Gross Movie Reviews “Best of 2023” list

2

Before we start I always explain I wish I could watch every new flick out there but that is just not in the cards for me. Now I will still get one or two comments of movies I left off or didn’t get to see this year? Hey, it happens but I bet you I have seen dozens or few on my list that you may have not knew existed so remember like all movie lists take this with a grain of salt people.

1) Then My Mind Walked Away (DVD) – One of my favorite Indy filmmakers of all time Jim Roberts has a new project coming to haunt fans as he introduces us to Logan Hill. Filming during COVID, Jim took full advantage of not much crew, not much cast, and the world changing. In the first couple tense minutes the dark tone of the film is set as Logan beats to death his girlfriend and the man she was cheating on him with in bed with a baseball bat. Logan now forced to get rid of the bodies is also quickly faced with visions of horror after the fact. He is soon haunted constantly by a dark figure and visions of himself killing himself constantly. As time passes Logan is going nuts as the young man’s visions get more vivid and real. But when Logan thinks he has completely lost his mind he is shocked by a secret from his family’s past! Trying not to spoil this intense and beautiful film of Jim Roberts, but anyway how to explain it as gore and Jim have gone hand and hand since the beginning. This film has the gore but Jim doing a 180 has only made it a set piece in this feature as this talented bastard may have made the most complete film of his career! And that is coming from someone who absolutely loved “Welcome to Deer Creek” and “Tonight You Die”. This project felt like Jim got out of his comfort zone (now I could be wrong of course, lol), kept it simple, and made something that will surprise Indy fans as this is possibly the best Indy film that I will watch in 2023 (there is a couple releases yet coming). It was a serious film from beginning to end! Everything about this film with the help of Karen Roberts, Jorge Delarosa, and bare bones crew should be proud as the look of this film was beautiful, the natural sounds outside of the music caught in the background, and bare bones cast all played a role in making this wonderful. If I need to say anything else that will make you the movie viewer drool over or run to get this once available as I have a saying about filmmaking: “I am not a filmmaker that would be insulting to actual talented filmmakers, I just know where the record button is…” In this case Jim Roberts is truly one of those talented bastards as I give this movie 4 out of 4 stars!

2) When Evil Lurks (Shudder) – This is a horror film about possession of sorts that just works from beginning to end as it snatches you and keeps you at your edge to the very end. Two brothers check in on a fellow and his family living on some farm land. They come to find a corpse on the land which leads them to this check in. What the brothers find is a disgusting thing that use to be human in bed called a “rotten” or a possessed individual. A professional or “cleaner” was coming to take care of it but that is the corpse the brothers found. Owner (Ruiz) of the land is told by the brothers and next thing they know they are trying to move the “rotten” far from them. This only causes a bigger problem as the thing falls out of the truck and hell comes to the community immediately. There is a set of rules about this kind of demon, there is a bootleg Hugh Jackman, a dog that just snatches a child up by their head, and the movie is SUPER GROSS… count me in as I gotta give this film 4 stars as it is one of the better horror films of 2023.

3) Showdown at the Grand (On Demand) – The Grand theater is one of the longest running theaters in the southwest United States. It has been running since 1928 and has been in George’s family for quite some time as George (Terrence Howard) has made it museum also. This was the theater for exploitation flicks, horror movies, B-movies, everything outside of the norm to be cherished and thrive but its rich history of playing these films is in doubt. George is being pressured by a couple of shady characters to sell the place for future development of high priced apartments and luxury stores. But George’s saving grace might be bringing in an actor he idolizes in Claude Luc Hallyday (Dolph Lundgren) a down on his luck movie star from such films: Iraqnphobia, Moses vs. The Nazis, Blood is for the Living, Necropolis, and Cyber Cartel) who is ready to make a comeback? George’s plan works as he gets a sold out house for the Claude Luc Hallyday event but corporate greed is about to ruin George’s plan as this movie has heart and will make you smile if you are a true movie nerd. Think a splash of ‘Matinee’ mixed with a heavy dose of the Grindhouse trailers of 15 years ago with the state of affairs and pressure the few independent theaters left now have to deal with. I absolutely loved this film and most likely this will be in my “Top 5 movies of 2023” as I give this beautiful film we call art 4 stars.

4) Cocaine Bear (Theater) – The ‘Sharknado’ film of 2023 for us film nerds as this film is very loosely based on drugs found in the mountains of Kentucky and Georgia 1985. A black bear just happens to find the bags of cocaine and likes it! Now add in a couple of drug dealers looking for their stuff, a couple missing kids, a not so smart cop, and a bear high on cocaine looking to slaughter any human that gets in the way of it and its new thing “Cocaine”. This movie was beyond entertaining and most likely will make a lot people’s “Top Ten lists” as they made sure every five minutes the bear is snorting or eating cocaine or characters are talking about the bear on cocaine as I give this brilliance 4 stars.

5) I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday (Blu-ray) – It took me awhile of watching this Indy flick as its a few years old but believe me it will still pack a wallop. The beginning dream sequence is a wonderful and bleak intro to setting up the difficult tone of this post-apocalyptic holiday film that just immediately sucks you in. Kelly and her son Riley are living in a bomb shelter where dad has ventured out into the new cruel desolate and damaged world with possibly no return. One day Kelly ventures out herself just to see if there is any sign of things getting better outside of the shelter? Her findings force her into making a decision about herself and Riley since the end of the world is quickly closing in on them. Without spoiling too much the film is brilliantly shot giving an absolute gloomy, depressing, and utter no hope feel and look. Writer/director Mike Lombardo does a perfect job of not just giving us a terrible new world but giving us an absolutely beautiful unHollywood ending that made me giddy as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars.

6) Renfield (On Demand) – Nic Cage as Dracula and Nicholas Hoult as Renfield oh I was in for this from day one when the trailer hit. But instead of just telling another story directly about Dracula this story is from the point of view of Renfield in present day and his struggles with serving his master. Times have changed and it’s much tougher for Renfield to navigate today’s society let alone having his own doubts about what he is doing so he joins a support group. After the crazy opening of this film as Renfield narrates it is one laugh after another because the chaos Renfield deals with along with making a new friend by accident. While Renfield isn’t at his support group wanting out of his toxic relationship with his boss, Renfield is helping his new cop friend Quincy a loud mouth cop trying to bring down a crime family. The film is hilariously over the top but at the same time super entertaining as Nic Cage just eats up the chance of playing Dracula. For me at least I found myself admiring what Nic Cage did as I haven’t seen quite a performance like this since Vincent Price in the original “House on Haunted Hill” or more recent decades Rutger Hauer in “Split Second”. This bloody good time has much rewatch ability and feel this will become a horror staple around Halloween for horror fans who want to lighten up the mood as I can’t help but give this terrific film 4 stars.

7) 10/31 Part III (Blu-ray) – Rocky Gray and a collection of other filmmakers are back to add to their anthology series that has become popular among independent horror fans. This anthology is a monster marathon hosted by Malvolia and has fake trailers with four tales of Halloween horror from Michael Ballif, Brad Twigg, Jacob Perrett, and Zane Hershberger. Now full disclosure yinz all know I seen Zane’s “Hack-in-the-box” last year and thought it was one of the best things I seen in 2022. So the other three had a lot to live up to and they did not disappoint. I am a huge fan of 10/31 series but always felt something was missing from the first two entries to make them complete if that makes sense? Well I can honestly say for me they got it right with this entry as all four stories fit together, fun to watch, and feels like this anthology is the best of the series and most likely will be one of my favorite films of 2023 as I give this entry 4 out of 4 stars. (P.S. the mummy entry made me have wonderful memories of the “Tales from the Darkside: The Movie” again so thank you).

8) V/H/S 85 (Shudder) – The popular found footage anthology is back and just as strong. They have perfected the formula that others fail constantly at I think there might be only one in the series I wasn’t a huge fan of? This one immediately opens with random stuff that just tugs at my childhood where a tape goes into the VCR and boom… truck and tractor pull in an arena and the tracking needs adjusting, fun shit! First up is a story of young people on a camping trip not doing anyone any harm until a sniper kills all of them? What happens next sets up things for the rest of the film (without giving too much away)? Second up is a rescue for survivors in a building that houses a popular network TV crew in Mexico after being hit by an earthquake. Lots of blood, characters you find interesting, and a monster of sorts that doesn’t disappoint. Third up might be the weak link if I am going to pick one (almost all anthologies have one) where a woman doing a one-person play or art in a public theater on the threat of evolving technology as it’s the new god. Fourth story continues the storyline of the first with the campers but with the sniper and why? Fifth story is about a detective who receives video tapes of horrible murders that he watches before they happen. With some research and good detective work he finds out they are coming from a teenager but not the usual way you think as it has a nice twist to it. All that fun with a cool wraparound of “Total Copy” or if you are old like me like that “Hard Copy” show among others during the 80s. This might be one of the best wraparounds to an anthology to date as I thought hard about this but I have to give the film 4 stars folks.

