Gross Movie Reviews #606

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Renfield (On Demand) – Nic Cage as Dracula and Nicholas Hoult as Renfield oh I was in for this from day one when the trailer hit. But instead of just telling another story directly about Dracula this story is from the point of view of Renfield in present day and his struggles with serving his master. Times have changed and it’s much tougher for Renfield to navigate today’s society let alone having his own doubts about what he is doing so he joins a support group. After the crazy opening of this film as Renfield narrates it is one laugh after another because the chaos Renfield deals with along with making a new friend by accident. While Renfield isn’t at his support group wanting out of his toxic relationship with his boss Renfield is helping his new cop friend Quincy a loud mouth cop trying to bring down a crime family. The film is hilariously over the top but at the same time super entertaining as Nic Cage just eats up the chance of playing Dracula. For me at least I found myself admiring what Nic Cage did as I haven’t seen quite a performance like this since Vincent Price in the original “House on Haunted Hill” or more recent decades Rutger Hauer in “Split Second”. This bloody good time has much rewatch ability and feel this will become a horror staple around Halloween for horror fans who want to lighten up the mood as I can’t help but give this terrific film 4 stars.

Death Toilet 3: Doody Calls (Tubi) – The Vietnam vet Baxter is finally set in present day with this sequel which by the way has anybody questioned how this dude is not old enough to serve? I know it’s important to the plot… Anyway, filmmaker Evan Jacobs has brought back the Baxter character for another go around of shooting up satanic toilets. It has been years since Baxter has had any issues but during that slow time has developed a death toilet meter, trying to fix his old truck, and eventually selling his brother’s house where this ‘mess’ started. But the death toilets refuse to stay dead and are back again forcing Baxter to do something extreme as bringing back his priest friend from the dead to help him track the death toilets! It all leads to huge climax in the original bathroom where it started but will this be the end? Actually no because I have found two more sequels and it is just a matter of me tracking down ways of watching these two latest sequels as I give this more watchable Indy sequel 2 stars

Pillow Party Massacre (DVD) – Yes kids cross another off the list. This film does present day “Slaughter High” in reverse as a young lady named Ash has a prank pulled on her at the ‘Spring Formal’ in a high school bathroom. Minutes later Ash believing her life is ruined finds her asshole boyfriend and shoots him in the head sending everyone into mass chaos. Two years go by and her former friends head to a cabin for a weekend of fun. Once the wheels are in motion we know what is going to happen in this slasher as a mysterious or not so mysterious killer shows up to kill off the girls one by one. The film gets started quickly but goes into super dramatic mode for a long period of time which dulls the impact of the fun this slasher film could have had? I like the cast and the script is there just felt this film could have used less dramatics in the storyline as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Cinco de Mayo (DVD) – A 70 minute Indy holiday film that pays homage of sorts to “USA Up All Night” while giving a blast of a no budget horror film that shouldn’t be as good as it was! A teacher to trying his best to teach his students to heritage and culture of Mexico and his last ditch effort is to give the young minds passion like his for the upcoming holiday. But in this racist society Mr. Valdez or “El Maestro” may have finally been pushed too far as unbeknownst to him he was a part of a social experiment that goes wrong quickly. Is it Mr. Valdez just had enough of stupid people or is it really the social experiment that makes him begins his slaughter? You cannot go wrong with this no budget Indy flick that needs to be celebrated and talked about more as I give the film 3 stars.

The Norah Zone (YouTube/DVD) – I was finally able to track down this Dutch (I think) post-apocalyptic short film (38 minutes) where the whole world went to shit. Europe has become a forbidden zone and we have survivors devolving and torturing each other for survival of sorts as supplies run low. The film feels experimental or even like a student film where they took the middle plot of a post-apocalyptic film and threw it on screen with not much of ending or exactly a beginning (that is debatable). Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed what I watched just felt like this was something shown from a much bigger project if that makes sense as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Prey (DVD) – Aka Alien Prey aka Terror in Amityville Park as you can see why I finally decided to sit down and watch this film so I can add it to the “Amityville list”? Does it really belong there? That is a very good question as this was released in 1977 before the original Amityville but yet somehow at some point in time got an Amityville title… but it has aliens man! With that out of the way I present entry #48 as the opening credits gave me childhood flashbacks playing the Atari 2600. Some strange dude named Anderson appears on a young couple’s property one morning in the countryside. This of course happens after the night before where flashing lights and another couple killed near their car in the middle of nowhere. See where sex gets you kids? The couple takes him in but uneasy about it as it disrupts their dream life as the suspense and the tension builds between the three. When the couple isn’t looking Anderson high tails it back to this cabin to communicate with his home base about humans. This whole thing from beginning to end is weird fucking set up as I give it 2 stars.

