Best of 2018 list or at least what I watched this year!

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1) Terrifier (On Demand) – A film from Damien Leone that I had been hearing things about for a couple years it seems. Well horror movie fans grab the Halloween candy and turn down the lights as there is a new fun Halloween holiday horror flick to enjoy! Art the Clown is out on the town Halloween night carrying his sack of goodies. Art not having much to say voice wise uses his actions to tell you what he is about to do. As Art wanders the streets a pretty young lady named Tara catches his eye and follows Tara and her friend Dawn into a pizza shop. Of course Dawn takes pics of her and the weird ass clown that keeps an eye on Tara for her social media page. From there it just gets creepy as hell as their car has a flat and Tara runs to a close by apartment building to use the bathroom. The fun holiday night goes to hell when Art the Clown shows up again to begin his bloody path to the girls and anyone that interferes. I love the whole thing of Art the Clown just existing and actor David Howard Thornton was perfect for the role. “Terrifier” wasn’t just entertaining but pure horror awesomeness as the film took the gore level up a notch with a great ‘death by hacksaw’ scene (poor Dawn)! The film was grim, gritty, and absolutely beautiful. Mark my words “Terrifier” will be one of the best horror films of 2018 as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

2) The Night Watchmen (DVD) – So Blimpo the Clown, a Baltimore native, has died in Romania while on tour. His body is shipped to the Baltimore Gazette instead of the morgue down the street. The night watchmen are made a deal by the two guys who made the mistake to keep it overnight. We are introduced to two crazy watchmen who for the most part just watch porn and play cards, while a third that might be witness protection reads a lot, and the new guy who is done with the band thing. Everything that happens at the gazette is known by these guys: missing lunches, cute girls on which floor, when the boss (James Remar) is feeling up young ladies’ butts. Well their boss gets curious about Blimpo’s coffin to see if he can steal anything but instead finds Blimpo the Vampire! Blimpo and his fellow going army of vampires have taken over the building and Karen the cute journalist is in trouble. So the night watchmen and the rookie come up with a plan to save her and possibly ask her on a date while fighting vampires. We get a hilarious, awesome glorious bloody mess of a horror film that will be on my ‘Best of 2018’ list. I give this movie 4 stars folks.

 

3) The Shape of Water (Theater) – An amazing creature love story set in the 50s. A mute woman works as a janitor with her best friend at a classified facility that has just gotten a new addition. This new exciting addition happens to be a creature that lives in the water and was worshipped as a god in South America. The military is very interested, the Russians are interested but not that interested, but this mute woman forms a relationship with the creature. She feels exactly like the creature and has finally someone that understands her. Forming this bond with the creature by eating lunch with him every day, a scientist who happens to be Russian posing as an American sees this amazing experience as something that needs to be researched. Russia does not feel the same way and the Americans are just looking for the next dog to send to space as the “Great Space Race” has begun. The janitors with the help of a friend and the scientist sneak the creature out and into the mute woman’s apartment. This is just temporary until they can release the creature when the rains come. During that time the woman and the creature’s relationship becomes that much bigger and find it difficult to part from each other when its time. The movie is absolutely amazing looking and gonna be one of the best films of 2018 as I give it 4 stars.

 

4) Bubba the Redneck Werewolf (DVD) – Bubba is a redneck through and through and doesn’t stand up for himself much as his high school girlfriend (Bobbi Jo) is now seeing someone else. Bubba depressed decides to make a deal with a demon to help this status and he is turned into a werewolf for his soul. While Bubba is learning of his new appearance, strength, actually having sex with Bobbi Jo, and hunger for chicken wings at the bar, the demon is going around the small town and finding gullible folks. The demon makes deals for their souls that go bad quickly. Now the small town looks to Bubba the Redneck Werewolf to do something about it? And Bubba does what any self-respecting person does and that is challenge the demon to a game of quarters! I absolutely loved this film and totally believe if the great horror film “Wolfcop” exists more horror fans would have found this 2014 flick and been talking about it. This is much lower budgeted film than “Wolfcop” but is very witty take on the werewolf concept and think horror and werewolf fans need to give this film a chance as I give it 4 stars.