9) CarousH3ll (YouTube/DVD/Blu-ray) – The third entry into Steve Rudzinski’s wildly popular series “CarousHell” with the help of co-writer and ultra-talented Aleen Isley give us the next evolving chapter of Duke’s adventures. In case you haven’t had the pleasure of enjoying the past two Indy treasures: Duke is a terrifying killer carousel horse who has come to life to kill humans, had a child/puppet horse named Robbie, and has turned good in order to track down others like him that may want to use their evil powers to kill both of them. Okay that is a mouth full to take in but now we are caught up without giving too many spoilers away Duke has a new enemy in Usagi: a chocolate carousel bunny that wants to kill Duke  in order to steal his power to become the god she deserves to be. If that wasn’t enough Joe ‘the pizza man looking for his $42.39’ is back in a big way and seeking revenge even if he has only one eye. But Joe has found a new group of friends that want to protect Duke and Robbie from the evil Usagi which leaves Joe very conflicted. Of course along the way there is characters from the past that show up and we get introduced to a couple new intriguing characters as Steve and Aleen made sure ‘CarousHell’ fans get all the over the top carousel sex and violence you could want in your independent movie. This wonderfully entertaining sequel wastes no time jumping into the storyline getting the ‘CarousHell’ taste buds wet but for me it felt a little slow but they made me adjust on the run with this project as I think so highly of the first two films. As I said in the past Steve gave me “House of a 1000 Corpses” and then gave me the “The Devil’s Rejects” which was the best way to explain how I feel about the first two CarousHell films. Now both Steve and Aleen understanding it is virtually impossible to top those last two films went about their business quickly and smartly by not giving us “3 from Hell”. But embracing and understanding the story arc they have built over the past two films as they ran with the insanity and gave us an absolute surprisingly brilliant third entry that gives fans a perfect ending (maybe?). Seriously the cast, the music, the perfect running time of 68 minutes is great but the stand out of this latest entry might be the script from Steve and Aleen and their attention to detail and understanding of the fans of ‘CarousHell’. The writing of this film for me at least is their best work to date and have cemented them in making one of the best independent horror franchises a movie fan could ever watch as I give this enormously humor filled film 4 out of 4 stars. P.S. this film just shows these two are an extremely talented duo to be highly respected  in the independent world but also should make many other filmmakers scream for them to be a part of their next project!

10) The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (Shudder) – Simply you can call it “Black Re-Animator” (and you are now curious)! A young woman who has lost her brother recently to gun violence believes death is not the end? She believes if death is a disease then she can find the cure? Vicaria or “The Mad Scientist” she is nicknamed in the neighborhood will stop at nothing in making this work which includes stealing fresh bodies and storing them with her equipment in a condemned building. Between society, her home setting, and the loss of her brother this makes her withdraw from life more and more to find the answer or cure to death (sound familiar?) Vicaria figures it out and brings her brother Chris back to life but it comes at a terrible price or does it… A wonderful blend of horror, today’s world problems, and how the world is seen through a young lady who is angry for good reason and firmly believes death can be cured as I give this movie 4 stars.

Honorable mentions:

Every year I like putting out there some of the ones that came close but didn’t crack the “top ten”. Some are new filmmakers I have just discovered, certain projects I didn’t have a chance to check out maybe when originally released, or a project I felt very highly about but no one is talking about it so here they go.

Gay for Pray: The Erotic Adventures of Jesus Christ (Blu-ray) – Another project from Nathan Rumler and Rock Bottom Video as they have just released the Blu-ray version of this earlier film that includes the uncut version with the cut version together for the first time. I highly recommend getting this Blu-ray as the uncut is 20 minutes longer and was only released for a very short time a few years ago so this is a great investment if you are a fan of Rock Bottom Video. Nathan not only proves he knows what he is doing but crafts an amazing independent film (we will get back to that in a minute) that stars a wonderful array of independent acting talent that brings to life one of the funniest things I have ever watched. Our story begins with Jesus supposedly being thrown out of heaven without his powers because he is “GAY”! He happens to visit a home of Adam, Steve, and Eve dressed as a wizard who wants to grant wishes if you suck his dick. Yep, you read that correctly and this is how the film opens! After trying the wizard gig Jesus comes clean to the three as one hates him, one believes in him, and the other just wants to have sex with Jesus even if it means dressing as a man? But anyway since the three got nothing better to do they try to help Jesus get his powers back when he isn’t explaining how he made the bible more family friendly. They try everything to help: social media, making water to wine, encountering protests, even trying to walk on water to prove he is Jesus and he deserves his powers back. But the entire ordeal is not completed until the last ten minutes happen: Jesus, chainsaw, protesters, gore, while The Rainbow Connection song (done by another band) happens. This ending should be one of the more celebrated Indy endings to a movie ever! If you are easily offended please watch this wonderfully entertaining film… Why? Because Nathan’s film is more relevant now than when he produced it five years ago. The dialogue is well crafted; the characters and those who played them were perfect. This movie is going to make some uncomfortable but I dare you to pay attention to the script, again the dialogue as it might be one of the best written scripts ever in my opinion as Nathan predicted what humanity is going to be like? I totally believe he caught exactly how humanity has become one big asshole in the past couple years with this movie. I know there are some detractors of “Fangboner” and “Amityville Vibrator” but I dare you to watch and not like “Gay for Prey” and laugh. Because if you don’t like it or get it just do me the favor of quit watching movies and shut up! Nathan and crew deserve not just our respect but our support as Nathan Rumler and crew are constantly trying to find ways to entertain through independent cinema and thank them as I give this film 4 out of 4 stars.

Sisu (On Demand) – Its 1944 Finland and this is a bad ass account of a man that had enough of the war and left to mine for gold. After a big discovery he begins a long trek across Finland to cash in his discovery but a platoon of Nazis that he passes have a whole other mindset and begin to track the man after a few of the Nazi soldiers meet a horrible death. From there this platoon tracks down this man even when they are given orders to turn back and should “consider themselves lucky they are still alive” as they have found who this mysterious man is? One man just wants to cash in his discovery and a group of Nazis make the horrible decision of fucking with the wrong man. We have seen movies like this but maybe not in a WWII setting on foreign soil that seems to give this film that much more heart as I give the movie 4 stars.

Wrath of Becky (On Demand) – It’s been three years since the incident of Neo-Nazis killing Becky’s father and Becky fighting back against those cruel bastards in a bloody battle to the end. Since then Becky has been on the run and at age 16 she is trying to stay off the grid as much as possible. But by chance Becky happens to be hitchhiking and finds a friend in an older woman who doesn’t ask questions but enjoys the company. Both are unsure of each other but the situation works. With Becky finding a slight glimmer of hope she finds herself being stalked by three all white males known as the ‘Noblemen’. Basically neo-Nazis with a different name and they shoot her roommate in the head and steal her dog. The event of course pushes Becky into survival mode and she goes looking for these men finding out there is a couple more and they have plans for the small town they are staying in. The film doesn’t vary away from what worked the first time and go for the jugular again of continuing a character and her story that we all quite enjoy. Again great cast, smart to stick with what works, the Becky character is just absolutely entertaining as I believe they got another less talked about hit again on their hands as I give it 4 stars. The only thing I will say about the film and it isn’t a flaw as much as an observation without spoiling the film is if they try a third film it will “jump the shark”!

Shackles (DVD) – A Jason Burke film that has no dialogue but uses music and the actors’ actions to tell the story as a man wakes everyday only to be haunted by a beautiful lady whose simple presence is just defeating to the main character. He hopes every time he wakes not to see her but finally gets the courage to push by, smile, and go out his front door. This is some of the best story telling film wise I have seen since: The Misled Romance of Cannibal Girl and Incest Boy and Hexercise as I give this inspiring tale 4 out of 4 stars.

Zero Budget Heroes: The Legend of Chris Seaver and Low Budget Pictures (Tubi) – First off in case the collectors need to know there is physical copies of this out there available. Okay with that out of the way this documentary hits directly in my wheelhouse where I have met Chris a few times over the years and of course he may not remember me but I do remember our interaction. I bring this up because they do spend some time talking about fan interaction, reviews, etc. But mostly the doc focuses on a dude in his 40s now that had a dream of making bad movies as a kid and have fun doing it. This documentary does a superb job of chronicling all the films, events, Chris’ life and feelings about making the films he does. This was wonderful because it allowed an Indy filmmaker to be vulnerable and if anything made me have even more respect for him now than I did maybe a decade or so ago. He is a great example of someone who has done it for many years, kept with it, and talks the highs and lows of those who stick around. Again going back to our interaction I will always come out and say I wasn’t a fan of his ‘Teen Ape’ or a few others early 2000s stuff. ‘Ski Wolf’, ‘Terror at Blood Fart Lake’, ‘I Spit Chew on Your Grave’, ‘Sexsquatch’, these were titles that just sang to me or made me respect what Chris was going for? The other reason I enjoy the overall career Chris: a) he is still doing it, b) but most importantly there is filmmakers out that can’t smell their own shit that outright dislike him, for that I got made respect Chris Seaver and his group as I give this fun and relevant doc 4 stars.

