Gross Movie Reviews #432

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Gross Movie Reviews #432

 

Mitchell (DVD) – This cheesy 70s flick stars Joe Don Baker as a detective who seems to be a sleezeball but actually it just adds to his charm as a man just trying to do the right thing. Mitchell happens to be riding along with police who get a call for a burglar in a rich neighborhood. The burglar picked the wrong dude, Walter Deaney/John Saxon to steal from as Deaney was looking for an excuse to kill. Cops think its justice, Mitchell believes its murder. Mitchell decides to investigate for himself but gets thrown off the case to cover an old mob dude who may be tied to a heroin shipment coming in? Soon Mitchell becomes a target as he keeps meddling in both cases and they are connected. The film is one big cheeseball 70s flick that would be more interesting if we didn’t have two “Dirty Harry” flicks and a “Death Wish” flick out by the time “Mitchell” was released. I give it 2 stars.

Thunder Cops (VHS) – If you cannot find this movie under that title supposedly the film was also called “Operation Pink Squad II” at one point? This hilarious 1987 action/comedy from Hong Kong is one of those: “How much B-movie crap can we throw against the wall and it actually stick”. And thank god for allowing this feature find me. An upset husband who believes his cop wife is cheating on him learns she is going to hook up with her superior. What he doesn’t know he keeps overhearing their plans to go undercover as hookers as part of a police sting at a haunted building. The haunted building has a crazy ass monk trying to keep evil spirits in their place. But a vengeful ghost escapes the chaos and now is causing problems with the sting going down in the building. Eventually the monk, the upset husband, the undercover cops all must defend themselves against a ghost head that flies! Let’s not forget the green turd, mini-copters chasing the ghost head, and possible castration to invite a powerful elf which kills ghosts? Like I said crap thrown against the wall but great crap as I laughed my ass off and give this movie 3 stars.

 

Ravenwolf Towers (DVD) – Jake is a new assistant manager at a run-down hotel that used to be cherished by Hollywood types years ago. Now, it is just a weird dwelling for older people mainly who don’t venture outside or talk to anyone but themselves. But Jake quickly learns there is many secrets to the hotel when he has to go the top floor to fix a leak and finds a helpless woman named Mary. He helps her out but her family comes looking for her and goes back to the top floor without a real explanation. This is a recent ongoing new series from Charles Band that gives life to a project that has that old school Full Moon Pictures charm as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Ravenwolf Towers 2 (DVD) – The series continues as you learn more about the residents of the hotel and Mary and family on the top floor are building up to something big. Meanwhile Jake begins to speak with a new resident Ivan Ivanov, a supernatural investigator, who is there because of the strange family Jake, has had run-ins with. Pay attention Full Moon fans as some of the characters that live in the Ravenwolf Hotel are characters from past Full Moon movies which gives this series an interesting twist as I give this episode 3 stars.

 

After School Massacre (DVD) – Jess who is the popular girl in school and likes to have sleepovers has just had the weekend that sucked. A so-called friend or new girl she felt bad for just committed suicide at her sleepover and her teacher Mr. Anderson just said a photo of hers was ‘cute’ and a ‘friend request’ on social media. So Jess and her classmates fuck with Mr. Anderson and doesn’t care about the suicide decide they need to have another all-girls sleepover to get over things. Of course Mr. Anderson gets fired over the friend request on social media by the school and snaps killing two faculty members. Unbeknownst to Jess Perkins and friends Mr. Anderson is killing his way to the sleepover but that is okay because Mr. Anderson is weird anyway, “because he puts mayonnaise on his chicken nuggets.” Low budget, I laughed a couple times, not a ton of blood, I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

After Party Massacre (DVD) – Most of the film consists of Death metal music footage from a couple bars which is the backdrop for this movie. Little story happens as most of it consists of chubby boobs and chubby girls banging during the metal music which isn’t a bad thing if it was full porn? But in this case it is supposed to be a horror movie about a woman named Scarlett who almost gets raped in a club, has flashbacks, and begins slashing her way through random club goers. Not even the great acting talents of Nic Pesante or the vile story of penis mutilation makes this horror film bearable. For that I give this movie a ½ star out of 4. Unless you were trying to make a porno instead of a poor excuse for what is called a horror movie then you are on to something? But the ½ star is only because the music was pretty cool.

 

The Creature Below (DVD) – A little known creature/Lovecraftian film from the UK about a woman named Olive who is on a deep-sea dive and has some trouble with a strange creature. The crew brings her up and all the equipment is busted including the suit which causes her to get kicked off the boat because she cannot remember what happened. Olive does grab a black egg from the suit and takes it home to study it? It hatches and spits black goo at her and now she is a part of this odd new species that is causing her to act differently to friends and boyfriend. As time goes on she believes she must protect this ‘god’ and feed it… humans. Hey Lovecraft fans if you haven’t found this one yet it is worth a watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