 

5) Another Wolfcop (Theater) – Lowell Dean finally gives me the sequel not only I wanted but all Wolfcop fans. Lou is still on the prowl but these days during a full moon Sheriff Tina believes it would be better that Lou is locked up. Busy drinking and having his usually ‘Liquor and Donuts’ baker dozen as they are the official sponsor of Wolfcop. Of course Lou doesn’t listen and gets out and after an incident; Tina has to take lip from the mayor (Kevin Smith) about a Wolfcop running around town.  After a night of the usual chaos and Lou taking a truck back because its evidence he finds his dead friend or reborn friend/shape shifter Willie in a present. So the old tag team is back, maybe as Wolfcop has come against a new robotic foe that was built by a scientist controlled by Sidney Swallows. Swallows plans on getting the local folk drunk on his new cheap beer ‘Chicken Milk Stout’ then killing them at the hockey game. Honestly I am not making this up as Willie now has a mutant dick that smokes weed with him. Willie also has a werewolf sister who bangs Lou and has six tits! And apparently snorting moon rock is like steroids for werewolves. This beautiful mess is all mashed together in a 82 minute sequel that is just as much fun as the original. See it now as I give it 4 stars.

 

6) Mom and Dad (DVD) – This bat shit crazy film stars Nic Cage and Selma Blair as normal parents just trying to make it through parenthood. But a strange unexplained virus is hitting parents worldwide where they have the urge to kill their own children. And parents are just doing plain boring murders they are trying to do some brutal ass damage. Once the virus hits Nic Cage and Selma Blair’s characters it is freaking hilarious as they chase their kids all over the house and try to gas them out of the basement. When you thought it could not get any better we get a great scene about life sucking with kids and people not understanding. But the ultimate topper is when the grandparents show up for the forgotten dinner and the grandpa is mother fucking the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen and he starts stabbing the shit out of Nic Cage. Horror fans check the brains at the door and just enjoy this this amazing piece of film of complete chaos and how beautiful it is as I give it 4 stars.

 

7) Mayhem (DVD) – Imagine if “The Belko Experiment” was done better with a simpler plot to it. The new virus that is affecting people around the globe is the ‘red eye virus’. This virus doesn’t kill you as it attacks your brain and makes you just not care. Some people it affects them sexually, some people it gives them angry rage, and so on. The point is this law firm with the help many people that work long and hard for the company found a way to get a man off for murder who killed a co-worker during the time he was infected with the virus. The CDC is aware of it and constantly trying to find a cure for it. But someone has put the virus into the water supply of the law firm and now it is on lockdown. Not before the dude that found the loop hole is fired and a woman his company is screwing over is supposed to be thrown out. Because of the lockdown the two decide to make a pact to make their way to the top in a gruesome, murderous, sexually charged rampage to kill the president of the company because they wouldn’t be blamed. Great concept for a film, gory as fuck, and absolutely entertaining as hell as I give it 4 stars.

 

8) Halloween (Theater) – Remake, sequel, forgetting everything in the series? Take your pick as Blumhouse Productions goes the route of JJ Abrams “Star Trek” in bringing Michael Myers back for another installment. That’s the best way to describe it. But I will give you the long way about it also: Okay folks, first you are supposed to forget everything after the first film 40 years ago… Second, even though “Halloween II” took place the same night Halloween 1978, forget that too just in case. Third, no this isn’t a remake of “H20” even though there are a few scenes of déjà vu. Fourth, Laurie Strode and Michael Myers are not brother and sister which I believe they explain quickly and brilliantly during the film. Fifth, didn’t Laurie Strode die? Oh yeah, you were supposed to forget that too since you are not supposed to remember she died already in Part 8. Sixth, no Busta Rhymes and Michael died for good at the end of part 8 (if interested “Halloween: Resurrection”, remember don’t blame me). Seven, didn’t Rob Zombie start a new timeline? It’s very therapeutic for me to explain this.  Now with all that out of the way I absolutely fucking love this film. It felt like a part of the series part sequel/part renewing of original material. After The Babysitter Murders in 1978 Michael Myers was captured by the Haddonfield Police and Dr. Loomis. Since then Michael has been sitting in a maximum security asylum for the past 40 years and Laurie Strode has become a basket case doomsday prepper who suffers from surviving that night. A British podcast team comes asking questions on the 40th anniversary of the murders. Laurie is more concern as they are about to move Michael to a horribly tortuous secured facility where he will live out the rest of his life not saying a word. They show him the mask and it does get a reaction but still no words. It is believed that both Michael and Laurie only live to kill each other at this point? Of course Michael escapes and starts murdering spree going house to house until finding out where Laurie and her family is. This time Laurie is prepared! If you pay attention there is a lot of talk of Dr. Loomis, the school daze scene, Laurie Strode falling out the window and getting up, the people behind this really did their best to incorporate the first film. Including the opening credits! Simply it was nice to enjoy the series again without trying to reinvent the ‘Boogeyman’ as I give this 4 stars with a little hesitation for the mere reason I believe there is a couple different endings for this film and that MAKES ME INTRIGUED.

