Gross Movie Reviews #455
Treevenge (YouTube) – A most beautiful and twisted Christmas tale about what a Christmas tree’s point of view during the holiday season. They wait for the right time to slaughter and torture humans… and I love it. This short film is perfect as I give it 4 stars all the way!
Running Scared (DVD) – An under radar type of film that stars Paul Walker in 2006 as low man on the totem pole mob crony. He is asked to get rid of a gun from a drug deal gone badly but the neighbor kid finds it and uses it to shoot his abusive stepfather. Things spiral quickly out of control as Paul Walker’s character Joey has to find the kid quickly or Joey and his family could disappear. If you are a fan of mob movies this is worth checking out especially for the twist at the end as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Johnny Gruesome (On Demand) – This independent flick is from filmmaker and author Gregory Lamberson. The story is from Greg’s book of the same name where Johnny is the typical head banging high school student. One night Johnny and his three friends are out driving and partying. Johnny begins driving faster and the friends worry. So Johnny is stopped and accidently killed so the three friends that were in the car make a pact to keep it secret as Johnny wasn’t gonna be missed. Shortly after the funeral Johnny’s restless undead body rises from the grave and begins murdering people at the high school as he wants revenge. Movies and books I have absolutely loved everything Mr. Lamberson has done… but this movie was a big miss for me. The trailer looks great and I like the concept of the Johnny Gruesome character but on film it never translates into success like a “Killer Rack” or “Dry Bones” to name a couple recent projects. I really wanted to love this film but it failed me as I have to give it 2 out of 4 stars.
Dead or Alive (DVD) – Takashi Miike makes a bat shit crazy film about a cop who takes on the Japanese mafia! You will think you have watched everything until you sit down and watch this flick as I give it 2 stars.
The Lawless Land (VHS/YouTube) – If it’s the 80s, foreign, and post-apocalyptic of Roger Corman produced it. A mid -80s flick that stars Amanda Peterson and Jsu Garcia as a young couple, Falco and Diana who are in love and from different sides of the track. They run off together and get married because Diana’s father disapproves and has Falco arrested shortly after. But Diana is in hiding and her father hires a merc to track her down. Falco breaks out of prison and tries to reach her before he does. Think of it as a love story in the wasteland. Needed more Patrick Swayze and his sword from “Steel Dawn”. I give the film 1 ½ stars.
All Through the House (DVD) – A low budget and first full feature from Todd Nunes that picked up some steam a couple years ago after hitting the horror festival circuit. The film has two storylines going: the first is, Rachel has come back home and wants to hang with friends but also help Mrs. Garrett the neighbor to finish decorating for the holiday. Second, is the masked Santa that is going from house to house slaughtering unsuspecting victims? Things seem to be your normal slasher flick until we learn Mrs. Garrett is the female version of Joe Spinell from “Maniac” and the killer enjoys hacking dude’s penises off. (They explain why at the end). This will sound awesome when reading about it but it has many flaws that I think hold the film back from being brilliant. Outside of Nunes’ sister as the lead actor and Mrs. Spinell the acting is horrid and that is being nice. And I believe if some things in the film happen in a little different order I believe we are talking about this film with the likes of “Black Christmas” and “Silent Night Deadly Night”. I give the movie 2 stars.
Terrified (Shudder) – A crazy paranormal horror film produced in Argentina where something lives in the darkness of a couple houses close together. Something monstrous but really cannot be explained. Things get weirder as the young boy dies and rises from the grave sitting at a table with its cereal and milk freaking everybody out. An older cop sees this and believes something supernatural is happening. The cop brings in a couple paranormal investigators and they find something that lives in the darkness that is completely unknown and fascinating. Things go horribly wrong and everyone dies and it’s awesome! I give it 3 stars.
Hereditary (DVD) – I want my 127 minutes of life back that I wasted watching this pile of elephant dung! A weird family with secrets where grandma was a witch and worshipped an eighth demon from the left wing of hell and a young girl gets decapitated by a telephone pole. Or rich white people with rich white people problems in this very boring film about a demon cult. The only highlight was me laughing 60 seconds straight when the little girl’s head got smacked off! I give it crap because it is crap, it was crap, and always will be crap!
Ninja Busters (VHS) – Holy fucking Rutger Hauer where was this B-movie hiding at? Two guys that are complete bums: one claims to Bruce Lee’s teacher and the other to be a student of Bruce Lee. But the two losers Bernie and Chic keep getting their asses beat until they stop by a martial arts studio to check out the women. They are convinced to join and after a couple years of training and hijinks they are martial arts masters. These so-called masters get themselves wrapped up with a mob boss and his hired ninjas that end the film in an ongoing twenty minute battle that even takes place in a nightclub. Supposedly ninjas don’t go to nightclubs… boy they were wrong. Think a buddy cop movie with ninjas and bad acting as I give it 2 stars.
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Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr
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