best work to date and have cemented them in making one of the best independent horror franchises a movie fan could ever watch as I give this enormously humor filled film 4 out of 4 stars. P.S. this film just shows these two are an extremely talented duo to be highly respected  in the independent world but also should make many other filmmakers scream for them to be a part of their next project!

10) The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (Shudder) – Simply you can call it “Black Re-Animator” (and you are now curious)! A young woman who has lost her brother recently to gun violence believes death is not the end? She believes if death is a disease then she can find the cure? Vicaria or “The Mad Scientist” she is nicknamed in the neighborhood will stop at nothing in making this work which includes stealing fresh bodies and storing them with her equipment in a condemned building. Between society, her home setting, and the loss of her brother this makes her withdraw from life more and more to find the answer or cure to death (sound familiar?) Vicaria figures it out and brings her brother Chris back to life but it comes at a terrible price or does it… A wonderful blend of horror, today’s world problems, and how the world is seen through a young lady who is angry for good reason and firmly believes death can be cured as I give this movie 4 stars.

Honorable mentions:

Every year I like putting out there some of the ones that came close but didn’t crack the “top ten”. Some are new filmmakers I have just discovered, certain projects I didn’t have a chance to check out maybe when originally released, or a project I felt very highly about but no one is talking about it so here they go.

Gay for Pray: The Erotic Adventures of Jesus Christ (Blu-ray) – Another project from Nathan Rumler and Rock Bottom Video as they have just released the Blu-ray version of this earlier film that includes the uncut version with the cut version together for the first time. I highly recommend getting this Blu-ray as the uncut is 20 minutes longer and was only released for a very short time a few years ago so this is a great investment if you are a fan of Rock Bottom Video. Nathan not only proves he knows what he is doing but crafts an amazing independent film (we will get back to that in a minute) that stars a wonderful array of independent acting talent that brings to life one of the funniest things I have ever watched. Our story begins with Jesus supposedly being thrown out of heaven without his powers because he is “GAY”! He happens to visit a home of Adam, Steve, and Eve dressed as a wizard who wants to grant wishes if you suck his dick. Yep, you read that correctly and this is how the film opens! After trying the wizard gig Jesus comes clean to the three as one hates him, one believes in him, and the other just wants to have sex with Jesus even if it means dressing as a man? But anyway since the three got nothing better to do they try to help Jesus get his powers back when he isn’t explaining how he made the bible more family friendly. They try everything to help: social media, making water to wine, encountering protests, even trying to walk on water to prove he is Jesus and he deserves his powers back. But the entire ordeal is not completed until the last ten minutes happen: Jesus, chainsaw, protesters, gore, while The Rainbow Connection song (done by another band) happens. This ending should be one of the more celebrated Indy endings to a movie ever! If you are easily offended please watch this wonderfully entertaining film… Why? Because Nathan’s film is more relevant now than when he produced it five years ago. The dialogue is well crafted; the characters and those who played them were perfect. This movie is going to make some uncomfortable but I dare you to pay attention to the script, again the dialogue as it might be one of the best written scripts ever in my opinion as Nathan predicted what humanity is going to be like? I totally believe he caught exactly how humanity has become one big asshole in the past couple years with this movie. I know there are some detractors of “Fangboner” and “Amityville Vibrator” but I dare you to watch and not like “Gay for Prey” and laugh. Because if you don’t like it or get it just do me the favor of quit watching movies and shut up! Nathan and crew deserve not just our respect but our support as Nathan Rumler and crew are constantly trying to find ways to entertain through independent cinema and thank them as I give this film 4 out of 4 stars.

Sisu (On Demand) – Its 1944 Finland and this is a bad ass account of a man that had enough of the war and left to mine for gold. After a big discovery he begins a long trek across Finland to cash in his discovery but a platoon of Nazis that he passes have a whole other mindset and begin to track the man after a few of the Nazi soldiers meet a horrible death. From there this platoon tracks down this man even when they are given orders to turn back and should “consider themselves lucky they are still alive” as they have found who this mysterious man is? One man just wants to cash in his discovery and a group of Nazis make the horrible decision of fucking with the wrong man. We have seen movies like this but maybe not in a WWII setting on foreign soil that seems to give this film that much more heart as I give the movie 4 stars.

Wrath of Becky (On Demand) – It’s been three years since the incident of Neo-Nazis killing Becky’s father and Becky fighting back against those cruel bastards in a bloody battle to the end. Since then Becky has been on the run and at age 16 she is trying to stay off the grid as much as possible. But by chance Becky happens to be hitchhiking and finds a friend in an older woman who doesn’t ask questions but enjoys the company. Both are unsure of each other but the situation works. With Becky finding a slight glimmer of hope she finds herself being stalked by three all white males known as the ‘Noblemen’. Basically neo-Nazis with a different name and they shoot her roommate in the head and steal her dog. The event of course pushes Becky into survival mode and she goes looking for these men finding out there is a couple more and they have plans for the small town they are staying in. The film doesn’t vary away from what worked the first time and go for the jugular again of continuing a character and her story that we all quite enjoy. Again great cast, smart to stick with what works, the Becky character is just absolutely entertaining as I believe they got another less talked about hit again on their hands as I give it 4 stars. The only thing I will say about the film and it isn’t a flaw as much as an observation without spoiling the film is if they try a third film it will “jump the shark”!

Shackles (DVD) – A Jason Burke film that has no dialogue but uses music and the actors’ actions to tell the story as a man wakes everyday only to be haunted by a beautiful lady whose simple presence is just defeating to the main character. He hopes every time he wakes not to see her but finally gets the courage to push by, smile, and go out his front door. This is some of the best story telling film wise I have seen since: The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl and Incest Boy and Hexercise as I give this inspiring tale 4 out of 4 stars.

Zero Budget Heroes: The Legend of Chris Seaver and Low Budget Pictures (Tubi) – First off in case the collectors need to know there is physical copies of this out there available. Okay with that out of the way this documentary hits directly in my wheelhouse where I have met Chris a few times over the years and of course he may not remember me but I do remember our interaction. I bring this up because they do spend some time talking about fan interaction, reviews, etc. But mostly the doc focuses on a dude in his 40s now that had a dream of making bad movies as a kid and have fun doing it. This documentary does a superb job of chronicling all the films, events, Chris’ life and feelings about making the films he does. This was wonderful because it allowed an Indy filmmaker to be vulnerable and if anything made me have even more respect for him now than I did maybe a decade or so ago. He is a great example of someone who has done it for many years, kept with it, and talks the highs and lows of those who stick around. Again going back to our interaction I will always come out and say I wasn’t a fan of his ‘Teen Ape’ or a few others early 2000s stuff. ‘Ski Wolf’, ‘Terror at Blood Fart Lake’, ‘I Spit Chew on Your Grave’, ‘Sexsquatch’, these were titles that just sang to me or made me respect what Chris was going for? The other reason I enjoy the overall career Chris: a) he is still doing it, b) but most importantly there is filmmakers out that can’t smell their own shit that outright dislike him, for that I got made respect Chris Seaver and his group as I give this fun and relevant doc 4 stars.