The Unspoken (DVD) – Aka The Origin of The Amityville Terror from 2015, apparently the Amityville part got renamed in the Italian markets causing this to be entry #49. Now it would appear this was just in title only but spoiler alert but there is a little tidbit at the end of the film that makes this part of the series… sort of. Just pay attention because you will most likely have the same reaction I did after watching it for 80 minutes and say, “Really?” The film opens in mid-October 1997 where an officer checks out a disturbance on Briar Road that just so happens to be a murder scene with a family missing. Flashes forward 17 years where a young lady Angela takes a job at the murder house because her father has been out of work for the past two months. Angela is there to take care of a non-verbal nine year old while his mother gets the place fixed up ignoring the stories of the place. The paranormal film has the usual jump scares but throws in a little different flavor into the stale storyline with the local rednecks storing their drugs in the basement of the place so the cops wouldn’t find their stash. Now I am not gonna say this movie was absolutely awesome but I did enjoy not watching the same paint-by-numbers paranormal film or Amityville film. Again the connection is at the end folks and you will understand if I don’t say it so you can at least enjoy this flick until end comes then hate for mentioning this more unknown film I give 2 stars too.

The Dawn (DVD) – Aka The Amityville Dawn or entry #50 was released in 2019 without anyone knowing and again falls under the category “we can debate whether it’s a part of the series but there is one part at the end that has the connection kind of thing”. This is why I stayed away from reviewing these last couple of entries but wanting to be a completest of this series I thought it was time to allow them in. We begin in 1922 Pennsylvania where a little girl watches her father who was a war vet lose his mind and kill his family one evening. Rose is then sent away to a church a couple states away and becomes a staple there as she is on the verge of taking her final vows as a nun but something keeps stopping her ten years later. Rose’s nightmares are getting worse and most likely the root cause of her not taking her final vows in this super boring movie about a possessed nun that waits almost 90 minutes to show the viewer the connection to the Amityville series as I give the film 1 ½ stars.

The Pope’s Exorcist (On Demand) – A movie based on a real priest known as Father Amorth (played by Russell Crowe) who has seeked out possible demon possessions for the church and has the latitude to do what is needed to be done to rule out exorcism. This story takes place in summer 1987 Spain where an American family comes to a very old large estate to fix it up and sell before moving back home. But from the beginning strange things are happening there and the construction crew backs out after a tragic accident and the child Henry acting weird. Doesn’t take long for the church to hear about this and Father Amorth is sent immediately as the high church have had problems with this property before? The son becomes possessed but this is not the usual demon or demons Amorth has come across in the past as he must unravel the mystery of the property in order to save the child. If you love possession movies this will be right up your alley with the plot, Crowe’s performance, and knowing when to end the movie as it doesn’t cover any new ground but makes sure it is entertaining for horror fans as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Death to Metal (DVD) – An Indy film where it opens with a couple bad rednecks dumping toxic waste into the local creek which doesn’t come into play for a bit. But a local priest Milton Kilborn is suspended from his parish for being a little on the extreme side and he takes it out on his parish with theft. He follows it up with wrecking into the local creek and mutating into a monster that wants to slaughter sinners in the name of god. Meanwhile the latest Metal Massacre show has its own drama going on back stage until the mutated priest pays the show a visit and begins a bloodbath! There is some gore, great locations; the story is fun, great music but felt like the first half of the film was an awesome set up then the second half felt off or didn’t exactly fit like a little more editing could have been done? But don’t let that discourage you from enjoying this death metal Indy bonanza as I give it 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #605

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Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (On Demand) – It is dumb, it is cheesy, it finally captures what the game is like, and it is that fantasy film we need every few years to just not think but watch and enjoy. The movie gets somewhat nerdy but fun as the basic premise revolves around a harper Edgin and his partner in crime Holga trying to right some wrongs and save the world without knowing are going too! I absolutely enjoyed this flick as it is exactly what I thought it should be as I give 3 ½ stars.