 

9) B-Documentary 2 (DVD) – Nick Charles is back with a sequel to his great documentary about the independent film world. With introduction done by Lloyd Kaufman of course, Nick and crew worked their asses off to get opinions and conversations from several actors, actresses, and filmmakers. Some are well-known and some are on the rise as they dig deeper in this documentary to help explain things to audiences that may not know what goes on in the independent film business. This time around we get: Gary Sherman, John Bloom aka Joe Bob Briggs, Adam Green, Lynn Lowry, Tiffany Shepis, Kevin Van Hentenryck, Glen Coburn, James Balsamo, Mathew Fisher, Kevin Forte among several others. They were all asked questions such as “How they got started?” “How should future filmmakers get started?” “What is the key to make a successful movie?” You see where this going but the varying opinions is what amazed me because I could argue different points with each of the people interviewed but also agreed with several things that are said on this DVD. Viewers and filmmakers alike this isn’t just a ‘need to watch’ movie… People this is a ‘need to own right now’ documentary that gives you more than just an inside look of independent filmmaker but a peak into the lives of these celebrities you may not have had the pleasure of knowing or hearing of their experiences. I believe Nick and crew got the right mix of talent that is featured in this movie as they are all just different enough to make this work flawlessly. This absolutely perfect film documentary should be used in film school as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

10a) Swiss Army Man (DVD) – Possibly the most bizarre, completely entertaining, and glorious film you will ever watch in your life. I do not say that lightly. Daniel Radcliffe said it best on a late night talk show, “It’s a film about farting, erections, and a dead guy.” If you do not find that funny: one, this isn’t the film for you and two, you are most likely dead inside? The film begins with a young man played Paul Dano who is trapped on a small island trying to hang himself until he sees a dead body wash up on shore. Its Manny aka Daniel Radcliffe and once he begins farting Dano’s character rides him across the water to freedom and onto an adventure that will blow your mind. They become friends, eat out, share stories, start fires, and fight a bear. You get the picture? If you haven’t witnessed this film yet make it so because the ending makes the movie even more bizarre and fun. I give this hilarious flick 4 stars farting all the way.

 

10b) Brutal Relax (short film) (Vimeo) – From the makers of one of the best films of 2017 “Fist of Jesus” in my mind that I watched, comes this beautiful gem! A man is told by his doctor he needs to relax so this man heads to the beach in his white underwear, sits on the beach, and listens to music. He loves it, he is relaxing… Then ugly creatures come from the sea and begin a brutal bloody gore filled massacre on the beach. Our main character still sits blissfully unaware of what’s going on as people are running for their lives and being ripped a apart and feasted on! The creatures luck changes for the bad when the man’s music stops and he stands up in a fit of rage and takes it out on the creatures. Once again brilliant, beautiful, fun, amazing, and downright entertaining. For me 2018 has started off right with this short film as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. For more details on this project and the great “Fist of Jesus” head over to www.fistofjesus.com .

 

10c) Sicario (DVD) – A female F.B.I. agent (Kate) who is a bad ass has just been pulled to be a part of a D.O.D. mission. She is to observe and understand what is coming. She is to observe a team of experts who plan to fight against the Mexican cartels who just happened to tunnel their way into Arizona recently. She has the chance to make an actual difference as there has been a change at the highest level of U.S. government to try to stop or at least counter the latest actions of the cartels. Josh Brolin is a free spirited man who believes Kate can learn and understand what the government is trying to do here with the cartels. But then she introduced to a mysterious man, a hitman played by Benicio Del Toro who is very calm in what he does and kind of looks out for Kate at first. A deal has been made, lines are now blurred, and there isn’t procedure any longer, as its war! And the hitman is here to restore order by any means needed. Alejandro, the hitman is a Columbian hitman that is here in the U.S. to restore order. When Kate disagrees she finds out the hard way this isn’t the F.B.I. any longer. With this latest flick I have seen Del Toro has just made it into ‘my top 5 actors I want in everything’. This action flick about the cartels does not wimp out as it is cold hearted and fucking awesome as I give it 4 stars.

 

10d) Black Panther (Theater) – Bottom line Marvel movie fans Black Panther’s universe is much bigger than you can imagine and how much it will impact the next “Avengers” flick. For the most part this is an origin story of the character and has a kick ass villain to boot. The Black Panther isn’t all about staying hidden but believes the world needs help but first he must save his kingdom from his cousin. A cousin that was abandoned in America and not brought home after his father’s death. The film is absolutely wonderful and the landscapes are just beautiful. Marvel should be proud of the job they did with this fun film because it stands in my top five Marvel films to be rewatched over and over again. Now do me a favor and give me another damn “Blade” movie for the love of Wesley Snipes! Saying that this comic book movie is a must see as I give it 4 stars.