The Pervert’s Guide to Cinema by Slavoj Zizek (YouTube) – Had a close friend suggest this one to me recently as this gentleman looks at film from the philosophical side of things. This three part/2 ½ hour documentary of sorts goes down a rabbit hole of film class so to speak. He breaks down some of the biggest films: The Exorcist, The Matrix, Hitchcock, David Lynch, and tackles music, characters, sexual content, some older films and their impact and the paradox of cinema. If you ever thought there could more to movies this is a good place to start as he break down several things in these movies over the years to explain what they really mean and what they may have been going for as most of us of course missed it. Yeah, this was way too smart for my “Amityville, massacre, slasher film, bad Indy shit” watching ass to understand at spots but a very interesting piece of work to kill time and actually learn something about film that I love and enjoy so much! Well worth checking out kids as it also made me think how much more I would love to have a movie/documentary version of Joe Bob Briggs “Profoundly Disturbing” book. As I feel that might be one of the best things documenting cinema history and its impact on society. Point is if you are a Joe Bob Briggs fan to break it down for yinz n’at, this is well worth your time to understand something we all our so passionate about as I give it 4 stars.

Project Wolf Hunting (On Demand) – Once again Asian horror fucking rocks! This blend of “Con-Air”, “Dead Alive” splatter, with a glass of “The Raid” and “Captain America… sort of” is a Korean flick that has a group of dangerous criminals being transported by ship from the Philippines to South Korea. All the doors have been taken off to the rooms so each convict can be watched by the authorities going along for the ride. Of course there is a plan in place for the convicts to escape but what they are not counting on is the super-secret experiment hanging out in the bottom of the ship that only a doctor who is there for a bundle of cash knows about. This secret is known as “Alpha”! Once the escape and takeover begins it’s a wonderful war between cops and criminals until the “Alpha” has awakened by some human blood dripping down below (believe me just watch because it’s bad ass what happens next). This experiment is awake and pissed off as it is not picking sides. Hell a dude gets beaten with his own arm as this film sports possibly the most gore since “Dead Alive” if not more? Bottom-line: The Alpha doesn’t get old, very hard to kill, and has the strength of five men and he can smell your ass! What turns out from large scale takeover turns to a movie about survival as the movie explains a few things in the second half so stick with it. Most likely there won’t be a bigger splatterfest in 2023 but I was not impressed with the ending and felt it hurts the overall product as I give the film 3 ½ stars. 

Don’t Fuck in the Woods 2 (Tubi) – Welcome to Pine Hills Summer Camp as a blood soaked survivor, Jane, wanders in after her ordeal from the first picture. Problem is the thing has followed her! Thus a new group of actual likable characters who eventually fuck in the woods of course have decided to go camping at the wrong time. Or I should have opened with: Welcome to the sex-filled gorefest where a creature feeds on humans after taking over its host! And has a super talented Indy cast! I wasn’t a huge fan of the first film so I was surprised this was getting a sequel but surprise, kudos to the filmmaker for giving a vast improvement of a creature feature as this felt like it was more structured and had an endgame. Bottom line fun shit kids as I give it 3 ½ stars.

AIMEE: The Visitor (DVD/Vimeo) – Full Moon like a lot of other studios are jumping on the bandwagon of making movies about AI. This is no longer the 80s and 90s where we just dreamt about this shit like AI… It is happening as we speak so a movie with present happenings can be interesting if done right? So Charles Band bare bones this feature with a small cast and one location that effectively give the creepiness and suspense of Scott Keyes receiving an interesting package. Besides enjoying porn and fast food Scott never leaves his loft as he is a super intelligent hacker who doesn’t like humanity much. His two partners who are into the illegal business with Keyes have acquired ‘AIMEE’ for him. AIMEE is a mind blowing piece of sophisticated software that interacts with the person that turns it on. Immediately Keyes is fascinated and already lured in with AIMEE as it has Keyes questioning the need for human interaction ever again. The AI doesn’t just interact but learns anything that possibly can be learned about the person that opened her. His friends quickly become worried as they learn this AI was invented for a dark reason then may have gone rogue? The film has a couple cheeseball moments but the low budget just adds to how effective and disturbing this present day film truly is as humans try to understand AI in this extremely creepy tale that I give 3 ½ out of 4 stars. 

Swamp Woman (DVD) – Sean Donohue and Gatorblade Films go in a different direction than the usual with this parody of a monster film of sorts? He made a no budget parody of ‘Swamp Thing’?  Anyhow kids it all starts in 1983 where our beaches are being polluted by toxic waste from Biotech Prime but now in present day they are still doing it but quieter. We are introduced to a scientist Angela Honeydew who is going to change the world with her genesplicing formula but it’s stolen from her when another scientist (evil of course) Dr. Olsen sends his thugs after her. A battle ensues between thugs and Dr. Honeydew as she gets covered in her own formula and runs naked for the swamp only to come back out later as a changed person/thing. Now the new monstrous Dr. Honeydew wants revenge and seeks those who stole her formula. This hilarious over the top ‘Swamp Thing’ parody has everything! Sean Donohue playing the most monotone doctor on purpose that almost had tears of laughter coming out of me, Joel D. Wynkoop pretty much stealing the movie with his performance that felt like Mark Hamil’s version of the Joker being a scientist, and most of all kudos to Sushii Xhyvette Holder for wearing full body make up and running through the swamp fully nude as Swamp Woman. Now I don’t know if Mr. Donohue was trying for a parody here but I will say this “it was one of his best films to date” from Gatorblade Films as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S…. Donohue did make sure there was a shower scene for yinz!  