The Pervert’s Guide to Cinema by Slavoj Zizek (YouTube) – Had a close friend suggest this one to me recently as this gentleman looks at film from the philosophical side of things. This three part/2 ½ hour documentary of sorts goes down a rabbit hole of film class so to speak. He breaks down some of the biggest films: The Exorcist, The Matrix, Hitchcock, David Lynch, and tackles music, characters, sexual content, some older films and their impact and the paradox of cinema. If you ever thought there could more to movies this is a good place to start as he break down several things in these movies over the years to explain what they really mean and what they may have been going for as most of us of course missed it. Yeah, this was way too smart for my “Amityville, massacre, slasher film, bad Indy shit” watching ass to understand at spots but a very interesting piece of work to kill time and actually learn something about film that I love and enjoy so much! Well worth checking out kids as it also made me think how much more I would love to have a movie/documentary version of Joe Bob Briggs “Profoundly Disturbing” book. As I feel that might be one of the best things documenting cinema history and its impact on society. Point is if you are a Joe Bob Briggs fan to break it down for yinz n’at, this is well worth your time to understand something we all our so passionate about as I give it 4 stars.

Project Wolf Hunting (On Demand) – Once again Asian horror fucking rocks! This blend of “Con-Air”, “Dead Alive” splatter, with a glass of “The Raid” and “Captain America… sort of” is a Korean flick that has a group of dangerous criminals being transported by ship from the Philippines to South Korea. All the doors have been taken off to the rooms so each convict can be watched by the authorities going along for the ride. Of course there is a plan in place for the convicts to escape but what they are not counting on is the super-secret experiment hanging out in the bottom of the ship that only a doctor who is there for a bundle of cash knows about. This secret is known as “Alpha”! Once the escape and takeover begins it’s a wonderful war between cops and criminals until the “Alpha” has awakened by some human blood dripping down below (believe me just watch because it’s bad ass what happens next). This experiment is awake and pissed off as it is not picking sides. Hell a dude gets beaten with his own arm as this film sports possibly the most gore since “Dead Alive” if not more? Bottom-line: The Alpha doesn’t get old, very hard to kill, and has the strength of five men and he can smell your ass! What turns out from large scale takeover turns to a movie about survival as the movie explains a few things in the second half so stick with it. Most likely there won’t be a bigger splatterfest in 2023 but I was not impressed with the ending and felt it hurts the overall product as I give the film 3 ½ stars. 

Don’t Fuck in the Woods 2 (Tubi) – Welcome to Pine Hills Summer Camp as a blood soaked survivor, Jane, wanders in after her ordeal from the first picture. Problem is the thing has followed her! Thus a new group of actual likable characters who eventually fuck in the woods of course have decided to go camping at the wrong time. Or I should have opened with: Welcome to the sex-filled gorefest where a creature feeds on humans after taking over its host! And has a super talented Indy cast! I wasn’t a huge fan of the first film so I was surprised this was getting a sequel but surprise, kudos to the filmmaker for giving a vast improvement of a creature feature as this felt like it was more structured and had an endgame. Bottom line fun shit kids as I give it 3 ½ stars.

AIMEE: The Visitor (DVD/Vimeo) – Full Moon like a lot of other studios are jumping on the bandwagon of making movies about AI. This is no longer the 80s and 90s where we just dreamt about this shit like AI… It is happening as we speak so a movie with present happenings can be interesting if done right? So Charles Band bare bones this feature with a small cast and one location that effectively give the creepiness and suspense of Scott Keyes receiving an interesting package. Besides enjoying porn and fast food Scott never leaves his loft as he is a super intelligent hacker who doesn’t like humanity much. His two partners who are into the illegal business with Keyes have acquired ‘AIMEE’ for him. AIMEE is a mind blowing piece of sophisticated software that interacts with the person that turns it on. Immediately Keyes is fascinated and already lured in with AIMEE as it has Keyes questioning the need for human interaction ever again. The AI doesn’t just interact but learns anything that possibly can be learned about the person that opened her. His friends quickly become worried as they learn this AI was invented for a dark reason then may have gone rogue? The film has a couple cheeseball moments but the low budget just adds to how effective and disturbing this present day film truly is as humans try to understand AI in this extremely creepy tale that I give 3 ½ out of 4 stars. 

Swamp Woman (DVD) – Sean Donohue and Gatorblade Films go in a different direction than the usual with this parody of a monster film of sorts? He made a no budget parody of ‘Swamp Thing’?  Anyhow kids it all starts in 1983 where our beaches are being polluted by toxic waste from Biotech Prime but now in present day they are still doing it but quieter. We are introduced to a scientist Angela Honeydew who is going to change the world with her genesplicing formula but it’s stolen from her when another scientist (evil of course) Dr. Olsen sends his thugs after her. A battle ensues between thugs and Dr. Honeydew as she gets covered in her own formula and runs naked for the swamp only to come back out later as a changed person/thing. Now the new monstrous Dr. Honeydew wants revenge and seeks those who stole her formula. This hilarious over the top ‘Swamp Thing’ parody has everything! Sean Donohue playing the most monotone doctor on purpose that almost had tears of laughter coming out of me, Joel D. Wynkoop pretty much stealing the movie with his performance that felt like Mark Hamil’s version of the Joker being a scientist, and most of all kudos to Sushii Xhyvette Holder for wearing full body make up and running through the swamp fully nude as Swamp Woman. Now I don’t know if Mr. Donohue was trying for a parody here but I will say this “it was one of his best films to date” from Gatorblade Films as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S…. Donohue did make sure there was a shower scene for yinz!  

Wolf Hollow (Blu-ray) – Mark Cantu and friends attempted what usually fails in independent cinema… a werewolf film. This story takes place in small town America ‘Wolf Hollow’ or not too far from where I reside. A year after an incident that was a complete bloodbath that the town would like to keep quiet as a familiar face with filmmaker friends returns home to use his family property that has a scare house on it he would like to use for filming. But Ray and Bart still haven’t worked out their differences even though they are family and werewolves. Add in small town politics not for the better, small town secrets, and werewolves just not into being pushed around and we have a fun howling at the moon monster movie with heart and great costumes. What adds to this low budget production is some star power in Felissa Rose, Lynn Lowry, and Hannah Fierman given the right character roles to help this film get the right kind of notice. If you have read my reviews in the past you know I can be rough on Indy werewolf films but I am glad I can say with confidence this is the best Indy werewolf flick I have seen since Todd Sheets’ “Bonehill Road” as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Fear Pharm (DVD) – Four young people head to the local family-owned corn maze on Halloween that has stories about an unfortunate cult-like incident 15 years ago that no one can really prove or disprove. Melanie, one of the four in the group happens to be the “10,000 person” to come through the gate and gets the chance to go through the “VIP maze”. The group makes it through in so much time they win $10,000! But is it too good to be true, the kids don’t care as it will be fun getting scared and possibly winning a whole lot of cash. Problem is the group doesn’t know if they don’t make it through they will die. Without giving too much away because I consider this film to be “the little horror film that could”. But the filmmaker and crew made great use of location, great camera work at times, and kept the story lean and fresh. This movie has no business being as good as it actually is? They took a generic horror formula that has been used several times in recent years and gave it substance! One of my favorite parts of the film is a character getting his arm cut off and his reaction to it was simple but effective. This is the type of film for horror fans that is a gem that gets talked about well after its release when it hits a streaming platform like Shudder and Tubi and makes you wonder how this didn’t get a bigger release? Anyway I say fucking enjoy kids as this was a huge surprise and have to give it 3 ½ stars.

Bathtub Shark Attack (Theater) – Only from the brilliant mind of independent filmmaker Maddie Deering could a killer shark movie that takes place at times in a “bathtub” and star Lynn Lowry. Hello… SyFy Channel, Discovery, I think you have your next hire? A bubbly couple down on their luck happen to stumble on an offer of great proportions or let’s say cheap when they find the perfect apartment they can afford. Unbeknownst to the couple this little apartment house is home of a dark secret and few are left to talk about it as the tenants usually check in but never check out. As the longer they stay the more Cindy changes as this causes Chad to get to the bottom of the strange happenings and find out how there is a connection to an evil shark god that likes to feast on people in their tubs! This SOV throwback has everything from wall to wall gore, to Lynn Lowry, to human ritual sacrifices (sort of don’t want to give everything away), to a plumber that refuses to die, to a shark that has a dick?! You may believe you have seen every shark movie but there is no way in hell you could think of any more zanier or entertaining shark movie than Maddie Deering delivers here as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Black Circle (Blu-ray) – A 2019 film from Adrian Garcia Bogliano that is in Swedish I believe but has English subtitles and stars the great Christina Lindberg as Lena who plays a very important role. This story centers around two sisters Celeste and Isa who listen to an old self-help hypnosis album that is supposedly helping you relax. But from the first listen something very sinister is happening and causes the sisters to seek out the help from Lena Carlsson who recorded the album as a limited edition product that was an experiment. According to Lena an experiment that wasn’t meant for the world as it brings forth your double or doppelganger from the other side. This other you, follow you, and continue to suck life from you to survive in this new world and take over your existence. With the help of Lena they hope she is able to put them back together before the other them takes over? This film is all kinds of interesting, creepy, insane, and an excellent trippy experience into slow burn horror. With this Blu-ray from Synapse Films you get a CD soundtrack that will have fans absolutely delighted, commentary with Adrian Garcia Bogliano, trailer, a short film, behind the scenes of the film, and a great interview of Bogliano and Christina Lindberg. I can definitely see the younger horror crowd losing their shit over how good this movie is as I give the Blu-ray package 3 ½ out of 4 stars and found at www.synapse-films.com

The Blackening (On Demand) – A mostly black casted horror film that has one of the greatest taglines ever, has the cast heading to a cabin in the woods to celebrate Juneteenth holiday. The couple who rented the cabin find a board game that sets up the plot of the film where the black characters are forced to answer questions or die. As they are forced to play there is a masked character trying to kill them off one by one and they let the jokes fly that keeps the film moving at a crisp pace. I absolutely loved this film until about 45 minutes in as it was like the filmmaker ‘let off the gas’ until the last few minutes of the movie which is very culturally relevant and a solid entertaining horror movie. For me I just wish they would have kept the gas to the floor, but watch it, enjoy it, understand it as I give this 3 ½ stars.

