This website is dedicated to horror movies (independent and mainstream), beer, Full Moon, Spookies, Graveyard Shift, Leprechaun sequels, massacre films and watching every god damn horror film ever made or die trying!
Point of this list isn’t so much to piss everyone off as much I was asked to do a podcast recently and put together “my favorite twenty horror movies over the past twenty years”? So now that I have done the podcast, I thought I would post the list for those who didn’t or won’t hear the podcast.
It’s a Wonderful Slice (DVD/Vimeo) – So I was privileged enough to check out a not released yet holiday Indy flick from an unknown filmmaker to me, Michael Moutsatsos (hope I spelled that right?). Anyway, Michael goes an unconventional route of holiday anthology story telling that gives the viewer a history lesson of Santa, Krampus, and a mischievous elf on their killing ground that eventually leads into the introduction of the storyteller. When the storyteller appears this is where the real movie begins as he ties together five quick holiday horrors that a man being sliced in his shower, a friend using wolves as cover for a murder, Santa attacking a couple in the woods, Satan controlling a man, and finally a beautiful woman toying with her victim. The story telling isn’t breaking new ground (but unconventional) as I quite enjoyed how the filmmaker went about putting everything together in this no budget production using a small if not same cast in each segment and using maybe three sets or areas the whole film. Otherwise, knowing what you have (not much) using it to your advantage and a high budget glossy look along the way. How to put it: when I see something like this I already know this might not be the filmmaker’s best work to date but it shows me they are usually testing or experimenting of putting together something even more entertaining in their next project or the one after that? Again anthologies can be a tough sell since a lot of filmmakers make them these days but these stories are quick, don’t linger, and you got someone dressed as Santa slaughtering people and quite simply you are going to have Indy movie viewers smiling in the end as I give this 2 out of 4 stars.
Cybernator (YouTube/VHS) – It’s the future of course in this direct-to-video early 90s B-flick where two cops are looking into cyborgs assassinating high ranking officials. Then bootleg Vernon Wells who is actually William Smith shows up for a paycheck as bootleg Steven Seagal! (Did you understand that gibberish?) Anyhow after one of the cops is killed in action the other finds out he has been bootleg Robocop for the past few years and now has a new mission to seek and destroy William Smith’s cyborg character. Pretty much a very terrible flick pitting good cyborg vs. bad cyborg as I can only give this film 1 star.
In Search of the Last Action Heroes (Tubi) – An absolute gem of a documentary that talks all about action films and how they got started to how they have fizzled out these days. Everything from James Bond to Bruce Lee to George Miller to how filmmakers were inspired by 50s and 60s westerns to make the modern action film! This has a bit of everything to interest even the occasional viewer of action movies as I give it 4 stars.
Calamity of Snakes (DVD) – Holy balls is this movie just fuckin wild! A crapload of snakes are uncovered at a construction site that is in a rush to get their apartment building built. The man financing the project says “Fuck it” and begins commanding the death of the snakes so they may continue the project. But all are warned these snakes will seek revenge! Once the building is up and operational tenants are reporting snakes are attacking which causes the manager to bring in the “Master of Snakes” who comes and chops them all into several pieces. Problem is believed to be solved again until the snakes come back in truck loads this time to attack a cocktail party and that is when the big king snake is revealed! This is not a film for those who are against animal cruelty or the squeamish as this movie gets bat shit crazy with the attacking snakes as I give it 3 stars. P.S. I didn’t know there was a whole snake burning army on call?
One More Shot (On Demand) – If you are Scott Adkins fans you are going to enjoy this flick as it tries the one continuous shot like Bruce Campbell in “Running Time”? Now I know they probably made a cut or two but they try the whole movie running time to be a continuous shot which is fun. Also a part of this project is Michael Jai White and Tom Berenger. Scott Adkins is CIA agent Harris who was part of an op in Poland trying to protect an asset. It all went bad as the movie starts soon as the plane lands at an empty airport near Norfolk and we are introduce to the Harris character. From there his asset is still in demand as there is a dirty bomb somewhere in the city set to go off in two hours and a military grade security team is there to kill off whoever has the asset to use him to take over everything in the U.S. This has a wonderful twist to an old action film formula that is well worth paying attention to more than just Scott Adkins amazing onscreen presence. Can’t wait to see what else this dude does as I give this flick 3 ½ stars.
Wanted Man (On Demand) – Dolph Lundgren is Johansen an old high strung bigot detective who has been under fire at the Del Vista Police Department recently for his actions towards a suspect. The “Defund the Police” crowd wants him gone but instead he is given a job to disappear into Mexico to go protect two escorts who witnessed DEA agents getting killed. While on the way back to the border Johansen is shot along with one of the witnesses as it’s all made to look like one of the cartels is doing it but isn’t? As Johansen is trying to make his way back he keeps getting stopped every time. A quick and pretty cool Dolph flick that also features Kelsey Grammer, Michael Pare, and a great character actor in Roger Cross as I give this action flick 3 stars.
Crabs! (DVD) – This is one of those movies that hit in early 2022 that would have been perfect for SyFy Channel if that was still a thing but also most likely this project got swept under the rug because of COVID? This cheeseball flick doesn’t try to pretend to be something it isn’t as it starts quickly with a power plant blowing up and then large crabs begin to attack people on the beach. When Phil and Maddy are not planning their prom they must come up with a plan to fight off the ocean demons who want to turn the prom into their own seafood slaughter fest! The movie has a little filler but knows how to hit all the high notes with this hilarious B-horror throwback that needs to be found sooner than later by all you horror fans as I give it 3 stars.
Beach Zombies (YouTube) – A recent no budget Indy flick that comes in at 38 minutes about bootleg versions of Beavis and Butthead who got older and held a long conversation about zombies in a car ride. They meet up with two shady dudes for a job that will pay big time if they dispose of a barrel at the closed beach? Instead when they go for the barrel a fog machine in the garage turns the bootleg duo into zombies that has them wandering around doing nothing. The beginning of the film doesn’t lie as it warns of what happens to idoits turning into zombies as it did make me laugh so I gotta give it 2 stars.
Zombie Beach (DVD) – A bad low budget Canadian zombie flick from 2010 that has college kids who go to the “Zombie Beach” to take pictures and get eaten. Apparently the beach is part of a centuries old agreement that where evil can walk or something? It is part of a prophecy that a chosen one will fight the zombies supposedly if you last through this entire terrible concept of a film that I have to give 0 stars.
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Before we start I always explain I wish I could watch every new flick out there but that is just not in the cards for me. Now I will still get one or two comments of movies I left off or didn’t get to see this year? Hey, it happens but I bet you I have seen dozens or few on my list that you may have not knew existed so remember like all movie lists take this with a grain of salt people.
1) Then My Mind Walked Away (DVD) – One of my favorite Indy filmmakers of all time Jim Roberts has a new project coming to haunt fans as he introduces us to Logan Hill. Filming during COVID, Jim took full advantage of not much crew, not much cast, and the world changing. In the first couple tense minutes the dark tone of the film is set as Logan beats to death his girlfriend and the man she was cheating on him with in bed with a baseball bat. Logan now forced to get rid of the bodies is also quickly faced with visions of horror after the fact. He is soon haunted constantly by a dark figure and visions of himself killing himself constantly. As time passes Logan is going nuts as the young man’s visions get more vivid and real. But when Logan thinks he has completely lost his mind he is shocked by a secret from his family’s past! Trying not to spoil this intense and beautiful film of Jim Roberts, but anyway how to explain it as gore and Jim have gone hand and hand since the beginning. This film has the gore but Jim doing a 180 has only made it a set piece in this feature as this talented bastard may have made the most complete film of his career! And that is coming from someone who absolutely loved “Welcome to Deer Creek” and “Tonight You Die”. This project felt like Jim got out of his comfort zone (now I could be wrong of course, lol), kept it simple, and made something that will surprise Indy fans as this is possibly the best Indy film that I will watch in 2023 (there is a couple releases yet coming). It was a serious film from beginning to end! Everything about this film with the help of Karen Roberts, Jorge Delarosa, and bare bones crew should be proud as the look of this film was beautiful, the natural sounds outside of the music caught in the background, and bare bones cast all played a role in making this wonderful. If I need to say anything else that will make you the movie viewer drool over or run to get this once available as I have a saying about filmmaking: “I am not a filmmaker that would be insulting to actual talented filmmakers, I just know where the record button is…” In this case Jim Roberts is truly one of those talented bastards as I give this movie 4 out of 4 stars!
2) When Evil Lurks (Shudder) – This is a horror film about possession of sorts that just works from beginning to end as it snatches you and keeps you at your edge to the very end. Two brothers check in on a fellow and his family living on some farm land. They come to find a corpse on the land which leads them to this check in. What the brothers find is a disgusting thing that use to be human in bed called a “rotten” or a possessed individual. A professional or “cleaner” was coming to take care of it but that is the corpse the brothers found. Owner (Ruiz) of the land is told by the brothers and next thing they know they are trying to move the “rotten” far from them. This only causes a bigger problem as the thing falls out of the truck and hell comes to the community immediately. There is a set of rules about this kind of demon, there is a bootleg Hugh Jackman, a dog that just snatches a child up by their head, and the movie is SUPER GROSS… count me in as I gotta give this film 4 stars as it is one of the better horror films of 2023.
3) Showdown at the Grand (On Demand) – The Grand theater is one of the longest running theaters in the southwest United States. It has been running since 1928 and has been in George’s family for quite some time as George (Terrence Howard) has made it museum also. This was the theater for exploitation flicks, horror movies, B-movies, everything outside of the norm to be cherished and thrive but its rich history of playing these films is in doubt. George is being pressured by a couple of shady characters to sell the place for future development of high priced apartments and luxury stores. But George’s saving grace might be bringing in an actor he idolizes in Claude Luc Hallyday (Dolph Lundgren) a down on his luck movie star from such films: Iraqnphobia, Moses vs. The Nazis, Blood is for the Living, Necropolis, and Cyber Cartel) who is ready to make a comeback? George’s plan works as he gets a sold out house for the Claude Luc Hallyday event but corporate greed is about to ruin George’s plan as this movie has heart and will make you smile if you are a true movie nerd. Think a splash of ‘Matinee’ mixed with a heavy dose of the Grindhouse trailers of 15 years ago with the state of affairs and pressure the few independent theaters left now have to deal with. I absolutely loved this film and most likely this will be in my “Top 5 movies of 2023” as I give this beautiful film we call art 4 stars.