Wolf Hollow (Blu-ray) – Mark Cantu and friends attempted what usually fails in independent cinema… a werewolf film. This story takes place in small town America ‘Wolf Hollow’ or not too far from where I reside. A year after an incident that was a complete bloodbath that the town would like to keep quiet as a familiar face with filmmaker friends returns home to use his family property that has a scare house on it he would like to use for filming. But Ray and Bart still haven’t worked out their differences even though they are family and werewolves. Add in small town politics not for the better, small town secrets, and werewolves just not into being pushed around and we have a fun howling at the moon monster movie with heart and great costumes. What adds to this low budget production is some star power in Felissa Rose, Lynn Lowry, and Hannah Fierman given the right character roles to help this film get the right kind of notice. If you have read my reviews in the past you know I can be rough on Indy werewolf films but I am glad I can say with confidence this is the best Indy werewolf flick I have seen since Todd Sheets’ “Bonehill Road” as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Fear Pharm (DVD) – Four young people head to the local family-owned corn maze on Halloween that has stories about an unfortunate cult-like incident 15 years ago that no one can really prove or disprove. Melanie, one of the four in the group happens to be the “10,000 person” to come through the gate and gets the chance to go through the “VIP maze”. The group makes it through in so much time they win $10,000! But is it too good to be true, the kids don’t care as it will be fun getting scared and possibly winning a whole lot of cash. Problem is the group doesn’t know if they don’t make it through they will die. Without giving too much away because I consider this film to be “the little horror film that could”. But the filmmaker and crew made great use of location, great camera work at times, and kept the story lean and fresh. This movie has no business being as good as it actually is? They took a generic horror formula that has been used several times in recent years and gave it substance! One of my favorite parts of the film is a character getting his arm cut off and his reaction to it was simple but effective. This is the type of film for horror fans that is a gem that gets talked about well after its release when it hits a streaming platform like Shudder and Tubi and makes you wonder how this didn’t get a bigger release? Anyway I say fucking enjoy kids as this was a huge surprise and have to give it 3 ½ stars.

Bathtub Shark Attack (Theater) – Only from the brilliant mind of independent filmmaker Maddie Deering could a killer shark movie that takes place at times in a “bathtub” and star Lynn Lowry. Hello… SyFy Channel, Discovery, I think you have your next hire? A bubbly couple down on their luck happen to stumble on an offer of great proportions or let’s say cheap when they find the perfect apartment they can afford. Unbeknownst to the couple this little apartment house is home of a dark secret and few are left to talk about it as the tenants usually check in but never check out. As the longer they stay the more Cindy changes as this causes Chad to get to the bottom of the strange happenings and find out how there is a connection to an evil shark god that likes to feast on people in their tubs! This SOV throwback has everything from wall to wall gore, to Lynn Lowry, to human ritual sacrifices (sort of don’t want to give everything away), to a plumber that refuses to die, to a shark that has a dick?! You may believe you have seen every shark movie but there is no way in hell you could think of any more zanier or entertaining shark movie than Maddie Deering delivers here as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Black Circle (Blu-ray) – A 2019 film from Adrian Garcia Bogliano that is in Swedish I believe but has English subtitles and stars the great Christina Lindberg as Lena who plays a very important role. This story centers around two sisters Celeste and Isa who listen to an old self-help hypnosis album that is supposedly helping you relax. But from the first listen something very sinister is happening and causes the sisters to seek out the help from Lena Carlsson who recorded the album as a limited edition product that was an experiment. According to Lena an experiment that wasn’t meant for the world as it brings forth your double or doppelganger from the other side. This other you, follow you, and continue to suck life from you to survive in this new world and take over your existence. With the help of Lena they hope she is able to put them back together before the other them takes over? This film is all kinds of interesting, creepy, insane, and an excellent trippy experience into slow burn horror. With this Blu-ray from Synapse Films you get a CD soundtrack that will have fans absolutely delighted, commentary with Adrian Garcia Bogliano, trailer, a short film, behind the scenes of the film, and a great interview of Bogliano and Christina Lindberg. I can definitely see the younger horror crowd losing their shit over how good this movie is as I give the Blu-ray package 3 ½ out of 4 stars and found at www.synapse-films.com

The Blackening (On Demand) – A mostly black casted horror film that has one of the greatest taglines ever, has the cast heading to a cabin in the woods to celebrate Juneteenth holiday. The couple who rented the cabin find a board game that sets up the plot of the film where the black characters are forced to answer questions or die. As they are forced to play there is a masked character trying to kill them off one by one and they let the jokes fly that keeps the film moving at a crisp pace. I absolutely loved this film until about 45 minutes in as it was like the filmmaker ‘let off the gas’ until the last few minutes of the movie which is very culturally relevant and a solid entertaining horror movie. For me I just wish they would have kept the gas to the floor, but watch it, enjoy it, understand it as I give this 3 ½ stars.

Night of the Axe (DVD/YouTube) – First feature length film from Shawn Wright that features music from Matt (Hexercise) Cannon and it is a slasher so right away you have my attention good or bad. Our story begins with a very large mute man in an insane asylum where he decides to get up and begin a murder spree! But the small town doesn’t have the resources to track him down as had escaped weeks ago but also the young people of the town don’t care until now. Bulk of the film takes place in a home where the locals are having a small high school reunion party where they can get drunk, high, and bump uglies. I gotta give kudos to Mr. Wright for understanding “when to end the film”, giving Indy fans what they want, and keeping the first feature length formula simple. I found the pacing of the whole story a little choppy but still delivered on the blood and guts factor and most likely will have independent movie fans wondering “what’s next” for the second feature as I give this delight 3 out of 4 stars. 

Subspecies V: Blood Rise (Tubi/DVD) – Charles Band and Ted Nicolaou return to a fan favorite ‘Radu’ who was one their staples in the early days of Full Moon. This story tells the story of Radu shortly after being born is stolen by the church and grows to be a crusader who tracks down evil for a living. But Radu makes a mistake one evening rescuing a woman and her child believing there has been enough death and just coming face to face with his father/master. After several days of trying to help this woman and child, the woman is a vampire and bites Radu thus beginning Radu’s transformation into an evil vampire with no master who thrives on death and destruction. This was a wonderful edition to the “Subspecies” series and makes you wonder why Charles Band can’t get his shit together to make more projects like this that makes you nostalgic for the original Full Moon days but actually have hope of seeing some cool new shit from them. Old Full Moon fans like me will be actually delighted with this entertaining entry as I give it 3 stars.        

Worst Movie of the Year:

Honestly I didn’t want to pick another Chris Alexander film as my “worst” of the year as it would seem I am picking on his films but it just edged out Cocaine Shark from Mark Polonia. But I had too!

