Gross Movie Reviews #449

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (On Demand) – Chris Pratt and the red-headed scientist are duped in going back to the island to help try and move all the dinosaurs to a different island. The island is unstable and about to have a volcanic eruption that will wipe out all that is there. So an old rich dude who was supposedly partners with making these dinosaurs years ago is funding the expedition. But his handler has other plans once the dinosaurs are stateside and wants to sell them as weapons, pets, whatever. Surprisingly again a fun popcorn flick that doesn’t ask you to think too much but also mirrors that if this did exist we all most likely fuck it up as I give the movie 3 stars.

Stranger Things Season One (DVD) – So I finally sat down and watched the Netflix show that everyone went nutzoid over more than the beginning of “The Walking Dead”. The show is set in the early 80s and centers on a group of kids who are not the most popular in school but have each other. Meanwhile, a young girl with supernatural powers has disappeared from a dark government facility. The group and her meet up and quickly become friends but strange things are happening in their small town that may be connected to her. Of course her handler wants her back; she wants to stay with the group as she has become a part of them. As the show goes on little plot lines branch out as it affects their older siblings and the small town cop who takes on the government himself. Including going into this void or darkness that has been made by making the girl aka 11 to use her telekinetic powers and now a monster from this void is killing. The show is well written, produced, and casted and I can see why a lot people went gaga over this show. It makes sense people are rewatching this show sense there is several little things you can miss while watching that possibly be a part of upcoming seasons as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Here Comes the Tigers (You Tube) – Why would I watch a low budget version of “The Bad News Bears” from 1978? Because this was a project that involved Sean S. Cunningham, Steve Miner, and Harry Manfredini and shortly after they came up with a movie only called, “Friday the 13^th”. The film is about a police officer who is forced to coach the worst little league baseball team in their town. He must overcome the odds to help these kids to believe in themselves in order to win games and the championship. Here is the problem folks it is like they set out to make the boring version of “The Bad News Bears”. Not a whole lot happens but it is one of those forgotten films for movie nerds to track down and like me try and figure out how they went from this to one of the most famous horror movies ever made a short time later. It’s not memorable but worth the trip into cinema nerdem as I give it 1 star.

The Predator (Theater) – As a lot of people are blah on the new film in the series from Shane Black I was super excited and enjoyed it for what it was. We learn the Predators have been coming to Earth on a regular basis and they are coming more frequent recently with the government keeping track of everything they are doing. After the events in 1987 and 1997 the government is very interested but does interact with the species. Until now, one of the ships crash land and a sniper named Quinn and his team that were about to take down some bad dudes are interrupted by the crash. Quinn being a smart dude bags some of the alien tech and gets moving in Mexico. Gets the stuff mailed to his house because he knows the government will find him. So of course he is arrested and placed on a bus with other crazy military convicts. The Predator is brought back to be studied and the crazies are going to be sent off which they were well-casted with Thomas Jane and Keegan-Michael Key as part of this team. Predator wakes up, starts killing all the smart scientist people and Quinn believe they need to escape and track this alien down. But Quinn learns that his son has the alien tech and has opened the box and now wearing the Predator mask as a Halloween costume in a hilariously brutal scene as it kills some dude being rude to the kid. Once Quinn catches up to his autistic kid who is important to the storyline the group also comes to find out this Predator was a rogue trying to deliver something to the humans. As a now larger hybrid is there to wipe everything clean and leave no witnesses. The film has a lot of layers and fun stuff to it. If you were coming into this thinking you getting another Arnold classic from 1987 then you were mistaken because that flick cannot be topped. But if you are a fan of this series allow yourself to let the story unfold. I think Shane Black did a great job. I enjoy the Predators are preparing for our extinction and planning to use Earth. Now the argument I will entertain is the ending as I believe the ending or what the rogue Predator was carrying was the fourth or fifth choice. This would be the weak part of the film but otherwise you tell me I am about to watch a movie that combines “The Dream Team” with a “Predator” movie I am in every time as I give this 3 stars.

Sicario: Day of the Soldado (On Demand) – Matt Graver and Alejandro are back! The drug war has not gone away; it has gotten worse as it is believed terrorists are now being smuggled into the U.S. The government brings in Matt again to seek out what and how this going on? Of course there are new rules now as Matt likes to say. Once Matt has found who might be involved he makes contact Alejandro to have him kidnap a drug lord’s daughter. Alejandro does and when trying to return her to Mexico they are double crossed by the authorities. The situation becomes a cluster fuck as Matt and his team must kill the authorities and Alejandro must go track the girl down as she escaped during the fire fight. Once over Matt is told shut it down and wipe it clean including killing the girl. Alejandro knows the situation and knows his life is in danger as is hers. Loved the first flick and really enjoyed the sequel but believe this feature going a little bit of a different direction than the first film may have taken the bite out of the impact of these films. Either way still enjoyed the sequel, I have become a huge fan of Benicio Del Toro, and would love to see one more of these movies but have that feeling we will not as I give this feature 3 ½ stars.