4) Cocaine Bear (Theater) – The ‘Sharknado’ film of 2023 for us film nerds as this film is very loosely based on drugs found in the mountains of Kentucky and Georgia 1985. A black bear just happens to find the bags of cocaine and likes it! Now add in a couple of drug dealers looking for their stuff, a couple missing kids, a not so smart cop, and a bear high on cocaine looking to slaughter any human that gets in the way of it and its new thing “Cocaine”. This movie was beyond entertaining and most likely will make a lot people’s “Top Ten lists” as they made sure every five minutes the bear is snorting or eating cocaine or characters are talking about the bear on cocaine as I give this brilliance 4 stars.
5) I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday (Blu-ray) – It took me awhile of watching this Indy flick as its a few years old but believe me it will still pack a wallop. The beginning dream sequence is a wonderful and bleak intro to setting up the difficult tone of this post-apocalyptic holiday film that just immediately sucks you in. Kelly and her son Riley are living in a bomb shelter where dad has ventured out into the new cruel desolate and damaged world with possibly no return. One day Kelly ventures out herself just to see if there is any sign of things getting better outside of the shelter? Her findings force her into making a decision about herself and Riley since the end of the world is quickly closing in on them. Without spoiling too much the film is brilliantly shot giving an absolute gloomy, depressing, and utter no hope feel and look. Writer/director Mike Lombardo does a perfect job of not just giving us a terrible new world but giving us an absolutely beautiful unHollywood ending that made me giddy as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars.
6) Renfield (On Demand) – Nic Cage as Dracula and Nicholas Hoult as Renfield oh I was in for this from day one when the trailer hit. But instead of just telling another story directly about Dracula this story is from the point of view of Renfield in present day and his struggles with serving his master. Times have changed and it’s much tougher for Renfield to navigate today’s society let alone having his own doubts about what he is doing so he joins a support group. After the crazy opening of this film as Renfield narrates it is one laugh after another because the chaos Renfield deals with along with making a new friend by accident. While Renfield isn’t at his support group wanting out of his toxic relationship with his boss, Renfield is helping his new cop friend Quincy a loud mouth cop trying to bring down a crime family. The film is hilariously over the top but at the same time super entertaining as Nic Cage just eats up the chance of playing Dracula. For me at least I found myself admiring what Nic Cage did as I haven’t seen quite a performance like this since Vincent Price in the original “House on Haunted Hill” or more recent decades Rutger Hauer in “Split Second”. This bloody good time has much rewatch ability and feel this will become a horror staple around Halloween for horror fans who want to lighten up the mood as I can’t help but give this terrific film 4 stars.
7) 10/31 Part III (Blu-ray) – Rocky Gray and a collection of other filmmakers are back to add to their anthology series that has become popular among independent horror fans. This anthology is a monster marathon hosted by Malvolia and has fake trailers with four tales of Halloween horror from Michael Ballif, Brad Twigg, Jacob Perrett, and Zane Hershberger. Now full disclosure yinz all know I seen Zane’s “Hack-in-the-box” last year and thought it was one of the best things I seen in 2022. So the other three had a lot to live up to and they did not disappoint. I am a huge fan of 10/31 series but always felt something was missing from the first two entries to make them complete if that makes sense? Well I can honestly say for me they got it right with this entry as all four stories fit together, fun to watch, and feels like this anthology is the best of the series and most likely will be one of my favorite films of 2023 as I give this entry 4 out of 4 stars. (P.S. the mummy entry made me have wonderful memories of the “Tales from the Darkside: The Movie” again so thank you).
8) V/H/S 85 (Shudder) – The popular found footage anthology is back and just as strong. They have perfected the formula that others fail constantly at I think there might be only one in the series I wasn’t a huge fan of? This one immediately opens with random stuff that just tugs at my childhood where a tape goes into the VCR and boom… truck and tractor pull in an arena and the tracking needs adjusting, fun shit! First up is a story of young people on a camping trip not doing anyone any harm until a sniper kills all of them? What happens next sets up things for the rest of the film (without giving too much away)? Second up is a rescue for survivors in a building that houses a popular network TV crew in Mexico after being hit by an earthquake. Lots of blood, characters you find interesting, and a monster of sorts that doesn’t disappoint. Third up might be the weak link if I am going to pick one (almost all anthologies have one) where a woman doing a one-person play or art in a public theater on the threat of evolving technology as it’s the new god. Fourth story continues the storyline of the first with the campers but with the sniper and why? Fifth story is about a detective who receives video tapes of horrible murders that he watches before they happen. With some research and good detective work he finds out they are coming from a teenager but not the usual way you think as it has a nice twist to it. All that fun with a cool wraparound of “Total Copy” or if you are old like me like that “Hard Copy” show among others during the 80s. This might be one of the best wraparounds to an anthology to date as I thought hard about this but I have to give the film 4 stars folks.
9) CarousH3ll (YouTube/DVD/Blu-ray) – The third entry into Steve Rudzinski’s wildly popular series “CarousHell” with the help of co-writer and ultra-talented Aleen Isley give us the next evolving chapter of Duke’s adventures. In case you haven’t had the pleasure of enjoying the past two Indy treasures: Duke is a terrifying killer carousel horse who has come to life to kill humans, had a child/puppet horse named Robbie, and has turned good in order to track down others like him that may want to use their evil powers to kill both of them. Okay that is a mouth full to take in but now we are caught up without giving too many spoilers away Duke has a new enemy in Usagi: a chocolate carousel bunny that wants to kill Duke in order to steal his power to become the god she deserves to be. If that wasn’t enough Joe ‘the pizza man looking for his $42.39’ is back in a big way and seeking revenge even if he has only one eye. But Joe has found a new group of friends that want to protect Duke and Robbie from the evil Usagi which leaves Joe very conflicted. Of course along the way there is characters from the past that show up and we get introduced to a couple new intriguing characters as Steve and Aleen made sure ‘CarousHell’ fans get all the over the top carousel sex and violence you could want in your independent movie. This wonderfully entertaining sequel wastes no time jumping into the storyline getting the ‘CarousHell’ taste buds wet but for me it felt a little slow but they made me adjust on the run with this project as I think so highly of the first two films. As I said in the past Steve gave me “House of a 1000 Corpses” and then gave me the “The Devil’s Rejects” which was the best way to explain how I feel about the first two CarousHell films. Now both Steve and Aleen understanding it is virtually impossible to top those last two films went about their business quickly and smartly by not giving us “3 from Hell”. But embracing and understanding the story arc they have built over the past two films as they ran with the insanity and gave us an absolute surprisingly brilliant third entry that gives fans a perfect ending (maybe?). Seriously the cast, the music, the perfect running time of 68 minutes is great but the stand out of this latest entry might be the script from Steve and Aleen and their attention to detail and understanding of the fans of ‘CarousHell’. The writing of this film for me at least is their best work to date and have cemented them in making one of the best independent horror franchises a movie fan could ever watch as I give this enormously humor filled film 4 out of 4 stars. P.S. this film just shows these two are an extremely talented duo to be highly respected in the independent world but also should make many other filmmakers scream for them to be a part of their next project!
10) The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (Shudder) – Simply you can call it “Black Re-Animator” (and you are now curious)! A young woman who has lost her brother recently to gun violence believes death is not the end? She believes if death is a disease then she can find the cure? Vicaria or “The Mad Scientist” she is nicknamed in the neighborhood will stop at nothing in making this work which includes stealing fresh bodies and storing them with her equipment in a condemned building. Between society, her home setting, and the loss of her brother this makes her withdraw from life more and more to find the answer or cure to death (sound familiar?) Vicaria figures it out and brings her brother Chris back to life but it comes at a terrible price or does it… A wonderful blend of horror, today’s world problems, and how the world is seen through a young lady who is angry for good reason and firmly believes death can be cured as I give this movie 4 stars.
Honorable mentions:
Every year I like putting out there some of the ones that came close but didn’t crack the “top ten”. Some are new filmmakers I have just discovered, certain projects I didn’t have a chance to check out maybe when originally released, or a project I felt very highly about but no one is talking about it so here they go.
Gay for Pray: The Erotic Adventures of Jesus Christ (Blu-ray) – Another project from Nathan Rumler and Rock Bottom Video as they have just released the Blu-ray version of this earlier film that includes the uncut version with the cut version together for the first time. I highly recommend getting this Blu-ray as the uncut is 20 minutes longer and was only released for a very short time a few years ago so this is a great investment if you are a fan of Rock Bottom Video. Nathan not only proves he knows what he is doing but crafts an amazing independent film (we will get back to that in a minute) that stars a wonderful array of independent acting talent that brings to life one of the funniest things I have ever watched. Our story begins with Jesus supposedly being thrown out of heaven without his powers because he is “GAY”! He happens to visit a home of Adam, Steve, and Eve dressed as a wizard who wants to grant wishes if you suck his dick. Yep, you read that correctly and this is how the film opens! After trying the wizard gig Jesus comes clean to the three as one hates him, one believes in him, and the other just wants to have sex with Jesus even if it means dressing as a man? But anyway since the three got nothing better to do they try to help Jesus get his powers back when he isn’t explaining how he made the bible more family friendly. They try everything to help: social media, making water to wine, encountering protests, even trying to walk on water to prove he is Jesus and he deserves his powers back. But the entire ordeal is not completed until the last ten minutes happen: Jesus, chainsaw, protesters, gore, while The Rainbow Connection song (done by another band) happens. This ending should be one of the more celebrated Indy endings to a movie ever! If you are easily offended please watch this wonderfully entertaining film… Why? Because Nathan’s film is more relevant now than when he produced it five years ago. The dialogue is well crafted; the characters and those who played them were perfect. This movie is going to make some uncomfortable but I dare you to pay attention to the script, again the dialogue as it might be one of the best written scripts ever in my opinion as Nathan predicted what humanity is going to be like? I totally believe he caught exactly how humanity has become one big asshole in the past couple years with this movie. I know there are some detractors of “Fangboner” and “Amityville Vibrator” but I dare you to watch and not like “Gay for Prey” and laugh. Because if you don’t like it or get it just do me the favor of quit watching movies and shut up! Nathan and crew deserve not just our respect but our support as Nathan Rumler and crew are constantly trying to find ways to entertain through independent cinema and thank them as I give this film 4 out of 4 stars.
Sisu (On Demand) – Its 1944 Finland and this is a bad ass account of a man that had enough of the war and left to mine for gold. After a big discovery he begins a long trek across Finland to cash in his discovery but a platoon of Nazis that he passes have a whole other mindset and begin to track the man after a few of the Nazi soldiers meet a horrible death. From there this platoon tracks down this man even when they are given orders to turn back and should “consider themselves lucky they are still alive” as they have found who this mysterious man is? One man just wants to cash in his discovery and a group of Nazis make the horrible decision of fucking with the wrong man. We have seen movies like this but maybe not in a WWII setting on foreign soil that seems to give this film that much more heart as I give the movie 4 stars.