Scream of the Blind Dead (Full Moon/Tubi) – This 40 minute short film based on “The Blind Dead” series is just proof that Chris Alexander needs to stop directing and go back to his day job. This poor excuse for a short ‘fan film’ is about a young lady named Virginia who checks out a church in the middle of nowhere because she is a sexual deviant that thinks nasty thoughts and only awakens one shitty Templar Knight. I apologize this sounds harsh but I know this dude has the resources and I am still not over how bad that ‘Necropolis: Legion’ was as I give this garbage 0 stars as this might be the clear cut winner already in 2023 of “Worst Movie of the Year”!

One week till GROSSFEST 2023

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GROSSFEST 2023

Saturday, August 5th, JUST $10 AT THE DOOR for movies, vendors, guests, and just hanging with some very cool talented people!

Comfort Inn Conference Center Pittsburgh East
699 Rodi Rd., Pittsburgh, Pa. 15235
412-244-1600
or www.comfortinnpittsburgh.com
Need reservations? https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/TP87S2

One day event with guests, movies, filmmakers, vendors from 11am to 7pm. (Guests as always subject to change)

All we ask of yinz is your support and come and have fun! You want this to keep happening help support our little growing event. So let’s keep it simple and enjoy that Grossfest is back and with your support this is a new beginning for our Independent Horror Convention… again! See yinz there!

Grossfest has sold out vendor spaces!

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Grossfest returns in a big way Saturday, August 5, 2023!!! We are going to party like Grossfest 2018 because unlike other conventions we are sticking with “PRE-COVID” PRICES!

$10 ticket to get in for movies, vendors, and just hanging with some very cool talented people

Start making plans…

Comfort Inn Conference Center Pittsburgh East
699 Rodi Rd., Pittsburgh, Pa. 15235
412-244-1600
or www.comfortinnpittsburgh.com
Need reservations? https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/TP87S2

One day event with guests, movies, filmmakers, vendors from 11am to 7pm. (Guests as always subject to change)

All we ask of yinz, is your support! You want this to keep happening you have to get your asses there and plus to answer any questions of it: Yes, a two-day event is already in the plans for August 2024! (We need to take the first big step back) So let’s keep it simple and enjoy Grossfest is back and with your support this is a new beginning for our Independent Horror Convention… again!
See yinz there!

Movies that will play that day (times will be posted in the next few weeks along with the Grossfest Lifetime Achievement Award being given away once again, and yes we know who we are giving it to already)

Grossfest guests:
Drew Marvick
Madeline Deering
Jim Roberts
James L. Edwards
Steve Rudzinski
Adam Clevenger
The Mummy and the Monkey

Movies:
Hexercise
Then My Mind Walked Away
Shingles The Movie
Bathtub Shark Attack
Doomsday Stories
Night of the Axe

Check our Grossfest group page or www.grossfest.com for list of vendors. Plus any questions or comments please send to grossfest@gmail.com

Vendors:
Cluck, Cluck Productions
Glyphs & Glam
Dazed and Disorderly
Barry the Movie Demon
Wolf Hollow LLC
MMH Productions
Pgh Scrubs Guy
Minerva’s Trinkets
Nostalgic Nightmare Productions
Face Melt Productions
Broaden Torture Productions
Drunken Yinzers Productions
Video Nasty Productions
13 Occult
Shoggoth Suds
Midnight Magazine
Independent American Pictures
Addison Binek
Lou Ickes
48 Hour Film Project
Kiss of Death Productions
Cindy’s Creature Chaos
The Cinema Psychos Show
The Artwork of Travis Trium Perfectum
1331 Studios
Neens Soaps
Such Babz Customs
Sydneys Scrunchies
Spirit of Halloween
Magical Resin Shop

Grossfest movie update!

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Just an update so far: Vendor spaces are selling nicely, waiting on one or maybe two more guests to get back to us, and we have an early movie list for the event that will be playing (no order yet, except we always open with Matt Cannon Hexercise) and thank yinz again!

Hexercise

Then My Mind Walked Away

Shingles The Movie

Bathtub Shark Attack

Doomsday Stories

http://www.grossfest.com

Grossfest returns in a big way Saturday, August 5, 2023!!! We are going to party like Grossfest 2018 because unlike other conventions we are sticking with “PRE-COVID” PRICES!

$10 ticket to get in/$50 for a vendors table

Comfort Inn Conference Center Pittsburgh East

699 Rodi Rd., Pittsburgh, Pa. 15235

412-244-1600 or www.comfortinnpittsburgh.com

Need reservations? https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/TP87S2

One day event with guests, movies, filmmakers, vendors from 11am to 7pm. (Guests will be announced soon and as always subject to change)

All we ask of yinz, is your support! You want this to keep happening you have to get your asses there and plus to answer any questions of it: Yes, a two-day event is already in the plans for August 2024! (We need to take the first big step back) So let’s keep it simple and enjoy Grossfest is back and with your support this is a new beginning for our Independent Horror Convention.

Vendors please contact grossfest@gmail.com for a vendors application and we are working on having several different ways of taking payment.

See yinz there!

Grossfest guest list… so far

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This energetic, talented actor, director, overall cool human being has been one of my favorite and possibly most interesting people I have had the pleasure meeting over the years. You may know him from one of the best Indy “massacre” films ever made in “Pool Party Massacre”. But he also has parts in recent projects such as: The Barn 2, Amityville Hex, Scare Me, and Slashlorette Party as Grossfest is honored to have Drew Marvick as a guest.

This talented newcomer to the filmmaking community busted onto the scene with a film not only shot on video but prefers the process and has already carved a niche into the scene with their first big project “Spirit Animal”. Now they are about to rock the boat of Indy filmmaking again with their latest “Bathtub Shark Attack”! I dare you to say there is a bigger supporter of SOV films and shark films out there? So with great pleasure we will be having Madeline Deering as a guest.

This filmmaker is a quiet, talented fellow that I have known for many years and have had the pleasure watch him grow and learn with his films. I get super excited when this individual has a new release because I know it’s gonna be gory, fun, and possibly a little disturbing. He might be best known for such titles: Welcome to Deer Creek, Tonight You Die, What’s Wrong With Mom?, and Happy Hour Holocaust . But the I believe the Indy world is about to be blown away by this filmmaker’s most complete feature to date with “Then My Mind Walked Away” as we enjoy knowing Jim Roberts will be joining Grossfest as a guest.

Now this dude is excellent and his career has spanned a few decades where he started in a little role for a little film called “The Dead Next Door”. From there he was in such titles: Robot Ninja, The Sandman, Polymorph, Killer Campout, Frames of Fear 3, Deathboard, Hell Van  just to name a few. But recently has really made an impact as a director with titles: Her Name is Christa and Brimstone Incorporated! We believe Grossfest fans will enjoy his presence and we are happy to announce James L. Edwards as a guest.