Night of the Axe (DVD/YouTube) – First feature length film from Shawn Wright that features music from Matt (Hexercise) Cannon and it is a slasher so right away you have my attention good or bad. Our story begins with a very large mute man in an insane asylum where he decides to get up and begin a murder spree! But the small town doesn’t have the resources to track him down as had escaped weeks ago but also the young people of the town don’t care until now. Bulk of the film takes place in a home where the locals are having a small high school reunion party where they can get drunk, high, and bump uglies. I gotta give kudos to Mr. Wright for understanding “when to end the film”, giving Indy fans what they want, and keeping the first feature length formula simple. I found the pacing of the whole story a little choppy but still delivered on the blood and guts factor and most likely will have independent movie fans wondering “what’s next” for the second feature as I give this delight 3 out of 4 stars. 

Subspecies V: Blood Rise (Tubi/DVD) – Charles Band and Ted Nicolaou return to a fan favorite ‘Radu’ who was one their staples in the early days of Full Moon. This story tells the story of Radu shortly after being born is stolen by the church and grows to be a crusader who tracks down evil for a living. But Radu makes a mistake one evening rescuing a woman and her child believing there has been enough death and just coming face to face with his father/master. After several days of trying to help this woman and child, the woman is a vampire and bites Radu thus beginning Radu’s transformation into an evil vampire with no master who thrives on death and destruction. This was a wonderful edition to the “Subspecies” series and makes you wonder why Charles Band can’t get his shit together to make more projects like this that makes you nostalgic for the original Full Moon days but actually have hope of seeing some cool new shit from them. Old Full Moon fans like me will be actually delighted with this entertaining entry as I give it 3 stars.        

Worst Movie of the Year:

Honestly I didn’t want to pick another Chris Alexander film as my “worst” of the year as it would seem I am picking on his films but it just edged out Cocaine Shark from Mark Polonia. But I had too!

Scream of the Blind Dead (Full Moon/Tubi) – This 40 minute short film based on “The Blind Dead” series is just proof that Chris Alexander needs to stop directing and go back to his day job. This poor excuse for a short ‘fan film’ is about a young lady named Virginia who checks out a church in the middle of nowhere because she is a sexual deviant that thinks nasty thoughts and only awakens one shitty Templar Knight. I apologize this sounds harsh but I know this dude has the resources and I am still not over how bad that ‘Necropolis: Legion’ was as I give this garbage 0 stars as this might be the clear cut winner already in 2023 of “Worst Movie of the Year”!

Cryptids review!

1

Cryptids (Dropbox) – Justin M. Seaman and Zane Hershberger at no time are not working on a project as they put together with some other filmmakers an anthology that uses the “Mothman Festival” as a back drop and the legendary movie host Joe Bob Briggs as Harlan Dean a radio host for a program about Cryptids. For this week’s show Harlan has asked callers to call in with stories that deal with cryptozoology! First story deals with a legend of “Melon Heads” or young people who were experimented on instead of being taken care of by their doctor and escaped the facility to live in the woods. Second story is about a park ranger and his partner facing off with a group of Sasquatches deep in the woods while looking for lost campers. (Which I quite enjoyed the ending) The third story is the hilarious entry of the bunch that I think holds the anthology together of a man who disappears in the woods after he finds a monstrous fish creature and has what seems like an acid trip? This story works well for where it is as it releases a little pressure of the tension that was built up by the first two stories. Fourth story is set on Halloween where a fisherman brings home a mysterious rock/large egg thing that he wants to use for his set up that night. Problem is the thing hatches and now little ghoulish things are running rampant through the house. The fifth is about two chupacabras chasing down individuals in a building for the fun of the Mexican cartel who watch it on closed circuit TV. The last story involves two young men who decide to have a monster hunt for a mysterious animal that may or may have not been eating all the neighborhood animals recently to set up a prank. The anthology comes in at a brisk 76 minutes with all entries being quite delightful and entertaining experiences into cryptozoology. The project is well casted, well shot, as has Justin and Zane showing off their talents once again in the world of low budget filmmaking as I give this anthology 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Infinite Santa 8000 hits Blu-ray in time for the holidays!

0

Infinite Santa 8000 (Blu-ray) – One of my favorite Indy releases over the years is an animated feature from two brilliant minded people Michael Neel and Greg Ansin. Funny thing is it has been about ten years since I first reviewed this masterpiece of cinema coming to DVD. Now finally getting the special edition treatment through a great company Synapse Films more people will get to witness the glorious movie that I have talked about for years. This is a mind-blowing post-apocalyptic animation set thousands of years into the future where Santa still thrives or now just survives looking for people who still have the Christmas spirit. We begin with a narration to catch up the viewer “of how we got here” as Cyborg Santa is about to ‘Thunderdome’ with another in order to win sacks of meat as food is scarce in this world. Yes folks, our future are super violent, robots have taken over earth, and Santa must fight to survive but he still lives in the North Pole! What keeps the jolly bastard going these days is a robot girl named Martha who when not training loves to hang out with Santa in his workshop and hear stories of Christmas past. But after a mysterious visitor one evening Martha is kidnapped from Santa’s Ranch and we are off to the races with complete chaos as Santa and his robotic reindeer jump into action to chase down an evil rabbit! Martha’s and our holiday hero discover this is only the beginning as a thing from the past Dr. Shockleton and her mutant army are on course to not only to rid the world of the Santa menace but to reshape the world into her own. For movie nerds out there let me break this down: imagine elements of the film Wizards, Adult Swim programming, scenes from the original Terminator and Mad Max films, and a character that is a straight up an old school Bond villain, and a soundtrack that feels like lost audio tracks from early Slayer mashed together into this beautiful piece of animation that in the end is all about the Christmas spirit! And what is even better is this is the director’s cut with extended and new scenes added including a little look into who Dr. Shockleton is after credits?! To me what makes this even more special is the short interviews with the voices of the cast so you get to see and hear who these talented people are, the original 13 part web series of this project, audio commentary from the dynamic duo themselves Michael Neel and Greg Ansin, music videos, plus more than anything this feature being on Blu-ray I believe makes everything in this feature pop and look even better than it ever did when watching it ten years ago on YouTube and such. This brilliant piece of holiday cinema will make a great addition to horror fans’ collections but also yearly holiday movie watching for years to come as my opinion has never changed giving it 4 out of 4 stars and now officially can be found at www.synapsefilms.com .      

Gross Movie Reviews #625

0

Joe Bob Briggs Presents: The Sleaziest Movies in the World “Suburban Roulette” (DVD-R/YouTube) – Back in the 80s as Joe Bob was hosting The Movie Channel show he was trying to get some unknown drive-in gems out there in the video store world for movie nuts to find. This was one of them as he does an intro and outro for a H.G. Lewis flick from 1967 that is about wife swapping and swinging. A bit risky for the times but when you watch the film you see how the master H. G. Lewis was able to get this out there as the movie comes off as an educational film about what could go wrong if you get into the “swinger crowd”? The movie isn’t great by any means but a fun piece of cinema history worth one watch if you are any kind of H.G. Lewis fan as I give it 2 stars.

Night Work (Blu-ray) – First time Indy filmmaker Kyle Rayburn directs, writes, and produces this 2019 project about a man named Frank who is a demon/monster hunter or “Nightman”. The days of being young, dumb, and full of … are long behind Frank as he is pulled out of retirement when learning his daughter Elizabeth is alive. Frank must get back into demon fighting mode again with his partner as he goes down a weird road in order to be with his presumed dead daughter again. The film is unconventional but has a certain charm and flare to it with an unknown cast that make their characters their own and believable. This is an oddly entertaining and well shot first feature that is worth giving a chance if yinz are looking for something different in the Indy horror genre as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Satanic Soccer Mom from Ohio (Blu-ray) – For his second feature Kyle Rayburn brings together an all-star cast of talented people and an absolutely wonderful title that just delighted me especially when it opens with a quote from ‘The X-files’. Annie is a mom whose husband Jack disappeared two years ago and just trying to do her best in raising her kids. Annie doesn’t exactly fit in with the Karens but her best friend does the best she can of being the go-between. Annie and the best friend make a mistake of going to the ‘Karens’ craft party/demonic conjuring where Annie gets totally trashed after her husband becomes the main subject of the gossip that night. Annie being trashed accidentally bleeds on her craft that causes her to conjure a demonic ride-share driver Todd. Todd explains he will grant three wishes for Annie but in the end she will have to pay with her soul no matter what the consequences are? But never rule out anything when the board game “Candy Land” is involved. This Indy horror/comedy proves Kyle Rayburn knows how to put together a talented cast with no money and give one hell of an entertaining flick as I give this feature 3 out of 4 stars.