Freeze (DVD) – An old time warship heads into icy waters in the Artic following another ship’s course that got lost. The captain keeps a book with him and doesn’t tell everything or the real reason he is rushing into the artic to his crew as they get ice locked and now have a blood thirsty creature aboard the ship. The crew abandons ship quickly as the creature makes short work of the humans. What is left of the crew crosses the ice and finds a cave that holds a secret or two and their deaths. The creatures were bad ass but felt like the story sort of fell apart once hitting the cave? Thought it would be better as I can only give it 2 stars.

Revenge of Mr. Willie (DVD) – A SOV flick from 1999 that is basically a sex comedy horror film that has no business being as hilarious as it was… A group of young ladies who are roommates like to share stories about their sexual exploits until one finds her boyfriend in multiple relationships after he dies having too much sex. In the aftermath rando women begin to fight, cut off his penis (you have to see the situation to understand), and when police arrive the 3 ½ inch penis goes missing! Apparently Pete’s penis is very popular and called “Mr. Willie” and has come back to life only to be caught in a popcorn tin by the young ladies to be given to police. But two of Pete’s other conquests enter the picture and they have other plans for the undead penis! From there we got flying penis, remote control car penis, penis in a mouse trap, and supernatural penis talk. Again this movie has no business being this hilarious but it’s all about the penis and I am for that as I give it 3 stars.   

Guts on the Chainsaw (Blu-ray) – This Indy flick begin with the narrator explaining how people have disappeared into the backwoods of Pennsylvania since 1960 how a lot of times the cases are never solved. This sets up our introduction to Nova who is disturbed by the nightmares she keeps having of a chainsaw wielding maniac. This is all a part of Nova’s journey of defeating her demons of the past as she travels the woods alone. A lot of Nova just trying to face her fears in order to move on with life. There is lots of dramatic buildup to Nova facing off with the forest weirdos but in the end her turning into Lara Croft wasn’t all what it’s cracked up to be. So with that let’s dive a little more into this feature as I believe there is a movie somewhere in this mess. I was happy to see an independent film try to use music to help tell the story but for me it was the wrong stuff (just my opinion). The film did a good job of keeping a TCM/Wrong Turn feel but the killers were to clean to be cannibals or least what horror fans are use too and that fake computer smoke for the chainsaws was just terrible. Like I said there is a movie somewhere in this mess just not the one I wanted as I can only give the feature 2 stars.

The Park (DVD) – So a post-apocalyptic film that starts off like a horror movie but becomes something entirely different. We get a quick opening of all human adults dying of a mysterious virus and it’s figured out before all adults die if you are not puberty age you survive for now? You have a time limit and its coming quickly. Inez and Billy are two kids right on the edge of puberty that is surviving in the new harsh world by killing whoever is in the way and taking their stuff. Along the way they meet Kuan who has taken over an amusement park and has her own theories on life and has heard the stories of the “Blue Meanies” or mutated teenagers but believe it is bullshit. Again it starts off as a mean-spirited horror flick but turns into a young girl on a journey to find her real purpose in life. Or at least that is how I take this very different post-apocalyptic film that isn’t exactly what you see in the trailers as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Chuck Steel: Night of the Trampires (DVD) – A Claymation horror/action/comedy about the world’s best cop who is every action movie star wrapped into one character. He fights ninjas, drug dealers, having partners die horribly, and punching his captain in the nuts constantly. But something evil has come to town and Chuck Steel must stop it and its Trampires or vampire hobos! These vamps are only attracted to drunken people all because Dracula was driven out of his castle because he was a weirdo and forced to live in alley ways drinking constantly. So now in order to kill a trampire it is a stake to the liver not the heart.  But there is a legend about a master coming and they are going to make the all world drunk so it becomes a feeding ground for the Trampires. The only hope is Chuck Steel get over his wife leaving him for a circus clown so he can stop it all before midnight. It is completely ridiculous and awesome as I give this fun flick 3 ½ stars.