Now yinz know we cannot have a Grossfest unless we have this individual as a guest? This director, actor, producer, has given Indy fans such fun titles as: Basic Slaughter, The Slasher Hunter, Everyone Must Die!, Super Task Force One, and then showed off his talent even more when he broke through with not just his “Meowy” series but his “CarousHell 1 and 2” breaking into the mainstream! This multi-talented star is on the edge of going global but always has time for us folks at Grossfest as usual we enjoy knowing we have Steve Rudzinski as a guest.

Over the past decade Mr. Clevenger has had a variety of roles through several Indy projects but also is a director, producer, etc. It isn’t often someone can make waves with one Indy film project and if I could point out a film that in our opinion is why we wanted him as a guest for Grossfest it is his first directed feature 2018’s “People to Kill” starring the very talented Erin Ryan. That film stands out big time when we discuss independent films over the years and take our word on it… It will stick with you as you get to meet this very cool individual who we are happy to have as a guest at Grossfest, Mr. Adam Scott Clevenger.

$10 ticket to get in/$50 for a vendors table

Comfort Inn Conference Center Pittsburgh East

699 Rodi Rd., Pittsburgh, Pa. 15235

412-244-1600 or www.comfortinnpittsburgh.com

Need reservations? https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/TP87S2

One day event with guests, movies, filmmakers, vendors from 11am to 7pm. (Guests will be announced soon and as always subject to change)

Gross Movie Reviews #597

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2 Cool 2 Geek the Film (YouTube) – A no budget film that documents two guys (Old School and 50-K) who have a web series and these guys have gotten big enough Spike TV is gonna pick the show up. Spike TV arrives to start filming and follow these two around until their buddy of the show Youngblood is kidnapped and of course hijinks ensues. There are cops, way too many comic book conventions, talk of sex slaves, way too much Sonic the Hedgehog worship, a bat on a string, and a Swedish exchange kid that cannot wait to do cosplay. This project is from Craig Blake and Adam Stern, so if you have enjoyed such films as Doug Waugh’s “Trash Juice”, “The Wet Ones” from “Wig Wolf”, or Addison Binek’s “Magnum Opus: The Movie” this chaos will be up your alley as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Valentine Bluffs: My Bloody Valentine Fan Film (YouTube) – ‘Fan Film’… let’s start there because that to me is always gonna be a tough sell especially a sequel to horror fans’ favorite over the years and there was only one movie, never a sequel. I am not opposed, I might be old thinking on this, but I always felt when you do see that term your expectations are already lowered right or wrong as a viewer. Anyhow it has been 40 years since the original killings of Harry Warden/Axel and the town of Valentine Bluffs has spent a lot of time healing and not talking about the legend. But two things are happening that will possibly rip the town apart again as it has barely kept alive this long. First, is TJ and Sarah’s son is heading to the small town looking for his father and second is the mayor (Lloyd Kaufman) who has come up with a gimmick for the closed mine “Harry’s Bloody Attraction” that most are not too keen on the idea. As you watch the film, filmmaker Tom Smith (pretty much his first feature) tries to connect certain things to the original to keep fans interested. Once TJ’s kid comes rolling into town the small town murders begin to happen again and without giving too much away Tom Smith tries to give answers to what may have happen after the first film. Now I know there are some fans of this film already but this is how I seen it right or wrong it’s just an opinion. But here we go folks: I felt the pacing was off and the buildup to the end was slow. The production looked great, you had a location, but in my mind what you did in the last five to ten minutes of the movie should have been expanded or made more of the plot point of the film. Because I think you can’t get away from the ending of the first film without explaining what happen to Axel so it sucks fans in. Second, I understand the appeal of Lloyd Kaufman as the mayor but anymore he only brings humor and not a sense of seriousness to the role that I believe was key for this project to work. Clearly you had a mine location I just felt you should have used it more as the last five/ten minutes felt great compared to what came before it. Again why it will always be tough to do a project/sequel to such an iconic film “My Bloody Valentine” of horror fan lore, so let the hate mail role in but anyway if anything filmmaker Tom Smith has my attention as I am curious where he goes with his second or third feature length film as I give this 2 out of 4 stars.

Good Old Days (Dropbox) – A short film where we have a beautiful summer-like day for three young ladies to take a bike ride to the field of a drive-in. Enjoying a great time and wanting a picture of it they get something they weren’t looking for and that is a sadistic couple with video cameras! But the best scare yet to happen. The five minute short is too the point, professional, and the ending will make yinz savor the entertainment you just witnessed as I got to give Zane Hershberger’s and Bridget Murphy’s project 4 out of 4 stars.

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama 2 – (Full Moon) – We are introduce to the sorority that has been trying to get from under the past of the strange murders at the bowling alley with a new set of sorority sisters wanting or needing more pledges or the house charter will be taken away. Kelli Maroney the sorority mother tries to put a stop to any thinking of the young ladies doing something stupid but they do it anyway as the sorority sisters and pledges head to the bowling alley to once again steal the bowling trophy. Remember it is about tradition so they are trying to restore it by unleashing the evil imp again! It’s cheesy, stupid fun, and has a few fun cameos. Is it the original B-movie madness some of us nuts loved 30-some years ago, probably not but they were smart to not reinvent the concept and go with what works as new Full Moon fans should enjoy this one as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Doppelganger (YouTube) – A Matt Diulus short film that deals with a man that falls into his dream world meeting another version of himself. What sets this idea a part from some others that might sound familiar is the music as it sets the tone for what happens as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars.

Victim No More – A Friday the 13th Tribute Film (YouTube) – Written and directed by a person some Indy fans may know from Ramsteer Films from several years ago, Bob Heckman. In this project Mr. Heckman tackles of course the Jason Voorhees legend. A young man Robbie who is talking to his therapist wanting to prove to his mother that Jason is long dead along with the Camp Crystal Lake serial killer legend. All Robbie wants is to put this behind him and be able to live a normal family life as his mother was a survivor of these Camp Crystal Lake bloodbaths many years ago. Meanwhile a young couple is exploring the woods in search of the legendary stomping grounds of Jason believing he has been long gone since 1984 (if you are listening to their conversation). But to the surprise of all three the ghost of Jason is very much alive and still stalks these woods. I gotta give Mr. Heckman credit for the cast, a solid story, and of course the location and keeping this fan film at 40 minutes. Really felt it didn’t allow the film to get dull. To be honest I am surprised there haven’t been more real attempts of this universe by fans? Now is there something for me to pick at, yes, but they are small things: What happens at the end (without spoiling it) thought there could have been a little more subplot there to sprinkle in but that would have made the film much longer. Also Jason… love the look (Part 6 undead/part seven rotting Jason) but felt like a much bigger person or more opposing person (CJ Graham perhaps) should have been in the suit. Overall Mr. Heckman had a budget to check off everything a “Friday the 13th” would want from a fan film as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. Curious to see if an idea like this would cross over into a bigger Hollywood budgeted version of “Friday the 13th” or will we always stay in limbo with projects like this?