 

10e) The BPO Halloween Mixtape from Hell! (DVD) – The BPO Films trio has a lot of fun with a couple of short films called Benny Bob and Phantom’s Super Halloween Special 1 & 2. Also in between you get a couple “Pizza Boy” trailers which I could not stop laughing throughout. If Benny Bob and Phantom are not trying to scare each other they do fight a demon! This collection doesn’t show off their talent as much showing they are all about just having fun when they put together a wonderful project and that can take you a long way. It reminded me a lot of the early stuff that I have seen from independent filmmakers Jim Roberts, Steve Rudzinski, and Rick Fusselman. Make something out of nothing and just enjoy what you put on film. Dumb hijinks that doesn’t get old and also just referencing popular movies like “Ghostbusters” doesn’t hurt for laughs. Well done guys as I give it 4 out of 4 stars as this entertaining DVD will get replayed around Halloween at my home. For more info on these guys check out www.bpofilms.com .

 

Honorable mentions for 2018!

Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich (On Demand) – One of the most talked about horror films of 2018 and for good reason. This got a lot of horror fans’ attentions when the puppets first showed up at Texas Frightmare weekend and we all were learning this film will be very different from the original Charles Band production. It is hard to define if this is a reboot, sequel, etc., as the new film is based on the characters but taken in a much darker direction that many of the “Puppet Master” entries stayed away from. But anyhow a comic book store employee has recently moved back home after a divorce and has hooked up with the girl across the street. They make the decision to head to a toy convention that is celebrating the 30 year anniversary of ‘The Toulon Murders’. There he hopes to sell what he thinks are one of Toulon’s original puppets that may or may not have killed his brother when they were young. Once there and after the creepy tour with Barbara Crampton the retired cop, the dolls are disappearing from people’s hotel rooms and thought stolen. But the evil puppets are killing again thanks to Toulon who has risen from the grave! The hotel becomes the center of an all-out bloodbath and the only way to maybe stop the murdering puppets is find the undead Toulon. After watching the film I was surprised at the cameos and how many bodies pile up in the film. The film takes a wonderful and entertaining ride into evil and I liked it! Not a fan of the puppets like the original but I am wanting more… I give the film 3 ½ stars. But I have two questions I want answered: When is the sequel coming? And will Charles Band ever make another “Puppet Master” film now with this existing?

 

The Babysitter (DVD) – This teen horror film that is a wolf in sheep’s clothing lures you in thinking the film is just another teen horror but blossoms into a hilarious gore fest. Cole is a nerdy teenager that still has a babysitter. But the babysitter is a very hot young lady named Bee that just seems to get Cole. Cole and she have a lot in common and Cole is starting to grow up and see Bee in a different light. Cole convinced by the girl across the street to stay up to see if Bee parties or make out with her boyfriend after Cole goes to sleep during babysitting nights. Cole does… And what Cole witnesses is nothing he was prepared for as Bee invites friends for a game of spin-the-bottle which turns into a blood-soaked sacrifice! Cole now must go all “Home Alone” in order to survive Bee and her friends now he knows the truth. The horror flick is a fun reminder yes it takes lots of blood and guts to entertain but also just a simple hilarious storyline could make the horror film worth the watch. I really enjoyed this fun horror flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Domestics (On Demand) – The film is set in a post-apocalyptic world where the government may have hit the reset button by dropping black poison on all its citizens one random day. Those who were immune or survived are faced with fighting for their lives day in and out if you are anywhere near the major highways or roads. These are the areas where different gangs of “Sheets, Gamblers, cannibals, etc.” settle at looking for fresh humans for whatever means they need. We are introduced to a lovely couple who were in the process of a divorce right before all this shit went down and just trying to survive like everyone else. The wife has lost contact with her family and wants to travel to Milwaukee to see them. So the husband packs up the AMC Eagle and get on the road out in the Midwest to drive to their destination and satisfy the wife. I really enjoyed this possible reality or outcome of America because I could easily see this happening and that is some cool shit! For that I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Sleeper (Blu-ray) – A way cool 2-disc retro horror flick set in 1981 on a college campus. The Thetas are looking for a few new pledges but an unknown psycho has other plans as he keeps crank calling the sorority house and announcing which member he is about to kill next. His weapon of choice is a hammer which brutally messes up his victims. When more girls begin to go missing the police begin to take the murders seriously but have trouble tracking down who the killer could be? Justin Russell the writer/director of the film puts together a wonderful horror walk down memory lane that was like a mash up of “Black Christmas” and “Graduation Day”. If that wasn’t enough we also get a cameo appearance by the man, the myth, the legend, Joe Bob Briggs as the doctor but also you get him to do his ‘drive-in totals’ for the film as an extra. Great stuff folks as I give this fun retro horror film 3 ½ stars.