4/20 Massacre (DVD/Vimeo) – A group of young women head to the woods to go camping and let their freak flag fly in celebration of 4-20 but also for a birthday weekend. While venturing into the woods the women are warned by a park ranger to not hang around and definitely not go looking for the weed farms that are nearby. Especially since the weed farmers have taken justice into their hands recently. A man out of his mind finds the women babbling about a thing chasing him but they don’t pay him any mind. They party, enjoy the woods, until a man/thing begins to slaughter them and smoke their weed believing they took its crop. A very entertaining slasher film that doesn’t over thinks the plot or force its way down your nerd gullet. It plays out like a good slasher film should. Is it perfect, no way, but it is well worth adding it to your horror film collection. Most horror films portray everyone that smokes weed as stupid and therefore the plot should be stupid this film does not do that. And I thank the filmmaker for that as I give this trippy horror film 3 out of 4 stars. For more details to check out on this new massacre: www.facebook.com/thehikeproductions .

 

The Theatre Bizarre (DVD) – An anthology filled with buckets of blood and gore that includes segments from Richard Stanley and Tom Savini. The stories of horror flow like a good beer down your throat until you hit the slow moving segment “The Accident” which is good but just doesn’t fit in this anthology. Thus, the entry causes the film to slow down and no longer flow right except the in-between parts with Udo Kier being his cool creepy-ass self! I give the anthology 2 ½ stars.

 

Annihilation (On Demand) – Natalie Portman gets pulled into something you cannot imagine when her missing husband shows up at her door from a secret mission he was on. After being pulled over by the military and husband almost dying she is meeting with a scientist played by Jennifer Jason Leigh who explains an event that happened three years ago. Well an unexplained event involving something falling from space into a lighthouse that they now call the ‘shimmer’. Something is a rainbow force field that is expanding. It first just covered the lighthouse but eventually took over the swamp, the state park, and a community. It’s feared it will continue to spread all over earth? The government has sent several people into the shimmer but none have returned except for Portman’s husband which there are no answers for? So Portman, Leigh, and three other scientists make their way into the shimmer to see if they can get to the lighthouse and get answers. Once inside they encounter some very strange shit that is mutating plant and animal alike. Visually the movie is beautiful and plotted out very well. Honestly if the “Lost” TV show had any sense and could have been this instead of the ‘dreaming we are all dead’ bullshit it was. Sorry spoiler alert if you ever wanted to watch that poor excuse for a show? But I get the feeling many are not going to understand a film like this and feel this film might be a couple years before it is actually understood? We will see but if you want to enjoy a bizarre sci-fi flick to fill that void inside your inner nerd this film will it and more as I give it 3 stars.

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Oh it’s real and it’s happening… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

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Gross Movie Reviews #399

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Gross Movie Reviews #399

 

The Howling: Reborn (DVD) – Before we get started horror fans this movie seem to be pooped out of thin air? No one totally knows why or claims it? Just like most of the howling sequels this entry had nothing to do with the other sequels. No one is totally sure this was a reboot either? So I like to believe someone picked up an old Fangoria magazine or just stumbled randomly on Google about “The Howling” series and said, “Let’s roll with it!” Problem is no respected horror fan was excited by the last entry ‘New Moon Rising’… So why now I ask, who actually fucking knows but I bet you if this film had a different title there is a good chance it is released into theaters for teen girls not pooped out there in “On Demand land” like it was. Reboot, sequel, someone’s bad movie idea come to life, you knew I would eventually break down and watch this son of a bitch. The film is boiled down to ‘Teen Wolf’ (Michael J. Fox version) trying to fight off the new bullies in school who happen to be a pack of wolves led by his dead mum. And the teenage boy will do anything to protect his new hot girlfriend and himself from the psychos while locked up in their high school. I totally knew this film wasn’t marketed for me but it still gets 1 star. Maybe they can do a documentary on whose crazy idea it was just to do another ‘Howling’ flick?

a-boy-and-his-dog

A Boy and His Dog (DVD) – The mid-70s post-apocalyptic flick has been public domain at times and released several times on DVD but truly never gets the respect it deserves. Its 2024, after World War 4 and Don Johnson who plays Vic has a psychic link to a dog named “Blood”. Vic and Blood are just trying to navigate the Wastelands to survive and for Vic to get laid at some point. After finding a girl at the so called movies he follows her too finally to get laid but things get sidetrack as others have followed. Vic saves the girl and follows her to the underground against Blood’s wishes. So Vic learns for himself as he finds a weirdo colony actually sent the girl out to find a guy to help repopulate their underground community. Of course Vic wants none of this and escapes with one of my favorite movie endings ever! I give the classic 3 ½ stars.