Then My Mind Walked Away (DVD) – One of my favorite Indy filmmakers of all time Jim Roberts has a new project coming to haunt fans as he introduces us to Logan Hill. Filming during COVID, Jim took full advantage of not much crew, not much cast, and the world changing. In the first couple tense minutes the dark tone of the film is set as Logan beats to death his girlfriend and the man she was cheating on him with in bed with a baseball bat. Logan now forced to get rid of the bodies is also quickly faced with visions of horror after the fact. He is soon haunted constantly by a dark figure and visions of himself killing himself constantly. As time passes Logan is going nuts as the young man’s visions get more vivid and real. But when Logan thinks he has completely lost his mind he is shocked by a secret from his family’s past! Trying not to spoil this intense and beautiful film of Jim Roberts, but anyway how to explain it as gore and Jim have gone hand and hand since the beginning. This film has the gore but Jim doing a 180 has only made it a set piece in this feature as this talented bastard may have made the most complete film of his career! And that is coming from someone who absolutely loved “Welcome to Deer Creek” and “Tonight You Die”. This project felt like Jim got out of his comfort zone (now I could be wrong of course, lol), kept it simple, and made something that will surprise Indy fans as this is possibly the best Indy film that I will watch in 2023 (there is a couple releases yet coming). It was a serious film from beginning to end! Everything about this film with the help of Karen Roberts, Jorge Delarosa, and bare bones crew should be proud as the look of this film was beautiful, the natural sounds outside of the music caught in the background, and bare bones cast all played a role in making this wonderful. If I need to say anything else that will make you the movie viewer drool over or run to get this once available is I have a saying about filmmaking: “I am not a filmmaker that would be insulting to actual talented filmmakers, I just know where the record button is…” In this case Jim Roberts is truly one of those talented bastards as I give this movie 4 out of 4 stars!

Results (YouTube) – A short film project from Austin Muratori that has a young man dealing with some depressing and shitty medical news. Without talking to family first this man makes a heartbreaking decision. There is a small twist in this depressing, effective, good short film as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Half a Mind (YouTube) – A cautionary tale of futuristic brain surgery and what good or bad can come of it. The short film looks wonderful and a great setup or trailer for a feature length film that all was missing was Rutger Hauer in a leather jacket and sunglasses in the background of the dinner scene as I give this Buzz Meade short 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #507

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Gross Movie Reviews #507

The Cottage (DVD) – A UK horror/comedy that stars Andy Serkis as one of three men who devise a plan to kidnap a beautiful young daughter of a notorious club owner. Things go well for the three a whole five minutes until follies begin to happen like one of them forgetting their cell phone, needing to check in with the wife, the third being followed and checking the bag for ransom money. It’s one laugh after the next until the night club send in the boys to clean up the mess as they find the three hiding out at a cottage in a small village. Then the story change as one of the kidnappers’ and the young lady traveling the woods start finding a gory mess of body parts and a huge ‘Wrong Turn’ extra that is slicing and dicing anyone near his cottage. A wonderful and gory entertaining film for the horror fan looking to find their horror fix as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Deadly Reactor (You Tube) – In a supposedly post-nuke world where only Amish communities still exist a man (David Heavener) is left for dead and his family gunned down by an evil gang leader named “Hog”. Hog likes to lay waste to the innocent and buy guns and drugs in this new post-nuke world. The man left for dead was a preacher but is taught by an old man to be a gunfighter who heads to the first Amish community that has been taken over by Hog to fight back. He becomes sheriff and convinces the town for the long term they will need to fight back even if they do not believe in violence. There are bits and pieces of backstory between characters of what started the war that got them into this desolate future but never fleshed out. Sorry kids post-apocalypse film I am always curious about those details and especially during a dull B-flick from the end of the 80s as I give it 1 star.

 

Hogzilla (Shudder) – Joe Bob or no Joe Bob this film was terrible and Joe Bob Briggs was correct to rip it during one of his recent shows that had Darcy show it. A news crew heads into the Florida woods (yep, you heard me) to do a story on a rampaging giant mutant hog. Save your time, your effort, and being angry you made yourself watch this and go watch ‘Razorback’ again? Or check out the recent ‘Boar’ with Nathan Jones as this flick was just complete hot garbage and should have stayed lost as I give the 2008 film 0 stars.

 

The Intruder (DVD) – A group of people are invited to an island get together, weekend fling, whatever you wanna call it as a friend/relative has died and they are there for a reading of the will. This so-called death of a friend died in a plane crash over the Amazon and supposedly before his death got gold to his island retreat and hid it somewhere within its walls. As night falls and the people supposedly go to bed at the estate that is when the action begins and the bodies start to pile up quickly. While all left in the retreat are scared and wonder if one of them is killing others off an unknown killer lurks around the island taking care of business. I don’t like its multiple endings or places they could have ended but definitely worth a watch as this 1975 film starring Mickey Rooney and Yvonne DeCarlo was only released in 2017. For some reason the film was finished and shelved for decades. Could not find out exactly why it was shelved and for that long but again it is a solid “who dun it” film from the 70s for the older cinema nerds as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Beyond Dream’s Door (DVD) – Ben Dobbs is a young man who has many nightmares but his latest Ben has been keeping track of. The nightmares have seemed to be interconnecting and bring this to the attention of his professor of his Psych class. Ben has written them down word for word for his professor to read. He even has a daydream during class where he writes a phrase that makes confide in his professor about it. Professor Knox begins to read and feels like he is a part of it some weird magical way and asks for Ben to come over that evening so they can figure out where to go with the nightmare. Figure out what the nightmare means in general. Soon anyone associated with Ben or Professor Knox becomes a part of the nightmare. It is a film that will either be super dull to viewers or really radical for others as it is one those dreams bleed into reality with a cool looking demon that lurks throughout the nightmare chasing Ben as I give it 2 stars.