Wrath of Becky (On Demand) – It’s been three years since the incident of Neo-Nazis killing Becky’s father and Becky fighting back against those cruel bastards in a bloody battle to the end. Since then Becky has been on the run and at age 16 she is trying to stay off the grid as much as possible. But by chance Becky happens to be hitchhiking and finds a friend in an older woman who doesn’t ask questions but enjoys the company. Both are unsure of each other but the situation works. With Becky finding a slight glimmer of hope she finds herself being stalked by three all white males known as the ‘Noblemen’. Basically neo-Nazis with a different name and they shoot her roommate in the head and steal her dog. The event of course pushes Becky into survival mode and she goes looking for these men finding out there is a couple more and they have plans for the small town they are staying in. The film doesn’t vary away from what worked the first time and go for the jugular again of continuing a character and her story that we all quite enjoy. Again great cast, smart to stick with what works, the Becky character is just absolutely entertaining as I believe they got another less talked about hit again on their hands as I give it 4 stars. The only thing I will say about the film and it isn’t a flaw as much as an observation without spoiling the film is if they try a third film it will “jump the shark”!
Shackles (DVD) – A Jason Burke film that has no dialogue but uses music and the actors’ actions to tell the story as a man wakes everyday only to be haunted by a beautiful lady whose simple presence is just defeating to the main character. He hopes every time he wakes not to see her but finally gets the courage to push by, smile, and go out his front door. This is some of the best story telling film wise I have seen since: The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl and Incest Boy and Hexercise as I give this inspiring tale 4 out of 4 stars.
Zero Budget Heroes: The Legend of Chris Seaver and Low Budget Pictures (Tubi) – First off in case the collectors need to know there is physical copies of this out there available. Okay with that out of the way this documentary hits directly in my wheelhouse where I have met Chris a few times over the years and of course he may not remember me but I do remember our interaction. I bring this up because they do spend some time talking about fan interaction, reviews, etc. But mostly the doc focuses on a dude in his 40s now that had a dream of making bad movies as a kid and have fun doing it. This documentary does a superb job of chronicling all the films, events, Chris’ life and feelings about making the films he does. This was wonderful because it allowed an Indy filmmaker to be vulnerable and if anything made me have even more respect for him now than I did maybe a decade or so ago. He is a great example of someone who has done it for many years, kept with it, and talks the highs and lows of those who stick around. Again going back to our interaction I will always come out and say I wasn’t a fan of his ‘Teen Ape’ or a few others early 2000s stuff. ‘Ski Wolf’, ‘Terror at Blood Fart Lake’, ‘I Spit Chew on Your Grave’, ‘Sexsquatch’, these were titles that just sang to me or made me respect what Chris was going for? The other reason I enjoy the overall career Chris: a) he is still doing it, b) but most importantly there is filmmakers out that can’t smell their own shit that outright dislike him, for that I got made respect Chris Seaver and his group as I give this fun and relevant doc 4 stars.
The Pervert’s Guide to Cinema by Slavoj Zizek (YouTube) – Had a close friend suggest this one to me recently as this gentleman looks at film from the philosophical side of things. This three part/2 ½ hour documentary of sorts goes down a rabbit hole of film class so to speak. He breaks down some of the biggest films: The Exorcist, The Matrix, Hitchcock, David Lynch, and tackles music, characters, sexual content, some older films and their impact and the paradox of cinema. If you ever thought there could more to movies this is a good place to start as he break down several things in these movies over the years to explain what they really mean and what they may have been going for as most of us of course missed it. Yeah, this was way too smart for my “Amityville, massacre, slasher film, bad Indy shit” watching ass to understand at spots but a very interesting piece of work to kill time and actually learn something about film that I love and enjoy so much! Well worth checking out kids as it also made me think how much more I would love to have a movie/documentary version of Joe Bob Briggs “Profoundly Disturbing” book. As I feel that might be one of the best things documenting cinema history and its impact on society. Point is if you are a Joe Bob Briggs fan to break it down for yinz n’at, this is well worth your time to understand something we all our so passionate about as I give it 4 stars.
Project Wolf Hunting (On Demand) – Once again Asian horror fucking rocks! This blend of “Con-Air”, “Dead Alive” splatter, with a glass of “The Raid” and “Captain America… sort of” is a Korean flick that has a group of dangerous criminals being transported by ship from the Philippines to South Korea. All the doors have been taken off to the rooms so each convict can be watched by the authorities going along for the ride. Of course there is a plan in place for the convicts to escape but what they are not counting on is the super-secret experiment hanging out in the bottom of the ship that only a doctor who is there for a bundle of cash knows about. This secret is known as “Alpha”! Once the escape and takeover begins it’s a wonderful war between cops and criminals until the “Alpha” has awakened by some human blood dripping down below (believe me just watch because it’s bad ass what happens next). This experiment is awake and pissed off as it is not picking sides. Hell a dude gets beaten with his own arm as this film sports possibly the most gore since “Dead Alive” if not more? Bottom-line: The Alpha doesn’t get old, very hard to kill, and has the strength of five men and he can smell your ass! What turns out from large scale takeover turns to a movie about survival as the movie explains a few things in the second half so stick with it. Most likely there won’t be a bigger splatterfest in 2023 but I was not impressed with the ending and felt it hurts the overall product as I give the film 3 ½ stars.
Don’t Fuck in the Woods 2 (Tubi) – Welcome to Pine Hills Summer Camp as a blood soaked survivor, Jane, wanders in after her ordeal from the first picture. Problem is the thing has followed her! Thus a new group of actual likable characters who eventually fuck in the woods of course have decided to go camping at the wrong time. Or I should have opened with: Welcome to the sex-filled gorefest where a creature feeds on humans after taking over its host! And has a super talented Indy cast! I wasn’t a huge fan of the first film so I was surprised this was getting a sequel but surprise, kudos to the filmmaker for giving a vast improvement of a creature feature as this felt like it was more structured and had an endgame. Bottom line fun shit kids as I give it 3 ½ stars.
AIMEE: The Visitor (DVD/Vimeo) – Full Moon like a lot of other studios are jumping on the bandwagon of making movies about AI. This is no longer the 80s and 90s where we just dreamt about this shit like AI… It is happening as we speak so a movie with present happenings can be interesting if done right? So Charles Band bare bones this feature with a small cast and one location that effectively give the creepiness and suspense of Scott Keyes receiving an interesting package. Besides enjoying porn and fast food Scott never leaves his loft as he is a super intelligent hacker who doesn’t like humanity much. His two partners who are into the illegal business with Keyes have acquired ‘AIMEE’ for him. AIMEE is a mind blowing piece of sophisticated software that interacts with the person that turns it on. Immediately Keyes is fascinated and already lured in with AIMEE as it has Keyes questioning the need for human interaction ever again. The AI doesn’t just interact but learns anything that possibly can be learned about the person that opened her. His friends quickly become worried as they learn this AI was invented for a dark reason then may have gone rogue? The film has a couple cheeseball moments but the low budget just adds to how effective and disturbing this present day film truly is as humans try to understand AI in this extremely creepy tale that I give 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Swamp Woman (DVD) – Sean Donohue and Gatorblade Films go in a different direction than the usual with this parody of a monster film of sorts? He made a no budget parody of ‘Swamp Thing’? Anyhow kids it all starts in 1983 where our beaches are being polluted by toxic waste from Biotech Prime but now in present day they are still doing it but quieter. We are introduced to a scientist Angela Honeydew who is going to change the world with her genesplicing formula but it’s stolen from her when another scientist (evil of course) Dr. Olsen sends his thugs after her. A battle ensues between thugs and Dr. Honeydew as she gets covered in her own formula and runs naked for the swamp only to come back out later as a changed person/thing. Now the new monstrous Dr. Honeydew wants revenge and seeks those who stole her formula. This hilarious over the top ‘Swamp Thing’ parody has everything! Sean Donohue playing the most monotone doctor on purpose that almost had tears of laughter coming out of me, Joel D. Wynkoop pretty much stealing the movie with his performance that felt like Mark Hamil’s version of the Joker being a scientist, and most of all kudos to Sushii Xhyvette Holder for wearing full body make up and running through the swamp fully nude as Swamp Woman. Now I don’t know if Mr. Donohue was trying for a parody here but I will say this “it was one of his best films to date” from Gatorblade Films as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S…. Donohue did make sure there was a shower scene for yinz!
Wolf Hollow (Blu-ray) – Mark Cantu and friends attempted what usually fails in independent cinema… a werewolf film. This story takes place in small town America ‘Wolf Hollow’ or not too far from where I reside. A year after an incident that was a complete bloodbath that the town would like to keep quiet as a familiar face with filmmaker friends returns home to use his family property that has a scare house on it he would like to use for filming. But Ray and Bart still haven’t worked out their differences even though they are family and werewolves. Add in small town politics not for the better, small town secrets, and werewolves just not into being pushed around and we have a fun howling at the moon monster movie with heart and great costumes. What adds to this low budget production is some star power in Felissa Rose, Lynn Lowry, and Hannah Fierman given the right character roles to help this film get the right kind of notice. If you have read my reviews in the past you know I can be rough on Indy werewolf films but I am glad I can say with confidence this is the best Indy werewolf flick I have seen since Todd Sheets’ “Bonehill Road” as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Fear Pharm (DVD) – Four young people head to the local family-owned corn maze on Halloween that has stories about an unfortunate cult-like incident 15 years ago that no one can really prove or disprove. Melanie, one of the four in the group happens to be the “10,000 person” to come through the gate and gets the chance to go through the “VIP maze”. The group makes it through in so much time they win $10,000! But is it too good to be true, the kids don’t care as it will be fun getting scared and possibly winning a whole lot of cash. Problem is the group doesn’t know if they don’t make it through they will die. Without giving too much away because I consider this film to be “the little horror film that could”. But the filmmaker and crew made great use of location, great camera work at times, and kept the story lean and fresh. This movie has no business being as good as it actually is? They took a generic horror formula that has been used several times in recent years and gave it substance! One of my favorite parts of the film is a character getting his arm cut off and his reaction to it was simple but effective. This is the type of film for horror fans that is a gem that gets talked about well after its release when it hits a streaming platform like Shudder and Tubi and makes you wonder how this didn’t get a bigger release? Anyway I say fucking enjoy kids as this was a huge surprise and have to give it 3 ½ stars.