 

Bong of the Living Dead (Blu-ray) – A group of friends who smoke tons of pot and debate zombie movies on the front porch daily is the main plot of this flick. Their lifelong dream of a zombie apocalypse happens in front of them and it doesn’t go exactly as planned. If anything it is lame for the group of friends. They spend days in the house not in danger and of course smoking lots of weed. But after a couple close calls of a zombie attack and the weed supply running low the group has decided it may be time to have an actual plan to do something before they are all zombies! Max Groah and crew did a wonderful job of crafting an excellent zombie/comedy with great dialogue, cool characters you care about, and some excellent effects. It’s hard to believe this was an Indy project as it is proof of when everything is done with love of the genre.  As hilarious as the film is it does take a serious tone close to the end of the film which caught me off guard. But from beginning to end this film does not disappoint Indy fans as this may be this year’s “Attack of the Killer Donuts” as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more details about the film: www.bongofthelivingdead.com and www.facebook.com/botldmovie .

 

 

Street Team Massacre (DVD) – Oh I had no clue what I was getting into but glad I watched this flick. This movie has moved into my great finds that include stuff like “Death Metal Zombies”, “Woodchipper Massacre”, “Holy Shit… Zombies”. But anyhow this 2007 independent film begins in a room full of people in lab coats in 1999. They have a college aged test subject who is there to test their energy drink and give them feedback for twenty bucks. He drinks a Mango energy drink and soon begins attacking all in the room. Several years go by and we are in the Eco-Elixir conference room present day where a new sales/street team person is going to be introduced to his co-workers. Excited for the struggling juice company he is excited to get out on the street until he and his team have a run-in with the Jock Juice crew on the beach. The Jock Juice team always seems to be one step ahead of the Eco-Elixir team until new guy comes up with an idea to go check out this unknown music jamboree in the mountains. Problem is there are only six or seven rednecks and the jamboree was only five minutes long. But unbeknownst to the team members their Eco-Elixir has been switched with the “Mango” test drink from years ago that causes changes in people and make them attack others. Now, you have biting rednecks with a uni-brow trying to kill both energy drink teams. Its cheesy, stupid, has Lloyd Kaufman looking at a ‘Gorillas in the Piss’ magazine, Roddy Piper selling energy drink out of his driveway, and George Hardy as I am all in as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Housesitters (Vimeo/DVD) – An independent horror/comedy that has young two girls: Angie and Izzy getting the perfect job of housesitting for a guy that Angie met the night before. Plus the house has everything including a Platinum card to order anything and the satanic pentagram with candles in the basement. But the young ladies still have free reign of the house. This includes smoking lots of weed, watching a crazy amount of porn with the pizza guy, and hanging with their guys until a little demonic creature shows up and kills them in their bathroom. Once they understand they cannot leave the house as there seems to be a void outside of it they find a spell book. They also find a note inside explaining they are part of a demonic ritual to bring forth a demon god. The two decide to confront it in the basement with surprising results. Jason Coffman put together one amazing film as it made me laugh out loud six or seven times. The Indy flick isn’t just entertaining but gives you something unexpected and funny. I love this kind of stuff and kudos to Jason and company as I give this flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find out more about the film at www.facebook.com/Housesittermovie or www.housesittersmovie.com .

 

No One Lives (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer this was such a pleasant surprise. We have a family of criminals who look for small time heists, people to screw over, cons, etc. Their last job goes bad when they had to kill the people that lived at the house they were robbing early. Upset, they hit the bar and find a normal looking couple that looks like they have money? The innocent couple is moving and just wants left alone but of course that cannot happen. The couple gets taken on a dimly lit road and the criminals believe they got a score that will make up for the last one that went wrong. Things go sideways when the woman of the couple slices her own throat on a knife and they break into the gentlemen’s car only to find a blonde woman tied up in the trunk. Things go to even weirder when they learn this normal looking man is a crazed and beyond smart serial killer that is upset his trophy has been killed. Chaos ensues as the criminals now become the hunted in their own home. Brutal and beautiful at the same time as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

 