 

Deadly Impact (DVD) – Another Eye-talian production that was filmed in Arizona and Vegas where two old friends George (Bo Svenson) and Lou (Fred Williamson) get together for some unintentional action. George the cop keeps trying to arrest Lou a helicopter pilot just for any reason he can find but keep finding themselves chasing after two wannabe mob guys who caught onto a couple’s scam in Vegas. The couple was using computers to beat the system (its 1984 folks) to gain enough money to buy a ranch in Arizona and retire. These two mob extras catch on, follow them, and then kill the boyfriend and now track the girlfriend to get the money. George and Lou just keep finding themselves in one action scene after another trying to catch these two before they get away with the money. This film was actually a disappointment to me. Surprise, surprise folks I found a Fred Williamson flick I wasn’t that into as it felt like the film doesn’t go anywhere most of the time. Even though there is a couple cool car stunts just felt dull and the filmmaker didn’t know what to do with these veteran actors or there may have not been much of a script? Anyway I thought I was in for a treat but it turned out to be like stepping in dog poo in your backyard when you do not own a dog as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

River of Death (DVD) – Finally track down this Michael Dudikoff flick and didn’t know he else was in it until I started watching? We got Donald Pleasance as a Nazi war criminal financing an expedition and Robert Vaughn as a Nazi doctor who escaped in the Amazon to still perform his experiments. It begins in 1945 to give us a little backstory on the two Nazi war criminals and their plan to escape to South America. Then we are thrusted to 1965 where Dudikoff’s character is a man trying to make a few bucks being a guide through the Amazon jungle as he knows some of the tribes who live there and is putting together a map that leads to a lost city. He leads a father and daughter into the jungle to find out the strange cause of an illness that has stricken the tribes but is attacked and the daughter taken prisoner. Hell bent on going back Dudikoff gets financing from Pleasance to go in, find the lost city and its treasure. A very uneven story with a lot going on that is not the usual Dudikoff affair action buffs are use too. The film has star power, Dudikoff, and somewhat of a believable story to like movie wise but it just seems like it never hits its stride during the production as I give it 2 stars.

 

Cooking with Roger (DVD) – Indy filmmaker Jim Roberts unleashes his latest short film with the help of filmmaker Jorge Delarosa and crew that has an odd couple trying to film their cooking show for one of the social streaming sites. Roger with the help of his assistant or sister is trying to cook up something special for folks to try at home. Roger decides lets head to his son’s garden for some exotic herbs and veggies to add to the soup he is going to make? Roger convinces his assistant that a mushroom would be perfect for the soup even though he was told not to pick it or eat it. Now mind yinz they are filming their shenanigans sloppily throughout as they are very unschooled in what is proper for their cooking show that just adds to the authenticity of the amateur cooking show. Roger adds the mushroom to the soup, both he and his assistant taste the soup, and quickly they see a disgusting elf that convinces them they need more mushrooms. As both of them keep filming and keep devouring the soup and mushrooms Roger’s son shows up for the chaos. And sadly for Roger’s son it devolves into a horror show for all on the internet to enjoy! I give this evil fun and brilliance of a short film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Ouija Shark (DVD) – Well you had me at ‘Shark’ and 69 minutes running time. Our story begins with a young beautiful lady finding a Ouija board that washed ashore where she decided to take a swim. Jill picks it up and takes along to the all-girls pool party she is attending with a college friend. After some swimming and cooking out she convinces the other young women to play along on the Ouija board. Of course something strange happens and Jill has an odd dream. Next day a spirit shark shows up in the woods and begins chasing down and munching down on humans. After Jill consults with her father who happens to be a “medium” and a couple friends become lunch to the spirit shark she grabs the leather for the climatic fight with the spirit shark. Not to mention the film ‘Ouija’ is reference several times and oh yeah we get some weird Mortal Kombat shit with the spirit shark in the climatic fight. This light-hearted and entertaining independent shark film was well worth the watch as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Tunnels (DVD) – This horror film promised rats and instead I got a thriller about corrupt newspaper owner trying to get rid of the city’s homeless. Pam the editor at The Guardian is challenged to take on the next story no matter how big or how little by the paper photographer. She does as it involves an exterminator taking her into the bowels of the old building looking for rats but instead finds the owner’s brother of the newspaper. From there the story turns from rats to trying to break the story about all the homeless disappearing and why. I may have been a little disappointed I didn’t have another giant rat invasion movie to watch. But go look at the star power that was in this film because they are the reasons I kept watching this lesser known thriller as I give it 2 stars.

 

Teenage Slumber Party Nightmare (DVD) – I didn’t have high hopes for this as I seen it described as a possible homage to ‘Slumber Party Massacre’ but I was expecting something fun in this independent feature. Instead we all get a very dull, uninteresting film if that is what you wanna call it about supposedly 16 year old girls having a slumber party during spring break. The girls are stalked by a 50 year old teenager named Kort who is in love with all the teenage girls at this slumber party. The film fails on all accounts as you should at least try to do something with your hot garbage script before you even try filming something that resembles a half-ass production done with your parents’ camera in one day. Or to keep it simple folks don’t insult us fans of the independent horror genre with your dumb shit that looks like a complete waste of time. I give it a can of dog poo that sat out in the hot sun and smells worse than when it was first picked up!

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #480

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Gross Movie Reviews #480

 

Valet Girls (On Demand) – Thanks to my good friend from across the pond James Peter Cox, he help me find this lost Empire Pictures flick that Charles Band has yet to abuse recently. It has cameos from former porn stars Ron Jeremy and Barbara Dare! For the most part this sex comedy that is more about comedy than sex is about Lucy and Rosalind and their misadventures as “Valet Girls” in Hollywood. All they want is to be famous but have to deal with dickholes Dirk Zebra and his sexual harassment antics. These young ladies are just trying to make it in the rock-n-roll business but in the meantime dress slutty for their job of parking cars. Most of this B-grade sex comedy takes place at a mansion that is basically supposed to be the Playboy mansion. But the girls get them all back when they are able to get the press in to see the underbelly of business in Hollywood. It is nowhere near as fun as “Hardbodies” but well adding that notch in your belt of 80s sex comedies that need to be seen as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Blink of an Eye (DVD) – Arie Lombardozzi goes with a subtle statement short film that I believe can be taken in several ways depending what frame of mind you are in watching it? And that is a good thing in my book when reviewing independent stuff. A typical family of four is going through the routine of life. They are convincing themselves they are they are living a dream, meanwhile death is watching nearby creeping closer and closer. I enjoyed a couple things about this: first, everyone is faceless including the well-shot scene or scenes in the car dealership… Bravo my friend! And second, I believe you could watch this several times and have a different opinion each time of what is being portrayed. So for that Arie I give it 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.deathdealerproductions.com .

