Gross Movie Reviews #367

Gross Movie Reviews #367


By Tim Gross


The Hybrid (DVD) – A film based in Russia where a man gets a chance to get out of prison if he leads a group of mercenaries and a scientist into a heavily guarded facility that happens to be underground in middle of Russia. They need the information and hosts from an experiment that involves alien DNA from rocks and human DNA. It’s an Old Russian experiment that was never shut down and some dark government personal want it now. Not too horrible of a sci-fi film but it has tons of issues like introducing characters and never going back to them??? But anyway if you pass over this one I totally understand as I give it 1 star.


Bone Tomahawk (On Demand) – Sid Haig and David Arquette are two unlikely criminals who happen to piss off some Indian/cannibal/troglodytes by walking through on their burial ground. Haig’s character is killed off and Arquette finds a small town Bright Hope looking just for a drink. Once questioned by the sheriff aka shot in the leg and the troglodytes or as I like to call them “chocodiles” ( use the link wisely to understand the yinzer coming out of my mouth) come to town and steal David and Patrick Wilson’s wife and butcher a couple people. So the sheriff and three others make the dangerous trek to where these things or chocodiles live in order to save Wilson’s wife. To give the film that more fun impact the sheriff talks to a Native American man who explains the troglodytes and explains why even the Indians are afraid of these oddities. The western gets a little long when the main characters travel but gets down right fucking brutal when the four come upon the troglodytes cave. A solid western and great to see Kurt Russell back to acting full time again as I give the film 3 stars.


Blood Frenzy (VHS/DVD-R) – A 1987 low budget slasher film of sorts where a doctor decides to take her six patients to the desert for therapy. Or we don’t have much of a budget so we are doing most of the movie in one location and shooting in five days… just saying. Things go terribly wrong one night when the patients wake up to one of them with their throat cut. Soon everyone is blaming everyone and the RV does not work any longer. Is it one of the crazies? Or is it something else? The film not watched by many but if you wondered the aisles of a ma and pa video store you most likely at least seen the bloody jack-in-the-box VHS cover. I give the film 1 ½ stars.


The Hateful Eight (Theater) – A bounty hunter is traveling to Red Rock through the snowy mountains being chased by another snow storm with a woman who he had captured and is seeing to hang. And this is a tale of how it all goes wrong as his wagon is stopped a couple times to pick up two travelers who are trying to escaped the snow storm and must stop  at a cabin to settle for a couple days for the storm to pass by. Problem gets worse as there are a few more men waiting at the cabin like the others trying to escape the snow storm. The landscape is amazing, the characters are fun and interesting, and the music is awesome. The cast consists of Kurt Russell, Samuel L. Jackson, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Bruce Dern, and Channing Tatum. Not the best western ever made but just like “Bone Tomahawk” I enjoy it for what it is as I give it 3 stars. And the gore flows freely throughout the flick.


Insidious 3 or Chapter 3 (DVD) – The movie is pretty much what you already know about the Lin Shaye psychic character. But just in case you were bored and didn’t catch on to this cheap cash-in, instead of moving the franchise forward they give you a prequel of why and how Miss Shaye’s character is back in the psychic business. I give the film 1 star.


Deadly Dreams (VHS/DVD-R) – Another lesser known horror film from 1988 about a college kid named Alex who is haunted by a man in a wolf mask who killed his parents over a decade ago. The man who was in the mask over a decade ago named Perkins killed himself shortly after but someone is back haunting Alex in reality and his dreams and is losing his grip of both. But not before Alex gets ahold of some redheaded boobage. I give the film 2 stars.


Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (On Demand) – If you are a fan of “Zombieland” then you will be a fan of this hilarious tale of three scouts who must save their town from certain extinction. Three high school sophomores are on their usually Friday night campout where two of them are going to sneak off to their first high school party. But a zombie apocalypse gets in the way of that as several weird things begin to happen: dead deer gets up and leaves after being hit with their car, their scout master doesn’t show up at the camp out, zombie strippers, and the town has been evacuated. From there it is scene after scene of hilarious bloody zombies and zombie cats chasing the scouts. But if they do not get to the compound where people been evacuated too the town will be burned down by the military. I enjoyed the film because it centers on the scouts and that a certain point in your life the scouts are not fun anymore. And this just happens to take place when a zombie outbreak happened. I was a scout for a few years and like “Dogma” this film hits that soft spot in my heart so I thought it was a fun mess to watch over and over again as I give it 3 ½ stars.