Sisu (On Demand) – Its 1944 Finland and this is a bad ass account of a man that had enough of the war and left to mine for gold. After a big discovery he begins a long trek across Finland to cash in his discovery but a platoon of Nazis that he passes have a whole other mindset and begin to track the man after a few of the Nazi soldiers meet a horrible death. From there this platoon tracks down this man even when they are given orders to turn back and should “consider themselves lucky they are still alive” as they have found who this mysterious man is? One man just wants to cash in his discovery and a group of Nazis make the horrible decision of fucking with the wrong man. We have seen movies like this but maybe not in a WWII setting on foreign soil that seems to give this film that much more heart as I give the movie 4 stars.

Death Toilet (DVD) – Set in the 70s… sort of where a Vietnam vet comes home to his brother’s place to face off with a satanic toilet that mostly just laughs at him. Yeah, it is cheesy, yeah it is super terrible, but you know I can’t resist watching it especially knowing there is four sequels with an Amityville sequel just hitting DVD land. If anything if not the theme song “Death Toilet” then the priest that is brought in to perform an exorcism on the toilet and makes me wonder is there where the $500 budget was spent? Anyhow kids, thank me later for pointing this Indy film out to you as I give it 2 stars.

Death Toilet: Number Two (DVD) – Filmmaker Evan Jacobs goes at it again with moving the story forward to 1983 where Brett has survived the death toilet but must fight it again as he travels the world. Pretty much if you watched the first film you have seen the second… As I explained this movie to a certain someone their reaction was “so it is Silent Night Deadly Night 2… for death toilets?” Exactly, as I give this sequel 2 stars.

Evil Altar (DVD-R) – A lost 1988 film starring William Smith an odd satanic dude trying to take over a small town but needs 103 souls to sacrifice in order to accomplish this. Robert Z’Dar plays the small town sheriff who helps Smith get victims or clean up the mess. But hey it is a small town and it doesn’t take long for a few random people getting together and figuring out that neither of these bad ass dudes can be trusted and they must stop this evil. This a cheap but fun horror film for the time that is worth tracking down as I know I never heard of it until recently so if you are an 80s horror fan start looking as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

We continue to unload a butt load of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcasts

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This week we unlock the basement and see what kind of flicks we can unearth as Kyle spring cleans the podcast to unleash a “lost” episode.  The first flick to rear it’s ugly head is DOCTOR DEATH: SEEKER OF SOULS, and Moe Howard shows up in this.  Next it’s an old staple from the horror section of the video store called EVIL LAUGH. And finally a weirdo part murder mystery part Eye-talian Giallo part spider fetus flick called SPIDER LABYRINTH.  And of course we run down what we have been watching, the newest news, and answer your listener questions.  So download this episode or Moe will eye poke you.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

As we continue to spring clean our podcast we found another “lost” episode hiding under the fridge. On this show we talk about 3 more flicks.  The first being the movie PREDATOR may or may have not ripped off in WITHOUT WARNING starring Jack Palance and crazy ass Martin Landau. Next we have BLOOD THIRST a made in the 60’s but released in the 70’s chiller starring John’s number 1 dude Vic Diaz.  And finally old folks do some comedic killing to save their crumbling apartment killing in HOMEBODIES.  All this and the regular stuff wait.  So download this episode so Vic Diaz can continue to barbecue some fine naked ladies.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

As the spring cleaning continues we roll up the dusty rug in podcast studio A to find yet another “lost” episode.  On this one Kyle talks about the new stranger danger flick starring our guy Ethan Hawke in THE BLACK PHONE.  And then we talk about a movie that only tim gross could have found in the backrooms of YouTube called MY LOVELY BURTN BROTHER AND HIS SQUISHED BRAIN. And finally we have that movie your mother warned about taking candy from in CURSE OF THE QUEERWOLF.  And like any other episode we rundown the news and what we have been watching along with listener questions. So download this episode or else Tim Gross might make us watch another weird movie with an 8 word title… and no one wants that.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