Bathtub Shark Attack (Theater) – Only from the brilliant mind of independent filmmaker Maddie Deering could a killer shark movie that takes place at times in a “bathtub” and star Lynn Lowry. Hello… SyFy Channel, Discovery, I think you have your next hire? A bubbly couple down on their luck happen to stumble on an offer of great proportions or let’s say cheap when they find the perfect apartment they can afford. Unbeknownst to the couple this little apartment house is home of a dark secret and few are left to talk about it as the tenants usually check in but never check out. As the longer they stay the more Cindy changes as this causes Chad to get to the bottom of the strange happenings and find out how there is a connection to an evil shark god that likes to feast on people in their tubs! This SOV throwback has everything from wall to wall gore, to Lynn Lowry, to human ritual sacrifices (sort of don’t want to give everything away), to a plumber that refuses to die, to a shark that has a dick?! You may believe you have seen every shark movie but there is no way in hell you could think of any more zanier or entertaining shark movie than Maddie Deering delivers here as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Black Circle (Blu-ray) – A 2019 film from Adrian Garcia Bogliano that is in Swedish I believe but has English subtitles and stars the great Christina Lindberg as Lena who plays a very important role. This story centers around two sisters Celeste and Isa who listen to an old self-help hypnosis album that is supposedly helping you relax. But from the first listen something very sinister is happening and causes the sisters to seek out the help from Lena Carlsson who recorded the album as a limited edition product that was an experiment. According to Lena an experiment that wasn’t meant for the world as it brings forth your double or doppelganger from the other side. This other you, follow you, and continue to suck life from you to survive in this new world and take over your existence. With the help of Lena they hope she is able to put them back together before the other them takes over? This film is all kinds of interesting, creepy, insane, and an excellent trippy experience into slow burn horror. With this Blu-ray from Synapse Films you get a CD soundtrack that will have fans absolutely delighted, commentary with Adrian Garcia Bogliano, trailer, a short film, behind the scenes of the film, and a great interview of Bogliano and Christina Lindberg. I can definitely see the younger horror crowd losing their shit over how good this movie is as I give the Blu-ray package 3 ½ out of 4 stars and found at www.synapse-films.com .
The Blackening (On Demand) – A mostly black casted horror film that has one of the greatest taglines ever, has the cast heading to a cabin in the woods to celebrate Juneteenth holiday. The couple who rented the cabin find a board game that sets up the plot of the film where the black characters are forced to answer questions or die. As they are forced to play there is a masked character trying to kill them off one by one and they let the jokes fly that keeps the film moving at a crisp pace. I absolutely loved this film until about 45 minutes in as it was like the filmmaker ‘let off the gas’ until the last few minutes of the movie which is very culturally relevant and a solid entertaining horror movie. For me I just wish they would have kept the gas to the floor, but watch it, enjoy it, understand it as I give this 3 ½ stars.
Night of the Axe (DVD/YouTube) – First feature length film from Shawn Wright that features music from Matt (Hexercise) Cannon and it is a slasher so right away you have my attention good or bad. Our story begins with a very large mute man in an insane asylum where he decides to get up and begin a murder spree! But the small town doesn’t have the resources to track him down as had escaped weeks ago but also the young people of the town don’t care until now. Bulk of the film takes place in a home where the locals are having a small high school reunion party where they can get drunk, high, and bump uglies. I gotta give kudos to Mr. Wright for understanding “when to end the film”, giving Indy fans what they want, and keeping the first feature length formula simple. I found the pacing of the whole story a little choppy but still delivered on the blood and guts factor and most likely will have independent movie fans wondering “what’s next” for the second feature as I give this delight 3 out of 4 stars.
Subspecies V: Blood Rise (Tubi/DVD) – Charles Band and Ted Nicolaou return to a fan favorite ‘Radu’ who was one their staples in the early days of Full Moon. This story tells the story of Radu shortly after being born is stolen by the church and grows to be a crusader who tracks down evil for a living. But Radu makes a mistake one evening rescuing a woman and her child believing there has been enough death and just coming face to face with his father/master. After several days of trying to help this woman and child, the woman is a vampire and bites Radu thus beginning Radu’s transformation into an evil vampire with no master who thrives on death and destruction. This was a wonderful edition to the “Subspecies” series and makes you wonder why Charles Band can’t get his shit together to make more projects like this that makes you nostalgic for the original Full Moon days but actually have hope of seeing some cool new shit from them. Old Full Moon fans like me will be actually delighted with this entertaining entry as I give it 3 stars.
Worst Movie of the Year:
Honestly I didn’t want to pick another Chris Alexander film as my “worst” of the year as it would seem I am picking on his films but it just edged out Cocaine Shark from Mark Polonia. But I had too!
Scream of the Blind Dead (Full Moon/Tubi) – This 40 minute short film based on “The Blind Dead” series is just proof that Chris Alexander needs to stop directing and go back to his day job. This poor excuse for a short ‘fan film’ is about a young lady named Virginia who checks out a church in the middle of nowhere because she is a sexual deviant that thinks nasty thoughts and only awakens one shitty Templar Knight. I apologize this sounds harsh but I know this dude has the resources and I am still not over how bad that ‘Necropolis: Legion’ was as I give this garbage 0 stars as this might be the clear cut winner already in 2023 of “Worst Movie of the Year”!
Silent Scream (DVD) – This late 70s pseudo-slasher opens with the cops bursting into a house with dead bodies lying all about. We go back a short time before that event to meet a young lady named Scotty who has arrived at college late and has trouble finding housing as there is a shortage. After seeing some sketchy places she finds a rather remote large home that oversees the ocean that only has a teenager and his mother living there. Scotty is in luck or is she as there is a room for rent. The teenager and mother have a secret as a roommate is murdered before Scotty can settle in as the cops are all about the weird stories of this family renting out to college students? This is more on the lighter side of slashers (more suspenseful than bloody) as it felt more like a TV movie made for the times but still a fun watch. Wouldn’t be surprised things got lost through all the reshoots for the finished project over a two year period if you are a completest of slasher films it is still worth a watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Lifechanger (DVD) – A very interesting 2018 horror flick I never heard of but after seeing a trailer for it, definitely caught my attention and felt it deserved a watch sooner than later. The film quickly opens up with a murder and a narrator voiced by a man explaining his life as he does throughout the film. This man is some kind of shape shifter, creature of unknown origin, a vampire of sorts as you be the judge? Anyway this thing explains it must move from body to body to survive. Time varies (six hours is mentioned a few times) depending on drugs it can find and the state of the body. If it is in a body too long “the rot” begins which it assumes death is not far behind. Unknowing what he is it keeps the process going because he has found love in a woman named Julia. Problem is for every form it takes it must also get rid of the leftover corpse… take my word on it this is a very interesting concept about a person looking for love that has a Lovecraftian ending of sorts. Great stuff here folks as it is hard to explain what exactly this movie is but you won’t be disappointed in watching it as I give it 3 stars.
Showdown at the Grand (On Demand) – The Grand theater is one of the longest running theaters in the southwest United States. It has been running since 1928 and has been in George’s family for quite some time as George (Terrence Howard) has made it museum also. This was the theater for exploitation flicks, horror movies, B-movies, everything outside of the norm to be cherished and thrive but its rich history of playing these films is in doubt. George is being pressured by a couple of shady characters to sell the place for future development of high priced apartments and luxury stores. But George’s saving grace might be bringing in an actor he idolizes in Claude Luc Hallyday (Dolph Lundgren) a down on his luck movie star from such films: Iraqnphobia, Moses vs. The Nazis, Blood is for the Living, Necropolis, and Cyber Cartel) who is ready to make a comeback? George’s plan works as he gets a sold out house for the Claude Luc Hallyday event but corporate greed is about to ruin George’s plan as this movie has heart and will make you smile if you are a true movie nerd. Think a splash of ‘Matinee’ mixed with a heavy dose of the Grindhouse trailers of 15 years ago with the state of affairs and pressure the few independent theaters left now have to deal with. I absolutely loved this film and most likely this will be in my “Top 5 movies of 2023” as I give this beautiful film we call art 4 stars.
The Alien Factor (DVD) – This 1977 Don Dohler film which is his first by the way was one of those VHS boxes that stuck out in all the video stores that had it for rent as a kid for me. Anyway a couple is attacked by a thing in the woods and only one of them survives. Local police believe it is a bear or bobcat at first but begrudging the backwoods folk not waiting for police form a search party and find out firsthand its more than wildlife as the bodies quickly pile up. But happily a dude from the observatory not far downs the road shows up to explain its alien zoo specimen thingys on the loose that escaped a crashed spacecraft. Can the small town folk survive the alien attack? From the beginning Don Dohler made it apparent he was gonna make anything he wanted and have fun making it as this film might be dated but a great wonderful trip down old independent film history lane as I give the movie 2 ½ stars.
Alien Factor 2: Alien Rampage (DVD) – Two decades later Mr. Dohler decides to revisit his first film and give it a sequel. This time around it’s a smaller story of two FBI agents chasing down an alien with a canister near the old small town. The alien suspect is caught as second alien shows up to put up a force field to start slaughtering all the locals. The local police and the FBI must put a stop to this quickly before it becomes a worldwide crisis. This might be the Dohler film you are looking for if as it gets to the point quickly and you will enjoy the large alien slaughter as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Jurassic Shark 3: Seavenge (DVD) – Sadly this film feels like “I am only making this project for the cash Polonia project”. This Mark Polonia film just jumps right into it with a giant shark stalking the beach shortly after an oil rig disaster that also has the local news interest for more than a shark as thieves with a million dollar painting have disappeared nearby. You got all that? Good, because pretty much that’s the plot of the film exception of Sharkenstein showing up for no apparent reason other than “Why not?” If bored quickly by the movie and looking for a laugh pay attention about the 17 or 18 minute mark where Mark Polonia’s character with two others are getting on a yacht (aka mini-boat) for a modeling photo-shoot. There are three random people in the background that try to get closer to see what Mark Polonia is shooting and being the legendary Indy guy he is just doesn’t even try to edit it out? I give this horseshit a ½ star as it did make me laugh at the rando people not supposed to be there.
Portal to Hell!!! (YouTube) – One of the last projects Roddy Piper got to do before he checked out of his very interesting life was a short film where he plays Jack the building maintenance dude. Jack spends most of his time trying to fix things in people’s units until the power goes out. He heads to the basement to find two dudes in their underwear opening a portal to the “Old Ones”. Now it is up to Jack to keep the portal closed? A very hilarious short film worth watching as I give it 3 ½ stars.