The Machine (DVD) – It’s the future and a very bright doctor named Vincent McCarthy is doing research and trying to develop A.I. that will like a human. Lots of tries but it always thinks like a computer. He wants it to be logical. He dreams of a cyborg of sorts that you cannot tell the difference. But also too he is trying to make a program, a chip, or parts that would form with the human brain, arm, leg to become one with them. The good doctor is trying this on war vets that have no hope of brain function or missing limbs and no where else to turn. Of course the government that is funding the project wants it as a weapon. The government’s goal is to defeat China in this not too distant future. While looking for an assistant or testing them Dr. McCarthy finds Ava, a woman who has a program of her own that is fond of the good doctor and how he treats the program as an equal. When the higher ups feel Ava and Vincent are getting to close they kill Ava. Dr. McCarthy knows this and builds a prototype robot with Ava in mind. From there the film gets very interesting as it does not take the usual twists you would expect. Enjoyable flick that may explain this reality is not as far away as we common people think as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

 

Victor Crowley (Blu-ray) – The fourth entry into the “Hatchet” series has Victor Crowley returning to his roots in the swamp to begin killing again. This mishap begins when Andrew Yong after a decade since the horror he faced he writes a book about “The Bayou Butcher” and goes on tour. Meanwhile a filmmaker who is also a huge fan of Mr. Yong’s wants to get him to do a cameo in her fake trailer about Crowley? Before she really has a chance to ask Andrew is pulled away for a big deal to go back to the swamp for a network special. The plane goes down in the swamp and the filmmaker and crew while there try to help the survivors. While doing that they forgot they left YouTube on trying to learn part of the script that has someone reciting the voodoo ritual to bring Crowley back. Once the right person aka Tony Todd shows up saying the ritual and Crowley is back from the dead on a killing spree again. I really enjoyed this entry as it seemed to keep it simple and keep it very bloody but also hit all the right slasher film cues as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Slaughter Drive (DVD) – Ben Dietels independent film tells the story of a man named Doug who is a filmmaker. Doug gets home feeling like a failure when his last film doesn’t go over well only to be greeted by his soon-to-be ex-wife bumping uglies with another man. With things this bad Doug tries to get past his troubles and start on his next project which has him setting up his camera in the local park. While there friends convince Doug to leave the camera and go drinking with them. Some hours pass and Doug heads back only to be confronted by a stranger who says nothing and runs off. Doug comes to regret leaving his camera in the park later as this stranger maybe his new weirdo neighbor who is killing off Doug’s friends. When Doug watches the footage of what his neighbor done Doug tries his ass off to convince police and his two best friends that he is living next to a crazed killer! It is crude, hilarious, and rough around the edges kind of slasher with some excellent effects work. It also helps many Yuengling bottles make it into scenes along with someone mentioning their buckeye in conversation… I give this hilarious film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.  Find out more at www.bpofilms.bigcartel.com .

 

The Rezort (DVD) – Another fun take on the zombie genre from the UK I believe? Ten years has passed since some worldwide virus turns millions of humans into zombies. The antidote was introduced to everywhere except one island. This island has now become a ‘Jurassic Park’ of zombies where some big corporation got the idea of if you got the money they have the zombies to shoot and kill. But no one thinks how are they resupplying the stock of zombies? The story mainly revolves a woman whose father was killed during riots when the zombie virus first started to spread. She believes going to this island will get her over her nightmares and fears? Once there she has faced her fears but wasn’t counting on the zombies getting loose in the park and begin feasting on all vacationing there. Now, she and a small group of others have five hours to get off the island before the military levels the island! A wildly entertaining zombie flick folks as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Annihilation (On Demand) – Natalie Portman gets pulled into something you cannot imagine when her missing husband shows up at her door from a secret mission he was on. After being pulled over by the military and husband almost dying she is meeting with a scientist played by Jennifer Jason Leigh who explains an event that happened three years ago. Well an unexplained event involving something falling from space into a lighthouse that they now call the ‘shimmer’. Something is a rainbow force field that is expanding. It first just covered the lighthouse but eventually took over the swamp, the state park, and a community. It’s feared it will continue to spread all over earth? The government has sent several people into the shimmer but none have returned except for Portman’s husband which there are no answers for? So Portman, Leigh, and three other scientists make their way into the shimmer to see if they can get to the lighthouse and get answers. Once inside they encounter some very strange shit that is mutating plant and animal alike. Visually the movie is beautiful and plotted out very well. Honestly if the “Lost” TV show had any sense and could have been this instead of the ‘dreaming we are all dead’ bullshit it was. Sorry spoiler alert if you ever wanted to watch that poor excuse for a show? But I get the feeling many are not going to understand a film like this and feel this film might be a couple years before it is actually understood? We will see but if you want to enjoy a bizarre sci-fi flick to fill that void inside your inner nerd this film will it and more as I give it 3 stars.