As the spring cleaning continues we found another “lost” episode in that junk drawer that everyone seems to have in their house.  This time we have a true Asian oddity that has eluded us all but we have always wanted to check it out in EVIL DEAD TRAP.  Then we have the most metal zombies of all god damn time in their original outing in the franchise in TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD. And finally since we have made it this deep in our run of shows Kyle finally feels like it’s time to cover a movie that almost every podcast ends up covering in TOBE HOOPER’S LIFEFORCE.  And just like every week we have the news, listener questions, and the run down of what everyone watched this week.  So download this episode or the blind dead will forever cease to fuck shit up in the pit!

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Horrortales.666 Part 3

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This Saturday we are giving our fans what they been screaming for. A free screening of Horrortales.666 Part 3. The fun part you can see from the comfort of your couch and it’s free.

It will be a one time showing at 9 PM Eastern Time 5/20/2023.

It will be avail on YouTube.

Live chat at time of movie.

Vendor spaces for Grossfest have sold out!

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http://www.grossfest.com

So this means we have sold out vendor spaces but now we need to get many butts through the door for $10 each! So vendors, friends, friends of vendors, filmmakers, Indy folk, artists, authors, we need your help spreading the word of August 5th. Plus remember there is hotel rooms available if you are traveling far, partying a little much, or just looking to stay the night with friends so please support the hotel also.

Comfort Inn Conference Center Pittsburgh East

699 Rodi Rd., Pittsburgh, Pa. 15235

412-244-1600 or www.comfortinnpittsburgh.com

Need reservations? https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/TP87S2

One day event with guests, movies, filmmakers, vendors from 11am to 7pm. (Guests will be announced soon and as always subject to change)

See yinz there! Any questions send to grossfest@gmail.com

More Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcasts

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This episode we dust off 3 more weirs, strange and obscure genre flicks and check them out.  First we have (or at least what Kyle thought) a gay panic / Carrie / high school revenge flick in FEAR NO EVIL. Then we see when you throw Roscoe P. Coltrain, a circus, a mask, and Linnea Quigley all into a blender and what we get is Tim’s pick in DEATH MASK.  And finally John talks about a pretty cool little 80’s gem with Scott Grimes of Critters fame in NIGHT LIFE.  We also, have answers to your listener questions and a whole ton of other stuff.  So download this episode or Roscoe won’t catch them dastardly Duke Boys as they jump the General Lee over a pond, and you don’t what that.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This time it’s yet another 3 movies from the basement of that burned down video store from back in 1991. First Kyle has found a really, really weird Star Wars rip off flick that stars genre legends Vic Morrow and Sonny Chiba in MESSAGE FROM SPACE. Next we have quite the oddity that was put out by Troma and quite possibly one of the worst offenders of lying box art in DEAD DUDES IN THE HOUSE.  And finally Tim covers on of Charles Band’s first movies in MANSION OF THE DOOMED.  Spoiler Alert: it’s kinda good.  All this and a whole lot more so download this joint or Lloyd Kaufman will buy your graduation video and put it out under the title “Graduation day bloody massacre”.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Two new episodes of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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This week we come back and throw 3 movies in your face of varying degrees of quality… but we will let you be the judge of that.  First we finally have a god damn Godfrey Ho movie on the show in the form of ROBO VAMPIRE 2: DEVIL’S DYNAMITE and boy howdy does Kyle dislike Godfrey Ho movies.  And secondly we have the first of the adaptations of Richard Matheson’s classic book I Am Legend in the form of 1664′ Vincent price classic THE LAST MAN ON EARTH.  And finally we unearthed a weird bit of 1995 cheese in The Haunted.  We hope you enjoy the ramblings and if you don’t there is always next time.  So, Download this episode of we will have to review more Godfrey Ho movies and no one want that.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This time we throw 3 more genre flicks into the hopper and see what shakes out.  First Tim picks a Rod Steiger movie with a Kung Fu action premise straight from the bottom row of the Action section of you mom and pop video store in CATCH THE HEAT.  The John talks a film noir-ish type of jam with 1975’s The Dead Don’t Die.  And finally Kyle watches the original classic kid in trouble flick INVADERS FROM MARS.  And try as we might we try to get to the bottom of why everyone likes Peeps marshmallow treats.  All this and more like question, news, and what we have been watching. So download this episode or Rod Steiger won’t vote for you in the wet t-shirt contest.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #604