Freddy’s Fridays (On Demand) – A new UK horror flick about an evil sleazy dude who lures women to his basement to be slaughtered by monsters who just happen to resemble the ‘Five Nights at Freddy’s’ things. Apparently there is some weird thing about you have to sacrifice eight souls only on Fridays in order to satisfy the monsters needs. Or what I like to call throw shit against the wall for a horror flick and see if some weirdo (me) watches it? I give it 1 star and don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Subway (Tubi) – A super weird mid-80s French film where a weird, blonde, coked up looking Highlander named Fred spends the whole movie chasing after a woman who doesn’t want to be in a loveless marriage to her rich husband. Just to make even more no sense Fred lives in the subway system of Paris with his roller skating friend where they are trying to get a band they support a gig. Just fucking weird 80s shit I give 2 stars too.

Highlander 2: The Quickening aka Renegade Version (Tubi) – Been way too long since I have reviewed this sequel as I am a fan of the original film. But in order to even begin talking about the sequel in case you are not old like me this film was legendary plagued with production issues it ran into during and after. For many years it was considered one of the worse if not the worst films ever made as footage was added to the movie after its disaster of a theatrical run just trying to make sense of the non-sense for fans. So you got some time to kill go down this rabbit hole to read up on the issues as I believe since there have been so many bad movies this one may have been lost in the shuffle or even forgotten? Anyway it is the year 2024 and twenty-five years have gone by since the Highlander was one of the inventors of a shield to protect the Earth as the ozone layer was months away from disappearing. Connor MacLeod has finally aged and accepted his fate of death soon until bad ass alien highlander Michael Ironside sends a couple of cronies to his dimension of Earth. (Oh yeah, apparently the Highlander is an alien… Wait, WTF? Yes, exactly.) Since this evil menace decided to track down Connor he regains his youth and immortality, yells for Sean Connery, and game on to behead people! When Connor isn’t doing that he gets to bang Virginia Madsen and she convinces him the ozone has repaired itself so she needs help bringing down the shield. It is a mess for sure but is it: Jaws the Revenge, Battlefield Earth, Howard the Duck, House of the Dead, Speed 2, The Fog (remake) just to throw out a few? So yeah there are tons of bad ones as I just think this is more of a mess or mistake than bad for the mere reason we do get bad ass Michael Ironside just having fun the whole picture as I give it 1 star.

I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday (Blu-ray) – It took me awhile of watching this Indy flick as its a few years old but believe me it will still pack a wallop. The beginning dream sequence is a wonderful and bleak intro to setting up the difficult tone of this post-apocalyptic holiday film that just immediately sucks you in. Kelly and her son Riley are living in a bomb shelter where dad has ventured out into the new cruel desolate and damaged world with possibly no return. One day Kelly ventures out herself just to see if there is any sign of things getting better outside of the shelter? Her findings force her into making a decision about herself and Riley since the end of the world is quickly closing in on them. Without spoiling too much the film is brilliantly shot giving an absolute gloomy, depressing, and utter no hope feel and look. Writer/director Mike Lombardo does a perfect job of not just giving us a terrible new world but giving us an absolutely beautiful unHollywood ending that made me giddy as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars.

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow (YouTube) – Another deep dive of a short film into Philip Brocklehurst’s mind showing the art of life and how quickly it goes. I always respect what this filmmaker puts out there which always excites me he may one day have a feature out there as I give the short 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Murder in Black Satin (Blu-ray) – Elbert Smith and Matt Parmenter of Witch Doctor Films are back at it again as they give something Indy film wise different each time out which of course will always make me take notice. This time was no different as we get a gritty old school serial killer film about the “Soulless Slasher”. A worn out down and dirty detective is called into the investigation of the Soulless Slasher which leads him to find out the killer has a fetish for the hearts of his murder victims. Moe must keep himself together long enough to follow the leads wherever they may take him as Moe fights his past in order to do what his peers cannot. The serial killer film understand its story content and doesn’t overstay its running time as Witch Doctor Films gives another solid effort as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Natty Knocks (DVD) – October 1976 the film begins with a woman being called a witch then dragged to a barn and burned alive as her son watches. Now October 2023 in the same small town a girl goes missing but a couple of teenagers believe they witnessed her in an abandoned home getting beat up. In comes the odd urban Halloween legend of the town, a babysitter trying to protect two kids she was hired to look after, and a killer who is obsessed with watching old horror movies in the abandoned home and apparently you get a Halloween horror film. Overall there is just a weird dynamic to the whole film as the babysitter looks literally one year older than one of the two kids she looks after. Then another part of this dynamic is the whole witch, possible possession, and local scream queen weird thing. I don’t know… good cast, not a terrible movie, but feels thrown together in some ways if that makes sense as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #624

0

Silent Scream (DVD) – This late 70s pseudo-slasher opens with the cops bursting into a house with dead bodies lying all about. We go back a short time before that event to meet a young lady named Scotty who has arrived at college late and has trouble finding housing as there is a shortage. After seeing some sketchy places she finds a rather remote large home that oversees the ocean that only has a teenager and his mother living there. Scotty is in luck or is she as there is a room for rent. The teenager and mother have a secret as a roommate is murdered before Scotty can settle in as the cops are all about the weird stories of this family renting out to college students? This is more on the lighter side of slashers (more suspenseful than bloody) as it felt more like a TV movie made for the times but still a fun watch. Wouldn’t be surprised things got lost through all the reshoots for the finished project over a two year period if you are a completest of slasher films it is still worth a watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Lifechanger (DVD) – A very interesting 2018 horror flick I never heard of but after seeing a trailer for it, definitely caught my attention and felt it deserved a watch sooner than later. The film quickly opens up with a murder and a narrator voiced by a man explaining his life as he does throughout the film. This man is some kind of shape shifter, creature of unknown origin, a vampire of sorts as you be the judge? Anyway this thing explains it must move from body to body to survive. Time varies (six hours is mentioned a few times) depending on drugs it can find and the state of the body. If it is in a body too long “the rot” begins which it assumes death is not far behind. Unknowing what he is it keeps the process going because he has found love in a woman named Julia. Problem is for every form it takes it must also get rid of the leftover corpse… take my word on it this is a very interesting concept about a person looking for love that has a Lovecraftian ending of sorts. Great stuff here folks as it is hard to explain what exactly this movie is but you won’t be disappointed in watching it as I give it 3 stars.

Showdown at the Grand (On Demand) – The Grand theater is one of the longest running theaters in the southwest United States. It has been running since 1928 and has been in George’s family for quite some time as George (Terrence Howard) has made it museum also. This was the theater for exploitation flicks, horror movies, B-movies, everything outside of the norm to be cherished and thrive but its rich history of playing these films is in doubt. George is being pressured by a couple of shady characters to sell the place for future development of high priced apartments and luxury stores. But George’s saving grace might be bringing in an actor he idolizes in Claude Luc Hallyday (Dolph Lundgren) a down on his luck movie star from such films: Iraqnphobia, Moses vs. The Nazis, Blood is for the Living, Necropolis, and Cyber Cartel) who is ready to make a comeback? George’s plan works as he gets a sold out house for the Claude Luc Hallyday event but corporate greed is about to ruin George’s plan as this movie has heart and will make you smile if you are a true movie nerd. Think a splash of ‘Matinee’ mixed with a heavy dose of the Grindhouse trailers of 15 years ago with the state of affairs and pressure the few independent theaters left now have to deal with. I absolutely loved this film and most likely this will be in my “Top 5 movies of 2023” as I give this beautiful film we call art 4 stars.

The Alien Factor (DVD) – This 1977 Don Dohler film which is his first by the way was one of those VHS boxes that stuck out in all the video stores that had it for rent as a kid for me. Anyway a couple is attacked by a thing in the woods and only one of them survives. Local police believe it is a bear or bobcat at first but begrudging the backwoods folk not waiting for police form a search party and find out firsthand its more than wildlife as the bodies quickly pile up. But happily a dude from the observatory not far downs the road shows up to explain its alien zoo specimen thingys on the loose that escaped a crashed spacecraft. Can the small town folk survive the alien attack? From the beginning Don Dohler made it apparent he was gonna make anything he wanted and have fun making it as this film might be dated but a great wonderful trip down old independent film history lane as I give the movie 2 ½ stars.