 

Worst movies of 2018!

Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper (DVD) – Once again I am watching stuff I couldn’t make up if I tried unless I was David DeCoteau? A pretty boring film full of shirtless hunks, it’s November 1971 and supposedly in the woods turkey hunting in the state of Washington. A man named Bernie now older tells a story of how and why he knows the real story of D.B. Cooper. There is a reason the authorities have never found D.B. Cooper and it’s all because of Bigfoot. And Bigfoot is a Peeping Tom apparently? Weird shit so of course I watched it as I give it a half star only for having voiceover work done by Eric Roberts and Linnea Quigley.

Jeepers Creepers 3, let’s never speak of this again! Sorry it still bothers me this film exists.

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Gross Movie Reviews #436

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Gross Movie Reviews #436

 

My Friend Dahmer (DVD) – A brilliant look into the younger years of the notorious serial killer we all know is Jeffrey Dahmer. This somewhat documentary portrayal of Dahmer gives the viewer of the film a peak at what Dahmer was like when younger and what may have started his murderous ways. Jeffrey a loner, awkward male teenager who was lost in high school of the 70s struggled like most to make it through bullying, acceptance, being good to the divorcing parents. The film dives into the awkwardness of these times and captures it quite perfectly. The biggest difference is Mr. Dahmer became one of the most notorious serial killers where the rest of us became … ‘blah’. There is several films that tackle the killing and how Dahmer tried to hide the bodies, this film tries to explain what possibly led to these events and why? Was it always fate for him to be a serial killer? Or were there other forces that helped him along? You be the judge when watching this great film. I give it 3 ½ stars.

Sorority Babes in the Dance-A-Thon of Death (VHS/DVD-R) – A Todd Sheets 1991 shot-on-video movie inspired by the greatness “Sorority Babes Slime Bowl-a-Rama” is a warning to not buy crystals in antique shop and not eat applesauce while watching this film. A potential sorority babe goes to the local antique shop and buys a crystal for $10 for the sorority PJ party that night. She thinks they can use it for a séance or something fun? But what she doesn’t know is the crystal ball is a gateway to evil and all her and sorority sisters know is their fate rests in two babbling old antique dealers. When the sisters use the crystal ball for a séance at their party one of the sisters becomes possessed by a demon and begins killing. Hilarious cheesy stuff for the S.O.V. fans as this is a thing of beauty to track for your collection as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Hell Asylum (DVD) – An early 2000s low budget flick that has flown under the radar and was released by Full Moon Pictures. The film is written by Trent Haaga, directed by Danny Draven, and stars Brinke Stevens and Joe Estevez. The film revolves around five young models looking for that shot at television or in this case reality TV. They all have agreed to be a part of a TV shows called, “Chill Challenge” where they have to spend a night in a haunted building for a million bucks. Of course the producer has other plans to assure no one makes it through the night. A demon is released into the building while touring the set and begins killing the contestants off one by one. An entertaining horror film that has some gore to my delight and not your typical half-ass paranormal flick. I must give the film 2 ½ stars.

Bong of the Living Dead (Blu-ray) – A group of friends who smoke tons of pot and debate zombie movies on the front porch daily is the main plot of this flick. Their lifelong dream of a zombie apocalypse happens in front of them and it doesn’t go exactly as planned. If anything it is lame for the group of friends. They spend days in the house not in danger and of course smoking lots of weed. But after a couple close calls of a zombie attack and the weed supply running low the group has decided it may be time to have an actual plan to do something before they are all zombies! Max Groah and crew did a wonderful job of crafting an excellent zombie/comedy with great dialogue, cool characters you care about, and some excellent effects. It’s hard to believe this was an Indy project as it is proof of when everything is done with love of the genre.  As hilarious as the film is it does take a serious tone close to the end of the film which caught me off guard. But from beginning to end this film does not disappoint Indy fans as this may be this year’s “Attack of the Killer Donuts” as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more details about the film: www.bongofthelivingdead.com and www.facebook.com/botldmovie .

 

Night Feeder (DVD) – A shot-on-video flick from 1988 that has just been resurrected from ‘the dead format zone’ has people of San Francisco being murdered with the authorities at a loss of who is doing it. A reporter has just moved in the ‘killing ground’ recently and takes upon herself to start investigating. This could be her big break for her magazine that she writes for as she has found out all the victims have the same trait. Their brains were sucked out through their eye socket. Plus all the murders seem to have some kind of connection to this local favorite punk band. Great B-movie cheese that would have been a lot of fun to see on ‘USA Up-All-Night with Rhonda Shear”. I give it 2 stars.