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Massacre at Femur Creek (YouTube) – A (2014) 19 minute short film set in June 1984 at Cherry Hill, Ontario and now has a crowd funding campaign going to remake it and make it a feature. Three young men head to the woods for a birthday bash and talk about some funny shit. But unbeknownst to them they have a sleazy masked stalker that interrupts their man gathering and hilarity ensues as I give the Canadian short film 3 stars.

Mutant Vampires from the Planet Neptune (DVD) – The movie starts off well with a spaceship landing near an oversexed couple in their tent who also have just been attacked by an escaped mental patient then attacked by the space vampire. We flash forward to the next day where we are introduced to five friends who are heading out for a weekend of partying and the movie spending a good amount of time building up their characters. Once at the cabin the space vamp begins stalking them. I really liked the premise of the film, how it started, but the film felt a bit stretched out and the filmmaker wasn’t sure what they wanted to do with the script if that makes sense. I could only give it 1 ½ stars as I would like to hear from other people who may have seen it or going to in hopes it was just me.

Land Shark (DVD) – A mutant shark film from China in an attempt to catch lightning in a bottle: “The Meg”, “Deep Blue Sea”, insert popular shark film that uses cancer research as the backdrop for a shark film. Of course the cancer research is promising but the mutant shark is man-made through scientists using other animal genes where the shark jumps on land to chase said scientists through a jungle. Sounds fun but just never captures that ‘it’ factor to separate this from being just another boring shark film as I give it 1 star.

Murderbot (Tubi/Full Moon) – A 45 minute film from Jim Wynorski who worked with Full Moon on this project that stars a bootleg version of Julie Strain as a runaway robot. For whatever dumb reason the film is also known as “Killbots” but anyhow bootleg Julie Strain is supposed to be a military project that just so happens to decide it wants to go off on its own. She enters a small town and begins to kill the townsfolk because that is what she is programmed to do. Enter a group of unlikable young people who within seconds of arriving begin running for their lives. The beauty of the film is that it is only 45 minutes as I give it a ½ star and good luck if you go watch it?

Terror Trips (DVD) – A group of six friends out of Cincinnati, Ohio who are also horror movie fans decide to go into a new business venture where they check out horror movie locations and come with a way for people to stay there for an overnight event or something… Six months pass for the group and they head to Poland aka Indiana farm land I believe to scout another famous movie location. There the group quickly finds out stupid Americans are frowned upon and they kidnap them for organ harvesting. The film thinks big but cannot execute to its full potential besides the movie could of went in a totally different direction than ‘Hostel’ as I give it 1 ½ stars or it isn’t terrible but not good either.

Kill Her Goats (DVD) – The film begins with explaining a family home and the events that are about to unfold after the purchase where a young woman gets the house as a gift and some neighbors are not happy. Most of the film is Audra and her two friends enjoying the new home giving each other a few jump scares and walking around topless most of the time for no reason. Eventually a person in a goat mask comes to stalk the three girls but not really with a little bit of gore? Very hard to explain as this is an example of the trailers is way better than the final product. You could even make the argument that they use the nudity as a crutch as there wasn’t much story to tell but feel you would be wasting your breath on an actual intelligent conversation about this film as I give it maybe a ½ star. Again I really wanted to like this horror movie but after watching it, maybe it was doomed before it ever got started?

Horrorama (DVD-R) – A 1987 SOV flick that got finished in 1989 and found some kind of small release again in 2014 that is hosted by a disgusting undead host named Scarlet Fry who takes you through some tales of terror. The shorts are pretty quick, hilarious, and entertaining as SOV fans may want to seek this one out just for the mere reason to see blood squirt from off screen for a gore scene and it’s nowhere near where the action is taking place. Oh a wonderful look at the old days of no budget magic as I give it 2 ½ stars.