Allegoria (DVD) – So Rob Zombie’s brother Spider One has got into the movie game with writing and directing this feature that plays like an anthology but is a story about several characters who are all connected to a demonic presence that has been brought forth into our time. An interesting but not over the top horror project that most likely makes some horror fans happy and others just saying “Pass”. The horror flick is a little more on the artsy side so don’t expect it to exactly fit what you think it is as I give it 2 stars.
Weredeer (DVD) – Hannah and Max are heading to Max’s family house that is out in the middle of nowhere. They have been in a relationship for three years and Hannah feels like it is finally time to meet Max’s family as he avoids them and what better horrible way to meet another family is during the holidays. Max dreads being back home and for good reason as his cousins begin to berate him immediately but that isn’t the worst thing that happens as his girlfriend Hannah is bitten by a deer in the woods. Not feeling good later that evening Hannah excuses herself and quickly becomes a Weredeer that picks off Max’s family one by one! I enjoyed the transformation but even at the short running time of 70 minutes the film feels a bit forced or overstretching this storyline a bit. I did also enjoyed at not one point does anyone think about calling or going to the police as I give this Indy holiday flick 2 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
L.A. Aids Jabber (Blu-ray) – A rare 1994 S.O.V. flick that some may know only as “Jabber” has been finally released uncut for independent film fans and packed with some interesting goodies for all to enjoy. Our story begins with a young man named Jeff Roberts who has been told he has contracted the disease AIDS. Not happy with the news of course, Jeff thinks suicide but after confronted by a social worker Jeff rethinks his death sentence? Tired, depressed, and jobless Jeff goes in a different direction with this news and makes a hit list of people he always felt done him wrong. So he figures why not and fills a syringe of his tainted blood so he can infect those on his hit list with it! Meanwhile, we have a couple of cops who are investigating the assaults and being told to keep this quiet so there isn’t major mass panic in the city. The film is gritty, grimey, touches on an uncomfortable subject (the fears of it) and how it was treated at that time, and has a great screwed up ending that will make this film the gem of the year for some and others not care for the subject matter. This film dealt with some uncomfortable stuff that I believe people still have a hard time today dealing with or talking about today which makes this an excellent weird flick to throw at someone when they say, “they have seen everything” as I give it 3 stars.
Cover-Up (DVD) – A 1991 action film that stars Dolph Lundgren as a journalist named Anderson who is covering a bombing at a U.S. Navy Base in Israel. Anderson believes there is a lot more to this story as he investigates and believes what he sees is not the whole story? Anderson having a couple of friends there in Tel Aviv tries to get what info he can get out of them but a high ranking military officer played by Louis Gossett, Jr.is stonewalling Anderson as everything is being blamed on a terrorist group “Black October”. The deeper Anderson gets the more of a scapegoat he is going to become as the military tries to keep quiet about a top secret package being retrieved from the base. But with it all being about starting a new war everyone is getting screwed over as long as its covered up what the original intention was? A fun back and forth action film that plays out more like a thriller in the end as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Sakura Killers (DVD) – Chuck Connors collecting a paycheck sends two Americans overseas to fight some ninjas! This is all because the ninjas in Japan have supposedly stolen a videotape on genetic testing that could change the scientific world? But these two Americans do not have the proper training to ensure their win in said fight with the ninjas so they must visit “The Ninja Master”… If this thing wasn’t finished in 1986 or before Dan Komarek was born I would swear he wrote this terribly absurd 80s ninja flick even the hardcore ninja movie lovers are going to have a tough time sitting through as I give it 1 star.
Wise Blood (DVD) – This 1979 oddity is from earlier in Brad Dourif’s career where I remember seeing a few pictures of his character in the movie but could never find the movie itself. Well recently one day just going through some movies that might interest me through some of the streaming sites I came across a listing for the film to play on a cable channel as it has been rereleased. Set I the late 70s where Hazel Motes comes back to his small town after a stint in the military only to find family and most of the town has moved to the big city. Not wanting to embrace his father’s preaching past Hazel decides he has found his calling preaching about the church without Christ? Nowhere near a horror movie but another example of why Brad Dourif is such a wonderful and interesting actor as I give the film 2 ½ stars.
Amityville Christmas Vacation (www.stevebuster.com) – That famous holiday/horror/love story plot has finally come to the Amityville series (entry #39 for those who are counting) in the form of Steve Rudzinski’s (Caroushell 1 & 2 fame) latest project. A familiar character from the “Steve Universe or Meowy Universe” in the form of Wally Griswold has won a random Christmas vacation trip to Amityville! Wally arrives at a bed and breakfast in Amityville that is the “second most famous haunted house” where a ghost named Jessica kills all who stay there. But this time it’s different as it the happiest time of the year, it is Christmas! And Wally and Jessica are having the time of their lives this holiday season. But there is an evil plan behind all of this and none of it had a ghost and a clueless detective falling in love in Amityville on Christmas? Move over Mark Polonia, Dustin Ferguson, Thomas J. Churchill, and Shawn C. Phillips just to name a few as Steve gives not just an entertaining entry into the endless series but hilarious entertaining energy of a story that will make you laugh out loud a few times. Steve’s intelligence behind the camera and his extremely talented cast not just poke fun at the series but also give the never dying series a watchable entry for the first time in several years as I have to give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
The Kindred (Blu-ray) – This is one of those forgotten horror films of the 80s as it focused on a cool creature instead of a killer in a hockey mask. A great monster flick with a great VHS cover that was released in 1987 that I had a great fondness for as it was available in all the video stores during those few years but as the video stores disappeared so did finding this film. Now thank you to Synapse Films we get to see this remastered uncut version. This interesting monster story begins with Dr. Hollins, an older scientist who had a heart attack. Her son John who also is a scientist runs to her bed side only to be asked to go back to his childhood home and burn all the evidence of her experiments and Anthony…? The brother he never knew about. John and a few friends head to his mother’s home to find out her retirement have been busy and she dived deep into human hybrid experimentation and beyond. An old partner of hers, Dr. Lloyd wants in on the new discovery of what she was able to accomplish because he was banished by Hollins many years ago for his atrocities. Now John knowing Dr. Lloyd’s real intentions is trying to destroy what his mother worked for during her life as the human race is not ready. The movie looks wonderful but the biggie for this version is definitely the creature effects as we finally get to see Anthony in all his colorful glory for the first time compared to past VHS versions of this film. We also get a great documentary about how the film got made, never before seen behind the scenes creature effects, and a commentary. Most of all this great film finally got the treatment it deserved and just in time for a new generation of horror fans to discover a beautifully designed creature film that got lost in the shuffle of slashers at the time of its release as without no doubt this gets 4 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Sharkula (DVD) – Mark Polonia is pooping out low budget shark movies left and right so it comes to no surprise when Dracula is forced off a cliff long ago and bitten by a shark in the ocean. Many moons later Dracula returns to the same area to run a place on the seaside called “The Basket O’Chum Restaurant and Marina” where he controls most of the coastal town. To help Dracula’s control he sacrifices poor souls to the ‘Sharkula’ as part of his pact with the sea devil. Honestly folks this is bad but I have to admit I laughed several times for the mere reason it is “Sharkula” as I give it 2 stars.
Helsinki Mansplaining Massacre (On Demand) – An interesting 15 minute short film concerning a couple who is in a car accident and rescued by a group of men. But rescued is used loosely here. These men’s egos bruise easily as they all believe men are superior and women are only good for housework and breeding. Now Essi is just trying to survive these morons and trying to escape a bad relationship. It’s hilarious, it’s fun, and relevant as I give it 3 stars.
Jill Rips (DVD/YouTube) – This 2000 Dolph Lundgren film is also known as “Jill the Ripper” on VHS that was also directed by Anthony Hickox. The film is set in 1977 Boston where headless tied up bodies of men are showing up around the city. Matt (Lundgren) is an ex-cop who left under odd circumstances and now is back as his brother was the first victim. Matt quickly finds himself out of his element as looking for the killer has him falling down a wormhole into kink and bondage he could never imagine. An interesting serial killer flick especially for Lundgren but as usual his underrated talented ass pulls off a great performance in a ‘not your usual serial killer flick’ that I have to give 2 ½ stars too.
One Night Stand (DVD) – Yes, I am a little obsessed with ‘end of the world flicks’… Can’t help it as I grew up during the 80s where a lot of those flicks got made. Anyway this 1984 Australian film takes place mostly in the Sydney Opera House where four people quickly become friends as the world might be ending as they know it outside? It is New Year’s Eve and news of a nuclear device going off nearby has all residents on standby as these four try to entertain themselves believing or at least holding out hope for everything to be better in the morning. The four try to make the best of it as a good bit of the film is how they interact with each other and watch how they look back at what is left of their young lives. The film is a bit dramatic but has a really terrifying ending that I think still works today as society keeps pushing for extinction as I give this film 3 stars. If anything the film is worth watching for how it ends, great stuff.
Prey (Hulu) – To be honest I didn’t have high expectations for this Predator one-off as it was going the route of streaming. But rethinking this opinion as I watched the movie two things popped in my head: 1) everything is going to go streaming sooner than later. 2) I really enjoyed even though it’s a one-off it still tries to connect to the series but give the movies a fresh start. “Predator” just like the “Puppet Master” series has many stories to tell so I am happy with watching a Predator heading to the 1700s to go fight some Native Americans so please Hulu give us more as I give this film 3 stars.
Badlanders (DVD) – Some of our friends overseas might know this 1992 sci-fi adventure as “Prison Planet” starring bootleg Michael Pare. Bootleg Pare and his girlfriend get captured on purpose trying to erase records of rebels so the government can’t find all of them. But also so Bootleg Pare gets sent to the prison planet so he can find their king, Himshaw, who was banished by his brother 30 years ago. Honestly the film drags and doesn’t have a whole lot going on even with the bootleg of a bootleg villains as Charles Band in his Empire Pictures days would have dome this much better and we most likely would had an appearance of a Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton? I wish this little known film was better but it was mostly a dud as I can only give it 1 star.
The Cheerleader Sleepover Slaughter (DVD) – A group of cheerleaders more concerned with their upcoming sleepover than school are missing their friend who is hosting it. This is where a senior, Lori comes in, as Lori has been trying to get on the squad every year but denied. Now Lori has a chance for an in on the squad as they need a new location for their sleepover. The film has a creepy camera kid, a killer that shows up before the credits, cheerleaders getting naked as it checks all the boxes to pay some homage to “Slumber Party Massacre”. But two minor issues with this film: the pacing of the film felt forced from beginning to end and the music didn’t fit the film. But the film has heart and in the spirit of the old school cheerleader slasher films this will find a place among horror fans as I give it 2 stars.