Solo: A Star Wars Story (On Demand) – Okay kids and old “Star Wars” settle yourselves down. Of course the film is about the early days of Han Solo and Chewy. You pretty much get all you wanted to know about Han’s early days. I will say I felt they wasted too much time on the heist and felt kinda cheated out of seeing how he met Jabba but it was still fun. You want bad go back and watch “The Phantom Menace” and “Attack of the Clones” otherwise nerds chill out and grab a beer. Allow yourself to be a kid for over two hours and just enjoy the fucking movie I know I did as I give it 3 stars.

Boar (DVD) – Always enjoy me some Australian movies especially when we get a giant animal attack. A huge savage looking mutant boar is terrorizing the outback and starting to eat some of the livestock. Meanwhile Bernie (Nathan Jones) has family (the family includes Bill Moseley who married Bernie’s sister) coming in for some vacation time. Bernie and the family head out to the lake to picnic and enjoy the outback. Bernie did promise a friend he would go lookout for her father who likes to get drunk and sleeps out in the middle of nowhere. The giant boar attacks Bernie and his truck then makes its way to the family. The family and Bernie must fight their way past the mutant boar to make it out of the outback alive. Highlights: lots of gore, some great creature effects, and Nathan Jones singing Vanilla Ice. Lowlights: some bad computer effects of the Boar and the film not exactly paced well and feel choppy at best. It’s not “Razorback” but I can see myself watching this film again in the future as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Another (DVD) – This 2014 film original title is “Another” but has become known under a different title of “Mark of the Witch”. A young lady named Jordyn has just turned 18 and her aunt is weird and fucked up starts explaining to Jordyn that it is time? Aunt Ruth has supposedly been protecting the young lady in some way for years. But now Jordyn is becoming possessed by her mother so her mother can live longer and do sinister things. This is one weird ass movie that is hard to follow and just doesn’t make a ton of sense. But if you are into witches this weirdo flick is right up your alley as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Command Performance (Blu-ray) – Dolph Lundgren writes and directs this feature set in Russia and Dolph plays a drummer for a band there. His name is Joe and his band along with several others is part of some big gig in Russia. But some home bred terrorist who was a part of the Russian military has other plans. The terrorists shut down the concert killing many concert goers but there for the Russian president and his two kids. Once military gets involved and some of the terrorists believe this isn’t for the money they are asking and just to prove a point before death things get very messy. But don’t fear as Joe is former U.S. Special Forces and is helping one of the Russian president’s secret service to exterminate the terrorists. Think if “Die Hard” may have been made with Dolph Lundgren… maybe. I give this Dolph action flick 2 ½ stars.

Direct Contact (Blu-ray) – Dolph is stuck in a Russian prison for several months now but is broken out or released by Michael Pare who has a job for him. Pare convinces Dolph to rescue an abducted American woman and he makes an easy $200,000. But once Dolph kidnaps her out of the compound he finds out quickly he has been double crossed for a business reason. The American has just gained her father’s company that is worth billions and they Pare wants her to sign it over to him. I give the film 2 stars.

Terror Out of the Sky (YouTube) – The TV movie is a sequel to 1976’s “The Savage Bees” and stars Dan Haggerty. In this film The National Bee Center has found out one of their hives have been taken over by a queen South American killer bee. And the Center may have sent out several shipments of these killer bees to different parts of the U.S. where they can do lots of damage. So the scientists from The National Bee Center begin their journey to try and stop this. They catch up to a couple one swarm gets loose after an accident and now it is about to attack a community day baseball game. But with some help of cub scouts and a school bus the scientist gets the swarm of killer bees to follow them to a nearby decommissioned air force base. From there they trap and spray insecticide of the bees once trapped in the facility. I give the flick 2 stars.

Mandy (On Demand) – Holy crap is this trippy flick over the top Nic Cage crazy! The visuals are completely wild and essential to the film. The film is set in 1983 deep in the woods of Shadow Mountains I believe they called it. Nic Cage is a logger back home from work to hang with his love of his life Mandy. What disrupts this love story is a cult leader explains to his followers he must have her. She is something special and believes he deserves her. So his followers summon some bad ass weird dark biker gang to grab her and the cult leader tortures Mandy and Nic Cage after Mandy laughs at him. Nic Cage goes in to a rage of revenge, makes a crazy looking Viking axe, visits Bill Duke and Richard Brake and heads off to hunt the evil bikers and this cult leader! The movie starts off very slow to build this love story and weirdness about the hippies but when the torture and gore start… Holy shit does this movie go for the jugular as Nic Cage wants revenge! I give the film 3 ½ stars and Nic Cage is on a roll this year!

Lake Nowhere (DVD) – So here is another retro horror flick with trailers and all that is about 45 minutes long. Set 1980ish where a group of young people head out to a cabin to party. One dude disappears swimming but they pay it no mind because they want to party. Along with their missing friend is this weird creature or person in costume being a peeping tom. The party is starting to slow down when the friend shows up naked and cold. The friends get him settled and things seem to be good until he wakes up in the middle of and goes cannibalistic! The place is in chaos as the friends cannot find the car keys and try to come up with answers. But then the creature costume thing decides to start his own killing spree. In the end everyone dies and we get some weird creature ceremony on the lake. The film doesn’t make a ton of sense and feels like “Okay we ran out of money. Let’s end it and put it out there.” I give the movie 2 stars.

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