When a Killer Calls: The Babysitter Massacre (DVD) – A bright young woman named Trisha heads to her latest babysitting gig to take care of Molly for the night. Not too long after the parents leave Trisha begins getting odd phone calls on her cell including blaming her boyfriend for the (*67) phone calls? Remember the film is from 2006 but anyway you have seen the film several times before but I will give kudos to Asylum Entertainment with not taking the easy way out with cheeseball moments and trying to make the “killer is calling from in the house” film. Once the boyfriend shows up and brings friends that is when the massacre begins… sort of as I give the movie 2 stars.

The Prey: Legend of Karnoctus (DVD) – A newer B-horror film that tries to give fans a splash of four different films into one: Predator, The Descent, Graveyard Shift, and Dog Soldiers. Stocking the cast with familiar faces that the horror community will recognize as our story takes place in Afghanistan where some old military dudes are planning a heist. Meanwhile a young group of soldiers on patrol nearby get pinned down by an enemy force and head inside a cave that gets closed off by a rocket. Now trapped young stunned soldiers and a couple of old military dudes must get on the same page and start their long trek through the labyrinth in order to survive. But none of them were counting on dealing with a pissed off Afghan Sasquatch as it’s referred to many times in the movie. Not a huge budget, you hired some cool people to be on screen for a scene or two, and you have kind of a cool monster in a cave? Yep, I am in every time just to give it a chance as I liked it enough to give it 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #603

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The Zombie Army (Blu-ray) – This shiny SOV turd was directed by Betty Stapleford and was considered legendary at my favorite video store “ISV”. We literally had a running bet on who would actually rent this film as it had a label on it “Worst Movie in the Store”, yet no one would rent it except us dumb asses who watched it a couple times in the store over 20 years ago. Well movie nerds apparently ‘Future Video’ thought it was time to bring it to HD! So how to explain the clarity… Okay imagine if you are old… like me, and you are watching a movie on the old black and white TV set with rabbit ears? That was the VHS version. Now imagine if that VHS was dying and played on your new 60 inch thin ROKU TV thingy and you know that was an upgrade. Anyhow besides this wonderful clarity there are some trailers, different music, and footage of a writer/producer talking about their experience in getting the movie made. So the government has bought an insane asylum because you know that is a wonderful idea. After a couple dumb military personnel open a radioactive shelter door looking for drugs this of course allows two psychos to be released and wander the halls again. These psychos are not your ordinary psychos as they want to experiment on the military privates and turn them into their zombies. It was released in 1991 and some fun effects to enjoy as I give this Blu-ray 3 stars.

African Kung Fu Nazis (DVD) – So this falls under “what in the bizarre hell am I watching?” as Hitler survives for no apparent reason with the leader of Japan. Again not exactly explained but these two make a tag team who find themselves in Guyana (I think) who begin to build their German/Japanese army out of the native African folk that live there. Hitler helps train these folk for a world tournament that they are going to put on. Oh did I mention if you are black and touch the new German/Japanese flag you go ‘white face’! So of course once they build a force they bother the local dojo to pay tribute to them and force setting up a revenge story in this racist mix of “Bloodsport”, “Fist of Fury”, and “Mortal Kombat” where you won’t know if you should laugh, cry, or both when it is done as I give this film 3 stars.

Legion of the Night (YouTube) – An independent film from Matt Jaissle that is also known as “Dead City” gives off wonderful “The Dead Next Door” vibes so you know you are in for a treat. Out of Detroit a couple of scientists are forced by some mob boss Francis to come up with zombie assassins. Not exactly expecting the research to pan out as well as it did they were able to give Francis the ultimate crew to do his bidding. Of course the scientists are considered expendable and thought to be completely killed off by some of the underlings? But assistant Russell survives and explains to Taylor who is back in town wondering what happen to his father. The two plot a tale of revenge with the new CZAs (Cybernetic Zombie Assassins) to seek revenge against Francis. All seems to go to plan until Francis has also partake in the forbidden formula and combat just got a lot more interesting. Love the premise of the film, love the look even for 1995, love the vibe, some great effects, the only flaw might be the story gets a little confusing or overcomplicated but if you are an Indy fan you need to have this in your collection as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Green Hell: A Jay Crimson Film (YouTube/Troma Now) – The film opens with filmmaker Jay Crimson where this content comes from and why? But you get two sketchy looking friends who accidentally find a liquid in a cough syrup bottle dropped by a random individual. Trying to get all kinds of fucked up believe it would be a great idea to drink it? Not much time passes before they begin to trip balls, see zombies, party again, more zombie gut munching, more weird visions, get quickly addicted to it, then kill a friend’s girlfriend. It is a lewd, crude, quick take, rough style kind of filmmaking style that was featured in other independent titles “The Wet Ones” and “Magnum Opus” to name two. I know there is a small niche audience for this project I just don’t think I am it… I more of a “Street Team Massacre” movie weirdo as I give this film 2 out of 4 stars.