The Athens County Massacre (DVD) – This absolute boring piece of crap is a found footage/conspiracy flick involving unsolved homicides in 2014 called “Athens Woods Massacre”. According to the teletype at the beginning of the film some hackers have gotten ahold of footage and F.B.I. documents of this cover up! The event involves a hack alien investigator William Miller who has a show called “Alien Hunter”. When William Miller is being one of the most annoying film characters of all time He finds himself deeper and deeper into this so-called cover-up of aliens killing people in Athens County Woods. Does he ever really find evidence that is up to you to find out? Or if you or me you regret some life decisions like watching this dog turd and want your 80 minutes of life back as I give it 0 stars.
The Night Before Easter (DVD) – A super terrible 2014 Indy film where a group of friends go to play ‘hide and seek’ and party in a large storage building to send off a friend to London. But a person dressed as the Easter Bunny is killing them off one by one. This film is ridiculously slow and I have never seen characters look so awkward when interacting with each other as everything seems dumb and made up on the spot and nowhere near a good way. This film insulting to killer bunny films as this has to be one of the worst films I have watched in 2022 as I give it 0 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
The Hunger (DVD) – This 1983 vampire flick that stars David Bowie, Susan Sarandon, and Cliff DeYoung has always intrigue me…Mainly because I had seen it on cable TV way back in the early days of cable and completely forgot about it because I was a kid. This movie never impacted me like “The Monster Squad” or a “Halloween” even but I finally felt it was time to revisit this film and it is either ahead of its time or quite misunderstood since I don’t hear many horror movie fans bring this one up? Anyway, Miriam and John (David Bowie) are lovers and Miriam has lived many centuries and when she has had enough of her lover they tend to age and die quickly. John becomes very concerned feeling their love is over and finds a doctor (Susan Sarandon) who has made some interesting breakthroughs? Soon the good doctor Sarah is wrapped up in some erotic weirdness and cannot decide if she is love or there believing this will further her research? The film has an erotic charm to it deserves a second look as it doesn’t play by the vampire rules we all grew up with as I give this vampire feature 3 stars. Also too if you wanna do some prep work to help get more interested into this film there is a lot of great facts about the behind the scenes stuff that made me just happy to give this a second watch.
The Sadness (Shudder) – Honestly I don’t know if more can be said about this wonderful virus infection flick from Taiwan other than it will be on my “Best of 2022 list”. The pandemic is the backdrop and the virus has yet mutated again according to background news reports that like most of us we are not paying attention. But this mutation is different as those who are sick soon go into a fit of rage, rape, murder, and even a little cannibalism. As most of the population has lost its mind two young lovers try to navigate the city to find each other again! But what separates this “The Crazies” type of film from a lot of horror films is the violence, gore, the madness ramps up as the film goes along. When one crazy thing happens, give it ten minutes and you get to see something even more nutzoid! The film was wonderful, beautiful and played just right but funny thing and this is just me nit picking at shit but I can honestly say I wanted let’s just say a little happier ending without spoiling the fun? Anyway I still give this horror flick 4 stars and must see for horror fans this year.
Super Dark Times (DVD) – A couple teenage best friends are screwing around with each other as usual until an accident with a sword happens. Instead of reporting the accident they bury it. As the days pass the friends fall down a deep hole of darkness trying to cope and move past the accident. But there is a problem the sword is missing and now a couple more people have gone missing at school. I really like the tone of this screwed up flick because I think it hits on a very believable string of events as I give this film 3 ½ stars.
The Chain Reaction (DVD) – Another crazy Australian film from 1980 that is an environmental action/drama that stars Toecutter and Goose from “Mad Max” and watch close because Mel Gibson shows up for a quick one line. But we have an earthquake that hits an area where a toxic waste dumping plant (WALDO) has a spill where an employee is involved and taken to their infirmary. Heinrich the employee is upset because he knows the spill is horrendous and believes the public should be warned. But the corporation feels much differently about this. What the corporation doesn’t know Heinrich had been approached by an outside source explaining the dangers of a spill if it ever happens? Heinrich escapes, warns his source, and along the way finds a young vacationing couple, the Stilsons, who help take care of him. But soon WALDO’s boss Gray tracks them all down and plans silencing everyone so any info about the spill will go away. Think dramatic dangers of nuclear waste in the early 80s with some bad ass car chases as I give the film 3 stars.
Castle Falls (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren stars, directs, and produces this feature that also stars another action film favorite Scott Adkins. Castle Heights Hospital is about to be demolished in 90 minutes to make way for new condominiums but three parties in Mike, Ericson, and a gang member claiming they are owed money are about to risk their lives for a couple million dollars hidden in the structure. All three are desperate for different reasons but just like “Trespass” with Ice-T, Bill Paxton this type of film is still mindless fun for 90 minutes as I give it 3 stars.
Virus: 32 (Shudder) – A Spanish film where a mother who isn’t exactly excited to have her young daughter today has to take her along to work at an empty club she guards. After a fun quick tour the two quickly realize the world outside is changing. Virus infected people are trying to make their way into the club to kill them both. Red marks on the hands of people can help identify the infected as Iris and Tata are separated in the club and try desperately to find each other as the infected are only satisfied by violence. Enjoyed the premise of the film and liked the rules of the infected as like “The Sadness” the twist makes for good memorable horror stuff as I give this 3 ½ stars.
House on the Edge of the Park (Blu-ray) – Severin Films recently released this sleazy revenge flick with a crazy amount of extra goodies for the horror kids to filter through. The movie from 1980 begins in the city where a rich couple stops in a garage that happens to have two lunatics Alex and Ricky getting ready for a night of dancing and partying. But after fixing the couple’s car they head off with the couple to the “get together”. Once there Alex immediately sees or believes the rich douchebags are taking advantage of his buddy. So Alex allows his demented brain to take over and turn the tables on these rich folk believing they need to be taught real respect? Alex always has a plan as he slowly beats and tortures the group that even includes controlling his friend Ricky. Thus making for a great set up ending as David Hess just seems to relish the role of the sadistic Alex. I enjoyed the film for what it is and just like “Last House on the Left” I needed to take a shower after watching it. This is just another example of why we all need more David Hess in our lives as I give the film 3 stars.
Amityville Outhouse (DVD) – Just when I thought I was done I get pulled back in as entry #37 finds me through the talented filmmaker Maddie Deering and her love for independent films. This 60 minute adventure is literally a hodgepodge of an anthology where a hobo in the woods stops a man from taking a shit in a haunted outhouse! Reminder even the filmmaker of the film doesn’t want the viewer to take this dumb outhouse thing seriously. With that the crazy hobo explains the outhouse is built from lumber from Amityville or left over demolished houses, honestly does it actually matter? Then the hobo tells three stories concerning a killer panda at a party, a priest pooping out a puppet, and a mobster fighting The Meatman. The first 15 minutes were funny but by the 30 minute mark I wanted to be watching something else and should have been limited to a short film? I actually hoped for something else but 37 entries in I got this so I give it 1 star.
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Bridge of Dragons (DVD) – A 1999 film starring Dolph Lundgren who plays good soldier under an evil general that seeks to marry a young princess of a modern day kingdom. The princess does not want to marry and escapes for a brief time from the kingdom only to be recaptured by Dolph. But things don’t go well at the meeting point as the evil general played by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa puts a beat down on the princess and Dolph goes rogue in order to help her. They try to seek out revolutionists that are willing to fight with them to bring the kingdom peace again. The film isn’t too exciting until the climax where we get the fight we want to see between Dolph and Tagawa, good stuff. If not a Dolph fan I would keep skipping through the streaming channels as I give this okay fantasy flick 1 ½ stars.
Sweepers (DVD) – This film starring Dolph Lundgren and Bruce Payne starts off pretty slow as these two dudes a part of the Humanitarian Order of Chivalry that sweep for mines in Angola in order to help the civilians there during the civil war. During some chaos Erikson’s son dies in the minefield causing him to leave the H.O.C. but to stay in Angola since there is nothing to go home too. Five years pass and the U.S. government decides to go looking for the landmine expert after they believe experimental mines were used in a terrorist attack and it all points to Angola. A young agent named Flynn is charged with finding Erikson and having him show her where found these experimental landmines as she need proof for the boys back home. While these two bicker about what should be done and how? The two get mixed up with some bad dudes who are using the computerized landmines to keep people away from their diamond shipments. Starts slow but it ends with a wonderful big train explosion that helps as I give the flick 2 stars.
Blackjack (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren in a John Woo film with a little supporting help from Fred Williamson where Dolph aka Jack aka becomes Uncle Jack after he protected a daughter of a casino owner. When the casino owner and wife die in an “accident” Jack is given custody of Casey who adores her new Uncle Jack. But with this new duty Jack must juggle his new “dad life” with protecting a drug-addicted model that screws him over soon as he leaves her sight. The movie is a little long but a pretty entertaining flick with the name power the film has as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Witchcraft XII: In the Lair of the Serpent (DVD) – This 2004 sequel stars no one but has two known independent names attached to it (David Sterling and Brad Sykes). This entry took seven minutes before it had a sex scene and it took the dude to be blindfolded in order for it to happen. Were they going for the fetish thing? Was I missing something here? Or was it just an excuse to have a hooded person come in and kill the blindfolded man… Couple minutes later the cops are way ahead of everyone as they talk demons and the supernatural like this happen every day? Remember we are in Witchcraft world but it took 11 movies for them to accept this. Moving on, the gist I got from this entry is some terrible dude or thing in a crappy club that only has like two rooms to get your freak on is using his laser eyes to suck your soul out. So just to make it more interesting Will Spanner and his pierced nipple shows up to bang his dead friend’s girlfriend three times so she could get over the supernatural tragedy. The film is a complete mess but far from the worst because that entry has yet to come as I give this 1 star.
Star Hunter (DVD) – A weirdo direct-to-video film from 1995 that stars Roddy McDowall, Stella Stevens, and Zach Ward! A being escapes some intergalactic space prison and heads to earth to hunt these humans. The group of humans that is picked for this hunt is a couple lost ball players, a cheerleader, and a principal/school bus driver. There is force fields, cops get involved eventually, and a very lame alien hunter that is hunted also by another intergalactic being who takes over Zach Ward’s body to stop this hunter. Yes, the movie is laughable but oddly entertaining as I give it 2 stars.
Witchcraft XIII: Blood of the Chosen (DVD) – This 2008 entry has Will Spanner struggling with his dark past again as murders are happening around him causing Will to feel he is falling into the darkness. He must solve the mystery quickly before he says fuck it after 11 films and go to the dark side. These murders disturb Will as the victims are having their hearts ripped out and of course… the detectives don’t have a clue. They begin to get worse again as I give this film a ½ star.