The Janitor (DVD) – So after 13 bizarre deaths in the Generico offices the FBI is finally stepping in to try and solve who is murdering all the employees. Meanwhile, Lionel – The Janitor is angry but lives for his job and has been living in the janitor closet with his friend Mr. Growbo because their house burned down. But after Lionel’s office crush has quit her job he wants more: a relationship, a woman, a janitor’s job at the local sorority. But when Mr. Growbo screws Lionel out of the custodian job at the local sorority house Lionel wants revenge and there can be only one janitor. Pay close attention to the end of the film as you see a younger Judah Friedlander make an appearance screaming at Lionel. I give the film 2 stars.


Black Sea (DVD) – Jude Law stars in a very suspenseful film where he is fired from his submarine salvaging job and has nowhere to turn. But a best friend has an idea of what he could do if they can find an investor. Has Law’s character knows about a sunken Nazi U-boat that was filled with Nazi gold but is in international waters and no salvaging company wants to touch it. So after getting someone to invest into the mission Jude Law puts together a crew of misfits that just may pull off salvage like no other before that would set them all up for life. Well-acted and the suspense make this lesser known film a must watch for any cinema fans as I give it a well-deserved 3 ½ stars.


Extinction (DVD) – A zombie film, excuse me a viral outbreak film that just happens to star Matthew Fox and one of my favorite actors Jeffrey Donovan. Nine years ago the two were on a bus being taken to a safe zone by military until the shit hit the fan and all were attacked by the infected. Mathew Fox has a daughter that we see now in the snowy background is being taken care of by his brother played by Jeffery Donovan. It’s been years since the last infected sighting and the brothers refuse to communicate with each other even though they live next door to each other. But one day after a food run Mathew Fox’s character is attacked by a mutation? Is it an infected, human, they leave that one out there for you the viewer to decide and if bitten you do not change like before… You just get torn to pieces. These mutations are smarter, able to call to each other, and they can heal if not shot in the head. If there was a movie I could compare this flick to it would the recent Viggo flick called “The Road”. An interesting take on the zombie bloated genre that is worth taking a chance on especially with almost no advertising about the film. I give it 3 stars.


Evil Town (VHS/DVD-R) – A film that was released in 1987 but started film production in 1977 that stars James Keach. “Evil Town” had four different directors, footage of a Playboy Playmate running around nude added in 1985 for selling points, rumored to be three films put together as when they went to do reshoots certain characters died in real life, and the film was also titled at one point: “God Bless Grandma and Grandpa”. Saying all of that the film boils down to a town called, ‘Smalltown’, where travelers and hitchhikers go to disappear. Mainly because a scientist working off the books experiment that deals with anti-aging and the whole town is in on it as they are all over the age of 90! Weird film, bizarre history of the film being made, equals bad movie night at a horror fan’s home in the future as I give it 1 ½ stars just for being so god damn interesting.


P2: A New Level in Terror (DVD) – Angela is a high-level corporate employee working late on Christmas Eve. She believes she is the last to leave until a security guard tries to assist. Not paying attention Angela finds herself locked in the building and soon chained to a chair in the security office where this guard (Wes Bentley) is a stalker. From there the film uses the old cat and mouse formula. For me the film isn’t bad as much not as interesting as a “Road Games” or “Duel” or even the segment starring Lance Henriksen in “Nightmares”? But that is just me but I still give the suspenseful film 2 stars.


Tobe Hooper’s Night Terrors (VHS) – Robert Englund stars as the 4th century Marquis De Sade of which a cult is based on his book that shows up in Alexandria, Egypt 1993. Pretty much a bad movie I believe that was made for Showtime originally? Zoe Trilling plays a young woman named Genie who visits her father who happens to be an archeologist and she falls to a cult that is preparing her for those who believe. It’s weird and awful mostly, but Zoe Trilling being full frontal naked 50% of the film and a dude who rides a horse completely nude with his dong flapping everywhere keeps me watching till the end for no apparent reason. There is good reason this film has been buried and not talked about much as I give it 0 stars but give Mrs. Trilling a perfect 10!


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