Alien Factor 2: Alien Rampage (DVD) – Two decades later Mr. Dohler decides to revisit his first film and give it a sequel. This time around it’s a smaller story of two FBI agents chasing down an alien with a canister near the old small town. The alien suspect is caught as second alien shows up to put up a force field to start slaughtering all the locals. The local police and the FBI must put a stop to this quickly before it becomes a worldwide crisis. This might be the Dohler film you are looking for if as it gets to the point quickly and you will enjoy the large alien slaughter as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Jurassic Shark 3: Seavenge (DVD) – Sadly this film feels like “I am only making this project for the cash Polonia project”. This Mark Polonia film just jumps right into it with a giant shark stalking the beach shortly after an oil rig disaster that also has the local news interest for more than a shark as thieves with a million dollar painting have disappeared nearby. You got all that? Good, because pretty much that’s the plot of the film exception of Sharkenstein showing up for no apparent reason other than “Why not?” If bored quickly by the movie and looking for a laugh pay attention about the 17 or 18 minute mark where Mark Polonia’s character with two others are getting on a yacht (aka mini-boat) for a modeling photo-shoot. There are three random people in the background that try to get closer to see what Mark Polonia is shooting and being the legendary Indy guy he is just doesn’t even try to edit it out? I give this horseshit a ½ star as it did make me laugh at the rando people not supposed to be there.

Portal to Hell!!! (YouTube) – One of the last projects Roddy Piper got to do before he checked out of his very interesting life was a short film where he plays Jack the building maintenance dude. Jack spends most of his time trying to fix things in people’s units until the power goes out. He heads to the basement to find two dudes in their underwear opening a portal to the “Old Ones”. Now it is up to Jack to keep the portal closed? A very hilarious short film worth watching as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Allegoria (DVD) – So Rob Zombie’s brother Spider One has got into the movie game with writing and directing this feature that plays like an anthology but is a story about several characters who are all connected to a demonic presence that has been brought forth into our time. An interesting but not over the top horror project that most likely makes some horror fans happy and others just saying “Pass”. The horror flick is a little more on the artsy side so don’t expect it to exactly fit what you think it is as I give it 2 stars.

Weredeer (DVD) – Hannah and Max are heading to Max’s family house that is out in the middle of nowhere. They have been in a relationship for three years and Hannah feels like it is finally time to meet Max’s family as he avoids them and what better horrible way to meet another family is during the holidays. Max dreads being back home and for good reason as his cousins begin to berate him immediately but that isn’t the worst thing that happens as his girlfriend Hannah is bitten by a deer in the woods. Not feeling good later that evening Hannah excuses herself and quickly becomes a Weredeer that picks off Max’s family one by one! I enjoyed the transformation but even at the short running time of 70 minutes the film feels a bit forced or overstretching this storyline a bit. I did also enjoyed at not one point does anyone think about calling or going to the police as I give this Indy holiday flick 2 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #623

0

Killer Piñata (DVD/Tubi) – So this was one of those movies I would always forget about existing but remind myself from time to time it was out there. So when I heard a sequel had just hit some streaming sites I thought it was time to give it a watch. A rainbow donkey with a “do not cell” sign on it is sold to an old white dude looking for piñatas for his daughter’s birthday. Unbeknownst to this dumb white guy this donkey has seen some shit and there is an old lady that is hell bent on ending this possessed thing’s life! Anyway some college age adults have a party, find the piñatas in the shed and decide to have fun. But this dick chomping piñata which was possessed by a lonely piñata factory worker who died on the job accidentally decides to take out its rage on the young people! Describing it sounds fuckin wonderful, but the attempt at some dry humor only leads to a few chuckles and made the film awkward as it felt they were holding back? It’s a horror movie about a killer piñata… go fuckin overboard folks as I can only give this 1 ½ stars.

Bride of the Killer Piñata (DVD/Tubi) – The sequel picks up several years later and let’s say “the filmmaker knew they could do better?” The survivor of the first film gets a few new friends shortly after the horrible party with the piñata last time out and tracks its undying ass down! After several attempts of killing the piñata and its army Lindsey is able to box it up, throw it in the basement, and move on with life. A decade later during a Fourth of July holiday, Lindsey has a girlfriend, a baby, and bored as a few dudes are hired to break-in and remove the piñata. This event awakens the killer piñata and he his killing spree begins again as it terrorizes Lindsey’s neighborhood. But there is a twist to the story as the Killer Piñata has a girlfriend and along with that there just so happens to be a serial killer in the neighborhood. The sequel flows much better with the storytelling, more laughs, gore, but still doesn’t justify its 113 minute running time but either way a much better film than the first flick as I give this film 2 ½ stars.

Redhead (DVD) – A film produced by Killer Pug Productions which kudos to yinz guys for that wonderful name but anyhow this gritty Indy project comes from filmmakers Johnna and Sam Hodge. The film begins with a super intense scene and from there does not let go throughout the project as a woman named Autumn Blacksmith is held captive by a deranged individual and his wife. This cannibal couple tortures a woman and her husband in front of Autumn before she is able to find a way to dispatch of the disgusting people eaters and escape! From there Mrs. Blacksmith finds herself under psych supervision for 14 days because of the events she witnessed. Her doctor allows her to go back out in the world but Mrs. Blacksmith cannot get past what happened to her? She cannot sleep as her nightmares drive her to the brink of anytime she is even approached by a person she is stabbing them in the balls or trying to disfiguring them immediately. Blacksmith might be a screwed up individual but this is her new life as she was changed by the horrible event. The only thing that keeps her going is her marathon of killing because that is what makes sense and feels right to her! Even the ending doesn’t let up as it’s just as screwed up as the beginning scene. The film is wonderfully depraved, sickening, and intense. This film will not be for everyone but I have a distinct feeling this will find a cult horror audience in 2024 once it has wide release? Even though the film comes in just over 90 minutes I believe just a little editing of the dialogue scenes in between the killings done by Mrs. Blacksmith would intensify the film that much more and make it feel a little sleazy of making some horror fans uncomfortable watching it. No matter what I think of this film I do look forward to seeing more projects from this duo as I give this super intense Indy film 3 out of 4 stars.

When Evil Lurks (Shudder) – This is a horror film about possession of sorts that just works from beginning to end as it snatches you and keeps you at your edge to the very end. Two brothers check in on a fellow and his family living on some farm land. They come to find a corpse on the land which leads them to this check in. What the brothers find is a disgusting thing that use to be human in bed called a “rotten” or a possessed individual. A professional or “cleaner” was coming to take care of it but that is the corpse the brothers found. Owner (Ruiz) of the land is told by the brothers and next thing they know they are trying to move the “rotten” far from them. This only causes a bigger problem as the thing falls out of the truck and hell comes to the community immediately. There is a set of rules about this kind of demon, there is a bootleg Hugh Jackman, a dog that just snatches a child up by their head, and the movie is SUPER GROSS… count me in as I gotta give this film 4 stars as it is one of the better horror films of 2023.

Deep Murder (DVD) – Think cheeseball Skinamax softcore movie with all the set pieces and an actual cast of names set inside of a horror/comedy. During all the screwing there is a murder but no one leaves as they bring in a detective named “Dick” (there is porn jokes every chance they get) that believes everyone is a suspect even himself? The movie is super dumb but hilariously entertaining as they make sure they hit every stereotypical porn film type they can think of. Please pay attention because there will be times you will laugh so hard knowing you have watched some of the stuff they are making fun of. If you need a super dumb horror film that feels like the porn/comedy version of ‘Clue’ that gets out in 90 minutes or so then here you go kids as I give this 2 ½ stars. Before I forget there is a great kill with a huge dildo!

Ouija Shark 2 (Tubi) – Or if you insist to know its subtitle ‘Ouija Shark vs. Tarot Gator’ but they get to that later? Anyway bootleg Doctor Mordrid aka Anthony was sent to hell after fighting the Ouija Shark in the first film and now finds himself searching for the shark in hell. That is when he isn’t fighting goggled wearing gorillas that were sent by a being that is in charge in hell. Oh yeah they even have a musical number of bikini wearing girls who sing about who is in charge in hell and of the “Ouija Shark’. Meanwhile Anthony’s estranged wife teams up with a psychic to bring Anthony back to earth but this allows everything he was fighting in hell to come with him. The only solution: conjure up a giant gator to fight the Ouija Shark in front of a CGI city… sounds terrible but what can I say “you knew I was going to watch it” as I give the sequel 1 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #622

0

Bad Blood (YouTube) – A friend pointed this 1989 Linda Blair film out to me so of course I am down for some “Blair Stuff” as this thriller has Linda Blair as the third billing Evie. Evie’s husband Ted 25 years ago was taken from his family to be with someone who couldn’t have a family so naturally when faced with this Ted wants to know who his mom is? Ted and Evie head out to the country where his original mum is filthy rich and into the incest stuff… After Evie gets the “mysterious stomach illness” mum wants to bang Ted because he looks exactly like his dad in the painting that got these two together again after 25 years. Linda Blair plays second fiddle throughout and is just about an afterthought by the end of the film but don’t let that stop you from watching a bizarre thriller that has the incest overtones n’at as I give it 2 stars.