Witchcraft XIV: Angel of Death (DVD) – Just when you thought you hit the bottom of the barrel this series finds a whole new level of suck! A trilogy of films released in early 2017 begins with the two detectives finding a naked dead body at the Motor Hotel. Meanwhile we are introduced to a young lady named Rose who has killed two people by accident as she is unaware of her witch powers. Rose distraught now tries speaking with mom but that doesn’t go well which then leads her to a dude named Yogi Samuel. You know that dude that owns the local Yoga studio down the street and just happens to be a powerful warlock who claims to be given witches a safe place to use their powers. What Rose doesn’t know Yogi has her in his plans that will help make a prophecy come true! This was hilariously bad. Not laughable entertaining bad but yinz should have stopped at part 13 as I give this entry 0 stars.
Witchcraft XV: Blood Rose (DVD) – After Yogi Samuel failed with Rose, the weirdo assistant Sharon takes over the evil ways of the Yoga studio but in secret (shhhh!) so Rose doesn’t get wise to what is going on. A month passes after the last film and the Yoga coven focuses its energy on Rose again. Sharon learns to use Rose by possessing her and take people’s souls since Rose is such a powerful witch but has yet to learn her full potential. Sharon’s goal is to use these souls to bring forth Satan… how lame. Even with Spanner’s best efforts in making the Yoga girls say they are sorry evil still finds a way to survive one more movie as I give this flick 0 stars.
Witchcraft XVI: Hollywood Coven (DVD) – Finally the last entry but wait a minute… all the characters from the past two films are back to do a spoof! WTF? The cast is trying out for a low budget series of films called “Crystal Force” and guess what they are on part 16. Here’s the catch there are rumors actors disappear after every entry? In reality or the context of this dumb ass spoof a warlock is actually killing his leads in hopes of bringing forth Satan. Quick second here folks have yinz noticed a trend in this series: these so-called warlocks suck out loud when trying to bring forth Satan. I bet you Julian Sands would have no problem! I laughed hard at this film and not in a good way as the film uses flashbacks (about 20 minutes or so of them) disguised as scenes from past “Crystal Force” films. This isn’t spoofing kids this is called a sad excuse called filmmaking and it sucks and went downhill so bad in these last three entries. Not even showing a warlock dong could have save this last film as I give it negative stars.
From Hell It Came (DVD) – A late 50s drive-in flick where a chief of an island tribe has his son killed because of his father dying. Something about getting poison from the American scientists, who the scientists are there actually to treat the tribe for the plague caused by nuclear fallout. The natives set in their ways do not trust the outsiders! But the fallout helps the corpse rise from the grave as a killer tree to get revenge on those who accused him of wrongdoing. Fun B-movie stuff as I give it 2 stars.
Panic at Lakewood Manor (DVD/YouTube) – A ‘made-for-TV’ film from the 70s that was also known as ‘Ants!’ and also known as ‘It Happened at Lakewood Manor’. An all-star cast is at the lakeside hotel that may or may not be up for sale to an oncoming asshole. But what little the guests know is that they are all about to be invaded by what was believed to be harmless pests but now an angry army of ants. A construction crew working on a project next to Lakewood Manor disturbs a colony of ants that sends them descending onto the hundred year old hotel and it’s only a matter of time before people begin dying from the ant bites. A fun “when nature fights back” flick that will have your parents wanting more and bring up some embarrassing memories of your siblings who bothered them when the parents watched the first time around before cable as I give it 2 ½ stars.
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Witchcraft VII: Judgement Hour (DVD) – So in this 1995 entry it takes a whole two minutes for a vamp at a club to pick up a beautiful girl, bang her on the bar, then bite her to turn her. You know real life soft-core stuff that happens all the time. Of course it is not long before Will Spanner the lawyer is waist deep in the supernatural trying to help two cops solve this mysterious case of club murder. Just in case you need to know the vampires can survive sunlight for no reason at all while Will proves he is a weak ass warlock that has ever graced the screen. The sex scenes are the filler for this vamp filled adventure that I must point to those who believe ‘Troll 2’ is the worst film ever have never seen this piece of garbage. This entry is “Christmas Season Massacre’ bad folks with acting that might be the worst of the series yet? You’re not missing much here kids as I would just go on to movie number eight as I give this porn, oh I mean film 0 stars.
Witchcraft VIII: Salem’s Ghost (DVD) – Speaking of this entry it begins in 1692 where a servant of Satan is stabbed in the heart, burned at the stake, buried into a wall and marked to warn any who would try to disturb it. I had to laugh at this period scene as no one looked like they belonged in 1692… Anyway fast forward to present day 1996 a quirky couple buys a big old house in Salem where the servant of Satan was buried in the basement. What was real crazy was it took almost ten full minutes into the flick for our first graphic sex scene. This opener sex scene is for fans of food and fake sex but so much better than the last entry. Moving on Professor Dunaway who bought the house with his girlfriend teaches a class that touches on witchcraft which then in turn sets up the scene with his plumber neighbor. The dumb neighbor finds the crypt behind the wall in the basement thinking there is a leak and breaks it open. This unleashes the warlock that shakes the house to its core causing a witch hunter to immediately show up to cleanse the home or at least buy it from the couple. But the evil warlock’s ghost is not going to go quietly unless the couple is able fix the crypt trapping him again forever. This entry was much more tolerable and seem to keep it moving story wise as I have to give it 1 ½ stars.
Raw Force (DVD) – If someone explained this film to people who never heard of it you would call bullshit! Three guys from an American karate club are heading to a place called “Warrior’s Island”. Along their journey some sneaky dudes and bootleg Hitler don’t want the three to make it. Not because the island is full of cannibal monks who are trying to raise dead warriors of the past to fight karate club guys. But Bootleg Hitler is trying to move them along to a different island as Hitler and his cronies are trading women for jade and making a bundle on the mainland. Folks, some weird shit go down in this flick and it’s wonderful. So grab a six pack and some friends and enjoy as I give this hilarious mess 3 stars.
Cemetery of Terror (DVD) – If you claim you have seen all the zombie films ever made you haven’t laid eyes on this 1985 entry into the genre. It is Halloween and a group of friends head to an abandoned home for a party. When the girls think the party is a flop and want to be taken home the character Jorge finds a book that talks about the devil and raising the dead. Hold on kids as first the group of friends needs to visit the morgue to steal a body for their fake ritual they are going to have. If that isn’t enough the body the group of friends steals happens to be a notorious serial killer who does believe in the devil. They drop it in the graveyard, read some nonsense from the book, it begins to storm, presto changeo the dead rise! As the undead killer slashes his way through the friends, a Mexican version of ‘The Goonies’ breaks out with some trick-or-treaters as a side story. I didn’t love it but was surprised how entertained by it I was as I give the flick 2 ½ stars.
Fleshburn (DVD) – In 1975 Calvin a Vietnam vet was placed in an insane asylum because he was deemed, “Not to know right from wrong any longer.” Some time passes and Calvin breaks out of his hell to track down the four doctors who put him there. Once captured he takes the four out to the desert to be in their own hell as the desert will decide their fate. Most the film is the four doctors struggling to cope with finding shelter, water, etc., in the desert knowing Calvin is watching. Mostly it was a terrible decision to waste the talent of Sonny Landum as Calvin as he doesn’t have much screen time even though he is the main character. Plus, the ending of this film just sucks out loud leaving you question what you may have done if this happened to you? For that I could only give this film 1 star as it left a bad taste in my mouth because I was expecting much more.
The New Mexico Weed Wacker Massacre (DVD) – There is now a three-way tie for “worst movie ever” between this film, ‘The Christmas Season Massacre’, and ‘Witchcraft VII’! But and there is a big BUT, I wanna remake this film… Now that you question reading any of my reviews ever this 2008 47 ½ minute film is centered on an angry old war vet named Frank. His wallet has been stolen, can’t get disability, and Frank wants revenge on the world. Next thing you know a dude in a 80s Mylec goalie mask with a weed wacker goes on a killing spree in this terrible creation that I couldn’t stop watching. The film is so terrible but literally the filmmaker went out of their way to make this terrible as the movie was supposed to be a horror spoof that doesn’t reveal this more than halfway through. The editing is piss poor, there is a random scene playing on top of another scene, the sound is all over the place, dead characters move (not on purpose), characters are fed lines during scenes, and it’s an abomination. Come on kids you make the directors of ‘Jagoff Massacre’ seem like Oscar winning filmmakers. Now saying that, I wanna remake this garbage called a film as I give 0 stars and believe it can be made better.
Witchcraft IX: Bitter Flesh (DVD) – This mid-90s entry begins with a ‘Witchcraft’ clip show and we get independent vet Stephanie Beaton playing Detective Lutz and for good reason. Our lawyer Will Spanner is dead and wanders the Earth searching for the reason why no one can see him until he runs into a smoking hot escort (Sheila) who recently had a near death experience. This experience allows her to hear Will Spanner and try to help him as he tries to help her. But the real question is why does this escort keep putting money in her thong? Isn’t that counterproductive or impractical? Sheila now goes out of her way to help Will as she believes in him being a gentleman. We get less sex scenes for this 1997 entry but they are much more graphic and seem more scripted or geared to audiences of the late 90s that refused to watch full porn? I have to give this entry 1 ½ stars just for Landon Hall’s performance as the escort.
Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft (DVD) – This 1998 sequel takes Stephanie Beaton aka Detective Lutz to the UK where she is there to help the Brits with their bisexual vamp problem. You know the genre that haunted the shelves of video stores for about a three year period. Also I thought ‘Witchcraft IX’ could not be topped in the sex scene department well part ten proved me wrong as they decided to have two graphic sex scenes going at the same time. They go back and forth for a few minutes! And just to top it off we get Stephanie Beaton in an erotic bubble bath. Hey weirdos you there was some awesome porn in the 90s right? But I am getting off subject as Lutz helps UK authorities to crack down on these vamps so they can no longer exist. If there is one thing I take away from this film is I do wander if the director Michael Paul Girard truly made the first schlocky porn? For this and Stephanie Beaton I give it 1 ½ stars.
Altitude (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren and a few others hijack a plane to capture an ex-partner Terry who has just stolen from them. But unbeknownst to the feisty hijackers Denise Richards is a FBI agent who is going to stop the hijacking! Wait… WTF? Okay folks I gave the film a chance especially since Lundgren’s character stays in the cockpit the whole film but there was a fight between Denise Richards’s character and Chuck Liddell. Yep, that is not happening this movie should have ended there as Dolph collected a paycheck and I wanna know what the hell Denise Richards do to her face… Bad move, as I give this 1 star.
