Gross Movie Reviews #566
Deadheading (DVD) – This recent release out of the U.K. should have been called “Dead on Arrival” as this was one of the worst films I have sat through in 2022. But anyhow kids Anna, a tired flight attendant that has the all high and mighty attitude hooks up with a hot dude in her hotel mess in London. You know how it goes: she’s married, better than everyone, how could anyone even think of another then after a couple of drinks and conversation they are bumping like bunnies! Problem, Anna wakes up in a pool of his blood and instead of calling police she decides how can I get rid of this body and go back to work? Most of the film is all about Anna trying to figure out how she is getting away with the murder… Ugh this was a borefest as I give it zip stars!
Killer Tattooist (Blu-ray) – This recent U.K. film is also known in some parts ‘Skinned’ and was a pleasant surprise about a serial killer. Nathan is a very professional tattoo artist who enjoys his work and loves to kill. Meanwhile a strung out cop named Eva is brought in by superiors to look into these nine women who have been murdered the past three months. What connects all of them is the females were recently tattooed or had appointments to be tattooed and Eva for being an utter mess of an officer does wonderful undercover work. Eva and Nathan meet up at a tattoo festival and the relationship quickly evolves from there. Eva unaware of Nathan’s extra circular activity soon becomes suspicious as she gets pressure from her superiors to bring him in for questioning. Surprisingly this film gives off a “Hannibal TV series” vibe that will suck you into what is Nathan going to do next? I would have loved to say this movie was perfect but the lazy ending in my opinion was what hurt it, but don’t let that turn you off from this solid horror film that I give 3 stars.
Zombie Shark (DVD) – Honestly, I thought I seen all the SyFy Channel shark films but apparently I am wrong and blame this on talented Indy filmmaker Maddie Deering as she always keeps me in the loop. But all seriousness folks this was bad! Four people head to Red Plum Island for a weekend of fun until they come across a supposedly dead shark on the beach. But it is undead and eats the hot dude that got them to the beach. Meanwhile, Sgt. Cage aka Jeremy London is trying to track down the undead experiment shark that has caused this big mess and he is carrying a rocket launcher. Usually I absolutely love watching these films but this seem to be bad all around. The only redeemable thing that came out of the film is the quote: “people on the island are going to be a zombie shark buffet”, outside of that no wonder this slipped under my radar as it gets zero stars.
Visions of Fear (DVD) – A collection of seven short films hosted by Tiffany Shepis in 2007 or 2008. 1st film – My Skin – An old creepy dude takes care of a husband’s business for him. 2nd film – Slumber – A reporter named Jason, starts working on a gruesome story that makes him to have horrible visions that are physically changing him. 3rd film – What Ever Happened to the Zombie Killers – Zombies are just trying to enjoy their drinking and dancing at their favorite nightclub until some Goth girls known as the “Zombie Killers” show up to be bathed in gore. 4th film – Callous Sentiment – A local park that sucks in the vulnerable with acts of violence. 5th film – Trick or Treat! – A young woman makes the mistake of allowing a trick or treater into her home who just wants candy but she doesn’t have any? 6th film – Hooligan’s Valley – An offbeat short where a clown and his Mexican wrestler partner go to rescue his girlfriend at a seedy nightclub. 7th and final shirt film – Scream for Me – This is an uncomfortable adventure into a man looking for a woman to scream for his pleasure but she refuses. But he has the tables turned on him but not in the manner you think happen? A fun collection of short films that many horror fans would enjoy but the sixth short film just doesn’t fit the vibe or the buildup (intentional or not) to the last short film introduced by the very talented Tiffany Shepis as I give the collection 3 stars.
Escape from Deathblock 13 (DVD) – If it isn’t ‘massacre’ films, post-apocalyptic flicks, or Amityville movies you know I love me some Bootleg Chuck Bronson films! Robert Bronzi aka fake Charles Bronson plays Mick Kovacs who shows up at a recycling warehouse demanding his brother’s death benefit payment. After a scuffle Bootleg Chuck Bronson gets arrested and is given an opportunity to work the inside for the police but chooses not to for now because he believes he is innocent. Now sitting in prison to rot bootleg Bronson aka Mick is forced to make friends and act in some bad prison scenes. But Mick accidentally comes across some evidence to connect the warden, the prison, and the recycling warehouse all in a drug smuggling ring and he wants out. So some inmates gather to help Mick out by starting a riot so he can escape through the legendary tunnels under the old ass prison so he can go get his revenge and then be offered a job by the U.S. government! Yes it is an action movie mess but I cannot get enough of Bootleg Bronson as I give this flick 2 ½ stars.
Game of Death (DVD) – Here is a horror movie I thought I would see more people talk about? A group of young people hanging by the pool one day doing the usual: drugs, drinking, getting sexed up, AND NO ONE ON A CELL PHONE (no kidding on that last part, maybe that is why this horror film got buried? Reality check people). While let’s just say a young lady is enjoying her boyfriend as he has a good meal she sees a board game called “Game of Death”. To play the rules are simple: Kill or be killed… so of course they play. Now they either need to kill each other, 24 other people, or watch their heads explode because they refuse to participate and they could win… maybe? Weird, gory, keeps it simple, just surprised not hearing horror fans enjoying this as I believe it is worth at least one watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Alien from the Deep (DVD) – An Eye-talian/Philippines flick from 1989 starring Charles Napier as a hard ass military dude who has taken over a radioactivity dumping operation on an unknown island. Two Greenpeace people show up to look into the illegal dumping by the power plant only to their horror to find they are just throwing the radioactivity into a volcano. The Greenpeace people sneak into the facility and videotape all the dirty secrets but then it gets a little wacky for all involved when an alien drops by because its attracted to all the toxic waste. The alien is able to burn humans with its touch and seems to indestructible unless you got some random hydrogen flame thrower to burn the large lobster clawed thing! It’s terrible, it’s cheesy, and I know I will watch it again at some point in my life as I give it 2 stars.
Fangboner (Blu-ray) – Written and directed by Nathan (Amityville Vibrator) Rumler for a Rock Bottom Video Production so you are well warned what you are about to get into and if anything you will laugh a lot. After a night of blackout drinking and unprotected sex something is wrong with Dick? Dick has never felt like shit this much before but that doesn’t stop him from visiting his next hook up with the girl he cannot remember her name (Suzy by the way but not that important). The problem reveals itself before and after Dick hooks up with Suzy as Dick’s prior hook up is an alien that bit his dick! Dick convinces Suzy that it must be a form of vampirism that will make them thirst for blood, sex, and uncomfortable conversations in the woods. While they try plan their feedings, weird sex blood sucking rituals, the alien must retrieve the couple and end their lives before they infect the whole human race. The movie is hilariously uncomfortable and I enjoyed it all. ‘Fangboner’ has its flaws, but for no budget and just a cool crew of people having fun makes this one of those flicks you need a room full of friends, beer, and some pizza as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.
You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!