 

Mutator (VHS/YouTube) – Brion James stars as David a man who just got the job to fill in for the missing security guard at the Tigen Corporation. With the doors shutting for the night and his night shift begins where he is debating with the other guards about the possible genetic experiment that went wrong at the facility several months ago. Meanwhile a couple animal activists convinced the young daughter of the CEO of Tigen to help them break-in and release some of the animals to make a statement. Once inside they only find dead animals and something is following them very closely. It’s a weird cat creature that has been loose since the accident and has tried to be covered up by the CEO. A straight-to-video sci-fi blast as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Dead Man Walking (VHS/YouTube) – As I keep diving into the post-apocalyptic genre of the 80s I found this unknown gem that stars Wings Hauser, Brion James, Jeffrey Combs! Holy shit people I would watch this a hundred times just for the casting of those three alone. It doesn’t mean it will be the most exciting film like this one but sometimes you wonder if they get all-star B-movie casts like this to just sell the crappy flick. The year, 1997, World War 3 has happened and a plague has killed off half of the world’s population. The survivors if you wanna call them that are left in the ruins to survive and there is the few who are called “The Zero Men”. They have the plague but are not contagious but have a year or two left of life and can be unpredictable. Combs was a limo driver for his rich ass boss and the boss’s daughter was kidnapped by an escaped convict and zero man in Brion James. Combs finds Wings Hauser, another zero man to hire him to help track down this woman through the plague zone. Gotta give some love to the filmmaker thinking the old “fish bowl” AMC car would survive all this to travel through the plague zone. Again not the best of plots but the cast is what makes this gem worth tracking down and owning if you are a weirdo like me. I give the B-flick 2 stars.

 

Kill Show (YouTube) – A short film that features a young woman’s struggle with her perverted mind frame of being a clown. The film takes you into her mental breakdown and she gets off on hearing about her random killing spree that can only end in one way. She wants to be known/remembered, not forgotten. Todd Braley and crew do a wonderful job of making this an interesting and creepy short film that makes you want to know more about this young woman’s story. What adds to the feel of the flick is the way the film was shot as it felt like the crew might have been trying to give the viewer a unique disturbing view into her madness. Wonderful stuff from Mr. Braley and hope there is a lot more coming for film fans. I give the short film 3 ½ out of 4 stars and you can rent it at www.reelhouse.org/infinitymediaprods/kill-show .

 

Digital Man (DVD) – Oh a fun horrible post-apocalyptic flick that has a cast that is worth more than the budget of the film: Matthias Hues, Ed Lauter, Chase Masterson, Don Swayze, Amanda Wyss, Adam Baldwin, Paul Gleason, and Clint F’N Howard! This B-movie combines Robocop and Cyborg Cop into a military weapon that was made to tackle terrorism. Digital Man is used in a secret mission to take out some terrorists and does it pretty quickly. Some higher-ups in the military are not happy with the test against the terrorists going well and try to sabotage Digital Man on his flight back. The flight goes down in a small town of Badwater and a team of humans and cyborgs are sent into the town to dismantle and retrieve the launch codes from Digital Man. Hilarious action scenes keep you awake throughout this B-flick that made question if ‘Dollman’ or ‘Robot Wars’ was being filmed at the same time on the same set. Oh the bad fun movie gets 2 stars.

 

Lesbian Vampire Killers (DVD) – Two bumbling friends (Jimmy just had a bad break-up again and the other just fired again from his job) take a trip into the countryside after a drunken idea they had. Instead of just enjoying the scenery and hanging with hot women they are now in in the fight of their lives with vampires, lesbian vampires. The lesbian vampires are trying to revive their ancient Queen Carmilla who was vanquished by Jimmy’s long lost relative the Baron centuries ago. But Jimmy is the saving grace as he has the power within him to kill the queen if he doesn’t get bitten first. If you enjoy films like ‘Shaun of the Dead’ and ‘Doghouse’, you’ll enjoy the humor in this horror/comedy also as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Prototype (VHS/YouTube) – A very boring sci-fi flick set in 2057 L.A. where a young scientist is interested in why the “Prototype program” disappeared 20 years ago and its founder ten years before that. She learns more about the program when given access and convinces a young wheelchair bound war vet to be a part of an experiment in the revived program. Once he does he becomes a weapon unbeknownst to her. Not a whole lot happens in the movie except a lot of robot vision and random robot sounds and for that I give it 1 star.

 

Desert Warrior (VHS/YouTube) – Look out boys and girls I found another post-apocalyptic flick from the 80s, made in the Philippines, and stars mother fucking Lou Ferrigno with a damn eye patch! If it helps to find this flick in your local libraries it was also released under the title as ‘Sand Wars’. Plagues of course have destroyed the world after World War 3 and Zerak (Lou) is sent to find an uncontaminated woman for his clan. The radiation fallout is destroying the clan and the leader wants fresh women to help keep the clan alive. Zerak finds a woman named Rachella who wants to explore outside of her underground bubble. Rachella gets in some trouble with mutants and Zerak saves her. Soon Zerak doesn’t want her to be used by his clan, he wants to save her. Lou is so bad ass in this flick he lets a mad doctor perform an experiment on him to give his eye back instead of death! I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

We dig deep on this week’s podcast!

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This week Tim returns from our favorite convention CINEMA WASTELAND with tales of drinking, debauchery, and sexual transmitted diseases.  We also get around talking about the VHS collecting scene, Beer, Bigfoot, the old school game show Press Your Luck, Whammies, No Whammies, and Kyle hates an exploitation classic.  We cover the flicks MY BROTHER HAS BAD DREAMS and MS. 45.

 

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

episode 178