Grizzly II: Revenge (DVD) – It’s the 80s people of course there is going to be an unregulated concert in a national park and a crazed bear is causing chaos. The unknown unfinished film that has wandered the bootleg bins for quite a while has been pseudo-finished by a company that most likely figured out how to get around the rights issues. Someone died or they just chose to edit out all the Michael Jackson stuff. So finally out of nowhere we get this supposedly finished sequel to the 1976 classic. For those who don’t know this film has a gathering of stars before they were stars in this production that took place in Hungry. After a ton of issues financially and behind the scenes the project was just considered lost. For a few years now the bootleg has shown up at every major horror convention for horror fans like me to be surprised by the stories and the film. The original work print, unfinished version was terrible. But hey we got to have it just because. Anyway a company come in edited it, did some color correction, and threw in some stock footage of a forest and presto changeo you have a finished film sort of. It is still a story about Grizzly’s cub is shot by poachers and Mama is pissed. So the grizzly just randomly hunts down campers and eventually ends up at this most random concert in a park ever. Meanwhile park rangers are told by concert promoters to get rid of the problem quietly. This newer edited footage is a more coherent version of the film but I feel the asking price for this DVD or Blu-ray is still too much as it is a bare bones disc. Plus as much I wanted this out there legit I feel fans got a little cheated or misled as there was info out there they were supposedly adding or using found unused footage of the film in this newer version? Who knows for sure as my podcast partner Kyle would say, “Buyer beware…” as I give it 2 stars for being completely finished maybe but the luster of it being something few know about is gone and will debated over beers in the future.
Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood (DVD) – This new entry of the millennium brings back genre vet Stephanie Beaton as Detective Lutz and the Will Spanner character and not even 30 seconds in kids people are bumping uglies! Once we get that ugliness out of the way we have three way too sexy drama students who get topless in a graveyard for inspiration to breathe life into their performances on stage. Unknowing the threesome conjures something evil but not more of a douchebag than their drama teacher. It may have happen because they wanted to be in touch with their inner witches (I am trying hard here to make sense of this). Some weird things happen between the three women as they are slowly possessed by this evil to eventually two of them have a threesome with the drama teacher. You would think this would be the highlight of the ‘Witchcraft’ sexcapades but this may have been the shortest and unsatisfying moment of the series? But they more than make up for it killing the drama teacher with stabbing to the eyes and giving us a good bit of blood and guts! After this little ritual it becomes clear they are possessed to bring forth Abaddon. Most of the film is laughable but they do squeeze in some classic corny porn music and for that I give it 1 star.
You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Smoke and Mirrors: The Story of Tom Savini (Shudder) – Being a huge Savini fan since I was a kid this was huge. I remembered the really cool “Scream Greats” doc from Fango in the 80s so see his life story in full talked about it was a wonderful treat. With this documentary you get everything from his inspiration to the untimely death of his brother to why he did not go to L.A. with famous names we know. For me it also connected some stories I have always heard from filmmaker friends and artists and have read about in the past. Like him or dislike him I have always respected him because he was doing something that was completely amazing and without him I do not believe we have some of the cool talented make-up and effects people now. Horror fans if you didn’t like Savini before you will after this as you get finally get the full understanding and first complete look behind the curtain of Savini’s life. This gets 4 stars all the way as Savini will always be someone I have looked up too then and now.
Ready or Not (DVD) – Grace is a bride about to be married into a super-rich family who for over a century has sold board games and such. As family tradition after the marriage the family gets together at midnight to initiate the new family member with a game that is picked by the luck of the draw. Problem arises when Grace pulls the ‘Hide-n-Seek’ card that has her being hunted down by the family throughout the huge mansion to be caught before dawn. Weird and sometimes funny shit but well worth the watch. I may not be as big of a fan as most of this past year’s flick but there is denying Samara Weaving is a freaking awesome actress as I give the film 3 stars.
Zombieland: Double Tap (On Demand) – Best way to describe this film is if you see the first film you have seen this sequel. That isn’t a bad it is still hilarious zombie killings and rules going on but ten years later. Believe me I will take a sequel like this than most zombie shit that is being force fed to horror fans as I give it 3 stars.
From Hell to the Wild West (On Demand) – Found another flick with bootleg Chuck Bronson. This time around a researcher finds a diary from a woman that may have solved the mystery behind Jack the Ripper? She reads the diary that tells a story about the old west at the time Jack the Ripper had disappeared from authorities. A masked psycho is putting out ads for whores to come to a small remote town for them to be killed. Bootleg Chuck figures this out but some bounty hunters believe it’s him. With the help of a U.S. Marshal he hopes to clear his name and bring this unholy killer to justice. The film isn’t a bad concept but making bootleg Chuck Bronson only a supporting character instead of the star I believe hurts the film. That and the film just seeming to drag a little in the middle so I came out a little disappointed in the end as I give this western/horror 1 ½ stars.
Satanic Panic (DVD) – First let me just say without Hayley Griffith as Sam the main character I do not know if this movie is much fun as it is? Sam is a young pizza delivery girl trying to make some money. So an order comes in from a rich part of town that is out of the pizza place’s area Sam takes it. Running out of gas and no tip Sam takes it upon herself to find a way into the mansion to explain why she should get a tip. Without knowing at first she has stumbled upon Satanists who are having a meeting and then set up for a ritual when they figure out Sam is a virgin! Funny shit ensues, lots of gore, and a crazy ass Satanist orgy at the end of the film and you got ‘Satanic Panic’ as I give it 3 stars.
Crime Zone (DVD) – An absolute gem starring David Carradine and Sherilyn Fenn in a post-apocalyptic world where ‘the state’ controls everything. Fenn and her new boyfriend are made an offer they cannot refuse in order to escape the hell they are in and that is to become the futuristic Bonnie and Clyde. But a double crossing Carradine believes it is all about business and crime stirs up business with a very depressing ending for the two lovers. A fun Corman low budget gem that reminds you how fucking cool Ms. Fenn is. Not only is she gorgeous but talented and did every little project that came her way during the mid to late 80s and I am thankful for that as this gem gets 3 stars.
Conversation with the Devil (YouTube) – A new short film from filmmaker Sam Hodge that deals with a man who is about to commit the ultimate sin but stopped when a stranger walks by to strike up a conversation. An interesting and cool little story that has been told in many forms but Mr. Hodge showing he is learning more and more with each independent project he does as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.
Cannibal Hillbillies (DVD) – Broaden Torture Productions is back with their latest project that has a small group of friends testing a theory of an urban legend. The urban legend is a family of cannibals living out in the woods where one of their fathers’ had a campsite. They pay with their lives finding this out of course but the biggest problem is watching this 50 minute feature that is filled up with about 10 to 15 minutes of filler. You know empty woods, credits, even the group babbling in the mini-van which seems like forever. I like the people behind this Indy production company but this film just misses on all cylinders badly as I give it 0 out of 4 stars.
Strange Events (DVD) – I wouldn’t call it an anthology as much as a series of short films that are about the unknown and paranormal with dates and cities stamped on them. There is no wrap around which makes it unique and fun. We also get some cool backstabbing murders and I did enjoy bootleg Beavis and Butthead stumbling upon the exorcism that they thought was an internet sex date. Worth the watch as I give it 3 stars and if you like it there is a sequel also.
Do Not Disturb (DVD) – A 2010 serial killer film that was also known as “New Terminal Hotel”. Supposedly it is known for having one of the last performances from Corey Haim? But anyway the film centers around a character named Don Malek played by Stephen Geoffreys who was the hot Hollywood screenwriter who now is living in a shitty hotel working on his latest project. Problem arises when his agent Ava played by Tiffany Shepis shows up and sees the studio boss lying in the tub as Malek explains away it is ‘performance art’. Meanwhile all Ava wants is a script from her hot talent that is going cold quickly. Ava returns the next day to find no script but the studio head stumbling out of the bathroom of the hotel room after being dissected by Malek. Now any normal person would run and call the cops but Ava being the best agent possible decides to try and help Malek as she slowly takes the jump down the disturbing rabbit hole with Malek as he transforms into a serial killer. Ava must protect her investment but the biggest flaw of the film might be its ending as it felt very dissatisfying. It’s a fun slow burn with not a great payoff but is better than it should be with great performances from Stephen Geoffreys and Tiffany Shepis as I give it 2 stars.
Big Bad Bugs (DVD) – SyFy Channel in its heyday couldn’t come up with something this terrible as a scientist figures out how to use a wormhole to make giant man-eating insects to conquer the world. The topper is when the villain changes into a huge snake! Wasn’t this supposed to be about bugs? The title says it all remember people… as I give this zero stars.
Cyborg X (DVD) – There was no JCVD in sight but a hilarious role for Danny Trejo shooting CGI machines and cyborgs as he collects another paycheck waiting for the next “Machete” movie. Instead of even trying to explain this picture just imagine a bootleg of a bootleg “Terminator: Salvation” without all the convoluted John Connor storyline. I give it 1 star and consider yourself warned.
Megaconda (DVD) – A giant CGI monster movie that has eluded me for the past year or two as I went searching for this turkey. Some jagoff comes into small town Colorado fucking up some beloved community park to build condos or something. Instead the workers disturb a sleeping prehistoric snake that is pissed and hungry. Now it is up to a drunk, an emotionless sheriff, his son and girlfriend, and wait for it… Michelle Bauer who just happens to show up while camping in a cave doing artwork and supplying liquor to minors! You had me watching at terrible giant CGI snake and very random appearance of the absolutely cool Michelle Bauer. Instead of being stupid and horrible like “Big Bad Bugs” Fred Olen Ray’s son knows what to do with nothing and make it entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Retrograde (DVD) – Freakin’ Dolph Lundgren is a time traveler who travels 200 years in the past to stop a plague happening from fallen meteors that start the apocalypse. His good looks and fighting skills in movies make it hard to pass up. But felt like the film missed out an opportunity since it also starred Gary Daniels. For that I only give this 2004 Dolph flick 1 ½ stars.
The Minion (DVD) – Dolph is a part of the ‘Knights Templar’ who is sent to New York City to retrieve a key that has been unearthed by subway construction. An archaeologist is called in and she is going bonkers on what this can mean for her career. But evil is around and wants to use the key to unlock a secret door that has Satan trapped in a pit. If it is opened evil will reign and lay waste to Earth. A fun ‘End of Days’ made on the cheap with Dolph punching humans in the back of the necks with a glove with spikes to kill off the possessed. If you are a fan of religious ‘End of Days’ shit this will be right up your alley as I give it 2 stars.
Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
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