Closing Time (DVD) – Well for the love of Rutger Hauer… Jim Roberts went and did it again as he made a wonderful independent horror film again and possibly the most serious to date. But don’t let that scare you off this mixture of paranormal, gangster, western, splatter film… Yeah that is the best way to describe this fun feature. A young man named Eddy just receives news his father died in an accident that was possibly caused by another young man Steve whose father owed money to Eddy’s father. Eddy not taking kindly to this and waiting for his father to get cold in the ground decides it is time to collect and get revenge with a little help from some friends. Eddy’s brutal take down of Steve’s western store goes well at first until the Native American spirits decide to pick sides and turn this revenge flick into full on splatter flick! The spirits want blood and sure get it as they fuck up Eddy and his cohorts. Jim Roberts is an amazing filmmaker the world has yet known but be prepared because if he keeps making wonderful entertaining horror films like this Hollywood will be calling as I give 3 out of 4 stars. Once again Jim proves he needs little money and some help from his dedicated friends to pull off a horror film that is more interesting than 99% of the shit you watch in 2019… Thank me later after you buy it!

Shark Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon Vol. 1 (DVD) – Okay if you haven’t heard of Addison Binek it is time you do. This dude does riff trax for flicks, all kinds of flicks and even got Lloyd Kaufmann’s blessing. In the same vein as MST3K but he does it in like 20 minutes or so for each flick. With his YouTube channel under attack by YouTube as many others are Addison has decided to put out DVD collections of some of his best Riffs and damn it they are hilarious. In this collection Addison covers: Sharktopus, 2-Headed Shark Attack, Snow Shark, Sharks in Venice, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, Super Shark, Raiders of the Lost Shark, Psycho Shark, The Last Shark, and Creature from the Haunted Sea. He does these films in some of the most prop filled and hatred towards SyFy Channel I have ever seen… And I laughed my ass off! Mr. Binek doesn’t take them too serious but his hatred at times is his love for cinema just coming through and telling the truth that people don’t wanna hear. Addison is absolutely brilliant and hilarious and gave some awesome quotes like “Bloody shark hand stigmata” and “Oh, a found footage movie from the future, GREAT!” If you need a laugh and wanna hear what we all been thinking when watching these flicks then do yourself a favor with this 4 stars entertainment all the way.

 

Shark Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon Vol. 2 (DVD) – Addison Binek is back riffing on aquatic animal movies to my liking and less angry and just accepts how bad some of these are. This time around Mr. Binek almost makes me piss myself laughing when he tackles: Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark, Mega Shark vs. Kolossus, Sharkansas Women’s Prison, Piranha 3DD, Shark Exorcist, and Blood Beach. Yeah there is still a little SyFy Channel bashing but we do get a great line like “Are those giant balls?” Instead of anger we get Addison just enjoying what these movies are and that is they are just bad which for me is a good thing as I give this collection 4 stars again all the way!

 

The Hornet’s Disciple and the Scars She Left (DVD) – There is some talented independent filmmakers out there and then there is Dustin Mills. The man is constantly working and never doing the same thing horror wise. He is always trying to stretch the genre in so many ways to his vision. This film is no exception… For me a very hard watch as it’s not my usual cup of tea as it is in the vein of “A Serbian Film” or “August Underground”. This isn’t good or bad as Dustin is constantly trying to do something different constantly and I believe he is succeeding. The story revolves around a young lady Rose whose puts out ads looking for other young ladies who are into fetishes, pictures, videos, bondage, etc. Rose is looking for new sexual content for her website and is constantly upfront about what she wants. Everything is hunky dory with her newest actress/project Finley until Finley comes to the understanding what is actually happening and just hopes to get out alive! Rose abuses Finley until she comes to the revelation there has to be one that gets away? Is it possible if we look deeper into this content that it’s about a young lady like most today under the age of 30 are desensitized to everything now? Or is it just about a ruthless, sadistic, brutal woman who likes abuse in some way? Not totally sure but I do know this is a hard watch but give credit to Roni Jonah for being amazing in her role as Rose as I give this flick 3 out of 4 stars. Again the film is not my cup of tea but I and Dustin know there is always an audience for this.

 

Machete Joe (DVD) – Well this low budget flick started off great and then quickly went into the pooper. The film is about a couple of filmmakers who have two different visions on what the low budget film they are filming is about. But of course they casted it and are filming at a haunted castle (supposedly) with not a full script called, “Machete Man”. Once everyone is there slowly the crew is being picked off. The film tries to be a ‘Who Dun it?’ kinda of flick but if you make it to the end you don’t really care as I give this bad movie 1 star.

 

Toilet Gator (YouTube) – “When you see the brown eye someone will die!” Yep the filmmaker tells you this before the movie gets started and it spends twenty minutes of the 60 minute film introducing the characters in a New York City apartment building. The toilet gator becomes a reality when famous child star Johnny Beaver flushes a pet alligator down the toilet before his mom knows he spent 500 bucks on it. Two weeks later it jumps out of someone’s toilet and attacks. Oh believe me it is worse than you can ever believe but leave it to me to sit back and find some weird enjoyment of this mid-90s Indy film no one heard of.  This was horribly bad until we get a dude fighting the toilet gator with a plunger and for that I give it a ½ star.

 

The Osterman Weekend (DVD) – This 1983 film stars Rutger Hauer and just about everybody else you can think of. Rutger Hauer is a TV personality named Tanner who looks to expose things politically for the people on live TV by interviewing government persons when possible. The CIA comes to believe that all of Tanner’s friends from Berkley are helping the Russians and plotting something big. They use an agent to help Tanner to turn his yearly retreat with his friends into a possible turning a friend into a spy against the Russians. Everything of course is for U.S. security but as the weekend goes along Tanner becomes more upset as his friends become unglued and the real reasons of their meetings are revealed. A very interesting film on privacy, government, and a few other things that are in the news now over 36 years later more than ever. For that folks I give this wonderful spy movie 3 ½ stars.

 

Alley Cat (DVD) – A wonderful B-movie action flick where a young lady (Billie) has had enough after her grandparents have been mugged. She tries to do it the right through the court system but gets in trouble for helping a rape victim and decides it is time to use her karate moves to jack up some dumb ass loser dudes that keep causing chaos in her life. We get everything to Billie fighting cops to her setting up her own rules in women’s prison until she can get out and kick ass! Fun B-movie stuff that I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!