 

Sideshow (DVD) – A fun horror film about a circus sideshow with an all-star cast. This early 2000 film centers on ‘Dr. Graves Sideshow and Horrors of Nature Show’. A group of kids decide to visit the Dr. Graves show on its last night only to stir up a little trouble with Dr. Graves and his associates. But Dr. Graves being the bigger man invites them to a special ‘Horrors of Nature Show’ where one by one they each become new attractions to the show. Even with calling the police there aren’t anything the kids can do to save themselves. Fun concept that only gets better when you learn the film was directed by Fred Olen Ray, effects by Gabe Bartalos, Brinke Stevens as a fortune teller, and Peter Spellos as a protector of Dr. Graves. The movie seems like a long lost film from the early days of SyFy Channel more than a Full Moon flick as I give it 3 stars.

 

Flight 7500 (DVD) – A weird supernatural horror film that was done in 2014 but only recently released starring Amy Smart and Scout Taylor-Compton. A man dies on an overnight flight to Japan setting forth unnatural events for the other passengers or so it seems. As weird things begin to happen the passengers try to investigate why the man died under the strange circumstance. The movie is kinda boring and kinda predictable as I give it 1 star.

 

Dark Angel: The Ascent (DVD) – Angela Featherstone is Veronica, a demon in hell. Veronica and her dog Hellraiser escape hell to see what man is like? While amazed in the new world she is hit by a car where a doctor hurries her in to his hospital to take care of her. The young doctor named Max finds her a little strange but interesting and asks her to stay at his home. While the young doctor sleeps and works, Veronica learns about human life and how much sinners we all have become. So the demon takes it upon herself to kill sinners and feed their body parts to her dog. This was my first time watching this flick and so glad I did. This Full Moon flick came out during the first phase of Full Moon during the early 90s and not much said about it. This horror movie has it all: love story, great sets of what hell looks like, a cool body part eating dog, and demons that kill sinners. I will be sure to make this Full Moon flick makes it into my regular movie rotation as I give it 3 stars.

 

Cute Little Buggers (DVD) – An UK film with a great horror title about aliens who have traveled the galaxy looking for mates to reproduce. They stop at earth for us ugly things because they believe they can make it work with our ugly ass women? The aliens send out ‘Penetrators’ to investigate and possess bunnies for their cover. The bunnies will attack the women, capture them if possible, and then impregnate them. The movie starts out great and has the right idea but the joke gets grinded into the ground or into stupidity that even the topless women scenes get boring. I like the concept but very poor execution in this case of alien flicks as I give it 1 star.

 

Avengers: Infinity War (Theater) – So it is the comic book movie we all been waiting for as the team faces off with their biggest challenge yet, ‘Thanos’. Spoiler Alert: He kicks everybody’s ass people and the movie is good! Plus, Spidey does his best to try and steal the movie again. Saying that, bottom line Marvel does not disappoint with all the build up to Thanos and shows why DC still has trouble making films. Grab the popcorn and enjoy it for it is movie fans as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell (On Demand) – Burt and Travis travel to Canada above the Arctic Circle for possible graboid sightings and attacks. They meet a research team with a person who has experience as her father is ‘Val’. But why would the underground monsters and the Ass-blasters be in the Artic? Well, with the recent climate change aka global warming the permafrost melting has allowed for the graboids to move around in the cold soil. And the monsters are hungry! But Burt has other plans for the man-eating bastards but with his current medical condition the torch has been passed to Travis to come up with a plan. And the plan includes capturing a live graboid in order to get to its gland to save Burt’s life. Once again “Tremors” doesn’t disappoint, is entertaining, and does not get old with every story told. Thank you Michael Gross keeping Burt Gummer alive as I give the giant worm film 3 stars.

 

Split (DVD) – An absolutely creepy and interesting flick about young Professor X who has 23 personalities because of abuse early in life. Two of his personalities have taken over and have snatched up three teenage girls so they can bare witness to the legendary 24th personality. I hate always seeing movies describe as “thrill-rides” when they mostly suck but this flick actually is a creepy thrill-ride! There is so much to this film to like and how it can appeal to all viewers. Amazing stuff as young Professor X does amazing job of going from one person in his head to the other while talking to his captives. This is the different horror movie to show your friends as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

See yinz at GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details!