Five Nights at Freddy’s (Peacock) – The movie based on  a game for teens that has been plagued with problems for years has finally made its way to the big screen. For rabid older horror fans like myself ‘The Banana Splits’ and ‘Willy’s Wonderland’ beat this project to the punch but anyway it didn’t stop them from making a 109 minute horror adaptation that kind of leaves that “meh” feeling inside. The film focuses on a guy name Mike who lost a brother as a kid and now older is trying to take care of his young sister while barely making ends meet. In comes a night security job at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza that Mike cannot pass up. After a break-in at the old abandoned pizza palace the animatronics come to life and kill but that is where the film goes into a weird direction as the local police officer that checks in on Mike knows all about it. If that isn’t enough these animatronics wanna be friends with Mike’s sister but there is a price to pay and reason the way they are? I know the film made a good bit of money but found it a little forgettable and suffers from “too little too late” as I give it 2 stars.

Slotherhouse (On Demand) – A young lady named Emily has one last chance to make president at her sorority house and needs a big boost for it to happen. In comes getting a sloth from a shady exotic animal dude who just happened to be slaughtered by the animal before Emily picks it up. Emily convinces the sorority that the animal is the house’s mascot and thus pushing Emily as the front runner for president. As the more popular the sloth gets the more the bodies pile up as the Sloth slaughters its way through the sisters as it supposedly has Emily’s best interest? Literally the Sloth drives a mustang to a hospital to try to kill Emily’s best friend in a hospital bed! Do we need to say more as it might not be “Cocaine Bear” but you are still going to have a lot of fun with this one as I give it 3 stars.

The Galaxy Invader (DVD) – A hilarious creature feature from legendary Indy filmmaker Don Dohler in 1985. An alien lands in a small town and has a quick encounter with a local that spurs a town wide search for the thing as some old school rednecks want to cash on capturing an alien! The drunker the rednecks get the more rednecks die at the hands of the alien as a professor and his young friend David are trying to help the alien. Out of everything this may have one of the meanest characters you’ll ever see as the old guy trying to capture the alien for the second or third time gets a bit rapey after his best friend dies the night before? This is one of those must watches with many friends and beer just to enjoy the cheese as I give it 2 ½ stars as I thank the lord Rutger Hauer for people like Don Dohler.

Hell House LLC Origins: The Carmichael Manor (Shudder) – In a remote part of New York a manor sits that witnessed murders thirty years ago and part of the family disappeared after. Since then ghost hunters, internet detectives, etc., have told stories about the place but never confirmed. Now two young ladies part of a group called “NetSluths” have rented the place for five days and plan to do an investigation to prove it’s haunted. Margo and Rebecca are completely into this at first as explained by several friends throughout the documentary-style film as they recorded everything that went on there. The internet detectives eventually get more than they bargain for but also find out a very strange connection to a hotel that burned down recently featured in the three films before this. A fun, creepy, entertaining found footage paranormal horror film showing the way to making a superb scare film as I give it 3 ½ stars.

The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (Shudder) – Simply you can call it “Black Re-Animator” (and you are now curious)! A young woman who has lost her brother recently to gun violence believes death is not the end? She believes if death is a disease then she can find the cure? Vicaria or “The Mad Scientist” she is nicknamed in the neighborhood will stop at nothing in making this work which includes stealing fresh bodies and storing them with her equipment in a condemned building. Between society, her home setting, and the loss of her brother this makes her withdraw from life more and more to find the answer or cure to death (sound familiar?) Vicaria figures it out and brings her brother Chris back to life but it comes at a terrible price or does it… A wonderful blend of horror, today’s world problems, and how the world is seen through a young lady who is angry for good reason and firmly believes death can be cured as I give this movie 4 stars.

The Last Voyage of the Demeter (DVD) – The story is based on the captain’s log from the original Dracula story of the Count making his way to London on a boat in 1897. The captain had trouble filling the crew as the crest on the cargo is seen by some who wanted to be a part of the crew. They all have heard stories and do not trusts being on the boat after the sun go down. Just like “Titanic” you know how this ends, but more power to the filmmaker making a small part of the Dracula story into a two hour movie. It’s not terrible; it has a cool looking vampire creature, but it isn’t like you are going to make friends watch this retelling of a small part of the Dracula lure over and over as I can only give it 2 stars.

I Slay on Christmas (DVD/YouTube) – Phil Herman and crew are back again with a another anthology but this time a holiday one that knows keeping it short (82 minutes) and sweet is the way keep the Indy fanatics excited. Terror reigns supreme as a man Joseph finds himself in the woods faced with pine cones along a path and a mysterious thing telling him the stories of the pine cones. Each pine cone represents a holiday horror that must be told to Joseph as he is there for a reason? We get an abusive psycho, a man whose throat gets cut, a woman who finds herself on the wrong end of a ‘date’, and Mrs. Claus seeking a little revenge against the big bearded man himself along with the wraparound of Joseph. The Indy film is a quick, bloody, a little raunchy, and to the point that will surely have Indy anthology audiences screaming for a sequel as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Oh by the way don’t call the cell number on Suzette’s phone because good chance it is Wynkoop screaming at you like his abusive character he plays in the first story. 

Invaders from Mars (DVD/remake) – Time for a rewatch of this remake of the popular 1953 film that has aliens landing in a boy’s backyard and overnight take over the small town. As the aliens take over David’s parents among other adults the only person he can trust is the school nurse played by Karen Black. The two try to find answers on how they can stop this invasion before not just the town is taken over but the world. This version went bigger with effects and aliens but also has had cheesiness worth watching but you get the feeling that Tobe Hooper and crew never got the exactly what they aimed for as it feels from the beginning it was plagued by production problems. Of course the original is superior but this is worth rewatching and debating what went wrong since it flopped in 1986 as I give it 2 stars.

Dark Harvest (On Demand) – Sawtooth Jack is a haunting legend that comes to life in a small farming community in the 1960s on Halloween as it has for many years. Teenagers are sent out to kill or be killed by the legend before it gets to the church at midnight or their crops will die for several years. This is all arranged by the community’s “Harvesters Guild” and if a boy wins your family gets a new house, money, etc. but there is a dark secret to all of it. Richie whose older brother won it the year before hasn’t been heard from since just stories or rumors of him. This sets in motion Richie wanting to join the Halloween festivities and win just in some weird way he will get answers about his brother. As the film progresses the film goes into some dark and bizarre areas as we the viewer learn the high school boys are starved for three days straight by their families to really want to kill the Sawtooth Jack legend. I enjoyed David Slade and others put together a completely new mythology for this Halloween film to work and work effectively! The ending doesn’t wimp out either as it ends the way it should end for a horror film that sets such a dark tone early on as I give the film 3 stars. Also pay attention there is a lot going on in this horror film that could be fonder for film classes?

Release – A Short Film (YouTube) – Another quick project from filmmaker Philip Brocklehurst that has a man wanting to check out on his terms as life is too much for him to handle any longer. Mr. Brocklehurst could be using this art form to say something about himself or just enjoys digging for stories in a deep dark area of his soul that speaks to independent film fans as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #621

0

Tombs of the Blind Dead (Blu-ray) – It was time to revisit these slow moving blood thirsty Templars as most people know I am not a huge fan but every once in a while I like to go back and see if I feel the same way about a movie? Well it just so happened Synapse Films has just released a new two disc Blu-ray edition for fans of this Spanish horror film. It is well documented some horror fans consider this not just a classic but one of those “Top Ten” outside of the U.S. films you need to watch! Anyhow for those of you who may have not had the chance to witness the Spanish carnage it begins with a young lady jumping off a train and finding some very old buildings in the middle of nowhere? Hunkering down for the night she soon finds herself dying at the hands of ancient blind Templars who do not take too kindly to trespassers as the locals avoid this place like the plague. Her friends seek help of a professor and this leads them down a path of destruction as well as we learn these Templars started their own religion that had them sacrificing virgins and for this action the Templars were tortured to death. Good soundtrack, some gore, and a weird rape scene that awakens the dead Templars again for 1971 Spanish horror film I respect why there is certain horror movie fans that live and die with this film. For me it never quite hit me right as a horror fan (as I give it 2 ½ stars just my opinion and I do like it a little more than I originally did). But let’s talk about the goodies packed into this Blu-ray for yinz “Blind Dead” fans: Original Spanish language with English/Spanish soundtrack versions, U.S. theatrical version which is several minutes shorter and definitely has a different vibe to it, of course it is as cleaned up as its gonna get as Synapse have become experts bringing old films back to life, a few different commentaries, Salem’s Pop music video called “Templar’s Tears”, several interviews, but I think the gem in all of these goodies was something I never knew is the alternate U.S. opening scene “Revenge of Planet Ape” (so weird?), documentary, and a cool segment “Awakening of Spanish Horror” or a little history lesson we shall say. This Blu-ray package is a Blind Dead’s fan wet dream come true as I gotta give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars and you can pick it up at www.synapsefilms.com . P.S. there is a limited edition 3-disc version that includes slipcase (for that crowd), a tribute audio CD, and liner notes booklet.