After Presence (DVD) – A found footage flick of a Ghost Hunting dude who disappeared in 2017 while filming with his partner their latest special at a cemetery. Jamie Rice and Pat Donovan are all about getting content for their fans. The two separate for investigation purposes during filming and Pat slowly gets very deep into something that could be considered disturbing. Pat ignores the possible warning signs and weird shit going around him until it is too late. Everyone knows I am not a huge paranormal movie fan but kudos to these guys as they kept it basic, had a complete serious tone throughout, and had a good storyline they stray from as I give this flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Alphabet Soup (DVD) – Another project from Broaden Torture Productions as this is more of a mish mash of four short films that feel like experiments, never fully fleshed out projects, or something they tried and will possibly remake in the future when the funds dictate. Creature from the Deep is a cheeseball corny short that I enjoyed the most. A great combo DVD or perfect starter thing for an independent movie fan who may want to check out more from these guys as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

To Love Again (Blu-ray) – Another feature out of the long lost collection of filmmaker Dan Komarek that was shot in 2008 and a far departure from horror, fantasy, and kids believing they are some kind of Ninja Masters. Two unlikely friends in Zack and Sarah who are all about the drugs strangely find love for each other as they try to figure out their lives together. Happiness is short lived when Sarah’s live-in boyfriend/roommate Tony decides this needs to stop and the two accidentally kill Tony. Again a huge departure from what you would use to seeing from this filmmaker but it does have its kinks and corks for such a serious tone film like the weird fake box waterbed (I cannot get my mind around it, sorry) and the barking dog at all times in the background of filming this love story. Dan shows a different side of his talent here and well worth the watch I just don’t think this will resonate with Indy fans as much as his other work as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Video Nasty Productions: The Early Years Volume II (Blu-ray) – This time around it isn’t just some early unfinished projects from Dan Komarek but his brother Mike Komarek and it is clear who is doing what project! But before you sink your eyeballs into nearly three hours of short films Dan supplies you with twenty minutes of trailers and an interview with me Tim Gross talking about Dan Komarek and his career so far. The shorts: The Cleveland Haunting is where a young man is haunted by himself and controlled by another. Crime Story (2008) is about two dudes arguing over money. Then Crime Story (2012) completely unrelated to the other four years before but has the random barking dog returning, incoherent dialogue, machine gun sound effects for a pistol, a crochet clock hanging on a wall instead of a real clock, a hallway of a home that I think is supposed to be an office, and it has no ending… Which I was entertained by this absurdity! Into the Mystic which is more feature length than short film features a random dude in girl jeans stalking individuals in a national park where a fat young version of Dan Komarek eats cigarettes off the ground and still believes he knows kung fu! Nail Biter is a short that will possibly make you puke after the three minutes of shaky-cam and goes into a story of a newspaper reporter going back to an abandoned home to investigate murders and the legend that happened several years before. (This short film was done by Mike Komarek and the biggest example of the filming differences between the brothers.) The Entity is a short film with a Blair Witch feel as a lonely man goes slowly insane. (Nevermind the odd Nazi flag in the background as not sure why it’s there but it has nothing to do with the story?) The Road is a short where something strange happens to two best friends as soft music plays at all times. And Disinformation is a quick found footage thing that felt much unfinished. Another look into the young mind of Dan Komarek that is very entertaining and fun if you enjoy checking out stuff from independent filmmakers before they got the legs under in what they want to do as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.  

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