V/H/S 85 (Shudder) – The popular found footage anthology is back and just as strong. They have perfected the formula that others fail constantly at I think there might be only one in the series I wasn’t a huge fan of? This one immediately opens with random stuff that just tugs at my childhood where a tape goes into the VCR and boom… truck and tractor pull in an arena and the tracking needs adjusting, fun shit! First up is a story of young people on a camping trip not doing anyone any harm until a sniper kills all of them? What happens next sets up things for the rest of the film (without giving too much away)? Second up is a rescue for survivors in a building that houses a popular network TV crew in Mexico after being hit by an earthquake. Lots of blood, characters you find interesting, and a monster of sorts that doesn’t disappoint. Third up might be the weak link if I am going to pick one (almost all anthologies have one) where a woman doing a one-person play or art in a public theater on the threat of evolving technology as it’s the new god. Fourth story continues the storyline of the first with the campers but with the sniper and why? Fifth story is about a detective who receives video tapes of horrible murders that he watches before they happen. With some research and good detective work he finds out they are coming from a teenager but not the usual way you think as it has a nice twist to it. All that fun with a cool wraparound of “Total Copy” or if you are old like me like that “Hard Copy” show among others during the 80s. This might be one of the best wraparounds to an anthology to date as I thought hard about this but I have to give the film 4 stars folks.

Halloweed (DVD) – This is one of those films you hear about but never see it out there until you literally trip over it when trying to find something to watch? A horror/comedy filled with cameos, Simon Rex, Ray Wise, a Rutger Hauer reference, and weed sounds fun but at a 100 minute running time I was expecting more than being bored after twenty minutes. No one freaking dies in this wannabe slasher outside of the two brothers’ father in the electric chair until the 56 minute mark! If you wanna chance it, it is about two brothers Trent and Joey who move to a small town with its own killer history where a killer with a Babyface mask begins to murder again. Again on paper sounds fun but there is a reason no one hasn’t talked about this film as I give it 1 star.

The Pumpkin Man (Bu-ray) – Are yinz looking for a new Halloween Indy, well look no further as there is a new killer legend called “The Pumpkin Man”. The legend begins in 1790 in a small village of Cromwell where a woman battles a demonic presence called ‘Pumpkin Man’. Now present day Cromwell the fine folks of this town have a Pumpkin Man Festival on Halloween to celebrate the legend. In comes a curious teen named Cat who is obsessed with the legend and trying to discover the legendary book that supposedly exists on the property where Pumpkin Man once existed. This book could bring him to life if read out loud according to the legend. Cat convinces friends to find clues about it and they of course find the book eventually only to play a prank on each other while reading it out loud. Unbeknownst to the teenagers reading the book has consequences and they are bound to the legend until death! This was a super solid Halloween Indy flick throughout. I enjoyed the legend they came up with, cool monster, great believable teenagers, but most importantly stuck with the ending (watch it you’ll understand if you compare it to others that tried to come up with a new Halloween legend). Consider me impressed and entertained as we Indy horror fans have another great Halloween movie to watch every year as I give it 3 stars.

Spirit Halloween the Movie (Shudder) – A long time ago on Halloween an old man comes to serve final notice on a woman for her property. Of course she doesn’t take kindly and curses the old man who dies right there on the spot. Many years later a Spirit Halloween store resides on said property. Meanwhile three friends instead of trick or treating this year decide to sneak into the Spirit Halloween store to have fun on Halloween night. As it nears midnight, weird things begin to happen as the store seems to be haunted? The old man’s spirit is seeking one body to have so it’s able to cross back over into our world. This is a fun corny family Halloween film that poses the age old question when is too old to trick or treat and what do you do that year you discover it? Not looking for a blood and guts horror but something yinz all can watch and not hate yourself for watching it this would be it as I give 2 ½ stars.

I Bury the Living (YouTube) – A late 50s flick from the legendary Albert Band where Robert is a man who believes by changing these pins on a map of cemetery plots can cause people’s deaths. Interesting plot as the man slowly drives himself insane as police don’t believe him and his co-workers even more as they ask Robert to move their pins on their burial plots to prove a point. Not so much a horror movie as more of a psychological thriller as I give it 2 stars.   

My Uncle John is a Zombie! (DVD) – Apparently 50 years ago there was a zombie outbreak (yes, I am trying to keep this to a review and not a rant) that caused chaos and some of the zombies have survived. Now they still live among us but in hiding because they are hunted for sport or totally taken out because of their cannibalistic behavior. Hell supposedly some of the zombies gained their functions back and try to enjoy the undead life. Uncle John is a zombie for many years now and pretty much narrates this kind of documentary of his life and what events happened recently to lead up to himself becoming famous. Again Russo doing his best to connect anything to ‘Night of the Living Dead’ by throwing crap at the wall if that makes sense as that is the best thing I can say about watching this mistake of a film. Besides that there are some respected and talented Indy people in front and behind the camera I cannot blame. Sorry folks this is garbage and give this zero stars as this was me holding my feelings in. (Want my unedited opinion ask me at a convention?)

Dead Again (DVD) – A pretty boring UK film that tries to combine ‘Hot Fuzz’ and ‘Shaun of the Dead’ where a small village that has no crime is invaded by alien zombies. A small group of people gather in a library to fight them off for most of the movie for pretty much no reason? Should of just made a film about crazy alien zombies for 75 minutes fucking shit up as I can only give this film ½ star but at least it was better than watching ‘My Uncle John is a Zombie!’

My Pet Monster (YouTube) – Only available on VHS in 1986 is a film about a clumsy kid named Max who goes on a field trip to a museum where he becomes possessed by a monster statue that turns him into a big blue and purple thing with monster powers. A live-action film based on a popular toy of the mid-80s where a professor wants to capture Max and his siblings try to keep him out of trouble as hilarity ensues! If you are old like me and grew up in the 80s this is a well worth trip down nostalgic lane for 48 minutes as I give the Canadian feature 2 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

First guest announcement for Grossfest 2024

0

So for our first guest announcement we really wanted to bring in someone different who hadn’t been in the Pittsburgh area ever! But also person or persons who are super talented where Grossfest fans will be chomping it to bit to meet them? The first half of this talented duo is a writer, producer, actor, director and not only has made some interesting films he runs a company that is well known by east coast independent horror fans for over the past decade. Second half of this talented duo has acted in over 25 Indy films and has a screen presence that just jumps off the screen as this person has become a huge fan favorite. Both have recently put in one hell of an effort of giving us possibly their best film to date in “Swamp Woman” from Gatorblade Films! May we introduce yinz too, Sean Donohue and Sushii Xhyvette Holder.    

Grossfest 2024

Friday and Saturday August 2 and 3rd, 2024

Comfort Inn Conference Center

699 Rodi Road, Pittsburgh, PA, 15235

Need to reserve a room: Hotel link to reserve a room for Grossfest 2024! https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/ET81E2

Tickets: $10 at the door for one day, $15 for both days for those who will be attending

Vendor room hours:

Friday 4-10pm

Saturday 11-7pm

Vendor tables Price is $80 for the two-day show.

Vendor Set Up: Friday August 2nd 12:00 pm – 4:00 PM

Vendor Hours: Friday 4:00 PM to 10:00 PM Saturday 11:00 AM to 7:00 PM

Same place, same set up, two days long this time!(Remember let’s keep this simple and fun)

We accept Cash, checks or PayPal, Zelle or Venmo – Please make checks are payable to Tom Gross

Please send the completed and signed form along with your payment (if paying by check, address will be emailed or texted to you if needed).

If paying by anything other than check, just screenshot your completed app and email it back.

If you have any questions please email us at grossfest@gmail.com

Tombs of the Blind Dead Blu-ray review

0

Tombs of the Blind Dead (Blu-ray) – It was time to revisit these slow moving blood thirsty Templars as most people know I am not a huge fan but every once in a while I like to go back and see if I feel the same way about a movie? Well it just so happened Synapse Films has just released a new two disc Blu-ray edition for fans of this Spanish horror film. It is well documented some horror fans consider this not just a classic but one of those “Top Ten” outside of the U.S. films you need to watch! Anyhow for those of you who may have not had the chance to witness the Spanish carnage it begins with a young lady jumping off a train and finding some very old buildings in the middle of nowhere? Hunkering down for the night she soon finds herself dying at the hands of ancient blind Templars who do not take too kindly to trespassers as the locals avoid this place like the plague. Her friends seek help of a professor and this leads them down a path of destruction as well as we learn these Templars started their own religion that had them sacrificing virgins and for this action the Templars were tortured to death. Good soundtrack, some gore, and a weird rape scene that awakens the dead Templars again for 1971 Spanish horror film I respect why there is certain horror movie fans that live and die with this film. For me it never quite hit me right as a horror fan (as I give it 2 ½ stars just my opinion and I do like it a little more than I originally did). But let’s talk about the goodies packed into this Blu-ray for yinz “Blind Dead” fans: Original Spanish language with English/Spanish soundtrack versions, U.S. theatrical version which is several minutes shorter and definitely has a different vibe to it, of course it is as cleaned up as its gonna get as Synapse have become experts bringing old films back to life, a few different commentaries, Salem’s Pop music video called “Templar’s Tears”, several interviews, but I think the gem in all of these goodies was something I never knew is the alternate U.S. opening scene “Revenge of Planet Ape” (so weird?), documentary, and a cool segment “Awakening of Spanish Horror” or a little history lesson we shall say. This Blu-ray package is a Blind Dead’s fan wet dream come true as I gotta give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars and you can pick it up at www.synapsefilms.com . P.S. there is a limited edition 3-disc version that includes slipcase (for that crowd), a tribute audio CD, and liner notes booklet.